What Does Reconnecting Mean?

By Melissa Dubinsky

When this theme was introduced in early summer, this essay was ready to write itself. I had just returned from a very satisfying trip to visit family in the US, Israel was reopening, you could finally greet people and see their entire faces, and the sun was shining every day. People were returning to shul and thus reconnecting closer with Hashem as well as the kehillah. Truly, we were rapidly reconnecting with the world.

But I come today, in late summer, without feeling very reconnected in the

ways that I had forecast in the spring. Since I am a forward-looking person, I have thought about how to define “reconnectedness” in light of the new reality. To me, it means strengthening ties with family and friends whom I can see, and learning to accept that those who are far away will be connected by technology only. I know many people whose first thoughts are “how do I get back to the old country to see family.” I believe it is healthier now to form first thoughts of “who can I reach out to more frequently within my current circle.”

Over the generations, people who left the family unit could not expect to see them again, whether they traveled to the next town or across the world. They carried within them the essence of their families and their communities, through maintaining traditions and naming their children the old family names. Today, we have been blessed with the ability to keep one foot in each world, but maybe it is time to consider more deeply how our parents and grandparents handled separation. There is a scene in “Fiddler On the Roof” where Anatevka is being dismantled, and two enemies, finding out they are both going to America, look forward to meeting up there. Why is this? – because they recognize that two enemies become family when removed to a foreign country.

Over the generations, people who left the family unit could not expect to see them again, whether they traveled to the next town or across the world.

The new reality means learning how to connect closer to Hashem while davening alone at home. Last year, this was a novelty and I always thought we would soon return to the shul. This year, I am not so sure, but I do know that I can no longer defer the work of finding this connectedness within myself.

The current situation is no longer a matter of “man plans and Hashem laughs.” There is a need to define for ourselves a way of living which does not cause Hashem to laugh quite so readily. As always, we cannot ask Hashem to conform to us, we must conform to Hashem within the limits of what we understand, and today, it is that local travel (even to local shops) poses challenges, and international travel to visit family is almost impossible. We must form a plan in which we can live within the limits of who and what we have around us today and not keep tugging to live in the old way. This requires, for each of us, considerable thought and perhaps an actual action plan. Maybe some of you already find yourselves in a comfortable place within this new reality. Kol hakavod to you, and I ask you to reach out to the others of us who are still on this path, and help us to get there as well.

May this coming year be one of spiritual, mental and physical health, and bring a strengthening of our connectedness and reconnectedness. n

wish all the Kehillah הבוט הנש הקותמו

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