A Nutured Heart for Student Success

BY: MICHAEL MCKEE, ED.S., LSSP, NCSP

Since 2013, The Westview School has implemented The Nurtured Heart Approach® to shape interactions with students and support them in ways that make them feel valuable, competent, motivated, and empowered. Support Specialist Michael McKee shares a snapshot of how NHA works and how Westview uses "positive energy" to shape students’ behavior.

The Nurtured Heart Approach® is the philosophy that The Westview School has adopted to help promote positive relationships between our staff and students. One thing that is vitally important to understand from the beginning is that the Nurtured Heart Approach is not a behavior management strategy, per se. It is a program that requires intention and dedication. Many people who look to Nurtured Heart are looking for interventions to help at school or home, such as a simple adjustment to help address a common but frustrating problem. But those who seek to use the approach temporarily to fix a specific concern will likely see it fail because that is not what it is designed to be.

The Nurtured Heart Approach is comprised of three main stands. The first is “Absolutely No.” This stand means that negative behavior should not be “energized.” The purpose of the first stand is to refuse to give “energy” (i.e., direct or indirect attention) to negativity and not to become “energized” in response to negative behavior. Even when negative behavior is ignored, most kids can tell they have “hit a nerve,” and it is important for the adult not to show that.

While many parents and teachers can “ignore” bad behavior, adults sometimes have a difficult time (even indirectly) not energizing or showing that a child’s behavior has “gotten to them.” The core basis for this stand is that positivity does not work until we establish that “energy” is no longer provided in response to negativity.

The second stand is “Absolutely Yes.” With this stand, adults persistently “energize” (read as “provide enthusiastic and specific attention”) others by recognizing success and building positivity. In short, make the best of the time that you spend with children by using sincere acknowledgments and recognitions of appropriate/positive behaviors (i.e., “Thank you so much for putting away your toys. That shows me that you are respectful and responsible.”) Sincerity is very important in this stand as the child must genuinely believe that you mean what you say. This gives the acknowledgments more “energy.” For this stand to be successful, adults must shift their mindset. Similar to starting a diet or correcting a bad habit, a person has to truly set their mind to the idea that it will work or else it will not.

The final stand is “Absolutely Clear.” This requires that the adult maintains clear, unambiguous rules and gives brief, “un-energized” consequences when a rule is broken. This is the foundation for the “reset” that has become synonymous with Nurtured Heart. Rather than yelling or preaching when a rule has been broken, a simple “reset” is given to inform the child that the expectation is not being met. From there, the child has the opportunity to correct their behavior and get back to conduct that allows them to receive “energy” from the adult. To be successful, the response is given devoid of emotion or energy. The “reset” is simply a signal, and any other word or phrase could be used in its place, but it signals a pause in engagement that follows a broken rule. Once the rule is no longer being broken, the adult then reconnects with the child, typically in a manner that involves praise or energy (i.e., “Right now, you are no longer hitting me, even though I can tell that you are still upset. Thanks for resetting and showing such great self-control.”) From there, either the connection continues, or another “reset” is needed.

When done correctly, the Nurtured Heart Approach helps foster positive, successful relationships that will help address and improve many behavior problems that arise at home or in the classroom.

The core of the Nurtured Heart Approach is that a positive parent-child or teacher-student relationship is fundamental and integral in helping children learn self-regulation. Without the connection of the positive energy between the child and the adult, the removal of that energy has no consequence. On the flip side, if the child can receive “energy” from an adult for their bad behavior, there is little incentive to change what they are doing. Broadly speaking, adults should focus more of their energy on identifying and acknowledging the positive things that children do than they do on correcting negative behavior. When done correctly, the Nurtured Heart Approach helps foster positive, successful relationships that will help address and improve many behavior problems that arise at home or in the classroom.