The Voice Issue #6

THE

GRAD ISSUE ISSUE #06 NOVEMBER 2016

Editorial Here we have it, the end of the year.

I don’t know what 2016 has been for you, but I could pause life here quite happily. Each year here has topped the last, and the last two semesters have been splendid. For the graduands, all the opportunities in the world are waiting, but I want to stop in this moment, be 21 and free forever.

Observation has taught me, though, that once the Avondale chapter is finished, you must close it firmly and move on.

Before I go, however, I must say this: administration, your complacency about falling dorm numbers is saddening. It seems that higher administration has done almost nothing to address this problem.

Lose the dorms, you’ll have many empty buildings, a ghost-town campus and lose your interstate students. They’re small, but dorms are still the life of campus. It’s inevitable that we’ll one day regret their closure, and they’ll be far harder to re-start than re-invigorate.

I’m sure you can come up with better ideas to address the problem than mine, but here they are: dorm-specific marketing, progressive discounts for long-term residents, recruitment drives in the USA, or one-time scholarships for off-campus students to move in. Any action is better than none.

Other than that, I leave you lovely readers in Sharna’s capable hands, who will hopefully post more on our social media than I have. Thank you for lapping up our issues, hashtagging your photos, entering contests, attending FilmFest and being a wonderful place to spend four years. I’ll miss you.

Contents Editor Claudia Houstoun

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Contributors

Aunt Edna’s Advice

#Avondalexp

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#WO/MAN

Vox Pop

Sydney Nursing Residence Report

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Twitter Fiction

Grad Guide

Alternative Grad Guide

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Surviving the Matrimony Apocalypse

Worst Songs of 2016

Two films with your flame

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Sport- Pokemon Go

While You Were Sleeping

Assistant Editor Sharna Kosmeier Graphic Designer Chloe Lwin Special Thanks Hacksaw Ridge Soba noodles Puncher & Wattman Ella Boyd Hall Sallyanne Dehn No Thanks Extremely discounted junkfood Glycation Fourth year clutter Dubious housemate websites

Claudia 03 | The Voice Issue 06 November 2016

Contributors “Dear Aunt Edna, I’m meeting my girlfriend’s family for the first time and spending Christmas with them.

How can I make sure they don’t hate me?”

Claudia Houstoun

Is now accepting last-minute applicants to complete her #avondalexp.

Sharna Kosmeier

Karina Parker

Blanks every time she needs to write an author bio, so instead would like to cordially wish every one a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

As a toddler, she poured chocolate sauce all over new carpet and proceeded to roll in it. Sorry mum!

Dat Nguyen

Dat Nguyen Band 2016 Farewell Tour tickets now on sale! Limited tickets available, book now!

Marcel Neuhoff

“Dear Aunt Edna, I’m graduating this year and am heading into the work force next year, can you provide me with any tips?”

Chloe Lwin

Enjoys sunsets, long walks on the beach, and hopes to wake up one day knowing what to do with his life.

Currently freezing to death on the other side of the world.

Taflin Mowbray

Known for yelling, playing games, and being a nerd

Well dear, let me tell you a story of my first time meeting my boyfriend’s family over Christmas. Christmas Eve started off well, we were drinking eggnog and celebrating together. Unfortunately, Christmas Day took a turn for the worse when poor Jimmy’s grandma was found to have been run over by a reindeer. We couldn’t believe it! The moral of the story son, is to remember what my grandkids always say: “You Only Live Once Grandma!”

This Christmas, splash out and buy a few presents, be yourself, and I’m sure her family will love you. The last thing you want is to falsely give a girl your heart this Christmas, and then the very next day she gives it away.

This Christmas, make sure you have no ragrets.

Firstly, may I just congratulate you on your achievement. Graduation is a wonderful thing. On entering the workforce, I find it easy to follow the three P’s: be punctual, patient, professional and positive. Although, you must always remember to abide by the words of my homegirl, Aretha Franklin and always show R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Best of luck to all those students who are graduating this year and never forget, Aunt Edna is always hear to give advice when you need it.

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THANK YOU FOR

#avondalexp Have a wonderful break!

WO/MAN What’s your best feature?

Just how modest I am. I’m the most modest guy I know.

Two of Avondale’s most eligible grads reveal the keys to their hearts.

What song encapsulates you?

John Williamson - Home Among the Gumtrees.

Paris Lawrence What’s your best feature? Well, I haven’t been cast in too many feature films yet. But my career’s only young.

What song encapsulates you? The Final Countdown. Da daaa da-da-da-da-daaaa.

What’s the best quality a man can have? The ability to carry out an effective and efficient “tap test” to see if a watermelon is ready for inhalation.

What’s been the highlight of your time here? Hanging Kaisha’s undercrackers across a line opposite the Caf. #freeballing. Also, that my favourite saying: “Holy snappin’ armpits Margaret!” became the official hashtag of our Vanuatu trip.

Who is your celebrity crush? Definitely Yon Gonzalez from Grand Hotel #espanol #telenovela.

Which College couple do you envy most? Jarna.

Your greatest fear? Heights. Or that a spider will crawl on me when I’m driving.

That’ll likely be the end.

What’s your biggest regret about your time at Avondale? I didn’t join a crochet club earlier.

How could a last-minute gentleman win your heart before grad? A pint of Ben and Jerry’s Half-Baked? A car that doesn’t smell of basketball shoes?

A trophy with my name on it? Blonde tips like Jesse McCartney 2003?

A moustache like Derek’s? An excellent photographer? #instagramhusband.

The choice is yours.

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What’s the best quality a woman can have? An active relationship with God. Also, to have the knowledge of the differences between the Marvel and DC universe.

What’s been the highlight of your time here?

1. Vietnam One Mission trip 2014.

2. Being able to have my banana and Up n Go everyday in classes.

Martin Crabtree If you could choose any job other than the one you have: Either a filmographer or an actor. Something in the film industry.

What’s your biggest regret about your time at Avondale? Probably that I didn’t partake in more chaffs. Whoops did that just slip out? I mean finish my assessments weeks before they’re due!

How could a last-minute lady win your heart before grad? By relentlessly stalking me until I’m faced with the impending decision of whether I should call the police, or just give in and literally give her my heart.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Zooey Deschanel.

Which College couple do you envy most? Adam Cullen and his four-wheel dri...I mean Tylee Robinson.

You greatest fear? To wake up one day and my arms and legs have been swapped around. But seriously, it’s probably mango worms. They are actually the worst.

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Vox Pop What’s been the best part of 2016?

“TRAVELLING. MOTO was the best thing that happened to me and I’m sure this mission trip is going to be epic!” – Cherie Tumanalevu

Miracles

are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.

C.S. Lewis

“Exploring a whole new world in Australia, coming from NZ and changing my life for the better by surrounding myself with great friends who have become family.” – Brad McNabb “I’d say the best part of 2016 has been growing as an individual, and watching each of my friends become more incredible by the day.” – Holly Baensch “Reading Marcel’s columns every month in The Voice.” – Larisa Miler “Dank memes.” – Travis Metz “Getting engaged. But also being a part of Avondale’s on- and off-campus community and ministry.” – Dan Wilson “Semester 1 hallway hangs with my front wing girls.” – Amber Fenwick “MOTO Cambodia, shenanigans with the boys, visiting the shearing shed with Sherry Hattingh and Morriset Maccas becoming 24hrs.

Oh, and getting edukated.” – Roly Herps “Getting to know so many new friends, having new experiences and learning to trust God more than ever.” – Kim Parmenter “Neil Bayeta.” – Jym Bocala “Surviving a semester doing 6 subjects while producing a musical.”

– Emily Dorrough

Sydney Nursing Residence Report: the SAN responds WRITTEN BY ADVENTIST HEALTHCARE LIMITED

Today the site enables dedicated people to share Christ’s original message of health and healing, provides care for our community, educates future generations of healthcare professionals, undertakes life changing research and showcases Adventist ideals to the wider community.

This is a response by Adventist HealthCare to the previous The Voice article about accommodation for nursing students on the Sydney campus.

In a recent edition of The Voice there were a number of concerns raised about the age and state of repair of the accommodation on site at the Sydney campus.

The Residence building is an aged 1950’s/1960’s structure which is being used to provide convenient low cost budget level and serviceable accommodation for nursing students, hospital staff and others who choose to live on site to minimise travelling time and costs.

An aged building does not compare in décor or infrastructure standards of a modern facility and cannot match the state-of-the-art new purpose clinical education centre housing the College’s Faculty of Nursing & Health, or the new Hospital Redevelopment - which students can enjoy as they study and train, and which were built because of urgent changing education and patient needs.

The accommodation building however has a regular maintenance budget which is fully utilised each year. This year additional funds have been allocated by management to undertake refurbishment needs. Work to be completed shortly includes painting of 3 bathrooms, 3 kitchens and 3 laundries. By mid next year 3 kitchens will also be refurbished.

Ongoing upgrading of equipment includes the recent installation of 4 new fridges, new cushions and wall art, regular carpet cleaning and pest spraying plus other general maintenance, like lighting needs, are undertaken when identified as needed.

Infrastructure constraints of the existing building which affect matters like electrical access and wifi devices are being managed and wifi access is available.

It is important to remember the various ages of buildings on the site reflect the ongoing growth to meet changing community needs since 1903 when the first building was a sanatorium where people learned to stay well.

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Students and other residents have shared their views: “I’ve been living here since mid-2014” says student Diane Lapuz. “It’s good now that we have wifi. You can tell management is responding to things. I like living here because it’s close to classes, handy to the hospital where I do my placement, and handy to where I work.”

Former student Heather Kerr who moved in to study from February 2014 and graduated in 2015, continues to live at the residence and says she is concerned that some people have unrealistic expectations.

“Yes the building is older but the value for money with the rent being so cheap in comparison to what it would cost in a share house – I think it’s amazing….some people don’t realise what it normally costs to live and pay for rent and utilities. It’s really affordable, it’s great being close to work, I have my own space, I’ve made the effort and made lovely friends and I feel safe and know there’s people who can help me if I need it. I know people who have left and come back when they realise they can live here and still afford to socialise.”

Response provided by Adventist HealthCare Limited 13 | The Voice Issue 06 November 2016

Twitter Fiction

Two men were playing chess. One had the upper hand. The other seemed beaten.

It looked like checkmate, but the King still had one more move. – Catherine Bradley

Avondale’s best and most cash-strapped writers took to the challenge of crafting stories in 180 characters or less.

“Follow me!” calls a taunting voice. I laugh. He still thinks he can win. The battle was won 2000 years ago. – Kirah-Leigh Josey

We extend a hearty thanks to the judges: Josh Dye (Journalist, Sydney Morning Herald), Dr Lindsay Morton (Lecturer), Jim Lounsbury (Director, Love is Now) and Lynnette Lounsbury (Author, We Ate the Road Like Vultures).

Just saw tourist w/ GoPro recording while strapped to chest doing the extreme sport of....WALKING/SHOPPING IN THE CITY. #whatanextremedude. – Rosemary Andrykanus

Winners:

A book lived on a shelf in a library. Books everywhere but all alone. Once read by many, but now by none. Much to say, no one to listen. Everyone judges this book by its cover. – Jacon Ugljesa

1st: $100 He assesses the damage in the mirror: a thin cut across his cheek, beads of blood on his chin. His mother taught him how to shave, you see. – Viema Murray Judges’ Comment: Poignant imagery paints a surprising, sad and tender scene.

2nd: $50 Woolworths voucher + $30 cash He was a boy. She was a girl. But that didn’t make any difference to the cannibal that just made them his dinner. – Karina Parker Judges’ Comment: A simple, but quirky little tale that completes itself in the 140 characters but leaves the reader with lingering amusement and fascinating imagery.

3rd: $50 Bunnings voucher “Lois is that you?” he called and then he remembered. Of course not—Lois was long gone. Instead, the tabby cat appeared and brushed his leg. – Ashley Steele Judges’ Comment: Gentle, sad and tells a lifetime’s story in a moment.

The 4th year contemplated his failure to achieve the avondalexp, when it dawned upon him that he would be graduating unwed with no prospects. – Adelaide Parkin My grandfather sits by the fading smile of the fireplace, watching the low-dance of the shadows. Denim eyes flutter like a magpie’s wing. – Viema Murray She’d bitten off more than she could chew. But she wasn’t a quitter and slogged on until her third pizza was demolished. – Karina Parker A student stumbled across a fluffy baby bird. Love at first sight.

Suddenly, the fluffy baby bird’s parents swooped.

But they just wanted feed the fluffy baby bird. – Stephanie Maher The first wave licked at the castle wall before the second one surged. Delighted squeals sounded as the girls’ moat was filled. – Ashley Steele “You idiot! How could you betray me?” she sobbed as she lay on the ground. He stared at her in disbelief. The last slice was gone. – Dari Bee Once in a land far away stood two castles, Watson and Ella. These castles were once at war but Genesis 9:7 triumphed uniting the two castles. – Adelaide Parkin

Honourable mentions Avondale College. Listening to theology lectures. Lots of reading. Writing essays.

Too much writing. Pen. Apple. Pen Pineapple Apple Pen! – Jonathon Gillard Our love was like an unfinished masterpiece. After the crash, the artist put their brush down, walked out and took her with him. – Jasmin Bell 14 | The Voice Issue 06 November 2016

My brother was driving to visit mum. His phone rung and he answered. He never made it to see mum. – Jenay Menzie Ode to Maciej (pronounced Much-Aye). So a Polish man walks into a bar, “Can I get a beer?” he asks. The bartender tells him the price and with shock he responds, “That’s too Maciej.” – Jacob Ugljesa 15 | The Voice Issue 06 November 2016

Grad Guide Last year’s grads give us their insights into life after College

Anna Beaden—Secondary Teaching What’s the best part of your job?

Building relationships with the kids - they are all so unique and have some crazy personalities, love the variety! Also being a religion teacher it’s amazing seeing them make decisions for God! Best feeling in the world.

What’s the toughest part?

When you don’t get enough sleep and then the smallest things annoy you! In bed before 9:30, that’s the key (trust me, you’ll get used to it, all you 3am-ers)!

What Avondale College should have taught me: 1… The kids may not be as enthusiastic about the chess tournament as you are.

2… Learn to hold your bladder for hours or to sprint quickly...

3… Parent and teacher role-plays. Especially for helicopter parents, who monitor all the biodegradable things you use and refuse to drink the ‘contaminated’ school water.

Most embarrassing moment this year?

Attempting my joke of the day at school assembly and only hearing crickets.

Favourite moment this year?

When my Grade 7 student found an indecent picture of a girl in the newspaper we were looking at. He tore the page out and threw it into the bin. I announced it and he then continued to go to other students’ papers and pull out the page, tear it up and put it in the bin, everyone was cheering! Such a legend, sticking up for the way girls are portrayed and exposed in the media!

Final word for graduating teachers?

Come in like a Nazi, then loosen off if needed. Have a strategy for behaviour and stick with it - chances are you’ll only have to use it a few times, until they know you’re serious, then they’ll keep in the lines! Don’t forget to have some fun with them and laugh often - sleeping lions in Grade 10 was memorable (it related to our topic!)

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Jesse Herford­­—Theology What’s the best part of your job?

The best part is seeing people move into the potential God has for them. It’s such a privilege see people move and grow!

What’s the toughest part?

Making time for my close friends and family who live thousands of kilometres away.

What Avondale College should have taught me: That we’re not all going to fit the job perfectly. Whilst it’s important to know how to perform a wide range of skills in the workplace, the reality is we’re all good at some things, and not at others. Although it’s definitely a good idea to develop your skills, it’s also important to know your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. It’s ok.

Most embarrassing moment this year?

Being more terrified of a rollercoaster than Pathfinder kids half my size, for real. The things you do for the sake of ministry. Lots of sacrifice here. But hey, I still went on the rollercoaster. The kids had more fun listening to me scream than the actual ride itself, though. It’s just what we do.

Favourite moment this year: Getting married. Obviously! (Hopefully Carina reads this so I get some brownie points) Final word for graduating pastors Just be your authentic self. Don’t be pretentious, don’t try to wow. If God has truly called you to pastoral ministry, then he will impress the right conference president.

Focus on the Work of the Gospel above all else. Your calling is not your job; even if you don’t get a job, don’t let yourself feel disqualified from the Work. All are called to build the church of Jesus. Hold fast to your calling, and trust Christ to be faithful.

He will, I promise.

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Alternative Grad Guide

Surviving the Matrimony Apocalypse

WRITTEN BY CLAUDIA HOUSTOUN

WRITTEN BY KARINA PARKER

Are your friends drastically changing their appearance, or do they disappear for no reason and reappear with the scent of other humans on their skin? Be on your guard because we are in the middle of the matrimony apocalypse and your friends may have just been turned into POTENTIAL SPOUSES! There is no need to panic yet, unless of course you find yourself on the prowl in open dorms with no idea of why you are there. In that case, it might be too late for you, buddy. It is possible to survive this apocalypse, however, it will be a battle. If you follow these instructions you have an increased chance of surviving, but I cannot guarantee that you will.

If you’re bravely forging a life outside the clear-cut paths of Education, Theology and Nursing, put down that smashed avo and get cracking on one of these non-McDonalds grad options.

Hiking Extended bushwalking not only kills time, it means you can legitimately add ‘Explorer’ to your Instagram bio resume. The Appalachian Trail in the States, for instance, runs from the South almost into Canada and takes at least 6 months. You’ll develop useful skills, such as battling grizzly bears, writing forest poetry and showering at 7 week intervals.

WWOOFing If Arts has left you resistant toward but nonetheless dependent upon the late-Capitalist system, why not learn the necessary pre-Industrial skills to

Here are the best-known ways to protect you against the matrimonial apocalypse:

free yourself from the corporatised global food mass-production and distribution complex? With World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms (WWOOF), you can spend a summer olive-picking in Italy, run a pottery studio in Japan, or while away the seasons shepherding on the Isle of Skye.

By April, when your corporate-slave friends are neck-deep in bills and deadlines, you’ll know who’s gamed the system.

Always move around campus in a pack. It’s widely known that the opposite gender will not engage if you are in a large group. BEWARE: this will not work if the opposite gender is in a large group also, this will increase the chance of engagement with the opposite gender.

Wear as much clothing as possible. Skin is a known weakness for the opposite gender. Be sure to always wear as much clothing as you can; this acts as camouflage and will ensure you can move around undetected.

Organised events where large groups of people gather are known hunting grounds. Be on your guard if you attend 7:28 or socials, such as pool parties.

Dog Walking If it was good enough to tide Daniel Radcliffe over, post-Potter, it’s good enough for all of us. Plus, you’ll be the envy of the entire internet.

Masters Don’t fancy leaving this sunny bubble yet? Masters offers you the opportunity to spend another $20,000 and two years wandering the library.

The future is yours.

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The most effective weapons against those already infected are the scent of undiluted body odour and look of un-brushed teeth.

Photo credit: Abaca USA

Who said they didn’t fit the Avondale mould and is now regretting it? You.

If you do find yourself in a relationship at college, do not fear, it is not too late for you - providing that you escape this relationship before your final year. It is commonly accepted that if you are in a relationship in your final year, you more than likely will end up engaged and then there is no turning back for you, my friend. So be warned in this apocalypse of matrimony, it’s hunt or be hunted. Constant vigilance, comrades.

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Worst Songs of 2016 WRITTEN BY DAT NGUYEN

Two films with your flame…

WRITTEN BY MARCEL NEUHOFF

2016 is now coming to a close. We’ve seen some really good music come through.

And we’ve also seen some fairly (subjectively) bad music. Those who know me, know I’m fairly open-minded towards different musical tastes. So, I’ve done the cowardly next best thing to critiquing this year’s music. Let’s have the Top 5 Worst Songs of 2016, as voted by you on the Avondale Roost.

1. Pen Pineapple Apple Pen – Kazaki. Why is this even a thing? For those who never heard it, it’s a bloke who has a pen, and he has an apple. As well as a pen and a pineapple. Not quite Queen quality lyrics, but not shocking for 2016. If you have a spare 50 seconds, check out what gave this random Japanese guy meme status.

Or don’t, you’re not really missing out.

2. Work - Rihanna. Shout out to Kody who couldn’t stop singing this when it first came out. It features what seemed to be gibberish amongst some English words.

To be fair, the gibberish is supposedly a Jamaican tongue. What does it really mean amongst the work and dirt Rihanna is mentioning? Long story short, she’s complaining about her man making her do the dirty work… and I’ll step away now before any social commentary arises.

3. We Don’t Talk Anymore – Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez. To be honest, other than being a repetitive pop song, I can’t really put my finger to why you all voted this as the third place. You only have yourselves to blame.

4. M.I.L.F. $ - Fergie. Don’t google this one kids. It’s not worth it. Avondale IT will flag you.

5. Team – Iggy Azalea. Sigh.

There you have it, that’s what you voted for as the worst songs of 2016.

Don’t forget to like and subscribe!

Spring is here, and the end of second semester looms. But not for you. You first caught their wistful gaze in Week 4.

Now you spend your nights wondering if that thudding noise is from the steel at Sanitarium or the yearning drum of your heart. You can just picture the purple velvet of jacarandas adorning the couple selfies you’ll snap for all to admire. But before you tick the mandatory relationship box in your Avondale experience, you’ll need to prepare for the first date movie.

A Walk to Remember (2002) From the author of The Notebook, have the tissues close for this solid romantic drama of two high-school teens.

Landon (Shane West) is the popular type with the razor-sharp jawline at school. When a high-diving stunt takes a horrible turn, Landon’s community service punishment sees him meet studious reverend’s daughter Jamie (stunning Mandy Moore). As their time together increases, his dislike for straight-laced Jamie unexpectedly turns

to the romantic. Heartbreak is never far away though, and as the tears roll on screen, be sure to have your most comforting “there there” ready to go.

Pride & Prejudice (2005) Now is the time to pull the proverbial Ace of Hearts out of your sleeve. In impressing that potential paramour, one cannot go wrong with a touch of culture. What better way to prove your refinement than with Joe Wright’s adaption of Jane Austen’s classic Pride and Prejudice?

Keira Knightley stars as sprightly Miss Elizabeth Bennet, whose encounter with the wealthy, proud, and perennially sullen Mr Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen) sets them on a struggling course toward love beyond class prejudice.

The solid wit and humour help to balance the drama, making this a pleasant two hours. I might even go as far to say you might find yourself enjoying Mr Darcy and Elizabeth’s unlikely romance more than Mr Collins enjoys boiled potatoes.

Exemplary.

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Sport - Three (Questionable) Benefits of Pokémon Go WRITTEN BY TAFLIN MOWBRAY

while you were

sleeping...

Pinhole Potato In age of digital and wireless technology, an Australian man has created a home-made camera from a potato. Motivated by a relative who said he couldn’t do it, amateur photographer Colin Lowe took just two weeks to create the device.

Other working parts of the camera include a tomato paste tin, fridge magnet, film canisters and rubber bands.“I get a lot of stares,” says Lowe, who has been testing it out in various public parks and gardens.

(ABC news) Pokémon Go was a craze that drew all the nerds out of their bedrooms and gave the gift of exercise, fresh air, and an excuse for your mother to make you walk the dog.

But the most universal aspect of Pokémon Go is people predicting its inevitable corruption of youth. Or at least it was. Because like a stiff breeze the Pokémon Go craze seems to have vanished leaving those now afflicted with hay fever in its wake. Now it’s time to see what benefits were left behind along with the insatiate sneezing.

1. Exercise and seeing the great outdoors With the discovery that I found far more of these ugly little Pokémon walking around outside, I took to leaving the house. Occasionally. When decked out with appropriate (heavily armoured) clothes.

2. Social interaction Before you say anything, I am aware that some people can just walk up and start a conversation, apropos of nothing. This clearly makes you part of a superior species.

For the rest of us socially awkward humans having common ground makes capturing new friends a lot easier. Now I’ve yet to manage this, but Tumbr tells me that it is possible, so I’m sure it has to be true.

3. Motivation The hardest part of everyday is finding a good reason to leave the house so that I do not turn into a pathetic sparkly vampire. Looking for small fluffy Pokémon is excellent motivation it turns out. I’m getting so motivated that I’m in danger of losing my nerd tan.

Pokémon Go was a unique and odd little game to play until my attention span wandered off and now I’m back in my room playing Skyrim until my eyes go square.

The sun was nice while it lasted.

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Photo credit: SelectALL/Cincinatti Zoo/Getty Images

Photo credit source: Colin Lowe

Harambe’s Revenge A silverback gorilla has escaped his London Zoo enclosure after fleeing through two unlocked doors leading to the outside world. The offender (named Kumbuka) then sourced and drank approximately 5 litres of juice.

He is yet to comment on allegations that the ordeal was an attempt to avenge the death of his late Cincinnati cousin, Harambe.

Kumbuka was soon tranquilised and returned to his (un)natural habitat.

(Skynews) Have a house and eat guac too Several Melbourne cafes have sliced prices on brunch menu items in response to an article in The Australian. The piece argued that the reason millennials couldn’t afford their own home was due to “spending $22 on avocado on toast.” One cafe renamed their traditional “smashed avo” to “the retirement plan,” in the hope that potential home-buyers put their breakfast savings towards the future.

(Daily Mail) 23 | The Voice Issue 06 November 2016

JAC 2016