FREEING ONESELF

by Melanie Blatt

Love cannot reach you unless you open for it

Unless you drop your shoulders, take a grounding breath and accept the fears and imperfections

Because we are all abundantly human and no pose, construction, or makeup can hide our true image from ourselves

We have to live with this sight and accepting the person we judge the most is no easy feat

What we judge about others is just the shadow of what we fear about ourselves

But forgiveness is like magic, with it we wield the power to free ourselves out of the cage we’ve built

The place we’ve sequestered the darkest ugliest parts of ourselves that we’ve convince ourselves we are better off without

An animal in hiding, when finally unleashed we worry it will bite

So we keep it contained, issuing ultimatums and commandments: be different, be better

So afraid of what it might do, we build the walls higher and slowly we tuck more and more of ourselves away, deeming them unfit to rule

We do this until we’ve buried so much of ourselves in the fortress that the fire within cannot breathe and goes out

Wandering we continue on this path, wishing for more: more money, more things, more friends, more fun

We are walking around without a compass, and as time progresses we begin to forget how we got here, where we were even going Then one day you realize you are hungry and lost, you’ve done so much but nothing is better

There is no one around but you, you lay in the soft grass, close your eyes and breathe you navigate the fortress, clumsily triggering traps you rigged under the pretense of keeping yourself safe

You cry a lot, so much so that the salt from your tears starts to turn the iron citadel into rust. it is ugly at first But then it is not, then it is you and it is so beautifully broken that you don’t wish it were whole through the imperfections you notice the way the light creates shapes and the wind creates music and you are art and beautiful and imperfect you no longer feel alone or afraid and welcome the warmth of your spirit. after this rest you wake up on the lawn, which is actually a meadow every step feels hard and sometimes you trip but you don’t take that setback seriously you don’t judge yourself for being sore and you allow yourself to rest there is darkness and light but you let them both live it is here that you realize no armor is as protective as the one made out of love for oneself