Life’s Rich Pattern

Rhythm and blues

BY LIZ FOSTER

The scene plays out like a thriller: you pull out your phone, and see an ad for hammer toe correctors.

Wait a minute, you think. Didn’t I just have a conversation about hiking socks designed to help hammer toes? Like, a real conversation, spoken aloud? Is my phone … listening to me?

Why, yes, it probably is. When you use your default settings, everything you say may be recorded through your device’s onboard microphone. And the increasingly hyper-developed algorithms do the rest. While we might like our social media feeds curating content we’re interested in, it’s still creepy.

If it all seems a bit Big Brother to you, I hate to tell you but it’s here to stay. Most of your household devices have inbuilt Smart capabilities. Whole departments at appliance manufacturers are given over to making them Smart. If your toaster has an electric bar that diminishes as your toast browns, it’s smart. Won’t be long before you can call out – ‘Hey Google! Toast both sides until golden brown!’

Algorithms have their place though, my favourite being the daily play lists my music streaming service creates for me. Spotify is expert at throwing music into your feed (because you listened to… you might like.. etc). They’ve even got a Radio function, where you can pick a song you like, and a playlist of similar songs will magically appear.

If you’re keener on listening to music on vinyl, CDs or through the radio then you’re not alone. Last year, vinyl sales outpaced CD sales for the first time. That all the machines that pressed the records were dismantled when CDs came along is definitely hampering their resurgence. But beware the bringer of false algorithms. A friend recently bought some bedding, not from an online marketplace but direct from the supplier. Her since you shopped with us… follow up email promoted, amongst other things, a machete sharpener, a hose reel and a prisoner costume.

The mind boggles who the right target market for that unique combo would be, but we might leave that one there.

Virtual assistants like Alexa, Siri, and Google Assistant make our lives easier by helping us make grocery lists, create reminders, and even set the mood just by shouting at the tiny device. But nobody’s perfect, not even artificial intelligence.

Like the Indian dinner shopping list fail featuring garam masala, ginger, coriander and babies – could be tasty but only if you’re a flesh-eating giant (bay-leaves).

Sometimes the answer bears no relation to the question at all and you can’t work out what they thought you said. As one person who asked, ‘how long does it take to cook baby back ribs’ was answered with ‘Captain James Cook had six children.’

Hopefully none of them were thrown into the pot.

There’s the sleepy dad who tried to set a phone reminder to ‘feed the baby’ and got a reminder to ‘defeat the baby’. Or the Amazon shopper who discovered it really does have everything on checking their list – toilet paper, napkins, God (sent direct to your house door to door with free two-day shipping.)

I still handwrite a shopping list, but I take a pic on my phone (super easy to enlarge). I find it’s quicker than the call and response Hey Google/did you mean… a hundred times a day. But it doesn’t matter how you make your shopping list, one way or the other. Give me the algorithm that does my shopping for me and I’ll be happy.

Illustration by Grace Kopsiaftis

Liz Foster is a local writer and author. You can find more Life’s Rich Pattern features and more at www.lizfosterwriter.com