by Bernie Wolff

Time’s Up

by Bernie Wolff

Once upon a time... so the story goes.

I have often been asked by visitors, “Why does the Shul have four clocks”?

Well—this is not quite an accurate question. The Shul actually has eight clocks!!

There are four in the main sanctuary, one in the entrance lobby, one in the Bet Midrash, and two in the hall.

So, the question really should be —why does the Shul have eight clocks?

Why do we have any clocks at all, you might ask. Today, everyone possesses a watch or some time piece, so why does the Shul need clocks, and why four in the main sanctuary? Are we so punctual that we might start too early, or finish too late? Are we afraid that we might pass the latest time to recite Shema?

Maybe it’s because our whole

scheduling and existence revolve around the concept of time, which is backed up by the device called the clock. For the Romans, time was measured by the changing shadows on structures based on the position and movement of the sun, which further advanced to mechanized water clocks, candle clocks, oil lamp clocks, sundials, hourglasses, clock towers, astronomical clocks, pendulum watches, hairspring watches, pocket watches, electric or electromagnetic clocks, wristwatches, Are we so punctual that we might start too early, or finish too late? Are we afraid that we might pass the latest time to recite Shema? alarm clocks, digital clocks and so on. Maybe it’s just that with such a strong background and history, our Shul clocks simply elicit visitors to joke around, just to “tick us off”. I’ve heard the following puns from a number of people... “If I throw the clocks out of the

window, will time fly?” “I saw a billboard with a clock on it. I think it was a sign of the times”.

“What is the best time on a clock... 6.30 hands down”.

The truth is that none of the above has anything at all to do with the clocks in our Shul.

So, let me tell you how it all started.

A guest Rabbi was invited for Shabbat as scholar-in-residence to our Shul, and as was normal practice at that time, was asked to give a Dvar Torah before Musaf and again after kiddush. He was a very eloquent speaker, but our members had one complaint with his Musaf drasha—he spoke too long—for around twentyfive minutes. By the time he was finished half the congregation were slumbering in their seats. After being confronted by several members at the kiddush, our Chairman kindly requested the visiting Rabbi to shorten his Dvar Torah after kiddush.

“Please Rabbi, all you have to do is watch the time on the clock in the centre of the wall above the air conditioning units at the entrance doors to the Shul. That should guide and help you”, advised the Chairman.

Returning to the Shul after kiddush, the Rabbi duly ascended the pulpit in front of the Aron Kodesh to deliver his second Shiur. We all noticed that no matter how he tried to see the time, moving first to the left of the lectern then to the right, it was obvious that his view of the clock was impeded by the large white pillar directly in front of the first section of seats. He spoke for almost an hour —many of our members were yawning or slumped over in their seats. Our advice had fallen on deaf ears!

Our erstwhile Chairman, not short on ingenuity, decided during the following week to consult with Moshe the caretaker.

The following Shabbat when taking our places for Kabbalat Shabbat, we

noticed that the clock had now been shifted to its new position on the left side of the wall.

Perfect—now all visiting scholarsin-residence and guest speakers could see the time. However, several members complained that the clock was not symmetrically placed on the wall, and looked out of place, something for which Salvador Dali would have been proud.

Not to be deterred, the following week our janitor found an identical clock and proceeded to place one clock on each side of the wall exactly equidistant from the offending pillar.

What a perfect solution—we had regained symmetry, and all resident or guest speakers could now see both clocks whether looking to the right or left from the lectern. Everyone was happy... or so we thought.

Happiness was short lived. The ladies sitting on both sides of the Shul complained that they couldn’t see either of the clocks—and we all know how vocal ladies can be to make their views known!

Not to be deterred, our faithful Chairman requested the caretaker to find, and place, a third clock below the air conditioner on the left side of the ladies’ section, and a fourth clock below the air conditioner on the right side of the ladies’ section.

Oh happy days! Everyone rejoiced. Unity had been restored to the Shul and the voices of discontent had been quelled.

Now you know why we have four clocks in the main sanctuary.

Have we all lived happily ever after? Not quite. Now everyone complains that none of the clocks are synchronized and all show a different time!

Well, why worry—in many hotels you will find four clocks adorning the wall behind reception. One will show local time, a second London time, a third Paris time, and the fourth New York time.

“Why shouldn’t our Shul do the same?” you might ask. After all, we are called McDonald International Synagogue, and we boast of having members from 25 different countries. While our local members might be confused and disturbed by the thought of four different times being displayed, at least all our international visitors should certainly feel at home.

As the saying goes….

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.

As for the other four clocks in the building—THAT’S FOR ANOTHER TIME. n