Antwerpen-Centraal

Even When

Micah Land a guy on tinder asks if i’m religious i say it’s sorta complicated, but yes. are you? he says no, but he’s hella spiritual tells me to ask about his mystical ayahuasca experience. i don’t. there is more to my experience of the divine than spinning botanical vibrations. i don’t tell him about the only time i have ever felt the absence of G-d: one summer night when i took two edibles body gone heavy and heart spiking paranoid, i felt the universe come to a nameless end in the span of five minutes. keening into a void, profound loneliness all-consuming, i fell from heights, seeking sanctuary in time. seeking holy ground, divinity revealed barefoot in the dirt, seeking divine presence in the silent ordinary. i don’t tell him how i know everything to be of G-d, how religiosity is rhythm and rhythm fills the spaces of seeming silence, how even a silent G-d still speaks.

Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?