The official newspaper of Snevets Institute of Technology, and creator of Attila the Duck.
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TheStupe SnevetstheStupe
Volume CXVIII | No. 21
April 1, 2021
Established 1904
Quiz: Which dorm are you? BY SARAH DEUIDICIBUS
Staff Writer If you are reading this, you better take the quiz! If you don’t, then I guess you don’t exist (just like half of the student body missing from campus this year). Now, prepare yourself for the quiz that will put even Buzzfeed to shame. The directions are simple: pick the answer choice that resides (hehe) with you the best, tally the number of times you pick each letter, and then see your results at the end! Question 1: How are you feeling? A. I can’t complain. B. Energetic, let’s go
for a run! C. I feel pretty well, you? D. I’m literally falling apart E. I’m great! F. Pretty sick, can’t lie G. I am so, so, SO happy! Question 2: What are you most afraid of? A. Cockroaches B. Mice C. Public bathrooms D. A shelf falling on my head E. Resident Assistants F. Nothing scares me G. My doppelgänger Question 3: What have
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Photo courtesy of Elle Maggio for The Stute
On Point challenges Off Center for comedy supremacy OFF CENTER Off The Press
Can you spot him? Photos courtesy of Sanjana Madhu
COVID-1870 Duck Strain makes a splash in the Tri-State Area BY SANJANA MADHU
Managing Editor
On March 28, 2021, the Center of Disease of Control (CDC) announced a new, highly infectious strain of COVID-1870: SIT07030, which health officials have nicknamed the “Duck Strain.” How did this new strain transpire? Experts presume that it originated from two Snevets freshmen who jumped in the Hudson River during the beginning of the Fall 2020 semester. These patient zeros have miraculously recovered from the Duck Strain, but many across the country have sadly been infected by this new strain. The reporters here at The Stupe have decided that it’s time to quack this case, and sought out to answer the public’s burning
questions. So far, the Duck Strain has been abundant around the Hudson River but has not expanded past the TriState Area. Upon examination of the water in the Hudson River, The Stupe researchers have deemed it toxic and warn all citizens to stay away from the viral disease it emits. As an aside, researchers have also warned that the Hudson River contains trace amounts of sewage, urban runoff, pesticides, remains of the Cookie Monster (sorry kids), and an abundance of duck waste. Due to the highly infectious nature of the Duck Strain, the CDC recommends that infected people quarantine themselves
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We here at Off The Press were shocked to learn of the rapid rise of a new comedy club on campus “On Point.” With a stated mission to overthrow Off Center as the funniest club on campus, On Point is threatening to disrupt the entire ecosystem of laughs, jokes, bits, and scenes that sustain Snevets students while they attempt to turn in homework on a site that experiences more outages than your average Texas power grid. Such a cataclysmic change of comedy hierarchy could send shock waves all the way to the Governor’s Mansion in Montana where Greg Giantfore would end up “accidentally” running into everyone as he tried to keep his balance. Up to this point, Off Center had appeared to be in a secure position
atop the comedy pyramid at Snevets. With such accolades as “The funniest boys and girls on campus” in Fall 2018, “Voted Best Comedy Club on Campus by The Stupe” in Spring 2019, “One of the top 10 comedy clubs on campus” in Fall 2019, and “funny” in Spring 2020, it looked like no one could challenge Off Center for the top of the pyramid. Unfortunately, On Point appears to be doing just that with their name. It is particularly difficult for Off Center to stay on top as being anywhere other than the center of the pyramid makes it very difficult to stay up, because the sides are slanted. We reached out to a spokesperson for Off Center. “In retrospect, we should have spent more time preventing anyone else from being funny. Now we have to-” It was at this
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Photo courtesy of Jordyn Ramelli
Registrar shuts down for fall 2021 registration BY JORDYN RAMELLI
Business Manager
Well, it’s all Snevets students’ favorite time of the year again — class registration. Upcoming Fall 2021 registration will be taking place online, so the registrar has turned off their emails and will be ignoring all questions from students. The reasoning behind this has been explained by one administrator: “We foresee no problems with class registration since it will be taking place using Snevets’ flawless technology. Because of this, we have turned off our email to help it run smoothly. As a student, I agree completely with this statement. Snevets has had minimal issues with their technology in the past, so registration should run without a problem. Minor problems that have taken place in the past, such as a campus wide cyber attack, were fixed quickly and with ease. Turning off registrar emails and ignoring student questions is a smart decision by the registrar, since Snevets has a successful technology track record. Registration has always run smoothly for all students. One student stated, “I have always been able to fit my classes into my schedule, find classes that are not full, and complete registration using the Snevets site.” Even though masses of students are using one website at the same
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