The Varsity Magazine: Anonymity

ANONYMITY

MAGAZINE EDITOR

Kate Reeve CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Pearl Ca ao EDITOR-IIN-C CHIEF

Jack O. Dentton MANAGING ONLIN NE EDITOR

Kaitlyn Simpson MANAGING EDITOR

Reut Cohen SENIOR COPY EDITOR

Kevin Lu DEPUTY SENIOR COPY EDITOR T e Va Th Vars rsititityy Ma rs Maga ga azi z ne e has a cirrcu cula la atition on of 10, 0 00 000 0 pu publ bllis ishe hed he d by Var arsi s ty Pu ubl blic icat ic a ions ns Inc nc. Itt is pr nc prin inte in te ed byy Mas aste te er W b In We Inc. c. on re ecy cycl cled cl ed new ewsp pri rint nt sto nt ock ck..

Co ont nten entt © 20 en 019 9 by Th The e Va ars r itityy. Al Alll righ ri gh hts res eser erve er ved. ve d. Any edi dito tori to riial a inq nqui u riies ui a d//or let an ette ters te rs s sho houl uld ul d be dir irec eccte ted d to o the th e as a so oci c at ated e edi ed d to ors rs.. Th T e Va Vars rsititityy rs M ga Ma g zi zine ne res ne eser erve er vess th ve the e ri righ gh ght ht to o edi ditt al alll subm su bmis bm isssion ns. s

Julie Shi DESIGN EDITORS

Keith Cheng g & Angela Fu PHOTO EDITOR

Shanna Hunter ILLUSTRATION EDITOR

Pllea P ease s recyc yccle this isssu ycle sue after reading.

2 Sussex Ave, Suite 200 21 0 T ront To nto, nt o, ON M5S S 1J 1J6 6

Troy Lawrence FRONT END WEB DEVELOP PER

Nikhi Bhambra

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BACK END WEB DEVELOPER R

ma maga aga azi zine ne.t ne .the .t heva he vars va r itty. rs y ca c

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MAGAZINE E ASSISTAN NT Jako ob Barnes ASSOCIATE SENIOR COPY EDIT TORS Ori Gilboa & Jovan na Pajovic ASS SOC CIATE DESIGN EDITORS Gheyana Purbodiningrat, William Xiao, Yolanda Zhang ASSOCIATE PHOTO ED DITORS Theo Arbez & Dina Dong ASSOCIATE ILLUSTRATION EDITORS Iris Deng & Fio ona Tung BUSINESS MANAGE ER Emma Findlay-Wh hite e WRITERS Stephanie Bai, Bushra a Azim Boblai,, Julia a Costanzo, Ibnul Chowdhury, Jack O. Denton, Ann Marie Elpa, Ori Giilboa, Neeharika Hemrajani, Blythe Hunter, Katie MacIntosh, Tara Mahoney, Yasama an Mohaddes, Jadine Ngan, Teodo ora a Pasca, Kate Reeve, Zeah haa a Rehm man, Kashi Syal, Andy Takag gi, Elliott Tilleczek, Eddie Vargas, Kristen Zimmer

PHOTOG GRAPHERS Patrick Barrry, Pearl Cao, Victoria Dawson,, Katie MacIntosh, Tara Mahoney y, Tosin Maiyeguen, Jadine 1JDQ +DQ QD 1 1LNĀHYLþ . .DWH 5 5HHYH Andy Taka agi ILLUSTRAT TORS Darrren Ch heng g, Keith h Cheng, Yiyue Jia ang, Em milly Smit-Dicks COPY ED DIT TORS Fatima Abd dulla, Amena Ahmed, Marisa Ballleani, Angela Bosenius, Emily Bo osenius, Oana Calin, Elois sa Cervantes, Christina Ditlof, Trisha Jain, Frida Kitz, Krisha Mansukhani, Isabella McKay, Jadine Ngan, Gina Nicoll, Huda Obaid, Areej Rodrigo, Lindsay Selliah, Farheen Sikandar SPECIAL THANKS TO And dy for all his photos, Will for tre ekking g in on Sunday, Tony Soprana for keeping me enterttained while design worked, and Bullk Barn for the strange plantains. As alwa ays, thank k you to all the volunteers who helped make this magazine possible.

COVER DESIGN Pearl Cao IN NNER COVERS Andy Takagi

CONTENTS Letter from the Editors 6 V gnet Vi gnet gn e tess 7

ONLINE The right to be forgotten 8 Talking to technology 10 The extremely serious thought process of almost making a fake Instagram account to stalk someone 11

&DQDGD¡V QHZHVW colonial project ZDQWV \RX WR do nothing 17

Having my cookies (and deleting them, too) 12 Free art: the case for internet archives 14 From pseudonymous Federalist Papers to 7UXPS¡V WZHHWV LGHQWLW\ in politics matters 16

Peace through ashes 21

SELF Stuck in the middle of myself 25 The year of bloom 27 On drift and claim 30 'RQ¡W EH D ZRPDQ be a #girlboss 33

4 — T h e Va r s i t y M a g a z i n e / A n o n y m i t y

Letters from strangers 52

My name is ________ DQG ,¡P D recovering addict in grad school 36

No credit, please 56

CONNECT Building from scratch 42

Cipher (Shift) 40

Pour some sugar on me, daddy 44 The power and possibility in facelessness 47 Faces in the crowd 51

Presence and future 60

Marc Marc Ma rcch h 30 30 65

Letter from the Editors

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6

looking in from the outside guessing at the life that happens behind the orange glow RI D VWUDQJHU·V ZLQGRZ DW QLJKW a story — like so many — WKDW LVQ·W \RXUV WR NQRZ

the way an old person looks at a child warms and breaks the heart. two strangers share the deepest stare.

a man wearing a denim jacket and worn denim jeans picked up a cigarette butt from the sidewalk, LQKDOLQJ WKH ÀQDO ZRUG RI D VWUDQJHU·V VHYHQ PLQXWH VWRU\

7

DESIGNER: PEARL CAO

POETRY anonymous is the secret pleasure of smoldering at a stranger on the street, knowing your eyes — let alone you — will never again meet.

WRITER: KRISTEN ZIMMER

Vignettes

ONLINE PHOTOGRAPHER: SHANNA HUNTER

WRITER: JACK O. DENTON

I

The right to be forgotten Questions of preservation, protection, and freedom from your history on the internet

n 2011, Tyler*, in his late twenties, met up with a woman at a downtown bar and, after a few drinks, they went back to his apartment. Toronto Police later opened an investigation into Tyler and charged him with sexual assault. +H DSSHDUHG LQ FRXUW IRU WKH ÀUVW WLPH on December 31, 2011. These facts, a matter of public record, were reported in the Toronto Star and The Varsity.

Ten months later, the charges were withdrawn, but this development was never reported on, and there is no more readily-available public information on 7\OHU·V FDVH Open and shut, without much closure. But that, really, is only the beginning of this story. , GRQ·W WKLQN WKHUH ZDV DQ\ IDLOXUH RQ the behalf of the media to continue folORZLQJ 7\OHU·V FDVH $ ODWH IROORZ XS WR DQ RWKHUZLVH UHODWLYHO\ LQVLJQLÀFDQW DQG

DQRQ\PRXV FULPH VWRU\ LVQ·W H[DFWO\ DW the heart of public interest. The Varsity never reported on Tyler in isolation but as part of a larger story on sexual assault on and around campus, and the Toronto Star·V FRYHUDJH FRQVLVWHG RI D terse breaking news piece that would have gone online and immediately been forgotten among dozens of similar articles. Tyler neither is nor was particularly important; no journalist would have had any cause to go searching through FRXUW ÀOHV WR SURYH RU GLVSURYH DQ\ wrongdoing. He was never convicted of sexual assault, or any other crime that ,·P DZDUH RI EXW WKH ODFN RI LQIRUPDWLRQ clarifying this is ominous. $QG KH FODLPV WKDW LW UXLQHG KLV OLIH Over the past few months, Tyler, now LQWR KLV WKLUWLHV D FRQFHUQHG H[ ÀDQcée, and his current partner have been in touch with me. They want me to help

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WKHP HUDVH DOO HYLGHQFH RI 7\OHU·V VH[Xal assault charge from the internet, and , GRQ·W NQRZ WR ZKDW H[WHQW ,·P ZLOOLQJ WR KHOS WKHP GR LW $W WKH YHU\ OHDVW , KDYH tried answering some very meaningful questions about The Varsity·V UROH DV a newspaper of record and source of archival information.

Tyler wants us to de-list his name from the web page that holds a digital copy of the newspaper from 2012 in which his charge of sexual assault LV UHIHUHQFHG ,I \RX VHDUFK 7\OHU·V name on Google, this web page comes up around the fourth page of results.

De-listing entails removing a web page from a search engine index, or isolating and removing certain search terms on that web page from an index. In this FDVH 7\OHU·V QDPH LWVHOI LV RQ WKH ZHE SDJH DQG WKDW·V WKH VHDUFK WHUP :KLOH ,·P QRW VXUH , EX\ LQWR WKH IDFW

WKDW WKLV EOHPLVK RQ 7\OHU·V VHDUFKDEOH history is the root of all of his problems, KH PDNHV DQ LPSDVVLRQHG FDVH IRU LW +H FODLPV WKDW KH·V VWUXJJOHG WR ÀQG ZRUN EHFDXVH VHDUFK UHVXOWV PDNH LW DSSHDU WKDW KH·V D VH[XDO FULPLQDO +H DOVR VD\V WKDW D VHYHUH PHGLFDO FRQGLWLRQ KH KDV VLQFH EHHQ GLDJQRVHG ZLWK ZDV EURXJKW RQ LQ SDUW IURP WKH VWUHVV WKDW WKLV RUGHDO KDV SXW RQ KLP 7\OHU ZDV VXFFHVVIXO LQ KDYLQJ WKH Toronto Star de-list his name from its ZHEVLWH WKH DUWLFOH RQ KLV FKDUJH RI VH[XDO DVVDXOW GRHVQ·W FRPH XS LQ D *RRJOH VHDUFK WKRXJK LW FDQ EH IRXQG WKURXJK WKH Star·V LQWHUQDO VHDUFK HQJLQH $Q HGLWRU·V QRWH GDWHG DOVR FODULÀHV WKDW WKH FKDUJHV DJDLQVW KLP ZHUH GURSSHG +RZHYHU WKH VWRU\ RQ 7\OHU GRHVQ·W DSSHDU WR KDYH HYHU UXQ in print in the Star VR LW LV XQOLNHO\ WR IDFH WKH VDPH GLOHPPD WKDW The Varsity FXUUHQWO\ ÀQGV LWVHOI LQ The Varsity DOVR DFTXLHVFHG WR D UHTXHVW IURP 7\OHU LQ :KHQ RQH RI P\ SUHGHFHVVRUV UHPRYHG WKH UHIHUHQFH WR 7\OHU·V FDVH IURP WKH RULJLQDO DUWLFOH RQ WKHYDUVLW\ FD LW ZDV DFFRPSDQLHG E\ DQ HGLWRU·V QRWH GHWDLOLQJ ZK\ WKH FKDQJH ZDV PDGH , WKLQN WKLV LV FRQVLVWHQW ZLWK RXU &RGH RI -RXUQDOLVWLF (WKLFV ZKLFK VWLSXODWHV RXU HGLWRULDO RSHUDWLRQV DQG PDNHV VSHFLÀF QRWH RI ZKHQ DQG KRZ ZH·UH VXSSRVHG WR UHPRYH FRQWHQW IURP RXU ZHEVLWH ³ LQ WKLV FDVH ZKHQ LW FDQ EH VKRZQ WKDW WKH FRQWHQW LV QR ORQJHU DFFXUDWH %XW RXU DUFKLYHV DUH D FRPSOHWHO\ GLIIHUHQW EHDVW WKDQ WKH OLYLQJ EUHDWKLQJ WKHYDUVLW\ FD ,W DSSHDUV LPSRVVLEOH RQ RXU HQG WR GH OLVW MXVW 7\OHU·V QDPH

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ONLINE

Talking to technology Intimacy and connection in the Alexa era WRITER: JULIA COSTANZO PHOTOGRAPHER: THEO ARBEZ

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ur technologies talk to us, but despite the glimmer of novelty usually imSRVHG RQ YRLFH WHFKQRORJLHV WKH\ DUHQ¡W that new.

Siri has been reading us the weather for over seven years now, and, historically, talking computers date back to 1952, when the University of Edinburgh creatHG WKH 3DUDPHWULF $UWLĂ€FLDO 7DONHU 3$7

ZKLFK ZDV RQH RI WKH ÀUVW FRPSXWHUV WR WUDQVPLW DUWLÀFLDOO\ JHQHUDWHG VRXQGV 7Rday, more people talk to technology than ever before. As of 2017, there are over 700 million iPhone users worldwide and over 20 million Alexa devices have been sold. As of last year, there are over 500 million devices equipped with Google Assistant.

Usually, when we think about verbal interactions with technology, we default WR WZR GLVWLQFW WURSHV 7KH Ă&#x20AC;UVW LV YLHZLQJ YRLFH WHFKQRORJLHV DV D MRNH 7KHUH¡V D P\ULDG RI <RX7XEH YLGHRV IHDWXULQJ NLGV playing tricks on Alexa or listicles of funny WKLQJV \RX FDQ DVN 6LUL LI \RX OLNH D JRRG GDG MRNH , VXJJHVW DVNLQJ 6LUL ZK\ Ă&#x20AC;UH WUXFNV DUH UHG 7KH VHFRQG LV RXU IHDU of voice technologies. Often, we imagine these devices as one degree away from the robot apocalypse or the creepy human-technological relations portrayed LQ Ă&#x20AC;OPV OLNH Ex Machina DQG Her

,Q IDFW ZKHQ , Ă&#x20AC;UVW SLWFKHG WKLV DUticle topic at the magazine meeting, someone shared that they once overheard their eight-year-old sibling saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love youâ&#x20AC;? to Alexa. Everyone around the table either gasped, cringed, or shook their head.

I think the relationships between people and their voice technologies are more complex than we like to think they are.

7R XQGHUVWDQG WKHVH UHODWLRQVKLSV ,¡P putting aside some very real fears about theses technologies, such as surveillance DQG VHFXULW\ FRQFHUQV \RX PLJKW ZDQW WR look into how much your device listens to \RX RU ZKDW KDSSHQV WR \RXU GDWD , ZDQW to unpack the relationships between peo-

ple and their voice technologies because , WKLQN LW¡V LQWHUHVWLQJ WKDW DOO WKHVH WDONLQJ technologies are gaining popularity at a time when popular discourse might have \RX WKLQNLQJ WKDW ZH GRQ¡W œWDON¡ RU œVKDUH RXU IHHOLQJV¡ DQ\PRUH 7DONLQJ LV D GLVWLQFW PHGLDWLRQ RI RXU UHODWLRQVKLS ZLWK WHFKQRORJ\ ,W¡V GLIIHUHQW than writing down our thoughts or touching our screens. If we can communicate via touch or language, why do we feel the need to talk to our technologies? What makes these interactions unique?

Cristina Poindexter, a former voice technology researcher at Google, explains WKDW ´VRFLDO LQWHUDFWLRQV WHDFK XV ,W GRHVQ¡W PDWWHU LI WKH\¡UH ZLWK EHLQJV WKDW DUH FOHDUly alive, or with technology that occupies some uncanny middle.â&#x20AC;? She suggests that conversations with these technologies are just a new and different kind of social FRQQHFWLRQ &RQYHUVHO\ 6KHUU\ 7XUNOH an author and Massachusetts Institute of 7HFKQRORJ\ 0,7 SURIHVVRU LQVLVWV WKDW conversations with robots lead to robotic conversations between humans. â&#x20AC;&#x153;As we treat machines as if they were almost human, we develop habits that have us treating human beings as almost-machines,â&#x20AC;?

DFFRUGLQJ WR 7XUNOH 7DONLQJ WR WHFKQRORJ\ LV HVSHFLDOO\ FRQtested when the tech users are children.

One New York man reported that WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW ZRUGV KLV WRGGOHU OHDUQHG ZHUH â&#x20AC;&#x153;mom,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;dad,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;cat,â&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Alexa.â&#x20AC;? Also, communication breakdowns between children and voice technologies can be confusing â&#x20AC;&#x201D; until very recently, voice technologies were programmed to respond to adult voices. Parents also fear that barking commands at Alexa, Siri, or Google Assistant teaches their children to be rude or bossy. +RZHYHU HDUO\ VWXGLHV DW 0,7 VXJJHVW that children are well aware that these devices are not real people. Research has also found that sophisticated voice technology designed to interact with children

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can assist kids struggling with language or speech development. Voice technologies could also provide companionship to soFLDOO\ LVRODWHG FKLOGUHQ EXLOGLQJ WKHLU FRQĂ&#x20AC;dence until they feel comfortable speaking with their peers. As for Alexa making kids rude: experts at Carnegie Mellon University actually think teaching kids to say â&#x20AC;&#x153;pleaseâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;thank youâ&#x20AC;? to Alexa blurs the line between humans and technology, further confusing how we treat people versus how we treat robots.

Another example of the intricate relationships between people and voice technologies occurs within the realm of therapy, health, and care. Services like 7KH 'LIIHUHQFH Âł DQ RQ GHPDQG VHUYLFH provided through Alexa â&#x20AC;&#x201D; provide therapy and counselling for people with less monH\ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW\ Ă&#x20AC;QGLQJ VRPHRQH WKH\ WUXVW RU a desire to remain anonymous. Socially isolated individuals such as seniors or neurologically atypical people may also Ă&#x20AC;QG FRPIRUW DQG FRPSDQLRQVKLS LQ YRLFH technologies. Alexa can also assist these individuals in care practices like reminding them to take their medication. Yet it becomes tricky when these technologies begin to replace the care we extend to each other. On the other hand, would people who rely on these technologies be EHWWHU RII LI WKH URERW ZDVQ¡W WKHUH DQG WKH\ had nobody to talk to?

So what does this have to do with anonymity, intimacy, and relationships? Are we risking our ability to communicate with each other for the opportunity to interact anonymously? Conversations between human beings and their voice technologies fall at the centre of a complicated debate about human technological relations.

One thing is for sure: as voice technologies become increasingly ubiquitous, we QHHG WR FRQIURQW VRPH GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW TXHVWLRQV and we can only do that if we understand the full scope of the relationship between humans and their voice technologies.

ONLINE FUCK why am I like this This is NOT okay (I think) Lots of people do this right But then would I still be a unique human being if I did what everyone else did and 3DUWLFLSDWH LQ WKH VDPH GHÃ&#x20AC;QLWHO\ ZHLUG FXOWXUDO ULWXDOV DV HYHU\RQH HOVH GRHV DQG Give up any remaining shred of dignity I have to indulge my base interests but, /LNH KH·V UHDOO\ FXWH ORO What if I miss some important information like ,I KH·V GDWLQJ VRPHRQH DQG WKH\ SRS XS RQ KLV VWRU\ DQG I miss it and I try to talk to him or something and +H·V OLNH ZKDW WKH IXFN DUH \RX GRLQJ JHW DZD\ IURP PH \RX FUD]\ ELWFK DQG 7KLQNV ,·P FUHHS\ IRUHYHU DQG HYHU\WKLQJ FRXOG KDYH EHHQ DYRLGHG LI I just saw someone on his Instagram story and gave up my dreams But making some fake account is kind of an obvious move right, like ,·G KDYH WR LQYHQW VRPH NLQG RI IDNH SURÃ&#x20AC;OH ³ RU PD\EH MXVW PDNH LW SULYDWH EXW ,·G VWLOO KDYH WR DGG D SURÃ&#x20AC;OH SLFWXUH WR QRW ORRN VXVSLFLRXV DQG Who has time for that and +H SUREDEO\ GRHVQ·W FKHFN ZKR ZDWFKHV KLV VWRULHV DQ\ZD\ (I think) 6R PD\EH LW·V QRW WKH PRUDO KLJK JURXQG EXW LW·V DOVR QRW WKH PRUDO ORZ JURXQG ,W·V PRUH WKH PRUDO PLG JURXQG DQG Is this really where I draw the line like :KHQ GRHV LW RIÃ&#x20AC;FLDOO\ VWDUW WR JHW FUHHS\ DQ\ZD\ , PHDQ :KDW·V WKH 2[IRUG (QJOLVK 'LFWLRQDU\·V GHÃ&#x20AC;QLWLRQ RI ¶VWDONLQJ· EHFDXVH , IHHO OLNH WKH\ GRQ·W XSGDWH LW HQRXJK VR ,QVWDJUDP SUREDEO\ GRHVQ·W FRXQW \HW ULJKW 7KDW PHDQV ,·P FOHDU For now (I think) 7+5(( +285 &/$66 67$576 7+5(( +285 &/$66 (1'6 )XFN LW ,·P WLUHG , JLYH XS (For now)

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WRITER: BLYTHE HUNTER

The extremely serious thought process of almost making a fake Instagram account to stalk someone

ONLINE ILLUSTRATOR: YIYUE JIANG

WRITER: ZEAHAA REHMAN

S

Having my cookies (and deleting them, too) Going incognito mode

RIW VWHDG\ WDSV RI ÀQJHUV DJDLQVW NH\ERDUG NH\V VWRS MXVW DV WKH K\SQRWLF KXP RI WKH KHDWLQJ URDUV WKURXJK WKH DLU GXFW EHVLGH P\ GHVN 7KH ZKHHOV RI P\ FKDLU GUDJ DJDLQVW P\ EHGURRP ÁRRU DV , VWDQG VWUHWFK P\ DUPV VLJK DQG VOXPS EDFN GRZQ EHIRUH VXUYH\LQJ WKH ODSWRS VFUHHQ EHIRUH PH ´6XEPLWWHG µ FRPIRUWV WKH 4XHUFXV SDJH RSHQ RQ P\ *RRJOH &KURPH EURZVHU ´ SP µ LQIRUPV WKH ERWWRP ULJKW FRUQHU RI P\ ODSWRS ´6XQGD\ -DQXDU\ µ DQQRXQFHV P\ ODSWRS ZKHQ , KRYHU RYHU WKH DIRUHPHQWLRQHG FRUQHU ´$JK µ JURDQV P\ WKURDW LQYROXQWDULO\ DIWHU UHDOL]LQJ WKDW , PLJKW HQMR\ PRUH WKDQ ÀYH KRXUV RI VOHHS WRQLJKW 8QOHVV«

, VTXLQW DW WKH ERWWRP ULJKW FRUQHU RI P\ ODSWRS ³ SP , SHHS DW P\ GRRU ³ FORVHG E\ P\ VLVWHU LQ D KXII DIWHU , PDGH IXQ RI KHU IRU KDYLQJ WR ZHDU EUDFHV IRU WZR \HDUV , SRS P\ KHDGSKRQHV RXW DQG VFUXQFK P\ HDUV ³ VQRUHV DQG VQRUWV VQHDN XQGHUQHDWK P\ GRRU DQG SHUPHDWH P\ URRP , SRS P\ KHDGSKRQHV EDFN LQ EHIRUH GUDJJLQJ P\ PRXVH WR WKH WKUHH GRWV P\ *RRJOH &KURPH ZLQGRZ ZHDUV OLNH D PHGDO RI KRQRXU RQ LWV WRS ULJKW VKRXOGHU HU VLGH ´1HZ 7DE"µ 7KH SRS XS DVNV PH ´1HZ :LQGRZ"µ ´1HZ ,QFRJQLWR :LQGRZ µ , DQVZHU WKURXJK D FOLFN RI P\ PRXVH

12

´<RX·YH JRQH LQFRJQLWR µ LQIRUPV WKH EHVSHFWDFOHG DQG KDW FODG HQWLW\ , FRXQW LQFRJQLWR PRGH DV RQH RI P\ EHVW QD\ P\ EHVW IULHQG EHFDXVH XQOLNH P\ RWKHU IULHQGV LW GRHVQ·W UHPHPEHU DOO P\ HPEDUUDVVLQJ PLVVWHSV RU PRFN PH IRU WKHP HYHU\ FKDQFH , JHW , RQO\ IHOO GRZQ LQ D EXV WKDW RQH WLPH RND\"

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com, before realizing that I neither have the time nor the budget to click through its catalogue of beautiful furniture that would look even better in my room. Retracing my steps, I hit backspace twice. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pi,â&#x20AC;? I tap out. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pinterest.com?â&#x20AC;? offers incognito mode. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pictures of cavities,â&#x20AC;? I press enter.

Both my siblings are currently smitten, or rather ensnared, by the costly cult that is dentistry. After having made numerous trips to both the dentist and orthodontist, both of them have racked up thousands of dollars GLYLGHG DPRQJ EUDFHV FDYLW\ Ă&#x20AC;OOLQJV and other drillings into their teeth that are likely to induce anesthesia addiction. And as happens with most FXOWV Âł VRFLDO PHGLD LQĂ XHQFHUV Starbucks Rewardsâ&#x201E;˘ members, and student journalists â&#x20AC;&#x201D; its members always tell you to join it.

I have no plans to listen to my siblings â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I have an expensive education habit that I need to support â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but their constant needling, nay, drilling, might have chipped away at both the HQDPHO RI P\ WHHWK DQG P\ FRQĂ&#x20AC;dence in their perfection.

Thus, here I am, googling pictures of cavities near midnight to assuage my fear that the suspicious black mark I have on one of my lower teeth is not a cavity.

0D\EH LW¡V GHSRVLWV RI EODFN SHSper from the lime and black pepper chips I often scarf down mid-assignPHQW" 3HUKDSV LW¡V D WHD OHDI VWXFN WR my tooth? It could, perchance, also be some of the Oreos that I gobble alongside the lime and black pepper chips. It most certainly is not a cavity.

Right?

Even if it is not, however, I canQRW OHW HLWKHU RI P\ VLEOLQJV Ă&#x20AC;QG P\ browsing history, and by extension, this chink in my armour, so they can use it to cultivate me. (Get it?)

I also do not want a constant barrage of sponsored ads from local dentists and orthodontists while I pin recipes I am never going to make or click through Pottery Barn furniture I am not going to buy. I get enough ads from St. George Dental as it is.

My incognito habits, much to the disappointment of my seventh-grade VHOI ZKR GLGQ¡W ZDQW WR EH ÂśOLNH RWKHU JLUOV ¡ DUH LQ QR ZD\ ZHLUG Whenever anyone, like you, for example, visits a website sans incognito mode, the website stores small text Ă&#x20AC;OHV RQ \RXU FRPSXWHU WR LGHQWLI\ \RX ODWHU 7KHVH Ă&#x20AC;OHV PLVOHDGLQJO\ FDOOHG cookies, are what allow websites to remember login details, items in carts, and, more insidiously, your behaviour on the website.

Cookies can remember how long you stayed on the website, what items you examined and for how long, and when you last visited the website.

Like the protagonist â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or antagonist, depending on how you look at it â&#x20AC;&#x201D; of WKH ERRN WXUQHG 1HWĂ L[ VHULHV You, cookies know that you want to be seen, heard, and known. Of course, they oblige.

Though every website can only eat, er, read its own cookies, there exist third-party advertising networks that request the cookies from the hosting website. By having possession of these cookies, these third-party networks can track you and your behaviour across multiple websites WR EXLOG D SURĂ&#x20AC;OH RI \RX &RPSDQLHV and businesses can then target ads directly at you if the third-party adverWLVHU GHFLGHV WKDW \RXU SURĂ&#x20AC;OH Ă&#x20AC;WV WKHLU demographic.

Google is one of the biggest third-party networks and the biggest search engine, which means Google knows what you want before you even know you want it. Say you visit Potterybarn.com and spend a few minutes looking at a gorgeous Persian rug on sale. Based on your browsing KLVWRU\ *RRJOH NQRZV \RX¡UH LQ WKH market for a rug that you can break down on without worrying about getting your clothes dirty or falling off \RXU EHG 6R QDWXUDOO\ \RX¡UH JRLQJ to see ads warning you about the selling-out of the gorgeous Persian rug you saw.

Oh, hey, the very ad I just described showed up. Weird.

7KLV GRHVQ¡W H[FOXVLYHO\ DSSO\ WR Google; shopping websites, as well as content-publishing websites, use

13

algorithms to track your preferences to recommend other products, posts, and pictures they think you will like.

Two ways to avoid getting caught with your hand in the metaphorical cookie jar are to routinely clear your cookies and limit the websites that have access to them, or use incogniWR PRGH ZKLFK GRHVQ¡W VDYH ZHEVLWH cookies when you close the window. , VRPHWLPHV GRQ¡W KDQJ XS P\ freshly laundered clothes for weeks â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I actually have a pile sitting on my EHG ULJKW QRZ Âł VR ,¡OO OHW \RX JXHVV which option I prefer.

I summon incognito mode when I QHHG WR ORJ LQ WR P\ SDUHQWV¡ HPDLO account and print out a coupon for WKHP 6LGH QRWH +XGVRQ¡V %D\ KDV good deals, I have to admit.)

I make use of incognito mode whenever I visit Urban Dictionary, lest a Google ad suggest I buy a mug emEOD]RQHG ZLWK WKH GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWLRQ RI ´WUXIĂ H butter.â&#x20AC;? (Hint: it is not a baking supply, so Google at your own risk.) , DOVR DOZD\V FUHHS RQ P\ FUXVKHV¡ social media accounts on incognito, so my logged-out self does not accidentally fall prey to my baser instincts and like their picture no matter how cute they look. (Disclaimer: they look very cute.)

Apart from targeted advertising however, I admit that I also use incognito mode because I feel a certain degree of shame. In an era of online insecurity, I fear that someday, someone will somehow hack my browsing history, discover that I was googling $ULDQD *UDQGH¡V EDUEHFXH JULOO WDWWRR and judge me for having such lowbrow tastes in reading material.

Or worse, they could unearth my quest for pictures of cavities, discover that I might have a cavity, and force PH WR JR WR WKH GHQWLVW IRU WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW time in ten years. Then where would I be? Cemented in a costly cult and DGGLFWHG WR DQHVWKHVLD WKDW¡V ZKHUH I do not want to end up there, which is why â&#x20AC;&#x201D; despite not deleting my browser cookies â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I use incognito mode, as should you. Meanwhile, I will maybe click on this ad for a PerVLDQ FDUSHW WKDW¡V KDOI RII DW 3RWWHU\ Barn and see where that takes me.

ONLINE ILLUSTRATOR: EMILY SMIT-DICKS

WRITER: EDGAR VARGAS

F

Free art: the case for internet archives Tenuous, illegal archives preserve works that would otherwise be lost to the public

or every piece of mass-distributed media, whether that be a blockbuster movie, AAA video game, or hit album, there are countless other lesser-known and poorly distributed works of art potentially at risk of extinction.

Often, these works were created by independent parties or companies Âł IUHH RI WKH LQĂ XHQFH RI WKHLU HUD¡V mainstream capitalist values â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but were distributed in smaller numbers, consumed only by niche audiences.

As the memory of these works eventually fades from public consciousness, the remaining, physical copies of the material do as well.

Many of the original authors or developers in question are already deceased. In an ideal world, any corporations that still own their respective intellectual properties would reissue the old material, providing income for the author or their estate and a legitimate means of obtaining the work, but this is often not the case. The corporations and private collectors gatekeeping these properties cannot always be trusted to disseminate their materials.

The job has thus fallen on the public,

through internet archives.

The ongoing history of internet arFKLYHV LV RQH Ă&#x20AC;OOHG ZLWK EURNHQ ODZV greed, elitism, and plenty of ethical and legal ambiguity. I will be focusing primarily on the hurdles and advances made in regards to cinema, video game, and music archives, but there are separate communities working to protect classic works of photography, visual art, and literature.

For most fans of vintage video JDPHV WKHLU Ă&#x20AC;UVW VWRS GRZQ PHPRU\ lane was likely playing one of the hundreds of video game ROMs available RQOLQH 7KHVH DUH GLJLWDO Ă&#x20AC;OHV FRQWDLQing the read-only memory (ROM) data from a video game. With the proper emulation program, these ROMs could be executed on your home computer, allowing you to freely play a copy of Super Mario Bros. as you might have back in the 1990s.

That is, until around November last year, when Nintendo sued two of the LQWHUQHW¡V ELJJHVW 520 KRVWLQJ VLWHV LoveROMS.com and LoveRETRO.co, for $12.2 million USD, resulting in the sites removing all of their ROMs â&#x20AC;&#x201D; not

14

just their Nintendo ones. While some of these ROMs are still obtainable elsewhere online, this was a huge move RQ 1LQWHQGR¡V SDUW LQ RUGHU WR VHFXUH the success of future ports for many of these titles, either in the form of the NES and SNES Classic consoles, or a future, online marketplace. Nintendo has a vintage game marketplace called the Virtual Console, though it is FXUUHQWO\ QRW DYDLODEOH RQ 1LQWHQGR¡V latest console, the Nintendo Switch.

In a 2016 conversation with Kotaku, Jason Scott, who works with archive. org for the Internet Arcade said: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have zero faith in the [video game] industry to preserve its own history.â&#x20AC;?

This is a sad reality that many fans of the medium have come to realize as the years go by. Nevertheless, Scott works to create â&#x20AC;&#x153;a web-based library of arcade (coin-operated) video games from the 1970s through to the 1990s,â&#x20AC;? where emulated versions of these are available to play, for free, right in your browser. Another particularly noble and important project is the Video Game History Foundation, a QRQ SURĂ&#x20AC;W RUJDQL]DWLRQ VWDUWHG LQ

that is devoted to obtaining and digitally preserving not only old video games and their emulatable ROMs, but also promotional materials and artwork relevant to gaming history. The foundation currently works off of one-time donations and a Patreon page.

Besides free internet archives, there DUH DOVR ERXWLTXH Ă&#x20AC;OP DQG PXVLF SXElishers like video company Criterion Collection or record label Light In The Attic. 7KH\¡YH taken on the task of obtaining the rights to cult classics and relatively unknown, foreign, or experLPHQWDO Ă&#x20AC;OPV DQG PXVLF UHLVVXLQJ them in a premium package for retail consumption. On April 8, the Criterion Collection will release to the public the Criterion Channel, a monthly subscription-based streaming service that provides access to the Criterion ColOHFWLRQ¡V YDXOW RI Ă&#x20AC;OPV WR ZDWFK RQOLQH As it cannot always be guaranteed that a record label, production company, or games publisher has even maintained their master tapes and other original material in ideal conditions â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or that they even have the intention RI UH UHOHDVLQJ WKHVH OHVV Ă&#x20AC;QDQFLDOO\ lucrative works â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it often falls in the hands of the public to make sure these lesser-known gems are uploaded before they disappear for good. While physical institutions whose job is to preserve historical works of art and culture do exist, these bourgeois institutions are not without their faults.

Ideal storage facilities often exist only in institutions like the Library of Congress or postsecondary school liEUDULHV VXFK DV 876*¡V 0HGLD &RPmons or Thomas Fisher Rare Book Library. These institutions often have access to material the public does not.

9LQWDJH Ă&#x20AC;OPV DUH RQH RI WKH PRVW GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW PDWHULDOV IRU MXVW DQ\RQH WR GLJitize and release online, as the ownHUV RI WKH RULJLQDO Ă&#x20AC;OP UHHOV DUH RIWHQ WKH Ă&#x20AC;OPPDNHUV Âł RU WKHLU HVWDWHV Take, for instance, the Harvard Film Archives, which, after the death of inĂ XHQWLDO H[SHULPHQWDO Ă&#x20AC;OPPDNHU $QQH Charlotte Robertson, obtained all of KHU Ă&#x20AC;OP UHHOV DQG PLVFHOODQHRXV ZRUN as well as the intellectual and distribution rights to the material per the conditions of her will. The organization

has been digitizing and archiving all of KHU ZRUN LQ PP Ă&#x20AC;OP UHHOV DQG GLJLWDO forms.

Acknowledging the ephemerality of physical media, the Library of Congress has even begun to archive its materials on centralized servers, as the secure, well-maintained containers holding their archives of thousands of CDs are beginning to show wear. Understandably, some postsecondary institutions only offer their materials to staff and students, and only HPSOR\HHV DQG JRYHUQPHQW RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDOV can actually check out materials from the Library of Congress. This is why the maintenance of public, online databases devoted to archiving materials related to â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or entire works of â&#x20AC;&#x201D; older media is so vital.

Furthermore, while collectors are invaluable resources and contributors of rare and limited materials, these same collectors can often become part of the problem, acting as gatekeepers of arts and culture in order to deepen their pockets. Back in August, over 67 gigabytes worth of rare, lost Japanese video games were anonymously leaked online, including a title once thought to never have been completed and released: Zeddas: Horror Tour 3 / Labyrinthe, the sequel to a Japan-only PC game from the 1990s. Originally available only through a private torrenting site, one user went ahead and publicly uploaded over 70 games online, against the wishes of the uploader.

This action was immediately followed by the uploader threatening to cease contributing to the site, likely motivated by a fear that once these games became publicly available, it would decrease the value and demand of his collection. Stories like this are rare, and it is not common knowledge how one could even access a private torrenting site, as its users are often afraid of the legal repercussions of distributing copyrighted work or losing their membership.

In 2016, the largest private torrenting site on the internet, What.CD, had its servers shut down by French authorities, and with that, the internet lost a treasure trove of otherwise un-

15

obtainable titles, predominantly rare and out-of-print indie, foreign, and experimental music. Unlike public â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and equally illegal â&#x20AC;&#x201D; torrent tracker sites such as The Pirate Bay, the site was once home to over 200,000 members, who could only enter the site through private invites or by passing a rigorous interview process with a site administrator.

Once accepted, its users had to consistently upload or seed torrents to keep their membership, thus ensuring a high level of quality and consistency in the uploaded material. The site most recently made headlines in 2013, when three unpublished stories from Catcher in the Rye author JD Salinger were leaked only three years after his death, still 47 years before he had permitted the University of Texas to publish the donated works. The stories were quickly removed from What. &' ERWK LQ UHVSHFW WR 6DOLQJHU¡V HVtate and in fear of the same governPHQW RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDOV ZKR ZRXOG WDNH GRZQ the site three years later. While the VLWH¡V PHPEHUVKLS SURFHVV PD\ KDYH seemed elitist to some and its morals questionable to many, it is without question that the death of What.CD brought with it an enormous loss to the state of musical archival efforts.

Your next favourite album might be in a bin somewhere across the globe, but the internet has the potential to bring this record to you and your comSXWHU¡V VSHDNHUV $IULFDQ $PHULFDQ poet Amiri Baraka once said: â&#x20AC;&#x153;The artLVW¡V UROH LV WR UDLVH WKH FRQVFLRXVQHVV of the people. To make them understand life, the world, and themselves more completely.â&#x20AC;? But with the potential loss of many important works of art, future generations may never get to experience some of the most illuminating and positively impactful works our society has created.

A deeper conversation needs to be had with the corporations that own these original works, more time and resources need to be donated to places like the Video Game History Foundation, and physical archives need to become more accessible. Everyone EHQHĂ&#x20AC;WV ZKHQ LQIRUPDWLRQ DQG DUW DUH provided en masse.

ONLINE NEEHARIKA HEMRAJANI

WRITER:

C

From pseudonymous Federalist 3DSHUV WR 7UXPS¡V WZHHWV identity in politics matters Personalistic, persistent social media is changing public discourse

ast your mind back to 1787. A major revolution has just shocked the political climate of colonial America, and the writers of freedom are in an ideological war to amend the US Constitution. Under the pseudonym Publius, Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and John Jay write a selection of articles and essays that are published in a variety of news publications and journals between 1787 and 1788. The Federalist Papers become an anonymous contribution to the debate on FRQVWLWXWLRQDO UDWLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ ZLWK HQGXULQJ SROLWLFDO LQĂ XHQFH The art of writing to express opinions has both preceded and followed the works of the Founding Fathers. Today, though, writing manifests very differently: RQOLQH 3HUKDSV LW LVQ¡W DV EHDXWLIXO DV WKH quill and parchment combination, but the politicians of our day have found solace DQG VHOI H[SUHVVLRQ LQ Âś6HQG 7ZHHW¡ DQG Âś6KDUH 3RVW¡ EXWWRQV )RU EHWWHU RU IRU worse, audiences are no longer spatially or temporally bound.

In 1960s China, Chairman Mao Zedong depended partly on the distribution of his Little Red Book of quotations to spread his tenets. Under his rule, the Ministry of Culture aimed to distribute it to the entire population. But that was then.

Who reads whole books these days? In contemporary America, President DonDOG 7UXPS¡V UHG KDWWHG 0DNH $PHULFD Great Again coalition depends on less WKDQ FKDUDFWHUV IRU LWV OHDGHU¡V ZLVdom. His tweets are blasted across the international stage at all hours, often ridden with spelling and grammar errors and meme-making mistakes.

In many ways, social media has opened the doors for free speech on an unprecedented scale. In fact, our culture is saturated â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to the point of bursting â&#x20AC;&#x201D; with RSLQLRQ %XW KRZ GRHV WKLV LQĂ XHQFH SROLWical discourse and how everyday citizens engage with their representatives?

For one thing, social media helps to KROG OHDGHUV DQG SXEOLF Ă&#x20AC;JXUHV DFFRXQWable. For example, subreddit r/TrumpCriticizesTrump was created to immortalize DQG FULWLFL]H 7UXPS¡V ROG WZHHWV DQG H[HPSOLĂ&#x20AC;HV WKH DELOLW\ RI VRFLDO PHGLD WR highlight hypocrisy. Another prominent example is in the case of former FBI director James Comey and the investigation on Russia, wherein Trump vehemently denied pressuring Comey to not look into Michael Flynn. However, tweets GXJ XS IURP IURP 7UXPS¡V RZQ DUchive reveal accusations against Comey for trying to block investigations into HilODU\ &OLQWRQ¡V HPDLOV GXULQJ WKH HOHFWLRQV The enduring nature of social media can even help constituents testify against politicians, who are quick to go back on WKHLU ZRUG :KLOH UHO\LQJ RQ VKDPH LVQ¡W always the most politically productive DYHQXH LW¡V DEVROXWHO\ SDUW DQG SDUFHO RI our new media culture.

Each tweet, like, and share is now a political statement â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and each user is accountable for their past beliefs and ideas.

With over 500 million tweets posted a GD\ LW¡V VDIH WR VD\ WKDW WKH VKDSH RI SRlitical discourse is constantly shifting and changing. Topics, ideas, and even political actors seem to exist in a constant state of à X[ :KR NQRZV ZKDW WKH ZRUOG ZLOO ORRN like next week, never mind next year?

16

Social media is paradoxical in the ways LQ ZKLFK LW LQĂ XHQFHV SROLWLFV KRZHYHU Although it helps enable free speech in some countries, it can also cocoon disFXVVLRQV LQ VLORHG VSKHUHV RI LQĂ XHQFH Information may be far more accessible WRGD\ EXW LQ DQ HUD VXGGHQO\ Ă RRGHG ZLWK fake news, political discussions remain saturated with toxicity. With so many voices clamouring to be heard, claiming they have the one, objective truth, who are we supposed to believe?

Part of the beauty of the pseudonyms of the past is that discourse and writings could be consumed without bias or judgement. Social media is, to an extent, able to reproduce this for some people who choose to surf the web behind a different identity. But for those whose opinions really impact the future, it means that ideas are directly given and weighted with an identity. As noted in Science, â&#x20AC;&#x153;About 47 percent of Americans overall report getting news from social media often or sometimes, with Facebook as, by far, the GRPLQDQW VRXUFH Âľ 7KH LQĂ XHQFH RI VRFLDO media is undeniable, but it is also nebulous and hard to regulate.

Our personal politics remain subject to WKH KHDY\ LQĂ XHQFH RI VRFLDO PHGLD 7KH ULVN RI FRQVXPLQJ IDOVLĂ&#x20AC;HG LQIRUPDWLRQ on top of the speed at which political discourse moves on the internet, limits our ability to digest new ideas and form our own opinions. This is the toxicity that I fear will plague forthcoming discussions as leaders like Trump continue to use social media as their presidential podiums.

I have to wonder: where do we go from here?

)($785(

&DQDGD¡V W QHZHVW FRORQLDO SURMHFW ZDQWV \RX WR GR QRWKLQJ In conversation with Jeffrey McNeilSeymour :ULWHU (OOLRWW 7LOOHF]HN 3KRWRJUDSKHUV +(46 && :LNLPHGLD 7KHR $UEH]

hile the Canadian state speaks reconciliation out of one side of its mouth, its courts and state-issued special Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) task forces are colonizing, with state violence, the Indigenous people in so-called North America. From genocide, to forced assimilation, to violent paternalism, the rhetoric of our nation-state has changed, but its goal remains the same. Where the case for defending the settler situation is indisputably weak, the eradication of Indigenous people KDV DUJXDEO\ EHHQ &DQDGD¡V JRDO UHJDUGless of its national program du jour. A recent court injunction against the territories of the :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ 1DWLRQ LQ VR FDOOHG %ULWLVK Columbia, led to a militarized police raid in early January that was backed by TransCanada, owner of the Coastal GasLink pipeline.

On January 7, the Canadian state forciEO\ EURNH WKURXJK WKH *LGLPW¡HQ FKHFNSRLQW arresting 14 land and water defenders. The

17

Canadian state and Coastal GasLink have YLRODWHG $UWLFOH RI WKH 8QLWHG 1DWLRQV¡ Declaration of Rights for Indigenous People, which claims that â&#x20AC;&#x153;Indigenous people shall not be forcibly removed from their land or territories.â&#x20AC;? Further, actions for the &RDVWDO *DV/LQN SURMHFW RQ 8QLVW¡RW¡HQ ODQG LQ WKH :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ 1DWLRQ DUH DOOHJHGO\ LQ violation of the Wildlife Act of 1985 through the ongoing bulldozing and destruction of 8QLVW¡RW¡HQ ODQG DQG WUDSOLQHV ZLWKRXW SULRU FRQVXOWDWLRQ ,W LV HQWLUHO\ VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW WKDW these violations and acts of colonialism are GLVUXSWLQJ WKH +HDOLQJ &HQWUH LQ 8QLVW¡RW¡HQ which is dedicated to bringing wellness to Indigenous survivors of intergenerational trauma from colonial violence. We can view ZKDW KDSSHQHG DW 8QLVW¡RW¡HQ DV EODWDQW DIĂ&#x20AC;UPDWLRQ WKDW WKH ZDU RQ Âś,QGLDQV¡ LQ &DQDGD remains the true political agenda in spite of -XVWLQ¡V GUHDP\ WHDUV RI UHFRQFLOLDWLRQ :H PXVW VWDQG ZLWK WKH :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ 1DWLRQ On a cold, mid-January night, I sat

down with Jeffrey McNeil-Seymour, a Two-Spirit artist, educator, and land and ZDWHU SURWHFWRU WR OHDUQ DERXW :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ¡V LQWHUQDWLRQDO FDOO IRU VROLGDULW\ and the meaning of being a supportive accomplice. We exchange small talk DQG DFDGHPLF ZRHV DV , Ă&#x20AC;GGOH ZLWK WKH recording equipment. When we begin, Jeffrey sighs and clears his throat. There is a lot to say, and he speaks it slowly with a warm humour that houses his critical edge. Our conversation is non-linear; we both recognize that a straight narrative would not be queer enough for the task.

Instead what follows is a collage of wisdom from one land and water protector, Ă&#x20AC;OWHUHG WKURXJK WKH QRUPDWLYH V\VWHP RI the written English language. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My name is Jeffrey McNeil-Seymour, , DP 7N¡HPO~SVHPF Âľ KH EHJLQV ´, FRPH from the Secwepemc Nation, which is an Indigenous nation that is one of the largest land masses in so-called British &ROXPELD ,W¡V LQ WKH FHQWUDO LQWHULRU LQ WKH VRXWK %XW ,¡P DOVR IRXUWK JHQHUDWLRQ (Qglish settler. My mom is third generation; her name is Jackie McNeil. My father ZDV -HII 6H\PRXU Âł ,¡P D MXQLRU , GRQ¡W WDON DERXW WKDW YHU\ RIWHQ VR GRQ¡W HYHU FDOO PH WKDW Âľ 7KH KXPRXU $IWHU D EULHI pause, he continues, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yeah, English and ,QGLJHQRXV 6R ,¡P FRQVWDQWO\ LQ D VWDWH RI WU\LQJ WR FRORQL]H P\VHOI DQG GHFRORQL]H Âľ +H ORRNV XS DQG ODXJKV ´,W¡V JRRG WLPHV Âľ Jeffrey recently moved to Toronto â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the colonial appropriation of the Mohawk tkaronto â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and has been one of the many who are organizing and mobilizLQJ LQ UHVSRQVH WR WKH :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ FDOO If you were present, in person or over Facebook live streams, at the January 9 shut down of the Bloor Viaduct, you heard Jeffrey speak. :KHQ , DVN DERXW WKH 5&03¡V DFWLRQV in early January, Jeffrey shares a story. +H¡V D UHPDUNDEOH VWRU\WHOOHU DQG QRWKing, save listening to him speak, can do KLV VWRULHV MXVWLFH +LV IUDPLQJ LV QRWKLQJ short of powerful. â&#x20AC;&#x153;While Justin Trudeau was skiing in [Whistler], the RCMP went LQWR WKH 8QLVW¡RW¡HQ FDPS DQG WRUH GRZQ the encampment, forcibly removing â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in handcuffs even â&#x20AC;&#x201D; with semi-automatic ULĂ HV DQG FRPEDW JHDU SHDFHIXO ,QGLJHQRXV ODQG DQG ZDWHU GHIHQGHUV Âľ Jeffrey explains that there is no treaty between Canada and the people of the

:HW¡VXZHW¡HQ 1DWLRQ WKDW ZRXOG VDQFtion these actions, and that the RCMP are acting without grounds or authority. ´6R LQ HVVHQFH ZKDW ZH¡YH ZLWQHVVHG ZLWK WKLV LV Âľ KH SDXVHV WR FOHDU KLV WKURDW DQG EXLOG GUDPDWLF WHQVLRQ ´LPSHULDOLVP Âľ -HIIUH\ ODXJKV +XPRXU ZLWK DQ HGJH $W RQH SRLQW -HIIUH\ MRNHV WKDW 7UXGHDX should replace his Indigenous shoulder tattoo â&#x20AC;&#x201D; yes, he has one, look it up â&#x20AC;&#x201D; with an active Death Star, Death Star II, or even a Starkiller Base â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the three most destructive weapons in Star Wars. $ JORULRXV LGHD 7KH FDOO IRU VROLGDULW\ ZLWK :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ LV WR ´VKXW LW GRZQ Âľ H[SODLQV -HIIUH\ ´6KXW &DQDGD GRZQ Âľ 7KH SXUSRVH RI this action, Jeffrey elaborates, would be to make the Canadian nation-state â&#x20AC;&#x153;feel WKDW HFRQRPLF LQWHUUXSWLRQ RI WKH Ă RZ RI money, of goods, of our conveniences.

7KDW¡V UHDOO\ ZKDW LW¡V DERXW Âľ 7KH KRXU long shutdown of the Bloor Viaduct was MXVW WKH EHJLQQLQJ VD\V -HIIUH\ ´%XW ZKDW ZH ZHUH GRLQJ WKHUH Âľ KH FRQWLQXHV â&#x20AC;&#x153;where we blocked the highway, was also LQ UHFRJQLWLRQ RI ZKDW WKH ULYHU RQFH ZDV Âľ ,Q WKH 'RQ 5LYHU ZDV ÂśDFTXLUHG¡ by the federal government in the Toronto Purchase, which took land from the Mississaugas under the pretense of a loan.

The river has since been straightened, paved over, and polluted in continuing acts of urbanization. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We look at water as being alive, as having a consciousness; it UHPHPEHUV HYHU\WKLQJ Âľ H[SODLQV -HIIUH\ ´)RU PH LI WKHUH¡V ZDWHU LQ WKH URRP LW¡V OLNH D ELEOH Âľ KH ODXJKV ´<RX NQRZ , ³¾ he thinks on his words a moment, â&#x20AC;&#x153;always speak your truth and talk to the water, but where we stood on the bridge was directly over the river, and so, our prayers and our work for that particular interruption was centred in perhaps a lament of WKH FXUUHQW VWDWH RI WKDW ZDWHUZD\ Âľ Contextualizing further, Jeffrey outlines how the spread of foreign illness through colonial contact in so-called British Columbia was succeeded by the implemenWDWLRQ RI UHVLGHQWLDO VFKRROV 7KH 5&03¡V continued bullying of northwestern Indigenous people is made possible, Jeffrey explains, by the second wave of diseases that decimated Indigenous populations in the late 1700s. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Indigenous nations numbered in the hundred-thousands plus >ZHUH UHGXFHG@ WR MXVW XQGHU D TXDUWHU RI

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that. Even fewer than that.â&#x20AC;? This wave of GLVHDVH VSUHDG WKURXJK -HIIUH\¡V RZQ QDtion, he tells me. And he describes how another village in Kamloops of 1,000 people was impacted: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just over 250 people survived and,â&#x20AC;? he pauses as his gaze GULIWV HOVHZKHUH ´WKDW¡V UHDO Âľ KH SDXVHV again, â&#x20AC;&#x153;you know, that trauma. And then the residential school went in Kamloops, VR LW¡V MXVW OLNH WKLQJ DIWHU WKLQJ DIWHU WKLQJ So the traumatic experience of witnessing WKLV DJDLQ LV MXVW OLNH Âľ -HIIUH\ UHGLUHFWV KLV thought to a pointed declaration, â&#x20AC;&#x153;people think of colonialism as in the past, or how residential schools have been apologized for.â&#x20AC;? He scoffs as he says â&#x20AC;&#x153;apologized.â&#x20AC;? ,W¡V DV WKRXJK KH FRQWLQXHV DVVXPLQJ WKH YRLFH RI WKH &DQDGLDQ VWDWH ´ZH¡YH VDLG VRUU\ IRU LW \HW ZH¡UH VWLOO JRLQJ WR IXFN \RXU shit up. We still want you dead, we still ZDQW WR ÂśWDNH FDUH RI ,QGLDQ SUREOHP¡ DQG that means either assimilate or die.â&#x20AC;?

While the violence against people of WKH :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ 1DWLRQ LV HQDFWHG E\ D militarized task force implemented by the &DQDGLDQ VWDWH DQG LQ FRQMXQFWLRQ ZLWK TransCanada, such occurrences are made possible through the silence and inaction of every Canadian settler (non-Indigenous person). In a quick side note, Jeffrey exSODLQV KRZ ÂśVHWWOHU¡ LV D FRQWHVWHG WHUP among non-Indigenous persons for its â&#x20AC;&#x153;negative connotationsâ&#x20AC;? and for seemingly denying Canadians of a â&#x20AC;&#x153;sense of attachment or belongingness to the places that they have a few generations of history on, versus since time immemorial with Indigenous people.â&#x20AC;?

He stresses the importance of knowing RQH¡V KLVWRU\ RI HQWU\ LQWR &DQDGD DQG WKH ZD\V LQ ZKLFK RQH¡V DQFHVWRUV HQWHUHG Indigenous lands. As a fourth-generation English settler, Jeffrey describes his JUHDW JUDQGPRWKHU¡V HQWU\ WR 3HDFKODQG in the Okanagan Valley, in Sylix territory.

Bringing awareness to these intersecting histories is the work of an accomplice to Indigenous people and efforts to decolonize. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Canada has routinely denied its citizens an opportunity to have a relationship with ,QGLJHQRXV SHRSOH WKDW¡V QRW LQ DQ DSSURSULDWLYH RU LQ DQ ÂśRZQHG RZQHUVKLS¡ NLQG of setting.â&#x20AC;? As he continues, a coy look grows on his face and his voice drops to a dramatic whisper, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Like, Indigenous people are Canadians â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in the reverse,â&#x20AC;? he laughs.

19

Jeffrey shares that, when he thinks of anonymity, he thinks of Canadians purposefully kept in the dark about the VWDWH¡V DFWLRQV DJDLQVW ,QGLJHQRXV SHRple. This leads, he argues, to a condition of â&#x20AC;&#x153;ignorant bliss,â&#x20AC;? where, â&#x20AC;&#x153;for whatever reason, on some level, Indigenous peoSOH DUH DXWRPDWLFDOO\ LQVFULEHG LQ SHRSOH¡V imaginations as being,â&#x20AC;? he pauses, and continues carefully, â&#x20AC;&#x153;the cause of the current situation. So that keeps the average Canadian safe in their anonymity of what their true feelings are about Indigenous SHRSOH Âľ 3URYLQJ -HIIUH\¡V SRLQW WKH &Dnadian government sanctioned a risk assessment four years ago to determine ZKHWKHU RU QRW WKHUH ZRXOG EH VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW EDFNODVK DJDLQVW D UDLG RQ WKH 8QLVW¡RW¡HQ camp for the pipeline. The assessment found that a raid would incite a nationwide response, but ultimately deemed the risk ÂśPHGLXP ORZ¡ GXH WR D VXVSHFWHG ODFN RI support for the Indigenous; the government factored in Canadian apathy and surmised that the Indigenous communiWLHV¡ UHVSRQVH ZRXOG QRW EH KHHGHG E\ DQ\ PDMRULW\ Further weaponizing anonymity, the SROLFH VSHFLDO WDVN IRUFH MDPPHG DOO FHOlular communications to and from those DW WKH *LGLPW¡HQ FKHFNSRLQW EHIRUH WKH UDLG UHQGHULQJ WKH :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ VWUXJJOH and voices unheard and unknowable to Canadians. Speaking to the centrality of digital communications for organizing, Jeffrey tells me thoughtfully: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think while VRPH SHRSOH UHDOO\ FULWLFL]H ÂśVODFNWLYLVWV ¡ LW¡V LPSRUWDQW ZRUN WKDW SHRSOH GR DQG [by] keeping other people informed and reposting and sharing and retweeting and doing all those things; that digital technology piece is a very powerful tool and a very necessary one. But if they have cellphone cancelling technology then,â&#x20AC;? he continues in a higher-pitched voice, â&#x20AC;&#x153;it kind of interrupts the moment.â&#x20AC;? He laughs and shakes his head. His humour is integral to his politics.

Even language has the potential to be a colonial weapon, which is why, Jeffrey VWHUQO\ LQIRUPV PH ´,W¡V YHU\ LPSRUWDQW ZH GRQ¡W ODEHO WKHP DV SURWHVWHUV RU DFWLYLVWV â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that we call them defenders. Because WKDW¡V ZKDW RXU FDOOLQJ LV $Q LQQDWH FRQnection to land, to water, to the spirits within those things or on those things is how we arrive in service to future generations.â&#x20AC;?

In order for settlers to be accomplices to Indigenous defenders, it is also important to move beyond the popular notion of alO\VKLS -HIIUH\ Ă&#x20AC;UVW H[SODLQV ZKDW DOO\VKLS LV ´$OO\VKLS LV IRU D SHUVRQ ZKR LV MXVW NLQG RI OLNH ÂśZDNLQJ XS ¡ $QG DOO\VKLS VWLOO KDV the ability of a person self-ordaining themVHOYHV RU DQRLQWLQJ WKHPVHOYHV ZLWK WKDW ZLWKRXW HYHU DFWXDOO\ KDYLQJ WR FRQIURQW those uncomfortable moments or uncomfortable feelings that are a part of the decolonial process or the consciousness raising process.â&#x20AC;?

7KH ELJ GLVWLQFWLRQ EHWZHHQ WKDW DQG DFFRPSOLFHVKLS KH H[SODLQV LV WKDW DFcomplices are recognized by members RI WKH ,QGLJHQRXV FRPPXQLWLHV ZLWK ZKLFK WKH\ ZRUN $Q DFFRPSOLFH -HIIUH\ GHĂ&#x20AC;QHV LV VRPHRQH ZKR ´DFWLYHO\ WDNH>V@ XS WKH ZRUN WKDW ,QGLJHQRXV SHRSOH QR ORQJHU GHHP DV WKHLU ZRUN DQ\PRUH DQG actively use their privilege to be able to unsettle spaces â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to be able to turn the JD]H EDFN RQWR WKHLU RZQ FRPPXQLWLHV DQG KDYH WKRVH GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW FRQYHUVDWLRQV RI GRLQJ WKH KDUG ZRUN RI VSLULWXDO FRQ-

sciousness raising, of confronting deeply embedded racism. But then also, too â&#x20AC;&#x201D; WKH DFFRPSOLFH LV DOVR WKLQNLQJ DERXW WKHLU RZQ LQWHUJHQHUDWLRQDO WUDXPD %HFDXVH WKDW¡V D WKLQJ WRR 7KH LQWHUJHQHUDWLRQDO WUDXPD H[LVWV IRU HYHU\RQH Âľ There are not enough accomplices.

Trudeau and the Canadian government could count on this. They could safely count on the nation to fail to stand together in support of the people IURP WKH :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ 1DWLRQ :KHUH GR ZH JR IURP KHUH" :KDW DUH WKH QH[W VWHSV" , DVNHG -HIIUH\ WR VSHDN SRLQWHGO\ WR \RX GHDU UHDGHU $QG KHUH¡V ZKDW KH VDLG ´%\VWDQGLQJ" 1R <RX KDYH WR Ă&#x20AC;QG ZKHUH \RX FDQ VWHS LQ $QG maybe that is through anonymity. PerKDSV \RX \RX NQRZ DUH V\PSDWKHWLF WR WKH FDXVH DQG Ă&#x20AC;QG ZD\V WR IXQG WKH front line. Donate to the Tiny House :DUULRUV 6XSSRUW SHRSOH OLNH &KULVWL %HOFRXUW DQG ,VDDF 0XUGRFK >ZKR@ WUDYHO GRLQJ DUW EXLOGV ZLWK FRPPXQLWLHV DFURVV DOO RI 1RUWK $PHULFD Âľ ´4XHVWLRQ ZK\ WKH 5&03 DUH QRW

20

being investigated for the missing and PXUGHUHG ,QGLJHQRXV ZRPHQ JLUOV WUDQV DQG 7ZR 6SLULW JLUOV DQG SHRSOHÂŤ 1R PRUH E\VWDQGLQJ $QG ZH DOO KDYH WR VWDUW SXWWLQJ RXU EHVW IRRW IRUZDUG DQG having an active role in demanding and FR LPDJLQLQJ D &DQDGD ZKHUH HTXLW\ DQG WKH KHDOWK RI WKH ODQG DQG WKH ZDWHU DQG DOO RI WKH IXUUHG DQG WKH ZLQJHG the seen and the unseen, are all cenWUHG DORQJVLGH ZLWK FKLOGUHQ DQG ZRPen and all of the marginalized people in &DQDGD 2U WKH ZRUOG IRU WKDW PDWWHU Âľ â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have to start standing up for VRPHWKLQJ DQG ZH KDYH WR VWDUW QRZ :H GRQ¡W KDYH D ORW RI WLPH OHIW Âľ 7KH HQFURDFKPHQW RQ :HW¡VXZHW¡HQ ODQG LV RQJRLQJ 7UDQV&DQDGD LV ZLQQLQJ LQ LWV UDSDFLRXV WDNHRYHU RI RFFXSLHG ODQGV IRU FRORVVDO SURĂ&#x20AC;WV IRU D IHZ The destruction of their land is occurring as I type this and as you read this.

For more information, updates, ways to support, and links to donate, visit Unistoten.camp.

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Winter 2019 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

21

PHOTOGRAPHER: PEARL CAO & SHANNA HUNTER

WRITER: STEPHANIE BAI

FEATURE

Peace through ashes Saying goodbye to my grandfather

W

hen I was seven or eight, my grandfather passed away. I remember my father going back to ChiQD WR YLVLW KLP à \LQJ DFURVV WKH ZRUOG IURP RXU OLWWOH WRZQ RI 1RUPDO ,OOLQRLV WR FDWFK D JOLPSVH RI P\ JUDQGIDWKHU¡V G\LQJ EUHDWK WR IHHO WKH KHDW RI KLV VPLOH once more.

I remember seeing my father cry for WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW WLPH LQ P\ OLIH ZKHQ KH FDPH EDFN , UHPHPEHU P\ IDPLO\ GLVMRLQWHG and punctured by sharp breaths that stood in for a question that nobody dared to ask. Death is such a greedy thing â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it takes and it takes from the OLYLQJ OHDYLQJ XV WR FOHDQ XS LWV PHVV When my grandfather died, I was SOD\LQJ WKH SLDQR 0\ PRWKHU ZDONHG into the room and took my hands off the keys. ´*UDQGSD¡V JRQH Âľ VKH VDLG She wrapped her arms around me, DQG DIWHU P\ LQLWLDO VKRFN WLGDO ZDYHV of mourning crashed through me, beat DJDLQVW P\ ERG\ XQWLO , EHJDQ WR FU\ Âł WR FU\ ORQJ VKDNLQJ JDVSV When I cried, my tears were not weighed down by the same gravity as P\ IDWKHU¡V WHDUV WKDW IHOO KDOI D ZRUOG DZD\ IRU KLP P\ JUDQGIDWKHU¡V GHDWK ZDV OLNH D XQLYHUVH EHLQJ VZDOORZHG up by the sun. For me, my grandfather ZDV EXW D FRXSOH RI GLVWLQFW PHPRULHV saved in my mind, pressed between pages. He was the man with creased, PLON\ VNLQ DQG NLQG H\HV ZKR JDYH PH

D OLWWOH JUHHQ SXUVH ZLWK VHTXLQ Ă RZHUV when I was six, the very purse that I toted around and stuffed Barbies in.

When I think of him, his face swims LQ P\ YLVLRQ EOXUU\ DQG VQLSSHG IURP photos I have seen.

When my father thinks of him, he rePHPEHUV &KLQD DQG WKH YLOODJH KH JUHZ up in. I imagine that what swims before KLV H\HV LV QRW MXVW KLV IDWKHU¡V IDFH EXW DOVR WKH VKDUS FODULW\ RI ORYH :KHQ , FULHG , ORYHG %XW LW ZDV QRW WKH VDPH ORYH DV P\ IDWKHU¡V 0\ IDWKHU¡V ORYH LV EXPS\ ZLWK WLUHG JURRYHV in its surface. Run your hand across it WRR IDVW DQG \RX¡OO JHW VSOLQWHUV LQ \RXU SDOP )RU KH ORYHV P\ JUDQGIDWKHU ZKROO\ ZLWKRXW Ă&#x20AC;OWHU RU UHPRUVH , ORYH KLP VPRRWK :HOO URXQGHG OLJKW DQG VPDOO HQRXJK WR Ă&#x20AC;W LQ WKH SDOP RI P\ hand.

When we picked up my father at the airport, I had to be reminded to be reVSHFWIXO RI KLV SULYDF\ , WKLQN EDFN WR WKDW GD\ KRZ KH ZDONHG WR WKH FDU ZLWK D EURZQ ERRN JUDVSHG Ă&#x20AC;UPO\ WR KLV FKHVW KLV EDFN KXQFKHG ´+L Âľ , VDLG ZHDNO\ ZKHQ KH RSHQHG WKH FDU GRRU +H QRGGHG DQG WKHQ FORVHG WKH GRRU EHKLQG KLP 7KHUH ZDV D FHUWDLQ TXDOLW\ DERXW KLP WKDW ZDV ZRUQ Ă&#x20AC;OHG GRZQ WR YHU\ ODVW JUDLQ , KDG QR RWKHU ZRUGV WR say to him.

7KH UHVW RI WKH FDU ULGH ZDV VLOHQW %\ WKH WLPH ZH KDG SXOOHG LQWR WKH GULYHZD\ RI RXU OLWWOH WRZQKRXVH JUDYHO

22 2 2 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; T h e Va r s i t y M a g a z i n e / A n o n y m i t y

FUXQFKLQJ XQGHU WKH ZKHHOV P\ IDWKHU VDLG QRWKLQJ VWLOO :KHQ ZH XQORFNHG the front door and entered our home, P\ IDWKHU PRYHG LPPHGLDWHO\ WR SUHSDUH DQG PRXUQ LQ WKH RQO\ ZD\ KH knew how: through a ceremony.

His choice in mourning was odd. )XQQ\ HYHQ LQ D ELWWHU VRUW RI LURQ\ 0\ IDWKHU LV D PDQ UHVKDSHG E\ DVVLPLODWLRQ DQG OHDUQLQJ WR H[FKDQJH KLV LPmigrant past for American horizons. He FDPH KHUH KLV Ă&#x20AC;QJHUV HQWDQJOHG ZLWK P\ PRWKHU¡V ERWK FKLOGUHQ RI &KLQD VWHSSLQJ IRRW LQWR WKH :HVWHUQ ZRUOG :KHQ , HQYLVLRQ WKLV , OLNH WR SLFWXUH WKHP ZLWK ZLOG XQWDPHG KDLU DQG D JOHDP RI LUUHIXWDEOH VSLULW LQ WKHLU H\HV ,W LV D EHDXWLIXO ZD\ WR WKLQN RI WKHP <HW P\ IDWKHU ZDV DOZD\V WKH RQH URRWHG PRUH Ă&#x20AC;UPO\ LQ $PHULFDQ ZD\V 0\ PRWKHU VWLOO UHWDLQHG VRPH RI KHU KRPHODQG ZUDSSLQJ LW DURXQG KHUVHOI LQ D SURWHFWLYH VKDZO 6KH QHYHU JDYH XS KHU PRWKHU WRQJXH 1RW P\ IDWKHU :KHQ , ZDV D FKLOG , UHPHPEHU KHDULQJ KLP PXPEOLQJ (QJOLVK ZRUGV XQGHU KLV EUHDWK ZKHQ KH UHDG ERRNV +H ZRXOG UHSHDW ZRUGV RYHU DQG RYHU XQWLO KH FRXOG SURQRXQFH WKHP ULJKW And yet, when he returned home from the airport that day, he decided to mourn for his father in the same way WKDW RXU DQFHVWRUV ZRXOG KDYH WKURXJK WKH ZHHNO\ EXUQLQJ RI JLIWV 0\ PRWKHU H[SODLQHG WKLV WR PH LQ the kitchen, hovering over a counter

and peeling an orange. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bao bei, in Chinese culture, when somebody dies, we honour our dead. We help them transition to the afterlife through gifts, gifts like red paper money,â&#x20AC;? she said, brushing the soft rind aside and pulling the orange in half. â&#x20AC;&#x153;By burning the gifts, they can reach your grandpa in the afterlife,â&#x20AC;? she explained. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Okay,â&#x20AC;? I said, nodding. â&#x20AC;&#x153;How long are we doing it for?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Depends.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;On what?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What your father needs.â&#x20AC;?

When night fell, we took a metal bowl, gifts, and a lighter to the backyard. To EHJLQ RXU Ă&#x20AC;UVW FHUHPRQ\ P\ IDWKHU WRRN WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW VKHHW RI SDSHU PRQH\ IURP WKH EDJ DQG Ă LFNHG RQ WKH OLJKWHU 7KH Ă DPHV OLFNHG KXQJULO\ DW WKH Ă&#x20AC;EUHV EHginning at a corner and curling its blackened edges in. He threw the paper into WKH ERZO DQG DV WKH Ă LFNHUV RI RUDQJH and yellow engulfed the sheet, we conWLQXHG WR IHHG WKH FUDFNOLQJ Ă&#x20AC;UH 6RRQ Ă RDWLQJ HPEHUV Ă&#x20AC;OOHG WKH DLU DURXQG XV , KHOG P\ EUHDWK , ZDV WHUULĂ&#x20AC;HG E\ WKH thought that I might accidentally swallow scraps of a world I did not belong to, as if the blackened paper of the afterlife could forever settle like ash in the bottom of my lungs. The stars seemed EULJKWHU WKDQ WKH\¡G HYHU VHHPHG WKDW night, sprawled across the Illinois sky

like pinpricks of heaven shining through black felt. Of course, the stars are bright there every night, but I wanted to believe that there was something special about that night, something given to the memory of my grandfather.

Under the cover of darkness, the JORZ RI WKH Ă&#x20AC;UH LOOXPLQDWHG P\ IDWKHU¡V face. I remember looking at him and seeing silent tears streaming down his cheeks. I wondered who the man before me was. I remember wishing that I could understand his emotions, hold them as if they were my own, if only for just a moment.

I wanted to run my hand over the splinters, feel his raw love for myself.

But grief is a quiet activity. It is a singular one. We may all partake in it, but during the ceremony, my experience WRRN D GLIIHUHQW VKDSH WR P\ IDWKHU¡V DQG P\ PRWKHU¡V DQRWKHU VKDSH IURP ours. In the backyard, the single thread holding my family together was our physical existence in that moment. On that night, we were both strangers and family in a single shard of time.

That time came to a close when the ODVW G\LQJ Ă LFNHUV RI Ă&#x20AC;UH H[WLQJXLVKHG into embers. We were still for a moment, breathing in the grassy Illinois air mixed with grey smoke. My mother EURNH WKH TXLHW VKXIĂ LQJ DURXQG DQG stooping down to pick up the ashes that blew out of the metal bowl. I helped

her, touching the crumbling sheets that GLGQ¡W VXUYLYH WKH WUHN WR WKH DIWHUOLIH And I thought to myself that, down here, LW¡V MXVW SDSHU -XVW EXUQW DVKHV 1RW D PDQ¡V KHDYHQO\ WLFNHW My father just stood there, motionOHVV :KHQ KH Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ ORRNHG DW XV KLV red-rimmed eyes brimmed with an uncaged intensity. He pulled me to him suddenly and hugged me tightly, crushing me against his chest. I could hear his heart thumping. And after he pulled away and walked back inside, I could still feel his tears pooling on the top of my head.

We performed this ceremony for months, following the same patterns IURP WKDW Ă&#x20AC;UVW QLJKW 6ORZO\ P\ IDWKHU began to cry less, sometimes just starLQJ LQWR WKH Ă&#x20AC;UH WKH RUDQJH DQG UHG dancing in his black eyes.

Though I am not a spiritual person, DIWHU WKRVH QLJKWV ,¡G OLNH WR EHOLHYH that when the day comes, I will be.

7KDW , WRR ZLOO EH DEOH WR Ă&#x20AC;QG SHDFH LQ the ashes. Because what I discovered those nights was that our ceremony was an expression of grief and of love, that burning red paper was a cathartic release. It is the symbolism behind the SDSHU DQG Ă&#x20AC;UH EODFN VNLHV DQG WUDGLWLRQ that brought my father peace and drew my family together.

The ceremonies tapered off slowly. I FDQ¡W SLQSRLQW DQ H[DFW FDXVH IRU WKLV

23 Winter 2019 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

23

â&#x20AC;&#x201D; appointments cropped up, groceries were needed, rescheduling became postponing. Life got in the way, I suppose, the way it always does.

But no matter what those nights in the backyard meant for us as a family, they were also meant for us alone. For my IDWKHU¡V VDNH )RU UHPHPEUDQFH DQG celebration, and reconciliation. I believe this to be true. Because, mourning the GHDG ³ WKDW LV QHYHU IRU WKH GHDG¡V sake. It is for ours.

0\ IDWKHU¡V VLOHQFH Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ HDVHG WRR Years later, after we made the trek IURP ,OOLQRLV WR 1HZ -HUVH\ WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW conversation we openly had about my grandfather was in the parking lot of the Millburn Deli. It was a particularly stuffy summer day, and my father looked out of the windshield as he spoke, his gaze trailing off to a point beyond my sight. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He was different from other men,â&#x20AC;? my father said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He was kind to my mom. He was good to us.â&#x20AC;? His voice trembled and he paused, his grip tightening on the paper bag full of sandwiches. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He loved you, you know? You meant everything to him. I just wish he JRW WR VHH \RX PRUH ,W ZRXOG¡YH PDGH him happy.â&#x20AC;? He wiped his eyes, clearing his throat as his voice softened. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He was the kind of man who was the last person off the bus,â&#x20AC;? he continued. ´'R \RX XQGHUVWDQG ZKDW ,¡P WU\LQJ WR say? He was always the last person off EHFDXVH KH¡G ZDLW IRU HYHU\ERG\ Ă&#x20AC;UVW He was that kind of man. He helped people, he saw the world as a place to

be helped. That was your ye ye.â&#x20AC;? He turned to face me, his clear-eyed vulnerability smoothing the wrinkles on his forehead, reducing the bags underneath his eyes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;That was your grandpa. That was your blood.â&#x20AC;?

I still grapple with that idea, to this GD\ %HFDXVH ,¡P WU\LQJ WR XQGHUVWDQG what that means â&#x20AC;&#x201D; family, blood, beORQJLQJ ,¡P WU\LQJ WR XQGHUVWDQG ZKDW LW means to hurt together, to be a unit that moves together, knows each other, and ORYHV RQH DQRWKHU ,¡P WU\LQJ WR UHFRQcile that with a past that has isolated us, through a pain that is singular, a mournLQJ WKDW LV ORQHO\ $QG ,¡P VWLOO WU\LQJ WR understand why that is and how exactly we can learn to truly know each other and recover. How we can wring the hurt out of our souls.

I do not have these answers, but for now, I can be patient. I will wait until I do.

And I will grasp what I do have tightly.

I think back to the black night skies and sprawling stars. I can see the thin ribbon of smoke curling toward my JUDQGIDWKHU¡V JKRVWO\ FKHHN WHPSWLQJ the moon to try to swallow it whole. But it is the silence that marks it. It is the vacuum of sound that I remember these nights by. It is the profundity of entire Ă&#x20AC;VWIXOV RI JULHI DQG ORYH DQG PHODQFKRO\ WKDW FKDQJH D SHUVRQ¡V FKDUDFWHU It is a portrait of my family that is permanently etched in my mind, of us standing under the heavens and waiting to heal.

24 2 4 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; T h e Va r s i t y M a g a z i n e / A n o n y m i t y

SELF

Liminality in Japan

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I

n a way,â&#x20AC;? I thought to myself as I gazed at the plastic Totoro, â&#x20AC;&#x153;my whole life has been building up to this moment.â&#x20AC;? Plastic Totoro was unmoved.

It was late June in Tokyo, mercifully overcast, but suffocatingly humid nonetheless. I was queuing to enter the Ghibli 0XVHXP D PRQXPHQW WR -DSDQ¡V IRUHmost animation studio. Next to the entryway, behind a pane of glass, a large OLNHQHVV RI *KLEOL¡V GH IDFWR PDVFRW ZDV seated, as if to charge you admission.

Even if the names â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ghibliâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Totoroâ&#x20AC;?

GRQ¡W ULQJ DQ\ EHOOV \RX ZRXOG OLNHO\ UHFRJQL]H WKH VWXGLR¡V PRVW IDPRXV Ă&#x20AC;OP Spirited Away. ,W¡V D FRPLQJ RI DJH PRYie, but at its core, it explores the idea of liminality and in-betweenness. The protagonist, Chihiro, is not quite a young child, but not yet an adolescent. Her life KDV EHHQ XSURRWHG E\ KHU IDWKHU¡V ZRUN VKH¡V OHIW KHU ROG KRPH EHKLQG EXW KDV yet to see her new one. The mysterious

world of the bathhouse, where Chihiro EHFRPHV WUDSSHG IRU PRVW RI WKH Ă&#x20AC;OP simultaneously embodies a traditional, ÂśDXWKHQWLF¡ -DSDQ DQG RQH FRUUXSWHG E\ excess and consumption.

Betwixt and between. Neither here nor there. It was how I was feeling as well.

When I started out as an undergrad, I was operating under the assumption that if I just went through the motions, things would fall into place. That in the course of diligently hitting the books, I would also just happen to stumble upon a new and improved version of myself.

I would be more headstrong, more purposeful, and somebody with a better purchase on the rules of human conYHUVDWLRQ %XW OLIH DQQR\LQJO\ KDGQ¡W delivered. I was nearing graduation and all I had to show for it was an expensive latte habit. I was as awkward, anxious, DQG OLVWOHVV DV ,¡G HYHU EHHQ

25

WRITER & PHOTOGRAPHER: KATIE MACINTOSH

Stuck in the middle of myself

, KDG WR Ă&#x20AC;JXUH P\VHOI RXW Âł UHPDNH myself, new and improved. The trouble is, I am terribly averse to new things.

Day after day, for literal years, I have eaten the same foods, listened to largely the same music, and repeatedly rewatched Friends in its entirety. I take refuge in the familiar and I fear the XQNQRZQ ³ HYHQ LI WKH XQNQRZQ LV DV EHQLJQ DV D 1HWà L[ 2ULJLQDO The only solution, then, was to leave the familiar behind. ,W¡V D FOLFKp WKDW WUDYHO SUHVHQWV DQ RSportunity to reinvent oneself, but I think WKHUH¡V VRPHWKLQJ WR LW :KHQ \RX¡UH DEURDG WKHUH¡V QRWKLQJ W\LQJ \RX WR WKH self that you routinely inhabit. At home, you have a role to play, but when you WUDYHO œ\RX¡ EHFRPHV D EODQN VODWH ,W was according to this logic that I ultimately elected to spend my summer studying in Tokyo.

At the same time, I was cheating a

little; Japan did not constitute a wholly unfamiliar place. I am, you see, a wee bit of an anime nerd. Through elementary and middle school, I was obsessed with all things Japanese.

I spent my lunch hours with my nose buried in manga and my free time watching anime. During a period of my life when I was lonely more often than QRW WKRVH VWRULHV SRSXODWHG E\ PLVĂ&#x20AC;WV like me, were my constant companions.

The weird world of anime â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the place I imagined Japan to be â&#x20AC;&#x201D; felt more like home than anywhere, and I pinned my dreams for the future on living there. /RQJ EHIRUH , Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ WRXFKHG GRZQ in Tokyo, though, I recognized that my LPDJLQDU\ -DSDQ ZDV MXVW WKDW Âł Ă&#x20AC;Ftion. Nonetheless, I still felt like a part of me was waiting there. I wanted to go VRPHSODFH QHZ WR Ă&#x20AC;QG D QHZ PH Âł EXW

I wanted to go to Japan to get in touch with an older one.

As it turns out, Tokyo is the perfect place to work out such contradictory desires, because Tokyo itself is many different things at once. Moreover, it has a habit of juxtaposing the completely different sides of itself. In Ginza, towering ofĂ&#x20AC;FH EXLOGLQJV VWDQG DFURVV WKH VWUHHW IURP the Imperial Palace. Inside Meiji Jingu, a VKULQH WR WKH 0HLML (PSHURU \RX¡OO Ă&#x20AC;QG D wall of traditional sake containers â&#x20AC;&#x201D; as well as one of Burgundy wine casks. Not a minute from this tranquil, forested mePRULDO \RX¡OO Ă&#x20AC;QG WKH NDZDLL FKDRV WKDW LV Harajuku. One is constantly moving between opposing poles â&#x20AC;&#x201D; ideal conditions for an identity crisis.

I followed through on forcing myself outside of my comfort zone. I studied new subjects. I performed the awful

26

task of talking to people. I ventured out in the sweltering heat to explore without a roadmap. But in the moments when this identity building began to feel like too much, I sought out familiar spaces that brought me back to a bygone era and a distant version of myself.

As I waited to enter the Ghibli MuseXP , ZDV VWDQGLQJ LQ &KLKLUR¡V VKRHV , was not quite a new me, but not the old one, either. By the end of Spirited Away, Chihiro has moved from point A to point % VKH¡V JURZQ XS D ELW VKH¡V IHQGHG IRU KHUVHOI DQG VKH¡V PDGH LW RXW RI WKH bathhouse.

Leaving the starting point behind is never easy. The thing that I learned, PHDQGHULQJ DORQJ 7RN\R¡V KLGGHQ VLGH streets and neon-tinged main roads, is WKDW LW¡V RND\ WR Ă&#x20AC;QG \RXUVHOI VWXFN LQ the middle.

SELF

Finding my creative voice

I

developed a real love for putting my thoughts on paper at a relatively early age. By age nine, I was spending hours and hours every week writing stories in a notebook. Soon, writing stories became a part of my daily to-do list. They would read: â&#x20AC;&#x153;TO DO: 1. Readâ&#x20AC;? (here I would draw a small empty box beside my task), â&#x20AC;&#x153;2. Writeâ&#x20AC;? (and again I would scribble an empty box), â&#x20AC;&#x153;3. Organize Âś[\] ¡¾ ZKHUH Âś[\]¡ ZDV DQ\ RI WKH PDQ\ rotating items I hoarded in my childhood bedroom (and yet again, an empty box was drawn, just waiting to be ticked).

My best friend Caitrin appeared to both eat books and write, a productivity level of which I was always so jealous.

The writing eventually became a task for me, something I did just to have something over her, just for once. But for a long time, we wrote, danced, sang, and put on plays and musicals like no one was watching. Or, rather, like they

were watching, and they adored us no matter what we did. We shone as absolutely bright as we could.

Caitrin and I, along with our three other friends, began passing around a diary â&#x20AC;&#x201D; equipped with an unbreakable lock and key â&#x20AC;&#x201D; every day to record our deepest, darkest secrets and thoughts (mostly about our respective crushes) and to navigate the objectively horrible world of bloating, stretching, and bumping bodies into which we were beginQLQJ WR HQWHU (YHU\ Ă&#x20AC;YH GD\V , ZRXOG pore over â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Book,â&#x20AC;? as we called it, GULQNLQJ LQ DOO , FRXOG IURP P\ IULHQGV¡ streams of consciousness, and it would give me the space and the comfort to write as freely as they did. When middle school started, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Bookâ&#x20AC;? ended, and so did our friendship. The four other girls were put in a different class and a sourness grew between us because of the separation. Likely other things too.

27

WRITER & PHOTOGRAPHER: TARA MAHONEY

The year of bloom

All of a sudden, forced to make new friends in this new, weird body, I became aware of myself. And so, in the same ways that I tweaked my appearance and speech, I changed my writing. The combination of middle school â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a Catholic one, no less â&#x20AC;&#x201D; puberty, and uncertain friendships was a toxic cocktail. Did I mention that I was overweight?

By this point in my life, each expressive action became an opportunity for self-loathing. I wanted to erase everything that my younger self had loved and make myself anew. I lost 30 pounds. I worked to expunge the things I deemed to be part of the old me, who no one seemed to like, including myself, and I become a clone of everyone else, anonymous and indiscernible amid a sea of middle schoolers in uniform tartan skirts and polo tees.

Fast forward through an arts program at Canterbury High School, where I did

very little writing, to September 2012, when I entered George Brown TheDWUH 6FKRRO 7KH XQRIÀFLDO PLVVLRQ RI George Brown, and many other theatre VFKRROV VHHPV WR EH RI EUHDNLQJ GRZQ VWXGHQWV FRPSOHWHO\ DV LQGLYLGXDOV LQ RUGHU WR EXLOG WKHP EDFN XS LQ WKHLU RZQ LPDJH , ZDV QDwYH WR WKLQN WKDW WKLV ZDV RND\ 7KH FRPSHWLWLYH DXGLWLRQ SURFHVV made the offer that much more enticing. +RZ FRXOG D \HDU ROG KDYH NQRZQ what that entailed? :KLOH DW WKHDWUH VFKRRO , OHDUQHG WZR WKLQJV 7KH ÀUVW WKLQJ , OHDUQHG ZDV IURP my voice teacher, Deborah, about the JURZWK RI WKH YRLFH LQVLGH WKH KXPDQ ERG\ 6KH WROG XV WKDW DV EDELHV ZH VSHDN VLQJ DQG FU\ ZLWK RSHQ YRFDO FKRUGV 7KH ÁRZ RI DLU LV XQREVWUXFWHG LQ RXU YRLFH ER[HV SDVVLQJ WKURXJK VHDPOHVVO\ HQRXJK WKDW ZH FDQ FU\ ³ RU VLQJ RU VSHDN ³ IRU WKH ZKROH GD\ ZLWKRXW ORVLQJ RXU YRLFHV $V ZH JURZ ROGHU DQG WKLQJV KDSSHQ WR XV PRVW RI XV GHYHORS YRFDO WLFV KDELWV DQG ZD\V RI VSHDNLQJ WKDW UHÁHFW RXU OLIH H[SHULHQFHV )RU LQVWDQFH PDQ\ RI XV SUHVV RQ RXU YRFDO FRUGV

ZLWKRXW QRWLFLQJ PDNLQJ LW PRUH GLIÀFXOW IRU DLU WR SDVV WKURXJK DQG WLULQJ RXW RXU YRLFH ER[HV ,W·V ZK\ VWDJH DFWRUV GR VR PXFK YRFDO WUDLQLQJ WKH\ PXVW IUHH WKHLU YRLFHV in order to manipulate them effectively DQG VDIHO\ DQG KDYH WKH HQGXUDQFH WR GR WKH ZRUN RI DFWLQJ RQ D VWDJH HYHU\ QLJKW ,Q RWKHU ZRUGV PDQ\ RI XV KDYH DOWHUHG RXU ¶WUXH· YRLFH ZKLFK LV XQKLQGHUHG E\ WKH H[WUD WKLQJV ZH KDYH DGGHG WR LW DV ZH KDYH DJHG LQVWHDG KROGLQJ ZKDW ZH VKRXOG GHDO ZLWK H[WHUQDOO\ LQ RXU YRFDO FRUGV $QG WKLV OHDGV WR WKH RWKHU WKLQJ , OHDUQHG IURP DQRWKHU WHDFKHU /HVOLH 7KRXJK VKH DVVLJQHG PRYHPHQW MRXUQDOV LQ ZKLFK ZH GHVFULEHG ZKDW WKH DOLJQPHQW ZRUN WKDW ZH GLG WKDW GD\ ZDV DQG KRZ LW ZDV FKDQJLQJ XV VKH DVNHG XV WR QRW ZULWH D VWUHDP RI FRQVFLRXVQHVV ULJKW DIWHU GRLQJ WKH ZRUN for a character. She explained that, for KHU ZULWLQJ VRPHWKLQJ GRZQ SXW LW RXW RI WKH ERG\ DQG WKH QDWXUH RI WKH ZRUN ZH ZHUH GRLQJ UHTXLUHG WKDW LW EH NHSW LQVLGH RI XV WR EH XVHG WR LWV IXOO SRWHQWLDO , QHYHU JRW WR WKH ¶EXLOG \RX EDFN XS·

28

SDUW RI *HRUJH %URZQ , ZDV LQ WRR PDQ\ SLHFHV DW WKH HQG RI ÀUVW \HDU WR UHWXUQ WR WKHDWUH VFKRRO 2QH RI P\ DFWLQJ WHDFKHUV DVNHG PH ZK\ , ZDV VR SUHVXPSWXRXV WR EHOLHYH WKDW SHRSOH ZDQWHG WR OLVWHQ WR PH WDON DQG ³ LQ IURQW RI RI P\ SHHUV ³ WROG PH WKDW , QHHGHG WR EH PRUH LQWHUHVWLQJ +H WROG PH WR WKLQN DERXW ZKDW , ZDV DERXW WR VD\ EHIRUH , VDLG LW EHFDXVH QR RQH ZDQWHG WR KHDU PH ÀJXUH LW RXW , EHOLHYHG KLP P\ \RXWK DQG &DWKROLF VFKRRO EDFNJURXQG ZHUH SHUIHFW EUHHGLQJ JURXQGV IRU WKDW NLQG RI ODQJXDJH 0\ SHHUV DQG , KHDUG WKLQJV OLNH WKLV IURP RXU WHDFKHUV UHJularly. We were, for that year, a great PDVV RI WKUREELQJ SDLQ D G\VIXQFWLRQDO RUJDQLVP DQG QRQH RI XV VHHPHG WR H[LVW ZLWKRXW WKH UHVW RI WKH JURXS ,W ZDV QR VXUSULVH ZKHQ RQH RI P\ WHDFKHUV UHFRPPHQGHG , WU\ ³ RQ WRS RI RXU ² KRXU VFKRRO ZHHN ³ D ZHHN SURJUDP IRU GDPDJHG FUHDWLYHV FDOOHG ´7KH $UWLVW·V :D\ µ 7KLV SURJUDP LV ODUJHO\ FHQWUHG DURXQG D WRRO FDOOHG ´0RUQLQJ 3DJHV µ ZKHUHLQ SDUWLFLSDQWV UHFRUG WKUHH KDQGZULWWHQ SDJHV RI WKHLU WKRXJKWV HDFK GD\ 7KURXJK WKLV DQG

other tasks, the broken artist comes to understand the useless rhetoric that inhibits them from creating, and then systematically dismantles it to free the ¶DUWLVW FKLOG· ZLWKLQ 7KH SDJHV GLG KHOS PH VWDUW WR ÀQG D YRLFH , XVHG WKHP WR WHOO WKH WKHDWUH VFKRRO WKDW , ZRXOG QRW EH UHWXUQLQJ EXW , QHYHU XVHG LW WR DFW DJDLQ :KHQ , PHW P\ SDUWQHU KH KHOSHG PH XQGHUVWDQG WKDW , ZDV JRRG , JHW VRPH RI WKH FUHGLW WRR EXW KH PDGH WKH SDWK HDV\ $QG WKHQ VORZO\ PRUH H[SUHVVLYH DFWLRQV ÁRZHG , WDONHG DERXW WKLQJV WKDW , GLGQ·W NQRZ DERXW , EHFDPH FXULRXV DQG FRPIRUWDEOH ZLWK WKH IDFW WKDW , ZRXOG QHYHU NQRZ HYHU\WKLQJ %\ WKH WLPH , JRW DURXQG WR P\ XQGHUJUDG , KDG WDFNOHG VRPH RI WKH VHOI FRQÀGHQFH SUREOHPV VRFLDOO\ ³ VWLOO ZRUNLQJ RQ VRPH RI WKHP DV , ZULWH WKLV RI FRXUVH ³ DQG YRFDOO\ EXW ZKHQ , QHHGHG WR W\SH RXW DQ HVVD\ , FRXOGQ·W RYHUFRPH WKH YRLFH RI P\ DFWLQJ WHDFKHU LQVLGH PH :ULWLQJ IRU RWKHU H\HV ZDV SDUDO\]LQJ , VSHQW VR PDQ\ KRXUV W\SLQJ DQG WKHQ KLWWLQJ EDFNVSDFH DIUDLG WR OHW ZKDW , KDG LQ PH ÁRZ WKURXJK P\ ÀQ-

JHUV OLNH WKH\ GLG ZLWK WKH PRUQLQJ SDJHV ,QVWHDG , KHDUG P\ DFWLQJ WHDFKHU ORXG DQG FOHDU LQ P\ KHDG )RU D ORQJ WLPH , FRXOGQ·W ZULWH D WKLQJ , ZHQW WR DQ HYHQW KRQRXULQJ WKH OLIH DQG OHJDF\ RI P\ JUHDW XQFOH -RVHSK RQH QLJKW , KDG IRUJRWWHQ DERXW KLP FRPSOHWHO\ ³ KH KDG SDVVHG DZD\ YHU\ VXGGHQO\ DW ZKHQ , ZDV IRXU \HDUV ROG ³ VR LW ZDV VXUSULVLQJ WR EH UHPLQGed that he had been the food editor for Toronto Life PDJD]LQH IRU PDQ\ \HDUV DQG KDG JRWWHQ VWDUWHG WKHUH ZULWLQJ IRRG UHYLHZV , KDG DW WKDW SRLQW EHJXQ ZULWLQJ UHFLSHV DQG UHVWDXUDQW UHYLHZV , IHOW D VWUDQJH FRQQHFWLRQ ZLWK KLP WKRXJK ZH KDGQ·W UHDOO\ NQRZQ HDFK RWKHU DQG EHFDPH IDVFLQDWHG E\ KLV OLIH 1DWXUDOO\ WKH ÀUVW SODFH , FKHFNHG IRU LQIRUPDWLRQ DERXW KLP ZDV WKH LQWHUQHW 7R P\ DEVROXWH VKRFN WKHUH ZDV SUHWW\ PXFK QRWKLQJ RQ P\ XQFOH -RVHSK RXW WKHUH 7KLV KRUULÀHG PH D OLWWOH ELW RQO\ EHFDXVH LW FDXVHG PH WR IDFH P\ RZQ PRUWDOLW\ ZH DOO GLVDSSHDU HYHQWXDOO\ 7KRXJK KH·V UHODWLYHO\ REVFXUH LQ ZD\V , DP VWLOO QRW FRPIRUWDEOH ZLWK DW WKH WLPH LW IHOW OLNH -RVHSK KDG UHDFKHG WKURXJK

29

history and grabbed me by my shoulders to remind me of the four-year-old JUHDW QLHFH ZKRP KH XVHG WR ZDWFK UXQQLQJ DURXQG WKH ODZQ LQ IURQW RI WKH IDPLO\ FRWWDJH ,Q -DQXDU\ , WXUQHG ,W ZDV WKH ÀUVW ELUWKGD\ , IHOW PHODQFKRO\ DERXW DQG , ZDV FDXJKW RII JXDUG ZKHQ WKLV EOXHQHVV VZHOOHG XS LQVLGH PH 7KH EOXH FRQWLQXHG WR JURZ PDNLQJ P\ WKURDW IHHO VWLFN\ DQG KHDY\ DQG P\ H\HV VWLQJ ,W JUHZ VR ELJ DQG LQWUXVLYH WKDW LW KDG WR H[LW P\ ERG\ , EHOWHG EOXH IURP P\ GHHSHVW LQ D VRQJ DQG D FRQYHUVDWLRQ , QHHGHG WR KDYH WKDW ZRXOG FKDQJH P\ ZKROH OLIH 7KH TXDOLW\ RI WKLV QHZ YRLFH WKDW RI D JURZQ ZRPDQ LV XQLTXHO\ P\ RZQ 3HUKDSV IRU WKH ÀUVW WLPH LQ P\ OLIH LW RFFXUV WR PH WKDW , DP RND\ ZLWK WKDW HYHQ WKULOOHG E\ LW ,W PDNHV PH WKLQN RI WKH OLWWOH JLUO ZKR ZRXOG GDQFH VLQJ ZULWH DQG VFUHDP ZLWK VXFK UHFNOHVV DEDQGRQ *RLQJ IRUZDUG HVSHFLDOO\ LQ those moments of sticky insecurity, she LV WKH SHUVRQ DQG WKH YRLFH , ZDQW WR FKDQQHO )XQQ\ KRZ OLIH LV FLUFXODU OLNH WKDW

SELF WRITER & PHOTOGRAPHER: JADINE NGAN

T

On drift and claim Where culture and identity converge

here is an indoor Chinese market that I frequented as a child, where I could walk through swinging glass doors and be immediately transportHG WR P\ JUDQGIDWKHU¡V FRXQWU\ 7KLV market housed the barber to whom my PRWKHU WRRN PH IRU P\ Ă&#x20AC;UVW KDLUFXW WKH stall where my father would buy gleaming tins of fried tofu and noodles for big dinners, the char siu butcher whose stench I could never stomach, and the GUHVV VKRS WKDW ,¡G Ă HH IURP P\ PRWKHU WR DGPLUH LQVWHDG Worn tarps draped over a pile of casVDYD EX]]LQJ ZLWK Ă LHV IRUP D PDNHVKLIW URRI 7KH JURXQG LV VWDLQHG FRQFUHWH ZLWK D VOLJKW VKHHQ 5LVLQJ DQG IDOOLQJ above the hum of meat freezers are WKH DEUXSW KDOWV DQG UDSLG LQĂ HFWLRQV RI Cantonese and Mandarin, as natural to the place as any one of the pillars rising WR WKH FHLOLQJ 7KHUH DUH QR SUHWHQVHV KHUH (YHU\-

one is as comfortable in their own skin DV WKH\¡OO HYHU EH RQ WKLV VLGH RI WKH 3DFLĂ&#x20AC;F 7KH\ VSHDN WKHLU ODQJXDJH VHOO their food, and play their music against the backdrop of Vancouver rain rattling DJDLQVW WKH JULP\ VN\OLJKWV $V D OLWWOH girl, I was perfectly comfortable wandering in and out of the stalls, clutching a sweet-smelling raisin twist from the $VLDQ EDNHU\ LQ P\ OHIW KDQG LI , FORVH my eyes, I can still picture the twists and WXUQV RI HYHU\ KDOOZD\ DQG VWDLUZHOO ,W ZDVQ¡W XQWLO , ZDV ROGHU WKDW , UHDOL]HG that every sign displayed lettering I FRXOGQ¡W XQGHUVWDQG When I think about the town I grew up LQ WKLV PDUNHW LV RQH RI WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW WKLQJV that comes to mind, because of what it UHSUHVHQWV $ KRPH DZD\ IURP KRPH for many, I suppose, like the rest of the &KLQHVH &DQDGLDQ FLW\ ULVLQJ DURXQG LW But to me, it is emblematic of a settling sense of half-belonging that seemed

30

to trail me wherever I went, like I was of neither here nor there, just familiar enough, but never fully able to claim DQ\WKLQJ DV P\ RZQ 7KLV KD]H RI IHHOing also hangs over my relationship to WKH RQO\ KRPH ,¡YH HYHU NQRZQ 5LFKPRQG %ULWLVK &ROXPELD 5LFKPRQG ULVHV XS IURP WKH PXGà DWV of an island named for a showgirl, craGOHG E\ WZR DUPV RI WKH )UDVHU 5LYHU just over the bridge from Vancouver SURSHU ,WV FHQVXV SODFHV LW DV WKH 1RUWK $PHULFDQ FLW\ ZLWK WKH ODUJHVW SURSRUWLRQ RI $VLDQV SURPSWLQJ WKH RIIKDQG MRNH RU WZR DERXW &DQDGD¡V UHDO ELJJHVW &KLQDWRZQ 0RVW RI LWV LQKDELWDQWV KDLO from the skyscrapers of Hong Kong or the vast expanse of the Chinese mainland, and that heritage bleeds into every UHDOP RI WKH FLW\¡V OLIH ,W¡V D FLW\ RI SDSHU WKLQ FKHUU\ EORVsoms in May and watercolour sunsets LQ $XJXVW EXW QRZ WKDW ,¡YH OHIW IRU WKH

rush of Toronto, I remember home best in the lull of its mid-autumn rain. Come October in Richmond, umbrellas bloom along every sidewalk, and bus windows HDJHUO\ IRJ WR SOD\ FDQYDV WR FKLOGUHQ¡V SDLQWEUXVK Ă&#x20AC;QJHUV 0RVW RI WKH WUHHV have already surrendered their leaves, carpeting the streets outside bubble tea cafes in red and gold. And when the rain lets up, the air goes crisp and the mountains in the north come into sharp clarity, peaks dipped in pristine white. These memories, though, are a glass paperweight run smooth by time DQG GLVWDQFH WKH\ KROG WKH ROG Ă XWWHUing sense of disbelonging, forged in my WLPH WKHUH Ă&#x20AC;UPO\ GRZQ 0\ VFKRRO \HDUV VDZ PH SDVV WKURXJK FOLTXHV RI NLGV ZKR¡G EUHDN LQWR WKHLU SDUHQWV¡ ODQJXDJHV ZKHQ WKH\ were most excited, slinging playful insults at each other high enough over my head to graze the ceiling. Nearly everyone I knew seemed to inhabit their identity with a natural ease that, for me, felt as futile as trying to catch rainwater in open hands. I was never

Chinese enough to chime in or even follow along. They knew, and nudged me over that line into another box marked ZLWK œ)LOLSLQR ¡ DIWHU WKH EORRG WKDW , LQherited from one great-grandparent whose name I never learned. I grew XS EHOLHYLQJ , ZDV œRWKHU ¡ 7R WKLV GD\ , wear the Chinese seven-eighths of my heritage like an old pair of boots never quite broken in; after all this time, they VWLOO GRQ¡W VLW TXLWH ULJKW DQG , GRQ¡W NQRZ how much further I have to walk before I stop blistering. ,W ZDVQ¡W DQ\ HDVLHU WU\LQJ WR VHWtle into the other side of my heritage.

6RPH GD\V ,¡G FDWFK IULHQGV WRVVLQJ WKH ODEHO Âś)LOLSLQR¡ DW VRPHRQH ZKR¡G FRPH EDFN WRR WDQ IURP YDFDWLRQ 7KH\¡G VWDUW when they remembered I was there, eyes wide as they tried to patch it with a TXLFN ´1RW OLNH \RX <RX¡UHÂŤ FDUDPHOÂľ â&#x20AC;&#x201D; as if that made any sense, a sweet for a nationality. %\ WKH WLPH , ZDV QLQH RU ,¡G DOready developed the sense that my hometown was a place removed from the real world, and that I was no more

31

than an observer passing through it.

0D\EH LW EHJDQ ZKHQ , QRWLFHG WKDW P\ sense of self seemed to drift while evHU\RQH HOVH¡V DSSHDUHG DQFKRUHG DQG bled from there to tint my perception of all I encountered. The city around me seemed to stand still, every day running parallel to the ones before it; it was a sleepy, blue-tinged bubble of a world, punctuated by shrieking seagulls overhead and glowing signs at Asian groFHUV ,W GLGQ¡W UHVHPEOH DQ\WKLQJ ,¡G HYHU seen in ink or on screen, or anything that the world had given its golden stamp of approval to. Even the people had different skin. I remember thinking WKDW VRPHGD\ ,¡G PDNH LW RXW WR WKH UHDO world where the people were. California, maybe, but probably the pulse and grit of New York City. All I had to do was wait; only then would my life begin.

I waited for a long time. Passed the \HDUV EHWZHHQ WKH SDJHV RI ERRNV ,¡G picked out from the library, inhabited worlds where nobody seemed dampened by the same alienation that I felt. $QG VR , FDPH WR EHOLHYH WKDW Ă&#x20AC;QGLQJ

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I

n 2014, then 30-year-old Nasty Gal clothing founder and CEO Sophia Amoruso published a memoir and business guide. She called it #Girlboss and, LQ GRLQJ VR RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDOO\ FKULVWHQHG DQG generated a new way of being a young woman.

Heavily informed by post-2008 economic precarity and institutional disilluVLRQPHQW WKH RULJLQDO JLUOERVV Ă&#x20AC;JXUH LV aggressive, individualistic, and prides KHUVHOI RQ EHLQJ ÂśVHOI PDGH ¡ 6KH GRHV QRW Ă&#x20AC;W 6KHU\O 6DQGEHUJ¡V PRP &(2 YLsion of corporate feminism â&#x20AC;&#x201D; girlbosses typically eschew children and traditional gender roles, instead tying themselves to their productive labour and capacity for economic achievement.

Since its inception, the term has entered the cultural vernacular, spawning D VSHFLĂ&#x20AC;FDOO\ PLOOHQQLDO HWKRV DQG DHVthetic. In effect, girlbossery is founded

on the ultimate neoliberal sleight of hand: obscuring collectivization with consumptive self-actualization. Brought into existence by processes of self-surveillance, online performance, and observation, girlbosses model behaviour WR RQH DQRWKHU DQG SROLFH RQH DQRWKHU¡V compliance to shifting norms.

As independent women, girlbosses do not rely on men to govern or discipline their behaviour â&#x20AC;&#x201D; rather, they surveil themselves. This manifests both physically, through regimes such as extreme dieting, and psychologically, through a dry-eyed pursuit of constant positivity. The common metric is agency â&#x20AC;&#x201D; girlbosses can do or have whatHYHU WKH\ ZDQW DV ORQJ DV WKH\¡UH WKH ones who choose it.

But if every choice is autonomous and internally generated, why are the basic goalposts to which these women

33

PHOTOGRAPHER: SHANNA HUNTER

Contemporary feminisms and the ideal neoliberal subject

WRITER: KATE REEVE

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be a woman, be a #girlboss

orient themselves so uniform, irregardless of class, race, sexual orientation, or any other systemic lever?

Here, instead of a strictly disciplinary regime imposed by men or patriarchal structures, the girlboss exists in what philosopher Gilles Deleuze calls a society of control, wherein the â&#x20AC;&#x153;controls are D PRGXODWLRQ Âľ Ă H[LEOH DQG FRQVWDQWO\ evolving. As these controls are further LQWHUQDOL]HG WKH\ FRQVWLWXWH WKH JLUOERVV¡ very subjectivity, endowing her with a limited agency that ultimately serves existing structures of power. The starkO\ VH[XDOL]HG DHVWKHWLF RI $PRUXVR¡V IDVKLRQ UHWDLOHU 1DVW\ *DO UHĂ HFWV WKLV the company tells women to dress for themselves, but offers clothing, such as corsets and high heels, that emphasizes fantastic representations of feminine sexuality and plays into common conceptions of heterosexual male desire.

Moreover, the work of a girlboss is QHYHU GRQH 6KH LQ 'HOHX]H¡V ZRUGV is â&#x20AC;&#x153;undulatory, in orbit, in a continuous networkâ&#x20AC;? of both self-improvement and online performance. She can always be more, look better, feel better, act better: to not be in a constant state of striving is failure. Further, as a co-constitutive phenomenon, the hashtag #girlboss has been used on Instagram alone over 14 million times, beneath images ranging from inspirational quotes like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Shit happens everyday. To everyone. The difference is how you respond to it,â&#x20AC;? to women posing in lingerie. Girlbossery requires performance, but with that comes discrete behavioural parameters, structures of control that spring up around this newly generated way to be.

Discourse policing surrounding the #MeToo movement demonstrates the power of these behavioural limits. In theory, girlbosses support female empowerment, so to question any iteration of the movement would be a colossal betrayal â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and when mutineers do, WKH\¡UH TXLFNO\ H[LOHG RU FDQFHOOHG But this abject dismissal of any critical UHĂ HFWLRQ SHUYHUWV WKH SRZHU RI ZKDW critical feminist theorist Nancy Fraser calls â&#x20AC;&#x153;subaltern counterpublicsâ&#x20AC;? of traditionally feminist spaces of discourse.

Instead of offering a â&#x20AC;&#x153;parallel discursive [arena] where members of subordinat-

ed social groups invent and circulate counterdiscourses, which in turn permit them to formulate oppositional interpretations of their identities, interests, and needs,â&#x20AC;? the #girlboss movement actively undermines attempts to engage in communicative processes that challenge dominant perspectives. The online nature of being a girlboss cannot be underestimated â&#x20AC;&#x201D; if technocracy is a runaway train, girlbosses eagerly tie themselves to the tracks.

But beyond this regulatory cancel culWXUH WKH PDLQVWUHDP PHGLD¡V SUHVHQWDWLRQ RI ZRPHQ¡V 0H7RR WHVWLPRQLHV invites scrutiny. Set in tones so standardized that they seem to represent a new genre of writing entirely, these stories almost universally offer incredibly GHWDLOHG DQG H[SOLFLW UHWHOOLQJV RI WUDXPD often to the point of dilute pornography.

While this confessional, salacious style might provoke compassion or self-reĂ HFWLRQ LQ VRPH , TXHVWLRQ LWV JHQXLQH capacity to help women move forward.

In my interpretation, there is an uneasy H[HJHVLV RI GHVLUH LQ WKHVH QDUUDWLYHV The vindictive edge and bloodiness WKDW XQGHUZULWHV WKHP VHHPV WR UHĂ HFW a sublimated want for the very qualities that aggressors act through: dominance, impunity, a siloing self-absorption: privilege. To what emancipatory end does this propel us?

34

At her core, the girlboss represents the ideal neoliberal subject, who, as political theorist Wendy Brown writes, â&#x20AC;&#x153;strategizes for [her]self among various social, political and economic options, not one who strives with others to alter or organize these options.â&#x20AC;? ,GHQWLĂ&#x20AC;HG as an â&#x20AC;&#x153;entrepreneurial [actor] in every sphere of life,â&#x20AC;? the girlboss â&#x20AC;&#x153;bears full responsibility for the consequences of [her] action no matter how severe the constraints on this action.â&#x20AC;? But she is still gendered.

In media culture, it is overwhelmingly women, not men, who are the target of aesthetic or behavioural improvement campaigns. In doing this work to transform through products, clothes, DQG VHUYLFHV WKDW WKH\ ÂśDXWRQRPRXVO\¡ choose, girlbosses are further constructed as consumer-citizens. Deeper resentments are then funnelled into pre-set choices â&#x20AC;&#x201D; bikini or full Brazilian wax? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; instead of toward collective action or organization.

0XFK DV GLVFLSOHV RI 6DQGEHUJ¡V mom-CEO doctrine may rely on foreign domestic workers to perform their reproductive labour while they hack at glass ceilings, girlbosses also propagate global inequalities and structures that actively harm women â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or, in the FDVH RI 1DVW\ *DO¡V SURGXFWLRQ SUDFtices, literal girls. Recently, Nasty Gal

came under scrutiny for using cotton sourced from sites known to engage in labour abuse and child labour. The company was also sued for discriminaWLRQ DIWHU Ă&#x20AC;ULQJ IRXU SUHJQDQW HPSOR\HHV before they could take maternity leave.

The case was settled out of court.

Mom-CEOs and girlbosses share one central trait: an assertion that they deserve to have it all â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even if that involves standing on the backs of poor and racialized women across the globe.

For girlbosses, who are overwhelmingly white, middle to upper class women, this manifests in their consumptive choices and devotion to maintaining the capitalist order. In philosopher Louis $OWKXVVHU¡V IUDPLQJ WKHVH ZRPHQ DUH key actors in reproducing relations of production, through their ability to manipulate labour power and a concerted GHYRWLRQ WR Ă&#x20AC;WWLQJ WKHPVHOYHV LQWR WKH ideology of the ruling class.

This was painfully obvious in the 2016 US election. Girlbosses shilled for neoliberal queen Hillary Clinton in record numbers, but attacked other women who supported Bernie Sanders and his social-democratic policies for EHLQJ ÂśDQWL IHPLQLVW ¡ 7KH LURQ\ KHUH LV too richly obvious to restate. Their rhetRULF RI LQGHSHQGHQFH DOVR UHDIĂ&#x20AC;UPV DUguments for decreasing public services and increasing privatization, which his-

35

torian Bethany Moreton rightly notes, â&#x20AC;&#x153;returns the full burden of savage inequality to its reliable point of originâ&#x20AC;?: poor women of colour. $IWHU 1DVW\ *DO Ă&#x20AC;OHG IRU EDQNUXSWF\ in 2016, Amoruso started a Silicon Valley-funded media company called â&#x20AC;&#x201D; of FRXUVH Âł *LUOERVV 6KH QRZ KRVWV ÂśHPSRZHUPHQW UDOOLHV ¡ ZKLFK FRVW D PLQLmum of $300 USD per ticket to attend, including integrated advertising with self-proclaimed feminist corporations, such as dating app Bumble. AmoruVR¡V QHZ ZHEVLWH DOVR RIIHUV DUWLFOHV such as â&#x20AC;&#x153;25 Gifts That Will Help Make Your Loved Ones More Productiveâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; highlights include a tiny vacuum to optimize desk cleaning, Alexa, and running shoes â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and â&#x20AC;&#x153;When Your Biggest Competition Is Your Best Friend.â&#x20AC;? Her life story also spawned a short-lived VHULHV RQ 1HWĂ L[ DOVR FDOOHG Girlboss.

The show received appropriately terrible reviews and was not renewed for a second season.

7KH WHUP ÂśJLUOERVV¡ JHQHUDWHG D QHZ ZD\ WR EH D ZRPDQ LQ WKH WZHQW\ Ă&#x20AC;UVW century, intimately linked to neoliberal structures of control and subjectivity.

But much like the cheap clothes Amoruso used to sell, the girlboss movement is initially a neoliberal success that is ultimately doomed to fail women.

FEATURE WRITER: ANONYMOUS PHOTOGRAPHERS: VICTORIA DAWSON, DINA DONG, TOSIN MAIYEGUN

My name is ________ and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a recovering addict in grad school

Hi, 0\ QDPH LV 6RSKLH , PHDQ LW·V QRW P\ UHDO QDPH EXW ,·OO JHW WR WKDW LQ D ELW ,·P D JUDG VWXGHQW ,·P DOVR DQ DGGLFW LQ UHFRYHU\ 7KHVH WZR WKLQJV FDQ·W FRPIRUWDEO\ FR H[LVW LQ D SXEOLF RU SURIHVVLRQDO FRQYHUVDWLRQ %XW , ZDQW WR WDON DERXW WKHP DQ\ZD\ VR IRU DOO LQWHQWV DQG SXUSRVHV \RX FDQ MXVW FDOO PH 6RSKLH $ ORW RI WKLV LV FRPLQJ IURP Ã&#x20AC;UVWKDQG H[SHULHQFH VSHFXODWLRQV DQG RSLQLRQV 'RQ·W WDNH P\ ZRUG DV JRVSHO

36

I got clean in 2013, when I was 21 and still an undergrad. When I tell people WKDW VWRU\ QRZ WKH\ Ã&#x20AC;OH LW XQGHU ¶DFWV RI EUDYHU\· RU ¶UHDOO\ NQRZLQJ DQG EHLQJ LQ FRQWURO RI RQH·V VHOI · :KHQ , WHOO SHRSOH WKDW VWRU\ LW·V XVXDOO\ E\ WKH WLPH ZH·YH KXQJ RXW WKUHH WLPHV ³ DIWHU WKH Ã&#x20AC;UVW GDWH DIWHU D ORQJ DQG PXOWL OD\HUHG GLVFXVVLRQ WKDW ZH PLJKW EH KDYLQJ LQ WKH FRUQHU DW D SDUW\ $QG VXUH VRPH RI P\ FROOHDJXHV LQ DFDGHPLD NQRZ -XVW VRPH RI WKHP ZKHQ LW HYHQWXDOO\ FRPHV XS :LWK DOPRVW VL[ \HDUV RI VR EULHW\ XQGHU P\ EHOW LW LV LQ PDQ\ ZD\V ¶VDIHU· WR EUHDN P\ DQRQ\PLW\ DQG WHOO SHRSOH DERXW WKH IDFW WKDW , DP LQ UH FRYHU\ :H LQKDELW ³ IRU EHWWHU RU IRU ZRUVH ³ D ZRUOG RI QHROLEHUDO PHULWR FUDWLF WKRXJKW 3HRSOH OLNH UHVXOWV WKH\ want concrete deliverables.

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37

PH ZURQJ , KDG VRPH XQGHUVWDQGLQJ WKDW , QHHGHG WR VKDUSHQ P\ QHWZRUN LQJ VNLOOV 0DNH WKH RGG DSSHDUDQFH DW D WDON RU GHSDUWPHQW HYHQW %HFRPH D SDUW WLPH H[WURYHUW %XW , UHDOO\ GLGQ·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·UH QRW VHHQ SHRSOH PLJKW ³ DQG RIWHQ GR ³ IRUJHW WKRVH who are never around. $OO RI ZKLFK LV WR FLUFXLWRXVO\ VD\ WKDW DOPRVW DOO VRFLDO HYHQWV WKDW , DWWHQG DV D JUDG VWXGHQW ³ RQ RU RII VLWH ³ LQ YROYH GULQNLQJ %HLQJ VRFLDO LV D ELJ DQG LPSRUWDQW SDUW RI EHLQJ D JUDG VWXGHQW

$UH \RX VWLOO ZLWK PH" 2N JRRG /HW·V move along.

“But Sophie,” you might ask, “why GRQ·W \RX MXVW WHOO \RXU FROOHDJXHV WKDW \RX·UH LQ UHFRYHU\" 6XUHO\ WKH\ ZRXOG JHW LW µ :HOO , FRXOG GR WKDW %XW UHPHPEHU WKH OLWWOH H[FXUVLRQ , WRRN WKURXJK WKH DZNZDUG GLVFUHSDQF\ LQ SHRSOH·V OHYHOV RI LQHEULDWLRQ ³ ZKLFK FDQ UDQJH IURP VWRQH FROG VREHU WR EHLQJ UHDOO\ YHU\ RXW RI LW ³ GXULQJ FRQYHUVDWLRQV WKDW , RIWHQ ÀQG P\VHOI LQ" 3DUDGR[LFDOO\ EUHDNLQJ P\ DQRQ\PLW\ DGGV DQRWKHU OD\HU RI VHSDUDWLRQ ,·YH JURZQ FORVH HQRXJK WR VRPH SHRSOH LQFOXGLQJ VRPH FROOHDJXHV WR GLVFORVH P\ UHFRYHU\ %XW HYHQ WKRXJK WKH\ ZHUH DOZD\V UHFHSWLYH DQG DFFHSWLQJ WKH\ still say weird stuff sometimes. Below, ,·YH FRPSLOHG D OLVW RI VRPH FRQYHUVDtion snippets to illustrate my point. ´,·P VXUH RQH GD\ \RX·OO EH DEOH WR drink again.” ,Q UHVSRQVH WR D FR\ VXJJHVWLRQ , PDGH WR D IULHQG WKDW WKH\ GRQ·W QHHG WR DFWXDOO\ JHW GUXQN ZKHQ WKH\ JR RXW ´2K \HDK , FRXOG EXW LW·V GLIIHUHQW ZLWK \RX <RX·UH YHU\ FRQWUROOHG µ 6RPH-

WKLQJ WR WKDW HIIHFW

´:KDW ZHUH \RX DGGLFWHG WR"µ RU YDULations thereof. ´<RXU DGGLFWLRQ GRHVQ·W GHÀQH \RX µ $SDUW IURP WKH ÀUVW VWDWHPHQW ZKLFK , WKLQN ZH FDQ DOO DJUHH LV D YHU\ PHVVHG XS WKLQJ WR VD\ WR D UHFRYHULQJ DGGLFW \RX PLJKW EH ZRQGHULQJ ZKDW FRXOG EH so bothersome about the others. I do ZDQW WR VWUHVV WKDW , GRQ·W DFWXDOO\ IHHO RIIHQGHG RU QHFHVVDULO\ WKDW ERWKHUHG but those statements highlight the more subtle ways that otherwise open-mindHG SHRSOH VWLOO PLVXQGHUVWDQG RU FDULFDWXUL]H DGGLFWLRQ /HW·V VWDUW ZLWK WKH VHFRQG VWDWHPHQW DQG PRYH GRZQ WKH OLVW ´<RX·UH YHU\ FRQWUROOHGµ LPSOLHV D FRXSOH RI WKLQJV 2QH WKDW ,·P D FRQWURO IUHDN ZKR LV YHU\ mindful of what goes in and out of her ERG\ WKH ÀUVW SDUW LV WUXH EXW , DP IDU IURP D ¶P\ ERG\ LV D WHPSOH· NLQG RI SHUVRQ DQG PRUH LPSRUWDQWO\ WKDW DGGLFWLRQ LV VRPHWKLQJ , KDYH FRQWURO RYHU :KDW·V ORVW KHUH LV WKH IDFW WKDW WKH YHU\ UHDVRQ , GRQ·W GULQN RU JHW KLJK LV EHFDXVH , DP OLWHUDOO\ LQFDSDEOH RI FRQWUROOLQJ P\VHOI 0\ FKRLFH QRW WR SDUWDNH

38

is not born out of health consciousness, a desire to project an image of well-being, or to make people feel bad about their choice to indulge. My choice is a QRQ FKRLFH LW¡V HLWKHU VWRQH FROG VREULety or active addiction. My sobriety is a result of not being able to participate LQ VRPHWKLQJ WKDW RWKHUV JHW WR GR ,W¡V survival, literally. /HW¡V ORRN DW WKH QH[W VWDWHPHQW â&#x20AC;&#x153;What were you addicted to?â&#x20AC;? Admittedly, depending on the person asking, it can be really tempting to tell the asker to fuck off. The question sometimes PDNHV PH IHHO OLNH ,¡P EHLQJ WUHDWHG like a curiosity at the zoo. Once again, it misses the point, although this time LW¡V VRPHWKLQJ , UHDOO\ FDQ¡W EODPH SHRple for. There are still a lot of misconceptions about addiction, namely that LW LV DOPRVW DOZD\V VXEVWDQFH VSHFLĂ&#x20AC;F It can be that, but in my case and as is the case for my friends in recovery, LW¡V QRW OLNH WKDW DW DOO )RU XV EHLQJ DQ addict comes before substance abuse.

Addiction can be born of many circumstances. In my case, it evolved out of unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with depression, trauma, and poor selfZRUWK ,W¡V DOVR D YHU\ LQWLPDWH TXHVWLRQ really not the sort of thing that I feel FRPIRUWDEOH WDONLQJ DERXW ZKLOH ,¡P VLWWLQJ RQ WKH à RRU RI D IULHQG¡V DSDUWPHQW at a house party.

2Q WR WKH ODVW RQH ´\RXU DGGLFWLRQ GRHVQ¡W GHĂ&#x20AC;QH \RX Âľ 1RZ , FRPSOHWHO\ understand that this one is coming from a good place and a desire to make me

IHHO OLNH , DP QRW EHLQJ MXGJHG %XW LW¡V SDWHQWO\ ZURQJ ,W¡V D ELJ SDUW RI P\ OLIH that, for better or worse, I often need WR NHHS KLGGHQ ,W GHĂ&#x20AC;QHV WKH IULHQGships I make, the relationships I form, WKH DFWLYLWLHV , GR RU GRQ¡W GR $OO RI my close relationships formed outside of recovery circles start with establishing boundaries around drugs and DOFRKRO PRUH WKH IRUPHU 'RQ¡W EULQJ GUXJV WR P\ KRXVH 'RQ¡W VKRZ XS WR my house or to a one-on-one hangout KLJK RU GUXQN 'RQ¡W DVN PH LI , ZDQW DQ\ &KHFN LQ ZLWK PH Ă&#x20AC;UVW EHIRUH UHcounting a drug-related escapade from your undergraduate days. Saying that P\ DGGLFWLRQ GRHVQ¡W GHĂ&#x20AC;QH PH LV DOVR unwittingly dismissive. Besides the fact that it elides something that, if otherwise not there, would make me a totally different person, it also signals an unwillingness or disinterest in trying to understand me. ´<RXU DGGLFWLRQ GRHVQ¡W GHĂ&#x20AC;QH \RXÂľ UHDGV DV ´, GRQ¡W FDUH DERXW WKH IDFW WKDW \RX¡UH DQ DGGLFW , OLNH WKH RWKHU VWXII DERXW \RX <RXU DGGLFWLRQ GRHVQ¡W GHĂ&#x20AC;QH \RX EHFDXVH KRZ FRXOG LW" <RX¡UH VR JUHDW RWKHUZLVH Âľ ,W PHDQV \RX¡UH choosing not to acknowledge that part of me. The part of me that has caused me and the people I love grief. The part of me that would have derailed my academic career. The part of me that could not deal with the world of pain that I endured and that I also created. The part of me that brought me so much shame and desperation. That was really me.

39

That still is me, because that is also the part of my life that made me stop in my tracks and want to change. %XW LI ZH¡UH QRW FORVH IULHQGV SUREDble lovers, or fellow recovering addicts, , ZRQ¡W EH WHOOLQJ \RX DQ\ RI WKLV 'HVSLWH being a grad student in a progressive department with progressive peers, the WHUP œDGGLFW LQ UHFRYHU\¡ LV VWLOO DQ LGHQWLW\ PDUNHU ,W¡V VRPHWKLQJ WKDW PLJKW SHUSOH[ \RX ,W PLJKW LQVSLUH DGPLUDWLRQ for my ability to be in control of myself.

It might make you feel uneasy as you smoke a joint in front of me, wonderLQJ LI \RX¡UH FDXVLQJ PH KDUP RU LI , DP judging you. It might be a part of myself WKDW \RX GRQ¡W ZDQW PH WR IHHO GHĂ&#x20AC;QHG E\ EHFDXVH SHRSOH GRQ¡W ZDQW WR GHĂ&#x20AC;QH themselves by bad stuff. %HLQJ DQ DGGLFW LV VWLOO ÂśEDG ¡ Âś%DG¡ MXVW KROGV GLIIHUHQW PHDQLQJV QRZ Âś%DG¡ LV VWLOO FRQWUDGLFWRU\ LW GRHVQ¡W UHĂ HFW WKH RWKHUZLVH ÂśVXFFHVVIXO¡ SHUVRQ ZKR LV VWDQGLQJ LQ IURQW RI \RX Âś%DG¡ LV G\Vfunctional, lacking in tenacity, hopeless. ,W¡V KRQHVWO\ MXVW WRR PXFK WR H[SODLQ There is already enough separation between myself and the social world of grad school. In a sea of colleagues, faculty, and people I should probably know but for the life of me cannot remember, and many of whom are holding a drink, I often stand alone with my glass of club soda.

Written by Sophie* 1RW P\ UHDO QDPH

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CONNECT PHOTOGRAPHER: KATE REEVE

WRITER: BUSHRA AZIM BOBLAI

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all his classes. Furthermore, as most engineering students end up living at Chestnut Residence, Joshua included, it helped him build a community that may have made his experience easier WKDQ WKDW RI RWKHU Ă&#x20AC;UVW \HDUV 'HVSLWH KLV positive experiences, Joshua agrees that Toronto is not a very communal city. ´/LYLQJ LQ D FLW\ MXVW GRHVQ¡W JLYH PH WKH same homely feeling.â&#x20AC;?

Community building seems to be the hardest obstacle for incoming students.

Megan Pham-Quan, a second-year student who is part of the Innis College Student Society, faced the same chalOHQJH ´,W ZDV H[WUHPHO\ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW WR Ă&#x20AC;QG D FRPPXQLW\ IRU P\VHOI LQ Ă&#x20AC;UVW \HDU :KLOH U of T is brimming with opportunities, this environment can be overwhelming for an incoming student thrown into a new academic and social context.â&#x20AC;?

5DYLQGHU +DQV DQRWKHU Ă&#x20AC;UVW \HDU VWXGHQW OLYHG RII FDPSXV IRU WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW month of the fall semester and experiHQFHG WKLV VDPH GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW\ 6KH HQGHG up moving into a residence because it was much easier for her to meet people and build a community there. Megan, like Ravinder, also found a lot of support through her residence as a lot of emotional guidance and resources are offered through residences.

Sophie Shah, a second-year international student from Texas, dealt with her loneliness by connecting with family ZKRP VKH KDGQ¡W UHDOL]HG ZHUH LQ WKH area. As she had a huge family base in her hometown, building a relationship with her aunt and cousins in Toronto helped to comfort her through the

homesickness and isolation that she was experiencing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The fact that they were related made me feel secure.â&#x20AC;? )RU 'DQLD FRPIRUW DQG VXSSRUW FDPH from joining Han Voice UofT, a nonSURĂ&#x20AC;W WKDW VSUHDGV DZDUHQHVV DERXW the plight of human rights in North Korea and advocates for the rights of North Korean refugees. Joining WKH RUJDQL]DWLRQ DOORZHG KHU WR PHHW upper-year students who have helped her settle in and feel less lost in the vastness of the crowd.

On the other hand, Austin Smith, anRWKHU Ă&#x20AC;UVW \HDU VWXGHQW IRXQG LW HDVLHU to build a community by putting himself out there. He said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Toronto, in general, LVQ¡W VXSHU IULHQGO\ 8 RI 7 FDQ EH Âł EXW LW LV NLQG RI GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW 7U\ Ă&#x20AC;QGLQJ VRPHRQH you share a big common interest [with] and you can start to connect with them over that. Also, it never hurts to try and make them laugh.â&#x20AC;?

Eventually, all of them did manage to build their own communities, both in the city and at U of T. Sophie likes to YLVLW 6KRSSHUV 'UXJ 0DUW DW WKH (DWRQ Centre at random times. Joshua and his friends bonded over a shopping trip to Iqbal Halal Foods before going camping.

Ravinder loves Black Market Vintage on 4XHHQ 6WUHHW :HVW DV HYHU\WKLQJ LQ WKH VWRUH Ă&#x20AC;WV KHU DHVWKHWLF ZHOO 'DQLD DQG her friends have a local Chatime they DOZD\V Ă&#x20AC;QG WKHPVHOYHV DW By having their own spaces outside of the university, they feel more attached WR WKH LGHD RI 7RURQWR DV KRPH Âł HYHQ LI LW¡V RQO\ D WHPSRUDU\ RQH

43 Winter 2019 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

43

CONNECT PHOTOGRAPHER: SAMANTHA YAO

WRITER: ANN MARIE ELPA

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44

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Young and educated, but broke $FFRUGLQJ WR D SUHVV UHOHDVH IURP 6HHNLQJ$UUDQJHPHQW VWXGHQWV KDYH VLJQHG XS RQ WKH VLWH )LQDQFLDO UHZDUG LV D PDMRU LQFHQWLYH IRU VWXGHQWV WR MRLQ WKHVH ZHEVLWHV HVSHFLDOO\ JLYHQ WKH KHIW\ GHEWV PDQ\ VWXGHQWV FDUU\ ,Q IDFW 6HHNLQJ$UUDQJHPHQW·V ODWHVW SXEOLF UHODWLRQV FDPSDLJQ LV H[SOLFLWO\ GLUHFWHG DW VWXGHQWV ³ PDQ\ RI ZKRP PD\ EH EURNH DQG LQ VHDUFK RI ZHDOWK\ EHQHIDFWRUV WR SD\ IRU WXLWLRQ DQG OLYLQJ H[SHQVHV 6WXGHQWV ZKR VLJQ XS ZLWK D XQLYHUVLW\ HPDLO DGGUHVV DUH DXWRPDWLFDOO\ XSJUDGHG WR D SUHPLXP DFFRXQW ZKLFK ERDVWV IHDWXUHV VXFK DV XQOLPLWHG PHVVDJLQJ DQG VHDUFKLQJ HQWLFLQJ XVHUV IURP WKH ² GHPRJUDSKLF WR MRLQ :KLOH WKH ZKROH SXUSRVH RI WKH VLWH LV WR HQFRXUDJH UHODWLRQVKLSV ZLWK

younger women, the average age of a sugar baby on the site is 26.

The University of Toronto boasts the most registered users on the site in 2018, with a little over 800 connectHG SURĂ&#x20AC;OHV 5\HUVRQ 8QLYHUVLW\ IROORZV with 737 users, while the University of Ottawa had the most user growth, with 206 members registering an account in 2017. Though some users cite concerns over personal privacy and discretion, and some may not be fond of the idea of direct messages in their university inbox or explicitly naming their school, others worry about the issue of data security, especially after the data breach of Ashley Madison, a dating site for married people, in 2015.

Emma*, a third-year U of T student, spoke about her short-lived experience on SeekingArrangement, recalling the decisions that led to her ultimately signing up for an account.

Unlike the common goal of pursuing a long-term relationship, she used the VLWH DV D TXLFN Ă&#x20AC;[ DPLG SHUVRQDO VWUXJgles. ´/DVW \HDU , KDG EHHQ Ă&#x20AC;QDQFLDOO\ in strain. I had just gone through a breakup and needed to move out of P\ PRWKHU¡V KRXVH , QHHGHG Ă&#x20AC;QDQFHV to pay for this move and change in my life,â&#x20AC;? she explained. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I had only ever met up with two men, one [whom] I met twice. It took approximately a month or so to meet up with someone who I felt comfortable going with; someone who did not seem scary, overly kinky, and unattractive.â&#x20AC;?

Emma views discretion as a major factor concerning personal safety and protection from judgment and stigmatization. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Every girl on the site, from my experience, creates a new identity. For myself, the user name did not include any personal information of mine. I gave myself a new name and backstory. I had never gone into depth

or talked about myself, to keep privacy and myself safe,â&#x20AC;? she described.

According to an email from Brieanne Christian, a public relations representative for SeekingArrangement, the site recognizes that privacy is a key concern among users. â&#x20AC;&#x153;For privacy reasons, aliases are welcome to use RQ WKH VLWH DQG SURĂ&#x20AC;OH &RQWDFW LQIRUmation such as last name, phone number, social media usernames, email address, etc. are not allowed for use RQ WKH SURĂ&#x20AC;OH Âľ &KULVWLDQ ZURWH Christian also wrote that standard ÂśDWWUDFWLYH PHPEHU¡ DFFRXQW SURĂ&#x20AC;OHV must be completed in entirety for approval. This includes one approved public photo, which must show the XVHU¡V FDULFDWXUH )DFHOHVV SKRWRV are also permitted. Premium members can communicate without a photo, but DUH UHTXLUHG WR Ă&#x20AC;OO LQ FHUWDLQ VHFWLRQV including gender, age, ethnicity, body type, and biography.

7KHVH PDQGDWRU\ SURĂ&#x20AC;OH VHFWLRQV DUH to ensure that there are no scams or illegal activities conducted on the site. $V SDUW RI WKH VLWH¡V SXUSRVH RQOLQH RQly relationships and pay-per-meeting are not allowed to encourage real-life connections and arrangements.

Feeding the sugar Sugar daddies are no different when it comes to matters of discretion. A blog post on the site titled â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sugar Dating 'LVFUHWLRQÂľ FRYHUV WKH VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQFH RI discretion in a relationship. It cites key factors including stigma and personal commitments, such as marriage or another serious relationship outside of the arrangement.

The post also covers tips for keeping an arrangement secret, such as keeping a locked photo folder and creating a backstory in case anyone associated ZLWK HLWKHU SDUW\ Ă&#x20AC;QGV RXW VR WKH SDUties can â&#x20AC;&#x153;enjoy the best parts of being

45 Winter 2019 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

45

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Can students keep up?

(YHQ ZLWK WKH SURYLQFLDO JRYHUQPHQW·V UHFHQW WXLWLRQ FXW DQQRXQFHPHQW OLYLQJ FRVWV FRQWLQXH WR ULVH DQG RQH FDQ RQO\ ZRQGHU LI Ã&#x20AC;QDQFLDO SUHVVXUHV RQ VWXGHQWV ZLOO IXUWKHU LQFUHDVH VLWH WUDIÃ&#x20AC;F DQG UHJLVWUDWLRQ RQ 6HHNLQJ$UUDQJHPHQW 7KH VZHHSLQJ FKDQJHV WR WKH 2QWDULR 6WXGHQW $VVLVWDQFH 3URJUDP 26$3 LQFOXGLQJ WKH HOLPLQDWLRQ RI IUHH WXLWLRQ DQG QRQ QHHGV EDVHG JUDQWV DOVR PDNHV LW GLIÃ&#x20AC;FXOW IRU VWXGHQWV WR KDYH D VWDEOH Ã&#x20AC;QDQFLDO IRRWLQJ :KHQ DVNHG DERXW WKH IXWXUH RI 6HHNLQJ$UUDQJHPHQW LQ UHODWLRQ WR 26$3 FXWV &KULVWLDQ ZURWH WKDW ´WKH EXGJHW FXW DQQRXQFHPHQW ZLOO OLNHO\ VSLNH LQWHUHVW LQ VLJQXSV DV &DQDGD UDQNV IRXUWK IRU WKH PRVW H[SHQVLYH FRXQWU\ WR DWWHQG XQLYHUVLW\ µ 6XJDULQJ RIIHUV VLJQLÃ&#x20AC;FDQW Ã&#x20AC;QDQFLDO LQFHQWLYHV DV ZHOO DV RSSRUWXQLWLHV IRU PHDQLQJIXO SHUVRQDO FRQQHFWLRQV DQG VWXGHQWV PD\ FKRRVH WKLV OLIHVW\OH IRU DQ\ QXPEHU RI UHDVRQV +RZHYHU VXJDULQJ PD\ QRW EH VR VZHHW ZKHQ LW·V D ODVW UHVRUW IRU SD\LQJ WXLWLRQ 1DPH FKDQJHG DW WKH LQGLYLGXDO·V request.

46

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yclops, you asked my noble name, and I will tell it; but do \RX JLYH WKH VWUDQJHU¡V JLIW MXVW DV \RX promised. My name is Nobody. Nobody , DP FDOOHG E\ PRWKHU IDWKHU DQG E\ all my comrades.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Odysseus, The Odyssey $ IHZ ZHHNV DJR P\ SURIHVVRU ZKR shall remain nameless, sent a blast HPDLO VSRUWLQJ D IRUHERGLQJ VXEMHFW OLQH $FFRPSDQLHG E\ D FKHHUIXO SLQJ WKH QRWLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ UHDG ´',6&/2685( Âľ The email in question let the class know that instructors can view when and how much time you spend on Quercus. As P\ SURIHVVRU DSWO\ QRWHG LW ZDV ´D OLWWOH Big Brother-ish.â&#x20AC;? And so, in the interest RI IXOO GLVFORVXUH KH GHFLGHG WR OHW XV know, and reassured us that our particLSDWLRQ PDUNV ZRXOG QRW EH DIIHFWHG +H GLG SRLQW RXW WKRXJK WKDW LI ZH GLGQ¡W log into Quercus in a month, he would

start worrying that we were not doing our readings. $ IHZ ZHHNV ODWHU , UHDOL]HG WKDW this knowledge did not at all change how I interacted with Quercus. I still REVHVVLYHO\ UHIUHVKHG P\ FRXUVH SDJH WR VHH LI P\ PLGWHUP PDUN KDG Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ come out, and I still logged on at the ZHH KRXUV RI WKH PRUQLQJ WR FRPSOHWH WKH UHDGLQJV WKDW , VKRXOG KDYH Ă&#x20AC;QLVKHG HDUOLHU , GLG QRW IHHO OLNH WKH IDFW WKDW P\ SURIHVVRUV DQG 7$V FRXOG YLHZ D ORJ RI P\ DFWLYLW\ ZDV D ELJ GHDO 6KRXOG , ZRUU\ DERXW WKH DEVHQFH RI SULYDF\" 2I DQRQ\PLW\" /HW¡V EDFN XS D OLWWOH ELW In order to understand why some people revere anonymity, we need to understand what anonymity actually LV $IWHU DOO DQRQ\PLW\ KDV PDQ\ GLIIHUHQW PHDQLQJV DQG XVHV ,W FRXOG EH D GHVFULSWLRQ IRU D JHQHUDO JURXS OLNH

47

PHOTOGRAPHER: ANDY TAKAGI

:KDW GRHV LW PHDQ WR EH DQRQ\PRXV"

WRITER: ORI GILBOA

The power and possibility in facelessness

anonymous sources or authors. It could UHIHU WR SURSHUWLHV RI REMHFWV VXFK DV anonymous tips, message boards, or networks. It could even be an action; SKUDVHV OLNH œDQRQ\PRXV SRVWLQJ¡ DQG œLQFRJQLWR EURZVLQJ¡ DUH WKURZQ DURXQG all the time.

(YHQ WKRXJK WKH ZRUG œDQRQ\PRXV¡ PD\ LQYRNH D FHUWDLQ LPDJH RI D KDFNerman type, sporting a mask and a robe, anonymity is certainly not a new FRQFHSW 9ROWDLUH )UDQoRLV 0DULH $URXHW 0DU\ 6KHOOH\ 0DUN 7ZDLQ 6DPXHO &OHPHQV DQG HYHQ $OH[DQGHU +DPLOton all published under pseudonyms or anonymously. There must be some inWULQVLF YDOXH WR DQRQ\PLW\ IRU LW WR KDYH such an impact. œ$QRQ\PLW\¡ LV RIWHQ XVHG LQWHUFKDQJHDEO\ ZLWK œSULYDF\ ¡ DQG there is an undeniable connection there. It is, however, imperative to

distinguish between the two. Privacy is the ability to keep some things, well, private, regardless of their impact to society. For example, I close the door of the bathroom when I am showering, not because I am planning a massive art heist or a communist revolution, EXW EHFDXVH , GRQ¡W ZDQW WR H[SRVH WKH world to my off-key shower concerts.

Anonymity, however, is used when you want people to pay attention to ZKDW \RX GR ZKLOH KLGLQJ WKDW LW¡V \RX who is doing it. When Edward Snowden leaked the 41 explosive NSA Power3RLQW VOLGHV KH ZDQWHG WKH Ă&#x20AC;QGLQJV to be shouted from the rooftops â&#x20AC;&#x201D; his name, less so. In fact, he also used a pseudonym, leaking the documents under the name Verax, Latin for truth teller.

So why would so many people choose to embrace anonymity? Well,

Ă&#x20AC;UVW LW SURYLGHV D PHDVXUH RI VHFXULW\ Whistleblowers throughout history have used anonymity as a way to protect themselves, while allowing their messages to spread. Snowden is among the most famous (or infamous, depending on your view), but Mark Felt, also known as Deep Throat, was crucial to revealing the details of the Watergate controversy. Obviously whistleblowers have good reason to maintain anonymity, since the information they want to reveal is often in direct contradiction to the JRYHUQPHQW¡V ZLVKHV $QRQ\PLW\ FDQ encourage and protect whistleblowers when they come forward, and the information gained is invaluable.

Revolutionaries often hide their names as well. Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky, arguably some of the twentiHWK FHQWXU\¡V PRVW VXEYHUVLYH WKLQNHUV both sported pseudonyms: their real

48

names are Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov and Lev Davidovich Bronstein, respectively. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Common Sense,â&#x20AC;? a pamphlet published in 1776, which encouraged Americans to revolt against British tyranny, was penned â&#x20AC;&#x153;by an Englishman.â&#x20AC;?

We now, of course, know that the writer was Thomas Paine.

During the Arab Spring, and now in Iran and China, political activists continue to speak out against human rights abuses without fearing for their lives thanks to anonymous, encrypted communication.

Introducing radical new ideas to the public can be dangerous business, but LW LV YLWDO WR D WKULYLQJ IUHH VRFLHW\ ,W¡V also worth remembering that well-run democracies hinge on the ability to have anonymous ballots. Thus, anonymity can serve an invaluable social function.

Anonymity is not only important in groundbreaking events. In the mediFDO Ã&#x20AC;HOG DQRQ\PLW\ FDQ EH FUXFLDO IRU getting people to accept the help they QHHG $ SURPLVH RI DQRQ\PLW\ ZKHQ VHHNLQJ WHVWV IRU VH[XDOO\ WUDQVPLWWHG LQIHFWLRQV PHQWDO KHDOWK DVVLVWDQFH RU DGGLFWLRQ FRXQVHOOLQJ FDQ EH WKH GLIIHUHQFH EHWZHHQ OLIH DQG GHDWK 2QOLQH DQRQ\PLW\ LV DQ RIWHQ VRXJKW ERRQ 2Q EORJV PHVVDJH ERDUGV DQG VRFLDO PHGLD SHRSOH VWUDGGOH WKH OLQH EHWZHHQ FRPSOHWH IUDQNQHVV DQG DEVROXWH SULYDF\ <RX FDQ Ã&#x20AC;QG QR VKRUWDJH RI ZHLUG FRQIHVVLRQV DQG IULQJH FRPPXQLWLHV ZKRVH PHPEHUV UHYHDO QR LGHQWLÃ&#x20AC;DEOH GHWDLOV 2K VXUH \RX FDQ UHDG DOO DERXW RSUDKBZLQGBIXU\·V UHODWLRQVKLS ZLWK WKHLU HVWUDQJHG VLVWHU EXW LW·V XQOLNHO\ WKDW WKH\ ZLOO GLVFORVH WKHLU FRXQWU\ JHQGHU RU QDPH 7KLV FDQ EH D ZHLUGO\ IUHHLQJ H[SHULHQFH DV SHRSOH Ã&#x20AC;QG FRPPXQLWLHV DOO DURXQG WKH ZRUOG ZLWKRXW IHDU RI UHSHUFXVVLRQV LQ WKHLU HYHU\GD\ OLIH )RU LQVWDQFH WHFKQRORJ\ KDV RIWHQ EHHQ GXEEHG WKH /*%74 FRPPXQLW\·V ¶XQVXQJ KHUR· IRU LWV DELOLW\ WR FRQQHFW SHRSOH ZKR ZRXOG RWKHUZLVH EH RVWUDFL]HG E\ WKHLU SK\VLFDO FRPPXQLW\ 7KH PDLQ EHQHÃ&#x20AC;WV RI DQRQ\PLW\ WKHQ DUH WKH SURWHFWLRQ RI SULYDF\ DQG HQKDQFHPHQWV IRU OLEHUW\ DQG DXWRQRP\ ZKLFK IXUWKHUV WKH H[LVWHQFH RI D IUHH GHPRcratic society and provides alternative communities.

49

7KLQJ LV WKRXJK DQRQ\PLW\ KDV JRWten a bad rep lately.

7KHUH LV D VHHPLQJO\ QHYHU HQGLQJ VOHZ RI WKUHDWV VHQW WR FHOHEULWLHV DQG SROLWLFLDQV DOLNH RQ 7ZLWWHU 7UROOV LQÃ&#x20AC;OWUDWH FRPPXQLWLHV DQG VRZ GLVFRUG ZLWK WKHLU PHVVDJHV VRPH RI ZKLFK LV EODWDQWO\ SDLG IRU E\ IRUHLJQ JRYHUQPHQWV 'R[[LQJ RU WKH UHOHDVH RI SHUVRQDO LQIRUPDWLRQ WR WKH SXEOLF KDV EHHQ XQGHUtaken by hacktivists to target individuals IURP WKH .X .OX[ .ODQ WR DERUWLRQ SURYLGHUV ODZ HQIRUFHPHQW DQG HYHQ WKH PLVWDNHQO\ LGHQWLÃ&#x20AC;HG %RVWRQ ERPEHU Social psychologists have described SKHQRPHQD UHODWHG WR WKH HIIHFWV RI DQRQ\PLW\ ZLWKLQ JURXS VHWWLQJV LQFOXGLQJ JURXS SRODUL]DWLRQ E\VWDQGHU DSDWK\ DQG VRFLDO ORDÃ&#x20AC;QJ 7KHUH LV QR EHWWHU SODFH WR VHH WKH GHWULPHQWDO HIIHFWV RI online anonymity than 4chan.

4chan is an image-based message SODWIRUP FRQVLVWLQJ RI YDULRXV ERDUGV UDQJLQJ IURP RQHV IRFXVHG RQ YLGHR JDPHV Y WR WKH SDUDQRUPDO [

WR WKH LQIDPRXV ´SROLWLFDOO\ LQFRUUHFWµ SRO 7KHVH DUH WKH SHRSOH UHVSRQVLEOH IRU LQQRFHQW LQWHUQHW WUHQGV VXFK DV ULFNUROOLQJ DQG /2/FDWV DV ZHOO DV WKH PXOWLSOH VXLFLGH DWWHPSWV RI DQ \HDU ROG JLUO DQG FRXQWOHVV IDNH ERPE WKUHDWV ,W KDV EHHQ SHUKDSV QRW XQMXVWO\ GHVFULEHG DV ´WKH :LOG :HVW RI WKH LQWHUQHW µ ´OXQDWLF MXYHQLOH« EULOOLDQW ULGLFXORXV DQG DODUPLQJµ DQG ´D SHUSHWXDOO\ DQJU\ IURWKLQJ PRE µ 7KLV

site, which boasts close to 28 million monthly users, has occupied the spotlight in debates over online anonymity.

What makes 4chan different from other social media sites is the virtually perfect anonymity it offers. Users do not need to create an account or pick out a username. Instead, they engage in sometimes innocent (and sometimes not) conversation under a sweeping Âś$QRQ\PRXV¡ QDPHSODWH $V RSSRVHG to traditional social media, there are QR SHUPDQHQW SURĂ&#x20AC;OHV WR UHFRUG XVHU activity â&#x20AC;&#x201D; every new post and every new comment stands on its own. This removes any semblance of systemic or social accountability that may exist on other sites, since even the reputation tied to a pseudonym is gone. It also means that you cannot directly establish a relationship with anyone, since WKHUH DUH QR SHUPDQHQW LGHQWLĂ&#x20AC;HUV RI different users. Thus, 4chan is a decentralized echo chamber, a free marketplace of ideas.

4chan, then, considers personal identity meaningless but collective identity sacred. This is an invitation to create extremely toxic communities over time. The site is a known breeding ground for white supremacists, incels, and literal Nazis.

Look, 4chan is not inherently evil.

What it is, though, is a perfect petri-dish example of the hazardous side effects of anonymity online. Perfect anonymity comes with no accountability, but reO\LQJ RQ SHRSOH¡V FRQVFLHQFH WR JXLGH their actions in place of tangible repercussions can be problematic, to say the least.

Now, the anonymity I described so far LV DOO GRQH ZLWK WKH DQRQ\PRXV SDUW\¡V explicit consent. Using a pseudonym as an author or whistleblower, when seeking medical help, or turning to complete anonymity online are all undertaken directly by the individual. In some instances, however, you may have anonymity thrust upon you unwittingly.

In small communities, anonymity is frankly impossible â&#x20AC;&#x201D; everyone knows your name, face, and habits. It is only in large, urban sprawls that you can feel

like you are nobody, like just another face in the crowd. In 1903, German philosopher Georg Simmel remarked that â&#x20AC;&#x153;one nowhere feels as lonely and lost as in the metropolitan crowd.â&#x20AC;? Given that half of the world lives in an urban setting, this loneliness is a growing epidemic.

Students are particularly vulnerDEOH $ VWXG\ FRQGXFWHG ZLWK PRUH than 20,000 urban subjects found that ² \HDU ROGV WKDW¡V XV IRONV DUH the loneliest generation. This sort of detachment is uncomfortably familiar at U of T â&#x20AC;&#x201D; many students lament how their Ă&#x20AC;UVW \HDU FRXUVHV DUH DV ELJ DV WKHLU KLJK VFKRROV RU KRZ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW LW LV WR Ă&#x20AC;QG a common space as a commuter.

This, infused with internet anonymity, where plenty of students spend hours scrolling through and drowning in social media, can be greatly detrimental.

Feeling anonymous in a crowd, online or otherwise, can make you feel hopeless, scared, or just plain sad.

This loneliness is also a major health problem. It shortens our lives, weakens our immune system, and makes us more susceptible to mental illness.

Maybe taking a closer look at feelings RI ORQHOLQHVV DQG DQRQ\PLW\ LQ 8 RI 7¡V FRPPXQLW\ FDQ EH D JRRG Ă&#x20AC;UVW VWHS where at least 70 per cent of students report feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or very sad. )URP 2G\VVHXV¡ FOHYHU UXVH WR WKH latest post on 4chan, anonymity has always been a constant companion â&#x20AC;&#x201D; DQG LW¡V QRW JRLQJ DZD\ DQ\WLPH VRRQ It is a double-edged sword, but one that can be honed if we are attentive, reĂ HFWLYH DQG PLQGIXO RI LW 6R QR GRQ¡W freak out about your anonymity being stripped away by Quercus, but do if the government ever asks you to put your name on a ballot. If you need to vent anonymously once a month to U of T Confessions, then indulge, but if you start feeling overwhelmed by just how isolating everything is, take a moment WR LQWURVSHFW $QRQ\PLW\ LV D WRRO OLNH DQ\ RWKHU DQG LW¡V XS WR XV WR GHWHUPLQH what it will do.

50

s residents of the most populated city LQ &DQDGD ZH·UH UDUHO\ DORQH ZKHQ we go outside, or even at home â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the cost RI OLYLQJ LV VR KLJK WKDW LW·V D WUXH OX[XU\ IRU anyone to live alone. But how well do we know the people in our community? How often do you strike up a conversation with \RXU QHLJKERXU RU HYHQ WKH NLG VLWWLQJ QH[W to you in class?

7KHVH ZHUH VRPH RI WKH Ã&#x20AC;UVW WKLQJV , QRWLFHG ZKHQ , PRYHG WR 7RURQWR IURP :LQQLSHJ :LWK D SRSXODWLRQ RI RYHU :LQQLSHJ FDQ LQ QR ZD\ EH FRQVLGHUHG D VPDOO WRZQ EXW LW GRHVQ·W KROG D FDQGOH WR the size of Toronto. And given the sheer VL]H DQG VSUDZO RI :LQQLSHJ UHODWLYH WR LWV SRSXODWLRQ UHVLGHQWV WHQG WR Ã&#x20AC;QG WKHPVHOYHV SK\VLFDOO\ DORQH TXLWH RIWHQ , IRU RQH QHYHU KDG WURXEOH Ã&#x20AC;QGLQJ DQ HPSW\ park or even a pleasant, bump-free walk on a downtown pathway. But rarely do \RX UHDOO\ IHHO DORQH 6R IURP ZKHUH ,·P VWDQGLQJ :LQQLSHJ LV SUHWW\ GDPQ VPDOO LQ comparison.

7KHUH·V D FKDVPLF GLIIHUHQFH EHWZHHQ being physically alone in a space and feeling alone â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that gut emptiness of feeling entirely unknown by the world around you. %DFN LQ :LQQLSHJ LI \RX GLG KDSSHQ WR stroll past someone on the sidewalk, or see someone walking their dog in the park, you would surely strike up a conversation â&#x20AC;&#x201D; even if you had never met the person EHIRUH ,W ZDV DOVR TXLWH GLIÃ&#x20AC;FXOW WR JR DQ\where without bumping into someone you knew, or someone who knew someone \RX NQHZ ,W ZDV SUDFWLFDOO\ LPSRVVLEOH WR JR DQ\ZKHUH LQ :LQQLSHJ ZKHUH \RX GLGQ·W HQJDJH LQ VRPH W\SH RI VPDOO WDON

with someone, and this made me feel as WKRXJK , ZDV UHDOO\ D SDUW RI WKH FRPPXQLty, that we lived up to our name as friendly Manitobans. :KLOH WKH FRPPXQLW\ ZDV PXFK VPDOOHU the ties that bound its members together ZHUH PXFK VWURQJHU ,Q WKDW ZD\ LW ZDV much harder to feel isolated, even though, LQ DFWXDOLW\ :LQQLSHJ LV D FRPSOHWHO\ LVRODWHG FLW\ 7KHUH·V SUDFWLFDOO\ QRWKLQJ EHVLGH :LQQLSHJ WKH QHDUHVW ELJ FLWLHV DUH Calgary to the west and Toronto to the east. Many skeptics would further argue WKDW WKHUH·V QRWKLQJ LQ :LQQLSHJ HLWKHU %XW , GLJUHVV %DFN KRPH , ZRXOG QHYHU EH worried if my car broke down in the middle RI WKH ELWWHUO\ FROG ZLQWHU EHFDXVH , NQHZ that there would be a kind stranger who would pull over to help me out or offer to buy me a warm cup of coffee in the meanWLPH $QG , ZRXOG GR WKH VDPH IRU WKHP :RXOG WKDW KDSSHQ LQ 7RURQWR" , KRSH VR EXW ,·P QRW VR VXUH :KHQ , Ã&#x20AC;UVW PRYHG WR 7RURQWR , ZDV overwhelmed by the sheer amount of SHRSOH %XW DW WKH VDPH WLPH , KDG QHYHU IHOW VR LVRODWHG 3HRSOH GRQ·W VWRS WR chat at streetcar stops, and they barely ORRN HDFK RWKHU LQ WKH H\H ,I VRPHRQH bumps into you on the street, which always seems to happen, they never look RYHU WKHLU VKRXOGHU WR VD\ ´H[FXVH PHµ RU ´VRUU\ µ ZKLFK ZDV JHQXLQHO\ VWULNLQJ WR PH ,W DSSHDUHG DV WKRXJK HYHU\RQH ZDV living in their own isolated bubble, completely disconnected from one another in D FURZG RI DOPRVW WKUHH PLOOLRQ SHRSOH , felt absolutely anonymous. Going out into a world where no one knew you and no

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PHOTOGRAPHER: PATRICK

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WRITER: YASAMAN MOHHADES

Faces in the crowd

one seemed to care about you was initially very unsettling.

1RZ WKLV LVQ·W WR VD\ WKDW , KDWH OLYLQJ LQ metropolitan cities. Being unknown helped me develop a stronger sense of indepenGHQFH DQG UHVLOLHQFH , OHDUQHG WKDW , FDQ·W always rely on friendly strangers to help me out, and thus needed to learn how to help myself.

For some people, this bubble of anoQ\PLW\ LVQ·W GDXQWLQJ DW DOO ³ LQVWHDG LW·V ZKDW GUDZV WKHP WR WKH FLW\ ,W·V WUXH WKDW LQ :LQQLSHJ \RXU UHSXWDWLRQ ZRXOG RIWHQ SUHcede you, and it was rather hard to change SHUFHSWLRQV RI \RX RQFH SHRSOH·V PLQGV had been made. My friends back home often ask me, with a certain degree of envy, ZKDW LW·V OLNH WR JR RXW DQG QRW UXQ LQWR DQ\RQH \RX NQRZ RU ZKDW LW·V OLNH WR SUHWHQG to be anyone you want without someone FDOOLQJ \RXU EOXII ,Q 7RURQWR \RX FDQ EH anyone you want, and no one would be the wiser of who you were yesterday. , ZRXOG ZDUQ \RX WKDW WKLV PD\ VRXQG a lot nicer than it actually is. The ability to make strong connections with a smaller group of people is so much more rewarding than getting lost in the crowd. But you can only have these kinds of realizations after living in the city and understanding what it means to simply be another face among millions. And among those millions, you can eke out a little space for yourself â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a micro-community, where everybody knows your name. But who knows? For you, anonymity might be the best thing WKDW·V HYHU KDSSHQHG 7KH RQO\ ZD\ WR know is to pack up your bags â&#x20AC;&#x201D; at least once â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and try something else.

51 Winter 2019 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

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PHOTOGRAPHER: ANDY TAKAGI

CURATORS: DINA DONG & ANDY TAKAGI

FEATURE

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FEAT ATUR AT U E PHOTOGRAPHER: SHANNA HUNTER

WRITER: IBNUL CHOWDHURY

J

No credit, please Anonymity in student journalism: navigating public interest and public trust

ournalism is a public practice: it requires serving the public interest and in turn earning public trust. But what happens when a story that is of public interest requires a level of privacy that seems to undermine credibility and public trust? That is the ethical dilemma of anonymity that journalists face.

As student journalists, it is no less LPSRUWDQW IRU XV WR UHĂ HFW RQ WKH decision-making procedures that go into the use of anonymity. Despite

all the costs and risks, anonymity ty y is sometimes worth it.

The straight story Aversion to anonymity in a public practice cce e like journalism is understandable, but arguably ahistorical. The most famously cited example of such reporting is that of Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward.

In 1972, the Washington Post reporters covered the Watergate scandal, which led to the downfall of the Nixon presidency. The catch is that they relied

56

on anonymous sources to break the story.

It is important to clarify that anonymous VRXUFHV PHDQ FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQWLDO XQQDPHG RU EDFNJURXQG VRXUFHV 7KHLU LGHQWLWLHV DUH NQRZQ E\ WKH UHSRUWHU EXW WKH LQIRUPDWLRQ WKH\ SURYLGH LV QRW XOWLPDWHO\ DWWULEXWHG WR WKHP 5HYHDOLQJ D JLYHQ VRXUFH¡V LGHQWLW\ FDQ OHDG WR UHWULEXWLRQ IRU ERWK VRXUFH DQG UHSRUWHU ZKHWKHU LQ WKHLU SK\VLFDO safety or employment prospects. :LWKRXW VRXUFH DQRQ\PLW\ VRPH VWRULHV PD\ RWKHUZLVH QHYHU EH WROG But public trust is always at stake.

5HDGHUV KDYH UHDVRQ WR EH VNHSWLFDO LI D FODLP LV QRW DWWULEXWHG WR DQ\ QDPHG SHUVRQ LW LV GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW WR NQRZ LI WKH\ DUH WHOOLQJ WKH WUXWK DQG KRZ WR KROG WKHP DFFRXQWDEOH 7KH SXEOLF PD\ HVSHFLDOO\ VFUXWLQL]H RUJDQL]DWLRQV WKDW GR QRW KDYH D ORQJ HVWDEOLVKHG UHSXWDWLRQ RU UHFRUG WKDW MXVWLĂ&#x20AC;HV WUXVW LQ DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV ZKLFK PD\ EH SDUWLFXODUO\ WUXH for campus newspapers. It is therefore LQFXPEHQW RQ MRXUQDOLVWV WR XVH DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV FDXWLRXVO\ DQG VSDULQJO\ DQG WR IROORZ VWULFW JXLGHOLQHV ZKHQ GRLQJ VR

Double obligation 2UJDQL]DWLRQV OLNH WKH &DQDGLDQ Association of Journalists (CAJ) or the Society of Professional Journalists HODERUDWH RQ ZKHQ MRXUQDOLVWV VKRXOG GHFLGH WR XVH DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV $FFRUGLQJ WR WKH &$-¡V (WKLFV *XLGHOLQHV LI WKHUH LV D KLJK SXEOLF interest in what the source has to say DQG WKHUH LV QR DOWHUQDWLYH DFFHVV WR WKDW LQIRUPDWLRQ WKHQ WKH MRXUQDOLVW KDV reason to use such sources. %XW MRXUQDOLVWV FDQ QRQHWKHOHVV WDNH VWHSV WR LQFUHDVH FUHGLELOLW\ DQG ensure that what they are gathering is LQGHHG WUXH )RU H[DPSOH WKH\ PLJKW JDLQ WKH SHUPLVVLRQ RI D VHQLRU HGLWRU DQG HQVXUH WKDW WKH\ DUH DZDUH RI WKH LGHQWLW\ DQG PDWHULDO RI WKH VRXUFH 7KH VRXUFH VKRXOG EH FDUHIXOO\ YHWWHG IRU WKHLU UHOLDELOLW\ DQG UHDVRQV IRU FRPLQJ IRUZDUG 7KHUH VKRXOG EH QR PDOLFLRXV PRWLYH XQGHUO\LQJ WKH LQIRUPDWLRQ WKH\ SURYLGH )RU LQVWDQFH DV WKH &$- QRWHV WKH\ VKRXOG QRW ´WDNH FKHDS VKRWV DW LQGLYLGXDOV or organizations.â&#x20AC;? Given the lack RI DFFRXQWDELOLW\ DQRQ\PLW\ FRXOG

perhaps give the source licence to PDNH H[DJJHUDWHG RSLQLRQDWHG RU speculative assessments. :KHQ GHVFULELQJ WKH VRXUFH LQ WKHLU UHSRUWLQJ WKH MRXUQDOLVW VKRXOG HQVXUH WKDW WKH\ FRQWH[WXDOL]H WKH person in question as transparently DV SRVVLEOH ZLWKRXW H[SRVLQJ WKHLU LGHQWLW\ DOWRJHWKHU ,I WKH MRXUQDOLVW IDLOV WR SURWHFW WKHLU VRXUFH WKH\ ULVN GDPDJLQJ WKH UHSXWDWLRQ RI WKH HQWLUH SXEOLFDWLRQ DQG DQ\ IXWXUH SURVSHFWV RI DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV FRPLQJ IRUZDUG As The Varsity¡V &RGH RI -RXUQDOLVWLF (WKLFV FOHDUO\ VWDWHV ´-RXUQDOLVWV must protect the anonymity of sources to whom they have given such DVVXUDQFHV ¾ 8OWLPDWHO\ MRXUQDOLVWV DUH REOLJDWHG WR WKH WUXVW RI ERWK WKH UHDGHUVKLS DQG WKHLU VRXUFH

Due diligence The Varsity¡V 1HZV (GLWRU -RVLH .DR H[SODLQHG WKH FXVWRPDU\ SURFHVV WKDW WKH 1HZV WHDP XQGHUJRHV LQ VXFK scenarios. $FFRUGLQJ WR .DR DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV DUH XVHG DV OLWWOH DV SRVVLEOH DQG DQRQ\PLW\ LV JUDQWHG ´RQ D FDVH E\ FDVH EDVLV Âľ (GLWRU LQ &KLHI -DFN 'HQWRQ HODERUDWHG WKDW IHDU IRU VDIHW\ VHFXULW\ DQG UHSXWDWLRQ DUH JRRG UHDVRQV IRU JUDQWLQJ LW 2WKHU VWXGHQW UXQ FDPSXV SDSHUV DOVR FLWH MXVWLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQV OLNH WKH SURVSHFW RI PHQWDO SK\VLFDO VH[XDO RU Ă&#x20AC;QDQFLDO harm. .DR JLYHV WKH H[DPSOH RI KHU 6HSWHPEHU VWRU\ RQ 7HVW DQG ([DP Services invigilators who spoke out DJDLQVW WUDLQLQJ VHVVLRQV WKDW LQFOXGHG GLVFULPLQDWRU\ FRQWHQW DERXW VWXGHQWV ZLWK GLVDELOLWLHV $OWKRXJK DQ LQLWLDO LQYLJLODWRU KDG DOUHDG\ EHHQ SXEOLF DERXW WKH LVVXH RQ VRFLDO PHGLD DQG VSRNH RQ WKH UHFRUG IRU .DR¡V VWRU\ VKH FRQQHFWHG .DR WR FR ZRUNHUV ZKR ZHUH ZLOOLQJ WR FRUURERUDWH +RZHYHU WKH\ RQO\ DJUHHG WR SURFHHG LI JXDUDQWHHG DQRQ\PLW\ JLYHQ WKHLU IHDU RI ORVLQJ WKHLU MREV ´)RU DQ\ DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFH WKH VHFWLRQ HGLWRU DQG WKH HGLWRU LQ chief have to know about their entire EDFNJURXQG Âľ .DR VWUHVVHG ´:H GRQ¡W SXEOLVK ZLWKRXW GRLQJ RXU GXH GLOLJHQFH Âľ 7KLV LQWURGXFHV SDUWLFXODU FKDOOHQJHV

57

WR WKH ZULWLQJ SURFHVV ´)RU DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV ZH XVXDOO\ FRQĂ&#x20AC;UP ZLWK WKHP DERXW KRZ WKH\ ZDQW WR EH GHVFULEHG )RU WKH LQYLJLODWRUV¡ VWRU\ WKLV ZDV DOUHDG\ YHU\ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW EHFDXVH WKH\ DUH D VPDOO JURXS RI SHRSOH DQG DQ\ LQIRUPDWLRQ FDQ EH HDVLO\ LGHQWLĂ&#x20AC;DEOH Âľ VKH H[SODLQHG ´:H GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWHO\ VSHQW D ORW RI WLPH ZRUNLQJ ZLWK WKHP JHWWLQJ WKHLU FRQVHQW DERXW WKHLU GHVFULSWLRQÂŤ it took much longer than the regular one-week cycle.â&#x20AC;? .DR DGPLWWHG WKDW ´PD\EH WKHUH¡V a better way to be transparent about WKH HGLWLQJ SURFHVVÂľ WR HQVXUH UHDGHUV are aware of the intense process EHKLQG WKH GHFLVLRQ $W WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ RI 2WWDZD )HDWXUHV (GLWRU RI VWXGHQW paper The Fulcrum Matt Gergyek is currently using anonymous sources to FRYHU D VWRU\ RQ VWXGHQW LQYROYHPHQW LQ VXJDU GDWLQJ IRU LQFRPH *HUJ\HN VXJJHVWHG DWWDFKLQJ WKH SDSHU¡V SROLF\ RQ DQRQ\PLW\ DORQJVLGH DQ H[SODQDWLRQ DERXW KRZ VRXUFHV ZHUH YHWWHG DQG ZK\ LGHQWLWLHV DUH EHLQJ FRQFHDOHG WR the article in question to preemptively DGGUHVV LVVXHV RI SXEOLF WUXVW 3URFHGXUHV DW RWKHU FDPSXV newspapers vary. At the University of &DOJDU\ VWXGHQW SDSHU The Gauntlet follows a similar process to The Varsity LQ WKDW WKH HGLWRU LQ FKLHI QHZV HGLWRU DQG UHSRUWHU LQ TXHVWLRQ PXVW EH IXOO\ DZDUH RI WKH EDFNJURXQG RI WKH VRXUFH At The McGill Daily RQH RI 0F*LOO 8QLYHUVLW\¡V VWXGHQW SDSHUV &RRUGLQDWLQJ (GLWRU /\GLD %KDWWDFKDU\D LQGLFDWHG WKDW DQ HGLWRU XVLQJ anonymous sources has to consult ZLWK PDQDJHPHQW WR YHULI\ FUHGLELOLW\ Âł FRQWDFW LV PDGH ZLWK WKH VRXUFH Âł DQG HQVXUH DQRQ\PLW\ LV PDLQWDLQHG The Fulcrum¡V (GLWRU LQ &KLHI $QFKDO 6KDUPD GRHVQ¡W EHOLHYH WKDW XVLQJ DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFHV XQGHUPLQHV WKH FUHGLELOLW\ RI DQ DUWLFOH HVSHFLDOO\ when multiple sources corroborate the claims.

At The Ubyssey WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ RI %ULWLVK &ROXPELD¡V PDLQ VWXGHQW SDSHU WKH SURFHVV LV VRPHZKDW PRUH ULJRURXV &RRUGLQDWLQJ (GLWRU 6DP 0F&DEH H[SODLQHG WKDW LI D UHSRUWHU ZLVKHV WR XVH DQ DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFH LW PXVW EH DSSURYHG E\ WKH VHFWLRQ HGLWRU IROORZHG E\ WKH FRRUGLQDWLQJ HGLWRU

and ultimately two-thirds of the entire editorial team.

Given that anonymity undermines credibility, McCabe explained, this lengthy process â&#x20AC;&#x153;forces writers and editors to really consider why they may or may not grant certain requests.â&#x20AC;?

Furthermore, The Ubyssey always seeks on-the-record and background sources to verify claims made by anonymous sources for due diligence.

For some smaller papers here at U of T, anonymous sources are not allowed.

The Mike¡V (GLWRU LQ &KLHI $DURQ Panciera explained that this is due to a lack of experience with anonymous sourcing, resources required to vet anonymous sources, and reputation to legitimize their use.

7HOOLQJ D VWRU\ WKDW GRHVQ¡W SRLQW Ă&#x20AC;QJHUV While the credibility of anonymous sources is particularly important for hard news, there is a distinction to be drawn for other forms of writing.

7KH UHVSHFWLYH (GLWRUV LQ &KLHI IRU 5\HUVRQ 8QLYHUVLW\¡V Eyeopener DQG :HVWHUQ 8QLYHUVLW\¡V Western Gazette, Jacob DubÊ and Michael &RQOH\ ERWK DJUHH WKDW D VRXUFH¡V personal experience or feelings about an issue do not pose as much of a liability as, for instance, allegations against an individual or organization.

In this regard, narrative-style feature UHSRUWLQJ LV XVXDOO\ PRUH Ă H[LEOH WKDQ hard news: it tells a story that does QRW SRLQW Ă&#x20AC;QJHUV EXW SURYLGHV YRLFH WR vulnerability.

For instance, with the backdrop of the #MeToo movement, former Varsity &RPPHQW (GLWRU 7HRGRUD 3DVFD KDV written a series of pieces on ordinary SHRSOH¡V H[SHULHQFHV RI RQOLQH VH[XDO harassment.

The guarantee of anonymity â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in the form of a pseudonym â&#x20AC;&#x201D; was crucial to bringing forward respondents when she sent out requests, especially in big U of T Facebook groups. ´:KHQ \RX¡UH GHDOLQJ ZLWK PRPHQWV of vulnerability and uncomfortable sexual experiences, a lot of people ZRQ¡W ZDQW WR VKDUH WKHP HVSHFLDOO\ LI \RX¡UH SULQWLQJ WKHP $ *RRJOH VHDUFK can be uncomfortable since the

narrative gets associated with their name,â&#x20AC;? said Pasca.

3DVFD¡V LQWHUYLHZV DVNHG RSHQ ended questions that enabled respondents to speak openly and â&#x20AC;&#x153;tell WKHLU VWRU\ IURP VWDUW WR Ă&#x20AC;QLVK Âľ â&#x20AC;&#x153;They rarely get an opportunity to explain everything that has happened,â&#x20AC;? said Pasca, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and then have that narrative be incorporated with other >SHRSOH¡V@ Âľ 3DVFD DOVR PDGH VXUH WR share transcripts with respondents to ensure that they were pleased with the product, even though anonymity was already guaranteed. Transcripts were also made available for readers to â&#x20AC;&#x153;hearâ&#x20AC;? the full story. $V D MRXUQDOLVW 3DVFD KDG WR approach with care, because â&#x20AC;&#x153;people were sharing things with me that they GLGQ¡W VKDUH ZLWK D ORW RI SHRSOH LQ WKHLU OLYHV Âł WKHUH¡V DQ HOHPHQW RI WUXVW Âľ Given that the material was â&#x20AC;&#x153;heavy, disappointing, and infuriatingâ&#x20AC;Ś you GRQ¡W ZDQW WR KDYH SHRSOH VKDUH something with you and then not relay it properly or do anything at all.â&#x20AC;?

Clearly, the responsibility of the MRXUQDOLVW JRHV EH\RQG MXVW VKDULQJ something of public interest â&#x20AC;&#x201D; like harassment â&#x20AC;&#x201D; while also respecting the privacy of the source. In some cases, public interest is secondary, and the goal is instead to have the story and the person who lived the story be recognized. When asked if her intent was to spark a conversation about sexual violence, Pasca explained WKDW LQVWHDG ´LW¡V DERXW OLVWHQLQJ , ZDQW SHRSOH WR OLVWHQ WR RWKHU SHRSOH¡V experiences, and acknowledge that it happened.â&#x20AC;?

While a news reporting perspective on sexual harassment often involves an accusation, which requires getting comment from the accused, corroboration, and using words like â&#x20AC;&#x153;alleged,â&#x20AC;? the feature format allowed Pasca to focus on one side of the story that was â&#x20AC;&#x153;cathartic and meaningful for people to read.â&#x20AC;? In this sense, DQRQ\PLW\ GLGQ¡W XQGHUPLQH FUHGLELOLW\ VLQFH LW¡V QRW SULPDULO\ DERXW ZKHWKHU RU not you believe a source experienced DQ LQFLGHQW ,W¡V VLPSO\ DERXW HQVXULQJ that their story is heard. $ VLPLODUO\ VHQVLWLYH LVVXH LV \RXWK

58

homelessness in Toronto, which IRUPHU 3KRWR (GLWRU 6WHYHQ /HH DQG DQG FXUUHQW 'HSXW\ 1HZV (GLWRU ,O\D %DxDUHV ZURWH DERXW LQ ODVW \HDU¡V winter magazine. They wrote this story to address education systems that GRQ¡W DGHTXDWHO\ VXSSRUW WKHLU VWXGHQWV They are â&#x20AC;&#x153;ignored if unsuccessful, UHYHUHG LI VXFFHVVIXO Âľ QRWHG /HH /HH IRXQG WKDW LW ZDV LPSHUDWLYH to protect the identity of the youth who were interviewed, given the stigma of â&#x20AC;&#x153;uselessness, laziness, >DQG@ GHVSHUDWLRQÂľ DVVRFLDWHG ZLWK homelessness that could further expose them to bullying and GLVFULPLQDWLRQ $FFRUGLQJ WR /HH PDQ\ of them â&#x20AC;&#x153;have worked really hard to distance themselves from said stigma in certain company,â&#x20AC;? including friends and teachers, â&#x20AC;&#x153;to retain a semblance of normalcy in their life.â&#x20AC;? Hence, they were asked how they wanted to be described in the piece and given untraceable monikers.

Whether in the cases of Pasca or /HH WKH VW\OH IRU IHDWXUH ZULWLQJ GLG not require a rigorous vetting process for the sources because they were not making accusations that heightened OLDELOLW\ 7KH\ ZHUH MXVW WHOOLQJ WKHLU stories. Given the sensitivity of these VXEMHFWV WKH SRVLWLRQ RI WKH MRXUQDOLVW and the personal stake they have in the VXEMHFW DOVR PDWWHUV For instance, Pasca is a woman, and as such acknowledged that this likely had something to do with sources â&#x20AC;&#x201D; mostly also women â&#x20AC;&#x201D; being willing to VSHDN WR KHU 6KH ZDV DOVR LQYHVWHG LQ WKH VXEMHFW JLYHQ KHU RZQ H[SHULHQFHV RI KDUDVVPHQW /LNHZLVH /HH¡V RZQ experience of homelessness informed his interest in and ability to access homeless youth sources.

Authorless %XW DQRQ\PRXV VRXUFLQJ LVQ¡W WKH RQO\ IRUP RI DQRQ\PLW\ LQ MRXUQDOLVP $Q RYHUORRNHG EXW HTXDOO\ LPSRUWDQW discussion is of anonymous bylines. /DVW IDOO The New York Times published an anonymous op-ed HQWLWOHG ´, $P 3DUW RI WKH 5HVLVWDQFH ,QVLGH WKH 7UXPS $GPLQLVWUDWLRQ Âľ $ note prefaces the article to explain the byline. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have done so at the

UH HTX TXHV HVWW RI WKH DXWKR RU D VHQLRUU RIÀFLDOO in the h Trump p adm dmin nistrattio ion n whose id iden den e ti tity ty is known to us and whose MRE MR E ZR E RXOG EH MHRSDUGL]HG E\ LWV GLVFFOR RVX VXUUH UH :H EHOLHYH SXEOLVKLQJ WKLV HVVD VD\\ DQ QRQ\P PRXVO\ LV WKH RQO\ ZD\ WR GHOLOLYH GH Y U DQ YH DQ LPS PSRUWDQW SHUVSHFWLYH WR RXU U DG UH DGHUV µ $P PRQJ RWKHU PDWWHUV WKH RS HG GUHZ FRQ R WURYHUUV\ DQG FULWLFLVP IRU LWV DQRQ\PLW\ 5HD H GH G UV DUJXHG WKDW DQ DXWK WKRU R VKR KRXO XOG XO G QRW MXVW VWDQG E\ EXW GHIHQG G WKH K LUU RZQ ZQ ZRUGV HVSHFLDOO\ Z HUH ZK H DF DFFX F VDWLWLRQ RQV D DUH FRQFHUQHG 2WKH 2W K U KH U FD FDPS PSXV XV V SDS D HUV DUH DOVR DP PEL ELYD Y OHQW WRZ ZDU DUG G D DQRQ\PRXV E\OLQHV DOWK KRXJK H[FH HSWLWLRQ RQV V DU DUH PDGH LQ WKH FD DVH VH RI SH HUV UVRQ RQD DO RSL SLQ QLRQ SLHFHV WKDW FRXOG G OH O DG WR VLJQLÀFD FDQW QW UHWULEXWLRQ IRU DXWKRUV )RU H[D [DPS PSOH %KDWWDFKDU\D noted that The McGill Dailyy LV ZLOOLQJ WR JLYH DQRQ\PRXV E\OLQHV WR SURWHFW DQ DXWKRU·V SHUVRQDO VDIHW\ UHI H HUULQJ WR LQVWDQFHV ZKHQ DXWKRUVV IHDUHG EHLQJ GR[[HG E\ &DQDU\ 0LV L VL V RQ DIWHU FULWLFL]LQJ ,VUDHO·V RFF FFXSDWLRQ RI 3DOHVWLQH LQ WKHLU DUWLF LFOH OHVV ,Q The Varsity y GLG JUDQW DXWKRULDO DQRQ\PLW\ ³ IRU D SKRWR HVVD\ 7KH VHULHV ZDV RI +RQHVW (G·V SULRU WR LWV FRPSOHWWH H GHPR ROLOLWLWLRQ 7R WDNH WKH SKRWRV WK WKH WK H SKRWRJ JUD UDSK SKHU HU UH UHIH IHUU UUH HG WR R DV &D &DPH PHUURQ Q KD KDG G WR WR WUH UHVS VSD VS DVV V 7KH KH\ GHVFUL ULEH EHG G KR KRZ Z LWLW ZDV ´DQ LPSXOVLYH YH GHFLVLRQ IRU ZKDW , FRQV QVLGHU KLVWRULFD FDOOOO\ \ YLWD L DO SK SKRW R RV µ ,Q UH UHFFRJQL]LQJ WKH UL ULVN V V V &DPHURQ ´ZDQ DQWHG WR WR UHWDL DLQ DQ D RQ\P \PLWLWLW\ \ WR WR DYRLG DQ\ S SRWH WHQW QWLD DO OH HJDO UDPLÀF ÀFDW DWLR LRQV LR Q µµ QV

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FEATURE ILLUSTRATORS: KEITH CHENG & DARREN CHENG

WRITER: TEODORA PASCA

“D

Presence and future Indigenous stories at the university demand to be taught — and listened to

o you know who are First Nations people?”

“Who are they?”

There are at least 634 First Nations in Canada, made up of 1.7 million people speaking over 50 distinct languages.

What is now called the ‘Greater Toronto Area’ is surrounded by nearly a dozen Indigenous communities, many of which called this region home for millennia before settler arrival.

Verne Ross is from Cote First Nation in Saskatchewan. He co-teaches the 200-level Introduction to Indigenous Studies course at UTSG’s Centre for Indigenous Studies.

The class covers foundational material in Indigenous knowledge, politics, and history, both independent of and in relation to settlers, from the traditional Seven Grandfather Teachings, to the four sacred medicines, to self-determination and governance.

The course is an invaluable learning opportunity for students who may otherwise have little exposure to Indigenous issues in their other courses.

Ross likes to push his students by asking them questions. He asks them to share why they are taking Indigenous Studies — and to consider what they really know of the people who have lived on this land for thousands of years.

“Who are they?”

The University of Toronto, in stark contrast, was founded in 1827. It operates on the traditional land of the Huron-Wendat, the Seneca, and the Mississaugas of the Credit 9P]LY 0UKPNLUV\Z Z[\KLU[Z Z[HɈ HUK community members from across Turtle Island study and work on all three campuses.

Education in Indigenous studies about and alongside Indigenous people is vital to a comprehensive education in

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Canada, as well as to understanding how the university got to where it is today.

Whose stories we teach ;OL JV\YZLZ VɈLYLK H[ [OL *LU[YL MVY Indigenous Studies overlap substantially with other disciplines. If students take other classes while lacking even a basic understanding of who Indigenous people are, they may be in for a jarring experience.

“If you go into Equity Studies, or English, or Anthropology, I guarantee my First Nations people are going to be mentioned in those lectures,” Ross says. “[And] the student is sitting there wondering… ‘Who are they? I didn’t know they were here.’”

“I didn’t know they existed.” )` VɈLYPUN JV\YZLZ VU 0UKPNLUV\Z languages and research methodologies, for instance, institutions like the Centre for Indigenous Studies have made a

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Control over narratives -VY THU` UVU 0UKPNLUV\Z Z[\KLU[Z \UP]LYZP[` PZ [OLPY ร YZ[ VWWVY[\UP[` [V JVTL PU[V JVU[HJ[ ^P[O 0UKPNLUV\Z [LHJOPUNZ ยท VY L]LU ^P[O 0UKPNLUV\Z WLVWSL 9VZZ YLJV\U[Z [OL THU` WYLJVUJLP]LK UV[PVUZ [OH[ Z[\KLU[Z OH]L IYV\NO[ PU[V OPZ JSHZZYVVT ยธ0Z P[ [Y\L [OH[ 5H[P]L WLVWSL HSS SP]L VU YLZLY]LZ&ยน 5V 0UKPNLUV\Z WLVWSL SP]L HSS HJYVZZ *HUHKH VU YLZLY]L HUK Vษ YLZLY]L ยธ0Z P[ [Y\L [OH[ 5H[P]L WLVWSL NL[ MYLL LK\JH[PVU&ยน 5V[ YLHSS` ยบ:[H[\Z 0UKPHUZ ยป WLVWSL YLJVNUPaLK I` [OL MLKLYHS NV]LYUTLU[ HZ Z\JO \UKLY [OL 0UKPHU (J[ TH` YLJLP]L MLKLYHS M\UKPUN MVY WVZ[ZLJVUKHY` LK\JH[PVU )\[ M\UKPUN PZ PU SPTP[LK Z\WWS` HUK JVU[PUNLU[ VU Z[YPJ[ YLX\PYLTLU[Z 4HU` Z[\KLU[Z PM [OL` YLJLP]L M\UKPUN H[ HSS KV UV[ YLJLP]L LUV\NO [V JV]LY [OLPY JVZ[Z ยธ0Z P[ [Y\L [OH[ 5H[P]L WLVWSL KVUยป[ WH` [H_LZ&ยน 5V[ L_HJ[S` 0UKPNLUV\Z WLVWSL SP]PUN Vษ YLZLY]L WH` [H_LZ SPRL HU` V[OLY YLZPKLU[ *LY[HPU WYVWLY[` VU YLZLY]L SHUKZ PZ Z\IQLJ[ [V [H_ L_LTW[PVUZ" JVU]LYZLS` WYVOPIP[PVUZ VU [H_ JVSSLJ[PVU OH]L ZL]LYLS` JVUZ[YHPULK [OL HIPSP[` VM )HUK *V\UJPSZ [V YHPZL YL]LU\L MVY W\ISPJ ZLY]PJLZ PU [OLPY JVTT\UP[PLZ

โ Reconciliation is hard, and there is more to be done, but I am encouraged by the direction the law school has taken.โ Daniel Diamond, Beaver Clan, Opaskwayak Cree Nation Law

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Where stereotypes arise, instead of scolding, Ross tries to challenge them in constructive ways.

“We want to be able to show them, but not to tell them,” he explains.

Regrettably, educators may also perpetuate ignorance or misinformation about Indigenous people.

One of MacKillican’s professors refused to use the appropriate terminology when referring to Indigenous people. According to MacKillican, the professor claimed “that it would have no impact on the lives of Indigenous people if he called them ‘Indians.’”

The labels ‘Indian’ and ‘Aboriginal’ are ÄJ[PVUZ VM >LZ[LYU SH^ 9VV[LK PU ZL[[SLY misunderstanding and othering, they can be pejorative when used outside VM [OLPY ZWLJPÄJ SLNHS JVU[L_[ [OV\NO some Indigenous people in Canada and elsewhere have adopted variations of these terms. The word ‘Indigenous’ is usually preferred when speaking about Canada’s First Nations, Inuit, and Métis people — to avoid homogenizing, the UHTLZ VM ZWLJPÄJ UH[PVUZ ZOV\SK IL \ZLK Respecting the right of Indigenous people to be acknowledged in the way that they want can be fundamental to acknowledging their presence and power of identity.

Ziigwen Mixemong, a student in Indigenous Studies and Women & Gender Studies, is Mi’kmaq and Potawatomi, from Beausoleil First Nation on Georgian Bay. She grew up in a small town, where for years, she was the only person of colour at her school.

In Mixemong’s culture, babies aren’t always named right at birth. Though the UHTL VU OLY IPY[O JLY[PÄJH[L PZ ¸)HPSL` ¹ she received her Indigenous spirit name, “Ziigwen,” at her traditional naming ceremony as a toddler.

Yet, despite her repeated requests, her elementary and secondary schools refused to let her go by “Ziigwen.” Though today, Mixemong holds no animosity toward the name “Bailey,” coming to U of T was in part an opportunity to reclaim her Indigenous spirit name.

“The fact that I was not allowed to go

by Ziigwen for so long makes me very protective of my right to be called what I want,” Mixemong says.

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Threads of solidarity Many Indigenous students are some of [OL ÄYZ[ PU [OLPY MHTPSPLZ [V H[[LUK \UP]LYZP[` but may have limited support available [V ÄUHUJL [OLPY LK\JH[PVUZ HUK MHJL additional obstacles if they live on reserve VY PU Å` PU JVTT\UP[PLZ Intergenerational impacts of colonialism — such as strains on family, lifelong experiences of racism, and barriers to embracing their cultures and languages — do not disappear once Indigenous students come to U of T. “By the time you come to face the obstacles that are associated with university,” Giguere says, “some Indigenous youth have already climbed more mountains than some people will have to climb in their entire lives.”

A number of centres and organizations at the university continually strive to provide Indigenous students with additional support. ;OL -PYZ[ 5H[PVUZ /V\ZL VɈLYZ J\S[\YHSS` sensitive services and programming, including academic advising, scholarships, and access to elders and teachers in residence.

Student organizations such as the Native Students’ Association (NSA) and the Indigenous Law Students’ Association (ILSA) host feasts, social gatherings, and educational events to engage with and promote the Indigenous presence on campus. The Indigenous Studies Students’ Union is hosting its third annual Honouring Our Students Pow Wow this spring. @L[ JVU[PU\HS IY\ZOLZ ^P[O HU[P Indigeneity can foster unpleasant or troubling experiences for Indigenous students, from course content that ignores Indigenous perspectives to insensitive comments from professors and peers.

Visible markers of colonialism across campus — such as buildings and monuments that honour colonial heroes — also play a role. Students at Victoria College have launched a campaign to rename both the residence and stream VM [OL ÄYZ[ `LHY =PJ 6UL WYVNYHT UHTLK after Egerton Ryerson, who played a key role in the design of the residential school system.

4P_LTVUN»Z LUJV\U[LYZ ^P[O HU[P Indigeneity, misinformation, and neglect of Indigenous perspectives have at times

“Intergenerational trauma is real and it lies within the walls of this institution.”

Ziigwen Mixemong, Mi’kmaq and Potawatomi, Beausoleil First Nation Women and Gender Studies & Indigenous Studies severely impacted her learning. The comments made in her classes about her people have moved her to tears, and the toll this eventually took on her mental health has at times led her to step back from her studies.

“In my experience, even classes that are seemingly safe spaces can tokenize Indigenous voices or silence them altogether,” Mixemong says.

The need for truth Under the banner of ‘reconciliation,’ universities across Canada have implemented a wide range of initiatives designed to raise awareness of Indigenous issues. ‘Reconciliation’ is spoken about in schools, in politics, and on social media feeds.

We might consider framing our HWWYVHJO KPɈLYLU[S` “There is an assumption, if you say reconciliation, that there was a good relationship to start,” Jonathan Hamilton-Diabo says. “In some cases, the relationship component was never there.”

Hamilton-Diabo is of the Mohawk nation and Director of Indigenous Initiatives at U of T. He co-chaired the Truth and Reconciliation (TRC) steering committee at the university. In 2017, a team of Indigenous students, faculty, Z[HɈ HUK JVTT\UP[` TLTILYZ WYVK\JLK a report detailing the university’s plan to implement the calls to action from the TRC. Among others, the committee’s recommendations included recruitment of and support for Indigenous students and employees, increased Indigenous alumni engagement, and mindfulness of Indigenous issues in university curricula and programming.

As Hamilton-Diabo points out, to even

begin to “reconcile,” we need to know the truth.

The Canadian TRC was modelled after the restorative justice body of the same name set up in post-apartheid South Africa. The South African TRC invested innumerable resources into documenting the horrors of the apartheid regime, even [HRPUN [OL JVU[YV]LYZPHS Z[LW VM VɈLYPUN HTULZ[` [V VɉJPHSZ ^OV HNYLLK [V confess.

The sheer number of volumes and records that came out of that initiative was designed to ensure that no one in South Africa, or around the world, would ever forget what took place there.

Canada isn’t quite there yet.

Ross has invited survivors of the residential school system to serve as guest speakers in his classes. Students’ reactions are palpable. Many are KPZILSPL]PUN H[ ÄYZ[ · ZOVJRLK [OH[ forcing children from their communities and brutally attempting to assimilate them into Western culture was, not so SVUN HNV WHY[ VM VɉJPHS *HUHKPHU WVSPJ` Though questions are encouraged, Ross says, many students just sit and listen.

“I think the students are silent that way because they’re actually hearing the realities of what took place,” he explains.

“They’re learning about who are First Nations people.”

In light of that past, Mixemong feels that U of T and all of its settler students have a tremendous responsibility to Indigenous students at the university. ¸>L OH]L PUOLYP[LK H OVYYPÄJ OPZ[VY` ¹ Mixemong says, “and it is everyone’s responsibility to learn and grow from that.”

At the same time, Hamilton-Diabo acknowledges that it is inappropriate to see Indigenous communities just through

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lenses like the residential schools system.

Painting Indigenous people as victims overshadows their resilience, and ignores their contributions to history as well as to present and future societies.

Conversely, learning about Indigenous people, as settlers in or immigrants to this country, also requires students to be OVULZ[ HIV\[ OV^ [OL` Ä[ PU[V [OL WPJ[\YL Ross tells me that students often come to him claiming to be Indigenous.

Mindful of diversity across nations, he is always careful in his response. Some students have rumours of Indigeneity in their families, or their relatives may even have discouraged them from pursuing their lineage.

But Ross also recognizes that some students who take his course or come to the centre do not necessarily have the best intentions. Some, he says, are actually searching for a new sense of identity. “‘I’m not proud to be white.’ ‘I don’t want to be white.’” “‘I want to be Native.’”

Every Indigenous person has a unique past, present, and future. Indigeneity is not a label that one can adopt and shed at will. And appropriation, Ross tells me, is not the way to build relationships.

“We welcome people into our communities, but we can’t change who you are.”

Toward better relations /HTPS[VU +PHIV PZ JVUÄKLU[ [OH[ < of T is paying attention to Indigenous people. The challenge is how to do so LɈLJ[P]LS` · ^P[OPU HU PUZ[P[\[PVU [OPZ size and across three campuses, where various departments have more or less experience with Indigenous issues, and where roadblocks to retaining Indigenous students and faculty exist at all levels.

Diamond is encouraged by the law ZJOVVS»Z LɈVY[Z [V PUJVYWVYH[L 0UKPNLUV\Z WLYZWLJ[P]LZ ^P[OPU [OL Z[HUKHYK ISHJR SL[[LY SH^ JSHZZLZ YLX\PYLK VM HSS ÄYZ[ `LHY students. ¸0 [OPUR PU HU PKLHS ^VYSK 0 ^V\SK SPRL [V ZLL TVYL VM [OL ZHTL ¹ +PHTVUK ZH`Z ¸( JVU[PU\LK HUK JVUJLY[LK LɈVY[ [V LUNHNL ^P[O 0UKPNLUV\Z PZZ\LZ ^P[OPU [OL MYHTL^VYR VM [OL JSHZZLZ HSYLHK` ILPUN [H\NO[ ¹ 4HJ2PSSPJHU [VV ^V\SK SPRL [V ZLL PUJYLHZLK MVJ\Z VU 0UKPNLUV\Z WLVWSL PU KLWHY[TLU[Z HUK JV\YZLZ V\[ZPKL VM [OL *LU[YL MVY 0UKPNLUV\Z :[\KPLZ Mixemong’s suggestions include PUJYLHZPUN M\UKPUN MVY 0UKPNLUV\Z Z[\KLU[ YLZV\YJLZ HUK [OVYV\NO JVUZ\S[H[PVU [V establish what they really need and want. .PN\LYL ILSPL]LZ [OH[ HYJOHLVSVN` WYVNYHTZ HJYVZZ *HUHKH ZOV\SK PTWSLTLU[ H THUKH[VY` 0UKPNLUV\Z JV\YZL YLX\PYLTLU[ ;OL 5:( OHZ PU [OL WHZ[ SVIIPLK MVY H THUKH[VY` 0UKPNLUV\Z JV\YZL YLX\PYLTLU[ [V IL PUJVYWVYH[LK PU[V HSS KLNYLLZ H[ [OL \UP]LYZP[` )\[ 9VZZ PZ ZRLW[PJHS HIV\[ THUKH[PUN HU` RPUK VM SLHYUPUN VY WHY[PJPWH[PVU He cautions that while the centre encourages students who are interested [V NL[ PU]VS]LK PU OPZ VWPUPVU [OPZ ZOV\SK be done without forcing anyone to learn.

“We can’t force our ways on other UH[PVUZ [OH[ HYL JVTPUN [V \UP]LYZP[` ¹

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Around the city, where the pavements are clear of snow %XW WKHUH·V OLWWOH WLPH WR Ã&#x20AC;[ WKH GDPDJHG RU XQSDFN And unpick icy blunders, for they too are heavy and shallow.

Soon it will be spring, and the blossoms will act as a seasonal clock $QG WKH UHPQDQWV RI ZLQWHU ZLOO EH FRQÃ&#x20AC;QHG WR D NHWWOH·V KLVV ³ Warning calls cushioned between a dulled knife block, $ GU\LQJ UDFN DQG WKH PHPRU\ RI D YLUJLQ ,·P DIUDLG WR PLVV Soon it will be spring, and the earth will soften as the sun hits 8QZDVKHG ZLQGVKLHOGV DQG , ZLOO EUHDWKH IRU WKH Ã&#x20AC;UVW WLPH LQ D \HDU My discomfort has shifted from pear seeds, to cherry pits, To plum stones; overripe fruit have grown out of fear.

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DESIGNER: PEARL CAO

POETRY Soon it will be spring, and the crows will circle back

WRITER: KASHI SYAL

March 30

6 6 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; T h e Va r s i t y M a g a z i n e / A n o n y m i t y

Winter 2019 â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

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