The Pitch: March 2019

MARCH 2019 I FREE I THEPITCHKC.COM

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

CONTENTS

H A RV E STE R S

Eat, drink & feed many Join us for this exciting event benefitting Harvesters. Enjoy samples of gourmet food, wine and cocktails from more than 60 of Kansas City’s finest restaurants and beverage purveyors!

16 6 GET OUT

Your March Agenda Who to see, what not to miss.

BY DAVID HUDNALL

10 NEWS

Game of Chance Ahead of April’s primary, we break down the crowded Kansas City mayoral field.

BY DAVID HUDNALL AND EMILY PARK

16 FEATURE

The Flamingo at Fifty A Lawrence strip club’s golden anniversary.

BY KATIE COUNTS

18 FOOD

Bienvenidos a KCK Where to eat on Central Avenue, quite possibly the most exciting culinary thoroughfare in the metro.

BY APRIL FLEMING

Thursday, April 4, 2019 | 6:30 to 9 p.m.

20 CAFE

Phad Diet Waldo Thai Place is a new kind of KC thai place.

BY LIZ COOK

24 DRINK

Keg Party City Barrel looks to distinguish itself in a Crossroads runneth over with breweries.

BY LIZ COOK

Arrowhead Stadium 1 Arrowhead Dr., Kansas City, MO 64129 General Admission Tickets $125

Get tickets now at www.forkscorkskc.com!

26 EAT

Eat This Now Australian Brekkie at Banksia Bakehouse

BY APRIL FLEMING

25 DRINK

Drink This Now The Gimlet at Black Sheep + Market

BY APRIL FLEMING thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

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RegisteR tODAY! WWW.tROlleyRun.ORg

CONTENTS

Kids’ Run & Family aFteR-Bash Mill creek Park

THE PITCH

Finish

Publisher Stephanie Carey Editor David Hudnall Digital Editor Kelcie McKenney Staff Writer Emily Park Contributing Writers Traci Angel, Liz Cook, Riley Cowing, Karen Dillon, April Fleming, Roxie Hammill, Libby Hanssen, Deborah Hirsch, Dan Lybarger, Eric Melin, Aaron Rhodes, Barbara Shelly, Nick Spacek Little Village Creative Services Jordan Sellergren Contributing Photographers Zach Bauman, Chase Castor, Joe Carey Graphic Designers Austin Crockett, Jennifer Larson, Katie McNeil, Danielle Moore, Gianfranco Ocampo, Kirsten Overby, Alex Peak, Vu Radley, Zachary Trover Director of Marketing & Promotions Jason Dockery Senior Multimedia Specialist Steven Suarez Multimedia Specialist Becky Losey Director of Operations Andrew Miller Multimedia Intern Rebekah Lodos Design Intern Jake Edmisten

Ward Pkwy (just past central St)

CCVI Trolley run Course Map

4.28.19

CAREY MEDIA

Chief Executive Officer Stephanie Carey Chief Operating Officer Adam Carey

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National Advertising 1-888-278-9866 vmgadvertising.com

DISTRIBUTION

The Pitch distributes 35,000 copies a month and is available free throughout Greater Kansas City, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $5 each, payable at The Pitch’s office in advance. The Pitch may be distributed only by The Pitch’s authorized independent contractors or authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of The Pitch, take more than one copy of each week’s issue. Mail subscriptions: $22.50 for six months or $45 per year, payable in advance. Application to mail at second-class postage rates is pending at Kansas City, MO 64108.

28 ARTS

Cloistered Away Te Deum looks to revive the largely forgotten choral music of 17th century nuns.

BY LIBBY HANSSEN

28 Words with Friends

With Poetic Underground, Samantha Slupski is helping build a livelier, more cohesive poetry scene in Kansas City.

BY RILEY COWING

30 Barry Happy

Henry Winkler — in town this month for Planet Comicon — is out here living his best life.

BY DAN LYBARGER

34 Passover Country

Danny Caine’s Continental Breakfast ponders midwestern-suburban Jewish identity.

BY NICK SPACEK

36 SAVAGE LOVE

Consider the (extra) Lobster Brainstorming a potential addition to the sexual lexicon.

BY DAN SAVAGE

38 EVENTS

March Calendar Things are getting springy.

COPYRIGHT

The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2019 by Carey Media. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher.

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For information or to share a story tip, email tips@thepitchkc.com For advertising: stephanie@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6702 For classifieds: steven@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6732

TOC

“Take a Spin,” by Jake Edmisten

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

a portion of proceeds benefitting

PRESENTS

Let’s call it what it is...

HOG HEAVEN APRIL 18

601 EAST TRUMAN ROAD KANSAS CITY, MO tickets on sale now at thepitchkc.com/tickets

GET OUT

March weekdays 3pm-8pm

CHANTAL ANDERSON

Noname

Monday, March 4 The Granada thegranada.com

A product of Chicago’s fertile hiphop scene, Noname — aka Fatimah Nyeema Warner — broke into the mainstream last year with Room 25, a dazzling fusion of spoken-word, jazz, R&B, and rap.

Flogging Molly

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

Big 12 Basketball Tournament Wednesday, March 13 through Saturday, March 16 Sprint Center sprintcenter.com

The men’s Big 12 conference tourney returns to the Sprint Center for four days of college hoops.

Neil Hamburger

Tuesday, March 12 Voodoo Lounge Caesars.com

Thursday, March 14 RecordBar therecordbar.com

Wouldn’t be March in Kansas City without a Flogging Molly appearance.

This year, the Celtic punks arrive five days before St. Patrick’s Day seeking to instigate a wee bit of rowdiness.

America’s Funnyman, aka Greg Turkington, aka Neil Hamburger takes to the RecordBar stage for an evening of music-comedy anti-humor. Major Entertainer opens.

Full Page MARCH - 9.75 X 11.5.qxp_Layout 1 2/21/19 10:27 AM Page 1

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Gladstone (1)

Grandview

Gladstone (2)

5501 #104 S US Hwy 71 Grandview, MO 64030 By topsy’s (855) 526-6223

Independence

1412 MO-7-Suite G Blue Springs, MO 64014 (816) 295-1921

307 A NE Englewood Road Kansas City, MO 64118 (855) 526-6223

8038 North Oak Trafficway Kansas City, MO 64118 (816) 381-6333

Kansas City (39th)

Kansas City (103rd)

Kansas City (North)

Kearney

Lee’s Summit

1415d W. 39th Street Kansas City, MO 64111 (816) 541-3144

1036 W. 103rd Street Kansas City, MO 64114 (855) 526-6223

3518 NE Vivion Rd. Kansas City, MO 64119 (816) 599-6010

100 E 6th St Suite 6 Kearney, MO 64060 (816) 745-7977

1638 SE. Blue Parkway Lee’s Summit, MO 64063 (816) 434-5059

Raytown

19321 E. US 40 Highway Independence, MO 64055 (816) 491-2452

State Line

Liberty

Parkville

Platte City

1005 Middlebrooke Dr. Liberty, MO 64068 (913) 249-7794

6302 N. Chatham Ave. Kansas City, MO 64151 (816) 702-1042

1303 Platte Falls Rd. - S#CC Platte City, MO 64079 (816) 858-6039

9438 E 350 Highway Raytown, MO 64133 (855) 526-6223

13125 State Line Road Kansas City, MO 64145 (816) 437-8261

Gardner

North Kansas City

611 E. Main Street Gardner, KS 66030 (913) 271-3120

8043 State Ave. Kansas City, KS 66112 (913) 228-6000

Johnson Drive (1)

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Bonner Springs

7201 W 110th Street-S#120, 608 Tulip Drive-Suite G Overland Park, KS 66210 Bonner Springs, KS 66012 (913) 647-3999 (913) 568-1713

Johnson Drive (2) 5727 Johnson Drive Mission, KS 66202 (913) 766-9906

Olathe (119th)

15165 W 119th Street Olathe, KS 66062 (855) 526-6223

Kansas City KS

151 S 18th Street Kansas City, KS 64102 (855) 526-6223

Lawrence

Leavenworth

Monticello (Shawnee)

1530 W. 6th Street-Suite C Lawrence, KS 66044 (785) 424-7500

728 Shawnee Street Leavenworth, KS 66048 (913) 250-5277

22354 W. 66th Street Shawnee, KS 66226 (913) 745-5034

Olathe (Blackbob)

Overland Park (75th)

Overland Park (87th)

Overland Park (151st)

13624 S Blackbob Road Olathe, KS 66062 (913) 324-1520

6933 W. 75th Street Overland Park, KS 66204 (913) 217-7476

10069 W. 87th Street Overland Park, KS 66212 (913) 217-7123

7703 W. 151st Street Overland Park, KS 66223 (913) 647-3999

Overland Park (Quivira) 11050 Quivira Road Overland Park, KS 66210 (855) 526-6223

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5810 Johnson Drive Mission, KS 66202 (913) 766-9906

Paola 118 W. Peoria Paola, KS 66071 (913) 271-3120

Shawnee

Overland Park (135th)

13436 Metcalf 13213 Shawnee Mission Pkwy Overland Park KS 66214 Shawnee, KS 66216 (913) 231-3032 (913) 766-0430

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GET OUT

March

WELCOME

TO THE UNITED METHODIST CHURCH OF THE RESURRECTION

OUT WARD-FOCUSED • THOUGHT-PROVOKING BRIDGE-BUILDING • HOPE-RADIATING

Leawood

13720 Roe Ave. Leawood, KS 66224 Sat. & Sun. Evenings 5 pm Sunday Mornings 7:30, 9:15, 11 am

West

24000 W. Valley Parkway Olathe, KS 66061 Sundays 8, 9:30 & 11 am, 5pm

Downtown

Blue Springs

1601 Grand Blvd.

Kansas City, MO 64108

601 NE Jefferson St. Blue Springs, MO 64014

Sat. & Sun. Evenings 5:10 pm Sunday Mornings 9 & 10:45 am, 5 pm

Sundays 9:30 & 11 am

O N E C H U R C H I N F O U R LO CAT I O N S My Favorite Murder Live

Friday, March 22 Arvest Bank Theatre at the Midland arvestbanktheatre.com

Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark, hosts of the hit true-crime podcast My Favorite Murder, are touring the country, talking about famous murders, and selling out shows, thanks to their rabid and growing fanbase of “Murderinos.”

Planet Comicon

March 29 – 31 Bartle Hall planetcomicon.com

The annual nerdfest is celebrating its 20th year in Kansas City. Guests include William Shatner, Henry Winkler, Lori Petty, Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica), Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride), and more.

Kansas City Symphony Presents Whitney Houston’s Greatest Hits Saturday, March 23 at 8 p.m.

Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts kauffmancenter.org

Pitch1/4_Generic2019.indd 1

2/20/19 4:21 PM

Some like it HOT!

tacos – a great place to enjoy them is at our signature

restaurant, Metropolitan KC or

BARCENTRAL, our lobby hot spot.

Stop in any time day or night to

enjoy freshly prepared Kansas City favorites from barbeque to steak and seafood. And of course, our

JD McPherson

JD McPherson traffics in rockabilly-infused roots-rock, making him a natural fit at Knuckleheads, the best venue in the Midwest for such sounds. He’ll appear there with his full band and JP Harris as the opener.

Pitch Taco week BC/Metro 4,917 x 5.667.qxp_Layout 1 2/14/19 2:33 PM Page 1

And when we’re talking about

Vocalist Rashidra Scott, guest conductor Brent Havens, and the mighty force of the KC Symphony team up for a tribute to Whitney Houston. Expect “How Will I Know,” “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” and many, many more classics.

Wednesday, March 27 Knuckleheads Saloon knuckleheadskc.com

COR.ORG

NCAA Midwest Regional

Friday, March 29 and March 31 Sprint Center sprintcenter.com

Kansas City plays host to the NCAA’s Sweet 16 and Elite 8 men’s basketball games. The weekend’s winner advances to the Final Four in Minneapolis.

special version of tacos.

J o in u s in BA RC E NTR A L d uri ng Taco We e k fo r 1/ 2 of f Ta co s

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thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

9

NEWS

Game of Chance

AHEAD OF APRIL’S PRIMARY, WE BREAK DOWN THE CROWDED KANSAS CITY MAYORAL FIELD.

BY DAVID HUDNALL AND EMILY PARK

If previous Kansas City elections are any indication, turnout in this year’s mayoral primary will be abysmal. Just 50,000 people could be bothered to come out for the last competitive mayoral primary, in 2011, and only slightly more (57,000) dragged their asses to the polls in 2007.

This year, 11 candidates are jockeying for votes, hoping to be the one to replace outgoing Mayor Sly James. (James, who has served for eight years, is termed out.) Among other things, this means that a candidate doesn’t need to round up that many votes to advance to the general election in June, when the top two vote-getters from the April election square off.

With such a crowded field, nobody’s really sure which two candidates are going to emerge from the primary. We know who has the most money, and who the long shots are, and who we personally like the best — but anybody who claims to know how this will all shake out is just guessing. It’s a crapshoot.

To help you better understand the dynamics of the race, we’ve dug through everybody’s campaign finance records, reviewed comments they’ve previously given to newspaper and TV outlets, and monitored their social media accounts. We’ve also interviewed each of the candidates. (Or, at least, all the serious candidates. As of this writing, Vincent Lee has no website, has not attended any mayoral forums, and has raised no money, according to the Missouri Ethics Commission. Clay Chastain does not even live in Kansas City.) Hopefully, you will find useful our resulting guide to the primary, which unfolds over the following pages. And don’t forget to vote on Tuesday, April 2. of the race after Jason Kander announced he was running, then jumping back in after Kander dropped out. We think it showed good judgment. Barring a scandal, Kander was unbeatable. Justus was pragmatic enough to take a dispassionate look at the facts, reach the correct conclusion, and accept it even though it was unpleasant for her personally. That’s a good quality in a potential mayor.

JOLIE JUSTUS Currently: KCMO Councilwoman (4th District), elected in 2015; attorney Previous experience: Eight years in Missouri legislature, two as Senate Minority Leader Assets: Has raised way more money than anybody else; is seen as the frontrunner Liabilities: Chair of the airport committee, where things have been, shall we say, a bit turbulent Weakness that is actually a strength: Justus has taken some heat for dropping out

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

Big donors: Charles Luae, Chris Koster, Clarkson Construction, Shirley Helzberg, Zane Burke, lots of healthcare executives and attorneys Notable endorsements: Former Mayor Kay Barnes, several current and former Missouri legislators, Jason Kander Base of support: Urbanists, corporate lawyers, Sly James Pet issue: Public transit, bike lanes, and other non-automobile means of transportation Telling detail: Justus’ day job reflects her corporate-Democrat worldview: she’s director of pro bono services (nice!) at Shook, Hardy & Bacon, a law firm known for defending tobacco and pharmaceutical companies (booo).

NEWS

On how to pay for more affordable housing: “[It’s] been looked at through a hundred different lenses. Some people say, ‘Well, maybe we should do a property tax.’ Other people have said, ‘Well, let’s move money from the scooters that are being rented in the city’ — but you know, of course, that’s just a drop in the bucket.

Others say, ‘If it’s a priority, it needs to come out of the general fund’ — but unfortunately there’s a whole lot of things that are competing for that [general fund money]. So one of the things I would like to see is whether, you know, maybe we have a situation where a developer is getting an incentive and they don’t have an affordable housing component, so they make a payment in lieu of affordable housing, which goes into the trust fund. We can be coming up with creative ideas like that, and I’m going to be proposing those as we move forward.”

On the June ballot initiative that would cap developer tax breaks at 50 percent: “It takes opportunities off the table that we don’t want to take off the table. For instance, if we went to a 50 percent cap, and all of a sudden had the opportunity for an amazing catalytic project that was happening along the 71 Highway corridor and the only way we were going to be able to make it work is through a 100 percent tax incentive, and the project didn’t [happen because of that], then that seems like a silly result. Rather than trying to come up with these one-size-fitsall things, we need to start adding in more requirements and responsibilities and diversify the type of incentives that we have. So for instance, what do I mean by that? Well, number one, make more requirements that require job creation with an incentive and then have clawbacks when you don’t hit those benchmarks. Put pieces in there that require affordable housing and sustainability and making sure that our community is resilient in the face of climate change. These are a lot of things that we could be adding into the incentive program right now that we’re not doing. And I think that’s a much better way to handle incentives than to do away with them or to cap them artificially.”

On Troost: “I think it’s incredibly important that we have conversations with the state and the county about a property tax cap. I don’t want to get into a situation where we have people who are having to leave neighborhoods that they lived in for decades because property taxes are going up ... I get a little bit frustrated at times when I hear [people say] we’re displacing people along Troost Avenue. Actually no, we’re not. Communities on both sides of Troost Avenue have been working for decades to start to really have some development through the corridor.

And it’s finally starting to happen, and we’re replacing car dealerships and check-cashing

stores with amenities that neighbors have wanted forever. And this is exactly what we’ve been wanting through the corridor.

So now we need to make sure that we have policies in place that allow people who have been pushing forward development in their communities for years to be able to stay and enjoy the fruits of their labor.”

On crime: “I am a firm believer that programs that look at violent crime as a public health issue are incredibly important, because then you’re starting to look at all sorts of different things, including the economic status of individuals who are in higher-crime neighborhoods, housing and job opportunities, education opportunities — ensuring that we’re funding our schools at a level that gets kids ready for kindergarten, that provides for conflict resolution in the schools.

It’s really just layer after layer after layer, and what I will be doing as mayor of Kansas City is making sure that all of those resources are being really well hung together.”

ALISSIA CANADY Currently: KCMO Councilwoman (5th District), elected in 2015; attorney Previous experience: Jackson County assistant prosecuting attorney, hair salon owner Assets: Speaks her mind, only person in the race who speaks with sincere urgency about KC’s violent crime problem Liabilities: Not much money, not much name recognition Maverick moment: Supported the Westport sidewalk privatization over the objections of civil rights advocates, citing the likelihood that security in the district would prevent more violence. “We can’t let the haunting history of racism stop us from keeping the people of Kansas City safe,” Canady said during a contentious council meeting.

Big donors: Nonprofits and churches, a few

thousand from Block Real Estate, but otherwise the campaign coffers are pretty bare Quote we like: “Giving the community more of a voice, being intentional about reducing crime with solutions that are not necessarily law enforcement, encouraging business growth opportunities, and promoting home ownership: those were the key things I wanted to accomplish [when I was elected to the council] in 2015. And so, obviously, I started out as a neophyte. I wanted to do all these things and then you realize this budget, even though it’s $1.6 billion, they’re telling me there’s no money for me to support neighborhoods. But in that same conversation, we were subsidizing luxury development using that money. So it was not that we don’t have the money, it’s just about where our priorities are. We say we want to be the most entrepreneurial city, but we’re not aligning our dollars to support those activities, to have that impact.”

Why she’s running: “As a council person, you’re left to try to fight to get things when all the money is spent, before you even have the ability to weigh in on the conversation.

It’s problematic. So I had the option of either spending another four years trying to fight for a little piece of the pie — to do one or two little things. I’ve gotten some wins, but we haven’t been able to make the substantial impact that’s been necessary, and so when I began to look at my [council] reelection, I knew I was not going to be able to effectively deliver on these commitments with just another four years if the leadership from the mayor’s office did not support these positions. And then when I looked at the field of candidates, many of whom I’ve served with, I knew they didn’t share my [positions] because their voting records were reflective of that. And that is where my righteous indignation just really rose up and said, ‘OK, I can keep complaining about it, or I can do something about it.’ And so I decided to step out and do something about it.”

On affordable housing: “We’re going to have to make the commitment with the general fund dollars. We’ve made commitments to large scale developers for luxury. We have to make the same commitment for affordable housing in the city. And so everybody’s going to say, ‘Well, there’s no money in the budget.’ Well, there’s $1.6 billion in the budget. Again, we have to look at our priorities.

Where are we spending money that we need to reallocate? Our funding preferences right now, the only money that we spend on housing comes from the federal government, and that number is getting smaller and smaller.

We have sales tax authority that we could use. The mayor’s currently wanting to use that for early pre-K. I support early pre-K, but the city has to prioritize addressing this

housing crisis.”

On the airport: “The problem with the airport project is that the same people that started it off with a backroom deal are the same people that are still trying to lead it.

And there’s just this void of credibility with it, you know? They are asking the public to trust a proposal without any transparency.

It took the airlines awhile, and now they’re saying that taxpayer dollars are not going to be used to pay for it, but how? My process would be full transparency. We hired an owner’s rep about a year ago and we have received no feedback. If Southwest Airlines can have a third party tell them that they should negotiate a certain number, then why isn’t our owner’s rep doing the same? Clearly there are issues. I am on the City Council, but there is so much we do not know when we should. This is mostly going through the Aviation Department, and we get briefed with far too little information. We just have some of the pieces, and we need more transparency so we can all see what is actually going on with the project.”

SCOTT WAGNER Currently: Mayor Pro Tem, KCMO Councilman (1st District At-Large), elected in 2011 Previous experience: Marketing — vice president of a marketing firm, director of marketing for the City Market in the late ‘90s Assets: Probably the most qualified person running Liabilities: Has the presence and charisma of a Far Side character Big donors: Unions, Northland developers and construction companies, several Asian interests (Kansas City Chinese Association, Mid America Asian Culture Association, and the owners of iPho Tower and Kin Lin) Base of support: Northland voters Snub: The Northland political group Forthepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

11

NEWS

ward endorsed Steve Miller over Wagner, citing Wagner’s lukewarm fundraising How he’d be different than Sly: “This term [Sly’s second] has been much more combative … From my perspective, it’s all about collaboration. It’s all about figuring out what people are looking for … We are a decentralized kind of government in Kansas City. You’ve got a city manager doing one thing, the mayor is doing something, a council that’s doing things, other boards and commissions. You cannot do anything just because you want to. You have to work with people. And I think just looking at what I’ve been able to do the last eight years, how I was able to do it says a lot about how I would work as mayor.”

On how to pay for more affordable housing: “I was the one who actually submitted the resolution in 2017 to get the housing policy discussion going. And so that’s what we’re into right now. As far as the [requested] $75 million, yeah, you’re going to need that … the real question is how badly do you want it? Because those out there who think that $75 million is just going to kind of fall out of the sky, I have to remind them that back in the last term, we were talking about just doing a $5 million fund, which we never were able to achieve. Quite honestly, I do not see how you could possibly reach that number in any meaningful sense without asking a taxing question.”

On opposing a measure in November (which ultimately passed) that allocated the city’s cut of scooter revenue for affordable housing: “It was estimated that [scooters] would bring in revenues of approximately $300,000 for the city. The average cost of [building] one multifamily affordable house is about $200,000. The average amount it would take to provide funds to rehab a home for affordable housing is between $30,000 and $50,000 … Maybe a handful of people might be assisted in the course of providing affordable housing. To me it was not a real solution.”

least two of those [the city’s] pension programs [there are four total] are going to be upside down. We are currently paying the appropriate contributions to keep them at the state-required levels that we have. That will begin to change in the next two or three years. There’s actually a discussion going on right now related to pension reform — the second one that has occurred over the past eight years. I’d like to see what they come up with, because the issues that we’re talking about are big ones as far as what we may have to do in order to shore them up in the longer term. Those are issues that, quite honestly, will involve collective bargaining agreements with all of our bargaining units.

They’re going to be tough conversations, but the reality is that every city in this country is behind on their pension. I know of no city that is 100 percent fully funding its system.

We are in a lot better position. We have fiscal challenges, frankly as a result of the obligations that we are paying right now. But I’m going to wait and see what we hear from the second pension task force and then go from there.”

SCOTT TAYLOR Currently: KC Councilman (6th District At-Large), elected in 2011; attorney Previous experience: Served as Shawnee Mission West student council vice president alongside president Paul Rudd

On local control of the police (KC is the only major city in the country that does not control its own police department; instead, the governor of Missouri appoints a KC police board): “I think our ultimate goal should be local control, but I don’t believe that we should force it. And what I mean by that is — you have had essentially two parallel paths between the city and the police department since 1939. You do not just kind of throw it all together and hope it all works out. That’s what St Louis did, and as you’ll recall, it has caused nothing but chaos.”

Assets: Eight years on the council, can claim some credit for positive development projects (Hy-Vee Arena, East Brookside)

On city pensions: “In about three years, at

Family ties: Wife is Cathy Jolly, former

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

Liabilities: Raised a ton of money a few years ago, but the faucet dried up as others entered the race Big donors: Developers, real estate interests, and the lawyers who represent developers and real estate interests — Ken Block, Lane 4, Northpoint Development, Steve Foutch, Brad Nicholson, Butch Rigby, Roxsen Koch, David Frantze

KC Councilwoman and state representative Cheap stunt: Taylor last year introduced an ethics ordinance that would limit travel for council members and cap lobbyist gifts at $5, a proposal widely seen (even mocked) for being, as Mayor Sly James put it, “a transparently political move.” Others noted that Taylor — who has received big checks from the business community — didn’t see fit in his ordinance to address council members receiving campaign contributions from parties with business interests before the city.

What he says about that: “I’ve always had an issue with taxpayer-funded travel … We have so many people now flying all over, and there were no rules. I think it was $160,000 [in council member travel expenses] that was quoted [close, it was $155,000] just for a two-year period of council. That was a red flag to me.”

How he’d be different than Sly: “I think my style’s definitely collaborative on things … I’m a good listener. I don’t necessarily need to be the one talking all the time and on TV all the time and all that.”

On crime: “Rewards [for homicide tips] used to be $1,000 when I came on the council, and that had been the same figure probably for the last 20 or 30 years.

That doesn’t really get people’s attention if they’re motivated by a reward. This new police chief agrees — he went with the corporate community and the city manager and council, and we raised it from $1,000 to $5,000 and then we got it up to $10,000.

And what we’re seeing is a record number of tips coming in. What you’re also seeing, if you look at the clearance rate…. A couple of years ago, we were at 50 percent for homicide. So you had a fifty-fifty chance of getting away with a homicide. And the people who are committing these homicides know that. It’s now up, it’s close to 80 percent now. In other communities, like Omaha, where they have a higher reward, rate — I think it’s $20,000 to $25,000 — I think they’re closer to, like, a 90 percent clearance rate [yep: 91 percent, actually].

So it creates an accountability, because it’s a very small percentage of people committing these crimes. We just need to get them off the streets to protect neighborhoods.”

On how to pay for affordable housing: “Affordable housing is difficult to get financed by a bank. That’s why, in almost every instance, what we’ve done either involves HUD giving us money from the federal level or at the state level, or low income tax credits. If we had our own local fund, we wouldn’t have to worry as much.

We wouldn’t be as dependent on the federal government or state. So I advocated a similar thing, but the financing would be to take some of the surplus funds from different development projects that come back to the city ... In the next decade, we’re going to see quite a few of the larger downtown TIFs end, and what that means is all the property that’s built up is back on the tax base for the school districts, but also, a lot of times there’s excess money that comes back to the city. And I’ve heard there might be one worth as much as $2 or $3 million. So if we transfer that into an affordable housing fund, we could start building that up. I would also reach out to other private sources. But we definitely need a local fund.”

On the airport: “The selection process was sloppy. I think I still disagree with the selection” — [Taylor really, really wanted Burns and Mac to get the contract] — ”but I’ve been trying to work with them [Edgemoor] and be an advocate for the taxpayers that supported, collectively as a city, a new terminal. But this whole process started with a secret meeting at a private club on a no-bid project, which was the wrong wrong way to go. The chair of the airport committee” — [that’d be Jolie Justus, one of Taylor’s opponents] — “and the mayor were involved in that, and that was a major mistake. It should have been obvious that $1 billion projects always should be bid from day one.”

JERMAINE REED Currently: KCMO Councilman (3rd District), elected in 2011 Previous experience: Not much; he did some work for Alvin Brooks and Congressman Emanuel Cleaver, but was just 26 years old when elected to the KCMO Council in 2011 Assets: Youngest KCMO Council member in history counts for something Liabilities: Got dinged pretty hard for

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racking up $31,000 in taxpayer-funded travel costs in two years Likes to tout: 18th and Vine redevelopment, which is odd, because it’s a mess over there Notable endorsement: Andrew Gillum Big donors: Jim Nichols, Heavy Construction Association, other construction interests Defining characteristic: An almost pathological aversion to speaking in specifics Telling quote: We asked Reed what the three most critical issues facing the city were. His answers were: “reducing the homicide rate”; “efficiency of governance”; and “workforce development.” When we asked him which was the biggest challenge, he responded, “All three.”

On the June ballot initiative that would cap developer tax breaks at 50 percent: “Well, I certainly agree. I do think, as well, that the rebuilding of our downtown is extremely important, and I don’t want to lose sight of that, but I do know that people want to be able to feel the momentum in all parts of the city ... And so we have to work with our development community to really figure out ways that their community benefit is something of great value to the entire city. I think we have to send a clear message to our development community that we have to get serious about the redevelopment and growth of our entire city. I think that we also have a number of real unique tools in our toolbox to help us address this.

It’s extremely important because it helps people realize the type of benefits that they can actually receive, but also for them to realize that these are valuable places for you to actually come in and invest in and develop within the heart of the city. And how we actually incent companies to do that is something that I want to do within my first 100 days as mayor of the city. I plan to convene a group of developers and organizations to help tackle how we as a city really address pulling this together.”

So do you support the 50 percent cap? “I didn’t answer that purposely for you. I mean, it is a debate obviously we as a council will have to take, and it’s something that, um, likely won’t make it to the mayor’s desk. It’s something that I as a council person will have to make a decision on pretty soon. Honestly, it’s capped at 75 percent now. We are aggressively trying to pursue what that cap may be, and 50 percent could be the best cap. We’ll make that determination. Could be soon.”

HENRY KLEIN Currently: Bank manager Previous experience: Runs for office constantly and always loses Assets: Nothing to lose, no fear Liabilities: Still $49,800 to go before he hits $50,000 GoFundMe mayoral fundraising goal

only now coming to the surface with solutions for districts and neighborhoods. Some of them have been in office for eight years, some of them for four years. Why now?”

Shining moment: Getting booted off the TIF Commission for (rightfully) opposing unnecessary tax incentives for a new BNIM Crossroads headquarters.

On the structure of KCMO government: “[As mayor], I’m most likely going to require a charter change to make city government more responsive to the people. I’ve never seen a structure where the mayor is more of a figurehead than the one we have here. So, simply put, a solution: the mayor would be the CEO and would have the ability to hire and fire the city manager. The city manager would be something akin to the chief operating officer, and the City Council would be something more akin to the board of directors. If you want certain things done in this city today, and city government is responsible for delivering those things, you really would be much better served going to the city manager than you would going to the mayor … That’s too diffuse of a reporting structure to really make this situation work the way it needs to.”

Base of support: Bishop Miege graduates, Visitation parishioners in their 30s and 40s, some social justice activists

Likes to tout: Was board president of Habitat for Humanity Not wrong about: “The idea of having to go to various special interests, ask them for money — knowing full well they expect something in return — is truly harming our city. No city and no candidate [should] have to succumb to this. And it brings out candidates that aren’t prepared to make the important, difficult, but ultimately beneficial decisions that have to be made.”

How he’d be different from Sly: “I’m looking to be an inclusive mayor. I could envision having a day of the week where my schedule’s entirely open only to meet with citizens, just to try to understand the types of feelings citizens are having. So they’ve got an open door to my office. My leadership style is going to be one where we’re going to truly develop new leadership and new talent. That’s going to be a huge focus of mine.”

On an affordable housing fund: “It’s a day late and a dollar short … The other aspect of this that really bothers me is that I don’t just want to have funds — I want to have real projects that can be moved forward. We give a lot of incentive dollars on the basis that these projects would not get done otherwise.

Going forward, entities like Cordish or other developers [need] to be expected to do something else in addition to what they’re doing right now.”

On the status quo: “I have never been more proud of being a candidate outside of city government as I am in this election. I think there’s a terrible disconnect that’s going on when we have City Council people who are

PHIL GLYNN Currently: President of Travois, a local firm that finances economic development projects in Native American and indigenous communities Previous experience: KCMO TIF Commission, Jackson County Democratic Committee Assets: Outsider status, lots of small-dollar donations, tallest candidate Liabilities: Thin résumé; his wife’s father founded the company of which he is now president Likes to tout: “The business that my wife and I own builds affordable houses and invests in community development projects across the entire country, and I really want to do that for Kansas City.”

Doesn’t like to mention: Lives in a million-dollar mansion on Ward Parkway

Big donors: Lots of small-dollar donations, some academics, but also a healthy chunk of Polsinelli lawyers Bonus points: Didn’t drop out when his high-school classmate Jason Kander entered the race and stole his campaign manager On old people: “[One] thing that I have found frustrating about the political debate, and a lot of the conversation around it, is that it has completely left seniors out of the equation. When it came time [for my parents] to move into a specific senior housing type of environment, they had to leave their neighborhood. There was nothing for them in the Plaza or Brookside area, where they had lived their whole lives … We have a system in Kansas City now where once you get too old to live in your own house, not only do you have to leave behind that place you love, but you have to leave your community behind, and that’s wrong. We should be doing more to encourage the development of affordable senior housing in the core of our city.”

Quote we like: “I was on the TIF Commision for years, and I supported projects like a new grocery store at 39th and Prospect. [That project], number one, could not have actually accessed capital any other way, and number two, really benefited the community. I opposed other projects that were happening for large corporations in parts of town that are already doing well, because they could access capital for that project, and it did not create benefits for the community. So when it comes to the use of tax incentives, my standard is that we should only be using them in parts of Kansas City that can’t access that capital already, and that we’re using them [incentives] to bring things into the community that we do not already have: net quality jobs that we do not already have, and the kind of housing projects we don’t have enough of.”

On jobs: “Real estate development is important, and it brings a lot of jobs to Kansas City, but I think because of our sole focus on that alone for the last 20 years, we have missed this other growing problem of job-skill development. So now the problem we face is not real estate vacancy. For the most part, we have addressed the issue of having a dead downtown — we have a cool downtown.

Now the problem is we have 3,000 to 5,000 tech jobs that average $90,000 a year that we can’t fill. We have good career paths open to thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

13

NEWS

people in Kansas City now. Yet at the same time, we have neighborhoods in Kansas City where the unemployment rate is shockingly high. So what that tells me as a business owner is that we have a gap between the skills that our employers demand and the skills that our people are graduating from 12th grade with.”

STEVE MILLER Currently: Attorney Previous experience: Seven years as chair of the Missouri Highway and Transportation Commission, helped found a nonprofit called Turning Point Assets: Outsider status, has raised a lot of money — second only to Justus — even though nobody had even heard of him a year ago Liabilities: The Howard Schultz of this race, Miller is a guy with a lot of money who seems incapable of articulating why he actually wants to be mayor or what he’d actually do Big donors: Miller is the preferred candidate of entrenched power. Executives supporting his campaign include Leo Zahner (A. Zahner Company), Gary Muller (Americo Life Insurance), Robb Heineman (Sporting KC), Bill Clarkson (Clarkson Construction), Warren Erdman (KC Southern), John Houlehan (Country Club Bank), Henry Massman (Massman Construction), and Sean Miller (The Miller Group). Lots of Mission Hills residents who are “retired” or “community volunteers” also maxed out for Miller.

Base of support: Blue bloods, Visitation parishioners in their 50s and 60s, Republicans Notable endorsements: Tim Kaine (they’re old Rockhurst buddies), Forward (a Northland political group) Similarity to Sly: Both trial lawyers, both mediators, both have giant hole inside that can only be filled by approval from the

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

business community Revealing glimpse into his worldview: “The reality is there is just not enough money in government to solve all affordable housing problems. We’re going to have to do public-private partnerships. And that means our government working very closely with private businesses and putting together a sound policy that encourages private investment. Because that’s where the money is in this world, it’s in our free markets.”

On the June ballot initiative that would cap developer tax breaks at 50 percent: “I think that providing artificial caps is not the solution. I agree with the objective of making certain that we have properly tailored tax incentives for development. But I don’t believe that just handpicking numbers is the way to do that ... I think the answer is a well-articulated city plan. The decision of where to put those dollars should be guided by the city plan, it should include a plan for incentives, and we should have a sliding scale depending on the nature of the project and its value to our community. It would be awful to lose out on an opportunity to provide good, meaningful, paying jobs because we have handcuffed ourselves.”

On jobs: “We are not the New York Yankees. We are not going to bring really highprized talent or big companies back to Kansas City. We need to grow our home-grown talent and make certain this a great place for our young people to stay. We need to make sure this is the place for small businesses.”

Why him: “I am the only one that is qualified in terms of experience. No one else in this race has started their own business [not true, Canady opened a hair salon], ran that successfully, and knows what it’s like everyday to have to attract business and be financially responsible, for employment, for healthcare. No one has the experience in the nonprofit community as I have [not true, Klein has been involved in several nonprofits]. No one has been involved in the founding of a not-for-profit where you have to start something from ground zero, go around, make money, watch it grow.

And most importantly, no one has been involved in real executive leadership in the public realm. There are council members who are working in the legislative office, but it’s a really different experience when you have the financial leadership on your shoulders. You are the one person who people are looking to to articulate leadership, and I had the opportunity to lead MoDOT in the state, and no one else has had that opportunity.”

QUINTON LUCAS Currently: KC Councilman (3rd District, AtLarge), elected in 2015; University of Kansas law professor; attorney Assets: Media savvy, policy wonk, natural politician Liabilities: Kinda-sorta got a DUI in Lawrence last year (he’s contesting it); chameleonish tendencies Base of support: Millennials, Twitter activists, lawyers Likes to tout: His work on affordable housing policy and his distaste for unnecessary incentives for developers Doesn’t mention: Several developers — as well as many attorneys who represent developers before the city — have cut him big checks Big donors: Price Brothers Management Company (real estate developer), attorneys at big-money firms like Shook, Hardy & Bacon, Bryan Cave, and Polsinelli (including Polsinelli CEO Russell Welch), Jonathan Kemper, Bill George Notable endorsement: Eastside political club Freedom Inc. How he’d be different than Sly: “Particularly coming out of the financial crisis, when we needed to be exciting, engaged, etc., I think the mayor was the right guy for the time. I disagree sometimes with how the mayor wants to get things done. I think the details are important, particularly when you’re talking about tens of millions of taxpayer dollars, and I think sometimes his attentiveness to those details has not always been the same level of focus I would have. You know, on some of these incentive deals he has supported, I frankly think — my preference is always to see how we can give the lowest incentive, and how we can get the most money to taxpayer hands as soon as possible.

I think his has been more, ‘Look I just want to see the project done.’ I get that — that’s kind of a tension in government — but cost matters, taxes matter, and delivery of services matter.”

On taxes: “I have no interest in raising people’s taxes for a number of years. I just think

we’ve had a lot of that lately in the city. Particularly the reliance on the sales tax. I’m not necessarily the first President Bush saying, ‘Read my lips, no new taxes,’ but frankly I think it’s about time in KC that someone says that, and I think I’m pretty darn close to that. Barring some emergency or something of that sort, I do not think we need to raise taxes in our city. I think what we really need to do is see how we’re spending, see where we can cut out spending, particularly on things like consultants and studies, and deliver the basic services that we’re supposed to.”

On how to pay for affordable housing: “We need to be spending the money we get already.

Each year since I’ve been on the council, Kansas City, Missouri, gets about $8 million from HUD. So eight times five actually gets you to $40 million of the [requested] $75 million dollar fund.

Do we have a real plan for how we spend it? No. Do we actually try to see long-term measurable goals of how it’s been allocated throughout the city? No. So I would suggest a big part is making sure you’re being smart with what you’re doing with those funds and how that’s aligning with long-term business goals with the city. How do you get to $75 million? By being smart about what you’re already getting in. There’s funding from HUD, and we’re getting $10 million a year from the eighth-cent city economic development sales tax — some of that money this year went into housing. How did that money that went into housing relate to our broader housing goals? I don’t think that study has been done.”

On the airport: “Let me see here, how to be nice ... Look, I support the new terminal project. I think it’s important for our city, I think it will be positive for our city once it gets built and gets done. I’ve been disappointed by much of the process. There are some who say, ‘Well, that’s just politics.’ No, it’s not. From the moment that this project was announced, and I still remember it like it was yesterday, in May of 2017, at a press conference. I stood actually on the press side — several of my colleagues were on the side with the mayor and with the cameras looking at them — but I stood behind the camera because I didn’t know what the hell was happening. And then we get that proposal, a no-bid, now multi-billion dollar contract, which was was bizarre, and not basic governing principles. Then we go through this summer odyssey of ‘Let’s come up with the most convoluted approach to procurement ever…’” Lucas went on for several more minutes, but suffice it to say he is not a fan of the airport process so far.

Quote we will hold him to: “My [goal as mayor] is going to be long-term policies … that change the city for the better. And at the end of that, I don’t want anything named after me. I would be honored frankly, if my successor has even better ideas for keeping the city going forward.”

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FEATURE

The Flamingo at Fifty A LAWRENCE STRIP CLUB’S GOLDEN ANNIVERSARY. WORDS AND PHOTOS BY KATIE COUNTS

Red and green lights flash as the exotic dancers make their way around the club.

Normally, they’re in G-strings and 7-inch heels, but tonight is special. The ladies are clad in formal attire: a flapper dress dripping in fringe, a bedazzled gown, a blue lace dress worn at a college graduation.

It’s the 50th anniversary of the Flamingo Club, a strip club located off a gravel road on the outskirts of Lawrence. The squat green building, endearingly called the Bird, has been serving the community’s “topless needs since ‘69.” The actual year is up for debate; the topless part is not.

Wes Kabler is one of the owners of the Bird. Most days, you can find him walking around here in jeans and a stained Kansas Jayhawks jacket. Tonight, he wears slacks and a button-down. He bought the place in the 1960s, back when it was a supper club.

A few years later, he turned it into a strip club and never looked back. Over the years, there’s been “good times and hard times,” he says. He reminds himself: “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

The walls inside the Bird tell a partial history of the last five decades. Hanging on them is a flyer for the Lawrence St. Patrick’s Day Parade — Kabler and friends started the parade in 1988; the last stop is the Bird — as well as black-and-white photos, dozens of press passes and tickets, and newspaper clippings. There’s even a sports Emmy Award from the 1988 Winter Olympic Games. (In the 1970s, the Bird became a popular spot for some ABC sports reporters who would stop by when they were covering Royals, Chiefs, and Jayhawk games.

Over the years, the ABC guys became close with Wes and started inviting him to sports events. He’s been to Super Bowls, World Series games, boxing matches, the Indy 500, even the Olympics.) One photograph shows

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

a man with dark curly hair resting his arm around a laughing woman. She’s naked except for a thong and the paint covering her chest. He’s half-smiles, eyes shying away from the camera. That’s Kabler.

Onstage, a woman wearing metallic bottoms and nothing else flashes a smile at the crowd. Her body is petite, but hard. As she spins around the pole, you can catch a whirring glimpse of a Nike swoosh on her lower back.

Her name’s Paula. She began dancing at the Flamingo Club in the mid-2000s after a breakup. She liked the fast cash and flexible hours, but most of all she liked how empowered she felt while dancing. She’s bounced around — down to Texas and back — but she’s settled in here now, and says she can’t imagine doing anything else. It’d be too hard to walk away from the independence the job provides, too hard to leave her dancer friends, too hard to say goodbye to the Bird.

“The people that are running the show here actually have integrity, and I never see that anywhere,” Paula says, “especially in these places [strip clubs].”

Everyone’s got their reasons for sticking around. When Brianna was 7 years old, she watched Hurricane Charley rip through central Florida. The wind and rain tore down power lines and pulled shingles off roofs. She decided she wanted to study meteorology. But college was expensive, and working a part-time job was time-consuming. “I didn’t have time to do homework or study or even live life,” Brianna says.

She’d taken pole-dancing classes before; it made her feel sexy. So she started dancing after her junior year, at a different Lawrence strip club. But that place, she says, was full of uncaring managers and customers who degraded the dancers. So she and her friend Whiskey moved over to the Fla-

FEATURE

mingo Club.

The extra money — and the extra time it afforded — was huge for Brianna. She graduated in May and credits dancing with helping her achieve that goal.

Whiskey’s different. To the outside world, she’s private about her life as a dancer. Few people know about Whiskey’s career, including her two sons (though she plans to tell them when they’re older). But inside the club, she doesn’t hide who she is. She has a boyfriend. She talks about her kids. She has a life. She doesn’t know what she plans to do after dancing, but she’s proud that she makes enough money to support her family.

“I [will eventually] explain to my children what I did [here] and what I got out of this,” Whiskey says. “And explain to them how to treat somebody [with respect]. I know who I am, and I want my children to understand that.”

Dancers at the Flamingo Club are independent contractors, and they pay the

club a fee of roughly $10 per shift to work.

The price increases if the women are late.

The dancers also pay for their own health insurance and retirement plans (if they have them), not to mention other work-related costs, like outfits, shoes, makeup, and jewelry.

But the cash can make up for it. Some shifts, Whiskey earns up to $600. She also regularly works double the minimum required three shifts per week. As a result, Whiskey — who’s been dancing for about three years now — estimates that she earns as much as $4,000 a month.

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In the crowd, on the night of the big 5-0, there’s a wide variety of customers: friends of the women, older men, younger men, and even a couple that goes to the club for date night. The dancers stop and chat with many of them. Otherwise, it’s business as usual: an older gentleman offers to buy the dancer

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on his lap a drink as another woman takes a customer back into the VIP room.

Much like the dancers, customers come to the Bird for a variety of reasons.

Jewls, who recently stopped dancing at the Bird, says she knew a man who came in to smell armpits. One of her regulars had a foot fetish and would spend the first couple of dances rubbing her feet and legs. “He’s my favorite,” Jewls says.

Jewls described her dancing skills as “awkward,” but she’s a skilled conversationalist. Simply talking to someone can be more lucrative than fancy pole-tricks.

“You have to make them feel wanted, loved, and cared for — and in a way, we do care for them, because they pay our bills,” Jewls says.

Most of the customers at the Flamingo Club are well-behaved, but like many service jobs, there are “rude” customers. And at a place like this, “rude” can quickly turn dangerous.

“The people who are the most judgemental and close-minded have more skeletons in their closet than any stripper I have ever met,” says Skylar, another Bird dancer.

“We’re subhuman to a lot of people,” Brianna says. “[People think] we don’t live other lives other than just being dirty strippers.”

She’s had customers call her obscene names. She has dealt with wandering hands.

She’s had customers assume that she’s a prostitute. She’s had customers threaten her.

None of this is unique to the industry. Several studies over the years have found that exotic dancers experience sexual assault at a rate far above the national average.

Management at the Bird makes a point to walk the dancers out to their cars at night.

And Whiskey says this is the first dancing job where she’s felt like she could stand up for herself without getting fired. She can tell a customer off, just walk away, or get them kicked out if she feels threatened.

“I have the power to be in control of my sexuality,” she says. “Who touches me. Who talks to me. Who says what to me.”

As the night wears on, the formal dresses come off and on. One woman plays “Paradise City,” by Guns N’ Roses. Whiskey picks a slow country song. Paula takes the stage as the opening notes of the Temptations’ “My Girl” ring out. Rather than sexy pole tricks, she performs cheesy dance moves like the “Sprinkler,” smiling. People laugh and drink. Kabler sits off to the side, talking to patrons and staff.

“People got their opinions about [the exotic dancing industry],” Kabler says, referring to those who think of places like the Bird as a haven for vice and sin. But, he says, that stigma is “probably less and less of what it used to be in the old days.”

But Kabler doesn’t really care about all that. Tonight, he’s just enjoying the party.

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Cruise down the seventeen or so blocks that make up Central Avenue, near downtown Kansas City, and you’ll see what can happen when an immigrant community finds a welcoming home. This commercial stretch is largely free from the dull and oppressive hand of corporate influence. Instead, you find dress shops overflowing with tulle and sequins, the customers excitedly anticipating quinceañeras and weddings.

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1110 E SANTA FE ST OLATHE, KS 66061 (913) 210-5170 STRIPSCHICKEN.COM THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

Supermart El Torito 1409 Central, eltoritosupermart.com A steady, heavy stream of customers files in and out of Supermart El Torito all day, every day. The grocery store is small by the mammoth standards of suburban Hy-Vees and Price Choppers. But it wants for nothing, its shelves generously stacked floor-toceiling with imported canned goods, hot sauces, snacks, and sweets. There are house-

made tortilla chips and fresh-baked items in the panaderia. The carniceria, though, is the store’s biggest draw. Customers pull a number when they arrive and wait for one of several butchers to get around to cleavering their order. However long it takes, it’s worth it: the shop keeps an impressive stock of beef, pork, and chicken cuts, including diezmillo (shoulder cuts minus the roast), flap steak, chicken wings, beef tongue, and ready-to-cook foods including guajillo chile-seasoned al pastor pork. Too lazy to cook? Head next door to the El Torito taqueria. We can’t resist the tacos, but don’t sleep on the tortas, chilaquiles, or whole fried fish, either.

El Pollo Guasabe 1600 Central El Pollo Guasabe is easy to miss — the yellow, walk-up chicken stand isn’t much more than a kitchen with a window — but if you like perfectly-seasoned, fall-off-the-bone, charcoal-grilled chicken, it is well worth a stop. For just $6.75, you can pick up a half chicken (breast, thigh, wing leg) plus rice, beans, tortillas, and salsa. The chickens are prepped Sinaloa style: marinated in orange, garlic, herbs, and salt before being thrown over charcoal and open flame. The result is a charry, crispy greatness that you really can’t find anywhere else in town. This little place has heart, too: we recently witnessed some pay-what-you-can action with a customer who needed a bite on a cold day.

Whats hiding under your wings!?

Introducing Nearly Naked WINGS along with 5 new sauces “Nearly Naked” means they have an incredibly light, zesty breading that seals in all the flavor.

These wings just happen to be gluten free, egg free, and dairy free but don’t let that scare you - they are truly awesome.

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licious food. You can sample, at affordable-as-hell prices, some of the city’s finest tacos, seafood, cakes, Honduran food — the list goes on. Here are a few of our favorites.

CHASE CASTOR

FOOD

Breakfast  Brunch  Lunch  Cocktails 4059 BROADWAY / (816) 931-4401 / THECORNERKC.COM

CHASE CASTOR

Sabor Centroamericano 1304 Central, saborcentroamericanoks.com Sabor Centroamericano is one of the few restaurants in the city that offers Honduran dishes, from familiar offerings like carne asada with rice and beans to far less common items like pata de cerdo con tajadas (pig’s trotters with plantains). El Salvadoran and Mexican specialties are also available, including stellar pupusas (thick, tortilla-like discs stuffed with pork, beans, and/or cheese), generous tortas, tacos, house-made soups, and empanadas. The dining room is cozy — decorated with dozens of small flags representing Central America — and typically filled with families and workers from the neighborhood.

And if you order any of your items to go, you get plenty in the way of extras: our recent order came with baggies full of fresh cabbage slaw for pupusas, pickled red onions for tacos, and three types of salsas.

Delicias Pastries 1704 Central, deliciaspastries.com This little cake and pastry shop at the corner of 18th and Central Avenue is owned by Jesús Magaña, and his son, Jesús Magaña, Jr. The two have been in business for several years, originally selling their cakes to hotels and corporate clients. But they’ve been at this location, which also serves the public, for about five years. The flavors are straight-

forward classics, brilliantly executed: fruit tarts glisten with candied kiwi, plums, and strawberry; incredibly moist chocolate cake is layered with chocolate mousse and covered in slick ganache; and coffee-soaked white and chocolate cakes are layered with mocha mousse. Buy by the slice or pick up an entire sheet cake.

El Camaroncito 1022 Central There are actually two marisqueria (seafood) restaurants directly across the street from each other at the intersection of North Baltimore Street and Central Avenue: Mariscos el Pirata to the south, and El Camaroncito to the north. Both are worth trying, but we give the slight edge to El Camaroncito (“The Little Shrimp”) for its huge menu and friendly service. Naturally, El Camaroncito specializes in seafood: whole fried snapper, oysters, and octopus are available natural or dressed. You can order shrimp served a dozen different ways, our favorite being the Camarones a la Diabla: whole, unpeeled, head-on shrimp, cooked in a super-spicy, tangy, and thick chile de arbol sauce that will have you licking your fingers. The restaurant also serves guilotas (quail), prepared in that same insanely good diabla sauce or fried with rice and beans.

Spring? ? s ’ y d d a P . t S y? a D g n i n e p O foo’s?

(Open daily for foolishness.)

HAPPY HOUR

$3 SINGLE SLIDERS

Mon - Fri 2pm - 6pm

4010 Pennsylvania Avenue Suite D KCMO 64111 greenroomkc.com | 816-216-7682

thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

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CAFE

Phad Diet

WALDO THAI PLACE IS A NEW KIND OF KC THAI PLACE. BY LIZ COOK

Since August, friends and enemies in the service industry have been telling me the same thing: You gotta go to Waldo Thai Place. Their passion surprised me, as did the marks their fingernails left in my arms. I’ve enjoyed the Liberda family restaurants, and mourned the 2015 closing of their Westport Thai Place along with every other Midtowner. But the buzz this time around felt different.

That might have something to do with the new talent in the kitchen: executive chef Pam Liberda, who co-owns the restaurant with her husband, Teddy Liberda (Teddy previously operated the Westport Thai Place).

Waldo Thai Place is an altogether different kind of restaurant. It’s a little more upscale than the other places Thai, with an assured cocktail program (courtesy of Darrell Loo) and trendy date-night décor. It’s also committed to a chef-centered model that places the integrity of Pam’s northern Thai dishes above the whims of unfamiliar customers.

Know before you go: this isn’t Americanized Thai cuisine. The menu lists the Thai names of dishes and makes clear that the restaurant won’t entertain modifications or substitutions. You can’t sub chicken for beef in your Phad Kee Mow Nua, nor can you customize your spice level in the grand takeout tradition of one to five stars. But you also don’t have to be a fan of spicy food to enjoy a meal here.

If you’re in the mood for something mild, check your preconceptions of “curry” at the door and order the Gaeng Orm Nua E-Sarn. The regional stew from northeastern Thailand is brothy and delicate, with tender beef, bitter greens, and a heady fragrance from lemongrass and dill. The Tom Kha Goong, a Thai restaurant mainstay, is another mellow option. Pam’s version is sweet and subtle, with a fragrant, milky broth and tender lumps of shrimp.

The menu is extensive, with something for every palate. In addition to familiar rice and noodle dishes, diners can choose from a shifting assortment of colorful sautées and specials. But don’t overlook the salads and share plates, which contain some of Waldo Thai’s most unique dishes.

I adored the Nam Prik Orng, a humble-looking pork chili dip with a deep, complex flavor and a slow-building, lip-burning heat. Satellite garnishes — frill-cut carrot

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

ZACH BAUMAN

and cucumber slices, fresh pork rinds still firecracking on the plate — provided complementary ways to spoon up the silky, tomato-rich chili.

Also excellent: the Som Tum Thai, a salad composed of tender green ribbons of papaya in a tart-sweet herb dressing. The versatile Thai chili added a subtle heat, and roasted peanuts and pork skin lent the dish both salt and structure.

If you aren’t sure what to order, request a table on the south side of the restaurant and let your server be your guide. The southern dining room has a more traditional fine-dining ambience, with sleek black tablecloths, roomy booths and cool mood lighting. The service matches the environment — on both of my visits in the dining room, my dishes were delivered by service veteran James Chang, who has mastered the middle path between professionalism and personability.

Chang was skilled enough that I can forgive him one sin: trying to talk my table out of ordering the Pam’s Special. Caving in would have meant missing out on one of the restaurant’s best dishes. To Chang’s credit, Pam’s Special is perhaps the spiciest dish on the menu, and not everyone finds pleasure in pain. But there’s much more here to appreciate than raw heat. The dish combines browned, crisp-edged ground pork, tender rings of calamari, chubby pieces of charred Serrano peppers, and enough chopped Thai chilis to fill a cranberry bog.

At the risk of dragging a lofty meal down to my basement level: Pam’s Special is the Platonic ideal of drunk food. The heat inspires you to shovel in mouthfuls of soft jasmine rice to cool the burn; the balance of earthy/salty/spicy flavors keeps you coming back against your better judgment. By the time the fork scrapes the bottom of the plate,

Waldo Thai Place 8431 Wornall Road 816-605-1188

Hours: Tuesday–Saturday: 11 AM–11 PM Sunday: 11 AM–9 PM

Prices: Appetizers: $9–13 Entrees: $16–28 Cocktails: $11–12

Best bet: Sip a Shiso Tasty and share the Nam Prik Orng with your table. Heatseekers should order the Pam’s Special; everyone else should try the Mussaman Brisket Curry.

you’ll feel sober enough to attempt some light trigonometry — provided you don’t down the tallboy of Pabst Blue Ribbon that accompanies the dish like a wink.

The dinner menu feels overlarge, and a few weaker dishes pull focus from what Pam does best. I wanted to love the Khao Tod Nam Sod, an addictive crispy rice salad made here with cured sausage, cilantro and peanut. But Waldo Thai’s version was undercrunched and oversalted, burying the other flavors. The Laarb Moo — a cold salad of minced pork with onion, herbs, and chili — was a similarly blunt instrument of salt and sour.

The restaurant could take a cue from the bar menu, which is as compact as a neutron star. Bar manager Darrell Loo has developed one of the most coherent cocktail menus I’ve seen in recent memory. Many of Loo’s creations tie in unexpected ingredients from Pam’s dishes, such as fish sauce or soy.

But those ingredients are never treated like novelties. The fish sauce provided a welcome savory edge to the Tamarind Thunder, an otherwise sweet and tiki-inflected drink the color of charred pineapple. I’m not a huge fan of cachaça, and yet I still enjoyed the Thaipirinha, which folded the spirit’s burnt sugar characteristics into a soft base of creamy durian and bright lime. But my favorite drink — and the best pick for gin-lovers — was the Shiso Tasty, a fine-boned cocktail that let the botanicals in the gin shine against a subtle backdrop of herbal shiso leaves and cleanlined yuzu.

The bar side of the restaurant is more casual, with plenty of high-top tables, concrete and gray corrugated vinyl. It’s also more crowded, especially on weekends, and service is less prompt and polished. On a recent Friday night trip, sightings of our absentee waitress were treated with the ex-

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ZACH BAUMAN

citement of spotting a rare bird. Just getting the check was a twenty-minute ordeal, even though there were people hovering in the doorway waiting for a table to open up. The restaurant may have been shorthanded that night, but the service set a sour tone for what was a fairly expensive outing.

Still, it’s worth sitting in the bar if you go during happy hour, when whiskey is 25 percent off and you can try lower-cost versions of menu mainstays. It’s also a great chance to snag Loo’s renditions of classic cocktails for $6 to $8 (I liked the penicillin, which only improved with time).

Waldo Thai Place’s biggest challenge may be calibrating new diners to its price

point. Most of the entrees have a fine-dining price tag, but not all of them live up to fine-dining expectations. The Gai Phad Sup Pa Rod ($21) underwhelmed despite its dramatic presentation — large pieces of tempura-breaded chicken piled high inside a hollowed-out pineapple and sprinkled with cashews and diced bell peppers. It makes for a great Instagram photo, but the chicken was bland, the breading gummy. And I enjoyed — but wasn’t wowed by — the Gaeng Kiew Whan Gai, a politely spicy and predictable green coconut curry. The morsels of Thai eggplant were tender, but the chicken breast was dry, making the $18 price tag harder to swallow.

At the same time, I gladly paid $25 for a similarly sized bowl of mussaman brisket curry. Each bite of the creamy coconut peanut curry was skillfully tensioned between salt and sweet and spice. The presentation was deceptively simple: chubby roasted peanut halves, tender red potatoes, generous morsels of brisket, and a velveteen gravy laced with just enough heat to power you through the rich bowl. When Pam delivered it, she announced that the brisket had been cooked for about seven hours. I believed her.

This is the stick-to-your-ribs fare I want to slurp all winter; I’m willing to endure a late spring if it means I can order it one (two, twelve) more time(s).

From full service to express drop-off and everything in between, you can rest assured that you will get the menu and service you need to make your celebration a success!

The Poh Taek ($24) was near-perfect, teeming with jumbo shrimp, tender bay scallops, and fleshy calamari. It’s an undeniably beautiful dish, blushed with chili paste and slashed with Christmas colors from bell pepper, scallions, and bok choy. All it needed was a grace note — a little more heat, a more courageous aromatic — to complicate the rich seafood broth.

Does Waldo Thai live up to the hype?

Right now, it depends on what you order. But with a little tuning and trimming, the menu could better highlight the dishes Liberda does best — dishes you aren’t likely to find anywhere else in town. Pam’s Special is a dish. It’s also a sentence.

Brancato’s

CATERING

BrancatosCatering.com sales@BrancatosCatering.com 816.765.4707

thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

21

Taco Week mA

the ainsworth taco trio

4 R. 18 -2

Fried Chicken Tacos with chipotle aioli, avocado purée, and pico de gallo; Coffee-Rubbed Fish Tacos with pineapple pico de gallo and avocado purée; Short Rib Tacos with red cabbage and house made pickled jalapeños, on corn tortillas.

the pitch kc.com/tacoweek

11563 Ash St., Leawood, KS (913) 320-2530 | theainsworth.com

half-priced

tacos,

all week

long! *Dine-in only, unless otherwise noted.

charlie hoopers Shrimp tacos

Chicken or beef hardshell tacos topped with lettuce, tomato, and shredded cheese with sour cream and salsa.

7539 Wornall Rd, Kansas City, MO (816) 444-8080 | lewsgrillandbar.com

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

al pastor street tacos

Teriyaki Honey Garlic Shrimp Tacos with flash-fried shrimp tossed in teriyaki honey garlic sauce with green onions, carrots, and shredded lettuce or Fried Avocado Shrimp Tacos with beer battered, flash-fried avocado, sautéed shrimp, pico de gallo, and queso fresco on a flour tortilla.

Four traditional street tacos with soft corn shells, cilantro, and white onion. Served with lime wedges and a side of salsa verde.

12 W 63rd St, Kansas City, MO (816) 361-8841 | charliehoopers.com

1405 W 39th St, Kansas City, MO (816) 326-7209 | drunkenwormkc.com

mesob

mission taco

lew’s grill & bar chicken or beef hard shell tacos

drunken worm

taco triot

Portobello mushroom topped with caramelized onions, tomatoes, jalapenos, and spinach. Fried fish taco topped with salsa verde, avocado, baby arugula, and chipotle aioli.

Jerk pulled pork topped with grilled corn, avocado crema, lettuce, and sweet plaintain.

3600 Broadway Blvd #105, Kansas City, MO (816) 492-5099 | mesobkc.com

soft shell taco Fried Cajun shrimp on our fresh, house-made flour tortilla with cayenne pepper aioli, celery slaw, pickled tomatillos, and blue cheese crumble.

409 E 18th St, Kansas City, MO (816) 844-3707 | missiontacojoint.com

bar central & MetropolitanKC adobo shrimp taco

cali fish tacos

200 W 12th St, Kansas City, MO (816) 802-7095 | marriott.com

Three tacos stuffed with fresh tilapia, shredded lettuce and cabbage, black bean corn salsa, and our chipotle sauce, wrapped in flour tortillas and served with Spanish rice, chips, and salsa.

860 NW Blue Pkwy, Lee’s Summit, MO 64086 9100 W 135th St, Overland Park, KS 66221 (816) 347-1881 | (913) 257-5439 | bigwhiskeys.com

ej’s urban eatery

el fogon

Cajun lemon aioli, carrot cucumber slaw, and fresh cilantro garnish.

pork, beef, chicken, or veggie tacos

Ancho chile-cocoa rubbed pork tacos with salsa verde, espresso-rub beef tacos with salsa verde, pulled chicken tacos with chipotle crema on corn tortillas with lime, onions, and cilantro or veggie tacos with roasted zucchini, red peppers, pickle onions, black beans, and avocado.

1414 W 9th St, Kansas City, MO (816) 491-8262 | ejsurbaneatery.com

Ted’s cafe escondido atomic chicken best mexican tacos

Four open-faced corn tortillas; topped with a generous portion of grilled fajita chicken, sautéed with our spicy atomic salsa, diced onions, and cilantro; served with a side of guacamole.

636 Northeast 291 Highway, Lee’s Summit, MO (816) 524-8337 | tedscafe.com

brew lab

big whiskey

grilled chicken or carnitas tacos

Fresh, homemade tortillas with your choice of seasoned grilled chicken or dipped fried pork carnitas with housemade salsa.

4037 Mill St, Kansas City, MO (816) 982-9945 | elfogonkc.com

unforked barking pig taco

Crispy Carnitas tossed in shagbark bacon glaze with scallions and queso fresco. Limit 4 tacos per person.

Available at drive-thru.

7337 W 119th St., Overland Park, KS 2450 Grand Blvd #113, Kansas City, MO (913) 661-9887 | (816) 283-3675 | unforked.com

pulled pork taco Pulled pork with house-made, fresh crema, queso fresco, pico de gallo, and cilantro.

7925 Marty St, Overland Park, KS (913) 400-2343 | brewlabkc.com

el patron all tacos $2

Regular Tacos - choice of hard or soft and corn or flour shell with beef or chicken, Tacos de Carne Asada, Tacos de Fajitas with either grilled marinated steak or fajita chicken shredded cheese, lettuce, pico de gallo, and sour cream, and many more options!

2905 Southwest Blvd, Kansas City, MO (816) 931-6400 | elpatronkc.com

The Well soft shell taco Soft shell taco on corn tortilla filled with our Well taco meat (grilled steak, chorizo, bacon, onion, and jalapeño) and topped with Cotija and cilantro 7421 Broadway St, Kansas City, MO (816) 361-1700 | waldowell.com

thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

23

DRINK

Endless Variety, Matchless Talent!

Spring 2019 Shows on Sale Now

Keg Party ZACH BAUMAN

CITY BARREL LOOKS TO DISTINGUISH ITSELF IN A CROSSROADS RUNNETH OVER WITH BREWERIES. BY LIZ COOK

8 p.m. l Friday l Mar. 29 Skerryvore – The EVO Tour Winners of Scotland’s Traditional Music “Live Act of the Year,” these Scottish lads create a unique fusion of folk, trad, rock and pop.

Check out next year’s lineup!

Secure your season package of five or more shows today.

jccc.edu/CarlsenCenter | 913-469-4445 NO ONLINE FEES | FREE PARKING | WINE & BEER AVAILABLE

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

City Barrel Brewing has something to say to anyone who thinks the Crossroads has reached Peak Beer. In late February, the 15-barrel brewery and restaurant opened on 1740 Holmes, just a stone’s throw from five other microbreweries — Torn Label, Border, Brewery Emperial, Double Shift, and Casual Animal. But co-founder James Stutsman doesn’t see them as competition.

“Honestly, it’s become this awesome 18th St. Brewers’ Alley,” Stutsman says.

“There’s total safety in numbers. Crossroads is the new Westport, it’s the new Plaza. This is where it’s happening.”

City Barrel has already distinguished itself from the neighbors in a few ways. For starters, it’s enormous: the 7,700 square foot brewery can seat 125 on its first floor and an additional 25 on its second-floor “barrel deck” — a round, wood-faced patio that looks exactly like a beer barrel from the street.

The beers are a little different, too. Stutsman and his co-founders, Grant Waner and Joe Giammanco, have fine-tuned a focus on beer styles that seem underrepresented locally given their national popularity — hazy IPAs (often called New England IPAs), wild ales, and sours.

“There’s nobody who’s really owning the IPAs and sours,” Stutsman says. “Lots of people make great ones, but they don’t do it all the time.”

Even sour-beer skeptics will likely find something to tempt them here. City Barrel’s sours run the gamut from tart and earthy (the Crossroads Sour Red) to soft and fruity (Ahoy!). The latter is part of the brewery’s rotating tiki sour series, inspired by the founders’ favorite tropical cocktails.

The current iteration is a pink guava lime

gose that Stutsman accurately describes as “a crusher.”

City Barrel is a uniquely chill place to sample them. The beer garden and dining room are sheltered in what was once a stone alley between two century-old brick buildings. Turning a covered alleyway into a brewery and restaurant required a little bit of invention — and a lot of infrastructure — but City Barrel has kept as many of the historic features as possible. The stone floors are original, as are the brick walls and archways. Ditto the funky interior windows on either side of the dining room, relics from a time when City Barrel’s neighbors could peer into an open alley (don’t worry; the frosted panes mean no one’s going to be spying on your table and tallying the empties).

The dining room is crammed with white Missouri oak tables and chairs, a nod to the stately oak foeders the brewery uses to age its sour beers. The bar is a live-edge showpiece cut from a 280-year-old tree, and the wood-paneled wall behind it was taken from the Nelson-Atkins Museum after a recent gallery renovation (if you look closely, you can see the nail holes from where paintings were installed). It all adds up to a warm but elegant taproom, the kind of place where you can imagine lingering over a few beers.

“Classy yet comfortable is kind of what we’re trying to do here,” Stutsman says. “We wanted to be a little more upscale than your normal brewery.”

That ethos extends to the food. City Barrel tapped Ben Wood, previously the executive chef for The Corner Restaurant in Westport, to develop its lunch and dinner offerings. The resulting menu combines more traditional bar bites — burgers, loaded fries — with upscale entrees like beurre

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ZACH BAUMAN

blanc shrimp and a 12-ounce dry-aged ribeye (using grass-fed beef from nearby Salt Creek Meats).

Wood has worked City Barrel’s beer into the menu in creative ways. Onions are caramelized in the brewery’s Rad AF IPA in lieu of red wine, and the restaurant has partnered with Farm to Market to devel-

op breads using the brewery’s spent grains.

The menu already features two charcuterie boards (and one vegetarian board) with jams and jellies that Wood tells me are made using the brewery’s spent fruits.

“We’re trying to think creatively and out of the box as far as what defines us as City Barrel, what defines us as a restaurant or an upscale American cuisine,” Wood says.

Stutsman and his partners are banking on that cuisine to convince customers to stick around for a few more beers. The menu provides beer pairing suggestions for each dish, and bar manager Michael Hughes has created a creative list of beer-infused signature cocktails for an extra splash of variety (classic cocktails and a handful of wines are available for diners who aren’t into beer).

Flights are also available so customers can try out a few “tiny” beers before committing to a full pour. Anticipating which beers will connect with drinkers is always a challenge, but Stutsman hopes two of the current taps will be permanent fixtures — Rad AF, a double dry-hopped hazy with the juiciness and sippability of a beer mimosa, and 816, a soft and approachable blonde ale brewed with many of the same techniques (and dry-hopping rates) as a hazy IPA.

816 will also be the first beer to take a turn on City Barrel’s high-speed canning line, with a can release planned for March 16. But if you want to take a six-pack home, you’ll still have to stop by the brewery. City Barrel has no plans to distribute and will sell all its cans onsite. Also coming soon: spontaneous fermentation. City Barrel invested in a coolship, an old-school, open-top fermentation vessel, and plans to use it to collect wild yeast from different neighborhoods around Kansas City. Look for the coolship to set sail sometime this month, when temperatures are ideal (20 to 40 degrees Fahrenheit is the sweet spot for collecting the right kind and quantity of beer-friendly microbes).

For all the upscale touches and “craft beer meets wine bar” affectations, City Barrel doesn’t feel stuffy. The beer garden at the front of the restaurant has three large TVs for game days, and the brewery plans to add pinball machines and arcade games on its mezzanine level. In perhaps the perfect synthesis of the brewery’s hybrid identity, Stutsman, Waner, and Giammanco have titled one of their forthcoming taps, a Sauvignon Blanc-inspired IPA, “Fancy AF.” “It’s still beer,” Stutsman says with a laugh.

“We can’t take ourselves too seriously.”

City Barrel Brewing 1740 Holmes St. (816) 298-7008 citybarrelbrewing.com

Prices Beer: $6.50–$9 Cocktails: $10–$14 Sandwiches and bar bites: $9–$16 Entrees: $20–$39

Hours Tuesday–Thursday: 11 AM–11 PM Friday–Saturday: 11 AM–12 AM Sunday: 11 AM–10 PM

Better food Better living

OPENING MARCH 27

AT COUNTRY CLUB PLAZA

At True Food Kitchen, healthy isn’t just an idea, it’s a science... and we take it seriously. Every delicious dish and drink is crafted to be better for your taste buds and your body.

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thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

25

EAT

APRIL FLEMING

Eat ThisNow AUSTRALIAN BREKKIE AT BANKSIA BAKEHOUSE

You may not think of Australians as having an incredibly vibrant food and dining culture, but it turns out to be true, and it all starts with breakfast — “brekkie,” if you must. Australians were eating generous, healthy, largely plant-based meals in the morning long before that became a mark of a good brunch here. (We have them to thank for avocado toast, after all.) Now, there’s an opportunity for Kansas Citians to sample a bit of what Australians have to offer without traveling 8,000 miles or using one of those alternate-universe toilets. On a trip downtown to Banksia Bakehouse (105 West 9th Street), you can get avocado toast, yes — their version is topped with arugula, white miso, ponzu-roasted sesame seeds, pan-roasted tomatoes, and a fried egg — but also mushroom-and-beet toast (slow-cooked shiitake and portabellos with house-made ricotta, spinach, and goat cheese). We also love the corn, zucchini, and cilantro fritters: crispy, pan-fried cakes topped with savory refried black beans and generous hunks of avocado, dressed in lime juice, all topped with a runny fried egg and a heap of cilantro. Get it with a flat white (another Australian gift), and you’re set for the day. --April Fleming

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

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APRIL FLEMING

Drink ThisNow THE GIMLET AT BLACK SHEEP + MARKET

Late last year, the same team behind River Market stalwart Farmhouse opened Black Sheep + Market, a promising new operation on 39th Street West. (It’s in the space formerly occupied by the Thai joint Aep and, before that, Thomas.) Both restaurants source heavily from local farmers, and many menu items, from daily specials to cocktails, are modified depending on what those farmers supply. For example: the Black Sheep Gimlet, which starts with super-floral Corruption Gin from Tom’s Town, fresh-squeezed lime juice, and simple syrup. What really makes the cocktail, though, is the garnishing, which changes with the season (or on the fly if something special comes in the door). Currently, the gimlet is served with crushed fennel seeds and greenhouse herbs, which hit your nose with fresh, straight-from-the-earth notes. The cocktail tastes like a garden — all the more necessary as we inch toward spring. --April Fleming

thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

27

ARTS

Cloistered Away TE DEUM LOOKS TO REVIVE THE LARGELY FORGOTTEN CHORAL MUSIC OF 17TH CENTURY NUNS.

BY LIBBY HANSSEN

Though he’s spent years performing music from the Baroque era, Matthew Shepard — the conductor and artistic director of the choral music group Te Deum — realized recently that he knew almost nothing about an important choral tradition: convent music from the cloisters of 17th Century Italy.

“It’s not that [these musicians] were completely unknown,” Shepard says, “but they are certainly not part of today’s standard repertoire.”

In fact, many of these musicians were famous in their time. So why aren’t they better-represented in the canon?

Simple: They were women.

“There are many women religious composers from the early modern era who were exceptionally talented musicians and whose music is only forgotten because they were normally not allowed to publish their music during their lifetime,” says Alison DeSimone, a professor at the UMKC Conservatory of Music and Dance who teaches a course called Gender and Music Before 1800.

It was DeSimone who suggested to Shepard that he explore Italian convent music. Intrigued, he turned to the scholarship of Candace Smith and the work of her Italy-based ensemble Cappella Artemisia. As a result, on March 10, at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, the women of Te Deum Antiqua will raise their voices and perform music from two 17th Century female composers: the Benedictine nun Chiara Margarita Cozzolani (of Milan’s Santa Radegonda) and Sulpitia Cesis (of the Augustinian order in Modena’s Santa Geminiani).

For this concert, Te Deum Antiqua will perform a mass by Cozzolani and two motets by Cesis. (Only one volume of Cesis’ work survives, published in 1619; Cozzolani published four that we know of.)

“To do it in the context of a mass gives

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a better insight to the experience of the cloistered nun,” says Shepard. And because the concert is on the first Sunday of Lent, they’ll perform the prescribed offertory chants as well.

“That’s what the nuns would have done,” Shepard says. “I think it will make it feel more like transporting back 300 years.”

Cozzolani is an inspiring character, particularly in these “Nevertheless, she persisted” times. As abbess, she defied an archbishop who attempted to restrict the nuns’ music-making. Such defiance wasn’t uncommon among these nuns. A letter from 1664 recounts that in the convent of Santa Radegonda, “There are singers who sing like angels, but act like Furies.”

Still, these women were bound by limitations imposed by the patriarchy, and the performance at St. Paul’s will reflect that.

The chorus will be accompanied by only an organ and cello.

“The only instruments they were allowed to use were the viola da gamba and an organ — maybe a harpsichord for practice,” Shepard says. “Everything else was forbidden.”

“But,” he continues, “there’s also evidence that they would have done the bass line on trombone and other brass instruments, even though they weren’t allowed.

They didn’t always follow the rules, as it turns out.”

And while this music may seem very much of the past, there are still women that keep it alive today. In Gower, Missouri, just an hour north of Kansas City, the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles live secluded lives, but have nevertheless produced multiple award-winning albums.

Though they spend their days avoiding idle chatter, they sing in worship for over five hours a day. “[This kind of choral music] is not something that just got uncovered,” says Shepard. “It’s been around. We just haven’t given it the focus it deserves.”

Te Deum Antiqua Presents: “Convent Music” Sunday, March 10, 2019 7 p.m., St. Paul’s Episcopal Church (11th E 40th Street) For more information visit www.te-deum.org.

ARTS

RILEY COWING

Words with Friends

WITH POETIC UNDERGROUND, SAMANTHA SLUPSKI IS HELPING BUILD A LIVELIER, MORE COHESIVE POETRY SCENE IN KANSAS CITY BY RILEY COWING

Samantha Slupski started writing poetry sometime around sixth grade, and she even posted some of it on a Tumblr account as a freshman in high school. But she hadn’t really considered sharing her work out loud until December 2015, when a friend suggested she stop by Poetic Underground’s weekly open mic at Uptown Arts Bar. She was immediately drawn to the warmth of the place — the stage encased by white, twinkly lights, a lone microphone at the center, a velvet curtain providing a gentle barrier between the poets in the back of the venue and the patrons at the bar up front.

How the audience members would encouragingly snap and clap and stomp their feet when moved by the performance.

“I truly didn’t even really know an open mic existed that could hold the kids of poems that I was writing,” Slupski says. “[Poetic Underground] was this place that was really welcoming for me, where I could talk about all the things I was experiencing.

It was really the first place where I could talk about my mental illness in the open and not feel super judged or stigmatized or anything like that.”

Three years later, Slupski is the executive director of Poetic Underground, having taken over duties from Jeanette Powers, who previously held the role. The organization holds writing workshops, open mics every Wednesday, and the monthly Kansas City Poetry Slam. Though the idea of a po-

etry slam wasn’t appealing to Slupski initially, she’s now a regular participant.

“I was like, ‘What is competing with poetry? I don’t get it,’” Slupski explains.

“Then I saw how that was not only a fun way to experience poetry, but it was also a way to challenge yourself and challenge the community.”

In 2017, Slupski became Slam Master of Kansas City Poetry Slam and attended the National Poetry Slam for the first time in Denver, CO. There, in conversation with other poets, she noticed a lack of awareness of Kansas City’s active poetry scene and saw an opportunity to blend the two worlds.

“I was like, I think that Kansas City needs big names to come here, so not only will people see, ‘Oh there is something really growing here, there is extreme talent in this city’ — but also so that local poets here can have their horizons broadened,” she says. “Just to hear different stories and hear from different people from different walks of life.”

So she pitched a new idea, which she called the Middle of the Mic workshop series, in a grant proposal to ArtsKC. The series kicked off with poets Lino Anunciacion and Desiree Dallagiacomo and now occurs the second Wednesday of each month on a donation basis. It gives local poets the chance to learn from touring poets.

“The teaching was really important for me, because one of the things that I thought

Kansas City lacked was workshops and the opportunity for people to sit down and get feedback and have prompts to just write in an intimate setting,” Slupski says. “Slams and open mics are great because you can get immediate, ‘Oh my gosh that was so good,’ type of feedback. But you don’t really get more in-depth, intimate feedback if you’re not in a workshop setting.”

And Slupski continues to share her work. Her first book of poetry, What Sits Between My Veins, was published by EMP Books in 2017. Though Slupski finds it difficult to revisit, she describes it as a springboard for her work now. The collection covered topics from heartbreak to familial trauma. It was also the first time she acknowledged her body “as a thing that exists instead of just feeling like a weird, meat robot.” She says writing those pieces allowed her to write more in-depth today about topics such as femininity and patriarchy, as well as diving deeper into experiences with her family. She also found room to incorporate joy and happiness into her poems.

“A way that my work transformed, over at least the past year anyway, was incorporating joy,” Slupski says. “Because that was not something I knew how to do ... For so long, it was just a coping mechanism and I had to squash the trope within myself of, ‘You can only make good art when you’re sad.’ I think that’s something that, universally, writers, poets, artists are trying to be

Poetic Underground Open Mic Wednesdays, 9 p.m., Uptown Arts Bar (3611 Broadway)

like, ‘That’s not true! Quit trying to romanticize tragedy!’ Yes, it can create beautiful art, but that’s not all; you can create good art in any state.”

Slupski recently celebrated her third anniversary of reading poetry at Poetic Underground at Uptown Arts Bar, and the open mic celebrated its fifth birthday with a slam in early February.

“Being in this community gave me the freedom to be as experimental or as conforming as I wanted to be,” Slupski says. “I could really just go in-between whatever I wanted to. I could sit down and try to write a ‘slam poem’ or I could sit down and just write words upside down and call it a poem.

I saw so many different formats of how poems could be written and that was huge for me. In my head I was just like, ‘There’s only one way poems can be written or there are only these forms that we’re taught in school and in that there’s not a lot of ways to veer off from it.’ And I think if I wouldn’t have entered into that community I would’ve just been stuck in a box.” thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

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Barry Happy HENRY WINKLER — IN TOWN THIS MONTH FOR PLANET COMICON — IS OUT HERE LIVING HIS BEST LIFE. BY DAN LYBARGER

Henry Winkler sounds upbeat, and he’s got several reasons to be. The man formerly known as The Fonz is enjoying a late-career renaissance: as the hilariously maladroit attorney Barry Zuckerkorn on Arrested Development, and more recently stealing the show as Bill Hader’s loopy acting teacher on HBO’s Barry. (Winkler himself is a graduate of the Yale School of Drama.) He’s even back executive-producing a MacGyver reboot.

Winkler is also scheduled to meet fans and sign autographs during Planet Comicon at Bartle Hall from March 29 through March 31. While he isn’t known for comic book roles or having superpowers (unless you count Fonzie’s ability to fix machines by simply knocking them), Winkler has overcome some obstacles that would make Spider-Man or the Hulk bow in admiration. We chatted recently about some of that.

The Pitch: Although you’ve had a long career, it’s interesting to be talking with you now

because you’ve just won your first Primetime Emmy for Barry. I had a dream when I was seven, and I am now 73 years old, and I’m still living my dream, and I must say I’m one of the lucky ones. There are men my age that are still waiting by the phone, or they’ve put the phone in the closet and stopped waiting. I’m just having this incredible moment in my life.

I was only supposed to do an episode or two for Arrested Development, and I stayed for five years. I was only supposed to do an episode for Parks and Recreation, and I stayed for three years. And here I am on this incredible show Barry, which will start again in the spring.

Comicons are incredible I bring my children’s books. I bring photographs. I have a few Better Late Than Never hats. I love meeting the people who watch me.

Haven’t you played a character in an animated Batman series? Yes. I played the Bug, or something like this. I have a cell of it. I have a picture of the character, who’s in much better COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

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ARTS

shape than I am, but I’ve never seen the show.

The biggest voices I did were All Hail King Julien [he plays Uncle King Julien] and Norville the Bird, and I won a Daytime Emmy for Norville the Bird on Clifford’s Puppy Days.

Have you had any acting teachers like Gene Cousineau, whom you play in Barry with Bill Hader? I’ve had some in college and graduate school. I went to the Yale School of Drama, and combined I have 14 or 15 teachers through the years. I’ve heard about teachers from other actors. I’ve done research about a teacher here in L.A. who ran a big school. I combined them all and put them in my imagination, and out popped Gene Cousineau. Cousineau, by the way, is the name of the woman, the doctor, who delivered Bill Hader’s three daughters.

From listening to an interview with him on Marc Maron, I understand the character changed as the show developed. When they wrote it, [Gene] was kind of a mean, uncaring charlatan, and as they watched me play it, they started to write to me. They said, “Oh, he could be that way also.” I think he became a little softer, a tad bit warmer. It was not just, “If you can pay in cash, on time, you are an artist.” This year I make them work for looking for what defines them as an actor.

“THERE’S A MAN ON THE RADIO

BY THE NAME OF JOHNNY DARE, AND I TALK TO JOHNNY MAYBE SIX TIMES A YEAR. WE HAVE THE GREATEST CONVERSATIONS. HE IS A HUMANIST.”

Wasn’t Fonzie different when Happy Days originated? That is also true. He was tall and tough and just like a gang member. As I played him, [creator] Garry [Marshall] and the writers saw that he could also be really tough, but with a heart.

He was the opposite of wimpy, but he was the perfect person to have your back. Absolutely, because he cared about his friends. His friends were really important to him. Loyalty was very important to the Fonz.

He’s become so much a part of our culture.

I’ve actually been to see the “Bronze Fonz” in Milwaukee. Someone just sent me a picture of the “Bronze Fonz,” and they put a scarf around him because it was so cold in Milwaukee.

I discovered the statue because you showed it on Twitter. I like Twitter. It calms me down on the set when it gets really tense, or the scene gets tense. I just enjoy it. I really do. I like reading other people’s Twitter, and it’s sometimes fun to put a tweet up.

You’ve recently been part of a death hoax, and Twitter was a way of letting people know that you were both alive and three years younger than the hoaxes said you were. Yes,

really. My daughter called me and wanted to know what was going on. And I said, “No. I’m still here.” I don’t have Instagram. I don’t have any other social media, except for Twitter. So, I never saw the death hoax until somebody on Twitter said, “Is this true?” I never saw the original. You know, it happened once before in the ‘70s. Someone called my parents in New York and asked if I was still alive. Of course, my parents never changed my number, and it was in the phone book. So that was kind of a shock.

MacGyver has also become a cultural touchstone, and you produced it. And now MacGyver is back and a big hit. It’s a wonderful.

When I was doing Happy Days, part of my compensation was a production company with ABC. And I had on-the air commitments. I think I had two. So, if I brought them a show that they liked, they had to put it on the air. And one of the shows I brought them was MacGyver. We created it. We sold it. We ran the show. I had a partner at the time, John Rich. It was on Sunday night after Sunday Night Football, and we would edit it on Saturday night until 3 a.m. The technical term is that we sent it out “wet” because it was just finished in time to get it on the air.

And now a man named Peter Lenkov

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ARTS

runs the show, and I get to sit with him and edit once in a while.

Like a lot of the heroes at Comicon, you’ve had a struggle of your own. You’ve been public about living with dyslexia. That’s right. All my books, the 28 novels of Hank Zipzer, the last one just came out. The very last one called Everybody Is Somebody, and it deals with a little boy named Hank, short for Henry, who is dyslexic. He’s in the second grade. He doesn’t know it. He’s just confused and in the fourth and the fifth and the sixth grade, and he finds out that he has a problem.

It’s important to note that the condition has no bearing on intelligence. Gen. George S. “Ol’ Blood and Guts” Patton was dyslexic and was a brilliant strategist. Right. That’s what I tell every child, especially every one that comes to the table at the Comicon — that how you learn has nothing to do with how brilliant you are.

So how do you handle scripts? Not easily. I have to work harder, but it’s something I want to do, so I make the accommodation. I have to read it slower and longer, but I’m able to memorize pretty well and pretty quickly so that really helps.

Your partner in the travel series Better Late Than Never, William Shatner, will be at Planet Comicon as well. Yes, and he is so wonderful. We traveled all over the world together. It was one of the great jobs in my career, not only to travel with these wonderful other people, but also to witness these extraordinary events, the food, the glorious people. We’re all the same. We just speak a different language.

You got to get in touch with your roots in Germany through the show. Your family fled the Nazis. That was amazing because I was not prepared for the emotionality of that.

There was a plaque with your family name on it. That was my uncle, who I never met.

That was something to look down and see that. That’s what spurred on the emotionality.

Have you been to KC before? Many times.

Many times. There’s a man on the radio by the name of Johnny Dare, and I talk to Johnny maybe six times a year. We have the greatest conversations. He is a humanist. We talk about everything and anything. And I hope we will continue doing that. He is just so much fun to chat with.

thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

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Passover Country DANNY CAINE’S CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST PONDERS MIDWESTERN-SUBURBAN JEWISH IDENTITY. BY NICK SPACEK

Comparing poetry to song lyrics is lazy, so I’m reluctant to mention to Lawrence poet Danny Caine that the way he’s organized his new collection, Continental Breakfast (Mason Jar Press), reminds me of the way a band or a musician might tracklist an album.

The front half of the book is a collection of poems that examine the idea of place and homogeneity in America, while the back half is 18 poems that wrestle with matters of Jewish and familial identity. The latter is collectively called “Uncle Harold’s Maxwell House Haggadah” and organized around the rites of Passover: the four glasses of wine and the festive meal. It was originally published a few years back as a chapbook of the same name from Etchings Press.

I’m relieved to learn Caine — who also owns The Raven Bookstore — agrees with my music-writer assessment.

“The main thing my editors and I were

talking about was sequence,” Caine says over coffee one rainy February afternoon.

“We decided to list it in the table of contents as one poem, so if you’re thinking [of it like an] album, it’s like the really long suite of ambitious songs is at the end. Side one is all the pop songs, and side two is the most formally daring and ambitious piece in the book.”

So: think of “Uncle Harold’s” as the medley that concludes the Beatles’ Abbey Road or even — as Caine puts it — Weezer’s “The Futurescope Trilogy” from Everything Will Be Alright in the End. (What, you missed that one?) Caine also cites Sufjan Stevens’ somewhat kitschy Christmas albums as an influence.

“I do pull inspiration from music like that,” Caine says. “You can see that’s all over [‘Uncle Harold’’]. I’m just doing the same thing for Passover that he [Stevens] does for Christmas.”

Caine’s series of Passover poems have

seen multiple published incarnations, from a photocopied zine to several chapbooks, and now as part of Continental Breakfast.

These poems also represent his MFA thesis for the creative writing program at the University of Kansas, from which Caine graduated a few years aback.

“It’s not “Leaves of Grass” by any means, but it’s been the single poetic project that has followed me through the last six years of my serious poetry-writing career,” Caine says.

The seeds of “Uncle Harold’s Maxwell House Haggadah,” which is almost six years old, were planted when Caine went to a Jewish grocery store in Cleveland, where he’s from. While there, he saw “a staggering amount” of Passover junk food. He found that funny because of the concept at the heart of the holiday.

“You’re supposed to eat the bread of affliction to mirror the pain of bondage, and how they had to flee quickly and scrape by in the desert for 40 years with nothing but matzoh,” Caine explains, with a wry smile.

“But this grocery store display is just different junk food: it doesn’t taste quite as good, and it’s more expensive, but it’s still junk food.”

So, the first poem written for “Uncle

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ARTS

Caine holds court at The Raven.

Harold’s” was “The Inflatable Matzoh Ball of Affliction,” which was basically just a list of the various junk food Caine saw in the grocery store that day. From there, though, Caine became interested in exploring his family’s ideas about Passover.

“I think there are issues my family deals with and goes through — and the way they deal with Passover — which is probably similar to a lot of other suburban Jewish families,” Caine says of the relatively mundane subject matter at the heart of the poem cycle: the boys fall in love with non-Jewish women, all the grandchildren want to move away, grandparents die.

I ask if Caine’s eight-month-old son has changed his perspective on the familial aspect of religion, and whether “Uncle Harold’s Maxwell House Haggadah” may see future installments.

“It is a whole new way of looking at things, but I didn’t want to keep going,” Caine says with a laugh. “Like, I reached a point with this sequence where I’m like, ‘We’ll end it there.’ The story of every family is ongoing, and I could keep expanding [this] for my entire career, but I have other things I would like to write about. So, I’m writing about being a dad, but in different ways.”

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35

SAVAGE LOVE

Consider the (extra) Lobster BRAINSTORMING A POTENTIAL ADDITION TO THE SEXUAL LEXICON. BY DAN SAVAGE

Two weeks ago, a longtime reader challenged me to create a new sexual neologism.

(Quickly for the pedants: You’re right! It is redundant to describe a neologism as “new,” since neologisms are by definition new: “ne·ol·o·gism noun a newly coined word or expression.” You got me!)

“Neo-Neologisms, Please!” was too polite to point it out, but my two most famous and widely used neologisms have been around so long — pegging (2001) and santorum (2003) — that they’re practically paleogisms at this point. So I accepted NNP’s challenge and proposed “with extra lobster.”

My inspiration: on a visit to Iceland, I was delighted to discover that “with extra lobster” was a menu item at food carts that served lobster. This delighted me for two reasons.

First, lobster is fucking delicious and getting extra lobster with your lobster is fucking awesome. And second, “with extra lobster” sounded like it was a dirty euphemism for something equally awesome. I offered up my own suggested definition — someone who sticks their tongue out and licks your balls while they’re deep-throating your cock is giving you a blowjob with extra lobster — and invited readers to send in their own. It was my readers, after all, who came up with the winning definitions for pegging (“a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo”) and santorum (“the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex”).

What follows are the best reader-suggested definitions for “with extra lobster,” with occasional commentary from yours truly…

lobster” should mean anytime you get some extra lobster in on the act — from normal lesbian sex (two lobsters!), to a standard-issue male fantasy threesome (two lobsters and one cock), to a surprise second go-around after you thought the sex was over.

“With extra lobster” sounds to me like going down on someone — regardless of sex — when it’s a little more odoriferous than you would like because they haven’t bathed in a while. For example: “Things were getting hot and heavy with my Tinder date last night, and then I started to go down and was surprised with extra lobster.”

When you see a gorgeous ultra-feminine creature far more gorgeously feminine than my straight CIS ass will ever be. But under all the silks and stockings and satin panties… there’s a wonderful and welcome surprise! That girl comes WITH EXTRA LOBSTER!

I think I have a good candidate for your “with extra lobster” definition! It could be applied to a man who has an exceptionally large and dangling foreskin (“His penis comes with extra lobster!”) or a woman whose labia protrudes (“I love pussy with extra lobster!”).

When I first started dating my wife, she kept her lady parts waxed clean, and they looked a bit like a lobster claw, even being slightly red if the waxing was recent. We nicknamed her vagina and surrounding area “The Lobster,” or “Lobby” for short. So I would suggest that “with extra

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THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

(The area surrounding the vagina already has a name: the vulva. While most people are familiar with the labia majora and minora parts of the vulva, aka “the lips,” fewer know the name for the area between the labia minora. The spot where the opening to the vaginal canal can be found — also part of the vulva — is called the “vaginal vestibule.” According to my thesaurus, lobby is a synonym for vestibule. So this proposed definition of “with extra lobster” is pretty apt. Now, some will quibble with the lobby-ish implication that a vagina is a space that needs to be entered. One can have a good time — great sex with lots of extra lobster — without anyone being penetrated, i.e., without anyone entering the lobby.)

“Extra lobster should be the name for those cock-extender things. Example: “My husband has a small penis. And you know what? The sex is great! He gives great head, and isn’t afraid to strap-on some extra lobster now and then.”

As a vegan, Dan, I strongly object to “with extra lobster.” It reinforces the speciest notion that it is permissible to consume lobsters, sentient life forms that feel pain, and associating a sex act with the violence of meat consumption further desensitizes us to acts of sexual violence.

(Fuck off.)

I’ve learned about fursuits from you, Dan, and so many other crazy things — like the guy who wanted to be sexually ravished and then torn apart and eaten by zombies. With that in mind, I think “with extra lobster” shouldn’t refer to a sex act. It should be ENTIRELY literal: an act of bestiality performed not with one lobster, but with two or more lobsters. (The zombie guy was what hooked me on “Savage Love.” I’m too shallow for the actual problems and stuff. More freaks please!)

(Too literal and too improbable — and euphemisms that describe things that have never

happened or only happen very, very rarely are unlikely to enter the lexicon.)

I used to hook up with a cuckold couple with a particularly naughty fetish: I’d fuck the woman, fill her up, and her man would eat it out of her.

So, say you hooked up with a woman, let’s call her “Melania,” and her husband, call him “Donald,” ate her pussy after you filled her with come.

Donald is eating pussy with extra lobster!

(Sounds more like pussy with extra chowder to me — and what you’ve described already has a perfectly good, and widely-used, name: cream pie. And, please God, let’s leave Trump out of this. There’s no need to associate something so vile and disgusting with eating another man’s come out of your wife’s lobby.)

“With extra lobster” should refer to any intimate pleasure where your expectations are greatly exceeded! I’m a gay man in my sixties, and my husband and I have been together for decade. I also have a friend with benefits. One night we were camping and I blurted out, “I would like to cuddle with you.” What happened next was 12 courses — at least — with extra lobster! We’ve managed to rekindle this energy every couple of years over the past 25!

I believe your example of “with extra lobster” regarding an extra WOW factor during something sexual is perfect and doesn’t need extra explanation. As the saying goes, Dan, you pegged it!

I agree with the last two letter writers: “with extra lobster” shouldn’t refer to any specific sex act — and it should never involve actual lobsters and/or mental images of the current president of the United States — but should, instead, be a general term meaning “expectations exceeded.” When someone really comes through for you, when they knock your socks off, when they make you see stars — when they really WOW you — then you got boned or blown or fucked or flogged or torn apart and eaten by zombies with extra lobster! And with that sorted and settled, a bonus neologism to close the column…

This isn’t a definition for “with extra lobster,” but I wanted to share it. I live in Uganda and many of the streets are lined with stalls that sell BBQ chicken. If you know to ask for the special chicken, they’ll often sell you weed. Special Chicken has become my favorite euphemism for weed!

Question for Dan? E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net. On Twitter at @fakedansavage.

20

19

W

itness six of KC’s most talented chefs as they battle for the Gold Fork along with sampling from 20+ restaurants.

Early bird tickets available.

THURSDAY, MAY 16 KC LIVE! BLOCK P O W E R

&

L I G H T

D I S T R I C T

A portion of the proceeds benefiting:

Save over $15 on the door price by purchasing tickets now! VIP includes early entrance and a goodie bag valued over $100 for the first 100 VIP attendees.

thepitchkc.com for tickets

EVENTS • Voted KC’s Best Gentleman’s Club • Oldest Adult Club in Missouri • 70 Girls • VIP Lounge • Great Place to Watch Sporting Events • Full Service Kitchen • Cover Friday & Saturday ONLY! • Premium Bottle Service

30 seconds East of the Power & Light District 2800 East 12th St., Kansas City, MO 64127 816.231.9696 • KcShadyLady.com

Playmates and soul mates...

March Events For more events, visit local.thepitchkc.com

MAR. 1-17

MAR. 8

School Girls, Copaken Stage

Andrew McMahon, The Truman

MAR. 4

Story Slam: Breaking Free, Lawrence Arts Center

First City: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alamo Drafthouse

The Urban Renewal Project, RecordBar

Navigating the Legalities of Medical Cannabis, Hispanic Chamber of Commerce

MAR. 8-9

MAR. 6

Ish & Thumbelina, A Double Feature Dance Experience, Lawrence Arts Center

Cocktails & Conversation with Kathy Nelson, P.S. Speakeasy

MAR. 8-10

Metallica, Sprint Center

Kansas City Symphony Presents Mendelssohn’s “Scottish” with Barber’s Piano Concerto, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

The Matrix, Alamo Drafthouse

MAR. 6-31

MAR. 9 Frye Dance Party, The Granada Game of Crawls, Power and Light District

816-841-1521

T E G S ’ T LE

C 38

y k e e h

30 MINUTE FREE TRIAL 18+ 816-841-1577 // 913-279-9202

THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

Glow Silent Disco, Crossroads Hotel

18+ MegaMates.com

CYNTHIA LEVIN

Kansas City:

The Humans, Unicorn Theatre

Uncorked, Union Station

MAR. 10 LEEDS with Brent Windler, The Riot Room

MAR. 7

MAR. 12

Jacob Banks, RecordBar

Flogging Molly, VooDoo Lounge

EVENTS

TICKETS

TOM BUNDY

ST. PATRICK’S DAY MARCH 16

Go to thepitchkc.com/tickets to find the hottest events in KC.

Brookside 39th Annual St. Patrick’s Warm-Up Parade, Brookside Snake Saturday Parade, North Kansas City Westport St. Patrick’s Day Run, Westport

MARCH 17 DJ Pauly D, KC Live! Block at Power & Light St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Midtown and Westport St. Patrick’s Day Party Brunch, KC Live! Block at Power & Light More deals and events (see websites for details): Bistro 303, Callsign Brewing, Grain to Glass, Howl at the Moon, Julep, Smokin’ Guns BBQ, Uptown Arts Bar, The Big Rip Brewing Company, Velo Garage and Tap House, and The Well.

PAINT & SIP Events Paint & Sip Party

Every Weds and Thurs at 7pm

Friday Night Paint & Sip Friday, March 8th at 7pm

Western Auto Paint & Sip Friday, March 29th at 7pm Happy Trees at Hook Gallery

MAR. 13 Anoushka Shankar, Helzberg Hall The Aces, RecordBar

MAR. 13-16 Big 12 Men’s Basketball Championship, Sprint Center Miller Lite Fan Fest, KC Live! Block at Power & Light

MAR. 14 Church Basement Ladies: Rise Up O Men, Missouri Theatre COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

DO YOU NEED A TICKET PLATFORM FOR AN UPCOMING EVENT? Email us at stephanie@thepitchkc.com.

thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

39

COURTESY OF THE AINSWORTH

EVENTS

MAR. 15 Cypress Hill and Hollywood Undead, Uptown Theater Maren Morris, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland

MAR. 16 Makers Translations, Lawrence Arts Center

MAR. 16-24 Lyric Opera of Kansas City Presents Così fan tutte, Muriel Kauffman Theatre

MAR. 17 NIGHTLY with Phangs, RecordBar

MAR. 18-24 The Pitch’s Taco Week Participating restaurants include: The Ainsworth, Bar Center and MetropolitanKC, Brew Lab, Big Whiskey’s, Drunken Worm, EJ’s Urban Eatery, El Fogon (Westport), El Patron, Mesob, Lew’s Grill and Bar, Charlie Hooper’s, Mission Taco Joint, Ted’s Café Escondido, Unforked, The Well, Kansas City Marriott Downtown, and Unforked.

MAR. 20 Michael Bublé. Sprint Center

MAR. 21 Justin Timberlake, Sprint Center COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

MAR. 18 Scream Movie Party, Alamo Drafthouse

MAR. 19

Free Tastings Every Friday Evening Phone | 816-531-5900 Address | 4500 Belleview Avenue, Kansas City, MO 64111 Hours | Mon-Thur: 9am to 10pm Fri-Sat: 9am to 12am Sun: 9am to 10pm

plazaliquorkc.com

National Geographic Live - When Women Ruled the World, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

Metric, The Truman

MAR. 22 Kansas City Jazz Orchestra: Spring Fever, Helzberg Hall My Favorite Murder Live, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland

MAR. 22 - APR. 14 Pride & Prejudice, Spencer Theatre

40

THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

EVENTS

MAR. 23

MAR. 28-31

Atmosphere, The Granada

Totally 80s Bar Crawl, Kansas City Live! Block

4050 PENNSYLVANIA AVE SUITE 111 KCMO 64111

OR ONLINE

WWW.CROWDSYSTEMS.COM KENNY JOHNSON

Tori Kelly, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland

$11.25 AN HOUR APPLY IN PERSON

MAR. 23-24

MAR. 24

PART-TIME EVENT STAFF

CONCERTS, CONVENTIONS, & SPORTING EVENTS -

Tender, Uptown Theater

Heartland Men’s Chorus presents Stonewall 50, Folly Theater

NOW HIRING

Zlatomir Fung, Cello, Lied Center of Kansas

Kansas City Ballet presents “New Moves”, Todd Bolender Center for Dance & Creativity

MAR. 24-25

MAR. 28

Twister Movie Party, Alamo Drafthouse

Opening Day at the K, Kauffman Stadium

MAR. 26

MAR 29

Bubbly & Bow Ties: KCFW Cocktail Kick-Off Party, The Everly Event Space

Run DMT, The Riot Room

MAR. 29-31 Planet Comicon, Bartle Hall

COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

MAR. 30 Kansas City Roller Warriors Double Header, Memorial Hall

MAR. 31 Weezer and Pixies, Sprint Center

MAR. 27-30 Kansas City Fashion Week, The Grand Hall at Power & Light

Catfish and the Bottlemen, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland

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thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

41

AUCTION DATE: 4/3/19

MARKETPLACE LOCAL

WEATHER PERMITTING

The following vehicles will be sold at public auction on Wednesday, April 3rd, 2019 unless claimed by owner and all tow and storage charges are paid in full. For information, please contact Insurance Auto Auction at 913-422-9303.

YR MAKE/MODEL

1000

2000

EMPLOYMENT

REAL ESTATE/RENTALS

BACCALA’ STRIP CLUB NOW HIRING DANCERS

VALENTINE NEIGHBORHOOD $400-$850 Rent 1 & 2 Bedroom Apartments & 3 Bedroom HOMES.

816-753-5576

Colliers International. EHO

Contact Frank 7pm-3am Mon-Sat

CALL TODAY!

816-231-3150

3000 KS-KCKS | $545-$650 913-299-9748

4000

BUY, SELL, TRADE

WANTS TO purchase minerals and other oil & gas interest. Send details to P.O. Box 13557, Denver, CO 80201

KITCHEN CABINET AUCTION

SERVICES

LEGAL

HEAT & WATER PAID...

NO GAS BILL! KCK 25 acre setting. 63rd & Ann 5 minutes west of I-635 & I-70.

One bedroom $545. Two bedroom $650. No Pets Please. You CAN NOT BEAT this value! Don’t miss out on this limited time offer!

Peakauction.com

ATTORNEY SINCE 1976 KS/MO Injuries, KS Divorce, All Family, Juvenile & More.

FREE CONSULTATION Greg Bangs 913-345-4100

7000

MUSIC/MUSIC ROW

Piano, Voice, and Guitar lessons Available from professional musician and instructor. Instructor teaches in a fun and meaningful context from ages 4 to the young at heart. Sessions are 1⁄2 hour and 1 hour. Students who sign up before March 31st will receive $5 off For more info Please call/text Kathleen 913-206-2151 or Email: klmamuric@yahoo.com

Call NOW! MUCH NICER THAN THE PRICE!

THEPITCHKC.COM

Largest seLection of cBD ProDucts in Kansas city!

Hemp Oil Tincture, Topical, Edibles, Lotion, Lip Balm and E-Juice

400 E 18th Street, KCMO, 64108 • 816-474-7400 Thecbdstores.com

Gifts & Decor

NOW HIRING HOUSEKEEPERS | HOUSEPERSONS SERVERS | BUSSERS

1G6DF577980194011

2005 Acura TL

19UUA66285A042378

2010 Ford Fusion SEL

3FAHP0JA1AR384187

2006 Ford F150 Supercrew

1FTPW14VX6KD64268

2007 Saturn Aura XR

1G8ZV57797F161800

1997 Ford F250

1FTFX27L7VKB81966

2006 Kia Sorento

KNDJD733165524406

2010 Toyota Scion TC

JTKDE3B75A0306877

2007 Hyundai Accent

KMHCM36C17U006893

2013 Toyota Camry

4T1BF1FK8DU294649

2011 Kia Soul

KNDJT2A20B7287194

2004 Yamaha YXR660 F

5Y4AM06Y54A001710

1997 Chevrolet Monte Carlo

2G1WW12M8V9314726

2003 Toyota Camry

4T1BE32K43U191862

Many of these vehicles run and drive. If you are looking for cheap transportation, don’t miss this auction/sale. We welcome all buyers. Terms of auction: All sales are “as is” “where is”. No guarantees or warranties. Paper work to obtain new title will be $75.00 Per vehicle. No guarantee that paperwork will produce title.Bidding will be number only. Terms are cash or certified check. Vehicles must be paid for in full at end of auction. No exceptions.

All sales are final. No returns.

INSURANCE AUTO AUCTION 2663 SOUTH 88TH ST. KCKS, 66111 | 913-422-9303

FREE

Scared? Anxious? Confused?

HELP IS HERE DWI, Solicitation, Traffic, Internet Crimes, Hit & Run, Power & Light Violations, Domestic Assault Criminal Defense Attorney David M. Lurie 816-221-5900 www.The-Law.com

steven@thepitchkc.com 816-218-6732

2008 Cadillac CTS

SAMPLES

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Classifieds

Swords & More

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Best Kratom Prices in Kc!

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Loyalty program for Kratom cBD products • Smoking accessories • Metaphysical Essential Oils • Swords • Knives, Figurines

Senior Apartments Rents Starting at $1,020/mo.

mOn-Sat 10am-8pm

913.782.4244

Employment Opportunities Link to

APPLY: www.arborlodging.com/careers FOLLOW US AT LIKE US AT

Sun 12pm-6pm

@PHILLIPS_JOBS

123 S. mur-Len, OLathe, KS 66062

HOTEL PHILLIPS

5 miles from Montauk State Park and Current River.

N OW L E AS I N G!

Free Heat, Electric, Cable, Water & Garbage Small Pets Welcome!

Close to Shopping, Restaurants, and Places of Interest

NEWto see& what RESALE ALL AREAS | ALL PRICES Want your Short Sales-Foreclosures-Condos Townhomes-Single Family Homes.

CALL NOW 42

home is worth?

Sharon Sigman, rE/maX STaTELinE 913-488-8300 or 913-338-8444 www.FormLS.com

THE PITCH | MARCH 2019 | thepitchkc.com

VIN#

Spacious one-bedroom cabin, sleeps four. $ /night

85

25 one-time cleaning fee

$

901-233-4496

BRAND NEW, 1&2 BEDROOM APARTMENTS FOR THE ACTIVE ADULT (55+) In-Suite Washer and Dryer

Emergency Call Systems

Central Air Conditioning

Beauty Salon & Large Community Room

Patios/Balconies Smoke-Free Living

Fitness Center

Elevator/Secure Entry

19301 East Eastland Center Court | Independence, MO 64055 eastlandcourt@clovergroupinc.com

KC’s Premier Medical Cannabis Clinic Cannabis Education & Workshops Confidential - Safe & Legal Want to be the first to apply for a Missouri Medical Cannabis Card?

Schedule Your Appointment Online Now!

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415 Delaware St, Suite 4W, Kansas City, MO 64105

816-514-0023

TheGreenClinics.com #FeelBetter #RiverMarket

Now Hiring For Numerous Departments

SINCE 1949 MO & KS

· Auto · SR22 · Home · Renters · Commercial · Contractors

● $30 parking per month ● Generous travel discounts ● Vacation & PTO pay ● Holiday pay

● Discounted bus passes ● 1 free meal per shift ● Medical ● Vision ● Dental

Call or Text 816-531-1000 · KCinsurance.com

Apply in person at

1130 Westport Road · Kansas City, MO 64111

1329 Baltimore Ave, Kansas City, MO 64105 Questions? Call HR at 816-303-1629

The Hispanic Economic Development Corporation is requesting bids for the Center for Urban Enterprise project located at 2720 Jarboe, KCMO. Garcia Architecture is serving as the Construction Manager on the project. All trade bids to be submitted to Garcia Architecture, 508 W 75th St, KCMO 64114.

Contact Richard Oddo at Garcia Architecture, roddo@GarciaArchitecture.net for details.

KS/MO Injuries, KS Divorce, All Family, Juvenile & More

Call

Attorney Since 1976

913.345.4100

Greg Bangs

for a FREE consultation

GET YOUR MEDICAL MARIJUANA EXAM

MISSOURI MISSOURI MARIJUANA MARIJUANA DOCTORS DOCTORS

Scared? Anxious? Confused?

HELP IS HERE! DWI, Solicitation, Traffic, Internet Crimes, Hit & Run, Power & Light Violations, Domestic Assault Criminal Defense Attorney

WWW.MMD.CLINIC WWW.MMD.CLINIC

David M. Lurie

816-221-5900 www.The-Law.com

204 Admiral Blvd, KCMO 1-888-MMD-INFO thepitchkc.com | MARCH 2019 | THE PITCH

43

FLOGGING MOLLY WITH LUCERO AND MATT HECKLER

MARCH 12

STOKLEY

ROBIN TROWER

OF MINT CONDITION

WITH FAST JOHNNY RICKER

APRIL 18

APRIL 19

SHY BOYS

WITH BERWANGER AND KID COMPUTER

APRIL 20

*21+ ONLY

*21+ ONLY

AARON LEWIS STATE I’M IN TOUR

MAY 16

WALK OFF THE EARTH MAY 17

APOCALYPTICA

PLAYS METALLICA BY FOUR CELLOS

MAY 24

THE RECORD COMPANY ALL OF THIS LIFE TOUR PRESENTED BY 90.9 THE BRIDGE

JUNE 12

TICKETS ON SALE NOW

Tickets available at VooDooKC.com or Ticketmaster.com/voodookc or by phone at 1-800-745-3000.

Located minutes from Downtown Kansas City. Unlimited Free Parking. All shows are 18 & up unless noted otherwise.

Know When To Stop Before You Start.® Gambling Problem? Call 1-888-BETSOFF. Subject to change or cancellation. Phone and online orders are subject to service fees. Must be 21 years or older to gamble, obtain a Caesars Rewards card or enter VooDoo®. ©2019, Caesars License Company, LLC.