Wellspring Issue #106

The Ultimate Chanukah Gift Giving Guide Giving Our Kids What They Truly Want

DECEMBER 2024 // KISLEV 5785 // ISSUE 106

MEDICAL MIRACLES

WHEN THE LAWS OF NATURE DON'T APPLY

When Less is So Much More Hakol Beseder

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Timing is Key for Vitamin D Health News Roundup

Chanukah Dishes For Potluck Parties

Ahallela: Thank and Sing Cup of Tea with Esther Schwartz

Forgiving When Forgetting is Impossible Vichna Belsky Replies

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WELLSPRING MAGAZINE DECEMBER 2024 | KISLEV 5785

| ISSUE #106

20

SCIENCE PLAYING CATCH-UP

By Rabbi YY Rubinstein Science is not stagnant; researchers are still finding new discoveries every day. Which is why, when Torah, and lehavdil, science are at odds, we aren’t fazed. They’ll get there, eventually. Or not. Either way, we’re patient.

We’ve got the truth on our side.

32

MEDICAL MIRACLES

By Tziri Hershkovitz In the medical world, we sometimes hold out hope for a medicinal solution or surgical intervention, forgetting that all healing is miraculous. But when Hashem subverts expectations and gives us the yeshuah we prayed for, we sit up and take notice.

50

KEEP MOVING

By Chaya Tziry Retter, RDN, BS, CPT Step into our new virtual exercise studio with our resident fitness instructor for a fun and functional workout. Just grab your mat and a bottle of water, stretch a bit, and you’re ready to start!

8

WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

‫ווארעםאוןהיימיש‬ ‫לכבוד חנוכה‬

WELLSPRING MAGAZINE DECEMBER 2024 | KISLEV 5785

| ISSUE #106

WELL INFORMED 14 Springboard 18 Spiritual Eating 20 Torah Wellspring 24 Health News

LIVING WELL

WELLBEING

32 Cover Feature

72

Hakol Beseder

38 Giving them Our Hearts

74

Seasonal Stumpers

46 Second Opinion

76

Well Answered

48 Community

78

Marital Health

50 Fitness

80 Wallet Wellness

52 Cup of Tea

82 Mind and You

58 Medical Saga

EAT WELL

64 Gut Reaction

Editor In Chief Tziri Hershkovitz Deputy Editor Libby Silberman Feature Editors Vichna Belsky, Devorah Levitz Copy Editors Gitti Feldinger, Meira Lawrence

68 Intuitive Eating

106 Holistic

Nutrition Contributors Tanya Rosen, MS CAI CPT, Shani Taub, CDC

Fitness Advisory Board Syma Kranz, PFC, Esther Fried, PFC

WELLSPRING MAGAZINE

FAREWELL

Health Advisory Board Dr. Rachael Schindler, Laura Shammah, MS, RDN, Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE, Bashy Halberstam, INHC, Shaindy Oberlander, INHC, Dr. Adina Mintz, PA-C Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

EDITORIAL

Health Advisory Board Dr. Chayala Englard, Chaya Tilla Brachfeld, RN

67 More or Less

Editorial Contributors Rabbi Yehoshua Belsky LMSW, Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS, Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein, Baruch Niebloom, Rabbanit Orit Esther Riter

FOOD & CONTENT Food Editor Aviva Emek Recipe Creators Yossi & Malky Levine Food Styling Malky Levine

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

SCAN FOR YOUR KIT

EDITOR'S NOTE

man nature. Understanding that, or at least accepting that, makes for happier relationships.

Perhaps something to keep in mind as we get together with family over the next few days.

On each night of Chanukah, walking the streets at dusk will offer you that heartwarming scene of families gathered around the menorahs as the candles are being lit. There’s something so cozy about the way the family stands together, and the experience is somehow amplified by its purposeful occurrence at a window, within view of those passing by. The irony, of course, is that the one huddled outdoors on that cold December evening isn’t feeling as toasty and warm as those on the other side of the glass. It’s the same menorah, the same candles, the same moment—but entirely different experiences.

There are many popular analogies that bring this point home. Even when ostensibly viewed from the same angle, the same experience will still feel entirely different to each individual. Colored by personality, perception, and past experiences, whether one’s story is a happy one or sad one is entirely in the eyes of the beholder.

We all have a life story that we call our own. Reflecting upon it can make us feel blessed, disappointed, grateful, sorry, or a myriad of other emotions. And as life would have it, others in our story might have entirely different interpretations of the exact same events; that’s hu-

But this is not so much a message about understanding the perspectives of others as it is about understanding the power of our own.

Much like our story can be perceived differently by different people, we too have the ability to view our circumstances as positively or negatively as we choose. We’re the author of our own life story. The way we tell our story will determine whether it’s a happy one.

The Chanukah story could have focused on the wondrous Maccabean victory. After all, the few and weak defeating the massive Greek army was a miracle of monumental proportions. And yet, it isn’t the focal point of Chanukah.

There is a reason for that.

For all our familiarity with the Chanukah story, a key element has been glossed over in the way it was related to us. To be fair to our educators, our school-aged children don’t need to associate this wonderful, enchanting Yom Tov with the bloodshed and horror that transpired. But as adults, it would behoove us to understand the era and appreciate the saga and the lessons it teaches us.

There was a flipside to the massively victorious Chanukah miracle, and that is the fact that the battle wasn’t solely fought against the Greeks—it was a civil war with brother fighting brother.

As modern culture infiltrated

Jewish homes, many families had inadvertently become Hellenized.

Despite the sages’ demand for an adjustment in direction, they were finding it impossible to stem the flow of assimilation. Mattisyahu Kohen Gadol called to those who still sided with Hashem, in his famous battle cry of “Mi laHashem eilai!” It was a wakeup call, and a shakeup for all.

At the end of the tragic conflagration, countless Jews were dead, too.

True, the vast majority of deaths occurred in the modernized camp, but irrespective of which side of the aisle they were on, it was Yiddishe lives that were snuffed out in the war. A tragedy, by all accounts.

Which only strengthens the previous question. Why do we primarily focus on the neis of a small cruse of oil? Why don’t we focus on the lives lost, or perhaps, since it is a crucial part of our survival, why aren’t we celebrating the war won?

That isn’t the story we tell, because that isn’t who we are. We aren’t victims, nor are we warriors.

We focus on the candles because we are purely a nation of light—and a light unto the nations. A positive, glowing force of goodness and kindness that can’t be quenched.

Candles have the unique power to light up the darkness. With chessed, with learning, and with the laughter of little children, we light a glow in the bleakest of nights and it is dark no longer. But more than exemplifying brightness, Chanukah is also the reminder to focus on the positive, because when looking at the light, it’s never dark.

Wishing you all a freilichen, lichtigen Chanukah,

tz i v o k h s r e H i r i Tz

tziri@wellspringmagazine.com

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

13

SPRINGBOARD

that it is a popular lifestyle in Scandinavia. I thought only our family knew about it!

Rising Above Issue #105: Winter Wellness Thanks for a delightful magazine— absolutely a masterpiece! The recent article on “Winter Wellness with Hygge Warmth” relayed interesting and helpful winter warming tips. It was written so well that just reading about hygge conveyed the coziness of being home and warm.

However, the punch line emphasizes Wellspring quality at its best: “I looked at the Shabbos candles…who needs the Danes to explain it?…We are blessed to be familiar with a weekly experience of hygge that is so much more.”

With Shabbos, indeed we are.

Mrs. K. Brieger

As We’ve Been Saying…

Issue #105: Winter Wellness I just want to thank you so much for the article on the concept of hygge, which I really appreciated.

My family has a special word that sounds very similar to the word “hygge,” which we have always used to mean a delicious combination of “cozy,” “comfortable,” “snuggly,” “warm,” “family time,” “hot-drinkon-the-couch,” “thick fuzzy blanket,” and all the things you described in the article.

Our word originated from my parents’ old neighbors back in England more than forty years ago, and is used by my parents and siblings, our spouses and children, and is already being passed on to the next generation. It’s a made-up word that other people simply don’t have—and my family members strongly feel that if you don’t have the word, you’ve never had the experience. Because if something is just “cozy,” it’s only that, and likewise if it’s “comfortable” or “snuggly” or “warm.” But our special word combines all those yummy ideas and experiences into one delightful concept that we all understand and appreciate, so when I read your article on hygge, I knew exactly what it was talking about. I was amazed to learn that there is a Danish word for this concept and

I’ve asked my mother if she can track down our old neighbor to ask her if the word we picked up from them all those years ago was made up as we thought—or if it was rooted in the word “hygge” all along!

Wishing Wellspring readers a hygge winter!

M.L., Ramat Beit Shemesh

Healthy Hugs Issue #103: Holistic, Emotional Health Welcome, Tziri Hershkovitz, to your new position as editor of this most amazing magazine. Each article is eye-opening and inspiring. Rabbi Glaser’s column is always on target and so “tzum zach”! The recipe before Sukkos for the brisket done in the crockpot was terrific and so tasty.

My favorite column in issue 103 was the Holistic Emotional Health topic by Tziri Hershkovitz. Your insights and explanation on physical touch producing endorphins were great. I’ve started giving the children a back rub, quick massage, or tight hug as they leave the

GET IN TOUCH Wellspring invites readers to submit letters and comments via email to info@wellspringmagazine.com. We reserve the right to edit all submissions and will withhold your name upon request. We will honor requests for anonymity, but we cannot consider letters that arrive without contact information.

14

WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

Any health information, advice, or suggestions published here are the opinion of the letter writer and are not independently investigated, endorsed, or validated by Wellspring. Always seek the advice of a qualified health professional or medical practitioner regarding any medical advice, condition, or treatment.

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Quick Question Question: I am a working mother and cannot afford to miss too many days of work. Sometimes I feel torn when I have to make a decision about whether or not to send my child to school so I can get to my job.

What are the rules about sending a sick child to school or a babysitter? What about if a child had fever the night before, but in the morning they feel perfect? What should I do if my child tests positive for strep throat? What if my child has diarrhea and some nausea?

Answer: If your child has a body temperature of 100.4°F, it is considered a fever and the child should not be sent to school. The rule of thumb and rule of ethics is that a child should be without fever for 24 hours prior to returning to school. You are not only protecting others but also protecting your own child from not getting sicker while fighting an infection or virus.

If your child tested positive for strep, they can go to school and resume normal activities in and out of the home, after 24 hours of medication.

When it comes to vomiting or diarrhea, it is unfair to the daycare center, school, or other children to send your child to school, until they are symptom-free for 24 hours.

You may want to consult with your child’s doctor for advice. In general, it is a good idea to give your children some vitamin C and immune support during winter months to reduce colds, flu, and viruses.

Have a healthy winter, Miriam Schweid, Health Consultant

home or while we wait for the bus in the morning.

In general, your insights are terrific; keep them coming. Wishing you lots of hatzlachah as you continue providing health and nutritional advice to all of us.

Each issue is a diamond!

E. Wertheimer, Boro Park, New York

charmed throughout.

I’d like to add my own hygge sentiment that I feel was skipped. For me, hygge is sitting on the porch in the winter, when there is a strong sun shining.

It’s winter and cold, but I feel warmed

by Hashem’s sun’s rays. I daven on the back porch, and what further emphasizes hygge—or rather, takes it to the next level—is connecting to the words of my tefillos and to Hashem. Those moments of connection, where I feel warmed by the awareness that all will be alright, and that everything already is alright, are ultimate hygge for me.

Keep the wonderful articles coming!

An Additional Anecdote Issue #105: Winter Wellness I greatly enjoyed your article on hygge. It was a delightful concept and in the telling of it, with the little anecdotes interspersed, you gave us the cozy hygge feel. I was thoroughly

16

WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

C.B. Steinberg, Williamsburg, New York

Where’s the Controversy?

Issue #105: Health News Roundup

I am always fascinated by how health news, which should ostensibly just be about our wellbeing, is somehow being politicized. What I can’t understand is why the food coloring in our children’s morning cereal, something that is by and large recognized as unhealthy and unnecessary, is still being included. There was recent talk about Robert F. Kennedy Jr. being given a role in the Trump administration and the liberal side of the media were complaining about his outlandish ideas, using his criticism of food coloring as a prime example. But what is outlandish or even controversial about removing toxic dyes from our children’s food?

Thank you, Wellspring, for making us aware of the controversy surrounding Kellogg’s. Even if we don’t eat their cereal, it has had me looking at the ingredients of my children’s kosher cereal and I was disappointed to find that even the non-colorful ones include

Yellow-5, which is made from a cancer-causing chemical called benzidine that is also linked to depression, irritability, and other neurobehavioral reactions in children.

Malka Sara Silber, Monsey, New York

Updating Nutrition Education Issue #105: Health News Roundup I found the news about the lack of nutrition education in medical school to be spot on. I recently graduated with my BA in premed and was flummoxed at what the purported “nutrition course” covered. The “science” on the topic was at least fifty years old. The new textbooks still focused on the food groups and pyramids, something that all current studies have long denounced as unhealthy and unhelpful. While we were taught basic information regarding nutrition, they didn’t particularly stress on the importance of these nutrients and how they could be effective in staving off illnesses and aiding in our healing.

I do hope the goal is achieved and our doctors once again focus on not only treating our illnesses, but also on promoting good health.

Rochel F., Suffern, New York

Happy and Homey Issue #105: Hakol Beseder Your November issue was, to use a word I recently learned, hygge. It was hygge to read it and I felt hygge when I thought about and tried the ideas too.

And in the end, I was charmed, absolutely charmed, by Tziri Hershkovitz’s Home Sweet Home. I tried her ideas on making the cleanup tasks fun, and boy did the kids love it! Now, every evening we put on music as we dance through our kitchen cleanup. The goal is to get it done before the song finishes. And we do it!

Who knew that housework could make for the sweetest and happiest memories?

I appreciate Wellspring for recognizing another aspect of our health—a happy home.

Thank you!

Leba Goldman, Teaneck, New Jersey

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

17

SPIRITUAL EATING

By Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS

Free Will to Change

As the brothers were conspiring to slay Yosef, Reuven intervened to save his life—albeit in a rather peculiar way.

“And Reuven said, ‘Shed no blood! Throw him into this pit in the wilderness, but lay no hand on him!’—intending to rescue him from their hands, to return him to his father” (Bereishis 37:22).

Rashi tells us that the pit into which Yosef was thrown was filled with snakes and scorpions. How could throwing Yosef into a pit filled with dangerous creatures be viewed as an effective method of rescuing him, and why does the verse say that Reuven intended to save him “from their hands”? Isn’t that superfluous and self-understood? What is the Torah teaching us?

The Ohr Hachaim explains that the brothers’ ire was exacerbated by Yosef’s dreams of leadership. They wanted to prove that the dreams were nothing more than the folly of an immature child, and killing him, they reasoned, would certainly accomplish this. Reuven interceded, claiming that if the brothers themselves struck the fatal blows, it would not disprove the significance of Yo-

sef’s dreams. Why? Because even if the prophetic visions were indeed true, the free will of human beings is capable of altering an otherwise accurate prophecy.

Reuven argued, “Let him be subject to ‘the hands’ of snakes and scorpions, which possess no free will. If he fabricated his dreams, he would be subject to the normal rules of nature and thereby be vulnerable to their attack. But if the dreams were true, the prophetic foresight would be proven precise as Hashem would certainly safeguard his survival in order for him to fulfill his future leadership role.”

Seemingly, Reuven believed the innocence of his brother Yosef and intended to return him to their father Yaakov. This was why he suggested that Yosef be cast into the pit.

“Reuven returned to the pit— and behold—Yosef was not in the pit [because the other brothers sold him to the Arabs].

So he tore his garments” (Bereishis 37:29).

We can’t claim victim to life’s circumstances while neglecting our health and wellbeing.

world, and so it can certainly change ourselves.

“My day is already too busy; I don’t have time to start exercising or preparing healthy food for myself and my family.”

“If I didn’t have such pressures in life—parnassah, my kids, my spouse—I wouldn’t be so tempted to chill out with a little chocolate.”

These are common and convenient excuses made by many of us.

The problem is, we really have no excuse. The responsibility to safeguard our health and take appropriate actions to eat well and care for our bodies is in no one’s hands but our own.

We can’t claim victim to life’s circumstances while neglecting our health and wellbeing. We have the ability to change ourselves, our behavior, and even our habits.

Hashem Yisbarach gave each and every one of us the free will to do so. So let’s just do it!

Through this episode, the Ohr Hachaim reveals a fundamental lesson in essential Jewish philosophy. The free will of a human being can change the

Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS, is the founder and director of Soveya and the author of the best-selling book Enough Is Enough—How the Soveya Solution Is Revolutionizing the Diet and Weight-Loss World, available on Amazon and at Barnes & Nobles and Judaica Plaza in Lakewood. He has worked with thousands of clients around the world and has maintained a 130-pound weight loss for the last 19 years. For more information about Soveya’s programs call 732-578-8800, email info@soveya.com, or visit www.soveya.com.

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

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Science Playing Catch-up

Everyone knows Ben Bag Bag’s famous statement in the fifth perek of Avos, “Turn the Torah over and turn it over again because everything is in it.”

I imagine Ben Bag Bag was basing his statement on the fact that Hashem wrote the Torah first and then from it created the universe with its countless galaxies, stars, and planets. The Torah was the blueprint from which everything in creation was designed.

There are even more worlds to discover when, instead of looking up and gazing at the wonders of Hashem through a telescope, we look down through a microscope. It always surprises me when science finds itself playing catch-up to what the Torah says. I am also amazed that any Jew is surprised to find this happening.

An example of this happened to me just a few days ago. I was speaking on a panel to an audience of end-of-life and hospice professionals. My fellow panelists were Michelle Stravitz, who is the executive director of the American Medical Jewish Association, and Dr. Mayer Bellehsen, director of the Center for Traumatic Stress, Resilience, and Recovery, Northwell Health, New York.

Dr Bellehsen said something that astonished and excited me.

20

WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

Recent research, shared in a journal called Psychological Biology, showed that the ordeals of Holocaust survivors in the ghettos and death camps left them with much more than the number on their arms.

Researchers focused on a stress gene called FKBP5, which is linked to PTSD, depression, and mood and anxiety disorders. They found that those who had endured the torment of the Holocaust suffered an effect on and alteration to their FKBP5 gene. That same abnormality was passed on to their children as well as their offspring, many of whom showed signs of depression and anxiety.

Children of Holocaust survivors often report that their parents’ experiences aren’t just events they can and do picture in their minds. Those children see those images as though they actually happened to them.

Some second-generation survivors believe and feel that they can recall the smell of death that permeated the camps or hear the screams of victims.

This research, which shows the parent’s altered gene presenting in their child, indeed suggests the possibility that they can.

Listening to this discovery, a worrying and upsetting thought entered my mind: Does every Jew have an altered FKBP5 gene? Are we all prone

to depression and anxiety because of it? How long does this altered gene last? To how many generations does it carry over its vulnerabilities?

Have we all been tattooed both inside and out that these letters define who and what we are?

If we are not the children of Holocaust survivors, we may be the descendants of Jews who fled the pogroms of der Heim in the late nineteenth century. We are very likely to be the children of Jews who suffered expulsion from some European city or other. Our ancestors will have been expelled from numerous countries or had to flee the Inquisition or the Crusades. Have we all been tattooed and scarred both inside and out so many times that the letters FKBP5 define who and what we are?

The answer to that haunting question is a resounding no.

Let me explain why.

You see, this is not the first time I have come across this kind of research.

One of my daughters-in-law is

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TORAH WELLSPRING

the deputy head of the fertility clinic at Shaare Zedek Hospital in Jerusalem. A few years ago, she showed me research that found that people’s bechirah, their choices, also impacts and changes their DNA. And if I could possibly imagine and paraphrase Ben Bag Bag’s reaction to hearing this truly astonishing research, it would probably be a shrug of his shoulder and a “Nu! So what’s new?” He had already pointed out that everything is in the Torah anyway.

Let me show you one place where that new discovery was already expressed very beautifully, Rav Yisrael Salanter’s commentary on Avos, Ruach Chaim.

In the beginning of the fifth perek, the second Mishnah states: “There were ten generations from Noach to Avraham.”

The third Mishnah then states: “Through ten tests Avraham Avinu was tested.”

Rav Salanter focuses on why he is called “Avraham” in the first Mishnah, but “Avraham Avinu,” our father, in the next: “The pasuk in Mishlei says: ‘Anyone who follows the path of a tzaddik, happy are his sons after him.’ The many middos (character refinements) that a tzaddik struggles to acquire are passed on to his children as their basic nature. With only a little work and effort from them, those middos are awakened and activated. We see this repeated throughout history, where so many ‘simple’ Jews were willing to give up their lives to die for kiddush Hashem. That ability was embedded in them from Avraham, who

22

WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

was willing to die in Ur Kasdim l’kadesh Shem Shamayim. The same is true of all the tests that Avraham conquered. His victories became part of who and what we are.”

That is why when referencing Avraham’s tests, the Mishnah uses the word “Avinu.” He literally became our father through those tests that he passed, transferring that triumph onto and into us.

When I first used to teach these words to my talmidim and talmidos, I felt I had to add the caveat that this is a phenomenon that science would reject. But it doesn’t reject it anymore!

I really can picture Ben Bag Bag shrugging and saying, “Told you so!” He would not be in the least surprised at science finding itself playing catch-up to what the Torah said long ago.

And Avraham’s alteration to our genes did not create sadness and depression; it created happiness and simchah: “Anyone who follows the path of a tzaddik, happy are his sons after him.”

Darkness became light…a sad gene was replaced with a happy one.

One of the most common strategies psychologists and therapists use for combating depression and anxiety is also found in the Torah. It is called “positive reframing.” It is quite a complicated approach, but in laymen’s terms, it is about looking for positive thoughts, speech, and images to replace and cancel out negative ones.

It is the equivalent of the “white noise” that today’s headphones use to cancel out disturbing background noise. The therapy often emphasizes the need to find someone—a professional or a friend—to practice with and help the client get used to seeing things positively and making that process second nature.

In fact, this is exactly what happened in the Chanukah story. The trauma Klal Yisrael experienced as the Greeks’ control of their lives metastasized from tolerance to vicious and lethal oppression was intense.

Women in particular suffered, and years and decades went by with no relief. It’s easy for us, who know all the horrible details of that part of our history,

This is one of the reasons the oil burned for eight days. Darkness became light…a sad gene was replaced with a happy one.

I recently became aware of a Jew who lived in the 19th century in Ukraine and became one of history’s most famous doctors. He was a proud Jew who fought against Ukrainian anti-Semites trying to kill Jews in a pogrom. He discovered a vaccine for bubonic plague and cholera and saved many millions of lives. His name was Sir Waldemar Wolff Haffkine.

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Of course, Ben Bag Bag might simply shrug and say, “Nu! So what’s new?”

UK born, Rabbi YY Rubinstein learned in the famous Gateshead Yeshiva for ten years where he received semicha. He is an international speaker and the author of fourteen books. His latest, "Never Alone,” for teens and young adults who've lost a parent, arrived in bookstores this year.

1

“Alone of all religions and philosophies, the faith which binds together the Jews has not been harmed by the advance of research, but on the contrary has been vindicated in its profoundest tenets…Slowly and by degrees, science is being brought to recognize the existence of one power which has no beginning and no end…The sum total of the scientific discoveries of our lands confirm the world’s recognition of the words of our prayer, Adon Olam.”

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Toward the end of his life, he wrote a pamphlet called “A Plea for Orthodoxy,” which was about science playing “catch-up”:

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The path they had been on that had only led to depression and sadness changed to a path that already lay preprogrammed and dormant within them. It was the path of a tzaddik, about which we are promised, “Happy are his sons who follow after him.”

Before

But, as the Bach famously explains, when things seemed darkest, Mattisyahu and his sons started to show the Yidden how to see things in a different way—an old tried-and-tested way. They were asked to consider what would happen if they chose to follow in the path of Avraham Avinu instead.

His choices had already made the alterations he’d passed on to them within their Jewish genes. They decided to try positive reframing.

After

to imagine generations scarred and their FKBP5 genes altered.

HEALTH NEWS

HEALTH NEWS ROUNDUP

By Pnina Schoss

No Standing Ovation New research suggests that switching to a standing desk might not be the best way to prevent issues caused by prolonged sitting. Standing desks were born out of an attempt to decrease the amount of time people spend sitting due to the connection between extensive sitting and health issues like obesity and cardiovascular diseases. Millions of Americans spend most of their waking hours working at a computer, and as such, the sitting position isn’t ideal.

However, new research implies that standing desks aren’t as great a solution as initially believed. The study found that standing for prolonged periods could lead to its own circulatory issues due to blood pooling in the legs, which can lead to varicose veins. The solution? Movement. Instead of swapping your seated desk for a standing one, it could be more beneficial to take short walks, or at least move around and stretch your legs intermittently throughout the day. But if you’re committed to staying in one spot for a long time, switching between standing and sitting could still be a good solution to stave off any impending physical issues.

Bring on the Fish Oil New research published in The International Journal of Psychiatry in Medicine has found a link between higher omega-3 fatty acid intake and improved cognitive abilities in older adults. Researchers discovered that participants who consumed more omega-3 fats scored higher on cognitive tests. The global rise in the number of older adults suffering from cognitive decline has been in the spotlight, as it affects memory, learning, and the ability to carry out daily tasks. Researchers have long been interested in dietary factors that might influence cognitive health. Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fatty fish, flaxseeds, and walnuts, are known to benefit cardiovascular and brain health, and some studies have suggested a protective role against dementia. Interestingly, the analysis also suggested that this relationship is nonlinear. For example, cognitive scores improved most rapidly with omega-3 intake levels up to a certain point, beyond which the improvement leveled off. This pattern suggests that while moderate omega-3 consumption is beneficial, consuming very high amounts may not lead to further cognitive gains.

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

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Thymus: A Hidden Treasure There’s a small fatty gland that sits behind your sternum and is often said to be “useless” in adulthood. A retrospective study, however, suggests the thymus gland is not nearly as expendable as experts once thought. US researchers found that those who have their thymus removed face an increased risk of death from any cause in the five years following the surgery.

They also face an increased risk of developing cancer during that time.

Timing is Key for Vitamin D Vitamin D, commonly called the “sunshine vitamin,” is essential for many bodily functions, including reducing inflammation and supporting bone and immune health. The body makes vitamin D by exposing the skin to sunlight. However, factors such as geographic location and seasonality affect vitamin D levels. Some foods naturally contain vitamin D or are fortified with this essential nutrient. Still, most people do not get enough vitamin D, turning to supplements to fill nutrient gaps.

Research suggests it may be best to take vitamin D in the morning rather than in the evening, as evening intake may reduce production of melatonin, which typically helps a person feel sleepy. In essence, melatonin and vitamin D work in opposition because vitamin D levels vary with the time of day and sun exposure. Vitamin D levels tend to be higher in sunnier areas, while melatonin production tends to increase when there is less sun, such as during the winter or at higher latitudes (farther from the equator). Morning hours are definitely a more effective time to take this important supplement so as not to interfere with a person’s natural melatonin levels.

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

“We discovered that the thymus is absolutely required for health. If it isn’t there, people’s risk of dying and risk of cancer is at least double,” Harvard University oncologist David Scadden said when the research was published last year. Researchers argue that preserving the thymus “should be a clinical priority” where possible. In childhood, the thymus is known to play a critical role in developing the immune system. When the gland is removed at a young age, patients show long-term reductions in T cells, which are a type of white blood cell that combats germs and disease. Kids without a thymus also tend to have an impaired immune response to vaccines. As children mature, however, the thymus shrivels up and produces far fewer T cells for the body. It can seemingly be removed without immediate harm, and because it sits in front of the heart, it is often taken out during cardiothoracic surgery. Why these associations exist is unknown, but researchers suspect a lack of thymus somehow interferes with the healthy function of the adult immune system.

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HEALTH NEWS

HEALTH NEWS ROUNDUP

Emulsifiers and the Gut When inventing a new food additive, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) requires a safety study before approval. These studies must show that the additive is healthy for humans—but it doesn’t test the effects on gut microbes. That’s a major oversight because we now know that gut microbes are enormously important for our health. Researchers say that going forward, we must test additives against beneficial gut microbes to make sure we don’t kill them or—worse yet—boost any disease-causing pathogens. Some researchers are doing just that, and the results are disturbing.

A recent study by Lee-Yan Sheen and colleagues from the National Taiwan University found that many emulsifiers, especially synthetic ones, cause changes to the gut microbiome. Emulsifiers are additives that help oil and water mix, and they create a smooth mouthfeel that manufacturers prize. They are found in a surprisingly large number of processed foods, including peanut butter, bread, and ice cream. The researchers found that emulsifiers helped bacteria to invade the mucus layer lining the gut. Mucus is the first line of defense we have against pathogens, so this is concerning. With the mucus compromised, microbes and their toxins find it easier to pass through the gut lining and enter the bloodstream. The researchers found evidence of systemic inflammation as a result and an uptick in metabolic disorders, including increased blood sugar levels and insulin resistance.

More Flak for Melatonin New research published in Psychiatry Research Communications suggests that the hormone melatonin may be closely linked to the severity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) symptoms in children. A study led by Hamamatsu University School of Medicine found that genetic variations affecting melatonin production could contribute to ADHD symptoms, particularly through disrupted sleep patterns. Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the pineal gland in response to darkness, helping regulate sleep-wake cycles. Disruptions in melatonin production can make it harder to fall asleep, affecting sleep quality and overall well-being. Melatonin has other roles as well, including supporting immune function and reducing inflammation.

For many individuals, melatonin secretion follows a predictable pattern, rising in the evening and lowering in the morning. However, certain conditions, such as ADHD, may interfere with typical melatonin levels, disrupting the sleep cycle. The levels may be too high or too low. Therefore, for children with ADHD, one common challenge is establishing a stable sleep routine. Many struggle to fall asleep on time, which worsens their daytime symptoms and leads to a cycle of sleep deprivation and increased hyperactivity or inattention. Parents of children with ADHD should be vigilant in monitoring the child’s synthetic melatonin intake, so as not to worsen the already dysregulated levels.

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HEALTH NEWS

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Bones Remember, Too It’s common knowledge that our brains—and, specifically, our brain cells—store memories. But a team of scientists has discovered that cells from other parts of the body also perform a memory function, opening new pathways for understanding how memory works and creating the potential to enhance learning and to treat memory-related afflictions.

In the research, the scientists studied two types of non-brain human cells in a laboratory and exposed them to different patterns of chemical signals—just like brain cells are exposed to patterns of neurotransmitters when we learn new information. In response, the non-brain cells turned on a “memory gene”—the same gene that brain cells turn on when they detect a pattern in the information and restructure their connections in order to form memories. To monitor the memory and learning process, the scientists engineered these non-brain cells to make a glowing protein, which indicated when the memory gene was on and when it was off. The results showed that these cells could determine when the chemical pulses, which imitated bursts of neurotransmitter in the brain, were repeated rather than simply prolonged—just as neurons in our brain can register when we learn with breaks rather than cramming all the material in one sitting.

“This discovery opens new doors for understanding how memory works and could lead to better ways to enhance learning and treat memory problems,” observed one of the researchers.

“At the same time, it suggests that in the future, we will need to treat our body more like the brain—for example, consider what our pancreas remembers about the pattern of our past meals to maintain healthy levels of blood glucose or consider what a cancer cell remembers about the pattern of chemotherapy.”

Upping the Daily Stroll For many people, walking is the simplest and most doable form of exercise. All that’s required is slipping on a pair of comfortable shoes and opening the front door. But do you need to do anything special to reap the health benefits of a daily stroll? There is plenty of misinformation out there on this subject. Common advice like aiming for 10,000 steps a day makes it seem like maximizing the impact of walking means covering long distances or keeping up a heart-thudding pace. But much of this advice is based on folk wisdom, not science. What does the research actually show?

A new study suggests the key to getting the greatest benefits from your walking routine isn’t meeting super intense goals; it’s pausing more often to stop and smell the roses. For a recent study published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, a team of researchers measured the oxygen consumption of study participants as they engaged in short bouts of between 10 and 240 seconds of walking on a treadmill. They discovered that our bodies are kind of like cars. Just as you need to really step on it to get your car up to speed, our bodies burn 20 to 60 percent more energy (and therefore oxygen) while they’re accelerating. Cruising along at a steady speed burns less fuel for both humans and motor vehicles. This means that the walks that burned the most energy—and likely had the biggest impact on fitness and health—weren’t those where people ran for miles. They were the walks in which people paused, took a breather, and then started up again.

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COVER FEATURE

MEDICAL MIRACLES WHEN THE LAWS OF NATURE DON'T APPLY

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

On Chanukah we celebrate the unexpected.

The unfathomable. The unnatural. On Chanukah we celebrate the miraculous.

In Hashem’s brilliantly designed universe, every day is replete with miracles.

Although scientists know the “whats,” they often can’t explain the “hows” or “whys.” Why do fruits ripen to such appealing colors?

How does the human body know how to form?

How do creatures, from animals to insects, know precisely what they need for survival? The more we learn, the more we can marvel at nature, at derech ha’teva.

But sometimes, the expected is subverted, and Hashem, Who decides what’s expected, flips the script and pens a different result.

By Tziri Hershkovitz

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

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COVER FEATURE

In the medical world, especially, there’s an expectation of scientific quantifiable proof.

Things have to make sense.

There’s cause and effect, action and reaction. There’s a trajectory of a disease, and sometimes a medicinal route to a cure. One plus one must always equal two. But what of those times when the inexplicable occurs? Where tefillah trumps a terminal prognosis or a rebbe’s berachah turns things around?

There is a story told about a very sick man who was to have a medical procedure done. Prior to the surgery, his family congregated in the waiting room and collectively recited Tehillim amid copious tears. As the group completed their tefillos, the oncology professor came into the room and advised the sons that some more scans would be taken prior to surgery.

“Haven’t you already done imaging?” one son inquired.

“Why the repeat?”

“This is not my first rodeo,” the professor replied. “I saw what transpired here and I’ve seen the impact prayers like this can yield. I’m not going into surgery before I know what I am dealing with.”

“Shema Hashem techinasi, Hashem tefilasi yikach— Hashem has heard my plea, and Hashem will accept my prayer” (Tehillim 6:10).

Tefillah changes things. Scientists struggle to explain it

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

logically, speculating that perhaps healing that occurs after prayer is simply an aftereffect of hope—that a positive mindset creates positive outcomes.

But what they can’t fathom are scenarios like the above, where intercessory prayer, tefillah on another’s behalf, has the power to bring about miraculous results.

They can’t; we can.  When faced with any troubles, a Yid reaches for his Tehillim, goes to his rebbe for a berachah, takes on a kabbalah, or increases his acts of chessed.

tuned her out. I was horrified.

“At my first opportunity, I went to my rebbe for a berachah that whatever the side effect of the SUA, it should be mild, with a healthy baby on the other side of the journey.

No, we don’t rely on miracles, but we know we are living them. Every part of our existence is a miracle, and we know that on a plane higher than the one we can easily comprehend, our acts down here can pull strings up there.

We’ve seen it time and again.

“The Rebbe listened, looked at the kvittel, and then said, ‘Doctors should be penalized for making so many mistakes; maybe then they would be more careful about scaring people like this.’ The Rebbe then repeated, ‘Doctors make mistakes. May it be’ezras Hashem be a healthy baby be’sha’ah tovah!’

“After a prolonged sonogram,” Tzipporah relates, “where multiple doctors were consulted to stare at the grayscale images, my doctor called me into her office. The scans had shown just a single umbilical artery (SUA), where every umbilical cord is meant to have two. “‘Often, chromosomal abnormalities come with SUAs,’ she explained, ‘But SUAs don’t necessarily mean there are chromosomal issues.’ She tried to be reassuring but then went on to explain that SUAs typically lead to growth restriction, early delivery, cardiac, neurological, or renal issues. By that point, I had

“I walked out of the room holding the berachah close to my heart. A healthy baby. Despite the odds, the Rebbe had promised me a healthy baby.

"I walked out of the room holding the berachah close to my heart."

“Esa einei el he’harim, mei’ayin yavo ezri, ezri mei’im Hashem—I lift up my eyes to the mountains, from whence will my help come? My help comes from Hashem” (Tehillim 121:1–2).

“Later that week I went for the fetal echocardiogram. It was a torturous two-and-ahalf-hour ordeal with a callous technician who didn’t want to answer any questions. She did hand me tissues when I asked for them, though. I’d been davening silently, and my face was wet with tears.

“When the sonogram was over, I waited for ten tense minutes until my doctor came rushing into the room, all apologetic. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she began. My heart dropped. Was it worse than she’d predicted?

‘No, I’m sorry for what I said the first time. It’s not an SUA. I reviewed the earlier scans, and it clearly looked like it then, but we were wrong; the umbilical cord is fine. You should not experience any complications.’”  Be the berachos, tefillos, or kabbalos, it is our unquestioning faith in a Divine Power Who hears and appreciates our efforts that makes them effective. The Ribbono Shel Olam designed our world, and everything therein. It doesn’t require much on His end to

grant our desires.

“My mother’s numbers weren’t good,” Mindy shared.

“We’d given it our all. She had undergone radiation and chemotherapy, and we’d attempted natural remedies, but the numbers were still heading in the wrong direction. When it was abundantly obvious that the current protocol was doing more harm than good, we made an appointment with a highly recommended specialist, but in the interim, there wasn’t much we could do. All treatments were halted while we waited for the appointment.

“We felt so helpless until we reminded ourselves of the power of tefillah. And so, in addition to the Tehillim we were already saying, the men arranged an early morning minyan at the Satmar Rebbe’s tziyon, and while they said Tehillim there, we women rallied together, joining in from home.

“My sisters and I also decided that as tznius was such a focal point of the Rebbe’s mission, we would each take upon ourselves a small kabbalah

"We felt so helpless until we reminded ourselves of the power of tefillah."

in tznius for the Rebbe’s neshamah and for our mother’s refuah.

“Two weeks later, at the long-awaited appointment, the specialist studied the lab work and remarked, ‘You must be doing something right. The numbers have gone down over 90 percent.’”

“Nora’os be’tzedek ta’aneinu Elokei yisheinu—With awesome deeds, through Your charity You shall answer us, Hashem of our salvation” (Tehillim 65:6).  “Medical miracle” is the blanket term for when doctors are stumped, when all odds are defied, and all expectations subverted. Science sees reality in a single dimension, an earthly endeavor. We know it to be so much more.

Albert Einstein, one of the most brilliant minds in the last century, was also very pragmatic. As a scientist, he

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

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COVER FEATURE

had to be. And yet, even he was stumped by the beautiful symmetry and inexplicable synchronicity of every facet of nature.

Considering the complex set of conditions required for the existence of our planet—the right distance from the sun to determine earth’s temperature, the stable atmosphere for the oxygen human life requires, and all the other necessary chemical elements that make this earth inhabitable— for it all to have come about by random evolution is scientifically impossible.

In fact, the probability of earth being viable for life is about 1 in 1029,000,000, or 10 followed by 29,000,000 zeros.

Mathematically, that is a 0 percent chance. The probability of a single functioning human being evolving out of the ether is even lower. Combine the two and we know without a shadow of a doubt that we are a miracle.

Scientists have attempted to explain it as “a series of coincidences.” But as Albert Einstein famously said, “Coincidence is G-d’s way of staying anonymous.”

As we well know, there is no such thing as coincidence. We know too, that every occurrence in our life was meant to be. If seemingly random events overlap, there is a reason for that too.

“After my cousin passed away,” Yocheved shared, “I started a chessed organization le’ilui nishmasah. A little over a year after her passing, her family made a hachnasas Sefer

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

by some intrepid Chassidishe researchers in 1999. In the two years since, there had been stories of miraculous yeshuos from those who visited the gravesite. The bus was going to be leaving early in the morning and returning that same evening, and I figured I’d join them for the one-day trip.

Torah in her memory—on the same day my son got engaged. A year later, this cousin’s daughter got married, and the wedding date overlapped with my grandson’s pidyon haben. So many of my biggest moments coincided with dates of significance. ‘Coincidence,’ I was told. But I don’t see life as random happenstance.”

“In the end, the ‘tour’ fell apart, and the trip was canceled. I still had a strong desire to go, as did another friendly avreich from my evening kollel. He, too, was married for four years and had not yet been blessed with any children. My friend who had originally suggested the trip offered to drive, and off we went; just the three of us. Two weeks later, we got the news. We were going to be parents.

To quote Einstein once more, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is a miracle.” When we allow that awareness to permeate our reality, we are immediately filled with joy and gratitude for the loving and brilliant Master of the Universe.

“Karov Hashem le’chol kore’av, le’chol asher yikra’uhu ba’emes—Hashem is close to all who call to Him, and He answers those who call to him with sincerity” (Tehillim 145:18).

“Fast-forward nine months, and my wife was in Lenox Hill, in labor with our firstborn.

I stepped out of the birthing room and of all the people in all the world, I was greeted by the friendly avreich with whom I’d traveled to Buffalo.

His wife had just given birth to a baby girl.”

 “We’d been on the infertility journey for a number of years,” Nosson relates, “when a friend of mine suggested we join the men going to the ohel of the Linitzer-Sokolivker Rebbe, Rabbi Eliyahu Yosef Rabinowitz, in Buffalo, New York. The yahrzeit was coming up on 13 Cheshvan, and a bus had been arranged for yungerleit eager to daven at the holy site.

“Twenty-plus years ago, this tziyon was not well known, having only been discovered

We know without a shadow of a doubt that we are a miracle.

“Yadecha asani va’yechonenuni; havineini—Your hands made me and fashioned me; enable me to understand” (Tehillim 119:73).  “My husband called to tell me he was downstairs. He’d come to pick me up so we could walk to a simchah together,” Devora related. “I told him that my

sister was already on her way over to walk with me, and I’d just tell her I was going with him. “‘Don’t do that,’ he said quickly. ‘She’ll feel bad. Just walk with her and don’t tell her I came by.’ Knowing my sister would soon be on the block, my husband quickly made his way across a two-way street so she shouldn’t see him and feel bad that she’d interrupted.

“It was raining heavily that evening and a car came out of nowhere, speeding and passing a red light. My husband was tossed into the air and came crashing down headfirst. The first miracle was that a car from the opposite side of traffic was passing slowly right at that time, and his head met the bumper rather than

the concrete, breaking the fall.

Even so, the first paramedics on the scene thought it was too late, but Hatzolah members arrived and gave it their all, be'siyata di'Shmaya, managing to resuscitate him.

“Many years prior, my husband had been informed that he had an enlarged spleen.

While not a concern on its own, an enlarged spleen is prone to injury from even a minor impact, and a damaged spleen is life-threatening, almost imminently. He had been advised to have his spleen removed but had not yet done so.

“On the night of the accident, after the trauma his body endured, the doctors found that while his brain had suffered a traumatic but treatable in-

“It was raining heavily that evening and a car came out of nowhere."

jury, be’chasdei Hashem and absolutely miraculously, his spleen remained unscathed.

In fact, there was no bruising anywhere on his body. That was the second miracle. Two weeks later, he was home from the hospital, well on his way to a complete recovery.

“The way I see it,” Devora concluded. “He spared my sister’s feelings, and Hashem spared his life.”

“Tov Hashem la’kol ve’rachamov al kol ma’asov—Hashem is good to all, and His mercies are on all His works” (Tehillim 145:9).  Some people view all of life as one big miracle, with every moment and every occurrence being worthy of celebration.

From a scientific standpoint they are not wrong. If we were to pause to recognize the millions of things that need to go right for every breath and every swallow, let alone every birth and any growth, we wouldn’t be able to stop thanking. And perhaps that is the way to cultivate the “It’s all a miracle!” mindset. It is also why Chazal tell us to make a berachah for everything that occurs throughout our day.

On Chanukah, we are reminded to thank for the miracles. Not only for those that transpired then, but for those that happen every day.

“Ba’yamim ha’heim ba’zman ha’zeh.”

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

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FEATURE

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WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

Giving Them Our Hearts A Chanukah Gift Giving Guide

Little heads huddle and brows furrow as they pore over the catalog with an earnestness that probably should be reserved for more scholarly work.

After serious deliberation they mark their desired choices. That faraway gleam in their eyes has many a parent rushing out to purchase what their little darlings seem to be dreaming of. It’s natural.

We have an innate desire to make our children happy.

But are these the gifts our little ones truly want?

By Tziri Hershkovitz

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

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FEATURE

As our children’s caregivers, we often find ourselves having to read between the lines. What children say isn’t always what they mean. A kid complaining about a tummy ache might be looking for an excuse to get away from a tough school situation, and a child saying, “I like playing alone,” might have been rebuffed by friends.

Parenthood asks that we decipher what our children need, typically without the aid of an instruction manual. Learning about the different “love languages” of children, however, can help us get to know our young ones on a deeper level—and learn how to make each child feel truly treasured.

The Languages of Love We all thrive on the knowledge that we are loved and appreciated. Children, especially, need that awareness to grow up feeling secure and confident.

One of the more common mistakes we make is to believe that “one size fits all.” Although we know our children are distinct in their personalities and preferences, we tend to apply similar rules to our interactions with all of them. Perhaps we shouldn’t. After all, what works with one may not work with the other, and what communicates love to one child may not be interpreted in the same way by another child.

This Chanukah, let’s gift our children with what they crave most of all: our love and recognition.

The concept of love languages was made famous by well-known psychologist Gary Chapman, and the idea takes on fresh relevance when applied to the lives of our dear children. By identifying each child’s primary love language, we can start giving them what they really need, not what we think they need.

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1. Time Together Is This Their Language?

There’s a story told of a little boy who knocked on his father’s study and asked how much he makes an hour.

You might recognize the “quality-time seeker” in the child who begs for the bedtime story repeatedly, asks to play a game, or just chooses to color at the kitchen table while you cook.

These children feel loved and warmed by your presence.

“I don’t have time for this,” the father answered brusquely. “Time is money.”

“I know,” the son replied, “You always say that. But how much money, Tatty? How much do you make an hour?”

“If you must know,” the father replied without lifting his eyes from the papers in front of him, “I make a hundred dollars an hour.”

To these kids, being told to go play up in their room or to be quiet while the grownups talk is the greatest form of rejection.

“That’s a lot,” the little boy said, sounding disappointed.

Later that evening, the father went to the boy’s room to wish him goodnight. He saw his son feverishly counting dollars and coins, his open piggy bank off to the side.

“Here, Tatty,” the little boy held out a fistful of cash. “I only have fifty dollars, but can I please have a half hour of your time?”

This story tugs at our heartstrings because we recognize ourselves in the foolish father’s response. We are so occupied with providing our children with all they need that we forget that what they truly need is us.

In this busy world of constant responsibilities, many of us feel like we just don’t have time to get to all we want to, and all we have to. And while we may need to do complicated mathematics to find even a moment’s free time, it is crucial to remember to schedule in our loved ones.

Spending time together is the most elemental and essential form of giving to all of our children, but there are some whose love language begs for it more than others.

These children feel loved and warmed by your presence.

When they say, “Look at me!” as they demonstrate their headstand for the umpteenth time, they are really asking you to acknowledge they exist. To them, your loving glance feels as reassuring as a warm hug.

Because there are baruch Hashem other family members vying for attention, it is of utmost importance to give to these children by making them feel noticed in moments throughout the day, as well as by designating time that is just for them.

Gift Ideas for the Quality-Time Seeker Your child will feel just as loved by something official, like a trip to a museum or ice cream shoppe, as when you take him along to run an errand. The particulars of the activity are not nearly as important to him as the fact that you chose to spend the time with him alone.

Keep in mind that a trip to the grocery store together or even a private conversation in the evening as he gets ready for bed will help him thrive in the security of your love.

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2. Embrace the Embrace Is This Their Language?

We don’t need scientific studies to regale us with the profound impact physical touch can have and how incredibly comforting a hug can be. Still, countless studies exist that have shown how human touch makes children healthier, happier, calmer, and more confident. This is seen in newborns who were held and later fared better in life than those who were not, and in cases of pain that was greatly alleviated by a gentle touch.

These benefits are derived from oxytocin, a chemical in the brain whose production is spiked by physical contact. This hormone is also associated with happiness, a reduction of stress, and many other benefits.

Virginia Satir, a visionary family therapist, once said that children need “four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and twelve hugs a day for growth.”

Was she pushing it? Perhaps. But of all health-boosting techniques, this one seems most pleasant—and comparatively easy!

Children are open books and clearly tell us what they want by what they offer. As adults we recognize the importance of giving based on what the other party needs, but children still relate to life from their own perspective.

And so they will demonstratively give the brand of affection they crave.

Little ones will readily settle in for cozy cuddles.

The little kid who likes to sit in your lap and hold your hand—or is constantly in your space and touching you—is clearly signaling that they need your touch more.

For these children, corporal punishment is more emotionally painful than for any other child.

Touch, especially with them, should be loving and gentle.

Gift Ideas for the Touch-Craving Child With little children, it is fairly easy to give to them in their love language. From holding them close as they sit on your lap when you tell them a story to thumb-stroking their palm as you hold their hand, little ones—especially those who speak this “language”—will readily settle in for cozy cuddles.

As these kids get older, they never truly age out of their need for touch, but some do shy away from a hug. Still, you can rouse your child each morning with a gentle back rub as you coax him awake, while tucking that blanket more tightly around him may actually make waking up easier and more pleasant.

As they get older, small ways you can express your love to them include patting their back or cheek when you talk to them, giving them plenty of high-fives and fist bumps, touching their arm when you address them, stroking their hair, or simply touching their shoulder when you pass by.

To them, any gentle touch is a loud proclamation that they are on your mind and you love them.

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3. Sweet Words Mark Twain is known to have said, “I can live on a good compliment for two weeks with nothing else to eat!”

We all love to be acknowledged and recognized for what we’ve done. Hearing it in words means a lot to most of us. These compliments and words of recognition have an even more profound impact on a child whose love language is words of affirmation.

Compliments can focus on personality, accomplishments, outward appearance, or anything else that affirms a child’s worth. To a child who seeks affirmation, having a performance or other accomplishment rewarded with a gift will leave him feeling empty.

Meanwhile, words—especially when written on paper—will mean the world to him.

And though no one appreciates being criticized or insulted, to these children, words are especially potent.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones,” the old saying goes, but there’s an alternate ending that always rang truer: “…but it’s words that can break the heart.” Or heal the heart, if we do it right.

Is This Their Language?

They will positively glow if you praise them in the company of others.

If your child tells you that you are her favorite mommy, or that you are wearing something very pretty today, she is likely hinting that she would love to hear the same from you.

These children will beam whenever you praise them. They will positively glow if you do so in the company of others. Older children will love to overhear themselves mentioned positively on a phone call, and little kids will be giddy with joy when you tell their dolly just how amazing their “mommy” is.

Gift Ideas for the Affirmation Seeker You can play a family game where everyone writes something they love about each family member or create a little jar with positive things you’ve noticed about your child. For a meaningful daily connection, tuck a little love note into their school bag every day.

Telling your child what you love about them and giving them genuine and heartfelt compliments will mean the world to them. For a tangible gift, consider getting them a bracelet, pencil case, or other item with a positive quote that relates to their personality emblazoned on it.

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4. You’d Do That for Me? When they’re babies, we do all kinds of acts of services for our kids. At a point when they can’t do it themselves, this seems logical. For some, though, even as they grow up and are perfectly capable of doing things on their own, if “acts of service” is their love language, they’ll still want someone to assist them—or flat out do stuff for them. It has them re-experience receiving the maternal love of their younger years.

We all connect to our own love languages, and so, acts of service can seem truly strange to those who don’t need it themselves. But nothing is as meaningful to a child who feels loved when catered to as having their dinner presented prettily, with a complete set of cutlery or a sweetly folded napkin.

In the same vein, forgetting to take care of something for them feels like rejection—like we couldn’t be bothered to exert minimal effort on their behalf.

Is This Their Language?

The child asking for assistance in buttoning his shirt, even when you’re both aware he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself, is simply seeking reassurance that you’d do it just for him. Sometimes these children will ask for help with their chores, or that you straighten their blankie—again—after you’ve tucked them in.

Acts of service can seem strange to those who don’t need it themselves.

Some parents might find it disrespectful the way their child is constantly asking to be served, but to the child, the act of service simply feels like love incarnate. Typically, what they ask of us demands minimal effort, but the perceived impropriety of the request might have parents hesitate. It would be wiser not to.

This isn’t to say that children shouldn’t be responsible for tasks on their own but doing it alongside them or giving them a secret wink and telling them you’ll do it just for them will make them feel loved and treasured.

Gift Ideas for the Service Seeker These children feel thought of and loved when they see you attempting to make their life sweeter. All children are happy to find their favorite dinner on the supper table, but for these children, it feels like the most loving embrace.

Tossing his clothing on a quick warm cycle in the dryer on a cold morning will make him feel loved, pouring her a drink while she is hard at work will make her feel cherished, and asking your child, “Is there anything I can do for you?” will make her feel adored and, yes, catered to.

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5. “Presents, Please!”

Is This guage?

“This one I got from Zeidy,” she says, stroking it gently. “This from Chanie, and this from Mimi.”

She’s showing off her keychain collection.

But while these children will be as tickled by a favorite cereal as an expensive watch, they do want the gift to show that you thought about them, that you understand them. Purchasing something simply because it was on sale or the first item you found doesn’t feel like a gift to them at all.

Lan-

If your child holds on to everything she has ever received, remembers who got it for her and when, then gifts might just be her love language. Most children enjoy receiving gifts, but for these kids, the amount of gifts they’ve accumulated are demonstrable measures of love.

For some children, gifts are the true measure of affection. Even trinkets are treasured as tangible tokens of our love. To these kids, compliments are mere words, and a hug is sweet but doesn’t last.

Gifts, on the other hand, are things, and they assign them tremendous value.

Unbeknown to parents, these children will equate a lack of gifts with a lack of love. When a child shares about the new toy her friend has received, it isn’t necessarily that particular item she is envious of; she simply wants to remind you that she, too, would appreciate something.

Their

To these kids, compliments are mere words...

They give love in much the same way. From their masterpieces in crepe paper to the two-dollar ring they purchased just for you, it’ll mean so much if their tokens of love are received in the same spirit as they were given.

Gift Ideas for the Gifts Lover For gift-loving children, even minor gifts are meaningful. Whether a keychain or pen, it isn’t necessarily the price of the item that gives it its value; rather, it is the fact that you spent thought, time, and money on their behalf.

What to Give While we all have primary love languages, most of us can relate to more than one. Children, especially, need their love doses in all formats.

So as you’re contemplating gift ideas, instead of poring over catalogs in an effort to determine what items are most popular this year, let’s get to know our children better to make them feel loved and understood. If we plan a game night (quality time) around a new game (presents), and we compliment their strategy (words of affirmation), give plenty of high-fives (the need for touch) and help them pack away the game afterward (acts of service), our children will hold on to the memory and the glow of the night long after the party is over.

Your kids might or might not have gotten their fair share of Chanukah gifts…but let’s put that aside. Let’s give the kids what they truly want. Let’s give them our love.

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SECOND OPINION

SECOND OPINION Compiled by Mimi Schweid

“For Hashem gives wisdom; from His Mouth comes knowledge and understanding.” (Mishlei 2:6) Hashem is the ultimate Healer. Invariably, human doctors will at times be stumped, leaving us searching for alternate answers.

No Wheats, No Sweets For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. Last year, when I was in 11th grade, my scale tipped 200 lbs, and I was devastated.

I didn’t share my struggle with anybody, and that just made it harder emotionally. Under my bulky uniform sweater I pretended my tight skirt didn’t bother me, and I convinced myself no one noticed. It was far more difficult to get dressed on Shabbos and for simchos.

It wasn’t like I didn’t try. As any teen struggling with weight loss can attest, we are bombarded with so many versions of the “perfect diet”—and I tried them all. But as soon as I stopped, all the weight came rushing back, and then some.

Before the summer, I had to see my doctor for a sore throat and fever. Dreading the upcoming season where I’d be out of my uniform every day, I got the courage to ask him about the weight loss shots I’d heard peo-

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ple rave about. We discussed the pros and cons, the side effects, and if I’d have to change my eating habits and give up the foods I like. He neither encouraged nor discouraged me, but he did point out that being under 18, I’d need my parents’ consent. I wasn’t ready to have that conversation, certain my mother would disapprove. And so my dreams of being skinny were put on hold.

But the doctor surprised me.

Along with the prescription for antibiotics for my strep throat, he handed me a nutritionist’s contact information. I called her a few days later and she listened to me in silence and empathized with my struggle. She explained that starving myself clearly wasn’t working for me and we needed to try a different avenue—boosting my digestive system with probiotics and digestive enzymes to assist my body in processing food instead of it sticking around. She in-

structed me to drink lots of water—not with meals—and guided me on eliminating the foods my body can’t digest properly.

Her oft repeated line was “No wheats, no sweets.”

We wrote lists of ideas for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I was surprised to see how many foods contained sugar (not natural sugar, like in fruits).

A typical breakfast is oatmeal prepared with water and cinnamon with a date as sweetener, lunch is tuna or any other fish I can easily take to school, with a vegetable salad. For supper, I choose between soups, various proteins, and a cooked veggie on the side.

And so my dreams of being skinny were put on hold.

For the first time in months (years?) I’m not hungry and I get to eat full, nutritious, and filling meals. The weight loss is slow but steady and my metabolism and energy levels have greatly improved. All I need to remember is “No wheats, no sweets.”

I’m a big fan of raw salad, peppers, and spicy chickpeas. The thought of losing that, as well as being deprived of my chocolate and morning cup of joe…I felt I’d be giving up too much and wondered whether I should simply stop nursing.

Filling, Not Spilling At four weeks old, my newborn seemed to vomit everything I fed her. It was almost comical the way I’d walk around with my baby resting on a clean diaper over one shoulder, and another cloth tossed over my other shoulder to wipe up wherever she spit up. She’d vomit multiple times an hour, almost “spilling” whatever she’d just ingested. Her weight gain was minimal, and I was surprised she was gaining at all. I mentioned it to her pediatrician, but his response was the typical platitude, “Babies spit up. It’s normal.”

But when she “spilled” right onto the doctor’s office floor, he quickly changed his mind.

He prescribed Lansoprazole (Prevacid) for infants and urged me to start her on the medication immediately to improve her reflux symptoms and make her more comfortable.

She started the medicine right away, but after two weeks of taking it religiously, my daughter was still spitting up all her food and her weight gain was stagnating. At six weeks old, she was miserable and crying pitifully all the time.

I spoke to my sister, who is a holistic healer and very into natural remedies. She asked if I’d looked into the side effects of the drug I was giving my baby.

I was ashamed to say I hadn’t.

I then learned that the most common side effects of Lansoprazole are headaches, diarrhea, vomiting, and stomach pain. Some babies are inordinately helped by this medicine, but clearly, my child was of the other group.

My sister assessed my diet to see how it might be impacting my child. Based on her insight into my specific situation, she instructed me to stop eating cit-

My sister was having none of that. She claimed the baby’s sensitivities would make her unable to digest the formula and strongly encouraged me to go the extra mile to ensure I could give my own precious milk to my baby.

Her weight gain was minimal, and I was surprised she was gaining at all.

I made the changes to my diet and the changes in my child were almost immediate. I’m so grateful for that. If I’d had to go longer without seeing a difference, I don’t know if could have stuck to my new plan. But within two days, my baby stopped “spilling” everything I fed her.

I’m still giving a minimal dose of the antacid to make my doctor happy. But I’m hoping he will allow me to get her off the medicine entirely since she has stopped vomiting, is so much happier, and is slowly gaining weight.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

Disclaimer: Always consult with a trusted licensed professional prior to discontinuing any medication.

rus fruit, raw vegetables, juices, and spicy foods. I also couldn’t have any chocolate or my favorite brewed coffee.

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COMMUNITY 101 In this space, we feature a health-related question or predicament submitted by a Wellspring reader. Fellow readers are invited to participate in the conversation by sharing their tried-and-true advice and suggestions. Join the community!

SICK OF BEING SICK I am a fourth-grade limudei kodesh teacher and mother of young children. My daily schedule is hectic. I know that proper nutrition and exercise is the key to physical wellness, so I therefore try to eat healthfully and to work out each night. However, I find myself getting sick very often. In the past months, I’ve been stuck in bed with a virus almost every weekend. Where am I going wrong?

I’ve experienced this phenomenon myself. Years back, I had a demanding job in a real estate office. Every Friday I’d start feeling chilly and achy and would then spend most of Shabbos in bed, sick. At the time, I was confused by these symptoms because I was very careful with my eating, didn’t have too much junk, and took daily vitamins. But that wasn’t enough to stave off the constant sickness. What did it for me was a strong dose of honesty.

After a couple of months, I took some time off for myself and realized that although I loved my job, it was simply too demanding for me. That honesty took guts. Eventually, I made the hard decision to leave my job and to find an option that was lighter and easier on my schedule. It was the best decision I could have made, and baruch Hashem I reap the benefits every day.

We are all created differently. Some people can handle stress better than others. I personally need a lot of time to myself to feel invigorated and to be in a giving mode to my family. On the flip side, I see fellow mothers who thrive on social interaction and busy schedules.

Everyone has different needs. Try to tune in to determine your real needs for me-time, and whether they are being filled? If not, how can you creatively find ways to add some to your schedule?

Bracha S., Chicago, Illinois

My married daughter’s situation was just like yours, and I was genuinely worried about her. I recently purchased vitamin B12 and iron supplements for her. She tells me that ever since she began taking them, she’s felt the boost of energy she had been lacking.

B12 helps the body produce energy and can prevent anemia, which causes fatigue and weakness. Iron is crucial for feeling energized, too. I’m so glad that she is conscientious about taking her vitamins.

She sounds like a different person now.

Fraidy, Williamsburg, New York

S. P., Jackson, New Jersey

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I work from home, and sometimes experience this pre-weekend stress. I’ve heard that the body has a hard time adjusting from work to leisure time. It’s almost like our internal systems panic when we are switching up our familiar routine. I’ve learned over the years to incorporate leisure time into my hectic weekly schedule. This helped me feel relaxed during work time and eased my body into the more leisurely schedule over the weekend. I hope this information is helpful for you.

I applaud you for choosing teaching as your occupation, and for simultaneously running a busy home. From my years as a teacher, I’ve come to realize that teaching takes more energy out of us than we think. Being in front of a classroom is perhaps the most satisfying career, yet it is an exhausting one, too. A half-hour daily nap at midday can do wonders. It gives your body a reset—physically and emotionally. Try it!

Esther R., Lakewood, New Jersey

T. Pearlman

WELLSPRING / DECEMBER 2024

Are you dehydrated or lacking iron?

Be sure to stay on top of both of these important factors. Try to drink enough each day, take “multi” supplements, and iron supplements, too. This should help boost your immune system and energy levels. Omega-3 is also crucial for overall health. It heightens alertness and mental reactions, and helps people feel more vigorous.

Leah K, Lakewood, New Jersey

Chava B., Cleveland, Ohio

There is a condition called leaky gut syndrome, which is when a person’s digestive tract becomes damaged and small holes begin to develop in their gut lining. Small particles that normally can’t pass through the gut wall begin seeping through into a person’s bloodstream. In such a case, a person’s system is working overtime in trying to save essential vitamins. An effective solution to this problem is to remove sugar and gluten from a person’s diet. Many people share that replacing these foods with healing foods such as fermented foods and healthy sources of protein have caused a big shift in their overall health. So, keep up the healthy eating and see if staying off gluten and sugar can help you feel better.

I sympathize with you. I’m in your stage and situation, and completely understand what you are going through. Sometimes, eating more often is the key to more energy. You can eat smaller, simpler meals more frequently. This can give you a real physical boost throughout each day and help to avoid the weekly breakdown. In my personal schedule, I found myself full of energy each morning. I’d clean my house, run to teach, do errands, and hit the to-do list every day, only to crash mid-afternoon. There was an intense learning curve for me when I had to tone down my mornings and help spread the energy throughout the day. Try to take stock of your daily schedule and balance out the food and work in a way that serves you well.

Sarala M., Monsey

P. Schoss

Chani Fleisher

Are there other parts of your life that seem stressful to you? Perhaps there is something internal that is calling out for your attention and is showing up via a weekend body ache. Some journaling or meditation can be helpful in uncovering any inner resistance or struggles. Giving that resistance some compassion, space, love, and acceptance can do wonders and give you that boost of health and vitality.

Please note: These suggestions should not be implemented in place of guidance from a medical practitioner.

Wellspring recently ran a great Community question on sleep quality. Perhaps you can look through that wonderful spread of sleeping tips. Getting enough sleep on a daily basis is crucial to our overall health. Eating well and exercising is absolutely great, but it won’t do the trick if you’re not sleeping enough or sleeping well. Don’t underestimate how important this is. Sometimes, we tend to think we can skip a good night’s sleep or two without it affecting anyone. But it sure does affect us—and everyone around us! Be compassionate to yourself throughout the week and give yourself naps, early nights, and perhaps a slightly later morning routine. This can go a long way toward making the weekly schedule more doable.

To me, exercise is the key. As I work out, I feel my mind’s stress lifting, and my life begins to feel more doable. I love to go walking and try to do so in the evening hours to help my body release any stress before bedtime. Recently, I was able to purchase a second-hand elliptical, which has an honorary spot in my bedroom.

It’s been a lifesaver for me! Perhaps this can be helpful for you as well.

Chayala, Yerushalayim

Next Up: I’m embarrassed to say it, but I’m addicted to my phone, forever checking, texting, and scrolling. It feels unhealthy and wrong to me, yet, I see so many people around me doing the same. How can I change my situation?

Want to share what worked for you with a fellow Wellspring Community member? Send your response to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

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FITNESS

KEEP MOVING!

By Chaya Tziry Retter, RDN, BS, CPT Ever wished you could work one-on-one with a personal trainer?

Well, here we go. Join me in our virtual studio as we build our repertoire of cardio and strength training exercises. We’ll be breaking down the movements and going through step-by-step instructions, including where you should be feeling it most. So grab your mat and a bottle of water, stretch a bit, and here we go!

Today we’ll start with the basics of a resistance workout: the plank, the squat, the lunge, the crunch, and the 4-point kneel.

The Plank This move is your body’s best friend, targeting your upper arms, core, and legs.

Getting down on all fours, align your shoulders and wrists. Palms should be facing frontward. Your legs are extended back and your toes are firmly planted on the ground.

Your body is on a slant, with a straight decline from neck to ankles— your head is beyond the invisible line connecting your palms—if you can see your palms, you’re too far back and your hips will be too high.

Drop the hips, bringing the head forward without moving your arms. Your back should have the slightest curve downward as if you’re about to give the floor a hug. It's super important not to let your shoulders pop outward with an arched back.

Hold position for 10 seconds. 3 reps.

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The Squat The classic position we love to hate, targeting your legs, core, and posture.

Starting from a standing position, set your hips backward as if you’re about to sit down on a chair. Arms come out in front of you, bringing the fingertips together to keep yourself tight and controlled.

Your backside should be parallel to the height of your knees. Watch that back! Imagine you’ve got a wooden board lying across your back. You’re leaning slightly forward and keeping a smooth line from head to hips—never “winging” or arching the back, as that will pull weight down into your lower back instead of your core.

Hold position for 10 seconds. 3 reps.

The Crunch Satisfying, challenging, and endurance building—there’s always room for improvement here—targeting core, arms, upper body, thighs.

Lying with your back flat on the ground, bring your knees upward. Hands behind your head with your elbows wide; those wide elbows are the golden ticket of this move.

You want a straight line from elbow to elbow—that helps you keep your chest and upper body open, shoulders down away from your ears, and neck long and not lost in your chin.

Breathe in and exhale as you lift your upper body, without moving those elbows in to help you. The lift is coming from the core, the hinge at the center of your body. The back should never be curving or rounding. Rotate your shoulder toward your opposite knee and then slowly bring it down. Repeat on the other side. 10 reps.

The Lunge Simple and effective, targeting core, thighs, and legs.

Start by standing with your legs shoulder width apart.

Step forward with one leg, engaging your core—that means the tight feeling you’d find yourself in if someone were about to punch you in the stomach.

Both legs should be at a 90-degree angle—the forward leg with the knee in front of you, and the backward leg with the knee right above the ground.

Keep your back straight and core engaged and don’t lean forward! Step back and alternate legs.

Hold each position for 8 seconds. 3 reps.

The 4-Point Kneel A dynamic move, great for most ages and stages, targeting core, arms, legs, and mainly maintaining balance.

Get down on all fours—on your palms and knees.

Imagine you’re wrapping your body around a box, so shoulders and wrists are aligned, and knees and hips are aligned. Your back should be straight.

Extend one arm in front of you and the opposite leg behind you, creating a straight line from fingertip to toes. Keep the core engaged and back straight. You can add some more sequences here, like pulsing the arms and legs or bringing the elbow in toward the knee. After 8 seconds, alternate sides. Hold each position for 8 seconds. 3 reps.

And that’s a wrap! Give yourself a five-minute cooldown and a round of applause! Keep this up until our next session and let me know how it goes!

Chaya Tziry Retter, RDN, BS, CPT, is a Monsey-based Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and ACE Certified Personal Trainer. In addition to her private practice, she recently launched “RESET Nutrition: The Workshop Series” to explore popular and often confusing topics in nutrition. She also developed a nutrition curriculum that she teaches in high schools. To get in touch and to find out about upcoming virtual workshops, reach out at 845.540.4487 or resetbyctretter@gmail.com.

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CUP OF TEA

Six years ago, Esther was a happy mother of a large family with children ranging in age from 2 to 24. One day, when Esther was getting her baby dressed to go out, she could not find the baby’s other shoe. She searched in every place she could think of, but it did not turn up. In desperation, Esther opened every kitchen cabinet and searched through every pot. Finally, there it was—inside the toy kitchen.

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Esther was relieved.

Then the phone rang.

It was the radiologist calling with the results of a biopsy Esther had done a short while before. “I’m so sorry to tell you,” said the radiologist, “the biopsy was positive. Unfortunately, you have cancer.”

Esther shares that she is by nature a calm person. She immediately accepted the news with equanimity and asked

many questions about what her next steps should be. When she was done collecting all the information she needed at that time, she called her husband.

“I have good news and bad news,” she shared. “Which would you like first?”

“I’ll take the good news,” he responded.

“The good news is that I found Sarala’s shoe.”

“And what’s the bad news?” her hus-

Cup of Tea with Esther Schwartz AGE: 54 LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York FAMILY: Large, bli ayin hara OCCUPATION: Educational coach, co-founder of Ahallela PASSION: Helping women connect to Hashem SHE WISHES PEOPLE WOULD KNOW: Try to get to know Hashem!

By Devorah Levitz

band queried.

ming along smoothly within her body.

“I have cancer,” Esther replied.

Ultimately, though, Esther says that the cancer was not actually bad news.

She has come to see how it was also good news. Her cancer journey gave her so many gifts, and she is eternally grateful for them. “It was exactly what Hashem wanted for me,” Esther asserts. “And Hashem only does good. I was sure of that then, but now I feel it even more.

 Looking back, Esther is astounded at how she broke the news to her husband. There he was, going about his day at yeshivah, keeping things humming along as smoothly as possible in his role as administrator, and without warning, she called to tell him that things most definitely were not hum-

“Was it painful? Sure. Did I do everything physically and spiritually necessary to heal? Of course. But with the benefit of hindsight, I am able to appreciate how cancer changed my life for the better.”

I ask Esther to elaborate. Most people would not consider cancer to be a gift.

There must be more to the story. And there is.

“I am in a very different place today,”

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Esther confides. “I was always somewhat of a spiritual seeker.

I listened to shiurim, I tried to learn and grow, but due to my cancer journey, I learned how to connect to Hashem in a more genuine way. It was through being tested that I really grew.

“It says in Pirkei Avos that Avraham went through ten tests to show the great love Hashem had for him. We learn that the ten tests Avraham went through are called nisyonos, from the root of nes, a wonder or a flag. Heavenly tests bring out the true mettle of a person.

In my case, my test allowed my neshamah to get to levels it didn’t even know existed.

“When I was in a place of fear and pain, I was able to connect to Hashem through all that emotion and take my relationship with Him to another level.

“I am not the only one who benefited from this journey,” she

continues. “Through my travels with cancer and my subsequent personal growth, Bracha* and I started Ahallela. Ahallela is one of the reasons I say I’m in a different place. And Ahallela is a gift for all Jewish women.”

Who is Bracha, how did you meet her, and what is Ahallela?

I want to know all the details, and Esther happily complies.

“Right away, I knew I wasn’t going to keep my diagnosis a secret,” Esther shares. “I told my mother, I told my family, and I told my friends. I’m a sharing kind of person. I knew I would do much better with the support and tefillos of those who love and care about me.

“When I spoke to my friend Raizy, she told me she would connect me with Bracha. Raizy informed me that Bracha had been through her own challenges in life and would have an idea of what it might be like for me.

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She was overflowing with emotion but had no place to put it.

She said Bracha was passionate about sharing chizuk with other women facing medical challenges and assured me that Bracha wouldn’t see it as an imposition.

“Bracha called me. She was everything Raizy had told me, and more. She came over, brought me gifts, books and chocolates, and she talked to me. She became a dear friend who held me through my travails.

“A year later, when I was done with my treatments and had received an excellent prognosis from my doctor, I called Bracha to share the wonderful news.

‘Great,’ she replied. ‘Now you can start coming to my Hallel parties.’

“I didn’t know what she was talking about. She had never told me about the Hallel parties because as an active patient, she didn’t think I’d be able to come.

Now that I was done with treat-

ments, I had more time available in my week and was able to socialize more freely as well.”

As Esther soon learned, every month, Bracha invites a group of women to her home to sing Hallel together and share a wonderful brunch. Often, she brings in a speaker or musician as well. She sets up a beautiful spread with healthy, delicious foods in honor of Rosh Chodesh, and the women enjoy it after they finish singing Hallel.  Esther came to her first Hallel party the following Rosh Chodesh. The table was beautifully set, the food was scrumptious, and the company was delightful. But the Hallel seemed to rush by too fast. Everyone was singing, but to Esther, it felt like they were singing it too quickly. She was overflowing with emotion but had no place to put it. So much had happened and there was so much she wanted to share with Hashem, but Hallel and time were flying past.

“I felt that it could be so much more.” Esther shares. “So I decided that at the next Rosh Chodesh party I would be the ‘chazzanis.’ I told everyone I’d sing the songs a bit slower than we had done the last time, and they should follow along.

“The group was happy to sing along with me. They hadn’t been meaning to rush; that was just how they were used to doing it. I started thinking, maybe we could make Hallel even more beautiful. Some of the paragraphs seemed to be more of a chant than a song. I love music, I love singing, and I wanted to channel those talents into Hallel. Music is so advanced today. So many people sing with gorgeous harmonies.

I then realized; we could totally make a recording!”

Esther and Bracha soon started working on recording Hallel.

Every time the project began to lag, Bracha followed up with Esther and encouraged her to try a new angle. Eventually, with much investment of time, effort, and money, things started to fall into place.

mense potential for this project to go beyond Bracha’s Hallel parties. And Ahallela was born.”

Esther reached out to women from different communities and was able to compile recordings in both the Litvish and Chassidish havarah. Different parts of Hallel are sung in different styles and voices, depending on who did the recording. Altogether, the recordings are truly a group effort showcasing the beauty of Jewish women coming together to praise Hashem.

Esther sent recordings of herself singing Hallel to Anat Alon, a talented musician in Israel.

Anat played, recorded, and arranged the music, and then sent it back to Esther.

As word spread from friend to friend, talented women volunteered to sing individual tracks. A sister-in-law of Esther’s daughter-in-law offered to record the songs at no charge.

More and more pieces were falling into place.

“While we were working on recording,” Esther relates, “Bracha shared this concept in a group, and the idea spread. I soon realized that there was im-

"Due to my cancer journey, I learned how to connect to Hashem in a more genuine way."

“Music touches us in a very special place in our hearts,” Esther asserts. “That’s how it’s supposed to be. In the Beis Hamikdash, the Leviim sang songs and played music. Music is a large part of avodah, of connecting to Hashem.

“It started before the Beis Hamikdash. When Shaul Hamelech was sad, he’d ask Dovid to come play his harp for him. The Bnei Haneviim played music to

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be zocheh to nevuah. Music has long been a tool to bring us closer to the Eibeshter.”

Esther and I share a few words from classic song “Yes, We’ve Got the Music” by Abie Rotenberg: “But one thing we must keep in mind / a Jewish song of any kind / is only precious if and when / it brings us closer to Hashem.” This truly captures what Ahallela is about.

“Dovid Hamelech knew every feeling and every experience,” Esther tells me, “because he had Adam’s neshamah, and all of our neshamos come from Adam. Dovid’s neshamah, and Dovid’s words, capture the entirety of human experience.

All that emotion is in Tehillim.

It’s all in Hallel. Hallel encompasses the full gamut of human experience—crying from pain, being answered, and living with joy.

“Dovid was despised—even ridiculed!—yet he became the foundation: ‘Even maasu habonim, haysah lirosh pinah.’

Anything a person is going through can be found in Hallel.

We cry to Hashem from pain, yet we know that in the end there’s going to be joy.”  Ahallela is not just about singing Hallel together; it’s about connecting to the words of Hallel and the power that they hold.

Ahallela is about turning every human emotion to Hashem and not holding anything back.

Esther shares a personal story of how she learned the power of not holding back. “One particularly difficult period ended up becoming a positive turning point. I’m gebentched to be a very positive person. It’s just the way Hashem made me. I’m lucky!

“However, when I was suffer-

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ing with mouth sores from the cancer treatment, I was in excruciating pain. Ask any cancer patient and they will likely tell you that the mouth sores are the worst part of chemo. I was falling apart, and desperately needed chizuk. I called Mrs. Stern, a teacher I had been close to in high school, and complained to her, ‘Is this Hashem’s love? I don’t feel love. This is horrible!’

“Mrs. Stern agreed. ‘Of course you don’t feel that this is love.

You aren’t expected to enjoy mouth sores. Tell Hashem that you don’t feel love. Speak to Him. Share your true feelings openly and honestly.’

“That was a turning point for me; it changed my entire life.

I learned how to go to Hashem with my authentic feelings.

Once I was able to do that, I began to develop a real relationship with Him. “Eventually, the mouth sores got better, but thankfully, the lesson stayed. I learned that you don’t have to hold anything back. Just say it in your own words. Hashem is our loving

"Tell Hashem that you don’t feel love. Speak to Him."

Father. He wants a relationship with us.”

To quote an Avraham Fried song this time, “Open your heart, Hashem awaits to enter.”  I ask Esther who is using these recordings as of now.

“In the summer, Bracha and I approached a number of the girls’ camps and asked if they would like to use our recordings for Hallel. Some of the camps were excited to have this resource, and then the mothers heard about it from their daughters. We ask for a very minimal fee of 15 dollars to get the complete package, just to help cover costs. It can be emailed or put onto a USB card. At this point, people hear about it mostly from friend to friend, sister to sister.

“The package includes vocals with and without music in both Chassidish and Litvish havarah. It also includes music with no vocals. For the times when we don’t listen to music, such as Rosh Cho-

desh Av in the Three Weeks, the listener can use the vocals-only tracks.”

you to join the Ahallela movement, whether alone or with a group.

I notice a file called “Halleli Nafshi Sample” in the list. Esther tells me what that’s about.

“So many groups have formed and though they started as beautiful social opportunities for women to come together in a meaningful way, they all evolve into something more.

Whether the events start with words of inspiration, or whether it’s just the singing of Hallel that does the uplifting, there’s something so beautiful about Yiddishe women raising their voices in song to Hashem.

“One day, Bracha met a lovely woman, Aviva. Bracha told her about Ahallela, and Aviva told her about a book she wrote about Hallel called Halleli Nafshi Es Hashem. Aviva is an educator, nurse, and Core MMC. As part of her work in Core, Aviva set out to make the wisdom of Hallel accessible to all through writing a magnificent booklet.

She was excited to partner with us and offer a sample of her book to anyone who orders the Ahallela recordings.

“One of the ideas Aviva taught us is from the Chasam Sofer, who says that the letters of the word Hallel stand for ‘harofei lishvurei lev,’ Hashem fixes our broken hearts. He awaits to hear from us so He can heal us. As we engage with Hallel, Hashem transforms our agony to joy.

“I see this in the faces of the women who join Bracha’s group. I’m sure that the same transformation is occurring elsewhere as well. When we sing together with the recording, we move at a healthy pace that allows time for concentration and emotion to develop.

Everyone gets into it. It’s about opening up. Hashem wants our hearts, whether they feel whole or broken—harofei lishvurei lev—He is waiting for us to come close to Him so He can heal us and make us whole.”

Esther concludes, “As we start each month, on the Yom Tov of the Jewish woman, we can use the words of Hallel to come close to Hashem. If you are looking to make the most of your Hallel, Bracha and I invite

“You don’t have to set an elegant party like Bracha does.

As one coordinator shared, in her community they do it potluck style, where every month a different woman hosts, but everyone brings one small dish, thereby cobbling together a lovely lunch. The job of hosting doesn’t fall on any one individual, and everyone gets to benefit. Whoever opens up her heart and allows herself to experience the joy and gratitude inherent in Hallel will reap the benefits.

“With Chanukah around the corner, and Rosh Chodesh right in the middle, we are going to be singing Hallel for eight days straight. I hope more women will take advantage of these ample opportunities to connect to Hashem and express joy. Let your first Ahallela party be a Chanukah party! Discover just how enriching the experience can be.

“What could be better than having a loving close relationship with our dear Father in Heaven, Who is just waiting for us to talk to Him? ‘Ahallela—I will praise Hashem,’ and He will give me more to praise Him for.”

For more information about Ahallela and to obtain additional copies of the USB, Esther can be contacted through Wellspring.

Bracha’s Bonus Thoughts on Rosh Chodesh • I once heard from a gadol that we should always be “danken uhn loiben uhn beiten oif veiter.” Loosely translated, it means that we should thank and praise the One Above, and daven for the future. When singing Hallel, we have the opportunity to do this. Don’t miss it! Grab the chance and use it to the fullest.

• Rosh Chodesh is a gift given to women.

Choose some special way to elevate this day. If you are able to take off from work, treat yourself to a day where you focus on your connection to Hashem.

• Some say that we get back whatever we spend on Rosh Chodesh, as it’s part of the mo’adim and Shabbos. Take this opportunity to try out that special recipe or buy that special dessert.

• Is there a particular snack your child especially enjoys? Rosh Chodesh is a beautiful time to treat your child. Inculcate a love for Rosh Chodesh in your children by making the day special for them as well.

• In Hallel we say “Eim habanim semeichah— The mother of children is happy.” If you are a mother of married children, consider setting up a tradition of inviting them back home with their spouses for a special adult-only Rosh Chodesh dinner. It won’t be 12 times a year in any case because Tishrei is Rosh Hashanah; Teves is on Chanukah, with its own rhythm; Nissan may be too close to Pesach for a large venture like this; and in the summer, you may be too spread out or too cramped in a summer home.

For the six or eight times a year that this can work out, it is a beautiful way to bring the family back home to reconnect with each other without the distractions of babies and bottles.

• Consider taking on a kabbalah for the month—something small that will be special for this chodesh. This adds a higher dimension to your Rosh Chodesh and to the entire month as well.

• Be happy! That’s the most important thing.

Your positive intentions can infuse Rosh Chodesh with the joy it deserves. Open your heart to receive the goodness that Hashem is waiting to shower down on you. There is so much goodness in the world, and Hashem is constantly eager to give us more. Show Him how happy you are with His gifts, so He will continue the flow.

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SKIN DEEP A Tale From the Trenches As told to Tziri Hershkovitz

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M

My decades-long journey began with open wounds in my mouth.

My son was engaged at the time, and things at home were baruch Hashem happy but hectic. I was a 46-year-old woman with a full-time job and a wonderful family to juggle. The upcoming simchah was also taking a lot out of me. The last thing I needed were painful, bloody blisters that refused to heal. My mouth was one open sore, and I’ll try not to be too graphic, but I’d wake up to bloody pillows.

As soon as I realized this wasn’t a minor blister that would go away on its own, I ran to the dentist—but he wasn’t sure what he was looking at.

He gave me an oral spray that was supposed to help. It didn’t.

At all.

So I went to my primary care doctor, and although he couldn’t come up with a precise diagnosis either, he did prescribe an antibiotic. I was hopeful I’d finally get some relief, but unfortunately there was none. And so I went back to my dentist. This time he offered a different cream, which was as ineffective as the spray and antibiotic that came before. And the cycle continued.

Over the next few weeks, the blisters got worse. They became larger and more painful. One Friday afternoon, I couldn’t tolerate the pain anymore. I went back to my dentist and practically demanded relief. He was at a loss. He’d never seen anything like it. He referred me to an oral surgeon, Dr. Dim, who was then working at a clinic in

Brooklyn Hospital. The referral didn’t sound very promising.

Brooklyn Hospital was recognized as a low-grade facility; that I actually made the trip to that doctor just highlights the extent of my desperation.

The number, though, might be higher. Because of the rarity of the disease, pemphigus often goes undiagnosed. Tragically, the blisters can become infected and lead to life-threatening conditions like sepsis. Pemphigus is therefore categorized as a potentially fatal illness.

I arrived at this teaching hospital with a gallon-sized clear Ziploc bag filled with my medication. When Dr. Dim asked what had brought me there, I pointed to the bag of medication and was practically in tears as I explained that nothing had worked to alleviate my pain. All I really had to do was open my mouth, though.

The doctor took one look and called all his students in. I then understood that he was more than an oral surgeon. This professor was an expert in his field and, pointing to the useless bag of medicine I had with me, he told the young doctors, “When someone comes to you with a mouth looking like that, don’t prescribe anything other than prednisone. This is a textbook case of pemphigus vulgaris.”

The exact cause of the disease is unknown, but it’s thought to be triggered by a combination of factors. Though not hereditary or contagious, there is a genetic component, as illustrated by its predominance among Ashkenazic Jews.

Years later, when I became a lot more educated on the topic, I learned that some people might be predisposed to the disease, which would show up in their blood if they tested for it, but they could remain symptom free all their lives. Pemphigus will only appear when triggered, typically by stress, but in rare cases by specific chemicals or drugs, such as penicillamine, ACE inhibitors, or NSAIDs. It most commonly appears between ages 30 and 60 and is most often diagnosed between ages 50 and 60.

Finally, a Diagnosis Pemphigus vulgaris, I was soon to find out, is the most common form of pemphigus— an autoimmune disease that causes blistering and sores on the skin. Blisters can also appear in the mouth, nose, throat, eyes, and other areas of the body.

Any form of pemphigus is incredibly rare, globally affecting only around three people per million per year. The sad fact is that it impacts the Ashkenazic Jewish community at four to ten times as often, with between 15 to 30 cases per million per year.

That knowledge came years later, though. At this point, my journey with a lifetime of blisters had only just begun.

Let Treatment Commence

He was at a loss. He’d never seen anything like it.

Dr. Dim ordered an immediate biopsy, but even before the results were in, he administered my first dose of prednisone.

Most people are thankfully unfamiliar with the dosage of this powerful drug. Up until then, so was I. I did not yet know that

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the 20 mg he prescribed was a very high dose. All I really cared about was that be’chasdei Hashem, I felt tremendous relief within 24 hours. Nothing had healed, but the pain had greatly subsided.

Dr. Dim’s instructions were to make an immediate appointment with Dr. Bystryn, who was at that time one of the top specialists in the field. I should clarify that this story goes back to the early 2000s. At the time, there were three professors in the United States who were considered the “top doctors” when it came to treatment of pemphigus. The disease was so rare, there just weren’t enough cases for more specialists in this field.

I obtained the earliest possible appointment with Dr. Bystryn, and that was three weeks away.

It was at this appointment that I received the official diagnosis, which was based on the biopsy results Dr. Dim had forwarded.

Dr. Bystryn upped my dose to 75 mg. This was truly an exorbitantly high dosage, but the condition required it.

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recall people waving mazel tov awkwardly from a distance— and how much that hurt. I later learned to not allow their ignorance and the human tendency to avoid “danger” to impact my sense of self. Among the things I would realize in life was that feeling snubbed is a personal choice. It’s a narrative that plays out in my brain and creates cortisol, the stress hormone. And since I’ve decided to go on a “stress-free” diet, I am careful not to allow these types of interactions to upset me. It is always a good idea to let insults slide, but because of my condition, I find I am medically motivated to move on.

Prednisone is a difficult and dangerous drug. It needs to be, to combat this debilitating illness, but among its side effects is the way it messes with one’s hormones, from the sleep cycle to an overactive appetite.

Another side effect of steroids is the severe bloating it causes.

I started the ordeal as a rather slim woman and within a short period of time, I had put on almost fifty pounds.

Different Drugs Life continued on its regular course. Baruch Hashem, the simchah was beautiful and the young couple was wonderful, but my personal health journey was still in its infancy.

Let Snubs Slide But I’m getting ahead of myself. All this started during my son’s short engagement and by the time his wedding arrived, I had just started the prednisone.

Although the bloody blisters still filled my mouth, they had barely spread yet to my lips, and the pain was a lot more bearable.

There was a different pain I was about to encounter. At the simchah, I watched people shy away from me. As the disease progressed, this sad reality would also get far worse, but from that wedding I can still

At the simchah, I watched people shy away from me.

Although I was on heavy doses of prednisone, my blisters didn’t heal. I was grateful that there was less pain, but I was horrified that the blisters were still spreading. The boils came out on my face and then scalp, and I was finally prescribed other medication, first Methotrexate and then, when there was no improvement, I was put on Imuran. I was also advised about which vitamins might be beneficial, like magnesium and vitamin D, but my doctor cautioned me not to take them at the same time as the other medication, for fear of interaction.

For four years, I struggled with the situation. I visited the doctor weekly and took blood tests every other week to check my titers. Because pemphigus could be fatal if left untreat-

ed, I’m grateful that be’chasdei Hashem I was under expert medical care. Although the blisters didn’t heal—in fact, they were still erupting and, in that sense, the symptoms were looking worse—the titers were not climbing exponentially. This meant that despite my extreme discomfort, my doctor was content with how I was faring.

I hadn’t realized just how little the experts knew at the time and how much of the treatment was, quite literally, experimental.

When I was first put on Cellcept, the latest in my long list of drugs, I remember being pleasantly surprised that there was no copay for quite a few months. The other medications had minimal copays, but I certainly didn’t object to my insurance picking up the full tab.

One month, the pharmacist told me that the copay was fifty dollars, and I asked what had changed. It was only then revealed to me that when I’d first started taking Cellcept, the drug had not yet been approved by the FDA. I was, without my knowledge—but with my desperate consent—an absolute guinea pig. Later, when it was approved by the FDA, the insurance started paying their share and left me with a fifty-dollar copay.

For all the experiments and varying doses, seven years into the diagnosis and after years of treatment, I still had no relief.

Even though I was suffering, it was, according to medical opinion, not progressing as badly as would be expected. In fact, because my titers were doing “better,” according to their estimation, my prednisone dosage was incrementally lowered.

Dare I Hope?

There was an exciting new drug on the market and Dr. Bystryn immediately signed me up to receive it. IVIG was not even approved for pemphigus, but as the resident guinea pig, I received a quart of this intravenous infusion, four times a week. It was a biweekly process, so in total I received eight quarts a month. This treatment continued for three months.

After all those doses, they realized the IVIG hadn’t helped any, either, so they stopped this intervention as well. And the great big Dr. Bystryn was at a loss.

A Detour My youngest son’s bar mitzvah was coming up and we decided to do a family trip to Eretz Yisrael. The trip was lovely, and a day before we left Israel, we went to the Dead Sea. The choice of destination was more because it was an official tourist attraction than any other reason.

I remember the floating sensation as I entered the water and the burning feeling as I allowed the famous salt water to touch my face. But as soon as I emerged from the water, I immediately felt the difference all over. As I met up with my family everyone remarked on how my blisters looked so much better.

I was, without my knowledge— but with my desperate consent—an absolute guinea pig.

Even after we returned to the States, the blisters stayed in their improved state, but they didn’t heal further.

Oddly, this segment of my story is rather short—I never did return to the Dead Sea. It remains a blip on my journey.

Unexplored potential. They say hindsight is 20/20; in retrospect we see things more clearly. Could those unique waters have helped further? I guess I’ll never know. But even though it wasn’t instrumental in my own healing, I mention it because it happened. Who knows? It might be a direction for others to explore.

We’re Getting Closer At my next visit to the doctor, he had a new IV drug he wished to try on me. Rutoxin had officially been developed for cancer patients and had not yet gone through adequate trials for its intended patients. It had certainly not been explored for off-label use, such as pemphigus, at all.

And yet, Dr. Bystryn suspected there might be a possible cure here and instructed his secretary to apply for it through my insurance company. The secretary later revealed to me that she didn’t even put the request in, because she was quite familiar with the process and there was absolutely no way I’d

Not in the Family When I was first diagnosed with PV 25 years ago, I pored over the research.

Among the fascinating stats I found was that although there is a genetic component to the disease, evident by its prevalence in the Ashkenazic community, there has never been more than one pemphigus sufferer in an extended family.

Clearly, this does not run in families; not only are there no instances of parents, children, or siblings also being diagnosed, but there is no recorded case of any blood relatives, even cousins, having this disease.

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have gotten approved anyway.

A couple of weeks later there was a seemingly random sequence of events that led to my personal yeshuah.

My friend Sheva’s* husband had a heart attack from which he eventually recovered, baruch Hashem. While Sheva was in the hospital at his bedside, she befriended a woman called Mrs. Singer*, who was there with her adult son. As they got talking, Sheva inquired of her new friend what the situation was. The woman pointed toward the glass through which Sheva was able to look into an isolation room. Doctors were entering with hooded protective gear over their bodies and goggles over their eyes.

This was many years before COVID-19, and the sight was quite disturbing.

Sheva asked what was going on, and the mother revealed that her son had boils all over his body and the doctors had no idea what it was. The situation had been going on for a while before he was hospitalized, but his appearance had the doctors running. They feared it was some contagious outbreak of an infectious, exotic pox.

My friend looked through the glass and recognized the blisters. “I have a friend who has been dealing with something similar,” she told Mrs. Singer. “Let me call her and see if she has any insight.”

I spoke to the young man’s mother and told her to tell the doctors to test for pemphigus.

She called me back later, saying that the doctors insisted that pemphigus was incredibly rare and unlikely. I urged her to ask them for a biopsy, and they finally acquiesced. The diagnosis

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had such high hopes for. Getting approved required major finagling, jumping through hoops, and cutting through bureaucratic red tape. Because the drug was still in the trial phase and couldn’t be prescribed in a doctor’s office, I got myself admitted into the emergency room at Mt. Sinai, where I insisted I was in excruciating pain. They couldn’t legally discharge me in that condition, and because I was Dr. Levitt’s patient. In this way, he was able to recommend the new drug.

of pemphigus vulgaris is in itself a strangely painful relief. Painful, because it’s an acknowledgement of a lifelong struggle, but still a relief because the pain can now be mitigated.

I was going to encourage them to contact Dr. Bystryn, but he was affiliated with NYU, and the patient was in Mt. Sinai, so my doctor wouldn’t be able to go there. I suggested they look for a doctor who might be familiar with pemphigus. They got a great dermatologist from Mt. Sinai, Dr. Jacob Levitt. The young man was treated with IV and within a few days baruch Hashem, he was well enough to go home.

There was also the financial factor. Rutoxin is an exorbitantly expensive drug, at thirty or forty thousand dollars each dose. No insurance would cover it if prescribed in a doctor’s office. But from the ER, the protocol is different. Because Rutoxin is an incredibly powerful and potent drug, the dangerous aspects necessitated that I be admitted and monitored throughout the course of treatment.

The two doses were spaced two weeks apart, after which I was able to return home. I returned for further treatment after three months.

Mr. Singer was a young husband and father of three. He was still in his twenties, uncharacteristically young at the time of the onset. Shortly after coming home from the hospital, he came to visit me to discuss the disease and prognosis. I don’t recall much of the conversation, other than my attempt to impart some positivity and instill hope. The meeting was fortuitous on a different front.

A few weeks later, my doctor Dr. Bystryn suddenly died, and I found myself in dire need of another specialist. All of Dr. Bystryn’s patients remained in NYU and were referred to different dermatologists there. But my loyalty wasn’t to the hospital; it was to my health. I needed the best medical care.

And so, I reached out to Mr. Singer and asked him who his doctor was. He directed me to Dr. Levitt, and I made an appointment.

It was at that meeting that Dr. Levitt mentioned Rutoxin and I recognized the name of the drug that Dr. Bystryn had

Because the drug was still in the trial phase, it couldn’t be prescribed in a doctor’s office.

This was the first and only drug that be’chasdei Hashem healed my wounds completely.

Dangerous? Yes. But it was effective. Finally. For the first time since this all began, my skin recovered, baruch Hashem.

After my second two courses, Rutoxin became FDA approved for cancer patients, so I was able to take the drug in an outpatient setting and didn’t need to be hospitalized. Rutoxin was a years-long ordeal, but it gave me tremendous relief and healing. In fact, once my titer count was normal, I was allowed to get off all medication.

Bye-Bye Blisters Presently, one would be hard pressed to believe what my skin looked like for almost two decades. At times of extreme stress, a blister will invariably form; as has been scientifically proven, pemphigus flare-ups come from stress. My doctor told me that my choice is to either “live with it or stay on Rutoxin.” I opted to give up on the drug and live my life the healthiest way possible.

I moved out of the city and do my best to not allow stress to get to me. As I’m fond of saying, “I’m on a ‘stress-free’ diet.”

As soon as I feel stress creeping into my system, I opt to go for a nap or an earlier bedtime. I leave my workload right where it is—I know it will wait for me.

At this point, I have not seen a dermatologist for over seven years. Of course, should a blister chas ve’shalom not resolve itself, knowing to go for medical treatment is paramount. For me, of late, the “treatment” is to treat myself with forgiveness and respect.

Be’chasdei Hashem, that chapter in my life is mostly in the past, but the journey and the lessons remain with me. I recognize that not everything has to get done and be organized all the time. Life is not meant to be perfect, it’s a journey of growth and beauty and we need to lean back and appreciate it. We need to develop the right attitude—to take it in stride and enjoy the ride.

Popular Opinion Pemphigus can sometimes present like individual pusfilled boils, while at other times it looks like open sores. At one point, I had blisters the size of

quarters on my face. There was no way to hide it—and no way to ignore it.

I got to know a woman who struggled with the open boils all over her back. Both of our daughters were getting married around the same time. While that woman looked beautiful to the world, she wore a soft, loose-fitting dress and was still in excruciating pain. Meanwhile, I was able to wear any dress I wanted, but it was right on my face for the world to see.

And judge. And comment on.

I don’t know which is better, but I also know we don’t choose our struggles.

I’ve had family simchas where I met people unfamiliar with my condition. They visibly grimaced and looked away. Naturally, I was hurt. I’m not going to pretend it didn’t bother me at all. But I don’t fault people for backing away. It’s a natural reaction to be repelled by something that isn’t pleasant.

For me, the biggest blessing

Life is a journey of growth and beauty and we need to lean back and appreciate it.

of pemphigus is how it helped me to work on myself and learn to be above the remarks people carelessly and callously make.

“Here’s the number of my daughter’s oral surgeon. Why are you so obnoxious? Just take the number and call.”

“Why don’t you do something about your ulcers?”

“My sister had the same booboo on her face. You should call her about the cream she used.”

“Why do you go out in public like this? Why don’t you just stay home?”

All these questions are born of ignorance, and I’ve realized that my personal growth is being above that and recognizing that their limited understanding does not have to, and should not, determine who I am and how I behave.

If I want to live a full life and participate in all the blessings that surround me, I’m not going to be intimidated by people who sadly, and maybe blessedly, don’t know better.

The Beaten Path A few years ago, a young woman called me. She was having horrible blisters and a friend suggested she reach out to me. Everything she described indicated that it was pemphigus vulgaris and I advised her to not go the long route like I did. I told her to immediately go to a pemphigus specialist, skip the prednisone and other oft-prescribed-but-ultimately-ineffective drugs, and immediately request the Rutoxin.

She was young and inexperienced and went with a similarly young and inexperienced female doctor who had recently graduated medical school. That doctor was confident that prednisone was the answer. The young woman went along with the protocol. Three years later, she called me, disappointed and desperate for relief. I once again recommended she find a doctor who was experienced with the disease and with the only effective treatment, Rutoxin.

I also advised her on taking things easy. Be’siyata d’Shmaya, she healed and became symptom free.

For me, going through this journey has been a walk through fire. My hope, though, is that my experience might help others ameliorate—and hopefully prevent—some of the suffering associated with pemphigus.

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GUT REACTION

By Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE

IBS NO LONGER of exclusion. Because there is no inflammation (as in Crohn’s or colitis), detectable infection, or diagnosed motility issue, the mainstream medical world has little to offer aside from a frustrating “live with it; its IBS” attitude. The reality, though, is that when looked at from a functional perspective, there are often very real imbalances and deficiencies that are present in IBS cases.

“My abdominal issues began in my late teens,” Eliana told me. “Back then, I thought it was school stress, but I’m already 21 years old and my GI distress has only gotten worse. Finally, around a year ago, I made my first appointment with a gastroenterologist.”

“So, what was the diagnosis?”

I prompted.

“He diagnosed me with IBS and prescribed medication. I was so relieved to finally have an answer and a way forward.

Ironically, I felt worse on the medication than before I started taking it. I realized I might have to change my approach. So here I am,” she smiled.

I asked Eliana about her symptoms. She was dealing with severe abdominal gas and distension, particularly after eating peppers, salads, fruit, cruciferous veggies, and fatty meats.

She also struggled with constipation, heartburn, and burping, as well as morning nausea. To top it all off, her sensitive stom-

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In Eliana’s case, based on her history of allergies and asthma, brittle nails, and reflux and burping, I suspected insufficient stomach acid. The stomach usually contains a large amount of hydrochloric acid, a highly acidic substance that helps break down food for easier digestion. In order to break down everything from meat to tough, fibrous plants, stomach acid has to be highly acidic.

ach was invariably prone to stomach bugs.

“Any medication or vitamins?”

I asked.

“Why bother?” she shrugged.

“Nothing works anyway; I stopped taking everything.”

“What diets have you tried for your IBS?” “I’ve gone all out,” she insisted.

“Gluten free, dairy free, and low FODMAP [a short-term elimination diet in which people with IBS avoid all carbohydrates that can be difficult for the body to digest]. Nothing helped!”

Eliana also shared her medical history, which included seasonal allergies and mild asthma.

Eliana’s situation followed the classic storyline of many individuals who are diagnosed with IBS. Symptoms such as constipation, diarrhea, pain, gassiness, and bloating are often lumped under the general umbrella of irritable bowel syndrome, which as I tell my clients, is basically a diagnosis

Irritable bowel syndrome is basically a diagnosis of exclusion.

Low levels of stomach acid can ironically cause maldigestion of food, excess gas production from the poorly digested food, and pressure of the gases forcing stomach contents upward—also known as “reflux.” Low levels of acid can also make individuals more prone to dangerous bacteria taking hold in the gut, as a strongly acidic gastric environment is the body’s first line of defense against invaders.

The most common causes for low stomach acid are a high stress lifestyle, eating too quickly, nutrient deficiencies, gluten sensitivity, aging, a poor-quality diet, and use of anti-acid medi-

cations, which decrease natural levels of stomach acid.

Eliana had a fast-paced lifestyle and a somewhat intense personality, and often ate on the run and under pressure.

Eliana was also ironically sabotaging her own healing due to her avoidance of fruits and vegetables...

“Could that possibly be a contributing factor to your inability to produce good levels of stomach acid?”

“Possibly,” Eliana sheepishly conceded. “I did notice I have better digestion when I’m calmer, and it’s definitely worse when I’m stressed.”

Eliana was also ironically sabotaging her own healing due to her avoidance of fruits and vegetables, which she correctly noticed increased her gassiness and pain.

When I told her our goal would be to help her tolerate increased fiber, which was critical for long term success, she was so frustrated, she almost cried.

“I wish I could tolerate more salads and fruits. I love them,” she stressed.

“But I’ve been coached by both my gastros and other nutritionists to avoid many of the fruits and veggies since they made me gassy.”

Instead of trying to figure out the “why” and fix the underlying problem so she could then tolerate and eat these healthy fruits and vegetables again, she’d learned to just avoid them. But instead of helping, it only made her constipation worse.

“Sufficient fiber intake is crucial for strong motility,” I explained. “Avoiding all fruits and veggies is a surefire way to plug up your system! A pluggedup system acts just like its name—a plug! High fiber foods create a strong gravity push downwards, and those foods trying to make their way down a traffic filled digestive tube will hurt a lot! Once that tube is clear and emptying well, those same fibrous foods pass through easily, and continue the smooth fast motility pattern due to their high gravity push down.

“Most people are unaware that a backed-up system is almost always the cause of bloating, pain, gassiness

and even reflux, as the pressure from old buildup creates a force pushing up against the stomach contents. The slowly moving system also allows more time for gut bacteria to eat old food byproducts and produce more uncomfortable gas.”

I worked with Eliana to first clear the “plug” with a non-habit-forming over the counter product, docusate sodium, for a couple of weeks, and herbal motility agents such as ginger capsules and juice when able, as well as ground flax daily. I also started her on magnesium citrate nightly, as well as a powdered psyllium supplement twice daily, which is an excellent natural fiber that swells with water in the stomach to soften the digested food for better motility.

After 7-10 days, once the backlog was somewhat cleared—so that fiber foods would no longer hurt as much, we slowly increased her fiber intake.

The total daily goal was 35 gram per day, counting from a chart I provided.

She was coached to eat only when not stressed, chew her food well to stimulate more stomach acid secretion, and in the short term while addressing the underlying issues, supplement with Betaine HCL (Hydrochloric acid), which is what stomach acid consists of.

Eliana was shocked at how much smoother these high fiber foods passed through her system, with much less gas and bloat now that she had higher levels of stomach acid and a clearer GI

passageway. After a little more than two weeks, we weaned her off of the docusate sodium, which was no longer needed due to her newly introduced high fiber diet.

She continued the magnesium for two months, after which she only used the stomach acid support enzyme as needed when traveling, during parties, or any time she was concerned that her diet was particularly different than usual. Ironically, she loved how the psyllium fiber supplement made her feel, and chose to remain on that long term, as it was easy for her to fit into her lifestyle.

I bumped into Eliana a year later, and she told me our work together had been truly life altering for her. “Instead of the usual advice I had received to avoid foods,” she enthused, “I feel that my digestive system was actually repaired! I’m also more educated now and have a solid understanding on how my digestive system works.”

The payback was her greatest reward—a calm and well-functioning stomach for the long term.

Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE, is a dietitian whose mission is to improve lives by empowering individuals to use nutrition to improve their gut health and hormone balance. She is a recognized expert on IBS/SIBO and has developed the Gut Dietitian training protocols on IBS and IBD for Registered Dietitian education. She writes, lectures, and counsels extensively on IBD, IBS, PCOS/fertility, and thyroid health, and is the founder of www. thegutdietitian.com virtual practice and co-founder of the app Belly.

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INTUITIVE EATING

by Gila Glassberg

EXERCISING TRUST

Q

For as long as I can remember, I have been exercising. Well, I’ve been forced to exercise.

I was a chubby kid and my mother was not happy about it. She took me to a personal trainer from when I was five years old.

I never thought much about it; I just did what she told me to do. Now I am 35 years old, and the word “exercise” makes me want to throw up. I have done everything— including Zumba, Pilates, yoga, running, biking, HIIT, and dance—and I hate them all. I know one of the principles of Intuitive Eating is to find joyful movement, but what if that just doesn’t exist for me?

I am sorry to hear about being forced to exercise. This is always such a bummer for me to hear. As someone who loves exercise and recognizes the natural endorphins I get from it, I always want to help clients find something that will be enjoyable for them.

Let me first say, it’s okay if you never exercise again. Yes, it’s very good for you to exercise, but you can be okay without it.

Let’s also demystify some of the beliefs you have about exercise.

Could it be that in your head, exercise only counted if you were sweating a lot? Or if it last-

ed more than a certain amount of time? Or if it burned a certain number of calories?

Let’s reframe this, because all movement is good movement.

Take a five-minute walk around the block, do some gardening, run around with your pet, or find a pool to swim in.

First, you have to make peace with exercise and allow yourself to not exercise. Only once you're ready can you go on to

Let me first say, it’s okay if you never exercise again.

the second step: Make a list of exercises you are willing to try. I know this might sound odd, but sometimes, just calling it movement instead of exercise helps the brain be less resistant to it.

Try to cultivate self-compassion while learning how to incorporate movement into your life. Anything we were forced to do as kids tends to be difficult as adults. Pat yourself on the back for trying to heal this piece of you. I am rooting for you!

Gila Glassberg is a master’s level registered dietitian and a certified Intuitive Eating counselor. As a teenager, she was faced with constant diet talk, body shaming, and obsessive guilt around food. This led to years of struggling with disordered eating, which propelled her into the field of nutrition. She now uses a non-diet, weight-neutral approach called Intuitive Eating to help her clients all over the world. She helps growth-oriented women break out of chronic dieting and regain clarity into what is really important to them.

You can find more of Gila’s interviews, blog posts, and information on her website at www.gilaglassberg.com. Reach out to her at 570-8783642 or gila@gilaglassberg.com to book individual or group sessions. Gila is available for public speaking events on topics such as rejecting the diet mentality, how to speak to our children about food, and avoiding eating disorders.

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MORE OR LESS

by Sheindy Unger, CDC

More or Less:

OIL

Back in the ’90’s, “low-fat” was the weight-loss buzz word. We drank low-fat milk (think watery skim milk) and ate dry chicken cutlets (think George Foreman). Yet, there are negative consequences to cutting out fats. We learned the hard way that fats are crucial for development and for proper functioning. The mistake was cutting out all fats, including natural ones, instead of just avoiding unhealthy fats.

Fats don’t make you fat, as long as they’re digestible. Nuts and olive oil (virgin in a glass bottle is best), are easily digested and provide much-needed health benefits. The issue with severely limiting fats is that you’ve got to compensate for the taste of the food. How? Usually by adding carbs. For this reason, the low-fat trend led to the low-carb diet phase. Yes, they’re all phases. The only weight-loss plan that’s not “just another fad that’s soon to be proven wrong” is a balanced diet, fats included. The greatest proof is that the healthiest populations are the ones that eat a Mediterranean diet, which includes plenty of olive oil.

They use olive oil very liberally and have the lowest rates of obesity and food-related diseases. Fats enhance the feeling of fullness and keep you feeling satisfied longer, since they digest slower than other food groups. This is a crucial factor for controlling cravings and having a healthier food intake.

In short, here’s the good, the bad, and the in-between of fats: The in-between, to enjoy in small amounts, is saturated fats, found in coconut oil, fatty meats, and dairy.

Mono/polyunsaturated fats are considered good for you.

They’re found in fish, vegetable oils, avocados, nuts, and seeds.

Some people don’t include vegetable oils or seed oils in the “good” oil category.

The reason they’ve gotten a bad rap is due to the chemical processing that’s done at production. The healthy option is extracting oil from seeds by crushing or pressing the plants.

Trans fats/hydrogenated fats, found in commercially prepared foods, have no health benefits and are hazardous to health.

The chemical makeup of fats will determine whether it’s good for you, i.e., digestible, or not.

Sheindy Unger is a certified nutritionist and founder of Weight Loss by Sheindy. Her debut cookbook, Nourished by Nature, is available in better Judaica stores. Sheindy hosts the Nourished by Nature podcast, available on your favorite listening app. She is also a popular speaker on the Akeres Habayis hotline and can be contacted via email: sheindelunger@gmail.com or WhatsApp 646.498.6696. More info on her program is available on her website: weightlossbysheindy.com and on Instagram @weightlossbysheindy.

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Wellbeing

MARRIAGE SECRETS

WELL ANSWERED

HAKOL BESEDER

Childish Fantasies And the Inane Pain They bring to Marriage

Healing the Inner Child Guiding Toward Forgiveness

When Less is More Making the Most of Our Time

HAKOL BESEDER

A Happy and Healthy Haven

The great miracle of Chanukah is that a little bit of oil lasted eight whole days. There were more miracles to be sure, like the few vanquishing the many and the weak defeating the mighty. And though I wouldn’t dare simplify the neis of Yiddishkeit’s survival to a mere phrase, are we allowed to recognize a recurring theme and agree that sometimes, “less is indeed more”?

If I seem irreverent, I apologize. That was absolutely not my intent. I’ll even go further and say that the lesson of Chanukah, truly and completely, is about living our lives with a Higher purpose—recognizing that everything mundane and secular in our lives is only here so that we can serve Hashem better. And to remember Hashem as we go about doing our avodas hakodesh.

Now that we’re on the same page, let’s once again recognize that the lessons we can learn are always multifaceted—and that’s a huge aspect of their beauty.

Less is More In its most obvious interpretation, owning less stuff is the easiest first step to a cleaner and neater home.

• It allows us to appreciate what we do have.

• It gives us more space in our home.

By Tziri Hershkovitz

• It automatically gives us less stuff to worry about and more peace of mind.

• It means that we have a lot less to clean; ergo, more time doing more fun stuff!

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• When it’s intentional, it means more money in our pockets because we don’t shop as often.

In every way we can quantify it, owning less means having more. More time, more money, more space, and more room for fun and joy in our lives.

But the lesson of “less is more” goes beyond the stuff we own; it also applies to the stuff we do. Hakol Beseder was designed with this concept in mind: working less but accomplishing more.

Taking our inspiration from the little bit of oil that lasted for so long, let’s create our own mini miracle in our own homes. Let’s take our 24-hour day and see how we can stretch the minutes and hours to accomplish more than we’d ever dared to imagine. With the right tools, proper perspective, and a hefty serving of siyata di’Shmaya, we can maximize our hours and minimize our work.

There are many exciting ways to employ the concept of maximizing accomplishments with the minimal amount

of time, but due to space constraints, I’ll show you four.

Work With a Timer I’m a huge fan of timers. Tasks that typically take longer require far less time when those minutes are put onto the timer. Once we set a timer, we tend to work faster, stay focused, and thereby get the task done sooner. A timer also proves just how few minutes are actually required. And for a fun bonus: working with a timer is like having our personal cheering squad egging us on— and applauding when we’re done.

Only Handle Items Once (OHIO) When we only handle an item once, we make sure that when we put it down, we place the item where it belongs.

This nifty little trick will mean you don’t have full counters at dinnertime. It will also prevent clothing from piling up on chairs, and clean laundry piling up in the basket. Once you implement this rule, you will suddenly find that half your tasks are no longer relevant.

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Choreograph your “dance” routines. From the evening “Wrap Up and Wound Down,” to the morning “Rise and Shine,” Hakol Beseder’s fun homemaking routines revolutionize your day. Because once you know the steps to the dance and you consistently do it in the same sequence, it becomes fun, easy, and requires no concentration. And that’s where you end up saving time. As anyone who has ever danced can attest, it becomes easier to dance faster and faster with each rotation.

Menu Planning A huge time saver for any homemaker is proper menu planning. Having your weekly menus, complete with their coordinating shopping list, not only saves huge amounts of time on the initial planning, but also on the frequency and length of your shopping trips.

There’s more, of course. Lots more. Essentially that is what Hakol Beseder is all about—taking the minimal amount of time and maximizing it beyond what you ever thought possible.

Oh, and having fun while you’re at it. Because when it comes to joy in life, more is actually more.

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SEASONAL STUMPERS

By Draizy Israel

Oily s e u s Is Too Oily?

When the oil temp drops below 355°F, the food will absorb too much of the oil and likely become soggy. For optimal frying results, maintain a consistent oil temperature of around 375°F. The temperature will drop when you add food, so it’s better to start a little higher. If the oil gets too hot, you can cool it down by pouring in some room temperature oil.

Bonus tip: Don’t overcrowd. An overfilled pan lowers the temp, which will make the food greasy or soggy.

Clean Color To prevent frying oil from turning black, you can add a few chunks of raw carrot to the hot oil while frying; the carrot acts like a “magnet” to attract small food particles that would otherwise burn and darken the oil, helping to keep it cleaner for longer. Carrots have a high water content, which helps to moderate the oil temperature and prevent rapid burning.

You may need to replace the carrot with a fresh one between batches of food, as it can become saturated with particles.

Additionally, carefully, strain debris from the oil between batches to make it last longer.

Watery Sizzle Moisture is the enemy when frying, so whenever possible, pat your food dry before adding it to the oil. If you’re using batter, let excess drip off.

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Dispose of Oil

Keep it Crispy

While adding dish detergent to cooled frying oil might seem like a good idea for breaking it down, never pour cooled frying oil down the drain, even if dish soap is present, as it will still clog your pipes. The best way to dispose of frying oil is to let it cool completely, then pour it into a container, seal and toss with the trash.

After frying, place food on a wire rack or paper towel-lined baking sheet to remove excess oil and keep food crispy.

Another solution is to slip the food into the oven for 5—10 minutes to make it extra crispy.

When not “deep” frying, the minimal leftover oil can usually be absorbed with a napkin or paper towel. At that point, a squirt of grease fighting dish soap and hot water will do a great job on the leftover oil.

Oil Splatters on Cabinets To clean oil splatters, use a solution of warm water and a mild dish soap, applying it with a soft cloth or sponge to gently scrub the greasy areas. For stubborn stains, add a small amount of white vinegar or baking soda to the soapy mixture to help break down the grease further; always wipe dry with a clean microfiber cloth afterwards to prevent water marks. An alternate solution would be the magic eraser, but try on an inconspicuous area first to determine whether it’s safe on your cabinets.

Blot with Baking Soda Got oil splatters on your clothing? The two go-to solutions are baking soda and greasefighting dishwashing detergent. Pour baking soda over the stain and allow it to absorb as much of the oil as possible then brush away. Follow that with dishwashing detergent, like Dawn, worked into the garment with a toothbrush for optimal results. Hang garment to dry after washing; heat should be avoided until you are sure the stain is gone.

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WELL ANSWERED

Well Asked—Well Answered Your Path to Clarity Begins Here

By Vichna Belsky, BS, CLC

Q

When I was a child, I was physically abused by my parents. Nobody talked about it, but plenty of people knew what was happening. The neighbors could hear the yellings and the beatings, and they definitely saw the bruises. It took many years of therapy for me to get to a place where I could forgive my parents for being flawed humans, like all of us, and to understand that they were raising kids with very limited tools.

After lots of hard work, I’ve come to a place of acceptance and currently maintain a cordial relationship with my parents. However, I can’t understand how the people who knew what was going on didn’t step forward to help me and my siblings. We were young, helpless children.

Why didn’t anyone get involved? Tell a rav? Speak to our parents?

Recently, my sister’s son got engaged to the daughter of our old neighbor. I am dreading attending the vort. I can’t look these people in the face, knowing that they watched me suffer and did nothing to help.

- Bruised

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A

I am so sorry that you are in such a painful situation. There is hardly anything as difficult in life as being let down by those who should love and support us. You seem to be a very thoughtful, sensitive, and mature person; not everyone in your situation would be able to maintain a relationship with their parents.

You wrote that you have been in therapy for many years in order to come to a place of acceptance vis-à-vis the treatment you received from your parents. I am wondering whether you discussed with your therapist the role of ancillary people in your childhood.

If you are still working with your therapist, you should definitely bring this up at your next session, as she is likely well positioned to help you.

Until you can get there, here are some ideas to think about.

At the end of the Aseres Hadibros, Hashem commands us not to be jealous of our neighbor’s belongings. First there is a short list of things not to covet, including his wife, ox, donkey, and servant. Then the pasuk ends off by exhorting us not to be jealous of “all that belongs to your servant.”

What is the purpose of first listing individual items and then adding the word “all”?

Many great Torah thinkers have pointed out that Hashem is reminding us that often, when a person is jealous, they are looking at just one specific aspect of another person’s life they wish they had. One way to overcome this tendency is to see the person’s life as a totality. You may wish you had that person’s house, but it also comes along with that person’s

The action or inaction of people around you will not change Hashem’s plan.

health problems and learning disabilities. You may be jealous of someone’s sparkling personality but remember it may come along with family struggles.

The fact is, you can never know the full story of what is going on in someone else’s life. While you know your own struggles, you have no idea what may have been going on in the lives of the people around you, and you certainly have no way to know why they made the decisions they made. There could be many reasons why they were not able to help you.

The mitzvah of dan le’kaf zechus is not about judging others favorably when it’s easy. If it were a commandment to make positive assumptions only when things look good, then it wouldn’t be much of a challenge. On the contrary, this mitzvah demands that we use our human capacities for creativity, love, and compassion in order to assume good intentions in situations where it is difficult to do so.

Additionally, it is important to remember that at any time in your

life, you are exactly where Hashem intends you to be. There is nothing anyone else can do to change what Hashem has planned for you. Yes, you yourself have the power to change things through your tefillos, but the action or inaction of people around you will not change Hashem’s plan.

If it is true that some of the people around you had the ability to help and they neglected to do so, they will need to do their own din ve’cheshbon before Hashem. However, if there was any action on their part that could have changed things, and the person chose not to take that action, Hashem, Who is all powerful, certainly could have created that change without human help. He did not need the input of your neighbor in order to change your situation. It is difficult to understand and accept that children are sometimes physically abused by their parents. We must remember, though, that whatever happened to any person was decreed by Hashem for something their soul needs in order to reach its ultimate completion.

Vichna Belsky, BS, CLC, founder of My Path – Bishvili, is a certified life coach. When she’s not giving neurographic art workshops, you may find her teaching her high school students, substituting in a local elementary school, reading anything that’s printed, writing an essay or poem, planning something special to uplift the women of Project Hope, guiding a parent dealing with 22q11.2 deletion syndrome, or singing with a Soul Singers group. She tries to limit the amount of time she spends gardening. Her kids sometimes wonder if her favorite thing is cleaning, but the truth is, she prefers high-quality chocolate. She can be reached at (914) 200-3676 www.MyPathBishvili.com MyPathBishvili@gmail.com

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MARITAL HEALTH

A healthy marriage is the foundation of a healthy home—and as with all things health related, awareness and education are requisites. Hearing from the experts in the trenches can provide us with keen insight and valuable tips to apply to floundering, functional, and even phenomenal marriages.

Because when it comes to helpful information, even the most robust of relationships stand to gain.

Marriage Secrets

Because every marriage can grow and be better Have you ever wondered what a Yiddishe marriage should look like? How would it differ from what secular society expects in a marriage? Too many couples are unsure of the answer to this question.

Unfortunately, to a great extent, our expectations of marriage have been colored by secular influences. Most specifically, there’s a mistaken notion that a healthy marriage is built on a foundation of “chemistry,” “love,” and “marrying someone perfect.”

“Nothing could be further from the truth,” Leah Richeimer insists.

Leah Richeimer is the author of Marriage Secrets: A Woman’s Guide to Make Your Marriage Even Better and our resident marital expert. Leah shares her invaluable insights in the hopes of having marriages grow and blossom through Torah-based tools.

Leah laments the fact that “our mesorah of shalom bayis has been lost for at least a gen-

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eration, and nobody seems to notice. As wonderfully insular and protected as our families are, too many Yiddishe couples have fallen prey to secular attitudes in marriage.

sible for them to ever be happy with what they have—with what Hashem has gifted them with.

“It is undeniable that secular media has skewed our expectations of what a healthy and beautiful marriage ought to be.

Even those who would never intentionally sully their neshamos with outside influences have unfortunately been impacted by the ideas that have seeped in,” Leah observes.

“This is especially true in regard to many women’s expectations in marriage. When I talk to women about their marriage, they often express dissatisfaction. Their dreams and ideals about what their marriage should be like, and what their husbands should be doing, are very unrealistic and unhealthy.

“Unfortunately, it’s painfully obvious where women are drawing their ‘fantasy life’ images from. In our culture, it would be impossible to avoid the pervasive wave of ‘perfect’ marriages in the media.

Whether it’s from secular novels, movies, social media posts, or even seemingly innocuous WhatsApp groups, fake images of what life should be like are everywhere. And the devastating news is that women’s expectations have made it impos-

"Secular media has skewed our expectations of what a healthy marriage ought to be."

As it has famously been said, “Nature abhors a vacuum.”

In the absence of correct and proper information, different ideas will populate the space.

Upon the advice of Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky shlita, Rosh Yeshiva of Philadelphia, Leah is committed to spreading our shalom bayis mesorah to every woman in Klal Yisrael. She is working feverishly on countless fronts to ensure that more couples— and ultimately their families and future generations—benefit from the priceless gift of a mesorah-based marriage.

Big Blunder #5 The fifth big mistake couples make: They have unrealistic expectations for what their marriage will be like.

“Toxic expectations are the recipe for a miserable life. When a young lady has images in her head about how perfect her future husband will be, there is no man on the planet who could fulfill that vision. When reality clashes with her fantasies, it’s no wonder she is heartbroken.”

Simple Solution: “The first step to stopping unrealistic expectations from ruining our lives is to be absolutely clear about what those expectations are. That’s easier said than done when we are constantly bombarded with images of fake perfection. But it is essential for us to open our eyes to one of the yetzer hara’s main tools for keeping shalom out of our homes.

“Perhaps discussing our unrealistic expectations with a good friend might help. Alternatively, writing a list of our errors in thinking about what a marriage is ‘supposed to’ look like may wake us up to reality. Or better yet, by learning our shalom bayis mesorah, we can ground ourselves in Hashem’s Guide

for our happiness. But it starts by recognizing our expectations and being determined not to let our fantasies get in the way of our own contentment.”

The beauty of this journey is that once the grip of “societal expectations” is removed, a woman feels much more satisfaction in her life. That moment, when she recognizes that her expectations and fantasies are ruining her marriage and her happiness, she’s given the power to no longer be at the mercy of her fanciful wishes.

Take Rina, the last of her group of friends to turn forty.

Having heard about the gifts her friends had each received from their husbands on their birthdays, she is deeply disappointed when her husband does nothing of the sort on her big day. It’s not that she particularly needs anything—she’s even told him in the past that presents aren’t her “love language”—but hearing from Shira and Chaya and Sara has colored her expectations.

In a thought-provoking conversation with her friend Kayla, Rina expresses her disappointment at the lack of a gift but recalls that her husband took care

of the children on the morning of her birthday and got them off to school—like he willingly does almost every day. She acknowledges that her husband’s helpful and easygoing nature is something she greatly appreciates, especially the way it balances out her own perfectionist tendencies. And as she looks at her situation objectively, she realizes that what is bothering her is the comparisons—not the absence of the gift itself.

"It starts by recognizing our expectations and not letting our fantasies get in the way of our own contentment."

When a woman allows herself to look at the entire picture from a healthier angle, she begins to appreciate, in a deep and profound way, the generous gifts Hashem has given her.

Rather than looking around and wishing her life and her husband were different, she begins to see that what she has is actually the perfect recipe, from Hashem Himself, for her to achieve her shleimus in this world.

Leah is the author of ArtScroll’s Marriage Secrets: A Woman’s Guide to Make Your Marriage Even Better, and her latest book, 21 Days to An Awesome Marriage, both based on 220 Torah sources. They were vetted by dozens of rabbis and rebbetzins and are laden with valuable insights. The books have reached a wide audience and bestselling status because they are super fun to read and pack a wallop of practical tools you can implement today.

She is a full-time volunteer, and all her income and royalties are donated to the charity she and her husband started for shalom bayis education: The Marriage Campaign. Leah is also the host of The Ladies Talkshow with 300 free classes on TorahAnytime and on many other platforms.

In addition to her other projects, Leah is passionate about her Marriage Secrets Coaching School, where she trains coaches around the world in this incredible avodas hakodesh via a coaching hotline. Women who want to teach and obtain a “PhD” in the Shalom Bayis Mesorah can join Leah’s Marriage Secrets Coaching School which also has a Marriage Secrets Master Class track for wives and mothers.

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WALLET WELLNESS

Our mental and financial wellbeing are directly intertwined.

In Wallet Wellness, we bring you practical and realistic financial advice and the menuchas hanefesh that comes along with it.

Embracing Simplicity:

The Spiritual and Financial Blessings of “Less Is More”

By Baruch Niebloom

Yossi sat at his dining room table, surrounded by bills and receipts. The festival of Chanukah was approaching, and with it, the pressure to buy gifts, prepare lavish meals, and decorate the home. Despite the joy the season typically brought, Yossi felt overwhelmed. He wondered if all the extra expenses were truly enhancing his family’s happiness or merely adding stress. That’s when his wife suggested a different approach: embracing the essence of Chanukah’s miracle by appreciating the “less” that they had, which was, in fact, more than enough.

The Miracle of Less Chanukah teaches us profound lessons about miracles and faith. A small jar of oil, enough for just one day, miraculously burned for eight. This story isn’t just about oil; it’s about trusting in Hashem and recognizing the abundance even in what might seem minimal. The idea of “less is more” should resonate deeply, inviting us to find richness in simplicity, and sufficiency in what we already possess.

Applying “Less is More” to Our Financial Lives In a world that constantly encourages us to acquire more, the idea of scaling back might seem counterintuitive. However, simplifying our financial lives can lead to greater peace, fulfillment, and even prosperity. Here’s how embracing “less is more” can transform both our wallets and our well-being.

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1. Reducing Financial Clutter Just as a cluttered home can cause stress, so can a cluttered financial life. Multiple credit cards, numerous subscriptions, and unchecked expenses add unnecessary complexity.

Action Step: Review all recurring expenses and cancel those that no longer add value to your life. Simplify your accounts and consider consolidating where possible.

2.

Prioritizing Spending

Meaningful

When we focus on what truly matters, we allocate resources to things that bring genuine joy and fulfillment rather than temporary satisfaction.

Action Step: Make a list of your top financial priorities aligned with your values—be it education, charity, or family experiences—and direct your spending accordingly.

3. Practicing Gratitude Recognizing and appreciating what we already have can diminish the desire for more and reduce impulsive spending.

Action Step: Keep a daily gratitude journal. Reflect on the berachos in your life, fostering contentment (not complacency) and reducing the urge to acquire unnecessary items.

4. Automating Your Finances Automating your finances can be an effective way to reduce stress and make managing your money more consistent and intentional. Automation allows you to allocate funds toward savings, bills, and investments

without having to manually handle each transaction.

Action Step: Automate your long-term investment contributions, set up automatic bill payments (using YNAB to prevent overdrafts, as discussed in a previous issue), and automate contributions to your shortterm savings. This way, you reduce stress and ensure consistent financial progress.

Impact on Shalom Bayis and Menuchas Hanefesh Embracing simplicity doesn’t just affect our bank accounts; it profoundly influences our relationships and inner peace.

1. Enhancing Shalom Bayis Financial stress is a common source of tension in relationships. By simplifying expenses and focusing on shared values, couples can reduce disagreements and foster unity. This is especially important in our community, where strong family bonds are the foundation of our lives.

Action Step: Engage in open conversations about financial goals and challenges. Collaborate on an envelope budget that reflects mutual priorities.

2. Cultivating Menuchas Hanefesh A simpler financial life can lead to a calmer mind. Without the constant pressure to earn more to spend more, we can find tranquility in our daily lives.

This is at the heart of achieving true menuchas hanefesh, which is invaluable for the wellbeing of the entire family.

Action Step: Set aside time each week for a cheshbon hanefesh, free from financial concerns. This practice nurtures inner peace and perspective.

Living the Chanukah Lesson Year-Round The miracle of the oil lasting eight days serves as a timeless reminder that what we have can be enough—even abundant— when we recognize its true value and have trust in Hashem.

By applying the “less is more” philosophy, we not only honor the spirit of Chanukah but also create a sustainable and joyful financial path. This approach also allows us to model intentional financial behavior for our children, teaching them lessons that will serve them throughout their lives.

Conclusion Yossi and his family decided to simplify their Chanukah celebrations that year. They focused on the light of the menorah, shared stories, and spent quality time together. The result was a memorable festival filled with warmth and connection, free from the stress of excess.

As we approach Chanukah, let’s take the opportunity to reflect on how “less is more” can enhance our lives. By simplifying our finances, prioritizing what truly matters, and embracing gratitude, we open the door to spiritual and material blessings.

After all, wealth isn’t measured by what we accumulate but by the peace we cultivate within our hearts and homes.

“Who is rich?

He who is happy with his lot.”

- Pirkei Avos 4:1

About the Expert Baruch Niebloom, a Baltimore resident and software engineer at Amazon’s AWS, is the founder of frum.finance, a nonprofit focused on advancing financial literacy in the Orthodox Jewish community. Motivated by a passion for empowering families with the tools they need to achieve financial stability, Baruch launched frum.finance to fill the critical need for accessible, unbiased financial guidance.

Funded entirely by donations, frum.finance offers a range of services designed to meet the unique financial needs of the community. These include personalized one-on-one consultations, educational resources tailored to various life stages, and an online platform where families can connect and learn from one another.

Baruch Niebloom can be reached at baruch@frum.finance or via WhatsApp at 240-424-5219

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MIND AND YOU

Who knew that a simple grid of numbers could be such a powerful brain booster? Sudoku, the popular and addictive puzzle game, is more than just a fun pastime. It’s a mental workout that can sharpen your mind and keep you mentally agile.

Sudoku is a brain gym; by engaging your logical reasoning and problem-solving skills, it can help improve your overall cognitive function.

At the same time, it also enhances focus and concentration. The focused nature of the game can help you improve your ability to concentrate and stay focused on tasks.

While it seems to simply demand your problem-solving skills, Sudoku goes further—it improves memory. As you progress through the puzzle, you’ll need to remember numbers and patterns, which has been shown to help strengthen your memory. And like all brain games, solving Sudoku puzzles can be a relaxing and meditative experience, helping to reduce stress and anxiety.

Every month, Wellspring introduces our readers to another beneficial brain game. This month’s game is readily available on countless forums and formats. By featuring this classic, we hope our readers who’ve shied away from the puzzle until now will consider giving it a try.

Next time you’re looking for a fun and challenging way to exercise your brain, grab a Sudoku puzzle and get started. Your mind will thank you!

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Memorable Quote “Sudoku is like life; it may seem complicated at first, but with persistence and practice, you can master it.”

-Casey Charles

Start with this: Start with

Advance to this: Instructions: The goal is to fill a 9x9 grid with numbers 1 to 9.

Each row must contain all digits from 1 to 9.

Each column must contain all digits from 1 to 9.

Each of the nine 3x3 subgrids must contain all digits from 1 to 9.

Logic and deduction: Use logic to eliminate possibilities and identify the correct number for each cell.

Tips: Start with easy puzzles to build confidence.

Advance to:

Use a pencil to make mistakes easier to correct.

Take breaks if you get stuck.

Look for patterns and hidden clues.

Happy puzzling!

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Eat Well

89 Pots of Flavor

By Yossi & Malky Levine

98 Chanukah Candles' Glow

By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

100 Kitchen Cures Toothaches

102 My Table Chanukah

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Dear Cooks, It's December—my favorite month! Though the days are short and the nights are long, it is my favorite because my birthday is in December.

Although these days we rarely get snow in December, the year I was born there was a huge snowstorm. How do I know? Well, clearly I don’t remember it.

The story of how I found out has a backstory.

In July 1995, when I was a junior staff member in Agudah Midwest, the head counselors announced one morning that it was Feiga Rochy’s birthday. No matter how many people I tried to ask whether or not it was really her birthday, nobody would tell. The activities were birthday themed, the snacks were birthday themed, and Feiga Rochy, the head counselor, walked around like a birthday girl.

A few years later, when I was head counselor at Masores Day Camp in Brooklyn, I sat with my co-head before the summer, working out the schedule day by day. One Thursday sat forlorn, with no trip or special activity. So, I suggested we announce that day as my birthday, borrowing the idea from Faiga Rochy.

Activities would be classic birthday games, like musical chairs and pin the tail on the donkey, and the snacks would be sprinkle cupcakes.

The campers were very excited to share my birthday with me. In fact, the next day a few girls presented me with a bouquet of balloons, and another group handed me a bakery cake inscribed with “Happy Birthday, Aviva!”

I took the cake home after camp, and despite it being four months before my actual birthday, I served it for dessert that Shabbos afternoon.

When I brought out the cake, my father was confused.

Looking back and forth between me and the cake with a puzzled expression, he finally said, “I’m pretty certain that when you were born, it was snowing out, and Mommy was stuck in the hospital and couldn’t come home for Chanukah licht tzinden.”

I tried to explain to him about girls’ camps and themes, but then gave up and reassured him that my birthday is right before Chanukah as he remembered, and he didn’t have to try to understand about birthdays hopping to the wrong season as he was unlikely to ever attend a girls’ day camp. My mother and sisters enjoyed the joke, and we all enjoyed the cake.

k e m E a Aviv WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5785

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Pots of Flavor On Chanukah, the cold winter outdoors juxtaposed with the warm, candlelit indoors sets the perfect scene for cozy time with friends and family. In preparation for these gatherings, many of us get creative with the decor and presentation. If it’s something you enjoy doing, go right ahead.

However, if the thought of it stresses you out, you can keep it casual and low key and still have a wonderful time. What could be a simpler way to do so than a potluck meal, in which each guest contributes one dish to the party?

First, it takes the stress off the host family. Also, everyone gets to bring their favorite dish.

The beauty of a potluck is that if everyone works on preparing only one dish, chances are it’s their best one. In the following pages, there are some excellent ideas of dishes you can prepare for your family’s special gathering. Instead of the calorie-laden fried goodies that have become synonymous with Chanukah, these dishes will help you celebrate the miracle of the oil without consuming quantities of greasy, fried foods every night.

None of the recipes have long ingredient lists; they mostly require pantry staples. (It’s a good idea to keep a selection of frozen fruits and vegetables in the freezer during the winter months to save time on grocery shopping.)

Planning is essential for a potluck

party. Without doing so, you may end up with six Caesar salads!

Designate one person as the organizer to make sure that there’s no overlap.

Our tips for your Chanukah potluck dinner: If you are the host, set the scene.

You can keep it simple with some chocolate coins, dreidels, or any other Chanukah-themed items.

Candles work wonders in creating a festive setting.

For the setup in the photo, we found some Chanukah-themed items in a local craft shop (similar to Amazing Savings) and spray painted them gold. We displayed them across the center of the table at varying heights, using small wood risers that we painted black (from the craft store as well).

We then added lots of candles of different heights and sizes to create a “runner.”

If you are an attendee, make sure your dish is packed up well for transport and is easy to serve.

Oven-to-table dishes work great for this.

Always check for allergies and dietary restrictions of the families attending. You don’t want to invest time and work to prepare a dish and then have too many leftovers because some attendees at the party couldn’t eat it.

Recipes, styling, and photography by Yossi & Malky Levine

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Asian Steak & Noodle Salad If you feel that lo mein belongs on every Chanukah party’s menu, this one’s especially for you. This salad is not only healthy and delicious, but it can be served hot or cold, which makes it the perfect take-along dish. I love how the colors of the snow peas and baby corn contrast against the dramatic backdrop of seared steak strips.

Brown rice noodles are one the healthiest noodle options, but you don’t have to limit yourself to them. Nowadays, there are lots of more options on the market. Spinach noodles, black bean noodles, and buckwheat noodles are all good alternatives.

Since this salad calls for a very small amount of steak, this makes for an economical dish when cooking for a crowd.

1 10- or 12-oz package brown rice noodles 1 Tbsp olive oil ½ lb thin steak strips 1 cup snow peas, cut into bite-sized pieces 1 cup baby corn, cut into bite-sized pieces ¼ cup water 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 Tbsp liquid aminos 3 Tbsp coconut sugar 1 Tbsp sesame oil 2 cups bean sprouts

Boil the noodles for three minutes in rapidly boiling water.

Drain and set aside.

Heat a large skillet with olive oil and add steak strips. Stir them very quickly as they cook fast. Once browned, add snow peas and baby corn and toss in the meat juices. Add water, garlic, liquid aminos, coconut sugar, and sesame oil and bring to a boil. Add drained noodles and bean sprouts and toss for another three minutes until well coated.

Arrange the salad on a platter and serve.

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Herb-Crusted Cauliflower with Tahini Dressing If you're struggling to get your family to eat vegetables, here's the dish to encourage them! This dish is easy to prepare and packed with good-foryou nutrients..

I love roasted vegetables and have experimented with loads, particularly root vegetables, but roasted cauliflower is my absolute favorite and surprisingly addictive. If you're used to eating steamed or boiled cauliflower, you really will be amazed at how it takes on a completely different texture and flavor once roasted.

I used chili powder in this recipe, but feel free to be adventurous and try your own spice blend.

1 12-oz package frozen cauliflower florets, not defrosted 2 Tbsp nutritional yeast 1 tsp garlic powder

Dressing:

½ cup oat flour

½ cup tahini paste

1 tsp salt

½ cup water

1 tsp chili powder (optional)

1 garlic clove, minced

2 eggs, beaten

Juice of ½ lemon

Olive oil, for spraying

½ tsp salt

Preheat oven to 450°F. Stir together nutritional yeast, garlic powder, oat flour, salt, and chili powder in a small bowl.

In a separate bowl, beat eggs. Dip each floret into eggs, then coat with spice blend. Lay coated florets onto a lined baking sheet, spray with olive oil and roast for 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, prepare the dressing. Place tahini, water, garlic, lemon juice, and salt in the cup of a blender and blend until smooth.

Drizzle over cauliflower before serving. Garnish with fresh herbs or microgreens (optional).

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Blueberry and Lemon Loaf Cake No party is complete without dessert, but what if you want to keep your party menu healthy until the very end? Here’s a really good one, and this scrumptious cake is easy to slice and serve.

Blueberries and lemons are a match made in heaven. The tart and sharp flavors of the fruit balances perfectly with the sweetness of the cake. The best part of this cake? It can be made in one bowl with a hand whisk!

½ cup coconut oil 1 cup monk fruit sugar 1 lemon, juice and zest ½ cup almond milk 2 large eggs 1½ cups white whole wheat flour (or 1:1 gluten-free flour) 1½ tsp baking powder 1½ cups blueberries (fresh or frozen) Additional blueberries, lemon slices, and/or fresh mint, for garnishing (optional) Glaze: ½ cup powdered monk fruit sugar (can be done in a blender on high speed) Juice of 1 lemon

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 9x5-inch loaf pan with parchment paper.

Using a hand whisk, combine coconut oil, monk fruit sugar, and lemon zest. Add lemon juice, milk, and eggs and mix until well combined. Add flour and baking powder.

Gently fold in the blueberries with a metal spoon. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan and bake for 45 minutes until cake is well risen and springy to the touch.

To prepare the glaze, mix powdered monk fruit sugar with lemon juice to form a thick paste. Drizzle over warm cake and garnish with spare blueberries, lemon slices, and some fresh mint.

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Strawberry Limonana There is nothing quite as refreshing as homemade lemonade, but limonana takes that up a notch in both sophistication and taste. I developed an appreciation for this beverage in Israel and I’ve loved it ever since. While lemonade is notorious for its sugar content, here’s Seasoned’s healthier version. And what better time to enjoy some lemons, which are an excellent source of vitamin C — essential to our winter health.

If you’re taking this to a party, it’s best to blend right before you leave. A great idea to transport the drink is to buy a decorated pitcher or large glass mason jar, which can double as a hostess gift. Win win!

3 cups frozen strawberries 5 cups water, divided Juice of 4 lemons 1 cup fresh mint leaves ⅓ cup monk fruit sugar 2 cups crushed ice Ice, sliced lemon and strawberries, and/or fresh mint, for garnish (optional)

Place strawberries in the cup of a blender with one cup of water and blend until smooth. Add juice of the 4 lemons, mint leaves, monk fruit sugar, remaining water, and crushed ice and blend until combined.

Pour into a pitcher and top with more ice, sliced lemon, sliced strawberries and fresh mint for garnish.

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TIDBITS

CHANUKAH CANDLES’ GLOW

Chanukah is a magical time of light and joy. The candles illuminate the room with their warm glow, exuding serenity and a unique ambience. On this theme, the following are 5 foods that can contribute toward a glowing complexion.

By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

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Citrus Fruits

Tomatoes

Almonds

Lemons, oranges, clementines, and grapefruit are all examples of citrus fruits. They have a high vitamin C content, which is helpful in regenerating collagen to maintain the structure and elasticity of the skin. Furthermore, the citric acid present in citrus fruits helps minimize bacterial action and pathogens that exist under the skin, contributing toward skin with a natural glow.

In addition to having a high level of antioxidants, such as vitamin C and E, tomatoes also contain an antioxidant called lycopene. Perhaps most popularly known for helping prevent sunburn, lycopene protects the skin from UV rays which will help maintain a radiant complexion.

Exceptionally high in vitamin E, almonds have skin-nourishing properties. Vitamin E can help with skin health by protecting against oxidative stress, thereby preventing premature aging. Also, the healthy fats found within almonds help moisturize the skin and reduce dryness.

Cucumbers Cucumbers have a cooling effect on the skin when applied topically. You may have seen a picture or cartoon with cucumber circles placed on someone’s eyes. The reason for that is that cucumbers also have a very high water content and are therefore hydrating for the skin. Moreover, they contain a trace mineral that contributes to the growth and maintenance of connective tissue throughout the body.

Green Tea Research consistently shows that there are many benefits to regularly consuming green tea—mainly because of its very high antioxidant content. This help rejuvenate the skin and bring about a natural and healthy glow. In addition, green tea can help improve circulation, which can also enhance one’s skin and result in a more even complexion.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD, is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Self-Care Enthusiast on a mission to help women reach their ultimate health and wellbeing potential inside and out. She shares credible, clear, and inspiring nutrition information with women via her virtual private practice. To contact Esti with feedback or inquiries regarding her nutritional services, please email her at: esti@estiashernutrition.com or visit estiashernutrition.com.

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KITCHEN CURES

K I T CC HU ER NE S Toothaches

by Gitti Feldinger

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Saltwater For many people, a saltwater rinse is an effective firstline treatment for toothache as it is a natural disinfectant and can help loosen food particles that may be stuck between your teeth.

Treating a toothache with saltwater also reduces inflammation and heals oral wounds. To use this approach, mix half a teaspoon of salt into a glass of warm water and use as a mouthwash.

Peppermint Tea Bags

Hydrogen Peroxide

Peppermint tea bags can be used to numb pain and soothe sensitive gums. Allow a used tea bag to cool down before applying to the affected area.

It can still be slightly warm. Alternatively, use this method to cool, rather than warm, the area. To do this, put a used tea bag in the freezer for a couple of minutes to chill it and then apply the bag to your tooth.

A hydrogen peroxide rinse may also help to relieve pain and inflammation. In addition to killing bacteria, hydrogen peroxide can reduce plaque and heal bleeding gums. Make sure you properly dilute the hydrogen peroxide.

To do this, mix 3 percent hydrogen peroxide with equal parts water, and use it as a mouthwash. Don’t swallow it.

Vanilla Extract Pure vanilla extract contains alcohol, which can help numb pain. Its antioxidant properties also make it an effective healer.

Just be sure it’s real vanilla rather than imitation extract; the imitation might do well in recipes but has almost none of the healing properties. To use this remedy, dab a small amount of extract onto your finger or cotton ball. Apply directly to the affected area a few times a day.

Garlic A frequent guest on our Kitchen Cures list, garlic has long been recognized for its medicinal properties. It is also antibacterial, not only killing harmful bacteria that cause dental plaque, but also acting as a pain reliever. To use garlic on a toothache, crush a garlic clove and add a bit of salt to create a paste, and apply to the affected area. Alternatively, you can slowly chew a clove of fresh garlic.

Toothache Plant The aptly named toothache plant is part of the daisy family. Though typically grown in tropical regions, it can be planted potted at home.

Its active compound, spilanthol, has anti-inflammatory properties and provides a numbing sensation when the flower is chewed.

Though the toothache plant is generally considered safe, it should not be used during pregnancy, when drinking alcohol, or by anyone who uses diuretics, has prostate cancer, or is allergic to plants in the daisy family.

Cloves Cloves have been used to treat toothaches throughout history. Cloves contain eugenol, which is a natural antiseptic.

The essential oil can effectively numb the pain and reduce inflammation. Dilute about 15 drops clove oil to one ounce carrier oil. Dab some diluted oil onto a cotton ball and apply it to the affected area a few times a day.

Alternatively, add a drop of clove oil to a glass of water for use as a mouthwash.

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In the pages of Wellspring, we share expert advice from some of the community’s most popular and competent dietitians and nutritionists.

In this column, you get to see how they practice what they preach in their own kitchens. Pull up a chair at “My Table” and join the chat.

Challenge: You’ve been invited to a potluck Chanukah party. What dish would you bring that is not only healthy, but also a crowd-pleaser, particularly for the guests who are trying hard to stick to their plan and find these parties challenging on that front?

Shani Taub, CDC When it comes to any social gathering, I find that grilled veggies are always a winner.

Leah Wolofsky A fruit or vegetable platter is my preferred option because it’s simple to prepare and always a crowdpleaser. A vegetable platter can be made up of very easy vegetables. Options like baby carrots, celery sticks, and pepper rings take minutes to prepare and can even be prepared by a teenager.

A few dips and dressings—either store bought or make-your-own—can complement any platter.

A fruit platter can be prepared by simply cutting up a variety of fruits and arranging them nicely in a pattern. If you are not creative, they sell sixsectional trays with covers, where all you have to do is dice up each different-colored fruit and throw one in each section for a gorgeous presentation.

Some fruits require no cutting whatsoever, such as blueberries or de-stemmed grapes.

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Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

Cinnamon Caramelized Baked Apple Slices Sprinkled with Shredded Coconut

I’d bring a quinoa salad. I’ll share a recipe below, but of course the ingredients can be swapped for whatever you have on hand or are in the mood for.

Keep in mind color for presentation! The reason I’d bring a quinoa salad is that it includes protein and vegetables, which will be satisfying, and whoever eats it (even multiple servings) will im yirtzeh Hashem still feel light, balanced, on track, and empowered with their food choices. Of course, from my perspective, someone can still be on track and “stick to their plan” while also including a sufganiah or other fried food of choice, but you can be in touch with me if you’d like to hear more about that. Happy Chanukah!

Ingredients: 5 lbs. Red Delicious apples (washed, but not peeled) ¼ cup cinnamon ¼ cup unsweetened shredded coconut ½ cup water Directions: Use an apple slicer to core and slice apples.

Lightly spray a 9x13-inch baking pan and generously coat with cinnamon.

Lay sliced apples in one layer in pan, then sprinkle with cinnamon.

Asian Quinoa Salad Recipe adapted from Two Peas and Their Pod Salad Ingredients:

Layer remaining apples and sprinkle with remaining cinnamon and shredded coconut.

2 cups water

Add the water. Cover with aluminum foil and bake at 350°F for 2½ hours.

¼ tsp salt

Uncover, mix apples around with serving spoon, and continue baking uncovered for another 60–90 minutes.

1 cup shelled and cooked edamame

1 cup quinoa 1 cup chopped red cabbage 1 red bell pepper, chopped ½ cup shredded carrots 1 cup diced cucumber Dressing Ingredients: ¼ cup lite soy sauce or tamari sauce (preferably low sodium) 1 Tbsp sesame oil 1 Tbsp rice vinegar 1 Tbsp sesame seeds Salt and black pepper, to taste (taste before adding salt, you might not need any) Directions: Place water, quinoa, and salt into a medium saucepan and bring to boil over medium heat. Boil for 5 minutes. Turn heat to low and simmer for about 15 minutes, or until water is absorbed. Remove from heat and fluff with a fork.

Place quinoa in a large bowl and add cabbage, edamame, red pepper, carrots, and cucumber. Set aside.

Whisk together all dressing components.

Combine quinoa, vegetables, dressing, and enjoy!

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Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC

Every time I eat at my in-laws’, they ask me to make my famous string beans recipe.

Originally from the The Balabuste’s Choice 3, this recipe is a winner. It is light, healthy, filling, and simple to make. The pan is always empty after every occasion.

It’s perfect for a melavah malkah meal as well.

I take fresh string beans, throw them in a big ceramic pan and sauté them with minced garlic, salt, and sesame oil. Sometimes I sauté them uncovered on a high flame until nice and soft and sometimes I leave them crunchy.

While they are sautéing, I add 2 slashes of mirin. Mirin is a Japanese cooking wine made by aging a mixture of rice malt, mochigome rice, and shochu (Japanese brandy). Mirin is similar to sake but has a higher sugar content and lower alcohol content. It’s often used as a sweetener and can also tenderize meat and create glazes. I’ve also substituted with sake, and the recipe comes out the same.

Broccoli Quiche Ingredients: 8 eggs ⅔ cup milk 1½ tsp salt Dash black pepper 1 medium onion, chopped 24 oz. frozen chopped broccoli

It only needs a little bit to make it flavorful.

¾ cup whole wheat flour

Enjoy and happy Chanukah!

8 oz. fresh mushrooms, sliced 8 oz. shredded cheese for topping Preheat oven to 375°F. In a deep bowl, beat eggs with milk and spices. Add remaining ingredients. Mix well.

Transfer mixture into a 9x13-inch well-greased baking pan. Sprinkle cheese over mixture and bake for approximately 30–40 minutes, or until center is set.

Carefully cut into squares.

Yield: 12 servings

Chaya Tziry Retter My go-to healthy crowd-pleaser is a roastedveggie quinoa salad. No recipe needed, just roast a bunch of multicolored veggies with a generous amount of extra virgin olive oil and salt and pepper. The choices are endless.

I like yellow squash, zucchini, red onion, butternut squash, and peppers.

Cook up some quinoa and serve with the veggies and the accumulated juices/leftover oil instead of a dressing. Always beautiful and always delicious!

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Tziri Hershkovitz Acai bowls are all the rage and for all the right reasons. They’re deliciously refreshing, easy to put together, and oh so nutritious! Bring the funnest addition to your potluck Chanukah party with a large bowl of freshly defrosted acai smoothie and a selection of everyone’s favorite toppings.

Tanya Rosen, MS, CAI, CPT Chanukah parties can be particularly difficult to get through without stuffing yourself with oil-drenched foods that do nothing to keep you on track with your healthier lifestyle.

As a perfect example, latkes are typically made with white potatoes and are fried. How often do you find your fingers are layered in oil after having a latke or two? It doesn’t have to be that way. Latkes can be baked, and a delicious and healthier alternative would be to use sweet potatoes.

The recipe I’m sharing today is especially a crowd-pleaser because it’s unexpected, lick-your-fingers tasty, and they won’t even realize just how much healthier it is than the standard latkes found at every Chanukah party.

Acai Bowl Bar Smoothie: Frozen acai Almond milk (or water) Frozen dragon fruit Frozen strawberries Frozen blueberries Frozen mango Optional Toppings: Coconut shavings Blueberries Sliced strawberries

Baked Sweet Potato Latkes

Sliced fresh bananas

A delicious and satisfying twist to traditional latkes

Chia seeds Flax seeds

Ingredients:

Granola

2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and shredded

Chocolate chips

2 medium green onions, finely chopped ¼ cup flour ½ tsp salt ⅛ tsp pepper 1 egg, slightly beaten Olive oil cooking spray Instructions: Heat oven to 400°F. Mix all ingredients together.

Generously grease cookie sheet with cooking spray. Drop sweet potato mixture by teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheet; flatten slightly.

Bake for 12–15 minutes, flipping once, until golden brown.

Yield: 4 servings.

I toss in the frozen fruits with just a bit of almond milk to create the desired frozen smoothie texture. If your blender isn’t designed for fully frozen fruit, place frozen fruit in the refrigerator for a few hours to thaw somewhat prior to blending.

Otherwise, the machine might require more liquids to aid in the blending process, and you’ll lose the creamy frozen texture this dish is known for.

Prepare acai bowl in advance and freeze in a large sealable container. This will make it easily transportable, and it will defrost to the perfect consistency on your way over to the party. Your choice of toppings can also be prepared in advance in individual bowls for easy transport.

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HOLISTIC

Emotional Health

c i t s i l Ho

By Tziri Hershkovitz My four-year-old daughter loves chocolate. It’s an inherited predilection and we don’t fault her for it, but the other day I watched her nosh on cube after cube, much like eating potato chips, and I had to stop her. I needed to explain that when it comes to chocolate, we place the little square in our mouth…and we savor.

There are things in life that are meant to be enjoyed. Appreciated. It makes for a richer experience.

Take our morning berachos, implemented by our Chachamim who have known for millennia what science is now figuring out. You see, recent studies show that gratitude has far-reaching effects on our health. According to the peer-reviewed data, it turns out that people who are thankful for what they have in life have lower stress levels, reduced pain, healthier hearts, and improved immune systems.

Gratitude has a strong positive impact on psychological wellbeing as well.

It increases self-esteem, enhances positive emotions, and makes us more optimistic—and more pleasant to be around.

When genuine gratitude washes over us, especially when directed toward the Source of all blessings, our brains produce neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These wonderful hormones induce feelings of trust and generosity and make us feel loved and loving.

It should come as no surprise that saying “Thank You, Hashem” is actually good for our health. Of course, meaning the words will greatly boost their healthful and helpful impact.

As Yidden, we start our mornings with Modeh Ani. Our first statement upon opening our eyes, and indeed, the first thought we allow into our brain, is gratitude. Indebtedness. Appreciation.

Our entire day continues on that note, with berachos for every occasion— but kavanah is necessary. If we don't tune into what we're saying, we miss out on experiencing all the health benefits mentioned; not for nothing does the Torah hakedoshah ask us to tap into the words.

It’s cyclical. Hashem wants us to express our gratitude so that we’ll be happier, so that we’ll be healthier, so that we’ll be more successful—and therefore have more to be grateful for.

Hashem doesn’t need us to sing Hallel, but He wants us to—for our own sake. Because when we connect to the words and allow ourselves to feel the joy expressed therein, we experience that joy in our hearts and our lives.

With the opportunity to sing Hallel for eight days straight, it would be foolhardy to pass on the opportunity to connect to each word of gratitude.

It would be akin to my four-year-old noshing on the chocolate. She’s eating it, but she’s not experiencing the delight that’s readily available.

I’ll reiterate what I told her: “Savor.”

Tziri Hershkovitz is founder of Hakol Beseder and author of the book by the same name. She is passionate in her belief that Hashem designed this beautiful world to be enjoyed. Discover more on the free hotline, 347.772.1188, or visit www.HakolBeseder.org to sign up for the monthly newsletter, purchase the popular book, or register for Tziri’s life-altering workshops. Every woman is more than just a homemaker—and with the right tools and skills, she’ll discover the bliss that awaits.

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Physical Health

Spiritual Health

By Adina Mintz, PA-C

Rabbanit Orit Esther Riter

Chanukah. The word alone conjures images of oily latkes, greasy jelly doughnuts, and oil menorahs burning all night long. It’s a holiday steeped in tradition—and oil. But with so many foods centered around oil, how can you make healthier choices this year to feel as light as the candles glowing in your window?

Our war for light is a fight for the truth to be revealed.

When we live in darkness, we are cut off from reality—we do not readily feel Hashem’s presence or take pleasure in our relationship with Him. We are left empty and alone.

Separate.

You’re probably familiar with canola and vegetable oil. These are part of a group known as seed oils, which include sunflower, cottonseed, and soybean, among other oils. Because they’re cheap, they’re commonly used—but they have a more sinister side.

To reach that golden appearance, seed oils undergo intense chemical processing, which may make them look better but destroys all their beneficial properties.

Furthermore, seed oils are scientifically proven to contribute to inflammation, disease, hormone imbalances, stress, and weight gain.

Fortunately, there are healthier alternatives, like extra virgin olive oil and cold-pressed avocado oil. These oils are packed with health benefits and are minimally processed, making them a healthier choice. With a smoke point of 350°F, olive oil is perfect for drizzling on salads and low-heat cooking.

With a higher smoke point of 450°F, avocado oil can handle everything from sautéing to frying.

Olive and avocado oils are less processed, making them cleaner and safer to consume. They’re also rich in healthy fats, which helps your brain and body function optimally, and their natural flavors enhance your dishes without overpowering them. Oils, whether seed or avocado, contain the same amount of fat per serving and should be consumed in moderation.

Chanukah wouldn’t feel the same without the scent of latkes wafting through your home or the sight of jelly doughnuts disappearing from the plate. Luckily, by choosing healthier oils, you can enjoy the indulgence of the holiday traditions while protecting your family’s health and wellbeing.

Adina Mintz, PA-C, is passionate about helping women feel their best—whatever their stage in life. Adina graduated as a PA from SUNY and received training at the Institute for Functional Medicine (IFM) and the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine (A4M). With over 15 years of medical experience, she believes every woman can live a pain-free, energetic life, and would love to teach them how. Find out more by downloading her free guide “5 Small Changes with a Big Impact On Your Health” at njfunctionalmed.com

However, within this darkness we can find ourselves; it is a road to self-discovery, to making positive changes in our lives.

The Ba’al Shem Tov teaches that the greatest difficulty is to live in darkness and not realize it is dark. The galut becomes comfortable, and we adjust to our surroundings unaware that anything is out of place. How can we find our way through this? A fundamental rule in psychology is that we cannot help someone if they refuse to be helped. How then can we work toward geulah if we don’t sense discomfort in galut?

This is the delusional power of the yetzer hara. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov says that at the end of days, the yetzer hara will be renamed “the power of delusion.” We are displaced and yet accept it. This is where we need to fight.

When we light the menorah, we must turn to Hashem and “demand” geulah. We should proclaim that we refuse to live in darkness and that we need light—only Hashem’s light—the light of truthful reality. Chazal teach us that this is the tefillah Hashem “craves” and yearns for; a demand for Him to reveal Himself and for His Name to be universally recognized and glorified.

It is a fight on the emunah battleground. Our constant conflict between body and soul, clarity and confusion, emunah and doubts must be eradicated, once and for all.

This Chanukah, request light: peaceful light in your marriage, intimate light in your relationship with Hashem, loving light in Klal Yisrael, joyful light in every home, healing light for the sick, zivug light for singles, baby light for childless parents, blessed light for parnassah, and the light of teshuvah to the wandering souls in B’nei Yisrael.

This is one war we all need to fight together, and we cannot afford to lose!

Rabbanit Orit Esther Riter travels worldwide, spreading emunah in Hashem, imparting the timeless wisdom of the Baal Shem Tov, and teaching positive energy healing and coping methods.

Her Torah-centric energy, Jewish numerology, and healing crystal courses are of the first courses of their kind with haskamos from well-known rabbanim. Her passionate speaking style and warm disposition have made her a sought-after workshop facilitator and speaker around the globe. For more information go to oremunaenergy.com, or reach out to oremunaoffice@ gmail.com

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