Sex Edition 2015

THE PITT NEWS VOLUME 105 ISSUE 113

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

Table of Contents

3 | REAL TALK, REAL SEX America’s sex education 4 | CHAINS & WHIPS A look at BDSM relationship 5 | ENOUGH TALK Fly away, “birds & bees” 6 | NOT JUST A SEX BIBLE Why women’s mags matter 8 | TALK DIRTY TO ME A sex phone operator gabs 10 | VALENTINE’S CARTOON Singles vs. couples 12 | SHAG NOW, OR SHAG LATER? A conflicted 1960s 15 | NO SEX, NO LOVE Asexualism & aromanticism 17 | FAITH & FELLATIO Balance between sex & religion 18 | ALL TEASE, NO CLIMAX ‘Fifty Shades’ review hits hard

Letter from the Editor On a recent cold, snowy Friday night in South Oakland, I was getting ready to leave a friend’s house for Hemingway’s.

We walked down the stairs to her empty living room, only to find her 20-inch television — overpowered by an enormous, thrifted entertainment center — moaning with a porn scene.

My friend has the most basic of basic cable, and maybe five stations on a good day, but the ending of an HBO movie we’d watched had unexpectedly transitioned into a bedroom broadcast during our brief absence.

“Her boobs can’t really be THAT big!”

“Ew! What is he doing?”

“That FACIAL expression!”

It felt like a distinctly millennial moment. A couple decades ago, college kids were stowing dirty magazines to hide from mom under their mattresses, and now a quick Google search from any device can reveal all the visuals of intercourse one could possibly desire.

The purpose of The Pitt News annual Sex Edition, now in its seventh year, has been reiterated by past editors: we’re illuminating what most college students are talking about anyway.

This year, the concept we had in mind was that sex isn’t glamorous, and it’s also not socially accepted or safe for everyone in 2015. Over the past year, we’ve witnessed historic milestones as courts across the country struck down bans on gay marriage. This spring, prominent transgender activist Laverne Cox will visit campus to speak about challenges sexual minorities face for integration into society. As schools across the country undergo federal Title IX investigations on sexual assault procedures, we’re still painfully grappling with the term “consent.”

Whether you got the birds and the bees talk or not, you’ve hopefully realized by now that sex is ubiquitous — and if your parents call you out for being exhibitionary millennials, send them our article on the 1960s. Sex is smeared all over the mass media, engaged in over the phone and stimulated with toys sold across the city.

Bury it, be explicit or just be real — sex is happening in college, probably before and likely after. We want to provide you with candid, honest depictions of our and your peers’ experiences with sexual relations, acts and identities. We want to make the universal human experience that brought us all here a little less ‘taboo.’

Enjoy responsibly, Natalie Daher, Editor-in-Chief

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

Sex Education 101:

COLUMN

The effects of abstinence-minded schooling Danielle Fox Managing Editor

Call this bona fide nutty, but my friend no “life skills” for avoiding sexual coer- their sex-ed programs. from Germany practiced contraceptive cion. This education disparity stems from These same teens go to college with use with a wooden penis.

Title V abstinence-only federal funding. this threadbare education.

The hands-on experience was a part of The funding comes with the stipulation By the time you enter your second his high school level sexual year at Pitt, 71 percent education, not a mahogany Abandon stigma. From bathrooms to bedrooms, embrace safe sex. of the people in your fetish. The approach was Theo Schwarz | Visual Editor class have already made blunt, but comprehensive a love boat out of their sex education sticks with twin XL beds. Although the students.

15- to 25-year-olds repAnd maybe it works. resent only one-quarter The U.S. teen pregnancy of the sexually active rate is almost three times population, we account higher than Germany’s, acfor nearly half of the cording to Advocates for 18.9 million new cases Youth, and the percentage of STIs each year and of the U.S. adult populaone-fifth of all new HIV tion diagnosed with HIV diagnoses in the United or AIDS is six times greater States in 2011, accordthan in Germany. ing to the Guttmacher As of this month, 27 Institute. states currently require We are the generaan emphasis on abstinence tion with all the answers in high school education at the end of our Google and don’t require teaching search, but the sex talk information on preventdoesn’t work that way. ing sexually transmitted “Always be safe,” was infections, according to the nitty gritty of my the Guttmacher Instisafe-sex talk. I didn’t tute. Additionally, only 13 know what healthy sex states require teachers to looked like outside the share medically accurate realm of Seventeen and information, so your high Teen Vogue. Although, school physical education really, I was reading teacher could have told you these magazines to gum wrappers can spread decide what clothes to HIV, if they thought that put on, not when to take would scare you straight. them off.

Pennsylvania is one of I also didn’t fully the states that needs to grasp the concept of clean up its sex act. Our sexual assault outside dirty record includes: no media tropes and the requirement to discuss limited “good touch, STIs, the go-ahead to tell students lunch that schools will teach what the state Fox 7 trays spread HIV; and (like 24 other states) deems proper if they want funding for

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com Boy and girl — we’ll call them Jack and Jill — were playfully teasing each other one night. Laughing about something Jack had said, Jill reached across to gently slap his cheek. Jack decided he couldn’t let her get away with it and gave her one right back.

To both of their surprise, they liked it.

The couple met through mutual friends in December 2013.

After weeks of running into each other at bars, they began casually hooking up. Jack fell for Jill first, and spent a few weeks “on the hunt,” vying for her attention. Their first date came when Jack asked Jill to accompany him to his work party. Their second outing was a trip to Blush.

A few months later, the couple started using chains and whips, and she began wearing a dog collar around her neck, with a gold plate around her neck displaying “return to Jack” if she gets lost.

“I wear it 24/7, except when I’m at work, which sucks, but Lauren Rosenblatt Staff Writer you know professionalism and all that,” she said.

Jack and Jill are in a BDSM relationship. BDSM — or bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism — is most commonly associated with the “kinky sh*t,” as Jill put it.

Both are recent Pitt graduates living in South Oakland. Holding nine-to-five jobs, the two have laid-back, go-with-the-flow attitudes about the future, preferring to spend their time planning their next sexual adventure.

Although Jill has always enjoyed roughhousing and playing around with her sexual interactions, this is both Jack and Jill’s first experience in a BDSM relationship.

In the 1960s, BDSM portrayals became popular in movies and entertainment, piquing the curiosity of observers and, consequently, increasing its prevalence.

Now, according to an article on Alternet, 50 percent of the world’s population has engaged in some BDSM activity at one point in their lifetime. Submissiveguide. com, an online resource for BDSM participants, lists more than 30 upcoming BDSM and kink events across the U.S. Jack and Jill don’t always look the part of BDSM participants. Jill has short, curly hair and is wearing — in addition to the collar — a modest cardigan with a T-shirt underneath. Jack is wearing a baseball cap, thick, black-rimmed glasses and a sweatshirt underneath his winter jacket.

A thick, black band, some people have mistaken Jill’s collar for a style of choker necklace that was popular in the ‘90s.

“I’ve gotten ‘Wow, thats so fashionable,’ or I’ve gotten ‘Why are we wearing a dog collar?’ I always tell them [the truth] and they’re like ‘Wow, thank you for being so honest,’” Jill said.

In addition to the use of sex toys, Jack and Jill said they enjoy taking sex out of the bedroom.

They’ve done the deed in the four major Pittsburgh parks — Frick, Schenley, Highland and Riverview — and have their sights set on universities of the area. So far, they’ve gotten freaky in classrooms, bathrooms and stairwells in Carnegie Mellon, Duquesne, Chatham and the Cathedral of Learning.

“There is a thrill of getting caught. It certainly adds to the experience,” he said.

The power dynamic in their relationship is clear. Jack is the dominant member, or “dom,” as they abbreviate it, and Jill is the submissive member, or “sub.”

“Its a 24/7 lifestyle choice, so anything he tells me to do, I will,” Jill said. This is where the rules come in to play.

BDSM 11 Following Jack’s every command was an adjustment for

“It’s a 24/7 lifestyle choice, so anything he tells me to do, I will.”

-Jill

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

Th

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In our adolescent years, the specter of “the talk” loomed large.

W ex Everybody knows “the talk.” You know, the one Al where Mom and Dad sit you down because “soon, your body will be going through changes, and that’s OK!” and finally reveal that an ugly, white bird didn’t magically drop you in a straw basket on the doorstep. The one where you’re forced to sit in pure anguish as your parents throw around words such as “penis” and “vagina” as casually as if the topic of conversation was baseball. The one nobody wanted but everybody saw coming.

But for how many of us did it actually come?

I, for one, never got the horrific, sit-down, birds-and-the-bees lesson. My parents abbrevi- a t e d their version of the sex talk to the much shorter, “Why did you use our rewards card when you bought condoms at the grocery store, you stu- pid idiot?” talk. Looking back to that moment, I see my parents as having had three options: A, thank me for the extra half-cent off gas my purchase had probably earned them that month; B, have “the talk”; or C, pretend like it had never happened.

Seeing as options A and B would have created an even more awkward situation, we collectively and silently went with C: Sweep i t under t h e rug a n d n o t talk about it. I thought I was unique i n this regard. After all, everybody gets “the talk” at some point, right?

Apparently not.

This week, I asked a number of college students whether or not they’d endured some version of this ghastly experience at some point, and most said they managed to avoid it. Those who did have some sort of exchange about sex with their parents said that it was limited to something terse: “You’re a teenager, which means you’re having sex, so you’re going to the doctor and getting birth control,” or, “If you have a baby, I’ll kick your ass.”

But, in every situation, it appears that parents are skipping the scientific segment of the conversation, opting instead to assume that we already know we weren’t delivered via Stork Air and taking what my Catholic school teachers would’ve called “the public school route”: guiding young adults toward safe sex in a hands-off manner — letting the kids try to figure it out for themselves.

Who or what is responsible for this change? We know “the talk” is — or was — a thing. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been so afraid of it taking place. So why didn’t our generation

Drawings by Emily Hower | Assistant Layout Editor

kw

ard lea rnin g

endure the awkwardness that b e - g i n s with, “ Y o u s e e , son, when a man and a woman love e a c h o t h e r very much ... ”?

L i k e everything else in the world, we could explain these questions with the Internet. We could blame television and video games for being unnecessarily sexualized or we could fault the pop music industry for creating stars based less on talent and more on sex appeal.

But, in my mind, these are cop-outs. We all know who’s responsible for killing the lineage of awkward sex talks between parents and their kids.

It was your best friend.

If we didn’t gain our knowle d g e of sex from pare n t s , i t h a d to c o m e f r o m peers.

E v erybody had a friend with older siblings who repeated everything his or her older siblings said. When that friend repeated something an older sibling said without knowing what it meant and you asked, they replied, “I’m not telling you.” This friend is probably the same one who informed you that Santa Claus isn’t real, that your parents ate the cookies you left out for him and that the reindeer bells Santa hung on the tree could be purchased at Walmart for a quarter each.

I had one of these friends. I’ll leave him unnamed, but he fits the bill entirely. He had an older brother. He acted exactly like his older brother. He repeated everything his older brother said. He’s the reason I knew what it meant to get to “third base” when I still thought girls had cooties and the reason I’d heard the word “boner” 1,000 times before I was old enough to get one.

Looking back, he’s a hero.

I’m glad I figured it out this way. I love my parents dearly, but I think I might love them a little less if I’d heard them use the word “intercourse.”

To the rest of you, to what appears to be the vast majority, call your best friend from elementary school. Thank them. Ask them to thank their siblings. Because of their efforts, we, ourselves, are free from the responsibility to teach children where babies actually come from.

And that is a freedom that money can’t buy.

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

Ten reasons why

WOMEN’S MAGAZINES Should be off your !*@& list Natalie Daher Editor-in-Chief

When I tell people I subscribe to Cosmopolitan Magazine, reactions range from raised brows, giggles or side-eyes that just scream “intellectual suicide.”

The scandalized responses I’ve deflected from men, women and several aunts, however, often stem from a common misconception that Cosmo and every other “women’s magazine” is only home to the four F’s: furniture, fashion, food and family — plus sex positions.

Cosmo isn’t serious, they charge, so why spend your meager paycheck on that dishrag? Everyone — even me, who so earnestly subscribes to The New Yorker and The New York Times — has their vices, I suppose.

My vices include, but are not limited to, 3 Musketeers bars on late deadline nights, post-production shot pitchers and ignoring responsibilities in favor of yoga classes.

My Cosmo readership, however, is not a guilty pleasure.

A letter in August 2013 by Robbie Myers, the editor of ELLE Magazine, condemned the pigeonholing of women’s magazines on the lowerr rung of the journalistic totem pole. M Myers recounted a lecture at Columbia University during which she shared a 6,000-word piece that appeared in the mag magazine on then-Sen. Barack Obama’s 2006 trip to Kenya Kenya.

A male student raised his hand.

“I had no idea you did d such important stories.

How does it feel to kknow nobody reads them?” he insightfully pr proposed.

In her letter, Myers fired back, attributing the comment to youth and narcissism.

“He meant you, dear reader, the

some 8 million smart, educated, chic, interesting women who consume ELLE ... It’s your status as a woman that makes you ‘nobody,’” she wrote.

For decades, Cosmo and its counterparts have been fueling a dialogue on serious issues that are often ignored or miscast — women’s health, abortion, equal pay and high rates of domestic or sexual violence, to name a few — affecting about half of the global population. Our generation and our predecessors should recognize the sheer value in that niche and nu- anced coverage alone, even if they overlook the tremendous journalism that these publications produce.

Women’s magazines offer young professionals a map to lifestyle issues that our mothers and grandmothers never approached or told us about.

Cosmo, the oft-proclaimed “sex bible,” is a monthly lowdown on getting hired and excelling in a career, socializing, exercising and, yes, having sex, tackling emotions and investing in sensible (but still beautiful) footwear.

Importantly, today’s brand of women’s magazines are sex-positive, sitive, trump trumpeting women as sexual, not merely sexualized, beings. All too often, en, we meet them as ob objects, from pop culture to workplaces, pornography and nd mass media like Esquire, whose aptly constructed tagline is bookended by “Beautiful Wom Women” and “Drink Recipes.”

Publications ns like GQ and Esquire, E likewise caterering to a gendered audience, e, don’t catch the same flak for dishing on fashion, entertainment or sex. Instead, their journalism is awarded and lauded in major media circles as “general interest” work.

Women’s magazines are a critical antidote to the depictions of one-dimensional women that have permeated old Disney flicks, modern romantic comedies, classic literature and history. We’ve hailed “Frozen” for its depiction of a strong female lead, so why haven’t we let go of our negativity toward Cosmo?

The public places a chokehold on women’s magazines, and, this past summer, it tightened its grip, as media members, too, exchanged a pingpong of takes.

Last July, Politico’s piece on the “princess effect” promised a diplomatic death wish for any politician who poses for a publication Daher 7 like Vogue. The writer asserted that Vogue’s

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com FROM PAGE 6

DAHER profiles reduced women in office — take the United Nation’s Samantha Power and Texas legislature’s Wendy Davis for example — to stalwarts of “having it all” or nothing more than goddesses of luck who stumbled upon prominence along a yellow brick road.

“In the end, every woman who cooperates with this inanity ... becomes the ambassador of a puff-piece brand,” the article’s author wrote.

Cultural norms stereotype portrayals of women with children, nice houses or tastes in fashion and food who don’t thunder with self-inflated egos. On the flip side, if women gloat too much, we still dismiss them.

By stigmatizing depictions of highachieving women in women’s magazines as anti-woman, we simultaneously demand that women in power should instead be duplicates of men. Meanwhile, cultural norms excuse portrayals of women as half-dressed airheads or starlets of Lysol commercials.

Women’s magazines are also not recognized as fit to win the top awards that every other form of journalism is eligible for. A dearth of appearances for women’s magazines also exists on the popular archive of standout journalism, Longform, sponsored by our own writing program.

On Longform, you can find seven articles from ELLE, five from Marie Claire, two from Vogue and zero from Cosmopolitan.

Conversely, you’ll find 234 articles from GQ and 129 from Esquire. As for the annual National Magazine Awards, women’s magazines clock in shallowly in three of eight possible categories: personal service, essays and public interest. Under Joanna Coles’ helm, Cosmo won its first last year.

Cosmo’s inaugural winner, a guide to contraception, informed us on a range of alternatives to Trojan condoms or the pill — serving “readers’ needs and aspirations” in an era when the medical Silicon Valley is freezing eggs.

In heels, Cole has navigated the freshest wave of feminism at the magazine, bringing outspoken leaders like Sheryl Sandberg and Roxane Gay on board.

“In Helen [Gurley Brown]’s day, women used sex as a way to find a man to look after them,” Cole told New York magazine this week, referring to her predecessor who spent more than three decades at Cosmo.

“Our reader doesn’t assume that she won’t be able to look after herself. And so I would say that we approach sex from the point of view of ‘How can this be fun for you?’”

A good question.

By denouncing women’s magazines, you’re denouncing women. The last thing we need is yet another hater bludgeoning a celebration of women. So, to the next person who calls my Cosmo a “sex bible”: please hold the side-eye and start doing some serious reading.

Email Natalie at Nataliedaher7@gmail.

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bad touch” school lesson. I didn’t fully know until it happened to me at age 18 when I let my no’s grow quiet, and I became someone who experienced a personal, fracturing loss.

I never went to the police. I never will.

Yet, I have approached my rapist about it. He wasn’t malicious. He was an idiot, and his ignorance only surfaced after my

7 “I think that was rape. I told you to stop” accusation, to which he agreed, yes, it was.

Yes, you did.

That was my real sex talk.

We didn’t die when we had sex in high school like Coach Carr from our generation’s pop culture bible, “Mean Girls,” said we would. Yet, 42 percent of sexual violence happens before the age of 18, and most victims knew their attacker beforehand. So, no, we didn’t die, but a lot of us

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

Elizabeth Lepro Staff Writer In reality, Tanisha is a young, black student who was, truthfully, hfully, not very good at maintaining the dominatrix ix personality. She was a sophomore at Pitt when she he began to portray Dominique as a phone sex operator, ator, talking to men over the phone from her single dorm room in Lothrop Hall.

Today, Tanisha is off the line, working as a bartender after taking a two-and-a-half year hiatus from classes. She will return to Pitt in the summer as a junior pre-law student studying English writing.

She is casual about her experience, and she described it as a phase she passed through and has since been able to laugh about. Tanisha said although she didn’t get much out of it, being a PSO isn’t something of which she’s ashamed.

She compared it to going out with your friends, saying, “You don’t feel this great sense of shame the next day. You’re like, ‘I partied hard and I had fun.’”

A 2013 survey based on interviews by Students and Phone Sex, a website dedicated to providing information on phone sex as a job for college students, revealed that 71 percent of 100 students interviewed saw nothing wrong with being a phone sex operator. Approximately 10 percent of those interviewed knew someone in the business.

Tanisha’s introduction to the world of phone sex came when she discovered her friend had been making money as a phone sex operator, or a PSO, for a couple of months, randomly disappearing at parties to answer calls.

“I thought she was getting high or something,” she said.

It turned out her friend had found a hiring phone sex company while scrolling through a website called Sexyjobs.com. Tanisha decided to become a PSO with the mentality, “my friend was doing it, and we thought it would be funny.”

But the job of turning strangers on with just her voice and imagination was more challenging than she originally anticipated.

“You want to create a story that’s so interesting they don’t want to get off the phone, but not too interesting that they finish so quickly they have to get off the phone,” Tanisha said.

The money-making strategy, Tanisha explained, is to keep the caller on the line for as

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Online and over the phone, Dominique was a long- and ravenhaired white woman, slightly older than college-aged, with heavy makeup. Although she wasn’t a dominatrix, she told men that she was interested in learning to become one.

long as possible. poss ssib ible ib le. on a Russian persona in the film when she is One company fo for which she worked re- seen at work making the whip sound effect quired that callers b buy at least 10 minutes of with a rubber band ball and talking dirty to a call time for $20 — operators received half of client in a fake accent. the profit. Every Ever minute after 10 cost $1.99, Even though Tanisha didn’t get turned on and Tanisha’s pay was bumped up to 60 per- by her conversations, she rejects the idea that cent. Callers could also leave tips at the end a PSO can take a call while juggling multiple of their calls through the dispatch operator, different tasks like doing homework or workwhich PSOs received in full. A typical weekly ing in an office. income could “ I t be anywhere takes a fair between $50 amount of for inexpericoncentraenced operation, it’s tors and $400 just like for a decently learning s u c c e s sf u l a story,” week of calls.

Ta n i s h a In doing said, addso, Tanisha ing that crafted incallers are tricate back also “paystories and ing for personalities your full for her charattention.” acters. It was S h e vital to keep describes a written acthe world count of charof being a acters’ stories PSO as one because rein which turning cuscatering tomers would to the fancatch any factasy of the tual slip-ups. (mostly Online, male ) phone sex Jeff Ahearn | Staff Photographer callers recompanies quires an such as NiteFlirt allow their operators to buy attention to detail and the need to be imagiphotos of women they would then pretend native. to be from a catalog of pictures. It is the reHer most profitable call included a twosponsibility of the operator to create a profile hour phone conversation with a man who and backstory for her character, a form of wanted to be ordered around. The call includself-marketing that’s vital in getting people ed Tanisha advising him to go the refrigerator to choose you as a partner. and put an ice cube down his pants as punishCallers can list specific preferences or ment. In the end, Tanisha’s ability to keep up fetishes, and PSOs would be notified of the the act for two hours resulted in a $500 tip. preferences either by a dispatch operator, as In these situations, Tanisha was never as was the case with Tanisha’s first employer, or into the conversation as she made her cusby some other method, online or otherwise. tomers think.

In the movie “Valentine’s Day,” Anne HaIn fact, Tanisha said at first it was hard to thaway plays a character who moonlights as a hide her sarcastic tendencies when ridiculous PSO. To satisfy her caller’s fetishes, she takes requests made by men, such as requesting

she pretend to be a dog at a ski resort, would otherwise have made her burst into laughter.

Her ability to stifle the laughter came with experience, but some callers, she said, were more perturbing than funny.

Tanisha described an experience in which the customer claimed he was a principal from Texas who employed corporal punishment and wanted her to be a school girl receiving it. She hung up on the caller because she was uncomfortable with the situation.

Because every dropped call has to be explained or else it could be grounds for an immediate firing, according to Tanisha, she had to tell the dispatch operator that she lost service.

“It’s not about being noble, I mean, you would have to act that fantasy out to the end,” she said.

Despite her experience, she wasn’t, by any means, the trained professional the website claims their operators to be.

“It’s a joke,” she said.

Her employer gave her some quick tips on the phone, but nothing descriptive or of value.

Because callers were often very graphic, including a man who asked her to “milk his penis” on the first call, Tanisha explained that she had lost a lot of her shock value as a result.

“At this point, I’ve done so much in my life that I just feel like I’ve heard it all,” she said, adding that the job is not for anyone who startles easily.

The job is attractive to college students who are looking for a way to deal with extra tuition fees and usually have a private place to take the calls.

Tanisha is unabashed in relaying stories of her experience over the phone, but she said it wasn’t like she ever “ran around telling people [she was] a phone sex operator.”

As for how the experience has affected her everyday life, Tanisha, who has been “on again, off again” with the same boyfriend for eight years, doesn’t, for the most part, have a tainted image of the opposite sex.

She claimed the anonymity of the caller allowed her to form a certain image in her mind.

“When you think of the people doing that [calling a phone sex line], you don’t think of the average Joe,” she said. “You don’t look at people in the street and think ‘I bet he called me last night.’”

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com FROM PAGE 7

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didn’t walk as healthy, whole classmates on high school graduation day.

Sexual violence is a sociocultural problem, yes, but educating teens on rape doesn’t hurt like this violence does.

As we are so inundated with mediaapproved sex-evanescent candles, rose petals or matching lingerie, many American teenagers couldn’t identify real sex and can’t properly react when confronted with sexual desire or aggression.

The problem doesn’t lie at home. It festers in our schools. Parents are not objective enough to properly discuss sexual assault. The dialogue should start in the grade schools and must continue in college, when we are still most vulnerable.

Why do we not have a general education requirement on sexuality? On gender rights? If my University demands that I know about a culture outside of the Western Hemisphere, I demand that they make us Fatima Kizilkaya | Staff Cartoonist

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com FROM PAGE 10

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learn about gender and sexuality.

Schools such as Arizona State University, California State University and Stanford University do. Where is ours? They require students to take a class on gender or sexuality, or they present students gened options in a way to make it more likely they will study gender or sexuality.

Pitt’s Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies Program courses — from which I have benefitted — span a number of departments, according to University spokesman John Fedele. However, “ ... the basic [general education] requirements were worked out by the faculty of Arts & Sciences some time ago, and we do not add new requirements even though we do add new courses.”

In our changing society, requirements should be just as malleable as our mindsets.

There are so many questions that a talk from your mom and dad could never answer: What would justice look like for sexual violence if we were better educated?

Why don’t we learn about aromanticism and asexuality in health class? Why do only 12 states require discussion of sexual orientation when same-sex marriage is legal in 37 states?

And, lastly, why the stigma behind sex? Religious reasons? According to researchers from Trinity College in Hartford, Conn., 32 percent of the surveyed students are spiritual but not religious, while another 28 percent consider themselves secular.

As the stigma’s base leaves the pews, we must discard our social hangup on confronting real sex. We cannot make progress on sexual education if shame shields judgment.

Because, really, there are plenty of things that are fun and harm the environment or are just plain bad, but they aren’t shameful to do. For example, according to National Public Radio, if I eat a quarterpound hamburger, it wastes 6.7 pounds of grains, 52.8 gallons of drinking water, 74.5 square feet of land and 1,035 British thermal units (BTU) of fossil fuel energy — enough to power a typical microwave for 18 minutes.

That’s a waste, all right, but I don’t see anyone calling the police when you

wrap your lips around that kind of meat in public.

So, moving forward, let’s begin identifying and accepting real and safe sex — whether it comes with candles or happens in the campus bathroom. We know experience is not the best educator in this case, and the numbers of rapes, assaults, STIs and pregnancies is proof that this teaching needs to be in the classroom.

Bring on the wooden penises.

Email Danielle at Foxddanielle@gmail. com.

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BDSM

Jill, but she’s adapted.

“It’s a really cool thing for me to experience as a very loud, obnoxious, stubborn and willful young woman. To break those rules of feminism and let myself be dominated — it’s an interesting balance of my personality,” Jill said.

The fine line between feminine values and submissive roles can be difficult to

11 find. Margot Weiss, assistant professor of American studies and anthropology at Wesleyan University, is that embracing inner sexual desires during BDSM is a sure path to liberation.

“As a queer and materialist feminist, I worry about how these debates pare down politics to sexual choices,” Weiss said. “This seems to me a liberal understanding, where our fantasies and desires are private, ours alone to discover and

BDSM

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Sex in the ‘60s

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com Dec. 1960

Aug. 1962

Summer 1967

Dec. 1967 The Graduate debuts

Oct. 1968

Aug. 1969

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Jan. 1970

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME

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Shawne Cooke A&E Editor

t’s natural to think of frank, unapologetic, casual sex as a modern creation. Since we’re always just a “right swipe” away from being matched with a potential partner, it may seem like we’ve reached the hook-up culture’s high-water mark.

But sexual liberation dates back to long before Generation Y — and even some of its parents — was born. The 1960s ushered in a clash between the stark sexual conservatism of the prior decade and a desire to shatter the norms of squeaky-clean, marital sex. College campuses, including Pitt’s, were testing labs for students who might not have received many previous opportunities to explore their sexuality.

“Other than what was the furtive cou-

pling in parents’ cars while they were in high school, they have their first real opportunity to explore their own sexuality in a more open way than had been the case before,” said John Stoner, an undergraduate adviser and lecturer in Pitt’s history department.

Although modern perceptions of the ’60s often recall it as an era of drugged-out and promiscuous flower children, those stereotypes only speak to half of the decade. Old hands from the ’50s fought to

preserve the establishment for as long as they could — before the establishment shifted.

“The decrying of the hook-up culture that happens a lot — with people who wring their hands today — is actually not all that new,” Stoner said.

On Pitt’s campus, Helen Pool Rush and Savina Skewis were two prominent hand-wringers over the notion of liberated sexuality. During the ’60s, as Dean of Women 1942-1965 and 19651968, respectively, Rush and Skewis enforced the longstanding curfew on female students, which required that they stay in their dorms after specified times on weeknights or weekend nights.

At Pitt — and most other campuses across America — the University had a mandate to act in loco parentis, or “in place of a parent.” Along with the curfew policy, male students were not allowed to enter female dorm buildings, and female students could only visit male rooms if their door was propped open — se-

verely limiting privacy or any sexual opportunity.

“There was simply no way they were going to relax rules that would create any possibility for sexual activities,” Tom Meisner, a 1968 Pitt graduate, said.

But for one alumna, the dean’s tactics became startlingly intrusive.

Rebecca Taksel — a 1965 graduate — was summoned to Rush’s office in 1960. Taksel, a freshman,

“The Pill” is born

Marilyn Monroe dies

“Other than what was the furtive coupling in parents’ cars while they were in high school, they have their first real opportunity to explore their own sexuality.”

- John Stoner

was unexpectedly questioned about her boyfriend, a 26-year-old student at what was then Carnegie Institute of Technology (now Carnegie Mellon University).

“I remember being called into the dean’s office and quizzed about him, and I had absolutely no idea how these people in a school that big would know the details of my relationship,” Taksel said.

Female students with perceived “unsuitable boyfriends” were often brought to the dean’s office and questioned, according to Taksel, even if they hadn’t spoken to a faculty member before about their relationships. Taksel said that Rush openly used student spies to report on other women.

“It had to have been a fellow student who spied on me,” Taksel said.

Taskel met with Rush on “the 12th floor,” a posh space for the Office of Women that she likens to a university club, right in the middle of the Cathedral of Learning.

Hardly an academic space, the 12th floor was a pristine

The Graduate has one of the most progressive depeictions of sex in the 1960’s. | MGM Studios

Summer of Love

collection of living rooms, dining rooms with ornate chandeliers, fine carpeting and elegant upholstery.

It was a prim place for female students to sip tea and learn the manners, graces and roles that the University intended for them to have.

“The governing ideal of the 12th floor was that women had special needs and a special role to play in the University community,” Taksel said.

But the underlying message of such formal training had deeper implications in the University sex culture, according to Taskel.

“Whatever kind of fancy language they used, it was about protecting us sexually from the predations of male students — that was the underlying message,” Taskel said, “that we were vulnerable and needed to be protected.”

Despite these vigilant policies, perception shifted midway through the ’60s, and the sexual revolution slowly reached its boiling point by the end of the decade — when Pitt’s curfew policy would be amended to allow female students out after 2:30 a.m., if they had parental permission and two full terms under their belts.

Although students had fewer reservations about casual sex than in previous decades, it remains impossible to quantify just how free campuses were during the decade.

“The statistics about sexuality sadly are always flawed, because people can’t really be relied upon to accu-

“It’s not like people were keeping statistics — you had rumors, you had stories, you had bragging.”

- Tom Meisner

Pitt hosts “Sex and Sexuality” forum

Woodstock

rately talk about their own sexual habits — even when anonymously doing so,” Stoner said.

Meisner was equally quuaallyy ca care careful refuul to re t p point oint oi nt oout nt uutt tthe he uunrelinrrel nre elii-eliability of how sexx w was discussed ass ooften ftteen ften nd iscu is cuss sssed ssed d aamong moong ccollege m olle ol leggee students.

“It’s not like people eoopl plee w we were ere ere kkeeping eeeepiing ng sstatatata tistics — you ha had d ru rrumors, umo m rs r , yo yyouu ha h had d stories, you had db bragging,” ragg ra g ing, gg ing, g”M Me Meisner eis isneer said.

Regardless of how how many maany ny people peo eopl ple ple were engaging in nn no-stringsoo--st s ri ring nggsattached sexuality, alliityy, Taks T Taksel aks ksel el noticed some m major ajjorr aattitudinal ttit tt ittud itud udin inal a al shifts, especially ly once ly oncce she s e sh transferred forr a ye year a aafter ar fter ft err her freshman yyear eaar to SSarah aarrah Lawrence College ege iin n Ne N New w York.

“Even at an all-girls -girls school, there we weree some girls whoo w were ere er r beginning to behave eh hav avee like guys,” Taksel sell said. “They were ree having sex on purpose to sortt off put notches in their belt — not ot the majority, but that was definitely real.”

Sexual liberation also provided women en n an outlet for rebellion b lllioon be and protest outside tsid ts id de off a traditional political oli liti tica ti call context.

“One of the major ajoor ways that I think nk women had — at at that time and ma m many ny times in historyy — to express that haat kind of rebel-

New No=Curfew rules for female students at Pitt

liousness was through sexual behavior, because it’s so forbidden,” Taksel said.

But B Bu utt despite deesp d pitte th the he benefi b nefi be fits ts of of increased incr in crea ease seed freedom free fr eedo doom and an aagency, ag gen e cyy, Taksel Taks Ta k el ks e suggests sug ugge ugge gest stts th that at tthe he sexual sex exuuaal revolution r vvooluuti re t on n ccame ame am with w wi th h its its t share sha h re of h of hidden id dde d n cost costs. stss. st “It often “It ofte of teen got got us us in in a whole w ol wh o e lot loot off trouble ttr roubl rou ble bl — ooff p psychological syych hol olog oggic ical all trouble. trou tr oubl blle. Itt di b didn didn’t dn n’tt lead le ad ooften ften ft en to where wh wher her eree we we w wanted ante an ted d itt tto,” o ” Taks o, T Ta Taksel akssel ssaid. aiid. d.

“We “W We th thought hou ough ght itt gh was wa as free ffree, fr ree, eee, an and, d,, d emotionally, emot em otio ot iona io nall nall na lly, y, iitt wasn’t.” wa w asn n’t ’t.””

Bruce Cool and Cathy Walker kiss during the “Best Kiss Competition” at the 1965 Homecoming half time. | TPN File Photo

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

The Pitt News Crossword, 2/13/2015

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ACROSS 1 Wrap giant 6 Reliever Orosco with the MLB record for career pitching appearances 11 Center of excellence?

14 Quaking causes 15 Plant pest 16 Rest one’s dogs, so to speak 17 It’s fraudulent 19 “Double Fantasy” artist 20 Extras in an env.

21 Squeezed (out) 22 Web-footed critter 24 Mustard, for one: Abbr.

25 Encouraging shouts 26 Shout 27 It’s fabricated 30 “Saint Joan” star Jean 31 __ Locks: St. Marys River rapids bypass 32 Hid the gray in 33 Brewers’ outfielder Braun 35 Creator of Della 37 Morales of film 40 Part of a foot 42 Pompous authority 46 It’s fake 49 Beer with “Since 1775” on its label 50 Big dos 51 Grazing area 52 More of that 53 Detective Peter of old TV 54 Estate attorney’s concern 55 __ Lingus 56 Race errors, and what 17-, 27and 46-Across have 59 Mrs., in much of the Americas 60 Classic sixcouplet poem 61 Has __: can save face 62 Triumphant cry 63 Dost espy 64 Has a sudden inspiration?

2/26/15

By Mike Buckley

DOWN 1 Gets to 2 Heroine of Beethoven’s “Fidelio” 3 AAA, for one 4 AAA et al.

5 Enzyme suffix 6 Hiked, with “up” 7 “The Comedy of Errors” setting 8 Word with wood or water 9 Quote qualifier 10 Ex-mayor with a cameo in “The Muppets Take Manhattan” 11 Abstruse stuff 12 Pedigree 13 Came (in) dramatically 18 Convention attendees 23 Exploit 25 “Live at the __”: Patsy Cline album 26 Venomous arachnids 28 Sources of fine wool 29 “... rapping at my chamber door” poet

Wednesday’s Puzzle Solved

©2015 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

34 36 37 38 39 41 43 44 45

Fish-fowl link Filming sites Heaven on earth “Told ya!”

Natural light shows Pours out Short, tailored jackets Really dug something San Simeon family

2/26/15

47 Guards may prevent them 48 Antarctic explorer Shackleton 53 Pure delight 54 1985 U.S. Open champ Mandlikova 57 Modern art?

58 Recess game

T P N Today’s difficulty level: Very Hard S U D Puzzles by Dailysudoku.com O K U

Fe February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

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No sex, no love Exploring asexuality, aromanticism at Pitt

individuals ex experience sexual attraction but only after an emotional connection has been formed formed. Aromanticism is even less common an and less understood than asexuality, because asexuality beca some people, according to Samantha, think it is a result of past Dale Shoemaker emotional turmoil.

Assistant News Editor “There’s the broken stereotype. People At parties, Allison likes to dance, to bump ask, ‘Who hurt you?’ which is frustrating. and grind, but not in a sexual way. Chelsea No one hurt me — this is just who I am,” has danced and hooked up after a party, Samantha said. “There’s also the misconbut didn’t enjoy it. Samantha, too, has had ception that I’m a robot. I’m not — I do mediocre sex after a frat party, but when have feelings, just not romantic feelings.” the boy wanted to see her again, she turned Nothing is wrong with them, they say, him down. and they are not broken. They’ve just had These three women, all Pitt students, few, if any, serious relationships. For the fall on the asexual-aromantic spectrum. last three and a half years, these women Allison and Chelsea, which is not her real have immersed themselves in the heteroname, both identify as asexual, mean- normative hook-up culture of Pitt, but their ing they do not experience any sexual personal orientations have resulted in very attraction, and Samantha identidifferent e experiences. fies as aromanmantic, In 1994, the Nameaning she he tional Survey of Sexdoes not ual Attitudes and experience Lifestyles found romantic that 1 percent of love. respondents said “There’s the broken A s e x uthey had “never felt stereotype. People ask, ality falls on sexually attracted to se one end of thee anyone at all.” AVEN’s anyo ‘who hurt you?’ which is sexual spectrum, m, 2014 asexual a census re.” ing at tr frus according to o the ported th that 1.6 percent of -Samantha Asexual Visibility ility and respondents identified on the Education Network work (AVEN), asexual spectru spectrum. and includes several eral subcategoAll individuals individua who identify ries. The starkestt is asexuality itself, somewhere on the ase asexuality spectrum in which individuals uals feel no sexual atcan feel romantic love an and can fall in love, traction towards anyone else at all all. and some do.

Further towards the middle are two catAt the other end of the spectrum, opegories, gray-asexual, known as gray-ace posite asexuality, is sexuality. Sexuality is or gray-A, and demisexual. Gray-ace indi- common and includes all individuals who viduals “experience sexual attraction very feel sexual attraction in any way. Sexual rarely, only under specific circumstances, individuals may feel sexual attraction toor of an intensity so low that it’s ignor- ward the opposite gender, their own genable,” according to AVEN, and demisexual der or toward someone who is trans- or pangender.

2014 Asexual Census Samantha, the aromantic, avoids re-

lationships and doesn’t get “tangled up in emotions.”

“I don’t have a lot of experience in that, but, when it does happen, I don’t have that emotional reaction, so it’s like hitting a wall all almost, except I’m the he wall,” she said. “I only have ve platonic feelings. I have familial milial relationships, really intense se friendships.”

Allison is able to fall in love, she said, but is not sexually attracted to anyone. Occasionally, she’ll h ’ll find find someone “aesthetically attractive.”

For example, she said, she doesn’t want to have sex with Channing Tatum.

“I agree that he’s attractive, but he can keep that to himself. On the flip side, the people I have had crushes on, I really do like them, and I want to be in a relationship with them.” Allison said.

If she had a relationship one day and was “really in love” with her partner, she said, she would consider having sex with that person. Asexuals can have sex, according to AVEN, even if they don’t necessarily desire the experience.

For asexuals in romantic relationships, Allison said,, tthis is is often viewed as “givving something up.”

“You don’t give up part of yourself. It’s just you care re so much aboutt the other person,, you’re willing to do things to make them happy,” appy,” Allison said.

“I don’t want t o have sex with Chann ing Tatum. I agree t hat he’s attractive , but he can keep that t F o r o himC h e l sea, self.” falling in lo love has not happen happened -Allison yet, partly due to the hook-up culture of college. Hooking up is “a ga game,” she said, that she’d play with her friends. She didn’t realize she was asexual until last January, her junior year at Pitt, and until then, slept with men because her friends were.

“It was a competition,” she said, “‘Oh, they’re hooking up with someone. I should try to hook up with someone.’ When I realized I was asexual, that’s when I realized I was doing it for different reasons.”

When Chelsea did hook up, she hooked up with men, even though she wasn’t into it.

“Hooking up with guys was just boring. I wasn’t into it, but I bo went along with it because I thought that’s what people do. I would think, “Oh this is nice, I guess, because they’re into me.’”

It was only after she had hooked up with a numh ber of guys her freshman and sophomore years that Chelsea sopho realized she was asexual. She remembers on one night, when one of her

1.6 percent of people identify on the asexual spectrum

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

17

Sin no more: Sex and religion “the biggest sin is not believing or loving your lord.

Sex is not the overall sin i can think of.”

-spencer schlect

Jeff Ahearn | Assistant Visual Editor

Students explore intersectionality of Christianity, Judaism and being sexually active Anjana Murali Staff Writer In his sophomore year of high school, Spencer Schlecht realized that his abstinence from sex wasn’t developing his faith, so he stopped repenting his sexual sins.

Schlecht, a freshman prepharmacy major, is a nondenominational Christian. For him, if two people want to and agree on terms to have sex, then it’s fine as long, as one person isn’t using the other.

“I realized, as I grew older in my faith, that loving Jesus is the point,” Schlecht said. “I don’t think that sex managed correctly is going to hinder me any more than following the rules would hinder me.”

Religious doesn’t automatically equate to conservative anymore. In 2009, the Higher Education Research Institute conducted national surveys and found that 83 percent of students affiliate with a religion, and the American Psychological Association reported in 2013 that 60 to 80 percent of college students have participated in hook-up culture.

More than 70 percent of the Allegheny County population affiliates with a religious con-

gregation — most with sects of Christianity: 68.7 percent identify as Catholic, 6.5 percent as Presbyterian and 5.2 percent as Methodist. Judaism follows at 3.8 percent, making Christianity and Judaism the two most prominent religious groups in the area, according to information collected from Allegheny County records.

These two religions, despite sharing roots in the Old Testament, hold different perspectives on sex.

Certain sects of Christianity, including Catholic, Orthodox, Lutheran, Methodist and Wesleyan sects, believe premarital sex is sinful, though it’s not taboo in Judaism.

Father Tom Byrnes, pastor of Sacred Heart Church in Monroe, N.Y., said the Catholic Church views sex as a gift from God that should be saved for marriage.

“It’s designed for a couple to express their love for each other in a very powerful way, and it’s supposed to be open to life — to bring a child into the world,” Byrnes said.

People’s greatest gift to offer is themselves, Byrnes said, which is why it’s important to save sex until marriage.

“If it’s just done haphazardly, such as with premarital sex, that’s opening someone to be thrown away — their gift being treated as an object,” Byrnes said.

Schlecht said his faith is based on his love for Jesus and not necessarily what he does on a day-to-day basis.

“The biggest sin is not believing or loving your Lord,” Schlecht said. “Sex is not the overall sin I think of.”

Although sex is a sacred act, Schlecht said a person shouldn’t have to wait until marriage to experience it.

“I’ve been to a lot of Christian groups, and they say no sex before marriage, and abstinence, but I don’t really agree with that,” Schlecht said. “I’m 19 now, and I haven’t even thought about getting married.

I have hormones and desires and needs, too.”

Byrnes, however, cautions against premarital sex and one-night stands.

“A person can never experience the full sense of joy unless they are in marriage or commitment,” Byrnes said.

Jewish people don’t see sex as only for procreation, according to Danielle Kranjec, senior Jewish educator at the Hillel Jewish University Center.

“Jews see sex as part of the human experience and as part of how one has a healthy relationship,” Kranjec said.

In the Jewish tradition, within the context of marriage, a woman can divorce her husband on the grounds of lack of sexual satisfaction. Sexual satisfaction is considered the woman’s right, and not the man’s, in marriage, according to Kranjec.

Growing up, Melana Dayanim, a freshman biology major, was a conservative Jew and went to Jewish Day School from kindergarten to fifth grade, where sex was never addressed.

When she went to public school after fifth grade, her ideology about sex changed.

“I started taking sex education, and I didn’t understand

Religion

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February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

‘fifty shades of grey’ “Fifty nan), the alNatalia Blewonska For The Pitt News Shades of luringly mysGrey” terious CEO of Directed Grey Enterprises. by: Sam TaylorChristian meJohnson ticulously adheres Starring: Dakota Johnto a strict and orderly son, Jamie Dornan lifestyle while Anastasia Rated R for strong sexual leads her own safe, boring content including dialogue, life. She still rocks a flip phone some unusual behavior, graphic and works at the local hardware nudity and language store to make some cash to Grade: D support herself through colIf you’re just watching lege.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” Ana interviews Christian to see some hot, kinky for her school newspaper, sex and a flash of cerand their interaction immetain body parts here diately establishes sexual or there, you’ll be left tension. Awkward sexual wanting. innuendo, possibly intenSam Taylor-Johntional, pops up throughout son’s adaptation of the “Twilight” fan their conversation to elicit a few chuckfiction bestseller is far tamer than its les. While Ana mumbles and fumbles source material, but it starts off interest- over her words, Christian exudes coningly enough by setting up the dichoto- fidence with his piercing gaze and commy of its lead characters. “Fifty Shades” manding tone. But rather than coming contrasts the vastly different lives of off as sexy and playful, their conversaAnastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), a tions sound uncomfortably one-sided. college student in Washington working This sets up a shaky foundation for their her way toward an English literature Read the rest online at Pittnews.com. degree, and Christian Grey (Jamie Dor-

FROM PAGE 11

BDSM

nurture, and detached from a social or political world. Is that really all we might say about feminist sexual politics?”

According to Weiss, BDSM is a product of our social environment, not an age-old, unchanging orientation.

“Our desires reflect and refract -even when they rework -- our social relationships and historical locations,” Weiss said, “This does not mean that women are necessarily submissive and men dominant. But it does mean that gendered relations of power structure our sexual desires.”

For Jill, being dominated by Jack is not an oppressive experience — rather, it is enjoyable.

Jill recognizes the potential room for conflict but, instead, embraces the contrasting parts of her life and allows it to let her relationship grow.

“Its really interesting giving over a significant part of myself and my free will,” she said. “It creates an incredible love and bond between us. I have to trust him so much with giving over the power ... I trust him not to make me do stupid sh*t.”

In a BDSM relationship, rules and punishments are written by the couple to “negotiate and formalize their BDSM agreement,” according to a website devoted to helping people learn the ways of BDSM. The contracts often include sections such as play time, limiting control and kinky clauses. Although Jack and Jill did not write a formal contract, they have spoken rules and punishments.

Jack considers outlining and enforc-

ing the rules and punishments as one of his “duties” as dom. Wearing the collar is one of Jill’s rules, and breaking it means punishment.

When the couple first started trying out a BDSM relationship, they didn’t have many rules. But as they experimented more, they wanted more rules and punishments.

The rules for Jill: Wear the dog collar.

Don’t touch yourself without permission. Don’t talk back. Bring eggs to Jack every Tuesday.

“We were just having fun, and she was asking me for more rules, so I just had to come up with something, so I chose something ridiculous,” he said. “I don’t care if they’re cooked or raw, if there are one or a thousand — just eggs. But it got to the point where I had too many eggs, so now it’s just something consumable.”

Jill has forgotten her Tuesday ritual only a few times but has trouble restraining herself from talking back. Neither finds this to be an issue, though, because breaking the rules is half the fun of having them.

“There’s things like talking back that I break all the time, but that also gives [you] another excuse to slap me whenever you want,” she said, laughing and looking at Jack.

But, despite the fun, the rules and uneven power occasionally puts a strain on the couples’ relationship.

“We have our own things that would probably be small issues, but, because of the dom/sub thing, they’re inflated,” Jill said.

Jill said some of those “issues” that irritate Jack include Jill’s self-proclaimed

BDSM

19

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com FROM PAGE 15

ASEXUAL roommates was sleeping with someone for the second time. She was confused, and didn’t understand how her roommate would want to sleep with someone more than once.

“And I was just like ‘Why? Isn’t the game over?’ I’d be interested in someone for a night, but it was just for a night,” she said.

Through blogs on Tumblr, Chelsea found the words she needed to describe herself and communicate her sexuality to other people. Both Chelsea and Samantha have told similar stories, and searching the “asexual” tag on Tumblr shows a thriving haven of support and information for young asexuals.

Memes and user-generated art are popular, and one user recently posted asexual and aromantic Valentine hearts. Black, white, gray, and purple striped hearts with “Dayum, you’re aesthetically pleasing,” and “#NoRomo” have gotten reblogged over 40 thousand time. AVEN, too, the largest online community for asexuals, provides

concrete definitions and message boards for individuals exploring their sexuality.

Alison said she has not hooked up because once someone learns she is asexual, their interest vanishes.

“If I meet someone new, and we hit it off, and they’re really cute [and they find out I’m asexual], any sexual interest they had in me is thrown under the rug. Usually, with most sexual people, that’s the first thing you worry about before love,” she said.

At parties, she said, she does dance with other people, including the standard “bump and grind.”

Allison said she started to realize she had no sexual attraction to other people when she was in the ninth grade. All of her friends had boyfriends, and she said she “was so game” to have a relationship, too, to fit in. A boy came over one night, she said, and they kissed.

“It didn’t feel like anything,” she said.

“I’ve tried kissing again, and it doesn’t do anything for me. It’s just like wet touching wet.”

Before she had the word “asexual” to describe herself, she said, it was difficult to communicate that, no, she didn’t like

someone’s kiss, but she also didn’t like anyone else’s kiss either.

“It was things like that, being in the moment and not feeling anything that made me feel, like, ‘other’ for a while,” she said.

She is now comfortable with who she is and sees many possibilities for her future that she might not otherwise have seen if she were to someday get married and stay in one place.

Samantha, too, is glad she won’t be held back by love or relationships.

“There’re always concessions you have to make when you’re attached to someone romantically, and I don’t have to make those concessions,” she said. “[Those concessions] can be turned toward my career, and it’ll be easier for me to pick up and move somewhere. I won’t have to pick up my family — it’ll just be me.”

The kind of love she can feel, she said, and the kind of love she desires, she will be able to get from her friends.

“Sometimes I do desire companionship, but I can always find that in my friends,” she said. “I wouldn’t say that I’m missing out. No ... I get that fulfillment from my friendships.”

19 FROM PAGE 18

BDSM

flirty personality, while Jack’s comments hurt Jill more than his spankings..

“The last thing I want to do is make my dom upset. If he’s disappointed or upset with me, then I’m failing at my job, and I get very upset with myself,” Jill said.

When situations like this come up, Jack often blames himself as well.

“I worry about being meaner than something would warrant or overstepping my boundaries or neglecting her needs as well,” Jack said. “I feel like communicating things poorly is part of being a bad dom, because part of being a dom is telling them what they need to do. Like, how can they follow the rules if they don’t know what they are?”

The couple said most of their fights end in comforting one another.

“A lot of it goes like ‘Ugh, no, I’m such a bad sub,’ and him being ‘No, you’re not,’ Jill said. “A lot of times we’re just convincing the other person they’re not bad [at their role].”

20

February 13, 2015 | The Pitt News | www.pittnews.com

FROM PAGE 17

RELIGION what was going on,” Dayanim said. “Before ninth grade, I had very negative outlooks on sex, because my parents also didn’t talk about it.”

As she has matured, Dayanim said that she has become a lot less judgmental about sex and other people engaging in sexual activity.

“Acceptance of other people, independent of their personal lives, is very

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important,” Dayanim said.

In Judaism, there is no disconnect between the mind, body and spirit, according to Kranjec.

“Physical pleasure is considered a part of the human experience, and Jews don’t seek to deny themselves pleasure for any spiritual reason,” Kranjec said.

According to Kranjec, Judaism tends to be more sex-positive than other traditions. One Pitt student, though, said he thinks his religion is often misunderstood when it comes to sex.

E S T A B L I S HE D 1 9 1 0

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As someone on the trajectory toward priesthood, Reed Frey, a junior majoring in religious studies, politics and philosophy, said pop culture has distorted the Catholic Church’s views on sex. Even as far back as 1977, in the song “Only the Good Die Young,” Billy Joel sings of Virginia, a Catholic girl who refuses to sleep with him.

“I think the Catholic Church has gotten a bad reputation in recent years for being anti-sex, but, in fact, when you really look at it, the Catholic Church places

sexual relations on a very high level,” Frey said. “The mechanics of human sexuality, which is what pop culture wants to focus on, are really quite far down the line from the fundamental teachings of the Catholic Church.”

The mechanics of sex are implications of the grander scheme of love, Frey said.

“If you keep your eyes on the beauty that the Church places on human sexuality, I think you can actually get a better essential understanding of human sexuality,” Frey said.

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Complaints concerning coverage by The Pitt News, after first being brought to the editors, may be referred to the Community Relations -Com mittee, Pitt News Advisory Board, c/o student media adviser, 435 William Pitt Union, University of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, Pa. 15260.

The editor in chief has the final authority on editorial matters and cannot be censored, according to state and federal law. The editor in chief is selected by the Pitt News Advisory Board, which includes University staff, - fac ulty and students, as well as journalism professionals. The business and edito rial offices of The Pitt News are located at 434 William Pitt Union, University of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, Pa. 15260.

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