RESERVOIR’S AGONY PETS

THIS ISSUE’S PROBLEM IS ANSWERED BY 13-YEAR-OLD RESERVOIR CAT POSSUM. FULL OF SASS AND CURIOSITY, SHE ENJOYS SPENDING HER DAYS SITTING IN THE WINDOW OF OUR CLASSIC 1970’S RED BRICK RESERVOIR UNIT, JUST OFF HENTY STREET, GLARING DOWN AT ALL WHO PASS HER BY.

Dear Reservoir animal,

Winter has only just started and I'm already over it. I dream of escaping to the tropics, to lie on a toasty beach. I daydream about letting the sun bake me like a piece of toast. I just can't stand the cold. No matter how many layers I seem to put on I am shivering and the heater is just never up high enough. Every year I tell myself it's time to embrace winter, but I just haven't been able to work it out and find myself counting down the days for it to end. But there must be something I can do!! What do you recommend??

A Rezza human who has cold hands and feet, but a warm heart

Dear Winter Blues,

With the cold weather upon us, I find it best to absorb as much heat as possible either from a heater, a human, or from the sun.

I theorise that Melbournians are known for wearing all black outfits for this purpose, though I am not sure of its effectiveness. I am lucky, as I wear a permanent fur coat, and I don’t need to exit the warm shelter of my home.

On that note, have you tried growing a fur coat? Having a built-in fur coat is a great help during these cooler months. However, it is my observation of humans that your ability to grow a lustrous built-in fur coat is limited, so perhaps this advice won’t help you much.

I can also highly recommend taking advantage of any moment of winter sun. I don’t care what you are doing, the minute you see that winter sun, drop everything. Go and sit, stand, or lie in the sun-drenched space, close your eyes and soak it up – this is a technique I use myself, and I cannot express the immense feeling of joy I get, spending time spread eagle in the direct heat of the winter sun. Although this method won’t help you after sunset, you can do this during the day and when the sun goes down simply close your eyes and envisage the warm memory of the winter sun defrosting your extremities.

Once the sun has gone down, another way I like to absorb heat is by lying directly on top of my humans, particularly in the middle of the night. They seem to radiate a divine heat and if I position myself right on top of them, I can achieve ultimate warmth. Again, this may not be of help to you, as placing yourself directly on top of another human, may not be readily available. If it is, good for you! Maybe try it out?

A final thought for you my frozen friend, perhaps instead of embracing winter, a better approach might be to accept mother nature’s inevitable icy touch. Remember that when the warmer weather returns, you can thoroughly enjoy burning yourself like a piece of toast in the sun, knowing winter is far away.

Alternatively, just go to Queensland like everybody else.

Warmest regards, Possum

Every month a different Reservoir pet helps a troubled Rezzadent through this column; one tail wag and wet kiss at a time. Treats welcome. Send your qualms with the subject line “Dear Reservoir Pets” to rezzadentnews@gmail.com . If your best-legged mate wants to get involved, also get in touch.