The Pitch: December 2018

DECEMBER 2018 I FREE I THEPITCHKC.COM

It’s the HolidaySeason INSIDE

IS YOUR “MADE IN KC” GIFT ACTUALLY MADE IN, UM, KC? ANALYZING ST. LUKE’S PLAZA-WESTPORT REAL ESTATE PLAY EATING OUR WAY THROUGH PARLOR FOOD HALL

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CONTENTS

Letter from the Publisher

THE PITCH

Publisher Stephanie Carey Editor David Hudnall Digital Editor Kelcie McKenney Contributing Writers Tracy Abeln, Traci Angel, Liz Cook, Karen Dillon, April Fleming, Natalie Gallagher, Roxie Hammill, Libby Hanssen, Deborah Hirsch, Larry Kopitnik, Angela Lutz, Dan Lybarger, David Martin, Eric Melin, Annie Raab, Aaron Rhodes, Barbara Shelly, Nick Spacek, Lucas Wetzel Little Village Creative Services Jordan Sellergren Contributing Photographers Zach Bauman, Joe Carey, Chase Castor, Jennifer Wetzel Graphic Designers Jennifer Larson, Kelcie McKenney, Katie McNeil, Danielle Moore, Gianfranco Ocampo, Kirsten Overby, Alex Peak, Vu Radley, Zachary Trover Director of Marketing & Promotions Jason Dockery Senior Multimedia Specialist Steven Suarez Multimedia Specialists Becky Losey Director of Operations Andrew Miller Multimedia Intern Lauren O’Bannon Design Intern Austin Crockett

CAREY MEDIA

Chief Executive Officer Stephanie Carey Chief Operating Officer Adam Carey

VOICE MEDIA GROUP

National Advertising 1-888-278-9866 vmgadvertising.com

DISTRIBUTION

The Pitch distributes 35,000 copies a month and is available free throughout Greater Kansas City, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $5 each, payable at The Pitch’s office in advance. The Pitch may be distributed only by The Pitch’s authorized independent contractors or authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of The Pitch, take more than one copy of each week’s issue. Mail subscriptions: $22.50 for six months or $45 per year, payable in advance. Application to mail at second-class postage rates is pending at Kansas City, MO 64108.

COPYRIGHT

The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2018 by Carey Media. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher.

The Pitch 1627 Main St., #600, Kansas City, MO 64108 For information or to share a story tip, email tips@thepitchkc.com For advertising: stephanie@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6702 For classifieds: steven@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6732

10 6 GET OUT

Your December Agenda What to do and where to be this month, including Christmas and New Year’s Eve events.

BY DAVID HUDNALL

10 NEWS

Live Laugh Local “Made in KC”? Well, um, maybe not exactly.

BY KELSEY RYAN

12 Healthy Profits

St. Luke’s wants to preserve the residential neighborhood between the Plaza and Westport — by building halfmillion dollar homes there.

BY BARBARA SHELLY

14 That’s a Wrap

Memorize these post-election takeaways to sound mediumsmart at your holiday party.

BY JASON COOK

16 PHOTO ESSAY

Camera Obscura Zooming in on East Brookside’s Dereninger Camera Repair, still analogue after all these years.

BY CHASE CASTOR

18 CAFE

All Cattle Golden Ox 2.0 has gracefully revived its predecessor’s mid-century traditions — and then some.

BY LIZ COOK

I’m writing this two days before Thanksgiving, so forgive me for feeling a little sappy.

It’s hard to believe that a year ago, I walked into The Pitch’s mostly vacated office of abandoned desks, cubicles, and stacks and stacks of paper to meet the staff.

They’d been called into a 3 p.m. mystery meeting. I was wearing my typewriter dress — I like a good theme, and dressing up always makes me more confident.

The publisher was running late, so I introduced myself as the staff dutifully filed into the conference room. We all knew why I was there, but no one was saying it out loud. It was shaping up to be one of the most uncomfortable meetings of my life.

The publisher rushed in, called a guy from the corporate office, and put him on speaker for the room.

And there it was. I was going to be the new owner and publisher of The Pitch.

Oh, what a difference a year makes. It’s been a wild ride, and thank you for sticking with us through this year. I am so proud of the team I met at that first meeting, people I now know and love. I could list all the things we’ve accomplished this year — moving our office down a floor, executing the most badass Best of Kansas City issue ever, and sticking to our journalistic integrity even when it hurt — but the list is too long for this little space.

It sounds cliche, but we really do look forward to bigger and better things to come in year two.

Happy Holidays. Shop local.

Cheers, Stephanie @queenofquirky #OurPitch

22 FOOD

Parlor Games Your official guide to the new Crossroads food hall.

BY LIZ COOK

26 Strawberry Hill Serenade

More and more, we find we can’t stay away from this KCK neighborhood.

BY APRIL FLEMING

COVER

“Westside Winter,” Zach Bauman

See into the daily lives of the imperial family.

NAPOLEON P O W E R AND S P L E N D O R #NapoleonKC

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nelson-atkins.org

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45th & Oak (3 blocks east of the Plaza)

The exhibition is organized, produced and circulated by The Montreal Museum of Fine Arts with the participation of Château de Fontainebleau and the exceptional support of Mobilier national de France, in collaboration with The Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art. | Jacques-Louis David (1748–1825), Double Portrait of Zénaïde-Laetitia-Julie and Charlotte-Napoléone, Daughters of Joseph Bonaparte, the Former King of Spain (detail), 1821, oil on canvas. Los Angeles, The J. Paul Getty Museum. Digital image courtesy of the Getty’s Open Content Program.

GET OUT

December Hooligan Holiday

Friday, December 7 through Sunday, December 9 RecordBar, Uptown Theater, and Madrid Theatre uptowntheater.com

A KC music-scene holiday tradition for more than two decades now, Hooligan Holiday has morphed into a weekender party that spans three nights. Friday is punk-rock prom with Slapshot at RecordBar, Saturday brings HepCat to the Uptown, and Sick of It All, Street Dogs, and the Uncouth close things out at the Madrid on Sunday.

Thom Yorke

Sunday, December 9 Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland arvestbanktheatre.com

Next year, the Radiohead frontman is set to release the follow-up to his 2014 debut solo album, Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes. This show presumably will tease some of those tracks, and potentially cuts from the new Suspiria soundtrack, to which Yorke recently contributed. Opening is Oliver Coates, who incorporates a cello into his electronic-music compositions.

Joyce DiDonato and Yannick Nézet-Séquin Thursday, December 13 The Folly Theater follytheater.org

Superstar mezzo-soprano (and hometown queen) Joyce DiDonato is joined by pianist-conductor Yannick NézetSéquin at this performance, part of the Harriman-Jewell Series. On the bill: Schubert’s ode to the cold months, “Winterreise.”

16 28 ARTS

Strings Attached KC Symphony’s film-score concerts have become blockbuster hits.

BY LIBBY HANSSEN

30 MUSIC

Heavy Things Doom metal + comic books + interplanetary conspiracies = They Watch Us From the Moon

BY NICK SPACEK

32 FILMSCENE

Get Physical The demise of Filmstruck means it may be time for movie buffs to stock up on DVDs and Blu-rays. We’ve got some recommendations.

BY ERIC MELIN

36 SAVAGE LOVE

Butt Stuff What to do when anal sex is red-hot-poker-in-the-ass painful.

BY DAN SAVAGE

38 EVENTS

Your December Calendar Winter where-to-be’s.

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

Steve Earle and the Dukes

Saturday, December 8 Knuckleheads Saloon knuckleheadskc.com

Steve Earle memorably described his 1988 album Copperhead Road as “heavy-metal bluegrass.” Mandolins paired with big, electric guitars isn’t so novel these days, but at the time it sounded like a new kind of ominous outlaw country, or a troubled yokel stepsibling to Springsteen and Mellencamp. The album is now 30 years old, and Earle and his band are playing it in its entirety on this tour. The Mastersons, a husband-wife Americana duo, open.

Katy Guillen and the Girls

Friday, December 21 and Saturday, December 22 BB’s Lawnside BBQ and Knuckleheads Saloon knuckleheadskc.com

One of the top KC blues acts of the past half-decade, Katy Guillen and the Girls in September announced an “indefinite hiatus.” Their farewell shows fall the weekend before Christmas: B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ on December 21, and Knuckleheads on December 22.

thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

7

GET OUT

NEW YEAR’S EVE

CHRISTMAS EVENTS

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Musical

Through December 30 The Coterie Theatre thecoterie.org

Sleigh! Dashing Through the Holidays with Heartland Men’s Chorus December 9 Yardley Hall at JCCC jccc.edu/carlsen-center-presents

Jim Brickman: A Joyful Christmas

RecordBar

therecordbar.com

Bloodshot Records’ Murder By Death rings in 2019 with an evening of orchestral saloon-rock. VIP tickets get you upstairs access at the Crossroads venue.

bars, 5 DJs, laser lighting, and more than a few thousand people.

Union Station

unionstation.org/events/new-yearsswingin-eve

A swing celebration featuring Dave

December 10 Folly Theater follytheater.org

Milking Christmas

Living Room Theatre

December 7-January 6 thelivingroomkc.com

Christmas Festival, KC Symphony Family Series

The Nutcracker

Dec. 14-18 Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts kauffmancenter.org

Through December 23 Muriel Kauffman Theatre, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts kauffmancenter.org

KC Chorale: Christmas 1968

A Christmas Carol

Handel’s Messiah

Through December 30 Kansas City Repertory Theatre kcrep.org

A Spectacular Christmas Show December 6-23.

MTH Theater musicaltheaterheritage.com

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

December 18 1900 Building 1900bldg.com

December 7-9 Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts kauffmancenter.org

It’s a Wonderful Life, presented by the KC Symphony December 21 Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts kauffmancenter.org

The Truman

thetrumankc.com

KC favorites Making Movies will perform the Talking Heads classic Remain In Light in its entirety, with support from Calvin Arsenia.

The Ship

theshipkc.com

A salsa celebration, courtesy of the Afro-Latin dance act Calle Vida. Get your tickets in advance; attendance is limited to 150 guests.

Scottish Rite Temple nyekc.com

The most New Year’s Eve party of all New Year’s Eve parties, this blowout features unlimited drinks, 10 open

Stephens and the Kansas City Jazz Orchestra 7, unlimited drinks, and a midnight balloon drop.

Power & Light District

www.nye-live.com/kansas-city

Various tiers of tickets get you into 12 bars and clubs and different levels of access to free drinks and dancing in the Power & Light District.

Uptown Theater uptowntheater.com

Tickets get you an open bar featuring well liquor and domestic beer and access to four themed party rooms. VIP gets you into the “Roaring 20s” room, with premium cocktails and a coat check.

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NEWS

Live Laugh Local ‘MADE IN KC’? WELL, UMM, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY. BY KELSEY RYAN

Stepping into the Made in KC store on the Country Club Plaza is like entering a Maker Fairy Tale come true: locally branded T-shirts, downtown KC skyline art, and various Kansas City-themed trinkets as far as the eye can see.

Earlier this fall, my gaze descended upon a small, pink, artisanal pot, perfect for an adorable hen-and-chick succulent to nestle inside. I bought the planter, brought it home, unwrapped it, turned it upside down, and noticed an interesting sticker at its base: “Made in China.”

Because the store is called Made in KC, I was under the impression that the products sold inside are, you know, made in KC. I had imagined a local artist sitting behind a pottery wheel, picking out this specific shade of pink, firing it in a kiln, putting some love into this locally made pot.

I looked a little closer. The bottom of the pot was stamped with “Chive.com,” which supplies wholesale pots and vases “in over 6,000 flower shops, gift shops, museums, and home décor stores across North America,” according to its website. Chive itself is based in ... Canada. Chive’s Tika Planter, in raspberry, can also be purchased from other mom and pop shops like, um, Amazon and Nordstrom.

Dig a little deeper, and you realize that

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

many of the products that Made in KC sells are ones that could easily be mass produced and likely aren’t handcrafted. The store has about 160 brands listed on its website.

On one hand, I get it: this is 2018, the global economy is complex and deeply interconnected, and it’s not that unusual for a local business to source some pottery from a Canadian vendor who sourced it from a factory in China, probably for pennies.

But is it fair to say that stuff is “made in KC”?

“We get this inquiry quite a bit,” says Keith Bradley, Made in KC co-owner. “We work with over 300 Kansas City based artists and makers. While the overwhelming majority of our products are manufactured here in the KC metro area, a handful of the artists and makers we work with source some or parts of their products outside of KC. This is primarily due to cost or there being a non-local option available.”

Bradley says that the products carried

by Made in KC — which operates five shops in the metro, plus a Made in KC Cafe — are “made or designed in KC or start and end in KC.” He gives as an example School of Sock, based in Lee’s Summit.

“Their socks are manufactured in India, which is certainly no secret, but the company represents our city and maker commu-

TFW your locally made KC product is also locally made in a third world country.

nity well and supports the local economy,” Bradley says. He adds that the shop has an ongoing dialogue with the artists and small companies it features about where they source their products and why.

Sarah Shipley, a board chair of the Kansas City Startup Foundation and CEO of Shipley Communications, knows firsthand about the challenges small businesses can face with local product sourcing. When she started Off-Kilta Matilda, a book and plush ladybug toy aimed at teaching kids math and science, she couldn’t find any local plush makers. So she found the next best thing: a vendor that claimed its products were made in the U.S. Later, she got a call from a Chinese company representing the vendor, telling her that the plush toys were running late.

“I was horrified, because I thought it was made in America,” Shipley says. “Their website had changed the language to say prototypes were made in the U.S., but their facilities were all in China. It was an embarrassment for me, because my whole goal was to be as local as possible.”

Shipley calls the experience “failing forward” — she learned more about the important questions she needed to ask as a

business owner working with other vendors.

“I will not make that mistake again,” she says, adding that she was transparent about what happened with her customers and partners, who were forgiving.

Verifying the source of products and materials can be particularly difficult for those who own a storefront or run craft fairs. Katie Mabry van Dieren, co-founder of the new Troost Market Collective, runs the Strawberry Swing Indie Craft Fair, which puts on multiple events each year highlighting makers across the Midwest. To be a vendor at the craft fair, van Dieren requires makers to fill out an application that explains how they make their product, and she’s added a clause that says vendors may only bring items they’ve handmade themselves. She also requires the maker be present at the event.

But it’s becoming increasingly hard to draw the line on what is “handmade.”

“The words ‘handmade’ and ‘maker’ can mean so many things now,” van Dieren says.

There is a broad spectrum of makers: people who have carved art from wood by hand or painted a local landscape, but also people who designed a logo that says “Kansas City: City of Fountains” on a computer and found an online company to print it on 10,000 Bangladesh-imported T-shirts.

Plus, it’s increasingly difficult for makers to find even their most basic materials from U.S.-based producers.

“To be straight-up handmade, you’d have to own your own alpaca, feed it from your yard, spin your own yarn on a spinner cut down from a tree in your yard, and dye it with things from your garden,” van Dieren says. “How could you be 100 percent handmade?”

It’s a conundrum that caused one local maker, Meghan Throckmorton, to close her business, Rakun, after realizing most of the items needed to make her shrinky dink-style jewelry came with a significant carbon footprint.

“I had become a little factory,” Throckmorton says. “All of the materials were made in China. You could completely mass produce them. They were cute, shiny and plastic. It was really soulless, but people wanted them … I realized I didn’t like consumer culture, sitting at craft fairs every weekend and selling people things they didn’t need.”

Throckmorton took it further by deciding to no longer purchase new items in her personal life. She still makes products, but from thrifted items, and for the joy of doing it for herself and her friends, as opposed to focusing on the bottom line. In doing so, she says, she’s reclaimed her creativity.

“There’s a reason there are so many T-shirts and candles out there — that’s what customers are demanding,” Throckmorton says. “Consumers drive what happens. That’s

KELCIE MCKENNEY

NEWS

THERE’S A FREQUENT MISUNDERSTANDING AMONG CUSTOMERS ABOUT WHAT A LOCALLY MADE ITEM IS, VERSUS SOMETHING THAT JUST HAS THE WORDS “KANSAS CITY” PLASTERED ON IT.

how we ended up here. If you really want to support local artists, be ready to buy artisan products and celebrate what some people would call flaws.”

There’s also a frequent misunderstanding among customers about what a locally made item is versus something that just has the words “Kansas City” plastered on it, several makers told me.

Many would-be entrepreneurs are diving into the “made local” movement because they see huge demand for KC-themed items, says Tara Tonsor, owner of Lost and Found Design and a member of Cherry Pit Collective, a communal studio for women makers and artists.

In her 10 years as a maker, Tonsor’s own processes have evolved. When she first started designing jewelry, it was mostly lost-andfound items, or pre-made pieces that she would reassemble. Now, she primarily works with wood laser cutting. “I think I still question what craft I’m in,” Tonsor says.

With a background in graphic design, she understands the thought process of people who design a flowy, gold, KC-themed logo, stick it on a glass, and call it “local.”

“Some people only have a background as designer or curator — they interpret that vision as the reason their name is on it,” Tonsor says. “They might have a vision board, but they’re not in the craft. That’s hard to stomach for me because I want my hands on the thing.”

She says she likes the momentum that made-local storefronts seem to have, but worries that “they’re running super fast forward and not thinking, like, let’s pause and think about who we are … It feels like there’s a big rush, a big burst where everyone wants to be a part of it. But what if everyone thinks they can design? What if the more authentic or more handcrafted objects slip through the cracks?”

Still, like many makers, Tonsor has made products with a “KC” logo on them, including generic KC baseball earrings back when the Royals were World Series contenders.

“It’s not a passion for me anymore,” she says. “But those products are still selling.”

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NEWS

Healthy Profits ST. LUKE’S WANTS TO PRESERVE THE RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD BETWEEN THE PLAZA AND WESTPORT — BY BUILDING HALF-MILLION DOLLAR HOMES THERE. BY BARBARA SHELLY

Recently, the foundation connected to St. Luke’s Health System has announced plans to start construction on 30 new homes in the neighborhood west of its flagship hospital in Kansas City.

The single-family houses, which are expected to sell for around half a million dollars, will “enhance and revitalize” the neighborhood, according to a news release from the St. Luke’s Foundation.

The announcement, though, failed to veer into a widening debate about how much responsibility the foundation bears for the deterioration of the neighborhood it now intends to revitalize.

As jackhammers tear up asphalt and bulldozers turn over dirt on vacant lots in the enclave of homes and small apartments between Westport and the Plaza, it’s worth recounting the difficulties that occur when an institution as large as St. Luke’s casts a shadow over a neighborhood.

Two days before the St. Luke’s Foundation announces its new housing development, Bob Perry slows his red Chevy in front of a freshly bulldozed lot. He looks astounded.

“I didn’t know they tore that down,” Perry says.

“Oh gosh,” says his wife, Judy Perry. “I didn’t either.”

Bob and Judy had been out of town for two weeks. In that stretch, a little bit more of their neighborhood had vanished.

Judy, the retired executive director of Harvesters Community Food Network,

12

THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

“I THOUGHT THERE WAS GOING TO BE MORE REHAB. THIS IS NOT AFFORDABLE HOUSING.” ROBERT MARTIN, PLAZA WESTPORT NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT

purchased a tidy bungalow on Corbin Terrace in 1979. Bob, now retired from an insurance firm, joined her in 1984. They have been fighting ever since to maintain a liveable, affordable neighborhood.

“We haven’t won anything,” Bob says.

“The neighborhood is gone.”

Whitney Kerr disagrees — adamantly. One of Kansas City’s most prominent developers, Kerr is chairman of Westport Today, the for-profit subsidiary created by the St. Luke’s Foundation. St. Luke’s got into the real estate business for the sole purpose of saving a neighborhood in a downward spiral, he says.

“The best thing that ever happened was to have St. Luke’s in that neighborhood,” Kerr says.

Robert Martin, the current president of the Plaza Westport Neighborhood Association, is trying to bridge the differences. A retired United Methodist pastor and professor, Martin lives in one of the newer condo developments close to the Plaza.

Since accepting leadership of the neighborhood group, he’s had his hands full.

“One of the main issues we deal with is derelict housing, specifically around St. Luke’s,” he says.

Martin says he thinks St. Luke’s has acquired properties over the years with good intentions for the neighborhood. “But after awhile, keeping up the houses became a burden. It got to the point where the housing was not only ugly, but it increased the element of drama and actual danger.”

The original houses in the neighborhood were built for working families around the turn of the 20th Century. The lots were small, and the homes came without garages or finished basements. As time wore on, homeowners left for larger places and better amenities. They converted many

of the houses to rental properties.

By 1998, a charitable foundation in the name of Miller Nichols, then the president of the J.C. Nichols Company, owned close to 100 houses in the neighborhood between the Plaza (to the south) and Westport (to the north), and Madison Avenue (west) and Broadway Boulevard (east). They rented the properties by the month and invested just enough to keep them habitable, neighbors tell me. That year the Nichols foundation approached the St. Luke’s Foundation about taking over the properties.

Kerr, who was on the foundation’s board, says St. Luke’s was reluctant to become property managers. But its leaders realized that shoring up a neighborhood still on the brink was the best way to protect the hospital, the nearby St. Luke’s Mid America Heart Institute, and other hospital-related buildings. The foundation created Westport Today to manage the real estate.

The strategy, Kerr says, has been to stabilize single-family housing in the interior of the neighborhood while increasing density with multi-family housing on the borders. He says St. Luke’s supported a downzoning of the area’s interior from multi-family to single-family housing. And Westport Today has been a willing purchaser for anyone who wants to sell a home in the area. Houses in the neighborhood almost never go on the open market.

Developers connected with St. Luke’s restored about 20 of the original houses, offering attractive homes for reasonable prices in a sought-after neighborhood. Judy Perry points out a few of those as we cruise around the neighborhood.

“This is a snapshot of what could have been,” she says.

But many of the homes met a grimmer fate. St. Luke’s continued Nichols’ pattern of

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Bob and Judy Perry have been fighting for decades to preserve their livable, affordable BARBARA SHELLY neighborhood.

renting by the month. Houses grew dilapidated. Many were replaced by vacant lots.

Renters were told they could be ordered to vacate with no more than a month’s notice.

Judy and Bob Perry’s home on Corbin Terrace sits beside plowed ground where a bungalow existed not too long ago. For years, they watched renters move in and out. The landlords did little upkeep, Bob says. He thinks the kitchen retains its original sink — more than a century old.

About five years ago, Westport Today stopped renting the house. The place looked terrible, and the Perrys began noticing an increase in rodents. Squatters broke in a couple of times. The house beside it was also vacant.

“We begged St. Luke’s to either rehab the houses or sell them to owner-occupants, or just sell them to renters who want to fix them up,” Judy says.

In the spring, a property manager knocked on their door to tell them Westport Today was about to tear the properties down. A couple of weeks later, a bulldozer showed up.

“At least the mouse problem is better,” says Judy.

Purchasing homes and allowing them to deteriorate is, of course, a classic blockbusting strategy. But blockbusters usually want to wipe out residential neighborhoods entirely and replace them with commercial developments or expansions for universities or other institutions. St. Luke’s appears to be committed to preserving a residential neighborhood — just a much more upscale one than now exists.

“We are trying to put in today’s version

of yesterday’s homes.” says Michael VanDerhoef, Saint Luke’s Health System senior vice president and CEO of the Saint Luke’s Foundation. “We’re trying to make sure that we build a quality product so these homes will last for another 100 years. We don’t want to do inexpensive construction and build homes that aren’t going to last.”

Residents learned about plans for the construction of new, $500,000 houses at a late August meeting of the Plaza Westport Neighborhood Association. The new development, to be called Plaza Heights, will be south of Bishop Spencer Place, a retirement community owned by St. Luke’s Health Systems. Doug Weltner, the project’s developer, said he envisioned “San Francisco-style” homes with garages and back yards. Tenants in the affected area would have to vacate, and the existed houses would be torn down, he said.

Minutes from the meeting reveal a mixed response.

“I am opposed to tear-down,” Bob Perry said.

“I thought there was going to be more rehab,” said Robert Martin, the neighborhood association president. “This is not affordable housing.”

“This is gentrification,” agreed an unidentified person in the audience.

But someone else congratulated the developers for staying within the residential framework sketched out in redevelopment plans for the area.

And Alan Simon, a member of the neighborhood association, is recorded as praising the plan. “I think this is great,” he said, according to the minutes. “This is not multi-family. This is going to raise the neighborhood.”

Martin tells The Pitch he thinks the neighborhood association has developed

a good working relationship with the St. Luke’s Foundation and Westport Today. His problem is more with City Hall.

“I don’t think there is a good philosophy on the City Council for protecting neighborhoods,” he says. “If the city is promoting affordable housing, then what tools are they providing for neighborhood associations or just concerned citizens so that we can push back on these developments?

We have very little with which to work.”

Councilwoman Katheryn Shields represents the Plaza-Westport neighborhood and gets high marks from residents for trying to help. She agrees the city needs to do better and says that a process is underway to come up with a workable policy for promoting affordable housing.

“We’re losing not just affordable housing — we’re losing the next level up, what I call workforce housing,” Shields says, noting that rising home prices and rents around midtown and the Plaza are pricing out people who work in Plaza businesses, and even nurses and other staffers at St. Luke’s.

Shields says she thinks St. Luke’s intentions for the neighborhood are good: “Big institutions in this city have come to realize that the neighborhoods around them are very important to their missions.”

Count Bob and Judy Perry among the Plaza-Westport residents who are skeptical on that one. Although, not entirely: a few days after our cruise through the neighborhood, Bob tells me has does remember one big win for long-time residents. That would be the fight they waged to prevent the Westport Flea Market up the hill from selling out to a Hooters restaurant.

“It’s not a Hooters,” Bob says, of the new development.

So at least there is that.

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13

NEWS

lawyer. So: great that he lost. Unfortunately, it is almost a certainty that Trump will have hired Kobach in some terrible capacity by the time you read this.

The working poor will be slightly less poor.

Missouri voters were in favor of raising the minimum wage almost as much as they were of supporting medical weed: by a 62 to 37 percent margin, they opted to raise the minimum wage in the state to $12/hour by 2023.

“With this increase, over 677,000 workers will see their wages go up,” Missouri Jobs with Justice spokesperson Justin Stein tells The Pitch. (The organization was one of many groups to support the bill.) “This means more money in the pockets of all Missourians, more money in our local economy, and more stability for the working families of our state.”

We need to raise it higher. But any victories for workers are welcome. And after defeating Proposition A’s (“right to work”) back in August, workers in Missouri have now scored back-to-back, high-profile labor wins at a time when they are desperately needed.

Claire McCaskill couldn’t win in Missouri, and maybe no Democrat can win in Missouri anymore.

That’s A Wrap MEMORIZE THESE POST-ELECTION TAKEAWAYS TO SOUND MEDIUM-SMART AT YOUR HOLIDAY PARTY. BY JASON COOK

It’s entirely possible that, by the time you read this, the midterm elections will seem a distant, meaningless memory. Maybe Trump has thrown a reporter in jail, or there was an even worse mass shooting somewhere, or some other hellworld bit of news vaguely erased the impact of the midterms from the center of political discussion.

But the results of the midterms were actually a very big deal, and there is even hope to be found in them. It didn’t seem that way on Election Night. Democrats took back the House of Representatives, as expected, but they also lost seats in the Senate, where they remain in the minority. And races that would have pointed to hopeful change in this country — Beto O’Rourke for U.S. Senate in Texas, Stacey Abrams in Georgia — ended up going to the bad guys in truly heartbreaking fashion. But as the weeks wore on, and new results trickled in, the picture came into clearer focus. And that picture is largely good for progressives.

Here in Missouri and Kansas, we hewed

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

pretty close to the rest of the country, in that we saw some historic wins balanced out with some incredibly depressing losses. Below, a recap.

Sharice Davids whipped Kevin Yoder’s ass.

A lesbian MMA fighter beat an experienced, Trump-aligned political veteran, in Kansas, by ten points. Democrat Sharice Davids will become the next representative of Kansas’ Third Congressional District, a seat held

by Republican Kevin Yoder since 2010. Engaged politicos already knew that the Kansas suburbs have been trending Democrat.

But let’s sit for a second and recognize this amazing result. Davids, a member of the Ho-Chunk Nation, will share the title of first Native American member of Congress (along with Deb Haaland, who won her race in New Mexico). She will also be one of a few openly gay members of Congress. This was a huge victory for diversity, and yet more evidence that the suburbs are slipping away

The increased polarization of the electorate makes things harder and harder for Demfrom Trump and his toxic brand of politics. ocrats in red states, and Missouri is now officially a bright-red state. Senator Claire Kris Kobach couldn’t voter-suppress his McCaskill ran a centrist campaign, trying to way to a governorship. convince rural Missourians that she wasn’t one of those transgender Black Panther soFirst things first: Laura Kelly becoming the cialist Democrats, but Cletus and the gang third female governor in Kansas history weren’t hearing it. Claire lost big to Josh — no state has had more than two, ever — is Hawley, a bootlicking, Ivy League dweeb an amazing achievement. Kelly ran a “tame” whose totally inauthentic recitations of Fox campaign (at least by 2018 standards) that News talking points voters judged to be garnered support from many members of less offensive than the fact that Claire had the Kansas GOP. And she won despite Greg a (D) next to her name. It is time to admit Orman’s Independent bid for the governor- that rural Missouri is officially Mississippi, ship, which threatened to tip the odds away and Democrats don’t stand a chance in the from her. state until they can mobilize enough voters But we have to be honest: the real thrill in the cities to offset the Trumpy rage out in here was seeing sweaty, racist gremlin Kris the sticks.

Kobach lose. This motherfucker’s campaign included a rally in which he drove a red, Weed is (kind of) legal. white and blue SUV with a replica machine gun mounted on it that made North Korean Missouri ballots included three separate military parades seem quaint. He met with medical marijuana initiatives — confusing Trump to talk about how to take more rights stuff. Luckily, voters got it right, rejecting away from immigrants, and, like a bumbling the two iffy measures and overwhelmingmoron, let his Secret Racism Papers dangle ly supporting the good one by a whopping out of his briefcase for the world to see (and 65 percent. Medical marijuana is coming to photograph and pick apart), and generally Missouri, which means recreational isn’t far embarrassed Kansans on a national stage. behind. With 10 states selling recreational When Kobach went to court to defend his weed and 31 with medical on the books, it’s bogus voter-fraud arguments earlier this only a matter of time before the dominoes year, he lost so bad that the judge literally fall and we can all smoke in peace. Kansas, ordered him to take classes on how to be a you’re up.

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15

PHOTO ESSAY

Camera Obscura ZOOMING IN ON EAST BROOKSIDE’S DERENINGER CAMERA REPAIR, STILL ANALOGUE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

BY CHASE CASTOR

At Dereninger’s Camera Repair, there’s no internet, no computers — just a landline, and it doesn’t even have long-distance. Archie McGhee has been working here for over forty years, and he still comes in seven days a week, even when the East Brookside shop is closed to the public.

“Wouldn’t want to be sittin’ around at home,” Archie, now 72, says. “No good at that.”

A long, long time ago — the 1960s — Archie was an electrician in the Navy, a skill that eventually led Cecil Dereninger to hire him. Dereninger opened the shop in 1946. It started out at 3805 Broadway, then moved to the Crestwood Shops, and now sits at 616 E. 63rd Street. Archie’s wife, Mary Pat, started doing camera intakes and keeping the books in 1990, and in 2000 the McGhees bought the business from the Dereninger family.

Camera repair isn’t exactly a booming industry these days, but the McGhees have found creative ways to keep their enterprise afloat. High school art programs in the area are their biggest source of business. And Archie has a reputation for solving repair puzzles — he salvages parts from junk cameras and even makes his own parts when he can’t get his hands on the right one. “It drives him crazy if he can’t fix something,” Mary Pat says.

The niche of camera romantics in the city know they can rely on Dereninger to service their precious tools. They have also learned patience.

Despite Archie’s everyday dedication to the job, the repair queue tends to be pretty full — they (literally) don’t make ‘em like this anymore.

CAFE

ZACH BAUMAN

All Cattle GOLDEN OX 2.0 HAS GRACEFULLY REVIVED ITS PREDECESSOR’S MID-CENTURY TRADITIONS — AND THEN SOME. BY LIZ COOK

After so many meals spent in industrial-chic dining rooms where waiters in butcher’s aprons deliver $18 small plates of tarragon-infused chicken gizzards — well, let’s just say that certain “new American” tropes have started to feel a little old.

The Golden Ox, a recently resurrected steakhouse in the West Bottoms, offers a welcome balm for weary palates. The décor is determinedly, obstinately mid-century.

The menu is focused and inflexible. And the restaurant feels curiously fresh in its careful commitment to the classics.

The Ox reopened this June after a twoyear hiatus marked by extensive renovations.

Expectations were high. The steakhouse had been a local institution since 1949, when it first opened in the Kansas City Livestock Exchange Building. Couples had gotten engaged there, then celebrated their anniversaries there. Kids had eaten their first “grownup” meals there, bewitched by Kansas City strips as thick as the Yellow Pages.

But over the years, the shine had worn off the Ox’s bronze steer heads. The menu had shrunk, the quality had dipped, and the famous burgundy carpet had started to look a little grubby even in the dim evening light. In December 2014, the Ox plated its last steak.

Until, that is, a couple of neighbors decided to restore the restaurant to its for-

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

mer glory. When owner Bill Haw, Sr. started looking for a new tenant, Voltaire co-owners Wes Gartner and Jill Myers jumped at the opportunity. The renovation was spearheaded by designer John O’Brien, who has put his stamp on some of Kansas City’s most stylish restaurants (recently, Brown & Loe and the Plaza’s Rye).

Fans of the OG Ox can indulge their nostalgia. The original black leather booths and wood-paneled walls have been restored, as has the decorative tile flooring in the entryway. And although the dining room is smaller, it feels cozy rather than cramped.

Cleverly placed mirrors give the space an open feel, and a new open kitchen with counter seats offers guests dinner and a show.

The menu has undergone some renovations as well. Gartner, who serves as the Golden Ox’s executive chef, has reinvigorated classic steakhouse comforts without trying to reinvent them. On Sundays, he serves shame-red slabs of prime rib tender enough to cut with a picnic spoon. On Tuesdays, he offers half-priced burgers — and those burgers are good enough to justify passing up the steak. The kitchen seasons the patties well but doesn’t overwork them, keeping the meat as luscious and soft as the brioche bun.

The list of appetizers is packed with old standards given fresh attention. The Oysters

Rockefeller are presented in all their retro glory, nestled snugly in a plate of rock salt masquerading as crushed ice. They’re also ideal for a rich first bite: tender herb greens, crisp, buttery breadcrumbs, and a smokiness that dances coyly around each oyster like a fine perfume. The steak tartare is fresh and tender, with a stiff pulse of garlic and Parmesan, and the escargots are as tender as the oysters (though perhaps due to diet, the snails had rounded third base from “earthy” to “loamy” on the night I tried them).

The mid-century vibes pretty much mandate a cocktail in hand, and the Golden Ox has a few solid contenders. General manager (and certified sommelier) Richard Garcia designed the cocktail list, which offers drinks ranging from brash and boozy (the dick-measuring Dillingham, which improves as you nurse it) to dry and tangy (the Airmail, an ideal palate-cleanser for a rich meal).

And, of course, the menu includes the Pink Squirrel — though this appears to have been a somewhat begrudging concession to nostalgia. (As of this writing, the restaurant’s online FAQ answers “Do you still make Pink Squirrels?” with “We do not.”) The Squirrel may be kitschy, but it’s a solid dessert drink, ideal for keeping unseasonable eggnog cravings at bay. The drink sips like a melted milkshake, with a surprising warmth from a dusting of nutmeg and a cheery pink tone from the almond-flavored crème de noyaux.

Nostalgia is an insidious force in the hospitality industry. Few experiences hold up to the scrutiny of a misty-eyed memory, and small deviations can feel disastrous.

Golden Ox 1600 Genessee St (816) 842-2866, goldenoxkc.com

Hours: Tuesday–Saturday: 5 PM–10 PM Sunday: 4 PM–9 PM

Prices: Cocktails: $9–14 Appetizers $5–17 Entrees $12–34 Steaks: $18–68

Best bet: Start with the Oysters Rockefeller and a Caesar salad (the white anchovies are spectacular). Dinner’s the American Royal ribeye.

CAFE

Since Ox 2.0 opened, I’ve heard some gripes from former regulars about the prices and plates. Yes, the prices are higher. Yes, the sides (and the bread basket) are a la carte.

Set your expectations (and budget) accordingly.

But the Golden Ox is more reasonably priced than some other local steakhouses (I’m looking at you, Stock Hill), and unless you have a rancher’s appetite, most of the steaks are easy to share. The kitchen will split the steak for you if you ask, though I don’t recommend this route. My server gave my husband the better half of the bone-in, dryaged Kansas City strip — medium-rare, as ordered — and served me the half that had warmed to a much chewier medium.

That KC strip may be the restaurant’s most iconic dish, but I far preferred the “American Royal,” a 17-ounce, dry-aged ribeye. When I ordered it, the ribeye arrived a perfect medium rare, with a more tender chew and a richer, beefier flavor. The “Ox Top Cut” — a 5 ounce Akaushi top sirloin — was also well-seasoned and cooked to order.

All the Ox’s steaks are cut and aged in house and lightly charred over hardwood. For an upcharge, you can get a silver tureen of sauce — I sampled a bright and tangy chimichurri and a rich and lemony béarnaise — but the

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19

CAFE

ZACH BAUMAN

steaks are flavorful enough without it.

Here’s where I’ll make a confession: when I’m not on the job, I rarely order a steak at a restaurant. I’m fussy and I’m cheap and I’d rather throw my own dry-aged beef into a screaming-hot cast iron pan until my kitchen is full of more smoke than a pup tent at Burning Man. If you’re like me, I’ve got good news: the sleeper hits on the Ox’s menu are often better than the steaks.

I’m still thinking about a Caesar salad — a Caesar salad! — packed with wrinkly

sun-dried tomatoes, thick-shaved parmesan, pungent shallots, and a light, balanced dressing. For an upcharge, you can order the salad with white anchovies, and that upcharge ought to be built into the price. The anchovies are mandatory, elevating a workaday dish to god-tier. If you’re suspicious of anchovies, this is the ideal way to test the waters. White anchovies are brighter and fresher and juicier than their muddy, oilcured cousins: think pickled herring with a rap sheet.

Another humble pleasure: the garlic

parsley French fries, which were crisp and craggy with soft, fluffy innards. The mushroom risotto was dryer and stickier than I expected, but the flavor was unimpeachable.

And the onion rings, which were thickly sliced and peppery, had a punchy batter and an airy crunch.

The biggest surprise was the half-slab of ribs, which were suspiciously tender and hickory-steeped for a restaurant that doesn’t focus on barbecue. The accompanying “Ox BBQ sauce” was overly sweet; fortunately, I didn’t need it.

Granted, a few dishes feel less carefully composed. A side of sweet potato gratin was oily and unremarkable. The oxtail soup was thin and flatly seasoned. And while the baked potato was moist and fluffy, the “loaded” version was a bit too sober for its size.

But the Golden Ox excels as a mid-century time capsule, one that’s dusted off old favorites and treated them with the sincerity and gravity they deserve. The Ox isn’t trendy. It’s traditional. And in this city — in this moment — that can feel downright revolutionary.

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21

FOOD

Parlor Games YOUR OFFICIAL GUIDE TO THE NEW CROSSROADS FOOD HALL. BY LIZ COOK

grow n by h and

grill browns the bottom into a nutty disc, while the inside of the cabbage- and onion-stuffed pancake stays gooey and chewy.

You can add meat, vegetables, or a fried egg for extra heft, but the built-in toppings are hearty enough. The Osaka-style ‘yaki comes zig-zagged with kewpie mayo and brown sauce and stippled with scallions, furikake, and katsuobushi — paper-thin slices of tuna that convulse hypnotically in the steam from the dish.

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

Nowhere does America’s dream of the “melting pot” seem more perfectly realized than the food court, where the sometimes competing, sometimes complementary aromas from a dozen fryers and flat-tops tangle in the air like a den of scent snakes.

Of course, Parlor — the three-story, seven-restaurant, 18,000 square foot playground in the East Crossroads — is a food hall, not a food court. Which is just to say: shit’s nice. You can take a date here.

Parlor is sleek. Parlor is sprawling.

Parlor has been neatly parceled into cheery dining rooms and laidback living spaces by local architecture firm Hufft. It’s also extremely, er, hip. There’s a wall of bleacher seats overlooking a shuffleboard court that I have yet to witness anyone use. There’s a well-chosen but high-margin tap list (a short pour of Tank 7 is $8). There are graffiti-style murals from local artists. I am a debt-carrying member of the Millennial generation, and yet I have never been so tempted to mutter “youths” under my breath as when passing Parlor’s bathrooms, which are gendered with “SUP BRO” and “YASSSS GURL” in bold graphic type.

The building’s owner, RedWether Collaborative, has taken an “if you build it, they will come” approach to entrepreneurship.

One- to three-year leases keep the commitment low and the concepts fresh; Parlor staff run the bar and POS system. The goal was to lower the barrier to entry for new chefs and create an environment where they could get down to cooking as soon as they got a set of keys.

A noble goal. But seven restaurants is a lot of ground for any one diner to cover.

Although the menus are pared down, Par-

lor still offers an embarrassment of culinary riches. Here’s your insider’s guide to navigating this fancy food court.

Farm to Market Sandwich Co.

Yes, Kansas Citians have been carb-loading with Farm to Market’s bread for 25 years.

But the company’s first-floor stall at Parlor is its first attempt to put something between the slices. Executive chef Max Watson’s menu has a sandwich for every palate, including one of Parlor’s better vegan options.

The “oyster” po’ boy is a husky sesame roll stuffed with tempura-fried oyster mushrooms from Grand River Mushrooms and dappled with a soy and mirin dressing.

Carnivores, though, should order the house-made pastrami, which won me over with its sin-dark spice bark and chewy, bacon-like texture. Farm to Market trims it Reuben-style, with sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, and Thousand Island dressing. The sandwich isn’t fancy or flashy or built for the ‘gram. It’s just good. My only quibble: I wanted thicker slices of the (excellent) grilled rye bread.

Yaki-Ya

When chef Patrick Curtis isn’t slinging some of the metro’s best ramen at Shio, in Midtown, he’s grilling Japanese kebabs and okonomiyaki at Yaki-Ya. The first-floor stall has a solid selection of grilled dishes, but don’t pass up the okonomiyaki. There’s something equal-parts comforting and stimulating about the savory Japanese dish, which tastes like the test-tube progeny of a pizza, an omelet, and a pancake.

Curtis offers both Hiroshima- and Osaka-style okonomiyaki, but my allegiance is to the latter, which is thicker and fluffier. The

ZACH BAUMAN

Providence Pizza

Also on the first floor: an experimental outpost of Providence Pizza, the Grandview pizza parlor run by Rhode Island-born brothers Luke and Aaron Salvatore. At Parlor, the New York-style slices are predictably solid — thin enough to fold, sturdy enough to keep the points from drooping toward your lap like the nose of a guilty dog. But the novelty here is the Detroit-style pan pizza, which has a texture worthy of its calorie count. Order the Sicilian, which tops that thick, crisp-bottomed base with sausage, bacon, and wee pepperonis, their edges curled to form dainty li’l cups of grease. The oilkissed crust is alternately crackly and chewy, the cheese is wantonly applied, and the pizza is large and hearty enough to serve four New Englanders (or two Midwesterners).

Vildhäst

If you aren’t excited about Scandinavian food, get on Katee McLean’s and Josh Rogers’ level. No, literally — get on the second level of Parlor and make a beeline for Vildhäst, where the pair shatter preconceptions of cold-weather cuisine with creatively adorned sausages and fries cribbed from the weed-stoked fever dreams of a hungry Dane. There’s nothing bland or ludefisk-y about the food here.

McLean and Rogers also run Krokstrom Klubb & Market, in Midtown. While Krokstrom has more small plates and fine-dining touches, Vildhäst is a solidly casual tribute to Scandinavian street food.

If you haven’t had the tunnbrödsrulle, give it a whirl after a night out: no food speaks to the liquor-pickled soul quite like a flat-

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ZACH BAUMAN

bread stuffed with a hot dog, shrimp salad, mashed potatoes, and mayo and curry ketchup. But you can nab a version of the dish at Krokstrom, so my pick’s the Copenhagen street dog: a bright-red pickled frank trimmed with cucumber slices, a sweet and tangy dill-and-caper remoulade, and a small mountain of fried onions. If you’re craving potato chips, get the Danish “fries” — long, crisp ribbons of potato drizzled with mayo and confettied with scallions.

Karbon

On the second floor, chef Rachel Rinas (formerly of Jarocho and Local Pig) serves eclectic mash-ups of Yucatán and Mediterranean dishes. Taco-lovers should try the musakhan carnitas — confit pork shoulder brightened with sumac and warmed with Bahārāt before a thorough crisping on the flat top.

But Rinas’ sides and mezze are the main draw. The dark horse to order here is the muhammara, a rich and smoky red pepper dip served warm. Rinas’ version has a deep, nutty flavor thanks to the pepitas, and the pita served alongside isn’t an afterthought.

Each wedge of flatbread is chastely charred, comfortingly chewy, and lightly mossed with cotija cheese. A bonus: the dish comes together quickly, making this an ideal table snack while you wait for the lines to die down.

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Mother Clucker

Nashville hot chicken is so popular right now it’s even crept onto the menu at KFC. But if the long lines for Chef Derrick Foster’s version are any indication, we’re in no danger of outgrowing the trend.

The standard order here is the Come Back Sandwich, a boneless breast dredged in a cayenne-forward spice blend and fried to a juicy crisp. Diners can customize the spice level to their tolerance. For my money, the “Mother Clucker” has the ideal flavor-toheat ratio; if you’re a medium salsa fan, go for the politer “Cluck Yeah.”

A warning: the spice blend here is a little sweeter and a lot saltier than some versions I’ve tried, and my table was mixed on the outcome. But the textures are perfect, and the sandwich is ideally engineered: a thick slab of moist, tender chicken, a firm

and tart red cabbage and carrot slaw, and a bun sturdy enough to withstand it all.

Even if hot chicken isn’t your speed, stop here for the crinkle-cut fries. These are the crispest, freshest-tasting fries Parlor has to offer, fried to a pale gold and tossed decorously in a subtle spice blend. Although I suspect the Fosters change their fryer oil a lot more frequently, the spuds come tantalizingly close to “bowling alley fry” territory — which I would submit as the Platonic ideal of the form.

Sura Eats

Chef Keeyoung Kim’s stall is secreted away in the very back of Parlor’s second floor, but there’s good reason to make Sura Eats your first stop. The bibimbap may be the most popular order here, but I’m going to go against the grain and advise in LOUD AND SERIOUS TONES that you order the kimchi fried rice with beef. If I didn’t have to work for a living, I’d station myself outside Sura Eats in a giant cabbage costume and proselytize to passersby.

This dish has everything: Bacon. Beef.

Starch. Spice. An office-appropriate level of funk. The small bowl is packed with more flavor than seems advisable, the culinary equivalent of a Ryanair carry-on.

If you need to gild the lily, you can grab one of two (good!) unlabeled sauces that the cashier described to me helpfully as “sweet and spicy” and “sweet and soy.” They’re best in concert: the former tastes like a sweeter, milder gochujang, while the latter tastes like the dipping sauce served alongside mandu.

If you order the bibimbap with white rice, those sauces are crucial. Of course, for an upcharge, you can cycle out the white rice in favor of that KFR. It may not be “authentic.” But it’s definitely a “yasss, gurl” move.

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Strawberry Hill Serenade MORE AND MORE, WE FIND WE CAN’T STAY AWAY FROM THIS KCK NEIGHBORHOOD.

BY APRIL FLEMING APRIL FLEMING

With its laid-back feel, porch-wrapped homes, and sweeping, blufftop views above the Kansas and Missouri rivers, Strawberry Hill is one of the KC metro’s true gems. We have long feared the possibility of the neighborhood losing its soul to gentrification.

And there are recent signals of just that — a long-abandoned limestone Catholic Church at 5th Street and Ann Avenue is being redeveloped into a state-of-the-art boxing gym, and the Merc (a Lawrence-based natural foods grocery) is moving in at 5th and Minnesota Avenue. For the moment, though, Strawberry Hill remains mostly a sleepy secret, rich in quality hangouts and some of the city’s finest dive bars. Here, we (quietly) present a few of the many reasons you might wish to make Strawberry Hill a more regular destination.

sides of cheesy corn and baked potato casserole.) The picnic-table seating is communal — both in the cozy indoor space and the newer, spacious (and heated) deck outside — which makes Slap’s a wonderful place to make a new friend during the twenty minutes before you slip into a deep food coma.

614 Reynolds Avenue

Kansas City now boasts several arcade bars, but we generally prefer specialty operations, and 403 Club occupies a niche lane as the primo joint for pinball in town. Inside the bar are a dozen well-maintained machines, including a personal favorite, Attack from Mars. There’s league play, weekly local tournaments and monthly IFPA (that would be the International Flipper Pinball Association) games. Not into pinball? Not a prerequisite. For a dive bar in Wyandotte County, 403 has an impressive beer list: something like 60 different beers from all around the world.

553 Central Avenue

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

drinks, made-to-order pizza, and a grassy outdoor patio round make it an easy spot to drop by on a regular basis — whether for day-drinking (it opens at 11 a.m.) or closing out the night (2 a.m.)

403 Club

Slap’s BBQ

In a town with no shortage of great barbecue, Slap’s BBQ managed to become an overnight sensation upon opening in 2015, and it continues to pull in big, well-deserved crowds daily. Before establishing their brickand-mortar presence, owners (and brothers) Mike and Joe Pearce were regulars on the competition circuit, and they continue to take part in an astounding 25-35 competitions every year. (Slap’s is short for their team name, Squeal Like a Pig.) This dedication to their craft shines through in the food, which is almost unbearably good. Sandwiches are piled to ridiculous heights with spicy jalapeno-beef sausages, fork-tender brisket, and, of course, lucious burnt ends. (Our humble suggestion: opt for a sticky rack of ribs with

ed in a panini press. Including potato salad or chips, this meal costs less than $5. Let me repeat that: five dollars. Add a Goose Island (on tap), and you’re still getting a better deal than what you’d pay for lunch almost anywhere else in the city. God bless Breit’s.

Breit’s Stein & Deli 412 North 5th Street

Breit’s Stein & Deli has a worn-in feel — aged brick, dark wood, tin ceilings — that gives off the impression it’s been around for generations. Actually, though, it just hit its Sweet Sixteen, having opened in 2002. Because it’s so comfortable and old-school, you might assume it’s the type of neighborhood joint that coasts by despite having lousy service or bad food. But Breit’s suffers from neither. The Reuben is legitimately great, stacked high with warm, house-made corned beef on marbled rye bread and toast-

The Mockingbird Lounge 204 Orchard Street

Even just five years ago, it would have been very hard to imagine brunch in KCK. But here’s Mockingbird Lounge, with its bright, airy dining room and bar, serving an all-day brunch-style menu stacked with healthy and savory dishes. We love the salmon filet sandwich, which comes topped with a smear of fresh avocado on a bed of greens and a side of sweet potato hash. And damned if they don’t have a respectable craft beer list, good wine, and creative cocktails as well. Is it out of sync with Strawberry Hill’s more blue-collar surroundings? Sure, but the neighborhood doesn’t seem to mind, especially when most dishes are $10 or less. Pro tip: don’t forget to pop out onto the patio, which offers an A+ view of the downtown skyline.

The Colonial Club 322 North 6th Street

There’s something to be said for KC’s exploding cocktail scene and the ever-expanding selection of tasting menus. But there also must be balance in the force, and the Colonial Club, a descendent of sorts of midtown’s Blind Tiger (RIP), offers up a nice dose of the low end. With its wood paneling, Princess Leia poster, velvet paintings, and worn dart boards, Colonial Club is part dive and part basement clubhouse. Inexpensive

Splitlog Coffee

548 Central Avenue

It’s not easy to find good mud in KCK, which makes Adam and Caleb Wittmer’s Splitlog Coffee especially essential. At their small shop (directly across the street from Slap’s), the Wittmers sell drinks made with Oddly Correct and Messenger Coffee, as well as a rotating selection of featured roasters. It’s also one of a handful of places that carry the delicious offerings from Hana’s Donuts (try the pistachio), as well as muffins, scones, and cheese-stuffed croissants from SunFlour Bakery.

Johnnie’s on Seventh 55 S. 7th Street

There always seems to be something going on at Johnnie’s, a south-end Strawberry Hill joint (technically, it’s probably Russian Hill, but let’s not quibble) founded back in 1934. Often, that something is sports-related: a bunch of folks headed to Arrowhead in a preposterous-looking Chiefs van, flags draped out for a Croatian World Cup soccer party, a Royals game blasting over the bar speakers. It can get loud in there. But this level of excitability is what sets J7 apart from other KCK dives, which tend to be on the drowsier side. People actually talk to each other at Johnnie’s — something we’re more and more appreciative of in this age of slumped-over smartphone users.

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thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

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ARTS

Strings Attached KC SYMPHONY’S FILM-SCORE CONCERTS HAVE BECOME BLOCKBUSTER HITS. BY LIBBY HANSSEN

To see a movie with its score performed by a live orchestra is to see it entirely anew.

Lucky for us, Kansas City Symphony is screening/scoring three of the most popular movies of all time over the next few months.

“When you are performing [a score] live, the music is so much more present,” says Jason Seber, Kansas City Symphony’s associate conductor. “All of a sudden, the music takes a much more dominant role in the way the story is being told.”

Seber is taking the lead conducting Dimitri Tiomkin’s score for Frank Capra’s

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

It’s A Wonderful Life, in December; John Williams’ work for Star Wars, in January; and Max Steiner’s Casablanca in February.

(In January, KCS will also screen the fourth film in the Harry Potter series, but that show brings its own conductor.) Seber first tried his hand on this kind of thing with “Pixar in Concert,” back in 2016, when he was brandnew to the gig. He’s since conducted scores for E.T. The Extraterrestrial, Back to the Future, Hitchcock, Home Alone, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and both recent Star Trek films.

Kansas City Symphony has run these

THE FILM + LIVE ORCHESTRA SHOWS TEND TO BRING IN NEW, MULTIGENERATIONAL AUDIENCES.

music-and-film productions since 2013, though. It started out as Screenland at the Symphony, hosted by Screenland’s Butch Rigby. Halfway through last season, the series was rebooted as Film + Live Orchestra, but the essence is the same, and it continues to be a wildly popular series, with capacity audiences in Helzberg Hall full of movie fans psyched about this new way to express their fandom. The shows tend to bring in new, multi-generational audiences — always welcome news for a symphony orchestra. In the last 12 months, approximately

ARTS

34 percent of ticket sales for the film series went to new attendees, with 29 percent of those returning to see another film.

For Seber, the process starts two to three months before showtime, when he gets the score and practice film, which includes visual cues — streamers and punches — and aural cues, like a click track (if the film has one).

“You are learning the music just like you would anything else, but then there’s this whole extra layer of learning how it coordinates exactly with the film and understanding all the symbols in the score,” Seber says. He puts in between 60-80 hours of preparation — roughly comparable to learning a new full-length symphonic work.

visioned.”

The sweeping grandeur of Steiner’s score, from Casablanca, is indelibly linked to one of the most highly regarded films in history, and perfectly captures the era. But neither Steiner nor Tiomkin are as baked into today’s cultural consciousness quite like John Williams and his score for 1977’s Star Wars.

“There was a time period, a golden age of Hollywood, where the orchestra played a prominent role in the scores of great films,” Seber says. “Then we went through a period in the ‘50s and the 60s where popular music became the dominant voice of many film soundtracks. John Williams was the composer that brought it back — brought back

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It’s A Wonderful Life, scored by Tiomkin, is a Christmas-season staple, of course — the type of flick many of us have seen dozens of times. Still, it’s a good bet that, no matter how well you know the movie, the Symphony’s performance will surprise you.

“Capra, the director, changed a lot of things,” Seber says. “He removed a lot of music completely [he supposedly thought Tiomkin’s music was too dark], and he also reassigned some of the music for different scenes. We’re doing the restored version of exactly the music that Dmitri Tiomkin en-

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the full orchestra, and that symphonic experience became the emotional underpinning of a film again.

“I’m so excited we are doing Star Wars I can’t even … ” Seber continues, momentarily speechless. “In my view and in many people’s view, he [Williams] is the cinematic king. The music almost becomes another character in the movie. If you had told me when I was five years old, ‘One day you are going to conduct that with a full professional orchestra,’ it would have blown my mind.”

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MUSIC

Heavy Things DOOM METAL + COMIC BOOKS + INTERPLANETARY CONSPIRACIES = THEY WATCH US FROM THE MOON BY NICK SPACEK

I turn my recorder on, and The General Shane Thirteen — leader and guitarist of doom metal squadron They Watch Us From the Moon — almost immediately commences an attempt to indoctrinate me.

“We were an Earth-bound rock ‘n’ roll band who were invited to play a world rock ‘n’ roll showcase, happening at the Giza Plateau, in front of the pyramids in Egypt,” he says. “And then what happens is, with our sonic resonance, we accidentally activate the secret technology of the pyramids, which is part communications device, part transportation device. The evil on the moon catches wind that [we’ve] activated this ancient technology and zaps us up to the moon, and we’re forced to be court minstrels for the evil emperor of the moon.”

OK, let’s slow it down a bit.

We’re in a room in the back of Atomic Cotton, the Olathe print shop owned and operated by bassist Zakkatron and his wife, Erica. It doubles as They Watch Us From the Moon’s practice space. There are Mondo screen-printed posters for horror movies framed on the walls, but the room is dominated by three huge amp rigs for the dual guitars and bass. When I see TWUFTM play Frank’s North Star Tavern in Lawrence the following night, my ears will ring for two days afterward. The band is punishingly loud.

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Everybody’s in costume for our interview: Shane, the General, looks the military part in his beret; drummer Angel Adrian is wearing goggles and a bandolier; guitarist Mad Brad D. in a leather aviator’s helmet with a scarf; bassist Zakkatron looks like a cyborg; and singer Sister Allison Grace is in a one-piece jumpsuit with a laser pistol strapped to her hip. New keyboardist Kaub 10010101 doesn’t yet have an outfit.

“For me, this is a big, fun art project,” Shane says. “I’m doing all of the dumb things I got shot down for in other bands, like, ‘Guys! We should do costumes!’ All the other bands I’ve been in before have been, ‘You’re dumb!’ and all of these idiots were like, ‘Yeah! Costumes! Awesome!’”

Live, TWUFTM is remarkably proficient, which is notable because what I saw at Frank’s was only their third show. Allison, the singer, has never been in a band before, and her musical interests — “I grew up listening to R&B and hip-hop, but never really listened to metal music,” she tells me — fall outside the musical stylings represented by her bandmates’ former groups, among them Truth Cell, Jumbo’s Killcrane, Dark Matter, and Overture.

“We woodshedded for a year and a half [before playing in front of a crowd],” the General says. “And wrote and practiced, and practiced and wrote. We’ve all been in

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highly operational bands in the past, and Allison has been thrust into this place where it’s, ‘Hey, guess what? You don’t get to fuck up onstage for two years like everybody else did. You gotta hit it now.’ And she has has risen to it.”

Back to the outer-space stuff. Part of the aforementioned art-project mentality extends to a literal art project: TWUFTM intends to issue themed comic books in conjunction with recording releases and live shows. “What answers you don’t get from the comics will be answered at the live shows,” the General proclaims.

“It’s fun writing stuff, too, because the more the story develops, the more we find out, or we’ll go off and kind of brainstorm stuff,” Zakkatron adds. “The more I can dig into what I’m supposed to be doing in the comic book, it changes the way that I write the songs.”

Our conversation gets pretty heady pretty quick. We go beyond United States military space assets and into the realm of global military space assets. I gradually gather that the band’s ideas are steeped in current conspiracy theories about the moon. As artist Tyler Rea goes into deep detail about an upcoming comic, I’m a relatively receptive audience: a copy of Charles E. Sellier’s Mysteries of the Ancient World (“As Seen On TV!”) serves as bathroom reading at my house.

“When he [Shane] mentioned the whole premise of the Giza Plateau, I know what anthropologist friends of mine talk about, what people who are into cymatics talk about, and how they could activate it — the new paradigm about how sound animates particulate matter in geometric patterns within a quantum paradigm,” Rea says.

This enigmatic approach seems to have worked pretty well for the band so far. One of the first public things TWUFTM did was plaster up around Lawrence and KC fliers containing nothing but the words “They Watch Us From the Moon” and a pair of creepy-looking eyes. When I mention the fliers to the band, the General claps his hands and several of the other members appear visibly giddy.

“Mystery is a powerful tool,” the General says. “It worked on you. It’s worked on almost 1,600 followers on Facebook, and we’ve only played two shows and have a couple of Facebook videos.”

The first issue of the comic is due out in time for Christmas; the sample pages Rea shows me are replete with sinister aliens and mysterious imagery. They’ve got a lot of merch, too — three different shirt designs, some patches like the kind the band has on its uniforms. The idea, of course, is is to bring the audience in — to grow the cult.

“They become evangelists of the band,” Rea says. “And they come with us to the moon.”

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FILMSCENE

Get Physical THE DEMISE OF FILMSTRUCK MEANS IT MAY BE TIME FOR MOVIE BUFFS TO STOCK UP ON DVDS AND BLU-RAYS. WE’VE GOT SOME RECOMMENDATIONS. BY ERIC MELIN

When the streaming subscription service FilmStruck debuted just two years ago, it had a proposition that was fundamentally different than all of its competitors: unlimited online access to 100 years of film history, from classic Hollywood to groundbreaking indies to influential foreign titles. Chaplin, Bogie, Hepburn, Hitchcock, Bergman, Soderbergh, the jump-cut chic-cool of the French New Wave — all in one place.

With the rights to both the Turner Classic Movies library and the Criterion Collection, Filmstruck offered an unparalleled selection of the best in curated cinema and created exclusive original content with contemporary filmmakers (Damien Chazelle and Barry Jenkins, as a few examples) chatting about their favorite classic movies.

These special programs were akin to the extra features that accompany Criterion discs.

They allowed the viewer to explore the film’s history and context on a deeper level.

Alas, it was too good to be true. Filmstruck’s last day in the cloud was November 29, a victim of the recent merger of AT&T and Time Warner. The new WarnerMedia cut ties with Filmstruck, calling it “largely a niche service,” and is moving ahead with its plans to launch an “HBO-plus” streaming service of its own.

It’s certainly cool that Netflix and Ama-

zon are luring top-tier filmmakers to create future classics like Manchester by the Sea and Roma, but the current selection of classic films on these streaming giants is brutally

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THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

small. Amazon Prime has around 120, but most of those are murky transfers of films in the public domain. Netflix has about 48, listing Close Encounters of the Third Kind alongside four Disney short-film compilations and some historic WWII propaganda docs.

Suddenly, film fans find themselves facing two options. You can rent pay-as-you-go digital movies a la carte and risk watching a blurry, crappy-sounding version of a Cary Grant flick. Or you can invest in a new 4K digital restoration on Blu-ray that’s filled to the brim with archival interviews and minidocs — and that won’t be affected by the business decisions of platform monopolies, Comcast, or Russian hackers.

We’re going with option #2. With that in mind, here’s a holiday shopping list for the best new Blu-rays in the Criterion Collection, an organization dedicated to preserving movies as they were intended to be seen, in their original aspect ratios, with the best possible picture clarity and sound.

With all of the extra features on each disc, it’s never been easier (or more fun) to spend an evening being transported to another time and place. And with the wide variety of movies available now, there’s something for everyone’s tastes.

Besides having the undisputed best closing line of any movie ever, many film buffs consider 1959’s Some Like It Hot to be the funniest movie ever made, and I’m not go-

ing to argue. Seeing Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon dress up as female musicians in an all-girl jazz band and try to score some dates still tickles. Yeah, it’d be politically incorrect today, but I think there’s enough good-natured heart beneath their ulterior motives that we are allowed to keep loving the hell out of this movie. Plus, it’s got Marilyn Monroe at her charming best, in a supporting role playing a heightened version of her own tragic façade.

The new 4K restoration is a noticeable upgrade form the last digital transfer Some Like It Hot received seven years ago, and it helps to showcase the modern sensibilities and fast pace of the film — another reason the movie holds up so well. Along with a detailed commentary track from a film scholar, this Criterion includes archival interviews with Monroe, Lemmon, Curtis, and an hour-long discussion with director Billy Wilder from The Dick Cavett Show.

Since its release in 1987, Rob Reiner’s The Princess Bride has gone from cult movie to a bonafide family classic. Few filmic fairy tales sparkle with this much playful wit, cheeky

self-awareness, and actual heart. There’s no better way to watch the unlikely adventures of Wesley (Cary Elwes) and Buttercup (Robin Wright) than on this enchanting new Blu-ray, which is sourced from a new 4K restoration. The color is deeper, the picture clearer, and the amount of extra content is embarrassingly rich.

The behind-the-scenes story of making of The Princess Bride has also grown into myth over the years, especially since the death of Andre the Giant, who provides the film with some its most touching moments.

Two brand-new featurettes on the Criterion Blu-ray dig into this stuff, adding to the already-enormous treasure trove of material created for past DVD editions. You can even listen to excerpts from William Goldman’s original novel — in 1987 audiobook form, read by Reiner — and compare it with corresponding scenes from the movie.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the next time the American Film Institute refreshes its list of the 100 Greatest American Films of All-Time list, Terrence Malick’s transcendent 2011 epic The Tree of Life will be one of the only movies from the last decade to make the cut. Jessica Chastain and Brad Pitt play the parents of three boys growing up in Texas in the 1950s, and Sean Penn plays one boy as an adult in the present day. Malick and Oscar-winning cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki both have an gift for catching fleeting moments of beauty in everyday life, and that’s on dazzling display here. With a few flashes of traditional narrative, Malick sets his wondrous montages to stirring classical music, with yearning, poetic voice-overs.

If that sounds pretentious, it is. But if you succumb to its meditative pace and let your mind take in the grandeur of existence during the mind-blowing Creation sequences (yes, there are dinosaurs), then

thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

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the 139-minute running time may leave you in a trance, pondering your own existence.

The real cause for celebration, though, is that Malick secretly worked on an extended

ies — will be a new experience for everyone, nudging old and new viewers alike to dream about what could have been.

guilt, and family bonds, and works seamlessly on its own terms. There’s also 90 minutes of supplemental material, making this the must-have Blu-ray of the year for cinephiles.

version of The Tree of Life, featuring 50 more minutes of material originally shot for the film. The Blu-ray includes both the original version and the long edit, the latter of which expands upon the movie’s themes of regret,

on DVD, so this new 4K Criterion restoration — complete with the Blu-ray’s rich set of video essays, interviews, and commentar-

From young hipsters to aging politicians, everybody is an elitist in the 1975 Hal Ashby (Harold & Maude, The Last Detail) oddity Shampoo, which is finally making its Bluray debut. Warren Beatty, who co-wrote the film, plays a bed-hopping hairdresser whose renown gives him access to women like Goldie Hawn, Julie Christie, and Lee Grant.

On one level, it’s a breezy screwball come-

By the time it was released, Orson Welles’ second film, The Magnificent Ambersons, had been butchered by the studio — down to 88 minutes from the director’s intended 131-minute cut. Even so, it’s a melancholy and multi-layered masterpiece. Ambersons explores the decline of an upper-class Midwestern family in the early part of the last century, and in doing so expands on the boundary-pushing cinematic technique Welles pioneered in Citizen Kane. Ignoring the studio-mandated upbeat ending, few films have so richly examined the idea of nostalgia without being sickly sweet. Ambersons has previously only been available

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town will rescue her from anonymity. NYC punk pioneer Richard Hell plays a variation of himself, and the story is simple, blunt, and effective. The real stars of Smithereens are the seedy bars and apartments of the East Village, and the freewheeling existence of its characters. Two of Seidelman’s NYU student films are included in this new Criterion Blu-ray, along with a new interview and commentary. Overall, they add up to a rare and honest glimpse into one of the most glamorized scenes of the last century. dy, but Shampoo takes place during the eve of Nixon’s 1968 election and was filmed in a post-Watergate environment, so it has no problem pointing out the hypocrisy of both generations. There are only two features on this Criterion Blu-ray, but the 2018 discussion between critics Frank Rich and Mark Harris is illuminating.

Another rewarding snapshot in time is the New York-shot Smithereens, directed

by Susan Seidelman (Desperately Seeking Susan) in 1982. Wren (Susan Berman) is a single-minded young woman convinced that hanging around with cool bands and posting Warhol-like flyers of herself all over

Before the campy cult musical Phantom of the Paradise, and the Stephen King horror adaptation Carrie, Brian De Palma went for broke with 1973’s Sisters, a sordid circus-sideshow Rear Window knock-off, complete with deep focus shots and long takes. The movie is deliriously entertaining.

Margot Kidder plays the twin sisters of the title, and it’s not too much to give away that at least one of them is deranged. Legendary composer Bernard Hermann (Psycho, Taxi Driver) contributes a score that’s as extreme as the film’s arthouse proto-slasher tendencies. New and archival interviews, plus a new 4K remaster make this Blu-ray another impressive package — perfect for anybody with a sick sense of humor.

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Nicotine is an addictive chemical. thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

35

SAVAGE LOVE

Butt Stuff WHAT TO DO WHEN ANAL SEX IS RED-HOT-POKER-IN-THE-ASS PAINFUL.

BY DAN SAVAGE

Hi, Dan: I’m a recently divorced single mom and full-time student. I’m really beginning to hurt financially and have decided to start working as an escort. I am at a point of great emotional stability, happiness, and confidence — all reasons that led to my decision — and I’m surrounded by people who love me and won’t judge me. (Not that I will be telling most of them.) I’ve been seeing a man who I like, but I’ve made it clear that I am not committed to him and can see him only once a week. I’ve explained that I don’t think I can ever be monogamous and I do not want a relationship. He has struggled with this and told me early on he was in love with me. We have AMAZING sex, and I think this causes him to have a hard time understanding why I don’t want a relationship.

I do not want to tell him I am escorting. I feel the fewer people who know, the better. And I don’t know him that well, as I have been “seeing” him for only six months. I know he would want to know, and a huge part of me feels that the right thing to do is be honest with him if I am going to continue seeing him. I also know that cutting him loose would hurt and confuse him, especially without being able to give him a reason. How do I handle this? What is the right thing to do? My site goes live in three days, and what’s keeping me up at night is not how best to verify clients, it’s what to do about the man in my life who I respect and love, even if I am not in love with him.

––New To Escorting Dear NTE: Let’s set the escorting issue aside for a moment. You don’t want the same things (he wants monogamy and a defined relationship, you don’t want any of that shit), you don’t feel for him the way he feels for you (he’s in love, you’re not), and you’re a busy single mom and full-time student — all perfectly valid reasons to end a relationship, NTE. You aren’t obligated to tell him that something you were thinking about doing but haven’t yet done, i.e., escorting, factored into your decision to cut him loose.

While I definitely think people have a right to know if their partners are escorts, I don’t think people have an absolute right to know if their partners were escorts. So if the sex is really good, and you think there’s a chance you could one day feel as strongly for him as he does for you, and you’re planning to escort only until you get your degree, NTE, you could tell him you want to take a break. Explain to him that you don’t have the bandwidth for a boyfriend just now — kid, school, work — but you’re open to dating him after you’re out of school if he’s still single and still interested.

Dear Dan: I’m a 30-year-old single monoga-

36

THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

mist and I recently realized I’m bisexual. I feel much happier. Except I recently crossed a line with a very close friend of mine, a man I’ll admit to having some romantic feelings for. After he broke up with his ex, I started getting random late-night text messages from him. And a couple weeks ago, we hooked up sans penetration. We acknowledged that we both have feelings but neither of us is in a good place. He’s still dealing with the end of his LTR, and I am only just coming out as bisexual. I love this person and our friendship is important to me, but I can’t stop thinking of the possibility of us being together. I’m confused by the timing and I wonder if this is real or just something I’ve allowed to distract me — or both! Also, what would this mean for my bisexuality? I’ve been to this rodeo before — meaning opposite-sex relationships — but what about the part of me I haven’t fully explored?

––Between Every Thorn Solitude Yearns Dear BETSY: You describe yourself as a monogamist — so, yeah, entering into a committed relationship with this man would prevent you from exploring your bisexuality. And the timing feels off: He may be on the rebound, and you’re still coming to terms with your bisexuality. So don’t enter into a committed relationship with him, BETSY, at least not yet. Date him casually and keep hooking up with him, with the understanding — with the explicit and fully verbalized and mutually consented to understanding — that you will be “exploring” your bisexuality, i.e. you’ll be getting out there and eating some pussy.

Dear Dan: I’m a 37-year-old woman married for eight years to a wonderful man. We’re happy and GGG to the point where his kinks have become my kinks and vice versa. However, he loves anal sex and I cannot do it. No matter how much lube we use or how slowly we go, it’s not just uncomfortable, it’s red-hot-poker-inmy-ass painful. Can you give me any concrete, practical advice to get to a point where I can enjoy anal?

––Beyond Uncomfortable Tushy Trauma P.S. Do some women actually enjoy anal? After my experiences, I find that really hard to believe.

Dear BUTT: If you’re still interested in exploring anal after all those red-hot-pokerin-your-ass painful experiences — and you are by no means obligated to explore any further — focus on anal stimulation, BUTT, not anal penetration. Try rimming, try a vibrator pressed against your anus (not shoved into it), try running his lubed-up dick up and

down your crack (across your anus, not into your anus), and try all of these things during masturbation, vaginal penetration, and oral sex. Having a few dozen orgasms — or a few hundred — while your anus’s sensitive nerve endings are pleasurably engaged could create a positive association between anal stimulation and sexual pleasure.

It’s going to take some time to create a positive association powerful enough to supplant the negative association you have now — an association with echoes of regicide (google “Edward II and red hot poker”) — so your husband shouldn’t expect to get his dick back into your butt anytime soon, if he ever will at all. Some people, for reasons physiological or psychological or both, just can’t experience pleasure during anal intercourse. If you’re one of those people, BUTT, your husband will just have to grieve and move on.

P.S. I find it hard to believe that a woman could possibly enjoy, say, a Donald Trump rally. But some women do, BUTT, and we have video to prove it. The same could be said about anal.

Dear Dan: I am a 30-year-old hetero woman. Any ideas on how a person can build up to healthy intimate relationships again while recovering from trauma? I’m afraid in normal sexual situations. How can I get to a point where I can have sex for fun and not in a way where I’m triggering my fight-or-flight response? Yes, I am seeing a therapist.

––Traumatic Experience Nullifying Sexual Energy Dear TENSE: Here’s an idea, TENSE, but please run it by your therapist before giving it a try: Find a guy you like and propose a different kind of friends-with-benefits arrangement. You will be in charge — you will do all the initiating — and while he can say no to anything you ask, he isn’t to ask for or initiate anything himself. You set the menu, you make the rules, you give the orders. He’ll need to be someone you trust, and it’ll help if he’s someone who thinks following orders is sexy — and trust me, TENSE, those guys are out there. You said that normal sexual situations aren’t working for you. Maybe an abnormal one would?

Question for Dan? E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net. On Twitter at @fakedansavage.

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EVENTS

December Events For more events, visit local.thepitchkc.com

DEC. 1

DEC. 5

The Nutcracker, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

Allen Stone, Knuckleheads Saloon

Bone Thugs N Harmony, The Granada Anita Baker, Music Hall Kansas City Charlie Daniels Band, Ameristar Rosy Hips, Knuckleheads Saloon Uptown Harlem: The Creative Soul of Fashion, Kansas City Convention Center

Armani’s Play House Known For Our Entertainment, Got a Event Give Us A Shout.

DEC. 6 Martina McBride, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland San Holo, The Truman Dead Soft, MiniBar

DEC. 8

DEC. 2

Lewis Black, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland

Manchester Orchestra with The Front Bottoms, Uptown Theater

Masquerade Gala, Holiday Inn, Country Club Plaza

Showgirls • Private Parties • Events • Perfection Globalcartel816@gmail.com – Now Hiring

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Marcus Lewis Big Band, recordBar

DEC. 4 Kansas City Jazz Orchestra: Winter Wonderland, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

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Red Sun Rising, The Riot Room

30 minute Free trial 18+ 816-841-1577 // 913-279-9202 38

THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

Vista Kicks, MiniBar Kansas City:

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CHVRCHES, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland

Tom Morello, The Truman Steve Earle, Knuckleheads Saloon

DEC. 9-10 Elf Movie Party, Alamo Drafthouse

EVENTS

DEC. 9

DEC. 12 George Winston, Kauffman Center (PAC) The War and Treaty, Knuckleheads Saloon Snails, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland Film Club: Heavy Metal, Alamo Drafthouse

TIC

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DEC. 14 12 Bars of Charity Bar Crawl, KC Live!

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DEC. 15 The Band Ozark, Knuckleheads Saloon The Nutcracker, Liberty Performing Arts Theatre Tab Benoit, Knuckleheads Saloon Thom Yorke, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland Sick of it All, with Street Dogs, Madrid Theatre

DEC.10 Justin Timberlake, Sprint Center Dave East, The Riot Room Lanco, The Truman Jim Brickman, Folly Theater Larkin Poe, Knuckleheads Saloon Born Ruffians, Record Bar

DEC. 11 Gremlins Movie Party, Alamo Drafthouse Steel Panther, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland

DEC. 16 Brett Young, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland

DEC. 19 David Basse Trio, Knuckleheads Saloon Harry Connick, Jr., Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland

DEC. 20 Holiday Party with Kareem Hunt, Argosy Casino

DEC. 21 Jackyl, Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland Tee Grizzley with Sadababy, Uptown Theater

DEC. 23 Michael Eaten and Seth Davis’ Second Nature, recordBar

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Email us at stephanie@thepitchkc.com thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

39

EVENTS

December Events For more events, visit local.thepitchkc.com

DEC. 29 Jeff Dunham, Sprint Center Samantha Fish, Knuckleheads Saloon

DEC. 31 NYE 90th Anniversary Party, Uptown Theater NYE Live! 2018, KC Live! Block

DEC. 28 The Rainmakers, Knuckleheads Saloon

40

THE PITCH | DECEMBER 2018 | thepitchkc.com

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816-295-1232 • deemdead.net thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

41

MARKETPLACE 2000

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2008 Chevrolet Aveo

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MUSIC/MUSIC ROW Piano, Voice, and Guitar lessons

Available from professional musician and instructor. Instructor teaches in a fun and meaningful context from ages 4 to the young at heart. Sessions are 1⁄2 hour and 1 hour. Students who sign up before January 31st will receive $5 off For more info Please call/text Kathleen 913-206-2151 or Email: klmamuric@yahoo.com

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Many of these vehicles run and drive. If you are looking for cheap transportation, don’t miss this auction/sale. We welcome all buyers. Terms of auction: All sales are “as is” “where is”. No guarantees or warranties. Paper work to obtain new title will be $75.00 Per vehicle. No guarantee that paperwork will produce title.Bidding will be number only. Terms are cash or certified check. Vehicles must be paid for in full at end of auction. No exceptions.

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WEATHER PERMITTING The following vehicles will be sold at public auction on Wednesday, January 9th, 2019 unless claimed by owner and all tow and storage charges are paid in full. For information, please contact Insurance Auto Auction at 913-422-9303.

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HIRING EXPERIENCED JEWELERS WATCHMAKERS SALES PROFESSIONALS EXCELLENT PAY & BENEFITS STATE-OF-THE-ART FACILITIES & EQUIPMENT WORK WITH OTHER SKILLED JEWELERS AND WATCHMAKERS

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thepitchkc.com | DECEMBER 2018 | THE PITCH

43

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