issue445 July2011 y.month
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ION OWN EDITor page 4 QUEENSTFi out m e on nd t. SNOW RAVE us ug A h 6t ay Saturd
this month It’s July and we are all white. Well at least The Source is white - can’t say the same for the mountains. White is our theme and that’s what these pages are all about. White - why white? What do you mean white? Well, what do YOU mean by white? It’s winter so the obvious is snow, but the obvious is so obviously clichéd and boring as a whitewashed fence (see what I did there?). White – snow, winter, light, race, blank canvases, weddings, purity, coke, virginity, peace. How pure are we? Have we lost our virginity as a town? What does that even mean? And so on and so on and so on. Flip into this issue - you’ll find the usual suspects. Queenstown Rocks melts down the cocaine nose-job, Ned Myopus reminds us that if it
doesn’t snow soon the world really will come to an end. The Council cuts through the white noise and Adam shines a light on what white people in Queenstown really like. We reveal that there are more variations of white than you’d ever imagine - and that’s just in the DIY section. You’ll also find stuff that’ll make you laugh, the gig guide with all the stuff you want to do plus other surprise and delight features. Go on; start reading... what you waiting for? Source out.
Advertising: Nick 021 0827 2221 Construction: Fluid 03 442 6739 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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JULY 7TH - AUGUST 25TH
R A g CoU IN tHe BA tHRooM
Atlas, Steamer Wharf, Queenstown
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Many a rock and pop career has been launched on the back of a whiterthan-white image. Starmakers like nothing better than an ordinary Joe with the X Factor – they’re a publicist’s dream. But it often isn’t long before the pressures of fame exact a terrible toll. Here, The Source charts some spectacular musical meltdowns...
as a die in every department. But in April 1998 his millions of female devotees were stunned when he was arrested in Los Angeles for propositioning an undercover cop for gay sex at a public toilet. In recent times the singer has also been arrested on several occasions in England for possessing marijuana. Michael was sentenced to eight weeks in prison in September 2010 after crashing his car into a shop in London while he was stoned.
Houston, you have a problem...
Fresh-faced soul warbler Whitney Houston was marketed as the “girl-nextdoor” when she shot to fame with her 1985 chart-topper Saving All My Love For You. But that all changed in the 90s when she married bad-boy Bobby Brown and the high-profile couple lurched from one drug-addled crisis to another. During a tour of Australia last year, it was reported angry fans stormed out of Houston’s live gigs claiming she appeared disorientated and couldn’t remember the words to some of her biggest hits.
Ex-Boyzone heart-throb Ronan Keating traded on his dedicated family man image when he went solo. His longstanding wife Yvonne and their three kids perfectly complemented his new direction as a mature crooner of heartfelt ballads. But last year Irishman Keating was exposed as a love rat who’d been enjoying an affair with a blonde backing dancer while on a comeback tour with Boyzone.
Oops, she did it again...
Sealed with a snort...
Britney Spears was groomed as a family entertainer when she started out on TV variety show The Mickey Mouse Club. Her rise from ordinary girl to squillionaire pop star was the American Dream personified. Then Britney lost the plot. Spectacularly. Her first marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander lasted just 55 hours. Her second, to dancer Kevin Federline, was over in less than two years. The troubled mum-of-two then shocked fans when she went on a series of high profile drink and drug benders, had her head shaved and flashed her privates at press cameramen while stumbling out of a limo with no knickers on. Stints in rehab followed.
Jason Donovan amassed a huge army of adoring teen girl fans when he swapped acting in the Aussie soap Neighbours for a career in pop. His sugary hits like Too Many Broken Hearts and Sealed With A Kiss transformed him into a squeakyclean pin-up. But Donovan hid a dark secret. After collapsing at a Los Angeles nightclub in 1995 he confessed he’d been living a double life and was desperately addicted to cocaine.
Zip me up before you go go... It’s hard to imagine, but there was a time when British superstar George Michael was widely regarded as being straight 4
White Tail Spider (where the flesh starts to die as a result of an infection in the bite) are also tenuous. In the majority of cases there is no clear evidence a spider was responsible for a bite. Sometimes one is seen around the time of the bite, while in other cases it has been assumed a White Tail was the culprit. A White Tail bite is immediately painful. It is usually possible to catch the perpetrator easily since the spider has poor eyesight and its identity can then be confirmed. It should be noted that cases of confirmed White Tail spider bites have rarely resulted in anything more severe than a red mark and localised, shortlived pain. As with bee stings different people will react in different ways.
Z NEW LOOOKPEFNIN NOW
AFTERNOON DELIGHT COFFEE ‘N’ SLICE
Phone: 442 7405 email@example.com Steamer Wharf, Queenstown
Ballarat Street, Queenstown
*Sign up at PO Café for your loyalty card - your passport to four great dining spots 6
LITTLE WHITE LIES
to blame, it’s human nature to squeeze a bit more out of the golden goose but every visitor who leaves town with their hopes dashed and their year’s savings spent, is another chink in the armour of our wonderful town. One of the biggest trends in marketing over the last couple of years is a move towards honesty and candour. Social media has led the way and Queenstown seems to be a bit slow on the uptake. The promises we make and what we deliver are the backbone of our brand. It’s time we stopped trying to wring out the last cent from this town and started looking at ways to make what we’ve got last the distance.
We’ve all done it. You don’t mean any harm but it seems like a good idea at the time. The trouble with a half-truth is that it will eventually bite you on the backside. Queenstown is an alpine resort, that’s a fact. It’s a year-round little bundle of fun that just keeps on coming. The trouble starts when you make promises you can’t keep. Snow in June was never guaranteed but Queenstown has been happily letting the world know they can book skiing holidays earlier and earlier each year. No one’s
Luke Chapman, Queenstown
saysrce What do you call 88 rednecks in an orgy? A family reunion.
This Ozzie immigrant was first recorded in NZ in 1886 and believed to have arrived with early colonists. These dark grey spiders are 12-17mm long and easily recognised by their long body and a distinctive white patch on the end of the abdomen. Their preferred habitat is under dry bark and plants but will often be seen inside houses. The spider often hides in clothing, especially if it is left lying around on the floor. These nocturnal hunters are unusual because they feed only on other spiders, preferring grey house spiders. They do bite if handled or provoked. In most cases the bite will cause little harm, as there is nothing in the venom that will affect us. Describing the spider as “poisonous” is not correct, while links to necrotising arachnidism
A place for you to let off steam and tell us what you really think. Drop us a line and get it off your chest. Prizes for the best letters of course.
Milk’s white right?
White - the definition according to Wikipedia: “White is a colour. Since white is the extreme end of the visual spectrum and since white objects - such as clouds, snow and flowers appear often in nature, it has frequent symbolism. Human culture has many references to white, often related to purity and cleanness, whilst the high contrast between white and black is often used to represent opposite extremes.” One would assume by that definition and for lack of a better one, that white is white. So WTF is Resene playing at when you walk into their colour shop and ask for white paint? White is white right? No! There are no less than 412 different colour swatches for white. Some colour blind incompetent twit has even made their “Resene White, The Range of Whites and Neutrals 2005, 2009 and 2010” a shade of dirty grey. Paris White is a minty greenie-blue. And get this, Lily White - a term often used for pasty ginga - is a light blue-grey.
Join in the debate: firstname.lastname@example.org
Most disturbing of all is the Resene Milk White of the Karen Walker Range 1, 2 and 3. To get that colour one would have to get half a cup of dirty water from washing your spuds in the sink and half a cup of milk out of the fridge – which happens to be white as normal people would know it – and put it in a blender to get a scummy milky-grey water otherwise known as Resene Milk White. Editor’s Note: This ube r-pragmatic piece metaphorically lament s how subtlety and variation are a waste of time. Wouldn’t it be easier if white was just white? Perhaps this piece is as revealing about the author as it is their penchant for painting. It does get as close to right wing thinking as The Source ever has. We like to think around here tha t we are firmly in the grey - life isn’t blac k or white, no matter what we call this issue.
By: Ned Myopus
Whatif? consecutive meal they all pull the pin. They vanish quicker than inhibitions on the night of the school ball. So half the workforce in QT is gone - this means nobody around to hit the bars and puke at the taxi stand. While room to rock my shit on the dance floor is always welcomed, the fact that you feel like 28 Days Later walking down the Mall after supper doesn’t help anyone. No snow means no visitors. The engine room of the QT economy is Aussies rolling into town and spending it up large. With their economy hotter than the sun, we need them to hit town and act like rock stars. Those juiceheads in too tight t-shirts and their skanky chichonas drop serious coin at the bar after snowplowing all day on the bunny slope. Nobody to eat dinner, buy pints or sleep in beds means that if you have a job serving, pouring or scrubbing the bog, your time is running short. Inevitable layoffs in the peripheral tourism industry means that the spring exodus could be just around the corner. Even if you don’t get the flick, decreased hours means less cash to play with.
As I write this, in the last week of June, I can see out my window brown hills and a snowless skifield. While time marches on, it would appear that Old Man Winter missed the memo and has called in sick. This time of year traditionally means a town full of stoked snow bunnies and mountains dobbed with fluffy white tops. Not this year - winter, or at least the snowy part of it, is late for work. Consider this the worst case scenario. So no snow and continued warm temperatures means that the ski fields can’t open. The winter festival fizzles into a dud of a celebration where the guest of honour snubbed the party. All the snowy events get canned and the celebratory feel gets shifted into a wake. You might as well have a hangover on your day off - what else are you going to do? No snow means no staff required on the hill. The folks punching the clock for The Man go from being frugal to broke to desperate to ready to break into your car and steal your CDs to flog on TradeMe. When the life of crime fizzles out and the novelty of 2-minute noodles wears off after the 35th
Beyond the economic consequences of no white stuff, it’s the psychological impact that could be the worst bit. With no winter fun to be had - why are we even here? We spend heaps on rent, our groceries are more expensive than anywhere else in the known universe and you can’t even park for free in town anymore. It’s the snow and the fun it brings that breathes winter life into this town. And don’t even get me started on the extortionate price of skiing - if we could actually go skiing that is.
But wait; get your head out of the oven - it isn’t over just yet. The snow comes, the snow always comes. Sometimes it’s late, sometimes it stays till October. Sometimes when it’s late we get stacks of it and we forget the dry spell like it never even happened. Don’t pull the pin quite yet, who knows, by the time you read this we could be shredding waist deep snow up on Concrete Peak. Now that would be a pleasant surprise.
Japanese Style TapaS
four course banquet for $25 XC
BELOW SKY CITY CASINO BEACH STREET QUEENSTOWN PHONE 441 8868
54 Shotover Street.Queenstown
PHONE: 441 1210
$10 lunches 9 week holidays SUP all winter long volunteers snowmaking
Snow - of course Polar bears Salt The moon Sheep Wedding dresses Clouds Parts of a penguin Toothpaste Washing machines Doves Sugar Toilet paper Milk Correction fluid
gym - ouch going back to the the dishes deep sea drilling ld be cold warm when it shou bankers
If you can’t make it, fake it right?
At least that what we did at our Winnies ‘Christmas in July Party’ in 2009. Everybody loves to party under the fabulous opening roof and we have people coming up to us all the time telling us about their amazing experiences getting snowed on while they were inside. It is pretty cool, not going to lie. But, obviously snow is unpredictable at the best of times. That year we really wanted our punters to experience a true White Christmas in July. So we ordered kilos of fake snow. Cody scaled the back wall, we opened the roof and dusted the crowd with a sprinkling of fake snowflakes. The bar erupted with ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ and we were pretty pleased with ourselves. What we didn’t anticipate was that it took pretty much a year to get all the fake snow out of the place. It just kept turning up! Ever spilt a packet of glitter? It was like that. Clearly, we didn’t think that through. So this year - let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! For real real. See you at the Winnies Christmas in July Party, Saturday 23rd July. Erin from Winnies 11
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
for two or more diners
“People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy.” Anton Chekhov
Players pack the snowboards and poker faces for New Zealand Poker Tour Queenstown – SKYCITY Snowfest!
Did you know?
Poker players will be lining up to play in this unique poker tournament in the adventure capital of New Zealand. The tournament will be joining two world poker tours run by PokerStars.net, bringing a truly international field into Queenstown. Big names including Joe Hachem who is Australia’s only World Poker Champion will be hitting the felt during the tournament and hitting the slopes in the off days. The NZPT tournament will offer players an expected total prize pool of $540,000 NZD* in the $3,000 NZD buy-in Main Event. Participation in this event will be capped at 200 players and is always a popular tournament with players in New Zealand as well as those overseas.
O’CONNELLS SHOPPING CENTRE
Thanks to a new quirky device from Japan you can. A new communication tool called “necomimi” uses brain waves from emotions to control and wiggle wearable cat ears. Just as a cat’s ears are likely to drop down when it’s relaxed, the device reads the emotional state of humans and acts it out through the cat ears. When wearing the ears and feeling relaxed, your own set of cat ears would drop down too. Meanwhile, ears jump up as you concentrate. Although this may seem absurd, the device could potentially be used to help mentally disabled or verbally challenged people, especially children, show their feelings. This technology could also be used in other scenarios, such as monitoring brain signals for workers involved in demanding tasks.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
To register for the tournament or for more information visit www.skycity.co.nz/poker
Ever wish you had cat ears?
• New Zealand’s first hospital opened in 1843. • A ‘jiffy’ is actually 1/100th of a second. • Crocodiles eat rocks to help them dive deeper. • The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific. • Elvis Presley made only 1 TV commercial. • There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year. • The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat. • Perth is Australia’s windiest city. • Women’s hearts beat faster than men’s. • The Olympic flag was designed in 1913. • Over 500 meteorites hit the Earth each year. • To crack a whip the tip must be travelling faster than the speed of sound. • Brazil covers 50% of the South American continent. • 8% of people have an extra rib. • The yo-yo was originally used as a weapon for hunting in the Philippines.
SKYCITY Entertainment Group is pleased to announce the 2011 PokerStars.net New Zealand Poker Tour (NZPT) Queenstown - SKYCITY Snowfest poker tournament will be coming to the wintry slopes of Queenstown from 22 – 28 August 2011.
*Based on full participation of 200 entrants
music roundup Aotearoa trio Unitone Hi-Fi dub-out with Coco on Amateur, and Czech Republic producer Martin Vejvoda provides a smooth backdrop for Coco’s Up In Smoke. Solid then closes the mix with J.Brown’s fun groove Best You Can Do. Pacific Rims will be available in a limited edition cassette run of 400 at the gigs. The tour opens on 29 June. Door entry to the shows will include a download code to the mixtape. Catch Coco at Subbies on 7th July
Rap’n’roll artist Coco Solid today announces the international and local artists who have crafted original material for her sixth studio release, ‘Pacific Rims’. You can’t buy it in Queeny yet but you can get an instant free download of the mix at www.undertheradar.co.nz While mixtapes are often referred to as mash ups of other people’s material, Pacific Rims is a collection of original tracks by Coco Solid, featuring musicians from across the globe. She has hand picked collaborators to create the turbo 28 minute mix, which incorporates elements of hip-hop / electronica / new wave and dance - while still staying true to her trademark rap style. Solid opens with Disasteradio’s ringtoneinspired synth pop, leading into Jizmatron produced G-funk, some of J.Brown 90’s-inspired hip hop, and Dominican Republic duo Astro Hernandez bring the synths on The Whip. Coco and Mexican producer Pepepe team up again and add electronic-house to I’ll See You Inside. Solid then builds an 80’s New Wave homage with DJ Jizmatron on their track Architecture and Extravagangsta gives the downbeat feel for Heebyjeebies. Chant-rap anthem G is For Girls teams Coco with Lisbon musician Violet and UK producer Subeena.
The Skitzofrantiks are returning to Queenstown after a 9 month hiatus in which they have been preoccupied with relocating to Dunedin where they have taken on a new bass player Mr Ben Cochrane. With this move comes a new approach to performing. Disbanding with the previous format of 2 hour plus sets which delved into psychedelic jams, they are now producing tight 1 hour sets dropping all the previous filler material in the name of a tightness usually only found in the strictest of nuns convents. This new approach was well received recently at the Catlins River Festival, a 2 day musical extravaganza ripe with Kiwi and Ozzy talent. Come see the evolution for yourself on Saturday the 9th of July @ the Dux de Lux With support from local rebels “Eddie Ledderhead” and an acoustic version of “Falter state” which is the side project for Mo of the Flaming Drivers
After a six year break from the studio, The Feelers are back! Armed with a new album and boasting a new line-up, the boys are ready to hit the road again, playing live favourite Right Here Right Now, the classic Venus and new hit single Didn’t Want To Fall In Love. For nearly twenty years James Reid and Hamish Gee’s musical partnership has resulted in The Feelers amassing some remarkable statistics – a quarter of a million album sales; five multi platinum albums; three number one albums and seven number one singles. Their latest album HOPE NATURE FORGIVES, to be released on 1st August, is testament to the rejuvenated new look of The Feelers. With Andy and Matt on board, James and Hamish decided it was time to stop playing all instruments themselves and go back to playing as a ‘real band’ according to James - and the resulting album is clearly proof of that. Catch them at Revolver on August 3rd
led we can become as a consequence.” Wow, heady stuff eh? I Am Giant have just finished playing some shows in the UK with American band ‘Taking Back Sunday’ as well as Southern Sounds with Shihad. They will be headlining their own show at the Camden Barfly in London before returning to NZ for some dates in August and then heading to Australia to tour with Dead Letter Circus. ‘And We’ll Defy’ was released on Itunes and other digital platforms in June Their debut album ‘The Horrifying Truth’ will be released in August 2011
Recent news items have cast a cloud over the future of our beloved BDI. Here’s what the Big Day Out crew had to say: “Leaving New Zealand or Auckland is the last thing Big Day Out wants to do and we are in continuing discussions with venue operators to ensure the event stays there into the future. Audience members should be confident that the BDO will return in January 2012.” We’re all gunning for you guys so keep up the good work and we’ll see you in January, wherever you are.
‘And We’ll Defy’ is the new single from I Am Giant’s highly anticipated debut album ‘The Horrifying Truth’ which was recorded in Sydney and Melbourne with acclaimed producer Forrester Savell. Paul Matthews from I Am Giant explains the song “ ‘And We’ll Defy’ is about the human need to believe in and belong to something that can define and guide us and about how vulnerable and easily 15
keeping up the beats
17th July at Subbies sees the return of Nightcap. Last year was big, this year should be bigger. Featuring legends in the drum n bass scene this is a night to reckon with.
16Bit but they were in a different time zone and were probably having a lie in. So, we had a quick rummage online and came up with some fairly telling comments on one of their download sites. Check this lot out:
Known collectively as The Upbeats, Jeremy Glenn and Dylan Jones (a.k.a Terror Snake and Downie Wolf) have been writing epic genre-redefining drum and bass together for eleven years. Full-time DJs and producers since early 2004, the duo perform on a regular basis across the globe (North America, Asia, Europe, Australasia and beyond), run their own recording imprint Non Vogue and have released countless underground hit records on some of the most respected drum and bass labels on the planet (Virus Recordings, Bad Taste, Soul:r). Three classic full-length albums into their career (The Upbeats, Nobody’s Out There and Big Skeleton), at the point where most artists begin to stutter, stumble and fall – The Upbeats only continue to go from strength to strength, constantly changing the international drum and bass game as only they can.
:: “a feast, sweeping, working, f*kin, everything is better to this mix, its a god feast” :: “so dope” :: “The power to transform shit into gold. You make air worth breathing” :: “It’s like death and rebirth all in one track” :: “stil mix still kicks ass” :: “I am lovin your tunez!” :: “Nuts dude, love that clip!” :: “I just stabbed myself in the balls with a fork, BANGIN!” :: “do u ever make music” :: “I usually listen more to Drum & Bass and i generally find dubstep a bit boring sometimes, BUT THIS AMAZING MIX IS AMAZING FACKING UNBELIEVABLE STUNNING EXCITING” My english is not good enough to express what I want. Greetings from Greece and keep up mixing.” Says it all really. Get along and support this night. It’ll be big.
The Source had hoped to get a quick last minute interview with the guys from 16
Here’s our take on your month ahead. If you’re looking for spiritual guidance this is the place...
Aries – How do we know you’re not one of them?
Libra – Do the voices in your head bother you?
Taurus – I didn’t say it was your fault.
Scorpio – Sometimes too much drink just isn’t enough.
Gemini – If you can’t convince ‘em, confuse ‘em.
Sagittarius - A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
Cancer – Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it? Leo – If all else fails, lower your standards. Virgo – Nobody’s ugly after 2am.
Capricorn – Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.
Bad Day at the Pyramids Adam Gotz, 34, from Baden Wurttemberg, Germany, threw himself to his death off the 187m Cairo Tower on 28 July 1998 to demonstrate to his friend, Sarah Klimer, his Pharaonic belief that the dead return to life. Gotz, a student of Egyptology, had told her he was a “spiritual psychiatrist” who believed the Giza pyramids provided spiritual energy to enable believers to transcend humanity. Ms Klimer has not reported any further contact to date.
Aquarius – If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Pisces – When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
NIGHT H UG E STEAKS $16
ALBINISM is a congenital condition (present from birth) also called achromia, achromasia, or achromatosis . It is characterised by partial or total lack of the pigment melanin that gives colour to the skin, hair and eyes. Cultures around the world have developed many beliefs regarding people with albinism. This folklore ranges from harmless myth to dangerous superstitions that cost human lives. This rare condition not only affects humans but also other mammals, birds, reptiles, fish and amphibians.
FIRE E SUNDSAID YS
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Can’t believe you haven’t seen... White Sands (1992)
A suicide found in the desert with $500,000 stuffed in a briefcase makes Sheriff Ray Dolezal (Willem Dafoe) curious. What was the dead man up to? Sensing that if he follows the money, he’ll find crime at the end of the trail, Dolezal assumes his identity. He soon discovers the dead man was a paid informant for an FBI agent (Samuel L. Jackson) trailing an arms dealer (Mickey Rourke). Dolezal begins to suspect that he’s being set up to take a big fall when the money is stolen from him and the dead man’s girlfriend (Maura Tierney) gets killed after she tells him that her beau had a partner in a scheme to steal the money from the FBI. Will his enemies discover his real identity? Will the FBI agent turn on him? Will he get back the money? 19
The best way to save face is to keep the lower part of it shut.
A SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE
Last month saw both the New Zealand launch of a new top-shelf player and the promotion of an old snowsport favourite. STROM, a Czech spirit now being made in Australia, was introduced to a select few at Queenstown’s very own Bunker by Czech-born distiller and brand pioneer, Hana Tolhoek. Also announced was STROM’s sponsorship of the World Heli Challenge which has been a New Zealand favourite since 1995. The connection is a strong one, with the STROM brand having its roots firmly based in the mountains and making no secret of the fact that it’s a product aimed squarely at anyone with a passion for the outdoor lifestyle. The Heli Challenge kicks off on the 27th July and welcomes riders and skiers from all over the world to compete in a series of seemingly vertical heli-runs in the mountains above Wanaka. STROM are also sponsoring The Black n White Gala Awards night on August 11th. For more info check www.worldhelichallenge.com.
Smooth Pure Natural Good vodka requires clean and pure ingredients... so it’s hard to find a better place than New Zealand to make ours... It’s no coincidence that Broken Shed was chosen for our cocktail of the month. It’s also available at all of our Lap Of Luxury bars over the page...
cocktail of the month A Cuban winter 45ml Havana Club Barrel Proof 15ml Strom Czech Liqueur 3 dashes of Bitter Truth ‘Jerry Thomas’ Bitters 10ml Maple Syrup In a low ball glass add bitters and maple syrup. Stir gently with some ice. Add Havana Club Barrel Proof and Strom Liqueur whilst stirring. Once the glass has frosted a bit stop stirring and add two orange zests. Sit back, relax and let this little beauty warm your mind, body and soul.
sumptuous cocktails, legendary service
fine food, premium produce, leading NZ and International wines... C
queenstown’s best kept secret since 1997 . thebunker.co.nz cow lane . queenstown Ph: 03 4418030 Open 5pm - 4am
now serving our WINTER menu
the finest in
Cocktails . Tapas . Wines . Champagne
discover the bunker, intimate rustic fine dining and late night cocktail bar with rooftop deck. available for private parties in the bar or boardroom. packages + discounts available for local groups
and now in Thai dining
A REE SS T B
CH UR CH ST EARL
Call The Spire 441 0004 for bookings. Open Wednesday through to Sunday. From 6pm
Luxury isn’t for everyone but we think you’ll like it Open daily: 7.30am - late Serving breakfast, lunch and tapas Marine Parade, queenstown’s most prominent lakefront address House bar ph: 441 0442
A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.
the lap of luxury
gig guide Jul11 THU 30 JUN
skycity casino :: Jason Schmidt & the Rockers at 9.30pm. Dux De Lux ::pass the sauce 10pm.
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night with Dave & Charlie 10pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs from 10pm. pog Mahone’s :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm. Red rock :: DJ Asbro from 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp, Queenstown’s naughtiest party. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico. MONTY’S :: Live music. winnies :: Winnies Private Practice, sexy nurses, dirty doctors & syringe shots.
sun 3 JUL
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. WORLD BAR :: The Nextmen (UK) with support from Mr Feet & Closet, tickets $25 from Quest & World Bar. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On! Live music from 4pm with Dave & Charlie. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live Jazz 2-5pm. winnies :: Come for the pizza, stay for the party! MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 5pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session w. Kris Eddy.
fri 1 JUL
STUDIO SANGHA :: Bikram Hot Yoga, 6pm. Koha class for donation to charity. Yoga before beer! Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 5pm. RED ROCK :: Bass Station at 10pm. Live DnB with DJ Pops, JC Base E, Justin & Marshall. Buffalo Club :: Party on the dancefloor with our rockin’ DJs! PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male. winnies :: Canada Day! Drink Crown Royal to score a free t-shirt, eh! MONTY’S :: Sam live at 9pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause after 11pm. skycity casino :: Lipstick at 9.30pm. Dux De Lux :: reality chant feat Messenjah 10pm
Please enjoy Havana Club responsibly
mon 4 JUL
Ministry :: FIFA 2011 PS3 comp, rego 7pm. Free pool all day Mon to Thu. winnies :: Aussie Monday Mate! Pool comp & loads of Aussie tunes. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies.
tue 5 JUL
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs live from 10pm every night. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday world famous Buff bikini bash! winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink & piercings. LONE STAR :: Cardsharks Poker, reg @ 8.
sat 2 JUL
Snowboard & Freeski Camps For more info or to register www.snowparknz.com
Camp 1: July 8 - 10 Camp 2: Aug 3 - 5 Camp 3: Sept 2 - 4
Ladies take it to the next level, make new friends and ride hard for three days at Snow Park.
wed 6 JUL
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals. WORLD BAR :: Ghettoblaster 9-11pm. The Conclave live beat selectas & MC, 11pm. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9pm. Red rock :: Local legend DJ Pops. Buffalo Club :: Look out for killer theme parties all winter long! PIG & WHISTLE :: The Hamiltones live. winnies :: Party under the stars with our DJs and our amazing opening roof. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. LONE STAR :: Local DJ & $20 jugs!
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesday, gingers need love too! PIG & WHISTLE :: The Mutz Nutz at 8pm. winnies :: Wednesday lockdown. Handcuff yourself to a partner in crime! Dux De Lux :: reality chant feat messenjah 8pm.
gig guide Jul11 thu 7 JUL
DJs and our amazing opening roof. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. LONE STAR :: Rugby finals bar tab & nibbles with Rachelle’s birthday, local DJ after 10pm. skycity casino :: Brett Strachan at 9.30pm. Dux De Lux :: Skitzofrantics 10pm.
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night with Dave & Charlie 10pm. WORLD BAR :: NZ Ski party, TSMMM 9pm RED ROCK :: DJ Asbro from 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp, Queenstown’s naughtiest party. PIG & WHISTLE :: Shay & Pearly live. winnies :: Winnies Private Practice, sexy nurses, dirty doctors & syringe shots. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Riders’ Night with Qtn’s best local DJ!
sun 10 JUL Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, live music from 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: The Mutz Nutz at 6pm. winnies :: Come for the pizza, stay for the party! MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 5pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session with Kris Eddy. Dux De Lux :: Calico 6pm.
fri 8 JUL
STUDIO SANGHA :: Bikram Hot Yoga, 6pm. Koha class for donation to charity. Yoga before beer! Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: Find the password on www.theworldbar.com for the bar tab at 11pm. Red rock :: Rock Night. Buffalo Club :: Party on the dancefloor with our rockin’ DJs! PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Mojo. winnies :: Superstar DJs from 9pm dropping beats under our amazing opening roof! BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause. skycity casino :: LA Social Club at 9.30pm. Dux De Lux :: Julian Temple band 10pm
mon 11 JUL Ministry :: FIFA 2011 PS3 comp, rego 7pm. Free pool all day Mon to Thu. winnies :: Aussie Monday Mate! Pool comp & loads of Aussie tunes. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies.
tue 12 JUL Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs live from 10pm every night. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday world famous Buff bikini bash! winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink & piercings. LONE STAR :: Cardsharks Poker, rego 8pm.
sat 9 JUL
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals WORLD BAR :: Find the password on www.theworldbar.com for the bar tab at 11pm. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson from 9pm. Red rock :: Local legend DJ Pops. Buffalo Club :: Look out for killer theme parties all winter long! PIG & WHISTLE :: Ghettoblaster live. winnies :: Party under the stars with our
wed 13 JUL
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesday, gingers need love too! PIG & WHISTLE :: I am Sam live. 26
SPONSORED BY THE BEST PIZZA JOINT IN TOWN: OPEN 11 AM TILL LATE SEVEN DAYS FOR DINE IN, PICKUP AND DELIVERY. PLUS 10% OFF ALL DAY EVERY DAY FOR ALL INSIDER CARD HOLDERS PIG & WHISTLE :: The Hamiltones live. winnies :: Party under the stars with our DJs and our amazing opening roof. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. LONE STAR :: Local DJ & $20 jugs! skycity casino :: Craig Allott at 9pm. Dux De Lux :: DJ Ben Jamin 10pm
winnies :: Wednesday lockdown. Handcuff yourself to a partner in crime! Dux De Lux :: dj Dani gun 8pm
thu 14 JUL
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night with Dave & Charlie 10pm. WORLD BAR :: Heyzeus & Aurelius, mash ups from Mars! pog Mahone’s :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm. RED ROCK :: DJ Asbro from 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp, Queenstown’s naughtiest party. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico. winnies :: Winnies Private Practice, sexy nurses, dirty doctors & syringe shots. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Riders’ Night with Qt’s best local DJ! Dux De Lux :: Inside Out 10pm
sun 17 JUL
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, live music from 4pm. winnies :: Come for the pizza, stay for the party! MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 4pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session with Kris Eddy. SUBCULTURE :: 16Bit and The Upbeats tickets from Quest and Subbies.
fri 15 JUL
mon 18 JUL
STUDIO SANGHA :: Bikram Hot Yoga, 6pm. Koha class for donation to charity. Yoga before beer! Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. Red rock :: Rock Night. Buffalo Club :: Party on the dancefloor with our rockin’ DJs! PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male. winnies :: Superstar DJs from 9pm dropping beats under our amazing opening roof! BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause. skycity casino :: Harry & Saelyn kicking off at 9. Dux De Lux :: Live music 10pm
Ministry :: FIFA 2011 PS3 comp, rego 7pm. Free pool all day Mon to Thu. winnies :: Aussie Monday Mate! Pool comp & loads of Aussie tunes. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies.
tue 19 JUL
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. WORLD BAR :: Find the password on www.theworldbar.com for the bar tab at 11pm. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday world famous Buff bikini bash! winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink & piercings. LONE STAR :: Cardsharks Poker rego @8.
wed 20 JUL
sat 16 JUL
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesday, gingers need love too! PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with the Mutz Nutz at 8pm.
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals. WORLD BAR :: Ghettoblaster from 9pm followed by Gee on the decks. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9pm. Red rock :: Local legend DJ Pops. Buffalo Club :: Look out for killer theme parties all winter long! 27
gig guide Jul11 SAT 23 JUL
winnies :: Wednesday lockdown. Handcuff yourself to a partner in crime! MONTY’S :: Sam at 8.30pm. Dux De Lux :: DJ Dani gun 8pm.
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals. WORLD BAR :: RELEASE feat. DJs Cuzy & Dan Move, house & breakbeat. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9pm. Red rock :: Local legend DJ Pops. Buffalo Club :: Look out for killer theme parties all winter long! PIG & WHISTLE :: Sam & Jodie live. winnies :: Christmas in July party! BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. LONE STAR :: Local DJ & $20 jugs! skycity casino :: Neil Chilton at 9pm Dux De Lux :: Dutchess swift 10pm.
THU 21 JUL
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night with Dave & Charlie 10pm. WORLD BAR :: Heyzeus & Aurelius on the decks, these boys can play! pog Mahone’s :: Dan Da Man at 9pm. Red rock :: DJ Asbro from 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp, Queenstown’s naughtiest party. PIG & WHISTLE :: Shay & Pearly. winnies :: Winnies Private Practice, sexy nurses, dirty doctors & syringe shots. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Riders’ Night with Qt’s best local DJ!
sun 24 JUL
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. WORLD BAR :: Garage Sale 9am. 100% of proceeds go to Qtn Lakes Family Centre. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, live music from 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: The Mutz Nutz at 6pm. winnies :: Come for the pizza, stay for the party! MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 5pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session with Kris Eddy. Dux De Lux :: Calico 6pm
fri 22 JUL
STUDIO SANGHA :: Bikram Hot Yoga, 6pm. Koha class for donation to charity. Yoga before beer! Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 epic DJs every night 10am-4pm. pog Mahone’s :: The GCs from 8pm. RED ROCK :: Rock Night. Buffalo Club :: Party on the dancefloor with our rockin’ DJs! PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Mojo. winnies :: Superstar DJs from 9pm dropping beats under our amazing opening roof! BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause. skycity casino :: Pearly & the Oystermen at 9.30pm. Dux De Lux :: Hangman 10pm.
mon 25 JUL
Ministry :: FIFA 2011 PS3 comp, rego 7pm. Free pool all day Mon to Thu. winnies :: Aussie Monday Mate! Pool comp & loads of Aussie tunes. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies.
tue 26 JUL
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs live from 10pm every night. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday world famous Buff bikini bash! winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink & piercings. LONE STAR :: Cardsharks Poker, reg. @ 8.
0800 666 111 WWW.HELL.CO.NZ 28
SPONSORED BY THE BEST PIZZA JOINT IN TOWN: OPEN 11 AM TILL LATE SEVEN DAYS FOR DINE IN, PICKUP AND DELIVERY. PLUS 10% OFF ALL DAY EVERY DAY FOR ALL INSIDER CARD HOLDERS
wed 27 JUL
sat 30 JUL
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9pm. Red rock :: Local legend DJ Pops. Buffalo Club :: Look out for killer theme parties all winter long! PIG & WHISTLE :: Ghettoblaster live. winnies :: Pirate Party! Dress like a scurvy sea dog to score the best booty in town. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 5pm. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. LONE STAR :: Local DJ & $20 jugs! skycity casino :: Groova at 9pm. Dux De Lux :: Inside Out 10pm.
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesday, gingers need love too! PIG & WHISTLE :: I Am Sam live. winnies :: Wednesday lockdown. Handcuff yourself to a partner in crime!
THU 28 JUL
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night with Dave & Charlie 10pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs from 10pm. pog Mahone’s :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm. Red rock :: DJ Asbro from 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp, Queenstown’s naughtiest party. PIG & WHISTLE :: Calico live. winnies :: Winnies Private Practice, sexy nurses, dirty doctors & syringe shots. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Riders’ Night with Qt’s best local DJ! Dux De Lux :: Oval Office 10pm.
sun 31 JUL
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, live music from 4pm. winnies :: Come for the pizza, stay for the party! BUNKER :: Sunday Session with Kris Eddy. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz.
fri 29 JUL
got a gig?
STUDIO SANGHA :: Bikram Hot Yoga, 6pm. Koha class for donation to charity. Yoga before beer! Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: Find the password on www.theworldbar.com for the bar tab at 11pm. RED ROCK :: Rock Night. Buffalo Club :: Party on the dancefloor with our rockin’ DJs! PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male. winnies :: Superstar DJs from 9pm dropping beats under our amazing opening roof! BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause. skycity casino :: LA Social Club at 9. Dux De Lux :: Oval Office 10pm
up If you’ve got an event coming and you’d like to get it into our line. a us drop gig guide, please as Our listings are only as good get the stuff you tell us about, so in touch with the crew and we’ll get your gig on the radar. You know where to find us:
g. This guide was correct at time of printin or We apologise for any late changes if s venue with check omissions. Please and play you are unsure. Have a great night nicely out there.
what’s where? who? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
7 15 1 16
21 5 D 6 11 24
Lone Star No.5 PO Café Bella Cucina Pog Mahones Finz Fat Badgers Yoga Studios Pig & Whistle Eichardts Boiler Room Red Rock Whisky Room Bath House The World Bar
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 A B C D E
Buffalo Club Winnies The Bunker Hell Pizza Dux de Lux Yakitori Daruma Monty’s Bar Up Atlas Ballarat Trader Police Post Office Medical Centre Bus Stop QT Gardens
The Boom Boom Room Burlesque
Be prepared to be teased and titillated on August 5th and 6th when the Boom Boom Room Burlesque show will be live at SKYCITY Queenstown Casino with its first ever visit to Queenstown! This specially choreographed show is not to be missed! More information will be added to www.skycityqueenstown.co.nz in the near future.
O’CONNELLS SHOPPING CENTRE
THE MALL COW LANE
Our regular look at us the world around folk at thanks to the good
The Arctic… white now, but for how long?
2 tbsp gelatine, ¼ cup water, 2 cups white sugar, 1 cup water, 1 tsp vanilla essence, ¼ cup cornflour, ½ cup icing sugar mixed Put gelatine & ¼ cup cold water in small bowl, set aside to swell for 10 mins. In large saucepan pour sugar & 1 cup water, gently dissolve sugar over low heat stirring constantly. Add swollen gelatine & dissolve. Raise temperature & bring to boil. Boil steadily for 15 minutes without stirring. Remove from heat & cool until luke warm. Add vanilla essence & whisk with electric mixer until very thick & white. Rinse a 20cm tin under water & pour marshmallow mixture into wet tin. Refrigerate until set. Cut into squares 60 DaY ageD (scissors are best for the job!) & roll in mixed cornflour & icing sugar.
P M U R
WHY YOUR NOSE RUNS WHEN IT’S COLD On an average day, a typical person’s nose will produce just under 1 litre of mucus/fluid. Most of this snot generally gets passed back into your throat and swallowed, often without you even really being too conscious of it. When you’re breathing cold air the rate of mucus production goes up significantly, causing some of that snot to come out the front of your nose. What’s going on here is the blood supply to your nose actually increases as a response to the cold air, via tiny blood vessels dilating to increase the blood flow. This helps keep your nose warm as you breathe as well as begins to warm the cold air before it enters your lungs. This increased flow doesn’t just help warm the air though, it also has a side effect of providing a lot more blood than normal to the glands which produce the mucus. This in turn causes them to start producing snot at a much higher rate than normal, which causes your nose to run when you’re breathing the cold air. Once you’re back in a warm environment the blood vessels in your nose will constrict and the glands that produce the mucus/liquid mix will go back to their normal rate of around 4 cups of snot per day! 32
As I write this, Greenpeace International’s Executive Director, Kumi Naidoo, sits in a jail in Greenland. He has been arrested for breaching a court injunction by climbing onto the Leiv Eiriksson, a deep sea oil rig drilling inside the Arctic, west of Greenland. Naidoo did this to deliver a 50,000 signature-strong petition demanding an end to the operation. What does that have to do with Queenstown? Everything. The company that owns the Leiv Eiriksson, Cairn Energy, is only able to do its exploratory drilling because the Arctic ice cap is retreating further and further every year. There’s a whole host of oil companies wanting to do the same as Cairn. But the waters west of Greenland are still a remote and extremely hostile place. Tugs have to tow large icebergs away from the rig, or try to divert them with water cannon, lest one of the bergs crashes into the rig, causing a spill. The Leiv Eiriksson will be drilling in 900 metres of water, far too deep for a diver to fix a problem on the seafloor if something goes wrong. If any leak is not fixed before the end of summer,
the oil will pour from the well, under the ice, all winter. These extreme types of oil recovery are an inherent part of the development of the oil industry’s final frontiers, as the supply of easy-to-reach oil begins to wane. As well as in the Arctic, those frontiers are also being developed here, off New Zealand’s coasts. Deep water exploratory drilling is planned for this summer, off Canterbury. The work is being carried out in the name of a 25 per cent shareholder in the Deepwater Horizon: Anadarko. Going hard after the last few drops of oil is only going to bring climate change, which is already underway, to the point at which it is too late to turn around. That is something that will affect the whole world, from pole to pole. Rather than pouring taxpayers’ money into surveys intended to attract the oil industry here, the Government must start investing in this country’s clean energy sector, which has the expertise to prosper – in the right economic and regulatory conditions - in the already enormous global cleantech sector. Bunny McDiarmid, Executive Director, Greenpeace NZ 33
E D BAK ED AN
est, baddestuppistazzirsa NZ’s bigg ween 4pm & 10pm
27 Shotover St
open 11am till 3am,
• About 50 percent of people who are allergic to latex are often also allergic to bananas. • The banana “tree” is not really a tree but a giant herb and the banana is the fruit. • Worldwide, bananas are the fourth largest fruit crop. • India is the world’s number 1 banana producer. • It is believed by many experts that bananas were the first fruit cultivated by humans. • In Uganda, bananas are such a big part of the diet that the same word, matooke, is used for both “food” and “banana.” • The banana split was invented in 1904 by 23-year-old David Evans Strickler, an employee at the Tassel Pharmacy soda fountain in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. • In 2001, Britain recorded 300 incidents of injuries related to bananas. The majority of these involved people slipping on banana peels. 34
You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don’t need.
dining bet at
Stuff (White) People Like in Queenstown indie music. Underneath that façade is an intense craving that lives deep within the soul of white people to listen to an acoustic duo harmonize Oasis songs in front of an indoor fireplace. Knowing more than you about your country As a city full of transplants, QT is the perfect place for white people to assert their own deep knowledge of other people’s countries of origin. You’ll inevitably find yourself faceto-face with a white person who is grilling you about the inadequacies of your country’s healthcare system. Don’t worry, you can easily sidestep further accosting by diverting the topic to a more obscure country: “Well, at least we haven’t seen the financial fallout that Estonia is experiencing.” Après-ski Like fine wine and modern art, après-ski is a French innovation that white people can’t get enough of. White people arguably like drinking alcohol more than anything else, but the pressure to maintain an active and outdoorsy lifestyle makes white people afraid to admit that the end goal of each and every day of their life is to drink. Après-ski is an ingenious happy hour which presumes that participants spent the last 8 hours doing something athletic. In QT, this means that white people can crawl out of bed at 4pm after attending an unannounced set by an underground London DJ they’ve never even heard of, put on some snowboarding pants and feel 100% entitled to a beer.
There’s no doubt that Queenstown is a place that white people like. Strategically named after the whitest human alive (the Queen, who has carried the accolade throughout all of history minus the late 90s, or “Michael Jackson Years”), Queenstown is appropriately littered with ski resorts, golf courses and performance outerwear shops. But since QT hasn’t yet graced the ranks of Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com (the brilliant creation of Canadian writer Christian Lander), I thought I’d highlight the palefriendly elements that make Queenstown one big fun-lovin’ Caucasian jamboree. Alternative Sport Clothes Not all white people like snowboarding or surfing per se, but they certainly all love snowboarding and surfing clothes. This is because companies like Billabong and Rip Curl have honed in on the one thing that white people can’t resist – irony. Sure, it’s a brand new waterproof nylon jacket, but it’s printed to look like a torn up stonewashed jean jacket! Merino Available in sensible colors? Check. Multiple faux turtleneck styles to choose from? Check. Good for starting conversations with other white people about adventure travel and sustainable clothing practices? Check. Cover Bands White people cast heavy demands on each other to pretend to enjoy the screechy, dissonant and unintelligible vocals of
the ‘C’ word
White Noise We’re under siege and it’s not grenades that are being thrown at us, it’s information. Surfing the net, watching TV, even walking down the street, there are huge amounts of info coming at us every second. According to some estimates you’ll be exposed to between 500 and 1000 advertising messages alone every day. In fact, you’ll probably process more details in a single day than a medieval peasant did in a whole lifetime. Nothing wrong with being informed but with so many messages swirling around, it’s easy for the meaning to get distorted. It’s called “white noise”- meaningless chatter that masks and obliterates underlying information. We’re talking about those situations where someone reads or hears something wrongly and passes it on as fact. The next person does the same. Before you know it, there’s a fog of wrongness emanating from what can only be described as a big game of Chinese whispers. This can have a really negative impact on a community,
especially one like Queenstown in all kinds of areas. We’re all busy and most of us have to take things at face value because we don’t have time to do anything else. That’s fine when the story is correct but not when it’s skewed or incomplete. That old adage that there are two sides to every story still rings true. If it’s an issue that has the ability to affect each of us personally, then we all need to take the time to find out if what we’re hearing is the full story. Read the newspaper article rather than just the headline. Don’t be afraid to approach whatever organisation or agency you have concerns about and ask questions. You could be pleasantly surprised. For Council’s part there are a few options to keep in the ‘fact’ loop. You can look at the Council website www. qldc.govt.nz or check us out on Facebook or sign up for tweets and get the goods on road conditions every morning before 7.30am (oh and yes, the roads will be gritted), or stroll in the front door at Gorge Road and strike up a conversation or email or write to us. If all else fails take a moment to break through the white noise and give yourself a shot of sheer joy, it’s easy, step outside open your eyes and take a deep breath. What an amazing place to live!
Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
WHY I’M DIVORCED
“Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?“
Last week was my birthday. I went down for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!” and possibly have a present for me. He barely said good morning. I thought “well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids, they will remember.” My kids came bouncing in and didn’t say a word so when I left for the office I felt pretty low. As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, “Good morning lady and by the way Happy Birthday!” I felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me?” I said, “Thanks, Rick, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!” He chose a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office Rick said, “We don’t need to go straight back to the office do we?” I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” He said, “Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner.” After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, “If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes came out carrying a huge birthday cake - followed by my husband, my kids and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday’. And I just sat there - on the couch naked.
Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your father. He’s in the garage.” The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.” Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent and said “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.” The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?” The little girl said “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.” ..................................................................... My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes. .....................................................................
HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND
“Please move all baggage away from the doors. (Pause..) Please move ALL belongings away from the doors. (Pause...) This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down four-eyes and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!” 38
essed from Queenstown
BIGGEST Ski Area easily acc
lity snow and huge views
HIGH elevation means qua
EASY drive or bus ride from
Queenstown or Wanaka
buy your lift For more information or to more... and ons less passes, rental, , or town ens Que 35 Shotover St, aka Wan 18 Dunmore St , www.cardrona.com 39
PLUS $5 KINGFISHER . EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT ME
HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO EAT THE BEST CURRY IN TOWN Above the Bakery: 15 shotover st, Queenstown. Ph: 03 442 5335
New menu sparks a debate
favourites are still there but they’ve added a new page of ‘rolling dishes’ which they change from month to month. I went for the Butter Fish Masala washed down with a glass of Kingfisher and it was bang on. So now I’m hooked on this new fish dish I’m a bit screwed ‘cos I know they’re gonna take it away again before too long. Turns out they couldn’t completely re-write the menu or half of town would kick the door down and demand the old recipes. The crew at India Once Upon A Time are a rare breed. Putting together delicious Indian recipes in a friendly relaxed space. If you’ve been before you’ll be coming back soon - if you haven’t then it’s time to check out one of Queenstown’s best kept secrets.
I’ve been going to ‘Little India’ since the first day I arrived in Queenstown. Like everyone I’ve got my favourite dish (aloo palak) and I’ll often go months without trying anything new. So the other week I was shocked and a bit concerned when I heard they’d changed the menu. It was bad enough when they changed the name to India Once Upon a Time - almost as much of a mouthful as one of their delicious garlic naan breads. So, we called in to see if the rumours were true and sure enough the whole place has changed. New decor, new lights, cosy warm fire and yep, a new menu. With trepidation we opened it up only to find that all our old 40
But I’d rather white Than white not quite White with a ray of sunshine White with a hint A hint of Barley White with dash of lime Never mind white, I’ll take the night Not quite white’s just not quite right
Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t serve your type here!”
$25 PER PERSON
Never mind white, I’ll take the night You can keep your squeaky clean Your pure associations Give me some marrow Give me someone to bite Never mind white, I’ll take the night I’ll take the multicolour dreams Burlesque animations Give me some shadow Give me someone to fright Never mind white, I’ll take the night Plant a hand full of magic beans Drop your miss-representation Off all white things haloed Give me dark over light Give me black hues bright
d ry te ur n vot c ow s t be in The Curry House Where The Locals Go
SUNDAY BUFFET - ALL YOU CAN EAT
er rhymin’ fo yo supp Never Mind White
Queenstown’s Oldest,Tastiest and Finest
IT’S ALL ABOUT WINNING THE LOT. ALL OUR INSIDERS AND FACEBOOK FRIENDS GO IN THE DRAW. WE PULL YOUR NAME OUT OF THE HAT ON THE 10TH OF THE MONTH.WINNER TAKES ALL. SIMPLE.
a Cocktail for 2 at each of our Lap of Luxury bars
a bottle of strom
The Red Rock
$10 All Day Brekkie Sunny Garden + Mega Jugs Pool Table + Big Sky TV Corner of Camp Street + Man Street E S AT ON E IV TI BL PR NC ILA FUAVA
DOUBLE PASS TO NIGHTCAP AND ONE BOTTLE OF AGWA now that’s a quality night out
nt to win If you wbaecome a prizes ok fan: ” facebo e mag queenstown rc u o “s
The Whisky Room
$10 Cocktail Nights Intimate Upstairs Lounge Bar above Red Rock - Full Bar Available EN CO JO M Y EA O L UR O C NG O A SY N FI D RE
If you need a to win booty, weekly Source fix and you want just sign up for an In by em info@thesou ailing your name and sider Card to your door rceonline.com. We’ll seaddress to an week - straigd our listings newsletnd a card treated like ht to your inbox. You’llter ever y also get a lo staff of yourcal when you flash it at th favourite wat e er in It’s the way forward my g holes. friends.
The Bath House
Mulled Wine + Beer on Tap Seafood Chowder Homemade Pies + Scones Beside Queenstown Gardens, Qtn Bay
Why be good when you can be bad? 42
12 13 14
Get 20g of tobacco and your coals. Ask at the bar for flavours available.