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Zebra Ink

The magazine that empowers Dec 2023

Letter From The Editor Hello Dazzle!

e have a fantastic issue lined up! Thank you to those of you who have read and shared the first issue! The response was overwhelming – over 16,000 articles read. I believe this magazine is something special and your reaction confirmed it. I feel you will love this issue as much as you did the first one. If you haven’t read the first issue, please visit the Zebra Ink Magazine page on the website. On that same page, please consider subscribing to the magazine. As a subscriber, you will receive the upcoming issues right in your inbox - ahead of when they are released to the public. Subscriptions are free and I hope you will take advantage.

I believe you will find many stories that you can connect to in this issue. I would love it if you let me know the ones that mean the most and as always, please share any or all of the stories that you think might make a difference for someone else. Our next issue of Zebra Ink Magazine will be in January 2024. I invite you to contribute an article in 2024. Why not share your story? I wish you a happy and healthy holiday season filled with peace and prosperity! Happy reading –

This issue is coming out a little later than I had anticipated. I had some health problems that I needed to resolve and finally feel like I am on the other side. I can’t express my gratitude enough for that – it seems appropriate to express thanks in the month of Thanksgiving and into the holiday season. Gratitude is a powerful force and so is mindfulness. You get to read an article about that by Robert Merlo in this issue. I was reminded again about how vital it is to live in the moment and make your moments count. I have a very dear friend who happens to also be 103 years old. I visited her last week. I had mounds of work to do for the magazine on that beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. Something told me that I should take her outside and spend a few minutes getting her some fresh air while enjoying the heat of the sun on her face. When she protested that I should go home and get my work done, I told her we were going to, “Embrace the day and the moments when we could catch them. We never knew when the next one might be.” Two days later I got a call that she was in the hospital. When I got there, she looked right at me and said, “I have been telling everyone we are going to Embrace the Day.” What a treasure she is and how grateful I am that I took the time to spend with her instead of hurrying home to work. The truth is work will always be there, but she might not be. Her smile that afternoon is a memory burned into my soul that I will have forever to cherish. Love your people and don’t let anything distract you from that pursuit. Make your moments count. Be present as often as you can be. Connection is a gift that saves lives and heals hearts. 2

Sheila Kennedy Editor and Publisher of Zebra Ink Magazine

December

2023

Issue designed by Jackie Zimmerman, Queen of GSD

Contents Letter From The Editor.. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 Poetry by TonyaJo.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 “The Art of Noticing” : Using Storytelling to Improve Your Photography.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Holiday Cyber Smarts - Tips to Shop Safely Online.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 How Do We Become the Person That We Are? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Affording Freedom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 A Lesson I’ll Never Forget.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14 Creating Fall Flavors-Pumpkin Soup.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 A Bestseller is Better Than an Orange Jumpsuit.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18 Building a Firm Foundation for Tomorrow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20 the Love of Lapidary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 Live Messy.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24 SpeakWell Rocks - How a missed memo changed the trajectory of my life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Let’s Humanize . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28 From Idea To Action - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 The Vox Pop Branding Story.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30 Just Desserts!.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32 Become a contributor to Zebra Ink Magazine!!.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34

Are you looking to write in a way that connects with your audience’s emotions? Join our group class Writing to Connect! We will meet over six weeks and write five articles to be shared with the group for feedback. Choose one article to expand and have published in Zebra Ink Magazine! Check out WRITING to CONNECT for more details and to register! Starts in January!

Poetry by TonyaJo The Real You Where are you? I’ve looked so many places; searched so many faces. It’s not easily found in a world where shadows abound. A constant game of charades and senseless other games are played. To be real in this strange place takes a determined heart and a lot of grace. It takes courage to show your truth ... to brave the stares and shun cruel actions of the uncouth. The Velveteen Rabbit was as real as anyone. Unraveled and battered with his battle won ... that rabbit came to BE by becoming undone.

A Kind of Heavy There are days of which no one could argue it’s heaviness. Those moments imprinted across our emotional DNA like an embossed ribbon. Marked anniversaries of consequential change and monumental grief. Then there’s the kind of heavy no one can explain. It trails behind like an overpacked suitcase on the path to a beach. From all appearances, life is airy and sublime. These are often the most difficult days. No one sees the load or understands the struggle. It is one thing to suffer together with friends in communal pain. 4

It’s altogether different to see the sun shining everywhere and only feel rain.

I took a walk today. I took a walk today. I listened to the heavy panting of the shaggy heartbeat at my feet, the crackling leaves already dried and stranded on the cracked sidewalk, the sweet melodies of the feathered friends serenading me on my journey, and the laughter of children playing carelessly. I felt the breeze gently touch my face, the sun burn my shoulders, and the sweat form on my brow as I inched my way up another hill. I saw a blue sky awaiting the Blue Moon, dappled shadows of swaying limbs applauding my steps, and the waving hands of kind souls that passed. For just a little while, I did not own a phone, a tv, or any electrical device. For a sacred time I was free.

Bleed I tried to take you off like my favorite sweater,

I went for a walk today, but the walk really took me.

but you don’t deserve to be folded and neatly tucked away. I ripped you off my skin like a filthy bandaid. I’d rather bleed once than freeze everyday.

Tonya Rhoades is a reading interventionist and lover of words. She is an avid reader and loves writing and teaching writing. Tonya is in the process of publishing her first poetry book. Her poetry reaches into the depths of emotions based on life experiences and has been a catalyst for healing throughout her life. She hopes to help others find healing in her poems, as well. She currently resides in Elizabethtown, KY. Please stay in touch on Instagram at @tonyajopoetry.

“The Art of Noticing” : Using Storytelling to Improve Your Photography TORI KENNEDY

remember being a young girl, my camera up to my eye and snapped a running around our old farmhouse picture. I ended up submitting that image in the Spring, looking for anything and in the county fair later that summer, everything to photograph with my brand- earning a blue ribbon for my age group! new camera my parents had gifted me that past Christmas. Eventually, after taking a That story is poignant because of a phrase dozen images of flowers, farm animals, I recently stumbled upon while scrolling and the landscape around me, I happened through Instagram-- “the art of noticing.” to look up and see a pair of monarch This phrase is the perfect way to describe butterflies dancing around each other how photographers use small moments on a tree branch. The light was shining and mundane parts of everyday life in through one butterfly’s wing and casting combination with movement and light the shadow of the other’s wing. I thought to create a story. That story is only as it looked utterly magical so, I raised impactful as the emotion it conveys. Your 6

favorite film, painting, song, and memory are all derived from how you connect to them emotionally. Photography is no different. A powerful photograph will connect with its viewer. Have you ever wondered how you can create more impactful and emotive photographs? I’ve rounded up a few tips that help me when capturing weddings and families to create a more impactful gallery using visual storytelling.

1. Use light and shadows to create a more dramatic setting.

The best time of day for photography is often just after sunrise or just before sunset, known as “golden hour.” This is a favorite time of day for photographers because it creates the perfect cast of light onto our subjects to make for the most flattering photographs. Think about positioning your subject as it relates to the sun. Using light in this way can add warmth and glow to your photograph allowing you to create a more emotive image.

feel- joyful, sad, nostalgic? Is the lighting better from a different angle? Use the steps above, set up your shot, and snap the picture. I’d love to see your photos! Feel free to tag me on Instagram at @v.kennedyphotos or submit your photos to vkennedyphotography@gmail.com.

2. Be intentional with composition.

Think about how your subject(s) fill the frame and be sure to switch it up a little bit. The best galleries include images from various angles. If your client is running in a field, think about how their movement can be best captured in a frame. Sometimes it can be from an angle that is not obvious. Slow down and observe the scene for a moment so that you aren’t just snapping a million pictures in the hopes of getting that one “perfect” shot!

3. Pay attention to small details.

The most evocative photographs are impactful because they have captured a focal detail that draws the viewer in. It could be the way a mother runs her fingers through her child’s hair, a groom adjusting his wedding ring just after the wedding ceremony, or how the mother of the bride watches with tears as her husband shares a dance with their newly married daughter. Romanticizing these small moments can make all the difference in your photography style.

4. Step back and let the moment happen.

A story is best told when we let it unfold as it naturally happens. Rather than trying to pose your subjects in unnatural ways, use prompts to allow for more natural interactions and movement. Let’s say you are trying to capture a family member and you want this photograph to perfectly capture their personality. Ask them to tell you a favorite memory they share together. Pay attention to their expressions and movements. Prompts are not always necessary. Sometimes, it’s best if we just sit back and observe. You don’t need to have the most expensive camera or years of experience to create an impactful photograph. All it takes is for you to connect to a moment you are capturing as the photographer which will lead to a photograph that others may connect to as a viewer. I challenge you to take your iPhone or whatever camera you have available to you, head out to your backyard or a favorite spot, to pause and observe. What do you notice first? How does it make you

Tori Kennedy is the owner of V Kennedy Photography, LLC, based in Virginia but serving worldwide. Specializing in wedding and family photography, Tori is passionate about capturing organic and heartfelt moments for her clients. Visit her website https://www. vkennedyphotography.com/. 7

Holiday Cyber Smarts - Tips to Shop Safely Online DR. CHERYL COOPER

he holiday season is the favorite time of the year for cyber criminals because there is an increase of people online ready to spend money. This year more than any other, shoppers will skip the mall crowds and simply do their holiday shopping online. Young adults are increasingly turning to TikTok, Instagram and other social media sites to shop for their holiday gifts. The best way to counter scams is through awareness. According to the Internet Crime Complaint Center’s (IC3) 2022 report, “IC3 received a total of 800,944 reported complaints, with losses exceeding $10.3 billion. Interestingly, while the total number of complaints decreased by 5%, dollar losses increased significantly by 49%.” Phishing schemes were the number one crime type with 300,497 complaints and, for the first time, investment schemes reported the highest financial loss to victims. (FBI, March, 2023), Internet Crime Complaint Center Releases 2022 Statistics — FBI. Before you start shopping online here are some things you can do to avoid becoming a victim.

1. Use Strong Passwords

Look at your accounts and ask, do you have strong passwords? A strong, complex password should be at a minimum at least 8 characters of upper and lower case, and a symbol.

1. Beware of Gift Card Scams

Scammers love gift cards, too. If you’re told to pay for an item with a gift card, you’re about to be scammed, according to the Federal Trade Commission. This is a favorite payment method for scammers because it’s like paying in cash. It’s nearly impossible to get your money back. For example, a scammer may pose as a seller on an online marketplace and ask you to buy a gift card and send them the code to pay for the item. Once they have the code, they can use the gift card and disappear.

3. Pay with Credit Card, not Debit Card

Pay with a credit card, not a debit card. You may be thinking you can avoid getting into debt by paying with your debit card. While that’s true, a credit card purchase offers more consumer protection than a debit card. For big-ticket items use credit. If your credit card information is stolen or used fraudulently, you can dispute the charges and limit your liability. If your debit card information is compromised, the money is taken directly from your bank account and it may take longer to recover it.

4. Turn on Multi Factor Authentication

Turn on multifactor authentication: If an account or service offers multifactor authentication (MFA), turn it on. If someone else tries to log into your account, you will be able to thwart the attempt when you are notified with a text, email, or other chosen method. MFA can block over 99 percent of password attacks according to Microsoft. 8

5. Avoid Phishing Emails

What to do if you think you received a

Be suspicious of emails requesting personal information. phishing email, or you have become a Attackers may attempt to gather information by sending emails requesting that you confirm purchase or account information. victim: Legitimate businesses will not solicit this type of information • If you receive a suspicious email that you think may be a phishing scam, you can report it at https://www.cisa.gov/ through email. Watch out for holiday scams! report. • If you believe your personal or financial information has 6. Don’t click on links or download been stolen, report it right away to your local police and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). There’s information attachments in emails unless you trust the on the FTC website, IdentityTheft.gov. Also contact sender the credit bureaus, IdentityTheft.gov - Credit Bureau Links and attachments in emails can contain malware, Contact Information viruses, or spyware that can harm your computer or steal your • For more information on Identity Theft prevention tips, information. Don’t click on links or download attachments contact FTC, Identity Theft | Consumer Advice (ftc.gov) in emails unless you know and trust the sender, and you are expecting the message.

7. Never share your financial information or password in emails

Remember to report fraud right away to your bank so that your credit card company can investigate quickly. Follow these Cyber smart tips for 2023 and beyond, and your holiday season should be free from scammers.

Never reply to unsolicited emails that ask for your financial information or password, even if they look official or urgent. If Happy Holidays and Safe Shopping! you receive such an email, delete it.

8. Use encryption when making online purchases.

When making purchases use sites that use secure sockets layer (SSL) to encrypt information. Indications that your information will be encrypted include a URL that begins with “https:” instead of “http:” and a padlock icon.

9. Shop only from trusted websites

Not all websites are safe or reliable. Some websites may sell counterfeit or defective products, charge hidden fees, or fail to deliver your order. Shop only from trusted websites that have a good reputation and customer service. Avoid websites that have misspelled words, grammatical errors, or have offers that are too good to be true.

10. Don’t Shop on Public Wi-Fi

It might sound nice to sit at your favorite coffee shop and shop online, but it opens doors to hackers. Coffee shops, fast food places, etc., do not use encryption, and therefore, hackers can intercept your session and steal your information. That means all your information is passed in clear text, including passwords, and financial information.

Dr. Cheryl Cooper, a US Naval Veteran, holds a Doctorate in Computer Science and Information Assurance. She is a Cybersecurity Thought Leader and has earned several security certifications in CISSP, CISSA, and CDPSE. She has 20 years plus of Cybersecurity and Technology experience, and 12+ years teaching higher education as an adjunct professor. As speaker and panelist, she uses her platform to advocate and create equal opportunities for women and minorities in technology careers. An esteemed and well respected professional and mentor, Dr. Cooper also adds author to her resume. Her memoir, Hood to Hooded, was released in February 2023. To learn more about Dr. Cooper, please visit https://drcherylcooper.com/. 9

How Do We Become the Person That We Are? M

GRACE HARLOW KLEIN

y first prose poem was written in the aftermath and death of my father titled, “What Have We Done to Him?” Five years later, my mother died in just twenty-two days after the diagnosis of metastatic cancer. Combined with events in my professional life, I began to write a stream of poems, maybe two hundred, on the themes of death, loss, transition, and change. Eventually they were published as books on the same themes. I had established a pattern of writing about events in my life and began to play with the idea It is also the pathway of my life’s work as a nurse, a professor and of writing a memoir. administrator that brought me to my work as a psychotherapist, now twenty-five years ago in our Center for Human In an emotional crisis when I was thirty-two, I began a process Encouragement in Rochester, NY. to answer the question of the book title, along with other questions. I was unhappy in the midst of accomplishments The memoir is not just about me; the “We” in the title is meant beyond what I ever imagined, and I had no idea how to even to convey the universal drive to understand self, and our life’s think about it. journey to create a meaningful life. In my studies in human development and in extended experiences in psychotherapy, I sought to understand how I had become the person that I was. Two years ago, with encouragement from Sheila Kennedy, I began to seriously address writing my memoir. It has been a consistent part of my journey to remember events, feelings, and being open to changing meanings I had assigned to events. In other words, writing my memoir has been a growthful, sometimes painful process in itself. My memoir is the story of my journey, my life experiences, and the drive in me that has propelled me forward all the years of my life. It is the story of my life relationships, including the love affair of my life which began when I was forty-five and met Armin Klein. 10

Grace Harlow Klein is a psychotherapist, artist and author. She runs her psychotherapy practice out of The Center for Human Encouragement in Rochester, NY. To learn more about Grace, her practice, the books and art she offers, please visit https://graceharlowklein.com/ The website is where you can order your signed copy of Grace’s Memoir too.

What Have We Done to Him?

Today I accompanied my father to the nursing home – A place that is to become his home. I cried. Twenty days ago he lived in his own home, Slept in his own bed, Compromised by the thief that had taken his memory Over the past nine years. He still enjoyed his home, his music, Accompanied my mother on the errands That kept him involved in life. He responded to love and touch And slept with my mother in the bed they have shared For almost fifty-seven years. Nineteen days ago he awakened early With pain in his stomach— A lot of pain And said, “yes” That he wanted my mother to take him to the hospital. Soon the physicians said the problem is severe And that they must operate. They wanted her that at 84 he might not withstand the operation— But his heart was good and maybe he would. But did they warm her of the possibility that he might live, With no prediction of the impact of the assault On his fragile grasp of reality – Held together only by familiarity And his own determination To keep his world small enough to control his terror In a world he could no longer manage But still tried valiantly to do. Without the surgery he would die. A matter of hours, days – I do not know – And with what pain – I do not know – And could he have been helped to be comfortable— I don’t know. I only know that by the time I knew what was happening It was too late to say, Wait! Would it be all right to let him die now; what lies ahead? More time to let the thief rob him of everything— A gamble that he might survive both body and mind. There was no way for the impact to be positive – Only degrees of loss – a little, a lot – everything-No one can say. And could he choose to take the risk? No! The thief took that as well. And now today – my greatest fears have all come true. The operation was a success and the patient didn’t die. But it robbed him of almost all those things he held dear. He is not alive – as life is full – Nor in a living hell despite his closed eyes

Which he no longer opens. It is as if life outside has become too confusing, painful For someone who always wanted to be in charge. Deciding, directing, taking care of those he loved. He has given in, sometimes gracefully, often not. To a world too complex to manage. For me, the agony is almost more than I can bear. But I walk with him one step further In this path that he began with me— Where love and care is all there is – Until eternity. Something is wrong! It is as if we as a culture are so terrified of death, We will impose any pain— No matter how bizarre (and call it healing – medicine) To avoid the end we all will meet. It does not have to be this way. Death is not always kind— It can come without warning. It can come slow with suffering. It comes to some alone—others surrounded by love. But faced, it can come lovingly with care— By strangers or those with whom life has been shared. Whether it is a transition or completion is not certain. But death’s anchor is life – Lived fully, purposefully, lovingly or poorly But seen clearly at the end. Death is life and life is death. We can choose to live it well.. We can choose to end it well. Courage is required. Courage to question, to choose, to act, In love. But I am troubled by the larger questions. What kind of living hell do we inflict By surgeons’ knives and nurses’ needles; Tied in bed with cords of steel. I see the helpful become bizarre When outcomes no longer matches intent. Something is wrong! And then the bills will come. Please pay for what we have done to you. What have we done to him? Grace Harlow Klein A Bridge of Returning An Empowering Journey 2010

Affording Freedom FAHMIDA SHEULY

ver since I was eight years old in a little village in Bangladesh, I recognized that money could afford me freedom. I earned money from foot races and by taking academic tests and earning scholarships. We were not affluent growing up and if I wanted things, I wanted to earn them. One of my superpowers is creatively finding ways to earn money. When my family moved to NYC in my teens, I tutored my neighbors’ kids to support my hobbies and special extra-curricular interests. As soon as I turned 18, I told my parents that I wanted to be responsible for all my bills. I wanted my bills forwarded to my college address. It required working hard to earn scholarships, coordinate financial aid, and work study, while also working at the mall/restaurants. Not taking support from my family meant I got to choose my major and classes. Money allowed me to decide my own fate. Being financially responsible gave me the ability to move cross country to attend school in California. It afforded me the privilege of not being beholden to my husband to finance my life after I got married. I often hear stories of women who feel they cannot leave an unhealthy situation because they aren’t financially self-sufficient. When my marriage collapsed and it was time for me to leave, there was no question that I could afford to do that. I am grateful for my money management skills. At no point in time have I had to stay stuck in a relationship that wasn’t good for me.

As a matter of fact, I financed my own two-week trip to Hawaii after my divorce. Taking solo vacations has been something that is important to me and vital to my self-care. I have had a six figure salary since I was 29 years old, but didn’t only have one high-paying job. I have waited tables, tutored, started side hustles, moderated extra-curricular activities where I teach, and have even become a

Natural Bodybuilding Competition Show Promoter. If I think more guaranteed return. Furthering my skills and education has I can’t afford to do something, I determine how I can afford it afforded me to grow in my career and demand higher pay. rather than deny myself what I want or need. Having money helps me make life choices without constraint When I moved back to NYC after my divorce, my commitment and empowers me to use my voice, demand my value and reject to financial independence allowed me to own a multi-family any behavior that is not in line with that. It also allows me to be house. I was able to generate income from it because I was more loving and generous. I am able to be there for my family, willing to work as a landlord to pay for it. Recently I was able friends, and partners more. I can hop on a flight and visit them. to sell that home for a good profit. Then I purchased a smaller I can make them feel special on their special occasions and I can home in my new state allowing for even more financial freedom. help them in many other ways. For example, my mom currently Investing in Real Estate, becoming a landlord, and owning my cannot afford to pay for my little brother’s driving classes, but own property has been a great addition to my financial freedom. I know I can by picking up a few extra hours on my side hustle. Having the ability and means to do that is priceless to me. Education has always been important to me – even when I was a child walking without shoes and swimming to get to school. I Financial freedom requires sacrifice and hard work but the acquired two graduate degrees by 24 and those degrees helped freedom it provides me is well worth the effort. I highly me get paid more than other teachers. I look for ways to obtain encourage all of my students, coaching clients, social media new skills and credentials as a way of creating financial freedom. following, fellow bodybuilders, friends, and family to try. I share my successes and sacrifices to let everyone know that affording I have an expensive hobby, professional bodybuilding, that freedom is possible. I couldn’t support financially if it wasn’t for all of the ways I earn money. It requires spending for nutrition, coaching and conditioning, gyms, competition fees, and travel. Creating habits that save money like meal prepping, shopping wholesale, doing my own hair, make up, nails, buying clothes from online and discount stores, making my own coffee instead of going to Starbucks are some of the ways that save me anywhere between $1000-$1500 a month. I can put that saved money towards bodybuilding, self care, traveling, scuba diving and therapy. I often take advantage of paid labor, especially when I lived in NYC. I hired laundromats, housekeeping and contractors which freed up my time to engage in other things that made me money. Recently I hired affordable virtual assistants from abroad. This was required to get an additional graduate degree and certifications to increase income as well as to make up for me to do side hustle consultations and business of show promotion. Not keeping revolving debt and paying off high interest private loans or auto loans helped as well. I use credit to earn points and cash back. There was a time when I did not make enough money to pay off credit cards with cash but used some student loans to pay them off since student loans interests were much cheaper. By working in public service as an educator, my student loan debt will be forgiven after a few more years of service, saving me thousands of dollars. At one point, I refinanced my mortgage and paid off my cars which made financial sense. I don’t have high risk investments or cryptocurrency, choosing instead to put my income into a high yield savings account except for what’s necessary for bills. I invest in my business and education/training instead which has

Fahmida Sheuly, 36, is a first-generation immigrant from Bangladesh, raised in NYC. She is a certified educational leader and doctoral candidate working at a public school, while also training as a professional natural bodybuilder and bodybuilding show promoter. For more info visit www.shaktyfitness.org. 13

A Lesson I’ll Never Forget JOSEPH VALENTINO

ne of the prompts for this magazine article was to write about a memory that had a lasting impact on me. I immediately drifted back to my early years of high school. I shared this story at the ceremony when I was inducted into their Hall of Fame. In my speech, I extolled the virtues of the school and what I valued about my time there. I truly elt so honored to be a member of the Aquinas Hall of Fame. After graduating from Aquinas Institute in Rochester, NY, I went on to college

Those values were instilled by my parents that most certainly taught me right from wrong. They taught me about respect and how to be a good and generous man someday. They wouldn’t have tolerated misbehaving, cheating or disrespect. Punishments were different in those days. I didn’t ever want to push their limits. Fast forward to my first year of high school. I was thirteen years old and a typical young man. I liked sports and hanging out with my friends. I liked school, but I definitely enjoyed my social time and playing basketball more. My geometry teacher would always give us a test to take home on Friday to be handed back to him on Monday. On Tuesday, we would receive our papers with the grade achieved. One of those weekends, I was too busy playing basketball and engaging in other nonacademic events. I felt that I really did not have time to complete this assignment, so I asked my friend, Tom, if I could copy his homework to hand in on Monday. What I didn’t know at the time was that Tom had similar thoughts and he copied his paper from his friend, Mike. On Monday all three of us handed in our papers like we always did and on Tuesday when the class papers were returned there was no paper on my desk. I looked at Tom and he didn’t get a paper and Tom looked at Mike and Mike didn’t get a paper either. We knew we were in trouble. The teacher was a very tough disciplinarian and a former hockey player in Canada before he joined the priesthood. Father asked all three of us to stand. We were afraid to look at each other but more afraid to look at the teacher. With our heads hung low, the teacher asked us, “Who copied from whom?” We were caught.

I spoke first. I told him that I copied from Tom. Then Tom and law school and retired in 2016 from the New York State indicated that he copied from Mike. Mike just kind of stood Appellate Court. When I retired from the Court after 33 years there. There really wasn’t anything for him to say, because he of being on the bench, there was a newspaper article written actually did the work. about me with the headline, ‘Retiring Judge brought humanity to bench.’ The article then went on to describe my integrity and Remember this was a different time and corporal punishment the humanity I showed for all the people that I encountered was acceptable. We all knew the inevitable punishment while on the bench. It meant so much to me. I had always tried would be “whacks” on our bottoms from the geometry board to be respectful, honest, and fair with everyone I met, and I compass! Of course this happened in front of the class, and hoped that is what I would be remembered for. even though no one would be caught dead laughing at us for 14

fear that they would have a meeting with the geometry board, parents what happened due to the fact that I would get further it was embarrassing. punishment from them for cheating and for embarrassing the family. I realize that in today’s society that kind of action by Mike received one whack. The slap shattered the silence in the a teacher (or parents) would rightfully not be tolerated and room. There was a collective relief that it was only one whack. please don’t misunderstand. I am not condoning that type of The teacher didn’t really tell us what he was going to do after he punishment, but I was taught a very tough lesson. The only ordered us to the front of the room, so no one knew how many thing I must confess with all sincerity is that I never cheated again. meetings with the Geometry board we would get. Tom got his first whack and then another one. If Mike got one, That lesson is one I live by to this day and is one I passed on and Tom got two, I dreadfully realized ...don’t forget this was a to my four sons and my nine grandchildren. In all honesty, it probably had something to do with why I showed humanity on math class … I was going to receive three whacks! the bench too. It was difficult to sit down for supper when I came home that evening after basketball practice. I would not dare tell my Joseph Valentino is a retired New York State Appellate Court Justice. He is the author of The Trial of My Life and spends his days teaching at St. John Fisher University Rochester Institute of Technology, is the Appeals Chairman for Title IX cases at the University of Rochester, golfing when he can and playing music. Please click the link to find his book, The Trial of My Life.

Creating Fall FlavorsPumpkin Soup RUTH MEDLIN

was making pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving several years ago when I wound up with some extra pumpkin. I decided to try making some soup with it, thinking that if nothing else, I’d have something warm and hearty to eat for dinner that evening. I decided to pair the pumpkin with some savory flavors like onion, celery, and oregano. The soup did not disappoint. Thick and rich, it is the perfect fall soup for a cool evening meal. I serve it with warm sour dough bread and a slice or two of white cheddar cheese. This tasty fall soup is easy to make, hearty, and delicious. I serve it with warm sourdough bread.

Ruth Medlin is a writer who currently lives in Cincinnati, Ohio where she creates recipes inspired by her mother who Ruth describes as a “from scratch” cook. Ruth also enjoys travel, reading, and playing with her two dogs, Rosie and Ruby. Please connect with Ruth in her Facebook group, Clementines.

Serves 6

INGredients • • • • • • • • • • • • •

2 celery ribs, chopped 1 medium yellow onion, chopped 1 clove of garlic, minced 3 Tablespoons unsalted butter 3 Tablespoons flour 3 cups chicken broth 2 cups canned pumpkin 2 Tablespoons parsley, chopped 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon oregano 1/8 teaspoon white pepper 1 cup half and half cream (I substitute canned coconut milk)

Method In a large saucepan, saute celery, onion and garlic in butter until tender. Stir in flour until blended. Gradually add broth and bring to a boil. Cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Reduce heat. Stir in pumpkin, parsley, salt, nutmeg, oregano and white pepper. Simmer uncovered for 10 minutes or until heated through. Cool slightly. In a blender (I use an immersion wand mixer) process soup in batches until smooth. Return to the saucepan and heat thoroughly. Gradually stir in the cream. Cook 5 minutes longer, stirring occasionally. Garnish with chopped parsley and croutons.

A Bestseller is Better Than an Orange Jumpsuit JULIET CLARK

007 was a rough year. After 14 years of marriage, I decided it was time for a change and filed for divorce. For years, people complained about how vindictive my husband was, but I was just too close to see it. The minute I filed for divorce, I found out just how vindictive my husband was. The next nine years turned out to be one vindictive drama after another. A year into this experience, I was exhausted and feeling disempowered by the nonstop tug of war over kids, assets, and friends. I had been in counseling, along with the kids, for an entire year trying to get everyone through the changes, demands, and drama when I decided that I needed to pursue a bucket list item that I had been thinking about for many years. As an avid reader of mystery novels, I had always wanted to write one. When I got out of college, I worked for a traditional publisher. I had a degree in horticulture and the publishing company I worked for had just purchased another publishing company that is wellknown for gardening books. I was inspired by the publicity meetings. This was back in the days when traditional publishers publicized their author’s books, unlike the industry today. From traditional publishing, I transitioned to a prestigious worldwide advertising firm and worked on a billion- dollar account. This deep dive into marketing would help me with my own business later on. I sat down one afternoon and began writing my first novel. My rage was spilling out over the pages as I killed the character fashioned after my ex-husband with a baseball bat. It felt cathartic and I couldn’t stop. The plotting, scheming, and planning of his demise led to a tremendous amount of healing. It was like I was journalling to stay out of prison. I worked on that book for about three months before I sent it off to my editor on the project. I chose Stephen King’s first editor and was shocked when I had to print the manuscript and send it to him. No editing in a word doc for him. I got the full red-pen markup.

Juliet’s second Book Cover | Photo credit: Kim Brundage

working in traditional publishing. In 2008, self- publishing was new and most of the new companies were subsidiaries of the traditional publishers. Traditional publishing had controlled the mass media market for so long, that they felt entitled to the monopoly of publishing. That meant that the new subsidiaries didn’t help authors much because they wanted to continue controlling the business.

One of the first red flags for me was the cover. Instead of a beautiful and thoughtful cover, they had me choose three images While the book was being edited, I started to look around from a bank of photos and they slapped them on the cover. The for publishing options. I saw the success of some big authors cover of my first book is quite possibly the ugliest book cover who published through Kindle but didn’t feel like Amazon to ever hit the market. The manuscript was a nightmare. To the publishing was the right fit, so I contracted with a self- untrained eye, it probably looked fine. However, I knew how a publishing company. The experience was underwhelming after book should be set up so I was flabbergasted by the design. To 18

add insult to injury, they marked the book up by double the print cost and took most of my meager royalties. I only sold 113 copies and I bet my relatives bought most of them. Then came the marketing tools, which were not designed to sell books; they were designed to allow the publishing company to promote themselves. Case in point, they tried to sell me a release email for $2,000. For this investment, they would “promote” my book to their list of a million readers. Luckily, I was savvy enough to know that their promotion was an announcement to their email list that they had just published another book. The million subscribers were authors who were interested in publishing a book, not a million mystery enthusiasts, so I passed on the opportunity. My experience was so awful that I decided I could do a better job at publishing my own book the next time around. I learned everything about cover design, formatting, building an author platform, and began publishing my own mystery novels. By the time I published my fourth book, I had already sold over twentyfive thousand copies of some relatively bad mystery novels. The gift was that several people in my hometown were part of a program to write books and noticed my publishing ability. These people started bringing me their books to publish and suddenly I had a thriving business. There have always been challenges but my big take away from all of this is that I found my voice, healed, and have been able to transition to a profession I love. All of these were unexpected consequences of a bad divorce. The best part was that I was able to kill off the character of my pesky ex-husband, avoid an orange jumpsuit and a life in prison!

Juliet Clark is an eight- time author, speaker and podcaster who has spent the last twenty years helping authors, coaches, speakers, and small businesses all over the world build expert audiences. To find out more about Juliet, please visit https:// superbrandpublishing.com/. 19

Building a Firm Foundation for Tomorrow GINA BENSON “We are building a firm foundation for tomorrow.” These are words I have been using as an opening line at training sessions for new teachers for the past two decades. The same words I used when convincing my business and life partner J. Michael, to put all we had on the line to build a school I believed could make a difference for the children in our community. As an educator for the past 35 years, I truly believe that the goal of nearly every teacher, regardless of the age or grade that they teach, is to help in creating a path to success for their students. For me, the idea of becoming a teacher myself was inspired by having teachers who supported me as a student, made me believe in myself and saw no mountain as insurmountable. They instilled confidence and the ability to persist. When developing my own school, this was what I wanted for my students. A place where the teaching staff was given the encouragement and tools to support a child today, in whatever way, so that the child could do anything tomorrow they put their mind to do. My journey to becoming an owner of my own school started as a kindergarten teacher where I witnessed firsthand the cracks in the education system. I worked with teachers who expressed feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated, and ill equipped to help their students. Policies that promoted test scores and decisions determined by dollars saved vs. student growth. As the system saw students fail to pass, instead of asking why, the standards were simply lowered to get more to pass with less skills achieved. I believed what was being overlooked were the children entering too early and not having the core skills necessary to build upon. I saw the lack of self-regulation and confidence needed to be successful in their new environment. This all took away from their ability to learn, to connect with friends, and to grow as a person. I would see very young students experiencing frustration daily, which for some would develop into prolonged negative behaviors. These emotions would rise to the surface as they were just beginning their journey into school. When looking at the preschool programs being offered to families for their young children prior to school entry, I found that the focus was on profit not preparedness. Preschools had overflowing classrooms with 20-30 children in them and often just one teacher. There was no ability to make a connection with a child. These teachers too appeared frustrated, under equipped, 20

and overwhelmed. I believed there was a way to do better - to make a positive impact for children earlier. I wanted to build a school that took a vastly different approach, one that placed the students and teachers as the priority. There were countless conversations shared with my partner about the need to focus on true early education and school readiness. I wanted to build a school that embraced the idea of today makes tomorrow. The idea that all decisions would be held to the question, “How does this benefit the kids?” This approach to care and early education was no small feat. Committing to building and developing a state-of-the-arts school came at a great personal cost. Putting all our eggs in one basket, my partner and I reduced our personal living expenses, drained our 401Ks, cashed in bonds, placed a second mortgage on our home, borrowed money from family, and quit our jobs to build a school that we felt would make a difference for the children of our community. Together we established Milestones Learning Center in 2014. With the belief that the most critical learning years are the first five years, we dedicated the school to children from 8 weeks of age to 5 years old. Placing the focus on ensuring what happens today in the classroom, on the playground and in center time play will make a difference in that moment, tomorrow, and in the years to come. That every interaction is a learning opportunity. For a business tagline we chose, Building a Firm Foundation for Tomorrow’s Future. It’s a statement that’s more than a catchy slogan; it is the expectation we hold ourselves to and that our teachers use when approaching all aspects of operating the school, the classrooms, and the day. It is our mission to go against the childcare industry’s grain by placing the children’s needs and their futures above any financial gains. To move away from the glorified babysitter role towards creating a foundation of core learned skills, which students will build upon as they enter kindergarten. As the school’s administrator, I encourage teachers to focus on connections with each student, to take the time to teach in the moment, and I am dedicated to spending the funds to ensure the children and the teachers are given every opportunity they need to be successful. Milestones’ teachers are encouraged to

ask themselves, “Is what I am doing at this moment building the confidence, communication skills, problem-solving skills, and trust needed for the children in my care to grow and learn in a classroom today and next year?” They are not afraid to introduce writing skills, reading skills, math, and science. They encourage the children to stretch themselves academically and emotionally. Nine years later, the school has doubled in size and tripled in staff. It now has an annual revenue of $1.5M, with a reputation for the highest quality, highest performing early education program. The students are achieving higher than expectations well into elementary levels. I believe that placing the focus on the future of others has paid off for us all. Gina Benson, born in New York State, currently is living in Southwest Florida. She earned her BA from State University of New York at Potsdam and her MA from the University of the Rockies, CO. She has been a preschool teacher and director for 34 years and she has owned her own preschool in Estero, Florida since 2014. She is a mother of two and a believer in the positive impact early education has on young children. To find out more about Gina or her school, please visit https://www. milestones-estero.com/ww.joieg113.com

the Love of Lapidary KIM PANDINA

Photo credit: Tim Fuss, Pixelwave 22

hen I was a child, I spent days walking through the woods with my father. He would suggest that we stop and sit for a while to observe the animals and plants that we might have missed by walking by. We would go fishing in the summertime and enjoy the dancing dragonflies that often visited us on the river. I suppose it could be said that this cherished time with my father is what began my love of nature.

Seeing the lightbulb moment in students brightens my day. My bracelet and earring classes are two of the most popular group instructions I do.

Part of my business mindset has always been inclusive of the art community. Founding a variety of groups in the artisanal community, including the jewelry play group, one of my accomplishments was bringing in a national teacher Nature wasn’t the only thing I learned to appreciate and enjoy to Rochester, NY to further our knowledge and expand our when spending time with my father. He was a tool guy. I could abilities. I also created a safe space for artists called Artists Chat, often find him changing his oil or checking the brakes on his car an online safe space and fantastic place for creatives to be able and watching the tools become extension of his hands. My love to share their struggles and accomplishments with like-minded of using tools must be connected to the hours I spent watching individuals. my dad. It is no surprise that lapidary has become my passion. My business expands by listening to the reactions of my Lapidary is the practice of cutting and polishing stone. From customers and the community at large to my art. I never know the very first time I tried it, I was hooked. It combined two of when inspiration will strike, so I keep my phone close by when I the things I loved most from my childhood - nature and tools. explore outside. Being a lapidarist and jewelry designer means I I fashion the most beautiful stones into wearable works of art. am always on the lookout for new design ideas to create, so I can I rarely sketch the designs that I conceive, although I do create offer you the most beautifully designed pieces of wearable art. prototypes during the design process until the piece is finished and perfectly matched to the image in my mind. Being a night owl, you can often find me working on new designs into the wee hours of the morning. I imagine a concept and work on it again and again until the physical design matches the one I envisioned. It truly is an artistic process. Particularly when designing a cabochon, a gemstone that has been shaped and polished rather than one with facets and raw edges, I look at the beauty within the stone and highlight its unique features. Wrapping with wire to make it wearable, while complimenting the nature of the colors and shape of the cabochon, makes each piece unique and one of a kind. Truly they become a work of art. To me the artistic process is a journey with twists, turns, valleys, and mountains. My artistic journey began with gemstone beads and silk thread. I became hooked on lapidary by cutting gemstones into cabochons because of a fantastic teacher. This led to wire wrapping because the options available to set my freeform gemstones were limited. Until I discovered wire wrapping, creating was like putting a square peg into a round hole. One of my joys with my art is sharing my knowledge with others. Jewelry making lessons have become one of my favorite ways to share what I do with others. Demonstrating what I do and showing my process seems to captivate people and seeing the lightbulb moment in students brightens my day. In my classes, lesson one involves safety and the proper way to hold the tools we will be using. This will include passing out safety glasses to those who are too close to what I am creating.

Kim Pandina is a jewelry designer and owner of Panda Wear in Rochester, NY, with over 18 years of experience. Please visit her shop at https://bit.ly/ Panda_Wear_Shop_here

Live Messy

will lead, but they are fully immersed in it. They do not judge each stroke; they let the canvas speak to them and respond. In the end, a masterpiece emerges from this apparent chaos.

ROBERT MERLO

Our lives are much like that canvas, waiting to be painted. The Live Messy philosophy encourages us to be the artists of our lives, embrace the unknown, and trust in the process. Mindfulness is the brush that guides us, allowing us to be fully ive Messy may seem counterintuitive in a world that present in the act of living. often extols the virtues of order and perfection. From our earliest years, we are taught to eschew messiness and to This philosophy is not about recklessness or haphazard living. seek tidiness and precision. It is a prescription handed down It is not a surrender to anarchy but an embrace of authenticity. through generations, an unquestioned societal mantra. Yet, It acknowledges that we do not have control over every facet of nestled within the folds of this conventional wisdom, there our lives and that pursuing such power is a fool’s errand. Living lies a compelling invitation to explore the vivid tapestry of life Messy allows us to dance with life’s uncertainties, find beauty woven with threads of authenticity, growth, and the beautiful in imperfection, and navigate our existence’s winding path imperfection that is quintessentially human. gracefully.

To Live Messy is to embark on a journey of self-discovery. It is to revel in the unpredictability that defines existence and to celebrate the essence of being human. This concept represents a courageous act of defiance, a quiet rebellion against the relentless demand for perfection and conformity that often pervades our modern lives. It is an ode to the inherent beauty of our existence, which is as chaotic as ever-evolving.

Think of the famous Japanese art of Kintsugi, where broken pottery is not discarded but repaired with gold, making it even more beautiful. The cracks and imperfections are not hidden; they are celebrated. Similarly, Living Messy invites us to embrace our own gaps and shortcomings, to see them not as flaws but as unique facets of our being.

Exploring life’s myriad pathways, we find that the Live Messy At its heart, the Live Messy philosophy is intrinsically philosophy enriches our lives profoundly. It opens the door intertwined with mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is the to meaningful connections, allowing us to be vulnerable and cornerstone of this art, the gentle guiding hand that leads authentic. It invites us to take risks, to venture into uncharted us through the labyrinth of our lives. It is about being fully territories, and to experience the exhilaration of growth and present, acknowledging each moment without judgment, and self-discovery. immersing ourselves in the intricate mosaic of existence. Living Messy teaches us to savor the journey in a world obsessed Amid the perpetual rush of our lives, mindfulness allows us to with the final destination. It reminds us that the most profound stop and take a breath, slow down, and embrace the messiness experiences are often found in the unexpected detours, the that surrounds us. It encourages us to pause, even for a moment, unplanned moments, and the messy yet beautiful fragments of in a world that seems to whirl at an ever-increasing pace. our lives. Through mindfulness, we are not just spectators of our lives but active participants, savoring the beauty of messiness as it unfolds. A graduate of the University of Mindfulness teaches us to embrace the unpredictability of Rochester and the Charles H. life, the moments of chaos, and the unforeseen challenges Lundquist College of Business that pepper our days. It is in these moments that we indeed at the University of Oregon, come alive. Here, we realize that life is not meant to be a wellRobert Merlo is employed in orchestrated symphony but a jazz improvisation where each the Ed Tech Industry. He lives note contributes to the melody, no matter how discordant. in Rochester, New York with his wife, a 3rd-grade teacher, Consider, for a moment, creating a piece of art. The canvas is and their 13-year-old daughter. pristine, and the artist faces the daunting task of bringing it to Find out more about Robert on life. Initially, there is a chaotic profusion of colors, brushstrokes, LinkedIn. and emotions. The artist has yet to determine where the journey 24

25 Photo By Robert Merlo

SpeakWell Rocks - How a missed memo changed the trajectory of my life PATTY KENNEDY

’ve had some incredible years on this planet. 2018 wasn’t one of them. Simultaneously, I endured a tough divorce and a job lay off. My sons’ school – St. Joseph’s School in Yorkville, NY - was offering a public speaking class after school. Ironically, although I had given a TEDx talk, had a career as a public speaker and executive communication coach, my older son hated to speak on stage. His not enjoying public speaking wasn’t unusual. Many executives I knew hated it too. They learned because they had to.

to practice. We may not have had the answers that day, but we committed to walk with each other through the process. Today, we call that process, which is now structured curriculum, SpeakWell. The first thing I did was pull out Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and motivating behavior. Since infancy, we communicate in ways to get our needs met and it was important to me to try and meet the students’ needs. In between classes, I would talk with educators, teachers, athletic coaches, business leaders, and psychologists to discuss how to develop exercises that helped motivate them and support their needs. As a psychologist who reviewed the program told me, “Expression is the opposite of depression. There is a great need to help teens, and everyone really to express themselves, authentically.” Most importantly, the program had to be fun. After all, you’re only a kid – or an adult – once.

To move past the challenges 2018 presented, I knew I needed to find something positive to focus on. I signed up as the “mom coordinator” for the public speaking after-school class. A year later, a friend told me being the coordinator meant I was supposed to sign kids in and out, not actively participate. A key component to the program is overcoming fear. As we Somehow, I missed that part of the memo. move through the triumphs and the traumas of our lives, our brain’s job is to decipher “danger/judgement” and try and I sure am glad I did. keep us safe; hence motivating our actions or silencing our So, there we were - me in the throes of post-divorce life, and this voices based on individual experiences. Despite the popular beautiful, motley crew of nine students in the throes of middle notion that “people would rather die than speak,” truth is, we school. I wasn’t sure this would end well. But I told myself can speak. We fear being judged. Communication, like most things, is 90% a brain game. something we say in SpeakWell to this day: Try anyway. The SpeakWell curriculum focuses on getting the basics right first. If you focus on the fundamentals and strong mindsets It was the third class when the overly talkative students whether speaking to two or two thousand, communication came into the classroom bouncing off the walls. Frustrated, becomes a natural extension of one’s mindset. I yelled, “What is going on with you guys?!?” Rather than try and perform the futile task of teaching, I sat down too, Interestingly, teaching the art of communication and even and we had a conversation I will never forget. The lesson was mindset can be traced back as early as Greek and Roman about overcoming fear. We covered our fears and mostly how times. Those skills were seen as critical to building productive harshly we judge ourselves and one another. Their honesty and citizens and a civil society. Unfortunately, the teachings were authenticity took my breath away. We weren’t anticipating pulled out of school curriculums in the 1940s. I’d argue they’re more necessary than ever especially given the challenges of cell answers. We were just listening. phones, social media, texting, increased rates of depression. What I did know was that everyone in that room – maybe most I continue to be encouraged by inspired educators who see of all me – needed to find their voice, a process, and a place the far-reaching benefits. As one said, “The program actually 26 What happened next changed the trajectory of my life.

helps support my classroom goals, especially when it comes to behavior.” Eighteen months after that third class, those nine students became the first in the country from a K-8 school to each deliver TEDx talks. The parents, teachers and school community showed up and out to support the effort in incredible ways. During the students’ speeches, I sat crouched in a kindergartensized chair out of camera view, having memorized every line of every speech. I was at the ready with hand signals in case they needed help. They didn’t. Every single one of them hit it out of the park – each with their own words, and in their own way. Pride beaming from the audience’s faces lit up the room and awe-struck comments from those across the world who watched the videos later are all etched into my brain. I knew how powerful they were and even I was in awe of their strength and poise. When my son walked off the stage, after speaking about the need to find his voice, my mom emotions kicked the coach façade straight to the curb and the tears started to flow. In that moment, I was proud of the solid foundation he built for himself. If I am being honest, I’m proud of the one I rebuilt for myself too. After that public event, a flurry of school and parent calls, and media articles, I realized we built something really special and wondered if it could be replicated. Today, we’ve grown from serving nine to more than 1,000 students through our programs and camps. We have enlisted incredible mentors including professional athletes, inspiring actors, successful business leaders, journalists, entrepreneurs, and previous students. Thirty-three SpeakWell students have spoken on panel discussions with international companies which has led to scholarships, internships, and even job offers, and by request, we’ve introduced the program to higher education institutions and companies. Most meaningfully, students have told me how much better they feel about themselves because of the program and what they’ve done as a result. In the words of one student, “It changed my life.” Truth is that the program doesn’t make anyone great. Of course, students learn skills in ways that haven’t been codified into a curriculum before, but what they really learn is strength of self and have a place to practice. When I see someone do something they didn’t think they could, it gives me purpose. That’s my why. I’m incredibly proud of ALL the students who have participated and thankful to the communities and adults who’ve made it happen. Out of a struggling seed grew the strongest, most beautiful garden one ever did see. And we’re just getting started. In the words of the original nine students – which is now our official, legal name - SpeakWell Rocks.

The Power of Finding Your Voice from a kid who had stage fright

Patty Kennedy is an entrepreneur, communication advisor, and founder of SpeakWell - an award-winning communication and leadership program. She has lived and worked in the US, Europe, and Africa, and advised executives, companies and delivered programs around the world. A TEDx and international speaker, Patty was named a “Female Disruptor,” and “30 Women to Watch” for pioneering a study on the impact of communication on our brains. To find out more about SpeakWell Rocks, please visit https://www. speakwellrocks.com/

Dehumanization is the pre-requisite for wars and genocide.

Let’s Humanize JOHN “QUINN” FLYNN

Most would never bring themselves to do awful things unless “the other side” was described as barbarians, savages, or animals. Slowly and efficiently their humanity gets swept away, making it much easier to believe that causing them harm is justified. If this is true, then the solution to wars and genocides is “humanization.” When we can look across the street and see someone who looks differently than us, speaks differently or believes in a different religion and can say, “Look, another human,” we are actively being part of the solution and not the problem. But it’s difficult, isn’t it? Why? Because we’re filled with fear. Our own governments have filled us with brainwashing and fear about people in other countries so that we will support the awful things they do to them. Fear is a powerful motivator. We are watching this play out in real time in the Middle East. With all of these ideas in my mind concerning this horrific situation, I questioned myself ... What can I do??? l feel so powerless in situations like this and as I see innocent civilians being attacked and slaughtered, my heart hurts. I want to do SOMETHING! I believe we are all products of our environment. I didn’t ask to be born a straight white guy from the United States any more than my friend Ahmed asked to be born a brown skinned Muslim in the Middle East or any more than my friend Levi asked to be born a Jewish Israeli. We’re all just people. We have loves, dreams, jobs, families, traditions, and we share the same frustrations often times with our governments’ leaders. We believe they lie to us and manipulate us as they line their pockets with power and money. I can’t stop my government from funding Israel’s bombs; Ahmed can’t stop Hamas from blowing up Israel and Levi can’t stop Israel’s Zionist government from massacring Gazans.

John “Quinn” Flynn is a traveler, a teacher, and a Student of Life. He’s been journeying around the world for several years bringing stories of people, places and culture to social media in an effort to explore the world, dispel ignorance and prejudices, and celebrate the humanity in us all. He’s the author of 8 Ways to be Happy which is available on his website at https://www.quinntheeskimorocks.com 28

Does that mean we should do nothing? What can we do as individuals? What can we humans across the world do? It’s simple really ... we can “humanize.” • • •

Meet people that are different than you are and get to know them. Invite a Jewish person out for Coffee or an Arab person over for dinner. Take a walk to the park and approach someone who looks different than you do and introduce yourself.

•

Find an authentically ethnic restaurant and eat there and meet people. Talk to the owner and listen to their story of building a small business in America. Take pictures together, make videos together, become friends and tag each other on your social media accounts.

These may seem like little, useless things that won’t make a difference, but often times these little extensions of humanity toward others have a way of growing and creating actual change. You can take it one step further too. Share your experiences with others to spread the humanization of those that appear to be different. Sharing stories removes fear. Recently, I started sharing my viewpoint on social media and the response I received was amazing! I was invited by many Arab people from around the world to visit their country as their guest to get to know each other. One of those invitations was from a new Egyptian friend that told me, “If you want to see what it’s truly like here, then come to Egypt and we will go to Gaza together!” I immediately jumped at the chance, bought a ticket, and now I’m packing for the Middle East. What’s my purpose in going? What are my goals? To tell the stories of humanity. I’ll share my own story as a human and the fears that I will face as I journey there. And I’ll relay the stories of the people that I meet and become friends with along the way. Our stories as humans are the most powerful thing we hold and telling these stories not only helps others see us as human, but it gives them permission to tell their stories as well. Since I unveiled that I was going to Gaza, I have had dozens of other invitations from around the world and currently have a trip to Iraq scheduled after meeting a new friend there. These interactions are how we can create change, dispel our own ignorance, and become more human. Whether it’s traveling the world and meeting people or searching out people different than you wherever you are, this is how we make a difference. Spread humanity ... it is the solution after all.

Update on Quinn since he submitted this article: Quinn is currently in Egypt awaiting entrance into Gaza. He is currently telling stories via social media. He is also curating a list of humanitarian groups in the area and what they do and how they need support. Be sure to visit his website and get on his email list to receive the latest updates!

From Idea To Action - The Vox Pop Branding Story URINA HARRELL

itting in my dorm room at Duke University, I could never have imagined how my passions for psychology, art, and entrepreneurship would intertwine to redefine the marketing landscape. As a sophomore and a student-athlete, there was a burning desire in me to create something meaningful. That’s how Vox Pop Branding came to life – a vision to transform marketing into a force for good.

I created my agency to show that success doesn’t have to come at the expense of others’ well-being. Instead, success can be a shared experience, one that uplifts and unites us all.

My journey is deeply personal. I grew up where mental illness and poverty cast long shadows, and I saw firsthand how destructive negative messaging could be. Advertisements that pushed materialism often deepened the feelings of inadequacy in my community. It was this stark reality that fueled my mission: to help businesses thrive while being mindful of their audience’s mental health.

1. The Authenticity Audit:

Vox Pop Branding, my agency, is named after the Latin phrase “Vox Populi” – meaning the voice of the people. It’s a daily reminder of our commitment to social consciousness in marketing. I believe that every brand has a story worth telling—a story that can inspire, empower, and make a difference. I’m here to help tell those stories with integrity and purpose. In the bustling digital marketplace, where content reigns supreme, the average consumer is inundated with an overwhelming 4,000 to 10,000 marketing messages daily. This deluge of content is more than just a challenge to the effectiveness of marketing—it’s a call to action for brands to embrace ethical decision-making as a cornerstone of their strategy. As the founder of Vox Pop Branding, I’ve dedicated my career to helping brands navigate this complex landscape ethically. The stakes are high. The saturation of marketing content has evolved beyond a mere annoyance; it’s now a public health issue. Research has linked the omnipresence of aggressive advertising to an uptick in consumer anxiety, depression, and even suicide rates. Yet, there’s another side to this coin—marketing done right can empower consumers, informing them of products and services that enhance their lives and economic stability. 30

Here’s how my agency ensures our client’s messaging stands out as a beacon of positivity in a sea of content and how you can too:

We align every message with our brand’s core values and mission, building trust through genuine communication. Ask Yourself: Does your message reflect your brand’s true values and mission? Action: Craft a message that’s congruent with your brand story and ethos. Authenticity resonates and builds trust.

2. The Clarity Check:

Our messages are straightforward, transparent, and free from the fine print, ensuring our intentions are clear from the start. Ask Yourself: Is the information clear, straightforward, and free from fine print? Action: Use simple language and transparent terms. Don’t bury the lead—make your intent clear from the get-go.

3. The Empathy Exercise:

We craft our messaging by stepping into our customers’ shoes, avoiding anything that could be perceived as patronizing or manipulative. Ask Yourself: Does your messaging consider the consumer’s perspective and circumstances? Action: Put yourself in the customers’ shoes. If a message seems patronizing or manipulative, it’s time to rework it.

4. The Value Verification:

8. The Engagement Evaluation:

Every campaign we launch is designed to enrich the consumer’s We aim to foster conversation and community, not just life, whether through information, entertainment, or broadcast messages into the void. inspiration. Ask Yourself: Are you fostering conversation and building Ask Yourself: Does your message contribute positively to the community, or just broadcasting? consumer’s life or knowledge? Action: Create messaging that invites dialogue, encourages Action: Ensure each campaign adds value, whether through sharing, and builds a sense of community around your brand. information, entertainment, or inspiration. If it doesn’t enrich, it doesn’t belong. In the realm of digital marketing, it’s not enough to be loud; your messages must be meaningful. I encourage you to use these principles as your compass to navigate the digital landscape with 5. The Diversity and Inclusion Diagnostic: Our content respects and reflects the diverse audience it reaches, responsibility and care. The content you release into the world is a reflection of your brand, and ultimately, it’s the positive, fostering inclusivity and respect for all. impactful messages that leave the most lasting impression. Ask Yourself: Does your content respect and reflect the diverse audience it will reach? Action: Create content that’s inclusive and respectful of all individuals, ensuring that no group feels alienated.

6. The Responsibility Review:

We use consumer data ethically to inform and tailor our messaging responsibly, never to manipulate or exploit. Ask Yourself: Are you being responsible with the data and analytics driving your messaging? Action: Use consumer data ethically to inform and tailor your messaging, not to manipulate or exploit.

7. The Impact Inquiry:

Before any message goes out, we vet it through various perspectives to prevent any potential harm or misinformation. Ask Yourself: Could your message potentially harm or mislead someone? Action: Vet your content through various perspectives to preempt any negative impact. It’s not just about selling; it’s about serving.

Remember that in marketing, you’re not merely competing for attention—you’re striving for hearts and minds. Make every message count, resonate, and matter. In a world oversaturated with noise, the voice that speaks with clarity, purpose, and integrity will be the one that rises above. So, to anyone who believes in the power of positive impact and conscious messaging, I extend an invitation. Explore how your brand can not only succeed in the market but also serve as a beacon of positivity and hope. Together, we can set a new standard for what it means to market with purpose, one message at a time. Urina Harrell can be found on Instagram and LinkedIn as @ Urinaharrell. For more information, please visit her website http://www. voxpopbranding.com

Just Desserts! CALVIN EATON

am Calvin Eaton, the disabled chef, author, and content • International Appeal: With both standard and metric creator behind theglutenfreechef brand. I am filled with measurements, the recipes are accessible to a global immense joy and pride as I present to you my latest creation, audience. & Just Desserts! 40 Step-by-Step Gluten-Free Dessert Recipes, my new cookbook that celebrates the 10-year anniversary of my Just Desserts! isn’t just a cookbook; it’s a reflection of my blog. journey, my challenges, and my passion. It’s crafted for anyone who wishes to enjoy classic desserts, whether they’re new to the In 2012, I embarked on my gluten-free adventure, launching gluten-free world or have been baking without gluten for years. theglutenfreechefblog to chronicle my experiences with Please consider exploring Just Desserts! and perhaps sharing disability and gluten-free living. The reception was its essence with the people you know. I’m available for any overwhelming, and in 2014, the success of the blog led to the discussions, interviews, or collaborations with the goal of establishment of theglutenfreechef bakery in Rochester, NY. increasing accessibility for the gluten-free community in What started as a personal narrative soon evolved into a global Rochester, NY and beyond. community, bringing together individuals with celiac disease and other conditions necessitating a gluten-free lifestyle. Today, the platform offers recipes, resources, reviews, and most crucially, a sense of belonging to countless people around the world. In Just Desserts!, I’ve poured a decade of passion, expertise, and creativity. Here’s a taste of what awaits inside: • Mouth-watering Delights: 40 entirely gluten-free dessert and sweets recipes, from cookies and bars to buttercreams and glazes, each carrying my personal touch. • Exclusive Content: These are original recipes, never before featured on the blog. • Visually Stunning: Each recipe is complemented by beautiful full-color photography and illustrations. • All-Inclusive: A good portion of the recipes are plant-based, making them egg-free, dairy-free, and nut-free. • Baking Essentials: From pantry staples to baking resources, tips, and methods - I’ve ensured every baker feels equipped and inspired. • Nutritional Guidance: Detailed nutrition information accompanies every recipe, ensuring mindful indulgence. 32

Calvin Eaton (he/his/him) is a disabled scholar, author, cultural curator, content creator, and social entrepreneur who specializes in the following subjects: African American history & culture, antiblackness, civil disobedience, housing justice & gentrification, sustainability, disability rights, food justice, and glutenfree lifestyle/cooking. He is the Founder/CEO of the nonprofit education platform 540WMain, Inc. You can contact Calvin at asktheglutenfreechef@ gmail.com or calvin@540westmain.org.

Just Desserts! can be ordered from Hipocampo Books and will help support a local Rochester, NY Latino-woman-owned bookstore. If you are a small woman or BIPOC owned bookstore in Rochester and beyond, please let’s connect. I would love to support you and have you sell my book in your store.

Purchase Calvin’s book here!

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