The Self Care Magazine, Issue 1 - Digital

ISSUE 1

THE

SELF-CARE

www.theselfcaremagazine.com Publisher & Editor-In-Chief Paméla Michelle Tate Digital & Graphic Designer Geaux Fig Co. Copy Editors Paméla Michelle Tate Rita Green

CONTRIBUTING AUTHORS Alexis McGee-Ashford, Cherie Barnes, Anthony Brown, Kiyanni Bryan, Sherika Clay, Krystina Daniels, Dr. Jennifer Eichelberger, Sheila Farr, Brenda Gallow, Takhia Gaither Stuckey, Tamara Gooch, JoAnne Hayes, Dr. Josephine Harris, Bettie Jones, Trae Johnson, Theresa Judge, Marlene McPherson, Tammie Polk, Rolanda Pyle, Effie Robertson, Paméla Michelle Tate, Jean Turner, Nicole D. Vick CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHER Jennifer Marvin for J.M.Images Photography ADVERTISING SALES Rita Green Paméla Michelle Tate MAILING ADDRESS 2021 Fillmore Street, Suite #1285 San Francisco, CA 94117-2708 THE SELF-CARE MAGAZINE is published by Live The Life You Deserve, L.L.C. View expressed in all articles, features, advertisements, and photography are those of the author/contributor and that is not an endorsement

by THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE @2022 or Live The Life You Deserve, L.L.C. of any position that has been expressed. None of the content of this publication may be reproduced in any form without written consent from THE SELF CARE MAGAZINE or its parent company, Live The Life You Deserve L.L.C. To subscribe to this magazine please visit issuu.com/theselfcaremagazine for a digital subscription or amazon.com/author/pamelatate for physical copies.

CONTENTS 6 Join us on the Writer's Retreat to Negril Jamaica.

10 Grab your yoga pants and get ready to meditate!

21 Complete these 4 steps for self-care after divorce.

4 A Message from The Editor 5 What Is Self-Care and Why Is It Important 7 Speaker Spotlight 8 Author's Corner 12 Black History Facts 19 Self-Care Journey to Wellness 20 Self-Care After Divorce 26 Self-Care For Writers 29 The Power of Affirmations to Create a Positive Mindset 30 The Art of Self-Care After Grief

39 Advertise in The-Self Care Magazine!

38 Self-Care Bingo

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THE DREAM THAT LED TO SELF-CARE Written by Paméla Michelle Tate 32,000 feet in the air above Bali and the plane hits major turbulence. I quickly grab my daughter and son’s hand and look across the aisle at my oldest son, husband, and mother. The captain of the plane tells us to prepare for an emergency landing and the oxygen masks begin to fall as they make the announcement that we will be making an emergency crash landing.

Panic begins to ensue. I calmly tell my family to grab their mask and put it on. My Mom quickly puts on her mask she’s currently battling a horrific and death-defying Stage 4 HER+ Breast Cancer that has metastasized. My self-absorbed ex-husband slips on his mask and grabs under my oldest son’s seat to use his floatation device.

My oldest son grabs his mask and takes his flotation device back from my ex-husband.

On my side of the aisle, my daughter stretches her arms to grab her mask and she slides it over her head and places it against her mouth. My youngest son struggles to get his mask. He has severe asthma and learning differences (Dyslexia, ADHD, and Mild Auditory Processing Disorder) so he didn’t hear and/or understand a lot of the directions that were announced during the panic.

away from my grasp. Our plane rapidly descends to 10,000 feet, 8,000 feet and as the plane falls so does my oxygen levels. My chest aches as panic sets in ... the plane have broken in half and several people have safely ejected from the plane. As I scramble to grab my mask before blacking out, I notice that each of my family members has secured their masks, is holding their floatation devices.

They are in various stages of exiting the plane to assure their safety. As the last person exits the plane and I secure my mask over my mouth, I look behind me and see there is a massive fire in the empty rows directly behind me as I black out.

Finally, I wake up from this dream in a cold sweat and I am screaming,

I SHOULD HAVE PUT ON MY OXYGEN MASK FIRST!

As we rapidly lose air pressure and fall from the sky, I secure my son’s mask and he and my daughter cling to the flotation devices they have pulled from under their seats.

Having this dream was the final thrust I needed to take care of myself at any cost. For far too many years I had emptied my soul and poured all of me into others. This dream challenged me to say no more taking care of the world until I take care of ME!

I reach for my oxygen mask and the plane continues to plummet to 20,0000 feet, 15,000 feet. The drop in altitude feels as if a bomb is exploding in my chest as I continue to reach for my mask, which is just fingertips

Audre Lorde said, “Self-Care is a revolutionary act, and I proudly present this magazine to encourage each of you to make a vow to take time out each day for your own self-care.

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WHAT IS SELF-CARE AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT Self-care is defined as the act of preserving or improving one’s own health. There are many forms of self-care, which vary from no cost, low cost, to extremely high cost. There are also many types of selfcare including:

Written by Paméla Michelle Tate

1. Physical self-care includes things like getting regular exercise, eating healthier meals daily, and getting enough sleep to assure that your body is well-rested.

2. Emotional self-care can include: paying attention to how you process your emotions and feelings, practicing gratitude on a daily basis, and journaling.

3. Spiritual self-care includes getting in touch with GOD or your higher power and acknowledging your inner self. It also includes discovering what feeds your soul.

4. Psychological self-care incorporates speaking to a mental health professional about your unresolved trauma, making your mental health a priority, and making a conscious effort to reduce your stress.

5. Professional self-care is used to establish a worklife balance. It includes: creating a work environment that is as stress-free as possible, taking appropriate breaks (10-minute breaks from the computer screen, and lunch), and sharing your workload with co-workers to complete major projects.

Why Is Self-Care Important While many think that self-care is indulgent, the contrary is true. Self-care is revolutionary, it requires creativity and discipline, and it is not to be neglected.

There is a saying, “You can’t take care of someone if you are not taking care of yourself.” This is absolutely true! Self-care is about being in touch with your mind, body, and soul in order to take care of your own needs so that the abundance of care that you are exhibiting in your life can be passed on to others.

So, no more pouring into others from your empty cup – let your own self-care journey begin!

Paméla Tate is an advocate, author, educator, innovator, speaker, survivor, and trailblazer from the San Francisco Bay Area and the Editor-In-Chief of The Self Care Magazine. She is a partner to a wonderful man, the mother of three, plus one bonus child, and a Puppy Mom.”

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SPEAKER

Spotlight VON GRIGGS

Von M. Griggs: 4x best-selling author, transformational life coach, cleric, CEO & founder of Griggs Safety Consultants, LLC., and Joy Restored Outreach, LLC; an inspirational and highly sought after corporate trainer, practicing occupational safety and health & advocacy for female Veterans. Noted talks; The Essentials of Safety & HealthPreserving Life & Limb, Your Joy Can Be Restored, and You Are Not What Happened to You. A decorated communal leader; retired, USAF Veteran, and avid traveler, enjoys reading and various crafts.

What was the pivotal moment that you decided to become an author and speaker?

While they were not dreams or desires that I had individually, these skills were developed and unleashed for me as a primary requirement of my military job and ministry training.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who is just starting out as a speaker?

Join a local or virtual Toastmaster Club, determine what you are most passionate about, stay humble in order to rightfully serve your audience rather than merely impress them.

What projects are you working on in 2022?

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Completing my solo book for safety & health professionals, launching my first anthology with Veterans and Spouses in February; Women's History Month virtual observances each Sunday in March; Women Veterans Appreciation Retreat, 10-12 June in MS; providing my first resident for unhoused female Veterans with children in May; participating in three anthologies and magazine feature as well as servicing my B2B safety clients and offering coaching

What is your Inspirational Word for 2022?

Restoration!

AUTHOR'S

Corner

JEAN TURNER First and foremost, I am God’s Girl! I am a retired Army Officer, Licensed Minister, Board-Certified Holistic Nurse (RN) and Nurse Wellness Coach, Global Speaker, 5x Self-Published Author, Podcaster, and the Chief Wellness Officer of Spirit of a Warrior Life Enterprises, LLC. I’ve been married to my soulmate for 23 years, have three sons, known as “G-Ma” to my grandkids. Spending time on the beach, traveling, and reading are my favorite pastimes!

What was the pivotal moment that you decided to become an author?

In 2018, I heard the words that no one wants to hear, “It’s malignant!” As I walked through that journey, I began to realize that sickness/illness/disease affects every area of our lives and the lives of those closest to us. It was during this time that my journal morphed into my first “self-care” book and once I was healed, that my story (testimony) needed to be heard. Fast forward to August 2020, I retired from the U.S. Army and two months later, I took the stage at the SWC speaking on the topic, “Spirit of a Warrior” which is also the name of the book that morphed from my journal because of that cancer journey. I don’t really refer to myself as an author because I don’t write for a living. I only write and publish when I feel led in my spirit to do so.

What projects are you working on in 2022?

I’m kicking the year off strong with my very first health summit, “The Balanced Woman Health Summit” on January 29th! I have a teaching series titled, “Healthy, I’m releasing after the health summit. In addition, I have scheduled speaking engagements and will be kicking off Healed, & Whole: Health from a Biblical Perspective,” that

quarterly, half-day “pop-up” health summits beginning in April. Lastly, be on the lookout for the inaugural “Spirit of a Warrior” Wellness Retreat in October.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who is just starting out as a speaker?

It’s important to be authentically you and passionate about the topic you are speaking on. Speak from the heart and know your target audience! Know that you’re not for everybody and that everybody is not for you. I’d also say that it’s important to make sure that you make the investment and have the basics: A professional headshot, ¾ length pic professional photo, speaker one sheet, and a professionally written short and long bio to name a few.

What is your Inspirational Word for 2022?

My inspirational word for 2022 is “Intentional.” This is the year for me to be just as intentional and purposeful in ministry and business as I am with my health and wellbeing.

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Deposits are due by March 15, 2022.

A TRIBUTE TO THE CAREGIVERS: THANK YOU Poem Written by Rolanda Pyle We take this time to celebrate you for all you’ve done For taking such good care of your loved one You took on this awesome task that no one else could do, Because no one cares for your loved one quite like you.

There are so many qualities to providing good care.

The main one is having a generous heart to want to shareYour skills, gifts, love, and your time Giving of yourself to your loved one is what makes you shine!

Alzheimer’s, Dementia, cancer, and other illness are hard diagnosis’s for all But as a caregiver, you answered a much-needed call To help when and where there are needs And give unselfishly in word and in deeds We want you to know your labor is not in vain We really appreciate all your struggle and your pain We can never repay you for all you have done Through the many battles and the victories won.

We know it has not been easy–often quite a heavy load And there have been many bumps along the road You may have been misunderstood, labeled, and denied the services you need Or often criticized and not recognized for your labor or your good deed.

We honor, yes, we honor your tremendous sacrifice Your time, your family, your body, and so many parts of your life We thank you caregivers: we thank you once, we thank you twice And know you are appreciated for the rest of your life. @2021 Rolanda Pyle

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YOGA: THE PRACTICE OF SELF-DISCOVERY AND CARE Written by Sheila Farr

2022 is the year to heal. As winter settles in, and with a few years of turbulence is behind us, it’s time to focus on our internal well-being and embrace a fresh start. Self-care is imperative to our good health. Together let’s rise up and rejuvenate with the help of these selfcare through yoga!

First, we must revolutionize the rules of society that have us believe self-care is selfish. Let’s begin by looking at our personal health and happiness by understanding that self-care isn’t selfish at all; instead, it is very necessary. Each person must develop their own relationship with the self to weave together the threads of the body, mind, and soul. Yoga is a great form of selfcare.

Yoga practice is about healing the self through self-discovery and selfacceptance. It’s a transformational practice that strengthens the life force within. It teaches us to overcome internal and external obstacles that come with everyday life. When we practice yoga, we sleep and digest better and we maintain a more balanced emotional and mental state of being with presence and poignancy.

The practice of yoga restores trust in our felt experience of being alive and dispels fears that we must control our bodies and hide our natural rhythms by leading a life that’s aligned with universal cycles which are guided from your heart by:

• Honoring yourself • Trusting yourself • Celebrating yourself • Meeting yourself where you are • Meeting yourself how you are Our moods and energy levels wax and wane like the moon, ebb and flow like the tides, flourish, and decay like the seasons.

Living in harmony with these cycles strengthens us, makes us wiser, and heals us. Denying them weakens our spirits, our bodies, and our connection to life itself.

Yoga teaches us that an organic tempo stirs in human bodies and souls in the earth. Yoga, whether observed in quiet meditation or the slow, gentle postures of hatha (movement) yoga, can teach us about the tools we need to best practice self-care. These tools include:

Meditation: With eyes closed and hands in prayer, begin to breathe. With each exhale, focus on releasing all that needs to be let go of to make space for new and evolving intentions. Let go of that which no longer serves a higher purpose. Exhale selfjudgment, inhale self-love. Open your eyes to the great beauty and promise of peace around you.

• Simplicity • Slowing down • Aligning with nature’s cycles • Living from the inside out Healing ourselves through yoga requires aligning our relationship to the universal rhythm. You must participate daily in the manifestation of your own happiness.

Remind yourself that you deserve selfcare to maintain being whole, healthy, and happy. Practicing yoga helps to remind yourself that you matter, which can greatly improve so many aspects of your life. Investing in yourself (whether that means getting better pillows for sleeping or eating healthier) is the first step to building the absolute best version of you.

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Sheila Farr, M.Ed., RYT-200, is the CEO of Gulf Coast Training & Education Services, LLC. A business strategist, best-selling author, and passionate yogi, Sheila has been helping others learn more about connecting to themselves through the instruction and practice of yoga since 2010. Connect with Sheila through her website: www.gulfcoasttraining.org

SELF CARE AND MENTAL HEALTH: FROM A PERSPECTIVE OF A MILITARY SPOUSE AND A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL

Written by Dr. Josephine (Jo) Harris Over the past three years, I was working with military spouses positioned in a challenging, emotional position, one that people without privilege so often find themselves in. This was in a therapeutic perspective and the first thing to hit me when I was in the presence of these military spouses, was that their needs could not be more removed from the so-called realm of mental health. This was a general issue, personal issue, a societal breakdown, one that required things to be changed and connections to be formed.

I remember thinking how mental health needs would probably be at the bottom of the military spouse’s priority list, if at all. I remember asking myself that when spouses of service members are faced with issues that are much more pressing, much more obvious, or immediate, even substantial—emotional deprive and loss of self-identity, as well as deployments, Temporary Duty (TDYs), and Permanent Change of Station (PCS) that permeate the entire family can be difficult to manage— then—Mental Health. Why? Now, this is a question to think about. As a military spouse and a mental health professional, I have seen everyone, even other military spouses going through their lives without a mental health intervention, and they seem to be okay. Then why should I acknowledge my mental health needs…that’s for individuals with issues’… But I HAD to work with these military spouses and from a therapeutic perspective only.

So, I plowed ahead, carrying the questions along. And I realized that we may be seemingly normal, contributing members of the military community, but our needs arise from the fact that we are indistinguishably connected to these common factors, and are subject to intricate emotions.

Contributions don't happen without offering something to others. Giving to others does not take place unless you have something to share. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And sooner one recognizes it, the lesser the drawback on oneself. I remember Dr. Shyam Bhat repeating and consistently stating, “How many people carry dead weight, all of their lives, without knowing that they do not have to.” The journey ahead from recognizing one’s own mental health needs, is the one of selfawareness, and transformation. The sooner we do it, the better. We are all broken, lovely, and the only ones we can save are our own selves. So, invest in your mental health, it does matter!

Dr. Josephine Harris is a Psychotherapist, International Licensed Counselor, 4X Time Bestselling author, International Besting Author, mental health blogger, professional certified empowerment life coach, domestic violence/sexual assault advocate, and mental health coach and advocate. She is the CEO/Founder of Calming Minds LLC and Founder of Healthy Minds & Hearts Blog.

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HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW Black History Month: The celebration of Black History Month began as “Negro History Week,” which was created in 1926 by Carter G. Woodson, a noted African American historian, scholar, educator and publisher. It became a month-long celebration in 1976. The month of February was chosen to coincide with the birthdays of Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln.

NAACP: On February 12, 2019, the NAACP marked its 110th anniversary. Spurred by growing racial violence in the early 20th century, and particularly by 1908 race riots in Springfield, Illinois, a group of African American leaders joined together to form a new permanent civil rights organization, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP). February 12, 1909, was chosen because it was the centennial anniversary of the birth of Abraham Lincoln.

Heavyweight Champ: Jack Johnson became the first African American man to hold the World Heavyweight Champion boxing title in 1908. He held onto the belt until 1915.

First Lawyer: John Mercer Langston was the first Black man to become a lawyer when he passed the bar in Ohio in 1854. When he was elected to the post of Town Clerk for Brownhelm, Ohio, in 1855 Langston became one of the first African Americans ever elected to public office in America.

John Mercer Langston was also the great-uncle of Langston Hughes, famed poet of the Harlem Renaissance.

Famous Protestors and Activists: While Rosa Parks is credited with helping to spark the civil rights movement when she refused to give up her public bus seat to a white man in Montgomery, Alabama in 1955—inspiring the Montgomery Bus Boycott—the lesser-known Claudette Colvin was arrested nine months prior for not giving up her bus seat to white passengers.

Supreme Court Justice: Thurgood Marshall was the first African American ever appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court. He was appointed by President Lyndon B. Johnson and served on the court from 1967 to 1991.

Eminent Scientist: George Washington Carver developed 300 derivative products from peanuts among them cheese, milk, coffee, flour, ink, dyes, plastics, wood stains, soap, linoleum, medicinal oils and cosmetics.

black history?

First Senator: Hiram Rhodes Revels was the first African American ever elected to the U.S. Senate.

He represented the state of Mississippi from February 1870 to March 1871.

First Woman Representative: Shirley Chisholm was the first African American woman elected to the House of Representatives. She was elected in 1968 and represented the state of New York. She broke ground again four years later in 1972 when she was the first major party African American candidate and the first female candidate for president of the United States.

Self-Made Millionaire: Madam C.J. Walker was born on a cotton plantation in Louisiana and became wealthy after inventing a line of African American hair care products. She established Madame C.J. Walker Laboratories and was also known for her philanthropy.

Oscar Winner: In 1940, Hattie McDaniel was the first African American performer to win an Academy Award—the film industry’s highest honor—for her portrayal of a loyal slave governess in Gone With the Wind.

First Professional Black Baseball Player: On April 5, 1947, Jackie Robinson became the first African American to play Major League Baseball when he joined the Brooklyn Dodgers. He led the league in stolen bases that season and was named Rookie of the Year.

First Black Billionaire: Before Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan joined the billionaire’s club, Robert Johnson became the first African American billionaire when he sold the cable station he founded, Black Entertainment Television (BET) in 2001.

First Black President: In 2008, Barack Obama became the first Black president of the United States.

First Black Vice President: In 2021, Kamala Harris became the first woman of African or Asian descent to become vice president. Harris's mother immigrated to the United States from India and her father immigrated from Jamaica.

Population Growth: The Black population of the United States in 1870 was 4.8 million; in 2018, the number of Black residents of the United States 43.8 million.

BLACKHISTORY.COM 12

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LOOK IN MY EYES, WHAT DO YOU SEE?

fourteen. I didn’t know that the problem was within me, so inadvertently, the problem never left. This lasted for the next twenty-three years. Environments changed but the behaviors didn’t. I found myself incarcerated throughout most of the ’90s, and when I wasn’t incarcerated, I was that individual whom you saw in the streets asking for handouts or rummaging through your dumpster.

Written by Anthony Brown, RN

It seems like a lifetime ago since those days were my reality. I have been abstinent from substances now for over 22 years. I can honestly say that I have a new lease on life, and for me to keep what I have, it is imperative that I am of maximum service to others. The way that I take care of myself is to provide hope to our less fortunate brothers and sisters. Part of a prayer from Saint Francis of Assisi states, “it is in the giving that we receive”.

I find this to be crucial to my self-care and I have been blessed with being employed as a nurse. Compassion is one of the many fruits that I have received as a gift and with this comes the quietness of the heart, as well as a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Why do you do that to yourself?

I have been asked this question on more than one occasion, and all I could do during that time was to shamefully look down at my dirty hands with broken nails and reply, “I don’t know.” Millions of Americans experience homelessness each year and are at an increased risk of dying prematurely. For twenty-three years from the age of 14 until 37, I was homeless. As I look back, I can identify multiple reasons why I ended up in that situation.

I understand that it may be uncomfortable to see a person not having access to their basic hygiene needs, such as soap and water, or acquiring nutrition by eating out of dumpsters, or not having a place of regular sleeping accommodations. Truthfully, it is painful on all levels: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual for everyone. The pain that I felt being in that situation was so intense that my dignity had to die for me to survive.

During that time, I knew something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

When I was 9 years old, I woke up one morning and found my mother lying on the living room floor with a gunshot wound to the head. Alcohol and domestic violence were common in our household, and I am sure that these were involved. Later, these two elements created a perfect roadmap to my demise. She did survive that day but the tempest inside of me was born. Comfort was my booze until the drugs showed me solace. I finally found a way to escape from my emotions. But to get away from the physical pain, I ran away from home at the age of

Anthony Brown is the founder and director of Coordinating & Assisting Recovery Environments. With a BSN from Cal State University, he is currently developing a long-term treatment model in Mansfield, Ohio to aide individuals who are experiencing homelessness. He currently enjoys living every moment of his amazing life in California.

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THE JOURNEY OF SELF CARE AND WELLNESS STARTS WITH YOUR NAILS b yi c D r iSs W r i tWt erni t tbe yn N o lre. DJ o. s eVpi hc ki n, e M( JPoH) , HCaHr E

During the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, California nail salons were forced to close. There was a collective gasp as women across the State wondered how they would get manis and pedis. Sales of press-on nails and do-it-yourself nail kits skyrocketed as women tried to keep their hands and feet looking good. While everyone panicked, I picked up a bottle of nail polish and shrugged.

Many women love the visual appeal of a good mani but there is also an element of self-care and ritual associated with visiting the salon. A new set of nails in a beautiful shade is not just another way that women adorn their bodies but is a mood lifter and a self-esteem booster.

Being pampered for an hour (for a relatively low price) gives women the chance to focus on themselves and leave their burdens behind. Losing that left women with bad nails, anxiety, and stress associated with COVID, work, and family.

So, when the salons closed, I did not skip a beat. In fact, I took things to the next level. First, I created and sold nailfocused t-shirts, totes, and mugs with slogans like, “Nails Poppin’” and “Nails So Fly”. Last fall I hosted a “Nail Care is Self-Care” workshop where I taught 15 women how to paint their nails and integrate nail care as a self-care routine. I taught them how to carve out time to do their manicure, how to set up their space, and the tools needed to get started. We also focused on the improvements in mental health that come from the patience, focus, and mindfulness required to apply nail polish. Later that year I launched a nail care kit with all the tools needed to begin the self-care journey at home.

For women that are short on time and money, a nail care routine can be an important entry way into self-care that has tangible benefits to mental health and well-being.

Beauty runs in my blood. My maternal great-grandmother owned a beauty salon in South Central Los Angeles in the 1930s and my aunt had a small indie makeup brand that included nail polish. Their love of beauty passed down to me. I have vivid childhood memories of using my Orly French Manicure kit in the ‘80s and curved acrylic nails when I was a teen in the mid-'90s. By then, I was completely hooked on nail polish.

A few years ago, I got more intentional about doing my weekly manicure. It’s an opportunity to focus (my mind is usually a million places at once), be creative (I have ten tiny canvases to have fun with), and relax (I have to be still with wet nails). I immersed myself in nail art tutorials, shared my nail art on social media, and sought out Black indie nail polish brands. I was building my own self-care routine without even realizing it.

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Nicole D. Vick is an author, public health advocate, educator, community connector, and fashion and beauty maven. She’s leveraged her lived experience, academic training, and professional expertise to engage and inspire future leaders of public health in a variety of settings.

I HAD TO REDEEM MYSELF FOR MYSELF Written by Krystina Daniels Completing my graduate school thesis almost took me out mentally. Going through the coursework was a breeze. The courses were fun, exciting and gave me an opportunity to grow professionally.

When I got to the point of having to complete my thesis, I did not know how to advocate for myself and request the help I needed to finish the work without crying each night. I found myself doing my regular routine of procrastinating until there was no time remaining. I knew this was a horrible idea because my stress levels were already at an alltime high due to working full-time, and I knew I was only a quarter of the way through the complete thesis. Two weeks before the end of the semester I kicked my writing into high gear. My advisor had given me all the feedback she was willing to, and I had to handle the rest.

Not only did the rewards of gorgeously manicured nails, and a portable ice maker make me want to continue following my plan, but I was being extremely successful with the least amount of angst. Taking the time to make a self-care plan changed the way I looked at completing all my activities, not just schoolwork. This plan made me accountable to myself and my overall progression every day. This keeps me in a space of progress but also allows me the chance to not take myself so seriously all the time. Selfcare is necessary for taking life as it comes but having a plan to bounce back when and how we need to for ourselves.

To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement.

Taking the time to do the research was therapeutic for me but putting that information into a cohesive piece that I could submit was stressing me out to the point of hair loss. I was crying and shedding like there was no tomorrow and I needed to figure out a way to be successful and still maintain the mane.

Unfortunately, I did not find those calming tools until after I finished graduate school, but I had them going to my certificate program.

That experience taught me many things, one of them being, we can be our own worst enemies. I knew how that level of procrastination would stress me out and I did it anyway. As people, we must take the time to listen to our bodies and take stock of what we do that is not beneficial. Going into my certificate program I vowed to space out my work and not push everything to the end of class. I made sure that I used my phone calendar and planned days to do my readings and assignments, but I also did not push myself on days I knew I had already done too much. I utilized learning tools such as the Pomodoro Method to keep my mind in check from distractions and I rewarded myself every two weeks by consistently sticking to my schedules.

My name is Krystina Daniels and I am an HR and DE&I professional in the Philadelphia area. I am also a public speaker with a master's degree in human resource management. Work-life balance is something that I continuously work on and encourage my team to work on as well.

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h t a e d

LIFE AFTER Written by Sherika Clay

On March 20, 2021, the trajectory of my life inexplicably changed courses. Everything I knew had now been altered. The passing of my dear, sweet mother left a hole in my heart large enough to swallow the universe and still have room for seconds. She was supposed to see me on the New York Times bestsellers list, meet the love of my life at the altar, give her grandchildren, among a host of other things. But that reality will never be.

I was always considered to be the “strong” one. I had taught myself how to suppress or ignore whatever unfavorable feeling I was experiencing. I just kept myself busy. Until one day, it all came crashing down. I could no longer control the anger, the tears, the guilt of wondering if there was more than I could have done, and ultimately, the feeling that God had abandoned me. I knew that suffering for my ailing mother had finally ended, but what I didn’t know was that suffering for me had only just begun.

my siblings or friends would see. So, my idea of self-care will indisputably look different. I began to realize that selfcare can sometimes look like not answering calls or posting on social media. Self-care can look like sitting on your couch in total silence, only listening to your thoughts.

And other times, self-care was having a good, long cry in the shower.

I wish I could say that now Healed and I are the best of friends and Grief has made her grand exit, but that’s not true. Unfortunately, Grief can see past the lashes and nails. Grief can still see your brokenness. Thankfully, however, I can say that “Healed” is now in view and that Grief and I have learned to compromise. I wish I knew exactly what life after the death of my mother will look like in the months and years to come but I don’t. I do know that in the meantime, I still have a lot of living left to do.

I thought I was doing everything right, but I still couldn’t shake Grief. She had become an unwelcome visitor in my life and no matter how much I ignored her; she wouldn’t leave. When I awoke, she was there. On the drive to work, she was there. When I walked through my front door, she was already there. She was patient but persistent. You see, she was the big sister, and she wouldn’t introduce me to her younger sister, Healed until I dealt with her first!

I thought I did everything right. I was praying, journaling, making hair and nail appointments, shopping, having lunch with the girls, and yet, I was still hurting. I was still broken. I thought doing all those things was self-care, and in a sense, it was. But I had to learn that Grief has no set time and looks totally different for me than the Grief

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Sherika Clay is an educator, speaker, and aspiring author. She has won honorable mention in the 2005 Ebony magazine writing contest.

She has also won honorable mention in a Soft-sheen Carson Poetry Contest. Her passion is to enlighten, encourage, and empower others through her words.

forever

DIAMONDS ARE Written by Dr JoAnne Hayes

Have you ever asked yourself, what is wrong with me?

Why can't I speak up for myself? Why do I feel like I am invisible in a crowded room? Some may say it's low selfesteem; I call it a diamond in the rough. I have become immune to the negative words of others and their actions.

Does it hurt? Heck yeah! I often felt there was nothing I could do about it. That feeling of helplessness is the worst ever.

My second marriage was abusive and short, and he argued often. During one of his many fits of rage, my Ex called me the B-word. I looked at him and smiled and, said Thank you so much! I told him, you calling me a B means I am no longer allowing you to walk over me. I felt good standing up for myself, afraid. My charade of marriage ended, and self-doubt began. Little did I know, this was a start of a new beginning.

Transparency was an important factor as I wrote my chapters. I learned that my stories are not mine to keep, they are to help others. Right now, I feel like a diamond waiting to shine. My faith with constant prayer revealed how strong and resilient I am, and I deserve to be happy.

It was and is not an easy journey. Moving forward, I take one day at a time for me! I am thankful to God for every day he wakes me up. I will continue to travel down this golden road to love, peace, and happiness to see what the God Almighty has for me. A place of peace!

As I looked in the mirror, I could no longer ignore the state of my mental and physical health. It was Do or Die, literally.

The divorce process left me numb. I lost weight and slept even less. I went from a size 8 to a 3. There are days from my past that are still blurry because of the numbness I experienced. My breakthrough came when I permitted myself to grieve the loss of another failed marriage and face all the negativity that went with it. I had counseling for over two years. As I healed, I found myself in a relationship with myself. A new feeling of happiness arose within me. I did not answer anyone, and I did what I wanted when I wanted. I found a place of peace.

With counseling, I learned it was ok to speak up for myself.

Gradually, I was not afraid to dream in color. I had a sense of restlessness stirring in me. I used this energy to create my bucket list. I went back to school, earned two master’s degrees, followed by my doctoral degree during the height of the pandemic. Once again, I did it afraid. I became a co-author of two anthologies on Amazon, #1 best-selling list in 2021.

Dr. JoAnne Hayes is a two times best-selling author, servant leader, business expert, and domestic violence advocate with a passion for people. Dr. Hayes is motivated when she serves others. She has a heart for overall literacy and wants to see others educated and thrive in society, especially women. https://linktr.ee/drjoannehayes

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THE JOURNEY TO THE DEGREE Written by Kiyanni B. I remember that evening, it was dark, cold, and raining out. I was rushing to my mother’s house to drop my daughter off so I can go to school and take the Algebra test that I was sure I was going to finally pass. My now 18year-old daughter was about 9 years old at the time. Like normal, I ran out of my house with flip-flops on which was okay, except that day it was raining so it wasn’t the best idea. Running into my mother’s house I hit my foot on the stairs, and a sharp pain shot through my whole leg. Didn’t have time to process the pain so I dash out the door to school. In the car, I realized I couldn’t put my shoes on so I ran in the rain to class. Took my test and passed, but the end result for me was a broken toe.

Back then as an adult student, I worked a full-time job, my daughter was an athlete, I was active in church and a part of a large family that constantly pulled my attention.

My life was FULL, and today it has only multiplied.

(Smiles) I now run several businesses, host & speak at events, volunteer, lead in the church, author books, and own a publishing company. I often think about how I am doing this, but I do it every day and the lives that are positively impacted keep me going.

The truth is that you can only do what you can do, and good self-care & work-life balance come with gained discipline along the way. It will evolve as YOU evolve, some things may be a priority in one season and take second in another. There really isn’t EVEN distribution of pursuing a thing, it is organizing of the goals in question.

Being a single mom with goals I had to try a lot of things and pivot as needed. I stayed focused on purpose, and my why as I climbed out of bed daily even when tired or even ill to attempt to conquer the world.

After years of an unimaginable schedule, I finally graduated with my bachelor’s degree in Psychology & Christian Counseling. I remember the sense of pride I felt in accomplishing something that was once just an aspiration. I encourage you to achieve your goals but never forget to REMEMBER YOU! You can’t enjoy the fruits of your labor in a state of burnout, maintain balance.

There are a few principles I have gained along my journey that has helped me get this far:

✓ Prioritize my list of to do’s ✓ Schedule EVERYTHING to include downtime (Yes, even that Lifetime movie nights). ✓ Give yourself grace if you fall off of the schedule and just jump back in there ✓ Establish healthy boundaries. Say NO when you need to and know when to sit down. ✓ Create a cut-off time to prevent all areas of your life from spilling over into the next area. ✓ Get accountability for support and encouragement

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Kiyanni B is an Author, Life Strategist, Transformational Speaker, Publisher, and Next Level Coach that specializes in helping leaders that have been impacted in the area of their identity THRIVE in kingdom life and business.

SELF-CARE JOURNEY TO WELLNESS Written by Rev. Dr. Jennifer Eichelberger Do you know those moments that shatter your idea of what something is?

That day, I was looking cute, having a good hair day, and treating myself to a rare break to join my sister for a scrumptious distraction from a hectic day of office chaos and tight deadlines at one of our favorite lunch spots, known for their artisan bread, ice cream and fried chicken.

Things were busy at work that I got used to squeezing in as much in a day as humanly possible, including a pre-luncheon swing into my annual doctor’s appointment.

I was surprised when the doctor said, “you are overweight, your blood pressure is high, you are borderline diabetic, and your kidney levels are way off.” “Say, what? Heck, I thought I was cute and relatively healthy!” I wasn’t healthy at all—my next question was, “What is my next step?”

Her response was, “Change your lifestyle: exercise, eat healthily and drink plenty of water or take a lot of medicine.” I loathe taking medicine so I knew I had to lose weight and get healthy. I had been no stranger to exercise and eating well in the past, but it had been a tough year. I’d moved to a new city, a demanding job, a long commute, and I was devastated by the death of my cousin/friend.

Eventually, five minutes became five miles a day, and I was able to safely ditch most of the medicine because my numbers were headed in the right direction. I made a bold move by jumping into a 30-day raw food challenge! No meat, no dairy, no processed sugar, no eggs, no alcohol; basically, I ate fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, sprouts, and smoothies. This sounds drastic, but it worked for me, and my health improved immensely.

The first few days were awful. On day five, I felt sick, had headaches, upset tummy, but I kept going knowing that it was my body detoxing from all the junk food. On the seventh day, I felt better. In 30 days, I went from 225 to 190, dropping about a pound a day. My energy skyrocketed and I got fitter and stronger.

I’m happy to say that I’m now 175 and holding, looking good, feeling good, and most importantly, a lot healthier. I’m mostly a vegetarian, eating fruits and vegetables. I limit my ice cream consumption and fried chicken to “special occasions” and no more than two slices of bread a day. Now my treats are meditative long walks and self-care. Good health is truly a byproduct of self-care.

My sister agreed to help with my weight loss. Day one was funny! Within minutes I was winded. My sister offered to get the car; I declined and pushed on until I was gasping. She asked once more if I was ok. This time I said “get the car and some oxygen” we laughed and realized that I had work to do.

Rev. Dr. Eichelberger is author of three books and has won numerous awards for her work in television production; most notably the Life Time Achievement Award signed by President Biden and Vice President Harris.

She is married to the legendary Dr. Herbert Lewis Eichelberger, a professor at Clark Atlanta University.

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SELF CARE AFTER DIVORCE Written by Brenda Gallow ​ ake up WAKE the hell up!! You’re not dead. Yea W you lived through another night to wake up to the same ole shit. Resulting in a pounding headache, chest pain, dizziness, and feeling nauseated. The choices you made while eating food, having drinks, and smoking; only to mask the feelings that you can’t hide with regret. Nothing has changed. You have a hangover, sick from all the junk you ate; to top it off you have the shits. NO sleeping in its MONDAY, get up, you can’t miss another day because (you’re on the list) of your frequent callouts. Is this how you react to stress on a daily basis?

Girrrrrrrl you better get right or you might stroke out, be paralyzed, or die. GET IT TOGETHER. Girllll gets up off the bathroom floor, brush yourself off.

Are you ready to move on? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Act as you love yourself. If not love you like GOD loves you. Whom are you changing for? What will you do? How will you go about it? Make you happy, take the time to smile, and love you J.

You will hurt, be broke, disgusted, deceived, hungry give your heart to Jesus be committed to him. Look up. It’s not about money, don’t be ashamed, give him praise. He’s getting you through. He’s waiting on you.

Breathe the fresh air and it will do you fine. This road may seem like the roughest road you have ever traveled, “This is the road you need to be on for this journey.

Let your inner peace be released. Stop living in the shadows of others. Why did you give up on your dreams?

Who were you before you got married? All you want is to love yourself. That begins from the inside out.

Love yourself as God loves you. Fix your crown and hold your head up.

Stand in the front of the mirror, ask God to guide you, and have FAITH. The storm will get worse, it will pass. What can save you? What are you striving for?

The pain and tears are real, don't give up. Keep your FAITH. Lean on God be FOCUSED there is HOPE. You still have life in you. You were not born to give up, he will give you peace. You have the VICTORY.

Brenda is a divorced mom of one son, nurse, author, Divorce Transition Strategist meaning she helps women fill the gap between divorce and their destiny. She wants women to feel confident, comfortable, relatable, and authentic about themselves. When they see her they will know that she’s been where they are.

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It’s Okay Not To be Ok. Get out of your own way, start living, relaxing, do something new or start again yoga, meditation, walking, hiking, swimming, and/or playing an instrument. Begin journaling your journey, acknowledge your stress level and anger - it may save your life. Be in control of your life and prepare for the challenge?

WHILE RIDING THROUGH THE STORM: WAYS TO PRACTICE SELF-CARE DURING DIVORCE Written by Takhia Gaither Stuckey I would venture to say that most people do not get married and plan to divorce. I know there are people who go into it saying, “Well if it doesn’t work then I’ll get one,” but in general, most of us are looking for our special version of happily ever after. For the most part, you know every day won’t be rainbows and butterflies but you’re expecting that more times than not there will be. Then one day all the “No Year Problems” start to happen. “No Year Problems” are those that should never happen during any year of marriage for any reason, especially at ongoing or consistent rates, such as infidelity, constant bickering and arguing, etc.

Sadly, I found myself attempting to deal with a series of “No Year Problems” very early in marriage, which ultimately led to separation and filing for divorce. The few people that I confided in when I first began the process all had the same question, “How are you feeling?” A lot of times I didn’t have an answer for them other than the obligatory “fine” because I hadn’t taken the time to really think about how I felt, what I thought, or could potentially think or feel. I have reached a level of perfection when it comes to deflecting, but through lots of prayer and coffee chats with Jesus, I have instituted a few things for self-care as I am in fact riding through this storm.

(YouTube Yolanda Adams, “Riding Through the Storm.”

You’ll thank me later and you’re welcome in advance!)

1 Take time for yourself.

2 Don’t deny what you feel.

3 Get rest.

4 Work with a counselor or a coach.

I get it, each of these has its own level of “Ugh, I can’t do that” attached to it, especially when we’re Moms, the ever-present parent, doing school in a pandemic, whether in-person or virtual, and we work full-time, part-time, anytime. I’m right there with you. What’s important to remember and what I remind myself of daily is that if I’m not “fine,” my children won’t be either. Far too long we were probably in spaces and places that did not allow us to pay any attention to ourselves. In going through this process, it’s easy to focus on everyone and everything else. This isn’t my entire list, I also pray, read the Bible, and write. You don’t have to do them all at the same time.

Start with one, work your way through the list, and feel free to add your own things. If you need ideas on how, please feel free to contact me and we’ll walk through it together. This is the year and the time that we stop trying to pour from empty and becoming burnt out. Instead, we are going to do what is necessary to healthily refill ourselves while we are riding through the storm.

Takhia is the founder of the TSGS Group, home of Takhia the Teacher, The Ready Write-Her and Redefining You Coaching and Mentoring Services. She is a published editor, co-author of 9 anthologies, and creator of a Bible study workbook, various journals, and two blogs, Takhia the Teacher and Redefining Thoughts.

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IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CARE FOR NURSES DURING THE PANDEMIC AND BEYOND Written by Effie Robertson Self-care is any deliberate activity that we do to provide for our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Nurses spend many working hours caring for others so it’s especially important for them to make self-care a priority in their lives. Self-care decreases stress, enhances care quality, and restores a nurse's capacity to deliver compassion and understanding. Many times, it’s not at the top of our to-do lists until it becomes necessary.

During the recent pandemic, proper selfcare techniques for nurses are extremely vital. According to one study of nurses, 80% stated the pandemic had a negative impact on their mental health, while 60% claimed it had a negative impact on their physical health. The World Health Organization (WHO) have provided studies that underlined healthcare professionals directly involved in treating patients with Covid-19 are at risk of acute stress disorders, anxiety, depression, and other conditions making health a major concern. Therefore, making sure we pour from a full cup prior to pouring into others is critical.

Nurses are exposed to misery, agony, and trauma, and we are frequently traumatized without realizing it. Self-Care is mandated by the American Nurses Association. According to the fifth provision of the ANA Code of Ethics, nurses' moral regard for all humans "extends to oneself as well: the same obligations that we owe to others we owe to ourselves."

These duties include the responsibility to:

•Promote health and safety •Preserve wholeness of character and integrity •Maintain competence •Continue personal and professional growth

References: Source: American Nurses Association. (2015).

Code of ethics with interpretative statements.

Silver Spring, MD: Author. Retrieved from http://www.nursingworld.org/MainMenuCateg ories/EthicsStandards/CodeofEthicsforNurses /Code-ofEthics-For-Nurses.html

Simply put, we can't effectively and efficiently care for others if we don't care for ourselves.

Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology. 2020 May. (Cited 2021 Jan 27). Available from: http://medrxiv.org/lookup/doi/10.1101/2020.0 5.04.20089862 .

Self-care is a stress management tool that replenishes a nurse’s empathy and compassion while promoting safety and a higher quality of care. Here are the ABCs nurses can practice prioritizing their mental health and well-being during and beyond the pandemic.

1. Active. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through exercise reduces brain fog, prevents depression, decreases stress, and lowers blood pressure. Take short walks outside, ride a bike, learn yoga, or even learn a new sport. Remember to make exercising fun and not challenging.

2. Body. Eat healthy. Identify ways to better fuel your body through the food choices.

3. Consistency. Find out what works for you. Set realistic goals to maintain selfcare. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up, tomorrow is a new day.

Nurses are on the front lines of caring for others globally and they will continue to do so even after the epidemic has passed.

Nurses must continue to practice selfcare as a fundamental practice to sustain their defense against threats to their collective health and well-being.

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Effie Robertson is a nurse, 2x best-selling author, Podcaster, International Speaker, Master Resilience Coach, CEO of SimplyMonei’ boutique and FieldingDreams365 LLC. She is driven to empower purpose-driven women of faith to make strategic decisions and silence their inner critics. You can connect with Effie at: www.effierobertson.com

SELF-CARE BEGINS WITH SELF AWARENESS Written by Tamara Gooch An often-overlooked aspect of self-care is developing something that caters to your specific needs, which all begins with self-awareness. You could pick up a random self-care routine, and it might help a bit, but if you want to see the best results, you need to be constructing a plan to specifically address your own issues.

You can’t even start to plan that until you know what those problems are. By being more self-aware, you’ll be able to easily pinpoint the root of your problems and continue to build a plan to address that.

The first and most important step is identification. This means taking an honest, hard look at your life and figuring out what it is that you’re not happy with. It could be anything.

that helpful. You want to know what’s causing the problem to exist in the first place so that you can treat it at the root level.

Much like a weed growing in your yard, you don’t just want to cut the visible part away - you want to uproot the whole thing so that it doesn’t come back. Knowing what your problems are (and what’s causing them) allows you to start down a path of rebuilding for a better life.

You can formulate a self-care plan specifically to help address these big issues and help better your life in the long run. Too many people use self-care as a Band-Aid, but you want a longterm solution, so make sure you engage in awareness and analysis before you initiate a plan for your self-care.

You might not be confident in your figure, you might dislike your job, you might be struggling emotionally, and so on. Don’t be afraid to get a little bit critical with yourself during this time.

This is a time for honesty, not comfort. Once you know what the problem is, though, it’s time to dig a little bit deeper. The next step is analysis. At this point, you know what your problems are in your life, but that’s about it.

By looking closer at your problems, you should try to analyze what it is that’s causing these problems to appear in the first place. Take, for example, you don't like your job. That sounds simple enough on the surface, but by digging deeper, you’ll recognize that there are more varied reasons for this.

You might feel unfulfilled in your potential, or you might feel as though you’ve gone down a path you regret. Or it may be something simpler like the hours that you must work or a bad coworker.

It’s these things that you want to start to know more about.

Just knowing what the problem is in your life isn’t necessarily all

Multi-passionate serial entrepreneur, Certified Master Coach, International Best-Selling Author, Transformational Speaker, & Podcast Host. Empowering family-centered women in the start-up phase, seeking to eradicate clutter, gain clarity, optimize time management, and build a profitable online business. Doing so w/o sacrificing freedom and time with family, but most importantly self

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SELF-CARE FOR WRITERS

Written by Tammie Polk The Bernie Mac Show is still one of my favorite shows and it taught me a lot about self-care as an author.

My favorite episode is the one where Bernie and Wanda are now both working from home and she disrupts his whole entire process! His process seemed elementary, but we all know how talented this man was. He had his favorite: * Section of the newspaper to read • Collection of movies that he chose from daily • Sandwich and beverage • Style of index cards and writing utensils Like Bernie, I have my favorite things like this. I am blessed to live in Memphis, TN, minutes away from Tom Lee Park and the Mississippi River. When I want to write and be outside, I take a drive Downtown and find my duly appointed bench.

I love listening to the water and watching the waves as the music of Beale Street fills my ears from behind. When I need a pick me up, I visit my favorite Black woman-owned bakery for my special assortment of oatmeal cookies.

If the weather is amiss and I need to have that cozy space of protection, I retreat to my bookstore, which is right around the corner from my house and full of my favorite things.

There, I have my writing playlist saved on my Facebook Portal. I have my hot beverage bar right up front next to my four-foot table that extends to six feet when I need the space and my favorite chair is there for me, which is where my Cookie Monster plushie sits, guarding my favorite blanket.

When I get hungry, I hit up Chick-fil-A on Door Dash and don’t have to move a muscle!

For writers, self-care goes beyond choosing to write on a computer or on paper. We have to have the right people, places, things, and ideas around us or we feel like we’re out of whack.

I want you to think about that…

Who are the people you don’t mind having around you when you’re writing that AREN’T annoying like Wanda was?

Where are those special, just for you places where you can go, get into your zone, and be amazed at how much time has passed?

What are those necessary things that you MUST have in order to write the way you want to? That favorite brand of paper or pen…things like that!

What are ideas you need to be around to help spur you when you need to go a different direction with your writing or to help you finish if the page has stopped speaking to you?

These four questions may seem loaded; however, they determine how you think, feel, act, and move as a writer. Not having one of them can cause you not to produce your best work and that’s not something you want nor need to happen.

Tammie T. Polk has penned, recorded, and published 139 books and 40 planners since September 2015. When she's not writing, she's enjoying the sights and sounds of her hometown of Memphis, Tennessee with her husband and three daughters, raiding her favorite cookie shop, or playing a game or two!

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Once you find those things, keep them around you because they will not only help you, but also another!

DISLOCATING MYSELF FROM THE TURTLES Written by Jennifer Butterfos As the emergency medical technicians pumped more fentanyl in my system, I stared beyond my contorted foot out the ambulance window wondering if it was the same fentanyl that killed a friend of mine just two years ago. How could something be both lethal and healing, I wondered. My mind floated to a long list of family events, travel and social engagements now jeopardized thanks to my stupidity. It was Halloween weekend and just moments before my husband and I were gliding home carefree from our date night on a pair of electric scooters. We couldn’t be bothered to wait for an Uber or Lyft and these looked way more fun, anyways. This impatience, combined with the tiniest pothole and an ill-fated decision to wear chunky heels that night led to a dislocated ankle that ripped through my skin. Eventually a young surgeon with a French last name and deep voice would stitch it all up to look like a creepy smiley face.

Word eventually got out about my accident, and almost immediately, an outpouring of love, support and offers to help came in. There were flowers and various soups, some cast signings and a few activities to do from the couch.

(Calligraphy, anyone?) I was deeply touched. The one favor I wanted more than anything, however, was to have someone finish our matching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles outfits in time for Halloween night….maybe those high school aged neighbors who babysat sometimes? They seemed crafty and showered my kids with hand drawn cards and freshly baked cookies on our doorstep during the pandemic. I clung to that thought long enough to start a reply to their mother’s text asking if there was anything we needed. “Well, this might seem like an odd request, BUT….” I began.

And then I let the idea fade. Just three

dots pulsating on her end and then nothing. Finally, “We’re good! Thank you so much.” I had to let a lot of ideas fade since that fateful night- ideas that often kept me up all night during the most ungodly hours. Whether it’s creating the perfect Harry Potter birthday party experience, sending a photo-filled girl scout email newsletter to my troop, pulling off fully coordinated family costumes and posting proudly on my Facebook feed, I do it because it’s impossible for me not to. I love this stuff.

My problem isn’t the pressure to appear perfect for Instagram or outshine other moms in the Pinterest department.

Motherhood scratched this weird creative itch and provided the perfect excuse to geek out obsessively with a hot glue gun from time to time. I cannot seem to shake an idea for a party, playdate or themed snack no matter how hard I try to play it cool or effortless.

Since 2007, my husband Ryan and I have always planned out themed Halloween costumes, eventually we folded our kids into the tradition. We’ve been circus performers, Ghostbusters, the Wizard of Oz, skeletons, among other group ideas.

This was the year of the Ninja Turtles. We watched the movie together, read the books, and visited Michaels to pick out fabric. I even had tiny gummy candy pizzas to hand out as we walked through the neighborhood, in what I like to call “reverse trick or treating.” It was going to be perfect. Until it wasn’t. Until my dislocated ankle yanked this 15 year tradition right from under me onto the cold hard pavement of Cesar Chavez and Evans.

The turtles were the first to fade, replaced by a fun-filled weekend in random costumes (a banana and a knight? really?) at my sister-in-law’s

house while I spent the night in the hospital and then on my couch. I teared up when the kids returned with sacks full of candy, giant smiles and proudly announced that they had also taken a bath. It was the sweetest news a mom could hear. They didn’t need coordinated costumes. They needed a bath. When my husband went on his own with the kids to visit family back east for Thanksgiving, I enjoyed a rare week alone in my own home with my two parents, where we talked about all the things that truly mattered and laid their end of life wishes out on the table. Self-care and healing for me during this crisis meant letting go and telling all the creative mom-noise to zip it.

It meant trading in Pinterest-perfect for good enough, get-the-job-done, phoneit-in or call it off entirely. The gummy pizzas will get turned into a class set of Valentines next month. At some point we’ll come up with the perfect “pizza my heart” pun line to include. Rest assured the glue gun hasn’t been retired forever, just paused for now. I need to work on wearing shoes again.

Jennifer Butterfoss is a proud mother of two and has served as an educator and school leader for over fifteen years. She currently works as a leadership coach, serves on the executive board for Families for San Francisco, and writes for a local parenting magazine. Find her writings at jenniferkuhrbutterfoss.com

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intentional BE

Written by Jean Turner

I think it is safe to say that we’ve all made at least (1) health-related resolutions. Many of us, year after year, resolve to lose weight, exercise (or exercise more), get more rest, eat healthier, drink more H20, stop smoking/drinking, get out of debt, practice meditation, become more spiritual, etc. Over the past three years, I’ve made the decision to be more intentional.

There’s nothing wrong with making New Year’s resolutions but a decision (in this case, NY resolution) without an action plan and the discipline (i.e., commitment) to execute it consistently will not lead to the desired results! Resolutions don’t require discipline, but goals do. A course of action is key in reaching the desired result.

Since my “sudden” health crisis from 2018-to 2019, I have become more intentional about my overall health. It’s not that I wasn’t healthy and in great shape prior to 2018, I just thought that I could outrun a bad diet. Being in the Army, I’ve had to temporarily live in some environments that were not conducive to my well-being (i.e., Burn pits in Iraq and heavy pollution in South Korea). But when you undergo surgery to remove a malignant tumor and nine months of intense chemotherapy that cause you to go into heart failure, I can’t help but be more intentional about what I eat, how I manage stress, etc.,

Genetics, family history, ethnicity, our environment, and other factors that we cannot change, and have absolutely no control over may affect us but in the long run, it is how we care for our whole body, in its entirety that will count.

So, I’m intentional in everything I do because I want to maintain my healing, my health, and continue to be the healthiest version of me that I can be!

It wasn’t until I experienced that “suddenly” health crisis is when I really began to view health as multi-dimensional, and that as human beings, we are more than the sum of our parts. I often say that “an imbalance in any area of our life creates disharmony throughout our entire body.” Our mental, emotional, spiritual, social, environmental, occupational, sexual, financial, as well as our physical wellbeing is equally important as the other. You would think that as someone who has been in the nursing profession for over thirty years that this would be a no-brainer, right? It is one thing to care for others, but it is an entirely different experience when you become the patient and my experience as a patient changed the way I viewed health and self-care.

As it relates to our health-related new year resolutions, tradition alone is not enough to cause us to make the change we desire to see! It is important to know and understand our WHY because a resolution is nothing more than a decision to do or not do something. But a decision does not necessarily lead to results. It requires intention!

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Jean Turner is a Retired Army & Iraqi War Veteran, RN & BoardCertified Holistic Health Nurse, Author, Global Speaker, Minister, Podcaster, and Chief Wellness Officer of “Spirit of a Warrior Life Enterprises, LLC.” She empowers her clients to take charge of their health: Body, Mind, and Spirit.

mindset

THE POWER OF AFFIRMATIONS TO CREATE A POSITIVE Written by Theresa Judge

"I have a flat stomach." That's what I told myself as I looked at my bulging midsection in the mirror. It was early 2020 and like most non-essential workers, I was sequestered at home, languishing in the midst of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic.

Stand in front of a mirror. This is your time for introspective reflection. Focus on the image staring back at you. Now take a long deep breath, then slowly exhale.

Release any insecurities or limiting beliefs you may have about yourself.

However, I was determined to change my bleak perspective of the situation, both physically and mentally.

Just because my body in its current state appeared to be the culmination of “the Quarantine 15,” it didn't mean it had to stay that way. When I confidently spoke those words while staring at my reflection, I believed I could have a flat stomach. In fact, I continued to reiterate the phrase in the mirror for months and it wasn't long before the belly fat melted away. I had manifested my affirmation!

Contemplate what you would like to affirm and verbally declare it with conviction. It is essential that you believe your affirmation is possible. Next, develop a strategy or steps you can act on to make your goal a reality. Repeat this exercise consistently until your affirmation is achieved. If you are willing to put in the effort, affirmations will not only improve your mindset, but they can serve as a catalyst for manifesting the life you desire.

I learned then that the basic self-care ritual of repeating affirmations (i.e., positive declarations) can bring forth life-changing results if it is done with intention and discipline. To be clear, one has to put action behind their words for effective change to occur. Not only did I say I wanted to lose weight, but I also monitored what I ate. I exercised, made healthy food choices, and felt convicted if I didn't do so. I noticed that as my resolve to achieve my affirmation increased so did my positive mindset.

Talking to myself in the mirror really worked!

In the psychology realm, a variation of this activity is known as the Mirror Technique. I have alternatively termed my process, Mirror Talk. When you speak aloud to yourself in a mirror, it is an opportunity to be vulnerable and honest about who you are as well as whom you aspire to become. Once you are able to be real with yourself, you can then undertake the formative task of implementing positive transformation in your life.

Specifically, I found the following process to be helpful: Breath, Believe, Declare, Act, and Achieve. To begin, simply take the first step or rather first breath.

Theresa Judge is the author of Mirror Talk: Reflect a Positive Image of Your Soul. The guided journal is available on Amazon.com.

Theresa Judge is the Founder and CEO of Next Level Creations. Theresa is a Business Event Strategist who designs innovative personal and professional development experiences that educate, inspire, and empower. Her signature infusion of fun imaginative elements make for memorable experiences that consistently catapult Theresa’s events to the Next Level.

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f e i r g

THE ART OF SELF CARE AFTER

Written by Cherie Barnes

This journey has not been easy to navigate or overcome but the one lesson I learned in this time was to take care of ME! It is hard to say that when you have lost your soul and do not know how to move about. This was a major shock to my system, and I did not know how to climb out. As the days began to move and my thoughts were not as cloudy, I began to move. I made up my mind that I would live and not die with his death.

“Come closer and let me tell you a story?” Let me share with you how I made it through my season of grief and how I was able to do self-care in the process. My intimate grief journey started in January 2017. I was having the time of my life! I was in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, raising my daughter to be a happy and healthy young lady, and I was enjoying my professional life. I had begun to invest in myself by enrolling in both professional business courses and self-development personal coaching. I was having such an exciting time in life that nothing could have changed the trajectory of it.

Until the day that I never expected to come, it floored me, to say the least. I was preparing for an appointment with my beloved and when I got to the house; I was in shock. He was no longer in the land of the living! Can I say my entire world was upside down in a matter of hours? I felt so shocked, and I was in denial, I could hardly breathe!

The air that I breathed for the past year was now gone. I screamed I hollered, I exhaled and fell to my knees. I could not go on anymore and I had to make the phone calls that I dared to make. I was moving on autopilot and was not even breathing. Again, the air that I breathed was now gone. This was a source of strength, a rock, and now it had crumbled. My life, the world, and all that I knew to be in were sucked out of me because of grief.

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Self-care can mean many things to different people, however for me, it began with journaling.

I would journal in my bed and write between crying spells. This became common for me, and this began to be the life of an author. I have authored a few books while in the space of journaling as I embraced my own self-care. Never let anyone dictate what you must do to take care of yourself. You decide what it is that you need to care for YOU. Six suggestions are: Making yourself a priority, Saying No, Incorporating Spiritual and Religious Care, Engaging in Professional Counseling, and Setting Boundaries. These things along with a support system are ways to take care of you After Grief.

Cherie Barnes is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Grief and Life Coach, Best-Selling Author, and Founder of the Healing Group Community, LLC. The Healing Group Community, LLC specializes in grief work, life transitions, coaching, and holistic therapy in the greater Chicagoland Area where you will always have your memories.

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GRANDMOTHER’S LOVE Written by Trae Johnson In 2010, I never expected to start my New Year like this, sitting in my car, feeling a mixture of numbness and anxiety. Numb to the disbelief that someone I knew in my whole life is gone. I just saw Granny a few days ago when she wanted to give me my birthday gift. Though she was in the hospital, secretly hiding her pain because she dreaded having the family worry about her, Granny still wanted to bless me with a gift. I felt anxious because I wanted to see her body. I wanted to personally say goodbye. I wanted to touch her.

Though her spirit has left her body, I wanted to say goodbye and hope she could hear me in Heaven.

While waiting for the rest of the family members to arrive at the funeral home to review and approve her image, memories kept popping out of my head like hot popcorn. One minute I was thinking about the time that you forced me to help you shell butterbeans and then I had to watch the Price Is

Right Game Show with you. Another moment came when you kept complaining to my Dad about the sandwich, he brought you and stated that you wished that you had me to bring you a sandwich.

While tears slowly dripped like ice cycles melting, I thought about Christmas, when you walked around the house around 5am to wake the whole family up.

I’m going to miss our competitive, trash-talking UNO card game matches. If UNO was an Olympic sport, my Granny would have been the most decorated athlete of all time.

When the rest of the family members came, without hesitation I jumped out of my car and burst into the funeral home. Looking left and right, I was directed towards her body to view and approve with the rest of the family. Seeing you lying there, felt like my heart and soul colliding on the floor. In disbelief, I stared at you. Our request of having your favorite purse in the casket was made. I wanted you to hold some UNO cards in your hands, but I was outvoted.

Wishing this wasn't real. But no matter how much I wish it wasn't, I had to realize that your time was expired. I still can’t believe that we were planning your funeral.

During Granny’s funeral, the church was filled with many mourners. I had family members that couldn't attend but left messages that were read during the funeral. I even met relatives that I heard Granny speak about, but never saw them in person. Staring at her casket, I cracked a smile and realized that I did something that many people wish they could have done. As Granny used to tell me often, "Give me my flowers while I'm alive, not when I'm gone. Tell me that you love me while I'm here, not when I'm not here no more." I’m glad to say that I did that and more!

Trae D. Johnson is a self-published author through his publishing company, Campania Publishing, LLC. He is the author of the fiction novel “Family Scars” and the nonfiction book “How to Climb the Mountain of Financial Aid”.

Any news about the author, go to traejohnson.com.

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SELF-CARE AND EMPOWERMENT Written by Marlene McPherson “Joy, Joy, Joy,” I yelled.

She responded,“Coming, Coming.”

I could hear the sound of her slipper as she quickened her steps to my room in the quiet morning.

“My God.” She gasped upon seeing the sprawled body.

Then she stooped beside me on the cold tile and in hush tones stated, “I have to get help, to get you up but it is too early to disturb the neighbors.”

I was in excruciating pain and was unable to move. I felt imprisoned in my own bedroom. The hours seem like days. The music on the radio was no longer in my consciousness but my deep breathing scared me. And to complicate matters Joy was speechless.

At six o’clock help came from two of our male neighbors who slung me onto the bed. This was an ordeal as I cried out like a baby during the process.

My daughter got an appropriate bed so that I could be handled by the nurse who came to care for me.

At this time, I was like a young baby, I was totally dependent on everyone. I was wearing diapers again and having to be turned every four hours was challenging.

I had the responsibility to ensure that I cared for myself emotionally and spiritually. This I did through reflections on scriptures such as Philippians 4: 11-13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I also reminded myself of God’s limitless powers to do things for me and here I apply another scripture 2 Timothy 1:17 “God has not given the spirit of fear but of love and power and a sound mind.” I also surrounded myself with a Christian radio station that spoke the word of God and played uplifting music.

Within five months I was able to have meals in the dining room. I became an overcomer. I still have work to be done for a true sense of independence but I have hope with God’s help and the people who he has place in my life to love and care for me.

An ambulance was summoned and transported me to the hospital where x-rays were done. According to my daughter, the x-rays revealed that I had broken my hip in five places and the bones in my left wrist were broken as well. So surgery was slated for the following day.

The operation was successful. After a few days, a therapist was assigned to me but I was hesitant to do the exercise. I became fearful and overwhelmed as I reflected on the accident. I just got out of bed and opened one of my windows and turned to swish off the light when one of my legs slipped and I was on the ground. The therapist challenged me to have a new mindset for healing to take place.

Realizing that this was crucial to my wellbeing I tried but I cried. After a week I was discharged but the work of the therapist continued.

Marlene McPherson is a committed Christian, a wife for 34 years, a mother of two and grandmother. A retiree from the education system and the Financial sector. Presently a Relationship Coach, a motivational speaker and author of a Christian romance, 'Not by Chance, God answers Prayers and a puzzle book

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SELF-CARE AFTER DOMESTIC ABUSE Written by Bettie Jones

You have been battered so much that you don’t know how it feels to be whole. You have been so afraid of holding your head and looking others in the face for fear that your cheek will encounter the open palm of another, that the ground is all you have been seeing. You can’t remember how it feels to choose the clothes you want to wear. You may even ask how you can rebuild from nothing and restore your strength, self-esteem, and diminished dignity.

When a builder gets ready to construct a building, he develops a set of plans, and then he works from those plans to do everything related to getting the building erected and standing tall. Like the builder, you must establish a plan to rebuild your self-esteem. It’s time to do some heavy construction! Take out a picture of yourself that was taken at a happier time. Resolve to look like that again. Start with a self-makeover. Get your hair done – change your hairstyle – lock, twist, knot, braid, or whatever suits you; get your nails manicured and your toes pedicured, pamper yourself, buy that perfume you’ve always wanted but thought you couldn’t afford. You are worth it. Then do a makeover in the house. Redecorate; get rid of those ugly sheets and worn-out comforter; open the blinds and let the sunshine in. Light some scented candles. If there are things in the house that cause you pain, get rid of them. Your heart can’t mend if it is constantly reminded of the hurt. I was in counseling for a whole year, repeating and reliving the story. Realizing that I could not continue in the same place, that I needed relief from the suffering, I did a makeover. Not only did I change the locks, but I changed the door also, the drapes and the dishes, and everything else in the house that brought me pain.

Now, get out of the house when it is possible. With Covid-19 running rampant, it’s hard to do activities outside. Inside, prepare a gourmet meal; set your table for one. Adorn it with fresh flowers and candles; take out the crystal and China that you’ve been saving for a special occasion. This is that occasion!

Take a bubble bath. Create your own spa by perfuming your bath and lighting candles all around the tub. You are free!

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If you have always wanted to go back to school but couldn’t, enroll in online courses. I had only an Associate degree, but I enrolled in college and completed my bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree in three years.

The point is you must feel good about yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful, and you are worthy. Love yourself again. You are important and your life is meaningful with a purpose. Unlock the door to your full potential. Yesterday is gone and the morning has come. Today is a new day and life goes on!

Bettie Jones is the author of When the Invitations Stopped – Surviving Domestic Violence. Her own personal experiences and survival gives her first-hand knowledge on the subject of domestic abuse. She has a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and a master’s degree in Human Resource Management. She is a survivor.

SUPERMAN'S PHONEBOOTH

Written by Alexis McGee-Ashford “I said no” The words spilled out of my mouth faster than I could stop them, shocking both me and everyone in the meeting. It was at this very moment that the “yes girl” the “I'll take care of it girl” morphed into a real woman.

Women are natural nurtures to our core. This beautiful gift that we possess, often causes us to take on the cares of this world and much more. Now, who voted for us to hold this heavyweight? whether we volunteered or were tiiiiied (tired) the moment I said no, was the very moment I signed up for power, freedom, and loving myself.

I said, “No,” to extra work being thrown onto me, no to keeping everyone else happy, no to being the fixer, and no to neglecting my needs for the sake of others. Now saying no without guilt and remorse may take some time to master, but you'll get there. Once you realize and understand that by saying “no” the world will go on, the faster you will be on your way to caring and truly loving yourself. Beloved, even Superman had to go into the phone booth to get himself together before reemerging to save the world! Go on, take a moment or as much time as you need the world will go on and so should you!

When you are in love with someone, you will do any and almost everything in your power to keep the recipient happy. You will protect the love and relationship from Negative Nancy and Problem Paul, right? So how in the world could I have all this protection for my relationships but fail to empower and equip the most important person in the equation… myself? The moment the woman rose in me and advocated for the girl was a very day I told her goodbye and good riddance!

So, what does this newfound freedom and power look like? Some may use the term “self-care”, others may call it “ME Time” Regardless of the terms used, there’s no one great way for everyone. Self-care may include spa trips with friends or social isolation. Social isolation, while at times may appear to be dark and gloomy to some, but for others (like myself) is considered much-needed reset moments.

Alexis McGee Ashford is an international bestselling author, a certified Kidney Health Coach of the American Kidney Fund, and much more. She is the CEO/founder of Kidney Kueen’s Renalicious meals & More Inc. a multidimensional nonprofit specializing in creating a royal experience for those affected by hypertension, diabetes, and renal disease.

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SELF-CARE & LOSS Written by Yvette Mulkey It started with a telephone call at 7 am in morning. I was getting dressed for work and also watching one of the morning shows. Little did I know when I picked up the telephone my life would change in an instant. Four words on the other end of the telephone changed my world forever, “She didn’t make it.” My mother had died.

She was a great parent, but she was also an excellent friend, even more, she was my person. I longed to hear her voice again, and just wanted to engage in one of our heart-to-heart conversations. I wanted more time with the one I loved.

I didn’t understand grief. I stayed functional paying bills, watching television, and doing mundane day-to-day stuff, but really I was out of control. I felt guilty crying like a baby because as an older adult I thought perhaps I should have had more maturity in dealing with death. I wasn’t logical angry one minute and depressed the other.

My emotions bubbled up in me like a pot of boiling water.

How long could I keep up this façade of being all right?

I had always practiced some type of self-care in my life. I lit eucalyptus peppermint candles to relieve stress and sprayed lavender oil on my pillows at night to help me sleep. I enjoyed a good massage and meditated frequently. Yet, I needed a different type of self-help, beyond what is usually associated with self-care practices, frankly, I needed counseling.

I had been conditioned to believe that grief is something that one gets over in time. Someone dies, you hurt for a while and then you stop hurting enough to deal with the person dying. You do this intuitively and you do it all by yourself. Yet, when I had to pull over to the side of the

road because I couldn’t see for my tears blurring my vision while I drove, I knew something had to be done. Did I care enough about myself to speak to someone about what I was feeling?

I remember the first session, the therapist barely closed her door, before I started bawling. I was a wreck. I intentionally let myself be vulnerable because I wanted to heal. Self-care for me under therapy meant no holding back and no putting up walls. I faced pain head-on. As time progressed, in my sessions, I learned how to manage my new reality and I knew I was getting better when the dull ache inside of me subsided.

Around my first Mother’s Day without my mother, my therapist asked me to write mom a note. I tied the message of love to balloons and let them into the air. As the balloons drifted away, I felt at peace. I can say I have returned to my well-being. Grief is hard, but with the right self-care tools like therapy you can navigate loss successfully since I did it myself, I know it’s true.

Yvette Mulkey caught the writing bug when she was in the sixth grade. She is a published poet and has participated in spoken word forums. She has a background communications and has worked as a content writer and editor of publications for more than 20 years.

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