ADVICE GODDESS

ACROSS

1 Defeat 4 Miniature vehicle that uses a remote, briefly 9 1956 hot spot 13 Seafarer’s direction 17 Biker’s ride 18 “__ roll!” 19 Cavalry weapon 20 Provide an address 21 *Poet who influenced T.S.

Eliot 23 Hold-up man? 24 Brought down 25 *Flattering words before a request 26 *’90s nickname for pop’s Mel C 28 Regarding 29 Cut 31 *Pre-TV performance genre involving arias 32 Of course, in

Cannes 35 Swerved at sea 37 “Sister Act” role 38 Fa follower 39 Terminus 40 To boot 42 Seriously outrun on the track 43 Price-qualifying word 44 Packaging meas. 45 Bath tissue packaging word 46 Santa Monica landmark 48 Class assignment 50 *Pancake order 54 Baker’s dozen? 56 ’50s TV innovation 60 *Fish that doesn’t taste like its name suggests 61 Numbered work 62 “Fantastic Four” villain, briefly 63 Brown brew 64 Row of seats 65 Joltless joe? 67 AFL-__ 68 GOP org. 69 Unidentified flying radar blips 71 Salsa order 72 *Killjoy, in modern lingo 75 It may take a licking 76 Went down 77 *Kraft offering, casually 78 Old Turkish title 80 Blubber 81 Hip 82 Stuns 85 Common URL ending 86 Spot for suds 87 Very little 89 Twin, say 92 Here, in Jalisco 93 “As __ to breathe were life!”:

Tennyson 94 Silently understood 96 “Encore!” 98 *Sushi fish 101 Formally surrender 103 Novelist Waugh 104 *Fruity fountain offering 106 *Drywall material 109 Busy 110 “101 Dalmatians” protagonist 111 *Dessert literally represented in six pairs of answers to the starred clues 112 Soda measure 113 Solo 114 “The Jungle Book” wolf 115 “M*A*S*H” set piece 116 Highlands miss 117 Arguments 118 Fresh 119 Dynamite stuff

DOWN

1 1992 baseball biopic 2 Enters slowly 3 Like many Pixar movies 4 Kelly of morning

TV 5 “Let’s go!” 6 BYU team nickname 7 Make part of a larger state 8 “To Kill a

Mockingbird” recluse Boo __ 9 Course for H.S. exam takers 10 Empty, as a

U-Haul 11 Digital greeting 12 Zing 13 “The Sound of

Music” name 14 Least distinct 15 Was humiliated 16 Handed out fresh cards 19 Head for Vegas? 20 Director Welles 22 Presently, quaintly 27 Letter closer 30 Destructive

“Doctor Who” creature 33 “Push It” hip-hop trio 34 Tennyson work 36 Target of some

Bob Dylan songs 41 Birthstone after sapphire 43 Cribbage pieces 44 Long-distance swimmer Diana 45 MLB player, e.g. 47 Trapped, in a way 49 Scottie in

Hitchcock’s

“Vertigo,” for example 50 Concrete hunks 51 Spartan serf 52 __-3 fatty acids 53 Pull behind 54 Greener Living org. 55 Hearty laugh 57 Conveyed 58 Yearns (for) 59 Run from a stage? 61 Med. condition with repetitive behavior 62 Old Sony CD player 66 Lodge member 67 Anderson

Cooper’s network 70 Little devils 71 Polite address 73 Mayim Bialik alma mater 74 Voluminous ref. 76 Has a mediocre round ... for a pro 77 Copperfield field 79 Neutral vowel symbol 80 Tampa Bay NFLer 82 Shipping document 83 South Pacific region 84 Waldorf salad morsels 86 Speaks badly of 88 Stereotypical ingenue facial feature 89 Beyoncé, since 2002 90 “S’pose so” 91 “Waiting for

Godot” playwright 93 Cosmetics liquid 94 Up to this point, informally 95 Model 3 autos 97 “Walking in

Memphis” singer

Cohn 99 Cuts with a beam 100 Ohno on skates 102 Bangladesh capital 105 Low digit 107 Snaky swimmers 108 Cafeteria fixture BOND SCARE

My roommate and I are best friends, and we’ve lived together for four years. Recently, she got into a pretty serious relationship, and it seems her priorities have totally shifted. Is a best friend always second place to a boyfriend? Or are they both of equal value?

— Hurt

A female best friend can do a lot to make you happy – even give you a baby – though she’ll have to wait till the NICU nurse gets busy and kidnap one for you. It can feel like a betrayal to be downgraded in your bestie’s life when a serious boyfriend comes around. However, evolution’s ultimately to blame. “We are survival machines – robot vehicles blindly programmed” by evolution to preserve our genes by passing them to generations after us,” explains biologist Richard Dawkins in “The Selfish Gene.” Simply put, we’re each a big flesh bus driven by our genes, subconsciously steered to do their bidding. Psychiatrist and evolutionary medicine founder Randolph Nesse sums up the grim reality: “Evolution “does not give a fig about our happiness.” It likewise doesn’t care whether we have friends, save for how they might help us survive and pass on our genes. This sounds cold, but understanding the evolutionary reality can help you stay in your friend’s life and keep her in yours – perhaps without taking her shift in priorities personally. I use that understanding – despite finding kids loud, sticky and expensive – to be supportive of friends who are moms of young kids. I insist to them (and genuinely feel) that it’s okay if they need to put off a call or drinks we’ve planned when they’re wiped from work plus momming. An important caveat: These are dear friends who show up for me if I’m in need; I’m not rolling over for a bunch of userish socio-Pattys. You likewise might consider reconfiguring your expectations so you two can stay friends and you won’t make her feel she has to choose between you and the guy. You’d surely lose that battle – which means you and she would both end up losing. Supposedly, a truly “intimate” relationship is the sort you have with a man you love, but...well...when’s the last time coffee with your bestie ran long and you faked an orgasm so you could get on with your day?

HASTE CRIME

After my third date with a guy, he texted and asked why we hadn’t had sex yet. I was taking it slow-ish because I was trying to figure out whether I liked him (and vice versa). I was pretty annoyed at his question, and we agreed we should stop seeing each other. Well, last week, he started texting me again. Nothing groundbreaking, just “Hey” and “What’s up?” What’s his deal – does he want another chance? Do I give it to him?

— Unsure

You probably like to wait to have sex till a guy shows he’s truly interested in who you are – reflected in his asking questions like, “So, who are your favorite authors?” as opposed to, “Say, can you put your feet behind your head?” Having sex can leave a woman with a belly of “OMG. How the hell do I pay for orthodontia, rehab and grad school?” Because of this, female emotions evolved to make women feel unhappy or ambivalent about having sex in the absence of signs a guy cares about them (and will stick around and “invest”). However, men’s standards for sex partners tend to be, um, lower: along the lines of, “So, are you female?” (if the man asking is solidly straight) – and in a pinch: “Are you at least a mammal?” When the evolved “sexual strategy” that’s typically optimal for one sex – like women taking it slowly – conflicts with that of the other, “strategic interference” like deception often ensues, explains evolutionary psychologist David Buss. Men feigning commitment to get sex is an example of this. However, with the evolution of this strategy, a deception-circumventing counterstrategy co-evolved in women: defaulting to the assumption they’re being conned into bed until proven otherwise. Chances are the guy’s little “Where’s my sex?!” tantrum resulted from his getting impatient and fed up and falling out of strategic pretendo mode. Buss explains that our emotions are our first line of defense against strategic interference, and right on cue, yours were all, “You pig!” Regarding why the guy’s back, he might be bored or desperate – or think he made a mistake. It’s possible he misses you and wants another chance. If you’re open to giving him one, make it clear that if he’s just looking for a hookup, he’s in the wrong place. As for when you might have sex with him, if ever, it’ll happen when it happens. (Your vagina is not on a preset timer like a bomb.)