W+W W+W THE WILD WOMAN
THE WILD WOMAN
F I R E S TA R T E R S
RAISING WILD
WITH WOMEN LEADERS
TELL ALL
honest conversations
moms get real and
LEAN IN
one survivor’s story
OF COURAGE & LEADERSHIP
on i t i d E r e k a M Way
FALLING IN LOVE
V I N TA G E M A R K E T
T IPS&TR ICKS
T E L L +A L L
with your home
show girls
W+W MAGAZINE
LEAVING WHEN
it’s good
C O U R A G E
&
RISK
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THE WILD WOMAN LI NDSAY MCPHAIL Editor In Chief JENNA BE NTON Senior Editor CI NDY CONNE R Senior Editor DANNY HAL L Photography/Photo Editor LAHNA GR AHAM Photo Editor LA CE Y F AR BE R Contributing Editor CONTR IBU TOR S Gena Hansen, Tami Farrell, Lauren Mullen, Emily Jacobs, Nina Pepin, Shenitta Kinney COPY E DITOR S Jill Garner, Linda Olson PHO T O GRAPHY CONTR IBUTOR S Erica Ritchie, Courtney Coker, Ike & Tash Photography W W W .T H E W I LD W OMANMAGAZINE.COM email: info@thewildwomanmagazine.com The Wild Woman Magazine ©2018. All rights reserved. Reproduction of any material from this issue in part or in whole is strictly prohibited.
TA B L E O F C O N T E N T S
E DITOR ’S THE AR T Showing Up
L E T T E R OF
pg 05 pg 14
F I R E S T A R T E R S The Cost of Leadership
pg 20
V I G I L A N T E Kindness
pg 42
R AISING WILD Moms Getting Real
pg 48
L E A N I N G I N pg 60 One Survivor’s Story K N I T T E D pg 64 Knockers R I S E U P pg 72 Liberation, Hope & Legacy A V O I C E pg 76 In The Wild MAKING THE For Others: 10 Tips
WAY
pg 81
EDITOR’S
I
L E T T E R
am where I am because of the generosity of so many who have gone before me. From a strong, hard working, compassionate mother who told me I could be anything I want to be, to an Ag teacher who challenged me to go beyond my comfort zone and thrive on adversity. Seven years ago our family was given a home on national TV built by our community, paving the way for so much I never could have dreamed of. We’ve filled the pages of this issue with story after story of women stepping up and paving the way for others to live their best lives. Some acts are huge and outwardly heroic, some are more organic in nature and seemingly small, but equally important. Our hearts this time around are not only to highlight those paving the way for others, but also to make a way for you, our reader, to take a step or 12 closer to what lights your soul on fire. We believe by sharing vulnerably and transparently, you will see the reality of
following your dreams, the bad with the good. By exposing the hard stuff with the amazing, we are casting a more accurate picture of real life heroism and breaking off the lie that only certain people can lead, dream, risk or make the way for others. As you dive into these pages I challenge you to look inside and ask yourself where you have given up or shied away, and I invite you to take hold of the courage that’s already inside of you. It’s your turn. What will you do with it? “I bless your spirit in this new hour. I bless you with taking hold of something new: a fresh, new way you have never been before, a fresh plan you have not imagined, a fresh new season you could not envision.” -Jan Elkins, Book of Blessings Stay Wild,
Lindsay McPhail
W+W MAGAZINE
: @thewildwomanmagazine
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BE AFRAID AND DO IT ANYWAY. TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU’RE AFRAID BUT DON’T LET IT STOP YOU. BE GRATEFUL. GRATITUDE KEEPS FEAR AWAY. BE PRESENT. STAY IN THE MOMENT, NOT BEHIND OR AHEAD. BE LOVING, GIVE IT FREELY AND WITH JOY. BE FORGIVING, TO YOURSELF AND TO OTHERS.
W+W MAGAZINE Photo By Danny Hall
NATURALLY WILD
K R I S T Y
I
L A S C H O B E R
have so much to be grateful for. Last year I was released from a 5-year sentence in a maximum security federal prison, which facilitated a huge shift in my life. For more than 4 years, every day I asked myself, “How did I get here?” It was unfathomable. I am smart, capable and came from a loving family.
of my comfort zone, taking a deep breath and then walking a few steps further. That’s where the magic happens. It’s scary out there on the edge, but when I say I am afraid and still move forward, I feel alive. I love saying hi to strangers. When I smile at someone on a run and they give me a high five it touches something deep in my heart and it expands even more.
I was born with disabilities which required many surgeries and pain medications. I relied on opioids, for not only physical pain but also emotional pain, like fear and sadness. Looking back, I realize now that I ignored my body and my emotions, and pushed forward with a smile on my face. I was considered strong and I was proud of it. The problem was, I didn’t know how to get back to myself. I didn’t know who I was, what I stood for or what I felt. During that time, it was irrelevant because surviving was most important. Fast forward through years of addiction and living a life I knew wasn’t me, I became buried in shame. A shameful lifestyle led me to prison and I was alone, at the very rock bottom of life-- sitting with myself.
When I am approached with an opportunity, I will never automatically say no. Now, it’s always a yes, because so many wonderful things come from new encounters, jobs, and friendships that I wasn’t expecting. I don’t want to miss out on anything. If I need help, I’ll ask for it. Thankfully, I no longer see asking for help as a weakness. It builds ultimate connections and keeps me humble. Every day I try to make a way for others to share their struggles so they know that they are not alone. Secrets breed shame, but when we talk about our secrets, shame dissipates. I love that! Now that I am back in school, I get so much joy from building up and encouraging young women. I love reminding them that they are awesome, that they should ask for help because they are worth getting help, and self-doubt is the number one enemy of any student.
I realized that I had a choice and the future was up to me. Through tears and grit I searched for Kristy and we’ve been getting to know each other ever since. I really like her. She is a wild woman who is no longer afraid to be vulnerable. In fact, that’s what connects me to other women. I feel alive when I can connect honestly and authentically.
I am moving forward, never stagnant, looking ahead while my arms are reaching out. Reaching ahead to people that can help me, to my side for others working with me. But my favorite is when my arms are stretched out behind me, to encourage, support, and love on those who don’t quite believe in themselves yet. I will believe in them until they do.
I’m constantly expanding my circle, walking to the edge
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“We need to get back to that place where we give ourselves permission to dream and to risk and to fail. We need to find a way to not let the gatekeepers of the world block us from the places we have been called to.�
g n i d l i w e R TON
BEN A N N E J
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W+W MAGAZINE Photo By Danny Hall
M
y heart pounded. The room of aspiring writers was silent while Delores, a well-known editor, took a sip of her coffee. She set it down on the table and sighed
dramatically.
“That,” she said to me slowly. “Was the WORST idea I have heard this entire week. Honestly, you should just start over because I wouldn’t even consider looking at your proposal. And by the way, books that come with CDs annoy me. Next?” I couldn’t breathe. People shifted uncomfortably in their seats. She moved on to her next victim while I sat there crushed, wishing I could melt into the floor. This pitiful scene took place twenty years ago when I left my husband and small children behind for a week and went to a writing conference. I had gathered my courage and pitched my very best idea in a group session. Needless to say, I took Delores the Editor’s comments to heart. Actually, I did more than take her words to heart. I unwrapped them, popped them in my mouth and chewed them up…for months. Meanwhile I unwrapped more words of my own, added them to the big, sticky gob in my cheek and continued chewing until my mouth was full of poison. Words like “incompetent” and “unqualified” and “fool” filled my mouth and my heart, until all of my best words had dissolved away. I believed I could not be a writer. I believed I would never be good enough, no matter how much time and energy I spent. I took someone else’s opinion about an idea – she had not even read my writing – and I told myself all my ideas were bad. I let fear stop me from pursuing the thing I had loved since I was a child. I was quiet for years, and before I knew it, two decades were gone. Just like that, I handed over my dream. My grandson Judah loves to jump on a little trampoline I have in my spare bedroom. He waits for me to sing
him the jumping song – yes, of course there’s a jumping song – and then he jumps with all of his might. He is wild and joyful, and in that moment he is perfectly content. His tiny feet barely leave the trampoline, but in his mind I’m sure he is bounding as high as the ceiling. I love watching him sing and smile and jump until he is out of breath. I would never criticize his jumping, or tell him he is not jumping high enough, or tell him to stop jumping where someone might see him. I delight in who he is in that moment, knowing someday he will be tall and strong and tame. I’m not saying there is not a place for constructive criticism or helpful feedback. In fact, I credit those things for the direction my writing career is going today. I guess what I am saying is that we need to get back to that place where we are jumping for the pure, wild joy of it. We need to get back to that place where we give ourselves permission to dream and to risk and to fail. We need to find a way to not let the gatekeepers of the world block us from the places we have been called to. There’s a movement I’ve been reading about called “rewilding.” Basically, it’s the concept of restoring an area of land to its natural uncultivated state. It’s a bit controversial, but it got me thinking. What if we set about the task of rewilding ourselves? What if we could remember what brought us brave, wild joy when we were young? And what if those things led us to new, uncultivated territory? Rewilding. Just the word makes me smile. It calls to things deep in my heart that are impossible, messy, and even untamed. I know I could use more rewilding in my own heart. You want to know something? Delores was not that editor’s name. I knew her name for years, but I made a conscious decision several years ago to forget it. I have decided to not let that memory have a vote in what I’m doing now. I have decided to create like a child, without boundaries or fear. I’m going to embrace a little rewilding in my life, and I’m going to cheer on others who do the same. Who’s with me?
: @jennabentonwriter W+W MAGAZINE
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o N E D AY , a l l yo u r c h i l d r e n w i l l h av e Are pictures of you. make sure you're in t h e m . n o m at t e r w h at yo u r h a i r lo o k s like, your make-up, or your body. t h e y w o n ' t c a r e a b o u t a n y o f t h at , t h e y ' l l j u s t wa n t t o s e e yo u .
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ur community is important O “ to us, we love our valley! We’re a husband and wife team working hard to grow our metal fabrication business and establish our homestead. As a veteran owned company we take great pride in the work we do. Our goal is to have customers walk away from every order as friends.” -Angelina White, Owner
WHITE FAMILY HOMESTEAD
www.etsy.com/s hop/W hi t eF am i lyHom es t ead W+W MAGAZINE : @whitefamilyhomesteaders
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GP
Flea
A Vintage Marketplace : @G.P.Flea
Hours
WEDS - SAT 10 AM - 4 PM SUN 12 PM - 4 PM
Address
514 NE F St., Grants Pass, OR 97526
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A HEALTHY LIFE, MAP IT OUT. TIP #1: PREP HEALTHY SNACKS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK. TIP #2: PACK YOUR BAG THE NIGHT BEFORE A WORK OUT & SCHEDULE IT IN YOUR PLANNER. TIP #3: REACH OUT TO A FRIEND WHO WILL KEEP YOU ACCOUNTABLE. OR BETTER YET, FIND A FRIEND WHO WILL WORK OUT WITH YOU! SUCCESS WILL NOT MAGICALLY COME TO YOU - YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK - AND WE’RE HERE TO HELP YOU DO IT!
: @deltapifecentralpoint
: @deltapifecp
1779 N 10TH ST, CENTRAL POINT, OR | 541-714-3531 | WWW.DEALTALIFEFITNESS.COM/CENTRALPOINT
T
wo girlfriends met in Jacksonville for a mini-reunion. One fell in love with a magnetic bracelet, the other a pair of patina earrings. “I’ll buy you the bracelet!” one gal exclaimed. “Then I’ll buy you the earrings!” replied the other. Friendship, it’s a beautiful thing! My favorite Wild Women are the ones who visit my little shop in Jacksonville. As the owner of WillowCreek, I have spent 5 years being inspired by my customers, employees, reps, artisans, and friends. Juggling a business and an active life is a challenge, but I wouldn’t choose any other way. There are many treasures to be found at WillowCreek. Come by and find the perfect gift for the Wild Woman in your life. Jo Parker Owner
115 W. California Street, Jacksonville, OR 97530 www.willowcreekjacksonville.com 541-227-8011 : @willowcreekjacksonville
: @thefarmhousecollectivestore
“
Add pieces that you can’t
live without, and that make you happy! Just because it’s trendy doesn’t mean you have to have it in your home. Choose items that mean something to you and you’ll keep falling in love with your home again and again.
”
-Tamara Lamm, Owner
Store Location: 106 W. Oregon Avenue Creswell, OR 97426 | Phone: 541-543-8053
WILD WOMAN PROFILE NAME: CARMELLA JUMP OCCUPATION: OWNER, OMEGA ENGRAVING 1) How long have you had your business? I am a 3rd generation owner of our small family business. My grandfather started the company in 1978 and my parents purchased it from him in 1994. My husband and I bought the business from my parents in January 2018. We specialize in creating personalized plastic name tags and badges, as well as other unique plastic engraved items. Growing up I never thought to myself, “I want to make name badges.” But it was a dream of my husband’s and I’m grateful we get to do it together. 2) What’s the number one tool you use to push through fear? Faith and trusting God in everything. Truly surrendering what I really want to control over to Him is so hard to do at times. 3) What are three pieces of encouragement for your customers ? 1) Be comfortable being uncomfortable. There’s no room for growth if we stay in our comfort zone. 2) Give yourself grace, that’s a must. 3) Just be yourself, take off the mask that we are so good at always putting on and know that being real and vulnerable, even when we’re not at our best, makes others relate to us more.
ww w.omeg aeng rav i ng. com 46
email: office@omegaengraving.com phone: 541.476.1789 www.thewildwomanmagazine.com/uprising W+W MAGAZINE
“Your name is important so why not wear it nicely!” -Carmella Jump, Owner
“
Design is my dream! I love staging, merchandising, and decorating my client’s homes. I feel blessed every day to go to work at a job that fills my soul. -Jessica Lay, Owner
”
www.thevintagecottage.co W+W MAGAZINE
: @thevintagecottageshop
: @thevintagecottage01
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80% of Americans say they want to write a book. Is that you? 97% of people who start writing a book do not finish. The key to finishing a book lies in the first draft. How can you rewrite, edit, or polish without a first draft? You can’t move forward, and the world will never hear what you have to say. It’s time to finish your first draft. Our self-paced, online course will walk you through it. This isn’t a course that teaches you how to write. This is a course that teaches you how to finish. Readers of The Wild Woman Magazine will receive a 10% discount. Offer good through July 31, 2018.
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WILD WOMAN PROFILE NAME: TIKA WEEKS OCCUPATION: OWNER, VISIONS OF WONDERLAND 1) HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BUSINESS? Visions of Wonderland was born in 2014 when I decided to turn my arts and crafts hobby into a business. I started as an artist-for-hire, fulfilling other people’s Pinterest dreams, but I quickly realized I needed to narrow down what I was willing to do if I ever wanted to grow as a business. I’ve always loved sharing and teaching others to do what I love, so art classes and private paint parties were a natural fit. We were mobile until 2016 when I opened the studio while still fighting breast cancer. I couldn’t have done it without the loving support of my family, especially my two sons, the only employees I’ve ever had. 2) WHAT MADE YOU TAKE THE LEAP TO START? I have always had an entrepreneurial spirit. I’ve been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mama and have always looked for ways to contribute to our family’s tight budget. When I realized more and more friends and family were wanting to hire me, I thought “why not?” and started Visions of Wonderland. 3) WHAT ARE THREE PIECES OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS? 1) Be willing to try new things, even if you don’t have any reason to think you might be good at it. 2) Make time for God, for yourself, and for the relationships that matter most to you. 3) Be willing to fail. Be willing to be vulnerable. Be willing to learn from your mistakes.
CONNECT WITH TIKA:
VISIT THE STUDIO:
: @visionsofwonderland
AUGUST 3-4, 2018 CENTRAL POINT, OR
www. vision sofw onde rland. com 62
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632 Crater Lake Ave Medford, OR 97504 phone: 541.778.7215 email: visionsofwonderland@gmail.com
When the stunning details debut & are captured
forevver in the
eyes of your guests & photographs
lasting a lifetime.
w w w. p a r t y g a l l e r y m e d f o r d . c o m : @partygallerymedford
: @partygallery_medford
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5 WAYS
TO KEEP GOING
W H E N
Y O U
W A N T
T O
G I VE
U P
1
Stop taking yourself so seriously. Really, it’s not the end of the world. Take a deep breath, be willing to laugh at yourself and your situation and move on.
2
Take stock of what what you have. It’s easy to focus on what’s missing or what you don’t have... stop it. Make a list of everything you have, and then choose to alter your perspective.
3
Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Lacey Farber has some good tips about taking care of yourself in this issue. Go read it again if you need to! Self-care is not selfish. We are designed to work from a place of rest and wholeness, not the other way around. We will crash and burn if we refuse to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, or relationally. I know this from experience; it took me over a year to recover from a crash-and-burn that I almost didn’t come back from.
4
Ask yourself questions that propel you forward. What’s not working? What is working? What are three things you can do this week to get back on track?
5
Choose to reconnect to why you started in the first place. Have you gotten off track, or have you just lost sight of what matters? Sometimes it’s as simple as being intentional and correcting your course.
uts! G r ou Y e Lov dsay n i L
“My goal is to create lasting relationships with my clients through the home buying process.” -Mandy Samhammer, Broker
MANDY SAMHAMMER BROKER, JOHN L. SCOTT 541-941-0745
WWW.MANDYSAMHAMMER.JOHNLSCOTT.COM W+W MAGAZINE
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WHEN YOU NEED A LITTE EXTRA HOPE & JOY...
Blessings of Hope & Joy 80
by Jan Elkins with Anna Elkins W+W MAGAZINE PHOTO BY DANNY HALL
P A V E
10 Ways to
T H E
W A Y
F O R
O T H E R S
+BE AUTHENTIC+
When you are real about your struggles and setbacks, it helps others understand that challenges are part of the process. +BE BRAVE+
When you are brave, it helps others believe they can be brave too. Courage is contagious. +CHAMPION OTHERS+
Make it your business to cheer on the women around you. +DON’T GOSSIP+
Protect the reputations of others. +BE A “NOTICER”+
Let the women in your life know that you notice the little, awesome things they are doing. +SET THE STAGE+
Do you use social media? How about using it to tell the world about the amazing women who are making a difference in your community? +STAND ALONGSIDE+
Do you know a woman who is working hard to start a business or even just struggling to keep her life together? Consider buying her product, or volunteering to help her, and let her know she is not alone. +REACH OUT+
In social settings, make it your business to sit by women who are sitting alone. +CALL OUT THE GOLD+
Pick someone in your life and tell them all the things you love about them. +LISTEN+
Take time to listen. Sometimes that’s all we need to help us take another step.
305 N Bartlett St, Medford, OR 97501 www.prettyinpaintshop.com @prettyinpaintshop