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April 14, 2016

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BAD DAYS

State of of State $avings. $avings.

by Janet Spencer

We all have bad days now and then, and nothing helps you feel better after a bad day than hearing about someone whose day has been even worse!

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Issue # 964

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• Joe Ramirez went to the courthouse in New York City to face a traffic charge. The court business dragged on and before his case was called, he realized the time on his parking meter had run out. He went to feed the meter, but on the way to his car a cop ticketed him for jaywalking. When he got to his car, he found he'd already gotten a ticket. When his case was finally called, Joe was fined $5. He couldn't pay the fine because he'd already paid the parking ticket, the parking meter, Carpet Cleaning and the jaywalking ticket. So he paid $2 and Services, Inc. was told to pay the rest as soon as he could. Carpet Cleaning • Carpet • In 1977 Skip Swenson of Los Angeles orCleaning SPECIAL! dered a personalized license plate that read • Upholstery $99 "NONE." Shortly afterwards he was surCleaning 3 Rooms & prised to receive $953 worth of overdue Hallway • Water Not valid with any other offer. parking tickets. Seems that when the police Extraction Expires 5-16-16 write a ticket for cars without plates, they write "none" on the ticket. • A bank robber in Oregon in 1969 handed a 701-775-8500 note to the teller saying, "This is a holdup and Residential & Commercial I've got a gun. Put the money in a paper bag." The cashier wrote back, "I haven't got a paper BUY 1 VACUUM bag." The robber fled. Turn the page for more! GET 1 FREE!

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Quiz Bits

4. What major city lies on an island in the St. Lawrence River? 5. Who played the lead in the TV 1. In 1895 there were only two cars drama “Perry Mason”? in the entire state of Ohio. What 6. What is the name of the unit happened to them? used to measure energy in food? 2. An escapee from a minimum 7. Who was president of the Consecurity prison was recognized federacy during the American when he appeared as a contesCivil War? tant on what TV game show? 8. What is the smallest member 3. What is the longest-running of the flute family? musical in performances in TRIVIA Broadway history?

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TRACK TROUBLE

• The International Track Association's meet was held in L.A. in 1973. Lee Evans, Vince Matthews, and Larry James announced they were going to try to break the record for the indoor mile run. The race proceeded smoothly until the final lap. Evans was in the lead when he saw the officials had miscounted the laps and had stretched the tape over the finish line when there was still another lap to go. Evans lifted the tape over his head and kept on running. James and Matthews thought the race was finished and quit running. Evans missed setting a new record by one second-- the second it had taken him to lift the tape over his head. • Lane Lohr was competing in the pole vault at a track meet held at the University of Illinois on a windy day in 1985. Just after clearing the bar, a gust of wind blew the pole underneath him. As he fell, the pole rode up his thigh inside his track shorts, ripping them completely off. When he landed in the pit he was wearing only his jock strap. The crowd went wild. An official delivered a towel to Lohr, who acknowledged the applause of the crowd before heading for the locker room and a spare pair of shorts. He placed sixth in the finals and qualified for All-American status.

• High jumper Jeff Woodard was competing in a track meet at the University of Alabama in 1981. He got a perfect plant and cleared the bar easily SPONSORED BY: at 7 feet 1 3/4 inches. His jump was so strong that instead of landing in the pit, he flew comme help you choose pletely beyond it and came down in the middle Medicare Health Plan Options of the steeple jump's three foot deep pool. (for you or your parents) D Options WE Part HAVE: • Great Plans Medicare Health Plan Options A BAD TOSS • Great(forLocal Services you or your parents) Part D Options • A drum ™ major in a parade in Ventura, California, threw his twirling baton high into the air. It hit ™ By Bonnie Baglien a power cable which short-circuited and melted, By Bonnie Baglien Long Term Care Professional with 30 Years Experience throwing out the power for ten blocks, putting a Long Term CareMany Professional with 30 Years Experience Representing of America’s Premier Insurance Providers Representing Many of America’s Premier Insurance Providers radio station off the air, and starting a grass fire. 701-795-1070 Grand Forks, ND

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www.TidbitsGF.com PLEASE TELL OUR ADVERTISERS YOU SAW THEIR AD IN TIDBITS! 4. DeMarco Murray set a Dallas Cowboys singleseason rushing record in 1. Who held the Chicago 2014 with 1,845 yards. White Sox rookie record Who had held the mark? for most home runs in a 5. Since 1985, six men’s season before Jose Abreu basketball teams have broke it with 36 in 2014? failed to reach the NCAA 2. In 2015, Joey Votto tied a Tournament a year after Cincinnati Reds record for winning the title. Name hitting three home runs in a four of them. game three times during his 6. WBC middleweight career. Who else did it? champion Canelo Alvarez 3. Where does Magic Johnson has lost only one of his 48 rank in NBA career assists? pro fights. Who beat him?

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RACING RUIN

• When David Pearson was racing in the Rebel 500 at the Darlington Raceway, he pulled his race car over for a pit stop. His crew went about the business of changing all four of his tires, but Pearson didn't notice what they were doing because he kept his eyes riveted on the leader of the race who was also in for a pit stop. Pearson was under the mistaken impression that the crew was replacing the right tires only. They loosened the left tires as they were tightening the right tires. When Pearson gunned his engine and started to pull out, a crew member yelled, "Whoa!" but Pearson thought he said, "GO!" Fifty yards later, both left wheels left the car and went bouncing down the track. • At the Smoky Mountain Raceway in 1968, Buddy Baker's Dodge blew a tire, spun out of control, and crashed into the wall. Hurt and dazed, Baker needed a quick trip to the hospital. The ambulance, which was actually an old hearse, arrived and Baker was put on a wheeled stretcher and loaded into the back. Unfortunately, the back door didn't latch and when the ambulance pulled away, the back door flew open and Buddy, still strapped to the stretcher, went rolling out the back and down the racetrack. All the other race cars came around the corner heading right for the rolling gurney. Baker narrowly missed the oncoming autos, with the ambulance attendants chasing after him. Safely back in the vehicle, they headed to the hospital. Baker's bad luck was still hanging around, though-- and when the ambulance ran a red light, they had to swerve suddenly to avoid an accident with another car. The hearse skidded up onto the sidewalk, plowing into a set of garbage cans. The ambulance finally arrived at the hospital in spite of a flat tire. After being treated for fractured ribs and a concussion, Baker refused the offer of a ride back to the track in the ambulance.

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CAR CALAMITIES

• Keith McGuigan of Canada parked his car in front of an auto wrecking business in 1981 while he went out back to look for a door latch that would fit his car. When he returned after finding the perfect latch, he found that his car was now a subcompact. He had parked it in a row of junkers waiting to be crushed. • Richard Horan of Westwood, Massachusetts, went snowmobiling in New Hampshire in 1983. He parked his car and snowmobile trailer on a back road and left for a day of fun. He returned in the evening to find his rig had been run over by a train. Unbeknownst to him, he'd parked smack in the middle of the Maine Central Railroad tracks. The rails were hidden under snow. When he returned later with a tow truck, he found a ticket for improper parking on the windshield of the wreck. • In 1981 Peter Stankiewicz of Rockville, Maryland, slammed on the brakes, jumped out of his car, and dove over a bridge into the Potomac River to rescue a man whose truck had crashed through the bridge railing and plunged 60 feet into the water. Stankiewicz succeeded in rescuing the driver and hauling him to shore. Only then did he discover that his car had been towed and impounded because it was blocking traffic. • A car got stuck in the mud of San Diego Bay. Tow truck operator Larry Cavner was called to the scene, but his tow truck also got stuck. A backup tow truck likewise got stuck. Then he hired an amphibious vehicle, which promptly got stuck. Next he called for a bulldozer, which rescued all four vehicles. The tab for Mr. Cavner was $16,000. The original motorist paid nothing. • Alan Lewis was a bus driver in Wales in 1982 when he drove his double-decker bus under a single-decker bridge. Half of the upper deck was completely sheared off. "I usually drive single-deckers. I just forgot I was in a doubledecker," he said.

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/tidbitsgf

by Samantha Weaver

• It was award-winning Canadian novelist, poet, essayist and literary critic Margaret Atwood who made the following sage observation: "Your romantic tragedy when you were 19 becomes a funny anecdote by the time you're 45. And then, 30 years later, you can't remember their name." • In 1819, some Native peoples in the United States got quite a surprise. Fearing trouble from tribes, a group of western river explorers traveled in a steamboat that had been modified to resemble a fire-breathing serpent. • After the disaster of the Exxon Valdez, the oil tanker's former captain, Joseph Hazelwood -who evidently had been so drunk that he was passed out in his bunk when the devastating collision occurred -- was hired by the New York Maritime College. His job? Teaching students how to stand watch. • At one time in New York City it was against the law to play pinball. • Tombstones weren't always used to record information about the deceased's life; they were originally just large, unmarked slabs of stone placed atop a fresh grave -- a barrier to ensure that no undead creature or ghastly spirit could escape to trouble the living. • The woman who was declared the female winner of the 1980 Boston Marathon had the title stripped from her after officials noticed her absence from any of the photographs or video footage from the middle of the event. It seems she veered off course, killed a little time around town, then rode the subway a spot less than a mile from the finish line, rejoining the race at the very end. *** Thought for the Day: "A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad." -- Theodore Roosevelt

@tidbitsgf © 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.

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Weekly SUDOKU

• Number of grizzlies in the contiguous U.S.: 1,500 • Population of grizzlies in the contiguous U.S. before human settlement: 50,000 • Percentage of the original range of grizzlies in the contiguous U.S. no longer occupied by grizzlies: 98% • Number grizzlies living between Yellowstone Park, Wyoming and Waterton Park, Alberta: 950 • Estimated number in Alaska: 30,000 • Estimated number in western Canada: 20,000 • Pounds of food a grizzly will eat in a day: 35 • Number of army cutworm moths a grizzly can eat in a day: 40,000 • Number of pounds a grizzly can gain in a week: 40 • Typical weight for a Yellowstone grizzly: 500 lbs. • Typical weight for an Alaska grizzly: 800 – 1000 lbs. • Average age before a female grizzly becomes a mother: 5-6 • Average number of years between females giving birth: 2 to 3 • Average litter size for a grizzly: 2 • Number of years a cub will remain with its mother: 2-3 • Percent of grizzly cubs that die in their first year: 40% • Weight of a newborn grizzly cub: 1 lb. • Weight of a cub at the age of one year: 200 lbs. • Height of a grizzly when standing on its hind legs: 8 ft.

• Average territory of an adult female grizzly: 500 sq. mi. • Average territory of an adult male grizzly: 1,000 sq. mi. • Number of square miles in Rhode Island: 1,200 • Normal body temperature of a grizzly: 100 F. • Body temp of a hibernating grizzly: 89 F. • Normal heartbeat of a resting grizzly: 40/min • Heartbeat of a hibernating grizzly: 8/min • Percent of body fat a grizzly will lose during hibernation: 35% • Number of winters a grizzly will use the same den: 1 • Seconds it takes a grizzly to run 100 meters from a standing start: 6 • Seconds it takes Usain Bolt to run 100 meters from a standing start: 9.8 • Length in inches of a grizzly’s claws: 4 inches • Number of teeth a grizzly has: 42 • Average number of humans killed by grizzlies in North America each year: 1 • Number of humans killed by grizzlies across North America over the last century: 80 • Number of humans killed by black bears in North America over the last century: 35 • Percent of tourists injured by grizzlies in Yellowstone who were men: 78 • Percent of grizzly-caused human deaths that involve a mother bear and her cubs: 70 • Percent of grizzlies in the northern Rocky Mountains that die of natural causes: 10% • Percent of grizzlies that are killed by humans either accidentally or intentionally: 90% • Maximum life span of a wild grizzly: 30

Answer

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• On April 23, 1564, English dramatist and poet William Shakespeare is born in Stratford-onAvon. While it is impossible to be certain of the exact day of his birth, church records show that he was baptized on April 26, and it was customary to wait three days before baptizing a newborn. • On April 20, 1871, Congress authorizes President Ulysses S. Grant to use military force to suppress the Ku Klux Klan. Founded in 1865 by a group of Confederate veterans, the KKK engaged in night terrorist raids against black Americans and white Republicans.

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• On April 19, 1897, the first Boston Marathon is held. Women were not allowed to enter the race until 1972, but in 1966 runner Roberta "Bobbi" Gibb hid in the bushes near the start until the race began. In 1967, Kathrine Switzer finished even though race officials tried to physically remove her.

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he was wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." His wife says, "Officer don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." The guy in the back seat pops up from under a blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

• On April 21, 1918, Manfred von Richthofen, the German flying ace known as "The Red Baron," is killed by Allied fire. In a time when 20 air victories ensured a pilot legendary status, von Richthofen had downed 80 enemy aircraft. He was 25 years old. • On April 18, 1945, syndicated journalist Ernie Pyle, America's most popular war correspondent, is killed by Japanese machine-gun fire on the island of Ie Shima in the Pacific. Pyle always wrote about the experiences of enlisted men rather than the battles they participated in. • On April 24, 1953, Winston Churchill, the British leader who guided Great Britain and the Allies through World War II, is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. • On April 22, 1978, the Blues Brothers make their world premiere on "Saturday Night Live." Led by SNL cast members Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi, the band would go on to score three top-40 hits and a No. 1 album.

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Students at the University of Michigan called police the other day — because someone had written Donald Trump’s name in chalk. No arrests were made. The episode is part of a nationwide trend of Trump supporters writing pro-Trump messages on sidewalks, stairs and other surfaces at college campuses, where fainting fits are sure to ensue. When they could get no relief from law enforcement, the University of Michigan students took it upon themselves to erase the offending messages — including “Trump 2016,” “Build the Wall” and “Stop Islam” — while fighting through feelings of betrayal. One student complained that there should be a special emergency number to call in such cases and said that the administration’s inadequate response “perpetuates these really racist and hateful stereotypes that turn into violence and turn into students of color feeling unsafe on campus.” Rarely before have a few scribblings been so traumatizing — and written not even in ink or paint or some other difficult-to-remove substance, but in the same chalk used to mark out hopscotch courts and write temporary promotional messages about sorority mixers. That chalk messages can be considered tantamount to a physical threat captures the crisis of free speech on campus perfectly. Pro-Trump chalking took off after the reaction at Emory University, where some students were reduced to tears by the messages and said they

felt “fear.” Protesters gathered at an administration building and let loose the antiphonal chant “You are not listening! Come speak to us, we are in pain!” This might have been an appropriate response if the kids had been tear-gassed, rather than seeing a positive phrase about a candidate that is supported by some significant plurality of the American public. The president of the school, James Wagner, promised to review security footage to try to identify the perpetrators, and in a statement full of campus-diversity jargon pledged, among other things, “immediate refinements to certain policy and procedural deficiencies” and “regular and structured opportunities for difficult dialogues.” How about striking an even greater blow for diversity and asking the kids to get over seeing an anodyne political message that they disagree with? To his credit, Wagner himself chalked “Emory stands for free expression,” a message that will evidently have trouble penetrating the formidable incuriosity of some of his students. The reaction to “the chalkening,” as it’s become known on social media, is a testament to the electric charge surrounding Trump. This branding isn’t prudent positioning for a general election, but it makes Trump a perfect vehicle for provoking the other side, and it’s in that thumb-in-the-eye spirit that the Trump chalking is spreading. The students getting the vapors over it don’t understand free expression or what it means to live in a free society, where you inevitably encounter people who have ideas and support candidates that you oppose. They hate Donald Trump. Fine. That is reason to argue and agitate against him, not to seek protection from any contact with supporters of his, no matter how tenuous. If they are having a hard time handling this election cycle, just imagine how Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus feels. Rich Lowry is editor of the National Review. © 2016 by King Features Synd., Inc.

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• “Spring sports are in full swing for us, and we definitely still use the slow cooker. I often double recipes to freeze when I cook. When the recipe allows, I thaw the dinners for the week in the fridge. After school but before sports, I put the thawed meal in the slow cooker to heat up while we’re out. It works great for spaghetti sauce with meatballs, cooked chicken, meatloaf or cube steak and stews, etc. Coming home to a warm, almost-ready meal is a blessing after being out on the field. We’re usually starved.” — E.I. in New York • Things from the kitchen you can add to your vegetable garden: leftover chamomile tea, black tea leaves, coffee grounds, banana skins, the water left behind when cooking vegetables, etc. Also, look up how to make your own compost pile. It does not have to be big! You can find information on the Internet or at the library. • If you’re chopping a lot of tomatoes and need to remove the seeds, this tip will leave you spinning. Get out your salad spinner, add chopped tomatoes and give it a whirl. • “My mom bought me a beauty blender — a foam makeup brush that’s really good for contouring and blending. Then my grandma saw it rolling around my vanity, dropping on the floor (gross). She gave me an egg cup to use. I’ve never used one for eating a boiled egg, but it fits my makeup brush perfectly!” — J.J. in Florida • Give your computer a spring cleaning by updating your browser and critical programs, changing to a fresh password and perusing your security and privacy settings. While you’re at it, run a backup and offload a copy of your photo collection and/or music trove to an external hard drive, just in case. Send your tips to Now Here’s a Tip, 628 Virginia Drive, Orlando, FL 32803.

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FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT

• Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the U.S., was paralyzed from the waist down as the result of a bout with polio he suffered in 1921 when he was nearly 40 years old. During his entire 12 year presidency, he could not walk a step without braces or crutches. Yet, he travelled more than any previous president, wrestled with his sons, and swam. He allowed his birthday in January to be used by the March of Dimes to kick off their fund-raising efforts to raise money for research to prevent polio and other childhood diseases. • Franklin Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt were distant cousins who knew each other from childhood. When they got married, Eleanor's uncle, President Theodore Roosevelt, gave away the bride. • Roosevelt was the first president to appoint a woman to the Cabinet, choosing Frances Perkins for Secretary of Labor. His wife Eleanor applauded his choice, but offered sympathy, saying she knew it must have been difficult for him when the labor leaders pressured him to choose one of their own men. He replied, "I'd rather have trouble with them for an hour than trouble with you for the rest of my life!" • Roosevelt did a lot of hand-shaking when he was president, and eventually realized that strangers he met at official functions rarely paid attention to the pleasantries exchanged. At a White House party, he tested the theory. As he shook hands with the guests, he remarked that he had murdered his grandmother that morning. As he suspected, no one noticed except for a banker who replied, "Well, she certainly had it coming!" • When Roosevelt came down with a bad head cold, a Washington newspaper accidentally printed a headline that said, "President Kept to Rooms by Coed." Roosevelt was so amused he ordered a bunch of extra copies to pass out to his friends.

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• When King George VI and Queen Elizabeth of England visited President Roosevelt in 1939, he served them hot dogs. Answer: Dell. • H.L. Mencken was an editor, writer, and critic. A VERY LARGE NUMBER In 1934, both Mencken and Roosevelt were •scheduled Edward Kasner wasspeeches a mathematician. In 1938 to give to the Gridiron he was asked to come up with a name for a Club, a very prestigious journalistic organizavery large number: the numeral one, followed tion. a negative by aMencken hundred went zeros.first, He presenting asked his two young diatribe against Roosevelt's New suggest. Deal policies. nephews what name they would Then Roosevelt rose for his speech, referred • Nine-year-old Milton suggested a name toout hisof'old Mencken, andstrip launched into thefriend' funnies. A cartoon character a named speechBarney that blasted the American press and was very popular. Milton chose stunned hislast audience. editors were stuBarney’s name forHethesaid number. pid; reporters were arrogant; and newsmen • Kasner announced the new name for thewere big ignorant. The crowd grew cold, until it dawned number in his next book, altering the spelling. on them that Roosevelt was quoting from an ar• Sixty years later, Larry Page and Sergey Brin ticle Mencken had written himself. Mencken's developed a new internet search engine. Other face grewengines red as the audience viewed him with search searched each webpage and amusement. When the president finished, ranked them according to how many times he a stopped shake Mencken's hand.but Page and specifictoterm appeared on them, designed theirGeorge search engine to search for • InBrin 1939 when King VI visited the U.S., the specific then find outWhitehouse how many FDR offered term him aand cocktail at the links there were that led back to page, while the president's mother lookedthat on disapwhich resulted in a better search engine. provingly. Roosevelt whispered, "My mother •thinks They you decided a name that should they have aneeded cup of tea. She doesn't reflected how many websites the search approve of cocktails." The King took the drink engine was"Neither searching. took the name and replied, doesThey my mother!" of Edward Kasner’s very large number, only • When President itFranklin Britthey misspelled slightly, Roosevelt so it ended and up being ish Prime Minister Winston Churchill were spelled exactly the same way the cartoon scheduled meet spelled in January 1943, they knew character to Barney his last name. What’s it called? (Answer at bottom to of page) the Germans were desperate find out where the meeting COMPUTER would take place. News was leaked FACTS that the meeting would be at the • In 1981 Bill Gates said, “640 place kb of identified memory inought codetoasbeCasablanca. The Germans figured enough for anybody.” that since “Casablanca” was Spanish for “white • Moore’s Law states that computer performance house,” meeting would takeand place the doublesthe every 18 to 24 months, ever at since White Washington, D.C. They sent all 1971,House this hasinbeen true. their available spies to monitor the White House • HP, Google, Microsoft, and Apple were all while Roosevelt and Churchill had an uneventstarted in garages. ful meeting in Casablanca, Morocco. Answer: Google, from googol.

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