SHARE Magazine July 2021

Share Truth Change Lives

July 2021

l SEX - SHOULD WE WAIT?

l DIVORCED - WHO CARES?

l TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE?

l MASTURBATION - FACING A DARK REALITY

l SAVED FROM AN ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE l SEX - SINGLE AND SAVED

l FIFTY, SINGLE & CHILDLESS

l UNEQUALLY YOKED? - HOW TO COPE

l UNMASKING CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES

l TESTIMONY - PREGNANT FOR A MARRIED MAN l # YOUTHSHARE

A Select Arrow Publication www.thesharemagazine.com

lWORLD IN VIEW lTHINK FILM lSINGLENESS SURVEY

Devotional

RELATIVITY O

One of the most beautiful aspects of a good relationship is the phenomenon of learning to take the position of another. Every relationship, (familial, cordial, intimate, business, etc.) naturally produces its own tensions at some time or other as egos clash. The person we think we are at any phase of our development has its built-in passions and prejudices, a natural result of our experience, our socialization, our story. As no two snowflakes are alike, no two personalities are exactly similar, no matter how deeply grounded in shared values, shared opinions and perspectives or shared experience. There is bound to come the time when sentiments and convictions are not aligned and it is at that very moment that moral judgments are made and offense is taken (whether given or not).

These moments either spark the seeds of discord, distrust, and disunity, or awaken the soul to expand its ground of being and become more than it was before. The latter happens when one party decides to consider and serve the interest of the other rather than seek its own. This is the fulfilment of the New Testament scriptures: Phil 2:3 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another” and 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Love….is not self-seeking.”

The absolutely beautiful thing about this way is to behold the healing of soul fractures as ego dissolves in the decision to serve rather than be serviced. Often, not only is the person making the decision to serve transformed, but also the person being served. Selflessness expands self while selfishness contracts it; always an amazing process to persons more oriented to the individual rather than collective dimension of human consciousness and being.

The process is particularly beautiful in long standing relationships where, over time, onlookers notice what appears to be role reversals – A husband who takes on the positions of his wife as she takes his. A parent who speaks for his/her child as the child speaks for the parent. A community leader who represents his/her people’s interests even as his/her people identify with him/her.

Opposite selves have expanded to accommodate perspectives and approaches once foreign to the individual self and the emergent self is bigger, wiser, kinder and more beautiful and powerful than the polar positions which informed its expansion.

Of course, we always have the option to double down when challenged by what appears our opposite. The truth of being however is that the shadow of every substance resembles it. We all are reflections of each other. We are all absolutely related.

Posted - April 18, 2021

By Yekengale yekengale.wordpress.com

inside EDITORIAL

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FEATURE ARTICLES

To Date or Not to Date 6 Is dating as we know it biblical?

Single, Childless Christian Women Probing perceptions about singleness in the Church Sex, Single and Saved The struggle for sexual purity

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Unequally Yoked?

12 Living with, praying for and serving an unsaved husband/wife Divorced, Who Cares?

14 Discussing the need for a Divorce Care Ministry Fifty, Single & Childless 16 Finding myself as I wait on God Sex, Should we Wait?

18 Is sexual abstinence still applicable to the modern Church?

Storyteller Saved From an Alternative Lifestyle

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Is Common-Law Marriage Approved by God? 22 A look at Common-Law marriages in a Christian context

REFLECTIONS

Unmasking Christian Marriages 26 The dark secrets married couples won’t admit World in View Emerging Trends - Sex and Marriage Around the World

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Poem: Young Man - Love Power 29

By Errol Bean Single Again 30 Starting over without a partner #YouthSHARE - Survey 32 6 questions for Christian single women over 30 years old Singles Interview Conversation with a single Christian women over 30

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Masturbation 36 Facing a Dark Reality THINK - Film Greenleaf The TV Series

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Poem: PS* It wasn’t love

By Angela Slack

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12 14 16

Testimony: Pregnant for a Married Man 24 A journey to self discovery

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24 26 July - September 2021

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S

Summer brings passion and romance! Sex is used to advertise everything, everywhere through every form of media.

How do we respond? Sex was designed

by God to take place within the context of marriage and intended to bring us into worship and wholeness. It is part of God’s overall plan to create a wholesome and fulfilled society by multiplying the model of Eden, over time. It is at the core of the marital function; symbolising the spiritual unity of Jesus and His Bride. It’s a practical representation of a spiritual reality.

Marriage is first a sacrament unto God sealed through the consummation of husband and wife and not just a legally binding contract for society. It is the cornerstone of family life and therefore the strong bond that holds the Kingdom of God together. Originally, sex and marriage were pure and they were perverted because Adam and Eve’s sin caused sexual immorality and dysfunction among other sin to become rampant upon the earth. Consequentially, some people get prudish at the mere mention of sex. That is so unfortunate because when God created it He said, “It is good ‘’ and in its original, God designed, context [Gen. 2] it is all still, GOOD! Our identity is rooted in the image of Christ; all we are or ever hope to be is in Christ. We should never lose sight of this and confuse ‘who we are’, with ‘how we are’. We are the apple of God’s eye, His chosen bride, His called out people, His set apart priests and His temple. He lives, moves and has His being in us. When we live ignorantly outside of these truths or by our own rebellion against God, we experience dire dysfunction.

We look at ‘how we are’ - our painful past, personality disorders, addictions etc... and we define ourselves by them. THAT error is what is causing us to experience sexual, gender confusion and identity crisis. As GOD’s prized creation, placed here to fulfill His purpose and bring Him glory, He alone has the say so about WHO we are!

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EDITORIAL This issue of SHARE, explores the origin of these concepts and what they really mean.

God has the copyright on these concepts so we can’t redefine them without His permission. Not legally anyway. If we try to, aren’t we in violation of the courts of Heaven?

In response to God’s plan for us these natural questions arise: Is love a feeling or a choice? Why do we get married?

Why should we wait to have sex within marriage? Is masturbation a sin? Are we all called to be married? Why is Godly Marriage heterosexual? What happens if we divorce? Is Common-Law marriage acknowledged by God? How do we live a single, clebate life? What does a healthy marriage look like? How do we cope if our spouse is an unbeliever? What happens if we have broken all of God’s rules?

We have compiled, heartrending testimonials from our contributors who have taken a ‘no bars held’ approach to this subject. We opened up earnest discussion and pinned down practical, biblically based solutions.

What is more, this July we will begin a campaign of pre-celebration of our 10th anniversary, which we will celebrate next year July 2022; by taking our discussion off the pages and going LIVE on our new YOUTUBE Channel - #Youth Share Live.

The #YouthSHARE team will be the first to kick off this celebration. We invite you to join us there as our contributors and other specially invited guests will be available for you to ask questions and get meaningful answers. Look out for the schedule on our SHARE Magazine Facebook FanPage, SHARE Magazine website, or on Instagram@youthsharelive.

Join us on this amazing journey of sharing truth and changing lives. Subscribe to SHARE Magazine and keep the word alive in you and going out to others around the world. See you LIVE on YOUTUBE! p Love as always,

| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

Angela Slack

SHARE|MAGAZINE Volume 9 - Issue 3

About Us

SHARE MAGAZINE is a FREE Christian quarterly that deals with challenging Christian topics that have been mostly ignored or left unanswered.

The magazine includes written articles, poems and thoughts etc.

Read our online version at www.

TheShareMagazine.com where you can go to our blog to discuss articles or order a printed version.

If you would like to submit articles, join our writers group, or to get involved in any other way kindly email us. SHARE MAGAZINE is produced by Select Arrow, the publishing arm of United In Christ charity number 1140448.

Disclaimer

Throughout this magazine the editor & contributors seek to present a balanced and accurate view of Scripture’s teaching. We are all on a journey of studying and understanding God’s Word.

Because of this, all we can offer is as balanced an understanding as the Holy Spirit has offered us at this time. The views or opinions represented in this publication are personal to each of our contributors and may not fully represent those of any other contributor or editor.

Some writers may use UK spelling while others may use US spelling as our writers are from different regions of the world.

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Editor and Co-founder

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QA &

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You have questions we’ve got answers

Do we fall in love or choose to love? Is love a feeling or a decision?

Just like tumbling down the stairs when you least expect it or want it, we describe falling in love as something that is beyond our control. The Bible has a lot to say about love but never describes any of the characters therein as “falling in love.” When a person speaks of falling in love, it is usually used to describe a rush of romantic emotions driven by hormones. It is dependent upon physical attraction/ lust, and strong feelings.

The Bible tells us a lot about love.

For example, “God is love” (1 John 4:16). In 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, love is described as patient and kind; it does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude; it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and never ends. So the question is, can one fall into patience, kindness, truth, hope and endurance without pursuing these things? So the concept of falling in love is not Biblical but love definitely is.

Do we fall in love or choose to love?

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Is Falling in Love Biblical?

To my knowledge Scripture doesn’t prescribe how we should approach love; i.e. Eros - erotic/passionate love. We have a collection of stories rooted in Middle Eastern culture and traditions in which the Bible was set.

The prevailing tradition was arranged marriages and this is still practiced today. These arrangements were power based, transactional, family oriented and were not based on the individual feelings of the intended couple. There are case studies of

As noted above, “falling in love” gives the impression that the person(s) have no choice. In fact we do choose to love. We choose the person to bestow this love upon.

For example; when I started dating, I would not go on a second date if certain characteristics were present or others were absent. That is a choice! And each person does this when they start dating a new person.

Imagine with me for a second that we have no choice in choosing the love of our lives. Would we then “fall in love” with the first person of the opposite sex who is not a family member with whom we spend a significant amount of time? Would we “fall in love every time we meet someone who is pleasing to our eyes?

Is love a feeling or a decision?

Love encompasses both a decision and feelings; you can get better or worse at it. Over time, a couple should get better at understanding the needs of their spouse and honing their “love skills”. There are definitely feelings that follow the decision to love. But it is important to understand that feelings can

persons choosing their loved ones in Songs of Solomon, and Sampson [the latter admittedly not being the best case scenario]. Overall, what the Bible shows us is that God can make something out of nothing and make the right out of raw and rough material.

The Bible places less emphasis on ‘how one gets to be married’ and focuses more on ‘how to treat your spouse in marriage’. To love

and do fluctuate based on what is happening in our lives and that our feelings should not always dictate our actions towards those we love.

“Falling in love causes our body to release a flood of feel-good chemicals that trigger specific physical reactions,” said Pat Mumby, PhD, co-director of the Loyola Sexual Wellness Clinic and professor, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Neurosciences, Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine (SSOM). “This internal elixir of love is responsible for making our cheeks flush, our palms sweat and our hearts race.

Levels of these substances, which include dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, increase when two people fall in love. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that goes along with experiencing love.” The rush of hormones we experience when we “fall in love” is not sustainable, so we must decide to continue loving regardless of our feelings. p

| Answer by: Cheryl A. Williams God’s way requires ‘Spirit-fullness, that is loving as God loves; that is husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church, in that He gave His life for her and wives submit to your husbands and honour them.

It’s the kind of love expressed by mutual submission and a Christlike attitude of sacrificial service to each other. p

| Answer by: By Bishop Sam Vassel Continued on page 35 >>

July - September 2021

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TO DATE OR

NOT

TO DATE?

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| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

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How should Christians properly relate to the opposite sex?

1 Tim 5: 1 – 2 states, “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”

The Bible is very clear that we are to treat each other as brothers and sisters.

We would not ‘date’ our brothers and sisters, but the persons we intend to marry.

We should therefore not have nor encourage romantic thoughts, attachments nor feelings towards our brothers and sisters unless you desire to marry that person. The scripture emphasises “…with all purity”.

Godly Courtship Not Casual Dating The Bible shows how we should enter into and maintain marriages successfully.

God should be involved in every step of the process, before, during and after the vows are taken. Eccl. 4:12 tells us, “…a threefold cord is not easily broken”, (threefold = you, your spouse and God).

Prov. 3: 5 - 6, says we should, “lean not to our own understandings but in all our ways to acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths.” That is, ALL OUR WAYS, not most or some of our ways. We may make mistakes [sin] in the process, but we should confess it to God, repent and practice doing right.

The Bible encourages us to conduct ourselves in a godly way in our relationships. So, avoid sexual activities and things that cause one to be sexually aroused. For example there should not be ‘Presex’- fondling or “French” kissing which will arouse you sexually.

The Bible says “…greet the brethren with a holy kiss” 1 Thess. 5:26. If one kisses a brother or sister that they are not married to, then, they should ensure that

it is holy. If it is not holy, one shouldn’t be engaged in it.

your honest intentions and find out if the feelings are mutual.

One should try as best as possible not to be alone or unsupervised with the opposite sex, especially with one’s intended for a number of reasons:

4. Spend time developing your friendship with that person in a healthy, god honouring way.

1. Personal protection from temptations for both of you, from sexual misconduct.

2. Protection of both your reputations.

Remember that believers and nonbelievers may think that you are engaged in premarital sexual activities and think that it is allowed. 2 Cor. 6:3 NLT says, ... “live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry.” No wonder the Scriptures say, “The Gentiles blaspheme the name of God because of you” Rom 2:24 NLT 3. We are also taught that we shouldn’t defraud our brother sexually (1 Thess. 4: 4 - 7). It is wrong for two persons who are not yet married to each other to be engaged in sexual activity. If they decided not to marry each other then, the persons they eventually marry would have been “defrauded” or robbed on their wedding night of the gift of each other’s purity.

Recommend steps in approaching marriage.

1. Preparation- Emotional -character and maturity; Financial- Career and material provision; SocialIntegrity and reputation within the community; Spiritual- Prayerful, Bible based living.

2. THEN, Prayerfully seek God for guidance about your intention and then seek confirmation from family, friends and spiritual leaders.

3. If you believe it is the right move then approach and let them know

5. Introduce them to the significant persons in your life e.g., your family, your close, godly friends, your pastor/elder/spiritual oversight, etc.

6. Get to know the significant persons in their life.

7. Find out the honest opinions of the significant persons in both of your lives. If there are any legitimate objections, try to solve them and ensure that they do not affect your future together. If the objections are not legitimate then ignore them respectfully.

8. If there are all green lights then get engaged and get premarital counselling.

9. Premarital Counsel- Both of you seek advice from trustworthy, godly family, friends, leaders/mentors and professionals.

10. After that, set the dates for the wedding and get married.

The reason behind these recommendations is to ensure that we make the best choice in a future spouse.

Also, to ensure that we do not hurt each other because of wrong expectations.

God would be upset if we hurt the emotions and possibly cripple His sons or daughters. Our marriages should last until Jesus returns or one or both of us passes from this life and ensure that God is honoured. Marriage is the ONLY institution that REPRESENTS the relationship between Christ and His Church, it is HOLY! p

by Pastor David Ferguson Bible teacher, Pastor of Restoration Family Church Int.

July - September 2021

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SINGLE,

CHILDLESS CHRISTIAN WOMEN 8

| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

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There are so many Christian women in churches all over the world who are miserable because they are single and childless. Now again before anyone starts to throw stones my way, I am a Christian woman and I am not trying to bash anyone here. I am simply asking the tough questions because I have spoken to so many single childless Christian women who need answers.

Let me start off by looking at what is thrown at single childless Christian women daily. I have heard ministers say from the pulpit that if any sister brings an unsaved man to him talking about marriage he is not going to approve. First of all your pastor does not have to approve the person you are going to marry ; that is between you and God. Many times when they refer to the fact that the person has to be saved they are talking about the person attending church. The last time I checked they are not the same thing. Attending church does not make you a Christian no more than standing in a garage makes you a car. So many “Christian men” treat their wives like a word I don’t wish to put in this article; so clearly the answer is not just in attending church.

How is it okay for a woman to marry an unsaved man if she gets pregnant out of wedlock? That is the question that is baffling me. If a woman gets pregnant for a man, most churches would encourage them to get married. If it is so wrong to marry someone who is not saved then why is the church so eager to marry a woman to a man who is not saved just so they can save their image? Stop telling women they cannot marry men who are not attending church (because that is what it boils down to a lot of times).

We are hit with the unequally yoked scripture whenever they talk about it; but as I said this scripture is used for their convenience. If it was that serious, they would not be encouraging persons to marry just because they are pregnant. Even though the world and his wife knows that man is not attending church and many times has no intention to.

Some of us had kids before we became Christians so this is kind of easier to deal with. I guess that means we can wait a little longer to get married (assuming you do not want anymore kids). That woman who has been in church since she was a teenager, who is now hitting 40 and beyond with neither a baby nor a husband on the horizon finds this to be very challenging.

There are too many insensitive ministers is what I have found.

These men lay down the rules over these women without thinking how all of this affects them. The fact is, it is easy for a man to find a wife when he is ready. After all there are so many to choose from. So what does he know about what these women are going through? The double standard is so blatant it is almost comical. When it is time to save face, ministers are quick to marry off a sister to a man who is not attending church. However, that same minister will tell another sister that he will not approve her getting married to a man who is not attending church.

Many times it is other women who treat single childless women the worst and that is disgusting to say the least. Now I would never get into a relationship with a man who does not believe in God. However, I dare to say that there are so many men who are not saved YET who

would make great husbands for single sisters in the church. We need to stop acting like only men who attend church know how to treat a woman well. Believe me I have seen some things that “Christian” men do to their wives that make me go, HUH? I have seen so many single Christian women turn down guys who would make great husbands just because they are afraid of what their church will think. Here is the thing, it is your decision and has nothing to do with neither the pastor nor the members of the congregation.

Until the practice of encouraging persons who are pregnant outside of wedlock to marry persons who are unsaved is stopped, then please do not talk to me about unequally yoked. If it is such a sin to marry someone who is not attending church, please explain to me why this is encouraged when pregnancy is involved.

Single childless Christian women everywhere need to take their lives back. If you find a man who believes in God but who is not saved YET then talk to God about it and get His opinion. Only you and God know the struggles you are facing on a daily basis so do not allow another human to tell you what to do. Respect your pastor but he is not the final authority on who you marry or not marry. Again I say the fact that you met the man at church does not mean he is saved. p

By Mardene R. Carr Founder/CEO – Concierge Librarian, Certified Constant Contact Partner

https://conciergelibrarian.com/2015/02/ singles-in-church/

July - September 2021

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SAVED

Sex, Single and

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| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

“

I walked into a wall of temptation and landed hard in the throes of hell as I felt surely God would never forgive me.

S

Sex is often seen as the big sin in the Christian’s life. As a wise Pastor once told me “sex is not the main thing but if there is no sex, it becomes the main thing.”

As a single girl before I truly started following Jesus Christ, sex was always “there”. If I wanted it, it was there and I had no thoughts of guilt or shame about it. After all, wasn’t everybody doing the same thing?

Working in an environment where having a hot, chiselled body was the goal, made life challenging. How did I balance my sexuality around others while denying this physical craving? I didn’t. I walked into a wall of temptation and landed hard in the throes of hell as I felt surely God would never forgive me.

The cycle was vicious. Sin, guilt, pray, repeat!

It came down to remembering God’s Word during a rare lucid moment that nothing can separate me from God’s love (Romans 8:38) and I felt surely

this also meant my desires, my falling, my guilt, could not separate me from God. That reminder was followed up with Hannah-like praying for God to remove all sexual desire from me!

I prayed “Abba, please remove every feeling, every desire, every lust-filled thought from me. Let every man be like paint on a wall having no effect on me sexually. Kill every ounce of feeling in my loins, Lord!”

I know that’s pretty intense. My friends laughed at me. They offered to pray for God to reverse my prayer and worried that when I met Mr All Right, I would lose out because I would be dead in the flesh. So I prayed again “Lord, could you just re-open the well when my Mr All Right comes please?”

Today, I am married to Mr All Right and my Pastor WAS right “sex is not the main thing but when there is no sex, it becomes the main thing” except this time I can have all the main thing I want with someone I have sanctified permission to have it with. WAITING ON GOD WAS MORE THAN WORTH IT! I pray the same for your life. p

By Denise Hunt-Mikesell Motivational speaker, life and fitness coach.

Make no mistake, our heavenly God and perfect parent knows that the enemy will come against you using your weaknesses and He desires for us to bring these longings and feelings of guilt and shame to Him. Every action.

Every thought. Every time.

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Yoked?

Unequally

“F

“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.

Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” 1 Corinthians 7:14 NIV

If you’re about to get married or perhaps you’re already married, praying for your unsaved spouse or spouse-to-be is one of the most important tasks you will be charged with. Since God created marriage as a loyal partnership between a man and a woman, the fact is, for your marriage to work, God HAS to be at the centre of your union. The enemy comes only to ‘steal, kill and destroy’, so without prayers, your marriage will always be under attack AND that includes your spouse! But thank goodness we serve a God who is more than able to bind you and your spouse together with cords that cannot be broken.

When my husband and I got married, although we both grew up in the church, we were in the secular world. Although we still went to church, you can say we had ‘one foot in and one foot out.’ As the years passed by and my walk deepened with the Lord, I started to wonder if we were now

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| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

‘unequally yoked’. This begged me to ask God if my relationship was really that uneven. In other words, could darkness really exist with light, and if not, what would happen next? That’s when the Lord prompted me to pray for my unsaved husband, so that one day, he too would be able to experience the joy of the Lord.

I will admit, it wasn’t easy at first, but as I continued to ask the Lord to guard his heart and his mind, I realized that God started to do what He does best…transforms!

I was now able to be confident in the fact that ‘he who began a good work in him will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus, Phillipians 1:6.

However, I had to understand that this transformation was not going to happen when I wanted it to but all in God’s timing.

There were many times when I realized my marriage was under attack. To a regular person, these disagreements were just the daily struggles of two persons coming together under one roof. However, when you walk in faith you learn to know when the enemy is coming at you. That’s when you put on the ‘Armor of God’ (Ephesians 6:14-17), not just for yourself but on your husband,

Living with, praying for and serving an unsaved husband/wife

How to Cope every day before he leaves the house. I soon realized that covering my husband in prayer meant I needed to support, honour and help him on his journey. So, while I raised him up, there I was down on my knees, crying out to God. Do you know what was challenging though? Learning to accept my husband exactly where he was on his faith journey. I desperately wanted him to put more ‘pep in his step’. In fact, I was willing to give him some of my ‘fire’, since my flame was burning brightly for God. However, I soon realized that that was not a solution and God did NOT need my help!

I had to let go and let God do His thing. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I can be a little ‘fire-cracker’, but I like to say that I’m full of passion LOL. However, I am constantly reminded by God’s grace “To be always humble, gentle and patient and show love by being tolerant with one another.”

Ephesians 4:2 Oh yes, I had to learn how to be more patient indeed!

So, as I celebrate my 19th year of marriage, my duty as a wife

was and still is to pray for my husband, asking the Lord to guard his heart and mind every day. As long as you fix your eyes on Jesus, He will help you to finish strong! Even if the two of you are not at the same place on your faith journey, just continue to seek the Lord with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul and allow Him to bless your union. p Further Reading Oh yes, how could I forget...When you get the chance you should read “The Power of a Praying Wife” Devotional by Stormie Omartian and if you haven’t watched the “War Room” or “Fireproof, take a break and watch these two inspirational movies that will definitely help you pray more for your partner.

Blessings, Trudy

By Trudy Francis, Marketing exec., praise and worship leader, wife and mother of two.

July - September 2021

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DIVORCED

WHO

D

CARES?

Divorce is a subject that needs to be discussed in more depth than I have written. Having both been wonderfully saved by Jesus over 40 years ago and then called into ministry to serve the Body of Christ together, it was a total shock when my husband told me our marriage was over as he did not love me, not even like me and just felt pity for me as he was in a new relationship. This was said in one of a couple of meetings with our Pastoral oversight so it was a public

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statement. They tried to help us but both partners need to want to save a marriage.

Divorce was the furthest thing from my mind but he did not want to even discuss reconciliation and there was no support ministry available.

We had grown apart in some ways; there was no more sex, physical affection or special times together so we channelled our energies into helping others, which took up our time. Meanwhile, we neglected each other. As co-Pastors

| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

I could not let anyone know. It felt hypocritical leading meetings, prayers and worship as if nothing was wrong. I was convinced we were just going through a ‘rough patch’. I couldn’t find any teaching or ministry, except ‘worldly ones’ that could help. I felt let down, disappointed and abandoned, until God’s word that He spoke when I first got saved ‘I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU’ comforted me. I returned to my home town to be near my family. They

helped in many ways but were shocked as they believed our marriage was strong.

Who Could I Turn To? No one seemed to know how to help or minister to me apart from pray.

Had I not known Jesus Christ, I would have taken my life. BUT Jesus is the Wonderful, Counsellor and I knew that from my walk with Him, so I ran into HIM. I spent every day in my Bible, praying, seeking guidance and help.

I visited a church which was a new experience as a single woman and I felt like a leper when they found out I was divorced.

I was shunned by most. I approached a couple of ministers for help but they did not really understand or had the experience to help. There were a couple of lovely Christians who supported me through this pain but every night I had to secure my little home and then I would go to a lonely bed and cry myself to sleep waking endless times, hoping this nightmare would end.

God saw me through this dark tunnel but it was a rough road, and after I came through this I tried to find a ministry that could help couples who had been in my situation. I came across DivorceCare and when I researched it I wondered why no one in Ministry had not known about it as it would have helped me.

BUT GOD HIMself took me through the programme first so I knew it was

right. What I fail to understand is why the church does not accept that there are people in their own churches going through failing marriages that could be helped by ministries like DivorceCare or even take the initiative to help such couples? Whether we like it or not divorce and troubled marriages exist in our society today. Divorce does not just happen overnight it is usually a slippery slope before that happens.

Having now been in the DivorceCare Ministry for a number of years I realise there is a misunderstanding of what love really is, a fear of acknowledging feelings and rejection especially will cause many marriages to fail. So couples put on a brave face deceiving themselves and those around them.

Divorce is becoming increasingly common in the Church and because all we know about it is, ‘ God hates Divorce’ we do not seek to explore ways in which we can, according to Scripture, help to restore those relationships and help them through the worst time in their lives. The whole experience is hurtful and destructive, whether you are in the world or in the Church the pain is the same. Whilst ministering to families over the years, many cases included suicides.

Divorce is one of the most shameful words in Christendom and causes unbelievable hurt and damage to those going through it, sometimes through no fault of their own.

Why God Hates Divorce God revealed to me during this ministry the reason He hates divorce is He hates how it breaks up the family unit, a unit He ordained, and it’s the children, who however old, suffer the most. He does not hate the families involved. If we put our trust in Him He can bring restoration and forgiveness within the relationship.

If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin.1John.9

For Christians, it can be harder especially for those in ministry; they feel they have no one to turn to (this is another discussion altogether) I do not advocate Divorce far from it but I do believe this subject should be brought into the light and correct teaching on love and marriage is needed. It’s still all about a heart condition and I really struggled with this personally and then I read these words from Jesus: ‘ Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Matthew 19.8 Love Is a Choice Not a Feeling A true definition of love is 1 Corinthians 13.4 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

When we apply this scripture to our lives we can experience true love, we can choose to be patient, we can choose to be kind, and we can choose to behave as God commands. A short but powerful and life-changing passage that can strengthen our marriages and help us deepen our relationship with each other, our spouse and the body of Christ.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12.2 As we see what Love really is we may have to change our minds to transform them to God’s word. Remember Love is a choice. p

By Barbara Payne intercessor, evangelist, minister, holds Women Unite events in the UK

For further help: www.youtube.com/channel/UC5N8X51NVKgYQE7MjAYAw0Q July - September 2021

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Fifty

Single & Childless “Fifty should not have found me unmarried, single and childless!

This is not the plan! Ever since I can remember, I was a nurturer, the one who would get married, have a family and live happily ever after...”

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F

Fifty should not have found me unmarried, single and childless!

This is not the plan! Ever since I can remember, I was a nurturer, the one who would get married, have a family and live happily ever after! My plan was to have a quarter dozen children, get a PhD, lecture, be a homemaker and an entrepreneur. I had it all planned out, but somewhere along the way, although a career planner, I lost my way and here I am at the ripe old age of fifty, contemplating my purpose, my future and God’s will for the rest of my life. This hits home when I realise that I may have spent more time on earth than I have left on it!

Up until my late forties, I failed to realize that the many children I mentored or was godmother to could have been me fulfilling my God ordained role as a mother. I downplayed that role because carrying children in my womb was my ultimate desire. I was ready to give birth! I had my pregnancy walk, my breathing and push, down-pact!

Events of the last ten years of my life however, slowly ambushed those dreams. I was stricken with not one, but two debilitating neurological conditions and other medical challenges that seemed to push marriage and family into oblivion! I thought that these ailments made me unattractive and a burden to a man. Work became my antidote and in many aspects an idol. But before long, that also failed me!

During my years of struggle I forgot how to take my burdens to the Lord and leave it there! I would try to find solutions on my own and became

obsessed with getting ahead in life and simply got lost in the hustle and bustle of it all.

But for grace...I am now in a position of surrender, unsure of many things but sure that God has a plan. I can’t tell you the totality of His plan but here are a few lessons I’ve learnt in my search for His Will.

Our TRUST and confidence must remain in the Lord. When life goes left instead of right, do not throw away your confidence in the Lord, because trust in Him brings great reward (Hebrews 10:35-36).

In these moments, be still and wait on the Lord (Psalm 46:10). Allow the Holy Spirit to lift you out of the mire of despair. (Psalm 43:5).

We should endeavour to be strong and WAIT on the Lord.

Claim Psalm 27:13 -14; Psalm 130:5; Psalm 140:1-2 & Psalm 71: 56 over our lives, and watch the Lord come through for us and our loved ones.

While waiting on the Lord, fix our eyes on Christ. Hebrews 12:2-3 says “Looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith...” Colossians 3:2 reminds us to Keep our minds on things that are above… While our eyes are fixed on Jesus, we are to seek Him in prayer continuously about everything, even those things that concern and bother us.

Those things like our singleness and bareness. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us that we are to cast all our anxieties on Christ and Psalm 10:17 tells us that the Lord knows the hopes of the helpless and will hear their cries and comfort them.

loneliness that disappointment brings. For example, His word reminds us that He knows what we need and that He will provide.

Philippians 4:19 ”But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Read also Psalm 37:25 and Matthew 10:29-31.

God is on our side! It amazes me that the God of heaven cares about me! Isaiah 41:13 says, “For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.” David in Psalm 27:1 states that, “The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom will I fear?”

So where am I in my desire for family? The desire is still there, but it does not consume me. The scripture that reflects the state of my heart is “seek ye first the Kingdom of God …. and ALL these things will be added…!” Matthew 6:33 Yes, there are days when I grow weary, but Psalm 143:4-6 says, when “I am ready to give up; (when) I am in deep despair, I remember the days gone by; I think about all that you have done, I bring to mind all your deeds (and) I lift up my hands to you in prayer...” I also thank God for my accountability sisters, my brother and his wife, other family members and friends who keep me grounded and help me remember the past goodness of the Lord…

And so I continue to press on as I wait on the Lord! p

We must anchor ourselves in His WORD. His promises help us through the difficulties and July - September 2021

By Debbie Clue Writer who currently resides in Canada.

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SEX Should we

Wait?

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God hasn’t changed His mind. Yes, the unmarried should abstain from having sex until they are married, but clearly this is not strictly practiced in the modern church.

No wonder, for the message of sex, only after marriage, is not often taught. The probability of you regularly attending a popular, First World, Western Hemisphere church and never hearing a message on the subject is very high.

The two women of Revelations are clearly different in that The Harlot wants her pleasure now while the virgin, the true Bride of Christ, waits against all odds. We are living in the time of the rise of Mystery Babylon The Harlot so there should be no surprise that the value of abstinence, for the sake of Christ, is slackening and nearly non-existent.

Don’t feel condemned however, if you fell. Repent, get up, brush yourself off and take Jesus’ advice, “Go and sin no more.” Jesus can and will forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness as if it never happened because He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more. On the contrary though, there’s a warning for believers who are knowingly and continually indulging in sexual sin. Stop now or you’ll be judged by God! God has a special kind of disgust for those who continue, unrepentantly to indulge in sexual impurity. Why? Because our bodies were created to be the place where God lives.

The believer’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit that must be kept holy, sanctified and pure. Sexual sin is the only sin that somehow directly destroys the human body.

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the

body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 Because the illnesses in our bodies are not obviously linked to our sexual misconduct we seem to dismiss the reality of the consequences of such actions. Again Paul says in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?

If someone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, which is what you are.”

God didn’t destroy Sodom because of the murders that were committed there or for their injustice and mistreatment of their widows and orphans. Sodom was destroyed because of their sexual perversions and were made an example for anyone or any nation that will likewise indulge themselves.

The lure towards sexual impurity is much greater among the unmarried and sexually virile youth. To them especially we say, “flee youthful lust”. Your sexual virility will not be accepted as an excuse to indulge in impurity for God, with every temptation, will provide a way of escape, take it.

Paul gave the Galatians church a stark warning, “Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, depravity... and similar things. I am warning you, as I had warned you before: Those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God!” Galatians 5:19-21. p

By Homer Slack author, preacher, Bible teacher, IT tutor, programmer & graphic designer

July - September 2021

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SAVED FROM

AN

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE

By Sheena Lyn Hanson. Follow her on...

Instagram: @sheena_power_talk facebook.com/D.EvangelistSheena

The

STORY TELLER To book the storyteller email: editor@thesharemagazine.com

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I

I am Sheena Lyn Hanson, a living demonstration of God’s Grace and mercy. I have done nothing to deserve God’s Love yet Jesus redeemed me, gave me victory, freedom and a second chance. I now live by the invaluable power of the Holy Spirit who is my helper, friend, director and manager.

to date boys as my body was now sexually awakened and I wanted to experiment. Sadly, all the relationships I had with boys ended up being abusive and led me to believe I was not born to date men, which was another lie of the enemy.

I now was trapped with soul ties to these partners.

How I got into the Lifestyle Around the age of 7, I was molested by men who posed as family members, this continued until I was 11 years old. That molestation opened doors to pornography and masturbation and created an unhealthy curiosity towards sexual experimentation with my other little girl cousins. As girls, our parents watched us around boys but they paid little attention to us when we’d play, what Jamaicans would call, ‘Dolly House’ and it was then that I would teach them the sexual behaviours that I learnt.

I got pregnant after leaving school and I had a terrible miscarriage that was one of my near death experiences. I endured carrying a dead child inside my womb for a week, while doctors told me the pain and bleeding was normal for some Pregnant Women. That further convinced me that the natural way that God created could never be for me.

Also, I was struggling with rejection, low self esteem and lack of self confidence; as my peers called me fat and ugly. I started seeking love in all the wrong places. I HATED MYSELF because I was bullied into thinking that I was nothing and would never be anything. I was raised with Christian values and principles but my soul was open to the enemy to lie and latch himself unto me. So, I departed from the ways and natural designs of God. What Happened While I Was in That Lifestyle I ended up at a wonderful high school in Jamaica, THE QUEEN’S SCHOOL for girls. Imagine me with an already corrupt sexual orientation in a school full of girls, some of whom were practicing lesbians; the sore broke out. I tried

Right after I recovered from the miscarriage, I ran into a long time friend who was a lesbian and she introduce me to LGBT parties, hang out spots and groups. I believed that I had finally found my identity.

Having become the ‘black sheep’ of my own family, the LGBT community was the only family I knew. I never saw myself not being a Lesbian.

I got engaged to a more mature woman than I and we started a little family and that for me was the first time I experienced real love. Living together, doing business together, planning the future together, I thought we were inseparable and we would grow old together but God had other plans.

It happened that the woman I was in love with got baptised and we broke up. By then, I was devastated and rebellious. I was so hurt not understanding that God had to remove her to get to me, and even at that time I played ‘deaf- ear’ to the voice of God Calling me. I could

not live in peace; everywhere I went someone picked me out to tell me that Jesus was calling me and I used to think, why me?

So, I went deeper into lesbianism, sleeping with many partners, trying to fill a void. Meanwhile, I had compounded soul ties; I was still hurting, miserable and deceitful.

The Devil would use me to oppress women while he oppressed me.

I was trapped and didn’t feel like myself anymore; I cried myself to sleep, woke up and did the same thing again. I loved God but it was too hard to let go of being the Queen of the LGBT Community.

They loved me, I was very popular; I held one of the biggest LGBT all white parties in Jamaica. I loved the lifestyle; where could God fit into that?

How I Got Out of the Lifestyle?

No one comes to God unless He pulls them. I found myself at a fasting service where the Lord ministered to me through a song.

I never understood the feeling but I cried during the entire church service. I started thinking a lot more about God when I got home. I was reflecting on everywhere I went wrong. Though it was a tug of war in my mind, I clung to the new, beautiful feeling and something started to change immediately.

My appetite for lesbianism was changing; it felt nasty. I went back to church and felt the Spirit of God even stronger and from that point, one day at a time, I was being changed until I gave up the LGBT ‘crown’ and decided that I will serve ONLY JESUS my God. It was a joy making my commitment, now my vows are upon me until death.

Continued on page 40 >>

July - September 2021

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Common-Law Marriage Is it acknowledged

by God?

“T

‘They shacking up,’ ’they keeping’ were two of the most common terms I grew up hearing being used to express the social approbation towards the practice of persons living together without getting married. In approaching this

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topic, I wish to immediately make a clear distinction and establish how I am using the term, common-law marriage, in answering the question posed by the topic. Webster’s New College Dictionary defines common

law marriage as follows: “A marriage existing by mutual agreement and cohabitation between a man and a woman without a civil or religious ceremony.” The practice dates back to Medieval England. In this article the laws of Jamaica are being utilized. 1 The relevant law is The Property rights of Spouses. ’ Section 2 of The Property (Rights of Spouses) Act defines “spouse” as including a single man and a single woman who have been cohabiting together as if they were in law husband and wife for no less than five years. The term ‘cohabit’ is defined as meaning, ‘to live together in a conjugal relationship outside of marriage’.

The factors that would determine if you are in a common-law relationship are as follows: 1. Living together in the same household 2. Sharing daily life and duties 3. Stability and a degree of permanence in the relationship 4. Shared Finances 5. A sexual relationship 6. Children 7. Common Intention and motivation What is striking from this list, is the extent to which it mirrors the anticipated nature and character of traditional marriages. The editors of GotQuestions make similar observations. While marriages throughout most of biblical history involved some type of public ceremony (and celebration), this is not required for a biblical marriage to have taken place. In the case of Isaac and Rebekah and others, no ceremony is recorded (Genesis 24:67). But a shared ingredient between common law marriage and one involving a ceremony is a publicly expressed intent to be married.

Ultimately the question we are grappling with as we contemplate formal marriage and common-law marriage is, ‘at what point does God recognize two persons as being married?’ We get a succinct treatment of this from the Gotquestions website: 2 The Bible nowhere explicitly states at what point God considers a man and a woman to be married.

Due to the Bible’s silence on this matter, identifying the precise moment a man and woman are married in God’s eyes is a complex undertaking. An examination of the Bible suggests three considerations: the encouragement to seek formal, legal recognition, to observe the cultural process and to consummate the marriage sexually (https://www. gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html).

In light of the above, I am of the considered opinion that there needs to be a case-by-case analysis made by church leaders where a couple or any of the spouses from such a marriage as defined by the laws of the land present themselves for church rights and privileges. I am guided by the position of Dundas here.

Leon Dundas (1990) proposed that a distinction should be made between “purposive unions” defined as “common-law unions that are entered into deliberately and selectively with the hope that the union would be permanent” and “casual concubinage,” that is, “common-law unions that are established fortuitously and are exploitative of unstable situations.” 3 The former, according to Dundas, should be viewed by the church as moral, the latter as immoral.

Based on this distinction, Dundas recommended that the church shift attention from legal prescriptions to

the nature of the marital relationship. V. G. Panton’s work reflects generally the same position. He argues that during slavery, the emphasis of Christian missionary activity was on baptism, and that even after the passage of laws making marriage widely accessible, It was still considered by the clergy to be a privilege for the few.

The tables have turned haven’t they?

The church once denied many citizens access to marriage and now marriage is being used by the church to deny citizens access to the church.

It is my considered position that God recognizes common-law marriages.

The Caribbean church doesn’t appear ready to agree with God. p

By Teddy A. Jones Public Theologian, Author and Life Coach

REFERENCES [1] https://www.gotquestions.org/ common-law-marriage.html [2] Mary S. Yamin-Garone. Fact or Fiction: Five Myths About Common Law Marriage [3] BOXILL, E. (1995). International Marriage and Divorce Regulation and Recognition in Jamaica.

[4] Maisha K. Emmanuel & Michael H. Campbell, Sociocultural Context and Application of Criteria for Capacity to Marry.

[5] This is the official law in Jamaica governing common-law unions.

[6] Abi-gaye White-Thomas. https:// balcosticslaw.com/tag/common-lawrelationship-in-jamaica/ [7] https://www.gotquestions.org/ marriage-constitutes.html [8] https://www.coursehero.com/file/ p5mc8bu/She-continued-in-the-churchhowever-as-a-consistent-visitor-Onseveral/

[1] Bear in mind that regulations regarding common-law marriage vary from nation to nation.

[2] https://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html [3] For example an unemployed female with children being enticed to move in with a male for economic support even though the male is known to be promiscuous.

July - September 2021

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TESTIMONY

Man

Pregnant

arried for a

A journey to self discovery...

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“P

“Persecuted but not forsaken, cast down but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4v9).

Shame, condemnation, rejection and brokenness were all I woke up to everyday; in what was the most painful season of my life.

of the danger ahead where men are concerned. I fell right into what was a forbidden zone, an affair with a married

I got pregnant and I wanted to run away. If the earth could open up and take me in, I would let it. For five and a half months I told no one but I made up my mind never to go back to this relationship. I could not have my child come into this chaos. He gave his support but I was now alone. God carried this child and myself through because I almost died. For years I carried shame and condemnation as motherhood prevented me from focusing on my healing, but God kept me.

My major turning point came when I met a group of prayer warriors. Sisters who are saved but were not caught up in being religious or looking perfect.

They prayed me through...

My name is Tanya Walker and I was born and raised in Manchester Jamaica but currently reside in New York, United States. I was born and raised in a Christian home, so godly principles guided me. However, I just didn’t know what my identity in Christ was. I didn’t know who I was.

When I migrated to the United States at the age of 21, I must admit that I didn’t know much about men and what a healthy relationship should look like.

Back in those days we were told not to have sex because it is a sin but no further details were given to us. One thing I knew for sure, I wanted to be loved, I desired to be shown affection and that is a very healthy desire of the heart. Sometimes in trying to fulfill healthy desires of the heart, we end up settling for the unhealthy ones because healthy can be harder to find.

I grew up sheltered so I wasn’t trained on how to recognize signs that warn

man. Blinded by the desire to be nice and kind, I became a listening ear to his problems and gladly took on the role of a counselor, advising him on how to handle his conflicts at home. I want to tell all my single sisters out there, never be a listening ear to a married man. It’s an easy set up for a fall.

Strong emotions were now present and I was in love. Just like that, my treasured virginity was gone. I cried profusely because I wanted to just disappear in the arms of my sisters and mourn but they were not around. Giving it away to a married man was a double jeopardy for me but it quickly took the back seat to my problems when his wife and the church found out. I was an active choir member.

Can you imagine my plight? This little inexperienced girl ended up in one big mess and I had no idea how to deal with it. Between her calls and the ones from family and friends spewing condemnation, I wanted to die. I needed a friendly voice or face around me but found none. The backlash from the church was the hardest for me. I was looked at and treated with disgust.

Not a hand to hold or help me through it. “Brothers, if a man be overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; lest you also be tempted” (Galatians 6v1).

My major turning point came when I met a group of prayer warriors. Sisters who are saved but were not caught up in being religious or looking perfect.

They prayed for me through all the baggage I was carrying. They not only listened to my story but they willingly told theirs. When I heard the mess they came out of and saw how God was using them, hope rose up inside of me.

I started pursuing God because I had to find out who he is and who I am in him. Now I know, I am not my past but treasured, loved and marked for Christ.

Parents, let us rise up and properly educate our children on relationships and how to handle themselves therein.

Let us first show them affection the right way so when the wrong way comes they will know it and choose wisely. Church mothers and sisters, rise up and share your stories so that those who are coming behind you can benefit and those who are hurting can know they are not alone and can be healed. I wish I had received such help sooner! p

By Tanya Walker Certified Speaker, Mentor and Coach with a passion for Sexual Purity and Spreading the Gospel.

July - September 2021

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UNMASKING CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES

The dark secrets married couples won’t admit.

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Marriage is a legally, socially and spiritually binding union between a man and a woman that is regulated by laws, rules, customs and beliefs systems. It is designed by the Lord, and should depict the relationship between Christ and the church which represents the highest order of any human relationship. … “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31 Christian marriages are supposed to set a good example for others to follow, yet this is not always the case. Sometimes abuse takes place in various ways that leave a trail of pain, anguish and sometimes death.

In order to ‘keep up appearances’ couples in abusive relationships sometimes wear masks. They live a double life and mask themselves in order to hide the double standard and split personalities that they have in order to deceive others.

They display an unpredictably dual nature as outwardly they appear good, but sometimes they have a shockingly evil personality.

At church or in public they appear to be very nice, loving and caring.

At work they show kindness to coworkers. At home the mask is off and the true self is being revealed.

The pretence is over and their evil personality is being displayed. The prowler is at work and the fangs are ready to attack as they abuse their spouses in many ways.

Physical abuse takes place if they beat or slap each other. They sometimes speak down to each other or belittle each other which is

psychological abuse.

The husband may deny the wife money to take care of the necessities in the home, or prevents her from working as a means of control resulting in economic abuse.

They may deny each other sexual favours, or the husband may impose himself upon his wife sexually, leading to sexual abuse.

Another subtle form of abuse is spiritual abuse which involves using or misquoting scriptures to keep the wife in subjection by constantly reminding her to submit to him.

The wife may use scriptures to make the husband feel guilty or worthless.

Masking also takes place when the wife has to hide the signs of abuse when there are signs from the beatings. She pretends that everything is fine and lies to cover up for her spouse.

The couple sometimes turn to the church for help. The church sometimes helps but at times is judgmental, powerless, untrained or unprepared to deal with such matters. It turns a blind eye and chooses to see only one spouse’s point of view. The masking is often further reinforced by spiritual leaders who, in order to ‘save the marriage’ ignore the reports of the abusive behaviour. They often blame one spouse or the other for being nagging, controlling or un-submissive, among other things. Some spiritual leaders fail to believe the victims and send the couple home to reconcile.

Unmasking Christian marriages involve several key aspects.

Church leaders must get help for the victims. They should not re-victimize them and should be able to provide a safe house, counselling and have a strong support group for them. They should deal with the abuser who must take responsibility for his/her actions, see the need for help and seek it. They should let the abuser know that his/her actions do not represent the image and likeness of Christ. Church leaders must also be trained to identify signs of abuse and address it in an impartial way. Discipline and correction must be administered based on the scriptures. They should be able to see beyond the mask of the abuser, the double personality, the charade and discern the truth. They should also educate their congregation and followers about abuse in marriage.

Critical questions to be answered are: Is the church really equipped to deal with this? Are the leaders themselves being masked, not admitting that they have no training in counselling and no experience to handle successful cases of Domestic Violence? They themselves need to be unmasked, by being honest to know that they need training to handle cases of domestic abuse and marital issues.

It is time for the abusers to take off the masks. Let’s do it God’s way!!! p Jennifer Williams A Christian for 44 years. Bible teacher, Writer, Administrator, Intercessor.

July - September 2021

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World In View

Emerging Trends - Sex and Marriage Around the World A Depopulation crisis looms where people fear commitment to the opposite sex to the point that they are not entering into relationships or getting married.

‘Friends with benefits’ is the new normal or intimacy is avoided altogether. Pets and gadgets replace human relationships.

Millennials spend most of their income on personal comforts and see marriage as too expensive and burdensome children are even more so.

The Current Trends By the age of 50, 1 in 4, Japanese men have never married. Their salaries today are so low they try to make it up with overtime work. Meanwhile, the demands of females can’t be met by the men as the Millennial women, many of whom choose good paying careers above marriage, are refusing to lower their financial expectations. A Japanese Cabinet Office survey in 2019 said, society isn’t having enough sex and therefore the population has fallen to its lowest level since records began in 1899.

Almost half of single people in Japan who want to get married are unable to find a suitable partner. In an online survey of around 4,000 men and women aged between 20 to 40 years old, 46.8 percent of respondents said they could not find a suitable partner to marry due to lack of opportunities to meet or an inability to get along.

Consequently the rise of sex toys and the replacing of human wives for dolls and robots are rising.

Bodybuilder Yuri TolChoko of Khzistan proposed to and married his doll after dating it for 8 months. www.youtu.be/MrJCX8PTdoo

Acceptance of the LGBTQ community and growing interest among women towards experimenting with sexual ‘wellness’ products [sex toys] without hesitation is promoting the adoption of such products and hence, driving the market growth.

One of the growing trends in the sex toys industry is the adoption of cuttingedge technology for the development of innovative products. Virtual gadgets, remotely connected devices, robots, immersive entertainment, and augmented reality are factors expected to change the landscape of the market in the coming years. p Published Jan, 2021 www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/sextoys-market

A separate survey showed the country’s number of births fell to 918,397 in 2018, compared to a birth rate of 2.7 million in the late 1940s.

The country’s fertility rate, which measures the average number of children a woman is expected to have in her life, has also declined to 1.42, well below the 2.07 rate required to maintain the population. p www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/japan-birthrate-marriage-partner-cabinet-survey-a8966291.html www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2017/07/ japan-mystery-low-birth-rate/534291/ 28

According to the 2019 Plastic Surgery Statistics by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, around 11,000 gender confirmation or sex reassignment surgeries were performed in the U.S., which was around 10% to 15% higher than the previous year. The increasing

| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

number of sex reassignment surgeries in the U.S. will propel the growth of the [sex reassignment surgery] market during the forecast period. p Published Dec, 2020 www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/us-sexreassignment-surgery-market

Sex “reassignment” doesn’t work.

It’s impossible to “reassign” someone’s sex physically, and attempting to do so doesn’t produce good outcomes psychosocially… the medical evidence suggests that sex reassignment does not adequately address the psychosocial difficulties faced by people who identify as transgender. Even when the procedures are successful technically and cosmetically, and even in cultures that are relatively “trans-friendly,” transitioners still face poor outcomes.

Dr. Paul McHugh, the university distinguished service professor of psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, explains: Transgendered men do not become women, nor do transgendered women become men. All (including Bruce Jenner) become feminized men or masculinized women, counterfeits or impersonators of the sex with which they ‘identify.’ In that lies their problematic future.

When ‘the tumult and shouting dies,’ it proves not easy nor wise to live in a counterfeit sexual garb. The most thorough follow-up of sex-reassigned people—extending over 30 years and conducted in Sweden, where the culture is strongly supportive of the transgendered - documents their lifelong mental unrest. Ten to 15 years after surgical reassignment, the suicide rate of those who had undergone sexreassignment surgery rose to 20 times that of comparable peers. p March 9th, 2018 www.heritage.org/gender/commentary/sexreassignment-doesnt-work-here-the-evidence

YOUNG MAN - LOVE POWER Young man, The voice of Wisdom: “Young man, go and love …

Not at a glance.

Look, not once.

Too big a chance.

Could be a lifelong dance.

Young man, Love…

No. No. No. Follow the original plan From the Almighty One. Stick to one.

Young man, Go love a princess, Not an untamed tigress; No. Don’t test.

You’ll have no rest.

Talk about distress!

Young man, Love is a tender flower; Handle with gentle power.

It full blooms, usually, Not in an hour; Don’t rush your lover.”…

Young man, Seek guidance.

She may pose as a Dove, But as you slip, She nips your bud.

Alone with your flower, Having happy hour – WHAT LOVE POWER! Don’t let your flower go dry, Then sigh and cry – (Of course it will die) Please “hurry up” and turn on LOVE POWER! Yes, sprinkle your flower (Don’t let it grow sour) Easy! Not a gushing shower, Always use, tender LOVE POWER. MAN + WOMAN (Friend and wife) No fuss no fight.

No Dutch pot, broomstick, boot heel, scissors or knife; That’s not right!

Try cut flowers, wine and candlelight – save (love) life then Add LOVE POWER. Enjoy your days God, Almighty praise – Secret of Lasting LOVE POWER.

Young man, Avoid a Delilah, A barefaced liar; A subtle beguiler; A real man spoiler.

Young man, Yes, take the step.

She; choose her dress – yes.

You; look your best – yes.

And the rest? Yes!

By Errol Bean

© Errol D. Bean © 1998

July - September 2021

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SINGLE

Again Starting over without a partner

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| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

Singleness Is a Gift So, you’re single Again! *Ps, Your birth certificate doesn’t lie, your age is correct and God can do above and beyond what your natural age dictates. I have been divorced since 2000 and now at the age of 68 I am pursuing my Masters in Divinity. My life and ministry has taken on a new dimension and I am surely not at any disadvantage. God has kept me so busy as his servant; ministering on a Pastoral level, Certified Life Coach, Certified Breast Cancer Mentor, mother of four adult children, grand and great grandmother.This affords me no vacancy/room for loneliness.

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The Merriam Webster dictionary defines ‘Single’ as: Not married or related to the unmarried state.

The adverb AGAIN in the phrase: ‘Single Again, is clarifying, that this is a recurrence. E.g. I enjoyed dating before I got married; I pray that I will now that I am single again.” If this is you, you’re not alone; your singleness is a gift. Make the best of it until your next gift arrives.

In addressing sex and sexuality in the Church the Apostles left these instructions: Matthew 5:28 Avoid lusting after someone who is not our married partner.

1 Corinthians 6:16 Avoid forming soul ties with a sexual partner that is not our spouse.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 Exercise self control over our natural desires.

Hebrews 13:4 Live honourably in

marriage, avoiding sexual immorality.

These scriptures instruct us how to live our single days well; to develop spiritual mastery over our natural desires so that we please God by living holy, fulfilled lives. It is a part of the preparation process to give your prospective partner the gift of your best self.

Tips For Spiritual and Emotional Health.

1. You cannot heal the hurt you bury. Until you have forgiven and released the offending person, you literally hold yourself captive. It’s as if Jeremiah 8:22 is staring you in the face and you can’t see its promise that God will heal your soul wounds if you come to Him. So, confess to God and be made whole.

2. An unaware offender cannot make amends. If the offending person is unaware of their offence you’re doing yourself a great injustice. According to James 5:16, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

3. An unwilling offender cannot be forced. There are times, when your attempts to bring closure to a situation falls through because the offender behaves unreasonably. For the sake of peace you may have to leave them with The LORD, cut your losses and move on in grace.

Spotting A Recurring Dysfunction Being single again gives us the

opportunity for well needed reflection and to learn from our past mistakes.

The one thing that we never want to do is repeat past errors and get caught in a cycle of dysfunctional behaviour. One of the reasons we are disappointed in some of our past relationships and why the same holds true in some marriages is that one individual may have started the relationship with ulterior motives and unreasonable expectations. We need to look out for this.

Lastly, the pretext of a dating relationship in the body of Christ, must always be fostered upon Proverbs 18:22. The scriptures advocate that we ‘date’ with a view to marriage not indulge in casual, promiscuous relationships. It’s ungodly and out of Christian character for us to go: Clubbing, online matchmaking sites etc. to ‘Look for a spouse. The Word of God demonstrated in Gen 24 the Godly pattern of how we should look for a Godly spouse. It is safer to trust your community of faith and friends as they will never knowingly dishonor or abuse you.

I pray that God will minister to your emotions and bring you a resolve to continue in faith for complete deliverance from feeling defeated because of being single again. Remain single in the house of The LORD and enjoy your singleness until your next gift discovers you. p

By Tiveen Perry Pastor, Certified Life Coach, Certified Breast Cancer Mentor.

July - September 2021

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# youth

SHARE

30 - Unmarried and Joyfully Trusting God!

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Women have different statuses in life. Some are unmarried/single, married, separated, divorced or widowed. Each status comes with its own blessings and challenges.

This article will focus on an over30 year old unmarried female and reveal how she allows the Lord to guide her through this state of her 32

(An interview with Donna) life. Donna is from a family where her parents were raised in Christian homes, but they did not have an intimate relationship with the Lord, so they did not have the spiritual depth to guide her. She gave her life to the Lord when she was 29 years old and this was a defining period in her life as her transformation and

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journey with the Lord began.

Becoming Single Again Here is how Donna lives an impactful and victorious Christian life while being unmarried. Before committing her life to the Lord, she was in relationships that left her sad and heartbroken. There came a

point when she knew that the Lord was beckoning her to surrender to Him and to leave those relationships behind. She yielded to the Lord and has never looked back or regretted that decision. Once she surrendered to the Lord she committed everything to Him and entered into a new type of relationship that turned her sadness into joy and her mourning into dancing as every weight was lifted from her. She experienced the Spirit of the Lord in such a way that brought her into a new peaceful relationship that gave her comfort, joy and hope.

Single and Loving it As an unmarried woman and now serving the Lord, Donna has learned wholeheartedly to rely totally on Him for companionship, friendship and guidance in terms of her singleness and other areas of her life. She has learnt to put her trust and confidence in the Lord who is able to keep her from falling, and to present her faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy (Jude 1:24). Donna revealed that the Lord has taught her how to have faith in Him and how to trust Him because as a youth her parents were not able to guide her spiritually.

When asked if she is preparing herself for life or for a husband eventually, she indicated that she is preparing for more than life or a husband.

She is more concerned about a personal walk with the Lord and she is trusting Him to lead her in the direction she knows He has defined for her from the time that He first thought of her. The strategies she employed to maintain her chastity in the Lord include but not limited to: walking in humility before the Lord, depending on Him to choose her partner, knowing that He chooses her inheritance for her (Ps. 47:4).

She also avoids places, relationships

and situations that would lure her into evil or sin or jeopardize her relationship with the Lord. She hides the word of the Lord in her heart (Ps. 119:11) so that she does not sin against Him. Donna has also placed herself among a community of a few mature Christian women to whom she is accountable and who provide regular guidance.

Setting Boundaries As an unmarried woman with family and friends, she does not feel that she is being taken for granted or unrealistic expectations are being placed upon her. She does at times volunteer to assist in various ways, especially in childcare responsibilities for family members, but she has learned to create balance and set boundaries and they respect that. She does not find these expectations of others burdensome or onerous.

Submitting to God’s Will While waiting on the Lord for the manifestation of His choice of husband for her, Donna believes that the period of being unmarried has ended. She believes that the Lord’s choice for her is the best. She is thankful to the Lord for sustaining her through her unmarried state.

Her time of waiting on the Lord has prepared her for when the Lord provides a husband. During her difficult situations she took comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 knowing that it is a promise that God has a plan for her life and regardless of our current situation, He can work through it to prosper her and give her a future and an expected end. p

Jennifer Williams A Christian for 44 years. Bible teacher, Writer, Administrator, Intercessor.

July - September 2021

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SURVEY

We Asked Single Christian Women, Over 30 Years Old, Six Questions Received 72 responses from 11 countries

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Singleness at the age of 30 is often frowned upon and seen as a great misfortune, particularly for Christian women. #YouthShare did a survey to ascertain how Christian ladies over the age of 30 view their singleness. The responses varied but there were quite a bit of similarities with recurring themes of contentment, struggle and disappointment. This leaves the Church in an interesting spot. The Church must become aware, responsive and adaptive to the peculiar needs of this specific subset of its congregation.

How will the next generation handle singleness if the Church does not take on a unique and Spirit-led approach to this phase of life. The responses below show the diversity of perspective on singleness from our respondents which ultimately underscores the diversity of approach the Church must be willing to take. See below a summary of responses along with a few highlighted ones that capture common sentiments and themes.

Survey Responses Q 1. What is your Christian background?

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ability to serve well because they are not

Catholic constrained by responsibilities.

Protestant/ Evangelical “I am who I am in Christ. My commitment Independent

Q 2. Have you ever been married?

Yes No

We should note that over 75% of the responses came from women who’ve never been married. The mix of just under 25% who’ve been married before makes the responses all the more interesting.

Q 3. How is your singleness affecting your relationship with God? A number of respondents relayed that they have seen how this free time has given them more opportunity to focus on the Lord and has granted them the

| SHARE|MAGAZINE July - September 2021

to Him has nothing to do with my marital status. I hope to get married as it has to do with my purpose in life. Being unmarried and single minded affords me the time and space to develop my relationship with the Lord without the clutter of responsibilities to immediate family.

Any defaults cannot be blamed on family responsibility.”

While others expressed that they have been struggling to remain content in their singleness and often equate this stage in life to failure as a Christian woman. Other respondents expressed that their singleness has also caused them to doubt that God’s intentions for them are good and battle with feeling as though they have done something wrong and singleness is their punishment.

I am trying to encourage myself that as a single lady I have more time and energy to focus on God. The reality though is many times that I feel like not being as good as other Christian women that are married, and it is sometimes difficult to

get out of thinking like there is something wrong in me or something lacking.

67 Responses - read them all here > www.thesharemagazine.com/youthsharesurvey-complete-answers-july-21

Q 4. Are you preparing yourself for a husband, life or any eventuality?

Life Husband Any eventuality

Of the 72 respondents to the survey, 3 responded in the affirmative, to preparing for a husband. Twenty-seven (27) of the ladies said that instead of preparing themselves for a husband that they were preparing for life and 42 women said they were more so in preparation for any eventuality.

From this there could be drawn a few inferences on whether there is a reduction in interest in marriage, if the single women are jaded and would much rather protect their hearts by preparing generally versus being deliberate in preparing for marriage. Regardless of what is assumed from these results it must be noted that

QA &

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the Church as an institution that provides spiritual guidance must seek God’s direction in tackling the multiplicity of views on this topic.

because of their singleness. However, one respondent from one of the previous questions relayed her experience. See below:

Q 5. What strategies do you use to maintain your chastity while single?

Trying to figure out how to navigate my life as a proud feminist/independent woman alongside the tendency for the church to perpetuate limiting ideas of what a woman can be in ways that make her less than/incomplete unless she is married. I don’t necessarily agree.

With that said, being single hasn’t really impacted my relationship with God, but with Christians.

There was a consistent theme coming from the responses for this question.

Majority of the respondents said that their strategies involved spending time with God and getting actively involved in ministry. Other respondents added the importance of fleeing environments of temptation and being mindful of the content they entertain as well as having an accountability partner.

72 Responses - read them all here > www.thesharemagazine.com/youthsharesurvey-complete-answers-july-21

Q 6. Has your spiritual community taken you for granted or treated you differently because you are single?

Yes No

The survey pointed to several issues that must be tackled yet handled with care for the 30 year old Christian woman. There is a generation succeeding us in a few years and it is these trends and observations about marital relationships that will inform their perception of singleness and marriage. This must be stewarded well, so the generation after us will have a Godhonouring and Christ-exalting view of both singleness and marriage. p Other comments - read them all here > www.thesharemagazine.com/youthsharesurvey-complete-answers-july-21

By Jhonelle Grant Youth Leader and Freelance Writer

Thankfully 73.6% of the respondents said they were not treated differently

Continued from pg 5

The Bible is silent on the question of Falling in love vs Choosing to love.

That said, Love is a central variable in the Christian charter and at the basis of marriage are several loves.

Agape is used to describe the love Christians should have for each other - that word connotes choice/ commitment and unconditionally.

For Christians, choosing to love in marriage is a non-issue, since we are already expected to love each other as brothers and sisters.

Therefore, when Christians marry,

Is Falling in Love Biblical? they are expected to already be in “Agape.” See 1 Corinthian 13 and Ephesian 5:22. Now, what we are calling “falling in love” is a reference to eros which is sexual “love.” Both are involved in marriage, but agape is primary and drives eros. This is why arranged marriages in Eastern culture work i.e. we don’t choose our parents or siblings but we love them to death. Agape within a relational context produces eros and the lack thereof destroys it. That is, when you are patient, kind, not keep a record of wrong, always trusting and hoping you will always feel as

though you want to .... at least when it is reciprocal. Next, the Bible is also silent on arranged vs choosing partners except it prescribes that a Christian is not allowed to marry a non-Christian. In a sense then, this as you surmise, is relegated to culture. It is noteworthy that a lot of what is garnered from the scripture on marriage is primarily descriptive rather than prescriptive. Except, Genesis 2, Ephesians 5:22ff, 1 Peter 3:1ff, the Gospels on divorce and remarriage, 1 Corinthians 7:1ff p | Answer by: Pastor Andrew Bennett

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MASTURBATION

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I am so glad the SHARE Magazine was bold enough to take on this pertinent issue. Our youth today are experiencing deep turmoil; they are hurting deeply, they are confused and are being mentally and psychologically manipulated by the rich, powerful and satanic psychopaths who wish to turn the world into a present day Sodom. To help our youth we must bring these dark agendas and issues into the light.

can guarantee you that you will overcome it, with the help of this article and whatever else the Lord will send your way. As long as you sincerely ask Him for help He will deliver you.

“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32

Some may say masturbation is not sin because nowhere did scripture explicitly address it. Jesus says this, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” Matthew 19:4-5

Note: If you are presently struggling with masturbation please remember Romans 1:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation…” This article is meant to help, not condemn those who love Christ but are struggling against besetting sins. If you know Christ and truly love Him, I

By deduction, the statement above leads us to understand what is wrong. A male man should start a new family by joining with his female wife (indicating marriage) and in this context only they should have sex (become one flesh). Anything outside of this is sin, including

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fornication, adultery, homosexuality, lesbianism and masturbation etc.

The writer of Hebrews confirms this, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4 In other words, the bed (or sex) is only pure if practiced in the context of marriage. The bed is defiled if the individuals having sex on it are unmarried, married to someone else other than the person they are in bed with or if one person is masturbating, that is having sex with themself, by way of lustful imaginations and mental images.

Lust is sin and is the accomplice of the masturbator.

Sex, as designed by God, is for the pleasure and satisfaction of the other person. Sex is about giving but masturbation is solely, self gratification and therefore

Facing a Dark Reality unnatural and unhealthy. Sex was also intended by God for procreation but masturbation cannot get a woman pregnant. The rise in this practice could be one of the contributors to depopulation in many countries.

trust women and women do not trust men and therefore in the quest for self preservation they self isolate though still having natural desires and needs. Where the natural is unavailable the devil tempts people to resort to unnatural substitutes.

To DEFILE means to make filthy and impure. To contaminate, infect, make dirty or foul… God honours that which is holy and pure but rejects the defiled. The instruments of God’s worship must be sanctified.

The Battle of the Sexes

The Bigger Question This brings us to the bigger question.

Why is there a rise in the practice and normalising of masturbation even among Christians? It is happening because the devil has successfully destroyed the main pillar of relationships i.e. trust. The rise in deceit, manipulation and abuse etc. have multiplied doubt in every area of society. Men do not

Another reason is the present gender and sexuality crisis that was also masterminded by the devil. Rome is falling. Our men are cutting off their thumbs because they are afraid to go to war. Men are becoming effeminate because a demon influenced society is forcing the switching of roles and sexes.

Mental, emotional and in some cases, physical transgenderism sees women forced to take on the man’s role while the men are emasculated and taking on female roles. Pornography, masturbation, transgenderism, extreme women’s lib and LGBTQ etc. are just fruits

of the resulting frustration and confusion, in the battle of the sexes.

The church should not be following the world’s lead on these issues but should rather be a light to direct them out of their darkness.

I sympathise with those who love the Lord but fall into temptation and sin because they are lonely but where sin abounds, grace will much more abound (Romans 5:20).

Let us bring hope to the hopeless and light to the blind, let us show them Christ who is able to deliver from sin, self and satan. Like any other self indulgent and addictive behaviour masturbation can be stopped with the power of prayer and deliverance, in Jesus’ Name.

Call on Him today! p

By Homer Slack author, preacher, Bible teacher, IT tutor, programmer & graphic designer

July - September 2021

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ThinkFilms!

GREEN LEAF

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Greenleaf television drama series was created by Craig Wright and Oprah Winfrey and Lionsgate Television were the executive producers for the TV series. The show’s focus is on the Greenleaf Family, who run Calvary Fellowship Megachurch in Memphis, Tennessee and Calvary Fellowship Worldwide Ministries.

The Greenleaf family appears to be united and supportive of one another within the family and ministry but underneath there are many secrets and lies simmering which comes to an explosive boil as the series 38

Theatrical Themes” by jurvetson is licensed with CC BY 2.0.

continues. They appear to be a very strong-willed family starting from the patriarch of the family and the Bishop of Calvary Fellowship.

There are many layers to this television series that show us the fight between the enemy and God. When we look into the spiritual realm there is always warfare and often marriages are where the fight seems the worst. Marriage is the example that God uses when we look at the church and Jesus, we are the bride and Jesus the bridegroom. Focusing on what is beneath the marriages of Greenleaf, I ask the question, “What

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is God revealing to us and what can we learn?” Today when we go to church and see marriages, are they as is or are there things beneath that are being hidden? Every marriage has its issues but are they presenting the truth of what is beyond the veil?

I wonder, “Has Greenleaf helped you to grow or has it tainted your views of the church?”

All is not as it Seems The youngest of the Greenleaf family, Charity Greenleaf played

by Deborah Joy Winans is married to Kevin Satterlee, played by Tye

White. Charity and Kevin’s marriage appears to be perfect; the couple are ministerial leaders at Calvary.

Kevin is the director of Outreach while Charity is the Minister of Music. They were a young couple aspiring to have a family. Kevin began to have thoughts about men and Charity would find her husband being distracted, and frequently on his phone. Kevin was looking at images of other men and the more he engaged his internal desire for men the stronger his desire for men became and the more his wife found him distracted. She begins to question Kevin and he eventually confesses his desire for men. He tried to ignore it and hide it but it became too overwhelming. After confessing to his wife Charity, he tried to get help by going to therapy.

The desire was too strong for him to overcome and Kevin accepted that he was gay. This not only puts a strain on the marriage, but the marriage imploded. Charity tried to hide what her marriage was going through, until she could no longer hide it from her family. We see two young people starting a new family appearing in love while being leaders in the church. They have God as their perfect foundation, yet they are flawed with hidden issues.

his being made to fill her position, thereby crushing his dreams. Jacob’s wife, Kerissa is Headmistress of Excellence Academy and has a very controlling disposition. Jacob and wife Kerissa seem to always be at odds with one another. Jacob has an issue with committing adultery with other women including women in the church.

Kerissa knows that her husband is cheating and chooses to stay in the marriage. She keeps his secrets and fights to get her husband to stop cheating. Kerissa loves her husband yet she feels entitled to the Greenleaf legacy as she continues to endure the strain on their marriage.

Eventually Jacob sees his mistake and tries to be the husband that he is supposed to be, he attempts to be who his wife wants him to be.

In Jacob’s attempt, Kerissa finds herself caught up with a man she approaches to do business with and cheats on Jacob, ending up with an STD. She eventually has to confess to Jacob what she did, but Jacob does not give her the same grace she gave him. Their marriage eventually comes to an agreed end with the agreement of shared custody after the many years of infidelity.

What happens when the tables of infidelity turn?

When the bedrock of the family turns into a business, can the marriage work?

Just as Charity is having issues in her family, her brother, Pastor Jacob Greenleaf, played by Lamman Rucker, is having issues also within his own marriage. Pastor Jacob Greenleaf is married to Kerissa Greenleaf, played by Kim Hawthorne.

Jacob, the second born child but only son wanted to be a professional baseball player. He was asked to take his older sisters’ position in the church as Associate Pastor.

He resents his sister Grace (Merle Dandridge) for leaving home and

The patriarch and the matriarch of the family Bishop James Greenleaf, played by Keith David and First Lady Daisy Mae Greenleaf, played

by Lynn Whitfield, have a plethora of secrets in the background of their marriage along with plenty of brokenness, while trying to maintain a megachurch and a worldwide ministry. They are projected as a strong couple, a head strong wife who has supported her husband in life, marriage and in ministry.

She also supported keeping her

husband’s secrets of mishandling church finances as she had her own secrets that were not known to her husband.

In ministry they seem like the perfect match but eventually their lives turned into a business arrangement.

The couple lost a daughter to a sudden death, which caused an extreme strain on Lady Mae. Lady Mae kept secret that she was molested and abused by her father; a secret she kept until her father’s death. Their oldest daughter Grace was a product of an affair Lady Mae had with Bishop Greenleaf’s friend.

As the secrets began to come out, they could barely hold their marriage together and keep things hidden from their children

Valuable lessons learned the hard way.

The Bishop and Lady Mae’s marriage became strained, and they ended in divorce but after searching their own hearts over time they were able to rekindle their love for one another.

They began to look at how their relationship started and what God would have them do. They began to look at the examples of life and love they presented to their children.

After the years of lies, secrets and doing things wrong, they began to refocus on what was important to them and what was important for their family. Through every issue they endured, they fought for their family and their church. They believed that God truly called them for ministry and began fighting to do God’s will after years of doing their own.

In all of our lives we are faced with lies, secrets, adultery, hurt, pain, brokenness and oftentimes we go into the church and think that the pastor and his wife along with their family are perfect. We are all sinners saved by grace and we all have

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our own demons to fight. We put pastors on pedestals along with their family and when they fall, we pick up our stones instead of praying and covering them. Galatians 6:1 states, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” (KJV).

Within the Greenleaf family we see how the enemy comes in and tries to destroy an entire family from every aspect. We see that if we are trying to handle our situation on our own, things become worse while when we depend on God, He will bring us through. Matthew 9:10 states, “While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners (liar,

adulterer, thief…etc.) came and ate with him and his disciples.” We can focus on everything we saw wrong in Greenleaf as a negative or we can learn life lessons to grow and not allow their imperfections to taint us as we strive towards perfection. p

>> Continued from pg 21

the right character traits which I can emulate. I live a fasting life and I stay passionate about the things of God. An encounter with God has the capacity to keep us rooted and grounded, my encounter with my maker keeps me far from sin.

Seek God diligently and you will find Him; God will shape you to be a better version of yourself. I invite you to call out to Jesus!

the prison foundation that wants to lock you and your family down in sexual immorality. In The name of Jesus you will no Longer be LOCKED DOWN UNDER SATANIC TRAPS (LUST). May wisdom and awareness be imparted unto you right now as you receive the word of God which is the foundation of truth... p

How I’m Staying Out 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Tells us our body is the temple of God and we should honour God with our bodies.

The word of God resonates deeply within me and the fear of God is upon me. The Holy Spirit leads me into all truth. The Holy Spirit comforts me, keeps me and helps me. The enemy has lost greatly and I am happy I got salvation on time. I stay close to people who are deeply rooted in God and have

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A prayer for You I pray that your deliverance will begin to take place, may God shake

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LaQwonna “Lady Q” Glaster Evangelist, Prayer Warrior, Poet, Visual Artist, Sisters of Faith Founder & Event Planner

By Sheena Lyn Hanson Motivational Speaker/Public Figure/Christian Vlogger/ YouTuber/Talk Show Host

PS* it wasn't love To all the boys I’ve ‘loved’ before, Ps* It wasn’t love.

Pubescent chemistry, hormonal intensity, Teenage exploration and curiosity, Questions about life and sexuality, These were all it was to me.

PS* I didn’t know love.

Your constant pursuant nagging, pressing me, Your claims of admiration for my body, All fell on deaf ears.

You exposed you puerile, needy, greedy, lust to me, PS* I knew that wasn’t love.

Let’s get married, we’d make a great couple, Don’t you agree?

Let’s have a batch of children, two, maybe three, I know we’d be good together you and me, Sorry, Luv we’re friends, we’ll never be family, PS* I’m still not in love.

My guarded heart shattered the moment I gave it to you, My one life regret, I knew it was too good to be true, In my heart, I knew it couldn’t have been you, You claimed you were obsessed with me, That’s the scariest thing anyone has ever said to me, PS* We were definitely not in love.

No regrets, chalk it up to life experiences, You had your way, I made my choices, At the end of the day, no matter what anyone says, Our ‘romance’ was fake, No matter how many outings together, How many great dates, PS* It wasn’t love

© Angela Slack 01/03/2021

July - September 2021

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The perfect, pocket book-sized, practical marriage handbook on how to have a successful marriage. A case study of biblical marriages written with quirky humour and sensitivity. A great bedtime companion for couples or those engaged to be married or useful also as a group study guide.

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© SHARE Magazine - Produced by SelectArrow Publishing www.TheShareMagazine.com