TBP Issue #1 - January 2025

THUNDERBIRD PRESS January 2025

Issue #1

featuring an interview with MARY IN THE JUNKYARD

UNAFFILIATED WITH ANYTHING

THUNDERBIRD PRESS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Owen Patrick Vitus Taylor III Raquel Vidal

SCAPEGOAT The J-Dog: Jimmy Quiznos

MARK Erin “Fatass” McGregor

look at this little ass car

Our Writers

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making penises

OWEN TAYLOR

JIMMY QUIZNOS

Known for his incredible strength and incredibly dense tears.

A petulant child, a bigot, a fucking fiend, and our greatest ally.

RAQUEL VIDAL

ERIN MCGREGOR

She’s here. She’s there. She’s everywhere except where you need her.

I forgot we hired her honestly.

Whatever.

Table of Contents

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OLD NEWS A succession of headlines too uninteresting for their own articles.

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MAN DIES The Thunderbird Press tragically remembers our greatest hero, written by Jimmy Quiznos.

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NEW YORKER Unambiguous theft committed by our team.

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ADVICE Unwanted, unknowledgeable.

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CIRQUE DU SOLEIL Vidal writes about wonder. engaging in acts of theft

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MUSIC IN 2024 All the shit we hate.

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17

MARY IN THE JUNKYARD

CLOSING STATEMENTS

An interview by Taylor.

E-begging 101.

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OLD ​NEWS Stardate 1702.0

Shit we forgot about

Sponsored by Keurig

Trump Wins, Frats Cheer The biggest rapists you know just had a great night Is anything good to come out of this? As a consolation prize, take solace in the fact that your roomate’s girlfriend is mad at him. Yet remember, the monkey’s paw curls, and their screaming match at 7 PM the next day will lead to no change in their relationship. They’ll be loudly fucking each other by 9 at the latest.

Listen to some white noise.

Johnnies Go 5-0 in Sport No One Watches I think it’s women’s lacrosse or something Or maybe men’s soccer. Does anyone watch that shit? I don’t actually know what we’re writing about. I heard this offhand while walking to the Marillac Subway. I was going to order turkey on white, provolone, toast it, and then lettuce, tomato, onion and jalapeño. Oh yeah, and honey mustard. Yeah can I get a bottle of water with that? And this bag of sunchips. Oh, uh, I’m doing meal exchange. Okay. Yeah, thank you. Have a nice day.

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No wait, fuck, sorry I lost focus. Yeah I was in Marillac and I heard someone congratulate someone else for winning. 5-0. That suggests it was a blow-out.

Or maybe it wasn’t if it was a highscoring sport.

Is it sexist to not watch women’s sports? I feel like I should. No, it wasn’t women’s sports. It was one of the men’s teams. It was a girl congratulating her boyfriend. Whatever.

Don’t Trust Our Imposters

Is that a gunshot or just a shit car?

Millions of Lives at Risk

And why is it revving at 1 AM?

Googling “the Thunderbird Press” will quickly find several false actors. Crisis actors? It’s to be determined. The Thunderbird Press doesn’t print t-shirts and we certainly don’t print Christian children’s books (yet). Anyone who wickedly stole our name before we had the chance to use it is a villain, dedicated to serving the devil and eating feces.

Christ, do you have anything better to do?

I’m trying to sleep. I’m not asleep yet, because I’m on my computer. Watching.

I’m just watching on my computer. And I may be in a state of undress, because it is the end of the day after all, and I may not want to be disturbed. When I get disturbed my hand squeezes and it can hurt a lot. Whatever it’s holding.

Can you believe we actually there published this shit? Iwas,thinkat some I didn’t think we had it in us.

The Thunderbird Press began in a basement out of a fear shared between Owen Taylor and Raquel Vidal that journalism had too much integrity. Most news is told by people who want to tell the news. Squares. Boldly, the Thunderbird Press is the first ever real news organization to contain absolutely no journalistic integrity. Hell, we don’t even have artistic integrity! There is none, no integrity of any kind to be found within this paper.

point, some notion of us trying.

In time, that notion is lost.

It’s not even good looking.

It looks like shit, for the most part. Just bankrupt creatively. Oh my god.

our shame

My Dog, Pooby, Dies at 9 He was cancelled in 2021 for lovebombing.

After a hard few years for Pooby, he finally kicked the bucket after ramming his 2007 Kia Sorento into a telephone pole over and

over again. He must’ve really wanted to die.

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I Got Throat Punched at Sun Yat Sen

Motherfuckers Keep Practicing Karate In Public Artists everywhere know that Sun Yet San has a tv display of men doing karate in front of a bunch of other men sitting and playing the drums. It’s true modern art (fuck the MoMa) and I watched it loop like 12 times. Unfortunately, while I stood there mouth-breathing, I failed to under-

-stand the danger I was in as I was joined by a freshman who, raging off the Zyn, started freaking out and flailing his arms like Muscle Man. He scampered off on all fours into the pitch black 5 o’ clock night afterwards.

Pokémon Go fuck yourself Stop taking over my gyms, I’ve only been in them for 20 minutes I’m a commuter and I have to fight for my spot in the local gyms. You can sit comfortably in your cozy little 200 sq ft dorm and take over my Team Valor gym while your roommate “doesn’t jerk off in the bathroom,” but I have to brave the cold northern winds with only my Metagross to keep me warm. Now I’m going to make a meme portraying my pokémon as the mogging chad wojack and your Bulbasaur as the butthurt soyjack.

SantaCon is Suffering a Hillbilly boots, and second of all because they just Infestation kept yelling at cabs. I get that they don’t

Stop kissing your cousin, you’re holding up the line.

Vibrant, wholesome, and intoxicating. If you’ve ever stumbled your way through Santacon, you’ve probably realized that it’s full of Johnnies, foreigners, and the alright kind of millennials. I met people from Toronto on line for Pink Taco and yes, they apologized for Drake. It has nothing to do with the gun I was holding to their head. But while the Canadians were cool, the American rednecks weren’t because first of all, they wore cowboy

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exist down in Sisterfuck, Ohio, or whatever hole they crawled out of, but there’s no reason to be aggressive.

CEO Murder, aka “Being a Hero,” Deemed Illegal It seems, of all the controversies last year, the alleged actions of innocent-untilproven-guilty folk-hero Luigi Mangione have lingered around the most. Some people are wondering if he did it, most are wondering if anyone will do it again. This could also be referred to as “waiting with bated breath,” “daydreaming,” or a term considered most frightening but the American Elite, “feeling hope.”

Do I want to see more violence? I don’t think so. I’m not a violent person, I’m a pacifist, also known as a coward. I won’t do shit. If any of you have a gun though, take notes.

Tania Fontana

Stop Stealing My Bagel It cost $7 Einstein Bros. Bagels, an establishment in our community, is often a source of violent theft. Bagel theft.

You sick vultures need to keep your hands off my incredibly expensive bagel. The Thunderbird Press doesn’t pay their writers. I spent all my money on this.

Keep a fucking eye out.

New Single

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and now, for a complete sylistic change...

TBP REMEMBERS

Ol’ Louie Finally Croaks I honestly forgot he was still around JIMMY “J-DOG” QUIZNOS CONTRIBUTOR Any liberal arts major at this here university can tell you that Lou Carnesecca was one of the most important corpses around. Ol’ Louie still troted around in sweaters ‘til the ripe old age of 99, being unexpectedly taken from us only this past Sunday. He was taken too soon, I say.

Without having any particular malice towards the man, I gotta say I fucking hate some of the basketball fetishization at this here university. I mean, Christ Almighty, that there Rick Pedoni or whatever the fuck his

We’ve been told that, in his final moments, Lou converted to Islam. Good decision,

That’s alright, I think. Death is real, someone’s there and then they’re not and it’s

Quantifiably unreasonable, I think.

frankly. I always sort of considered Christianity more accurate than Judaism because it’s more up-to-date, y’know, it’s like

not for singing about. It’s not for making into art. Sorry those are Mount Eerie lyrics. Death is real though. It takes and it takes and it

And where did that originate? Ol’ Louie, of course. Ripe with the sweaters and pussy-

the most recent version, but Islam is even more up-to-date than Christianity. Who is

takes. I think that’s a Sufjan Stevens song.

Shit ends. We’re all rapidly approaching

getting attitude, he led us to victory in years

more recent than Islam, like, the Mormons?

I’m not going to practice that shit.

Scientology is tempting but I’m too broke.

Islam is probably right about everything, so

annihilation and I think the only thing we can do is drink boba tea and wait for the next Dune movie to come out. Maybe I’ll be alive to see the release of it, that shouldn’t be too

I’ll convert to it when I die too.

hard, right? Ol’ Louie, unfortunately, will never know the thrilling conclusion to the tale of Paul Atreides. Unless he read the books.

name is gets like a trillion dollars a game.

How much does he make? It’s like a shitload.

past. Are we still victorious? Look, we’re not garbage but it’s not even close.

Unfortunately, half of the donors this school gets are basketball-oriented, and the other half are from the fucking Vitamin Water guy.

I still drink the lemonade one, it’s pretty good, but promegranate? You’re out of your mind. Stop giving Tobin nice things, they don’t deserve it.

So we sit here, armed and restless, remembering a corpse. I mean look at this guy. Yikes. At least Rico Petite has a sort of chubby Al Pacino thing going for him. Got sorta fat lips. Carnesecca? Trash head.

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No one tells you, when you’re approaching the big croak, that no one remembers how you were when you were young. Maybe people who knew you really well, but they were probably super old too. I only ever knew my grandparents as very old, and when the passed they stayed very old in my mind.

Whenever I think of Lou Carnesecca I’m totally going to think of this old skeleton man, and not the other guy.

Hey guys it’s me, Ol’ Louie, I can still communicate through possessing Jimmy’s fingers.

Sandy Hook was a hoax! That’s what I, Lou Carnesecca, wanted to say.

Johnny is rock hard

OUR SUBMISSIONS FOR THE NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST The first step to be a real magazine is to steal content from another.

That’s competition, baby.

Our Top Picks: 1: Oh my god, they hit the Robot Pentagon.

2: All of the personals are looking for someone who can “fuck like a machine.”

3: It says right here that Pooby died doing what he loved, crashing cars.

4: Seems like the Circuit Wars are reaching a standstill. though that doesn’t do any justice to the millions of lives lost. Clearly, these electronic men have lost their lives for nothing, destroyed in the pursuit of robo-nationalism. What a bleak, dreary day.

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TBP Talks

thunderbirdpressmag@gmail.com

ADVICE COLUMN Tragically, my boyfriend of the past 6 months just broke up with me. It came out of nowhere! We had just gone out to see Wicked, and I thought we were having a good time, Dear Thunderbird Press, but as we got out he kept saying that I want to look cool in front of my Ariana was “horribly miscast” and friends but I don’t have a fake. How do that Cynthia “couldn’t hold a candle I get into Parsons without one? to Ms. Idina Menzel.” I was shocked!

Dear Concerned Minor, Bad takes aside, I had no idea he Tell the bouncers you’re 19 “on God,” cared about theater like that. The instead of 18, and you should be good. next day, instead of waking up to a I am extremely afraid of the hobos in “good morning” text, he ended it, right then and there. What should I the Hillside area. What do I do? do?

Dear Freaked About Tweakers, Dear Elphaba and Gaylinda, There’s not much you can do about that The lack of a “good morning” text but wait for the government to make is tragic. I usually make my men them mysteriously disappear. In the send me videos of them loudly meantime, play “Zombie Horde Sound cumming, you were really only Effects” off Youtube and enjoy feeling asking for the bare minimum here. like Rick Grimes. I once punched But look, when analyzing this someone’s grandma because she got too break-up there’s really only two close while I was jogging to this. In my defense, she was wrinkly as hell and I possibilities for what his whole deal thought she was going to gum me down. is. The first is that he’s gay, honestly Aside from that, it was a great run and I your best bet. The second is that beat my PR. he’s metrosexual. Christ, how sorry (Our preferred noises I’d feel for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?

Do you know how wildly fucking v=fWKcamyeGsE) annoying heterosexual theater men My manager at Applebees is are? That’s Hell on Earth. Matthew drug testing me next Tuesday!!!!1 Broderick hit and killed someone Dear Devilish Druggie, with his car man, that’s nuts. I knew Offer him some of the weed as a guys like that in high school, the “peace offering.” Also dm Thunderbird two of them, one kind of chunkier Press where you got it. and the other lean and Dennis Where’s the clit?

Reynolds-esque.

Dear Bonafide Bonery Bozo, This breakup will be the best thing I don’t know. that ever happened to you, trust.

Q & A:

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January 2025

ISSUE 01

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: DO THEY PAINT THEIR ABS ON?

BY RAQUEL VIDAL Give them all your money.

I went to go see Cirque Du Soleil Ká this weekend in Las Vegas and I would give them all my money. I didn't have to because my grandma is loaded, but I would. I witnessed the impossible. A man literally defying gravity by sheer strength, positive relationships with native cultures, a teepee transforming into a rudimentary airplane, and a man making jump rope look cool. There is no question as to their talent. They are the best acrobats, the best dancers, and the best performers. But even then, I have questions. Like do they paint their abs on?

If they already have abs, why do they need more abs? Is the guy who flies around giving girls flowers single? It can’t be born out of insecurity.

Some of these performers fully have their buttcheeks out with only what could easily be described as a dish towel covering their modesty in the front. It can’t be that they don’t HAVE muscles because you need muscles and discipline to perform all the stunts they do. No muscles, no flipping another man through the air with your feet. These guys clearly pack in the protein and eat their vegetables.

The only logical answer is that they want me and are trying to impress me personally by appealing to aesthetics. Nothing in Cirque du Soleil is done for the purpose of function. They aren’t flying through the air and sprinkling flower petals on you to get to work quicker, and I don’t think those guys have their cheeks out because they’re just slutty like that. They go out of their way to immerse you in their world. They cross violin strings across ceilings rooms wide to have costumed musicians play the room. They invent their own language for one show. They force underpaid ushers to wear show makeup. Cirque du Soleil goes out of their way to exaggerate the world and make it even more beautiful for you. Give them all your money!

Also, no phones. I saw them throw a dude into what I think was a volcano over it.

I ALMOST FOUGHT A MAN, HE KEPT GETTING IN MY GRANDPA’S WAY The man is 80 years old and trying to walk through a doorway after his wife. Why are you racing him?

Also how did you lose?

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NEITHER THE BEST, NOR THE WORST, JUST SOME...

ALBUMS OF 2024 FROM TV GIRL TO TV OFF

by Erin Fatass - Musicologist

Sponsored by Ubisoft’s “Just Dance”

GUIDE TO MUSIC IN THE POST-9/11 ERA BUT LET’S PULL APART THE BEEF FIRST Post-decimation-of-Drake, local hater and American hero Kendrick Lamar released his long-awaited album, GNX. Surely riding the high of his successful defense of the superior style of rap, Lamar released a snippet for the song “Squabble Up,” which gained the thenupcoming album a lot of attention on social media and earned it 380 million streams upon its release.

On interviewing rap fans, however, we discovered that reviews were a mixed bag: To quote one superfan, resident TBP-writer Jimmy Quiznos, “if I don’t get tickets to the next Kendrick tour I’m going to kill myself. Also, give him another Pulitzer or I’m going to kill myself.” Yikes!

Seems like suicide is on the menu for more than just Drake fans. This begs the question though, is GNX truly a worthy addition to Lamar’s catalog?

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Here’s an answer: yes.

Yeah. It rips. It’s really fucking good, and pretty obviously so. Are you stupid? What kind of question is that.

Lamar’s discography has a lot of conceptual, spacey, interlude-laden music.

GNX isn’t like any of that.

It’s pretty tight and short, just like your mom. It’s not as bloated as the past dozen-or-so Drake albums either.

So it’s good. Some other records were good, some not as much, including...

OTHER RECORDS WORTH THINKING ABOUT FOR AT LEAST ONE SECOND, MAYBE A FEW SECONDS. GEORDIE GREEP’S THE NEW SOUND

You wanna hear something weird? I could write something about how it’s harmonically interesting and says something about masculinity or whatever, but that’s not why you should listen to it. You should listen to it because it sounds fucking weird.

TBP Rating: 9/10

CHARLI XCX’S BRAT (AND ALL OF THE BRAT-OFFSHOOTS)

I liked this album the week it came out and then I had to pretend to give a shit about the deluxe edition and the remix album. I get it. I was a fan of Charli before this fucking summer and I wish she changed the cover art of her past records back to normal on Spotify.

THE DARE’S WHOLE THING

I think I want to kill this guy. I’ll listen to his music and I’ll enjoy it but I don’t know if I should. Maybe I shouldn’t? He makes New Yorkers sound like the most annoying fucking people on the planet though, so as a magazine from Queens we should probably hunt him down.

TBP Rating: James Murphy

TBP Rating: 360/365

CHAPPELL ROAN’S MIDWEST THING

Not even a 2024 album, but no one listened to it in 2023, so now we’re here.

Probably our best gay popstar at the moment, substantially better than Shawn Mendes.

TBP Rating: 2023/2024

MARY IN THE JUNKYARD’S FANTASTIC EP

More on the next page.

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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

CONTRIBUTOR

OWEN TAYLOR

violin could be played in a nonYellowcard way. Certainly this band

MARY IN THE JUNKYARD

has to be a little emo!” Jokes on you, tthey’re not really that emo, but they are associated with the Windmill scene, so they probably like Slint.

The Mary’s released their debut EP in May of last year, this old house they called it, and man what a collection of rock songs. Do yourself a favor, throw

The UK’s hottest group makes their US debut on some fucking “Goop.” Barbaglia’s This

isn’t

proselytizing.

journalism,

it’s

by

I’m

to

Taylor,

going

vocalist

Clari

Freeman-

multi-instrumentalist

introduce this group, and when

Saya Barbaglia, and drummer

I interview them, you’ll get it.

David Addison, this band will make you want to shake booty

violin on that track is like a siren, weeping past the tight groove formed

between Freeman-Taylor’s bass and Addison’s drums. “Teeth” is another violin stand-out, listen to it. Recently they’ve put out some new singles, “This

But at first, I’m gonna be

and cry with their unique blend

explicit, as explicit as I possibly

of fingerpicked electric guitar,

can: Mary in the Junkyard are

frenetic drumming, and the use

the best band in showbiz right

of violin in a non-Yellowcard

Great new bands are one thing, but

now. They’re entirely fucking

way. “That’s impressive,” you

great new bands who can tolerate our

unmatched. Formed whenever

say to yourself, “I never thought

interview are another, better thing.

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Is My California” and “Bear Walk,” which I discuss with them later.

THUNDERBIRD PRESS

What does Mary in the Junkyard make of all this?

As the group made their US debut in December of last Saya: -Oh, noyear, I had the chance to interview them for our debut Oh no, okay, I wasn’t trying to make a lifestyle issue. I had been intending to contact them online for judgement, or anything. I’m drunk right now. a minute, but emailing anyone makes me want to eat glass shards, so I kept dragging my feet. With my luck, I had a chance encounter with Freeman-Taylor at the bar of TV Eye shortly before Mary in the Junkyard were set to open for beloved industrial rock group

[At this point I attempted a bizarre question about, if we consider the Song of the Summer to have been Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us,” what could we consider the Song of the Winter to be?]

Model/Actriz, and was able to rendezvous with the David: I think it’s, the Song of the Summer is whole band prior to their headline show at Baby’s All Jokerman by Bob Dylan.

Right the next day.

As co-editor Raquel Vidal and I snuck into their green room, functionally just a tarp, we got their takes:

Ooh. David: I think.

Clari: That-that wasn’t Saya: -That was not

David, Clari, Saya, how are you on this magnificent [The Mary’s consult each other for a moment] evening? [it was fucking frigid outside]

That’s a better answer than what I had though.

David: Amazing, yeah!

Clari: Um, We’re Walking in the Air from the

Clari: Doing so well, thank you.

Snowman.

Saya: Amazing.

David: Oh yeah, it’s a great tune.

So you guys are from the UK, how are you finding Saya: In, um, in primary school, we sang in the choir America so far, in general?

a song called “This Must Be Christmas In New York-”

Saya: It’s big.

Clari: [whispering] “This Is My California”

Clari: Everything is really big, and-

Is that by Sting? Do I- wait no I’m stupid as hell,

Saya: -Very square-

that’s “An Englishman in New York-”

Clari: -It’s all square.

[The Mary’s remark on my confusion for a moment]

David: ...up and down.

What do you think of Sting?

Even the people are square, would you say?

Saya: Ouch.

Clari: The people are cool.

Ouch? Like a bee?

Are they cooler than in London?

David: Don’t trust him.

Clari: Mm, no.

Well, who could?

Okay, I do take that as an insult.

David: Ehehe, my brother was at a Fatboy Slim

You guys have famously played at the Windmill in Brixton, beloved UK venue, I have two questions: what is your go-to drink order, and what’s the nicest toilet?

David: A Guinness. The toilets are all horrible, piss in the garden I guess.

Clari: Yeah, Ginger Beer and Whiskey, um, and the toilets...

concert and he turned around in the crowd and there was Sting. And then Sting put his finger to his lip like this

[makes

shushing

motion]

and

then,

like,

disappeared into the crowd.

Like “don’t let them know, don’t let them know that Sting from the Police is here.”

David: Exactly.

Everyone’s favorite band of the 80s.

It’s too horrific a sight, you can’t even conjure [I also briefly asked about David and Clari’s stint in indie pop band Second Thoughts] imagery about it, it’s just, it’s just destitute.

Saya: The women’s toilets have a really squiggly mirror, which is really cool. And my drink is tap water.

Nice, just full-on sober. I couldn’tTHUNDERBIRD PRESS

Do you consider pop music to be the work of the devil?

All members: Yes.

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Phonetography Here’s a question, literally yesterday [at the time of this interview] you released a new single, “Bear Walk.” I listened to it right as it came out, the production starts fairly minimal but gets increasing intricate, especially as the track gets all confused and dreamlike at the end. Any interesting details to notice on a second listen?

Clari: There’s a bit in the song where David goes [black metal voice] “yir shtall derfintal” and if you reverse it, it says “under the fir tree.” You should reverse it actually, it sounds really funny.

I will do that Clari: It’s like [thrash metal voice] “under the fir tree!”

A spectacularly low-resolution interview photo

[Checking through the recording, I believe this occurs at least once around the 1:52 mark, pay attention to the right channel and reverse it as requested.]

Alright that’s fantastic. I don’t think we have any other questions, do you have anything you’d like to leave the world off on?

David: Come invite us back to America.

Saya: We really like cheese, andWould you like Americans to send you cheese?

Saya: We love cheese, we love every type of cheese...

Clari: The cheese in America is not so good.

Saya: -huge cheese board.

I was about to say have you played in France?

David: We have Clari: We had a cheese board!

David: Yeah in the dressing room there was a cheese board.

It feels like if you’re in Paris you have to have cheese

David Addison (left) & Saya Barbaglia (right)

in the dressing room, because otherwise why the fuck else would you be in Paris? To eat snails?

Clari: It’s really, it’s really bad for singing.

Really?

Clari: If you have, like, a cheesy voice.

We ended our interview, and I wished them luck on their performance. Seeing the group twice in two days proved to me, about as strongly as it could, that whenever some big bloated moron talks about the “death” of rock music, they should be completely ignored. Rock music is in a fantastic state when bands like this can fill in a New York venue without having any presence in America two days prior.

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Clari Freeman-Taylor (left) and Barbaglia (right)

THUNDERBIRD PRESS

DISCOGRAPHY GUIDE

Everything that you need to know to get into Mary in the Junkyard.

They have one EP. And a couple singles.

It’s not that complicated.

this old house debut EP

[clockwise from top left] Tuesday, This Is My California / Bear Walk, Ghost, Swamp Dream

In truth, dear reader of the Thunderbird Press, we had considered doing some form of “ranked songs” or “top 5 tracks” or some other bogus listicle thing, but it’s hard to do that when they have like 8 songs. I mean there’s the this old house EP, the “Tuesday” single (which they include at the B-side of the EP’s vinyl release, quite polite of them), and then the new tracks, “This Is My California” and “Bear Walk.”

If anything, though, that’s more of an excuse to check them out. Shit man, you can get through their entire discography in like half an hour. Do you know how much music the Beatles put out? Far more than that, it’d take you all day. I once took the chunnel from Paris to London and I tried to just listen to Beatles records the whole time and I still only got through Help!, Rubber Soul and Revolver. That’s way too much music, they should’ve been more considerate. The Mary’s over here (I never checked if they hate being called the Mary’s or not) are way more polite, just a handful of tracks, and rumor has it (if we can count watching their recent Instagram stories as a rumor) that they have a handful more on the way. 11 new tracks, I heard? Doubling the size of their discography and then some, but still short enough that you can blast through all of it on the chunnel. That’s what I’m talking about, that’s some polite music releasing.

But I think, more than just a polite discography, there’s something exciting about listening to something that feels new. Are there audible influences? Probably, I wouldn’t be shocked if the group liked Big Thief or OK Computer, maybe Arthur Russell and Glenn Branca, and possibly other Windmill Scene acts like Black Midi or Black Country New Road, but I don’t think they sound wholly like any of these artists. I think they sound like Mary in the Junkyard.

THUNDERBIRD PRESS

16

A BRIEF TRIBUTE

I SWEAR TO FUCK I JUST SAW JIMMY CARTER BIKING IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD AT 5AM

TO LIVES LOST 17

A letter from the editors: I’m asking for mercy. Good will. Perhaps a handout. Listen, this is an entirely student-run magazine. We aren’t affiliated with anything, we’re barely affiliated with each other, and we’re brittle. We could fuck this up really quickly without your support, which is why I’m here, on my knees, chin-up, mouth agape, and ready to beg.

The Thunderbird Press can be found on Instagram @thunderbirdpress, and can be emailed at thunderbirdpressmag@gmail.com. You can also text gore and penises to Owen’s number. We’d love to gain new writers, cartoonists, critics, and field correspondents. If you can think of something that should be here, don’t be lazy, fucking add it.

Apologies for anything in poor taste.

- Thunderbird Press

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