THINGS YOU DON’T EXPECT WHEN GETTING A COLONOSCOPY AT 23

by Savi Calderon

1. Getting a colonoscopy at 23

I feel like this should be self explanatory.

2. Surprisingly, not being starving at the end of the whole procedure

Not being hungry after not eating for 24 hours makes you question yourself.

3. Getting an IV and crying like a five year old

Absolutely had no reason to be crying and freaking out over an IV, but totally did.

4. Waking up “wet” because of the lube and thinking you peed yourself

Sorry I did not mentally prepare myself for being covered in LUBE. Who was gonna tell me about that part?

5. The prep being the worst part of it

Chasing the laxative mix with white grape juice was my biggest mistake.

6. Waking up from the anesthesia and understanding why people get high for funsies

Lowkey made me want to take an edible or something before bedsies.

7. Craving McDonald’s after the procedure 

McDonald’s is not typically on the menu for me but I NEEDED fries and ranch to a biblical degree.

8. How good chicken broth and veggie broth actually taste

Like why am I going to eat this as a snack now?

9. Sending all your friends pictures of your colon without thinking about how it’s kind of gross

At the moment it seemed funny and quirky, but after I felt guilty for subjecting my friends to the image that is my internal hemorrhoids.

10. The doctor calling my fiance a cheap ass because I didn’t want to pay for the unnecessary, not-covered-by-insurance IV for the “recovery”

Kind of misogynistic of my doctor to assume Andrew was funding my procedure. Also, I could really tell my doctor was money hungry– SORRY!