ABsolution

ABSOLUTION by Thom Dunn

Current Revisions November 7, 2010

Thom Dunn 10 Westerly Street #1, Jamaica Plain MA 02130 203-645-2073

ABSOLUTION

INT. CHURCH CONFESSIONAL - DAY DONNELLY, a clergyman in his 50s/60s, sits on one side of a Confessional Booth. On the other side sits SIMON, mid-20s, in a vintage tee and jeans. Though already seated, he shifts in the chair, unable to get comfortable. Donnelly waits impatiently, head lowered with a furrowed brow. Simon finally finds a comfortable position and sits still for a moment, sinking into the seat. Beat.

SIMON (CONT’D) No, this won’t do. Hold on, sorry.

Simon shifts himself again. Perhaps he leans back and balances on the two back legs of the chair. Beat. Donnelly clears his throat, eager (anxious) to begin.

SIMON (CONT’D) Bless you! Notice how I didn’t say ‘God bless you.’ Figured it was kinda redundant, ya know, ‘causeDONNELLY How long has it been since your last Confession?

SIMON Oh. Right. Hold on one more second.

Simon adjusts for comfort once more.

SIMON (CONT’D) Okay, that’s good. I’m good now. What’s up?

DONNELLY How long has it been since your last Confession?

SIMON Oh, shit. I don’t know. When’s-was it third grade? The whole ‘First Communion-First Confession’ thing? Or was that something else?

DONNELLY Fifteen, sixteen years then? That’s a long time to go without repentance.

SIMON What are you, my landlord? She’s always on my ass about that. Like whenDONNELLY Simon, could you-please-refrain from cursing in the Lord’s House?

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SIMON Shit, sorry-fuck, I didn’t-sorry, sorry. I mean, well there’s-there’s confessing some sins right there, see? So far, off to a good start.

DONNELLY Just tell me what brings you here today.

SIMON Well, not really a confession so much as...can I ask a question?

DONNELLY Certainly.

SIMON How long you been a priest?

DONNELLY Well, I’ve been a member of the Clergy for twenty years now.

SIMON Really? That’s it? They keep you back in priest school or something?

DONNELLY I used worked in publishing, actually. I never chose to pursue the priesthood until after--until my wife passed away.

SIMON Oh. I’m sorry.

DONNELLY No, please, don’t be. I was very happy with the time we had, and afterwards, it led me here, which is just where I need to be.

SIMON I see. Ever wonder why tragedy always begets philosophical re-analysis?

DONNELLY I beg your pardon?

SIMON People only get all deep thinking when bad things happen to them. How come no one ever wakes up on any beautiful morning in May and cracks open the blinds and says, “What is the meaning of life? What am I doing with myself?” Besides poets. ‘Cause I mean, they’re all kinda gay.

DONNELLY Human beings need faith. Something to believe in. Something to help us get by. Unfortunately, we don’t always realize when we’re missing that something, and it often takes a tragedy to open our eyes and help us to notice it. We place our hope in the abstract, or seemingly abstract, and have faith that it’s a worthy investment. It gives us something to look forward to.

SIMON Hm. Do you ever just get wasted on Communion wine? Like, on the weekends, you and the nuns just crack open a jug and go nuts?

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DONNELLY ...Excuse me?

SIMON That’s right, you guys always have to wake up early. I mean, listening to sermons with a hangover is painful enough. I couldn’t imagine giving them three times a day with cotton mouth and some nasty headache kickin’ at me. Have you ever tried Communion bread with cheese? Maybe hummus? Or toasted, even? Mm, toasted Communion bread. I bet that’d be awesome. I love toast. I’ll tell ya, if Christ’s body was toasted, and maybe-just maybe-buttered with a little dash of cinnamon--no! Garlic!-man, I would totally come to church more often. Ooh! Or what ifDONNELLY Please. Stop. Just(Donnelly takes a breath. Beat) How long has it been since your last Confession?

SIMON Whoa. Deja Vu. Did we just time travel? Is that allowed in church?

DONNELLY I’m just trying to bring it all in. Focus the conversation, get to the heart of it. If you’re just seeking counsel, we can make an appointment, but you must be here because you’re seeking forgiveness for something, and I’d like to know what that is.

SIMON That’s what I’m trying to tell you man! I bet Jesus had hummus during the Last Supper when he transmogrified the breadDONNELLY Transubstantiated.

SIMON Whatever. Point is, dude was Middle Eastern. They love the hummus.

DONNELLY Simon...

SIMON Look, just bear with me, okay? This whole thing goes back to the Last Supper so just-just go with me, cool? Cool?

DONNELLY Yes. Go right ahead.

SIMON Right. Okay. So. The Last Supper. Jesus and bro’s go out, have a big dinner. All the boys are back in town. All 12 of ‘em. We’re talking fuckin’ Thin Lizzy style here. (singing) “Friday Night, they’ll be dressed to kill...” Crucify - Kill. See, it’s Good Friday. Get it?

Right. And Jesus, he gets fucked up, ya know? ‘Cause he’s gonna die, might as well. Blood alcohol level’s at like 13%, but because he’s Jesus, it doesn’t kill him.

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But then he’s slicing bread and cuts his finger, and he’s like ‘Oh, whoa, this bread’s my body,’ because his finger’s on it now. So they use a wine glass to catch the blood that’s pouring out, and he’s still like wasted, right, and he goes ‘And this wine’s like my blood,’ and thenDONNELLY That’s not quite how the story goes, Simon. Believe it or not, I’ve heard it myself a few times before.

SIMON Chill, man. Haven’t you ever heard of ‘poetic license?’

DONNELLY My apologies. I did not mean to insult you, Simon.

SIMON Don’t worry about. It’s no big thing. Just one more to confess, eh? And aren’t we encouraged to collect things to confess after all?

DONNELLY In a perfect world, none of us would be tempted by sin, and therefore we’d have nothing to confess.

SIMON Hey wait, did you just say you’re sorry? So did you just confess to me?

‘Cause that’s some real meta-confessional shit there, man. (beat) DONNELLY Simon...

SIMON Right, sorry. Doc, I’m a vegetarian. (beat) That was my confession.

DONNELLY That’s...great. It’s a noble thing to do. You’re a good man for it.

SIMON Thanks. I mean, it’s not that big of a deal. I really miss bacon though, but that’s not the point.

DONNELLY What is your point, Simon? I can’t quite see how all of this connectsSIMON Seriously, Doc? I’m a vegetarian. I can’t take Communion! ‘This bread is my body, this wine is my blood.’ I won’t eat steak, I’m moving more towards soy milk, and in the mean time, you expect me to eat my savior?

That’s cannibalism. It’s a cult, Father Donnelly, not a religion.

DONNELLY Monsignor.

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SIMON ...huh?

DONNELLY I’m not a Father, ISIMON What, you mean to tell me that all that time you were married, you and the Misses never once knocked boots?

DONNELLY What I meant was that Father’s not my title. I’m a Monsignor.

(beat. Simon doesn’t get it.)

It’s...it’s a rank. Like the President and the Vice-President. They’re different ranks of authority within the clergy.

SIMON So you’re like, the President of Priests?

DONNELLY No, that would be the Pope.

SIMON So, what. You’re like the Vice-Secretary of Agriculture Priest?

DONNELLY Forget it, Simon. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Let’s get back to the issue at hand then. YouSIMON Don’t understand how my moral and religious beliefs can somehow conflict, if my religious beliefs are supposed to be the foundation of my concept of morality? Yeah, that about covers it. Did you ever think of trying tofu wafers, or maybe rice wine?

DONNELLY I think you’re missing the point.

SIMON You would think that.

DONNELLY Simon, what do you know about substance?

SIMON What the hell kind of question is that? That’s like saying ‘Oh, Simon, do you know what things are?’

DONNELLY You’re thinking too black and white. It’s a much more...complex situation than you realize, it’s...Consider the Communion wafers. What do they taste like to you?

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SIMON Kind of like really flour-y Wheat Thins.

DONNELLY And is that how you imagine God to taste?

SIMON Not really. I kind of always thought he’d be a little sweeter. Maybe a little more salty. Like bacon, actually, butDONNELLY But it doesn’t taste like human flesh to you.

SIMON No. DONNELLY But it is.

SIMON Right. And that’s the problem, Doc. That’sDONNELLY That’s because, for all intents and purposes, you’re still eating bread. It has all the same physical properties of bread. But it’s essence is that of Christ.

SIMON I don’t get it.

DONNELLY There are some people, Simon, who believe there is only one substance in the whole world, and it is God, but he has many different modes. If you can separate that idea from the bread’s physical qualities, you can believe that Christ is truly and substantially present within it.

SIMON So you’re saying that it’s symbolic, or representational of Christ?

Yeah, okay Martin Luther.

DONNELLY I’m saying that it takes a little faith, Simon. If you believe that a man can walk on water, that he can be born of a virgin and raised from the dead, it’s not so hard to believe in the substance of a thing.

SIMON But I don’t have any trouble believing. You just said, its substance is Christ. Therefore, the bread is Jesus Christ, yes? As a vegetarian, I don’t believe in eating meat, so suddenly, my moral and religious beliefs conflict, meaning that my religion is immoral. Which makes me a sinner for being a Catholic.

DONNELLY Then I might suggest a re-evaluation.

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SIMON Look, I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not giving up my vegetarianism. I know there’s folks who still eat some meats whether it’s fish or chicken or Jesus. But fuck Pescetarianism man. Fuck. That.

DONNELLY I was referring to a re-evaluation of your religion.

SIMON What, like you want me to become a Protestant? I don’t disagree with the church. That’s all good. But the church disagrees with itself.

Besides, Father DonnellyDONNELLY Monsignor.

SIMON Whatever. Imagine if I went home and said “Hi Grandma Kelley, I’m a a Protestant!” She’d go all “Get the hell out of my country!” and then have a heart attack, and I don’t want that on my conscience, too.

DONNELLY Do you enjoy the irony of playing Devil’s Advocate with a member of the Clergy? I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for this today. (he gets up to leave) SIMON Wait. What was your her name? Your Wife?

DONNELLY I told you, I don’t have the time SIMON Just tell me what her name is. Was. I swear it’s connected.

DONNELLY Judith.

SIMON Judith like Judith Iscariot Judith?

DONNELLY It’s Judas Iscariot, and I sincerely hope you aren’t-SIMON Exactly!

DONNELLY You’re not making sense. Have you been skipping your medicationSIMON Judith is your Judas, man. Okay, maybe I have. But think about it!

DONNELLY Do you have any idea the kind of symbolic weight that’s carried by his name? Judas is the progenitor of our entire concept of betrayal!

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SIMON See, I don’t buy that. They make him out to be like this super evil bad guy, but what really happened to poor Judas? He’s like, the Darth Vader to Jesus’s Obi-Wan. His spirit’s still there on Endor by the fire, except he’s not replaced by Hayden Christensen on the fucking DVD. DONNELLY Really, Simon? We haven’t gotten past the Star Wars references yet?

SIMON Wait, so you’ve seen ‘Star Wars,’ but you’ve never heard of Thin Lizzy?

Christ, what do they teach you in seminary?

DONNELLY Not to use the Lord’s name in vain, for one. I’ve asked you several times not toSIMON Look, it’s the same way Vader helped Obi-Wan become one with the Force.

Heh. Obi-wan. One with-never mind. Without Judas, Jesus would have never been caught. If he wasn’t caught, he wouldn’t have been crucified, and if he wasn’t crucified, he couldn’t be resurrected, and if he wasn’t resurrected, well, we’d be sitting in a Synagogue or a whatever the hell Buddhists call their churches.

DONNELLY I believe they’re just called temples.

SIMON Really? Lame. I was hoping for something like “Mahayana” or “Bangkok.”

DONNELLY Continue. Please, so we can be done with this.

SIMON Bang-kok. Bang. Kok. Kok. Bang. Right, so my point is, we should be a lot more thankful towards the guy. Towards Judas, because he knew-he knew, getting into this whole mess, that he would go down in history as the traitor. As the bad guy. And he was willing to let that happen, because he believed in Christ. He loved Christ enough to martyr himself as a catalyst for Jesus’s martyrdom. I mean, come on. That’s some postmodern love, man.

DONNELLY I admit, that was surprisingly insightful. But what does this have to do with what we were talking about?

SIMON I don’t know. Probably nothin’. I just think Judas gets a bad rep. (beat) Oh, your wife! Right. Judith is like your Judas, ya know? It’s like Judith loved you so much, she let herself die to drive you into the priesthood. She was willing to sacrifice herself, like Judas did, for the greater good. It’s kind of like...Post-Utilitarian Romanticism.

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DONNELLY That’s not what those words mean, Simon.

SIMON Oh. (beat) Well, then assuming you were a good Catholic before you joined the priesthood, how come God punished you for your faith and killed your wife? And I mean, if you weren’t a good Catholic then(silence) Oh, God. Fuck. I’m sorry-sorry-I’m so sorry, Doc, IDONNELLY You need to leave.

SIMON Doc, I’m sorry, I just-you know, I was trying DONNELLY You need to leave now.

SIMON What’s my penance? Give me-give me some kind of penance. I can do ‘Hail Mary’s’, yeah? How many do you want? Ten? Fifteen? Twenty...thousand?

Here we go. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee...

(Simon recites the ‘Hail Mary,’ repeating as necessary, under Donnelly’s lines) DONNELLY You haven’t confessed anything. You’ve given me nothing to absolve.

SIMON I told you, I’m a vegetarian! Jesus Christ, do you even listen?

DONNELLY Do not use the Lord’s name in vain!

SIMON Maybe I was just asking him a question!

(Simon continues with the prayer.

After a few more lines-) Father, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about what I said, I just wanted to know.

I had some questions and IDONNELLY Everyone has questions, Simon. Everyone wants answers. That’s why we need faith, why we need something to believe in. All of these-these paradoxes inherent in our lives, are proof that God has a plan, and that we must have faith. That’s the only answer that we need.

Simon finishes reciting his current ‘Hail Mary.’Beat. He starts praying again whenDONNELLY You need to leave.

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Simon stands up and walks to the door. He turns back to Donnelly before he leaves.

SIMON I’ll...I’ll see you Sunday, Doc? No response. Simon exits, leaving Donnelly alone to reflect. Black out.