Issuu

Reach Out

ANU Counselling Centre: It provides free and confidential counselling for mental health to all ANU students. 1800 Respect: The Australia’s national sexual assault and family violence counselling service. Lifeline (13 11 14): A crisis support and suicide prevention service that operates 24/7. Daisy App: A free app designed by 1800RESPECT that provides quick information about relevant support services in your local area and nationally. Forensic & Medical Sexual Assault Care (FAMSAC): Conducts free forensic examinations 24/7 and provides specialized medical care following sexual assault. Canberra Rape Crisis Centre: A organization that provides medical and crisis counselling support. Service Assisting Male Survivors of Sexual Assault (SAMSSA): A CRCC specific support service for males. The Nguru Program: Provides culturally appropriate counselling for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Domestic Violence Crisis Service (DVCS) ACT: Provides emergency crisis intervention 24/7, free legal support, safety planning and support groups. Reach Out Australia: Provides extensive tips, factsheets and links to support for students and young people. End Rape on Campus Australia: Campaign for policy reform regarding sexual violence on campus, provide support to survivors and mentor activists. Blue Knot: Provides support and resources for adult survivors of childhood trauma. Relationships Australia: A national relationship support service that assist families and communities to achieve healthy and respectful relationships. Translation and Interpreting Service (TIS): They assist in immediate phone interpreting delivering equity and access to the community. ACT Federal Police Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Team: (02) 6256 7777 1

Content Key Gender Roles

Support/Empowerment

Manipulation/Peer Pressure

Violence

Self Harm

Sexual Assault

Sexual Harassment

Childhood Trauma

Sex/Sexuality

Content Warning: Discussions of sexual assault, disclosures and vicarious trauma.

Vicarious Trauma Listening to stories of sexual assault, whilst an important component of providing support to survivors, can be traumatising on its own. The accounts can be heartbreaking; the graphic details, the emotional distress, and the fact that you are both perhaps acquainted with the perpetrator, as most sexual assaults are committed by people that are previously known. I acquired vicarious trauma in first year, as so many people that I cared about had experienced sexual assault. Vicarious trauma can manifest in many different ways, and it can be difficult to identify that it is occurring. For me, it was heightened stress and nightmares which led me to reassess how I was processing the accounts that I had heard. I would note that the trauma that I experienced, whilst incomparable to that of a survivor of sexual assault, is still valid and troubling on its own, and is not uncommon in a college environment. It is also something that I do not regret, as I think that the events of my first year at university have shaped me to be who I am now. However, it is important to look after yourself if you are being exposed to potentially traumatic accounts, and to understand when you need to remove yourself from an overwhelming situation. If you cannot look after yourself, you will be unable to provide your friend, colleague or acquaintance with adequate support. As a trusted - but untrained - supporter of a survivor of sexual assault, listening to them and referring them onto help are the crux of your role. Therefore, it is important to remember that there are always professional services such as the CRCC that you can refer them to if you are unable to be the listener that they need, which have the experience and infrastructure to help them out. It is also OKAY to talk to a counsellor or psychologist about the turmoil that you are experiencing. Vicarious trauma is a well-noted experience, particularly in professions which involve exposure to stressful or emotionally complex personal accounts, and intervention can be highly successful at mitigating symptoms. Moreover, professionals are bound by confidentiality (barring certain situations), which means that you can share the burden of a distressing account which your friend does not want to be made public. You are not alone when supporting a survivor, either.

ANU Counselling Centre

Content Warning: Manipulation.

I had an incident in first year where I bumped into one of those ‘nice’ guys. The ones that make you feel so great about yourself, you could talk for hours on end and just giggle. But there is always a catch. Yes, they were attractive. Yes, I did spend a lot of time with them. But does that REALLY signify as a reason for them to cross the line? He told me I wanted it. He told me I wanted it really bad, when I didn’t. I would be laughing at his jokes, before his hand was up my leg and wouldn’t budge. I loved his energy. I didn’t like his ego. But then, I did some growing up. If somebody isn’t respecting you, or treating you the way you deserve to be treated, then you need to distance yourself. Surround yourself with friends and positivity. Don’t ever let anybody tell you what you want/ don’t want. That’s up to you. It’s sexier saying no and being a BOSS ASS BITCH about it, then sitting there and letting them take control over you. The guy and I are on good terms now, which is great. In life, you need to learn to accept the bad, and acknowledge what it taught you. Only then can you push forwards, and be a more positive individual. I believe in all of you <3 Keep choosing to be STRONG <3

1800RESPECT

Content Warning: Sexual harassment/violence.

I am in control I didn’t realise that what had happened counted as sexual harassment or violence until I told my friend about it the next morning. We talked it over for a long time. I spoke to a Gender and Sexuality Advocate at my residential hall, who provided me with a list of support systems. I spoke to my SR, who helped me set up a meeting with the head of hall. Finally, I spoke to the head of hall, and they helped me feel comfortable within my residential hall. They let me guide the process and decide what happened to the perpetrator. For the first time in this ordeal, I felt in control. I felt like I might be OK and might move on. And I have. Sometimes things come up in conversation that take me back to that place, but I ground myself and remember that I am in control of the situation now. Not all my friendships are the same, and I did lose some along the way. But, I am happy now - I am empowered and I am in control.

A Gender Agenda

Sexuality Sexuality is an incredibly powerful concept, contingent with human existence and an essential part of one’s identity. It may be influenced by your environment, religion, culture, friends, family, or the media. However, your sexuality remains just that. Yours. Your sexuality evolves just as every part of you does, as you grow older, are exposed to new experiences, and your capacity for discovery diversifies. Discovering a new part of your sexuality is an exciting and beautiful thing, and it highlights the amazing capacity we have for connection with self, and with others as human beings. Ubiquitous with creative self-expression, every single individual expresses their sexuality differently, and I encourage you to discover how you feel most empowered in expressing yours. Sexuality is a balance between your mind and your body and understanding each component is equally important. Here are some steps I suggest every person should try: 1. Own your sexual voice – You have the right to choose what happens to your body. 2. Spend some time with yourself - It’s an incredibly liberating thing to explore your own body, and to understand its mechanisms. 3. Meditate - Connect with your own soul, and be curious to understand and traverse your thoughts and feelings Each culture constructs these guidelines of what our sexuality should look like and how we should express it, but in doing so, it represses your ability to recognise your individuality. Whether you express your sexuality by exposing your body, covering it up, being intimate with others, or deciding to refrain from such, you should not feel ashamed. No matter your gender, race, religion or culture, you have the equal right to explore and express your sexuality in whatever way you desire. As long as the ways in which you express your desires, needs and sensuality are safe, consensual and respectful to all parties involved, you should feel incredible empowered in your actions because ultimately, they are conducive to your uniqueness.

ReachOut

Content Warning: Sexual harassment.

Kween of Steel City Coming out late was always going to be difficult. I had a hard time redefining my personality afterwards and previously unbreakable boundaries became blurred with my encroachment into what was perceived as a genderless caricature of a person. People immediately reduced me to a stereotype (despite knowing me for yonks), and with that went the protection of perceived masculinity. People felt they had a right to touch me in places that were for most people out of bounds. My ass? Slapped. My pecs*? Grabbed. My sense of self? Cast out into some godforsaken sea so far away that you’d need a ship and dreams the size of the Titanic to get there. It took me ages to find that sense of self again, and to be honest, it’s still hard to keep with me, it’s like a fish, slippery, hard to keep hold of, and sometimes prickly. But I’m going to keep a hold of that fish because despite it being damn hard to hold onto, I do have an excellent recipe for a seafood curry. *alright maybe not pecs

QLife

Find -a-word

Content Warning: Sexual harassment/violence, controlled eating, panic attacks.

consumption

It’s a powerful thing, saying a word so many times that it loses its meaning, turning to gibberish. How drunk were you? Did you actually say the word ‘no’? Why didn’t you scream out? Push him off you? Why are these the first questions we tend to ask victims of sexual assault? For me, I did not tell anybody for months after because I was stuck in a mindset that it was my fault; that being drunk excused their behaviour, that perhaps if I’d had one less drink it wouldn’t have happened, that somehow, it was completely my fault. I didn’t want people to see me as weak, or as a lesser person. I didn’t want them to believe that somehow what happened to me made me any less of a strong, independent person. They tell you the rape will not end you, rather it may tear you apart, piece by piece. But then it happened again, 3 months later. And then again, 2 years after that. Each time took a little part of me, but it did not take all of me. The consequences of sexual assault differ from person to person. But listen to me when I say that your reactions are not irrational. It is an incredibly traumatic thing, and the manifestation of having your power taken away from you can occur in ways you do not even recognise. I felt as if I was recovering and was doing so well, but then it happened again. I said to myself, “oh no, it wasn’t as bad as the other times, stop overreacting”. As bad as it sounds, after this last time I knew what my reaction would be, and I tried my best

to watch myself: to talk to someone, to not blame myself. Recovery takes consistent effort and determination, but do not get me wrong, it is very, very much possible. I felt like I had lost control over my body; that I was simply a vessel to satiate another’s desires, that my body was not mine. I sought control through other avenues, not realising at the time that it was the consequence of these events. For me, the biggest thing was food. If I could not control what happened to my body, I would control everything else about it that I could. I would restrict my food constantly or overeat and dispose of the food through other means. It was a cycle of self-loathing. I slept around to prove to myself that I did indeed have worth. I did everything I could to punish myself. I did not want to be in my body anymore. I felt disgusted with myself. I wanted so badly to escape from my reality, to feel something. I was not worthy of love, of affection, or of anyone’s time or effort. Intimacy became incredibly difficult for me, even with the people I trusted the most. My boyfriend at the time struggled to understand why I would have panic attacks every time I felt as if I was not in complete control of the situation. It still happens, you know. That heavy feeling in my chest. The flashbacks. The shaking and crying. But it happens so rarely now.

Daisy App

Through solidarity we move forward

Content Warning: Sex, sexuality, gender roles.

A conversation about sex

Let’s talk about sex, baby. Sex is everywhere. It’s in the media, in pop culture, in the lives of every person. And yet, actual in depth conversations about sex are few, and far between. “Graffiti started showing up on her locker, the strangest of which was ‘Slut’ and ‘Whore,’ since she was, and is, still very much a virgin. That’s just what you call girls when you want to shame them.” This was a quote from a book, but it is also something that can be seen everyday, even if just in the way we all perceive and talk about sex. So, I suppose, this article on sex positivity is our way of trying to combat the stigma around sex! But, what is sex positivity? According to an article on Huffington Post, sex positivity is the “view that sex is a healthy and necessary part of human existence,” involving “acceptance and inclusion” of sexual expression. Sex positivity seems great, and the immediate reaction from most uni-age students would be, “yes, I like sex, I think I agree.” But, it’s the explaining and the discussing that seems to get people feeling the most uncomfortable. Of course, this meant that we had to engage in some uncomfortable conversations, if not to gage the general view on sex and sex positivity, but to try and practice what we preach! Eliza*, a straight female, thinks sex positivity is important. When I asked her how comfortable she was with discussing sex however, she gave a tentative 6 out of 10, noting that it depended on the context of the conversation, the topic of discussion and who she was speaking to, a sentiment echoed by many other male respondents. Part of that, she said, was because of the extremes in which society depicts sex; either as a private and personal activity, or as something to be fetishised. To her, it’s difficult to have real and positive conversations about sex when there are so many connotations linked to female sexuality.

To Adam*, a bisexual male, upon further clarification of what sex positivity meant, sex positivity is good, but not achievable due to the double standard between male and female promiscuity in society. While society seems to suggest that males having sex/ engaging in talk about sex/masturbation is natural and some thing to be encouraged, women are told that sex is a private thing, or a (historically) shameful thing, with the focus on function as opposed to pleasure. Yet, despite these societal narratives, conversations with real people suggest a slightly different tale. In our conversations, we found that while some are happy to talk about their sex lives, those who do not occupy the same sex positive spaces tend to have more closed conversations. Straight men overwhelmingly had very little to say in regards to their sexual experiences, most even admitting that honestly they had very little experience in overt sexual experiences. Many cited a difficulty or awkwardness in talking to people about their experiences. When asked about their opinions on their sexual partner’s promiscuity, many uneasily answered and had difficulty explaining the concept, perhaps due to a social hurdle that they were yet to jump over. I think the biggest conclusion we can draw from this is that people have very different opinions and views of sex than societal norms might impose on us. The overwhelming majority of people were willing to talk about sex, but this was always accompanied by insecurity and a shield against their true feelings. Canberra seems to do a good job in terms of being on the surface a sex positive society, but there is still a taboo surrounding issues with comfort and ability to talk about emotions surrounding sex, and perhaps a lack of education in how sex actually does influence your life. In order to counter the stigma surrounding elements of sex therefore, it’s important to have these uncomfortable conversations, and promote education about sex so that everyone can feel comfortable and safe in the way they view sex as a part of their lives. *all names have been changed to ensure the anonymity of those interviewed.

Sexual Health and Family Planning ACT

Content Warning: Mentions of sexual assault.

I told a girl when I was drunk that I didn’t want to get a blow job but she did it anyway. -- Survivor

Living Well

Content Warning: Sexual harassment, lack of boundaries.

Relationships Australia

Not Anymore

Sexual harassment seemed perfectly fine to me. It is what I have experienced throughout my entire life. I was forced to ‘give consent’ to my classmate touching my inner thigh in exchange for borrowing his ruler in year 5. My closest female friends in high school seemed to have a lot of fun touching and playing with my boobs. At first I thought it was okay because they were too young to know about the inappropriateness of their behaviour, though I also blamed myself for not telling them how I felt. I have learned that people do not naturally gain knowledge of boundaries as they grow older. The same things have happened to me at university, mainly from my closest friends. They would grope me for no reason and keep staring at me sexually despite telling them that I felt uncomfortable. They would make comments about my body shape and criticise me for not being skinny enough to attract sexual partners. They thought it was completely fine to play around, provided it did not escalate to the level of ‘raping’/sexual assault. It has now reached the point where I think it would be abnormal if my friends did not joke about having sex with me. However, this doesn’t mean that the boundaries do not exist between myself and my close friends. But I would rather not risk our friendship by being upfront and telling them that their comments are sexual harassment. Nevertheless, I am glad to see more people realising the prevalence of the issue and breaking the silence. Maybe it’s time for me to teach my dearest friends a lesson. Sexual harassment seemed perfectly fine to me.

But it’s not anymore.

Colouring In

Domestic Violence Crisis Service

Content Warning: Childhood abuse/trauma, violence, sexual assault, institutional betrayal, self deprecation.

The courage to leave

I wish I didn’t have a story to tell. It started in my family with my father. But moving away from home I thought I’d left those ghosts behind too. Moving away to university felt liberating, like I was a new person. And that’s when I asked out Josh (not his real name). He had these broad shoulders and a strong look of intensity on his face. We both lived in the same building and It turned out he came from a petty disturbed home too and we got along and started dating. But he kept trying to advance things in bed and I kept pulling back. I had trouble pairing sex and love which I thought he understood. I told him we probably wouldn’t have sex, then slowly he began to get more rough and a little violent. I went to check the time on his phone and when I touched it he pulled me back by my hair. Another time he grabbed my hand to touch him when I didn’t want to, another he laid on top of me with his full weight trying to get in my pants and I screamed very loudly. To cope with his past Josh drank a lot. He’d get incoherently drunk and one night when he drank too much and when I refused to sleep with him he hit me in the throat with a bottle, luckily it stopped there and I kicked him out. I had trouble sleeping that night. The next morning I realised how serious his actions were. Maybe

he wasn’t aiming for me, but had it hit my eye or mouth it would’ve left a noticeable mark. Then what would I have said to people? That’s when things clicked for me, I had to get out. The next morning I messaged him on Facebook and said I couldn’t believe he’d done that, he apologised and I kept his messages as proof in case anything escalated. I kept double guessing my decision and even made one of my friends re enact the bottle throwing incident with me because I wasn’t sure if it was bad or not. The general consensus was to definitely leave him. Which would have been easier if we didn’t live in the same building. We had to share meals together. I could hardly eat knowing he’d walk in. And when I saw him on campus I’d panic and try to stay away. I reported him to the housing authorities using the message where he confessed to hitting me with the bottle. They had a strong worded conversation with him and I was told he’d write an apology letter. I never received one but I don’t know how it would’ve helped me, or him. It would just be half hearted “I’m sorry” etched onto A4, and that doesn’t change anything. Several of my male friends offered to beat up Josh but I don’t think that would have helped. Josh wasn’t a bad person, at least to me. And that’s what made ending things so difficult.

We always want to see the good in people. No one is entirely good or bad, even the worst monsters are just people. I blame myself for getting into that situation with Josh. I’m a smart girl, I must’ve deserved it or must have wanted it. Now with other guys I’m quick to jump up and leave if they make a move on me without asking, even if I do want to be with them. 18

Maze

Content Warning: Sexual assault/harassment, peer-pressure, objectification.

I Am Strong Now I came to Canberra to escape my past. I came to ANU, a prestigious university, to escape the horrors of what sexual assault did to me. Again and again I was violated; I thought it was me, my fault. My body was an object and I was worth nothing. I didn’t like who I was. I decided I needed to change, to move on. I thought ANU was a safe place full of educated people; people who respected others, unlike those I tended to hang out with back home. However, I watched my fellow peers and myself constantly being treated like objects, particularly in my first year. It all started in O-Week when a fellow resident told me “what happens in O-Week stays in O-Week.” We eventually had a sexual encounter in O-Week, and when I look back on that moment I find myself asking, “did he tell me that so I would have sex with him?” Three weeks after, on Thursday night, a bunch of us were drinking, partying, and having a good time. Over the night, my friends were pressuring me to hook up with a fellow first-year in the club. On our way back, around 10 of us decided to hang out in a common area at my residence for a while. What happened next scared me. I was surrounded, cornered. My friends were all trying to force me to go to his room to have sex with him. I didn’t want to and when I refused they took my phone and wallet and wouldn’t give it back until

I went to his room. It was funny to them, but I was genuinely fearful. I said no and was persistent, eventually grabbing my belongings and going to my room. I felt so betrayed. My best friend was the ringleader in this encounter, and I was frightened. Fast forward a few months. There was an older resident who seemed to have his eye on me for a while. He started to hang out with my friends and I, and one night, he invited me to his room for some shots during pres. But it wasn’t shots he was after. He grabbed me and we aggressively made out. Nothing went further. For about 6 months after, whenever I saw him drunk he would grab me like a doll and kiss me. It wasn’t special, it was objectifying. I felt like I was spiralling, and I felt like this was going to escalate; like I was on a path of destruction. Then I decided to let myself heal. I am strong now, and I am committed to prevent this from happening to myself and to others. It makes me feel so upset and angry that the people around me are being sexually harassed and assaulted so regularly. We live in a university environment that I thought was safe; that should be safe. I will keep fighting to make it safe for you,for everyone.

End Rape On Campus

Content Warning: Sexual assault.

The Best Year of My Life 2018 was supposed to be the best year of my life; I was starting uni, going to college and moving interstate. Being a survivor of sexual assault (obviously) never factored into my plans, let alone that it would happen in the first week. I was alone, with no close friends or family nearby, and had heard negative things about the way that the University handled these cases. However, help was available to me everywhere I turned. Initially it was my SR and the staff at my college, then the beautiful and kind nurses and doctors at the hospital, my newfound friends (who I had known less than a week), and eventually the police. Even now, having gone through the complaints system at ANU and with the perpetrator expelled, I am constantly awed by the empathy and generosity of the people around me and the support that is available. I feel like this event, for me, has shown the absolute worst and best of humans, and the high side definitely out weighs the negative.

My advice to other survivors is that, even though you’ve gone through an event that may leave you feeling powerless, you are far from it. Disclosing and seeking help is hard but you have complete control at every step and no-one will push you into something that you don’t want to do. Also, healing is a process. You will have bad days, and that’s OK. You will never be exactly who you were before the event, and that’s OK. The physical and mental scars that I carry with me now will probably be there forever and I definitely have a long way to go. I know now that I am not defined by what happened to me. I am more than the sum of my parts, and every new day (good or bad) is a step forward in the right direction. 2018 has still been the best year of my life.

Forensic and Medical Sexual Assault Care

Connect the dots

International Students: Myth-Busting Myth #1: If I report my sexual assault or harassment, I’ll lose my place at the ANU and my student visa. If you are an international student and you experience sexual assault or harassment, know that if you report that assault to the university or to the police, it will not affect your enrollment at the ANU or your visa. This has been publicly assured by the ANU. Myth #2: It was my fault that I was sexually assaulted or harassed. Sexual assault is an abuse of power and is never your fault. You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity, and to be safe while studying at university. There are always people at the ANU who believe you. Myth #3: I don’t have anyone to confide in on campus, especially in my native language. There are a number of support, advice and counselling services that all international students are entitled to, the same as domestic students. In particular, the ISD President, Women’s Officer and Queer* Officer can all support you, refer you onto local services and inform you on options for reporting within the ANU. ANU Counselling can also help you with any problems you may wish to talk about. You do not need to have a diagnosed mental health issue to talk to a counsellor. ANU Counselling can also arrange for assistance with translation and interpretation, if you are more comfortable with talking to someone who speaks your native language. Myth #4: I can’t afford to seek support or help. There are a number of support, advice and counselling services that are free for international students. There are a number of free hotlines that provide support over the phone (Canberra Rape Crisis Centre and 1800 RESPECT are great resources). ANU Counselling offers up to six free sessions a semester for all students. In person services like FAMSAC (Forensic and Medical Sexual Assault Care) that provide forensic and medical care for survivors of sexual assault are also free to use and access for international students. There are always free resources for you to access on campus. Myth #5: My friends and family will find out if I confide in someone about my assault. All services on campus are confidential and will not confide your name, details or what happened to you to anyone, unless your or someone else’s safety is in danger. This includes your Head of Hall, ANU Counselling, any of the Department officers, local services like CRCC and FAMSAC, and the Dean of Students. Nobody has to know unless you want them to; you are in control. Translation Service

Blue Knot

Content Warning: Sexual abuse, support, speaking out.

We Will Continue to Speak

Dad looked as if he could cry. But he was calm. I continued to speak. It was a strange contrast from the awkward “birds and the bees” talk that I had received in primary school, where sex was presented as a reproductive activity. I was finally telling my dad what happened to me years before that uncomfortable talk. The details would make him, and everyone else who would hear my story, far more uncomfortable than any school Sex Ed class.

Unlike how most teachers or parents feel when discussing sex, I didn’t feel uneasy or nervous as I spoke. I felt honest, strong and empowered to state that my case of sexual abuse was handled poorly. I told Dad that it wasn’t my responsibility to tell him this, but it was what was necessary to get the recognition I deserved. I had freed myself from the guilt and anxiety that lingered throughout my childhood, teen and early adult years. I continued to speak. A few months prior, I sat in Mina’s room preparing myself for a phone call with my mum. I was back in her room the next day to share the sense of relief and freedom I felt after that call. The Consent Matters module created an environment where sex, consent and the support services available to those in need were openly discussed in my residence. The conversations with passionate and supportive fellow residents, and information made available to us gave me the tools

I needed to confront my parents on the way my case was handled. I taught them about positive consent culture, and the important role that professionals can play when dealing with the aftermath of a sexually violent incident. I had given my parents their first REAL sexual education lesson and encouraged them to create a culture of consent within their own generation. I recognise that it was a lack of education, not love, which caused the improper management of my sexual abuse. I hold no anger toward my parents and am empowered to now be their educator. I will continue to speak. These conversations, which were my first and hardest steps, are now complete. The ball is now rolling. I will make more people feel uncomfortable by sharing my story, and force people to question why this is still happening. Ignorance has allowed sexual violence to survive in our society and it’s time for it to stop. I want future generations to look back on this time with the same sense of horror that we look back on the use of canes in schools and women not having the freedom to vote. I believe that I, and the survivors I stand with, have been gifted with the opportunity and strength to speak out and work toward a society where sexual violence is history. We will continue to speak.

Down: 1. Something that holds up structure 2. Scientifically related to reliability 3. The state or character of being positive 4. Synonym of talk 6. To give permission 9. Something that indicates a limit 10. The imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information 12. Faith in other people 13. To hear 14. A Destiny’s Child song 17. Process that helps people gain control over their own lives

Across: 5. The quality of mind or spirit 7. Belief in oneself 8. Synonym of unity 9. Putting regard in something as true 11. Synonym of onlooker 15. Mental or physical stamina 16. Synonym of perseverance

An swe rs: 1. support 2. validity 3. positivity 4. speak 5. courage 6. consent 7. confidence 8. solidarity 9a. belief 9d. boundaries 10. communication 11. bystander 12. trust 13. listen 14. survivor 15. strength 16. determination 17. empowerment

Content Warning: Childhood trauma/abuse, sexual assault.

My Body Remembers Everything I do all the right things: exercise, take medication, get good grades, and endure therapy. We are told to be survivors. To survive. To be strong. Most days, I can make it through just fine, but not the nights. It is during the night, where my weakness grows in strength. When the last glow of light dips below the built horizon, I have to brace myself for a flood. Some kind of neurochemical firestorm of worthlessness. When it is I. Alone. In my bedroom and deafened by my thoughts. Every night, like a scheduled appointment, the shadows come outstretched and draw patterns in the dust that has long settled. I try to fight it like the small puddle of bath water that clings desperately to the ceramic before being pulled down the drain. But every night, it happens. It will never be over. If I ever grow old, there will always be a part that will remain small. My body remembers everything. What began as a child and continued at University will always be a part of my story. Part of me is still so broken, even though it has been so long. When I relive those memories, it is as if it had happened only yesterday. How can I not relive them when I am trapped in my flesh and the story etched on my skin? To look at myself is to remember. Some kind of male wanting and disturbed power balance told me that my body was meant for them and they took it from me. I want nothing more than to lay out my brain and iron out its creases if it meant to forget.

Beyond Blue

Content Warning: Mentions of sexual assault/harassment.

The One in Five As we interact with people throughout our lives: strangers, acquaintances, friends and family members, do we ever stop and consider how many of these people that we have met have experienced some form of sexual harassment and/or assault? The chances are that we do not, especially if we have never experienced it for ourselves. It would be no more than an unpleasant thought that passes through our mind for an instant, only to disappear like the shadow thrown by a passing cloud. However, for many victims of sexual harassment and assault, it is a harsh and painful reality. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), in 2018, 1 in 5 women and 1 in 20 men have been sexually assaulted and/or threatened in their lives. To put it in context, in a lecture theatre filled with 100 women and 100 men, chances are that 20 women and 5 men have experienced trauma involving sexual assault and/or threats. As illustrated by this example, sexual assault is a prevalent issue that affects the lives of those around us rather than being a mere number in the news. This is especially the case for women. Imagine that any one of these women is someone precious to us: a mother, daughter, sister, or partner? Would we not want something to be done to hold their perpetrators accountable, or even better, prevent them from being traumatised in the first place? Therefore, it is important for us to not be the bystander that averts their eyes when things get uncomfortable and inconvenient. We do not have to hold protests in the street, nor do we have to become vigilantes that hunt down sexual predators, but we do have the duty to know that sexual assault is still a prevalent problem in our society and to ensure that our behaviour does not infringe upon the rights of those around us. As Immanuel Kant once said, ‘live your life as though your every act were to become a universal law.’ It is important that we ourselves understand and follow the rules of consent, to have healthy and respectful relationships with our partners. Only then, can we claim to be truly aware. Beyond that, it is no longer an obligation but a worthy cause that the righteous will fight for. 29

Mensline

Content Warning: Sexual harassment, sexual assault, excessive alcohol consumption.

Blurred Boundaries This is a story told by a male survivor.

We all shouldn’t have stories to tell when it comes to sexual assault or unwelcome sexual advances – regardless of what gender we identify with. Yet the harsh truth is it happens; it happens to those who feel vulnerable, to those who normally feel invincible, to those who never thought it would happen to them. This is an anonymous submission. I knew we were friends. I had a usual bunch of people to hang out with, and we had a variety of personalities in our midst. But she was older, and I looked up to her; she was a sister to me. I thought she was attractive, but upon finding out how old she was I knew it was never going to happen – I respected that, and I assumed it was mutual. She was much older; enough for me to instantly rule out any thoughts of courtship. But she had other ideas, apparently. I am someone who knows my limits, and am in full control of my body and mind at all times. Some people say I’m uptight, but I believe that keeps me in check and I constantly re-evaluate my actions at every turn. I am disciplined, stick to a routine and fight for what’s right; and I felt invincible. Alcohol didn’t change any of that, but it blurred the lines – enough for me to feel like my walls were torn down by an invisible force. We were celebrating a mutual friend’s birthday, and started drinking. She kept pouring alcohol into my empty cup, noting the fact that I was getting progressively more and more

intoxicated – I didn’t intend on getting that drunk. I had essentially lost control, and it went downhill from there. She complimented my body repeatedly, it was lewd sometimes, but she was relentless; I didn’t observe my peers’ reactions, but I couldn’t imagine them to be very encouraging. We went out to the clubs. She then bought me shots, and then she made her move. Her hands went up my shirt and using her body to obscure her actions, proceeded to grab my genitals. I was still unaware of what was happening – this was someone else’s observation. This bothered me the most. I couldn’t say no despite me being the strong-willed, disciplined person that I am. But here’s the thing: the world shouldn’t revolve around people needing to push unwanted sexual advances away. The benefit of the doubt belongs to us; asking if someone is into it is a step in the right direction, but doing it while assuming they will warm up to it is assault. Ask, and be okay with the possibility of having the door shut in your face. Because once you lose the trust someone placed in you, you will never get it back; once you ruin someone’s life, they will spend the rest of their lives trying to rebuild those walls you tore down.

I didn’t ask for this; because no one ever does.

SAMSAA

Content Warning: Sexual assault, self-harm.

You are never alone

I was first sexually assaulted when I was 19 years old.

realize that I was doing myself way more harm than good.

It completely tore my life apart. I I started to slowly open up and diswas forced to drop out of university, close to my close friends. I explained completely withdrew from my loved my triggers and feelings to them, so ones, and yet continued to pretend that they could help intervene whenthat everything was fine. Two years ever I began show signs of regressive of silence and denial later, I decided I behaviour. I learned to take care of needed to move to Canberra and get my body and stop punishing it for away from everything so that I could something that wasn’t my fault. Evget my life back on track. ery night, I take some time to dance in my underwear and appreciate all A month after I came to ANU, I was the things my body can do, instead assaulted again. of focusing on everything it couldn’t do when I was assaulted. The most After my second assault, I changed important thing I’ve learned to do is into a completely different person; to embrace my feelings. Presently, I but because I was in a new city, no am learning how to channel my anger one had any idea. My old friends and have stopped using alcohol to thought I was just experimenting mask my grief. with college life and living on my own for the first time. My new friends Recovering from sexual assault is a simply thought I was a wild child. I long process, and while it doesn’t drank heavily. I sent out inappropri- define me, it is definitely going to ate photos on social media and slept affect me for the rest of my life. around, trying to prove that I was in Talking about it and using my coping control over my own body. It took techniques everyday have really about a year and a half of tears, helped me learn to accept that. regrets and nightmares for me to To all survivors listening to or reading this story: you are never alone. You are always worthy of love and respect and help. I care about you, I support you and I’m proud of you. I hope that my story has helped you with yours.

CRCC

Some tips on how to look after yourself After reading this you might be feeling a bit confronted or triggered. The first thing to remember is that this response is valid. The second is that it is advisable to make sure you process this information in the right way. The Blue Knot foundation (www.blueknot.org.au) has got some great resources to help with this. Through the #MeToo movement many people feel like everything is becoming too much and hearing other people’s stories can become exhausting. To identify how to help we can generalise these feelings under 3 concepts; vicarious trauma, secondary traumatic stress and burnout. Vicarious trauma is the experience of trauma symptoms after being repeatedly exposed to other people’s trauma and stories of traumatic events. Secondary traumatic stress is the emotional stress when hearing about the first-hand trauma experiences of another. Burnout is the prolonged physical and psychological exhaustion experienced from a person’s line of work/ prolonged activity.

here is a helpful list for managing and preventing symptoms: 1.

Reach out to someone! Talk to you someone you trust.

Rest! Take some time out.

2. 4.

Practice self-care!

Play! Have fun and do things that make you laugh.

Self-compassion can be hard, it’s always good to remember that your response is a human one. When working or reading up on these issues it is natural to react in an emotional manner. This is why looking after yourself is so important. We hope some of these tips helped. Take Care!

The Stop Campaign We are a campaign to stop sexual violence at university with a focus on residential halls. Our focus is to create awareness on how this issue affects everyone and how we are all a part of a society that has the ability to talk about these issues, normalise their discussion, and make positive changes in eliminating sexual violence. A major element of the campaign is how conversations, stories, visual materials and events play a role in breaking stigmas and reinforcing consent culture. This is why we are starting these conversations in our community. The campaign was founded by Camille Schloeffel at Fenner Hall, a residential hall at ANU, in April 2018 and has expanded to the wider ANU community since. The STOP Campaign thrives to expand into more residential halls and colleges at ANU and to other universities. This publication is our first major project that we have worked hard to produce. We aim to continue to share stories in a safe way to spread awareness about the prevalence of sexual violence, respectful relationships, sex positivity and how to be an effective bystander.