DIVERSITY: A Lesson from Nature

by Cassi Mackey, M.Ed.

In crossing an immense stretch of desert in Arizona, if one was hunting and searching those very arid acres, attempting to quench a thirst for inspiration, answers, and enlightenment, the desert is not a place to find such an oasis, a fertile spot, or place to nourish your soul and bloom strong. At first glance, the desert might look hot, dry, and lifeless; nevertheless, on deeper inspection, one can see that within the seemingly endless desert there are numerous ecosystems and plant communities living and thriving together. Nature has a way of creating whole systems filled with abundance and diverse life. These systems are based on interdependent relationships, where resources are regularly exchanged because it is both more effective, and it allows them to contribute to the health of the whole system.

Nature is one of our greatest teachers. It teaches us that there is another way of living and working together, one that is not based on scarcity and fear but on abundance and generosity. It teaches us that we need each other to survive. As healthy ecosystems evolve in nature, they become more diverse. This diversity creates more resources, not less, in a community. So, what is it about differences that threatens us? Is it because being a part of a group identity meets our fundamental needs: safety (survival), as well as a sense of belonging? Nature finds ways to work together to help systems regenerate and create conditions for sustainable life. Nature counts on diversity and rewards cooperative, interdependent relationships, showing us that diverse systems are more resilient.

Conservationist Eleanor O’Hanlon has seen this theory in action repeatedly through her work. “The patterns of living relationships are always in motion as the animals test and are tested by the terrain, the weather, and each other,” she explains. “Through the generations, they refine their capacity to innovate, adapt, and thrive together as one community, interdependent, and whole. To be what they truly are, to live ardently and fully, each one requires the other. This is what’s required of us as well — a willingness to observe the patterns of relationship that give shape to the systems we inhabit and perpetuate, alongside the courage to adjust our behavior accordingly in ways that will benefit the whole.”

One does not, of course, need to go on a hike in the Arizona desert to see these systems in action. Just peek into Montessori classrooms. Children are encouraged to be their authentic selves and learn in ways that connect to their minds and hearts. The Montessori prepared environments are supportive learning communities that honor all, built on mutual trust and care for one another across a wide spectrum of human diversity, so they can all thrive. Montessori works from an abundance mindset, opening spaces for everyone, which makes those spaces stronger, richer, innovative, dynamic, more engaging, and more fulfilling. In turn, Montessori children tend to honor and embrace people who are different from themselves and find ways to create space for them to find their place within the group. Yet, our children can still grow to become influenced by the world around them, so that biases form and negatively affect how they treat others who may be different from them. Our part in that influence is determined by our willingness to do the work of change.

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

We begin with ourselves. In The Absorbent Mind, Dr. Montessori extolled that “the real preparation for education is a study of oneself. The training of the teacher, who is to help life, is something far more than the learning of ideas. It includes the training of character; it is a preparation of the spirit.

We might truly believe ourselves to be open-minded and accepting, but the fact remains that we all have biases. Montessori describes how adults must systematically study themselves to be able to see a child in their purest form. It is our responsibility as adults to examine our biases and understand where they come from. The personal biases we carry significantly influence what we teach and what we don’t teach our children about valuing differences.

Recognizing our own bias is essential as we teach our children to love themselves and value diversity. Bias is often an unconscious belief that is developed in our own upbringing and experiences and reinforced by status quo systems. If we don’t recognize the biases that we hold ourselves, we may unintentionally pass them on to our children. We need to be vigilant about always asking ourselves why we have a bias. How might we create different learning experiences for our children if we open-heartedly and open-mindedly accept that we have biases and acknowledge our biases inherently embedded in how we parent? We are all called on to do this work, so we can be prepared to teach our children.

Biases are learned. Children begin to absorb both the attitudes and biases attached to aspects of identity by family members and other significant adults in their lives. Adults can convey negative biases through gestures, body language, and facial expression. Children pick up on these non-verbal cues to form their own biases. If we, as parents, guardians, and caregivers, want to pass on lessons that emphasize acceptance and inclusion, we must be willing to live those values, through our words and our actions. To do this, we must take on the critical work of examining and addressing our own personal biases: why we developed those biases; what contributed to us having those biases; and what we might do about that inevitability within the systems around us. This work never ends.

From Learning for Justice, explore your experiences with and attitudes about differences by considering these situations and questions:

• The first time I became aware of differences was when...

• As I was growing up, my parent(s) taught me that people who were different from us were...

• As I was growing up, my parent(s) taught me that people who were like us were...

• A time I was mistreated because of my own difference was when...

• A time I mistreated someone for being different was when...

• I feel most comfortable when I am around people who...

• I feel least comfortable when I am around people who...

• The memories I have of differences in people affect my parenting by...

• How do I create a space and teach in a way that invites and encourages difference?

• How do I reinforce acceptance and the value of difference in our home?

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Giving children the opportunity to look for the value in difference helps them engage in their world with curiosity, confidence, and love. It helps them better understand themselves and those around them. They learn to empathize with people who are different from them. They gain a deeper understanding of subjects and issues when looked at from multiple perspectives.

Children are remarkably good at observing differences in the world. This ability is an important developmental learning strategy. Noticing differences between people helps children construct their own social identity. According to research, children begin to take note of differences in other people as early as age two. Early childhood provides children their first introduction to human characteristics, such as gender, ethnicity, race, physical ability, etc. They marvel both at the differences and at the similarities they share with others in their world. They begin to use their observations to determine how they should treat others and how others should treat them. This factoring includes how the adults around them respond to differences. It is the time when parents, guardians, and caregivers have the greatest influence on a child’s perception and attitude about differences. If we don’t help our child process their observations, they will create their own understanding of what those differences mean.

Elementary-aged children start moving past simply noticing similarities and differences among people. They begin to experience how these differences and similarities are used to either include or exclude people. Although it is uncomfortable to think about, during these years your child will likely be excluded themselves, as well as exclude someone else because of differences. While a parent’s influence still plays a critical role in how children view and respond to differences, outside sources (social media, friends, TV/internet, video games, etc.) start to compete for influence.

Once your child reaches adolescence, your opinion and advice may not be the first they seek, if they seek it at all, because they rely heavily on those outside influences. It is important that you continue to find ways to communicate with them and provide a safe space for them to share their views and opinions. The lessons, advice, opinions, and experiences you have provided about embracing differences begin to have real-world impact and consequences during these years. Open, honest conversations with adolescents is essential, to provide messages that promote a healthy self-esteem, which will encourage them to embrace differences in themselves and others. Your words are very important, but your actions are what an adolescent will remember more. They are quick to point out the incongruence between what you say and what you do.

Whether you are the parent of a 3-year-old who is curious about why a friend’s skin is brown; the parent of a 9-year-old who has been called a slur because of his religion; or the parent of a 15-yearold who snubs those outside of her social clique at school, it is helpful to have strategies to navigate these situations and conversations.

The following tips are in a resource guide from Learning for Justice called “Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice.” The tips are designed to help you teach your children to honor the differences in themselves and in others — and to reject prejudice and intolerance.

Primary (3-6 years old)

Be honest. Don’t encourage children “not to see color” or tell children “We are all the same.” Rather, discuss differences openly and highlight diversity by choosing picture books, toys, games, and videos that feature diverse characters in positive, non-stereotypical roles.

Embrace curiosity. Be careful not to ignore or discourage your youngster’s questions about differences among people, even if the questions make you uncomfortable. Not being open to such questions sends the message that difference is negative.

Broaden choices. Be careful not to promote stereotypical gender roles, suggesting that there are certain games, sports, or activities that only girls or boys can do.

Explore family history. Talk to your child about your family heritage to encourage self-knowledge and a positive self-concept.

Lead by example. Widen your circle of friends and acquaintances to include people from different backgrounds, cultures, and experiences.

Elementary (6-12 years old)

Model it. Talking to your child about the importance of embracing difference and treating others with respect is essential, but it’s not enough. Your actions, both subtle and overt, are what they will emulate.

Acknowledge difference. Rather than teaching children that we are all the same, acknowledge the many ways people are different, and emphasize some of the positive aspects of our differences. Likewise, be honest about instances, historical and current, when people have been mistreated because of their differences. Celebrate victories of those people in overcoming this discrimination. Encourage your child to talk about what makes them different and discuss ways these differences may have helped or hurt them at times. After that, finding similarities becomes even more powerful, creating a sense of common ground.

Challenge intolerance. If your child says or does something indicating bias or prejudice, don’t meet the action with silence. Silence indicates acceptance, and a “don’t say that” is not enough. First, try to find the root of the action or comment. Then, explain why the action or comment was unacceptable.

Seize teachable moments. Look for everyday activities that can serve as springboards for discussions. Elementary children respond better to lessons that involve real-life examples than to artificially staged discussions about issues. For example, if you are watching TV together, talk about why certain groups are often portrayed in stereotypical roles and why this is a problem.

Emphasize the positive. Just as you should challenge your child’s actions if they indicate bias or prejudice, it is important to acknowledge them for behaviors that show respect and empathy for others. Catch your child treating people with kindness and dignity and let them know you noticed; also discuss why it is important.

Adolescent (12-18 years old)

Keep talking. Many believe that the last thing adolescents are interested in is having a conversation with parents, guardians, or caregivers; however, even if your adolescent doesn’t initiate conversation about issues of difference, find ways to bring those topics up with them. Use current issues from the news as an impetus for discussion. Ask your adolescent what they think about the issues.

Stay involved. Messages about differences exist all around your adolescent: the Internet; songs; music videos; reality shows; ads; commercials; social media; and social cliques at school. Know the social media in which your adolescent participates; take the time to listen to or watch the music and shows they enjoy; get to know their friends. Then, discuss the messages they send. Ask your adolescent about the group or groups they most identify with at school. Discuss the labels or stereotypes that are associated with such groups. When discussion is limited, some of this information can be garnered by careful observation and listening.

Live congruently. Discussing the importance of valuing difference is essential, but modeling this message is even more vital. Evaluate our own circle of friends or the beliefs you hold about certain groups of people. Do your actions match the values you discuss with your adolescent? Adolescents are more likely to be influenced by what you do rather than what you say, so it’s important that your words and actions be congruent, especially when these actions take place at a time of great pressure or concern about the family’s well-being and the child’s future. who is still creating [themselves] and therefore capable of affecting true change, perhaps even breaking out of our shared human heritage of strife and conflict, and building true peace,” she continued.

Broaden opportunities. It may be natural for adolescents to stick to groups they feel most comfortable with during the school day. These are often the people they identify as being most like themselves. Provide other opportunities for your teen to interact with peers from different backgrounds. Suggest volunteer, extracurricular, worship, and work opportunities that will broaden your adolescent’s social circle.

Encourage activism. Promote ways for your adolescent to get involved in causes they care about. No place for them to hang out with friends? Encourage them to get together with peers to lobby city officials for a teen social center or skate park. Upset about discriminatory treatment of teenagers by a storekeeper or business? Give your adolescent suggestions for writing a letter or planning a boycott. When young people know they have a voice in their community, they are empowered to help resolve issues of injustice.

In Conclusion

Dr. Montessori was a humanitarian; her educational research and work with children are deeply rooted in serving and bettering humanity on individual, social, and global levels. She believed that the key to saving humanity lies within the child. She dreamed of a peaceful, harmonious world filled with kindness, respect, and dignity that is offered to each human being. She also knew that these beliefs and dreams mean little if the systems that hold all such ways of being are designed to actively work against providing those things for all, working for some but not others. She also knew that the only way to achieve her dream was through a new way of educating our children. “An education capable of saving humanity is no small undertaking; it involves the spiritual development of man, the enhancement of his value as an individual, and the preparation of young people to understand the times in which they live,” Dr. Montessori professed. “Our salvation is the child. For it is only the child who is still creating [themselves] and therefore capable of affecting true change, perhaps even breaking out of our shared human heritage of strife and conflict, and building true peace,” she continued.

Dr. Maria Montessori believed that the path to peace, social change, and, ultimately, saving humanity is through children. The path, whether through a seemingly barren desert or any other of nature’s unexpectedly thriving biomes, can be found in the Montessori philosophy of how to educate children. The children move from respecting the materials (or resources) to respecting their classmates (or fellow denizens), from working as individuals to working with others, from voicing their opinions on peace and justice to taking action. They can become independent, self-actualized, empathetic, and compassionate members of the community (thriving elements of the natural abundance).

We are living in a time where there is a fundamental shift in how we must think about diversity. We need to let go of the notion that diversity is a threat, and we must shift to see the fundamental value and benefit of having difference, and thus abundance, in our system. Nature has proven that, to support a regenerative system, diversity is critical. It is time to learn from our 3.8-billion-year-old universe, to apply its lessons to our lives, and to model them for our children. For, only then will they be able to reap the rewards of diversity and to live in peace.

Resources

Learning for Justice

www.learningforjustice.org

Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice