The Reader Sept. 4 - 10, 2014

TIP TOP TUX Assistant Store Manager – Tuxedo Rentals. Contact Cassie Burton at cassie@ tttux.com. Go to OmahaJobs.com for more information

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THE METRO SHIELD Event Ticket Sales. Contact Mike Bell at tms. applicant@gmail.com or (402)913-1540. Go to OmahaJobs.com for more information.

CHAMPIONS RUN Housekeeper.

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STATE FARM INSURANCE State Farm Team Member. Contact Kyle Emsick at kyle@kyleemsick.com or (402)558-5060. Go to OmahaJobs.com for info.

NEBRASKA CREDIT UNION LEAGUE Association Services Assistant. Contact Amy Shaw at ashaw@nebrcul.org or (402)333-9331 x 207. Go to OmahaJobs.com for more information.

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Please contact Clay Seaman, clays@thereader.com or 402-341-7323 x108 if you are interested.

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

| THE READER |

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heartlandhealing N E W A G E H E A LT H A N D W E L L N E S S B Y M I C H A E L B R AU N S T E I N

Inflammation: Attack of the Sugar Zombies

M

om loved jellybeans. There was always a candy dish on the coffee table even before Ronald Reagan rocketed Jelly Bellies to fame by serving them in the Oval Office. Those little morsels of sugar and corn starch took permanent residence in our living room. One day, about 20-some years ago, I was sitting across the room from that bowl of temptation, blithely watching television. With but a thoughtless glance toward the candy dish, I was crossing the room to grab a handful. My sugar urge felt sated… for a minute. But then I had to get up and collect another handful. Then another. And another.

Even before the third dose, I knew that I didn’t want more but I had the distinct feeling that I wasn’t making the choice. I almost felt driven to keep digging in to that confectioner’s curse.

I had been already aware that our bodies are not our own. In other words, we are host to a population of living things not entirely human, being filled with more bacteria, yeast cells, fungi and other symbiotic fauna and flora than there are human cells. The thought struck me: It isn’t I who wants the jelly beans. The yeast and bacteria that thrive on sugar are controlling the action. If I don’t pay attention to that and retake control, I’ll be sitting for days eating sugar. Actually, it would stop before that because sugar is so toxic the human part of the body would barf before the bugs gave up their sucrose orgy.

C’mon Baby Light My Fire Sugar is an extremely efficient form of fuel. If plants like sugar cane, beets, corn and fruits — common natural sources of raw sugar — are likened to crude oil coming out of the ground, then the refined sugar found in most processed foods (and candies) is like high-octane jet fuel. But if you put jet fuel in your car, you’ll burn the engine up. It’s too hot to handle. Same is true with sugar and the human body. Sugar does an intense burn on the body by causing chronic inflammation.

Inflammation is a good thing when it’s needed. It’s the immune system response to any stress, attack by injury, infection, toxins or viruses insulting the body.

Acute inflammation helps the body heal. But when the insult is ongoing the result is chronic inflammation which has nothing but bad outcomes every time.

Heart disease, ulcerative colitis, diabetes, cancer and other diseases are strongly linked to chronic inflam-

mation. With heart disease, one cardiologist likens the effect of sugar and the resulting chronic inflammation to “taking a stiff brush to the inside of the arteries and scrubbing until it bleeds then keeping that up day after day.”

Avoiding the “Craves” So which foods contribute to chronic inflammation? The list is long and nearly always highlights processed foods. Everyone knows what it means to crave. That day in my parents’ living room, a craving drove me to eat more jelly beans than I wanted. I didn’t want more sugar but the beasties in the body, the yeast, bacteria and aliens, did.

Now, if you think of some of the foods that cause a craving, you’ll have a good idea of what foods might be targeted by the bacteria in your gut. And that will in turn give you an idea of foods to avoid in order to lower incidence of chronic inflammation and therefore opportunities for heart disease, cancer, etc.

Sugar is probably No. 1 on the crave list. Alcohol is there, too. Alcohol is easily and rapidly turned into sugar. Then consider something like a cinnamon roll. That’s a double whammy. The sugar fires inflammation and the carbohydrates from the refined flour are again easily converted to our beasties’ favorite food.

Good fats, bad fats. Balancing omega-6 fatty acids and omega-3 fatty acids in our diet is something industrial food is not very good at. For example, industrial eggs have an imbalance of too much omega-6 versus omega-3. That causes inflammation. A proper balance of omega-6 v. omega-3 will lower inflammation risk. Pastured, grass fed meats and true pastured eggs have a better balance. Good fats like olive oil and butter are better than corn or soybean oils. For example, butter has a balanced omega-6/omega-3 ratio of 1.5-to-1.0 while corn oil has an omega-6/omega-3 ratio of over 60-to-1.

In fact, olive oil and butter are actually good for you.

Corn oil, not so much!

Fire Down Below Chronic inflammation can present anywhere in the body: arteries, joints, fascia, intestines, nerves and muscles. It wears a body down and can erupt in acute symptoms. Adjusting the diet to eliminate processed foods, especially sugars and sugar-producing foods, while introducing a diet of whole foods can douse the flames. Pollution, stress, poor sleep habits, sedentary lifestyle, smoking and other behaviors also increase chronic inflammation.

Now, if Jelly Belly would just stop making the Very Cherry flavor…

Be well. ,

VISIONS FROM FIVE MINUTES INTO THE FUTURE • SEPTEMBER 4, 2014 • We are entering the era of the amplified man, or the transhuman. It has already begun with prosthetics that do not simply replace limbs but augment them, as well as with wearable electronics. But the next century will be a time of explosive

growth, with even the tiniest tasks supported and improved by technology. Human will never be more powerful, but also will never have been more dependent, and those that can't afford to join the transhuman race will be left far behind.

HEARTLAND HEALING is a metaphysically based polemic describing alternatives to conventional

methods of healing the body, mind and planet. It is provided as information and entertainment, certainly not medical advice. It is not an endorsement of any particular therapy, either by the writer or The Reader. Visit HeartlandHealing.com for more information.

heartland healing

| THE READER |

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

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K E YS TO N E TAV E R N A N D GRILL: DON’T CALL IT A DIVE BAR B Y TA M S E N BU T L E R

K

eystone Tavern and Grill looks a bit like a dive bar on the outside. Truth be told, it looks a little like a dive bar on the inside too when you first walk through the door with the flashing beer signs and pool tables. But before you decide that the best thing you’ll get here are some greasy wings, walk up to the bar and ask to see the menu and prepare to be impressed. You should then ask to see “the secret menu,” which will really get your taste buds interested. Better yet, if owner Tim Lewis is there, lean across the bar and tell him you want to see “the double secret menu.”

Luckily, there’s no secret handshake There are some hoops to jump through before you can get your hands on the double secret menu. First of all, you have to know to ask for it because they’re not going to just hand it to you when you walk in. You might see one of the secret menus lying around if you’re lucky, but the double secret menu has to be requested by name.

You also have to come at a certain time. Keystone Tavern & Grill only serves lunch on the weekends for a couple hours and dinner is from 4:30 p.m. until 10:00 p.m. every night. Walk in at any other time and they’ll enthusiastically offer you a drink, but you won’t be able to order food, let alone get your hands on the double secret menu.

By the way, if you’re there for a drink, ask for a Zombie Killer, which is served out of a gasoline can. Really.

Expect the unexpected So what can you order to eat? The regular menu has some interesting items on it including the Mac Daddy Burger topped with homemade mac & cheese and

crumbs ■ LEARN TO COOK Chef2 Oils, Vinegars & More in Midtown Crossing announces weekly cooking classes open to the public. Every Tuesday at 6:30 p.m., learn to cook a variety of dishes from a talented chef using the oils and vinegars (and more) featured within the shop. Reservations are required and the cost is $15 to attend. www.chefs2.com ■ COFFEE NEWS Crane Coffee celebrates their 23rd anniversary this week. Opened in 1991 and locally-owned, Crane Coffee makes the claim of being “Omaha’s Original Coffeehouse.” Speaking of local coffeehouses that have been around for a long time, Scooter’s Coffeehouse is again offering their famed Pumpkin Pie Smoothie for a limited time.

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| THE READER |

dish

the Bronco Burger featuring a 1/3 lb. charbroiled beef patty topped with pit-smoked brisket and BBQ sauce. You’ll also find the standard bar fare: chicken wings, onion rings and all that jazz.

Move on to the secret menu and things start to get even more interesting. Sandwiches with names like “The Big Oinker” and “The Tony Soprano” are what you’ll find on the secret menu. There’s also an Elvis Burger that has peanut butter and bacon as toppings. You’ll want to try out the double crusted deep fried brownie while you’re at it, just for good measure. “Don’t worry,” Tim jokes, “We cook all the calories out of it.”

What’s on the double secret menu? Who knows?

Tim’s an interesting guy so don’t be surprised if he comes up with something that is so intriguing that it freaks your mouth out a little. He’s also serious about the food they serve.

I sat at the bar looking at photos of dishes he’d come up with. Buffalo sweet corn. BBQ pulled pork nachos. Chocolate wings. As we flip through the photos, he gazes at them like a proud parent looking at school photos of his children. “Hopefully folks will venture to the edge of Benson and find a surprise in our food,” he says.

When I ask Tim how he describes his food, he says, “we offer good bar food that’s twisted up.” After a pause, he then adds, “I’m just an Omaha native trying to build his dream, working 18 hours a day and battling the high price of food to give a decent meal at a reasonable price.” , Keystone Tavern and Grill, 7821 Military Ave., Monday – Saturday: noon to 2 a.m., Sunday: noon to midnight.

Find Keystone Tavern & Grill on Facebook.

■ MCKENNA’S CLOSING McKenna’s Blues Booze & Barbeque will close its doors on September 27.

Open since December of 1991, McKenna’s will likely be remembered as an Omaha favorite for both blues music and BBQ. www.mckennasbbb.com ■ FOOD DAY It’s never too early to start planning for your October festivities, so mark your calendar for Food Day at The Old Market Saturday, Oct. 11 from 8:30 a.m. until 12:30 p.m., followed by the Toast of the Old Market beginning at 2 p.m. Food Day is a national event that helps raise awareness about global food issues. www.facebook.com/ FoodDayOmaha — Tamsen Butler Crumbs is about indulging in food and celebrating its many forms. Send information about area food and drink businesses to crumbs@thereader.com.

| THE READER |

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

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B

o Pelini arrived for Monday’s news conference on the week of the Nebraska football team’s season-opener in a red sports coat that would have made Bob Devaney proud. About the only thing missing, in fact, was Devaney’s signature red fedora.

“I like the look,” Pelini said.

He had worn the coat in honor of Nebraska’s 125th football season, said Pelini, and “I wanted to pay my respects to Coach Devaney and Coach (Tom) Osborne.”

Though Nebraska’s rich tradition pre-dates the two Hall of Fame coaches, the 36 seasons they coached back-to-back, they established the standard by which Pelini is measured. That standard includes 21 conference titles and five national championships.

Pelini’s teams have won neither, which is why there has been some dissatisfaction despite his 58-24 record in six seasons, a total that includes one bowl victory as interim coach following the firing of Frank Solich after the 2003 season.

In case you’ve forgotten, Solich had a 58-19 record in six seasons, with one conference title, and three of his teams finished with a top-10 national ranking.

The point is, following Devaney and Osborne isn’t easy (no great insight there) as Pelini’s record illustrates. Each of his teams has won at least nine games.

Three have won 10. And all have played in bowl games, though none a BCS bowl.

And with the NCAA instituting a national championship playoff this season, even traditional BCS bowl appearances won’t mean what they once did.

The Huskers first must win a Big Ten title, and to do that they must win the expanded conference’s West Division, which includes Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota, Illinois, Northwestern and Purdue.

Though Pelini’s seventh team entered the season with a No. 22 ranking in the Associated Press poll and was regarded, at best, a divisional darkhorse, Nebraska fans were optimistic because of a favorable schedule, though the toughest Big Ten games are all on the road, and a defense built around junior end Randy Gregory and an offense featuring senior I-back Ameer Abdullah.

Pelini’s signature is defense, of course, and this one should be solid, with young players getting experience during a rocky start last season. “We’re still a work in progress,” Pelini said at the end of fall camp. “But I think we’re significantly ahead of where we were a year ago.

“We’re not even in the same ballpark. That gives me a level of comfort. You can just talk to guys at a different level than we could a year ago. Last year we were just hoping to get lined up right.”

Gregory is probably a case in point. He led the Big Ten with 10.5 sacks, nine of them in conference play and the 10th in the Capital One Bowl victory against Georgia – an effort that tempered a lopsided, regularseason-ending, home loss against Iowa and made for a slightly more relaxed off-season.

Gregory and sophomore tackle Vincent Valentine are the only returning starters up front. Valentine began the season as a starter but gave way to Aaron Curry five games in and didn’t start again until an injury created an opportunity. Curry has since transferred to TCU because of the competition at tackle.

Maliek Collins, who started the bowl game as a true freshman, is the other tackle alongside Valentine, and sophomore Greg McMullen is the other end.

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“I think the light turned on for those two during spring practice,” said Pelini. “There were some good things last year, but also a lot of things they needed to get better at. If you put on the film and look at how they were last year, they’re not even close (to now).

“And I can really say the same thing about Vincent Valentine.”

The linebackers are experienced, with David Santos, Zaire Anderson and Josh Banderas all having started, Banderas four times as a true freshmen. Add senior Trevor Roach, who missed last season because of injury, and redshirt freshmen Courtney Love and Marcus Newby, and there’s depth, although Michael

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Rose, who was tied for third with Gregory in tackles last season, has been lost for the season with a knee injury, suffered early in fall camp.

Junior defensive back Charles Jackson, who figured to be the starting nickel, also suffered a season-ending knee injury early in fall camp, leaving new secondary coach Charlton Warren with a little less flexibility. Seniors Corey Cooper, a safety, and Josh Mitchell, a corner, are among the team’s five co-captains, a reflection of the respect they’ve earned from teammates.

Sophomore Nate Gerry, who started three games at linebacker as a true freshman, is back at the position for which he was recruited, safety. LeRoy Alexander,

another sophomore, would have fit in there, too, but he has been suspended for the season.

Even without Rose, Jackson and Alexander, the defense is impressive, beginning with the front four.

“Luckily we don’t play against our defense because we would have a tough time,” said Abdullah, an offensive co-captain along with wide receiver Kenny Bell and guard Jake Cotton.

“Maliek Collins and ‘Big V’ (Valentine), they give us a tough time (in practice). Obviously, Randy (Gregory) is Randy. Greg McMullen is a strong guy on the edge as well. Those guys are much more physical, much more active up front.”

The defense “as a whole has taken a huge step forward,” Abdullah said. “They have that swagger and confidence about themselves. They’re more confident in their abilities. They understand they’ve had a year of experience and now it’s time to put it on film.”

Abdullah has already earned a place among the best running backs in Nebraska history. He ranks eighth on the Huskers’ career-rushing list, 903 yards short of Ahman Green, who’s second, and 1,803 short of No. 1 Mike Rozier, the 1983 Heisman Trophy winner.

Abdullah, who rushed for 1,690 yards last season, could accomplish something no other Husker has, rushing for 1,000 yards three times. What would that mean to him?

“It’s probably like 49th on my list, I would say,” he said.

How about 1-through-48?

“Win is like 1-through-38, and then you’ve got championship 39-through-47,” he said.

Abdullah has carried the ball 507 times the last two seasons and caught 50 passes. He also returned four kickoffs last season, after being a regular kickoff and punt returner as a freshman and sophomore. He has touchdown returns doing both, 100 yards on a kickoff and 81 yards on a punt.

Despite his involvement on offense and need to stay healthy, he plans to contribute on special teams this season as well, “all of them,” he said.

Apparently that’s more than a wish. “He’s got a lot of different roles,” said Pelini. “As far as returning (kicks), we have a couple of different roles for him.

There are different things we’ve been working on. He’s good at everything he does. He’s got great balance and great strength.

“And he competes. He wants to be out there, and we’re going to use him.”

How Abdullah does will depend on the offensive line, of course, where Cotton is the only returning starter. Alex Lewis, who lines up alongside Cotton at tackle on the left side, has starting experience but at Colorado, where he started 14 games over two seasons, including two at tight end, one a tackle and 11 at guard as a sophomore in 2012.

Lewis transferred after an off-the-field incident that led to his serving a jail sentence during this past summer. “He kind of had a tough road to get to where he is today, but last fall when he wasn’t with the team and going to school, he was still coming around with us,” Cotton said. “He’s fiery. He’s competitive, and there really wasn’t any learning period with us.

“It just kind of clicked right away last spring.”

Fiery and competitive describe Cotton as well. He and Lewis are “crazy folks,” said Abdullah. “They continued on page 8y

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y continued from page 6 come off the ball hard. They love blocking the run.

They love putting someone on their back. And I love running behind them. There’s a lot of energy on that side of the line.

“They dictate the momentum for us as an offense.”

Senior center Mark Pelini is the one to whom other linemen go if they have questions. He knows the system inside out. And the complete structure of the line will become apparent in the non-conference season, with several players in the mix, among them Mike Moudy, Zach Sterup, Ryne Reeves, Matt Finnin, Givens Price, David Knevel, Chongo Kondolo, Paul Thurston and Dylan Utter.

Whoever emerges, “we’re going to have great guys out on the field, guys who aren’t worried about me or worried about themselves. They’re just ready to go out there and attack,” Cotton said.

Cotton’s brother, Sam, and Cethan Carter are the top tight ends and just sophomores, and Bell heads up the wide receivers.

Bell, like Abdullah, is in position to break Husker career records. He has led the team in receptions for three seasons and needs 33 to surpass Nate Swift on the all-time list. Also, with 579 receiving yards, Bell will pass Johnny Rodgers on that all-time list.

The competition at wide receiver includes Jordan Westerkamp, Jamal Turner, Sam Burtch, Taariq Allen, Alonzo Moore and Brandon Reilly, who along with Burtch have been put on scholarship.

Which brings us to the quarterback, sophomore Tommy Armstrong Jr., who probably should be much

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higher in this story based on the amount of copy devoted to him and his competition with sophomore walk-on Ryker Fyfe and redshirt freshman Johnny Stanton during fall camp.

Armstrong got an opportunity last season when Taylor Martinez was sidelined by injury and responded with a 7-1 record as a starter. But he threw eight interceptions in addition to nine touchdown passes, and went through the growing pains of every young player.

“You have to experience some things, especially at that position, to progress and move along,” said Bo Pelini. “I think he had a lot better handle on the offense. I think he understands the offense. Is he perfect? No. I don’t think there’s anyone who’s perfect that plays that position.

“I know this, he’s a lot more prepared to be lined up on the center this year than he was at this point a year ago, or even at the end of last year.”

For now, at least, Armstrong is charged with leading Nebraska into season No. 125, with Memorial Stadium’s consecutive sellout streak at 334 following the opener against Florida Atlantic. Pelini was asked about the streak at that Monday news conference.

“How much thought do I give it? I mean, that’s not really my job,” he said. “My job’s to, hopefully, put the best product out on the field, and that will, hopefully, take care of itself.”

As Devaney often joked, when he arrived at Nebraska in 1962 he was assured the fans were behind him, “win or tie.” The dynamic is the same, though there can be no more ties. ,

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NU’S RANDY GREGORY

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I N T E R FA I T H A D V O C AT E OPTIMISTIC ABOUT T R I - FA I T H C A M P U S BY

R

abbi Aryeh Azriel of Omaha’s Temple Israel Synagogue builds bridges between people of different backgrounds and persuasions. Take for example his driving force work with the Tri-Faith Initiative, the project that intends on creating a local campus of Jewish, Muslim and Christian houses of worship around a shared communal space.

Recently returned from a two-month sabbatical to Turkey and his native Israel, Azriel was in Jerusalem when the current maelstrom in Gaza erupted. Always the rabbi, he attended the funeral of three Israeli boys kidnapped and killed by Hamas and paid respects to the father of an Arab boy burned alive by Israeli extremists.

Nearly everywhere he went Azriel spread the hope embodied by Tri-Faith and its efforts to build a harmonious faith-based community. The veteran social justice activist and ecumenical champion, whose work with Omaha Together One Community has seen him advocate for meatpackers and victims of police violence, leads this city’s reform synagogue. He is Tri-Faith’s most ardent supporter.

He encouraged his progressive congregation to put stakes down in that project’s emerging blended neighborhood when Temple built its new home in the Sterling Ridge Development near 132nd and Pacific Streets.

were sitting there welcoming people. We shook hands and expressed sadness.”

Ever since the missiles began flying, Israel’s retaliated with massive air and ground strikes. Thousands of Palestinians have been killed or injured – thousands more, left homeless. “I don’t know what will happen with Gaza,” Azriel laments. “I don’t what else there is to destroy. A terrible thing.”

Ceasefires brokered by the international community and peace negotiations led by Egypt and Arab nations have repeatedly broken down. Meanwhile, the nearby anti-Semitic states of Syria and Iraq are devolving in the face of Isis. The perpetually insecure Middle East has perhaps never been so unstable.

During his stay Azriel, whose parents still live in Israel, went through a range of emotions. “I don’t remember those kinds of events happening in Israel growing up. I saw a level of racism and hate on the part of some Israelis after the three boys were kidnapped that I had never witnessed before.”

He decries Hamas for going too far as well. “This time Hamas had the guts to fire on holy sites. It was something completely new for us. Usually the safest place to be in Israel during war is Jerusalem. This time

Open just over a year, the Temple site will soon be joined by a mosque. If Countryside Community Church decides to be the Christian partner in this interfaith troika it would build a neighboring church there.

On his trip Azriel says people embraced Tri-Faith’s vision of unity but their experience with discord tells them its unattainable. “They cannot understand because of their conditions how it is possible,” he says. “I mean, there’s such a level of futility in the midst of war in believing in and talking about dreams such as the dream of the Tri-Faith. But they were very eager to listen. I told them the story. I told them about the neighborhood we want to create here.

“They definitely all wished me good luck – being skeptical at the same time. I feel really privileged we can do it in Omaha. Of all the places in the world maybe this is the place one can actually make it work.”

It hurt the heart of this Tel Aviv native to be in his homeland when the simmering Israel-Palestine conflict boiled over into full-scale military actions in the Gaza Strip. Those hostilities continue today.

He stayed in Jerusalem, where he was among invited clergy for a Shalom Hartman Institute seminar on, ironically enough, war and peace. He and some colleagues went to the funeral of the three boys. “I don’t remember ever such a large funeral because people came from all over the world. We heard the eulogies. It was devastating.

I mean, those kids were our kids. It was similar to how I felt about the news of the Arab boy.”

Azriel joined colleagues to attend the youth’s memorial. “We went to the suburb where the child’s home was.

They built a big tent outside the house because there were so many visitors. The father and other family members

they went a little bit crazy. They wanted to show how far the missiles can go.”

The blame goes in all directions: “The Middle East is filled with crazy people from all sides, all religions, all colors.”

The tranquil getaway Azriel expected didn’t materialize. “It wasn’t the way I was planning it. You can’t have peace of mind in the middle of war. To see the funerals of Israeli soldiers and the death and destruction in Gaza – those are things no human being can stay ambivalent to.

So many innocent people dead. It’s very hard.

“I know how it impacted my family. To wake up your parents at 2 o’clock in the morning – my father is 89, my mother is 84 – and to tell them to get dressed and go to a shelter. My father comes to me and says, ‘Are you out of your mind, why are you waking me up? I’m 89, I had a full life, I don’t care…’ Then I’m ready leave to go back to America and my father turns to me and says, ‘You know, it is possible this is the last time we’ll see each other,’ and then I fly home with this for 18 hours. Those things left a very heavy burden on me.”

Azriel expressed his heavy heart in a sermon at Temple upon his Omaha return, saying he felt “hope, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, frustration, determination and despair.”

“On the one hand I am constantly reminded of the great Israeli phrase which translated, goes, ‘We got through Pharaoh, we can get through this.’ I do, however, also ask myself, will it ever end, and will it ever get better? Are we destined to live by the sword? Are we ever going to know peace? At times I feel really strong.

At times I feel so weak…

“This is our home and even when it is tough at home,

coldcream

■ The Shelterbelt Theatre has announced a special one night performance and workshop with award-winning playwright Monica Bauer Sunday, Sept, 28, at 2 p.m. Bauer will be performing her LEO ADAM BIGA one-woman show entitled The Year I was Gifted.

The show is the true story of a 16-year-old South when our home is in danger, we do not walk away, we will Omaha girl, desperate to become some sort of not walk away.” performer, who is in way over her head at a faA new resolve by Israel’s pro-American Arab neighbors mous boarding school for the arts in Michigan. to help facilitate a lasting accord has Azriel optimistic.

Set in 1969, it’s a story about her making her “I actually look at this war still going on as an amazing fi rst gay friend, and then fi nding the need to “say opportunity to start a whole different order in the Middle something important about life.” Bauer said its a East. There is such a different level of negotiation as a recoming-of-age story that starts and ends in Omasult of Egypt as well as Saudi Arabia, Jordan and other ha, at the intersection of art and politics.

Arab countries interested finally in brining it to an end.

After the performance, Bauer will be conductThey’re the ones that can affect a better change. It has ing a workshop on writing a solo show. A writing to be done in a genuine, original, authentic way with the fellow at Quinnipiac University, Bauer will use the people involved in the region.” workshop to examine the use of dialogue, monoThey’re willing to put money for the first time for logue, narration, and soliloquy in building multiconstruction to rebuild Gaza and help with humanitardimensional characters, for shows full of dramatic ian need. “I think before it gets better it gets worse even confl ci t. Bauer said solo shows are becoming with America and the United Nations intervening. Then I more and more popular in theatre today because think there’s a possibility for more seriousness in negotiof their relative ease of production. Shows are ating a two-state solution.” cheap to produce and provide actors and writers He’s optimistic, too, the Tri-Faith campus will be rewith new challenges in the theatrical landscape. alized. “The excitement, the drive, the motivation is so For more information on the show and workshop, alive, is so there. No one is giving up on any of this. It’s visit www.shelterbelt.org. fantastic.”

■ Also just announced is the new season for Fundraising for the mosque UNO Theater Program.

Program The season will kick off Oct. 1 with the production of Henrik Ibis being led by a fellow Jew, sen’s sen classic Hedda Gabler. The show will be directed by Doug Patterson.

Next will be the new UNO Theater Festival beginning Nov. 12. The show will have alumni and seasoned professionals work side by side with students to create engaging theatVic Gutman, and is nearly rical productions. The multi-night event will complete. Azriel expects Counfeature spoken word and movement pieces RABBI ARYEH AZRIEL tryside members to vote yes to as well as fully fledged productions. its church’s participation. The Starting in February of next year, Cindy Phaneuf annual Tri-Faith picnic hosted will direct the new play Freakshow by Carson

by Temple Israel drew hundreds in August. This fall Kreitzer. The show was recently performed at the a Neighbor to Neighbor program will bring 30 Omaha Playhouse for a 21 & Over event and folfamilies – 10 from each faith group – together for lows the stories of several different members communal dinners to promote understanding of a traveling circus show. among neighbors.

The UNO season will conclude April 15 “It will be an opportunity to go deeper with the production of Shakespeare’s As and deeper into why this is so important,” You Like It directed by D Scott Glasser.

Azriel says. , The fantasy show about personal power and social responsibility will be set For more inforamtion, go online to www.triin pre-war Russia. faith.org. Read more of Leo Adam Biga’s — William Grennan work at leoadambiga.wordpress.com.

Cold Cream looks at theater in the metro area.

KEEPINGTHEFAITH FAITH

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SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

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culture

Email information to coldcream@thereader.com

| THE READER |

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

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T H E R E A D E R ’ S E N T E RTA I N M E N T P I C K S S E P T. 4 - 10 , 2 014

THURSDAY4

SATURDAY6

Thursday, Sept. 4

Saturday, Sept. 6

ROBERTO KUSTERLE: THE MARKS OF THE METEMBIOSI AND FULVIO DE PELLEGRIN: SINGULAR THINKING OPENING

DAYS

TOPTV

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

10 p.m. (Starz)

Garden of the Zodiac, 1042 Howard St. Opening 7-9 p.m., exhibit runs through Nov. 22.

Tuesdays-Sundays from noon to 7 p.m.

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This show marks the return of both Italian artists to the Omaha gallery scene. Presented concurrently at Modern Arts Midtown is the exhibition Roberto Kusterle: Stone Marks, featuring 19 photographs from another recent series by the prolific photographer.

Kusterle’s elegant, visually arresting black-and-white images come from his 2013 series, The Marks of the RECKLESS Metembiosi. They highlight startling transformaSundays, 9 pm (CBS) tions, perhaps even transmigrations, between human and animal species. Nude torsos may sport bird I’ve been enjoying this sexy soap opera about headdresses, fawns snuggling on a shoulder, or ram rival lawyers in Charleston, S.C. Jamie (Anna skulls growing out of their backs. Skin is layered with Wood) is a hottie from the North who dresses tattoo-like patterns or cut away to expose in tight red skirts; Roy (Cam Gigansimilarities among the branching det) is a hunk from the South human arterial system and such who, one imagines, spends external natural phenomena more time at the gym than as bird nests or feather pathe does at the law library. terns. The exact meanIn this week’s episode, ing of the mergers and they prepare for their hybridizations Kusterle big trial: Jamie reprecreates are entirely enigsenting a cop who has matic, at once beautisued the police departful and haunting. De ment in a case involvPellegrin’s color photoing sex and corruption; graphs are also born of a Roy representing the other dramatic sensibility, created side. Don’t expect much in by incorporating images of the way of a legal debate when “RECKLESS” animals as surrogates for humans these two encounter one another in a variety of quirky tableaux. The on the eve of jury selection. Instead, Roy subtle ironies of contemporary political, repropositions Jamie, speaking of their upcoming ligious and social life are animated through his clever courtroom date as if it were a sexual act. “We can juxtapositions of human and animal nature. He fasheither do it tonight in private or we do it tomor- ions photographic fables, made most believable by the row in court,” he says, leering. Jamie turns him inclusion of mounted specimens from museums and down while one-upping his double entendre. private collections that, cinematically lit and carefully “I’m coming at you with everything I’ve got,” arranged in telling situations, appear to perfectly emshe says. “I just hope you’ll still respect me in the body human emotions and reactions. Though the immorning.” This might be the first trial in TV his- ages are inherently narrative, de Pellegrin approaches each composition as a unique resolution from an imagtory that requires.

— Dean Robbins inative, ever-changing array of concepts.

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THE CHAIR

| THE READER |

picks

ROBERTO KUSTERLE

FRIDAY5 Friday, Sept. 5

RANCH BOWL REUNION SHOW

Featuring the return of Twitch! and Omaha legends Secret Skin A benefit for Out of the Darkness American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Waiting Room, 6212 Maple St. 8 p.m., $8, 18+, www.waitingroomlounge.com The Waiting Room is the site for one of the hottest local lineups of the year to celebrate The Ranch Bowl as well as to shine a light on and benefit Out of the Darkness American Foundation For Suicide Prevention. The lineup this night features the one night only return of Omaha rock legends Secret Skin, Twitch!, Mandown and The Fonzarellies. as well as some hip hop flavor from local stars Noizewave/Evil Squad and Buck Bowen. These acts were mainstays of the iconic Ranch Bowl, which is best known for its role as THE staple music venue of Omaha, before 311 and Conor Oberst made the city famous, before Slowdown and The Waiting Room spotlighted Omaha’s live touring indie and rock music scenes. In its day the Ranch Bowl featured countless national acts cutting their teeth, that went on to superstardom as well as a collection of local artists that gained invaluable experience and scores of new fans as a result of their appearances at this beloved venue. The show will also be a memorial to Matt Markel, owner of The Ranch Bowl and the man The Reader recently touted as “The Godfather of the Omaha music scene” for his belief in music and Omaha bands.

Sadly, Omaha lost this icon as Matt passed away this July. The event will celebrate and honor his loved ones, memory and legacy.

From the executive producer of “Project Greenlight,” this reality series offers a glimpse at the working methods of two young first-time film directors. Shane is an Internet star who cavorts on YouTube in a blond wig; Anna is a graduate of NYU’s screenwriting program with roots in the indie-film scene. Both are at once confident they can make a great movie and plagued by insecurities. In other words, the classic personality type for a film director. “It feels like such a cruel joke when all your dreams come true and you feel like you’re going to puke the entire time,” says Anna, nicely encapsulating an artist’s deep-seated fear of success. “The Chair” presents both Anna and Shane with the same script and chronicles what each one does with it; actor Zachary Quinto serves as mentor to both. The director who makes the best film (as determined by viewer votes) gets $250,000 and a leg up in the industry. One can only imagine the puking that will entail.

— Dean Robbins

Extend your summer with a new Triumph purchase today. Choose a new Modern Classic or Cruiser and have your pick between one of two limited-time offers; either a special financing package for qualified buyers or up to $1,000 in Triumph vouchers to use in-store or online. Please visit your local Triumph dealer for all program details. This offer may be used in combination with the New Rider Training program.

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SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

| THE READER |

eventcalendar For more information about these events and more, go online to:

www.thereader.com/events

Upload your events online at thereader.com/events Questions: listings@thereader.com

ONGOINGCULTURE Titanboa - All Day | $2-$13 University of Nebraska State Museum From a fossil bed 60 million years old comes the largest snake in the world - Titanoboa! Measuring 48 feet long and weighing up to 2,500 pounds, this massive predator could crush and devour a crocodile.

Yard/Zone - All Day | Free University of Nebraska-Lincoln An exhibition of stitched sculptural forms by Sarah Wagner of Detroit.

Urban Design Lab - All Day | Free Bemis Center for Contemporary Arts Chlo Bass and Teal Gardner, two of the Bemis Center’s Artists-in-Residence, are collaborating with 20 local researchers to shed new light on the nature of our urban landscape. Each of the researchers was recruited from a local high school. Participants in the Lab are conducting field research in various parts of the city and synthesizing that data here in this space, which consists of two parts: The Department of Local Affairs and Reading the City.

Nebraska National Collegiate Juried Exhibition - 12:30 pm | Eisentrager-Howard Gallery This third annual art exhibition will open on Sept. 5 and continue through Sept. 25. An opening reception will be held Sept. 5 from 6-8 p.m. in the gallery with awards announced at 7 p.m. The Exhibition features the work of the best undergraduate student artists from across the country. Each year three different media disciplines are featured. This year’s exhibition includes ceramics, photography and printmaking. More than 75 artists have been accepted into this year’s exhibition, including 14 from UNL. You Know What? F%$# the 80s! - 7:00 pm | $30 (includes dinner) Apollon Most of us think of the 1980s are nothing but teased hair, bangles, Player’s Jackets, and endless repeats of The Breakfast Club on beta.

Trust us. It’s much, much worse. The Apollon invites you on a journey into the decade that spawned MTV, Nickelodeon, and Emilio Estevez. We’ll battle Goonies, Gremlins, and Terminators. We’ll Double Dare you to bleach your hair and fist pump Ferris Bueller right in his smarmy face. By the time you Plinko your way through the hairspray and clouds of white ‘substances,’ you’ll be trickling down into the depths of shame that were the 80s. F%$# the 80s. Gallery work on display September 5-October 3.

Kim Reid-Kuhn - All Day | Fred Simon Gallery Kim Reid holds a BFA in Fine Art from UNO. After graduating, Kim pursued a personal studio practice, teaching, and curating. Recent exhibitions include shows at NewBLK, Tugboat Gallery and RNG Gallery, as well as a two-person show at Bemis Underground. She won the OEAA in 2013 for Best 2D Artist, in 2013 and 2012 for Best Two Person Show, and in 2010 and 2011 she was nominated by the OEAA for the Best Emerging Artist and Best Solo Exhibition Award.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar - 7:00 pm | The Rose Performing Arts Center Featuring evocative music, innovative puppetry, and stunning black light visual effects, The Very Hungry Caterpillar comes to life on The Rose stage courtesy of the renowned Mermaid Theatre of Nova Scotia! The Very Hungry Caterpillar follows the adventures of a very tiny and very hungry caterpillar that eats his way through an amazing variety of foods

towards his eventual metamorphosis into a beautiful butterfly.

THURSDAYSEPT 4 Sena Ehrhardt CD Release - 6:00 pm | See Website for Pricing The 21st Saloon Ehrhardt is unquestionably one of the freshest and most dynamic emerging young voices on the blues scene today. Once the lights come on, her commanding stage presence and gritty, soulfully emotional vocal prowess capture the audience, belying her youthful demure appearance.

Acoustic Music Thursdays - 7:00 pm | Two Fine Irishmen Theory of a Deadman - 7:30 pm | $26-$30 The Bourbon Theatre Reggae Night - 8:00 pm | Free The Hive Lounge Freestyle Battles/Ladies Night - 7:00 pm | $5 The Underground Bar & Grill The first 16 Mcs to sign in will battle that night for $50 in cash prize/bar tab. It’s also ladies night with great drink deals and this is a 21 and up show. Besides the battles we will be showcasing local hip hop acts. To set off the show is local group rap addicts and to end the show is local act ghost the incredible.

Structured Chaos - 8:00 pm | Free Backline Improv Theatre A full night of long-form improv at its finest, jam-packed with many of Backline’s best teams. If you love forms, this night is for you.

Bacchanalian Society of Omaha’s Fall 2014 Wine Party - 7:00 pm | Field Club Neighborhood The Bacchanalian Society of Omaha is a not for profit charity organization focused on celebration and philanthropy.

Bacchus, our Roman deity namesake, represents our commitment to not only wine and merriment, but also to facilitate communal advancement. Join us for our second competitive wine tasting event at the Field Club of Omaha. Proceeds benefit Hogan’s Heroes/ First Tee of Omaha.

Comedy Stiles Open Mic - 10:00 pm | Free Stiles Public House Hosted by Preston Tompkins.

FRIDAYSEPT 5 Ranch Bowl Reunion Show - 7:00 pm | $8.00 The Waiting Room Lounge See Pick on page 12 o this issue.Funk Trek - 8:00 pm | The Hive Lounge Jonathan Paulsen Memorial Concert - 8:00 pm | $5 The Hideout Omaha This is an all-age benefit show to pay tribute to the life of Jonathan Paulsen. In July Jonathan died from a seizure while he slept. Local and regional musicians have joined together with the non-profit group Lifestyle Innovations for Epilepsy to show support to the Paulsen Family as well as help raise awareness about seizures and epilepsy. One of Jonathan and his father’s favorite bands SIN has agreed to reunite for one night only. Dead Man Rising will be finishing out the night.

The MC’s will be Black on Highs very own Scott Armstrong and DJ House from Burning House Productions who will also be spinning music all night long.

The Eagles - 8:00 pm | $49.50-179.50 CenturyLink Center Omaha.

B-Real of Cypress Hill - 9:00 pm | $25-$30 The Bourbon Theatre With his work in the pioneering hip-hop group Cypress Hill, rapper

B Real became something of a hip-hop legend for several reasons. Most immediately, his trademark rhyming style.

The Kopecky Family Band - 9:00 pm | $10 The Slowdown Omaha Family is a word that encompasses a variety of definitions. With that in mind, let this introduction to Kopecky Family Band be taken with an open mind and with a grain of salt.

First Friday - 6:00 pm | Old Market Artists Gallery The gallery holds ‘First Friday’ receptions, which are open to the public. The First Friday receptions give you the opportunity to meet the artists and talk with them about their work.

It’s a fun atmosphere...please join us for wine, delicious appetizers and great art!

“Interrogated” - 10:00 pm | Backline Improv Theatre Audience members volunteer to come up on stage and confess something they’ve gotten away with in their life, then we send them back and perform scenes based on that information.

Arena: Champions vs. Challengers 11:00 pm | Backline Improv Theatre Omaha Midnight Run - 11:59 pm | $35 Dockerville The Omaha Midnight Run is a fun, family-friendly event on a fast, certified 5K course for both the competitive runner and those who just want to support a good cause.

All proceeds benefit A pre-race fireworks show will be sponsored by Wild Willy’s Fireworks.

SATURDAYSEPT 6 Bike MS: Nebraska Ride 2014 - 7:00 am | $200 Bellevue University For cyclists and anyone seeking a personal challenge and a world free of MS. Bike MS is the premier fundraising cycling series in the nation. This event offers a two-day ride through scenic small-town Nebraska with good friends and entertainment, and of course, a great cause.

Color Vibe 5k: Omaha, NE - 9:00 am | $40$50 TD Ameritrade Park Omaha Wanting to get active, create new memories, take cool pictures and have the time of your life? Grab your friends and family and come run/walk our 5k course, afterwards get crazy at our giant dance party with some epic beats. You’ll come a blank canvas and leave a colorful mural. Kids 12 and under free with a paid adult. Portion of proceeds will be donated to a local charity.

Repticon Omaha Reptile & Exotic Animal Expo - 10:00 am | $5-$10 Westfair Fairgrounds Repticon Omaha is a reptile event featuring vendors offering reptile pets, supplies, feeders, cages, and merchandise as well as live animal seminars and frequent free raffles for coveted prizes. Exciting, educational, family-oriented fun for everyone.

World O! Water Festival - 12:00 pm | Free Chalco Hills Recreation Area Event aimed at educating the public about water conservation, quality and recreation. Learn what you can do to ensure this invaluable resource is here for us to enjoy now and for future generations. Some activities include: Demonstrations, Science experiments, Games, Canoeing and Face painting. Bring own water bottle to lessen our impact on the environment.

Union Open Studios - 2:00 pm | The Union for Contemporary Art With the current round of Union Fellows: Monica Ghali Rene Ledesma Amanda DeBoer Bartlett Rich Mansfield Laura Carlson Stop by to see the studios, talk with the artists, and enjoy some snacks from the Abundance Garden.

Saturday Night Show - 9:00 pm | Backline Improv Theatre Live Music - 9:00 pm | Horseshoe Council Bluffs Casino Conchance, Ebony Tusks - 9:00 pm | The Waiting Room Lounge Omaha-native Brenton Gomez, better known as Conchance, Conny Franko, Uncle Conny, Daddy Woozbucks or B, depending on the day, exploded onto Omaha’s hip-hop scene in 2007 after dropping his first mixtape. Now at the ripe age of 26, he has a full-length album under his belt and won two Omaha Entertainment Awards for ‘Best Hip-Hop’ artist.

SUNDAYSEPT 7 Music in the Park - 6:30 pm | Free Tom Hanafan River’s Edge Park Karaoke Finals - 7:00 pm | See Website for Pricing The 21st Saloon This is not your average Karaoke contest. Only the best singers in the area will be here at the finals. The winner will walk away with $3,000.

Nicki Bluhm and the Gramblers - 8:00 pm | The Bourbon Theatre Nicki Bluhm and the Gramblers made a needle’s-eye leap onto the national music circuit in 2012, bringing with them a refreshing sound, spirited stage show and wellspring of good vibes..

Now, the San Francisco-based band and its striking front woman with a girl-next-door demeanor step out with Nicki Bluhm and the Gramblers, a luminous, heartfelt patchwork of California folk-rock, brisk Americana and show-stopping soul.

Luigi, Inc. - 9:00 pm | Free Mr. Toad’s Pub Omaha Sunday Night Trivia - 7:00 pm | Two Fine Irishmen

MONDAYSEPT 8 Dizzy Wright - 9:00 pm | $20-$50 The Slowdown Omaha Las Vegas native Dizzy Wright has been one of the first Sin City rappers to grab the spotlight and carry it across the globe. Along the way, Wright says that life taught him to keep a tight circle and to be concerned with how his music sounded in venues just as much as the writing. That dichotomy of substance and swagger has made Dizzy Wright an independent charting sensation with three 2012 releases.

Open Mic - 9:00 pm | Barley Street Tavern Sign up at the bar after 7pm.

Movie Night - 8:00 pm | Free The Hive Lounge Pub Quiz - 9:00 pm | Free The Slowdown Omaha Gather up a team of 5 or less people and get ready to have your wits tested with 40 questions from the Quiz Masters.

TUESDAYSEPT 9 Open Mic Night - 9:00 pm | Free Venue 51 There will be a signup sheet and minute slots depend on where we are in the evening. Be ready to play 3 songs. This is an acoustic open mic (guitars, hand percussion, stringed instruments) and spoken word performances (comedy, slam poetry). Time slots not guaranteed.

WEDNESDAYSEPT 10 The Congress - 8:00 pm | The Hive Lounge Randy Rogers Band - 9:00 pm | The Bourbon Theatre “The Quarrel With Ourselves” - 7:30 pm | Lied Center For Performing Arts Lincoln U.S. Poet Laureate (2012-2014) Natasha Trethewey will deliver the 19th Annual Governor’s Lecture in the Humanities. In her talk she will discuss how poetry and other art forms are witnesses to history and culture.

Taco’s and Trivia - 8:30 pm | Free Two Fine Irishmen Comedy Open Mic - 10:00 pm | Barley Street Tavern

listings

| THE READER |

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

15

CELEBRATE THE SEASONS

SATURDAY, OCT. 11 ~ 2-10 P.M. FEATURING

RETAIL TOUR ~ SECOND SATURDAY ART WALK AND

11TH STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL SPAGHETTI WORKS, LA BUVETTE AND UPSTREAM BREWING COMPANY

Food Day is a nationwide celebration and a movement toward healthy, affordable, and sustainable food.

Think of it as an Earth Day for food!

Food Day’s goals are to raise awareness about food issues among broader public, strengthen and unify the food movement, and improve our nation’s food policies.

16

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

| THE READER |

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11 8:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

O L D M A R K E T FA R M E R ’ S M A R K E T

FOOD DAY PRIORITIES: n Promote safer, healthier diets n Support sustainable and organic farms n Reduce hunger n Reform factory farms to protect the environment & animals n Support fair working conditions for food and farm workers

hoodoo

BY B.J. HUCHTEMANN

Tribute to Trout & More

I

n a clarification to last week’s column discussing the tremendous need for organ donors, while it is true that Curtis Salgado had to have a certain amount of money in the bank prior to his surgery, this was because he had no insurance. “The Nebraska facility did everything possible to make this happen for Curtis. They were always gracious about the finance situation,” said Salgado’s sister Wendy Salgado. “All possible recipients do have to show proof of being able to pay for the transplant and then care for the organ long-term, whether it be via insurance, Medicaid, Medicare or self-pay methods.” clarified Taylor Wilson, senior media relations coordinator at The Nebraska Medical Center. “We offer numerous financial counseling opportunities to make sure patients have the proper insurance in place to cover the cost of the transplant and for possible post-transplant costs.”

The Aug. 31 Tribute to Walter Trout Omaha event featured award-winning blues acts including Salgado, who received a liver transplant at The Nebraska Medical Center Sept. 30, 2006. Guitarist Walter Trout received a liver transplant on Memorial Day 2014. Trout was in attendance at the event. Down to 114 pounds, he is still recovering physically from the toll the failing liver took

on his body. He and his wife Marie Trout, one of the event organizers, return home to California this week where Trout will continue his recovery.

Trout fans from at least six states and the Netherlands were among approximately 400 people in attendance, according to co-promoter Jeff Davis.

Proceeds from the event will go to Trout’s band members at the Trout family’s request.

Cindy Schabow, a Donate Life Nebraska volunteer, reported 26 people signed up as organ donors and many people present were already donors. “Since each registered donor could potentially save eight lives and help improve the health and mobility of 50 others, the ripple effect is huge,” said Schabow. Find out more at donatelifenebraska.com.

Hot Notes Vocalist Sena Ehrhardt has a CD release party at The 21st Saloon Thursday, Sept. 4, 6-9 p.m.

Her new CD Live My Life (Blind Pig) produced by David Z, drops Sept. 2 and is getting rave reviews. She is up for two Blues Blast Music Awards. See senaehrhardt. com. The final preliminary round of the Nebraska Blues Challenge is Sunday, Sept. 7, 3-8 p.m. at The Hive. Watch Facebook.com/BluesSocietyofOmaha for details. McKenna’s announced last week on their Facebook page that they are closing effective Sept. 27.

McKenna’s last show features excellent guitarist Eddie Turner Saturday, Sept. 6, 8 p.m. ,

HOODOO is a weekly column focusing on blues, roots, Americana and occasional other music styles with an emphasis on live music performances. Hoodoo columnist B.J. Huchtemann is a Reader senior contributing writer and veteran music journalist who has covered the local music scene for nearly 20 years. Follow her blog at hoodoorootsblues.blogspot.com.

hoodoo

| THE READER |

SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

17

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efore I begin talking about this new, hightech invention called the Lumo Lift, I must explain my affliction — an affliction that has haunted me most of my adult life, one that I’ve never been able to escape.

I’m a chronic sloucher. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know how I got this way, but somewhere, probably in grade school, my body began to form a letter “S” when seen in profile. I blame my height — 6-foot-2 at attention — and a fitness regimen that involved lifting weights since I was in high school. Big shoulders and upper body combined with a relatively skinny, tall frame equals slouching.

Gravity is a cruel mistress to tall people.

I’ve always known I was a sloucher, too, and looked upon the lucky ones with good posture as heroes who somehow managed to beat the odds to stand up straight. Even to this day, I admire when I see someone standing shoulders-above-hips-above-ankles.

At a recent rock concert, I noticed a young girl who couldn’t have been older than 22, sitting on a bar stool perfectly erect, not a curve to her spine, effortless.

I turned to my wife and said, “Look at her.” She knew immediately I was pointing out the girl’s amazing posture. So amazing, in fact, that the girl stood rigid without so much as a slumped shoulder for more than an hour.

“She’s probably a dancer,” Teresa said, “or into yoga.”

My friend Julie is tall, almost as tall as me, and I’ve never seen her slouch. I asked her how she did it.

“I think about it all the time,” she said. I assumed she was kidding. “I’m not kidding. I’m thinking about it right now. If I didn’t think about it constantly, I’d be slouched over, like you.”

Her strategy was based on sheer will power, mind over matter, and it had been enough. I tried attacking my slouching with the same strategy. I discovered online an idea from a fellow sloucher. He said to imagine there was a balloon tied to your head, pulling you upward. It seemed so simple, but immediately upon taking on the self-delusion, my frame straightened. Whenever I walked through the hallways at work, above me floated an imaginary red balloon, and people noticed.

“You’re standing tall today.”

“Well, there’s a balloon tied to my head,” I’d reply matter-of-factly. The comment was usually met with a tilted head, not unlike what my dogs do when I make strange cat noises.

But the balloon works only as long as you remember it’s there. Somehow within just a few minutes after being imagined, the balloon floats away, leaving me bent over like a prehistoric cave man in a sports jacket.

If my posture is horrendous while standing, it’s even worse sitting at my desk. I always start out fine,

but within an hour my butt has slid all the way to the edge of my chair and I look as if I’m about to slide under my keyboard. It would take an imaginary blimp to keep me sitting up straight.

I’d all but given up on my posture, even considered buying a back brace or wearing a corset like a Victorian woman, when I discovered a crowdfunding campaign that promised the answer. The campaign’s video said it all, if not a bit over dramatically.

It starts by showing a cute woman slouching (barely) while seated alone. Poor thing. Over gentle keyboard music, the voice-over began: “What would you if you were not afraid? Would you stand a little taller? Speak a little louder? Would you run a little faster? Would you live in the moment?” The camera focuses on a tiny square attached to the girl’s shirt. “This is Lumo Lift. You wear it like a lapel pin. When you slouch it reminds you to stand taller with a gentle vibration.”

The device also tracks your steps, calories and distance, like any of a dozen other Fitbit-type wearables, but who cares about that. It’s the slouching thing that mattered. Through this miracle of science, the poor girl was suddenly smiling, getting serious attention at important meetings and embracing a newfound boyfriend who, one assumes, had ignored her when she was a bent-over crone.

“The simple act of pulling back your shoulders and lifting your head helps you look and feel stronger, taller and more confident,” the video concludes. “We believe it’s the small changes that empower you to do bigger and better things. Be the version of you that you want to be. One move changes everything.”

I plunked down my $69 for the pre-order this past January and was not alone. The campaign quickly exceeded $1 million in funding. It seems there’s a virtually army of us slouchers, searching for any sign of hope.

It was only last week that the product finally arrived at my doorstep. It consisted of a small white device about the size of an iPod shuffle, a charging cradle and a pair of sleek, dime-sized metal magnets that hold the device in place. I quickly downloaded the Lumo Lift app for my iPhone and was ready to go.

Three minutes into my first “coaching” session I got my first “buzz.”

The message on my phone: “Show that buzz who’s boss!”

I straightened up. The app responded with the affirmation: “Looking good, feeling great!” and “You’re a rockstar!”

I intend to wear my new Lumo Lift all next week while on vacation. Will I return from New York City empowered to do “bigger and better things”? Will I, indeed, not be afraid to “live in the moment” or am I doomed to live my life in the shape of the letter “S”? Check back next week to find out. ,

OVER THE EDGE is a weekly column by Reader senior contributing writer Tim McMahan focused on culture, society, music, the media and the arts. Email Tim at tim.mcmahan@gmail.com. And be sure to check out his blog at Lazy-i.com

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newsoftheweird

T H E WO R L D G O N E F R E A K Y B Y C H U C K S H E P H E R D W I T H I L LU S T R AT I O N S B Y T O M B R I S C O E

All War Is Weird, But This ISIS War ...

A

s summed up by a Vox.com writer: “The absurdity runs deep.” America uses American military equipment to bomb American military equipment that ISIS captured (from inept Iraqi soldiers, inept in part since America disbanded Iraq’s professional military in 2003).

America’s Kurdish allies, fighting ISIS, use inferior Russian weapons they captured in the 1980s. ISIS has a so-far-safer haven in Syria because America declined to arm moderate Syrian rebels, largely out of fear that radicals like the future ISIS would capture weapons America provided. “So now (America is) bombing the guns that (it) didn’t mean to give ISIS because (America) didn’t give guns to their enemies because then ISIS might get guns.”

Compelling Explanations Thomas Clark, 28, of Crawley, England, beat one of society’s most foreboding charges in July when he was acquitted of voyeurism even after admitting that he had hidden that video camera in a workplace rest room, and even despite evidence that he formerly worked in the pornography industry. Clark persuaded a Horsham Magistrates Court judge that he suffered an extreme phobia of diarrhea and vomit and that, by hiding the camera, he was thinking only of ascertaining that the rest room was clean before he entered.

-- In America, We’re All Great Parents: (1) Kayla McKenzie, 22, was charged with DUI in Bismarck, North Dakota, a condition that led her to crash into five separate vehicles or structures on Aug. 12 -- while, according to police, three unsecured children were in her car, including a yearold infant riding in her lap. Nonetheless, said the 0.252 blood-alcohol driver, “I look like a bad mother, but I’m

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| THE READER |

weird news

not. I’m actually a really good mom.” (2) Rayvon Campos, 22, pleaded guilty in San Antonio in August to first-degree felony assault of his 1-month-old daughter that resulted in brain hemorrhaging. Nonetheless, he reassured the judge, “This is the first time I’ve ever been in trouble. ... I’m a real good dude.”

Suspicions Confirmed A fire hydrant at 393 University Ave. has brought in more parking ticket revenue (since 2008) than any other hydrant in Toronto -- $289,620 on 2,962 violations, according to an August Toronto Star report. While hydrants are usually located at curbside to facilitate fire-engine access, the one at 393 University Ave. was placed about 20 feet from the curb, in the middle of a sidewalk, and obscured by a tree in a planter about 8 feet long. (Nonetheless, the law’s wording treats the hydrant, for illegal-parking and revenue-earning purposes, as if it were curbside.)

-- A woman hiking in Down Valley Park near Placerville, Colorado, told Denver’s KUSA-TV in August of her narrow escape from a mountain lion that had stalked her for a half-hour (crouching menacingly each time she attempted to retreat). At the closest point, recalled Kyra Kopestonsky, it was about 8 feet away. At that point, she told the reporter, “I don’t know why,” but “I just started singing opera really loud.” The mountain lion “sort of put its ears down and ... backed away.” (Only then was she able to call a friend, who alerted rescuers.)

Police Report Arrest Him at Your Peril: In July, a jury in Brooklyn, New York, awarded Kevin Jarman, 50, $510,000 from the city for the broken ankle he suffered during his arrest for shoplifting in May 2011 (a charge to which he eventually pleaded guilty). Among his other New York City income: a $20,000 settlement for false arrest on a drug charge in 2013 and another, for $15,000, in 2005.

COPYRIGHT 2014 CHUCK SHEPHERD. Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at NewsoftheWeird. blogspot.com or NewsoftheWeird.com. Send Weird News to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679. Illustrations by Tom Briscoe (smallworldcomics.com).

-- I Know the Feeling, But: (1) Gloria Baca-Lucero, 48, was arrested in Albuquerque in July after allegedly holding a Comcast cable installer’s tool bag at gunpoint in her home. She said she believed that her service call was free, but the installer told her otherwise, and she apparently decided to detain the tool bag. (2) German truck driver Michael Harry K., 58, went to trial in August in Wuerzburg, Bavaria, charged with firing his gun in the direction of drivers more than 700 times in five years out of displeasure with their poor road habits. He never actually hit anyone (but police said he caused at least one serious injury by frightening a driver into a collision).

-- Immature: (1) Princeton University professor John Mulvey, 67 (who teaches financial engineering applications), was charged in July with stealing 21 yard signs around the town of Princeton -- signs for a computer repair business owned by a man with whom he was feuding. (2) Nathan McCoy, 21, sought by police near Boise, Idaho, in July on a probation violation, took off running, forcing officers to chase him onto the Eagle Hills Golf Course. McCoy sought “refuge” in a pond, standing waist-deep as deputies tried to coax him out, but even with the pond surrounded, it still took McCoy a half-hour of standing there to conclude that he did not have a Plan B.

The Boy Who Wasn’t Bullied Enough in School Walker Harnden, 19, a sophomore at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts, was recognized in April for a Guinness Book record for the highest note ever whistled (B7). Harnden, who told the Raleigh News & Observer that he has “irritated his parents and friends for years,” admits that he whistles “all the time” -- up to four or five hours a day.

The New Normal In 2010, the village of West Lafayette, Ohio, barred residents from keeping fowl and farm animals, but Iraq war veteran Darin Welker, 36, believes his post-war depression

and trauma are unusually well-assisted now that he has befriended 14 pet ducks that he keeps at home. The Department of Veterans Affairs, which paid for Welker’s back surgery, stopped short of providing physical therapy and counseling, causing him more than ever to rely on the ducks, which he says motivate him to get out of the house and provide them with caretaking services. Village officials, however, cited him in June for misdemeanor fowl-housing.

Perspective “Streamers,” according to workers at the state-of-the-art solar plant in California’s Mojave Desert, are birds that cross the path of the 300,000 garage-door-sized mirrors that magnify the sun’s rays on their way to producing steam to power 140,000 homes. Those birds, instantly fried, vanish in plumes of smoke at the rate of perhaps one every two minutes, according to an August Associated Press dispatch from Ivanpah Dry Lake near the Nevada border. According to federal wildlife officials, the plant’s bright light attracts insects, which then attract even more birds. The operator, BrightSource Energy, said there is no feasible way to protect the birds.

Least Competent Criminals Questionable Decisions: (1) Ryan Mullins, 22, was arrested in Swansboro, North Carolina, in August when he came to an officer’s attention at 5:30 a.m. Police said he had broken into a pharmacy, had stolen the 100-pound safe, and was dragging it behind his car when the officer routinely pulled in front of him. Nonetheless, Mullins decided to try and pass the officer. (2) Robert Haught Jr., 42, was captured after a high-speed chase through Burlington, Massachusetts, in August, with police recovering “stacks” of stolen credit cards and suspected- stolen high-end electronics from the car.

Haught had attracted police attention by parking his car (with a mismatched license plate), unattended, with engine running, in a handicapped parking spot. ,

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SEPT. 4 - 10, 2014

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cuttingroom

T H E T R I P TO I TA LY I S A N I C E T W I C E

F

irst things first: The Trip to Italy, the sequel to 2010’s surprise hit The Trip, may be the whitest movie ever made. Featuring immeasurable first-world ennui, the characters talk about Percy Shelley and Lord Byron like current pop icons and play deep album cuts from Alanis Morrisette’s “Jagged Little Pill” while driving a convertible minicar. The film was one PGA endorsement deal away from the most culturally white moment in human history.

Once again, Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon play themselves on a lackadaisical all-expense paid trip, ostensibly under the pretext of writing a travelogue. Last time out, Coogan was more severe, clinging to vestiges of fame that had been reduced to a smolder from what was a four-alarm fire (at least in Britain). This time, Brydon’s career is ticking upwards, in a notably Coogan-esque fashion. Not only that, but the obligatory lady dalliance falls into the latter’s court this time around.

Through the looking glass now, it is Coogan trying to be a better father and improved human being while Brydon

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B Y RYA N S Y R E K

yearns to shirk his branding as an aggressively affable human being. This shift is evident even in the casual dinner conversations, which inevitably degrade into celebrity impression contests. Whereas in the previous film, Brydon’s sometimes good/sometimes bad celebrity parroting seemed like an innocent quirk, here it is shown to be a coping mechanism for a man incapable of handling serious life issues as himself.

Much like the first endeavor, The Trip to Italy is a comedy only in the daintiest sense of the word. More akin to spending time with friends who are almost as funny as they think they are, the film intentionally ambles from one moment to the next. Even when weighty elements occur, such as Brydon’s affair or Coogan’s problematic relationship with his son, they mostly brew deep inside the internal waters of these men, only burping a bubble or two visibly above the surface. Much in the same way that Richard Linklater’s Before Sunrise series is stunningly honest about romantic love, this series is fast establishing itself as one of the more realistic fictional depictions of friendship.

First-Run Films

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Through Thursday, September 18 A good Irish priest receives threats from a mysterious aggressor.

Coming Soon The Trip to Italy First-Run Fifi Howls From Happiness First-Run Abuse of Weakness First-Run Love is Strange First-Run (R) 20,000 Days on Earth First-Run

| THE READER |

That said, the realism does become mildly agitating at points. Brydon is your friend who wouldn’t stop doing Borat voices two years after the movie came out. At times, both characters feel outright grating. Yet, somehow, director Michael Winterbottom is always able to reset the film back to its amiable nature. Clearly, his intention in scuffing up his leading men in such a way is to take the sheen of performance off of them. It works, even if that’s sometimes a bad thing.

One of the rare sequels that is a better movie than its predecessor, this installment is headier, funnier and a freshly sincere examination of heterosexual male friendship. A movie this muted isn’t designed to provoke a chair-throwing, exclamatory reaction so much as it is intended to be thoughtful and, for lack of a better term, “nice.” And so it is. The Trip to Italy may well be the nicest movie of the year. ,

film

Elena Dir. Petra Costa.

Through Thursday, September 11 “Dances with death, memory, and family, seducing viewers and then breaking their hearts.” — Alan Scherstuhl, Village Voice Special Screening on Tuesday, September 9 with food from Mula and post-show discussion led by OLLAS.

n How much more can failed 1980s television show “The Greatest American Hero” give us as a people? Not only was it groundbreaking for its willingness to cast a dude with a perm as a superhero, but it provided the greatest theme song ever with “Believe It or Not.” That song, in turn, became the basis for “Seinfeld” having George Costanza record his amazing musical answering machine message “Believe it or not, George isn’t at home.” You’ve done enough, crappy ’80s sci-fi show. And yet, now comes word that Phil Lord and Chris Miller (The Lego Movie, 21 and 22 Jump Street) are bringing us a reboot of the hapless hero who discovers a suit that gives him powers. If only we still had answering machines. If anybody other than They Might Be Giants covers the classic theme, so help me… n Well, well, well... Joaquin Phoenix, the man who once pretended to quit acting and become a rapper, is about to ink a deal to headline Marvel’s Doctor Strange. While, on the one hand, imagining Phoenix as a sorcerer who travels between worlds and messes with the supernatural seems perfectly reasonable, the thought of him signing one of those epic multipicture deals Marvel forces upon its actors doesn’t. I’m excited, but ask Ed Norton how that whole Hulk deal worked out. n Chloë Grace Moretz is a remarkably talented young actress. So you’ll have to forgive her for her recent statements about Kick-Ass 3. She pointed to the fact that KickAss 2 was the most pirated movie last year and concludes that the reason why there won’t be a third film is directly linked to that fact. In reality, there won’t be a third film because nobody wants to see a third film, via piracy or otherwise. While I’ll be the first to point fingers and shame movie stealers, this would-be trilogy didn’t die at the hands of pirates but was skewered by the pens of the writers for the last movie.

—Ryan Syrek Cutting Room provides breaking local and national movie news … complete with added sarcasm. Send any relevant information to film@thereader.com. Check out Ryan on Movieha!, a weekly half-hour movie podcast (movieha.libsyn.com/ rss), catch him on the radio on CD 105.9 (cd1059.com) on Fridays at around 7:30 a.m. and on KVNO 90.7 (KVNO.org) at 8:30 a.m. on Fridays and follow him on Twitter (twitter.com/ thereaderfilm).

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