Classic newspaper Volume 19 Issue no. 4

Vol. 19, No.4, Apri12003

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aSSlC Townsend Harris High School at Queens College

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149-11 Melbourne Avenue, Flushing, NY 11367

Confiscated cloth~ing sold, confl:Jsing co~sumers · Editors:

Daniel Bloch, Jamie Gullen, Marlo Dublin, Jennifer Gong, Angela Hom, Sarah Schnee, DianeTiao, Jessica Wang

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Writers: Christopher Amann a, Andrea Amorillo, 1-·' Jessica Berger, Alyssa Chase, l.: Naoreen r~ Chowdhury, Andrea Gavora, Jason Novick, Francesca Pizarro, Jessica Wang

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by Andrea Amorillo Dean Robin N. Figtree has been on a rampage for the last week. All shirts which showed the tiniest bit of shoulders or were cut too low were confiscated and replaced with baggy gym shirts. Pants that were too low cut were also seized and the wearer was issued unflattering gym sweatpants. Any cell phones or beepers that were seen or went off during classes were taken immediately, no questions asked. By. the end of ~he week, Ms. Figtree had amassed quite a larg.e pile of clothing and electronics.

A sale was announced yesterday over the loudspeakers by Principal Thomas Cuttingham.

The announcement invited all students to the cafeteria after school on Wednesday, March 32, for a rummage sale.

What the students found were piles of their cell phones, beepers, etc. that had been taken after violation of a school . rule. "I was expecting to go to the cafeteria and look through people's old stuff," said freshman Ivanna Kipa Stuffa. "Instead, I saw my own stuff for

sale!" Senior Reba L. Witouttacaus chimed in,"I found four of my old cell phones, my beeper from freshman year, and two tennis balls that security took from me junior year!'~ Unfortunately for Harrisites, the clothing wasn't at the b~r"

was seized back. Maybe they will think twice next time."

Ms. Figtree did not feel that the students should have been notified as to what was happening with their confiscated property, stating, "They were told that it would be taken from them. The students were also

Stacey Lee gain price they had expected.

Clothing that would normally have cost $20 in a store, and $5 in a thrift shop, cost a staggering $30. "All this stuff was inappropriate for school," said Ms. Figtree. "At leastthis way, the school can make a profit and the students can get what

well-informed about what was and was not allowed in school.

The communication in this school is very good."

The money raised is not going to waste, however. The school plans to buy six new treadmills for the gym with the money: "This way, if the stu-

dents get the sudden urge to run, they can," said physical education teacher Keep Handsome. "That's not right," stated freshman Bill Themm. "They should at least use the money to buy extra sets of textbooks so we don't have to take them in every day."

Apparently, some of the phone and beeper plans had not _ been cancelled, which caused quite a commotion when students realized that they were being charged for phone calls made by school staff or the new owners of their phones.

"Now I know where all these extra charges on my cell phone bill are coming from!" said sophomore Tiffany Epiphany.

"I'm sorry, I can't talk now," stated mathematics teacher John Clown upon being approached for an interview. "I need to order new clothing and accessories for my ' dolls with my new phone."

"While I'm at it, I think I'll get a couple of black turtlenecks for myself, as well," Mr. Clown added, as he rummaged through a heap of clothes.

MTV show to bring Harrisite reality to celebrities .

Artwork:

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Matthew Barbery, · Stacey Lee, Jonathan Perez, Rachel Schiffman, .

EmmaXiao, Samira Zaman

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Advisor: lisa Cowen

Principal: Thomas Cunningham

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by Francesca Pizarro A new reality show called Back in High School is going to be taped in the halls and classrooms of Townsend Harris if discussions between the Department of Education, Principal Thomas Cuttingham and the producers at MTV go as planned.

The show's goal is to document the experience of music celebrities in a normal high schooL setting, hosted by Carson Daly of MTV. If the details can be worked out, some of today's most famous MTV personalities will be packing their own oversized backpacks and attending the first few months of the next school year, experiencing for themselves the hectic, tiring, and sleepless life of the typical Townsend Harris student. .

Mr. Cuttingham is very excited about the idea of music celebrities attending the school.

"I think that it will be a fun experience for the students to see

their favorite artists running up Jackass are also expected to students, they will be treated no and down the stairs with them. drop in and make guest appear- · differently than any other stuCertainly, it will be a great ex- ances oil the show. dents. · perience for the celebrities to be Plans are being drawn up on As an extra bonus for living· the Townsend Harris how to accommodate the guests Harrisites, the stars will perlifestyle," he said. He also feels of our school community. To form live over the PA system that the publicity the school will give the artists the full Harris in between bands and during receive will promote the school experience, they are expected to lunch periods. ' The members of Good Charand show "what Tow.n send be at school by 8 a.m. and be Harris is all about." dismissed at 2:50 p.m., attend lotte signed up for the show as The students, too, are very freshman gym with Physical soon as the idea was pitched to excited about having a celebrity ·Education teacher Keep Hand- them. Lead singer Joel Madden presence in school. "I can't wait some, eat regular cafeteria said, "We're so excited that for the next school year to ar- food, and join at least two after we're attending a school with rive!" exclaimed a hysterical - school activities. "They will a knitting club!"

Christina Aguilera, after be~ freshman girl. According to be taking the same tests, writanonymous faculty sources, ing the same collaterals, and ing asked to sign up for the this is the first time in history running the same miles that the show by MTV, said, "I would that a freshman has made such regular students will be," said love to experience the exciting Mr. Cuttingham. life of a Townsend Harris stua statement.

"They will be expected to dent! I'm concerned, however, Among the artists being considered for the show are come to school in appropriate about the dress code. Do I reChristina Aguilera, rap star attire," said Dean Robin N. ally have to wear clothing that Eminem, and the band mem- Figtree, who will require the covers my midriff?!" bers of Good Charlotte, whose stars to pass through her clothIf all goes as planned, star presence the producers at ing inspections every morning Harrisites will find themselves MTV hope will guarantee the before attending classes. In the walking down halls, staggering show's success. Celebrities event that any of the celebrities up stairs, and running miles from other MTV reality shows break the code of conduct ex- alongside their favorite celebsuch as The Osbournes and pected of all Townsend Harris rities.

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The Classic April 2003

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Smart eating -rais·es GPA·, lowers·BMI

by Jessica Berger lowering their BMI (Body Mass Index).

A new program to be employed by For example, a meal consisting of a the Townsend Harris administration to heartstopper, equivalent to a grade of64, promote healthful eating in the student a pop tart (75), a brownie (45), and a population brings a completely new soda pop (60) will record a one-day failmeaning to the phrase "sound mind, ing grade of 62, while a substantially sound body." The new tactic, effective healthier meal of a turkey sand- · as of the fall 2003 semester in all lunch wich on whole wheat bread (94), bands, links the principles of good nu- . an apple (98), a bottle of water trition and good grades by adding lunch (100), and baby carrots (95) will to the set of core classes included in yield a daily grade of 97. This Harrisites' grade point averages. plan allows students to kick their The curriculum of this program, en- bad habits and score top-notch titled "ProjectLU.N.C.H.E.S." (Learn- grades with little effort. ing and Understanding Nutrition for The entire faculty, especially Children Helps Empower Smarts); cre- those in the physical education ates a basic grading system founded on and health departments, are althe food pyramid. Several food scanners ready devoted to the battle against will be placed at strategic locations in the bulge and laud the the cafeteria such as the entrance to the administration's efforts to target dining hall as well as the exit to the hot unhealthy eating. lunch facility. The scanners will systemDean Robin N, Figtree said, . atically convert the nutritional values of ' ''As 'a strong proponent of healthy . the meals into appropriate ·equivalent eating, I definitely support this '· grade values, which will first be re- pmgram, and I will encourage teachers corded and later be averaged to deter- and_Iunch aides to give two-poi·nt refermine the students' lunch grades. rals to all students who try to evade the The conversion process is simple and program by hiding unhealthful snacks allows students to raise their GPA while in their pockets while they pass their

Apathy hits home with new.club

by Jessica Wang me~bers. "We don'twant to force the The' student group A~xiously Pro- ' membe~s to conform to our idea otfun/' tecting Ability to Have Yocks (APA- · Emma said. "Ittakes time to plan group THY) joins the large number of active activities, and very often it can get clubs in which Harrisites can choose to stressful. Stress and wasting time are participate. APATHY officially meets two things our club works to prevent," Tuesdays after school in the cafeteria, Leigh explained. but don't expect any of the club officers A large number ofHarrisites from all or other members to be present. four grades have signed up to join the This brings up two questions: Why club. None of them, however, were doesn't anyone show up to club meet- available for comment, because they ran ings? And what exactly is a "yock?" out of the school building immediately According to club president Errinfa after n'inth band and .their home phone .

Sloth, junior, APATHY's goal is to 'al- · J'ine·s wete bl!lsy. low its members to relax and have fun . Several members- of the Harris comon their own while getting credit for munity are opposed to the establishment being in a club. In other words, there of APATHY. A president of another club, are no real club meetings but members who wished to remain anonymous, still get club credit. "We're sleep-de- claimed that APATHY caused many of prived. Our friends think we've become hermembers to mysteriously disappear. anti-social because we can't hang out "This is ridiculous," she said. "How can with them any more," Emma explained. people not care about the many social "Joining APATHY allows people to issues represented by other clubs at our sleep in a little more instead of coming school? We actually have a cause to in early for a morning club. Instead of fight for in our clubs. APATHY staying after school for another club doesn't." Another club president also meeting, people can leave the school and complained about decreased attendance actually spend time with their friends." at his club's meetings, but could see a The American Heritage Dictionary positive aspect to this. "APATHY has defines yock, in its noun form, as "a loud eliminated the kids in the club who laugh or joke." Many times when the joined just because they wanted credit, club's full name is uttered, however, or because they wanted to impress col"yocks" is misheard for "yachts" or lege admissions officers," he said; "I "yaks." "If your idea of fun is boating think I can safely say that the kids who or playing with that Tibetan furry ani- are still in my club are really dedicated mal, that's fine. APATHY lets you do to our cause." whatever you want," said club vice Both Emma and Leigh seemed indifpresident, Leigh Zee, sophomore. ferent to the complaints about APATHY. APATHY does. not have plans for '~If you want to join APATHY, that's organized activities. Tile club prides it- great. If you don't want to, fine. We self on promoting individuality in its don't care," said Leigh.

meals through the scanner. This school discourages cheating, especially when good health and good grades. are involved." One lunch aide, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of losing her job, said, "This is awful! On days

rate incentive for ai'l students to get in shape." Former caterer and current history teacher and food aficionado Frankfurter Sardine will use his expertise in the gourmet sciences to tutor students who are failing lunch, and will offer tips ·:~

Jonathan Perez when we serve onion rings, French fries, and e:ven tater tots, I sometimes sneak a handful for a treat during my coffee break. I bet that once this program is put into effect, there will be no demand for these snacks and the school will choose not to serve them any more. My coffee breaks will never be the same!"

PTA Vice Preside~t Needa Treat, whose son Trick R. Treat i~ ~ ,s ophomore, added, ."This plan is a joke. The PTA wili never let it happen.''

On the other side of the spectrum, freshman Candy Cane said, "Don't be fooled by my name. I'm a peas and carrots kind of girl, not one to gorge on sweets. I think this program is a first-

on how students can create the most healthful lunches without compromising taste.

Project LU.N.C.H.E.S. might become a trend in all New York City high schools if it is successful at Townsend Harris. It will take a lot of effort on the faculty's part to implement a program of such magnitude, but the GPAs and BMis will reflect the success or failure of the program: The reactions to the prospective program are as mixed as a salad, and salad's going to be far more common these days, but as soon as students see results in their waistlines and averages, the scales might be tipped in a different direction.

Fish filets ..hold tickets .to ~ecret passageway

by Alyssa Chase Prizes are now embedded in three portions of the fried fish that will be served during lunch on Friday. Students who find a golden ticket under the layer of skin will be granted a tour of the hiddeB corridor on the first floor.

The sec'ret corridor includes a fivestar gourmet restaurant, a sauna, and a swimming pool. Winners of the golden tickets will be allowed to sample foods from the restaurant. Biology teacher Rosemary Sage Ea~iil recommends several dishes: "Students will definitely want to try the Italian pastries, which are all glazed to perfection, and perhaps the roasted lamb, which is topped with delicious French seasoning."

Winners will also be given full access to the pool and hot tub. According to history teacher Marc Green tea, "One of the main reasons I work in this school is for the swimming pool. The water slide is excellent, the waterfall is amazing, and the high dive is just, well, really high!"

Principal Thomas

Cuttingham added: "After a long day of work, just sitting in the sauna is such a relief!"

The hidden hall has evoked much curiosity among Harrisites. Senior Ima Spyer said: "I have often caught a glimpse of some passageway whenever the elevator doors on the first floor would open. I once got a referral because I tried to sneak into the passageway, and I was caught by Mr. Cuttingham."

Retired principal' Malc0lm Littleman hired architects in 1990 to add this "teacher's playground" to the school building. While the teachers agreed to keep it secret from students, Coordinator of Student Affairs advisor Adam Anthill has organized this contest as a "last ditch effort to promote school spirit."

The golden tickets were added to three pieces of fish, just under the skin where the layer of cheese is usually placed. The fish can be purchased as usual from the lunch counter.

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Subliminal music messages .manipulate minds thing was wrong. Harrisites

by Andrea Gavora The five-minute bell finally · had never been known to show rings, as your eyes stay glued so much spirit.

His suspicions were conto the clock at the front of the room . You are eagerly anticipat- firmed on a day when the clasing the sound of the classical sical music that plays in bemusic, which will mark the tween periods was accidently close of the seemingly never- stopped. The stuending band. Dun dun dun da, dents weren't ring the first chords of present at the Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, track meet that as you jump out of your seat and afternoon and run into the hall to get to your didn't attend their scheduled next class.

While the classical music club meetings, between bands is a Townsend leading Mr. AntHarris tradition, just yesterday hill to believe Activities Coordinator Adam that the music Anthill exposed the music to be was influencing subliminal messaging which the students' bePrincipal Thomas Cuttingham havior.

Mr. Anthill installed in order to brainwash contacted the the students.

(EducaIt all started when Mr. Ant- EBI hill discovered that every single tional Bureau of student suddenly belonged to at Investigation), least one club or team. He im- which upon inmediateiy thought something spection, found music tapes was amiss. In addition, when with subliminal messages in the entire student body showed Mr. Cottingham's office. The up at the last basketball game tapes were labeled "bell music covered in crimson and gold a.k.a. spirit music." When from head to toe to support their · played at regular speed, the team, he again thought some- tapes produced what seemed to thing seemed fishy. Finally, af- be normal, soothing classical ter the spring spirit week when music. However, when played everyone participated in the fes~ slowly, the tapes revealed cryptivities, Mr. Anthill knew some- tic messages, such as "school

spirit will rule your life" and "you will attend all sports events," added to the music in between the notes. School officials found out that Mr. Cuttingham had the music ·a!- . tered at a top-secret lab whose

said. As a result, the bleachers. were full at all school sports games, and the club rosters were jam-packed with students eager to participate in extra curricular activities.

As for Mr. Cottingham, when asked why he devised this scheme, he simply replied, "I just wanted our students to show some appreciation for t h e i r school ... that's all I wanted to do ."

Soon after, two uniformed _ boot camp officers came to the school' and 'escorted ' Mr. Cottingham out Matthew Barbery of the building location they refused to dis- and into their van. Mr. close.

Cottingham has been sentenced The music had such a great to spend two years at teacher's effect on the students because boot camp with all the other they were exposed to it seven convicted educators. While at times a day for three minutes boot camp, Mr. Cuttingham will at a time. After having heard the be treated as a student and will music so often, the encoded have to sit through six hours of messages {in ally ,seeped il)tO _ · clas~es in a ·mock l'chool ,set~ . the students' brains "nd made ting. He will be assigned homethem do what the messages work every night, as well as the

ever-popular collateral. In addition, he will receive several tests a day while having to join a club, a team and do 80 hours of community service all at the same time. After he finishes a year of strenuous learning, Mr. Cottingham will be put to the __ final test by having to re-enact freshman gym with physical education teachers Wanna Kicks and Keep Handsome, who have both volunteered to assist in delivering Mr. Cuttingham 's sentence.

The student body is thoroughly confused by this whole fiasco. One sophomore girl states, "I always thought we used classical music just to be different from all the other schools. I would have never expected something like brain washing to be the reason behind it."

When asked about their principal's sentence, the most common response of the students was a loud gasp, accompanied by a pair of bugged out eyes. While there is an air of bewilderment spreading over the entire school, the students are all happy about one thing: now their principal will get a first-hand experience of what a day at Townsend Harris is re" ally like.

Landmark labor law en-forces. limits· on workload

by Jason Novick Free afternoons, fun weekends, and eight hours of sleep a night, part of a seemingly fa~­ off paradise for THHS students, will soon no longer be a figment of their imaginations.

The New York State Legislature voted unanimously last week to pass a bill strictly limiting the amount of homework, reports, projects, and tests students can receive. The Student Labor Law is scheduled to go into effect July 2003.

Students reveled and teachers seethed all around the state at the announcement of the new law, especially at Townsend Harris. Sophomore Connie Viction believes the passage of the law is a well-deserved victory. "Finally, students will have a power against the evil ways of the faculty. The era of sleepless nights and work-filled weekends ends today," he said.

The faculty, on the other hand, saw the law as the "worst thing since backpacks on wheels," according to science teacher Indiana Jones.

Jones, who represents the teachers at Townsend Harris, dreads the enactment of the new law. "My greatest pleasure in

life is providing the vast know)- Wednesdays when the sky is tives. The Culture Vulture also edge my students gain from cloudy and temperatures are in squawked discord with theredoing complicated collaterals the low 50s, and must be printed strictions of the law: "Now, and endless homework assign- on green neon paper. The law [squawk] students won't have ments. The state has just taken allows for one -report, project or ~ the [squawk] exposure to cuithat away from me, and you other long-term. assignment . ture. [Squawk] that I give them." can bet a suit is in the work- from each class per ~emester It is unclear at this point . irigs," he said angrily. and two if the second one in- whether the Culture Vulture .The Student Labor Law valves kni,tting, horseback , will be scrapped along with stipulates a specific homew.:-rk riding or going to the petting other popular assignments. and long-term assignment regi- zoo. The penalties for teachers The push for a legal limit to men with which teachers are who breach the work limitations the unreasonable workload that, legally required to comply. range from docked pay to they contend, is placed on them Each subject is allotted a cer- knuckle-lashes with a ruler to was started by two THHS stutain amount of homework time, homework assigned by the stu- dents infuriated by three weeks different for each day. For ex- dents, on which, ironically, the of incessant and tedious homeample, math teachers can give law gave no limitations. work, studying, and research.

22.5 minutes of math homeThe law provoked strol}g They posted fliers around the work on Mondays, 16 minutes opposition from the entire school calling for an appeal to 46 seconds worth on Wednes- , gamut of a ,cade_mic depart- the New York City Department days and two hours on Thurs- ments. English teacher of Education, but when support days. They may not assign any- Georgette Wallaby believes _the rocketed and then spread to thing at all on Tuesdays and law violates her basic personal other schools in the City and Fridays. Restrictions on exams freedoms as a teacher. "This in- surrounding areas, the students include a detailed schedule of fringes on my Second Amend- united and decided to shoot for on what days and under what ment rights, and I will NOT to!- the bigger bird. weather conditions tests can be erate it," she insisted. Assistant Some wonder how the stugiven, the legal number of Principal of Foreign Language dents managed to convince the questions, and on what color Lyfon Mars declared that stu- New York State legislature to paper certain tests can be dents will not be able to fully pass the bill. "Trickery, bribery printed. For example, Spanish experience foreign language and CORRUPTION! We got tests can only be given on Fri- and culture without the great them [members ofthe state legdays when it's sunny outside amount of homework and islature] to pass the bill 115% and must be printed on purple collaterals she normally as- illegally," bragged a junior iridescent paper, while history signs, and then denounced the whose name will not be mentests can only be scheduled for law in a string of Spanish exple- tioned to protect him from pros-

ecution. He went on to describe the extent of the under-the-table dealings; students around the state went to their senators at home and made irresjstible offe_rs of money, and gifts in exchange for, their vote for the bill.. Senior Tamany Hal!' reported that bribing the state senators was easier than she thought. "It was surprisingly simple to get their vote, but hey, they're politicians," she said.

The simplest person to coax, Tamany added, was Governor Grunge E. Tapaki, who agreed to sign the bill after it was passed by the legislature for a $5 Blockbuster gift card and a jelly donut.

The students of New York State realized their power as a united body and so have formed the New York United Federation of Students Who Want Ridiculous and Impossible Changes in Schools, the first state-wide student union in the country. "We're very proud of our great success," said junior Rich N. Famous, secretary of the NYUFSWWRICS. "We hope to secure other reforms in the future, such as white-gloved waiters in the cafeteria and nap time."

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The Classic

April2003

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Say 'b-y-e' to SAT, College Board tells Harrisites

by Naoreen Chowdhury Attending Massachusetts Institute of Technology, having a 4.0 GPA, a day without tests, and a morning without · getting a referral for being at your . locker too early are some of the many dreams that Townsend Harris students ' have. One more dream, however, has become a reality. The College Board has reached an agreement with most of the nation's prestigious universities. It has announced the exemption of all Townsend Harris High School students from the SATs. "We are finally liberated!" was the common cheer heard throughout Townsend Harris after Principal Thomas Cuttingham proclaimed the newly instated decree. The Emancipation Proclamation was issued on March 31, 2003 and stated: "that on the 3l st day of March 2003, all Harrisites shall be free forever from any SAT examinations." The declaration included therelease from SAT II subject tests as.well.

Townsend Harris students will be admitted into college based on their school GPA, ranking, extracurricular

activities, special talents and service. The exemption came as a result of school-wide campaigns independently conducted by various elite high schools in the country.

The College Board and many of the country's top colleges decided Townsend Harris would be among the select few schools in the nation to _have this special exemption.

The Board took into consideration the fact that the rigorous, multi-faceted curriculum at Townsend Harris endows students with an immense amount of knowledge and prepares them for the college workload.

A College Board representative acknowled.ged, "Towns·end Harris students are clearly always so brilliant that it is a waste oftimetotest.them • · · Samira Zaman when they could instead be doing productive, creative work such as cess of the students' fight against the collaterals." · examinations was the power of the stuOne of the main reasons for the sue- dents' writing skills. Letters and persua-

sive essays showered the College Board office and the admissions offices of certain universities such as Harvard, Columbia and Yale. An admissions officer from Brown University stated, "The students' amazing writing ability has even surpassed the skills of the undergraduates here." "lthas been a victorious fight with words, and I am proud," said Principal Cuttingham.

College Advisor Maryland Flier asserts the fact · that students have been pressed to maintain an outstanding GPA, complete community service and internships as well as vigorously study for all the SAT examinations at the same time.

"It has been very inten~e and rough, but now the students will have somewhat of a life of their own," she said.

"It will always be a day to remember in Townsend Harris history," declared Student Union President Charles N. Charge. Students can now all dispose of their 10 Real SATs in a trash can, "where it really belongs," said junior Frieda Om. "Life has gotten 10 times better and now I can find out what it means to have fun," added senior Patty Gurle.

Citywide .Inconvenience Initiative heightens annoyance

by Christopher Amanna underperforming schools, the extra example, Linguistics will ~e called As a part of the teachers' new con- twenty minutes daily fulfills the require- L *@A$, Japanese I's code will be J%#, tract agreement, city schools are re- merits ·outlined in the Inconvenience Ini- English I changes to E;-1, and H*&1 quired to make the students' learning tiative. However, it's only the tip of the is Global History 1's new name. Freshenvironment more uncomfortable. The iceberg for THHS students. man AnaL. Retentiv complained about so-called Inconvenience Initiative is a Program cards were not issued this the new class designations: "What are Citywide policy, but it gives the admin- . semester. Instead, students received a they, nuts? How do they expect us to istration of each school the liberty to computer printout on a regular sheet of enunciate correctly when they throw in interpret the plan as they see fit. paper. The new program was designed all of these hodgepodge symbols? This · The school's adminisis a Humanities tration has welcomed the school. We must pay plan with open arms and detailed .attention to has already begun to make the proper pronunciathe Townsend Harris tion ofwords."

'There's no specific reason for this student's experience a bit To make students' bold new vision of ours.·The fact more annoying than it allives all the more conthat the plan is so staggeringly ready is. The Inconvefusing, five-minute nience Initiative calls for bells and music played irrational will gloss over any conan all-encompassing plan, during passing will be cerns about it being inconvenient' the purpose of which is to done away with. To · make the experience of · make students even each student more difficult more confused, clocks on as many levels as poswill be removed from sible. every classroom. Also, According to City Schools Chancel- to be larger in size and easily torn. Jun- wearing a digital watch will be prohiblor Dee Clined, "There's no specific rea- ior Teri Bell reacted to her new program ited on school grounds. If a student is son for this bold new vision of ours. The sheet: "It's horrible. I've only had it for caught with such a device, he or she fact that the plan is so staggeringly ir- a week and it's already destroyed. The will receive five demerits. rational wiii gloss over any concerns ink smeared from the rain, and it's been "This is part of our campaign to about it being inconvenient. We called creased beyond recognition from all of crack down on tardiness," said school it the Inconvenience Initiative because the times I've folded it. I already got administrator Dick Tater. "We figure the Department of Education firmly be- two referrals because of it- one because that if we confuse students even more lieves in reverse psychology."

I couldn' t find it amongst all of my other and add more stress to their lives, we The changes include new oversized papers and one because it was torn in can keep them on their toes." program cards, even more confusing half. I want a card again!"

The bothersome changes don't end course codes, the prohibition of clocks, Coming next fall, as a part of the In- there. Starting Apri!' 15, all bathrooms and the closing of even more bathrooms. convenience Initiative, course codes will be closed, except for the ones on The most notable change, however, has will include symbols that correspond to the first floor. However, these will be been the extended school day: Depart- the subject, but which are virtually im- closed during lunch bands and the sixth ment of Education spokeswoman Inna possible to pronounce, and which will floor restrooms will open instead. So Baddemood commented, "If we are go- hopefully make it even more difficult if you need to go to the bathroom, be ing to make our students' lives more in- to program students correctly. This sure to wear comfortable shoes. You convenient, we will definitely need move was inspired by the success of the will have to climb and descend six more time each day to do so." In most new math class names, like M$1. For flights of stairs.

How are students reacting to all of this? When informed about some of the changes, sophomore Anne Raged had this to say: "That's it. I've officially had it. They really have some nerve. All the homework, collaterals and studying I have to do make my after-school hours a living nightmare. Now they're making it worse during school. I can't take it any more!"

When asked which component of the Inconvenience Initiative he liked least, junior Ken I. Go said, "Hands down, the closing of the bathrooms. I have to use the restrooms frequently and it's going to take forever for me to get there and back. What a hassle!"

Freshman Igor Beevor supports the Initiative, albeit for ulterior motives. "I think it's wonderful!" he explained. "The administration of this school comes up with some great ideas and these are the best yet. I especially love the extended school day. It gives me more time to grade homework for my Global History teacher. I also like those new course codes. Who doesn't enjoy saying 'asterisk'? Wow. This school is great!"

Senior Lucy Lethargy has a more passive outlook on the situation. "What should I care?'' she stated. "I've gotten into college already and I'm out of this place in two months!"

Can the faculty defend these policies?

"Students of Townsend Harris High School must be fit mentally and physically," said Principal Thomas cuttingham. " Most believe that our unique curriculum and intense athletic programs suffice, but such views are incorrect. We need to challenge the students further, and what better way to do so than to pester them with a few inconveniences?"