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vaSrSSic Townsend Harris High School at Queens College
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149-11 Melbourne Avenue. Flushing, NY 11367
Chancellor sends faculty to slain mer by Alan Fu operate either. Arresting the staff was our only scheduled move on April 13. (See related article Have you ever wondered · what school resort. By the way, what the heck are on this page.) would be like without the faculty? Well, won- collater.als, anyway?!" • Assistant Principal of Mathematics Hairy Rat der no more. Police officers dragged PrinciHarris teachers and Principal Tallman are stated, "This is not theteachers' fault! Blame it pal Milkem Tallman, along with all the on Tallman! It was all his idea. Wait teachers and assistant principals, to jail ' ":?----, until the union hears about this. By .the yesterday for consistent failure to comply way, where's my wife? Why hasn't she with New York Board of Education home. busted me out of this hole in the ground? work regulations. Until their release, · :~~ I can't afford the $0.25 bail-- not on my salary." classes will be covered by recently and notso-recently retired Harris teachers. Chancellor Blue reassured Harrisites' According to Chancellor Moody Blue, parents, who had attended his meeting the Townsend Harris staff has been arrested to determine what was to become of their because they failed to comply with line 56 children's immediate school careers, that of section 347 of article 985 of the New the students would henceforth receive no York City Board of Education Constitumore than five hours of homework per night. Sheer happiness and relief glowed tion, which provides that "no student in any public New York City school shall have on every face. more than five hours of homework per Marge Sampson, mother of Harris night." Last April, the Board surveyed 500 freshman Bart Sampson, commented, randomly selected Harrisites by phone and "It's about time the chancellor did somediscovered that the average student had thing about this situation. My poor Bart 10.2 hours of homework per night, which has no life. He has turned into a nonsocializing loser who studies and does did not include time spent on extracurricu- Fony Scantroni, Larry Cereal, and Justfore Kix cannot torture . . . · students from their jail cell. . Jar activities and collaterals. homework 24 hours a day. What kmds At an emergency school board meeting currently located at Riker's Island Penitentiary, of lunatic teachers work in this institution?" held yesterday afternoon, Chancellor Blue and their court hearing has been scheduled for The chancellor also informed the parents at commented, "This is cruel and heartless. We next Thursday; they are still imprisoned since his meeting of the retired staff members' tempowarned Principal Tallman with 389 notices. no one has posted either the $0.25 bail for each rary return to Harris. Among those returning are We even sent personal letters to each teacher teacher or the $1 bail for the principal. Board English teachers Kit Kats and Tommy at Townsend Harris, warning them to lessen of Education officials are confident that the Sweetinlow and history teacher Mark Sofa. the students' wm:kload, and they did not co- faculty will be released in time for the school's Continued on p. 4
Editors: Alan Fu, Natalka Palczynski, Jeannemarie Hendershot, Beth Citron, Hope Villella, Kate Rube
Writers: AlanFu, Andrew Goldberg, Christina Lesica, Joy M. Mendoza, Rachel Nobel, Natalka Palczynski, Lauren Paley
Artwork: Lucy Hong, Vivian Chang Jon Landesman
We're moving again - This time 17 feet! f-.
Photography: Erika Zwetkow Advertisements: Timothy Gonzales, Michael Inwald, Lauren Paley
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Advisor: lisa Cowen
Principal: Malcolm ~G. Largma~n
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by Andrew Goldberg Hard-hatted Harrisites wHI join Bill M. Twice and other construction workers from Push Comesta Shove Inc. in a spring recess effort to move the school building back 17 feet in the direction of the Queens College parking lot. As a result of a grievance filed ·by local residents of the Crab B Condos against Townsend Harris, in which the school is charged with "disturbing the peace by unlawfully projecting · loud and tasteless tunes onto Melbourne Avenue at unacceptable amplitudes," a soundfr.ee zone must be created between the school and the local condominiums. But with no more money allocated by the Board of Education for the construction of a new building, combined with the new community service initiative, the concrete plan will call on students and administrators alike The Big Push: to take things into their own hands. Literally. Pushing papers and crates of textbooks, dismantling doors and preserving uninsulated pipes, contractors have promised that "all
building flaws will remain perfectly intact," as Townsend Harris picks itself up and moves 17 feet to its new spot in parking lot 3B. "Everyone is expected to come out during the
Artist's rendition of Townsend Harris' projected move.
spring break to lend a hand in pushing the building," said Assistant Principal of Organization Milkem Bossman. "We tried to adjust the PA system so that
the songs between bands could not be heard outside the building," said Principal Milkem Tallman. "But, the volume is now so low that Mr. Bossman cari barely be heard during the · morning announcements. I had no choice but to approve the permanent relocation of the building," he explained. According to B.S . Brightman, Professor of Educational Engineering and Office Physics at Queens College, "The echoing sounds emanating from Townsend Harris · would be caught in' a vir, tual vaccuum," or sound free zone, if the school were moved just 17 feet. "As a result of the constant din from planes passing overhead, a boomerang effect is produced in the lower troposphere when sound is directed upward from an open area," said Professor Brightman. "The vibrations from the school's speakers would no longer bounce off neighboring buildings, but would be trapped in the air, and muffled by the Continued on p. 4