3-29-23

The Pitt News STUDENTS, COMMUNITY MEMBERS PROTEST RILEY GAINES EVENT see pages 2, 3

Photos by Amaya Lobato, Ethan Shulman, Nate Yonamine

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March 29, 2023

The independent student newspaper of the University of Pittsburgh | PIttnews.com MARCH 29, 2023 |­ Volume 113 | Issue 126 1

‘SPIRITUAL WARFARE’:

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RILEY GAINES SPEAKS AGAINST TRANS WOMEN IN WOMEN’S SPORTS AT ON-CAMPUS EVENT Alexandra Ross

Assistant News Editor To Riley Gaines, the fight to exclude transgender women from women’s sports is more than a political issue — it’s “spiritual warfare.”

“What we're being asked to do is to deny objective truth. It's to deny the sky is blue, is to say that men and women are the same,” Gaines said. “We're equal, but we're not the same … I feel like we're in this battle of really spiritual warfare. It's no longer good or bad or right or wrong. This is like moral versus evil.”

Moments later, Gaines clarified that she was not calling all trans individuals “evil.”

Gaines, a former collegiate swimmer, spoke in front of roughly 70 people in the O’Hara ballroom Monday night about her experiences competing and advocating against transgender women in women’s athletics. Pitt’s Turning Point USA chapter hosted the event, which was open to Pitt affiliates and community members. After her speech, Gaines took audience questions — TPUSA’s president, Liliana Orozco, specifically requested to first hear from opposing viewpoints during the Q&A portion of the event.

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Gaines rose to national fame last year after tying with transgender athlete Lia Thomas for fifth place in the 200-meter freestyle race of the 2022 NCAA Championships. At Pitt, she told the story of her journey in collegiate swimming, including her NCAA Championship appearance against Thomas and her experiences in political activism since graduating from the University of Kentucky last year.

Gaines said the silencing of her opinions on transgender athletes is “much scarier” than the unfairness caused by the athletes participating in womens’ sports. She cited Pennsylvania Rep. La’Tasha Mayes’ speech on campus Friday night, in which the lawmaker called on the University to cancel Gaines’ appearance.

“Someone who is supposed to uphold the law and the Constitution and what America was founded on — which is freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to protest, freedom to organize all of the amazing freedoms that we have in this country — someone who's supposed to uphold those presented on why I should not be able to use my voice and why it's so important that I use my voice,” Gaines said.

“That's terrifying.”

Though a large protest — which took over the intersection of Forbes Avenue and Bigelow Boulevard for roughly an hour and a half — and many calls to Riley Gaines speaks to the audience in the O’Hara Ballroom on cancel Gaines’ appearance Monday evening. Ethan Shulman | Senior Staff Photographer preceded the event, her speech itself went on with relatively few interruptions. lently held up a sign reading, in part, “Tied for 5th?

Farah Mili, a sophomore psychology major, inter- Skill Issue.” rupted Gaines twice. The first time, Mili asked about While most of her speech centered on athletics, the four cisgender women who beat Gaines and Gaines also spoke out against the White House’s inThomas at the NCAA championship. The second terpretation of Title IX to ban discrimination based time, as Gaines spoke about seeing Thomas’ genitalia on gender identity instead of solely sex. She also apin a locker room at the NCAA Championships, Mili plauded laws which exclude transgender women from called out, “Why were you looking?” Associate Dean the definition of the word “woman” and warned about of Students Steve Anderson walked over to Mili and “men who [apply] to be women” in the prison system. spoke to her privately, after which she did not inter“I'm not saying that every trans individual transirupt again. Prior to the event, audience members were tions to win trophies or to get in women's bathrooms informed that Pitt police could remove any attendees or to get in women's prisons. I'm not saying that for for excessive disruptions. every trans individual. But do we not see how the sysFor much of the remainder of the event, Mili siSee Riley Gaines on page 5

March 29, 2023

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‘SLAP IN THE FACE’:

PROTESTS CONTINUE AGAINST ‘ANTI-TRANS’ SPEAKERS AMID RILEY GAINES EVENT Punya Bhasin News Editor

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>>>>>

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About 200 students protested at the intersection of Forbes Avenue and Bigelow Boulevard Monday afternoon, chanting “hate speech isn’t free, it costs lives'' and carrying signs with phrases such as “save trans lives.”

The protest, which started at 3:30 p.m., was in response to a Riley Gaines speaking event Monday evening. Pitt’s Turning Point USA chapter hosted Gaines, a former collegiate swimmer and critic of transgender women competing in women’s sports. Pitt police blocked off the intersection for about one and a half hours. This protest follows a separate demonstration on Friday outside the Cathedral of Learning in response to another Turning Point USA event featuring conservative commentator Cabot Phillips.

Akira Ormes-Strong, a transgender woman living in Pittsburgh, said the University’s lack of action is “unsurprising.” She added that it’s sending a message that “hate speech is acceptable,” and is putting trans people across the city in danger.

On April 18, Pitt’s College Republicans and the Intercollegiate Studies Institute invited Michael Knowles to debate “transgenderism and womanhood.”

“What people need to understand is that trans people can be recognized as people beyond their transness beyond a vague entity hidden behind a smokescreen hidden behind a wall,” Ormes-Strong said. “If Pitt doesn’t cancel the Michael Knowles event, they are cowards and endangering the lives of transgender individuals in Pittsburgh.”

For Stevie Windston, a transmasculine nonbinary individual who works at Pitt as a researcher, this past week has been especially rough on their mental state as they grapple with continued hate directed toward their community. Windston asked to use a pseudonym for their last name due to safety and privacy concerns.

“Honestly, it's [the protest] given me a boost of confidence that I was really not feeling this past weekend,” Windston said. “There's been a lot of existential thinking for me in terms of the multiple marginalizations I hold. I'm a Black person. I identify as nonbinary, and I'm also queer, and all of those things on top of normal life stuff, it gets to be a lot and there's a lot of times where I feel burnt out or exhausted.”

Windston said they are disappointed by Pitt’s lack of action and “wishes Pitt’s actions actually matched their words.”

“I think there are a lot of times when these organizations just say they're diverse or try to say they advocate for diversity for the sake of checking off a box, but they don't realize that nurturing all of their community, including trans people, makes them a better organization.”

In a media statement released earlier this month, Pitt said it understands the events are “toxic and harmful” for people in the Pitt community, and is committed to “support” people who might be “negatively affected.” However, a University spokesperson said registered student organizations have the right to invite “highly provocative” speakers on campus “without University administration deciding what is acceptable and what is not.”

More than 11,000 people have signed a petition urging the University to cancel these events, as transgender and queer students raised concerns about their safety on campus.

The Pennsylvania House LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus also condemned Pitt for hosting the events.

Dylan Mitchell, president of College Republicans, said the idea that Knowles’ debate will incite violence is “completely unfounded and unequivocally ridiculous.” Liliana Orozco, president of Pitt’s Turning Point USA chapter, said the Gaines event will be conducted in a “civil manner.”

While gathered at the intersection of Forbes and Bigelow, trans and queer individuals addressed a need for more representation of BIPOC, trans and queer individuals within the University, safety concerns as a trans individual on campus and more.

Dena Stanley, the founder and executive director of TransYouniting and a Black trans woman who helped organize the protest, said the University’s decision to allow “anti-trans” speakers on campus during Pitt Pride Week is a “slap in the face,” and is indicative of how much more work needs to be done in order to support the trans community.

“I not only want to see people out here today, but I want to see what they’re doing outside in the real world,” Stanley said.“This is the foundation, we had so many trans folks speak today because it is about our visibility as trans individuals and making sure our voices are heard.”

Stanley announced another protest on April 18 against the Knowles event.

“We’re here for you, we love you, we support you and we are going to continue fighting for you,” Stanley said.

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ENGLISH LANGUAGE INSTITUTE REMAINS OPEN FOR ANOTHER YEAR, THOUGH FUTURE IS ‘UNKNOWN’

Punya Bhasin

“We certainly could lose both full-time and part-time faculty, because it's difficult for them to While the English Language Institute will reoperate with the unknown of if there’s a possibilmain open for at least one more year, faculty, staff ity of the ELI in the future,” McCormick said. “Not and students are scrambling to make the most of knowing that possibility is extremely stressful.” the ELI’s services amid an uncertain future.

McCormick said since December the ELI has Scott Kiesling, chair of the Department of Linreceived about 80 calls from students inquiring guistics, said although there have been discussions about enrolling in its programs. However, due to about integrating ELI programs into the Univerthe assumption that the Institute was closing in sity, he hasn’t received any commitments from the June, they were forced to turn these students away.

University on whether the ELI will remain open “We have also lost potential students and we've past the one-year extension — leaving many delost key marketing time, so that for us is something tails “up in the air.” that we have to maybe triple triple our efforts to “All of these things are do, is to reach out and find sort of up in the air right the students that we can for now, because we just learned the next three terms,” Mcabout this,” Kiesling said. “So Cormick added. we have a lot of work to do to Yu Du, a current student sort of figure out how to rewithin the Institute, said she configure things and see if we hopes the ELI will continue can continue some programs to exist “indefinitely.” that we have.”

“I hope that ELI will conUniversity spokesperson tinue to operate indefinitely, Nick France said, “We are as many students share my working with the Union and sentiment. We are concerned the impacted faculty memthat the University may close bers on the fine details, but ELI after only one year,” Du the ELI will remain open at said. “This would be a missed least until June 2024.” opportunity for the UniverSenate Council President sity to promote Pitt globally.”

Robin Kear announced at McCormick, along with a Faculty Assembly meetstudent leaders like Proctor, ing that the English Lanare looking to future leadguage Institute will remain The Parkvale Building on Meyran Avenue, which houses the English ership changes within Pitt open through June 30 of next Language Institute. Nate Yonamine | Senior Staff Photographer administration as an opporyear. She said this decision tunity for the Institute to tell will provide “one year of reprieve” during negotia- senior political science major and volunteer at the decision-makers why the program should contions about extensions on ELI faculty contracts.

ELI, created an online petition — which garnered tinue.

Students and faculty members within the ELI more than 1,000 signatures — urging Pitt to keep “We still would like the opportunity to discuss say while they’re appreciative of the extension, the the ELI open in addition to sending a six page let- our current and future role with the University delooming uncertainty is affecting the daily opera- ter to Provost Cudd and Dean Blee requesting they cision makers,” McCormick said. “We don't know tions of the Institute. They also say they’re hoping reconsider the decision. if this is going to be an option, but maybe with the the upcoming changes in Pitt administration will Proctor said while she is happy for the year ex- changes in leadership that are coming we will have lead to a more concrete solution. Chancellor Pat- tension, she’s hoping for a more concrete plan for that opportunity.” rick Gallagher and Provost Ann Cudd are sched- the Institute.

Proctor said she hopes the future Pitt adminuled to leave their positions this summer, and in“I was definitely excited because it gives anoth- istration sees the value the ELI provides to both terviews are currently underway for the new dean er opportunity for students, but it's also it's mixed the Pitt community and across the globe, and that of the Dietrich School of Arts and Sciences. emotions because, of course you're happy that they the new administration reconsiders the decision to In December, Dean Kathleen Blee sent a letter have another year, but also you know that after this close the Institute after a year. to the Department of Linguistics notifying them year you it's in the same spot as it was this year, just “Hopefully they'll be more considerate and care that the English Language Institute would cease in limbo,” Proctor said. more about the program,” Proctor said. “So it's operations in June. The letter cited declining enDawn McCormick, the director of the ELI, said scary because we don't know who the person is, rollment in the ELI’s Intensive English Program uncertainty regarding the Institute's future has led but also I want to remain as optimistic as possible as the reason for the decision. According to the to challenges in recruiting students and staffing and hope that they are a person that will actually institute’s website, Pitt’s IEP has served more than worries. care and want the best for the students.”

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14,000 students from more than 130 countries since 1964.

Kiesling said since the ELI’s closure was announced in December, he’s talked several times with administrators, including Cudd, who initially signed off on the closure along with Blee.

“In general, [Cudd] was always willing to work on making sure that this was the least disruptive as possible,” Kiesling said. “It's going to be disruptive when you're closing something, especially when you're closing a program, so we were able to talk through some of those details.”

After the announced closure, Haile Proctor, a

March 29, 2023

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PETERS PASTA MAKES HANDMADE PASTA WITH 2,048 EGG YOLKS IN COLLABORATION WITH OUTREACHED ARMS PITTSBURGH Maya Valletta Staff Writer

Who can imagine what 2,048 eggs look like, especially in this economy?

Ryan Peters, from Peters Pasta, answers that question as part of an ongoing 12-part series on TikTok, where he crafts handmade pasta from a doubling amount of egg yolks. This series has become a viral sensation, garnering millions of views with each video.

In Peters’ recent video, which sits at 35.8 million views, he makes his biggest batch of pasta yet using 2,048 egg yolks.

Giant Eagle Market District donated all of the eggs and the finished pasta was donated to Outreached Arms, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people with food insecurity and providing basic necessities to the poor. Peters Pasta also donated some of the pasta to other nonprofits, such as PA Farm Link in Harrisburg and Second Harvest in Sharpsburg.

As the amount of pasta made from the videos quickly increased, Peters partnered with Outreached Arms to make and donate the many pounds of pasta.

“Honestly just super grateful to have been able to feed literally hundreds and hundreds of people over the past couple of days,” Peters said in a TikTok. The 2,048 egg yolk batch was the result of a dedicated group effort. Longtime volunteer Valerie Angell and her kids joined several others who prepped and served the pasta. In the kitchen, one group cracked

Riley Gaines, pg. 2

the eggs, another group separated the yolks and others tant to not break the yolks before they went in the large looked for broken egg shells. After Peters poured and mixing bowl and to separate the egg whites from the mixed the yolks into the flour, the volunteers all helped yolks. If the yolks break, the pour becomes scrambled. knead the dough.

After dipping her hands in the egg mixture for an “I think overextended period all, the kids liked of time, she nothe kneading part, ticed something even though it interesting. was the hardest “It felt like part that they had your hands were done,” Angell said. in there for a long “I think they liked time because the kneading beyou’re separatcause they got to ing the eggs and talk and interact they’re always with each other submerged in and make jokes, there. I assumed and they were all my fingers were doing the same pruned because thing at the same they felt like they speed.” were,” Angell Angell said said. “But the egg the volunteers whites actually counted all 2,048 prevent your finA pile of handmade pasta. Image via Sarah Boyle, egg yolks. The gers from prunWikimedia Commons eggs were sorted ing. It was the and counted by the dozen, and then there was a final weirdest thing. I never would have ever had the opcount during the separation of yolk from egg whites. portunity to know that fun fact.”

When prepping the eggs, Angell said it was imporThe dough from the 2,048 egg yolk video fed about

in women’s sports if hormone replacement therapy could effectively mitigate testosterone-related physical tem we have in place, people will take advantage of that advantages in trans female athletes. Gaines responded system?” Gaines said. “We know that we live in a coun- that because HRT can’t eliminate advantages such as try where there are very deluded people … People will lung size or limb size, she would still not support transtake advantage of the system that we have in place, that gender women athletes in women’s athletics. the only requirement to be a woman is to say you are Gabby Yearwood, a senior lecturer of anthropoloa woman.” gy who teaches a course called Anthropology of Sport, Stacy Cremer, a junior psychology and history and asked Gaines multiple questions. One of Yearwood’s philosophy of science double major, asked Gaines if questions regarded the anatomical advantages of Mishe would support transgender women participating chael Phelps. Phelps could have Marfan Syndrome,

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which causes an increased wingspan — a potentially significant advantage in swimming. Gaines said the advantages of this condition are “not equivalent by any means” to the physical advantages of being born male.

Gaines posed a question to Yearwood as an anthropologist — “If you were to dig up a human, two humans in 100 years from now, both men and women, could you tell the difference strictly off the bones?”

Yearwood started to say no, but was cut off by laughter and interjections from the room of attendees.

“Have any of you studied biological anthropolo-

March 29, 2023

100 people during the Outreached Arms weekly Tuesday dinner. The founder, Rob Rudy, said he started the organization 13 years ago with his mother.

“We build relationships with the folks that we serve and we provide hope,” Rudy said. “We meet their needs with necessities, food, things like that.”

Every Tuesday, volunteer chefs cook a meal using donated food.

“People always say ‘soup kitchen’ and those words kind of bother me. We’re not a soup kitchen,” Rudy said. “We make these amazing meals for our folks and we put love into the food.”

Volunteer chef Jeremy Jantsch joined Outreached Arms to pay forward his cooking skills to make and distribute weekly meals for the community.

“Cooking for me is a passion and to be able to feed people in need and share a meal with them, share conversation with them, even if it’s just a smile, can really change a life and make their day,” Jantsch said.

Peters and Jantsch, along with a handful of other volunteers, curated a menu of spinach artichoke pasta, alfredo pasta and red sauce pasta served with a number of sides. The volunteers boxed up the leftovers and distributed them to the homeless out on the street.

Rudy said Outreached Arms does not currently have any future plans with Peters Pasta but said the organization’s kitchen is always open.

“We got a great relationship with him and he’s always welcome to use the facility at any time,” Rudy said.

gy?” Yearwood asked. “I’m just curious why I’m being laughed at when I’m the expert in the room.”

“Believe it or not, I have put a lot of research into this,” Gaines replied, to which Yearwood said, “I have a Ph.D.” After the event ended, Cremer said they were left with questions for Gaines and the event’s attendees.

“I want to know why they think what they did, especially to the anthropology professor, didn't count as silencing,” Cremer said.

5

WITH WORLD-CLASS SPEED, FIRST-YEAR

CHE NWABUKO LOOKS TO LEAVE HIS MARK ON BOTH PITT FOOTBALL AND TRACK

Che Nwabuko at the Indoor Track and Field ACC Championships on Feb. 24.

Image via Matt Hawley, Pitt Athletics

Alex Porter Staff Writer

Che Nwabuko, first-year wide receiver and sprinter, aims to make his dreams a reality. He hopes to compete in the Olympics as soon as next year and plans to run a top 10 40-yard dash time at the NFL combine someday.

To some, these goals might seem lofty. But those who know Nwabuko will tell you that, with his hard work and determination, he can achieve anything.

Nwabuko’s journey began in Austin, Texas, when he started playing football at four years old. Football always

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took precedence in his life, as it’s something his whole family took part in. His older brother, Chux Nwabuko III, a running back at Texas Tech, became his role model, and his father, Chux Nwabuko II, acts as his trainer.

“So, with an older brother, you always have someone to look up to,” Nwabuko said. “They can really support and be there to teach you. It was a huge part of everything, especially with his experience.”

Nwabuko committed a day after his only official visit to Pitt. The Panthers' loyalty, combined with a genuine belief in his abilities, made them stand out among offers

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that included Michigan and Michigan State.

“They always showed love, showed interest in me and never gave up on me,” Nwabuko said. “So I always stuck with them, and they always stuck with me.”

When Nwabuko committed to Pitt, he not only committed to playing football but also to Pitt’s track and field team. For Nwabuko, track started as just a way to stay in shape during the offseason. He described competing in a few track meets in middle school.

“I just started showing up and started winning,” Nwabuko said.

Over the years, he started putting increased work into track. His efforts culminated in a record-breaking senior year. Nwabuko won three state gold medals that track season in the 100m, 200m and 4x400m. In the process, he set the all-time school records for the 100m and 200m dash, forever cementing himself in Texas Manor history. After breaking the two records, track and field became an essential part of Nwabuko’s life.

“It was something I worked really hard for, really put a lot of time into, and really showed me that I could accomplish my goals,” Nwabuko said. “That season is one of my best accomplishments.”

As he became more involved in track, competing in both football and track became increasingly important to Nwabuko. The track and field staff played a significant role in his recruitment. “He wanted to do both coming out of high school, and he was planning on being a dual sport athlete the entire time,” assistant coach Tevin Hester said. “So we were very heavily involved in just making sure he felt welcomed from both ends of the spectrum.”

After traveling more than 1,400 miles to Pittsburgh, Nwabuko feels comfortable already. He reports no major differences between Austin and Pittsburgh. So far, he appreciates the bridges, wishing to bring them home to Texas, and wants to get rid of snow, replacing it with more warm weather and barbecues. Even while playing a second Division I sport on top of his first, Nwabuko is more than up to the challenge.

“It’s not difficult at all,” Nwabuko said.“You just need to focus on keeping a good balance, focusing on your agenda and staying organized even when it does really get stacked upon you,” he said.

However, coach Hester noted that splitting time between football and track resulted in some challenges.

“Football had him the entire fall,” Hester said. “So our team usually trains through the fall to prepare for the indoor and outdoor season. But he wasn’t able to be there due to football obligations. So it’s pretty hard to do some of the things we know he’s very well capable of.”

But Hester said communication was key in helping Nwabuko balance both football and track.

“We’ve been able to communicate pretty well with both Che and the football team,” Hester said. “It’s something we knew would happen. It’s nothing we are upset about or didn’t expect.”

Ultimately, Nwabuko overcame the challenges of balancing two sports with confidence and hard work.

“He has a great work ethic,” Hester said. “He’s very confident. We may be in a tough position with football.

But at the same time, whenever you put them in the arena with some of the top athletes in the conference, he already shows up, so he’s never one to shy away from

March 29, 2023

the competition.”

In addition to an unmatchable work ethic, Nwabuko remains humble while possessing impressive accomplishments.

“I always say how respectful and how selfless he is,” Hester said. “He’s a team player, he’s not looking to get all the limelight himself, but he wants to be a part of something special, and he’s very respectful.”

His humility potentially originated from this past football season. While you’d expect most players to emphasize their growth on the field, Nwabuko emphasized his growth as a person.

“I’m not going to lie, I learned how just to be a better person,” Nwabuko said. “Seeing those guys going to the draft, for example, Calijah Kancey and Brandon Hill, and how they carry themselves really just motivates you to take what you do seriously and be professional about it.”

In both football and track, teammates played a significant role in Nwabuko’s progression. Fellow sprinter sophomore Nigel Hussey seems to already bond over friendly competition. Hussey said Nwabuko’s presence made him and the entire team better.

“It’s always iron sharpens iron,” Hussey said. “Once he came, it’s like, okay, cool, you got to step your game up, and so does he. He’s always making the whole team better.”

While Nwabuko pushed Hussey to new heights, Hussey made sure Nwabuko caught up to speed — even during football season. Hester said Hussey is a great teammate and mentor for Nwabuko.

“Nigel lets [Nwabuko] come in and see the details it takes to be great,” Hester said. “Because Nigel already possesses that, being in the program for years. He shoulders Che, taking him through warmups, showing him the right way to do things.”

From bettering the team to learning the small details, Nwabuko achieved all of his goals this season. His hard work is already showing in Pitt’s record book, as Nwabuko ranks in the top three 60m and 200m times in program history.

Nwabuko was not the only Panther to find success this indoor season. The whole team benefited from their hours of practice. The ACC Championship in Louisville became the moment when the team’s work culminated, as the Panthers came home with six new entries in their all-time top 10.

Hester, Hussey and Nwabuko all expected this result, emphasizing that the record-breaking weekend came from months of hard work. Of course, it was still a moment worth celebration, as their efforts paid off.

Hussey said the ACC championship was an exciting time for the program.

“At the ACCs, everybody was ready,” Hussey said.

“Everybody showed up. Everyone PR’d. Plus, this was my first time in this atmosphere with all the fans and all the noise. It was crazy, man. I loved every second.”

Now that the indoor season finished, Nwabuko returned to the football teams for spring training, while the track team returned to practice for their outdoor season.

As just a first-year, Nwabuko’s many talents should excite Pitt fans. With his world-class speed, he may just become a Panther legend.

6

opinion

THE DATING APPS WORK!

YOU’RE JUST USING THEM WRONG. Paige Wasserman

Senior Staff Columnist Alas, cuffing season has passed, and we are on our way to hot girl summer. You may not have any interest in finding love with the temperature heating up, but I’m sure there are some of you out there who want someone to snuggle up with during finals and beyond.

You may have tried to find love in your classes, at parties, at Hem’s or wherever to little avail. And you might already have Tinder, Hinge, Bumble or one of the many other dating apps on your phone. You may even feel less than positive about your prospects on the apps. You’re not the only one –– according to Pew Research Center, roughly half of dating app users have characterized their experiences using the apps as negative or somewhat negative. However, the other half have benefitted from the apps. So clearly they aren’t all bad!

I identify with the latter half. I met my wonderful boyfriend on Hinge about a year and a half ago. My fellow columnist Jessica Snyder met her husband on Tinder. Two of my cousins met their wives on the apps –– one on JSwipe, a Jewish singles app, and the other on Tinder. Evidently, the apps work! And if you’re feeling jaded about your lack of success in finding love on the apps, you might need some guidance.

If your primary grievance with the apps is that you’re not getting many matches, consider renovating your profile. I often swiped left on people if their pictures were especially unflattering –– like, iPhone 4 camera, bad lighting, insanely bad double-chin angles, mirror pics or Snapchat filters. I also didn’t like it if someone only had group pictures, which would force me to perform deductive reasoning to figure out which person the subject was. It’s Bumble, not the SATs, ya know?

If you don’t have any great pictures of yourself, put on a nice outfit, do your hair and have a trusted friend do a little photoshoot. Once you have a solid solo picture, you can add more group shots.

As for prompts, take full advantage of them and highlight things about yourself that are uncommon.

When I was swiping, if someone used the prompt to say, “I love dogs!” or “I love The Office!” or “Tacos!”

I’d think to myself, okay … so does everybody. In my profile, I highlighted that I love doing crossword puzzles, and now, my boyfriend and I do the Sunday New York Times Crossword together on Sunday mornings.

Flaunt your quirks –– more people love nerds than you think, myself included!

I understand that not everyone has my preferences for a partner. That said, I will offer my personal red flags. Take from this pile what you will. It is a red flag when a man specifies that he wants a woman who “doesn’t take herself too seriously.” A Saturdays Are For The Boys banner is deeply menacing –– so is a muddy truck with a raised body or an ATV. I always swiped

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left on a man holding a fish, especially if it isn’t even that big. If they identified as a moderate, a conservative or apolitical –– whatever that means –– bye, bye. And if they listen to Kanye? Oy vey, out with the trash.

The biggest thing I see, especially in my female friends, both straight and queer, is that they’ll get a match, but then they’ll either never talk to their match, or the conversation will fizzle out. Sometimes, you have to make the first move –– I did with my boyfriend! No shame in the game, ladies. And if you’re not sure what to talk about, just refer back to those sweet, sweet prompts! If you get a response, keep responding promptly so as not to let the connection die. It’s easy to forget about a match, so strike up conversations when you’re just hanging out by yourself. That way, neither of you will forget about each other.

Once you feel that you’ve established a connection with someone, move the conversation over to text! I have, historically and shamefully, moved things from Hinge or Bumble to Snapchat, which, in retrospect, was the wrong move, as Snap lends itself to f-boy behavior. Continue the conversation via text, and when it feels right, either they will extend the invitation for a date or you will.

Once you have a first date on the books, it’s important to establish rules for safety. Dating apps are not 100% safe –– one in four app users have some sort of horror story, whether that is a false or misleading profile, strange behavior, or, in the worst cases, sexual assault or violence. So, always, always, ALWAYS share your location with a good friend.

Go for one of the three following dates — coffee, drinks, or ice cream. These dates are easily escapable if, god forbid, your date says or does something unforgivable and egregious. Also, have the date within a walking distance to either your home or a friend’s home so that, once again, you can escape. As for following up, I am ashamed to admit that I have historically ghosted a person or three. In some cases, like if the person is really weird or creepy, sure, fine, ghost them. If it just wasn’t a match, let them know that you don’t see your connection going anywhere. It’s okay to let someone down gently!

With that, if you’re dating around and you’re starting to really like them, take it slow and don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. If the connection fizzles out and you’re disappointed, it’s much easier to cope if you have another prospect on the horizon.

It’s easy to get fatigued, especially if you’ve gone on date after date to no avail. Feel free to take breaks in your journey of finding love. Eventually, the right person is bound to come along. Still, do not put too much faith in the power of destiny. Love is a choice that we make, and every conscious, deliberate decision you make as a single matters. Sure, take risks, but protect yourself, know yourself and make decisions that honor you and all that you are. Happy dating!

March 29, 2023

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March 29, 2023

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