The Pitch: May 2021

May 2021 I FREE I THEPITCHKC.COM

PITTER PATTER LET’S GET SHAT TE

BY LIZ COOK

R

Def Do Us Part

BY J.M. BANKS

Blackwater’s Biltong Jerky

BY ANNE KNIGGENDORF

White Hawk Is Your Relative

BY EMILY COX

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CONTENTS

THE PITCH

Publisher Stephanie Carey Editor-in-Chief Brock Wilbur Strategy Director Kelcie McKenney Music Editor Nick Spacek Film Editor Abby Olcese Contributing Writers Emily Cox, Liz Cook, Rachel Potucek, Anne Kniggendorf, Barbara Shelly, April Fleming, Deborah Hirsch, Brooke Tippin, Beth Lipoff, Riley Cowing, Dan Lybarger, Vivian Kane, Orrin Grey, Adrian Torres, Reb Valentine, Aaron Rhodes, J. M. Banks, Gail Folsom Little Village Creative Services Jordan Sellergren Contributing Photographers Zach Bauman, Joe Carey, Chase Castor, Caleb Condit, Travis Young, Jim Nimmo Contributing Designers and Illustrators Katelyn Betz, Austin Crockett, Jake Edmisten, Lacey Hawkins, Angèle Lafond, Alex Peak, Frank Myles, Jon Tinoco Director of Marketing & Promotions Jason Dockery Account Manager John Phelps Director of Operations Andrew Miller Editorial Interns Bek Shackelford, Lucie Krisman, Savannah Hawley, Sophia Misle Multimedia Intern Nicole Mitchell Design Intern Laurel Crouse Marketing Intern Khaqan Khan

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Chief Executive Officer Stephanie Carey Chief Operating Officer Adam Carey

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COPYRIGHT

The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2021 by Carey Media. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher.

The Pitch 3543 Broadway Blvd., Kansas City, MO 64111 For information or to share a story tip, email tips@thepitchkc.com For advertising: stephanie@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6702

X Wedding photo up top: Avion Wallace, Tanisha Chikwe, Shahidah Salaam, and Brittni Fontleroy

6 LETTER

24 Eat This/Drink This Now

36 KC CARES

8 FEATURE

26 EVENTS

38 SAVAGE LOVE

Letter from the Editor Possums didn’t come here to make friends

BY BROCK WILBUR

Def do us part The Wedding Industry sells itself with diversity. So why are professional opportunities whitewashed?

BY J.M. BANKS

14 CULTURE

Sulk smash To quote the philosopher Durst: “Give me something to break”

BY LIZ COOK

18 DINING

(What’s the Story) Morning Glory Farms?

A blackwater jerky biltong godly foundations

BY ANNIE KNIGGENDORF

Ssong’s Hot Dog The Stilwell and the Stilwell Bar

BY APRIL FLEMING

Scavenger Hunt Get Out and Rediscover KC: The Pitch’s Spring Scavenger

SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

Kansas City Center for Inclusion (KCCI)

BY BROOKE TIPPIN

Comfortably numb and numbered

BY DAN SAVAGE

28 ART

Relatively Speaking White Hawk’s Kemper Exhibit is a rejection of Indigenous annihilation

BY EMILY COX

32 MUSIC

Posthumous Prometheus Kansas’ Vitreous Humor has their eyes on the prize

BY NICK SPACEK

34 FILM

The Pitch’s Summer 2021 Movie Guide After innumerable delays, last year’s biggest films finally arrive

BY ABBY OLCESE

Break Stuff

by Zach Bauman thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

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LETTER

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR POSSUMS DIDN’T COME HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS BY BROCK WILBUR

In second grade, I played soccer. Or more accurately, I stood on a field with other second graders. Perplexed. We occasionally ran. Sometimes in the same direction. Not always. With some luck, a ball would be involved. Once, as goalie, I stepped back inside the goal while holding the ball, costing us a point for reasons that were never fully explained to me. On a different occasion (me being a freakishly tall second grader) a much smaller kid ran between my legs while I was running. We have it on film. It was like the Griswold family driving under a truck in *Christmas Vacation*. I failed to notice it occurring.

My big takeaway from that period was that being a fan of soccer is difficult. In that, I suppose, finding ways to actively engage as a supporter is difficult. My parents—and all other parents standing around the field— seemed capable of shouting only “Kick it!” or “Run!” with no other variations. That was the full extent of how one could enjoy the sport as a witness.

Two years ago, a pink-haired firebrand on the U.S. Women’s Olympic Soccer team said that she didn’t think our then-president would give a shit about their gold medal victory. It made many dumb-bad people very upset with her, including the then-president.

That’s when my wife and I started caring about U.S. women’s soccer.

We’ve watched maybe a hundred games since then. Luckily, our favorite bar on 39th street (*The Drunken Worm*—come find us there) agreed to start allowing us a single dedicated TV for watching ladies kick balls.

Once they gave us this gift during a Royals

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

game. While there are a dozen other TVs in the same close proximity, this led to one bar patron becoming cross with us. And Greg, wherever you are, you can still go fuck yourself. Women’s soccer is more exciting than all baseball put together, and you know it.

Vivian and I had still never picked a favorite team. For all the U.S. soccer clubs across the country, we figured out the big players and general vibes, but mostly just wanted to see everyone have a good time.

The matches have been fun to watch. And, despite the time invested, we still understand only about half of what’s going on.

We’ve looked up what the penalty “offsides” means on multiple occasions. Neither of us could explain it to a third party, but I think we grasp the basics.

This is why *Ted Lasso* was such a boon. The Apple TV+ show starring local hero Jason Sudeikis features a KC football coach who winds up leading a British soccer team, despite knowing nothing about soccer. Most of the things Ted says on the show directly parrot phrases my wife and I have shouted: including asking a ref in the final episode of a season if he could *please* explain how offsides works again. It’s good to see that I am in the same boat as the most overwhelming charming KC man ever portrayed on television.

Recently, KC got a women’s football club. This is actually a return, as the women’s league was started here, and then our team went away. Now that we’re back, Vivian and I do have a team to ride or die for. And ride or die is what they deserve.

The KCFC played their first game in

Portland, against Portland. Women’s soccer is a notoriously supportive, pleasant spot for the participants. In the entire history of U.S. Women’s Soccer, the most red cards [dismissal from a game for unsportsmanlike conduct] has maxed out at two cards in one game. In the closing moments of *our first game back*, there were four red cards handed out and a brawl erupted on the field.

So yeah. I guess we’re letting soccer know exactly who we are. Are we gonna be that bitch? We’re gonna be that bitch.

The problem is that our team still doesn’t have a name or mascot. Previously in their existence here, KCFC just went by that title. But the time has come to make something more exciting for our brand. I’d like to propose that we become the KC Possums.

There is an urban legend about how at the formation of our city, the six dudes who made the decision on naming KC found “Kansas City” bland as hell, and so one drunk S.O.B. said, “Sure that’s neat. Why not just call it, I dunno, Possum Trot?” And there was a near split on the vote. So we were almost named Possum Trot?

Thusly, I think a contrarian drunken bit of nonsense that has a historic root in our city’s DNA seems like it fires on all cylinders for what our team should be called.

And I can’t wait to go to the games. When we’re down, we can always pretend we’re doing it on purpose and call it “playing possum.” And the rest of the time? I’ll just shout “Run!” and “Kick it!” just like my bored parents taught me.

If KC Possums doesn’t work for a name for you, maybe just throw “KC” in front of any of these alternate names I came up with after having a vodka and soda: Redcards, Geese, Jazz, Kick, Kickerz [The ‘z’ is very important], Godslayers, Katz, Hive, Brisket, Punch, Sauce, Cherry Bombs, Diamond Dogs, Believe, Royalty, Vibe, Spice, Brawl, Nachos, Power (& Light), Mods, Crime Mean Girls, Manchester United, Goal Gals, Horns, Hades, Ward, KC Football Clubbers, Guillotines, Good Good Plus, Snowflakes, Spiders, Paseo, Smooch, Pitch [look ‘pitch’ is a soccer term and promotion for us], Deathbringers, Westports, Spaz, Hands, Post, Sly, Mints, Aviation, Star, Christmas, Gamers, She-Hulks, Defundthepolices, Crimewave, Union, Up/ Down, Fisticuffs, Step Up, Stomp.

Pitch in and we’ll make it through,

THE P ITC H KC.C OM

FEATURE

DEF DO US APART THE WEDDING INDUSTRY SELLS ITSELF WITH DIVERSITY. SO WHY ARE PROFESSIONAL OPPORTUNITIES WHITEWASHED? BY J.M. BANKS There is a surprising absence of Black people’s true spirit within our own wedding ceremonies.

This contrasts the contributions the Black community makes with our take on the Western wedding. For the most part the Black community follows the “traditional” European blueprint, with possible regional flares here and there.

Apart from the plantation tradition of “jumping the broom” and the reception dance of the “Electric Slide,” a Black wedding typically does not stray far from the classical framework. This is mainly due to the lack of individuals in the wedding industry that can inject the style, culture, and originality that the community is known for when interpreting inherited social institutions.

In Kansas City, a growing number of Black professionals are beginning to fill these voids. In turn, providing a much-needed injection of self-awareness to create something fresh, new, and distinctive of KC Blackness.

The binding of two individuals in matrimony is one of the most important and revered life events a person will experience in most cultures, races, and religions. Exchanging sacred vows and symbolic precious items joins two individual lives into one. The ceremonial sacrifice of both participants to create something new, with friends and family to bear witness to the eternal expression of their love, is a celebration that has evolved over generations and eras. In western culture, weddings have expanded into a sprawling multibillion-dollar industry in the U.S. alone.

Avion Wallace—a local event designer and planner who makes up Naomi Lee Events alongside her mother Bertha Harrison—thinks Kansas City needs to catch up to other big cities.

“The Kansas City Wedding game is far behind for the Black community here, compared to other major metropolitan cities around the nation,” Wallace says.

As many in the Kansas City Black community could tell you, weddings happen few and far between. For many, the event is an extravagance in times of economic hardships.

According to Wallace, the average wedding in Missouri ranges from $30,000 to

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

$31,000 from engagement ring to reception party. According to a 2019 report by the U.S. Census Bureau, the average income for a Black household was $45,438. Their white counterparts made an average of $76,057.

A young Black couple in the U.S. would need to spend over half of an average year’s earnings to achieve the ideal image of what we have been taught to be a perfect wedding.

For many people within the Black community, our image of what that fantasy wedding looks like is based on what white Western culture made it.

In recent years, those who do have the economic means to put on the full show, with all the traditional aspects, have opted to incorporate as many Black-owned businesses into the production as possible. This is especially true since the increase of spirit to the Black Lives Matter movement.

Then there are those that may come from households where weddings are not exactly normalized. They may find themselves overwhelmed when they aren’t well versed in the intricate pieces a wedding and marriage consist of.

“Weddings are not normalized in the Black community because Black weddings are not normalized in the wedding community,” Wallace says. “Everything we do is from the aspect of us mirroring a borrowed ceremony.”

Wallace also noted the importance of the evolution of vocabulary and terminology that is used in our evolving culture, and being inclusive when it comes to members of the LGBTQIA+ community and their wedding services.

“We have to have a conversation in the industry about those traditional terms that are limiting, and using more general terms instead of bride, groom, bachelorette, bachelor, best man, and maid of honor,” says Wallace.

Wallace mentions her travels from Kansas City in 2010 to North Carolina for her undergraduate degree. From there, she went to New York for her masters, and Atlanta before returning to Kansas City to take care of her mother who was diagnosed with breast cancer. The two were able to use their shared love for event planning to build a deeper connection, eventually forming into

Avion Wallace and Bertha Harrison of Naomi Lee Events.

SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

a thriving business.

While away from home she was able to see how much further along the Black event scene was in bigger hubs.

“With more Black athletes, celebrities,

and entertainers, Black event professionals have more of a chance to get selected for those big events,” Wallace says. “This brings coverage for their work through trade publications and social media shares.”

Here in Kansas City, the Black event scene may at first glance appear limited at best. Although certain specialists for this type of event can be hard to find—like a Black florist or Black-made stationery for

invitations—the number of professionals in the weddings and event sector has been filling out over the past few years. Wallace and Harrison had the idea to create a styled wedding shoot of their own—pulling together a

number of gifted and underutilized Black talent to show what is in store for this year’s wedding season.

For those unfamiliar, a styled shoot is a gathering of creatives who bring their work

together to display the possibilities of work that could come from the collaboration.

“These shoots are big moments in getting your foot in the door to network and build ties among others in your industry but

FEATURE

Flowers by florist Rodney Thompson, Cakes by Kinesheya Henderson of BrandedbyCakes

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

FEATURE

Every mom needs a break.

Schedule her escape today. invitations to them are scarce,” says Wallace.

That’s because for the most part, locally, a lot of the connections in the wedding industry are built from long standing business arrangements. These arrangements are not welcoming for newcomers or the inclusion of Black professionals to expand the field in Kansas City.

For instance, the larger venues in the city are majority white owned, so if there is a Black couple going through that venue they may be given what is known as a “preferred vendors list.” Someone looking just at that list may think Black professionals are not available in the field. Or, if they are going off the strength of the venue’s recommendation, it may seem as if there are not any qualified Black professionals worth mentioning.

Harrison points out that venues and wedding organizations will “use Black models in shoots. But you will seldom, if ever, see Black creatives behind the scenes, or Black business owners.”

The unwillingness to diversify vendor lists limits the options customers have without doing their own research. It is even harder when there is an ever-present old guard mentality gatekeeping access to the new vendors who are ready to carve out their territory in the market.

For some it spells unwanted competition toward larger scale clientele. Wallace and Harrison recount an event they threw for the Chiefs Football player, Frank Clark, for his son’s first birthday party at Fiorella’s Jack Stack.

“From the beginning we came in, and it’s just like they didn’t want to get us our respect. When we came in with our client, they assumed that we must have been his friend instead of professionals he sought out and hired,” says Harrison. “After planning the event and it going off as a success with a mixture of both Black and white vendors working together in this event, the only businesses tagged via social media by the venue were the white owned businesses— not even the main people responsible for creating the whole event.”

After moments like this, the team knew there needed to be a change. Instead of waiting for invitations to be included within the events community, they began creating their own Black owned collective filled with professionals from the community. They began looking to provide quality upscale resources for events such as weddings, while also helping to broaden and expand the culture of Black weddings as we know them.

Styled shoots like this are important for creating the much-needed visibility to show there is affordable cost. A good number of our creatives move to more lucrative cities in various industries, including the events scene, to gain larger profiles in their respective fields.

This lack of mainstream publicity forces

many Black creatives in the industry to seek out alternate means to get their work out to the masses. Many of the Black professionals praise social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram for bringing work in.

More recently, the popular app Clubhouse has played a big part in keeping the rather small Black events community connected with their counterparts in Black communities around the nation. So, when certain wedding sensations may take hold, they know about it first. These collectives are immensely important in fostering encouraging and supportive relationships instead of unhealthy competition due to the limited number of clientele in the area for Black event professionals.

When asked what a Black professional adds to the job that a white counterpart might miss, many Black professionals involved with the event said that they mostly add a new frame of thought. With the influx of self-taught innovators looking to bring the Black community something of their own, we can look forward to seeing innovation in the near future like we have never witnessed before.

The team of local Black professionals for this styled shoot is what I can describe, after meeting many of them, as the “Black wedding Avengers.” Bringing together the best, brightest, and up-and-coming individuals in the community to show what they can do. Included in this group are Black photographers, event venue owners, make up artists, cake decorators, florists, wine sales, and décor professionals. Each brings their own expertise and talents to create an experience that is new to the wedding scene in Kansas City.

As anyone with a basic knowledge of weddings could tell you, one of the most important parts of the event is the photography. Two young professionals from the Kansas City area who participated in the shoot are Shaun’Nita Washington of Golden Image Photography and Myles Vann of Myles V Photography. Both of whom are college educated individuals who inadvertently stumbled into event photography while working full-time jobs as they pursued their passions on the side.

Both Washington and Vann began their careers in the industry right before COVID-19 hit, bringing the wedding industry to a screeching halt. With the world starting to open back up and smaller, more controlled gatherings are starting to take place, both are finding that many in the Black community are hiring newer, less established photographers as opposed to more experienced, more expensive individuals with a larger portfolio.

For Washington, one of the obstacles is capturing each and every detail of one of the most important events of a person’s life.

“It’s my job to be patient and do every-

thing on my end to make sure that the stress is off of the client on their special day and they know I will do everything to get those memories that they will cherish forever,” says Washington.

Both photographers were lucky enough to study under more established professionals from within the Black community who guided them on their journey. Washington found a mentor in photographer Marie Rood of Lininger Rood Photography, now located in Tennessee, after meeting at an event for business professionals in 2019.

Vann gained an interest in wedding photography a year into his career after assisting his fellow Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity brother, Anthony Robinson, with a wedding. “[It was] interesting, just learning by seeing the different types of shots and angles he was getting,” Vann says. “[I] just studied the way he was able to create a story with the pictures he was taking” It can be hard for photographers to find older role models for guidance as many may view the increasing numbers in the field as unwanted competition. The importance of having a Black photographer is vital for the perspective of a Black vision to be captured.

Washington, a young Black woman building experience and defining her style, opposes the traditional, established, white, contemporary style.

“A new aspect and outlook that may be currently missing in local photography. Just a creative style with changes in style as it rapidly happens,” says Washington.

Conversely, Vann notices that his primary clients are those in the Black community, which has become a hallmark of his work.

“My photography can be described as professional and elegant, but also something unmistakably Black,” Vann says.

It also seems to be harder for young Black photographers with limited resources to break into the scene, as funds are a large determiner of the quality you can offer and display. Both photographers have recently established their respective websites, goldenimagephotog.com and mylesvann.com, to maximize online exposure and reach.

Location is a stressful part of the wedding industry for any couple looking to accommodate two separate groups of strangers in a cohesive event. In Kansas City there are few smaller outlets looking to provide spaces to the Black event market.

One upside of COVID-19 is the need for smaller groups for intimate gatherings.

Local business owners like Tanisha Mitchell of Stylez Remedy, Shardea Sheers of Vivid Events KC, and Shahidah Salaam of Life of The Party KC are using these locations to bring a wide assortment of events to the community.

“It’s a family-owned business, along with my husband and children,” says Sa-

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FEATURE

Shahidah Salaam owner of Elegant Affairs Event Space and Life of the Party KC. SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

laam, an event decorator and owner of two event spaces. “We opened Elegant Affairs event space and The Gallery in 2019, we had to close after the pandemic. But since things have started up, we have serviced around 25 weddings.”

In addition to weddings, Salaam’s business does a fair amount of work with baby showers, gender reveals, and birthday parties. We don’t happen to see a lot of behind the scenes work that goes into any given event. Pulling off successful larger events within the local Black community may consist of collaboration between other Black planners. Professionals in this field understand the need for cooperation to make weddings something classic and distinctive, while also propelling the careers of others in the Black community.

“I always add in my flavor,” Salaam says.

“That’s what sets me apart, we add a little bit of seasoning on everything we do in terms of décor. We bring glitz and glam to bring that upscale feel.”

Tynisha Mitchell, who stumbled upon the occupation by accident, began organiz-

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

ing smaller events for friends and family. In her six year tenure, she has become a major fixture in large scale luxury events like weddings. Many couples have opted to wait for the world to revert to some normalcy before attempting the already daunting task of planning and executing a wedding, let alone the wedding of their dreams. Even still, Mithcell has continued to hone her skills and elevate her capabilities in these tough times.

“Sales went down due to we are not able to do large numbers, but creativity went up,” says Mitchell, recounting the issues facing the industry with COVID-19 regulations.

“We had to do more virtual parties and drive by baby showers where people set up in a driveway and everything was distanced.”

When reflecting on what set her apart from both the classically trained white planners but also her Black cohorts, she informed that she is known for her “creativity, detail, and sass. That sass and not being afraid to use less formal, fun colors, or being able to think outside of the box is what sets my brand apart. I go outside of tradition.”

Mitchell is not at all worried about attracting clients to her resources as she has established herself as an innovative, independent visionary. At times that could be a downfall with difficult clients who walk into a consultation and try to bring unrealistic expectations of what an event will consist of given time and budget.

“I want to create an experience for the ones out there who can’t,” Mitchell says.

“When I see someone who comes in with every detail already made up in their mind, those are red flags as they have their vision and at times it’s hard for someone else to tap into your vision as you see it completely instead of working together”.

Perhaps one of the most important details for a bride, aside from the dress, will be hair and makeup. A Black woman’s hair is nothing to play with. It takes time, effort, and expertise to deal with, as well as developing the right tonal mixtures for makeup.

For Britanni Fontleroy from B.Rich Talks Beauty, beauty is a serious and delicate matter to be entrusted with by any woman on their wedding day. Hair and makeup in the Black community isn’t something that can be easily outsourced to someone outside the community, who may not understand the complexities of working with Black hair and skin.

Originally from Los Angeles, California, Fontleroy moved to Kansas City when her husband changed jobs four years ago.

Having been in the makeup game for the past 10 years and starting her own cosmetic line before moving to Kansas City, Fontleroy knew she had something to contribute to the scene.

“I basically picked all these different

Shay Philip’s Godly Fine Wine SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

Cake Pops by Life of the Party KC SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

ideas on how makeup is so important to all the industries. I am self-taught. I am doing this full time and I have been able to collaborate with a lot of different creatives, but I specialize in bridal,” says Fontleroy, who’s created partnerships like the ones with the others featured in the styled shoot. “I work hands-on with a lot of event planners, which we call glam squads, and create these super teams. There is comradery here but there is potential for more of us to come together as Black professionals on mass events to create a shift.”

When discussing the topic of Black skin tones and the complexity of blending, it was understood that outside artists may not know how to work around that. A lot of this also comes with an artist possessing the adequate number of shades that work on Black women of many colors. While the city may not be lacking in Black makeup artists, Fontleroy is looking forward to others getting involved in getting their names in the scene.

“I see the Black wedding scene being big and going beyond what anyone is expecting,” Fontleroy says. “We are doing such new and big projects in our creative expression.”

This, she says, requires access to funds in order to go above and beyond. One way people have been saving money is by altering their catering. Smaller, more confined events call for less food, which means the availability to find smaller, local providers to meet those needs.

One thing most couples would probably not want to skimp on is the wedding cake. The cake, in many cases, is the centerpiece for the whole reception. In Kansas City, Black bakers have applied their craft in

FEATURE

all event settings to make edible creations excite any creative imagination.

Kenisha Henderson, the owner of BranedByKCakes LLC, has been baking for three and a half years.

“It’s something I was always exposed to, but I would move away from it and come back to it,” says Henderson, who now bakes full time. For her there is never an off season, due to year-round cake orders for birthdays, holidays, and any other time people would like to enjoy a delicious treat on their table.

“The hardest thing was making the cakes, it’s a lot of trial and error and learning your way to a point where you just make it look easy,” Henderson says, while laughing.

“Some people do want to find a Black cake maker because there are just different, personal preferences for cakes and just the flavors that we are brought up liking.”

Developing a team is a strong hope for Henderson and brings more exposure to the massive undertaking that Black bakers in the field are shooting for, as weddings begin to start back up.

With the increase in numbers of Black professionals in widely known areas like event planning, design, hair, makeup, and photography, there is still a wide gap for smaller services that may be harder to break into.

Take for instance Rodney Thompson of Thompson Designs. Thompson has been in the business of flowers since he was twelveyears-old, and has watched the landscape change in terms of diversity, availability, and need for local florists.

“I used to go and clean up a flower shop after school, sweeping up the floor, dumping the trash, filling pots up with water. It got me $25 a week, which back then was a pretty nice amount for a kid,” says Thompson.

Since then, he has been using his skills as a florist to supplement his income. Flowers are a major part of most weddings, capturing the style and feel of the event, while highlighting the fashion and décor. Neighborhood florists have become virtually

Tanisha Chikwe of Stylez Remedy Events and Brittni Fontleroy of B.Rich.

obsolete as new businesses arise to put the most exotic plants and flowers at your fingertips with a call or online order instead of the in-person guidance offered by those still operating in a changing industry.

“You don’t see many flower shops anymore, let alone any these days ones run by a Black male florist,” says Thompson. “It used to be more of a common trade in the community for previous generations, but has slowly phased out for one reason or another—mostly, I would say, based [on] gender roles for what’s seen as man’s work.”

Thompson breaks down these stereotypes while creatively expanding what he can do with his craft. He decided to capitalize on the “paint ‘n sip” craze, using his knowledge of floral arranging to teach what he calls “Wine and Design”: classes over flo-

SHUN’NITA WASHINGTON

ral décor while enjoying a glass of wine.

One person in the Black community to contact for wine needs is Shay Philips, the woman behind Godly Fine Wine. Philips stands as one of barely two dozen Black wine producers in the country. Still relatively new, Philips created a large blanket of exposure through her wine and has capitalized on the need for a Black owned wine producer in the wedding sphere.

“Wine is something that is extremely spiritual to me. In the Bible, it talks about how one of Jesus’s first miracles was turning water into wine. Wine was served at the Last Supper,” Philips says.“Godly Fine Wine came from trying to create a vibe for a community that enjoys wine. The growth that comes from this wine is insane because we hope to be in stores this year.”

In this age we are seeing an increasing number of professionals in surprising places, emerging to bridge the gap for those who want to buy local while buying Black.

This team of Black professionals is taking on the old practices and stylistic norms of the traditional wedding scene and charging headfirst into the battle to make our ceremonies reflective of us.

For too long we have played by a playbook given to us and, out of fear or apprehension, dare not make deviations to the set up. However here in Kansas City, the overall feeling is truly optimistic. Moving forward won’t be moving alone. Together, perhaps making enough noise to get noticed will be the catalyst this movement needs, in order to take flight into a new era of Black wedding excellence.

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

CULTURE

SULK SMASH

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TO QUOTE THE PHILOSOPHER DURST: “GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BREAK”

BY LIZ COOK, PHOTOS BY ZACH BAUMAN

I am not a person who is prone to physical manifestations of anger. The rage I feel is a writer’s rage—the simmering, impotent rage that comes from having very small triceps and the shapeless body of an eel.

And yet I felt drawn—like an eel to a crayfish(?)—to Smash House, a collection of “rage rooms” in the West Bottoms. At Smash House, you can pay a stranger to break small appliances with a baseball bat. I found something intoxicating about the idea that for once, I could ruin things on purpose.

Plus, the paper would pay for it. [Editor’s note: She did not run this expense by us, but by nature of being published in The Pitch, this statement is now unquestionably true.

Well played.]

Here are some facts about Smash House: It opened in December in the basement of the Hy-Vee Arena. It has concrete floors and the acoustics of a trash compactor. Its logo features an enormous bare foot hadouken-ing through some drywall.

You are not allowed to visit Smash House with bare feet.

The business is the brainchild of Tim Hayes, Jr., pastor at the 24 Hour Faith Training Center. The connections between worship and whaling on a washing machine weren’t obvious to me, but Hayes makes them sound inevitable. He believes in the power of prayer, saying “I understand that there are times in life when we need physical therapy and not just spiritual therapy.”

I thought about that while I watched a dog that looked like Beethoven take a massive shit in the Smash House parking lot. It seemed like a good omen. I was waiting for my friend Taylor, who hasn’t yet learned to ignore my texts. I booked us a 15-minute couple’s appointment (“We are TWO mad,” the confirmation email read) for 6 p.m. on a Friday.

This turned out to be a popular time: We entered Smash House to a slapstick soundtrack of broken glass and aluminum rage. The cavernous space amplified every bat strike into a hollow scream. It was the aural equivalent of living inside a Ripple Glass bin.

This did not feel therapeutic. I asked the cashier how she managed. “It does get

CHECK IT OUT Smash House 1800 Genessee St, Suite 149 816-652-4553 smashhousekc.com a little overwhelming,” she admitted, then handed me and Taylor each a clipboard.

We signed a multi-page health and safety waiver (Hayes tells me finding an insurer for the business was “very challenging”), and then an enthusiastic woman handed us aluminum baseball bats and screwed hard hats onto our heads. We put on work gloves.

We put on safety glasses. We put on murder aprons. We were told a couple of rules that I couldn’t hear over the din but interpreted as “don’t hit people with bats.”

By that point, Taylor and I had begun communicating entirely through charades.

Taylor gestured toward a sign above the entrance to the actual rooms that labeled it a “construction zone.” She was saying: this seems imprecise.

We entered the inner sanctum together and clinked our baseball bats like champagne glasses.

Reader, we smashed.

The overall vibe was less “rage room” than “field hospital in the Pacific Theater.”

The “room” was an ethereal suggestion, delineated by black plastic sheeting draped over tension rods. But we weren’t there for the aesthetics; we were there to wreck them.

The room was filled with all kinds of appealing victims: a crumpled microwave, a washer drum, a large wooden box that might have once contained gardening supplies. Wine bottles and home VHS tapes polka-dotted the floor.

My primary reservation was that everything was on one level. Because I am an eel with back problems, I tried tossing a bottle into the air and hitting it with my bat like a baseball.

A large shard of glass careened past my cheek like an errant satellite. I did not do this again.

Despite the safety gear, nothing about

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CULTURE

Smash House feels especially safe. That’s partly what makes it so fun. For 15 minutes, I got to crunch over a field of mulched glass, studding my sneaker soles with shards. I got to pry a screw-studded board loose with my bat and send it spiraling across the room, inches from Taylor. I got to perform a gong solo on a washing machine; I got to be the ache in someone else’s skull.

At first, I kept looking over my shoul-

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

der, waiting for an RA to come in and break up the party. When no one came, the cortisol drained from my body. It was replaced by the mischief hormone, which has the tiny, gleeful voice of a goblin. The voice whooped: “NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU, SOMEHOW.” I ground the butt of my bat into a VHS tape until it ralphed onto the floor. The tape was surprisingly fun to unmake, but it still

seemed like an odd inclusion—more so when I nudged its intestines apart with my shoe and noticed the hand-drawn label.

I began to wonder if I was engaging in “physical therapy” or just destroying evidence. I paused to inspect the videocassettes while Taylor disemboweled a microwave.

Most of them were scrawled with something sports-related: “OKC vs Miami Heat” or “NBA All-Star.” But there were some weird ones, too: A Good Day to Die Hard (2013).

Django Unchained (2012).

Hayes tells me he inherited “crates” of the VHS tapes from a relative. He’d only wanted the crates; taking the tapes was a concession.

A couple employees periodically slid into the “room” armed with more bottles and bootleg tapes for our deconstruction. They did this so quietly, I was terrified I was going to accidentally bean them with the business end of a bat. Neither of them seemed concerned. Everyone at Smash House is chill, presumably because they spend so much time at Smash House.

When I first made the appointment, I had wondered how Taylor and I were going to spend 15 minutes just hitting things.

Inside the tarps, the time flew. I don’t know that I’d spend $90 on the experience again, but it was more fun than I’d imagined. I

didn’t feel especially soothed by the end of it, but I did feel like I’d had a pretty good workout. My only injuries were self-inflected: blisters from where I’d gripped the baseball bat too tight.

Smash House has cheaper sessions for the rage-curious. The one-off appointments range from “I’m Mad” (5 minutes; $20) to “I’m on the Edge” (30 minutes; $100). Repeat patients can save money by going with a monthly package. The most expensive of these is $400 a month (covering two “I’m on the Edge” sessions a week, plus swag) and is ominously subtitled “For anyone who is trying to take their life back.” Hayes tells me he hasn’t sold any of those yet—“we’re really not expecting that kind of clientele until post-pandemic.”

As jaw-dropping as that expense might seem, there’s a logic to it. Trash is free, but transporting it (and disposing of it responsibly) isn’t. Plus, the fun stuff—the appliances, the electronics—can be tough to find.

Smash House depends heavily on donations.

If you’ve been waiting to jettison an old tube TV, you can call them up and skip the disposal fee.

Smash House isn’t asking for more videotapes, but I think you should throw some in if you’ve got ‘em. At some point, Hayes is going to run out. His uncle has a DVR now.

CULTURE

Caption

CREDIT

thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

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The cows of Morning Glory Farms.

KENDRA DANN PHOTOGRAPHY

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

DINING

(WHAT’S THE STORY) MORNING GLORY FARMS? A BLACKWATER JERKY BILTONG GODLY FOUNDATIONS BY ANNE KNIGGENDORF Tiffanie Weekley is a lot of things: a mother, a nurse, and a lactation consultant. But she’s also a cattle farmer and, as such, a beef jerky pioneer in Missouri. More specifically, a biltong pioneer.

Biltong is a Dutch word that amounts to “meat strip” and has long been a popular snack in South Africa. What sets it apart from the beef jerky most meat snack enthusiasts are familiar with in the United States is its lack of chemical preservatives like nitrates and the addition of sugar.

Weekley uses a recipe that includes antimicrobial ingredients such as vinegar, salt, and pepper, and the rest of the preservation process is all about drying the strips of beef and, later, getting the proper seal on the bag.

“It’s straight-up protein that tastes fantastic,” she says.

Her new enterprise, which falls under Morning Glory Farms out of Blackwater, Missouri, surprised her as much as it did anyone.

After weighing the pros and cons of Chinese versus South African biltong dryers, she purchased three South African dehydrators from Lo Krijger, two of which were paid for by a Missouri Meat and Poultry Processing Grant.

Weekley says her new enterprise stemmed from a desire to improve her family’s health and the need to diversify her farm’s offerings during the pandemic.

The first part of her quest began years ago when the youngest of her three children suffered from debilitating gluten and dairy allergies. Doctors suggested a drug regimen and abstinence from grain and dairy, and that didn’t sit well with Weekley.

As a registered nurse and lactation consultant, she has a lot of connections to people who spend huge amounts of time considering more holistic solutions to troubles like those facing her son. One friend explained that she saw the boy’s inability to process those foods as the result of a broken gut.

So, they made a plan: “Let’s change the diet and heal the gut,” Weekley says. thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

The Biltong drying process for jerky. Photo Kendra Dann Photography. Below: Tiffanie Weekley making it happen.

Right around that time, her husband Tim lost the employee who had overseen cattle operations on Weekley Farms, Morning Glory Farms’ (fraternal) twin operation.

To Weekley, this seemed a divinely inspired turn of events.

She took responsibility for the 100 plus cows on the farm—including their nutrition.

“I know you probably can’t talk about God, but this is how God works in my life,” she says.

Up until that point, the farm freely used antibiotics on the cows and administered steroids for faster growth. They also teetered back and forth between GMO and non-GMO feed; they farmed organically but also conventional. Weekley says that money-wise it made sense to feed conventional feed and confine the animals toward the end of their lives so that they’d only eat corn and gain weight more quickly.

However, this traditional regimen wasn’t great for the cows’ guts, their microbiomes. So, she stopped with the antibiotics, unless a cow was actually ill. Weekly also stopped the practice of confining the cattle at the finish, allowing them to switch to grass as needed, to balance the PH of their guts.

“I tried to make sure that what I fed them was something I would want to feed my son with a gut that wasn’t quite healthy,” Weekley says.

She began making bone broth for her family, an attempt to use what she had right in front of her to heal her son. Weekley slow simmers bones and joints for 24 to 48 hours, adding in thyme, parsley, and garlic for their anti-inflammatory qualities. The resultant broth is rich in amino acids, minerals, and vitamins, and helps with the overall absorp-

tion of nutrients into the system.

This plan worked well, and after a while, her son was able to process gluten again.

He’s back on milk, too, albeit a different kind. “He can only handle A2 protein milk.

We just have a much healthier kid,” she says.

Healing and educating with food is a large part of Weekley’s personal and professional mission and helped her diversify when the need arose. And it did.

During the Great Meat Panic of 2020, Weekley explains, “Consumers’ mindsets changed, and they wanted to accumulate as much food as possible in case they ran out.

They started contacting farmers and saying they wanted to buy half a beef.”

This change in consumer behavior caused a log jam in Missouri’s meat processing facilities.

“The wall that we hit was that these processors were inundated with all of this new business, and I couldn’t get appointments for my cattle to be slaughtered. So, I had no choice. Either I slaughter them early, or I slaughter them way late when they’re old—I hate to use the word slaughter… harvest is better—when they’re way overweight and then they’re too fat,” she says.

Enter the biltong.

Family friend and entrepreneur Al Hatfield, who’s rich in ideas, had an idea for Weekley. Hatfield lives in Florida but owns several farms and two Bed and Breakfasts in Missouri, horses in Florida and Minnesota, and the Pedal Pub franchise, among other things.

He reports that he told Weekley: “You’ve got the beef, and they’re treated very well, and you have a great reputation in the beef business, it would be natural for you to go into this South African product, because there’s very little of it in the United States,

KENDRA DANN PHOTOGRAPHY

very few producers, whereas there are tons of people producing beef jerky.”

The two conducted an informal taste test with Hatfield’s favorite beef jerky, a product out of South Dakota. Once all of their tasters concurred that it had a highly desirable jerky flavor, they set out to replicate the seasoning in the better-for-you biltong.

“That will allow people to transition more easily into it from beef jerky, which they’re buying presently and tends to be much thicker than biltong,” Hatfield, who acts as Weekley’s business consultant, says.

Weekley says that as of this printing her product should be available in some stores around Kansas City and through Barn2Door; she just cleared the state inspection hurdles in mid-April.

As the product hopefully grows in popularity, she plans to use it as a tool to educate her customers about good nutrition and maybe heal some more broken guts out there.

“It’s such hard work. You have to get the right cut of meat, you have to marinade it, then you have to hang it. You have to wait five days,” Weekley explains. “There’s an art to it, but it’s such a wonderful tasting product. It’s amazing.”

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DINING

EAT THIS NOW WORDS AND PHOTOS BY APRIL FLEMING

Ssong’s Hot Dog 10308 Metcalf Ave, Overland Park, KS ssongshotdogks.com

Before becoming a parent, I couldn’t have told you the last time I ate a hot dog.

Now that I have a three-year-old, my life is somewhat sadly awash in cheap meat sticks. When deployed properly, a hot dog can turn a crappy toddler mood around in no time (they are also, objectively, actually pretty good, whether I like it or not). So recently, as the kid was on the verge of melting down on a drive through Overland Park, I stopped at the new Ssong’s Hot Dog at 103rd and Metcalf. I grabbed what I’d hoped would be a day-saving snack.

Ssong’s Hot Dog offers Korean hot dogs—a treat that most Americans (including myself prior to this visit) aren’t aware is a whole thing. To make a Korean-style hot dog, the franks (or other ingredients like mozzarella cheese or imitation crab) are dredged in a rice flour batter before being coated in panko bread crumbs, then deep-fried. It looks and smells like state fair food—but the thing that takes them to whoa this is awesome is the rice flour batter. The panko makes for super crunchy bite, but then you get the chew from the gluten in the rice flour. And while maybe a crunchy, chewy, corn dog at first suggestion might not sound great, I’m here to tell you that I ate my kid’s hot dog and had to order another for her. Yes, I stole hot dogs from a baby, and it’s just as easy as stealing candy—albeit more savory! Then I felt compelled to try the crab and then the cheese varieties. It saved her day, and ended up being a delightful surprise for me. With apologies in advance to my body (this is not health food), I know we’ll be back.

DRINK THIS NOW For the years of struggle it required for Kansas City to finally get its downtown convention hotel, the opening of the Loews Kansas City Hotel should have been a bigger deal. But fate had the massive new property open in the Fall of 2020, when (to no one’s surprise) few people prioritized the debut of a destination so associated The Stilwell with mass gatherings, especially at a time when we were being advised against and the Stilwell Bar even visiting immediate family for the holidays.

1525 Wyandotte Avenue, The delays in timing, however, may have somewhat honed the skills of the Kansas City, MO hotel’s restaurant and bar staff in creating the flagship restaurant’s menu and thestilwellkc.com cocktail program. The Stilwell and the Stilwell Bar, run by Chef de Cuisine Patrick LeBeau and Thomas Turner, have been waiting to release their debut menus for several months, and during that delay, LeBeau and Turner made tweaks and refinements to dishes, cocktails, and their preparations. You can see the effort in the KC Boxcar, a cocktail designed to pair with what may be the restaurant’s signature dish, a reimagined clam chowder that is not really a soup at all. It’s a memorable dish of fresh clams, seared vegetables, and near-perfect Brioche croutons in an herby butter sauce.

The KC Boxcar is a savory citrus cocktail that starts with sun-dried tomato-infused J. Rieger & Co. vodka that is shaken with lime juice and demerara (a simple syrup made with dark sugar instead of refined sugar). The cocktail is finished with a few drops of sun-dried tomato oil. To see the pale yellow drink you would have little sense of what it tastes like, but the smell and taste give you everything your eyes can’t. The flavor of sundried tomatoes is wonderfully forward, and it makes the already very good chowder dish more rich and complex. It’s a good reminder of what professional minds in the industry can do. While as guests we can’t make up for the lost year, we can try these things now and be grateful that hospitality has waited for us. Being, y’know, hospitable.

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

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Scavenger Hunt 26

EVENTS

REDISCOVER KC GOT YOUR RESTING PITCH FACES ON

BY SAVANNAH HAWLEY

The weekend of April 9-11 marked The Pitch’s inaugural Spring Scavenger.

All over Kansas City, nearly 80 teams safely ventured out to reunite with their friends and family, visit our favorite spots, and take some glorious photos.

There were teams dressed up as dinosaurs, witches, and Ted Lasso—some even had resting pitch faces while parading around the city.

Our Get Out and Rediscover KC event gave recognition to three winners: favorite team name, best team costume, and the overall winner. Resting Pitch Face got our vote for best name, because obviously, and the KC Diamond Dogs won best costume for their immaculate Ted Lasso gear.

But the crème de la crème was, by far, Team Single Ladies.

They found the most clues and took some stellar photos. For that, they received $1,000 in cash and over $800 in gear from our sponsors.

The Spring Scav’ was a welcome, distanced breath of fresh air after a year of separation.

We can’t wait to see more of you, Kansas City.

THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

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ART

RELATIVELY SPEAKING WHITE HAWK’S KEMPER EXHIBIT IS A REJECTION OF INDIGENOUS ANNIHILATION

BY EMILY COX

“Everything here is formed in relation to every other living and nonliving thing from the earth. All our relations.”

—There There by Tommy Orange Dyani White Hawk’s work is a declaration of those relationships. The objects created by hands, the words spoken by mouths, the patterns passed down by generations, the new materials alongside the old. The strength in relationship between those who have survived genocide. The relationship to the generations yet to come. She illuminates this web of relatives.

White Hawk (Sičáŋǧu Lakota) is a contemporary artist and curator based in Minneapolis. Her solo exhibition Speaking to Relatives is currently on view at the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art through May 16. She transcribes historical imagery into modern forms and contexts, using painting, sculpture, photography, and video installation. White Hawk uses both abstract forms and representational imagery in calling up collective history and present.

The abstract expressionists that dominated the mid-twentieth century art world purported to express some pure universal truth, they were often inspired by—that is, they appropriated from—Indigenous artists whose work was simultaneously derided as decorative. While the paintings of Pollock, de Kooning, and the like were treated as apolitical and ahistorical, nothing ever truly is. While the Ab-Ex crew thought they were rising above autobiography, their work still tells the story of theft and supremacy.

White Hawk’s Stealing Horses Back cuts sharp contrasting columns of black and white beads that give way to boldly colored geometric patterns at the bottom of the canvas. The title of the piece feels like a “fuck you” that also points to the reclamation of form, of art, of place.

White Hawk picks up abstract meditations on form without dropping the historical context within which she is creating work. Her colors, shapes, textures, and patterns are drawing on materials and the visual vocabulary of Native histories. She embraces the forms created by Indigenous women that were once (and at times, still are) dismissed as lesser. Čaŋté Skúya (Sweetheart) is a painting of two pairs of moccasins, nearly abstract-

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

ed by the large scale and focus on detail. Set against a bright blue background, she brings full attention to the intricate patterns and colors stitched into these shoes. With the “sweetheart” of the title, and the two pairs nestled together like a couple, she emphasizes connection and relationship.

Her work puts the patterns, styles, and materials of Indigenous art/craft at the fore.

Dyani White Hawk, Sičáŋǧu Lakota, born 1976, in collaboration with photographer Tom Jones, Ho-Chunk, born 1964, I Am Your Relative (detail), 2020, photo-sculpture, dimensions variable. © Dyani White Hawk COURTESY OF THE ARTIST AND BOCKLEY GALLERY, MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA.BOCKLEY GALLERY, MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA

CHECK IT OUT

Speaking to Relatives Dyani White Hawk Through May 16, 2021 Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art 4420 Warwick Boulevard Kansas City, MO 64111

She centers and celebrates the creative work that was not just the work of her ancestors, but which remains alive and evolving in the present.

Commanding the center of the gallery is a photographic work suspended from the ceiling, I Am Your Relative. Six Indigenous women stand wearing black t-shirts and brightly colored and patterned skirts. Across

their shirts reads a collective message: “I am / more than your desire / more than your fantasy / more than a mascot / ancestral love prayer sacrifice / your relative.”

On the reverse of these life-size photos, the back of the women’s shirts list which nation(s) from which they hail, including Diné, Anishinaabe, Quechan, and more.

The presence of these women is a

Dyani White Hawk: Speaking to Relatives, February 18–May 16, 2021, Charlotte Crosby Kemper Gallery, Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art. E. G. SCHEMPF, 2021

force in the room. This is an artwork whose meaning and impact requires seeing it in person. Just reading the sentence on their shirts is not the point. They are here, taking up space, speaking collectively, and calling the viewer in as family. “I am your relative,” they say. Standing in the gallery, with your sisters speaking before you, you are compelled to listen.

Surrounding I Am Your Relative are eight screens playing videos of Indigenous women speaking their mother tongues. The space is filled softly with their voices overlapping.

This video installation, LISTEN, immerses viewers in the sounds of the languages native to the land we are living on.

The wall text asks, how many languages you

can identify by sound? While most of us can identify languages like Russian, French, Chinese—we cannot differentiate between Yupik and Cherokee, Seneca and Kiowa.

Through genocide and cultural erasure, current inhabitants of this continent are generally disconnected from languages indigenous to it.

“LISTEN aims to chip away at one of

the biggest challenges facing Native people, the tremendous lack of knowledge among the American public regarding Native people, history, and our contemporary tribal nations,” the wall text reads. “Because the full national history of this land is not taught in our public education systems, most Americans are largely oblivious to the history and contemporary realities of Native people.” thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

ART

T he 6 th A nnual

THERE WERE ONCE 300 LANGUAGES SPOKEN ON THE LAND THAT IS NOW THE UNITED STATES. ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTYFIVE ARE STILL SPOKEN—THOUGH MANY OF THOSE ARE AT SERIOUS RISK OF BEING LOST. LISTEN names the viewer’s obliviousness and challenges us to do something about it. Will we allow ourselves to remain ignorant? While the installation itself invites the viewer to expand our awareness, there is an implicit call for the viewer to do the work of self-education beyond the confines of the gallery, as well.

In each video, a woman speaks in her language, standing on land to which she is indigenous, interspersed with beautiful shots of that land—trees, grasses, butterflies. They are sharing stories and experiences, but there are no subtitles. The viewer is immersed in the language itself, its sounds.

It’s a powerful, counterintuitive artistic choice. If we were reading the subtitles, we wouldn’t really be listening to their voices.

Without subtitles, without understanding specific meanings, viewers must tune into details. Hearing the cadence of their voice, the sounds of their particular combinations of consonants and vowels, the visual power of knowing they sit on their ancestral land.

There were once 300 languages spoken on the land that is now the United States.

One hundred and seventy-five are still spoken—though many of those are at serious risk of being lost. This installation is a gift.

It felt like a privilege to hear languages, like Cocopah and Hočąk, that I had not heard before.

White Hawk also points to the silencing of Native art practices in her Carry series, a collection of sculptures of tobacco bags and ladled vessels in the style of those that would be used in ceremonies, except here they are oversized and non-functional. She nods to the treatment of Native arts as strictly util-

itarian: What happens when utility is taken away, when she makes them unusable? She interrogates how Indigenous arts have appeared in cultural institutions—typically as “functional arts,” separate from “fine arts.”

Why can these sculptures be treated as “fine art,” while a traditional beaded tobacco bag is not treated as such? Is fine art defined by its lack of utility?

You’ve probably seen beaded tobacco bags in a museum before. But probably in a stuffy cultural wing displaying Native American works from the 19th century. Segregated and relegated to an artifact of days gone by. White Hawk’s work emphasizes a living culture, worthy of the largest gallery in the museum.

Choosing to make these sculptural vessels oversized, they command space, they stand high, you have to look up at them, move your body around them. They are literally elevated, appearing to hover in the air on their own strips of sinew. The bright bead patterns and shiny metals feel joyous and celebratory. When you’re under the thumb of oppression, the creation of beautiful objects is an essential resistance through pleasure.

That pleasure and celebration of connection, of relation, of communal culture is the glowing thread running through this show encompassing ten years of White Hawk’s work.

This show is about presence. About not just the survival of genocide, but creation that comes in the wake of that survival. It is a declaration of space, of place in culture, history, and collective consciousness. It is a rejection of erasure. A dialogue through time.

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KCMOTattoo . com thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

31

MUSIC

Above: Brad Allen, Brooks Rice, Danny Pound, D.E. Benson at Brownie’s, NYC in 1995.

HAMMEL Left: Backstage at Day on the Hill, May 7, 1994.

POSTHUMOUS PROMETHEUS KANSAS’ VITREOUS HUMOR HAS THEIR EYES ON THE PRIZE BY NICK SPACEK

Originally formed in Topeka back in 1988 (by Danny Pound, Brad Allen, and Dan Benson, with the later addition of Brooks Rice), Vitreous Humor hasn’t played a show since 1996, when the band broke up. How is it that this indie-rock quartet is selling out pressings of Posthumous—their sole fulllength collection—25 years later?

Never underestimate the appeal of “obscure Midwestern proto-emo” as a descriptor. Vitreous Humor’s connection to the venerable Crank! label means that any search of that record company’s discography will reveal the Kansas band. One with ties to genre stalwarts like Mineral, Cursive, the Icarus Line, Boys Life, and Jimmy Eat World.

Allen, the band’s original bassist and later guitarist, has an intriguing theory as to why the release of Posthumous—out this month from Ernest Jenning Record Co.—is doing so well. In her upcoming book, On Compromise: Art, Politics, and the Fate of an

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

American Ideal, author Rachel Greenwald Smith talks about bands she liked from her teen years in Portland.

“She was saying some of the bands clearly were not technically good, or even maybe that good at all,” Allen explains.

“They meant something to her because it was her life and her culture, right? So is Vitreous Humor just part of a moment or is it something that might have some appeal beyond that all this?”

Allen is now the executive director of the Lawrence Public Library. He feels slightly vindicated regarding the album, given that people that he knows and respects have enjoyed it with no twisting of their arms.

“What is the point?” Allen asks rhetorically. “To me, it’s like, ‘What is the point of listening to four young guys from Kansas make super loud music 25 years ago? Does it have any relevance?’ It seems like there very much is a ‘90s nostalgia going on, although

how can I be objective about this? I feel like a lot of the music that we played aged relatively well. It could have some level of universality to it.”

Pound appeared last June on the Washed Up Emo podcast hosted by Tom Mullen. Prior to that, Allen and Pound say that the discussion around reissuing their material had primarily been of a “should we get our money together and do a small pressing ourselves and just put it out?” kind of thing. The pair felt a nagging sense of needing to do something with it.

“I think both of us were just like, ‘Yeah, you know, it’s probably never going to happen,’” Pound says over the phone when I speak with him a week after talking to Allen.

“It just falls through the cracks. Even though we knew there was interest out there maybe there just isn’t that level of interest where somebody is willing to front money.”

Even though Pound had seen interest in past projects—courtesy of a Bandcamp page where he’d shared releases from the post-Vitreous Humor project The Regrets— he wasn’t sure as to the level of support until he did Washed Up Emo. “I was suddenly getting Facebook messages from random people who were like, ‘That was great!’” Pound recalls. “Maybe they’ve been waiting to hear about it. It was surprising but to me, the music part is the only thing I was interested in. I just wanted people to hear that stuff because I’d like to say it doesn’t quite fit in, you know? Vitreous Humor’s stuff—it’s a little bit out there.

I wasn’t sure that the emo crowd would pick it up.”

Pound says that he worried Vitreous Humor wasn’t around long enough for people to have much of an idea of who they truly were. The podcast appearance became a burst of catharsis.

“I got to finally tell the story,” explains Pound “It’s nice to be able to at least say, ‘This is how it seemed to me. The whole

KORI GARDNER

COURTESY BRAD ALLEN

thing, you know? Not just our band but that entire time period and the people who were involved.”

That interview also ended up being the impetus for Ernest Jenning Record Co.’s Pete D’Angelo to put into reality something which had been a free-floating idea for years.

“This was a record that I just had always loved,” D’Angelo says of Posthumous. “I still have the CD copy of it that I got 23 years ago and so it was on that list that I have: a random note that has about 20 records on it that it’s like, ‘One day, wouldn’t it be great to press these things?’ Every once in a while, a weird lead comes up or something and you get a hint that something might be possible.”

D’Angelo describes the Vitreous Humor reissue as being a weird convergence of three or four different things happening at the same time that all pointed toward this being a possible release from the label. First, Nick Gordon, a good friend of D’Angelo’s and of the label, is from Kansas and grew up with the members of the band.

“I had floated the idea by Nick years ago: ‘One day, we’ll do that Vitreous Humor record,’” recalls D’Angelo. “He came back with, ‘You say the word and I’ll hit up Danny.’”

Then, Pound appeared on Washed Up Emo, where he stated in regards to the band’s self-titled EP, “I’d love to get that thing remastered—do a little bit of vinyl and just see that thing live again,” and in regards to the band’s whole catalog, “If someone’s like, ‘Hey, I run a little label. I wanna do some vinyl for you guys,’ let’s do it.”

“Another buddy of mine named Anthony Roman–who was in Garden Variety and Radio 4–put something on Twitter about Vitreous Humor,” continues D’Angelo. “We were chatting back and forth: “Did you hear that interview Danny did the other day? You know, they’re looking for somebody.” It kind of got all the wheels turning. I was like, ‘Oh, the band wants to do this right now. There

MUSIC

Above Left: The band performs at Empty Bottle. Above Right: Backstage at Day on the Hill, May 7, 1994

IV Hydration therapy for:

are people talking about it,” and so I just sent a message to Nick that was like, “I think now’s the time—put us in touch,’ and—I’m not exaggerating—within about three hours it had been decided. We were chatting with the band and figuring out that this was happening.”

Since then, things have moved rather quickly. The band reconnected via Zoom,

as you do during a pandemic. Producer Bob Weston was recruited to remaster Posthumous’ tracks. The pre-order was announced in early March, and the first pressing sold out in its first 48 hours. Another pressing fresh on its heels. And a third already in the works, thanks to orders from as far away as Japan and Germany. [With, obviously, plenty of local interest as well.]

COURTESY BRAD ALLEN

Despite the fast-track from concept to reality, the members of Vitreous Humor are excited and thrilled that the return of Posthumous is being greeted so warmly.

“It’s been a highlight of this pandemic, just getting to play around with this stuff,” Allen says. “To have Bob Weston remaster it and get reconnected with Bob—it’s been neat getting on Zoom calls. I haven’t seen Brooks

in a long time. It just provided a little bit of a respite from this insanity. I don’t think it was necessarily based on COVID-19, so much as the random serendipity of friends and old fans.”

“It’s gratifying,” concludes Pound.

“There are a few record nerds out there who know this weird little band that was only in existence for a few years. So yeah, it’s great.”

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thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

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FILM

THE WOMAN IN THE WINDOW

THE PITCH’S SUMMER 2021 MOVIE GUIDE

indie game Firewatch (or maybe you played it years ago. Whatever.) Those Who Wish Me Dead doesn’t feature any middle-aged men whose wives have early-onset dementia.

However, it does feature fire towers, national parks, and forest fires, as well as Angelina Jolie being a badass. They had me at fire towers, honestly.

AFTER INNUMERABLE DELAYS, LAST YEAR’S BIGGEST FILMS FINALLY ARRIVE BY ABBY OLCESE

Army of the Dead May 21, Netflix Roger Ebert said movies are a machine that generates empathy. He also said, “if we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do.”

It’s good when movies are about things, but sometimes they’re just for fun. Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead hits Netflix in May. It’s got Dave Bautista, Garret Dillahunt, and a CGI-inserted Tig Notaro fighting undead showgirls and Elvis impersonators. Do you really need anything else?

Summer is approaching, and things are, thankfully, starting to look pretty different from where we were a year ago. This time last year, theaters and studios were trying their damndest to keep moviegoers coming to theaters despite frequent statements from both moviegoers and the CDC that it wasn’t a safe proposition. Thanks to the miracle of science (do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Dolly Parton?) many folks are fully vaccinated—or on their way there—and going back to the theater is looking pretty promising. For those who don’t feel safe going back to a theater yet, studios are slowly figuring out ways to hybridize their releases so there are plenty of options to watch at home.

In either case, this summer provides a wealth of exciting viewing options, including movies that were held over from last year’s schedule and some returning familiar faces. In any case, it’s just nice to have something to get excited about again, whether you’re rejoining safely distanced groups of strangers in a theater or still watching from

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

your couch. Mark your calendars for these upcoming standouts.

STREAMING OPTIONS: The Woman in the Window May 14, Netflix We’ve all felt like we’re under house arrest this last year. Why not watch a movie about a woman who’s literally trapped in her home?

Amy Adams plays an agoraphobe who sees her neighbor (Julianne Moore) murdered by her husband (Gary Oldman) through her apartment window. Or did she? There are some Rear Window hijinks going on in this adaptation of A.J. Finn’s book. The script comes from Tracy Letts, the cleverly twisted mind behind Bug, August: Osage County, and Killer Joe—which is reason enough to be intrigued.

Those Who Wish Me Dead May 14, theatrical/HBO Max If you’re like me, you started playing video games last year and came across the great

In the Heights June 11, theatrical/HBO Max After 2020 caused Hamilton to skip theaters and go VOD, it’s nice that Lin-Manuel Miranda gets another shot at theatrical release.

In the Heights is poised to be 2021’s big summer blockbuster. Early reactions to this adaptation of LMM’s breakthrough musical have been extremely positive, and pre-existing love for the show itself is strong. By the middle of June, you may be ready to escape to an air-conditioned theater and

enjoy a bright, fun story about the lives of folks in New York’s Washington Heights with a room full of distanced, masked, and hopefully vaxxed strangers. But it’ll still be simultaneously available on HBO Max, just in case you’re not.

Luca June 18, Disney+ Disney and Pixar’s next film, which releases directly to Disney+, comes from director Enrico Casarosa who previously made the adorable Pixar short La Luna (the one about the family who cleans shooting stars off the moon). Casarosa’s feature debut follows a pair of young boys having summer adventures in an Italian seaside village. They’re hiding a secret, though: the boys are both sea monsters disguised as humans, and the villagers historically hate their kind.

Reminiscence Aug. 27, theatrical/HBO Max The details on Reminiscence are, for the moment, pretty sparse; there’s only been a teaser that dispensed almost no information. What we do know, however, is intriguing. It’s written and directed by Westworld co-creator Lisa Joy. In it, a scientist (Hugh Jackman) discovers a way to relive the past—this is different from time travel somehow(?)—and uses it to look for a lost love (Rebecca Ferguson). That premise and casting project some potential The Fountain vibes, which would work well with Joy’s established track record.

FILM THEATRICAL RELEASES: Spiral May 21 Overland Park’s own Darren Lynn Bousman returns to the franchise that made his name with Spiral, the long-delayed latest addition to the Saw series. This time around, Bousman directs surprising-but-welcome stars Chris Rock, Samuel L. Jackson, and Max Minghella, who play cops tangoing with a Jigsaw copycat killer who appears to be targeting law enforcement.

Cruella May 28, theatrical/Disney+ premiere access Listen, I know the rest of the internet is rolling their eyes at Cruella, and I get it: this is absolutely an unnecessary studio cash-grab.

But hear me out: it might not suck. Tony McNamara co-wrote the screenplay, and his writing worked wonders for Emma Stone in The Favourite. Craig Gillespie, who last made I, Tonya, is in the director’s chair. That’s a combination of elements that could add up to something pretty fun if we’re willing to give it a chance.

Fast & Furious 9 June 25 By now you’ve seen the trailer for F9, right?

You probably watched it last year, when we all thought we’d see it in 2020. Then you watched the new trailer last month to remind yourself

how rad it’s going to be. Justin Lin is directing again. John Cena is playing Vin Diesel’s evil long-lost brother, challenging Dom Torretto’s lifelong assertion of #family. We might finaly get cars in space. Oh, and Han is back. I’m ready, you’re ready, we’re all ready. Let’s do it.

If there was anything that absolutely needs to be seen in a theater, here it f ’ing is.

Zola June 30 Director Janicza Bravo teamed up with celebrated playwright Jeremy O. Harris (Slave Play) to adapt a viral tweet thread into a movie that got an outstanding reception at Sundance last year just before things shut down.

Cinephiles have been eagerly awaiting Zola, about a stripper who takes a trip to Florida with a new friend that spirals out of control, ever since. Distributor A24 only exacerbated matters with frequent teases (but no actual date confirmation) on social media for months. It’s finally almost here, and I couldn’t be more excited.

The Night House July 16 Director David Bruckner has been a steadily growing, dependable horror filmmaking hand since 2007’s The Signal. Bruckner’s latest—The Night House—is another delayed 2020 Sundance release that picked up favorable notices after its premiere, particularly for its effective use of sound and jump scares.

Rebecca Hall plays a woman reeling from her

husband’s suicide, and possibly haunted by an unknown, supremely creepy presence in the lake house he built for them. It all sounds very promising, but maybe don’t buy a big bucket of popcorn beforehand, lest you end up like that poor schlub in the AMC Theaters pre-roll.

Old July 23 When the trailer for M. Night Shyamalan’s Old unexpectedly showed up before this year’s Super Bowl, it was a weird and welcome surprise. It’s got a crackerjack cast including Gael Garcia Bernal and Vicky Krieps, who visit a beach with their family where they and a group of other folks start rapidly aging for unknown reasons. Yes, the goofy title and the fact it’s a Shyamalan joint mean it could be a total disaster. However, even that man’s disasters are typically interesting. Trainwreck or no, it’ll likely be worth checking out.

The Green Knight July 30 The Green Knight is another delayed 2020 movie from A24, this time coming from A Ghost Story’s David Lowery. It’s a retelling of the Arthurian legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, with Dev Patel playing Gawain. The material seems like a departure for Lowery, whose interest in lore and mysticism usually tips toward Americana. However, the legend’s themes of mortality, identity, and honor are right up his alley. The trailer gives

off strong A24 horror vibes (think Midsommar and The Witch). For a specific subset of movie fans, that signifies we’ll be in for a real treat.

The Suicide Squad Aug. 6 When it was announced James Gunn would be taking on The Suicide Squad, both a sequel and corrective to David Ayer’s bleak and messy 2016 movie, you could hear the collective cheer go up across the internet. Gunn is a great fit for this material, more because of his edgier pre-Marvel work like Super than for his Guardians of the Galaxy movies, and the trailers released so far reflect that. In addition to a gonzo style and impressive cast, the movie also prominently features local boy-made-good David Dastmalchian, who plays beloved DC character...(checks notes) Polka-Dot Man. Candyman Aug. 27 It’s been delayed and delayed, but cross your fingers, it looks like Nia DaCosta’s Candyman “spiritual sequel” will hit theaters at the end of August. Horror fans have been champing at the bit for DaCosta’s movie for what feels like forever, and I personally can’t wait to see what socially-conscious terrors she and co-writer and producer Jordan Peele have in store for us. It should be a fitting cap on what looks to be a promising summer movie season.

thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

35

KC CARES

KANSAS CITY CENTER FOR INCLUSION (KCCI)

BY BROOKE TIPPIN

Over a plate of pancakes, a close friend have access to the necessary materials and of mine informed me they used to get HIV services they need. testing at a hospital through their primary KCCI offers a variety of on-site recare doctor. After sources including testing, they were a library and comslapped with a bill puter lab access. It of $750 just to pay is a space for folks KCCI PROVIDES SAFE, for their exam. I was to congregate in an INCLUSIVE LGBTQIA+ shocked. At a priceenvironment that is COMMUNITY point like that, why affirming and safe, would anyone go to especially for those SPACES WHERE get tested? unable to find that PEOPLE CAN COME On a mornenvironment in FOR EDUCATION, ing walk, I learned their current home another friend was and personal life.

RESOURCES, beginning their feVolunteers at the ACTIVITIES, AND male-to-male trancenter are available SUPPORTFROM A sition. I was excited to chat at any time for him and honwith those that MORE COHESIVE ored he shared with have any questions.

QUEER COMMUNITY me. But at the same As the world INTHE GREATER time, there were patiently returns to tears in his eyes as a sense of normalcy KANSAS CITY AREA he told me about from the pandemic all the kids at his that began barely school, as well as more than one year friends and family ago, KCCI conthat were not open to his transition. It broke tinues to innovate with new programs and my heart into pieces. This beautiful, loving, events in the Kansas City community. outgoing human was now becoming more closed-off and afraid of the world, simply by • Perfect Stitch is a monthly event that telling the world who he is—and the world provides free options to members of the not accepting him back.

LGBTQIA+ community for customized Seeing friends in my circle struggle and tailored clothing to fit their perled me to begin searching for resources in sonality, style, and image expectations. the metro that could help them, and hopefully others down the line. As I continued • Queer Voices Book Group is a monthto research different community support ly book group in partnership with the groups in the area, The Kansas City Center KC Public Library, hosted by Huntfor Inclusion (KCCI) came up every time. I er Hawkins, for folks of all ages and reached out for an interview to learn more all backgrounds to gather and disabout their programs and services and to cuss various novels and short stories. truly educate myself on how to be a better ally in our community.

• Inspired Scribes Creative Writing Founded in 2017, KCCI provides safe, Group is an all-inclusive creative inclusive LGBTQIA+ community spaces group that gives queer authors and crewhere people can come for education, reative writers a chance to develop their sources, and activities, as well as support writing skills as well as share their arfrom a more cohesive queer community in tistic works with other queer people. the greater Kansas City area. As the city’s only LGTBQIA+ resource center, they work • EQUAL Trans Support Group is a to ensure that our population and its allies social support group that meets every

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

Youth Royalty Court 2019

SIMMS PHOTOS

third Thursday of the month. Anyone under the umbrella of transgender, questioning, or an ally is welcome.

•

Binder Exchange Program is a monthly program that serves the transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming community to provide gender-affirming chest binders to those in need.

In tandem with the Binder Exchange Program, KCCI established the Trans Surgery Fund to provide $1,000 to one transgender, non-binary, or gender non-conforming individual within the Kansas City Metro area for gender-affirming surgery costs.

KCCI also hosts space for the KC CARE Health Center to provide confidential, rapid-response HIV testing for those in need. Services also include Hepatitis C and Syphilis rapid testing, all completely free.

Donations to KCCI help keep their doors open for all queer people in the community seeking a safe space built for them, by them. Every dollar donated supports their effort to stay open and provide programs that build community and empower the marginalized. To support KCCI’s mission please visit inclusivekc.org/donate or text GIVEKCCI to 44-321.

thepitchkc.com | May 2021 | THE PITCH

37

SAVAGE LOVE

COMFORTABLY NUMB AND NUMBERED BY DAN SAVAGE Dear Dan: I’m a cis bi guy in my 40s who doesn’t have a lot of experience with other men.

I’m happily married to a wonderful woman who knows I’m bi, and while we’re presently monogamous, we’ve talked about opening things up in the future. If that happens, I’d like to casually hook up with a guy once in a while, but I’m a little anxious about gay hookup culture.

1. Will a lot of guys dismiss me for being bi or married? I assume biphobia is more of an issue when looking for a relationship, rather than a hookup, but I dunno.

2. If I meet a guy and we’re going to fuck, is it weird to bring up condoms? I know: I shouldn’t be afraid to ask to use a condom, and if someone can’t respect that, I shouldn’t fuck him. I’m not and I won’t. But will most guys be a little surprised, especially with PrEP these days?

3. On that note, should I ask my doctor about PrEP when all I want is a very occasional fuck (maybe a few times a year) with someone I’ve vetted and trust about their HIV-negative or undetectable status? I want to be safe, but I don’t want to put superfluous meds in my body.

4. Is the “top shortage” I’ve read about a few times a real thing? Are a lot of guys strictly tops or bottoms?

5. And is there anything else I should know before hopping on the apps?

Wondering About Navigating New Arenas Before Indulging Dear WANNABI: 1. There are lots of biphobic gay men out there, WANNABI, but I gotta say… there are more biphobes in the straight community. Yes, straight biphobia is less gallingly hypocritical, I will grant you, but it does more harm; research has shown that having a biphobic straight spouse is the single biggest risk factor for poor mental health outcomes among bisexuals. So I’m happy to hear that your spouse accepts your bisexuality, WANNABI, and I’m going to apologize in advance for the biphobia you’ll encounter from some dumb gay men. But if all you’re after for is some casual sex, WANNABI, you don’t need to disclose your bisexuality to the men you meet on the apps. You also shouldn’t assume the men you meet on “gay” hookup

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THE PITCH | May 2021 | thepitchkc.com

apps are gay; some will be bisexual, just like you. And while biphobic gay men get all the press, WANNABI, there are lots of biphilic gay men out there—that is, gay men who are really into married “straight” men. If you don’t wanna hide the wife and don’t wanna wind up with a FWB who wants you to leave the wife for him, finding guys who are actually turned on by the fact that you have a wife at home is not a bad strategy.

2. Even at the height of the AIDS Crisis—even at a time when contracting HIV was almost invariably fatal—condoms weren’t used 100% of the time by 100% of gay and bi men. Now with PrEP (a daily pill that prevents HIV infection) and treatments for HIV+ men that make it impossible for them to spread the virus (HIV+ men with undetectable viral loads can’t transmit the virus), fewer gay and bi men are using condoms these days. If you wanna use a condom because you’re not on PrEP and/or you wanna protect yourself and your wife from all the sexually-transmitted infections PrEP won’t protect you from—and that would be all the other sexually-transmitted infections out there—insist on condoms and pass on guys who argue with you about it.

3. If you wanna be able to have spontaneous and/or anonymous sex with other men, taking PrEP daily is smart. But you can use PrEP without taking it daily if you’re having sex with other men once or twice a year and you’re making those sex dates at least a few days in advance. Intermittent or “on-demand” use of PrEP is highly effective; take two pills 24 hours before you have sex and one pill a day for two days afterwards.

4. Not all gay and bi men are into anal sex or into anal sex with casual partners, WANNABI, and while most of the men I’ve encountered—most of the men encountered the shit out of—were functionally versatile, there do seem to be more bottoms out there than tops.

Not that “bottom” and “top” are static identities; a guy who’ll bottom for you might be more comfortable topping for someone else, a guy who enjoys bottoming when he’s younger might enjoy topping more later in life and vice-versa, etc.

5. Not every photo is recent, WANNABI, and not every guy is decent. Some guys will lie to get in your pants or in your ass or on your dick or on your face. Trust your gut, WANNABI, and be choosy about the guys you invite to rearrange yours.

Dear Dan: I’m a gay male in his mid 40’s living in a rainy city. I met and fell for a recently divorced guy with a few teen kids. We progressed quickly, moved to the burbs, made a home, and even had one of his kids come live with us. It was out of character for me to move that fast, but we clicked. I thought he knew what it took to make a long-term relationship work and his post-divorce finances put him in a spot where it really helped him for us to live together. Fast forward five years to me coming home one day with him declaring he was moving to a not-atall-rainy state with his new boyfriend. New BF had been a mutual friend who I had suspicions

about, but I was told repeatedly it was all in my head. Of course the friend made a show of being “really hurt” because he felt I didn’t like him anymore for something he claimed to be innocent of but was actually quite guilty of. So yeah, textbook gaslighting by both of them.

Since then what I want from a relationship has changed. I miss and want the emotional connection, the day-to-day stuff, the sleeping in the same bed with someone, the incidental physical affection. Sex, that’s a different story. As soon as I have sex with someone once, maybe twice if it’s really good, I don’t want to continue seeing them. I still want and do have sex, just not with a person I might want a relationship with. My questions: 1. How do I get this? We all know LOTS of relationships where the partners don’t have sex with each other anymore, but they all did in the beginning. No one wants this from the start.

2. The close friends I’ve told this to think I’m broken and or nuts. I think I’m fine. I can’t explain why this is what I want but I know it feels right. Am I nuts? Am I broken?

Down To Fuck Or Marry But Not Both Dear DTFOMBNB: 1. You ask for it. That’s no guarantee you’ll find it, of course, but it ups your chances considerably. And while it’s true most loving-but-sexless relationships were sexual at the start, DTFOMBNB, not all of them were. So if loving-but-always-sexless is what you want, well, then you should lead with that. Put it out there. There are gay asexual guys who want partners and day-today intimacy and someone to sleep with every night but who don’t want sex—not at the start, not ever. There are also gay cuckolds out there, DTFOMBNB, and while most wanna have sex with their “cheating” partners, some wanna be denied sex by a partner who constantly fucks around on them with other guys.

2. I don’t think you’re broken or nuts, DTFOMBNB, but something has definitely changed. What you want now, post-traumatic breakup, isn’t what you wanted before. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing… I guess… so long as you can find what you want or aren’t driven crazy by your inability to find what you want. Because it’s definitely gonna be more difficult for you to find a partner; asexual gays and cuckold gays are out there and they’re great, for sure, but they represent tiny minorities of an already tiny minority. So I’m thinking you might wanna unpack this shit with a shrink. At the very least you need to acknowledge that what you want has changed and that it could change again. Do what and who feels right for you now but don’t lock yourself into anything—don’t sign any leases, don’t make any long-term romantic commitments, sexless or otherwise, don’t weld yourself to any self-fulfilling prophecies—at a time when you may still be numb or still be reeling from a traumatic breakup.

Question for Dan? Email him at mail@ savagelove.net. On Twitter at @fakedansavage.

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including updates to existing maps and data documentation, and inspect final mapping and/or other compositions to ensure completeness and accuracy. Monitor quality control within area of responsibility, including Quality Assurance (QA) / Quality Control (QC) for FEMA projects, validation assessment checks, quality review on databases, and other preliminary and post-preliminary tasks. Provide support for aspects of project management and FEMA innovation projects, such as insight and recommendations for new innovative products and recompete efforts for FEMA’s Risk Map program. Maintain continued knowledge of technology developments in the GIS field, including the FEMA NFIP and related platforms, and use of GIS technology and software. Req’s: Bachelor’s Degree in Geography, Geomatics, or closely related field, and 2 years experience in the job offered or as a GIS Specialist. Must have at least 2 years documented experience using ArcGIS, AutoCAD, Model Builder, and Python Script in flood plain mapping context. At least 2 years documented experience in providing GIS support for flood plain studies in support of FEMA projects.

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