Ease through Optimism

The Ease Issue

Opt for Optimism with

Devin Donaldson Ver Eecke

TRANSITIO N WELL (14) • B E H O USE H APPY (48) • SH AR E Y O UR ST ORY (90)

You started your business because you want to share your gifts with the universe.

I did, too. (high five!)

I'm a web & graphic designer for do-good, feel-good businesses.

Overwhelmed and not sure where to start? You want something you're proud of that represents you & your work. You want something that potential clients will see and think, "yes please!" That's what I want for you, too. I provide next-level design support so you can focus on your clients and the amazing work you love!

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

CDG@chantelledavisgray.com

We believe in choosing, embracing, unleashing, and celebrating who you've always been – who you already are – who you want to be.

Be YOU...the Perpetual You.

F IN D U S @THEPER PETU A LYOU

L ET T ER from our ED I T O R

THE

I

rejected the notion of optimism

THE OFFICE The Perpetual You 101 Putnam Ave. Hamden, CT 06517

for most of my life. As a natural cynic with a history of clinical

depression to boot, I used to take it personally when someone would smile at me for no reason.

THE LIST To receive each issue of the magazine directly to your

I hung on to my “the world sucks” story until about 5 years ago, when –

inbox, join our mailing list at:

in a life or death decision – I realized

theperpetualyou.com/read.

positivity was necessary, if I wanted to enjoy my life. And lady, I wanted to enjoy my life.

T H E C O M MU N I T Y Look for us on social media @theperpetualyou.

THE SOCIETY Meet like-minded women in our private FB group, The Perpetual You Society.

Still, I’m no natural optimist. Positivity is a daily practice; hope is a muscle that I must strengthen consistently—anything from a good mantra to a mutually beneficial friendship will do.

In fact, I’ve curated my life such that even my Facebook feed is a positive escape. And I intend to keep it that way. For my sanity and for my outlook.

Better than anyone, I know the dangers of hoping for that which may never come, AND I know that a life without hope is a risk I’m no longer willing to take. Positivity is both tangible and available. I want for each of you to grab it—like I did—and never let go.

THE S U B S C R I P T I O N Sign up for our PRINT magazine at bit.ly/TPYandyou.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

It isn't too late. Time is not running out. Your life is here and now. – CHERYL STRAYED

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F IN D U S @THEPER PETU A LYOU

IN THIS ISSUE

Create Ease by Choosing Optimism M O N T H LY M US I C

Greet the day with our "Hello Optimism" playlist on Spotify at bit.ly/TPYplaylists.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Haven't worked on ToC layout yet

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Choose Choose to believe in an idea enough to go for it! With Devin Donaldson Ver Eecke of The Optimist Co. W I T H P H O T O G R A P H S BY K E L LY F. P E T E R S O N The EAS E ISSU E

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Realize 14

Convince yourself that August is a beginning rather than an end by indulging in all the easy living, practical optimism, and self-care you want and deserve.

Lifestyle Practicing Optimism....................................... 14 Discovering Clean Beauty............................... 30 Finding Cool Girl Style................................... 34

TPY Faves Books.............................................................. 17

30

Burgers........................................................... 18 GIN................................................................. 20 Movement....................................................... 22 Products......................................................... 24 Self-Care......................................................... 32

Plus Uplifting PNW Travel Photos by @coreylynntucker

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Dwell Come home to cheerfulness and bliss, and infuse your most-used rooms with vacation-worthy vibes.

Design Infusing Cheerfulness to the Front Porch......... 42 Designing an Intentional Bathroom................... 44 Living in your Dream Kitchen............................ 48

48

90

Live Challenge your preconceived notions of positivity, mindfulness, and authentic sharing.

Mindset Adopting Body Optimism.............................. 80 Being Mindful During a Challenge ............... 84 Realizing the Power of Sharing ..................... 90

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F IN D U S @THEPER PETU A LYOU

T H E MA K ERS

Our makers consistently share their time & talents.

We'd love to introduce you to the lovely ladies who contributed to this month's issue.

Kelly

Sarah

Cover Photography

Dwell Feature Photographer

@kfpphotography kellyfpeterson.com

@sarahannayphotography sarahannayphotography.com

Kelly Peterson likes to take photos—to freeze the real moments that are happening right now to treasure now and remember later. She believes in moments over mountains, candids over proper poses, and community over competition. She captures children, families, and weddings with a documentary lifestyle approach, using natural light and meaningful locations.

She would choose to sit at the kids table any day! This is Kelly's first cover shoot for The Perpetual You.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Sarah Annay is a wedding photographer, educator, and world traveler. When she isn't shooting weddings, she’s hiking in Vermont, dipping her toes in the Atlantic, geeking out on photography podcasts, and drinking beer (and coffee—at the same time). One day, Sarah will follow her heart and become a master at hiphop dancing. Check our her newest project at VisionforEmpowerment.com. This is Sarah's second Dwell feature shoot for The Perpetual You.

Lee Lee Creative Director & Managing Editor

Jessie

P.K.

Art Director

Proofreader

@leeleeinp

@littlelegendsdesign littlelegends.com

Connect on Facebook

Lianne

Micayla

Cate

Content Editor

Books Editor

Marketing Assistant

@hilodaisy

@uggly_mugg zucchiniontheceiling.com

@cateclother cordella.org

Amanda Luisa

Kay

Ann Marie

Collaborating Photographer

Collaborating Photographer

Collaborating Artist

@amandaluisaart amandaluisa.com

@walkerstudiosllc walkerstudiosllc.com

@sprinklesofcolor sprinklesofcolor.com

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Christy

Dana

Krystal

Collaborating Artist

Collaborating Artist

Mantra Siren

@cmjohnsonart christymjohnsonart.com

@danutzi danadesignillustration.com

@krystalbrandt krystalbrandt.com

Calling all Creative Ladies!

TPY collaborates with artists, photographers, writers, and more. Visit bit.ly/TPYcollab for current opportunities!

Let me help your brand

Words by Lee Lee

Branding & Graphic Design for Passionate Business Owners.

Values-Based Copywriting for Cause-Based Businesses.

Let's start a conversation! j@createlittlelegends.com

wordsbyleelee@gmail.com

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

to align your daily practices with your ever-evolving desires

I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y C H R I S T Y J O H N S O N

THE LADY

Amy Cuddy Cuddy’s TED Talk on body language encourages us to fully become our confident and powerful selves. Named one of the “50 Women Who Are Changing the World,” Cuddy’s optimistic—and empowering—world view makes her a woman we want to get to know.

W O R D S by P. K . M C G I L L

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Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope.

– BRENÉ BROWN

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REALIZE

C HO O S E

Hope MOVING THROUGH TRANSITIONS WITH HOPE with Marie Levey-Pabst

There is immeasurable value in being present. This is especially true during times of transition, even though those are also the times when the ease of being “present” is most likely to elude us.

I

’m immersed in several transitions simultaneously right

Being present, though, is what allows us to move through the

now. Summer is coming to a close and school is around the

transition with ease instead of struggle. Fully experiencing each

corner. The political climate keeps me on my toes, with the

stage of a transition is what makes it an experience to be loved

next major event always on the threshold. And next month, my youngest starts kindergarten—meaning I’m about to be a mom of two school-aged children.

and appreciated, not a phase to “get through.”

More planning does not always equal better outcomes. There is a level of planning that is “just enough” to put things in place,

In times of transition, my focus is easily pulled away from “the

but not so much that you lose all flexibility, nimbleness, and

moment,” as plans for “what comes next” pervade my thoughts.

awareness of the present.

Being a planner is something I do well and a character trait I like about myself. My planning has served me well in so, so many ways.

Still, being a planner sometimes means I expend so much energy mapping out options A, B, and C—not to mention worrying about how I will control each of these options—that I

The key to mindful planning? Optimism.

I’m not talking about an overly sunny demeanor, where you assume everything will work out fine no matter what you do.

We all know that life’s not always sunshine and roses. Rather, my optimism is a practical optimism.

forget to focus energy and attention on what is in front of me. continued on next page

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F I R S T, R E - D E F I N E “ G O O D ” O U T C O M E S .

For many, optimism is the belief that “everything will work out fine.” I struggle with that because a) I always want to aim for “the best,” not fine and b) I’ve lived long enough to learn that, no, not everything turns out fine. Sad things happen. Bad things happen. They happen to good people.

Here is a simple and powerful shift. Optimism is the belief that “everything will happen in a way that helps me grow.” You could also put it as: “Everything that happens is something I can embrace/use/learn from/find joy in.”

What if optimism isn’t really about the outcome, but is instead about believing in your own ability to get the most out of whatever happens next?

Reflect + Release The following prompt will allow you to explore your own optimism! Take 15 minutes to think about and

N E X T, B E V U L N E R A B L E .

respond in writing to the following questions:

I love Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability as

• In what moments of your life have you been optimistic

“uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” When we embrace practical optimism, we embrace the uncertainty and emotional exposure that comes with hope and putting our emotions out there.

Embracing (instead of running away from) vulnerability is still something I’m working on. In that process, I’m learning that moving through transitions is about more than self-trust. It’s about adapting and embracing new

or hopeful? How, in the past, have you maintained optimism through challenging times?

• Have you ever been optimistic, and then found yourself disappointed? What did you do with those feelings?

• What does practical optimism look like to you? What do “good” outcomes mean to you? What is your comfort level with vulnerability?

possibilities—and seeing these possibilities as an important part of the process, not a pitfall to be avoided.

By keeping us present, practical optimism brings ease through times of transition, infinitely preferable to obsessing over the past and worrying or over-planning for the future. Practical optimism keeps us enmeshed in the process of the transition, which is where growth happens. More so, practical optimism can build our faith in ourselves and others by demanding the practices of hope and vulnerability.

Marie Levey-Pabst is the founder of the Create Balance method. She teaches parents to create balance between family, work, and personal fulfillment. Connect with Marie at @CreateBalanceCommunity on Facebook or at CreateABalancedLife.com.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

REALIZE

P H O T O by @ C A T B A L L O U 2 4

More Alexis Love Expecting Sunshine?

Check out Alexis' feature article on p.90 in this issue.

O RA CL ES O F O PT I MI S M

Anne of Green Gables

Expecting Sunshine

Live, Laugh, Be Blessed

by Lucy Maud Montgomery, Pub. 1908

by Alexis Marie Chute, Pub. 2017

by Anne Bryan Smollin, Pub. 2006

Who better to show us the way back to an

Though an optimistic outlook will not spare

Have you ever searched for the right words to

innocent, optimistic outlook than Anne? She’s

us from grief, it can save us from sinking into

describe that certain specific kind of joy we

probably been a part of your vocabulary since

despair. Chute’s memoir, Expecting Sunshine,

feel after that first sip of coffee in the morning?

girlhood, but when was the last time you paid

evidences this fact as it chronicles her third

In her book, Smollin fills up our cups with

her a visit? Brimming with resilience in the face

pregnancy, after the loss of her second child.

quotes, perspectives, and timeless wisdom

of loneliness, this sweet, summertime classic

Chute’s journey deals with incredible pain,

that speak to the happiness within life’s simple

follows the childhood antics of an orphan girl

vulnerability, and loss, and also reminds us that

acts. From “Laughter” to “Transforming

who trusts in the power of hope, and teaches

there is always a path towards optimism, if only

Moments,” this book reads like a slow,

others to do the same.

we have the courage to choose it.

sweet breakfast—you savour a few pages each morning.

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

REALIZE

C E L E B R AT E

Summer with Rachel

Haas

A shift in season calls for an out-of-the-box approach to standard food.

T

he end of summer brings excitement, especially

drizzled with a chipotle aioli, grilled onions, and a thick slice

for those of us who flourish with routines. Still, we

of fresh mozzarella.

cling to the sun as the days start to turn just a little

shorter and the weather turns cooler. Even a simple season shift can be complicated.

Despite summer drawing to a close, warm weather will linger. There’s no reason to say goodbye to the taste of the grill and the sound of laughter on the back porch. Light the

When mealtime ease is called for, the classic burger offers

fire pit, gather your friends, and sink your teeth into one

standard fare with room for uncomplicated invention. A nod

more delicious summertime meal.

to the summery days of fun, it bridges the gap between then and now with endless possibilities of flavor and delight.

The flexible burger lends itself to any palate preference,

Feast on more of Rachel's food experiences at @rlhaaswriter or R-L-Haas-Writer.

whether a patty made of grass-fed beef with artisanal

Photo by @itsmaryelizabeth

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REALIZE

For the perfect G + T, add your desired amount of gin to a highball glass; fill with tonic water; and add a wedge of freshly sliced lime.

G+T Gin and summer go hand in hand.

Think you know everything about this classic combination? Think again. With local distillers producing flavorful and, in some cases, flowery gin, this cocktail now tastes as refreshing as it looks.

The new, sophisticated Gin + Tonic hasn’t lost its old-fashioned simplicity. We recommend a tall, clear glass with plenty of ice and locally distilled gin. Summer vibes are on the house.

Sip slowly while hashing out the details of your next neighborhood tag sale. Pour liberally while at your cottage on the Cape. Or clink glasses with your love to celebrate summer romance.

Photo by Life Unstill Photography.

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REALIZE

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

C HO O S E

to Be Present with

Julia Grimaldi

Cutting ties with the joys of summer need not equal despair.

A new journey awaits! Now is the time to stay present in summer’s sunshine, positivity, and potential.

A carefree hike may bring moments of discomfort, shortness of breath, an uncomfortable sensation in unfamiliar places. Still, we know the terrain; it’s our body, our life. We can use each step of the climb to embrace something new, authentic, and undeniably valuable to our ultimate destination.

Live and act like an optimist: Embrace the ending of the summer season just as you did the beginning. By being open to the opportunity to stay present, this transition can be a sign of more good things to come!

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REALIZE

From Top to Bottom: OVERSIZED TROPICAL PRINT SCARF ($95) from Cuyana ∙ IVORY BANDEAU ($12) from Francesca’s ∙ SHORT SHORTS ($12.99) from H&M

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Left: REUSABLE COLD CUP ($19.95) from Starbucks ∙ COLOR BLOCK SIP STRAW SET ($10) from Ban.do BEACH GLASS NECKLACE ($54) from Seaduced Seaglass. Right: CLASSIC LEATHER TOTE ($175) from Cuyana

Choose Easy Livin’ Be prepared. Just don’t be perfect.

Life is challenging enough without adding the pressure to look perfect every day. Choose to enjoy summer for what it is: a time to let your hair down (or put it up, if that’s easier!); a time to live near the water; a time to play hard and bask in the moment.

Go ahead. Choose to wear your bathing suit all day. Choose a bag big enough to hold

Product Placement

#allthethings, choose comfy flip-flops, a versatile scarf, and shorts that look as good on the

If you’re a shop owner or small

beach as they do at dinner with friends.

batch maker who would like to be featured in one of our issues, fill

Choose to dress imperfectly and accessorize intentionally; to live optimistically and with ease.

out our product collab form.

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Sleepwear for a Cause mct-usa.org

where style meets wellness EssentialAdornment.com

SHOP NOW

Shop the Marketplace The Perpetual You's curated marketplace of responsibly-made, small batch goods is online! theperpetualyou.com/the-marketplace

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

REALIZE

C HO O S E

Openness with photographer

Corey Lynn Tucker

To travel is to know other cultures, experience the unknown, try new things, get out of your comfort zone, test your limits, strengthen your muscles and build new relationships.

You can take what you learned from your experiences and apply that to your life wherever you are located.

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I

combined a recent trip to Portland & Seattle for a friend’s wedding with an exploration of Washington, through the Olympic National Park and down to Cannon Beach in Oregon—all in one week! It was an epic undertaking, but we did

it. We traveled over 1,000 miles by car and hiked a lot. We car camped, stayed in an AirBnB, and even crashed at a friend’s house on our last night in Portland.

The culture and environment in Portland was super laid-back, friendly and liberal.

Living in an environment with like-minded folks creates more opportunity to be creative and express who you really are vs. having to conform to societies’ norms. I’m all about breaking the rules and just being my authentic self. Diversity of age, gender, sexual preference, art, bike lanes, music and outdoor activities feed the soul.

The mountains represent strength and grounding for me. When I’m doing yoga, now I have an even clearer vision of mountain or tree pose. I’ve always had a deep connection to trees. Seeing the largest Sitka Spruce tree in the world reminded me that trees are witnesses of history and time; record keepers of the weather, environment, and social world.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Shop Visit the travel section of Corey’s website to purchase prints or canvases of this month’s travel photos.

Washington and Oregon also move at a slower pace, giving you a chance to breathe and not be in a rush.

It’s a good reminder to give myself plenty of time before going somewhere, to keep being who I am and expressing my style and way I see the world.

The mountains, forests, and ocean have always called to my spirit, the big open skies and vast landscapes have my heart. I left recharged with a new zest for living, and the confidence to create.

Corey Lynn Tucker is a photographer who uses the beauty in colors, style, and her environment to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary. When she’s not photographing intimate destination weddings or elopements, you can find her foraging or growing organic vegetables and cooking up something delicious with her husband. See more at coreylynntuckerphotography.com.

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REALIZE

Choose Clean with Leigh Schwab

Do you feel optimistic about the ingredients in your skincare?

Q

uite honestly, optimism is not the emotion I felt when

competitive side!—and one filled with gratitude for the small

I first began learning about the harmful ingredients

things, like an elegant deodorant that keeps me from smelling

lingering in my personal care products. I was shocked

like I’ve been camping for three days.

to learn that only 11 toxic ingredients have been banned in the United States. The loop holes in our system, which we naively believe is protecting us, are astounding.

If transitioning to a clean skin care and makeup routine seems daunting, focus on the hope that there are safe and effective products for your needs. Also remember, switching to safer

I am optimistic, however, about the future—thanks to the clean

doesn’t have to happen all at once. I waited until I ran out of one

brands I’ve discovered along the way, from small batch to the

product and then found a clean replacement, which kept the

company I’m proud to work for, Beautycounter. The transition

process stress-free and fun.

has been an intriguing challenge for me—enjoyable for my

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

BeYOUtiful

1

If you’re looking to switch to clean beauty products one at a time, a great place to start is with products that you use everyday or products that you feel will make your life easier. The following are my top 3 products that were more than worth the time I spent to find them!

1

Smell Yummy Let’s face it, our deodorant must work or we just can’t be faithful. I quit wearing conventional deodorant years ago due to a health scare and searched relentlessly (and for a very long time!) to find a safe version that held up to my incredibly high standards. Putting in the time to find the right product, though, means I can now feel (and smell) good every day.

Leigh recommends...

Native Deodorant in Lavender and Rose

2

2

Spray Away Everything spray is incredible! Uses range from a full body refreshing spray on hot summer days, to an aftershave toner that prevents razor burn and ingrown hairs, to an antibacterial facial spray…and the list goes on. I even spray it in my shoes to keep them clean and smelling good. For an instant pickme-up, grab some everything spray as soon as you can.

Leigh recommends...

Primally Pure Everything Spray

3

Crave Convenience As a mother to two little ones, the convenience of a spray sunscreen is just too enticing to overlook. Mineral sunscreen spray is safe for your body and safe for the environment, which makes family visits to the pool full of ease and optimism.

3

Leigh recommends...

Babo Botanicals Sunscreen Spray

Leigh Schwab uses her love for skin care to help educate women about the ingredients in their products and the need for proper skin care legislation in our country. Learn more about her passion for a healthy and simple life on Facebook and Instagram @leighschwab.

Photo on p. 30 by Becca Olcott

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REALIZE

Summer Self-Care Need a pick-me-up? Try these self-care standards for instant optimstim + ease.

Add lemon to that water! Drinking water is a self-care practice in and of itself. Add

citrus + sun by squeezing in a lemon slice.

Your mood will perk up with every sip.

Keep a gratitude journal. Whether the

nightly news or our Facebook feed, external influences can easily get us down. Combat that negativity by writing a list at the end of that day of what is Good about life.

Strike a power pose. Body language is a

useful tool in one’s positivity toolkit. Stand up straight, walk with purpose, and notice your confidence soar.

S EL F- CA RE T O O L K I T

August is a transitional period, bringing uncertainty of future. Time marches on, unrelenting, and we tend to forget that there is as much to benefit from in this very moment as there is to look forward to. As the summer comes to a close, use this month’s toolkit to help you enjoy each and every day with the awe and wonder of a child. If we take care of ourselves—mind, body, and soul—we can recharge and adjust our perspective to have a more positive framework. Relax, take pleasure in the moment. Be productive now even while looking forward to the exciting prospects ahead.

HERB

E SSE NTIAL OIL

CRYS TAL

GODDE SS

Chrystanthemum

Grapefruit

Citrine

Aurora

BENEFITS

BE NEFITS

BENEFIT S

BENEF I TS

Calms nerves and reduces stress hormones

Stimulates the brain and encourages productive energy

Brings warmth, clarity, and optimism

Renews energy and reminds us of the hope each day brings

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

T O O L K I T curated by @ E A R T H S P E A K S B R O O K LY N

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REALIZE

Choose to be a Cool Girl with Cait Sherrick

Being cool simply means being yourself.

A

re you a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl? Well, then you

In a world full of trendy insta-bloggers and drool-worthy

always look put together. Do you wear flowy dresses

Pinterest closets, we feel like having style is complicated, like

every day of the week? Perfect, that makes you stylish.

we’re always a little behind the cool girls. We look “sort of” put

Do you prefer cut-offs over cuffs? Flip flops over Birkenstocks?

together and feel “kind of” stylish and wonder if it even matters

Polka dots over stripes? Great news, you’re officially a cool girl.

unless we post our outfit of the day on Instagram.

Why? Because you’re you and you’re wearing this outfit right

Your sense of style is already cool, so give yourself permission

now. It’s that simple.

to be…well, to be more you. Simply being yourself ushers in confidence, which ups your optimism, which brings you back to the present moment, which makes you that much more cool.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

BUY NOW

Choose a Statement Necklace Bold and easy, a statement necklace is my go-to when I want

1 2

instant coolness because it adds dimension and personality to even the most basic of outfits.

1

Summer Evening Cool Pair your necklace with a t-shirt, some gladiator sandals and a pair of cuffed jean shorts. Simple and stylish, you can easily wear this cool girl combo anywhere.

Pictured: Leocadia K. for TPY Marketplace Big Mala Necklace, jean shorts, t-shirt, sandals

2

Casual Friday Cool Layer your necklace over a high-neck blouse, pair that with some lightweight skinny jeans and throw on some sandals. Maybe even grab a straw hat for an insta-cool summer look.

Pictured: Leocadia K. for TPY Marketplace Big Mala Necklace, blouse, jeans, sandals, hat

3

3

Beach Party Cool Wear your necklace with a maxi dress and your favorite pair of sandals, even if that means flip flops. This look is easy and chic and you’ll be ready to go in no time.

Pictured: Leocadia K. for TPY Marketplace Big Mala Necklace, maxi dress, sandals

Cait Sherrick is a jewelry designer + stylist for mildly rebellious flow-goers at Leocadia K. She’s deeply inspired by modern art, has a boho heart + loves the warm, unconditional love of a good cup of chai tea. Join her on Instagram @ caitsherrick for daily inspiration + visit her shop for more every day outfit ideas.

Photo on p. 34 by Becca Olcott

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P E R SPECT I V ES from T H E PA N EL

In a world full of negativity, how do you stay positive?

Our world, our experiences are always butting up to conflict and contrast. Without it, we would have no perspective. So,

Paula Jean Creator Your PURPOSE works @yourpurposeworks yourpurposeworks.com

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

I choose my perspective—each moment, hour, day, week and year. I choose it wherever I go and whatever I do. My work and growth is to focus within, stay in the present, and search for the feelings of peace and positivity. When I’m in service to another being, my sense of peace is most precious and well-preserved.

REALIZE

One of the best tools I have to "staying positive" is to – ironically

Catt Marketing Consultant @cattkaizen cattkaizen.com

– not try to be positive. Instead, I look at any negativity that has made its way into my psyche and energetic space with full neutrality and ask: what benefit does this hold for me to hold this in my space? When fully looked at, it is easy to let go. I think of it as the choice to be a benefits-driven, self-love oriented being.

Staying positive is basically my full-time job these days! To me,

Amanda Writer + Content Creator Prim and Propah @primandpropah primandpropah.com

keeping a happy 'tude when feeling like my world is out of control is, simply put, a case of mind over matter. I have two young children, who I want to remain innocent and loving and soft and carefree.

That's reason enough to keep things light until I truly do feel lighter.

I want them to see the beauty and wonderful things in this life.

While it's not easy with all that is happening in the world right now, I do believe that everything shows up for us at the

Hayley Founder & CEO Soul Sparkle @hayleyhunterhines soulsparklemagic.com

appointed time. I’m certain that whatever is happening is for the highest and best. Once I really stepped into that knowing, I was able to stay positive no matter the circumstances. Also, daily self-care and a deep spiritual practice have been incredibly important for me on the journey to staying in my joy.

I've always been a "glass half full" person, curious and interested in the

Nancy Mayor St. Augustine, Florida @mayorshaver nancyshaver.com

people around me, no matter their point of view. That’s a rich way to go through life. I pretty much suspend judgment — everyone is running, walking, or stumbling along their own path. On a practical level, I keep a journal, meditate as best I can, savor good red wine and dark chocolate, work out a couple of times a week, and dance whenever I can.

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– MAYA AN G EL O U

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

to align your physical space with your ever-evolving self

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

household cleaner / 'hous'(h)ōld 'klēn r / noun Bottled optimism, waiting for release

A R T by @ A M A N D A L U I S A A R T

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Three Cheers for Cheerfulness!

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DWELL

The front porch is no place for the burdening gloominess of reality.

Choose to be cheery, instead!

Tropical colors proclaim our insistence that the future is indeed bright. Even better, the present looks damn good too.

Vignettes of vintage goodness, when paired with some old-fashion TLC, serve as reminders that happiness can last a long time.

Plenty of seating welcomes all those who want to join in the fun, whether because they need a dose of optimism or they have a positive worldview to share.

The front porch is where dreams are created, friendships are strengthened, and stories are rewritten. With a cheery backdrop, the possibilities for positivity are endless.

Photo by Walker Studios LLC This front porch was featured in our June 2016 issue.

View more at bit.ly/TPYDwellJune16.

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Bathroom Bliss S E T T I N G A N I N T E N T I O N A L S TA R T T O Y O U R D AY with LaToya Burton

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DWELL

Turn your bathroom into a self-care ritual space by infusing positivity and clarity.

W

e can easily take the bathroom for granted, yet as the one room guaranteed to be used daily, it holds powerful

possibilities as the perfect place to add inspiration and optimism in your life. Thoughtfully curating your space with reminders of how you want to feel throughout your day can leave you in alignment with the flow of life.

I N F U S E Y O U R S PA C E W I T H CLEAR INTENTIONS.

Try choosing 3 words that evoke a sense of ease and optimism. Use these words to help you maintain your vision for your bathroom when you decide what stays, what goes, and what you wish to incorporate. These words can even help you to choose paint colors, fabrics, and other accessories that represent the feelings you want to experience.

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D I S P L AY I T E M S T H AT R E P R E S E N T YOUR DESIRES.

with jewelry, why not make your necklaces and earrings a focal point? Plant positive reminders for yourself, such as an inspirational quote on your wall where you will see it every

Use your 3 words as you clear and organize your bathroom. Are

day. Incorporate greenery or a special object that represents

there empty containers that need to be tossed in the recycling?

your 3 words.

Products that you no longer use or have expired? Letting go moves energy and makes room for what you want in your life.

Imagine designing your bathroom to be a place where you can

Set aside time to sort through what is there, taking note of

go every day and leave feeling a bit more blissful. When you

items you always use or items you wish you were using and

choose how you want your space to FEEL, you have a reference

make them easy to access. Use a tray or shelf in your bathroom

point when making decisions about your space. Intentions are a

that beautifully displays your self-care items.

creative force that both focus on the present and guide energy in the way you want to grow.

E X P R E S S W H AT I S S A C R E D T O Y O U .

We can really tend to our body's needs in the bathroom, so don't hesitate to incorporate your values and desires for your body into your decor. If you love adorning your body

LaToya is a mama / imaginer / gypsy nomad who explores life through the lens of interiors imagination and inspiration. She lives on a bus with her husband and son exploring the Australian landscape. For more inspiration, follow her @latoyaburton_musing.

Photos by Walker Studios LLC

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Dwell on This The bathroom is a great place to realize intentions – but it’s not the only place. You can infuse any space with positivity to help you recalibrate and bring clarity to your day.

1

Start Small.

Starting with a small room that you use daily—like the bathroom—has a BIG effect on your mindset, and means you don't need to fully overhaul your home to notice an impact. If you prefer to revamp a larger space, start by changing one thing, such as the curtains or other textiles, and make more small adjustments over time. Focus on making your space reflect you and your desires.

2

Be Mindful.

Posting mantras in your space encourages mindfulness as you move through your day. A side table next to your favorite chair can hold an uplifting book. A collage with encouraging words and images can hang near your work area. Add inspiring magazine clippings or postcards to your fridge door, or place a framed quote on your bedside table. Any piece of art in your home can serve as a visual mantra; place it according to the mood you want in each space.

3

Encourage Ritual.

Conscious display and placement of your most used items can make daily rituals more pleasurable. Try using a colorful jar to house the most-used supplies on your desktop. Keep a journal on hand by your bedside for daily reflections. Place your favorite teas in a beautiful tin by the stove or right next to your kettle. Keep your frequently used tools (and items you wish to use more!) in beautiful, and easily accessible containers.

Does your home bear the marks of intentional design?

We’d love to feature you! Send us an email: hello@theperpetualyou.com

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L I VI NG O N T H E

Bright Side O L D - FA S H I O N E D H O S P I TA L I T Y MEETS TROPICAL CHARM

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DWELL

My mom’s kitchen—in sunny St. Augustine, Florida—demonstrates the design decisions that truly promote hospitality.

G

rowing up, ours was the hang-out house. My mom loves hosting, and preferred that we bring people over rather than go to someone else’s house. Occasionally, that felt restrictive

enough and one or the other of us would rebel by spending the night away, but for the most part I felt most comfortable at home. (Even as an adult, I’d prefer to host the playdate or wine night rather than go elsewhere.)

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Remember you don't find the happy life. You make it. – CAMILLA E. KIMBALL

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We talk about designing a home that’s conducive to

The kitchen isn’t large and the countertops aren’t brand new.

entertaining—open concepts and oversized islands—but my

The table top is—impractically—glass, which must be cleaned

mom’s design aesthetic, like her lifestyle, is a whole other

after every use. And there’s dead space behind the angled

level of hospitality. At my mom’s house, people aren’t so much

kitchen sink which drives the over-accessorizer in me crazy

entertained as they are welcomed in as part of the family.

when I visit. Still, none of those things keep this kitchen from

You see this expressed in the design at all turns, from the

being the cheeriest little place in all of St. Augustine.

stack of pool towels handily waiting near the patio door to

One sees, instead, the bright colors (a dream-come-true

the easily accessible coffee canister next to the ready-for-

palette for my mom); the tropical kitsch; the charming

brewing coffee maker. Even the fact that the fridge has an ice maker was an intentional design decision, meant to encourage guests, new or old, to refill their own drinks!

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table + chairs; the mix of vintage-inspired and thrifted

Whereas my mom’s favorite pieces in the room are the parrot

decorations (I may have had a hand in that part). All is curated

accessories and shiny red appliances, I’m most proud of the fact

to elicit a desire to feel at home, to stay as long as you like, and

that I convinced her to accept one more color into her palette:

to clean up after yourself while you’re there!

jade green. The handful of accessories in this color, including

I was lucky to have been solicited to help my mom decorate her kitchen, when she bought the house a few years ago. The first time decorating for someone other than myself, I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to mesh her style with my

the thrifted hanging lamp (which I painted) and the oversized whale (which I styled with vintage swimsuits), adds depth and balance without detracting from the cheerful mood my mom was going for.

own. Certainly, bright red and sunny yellow would never be the

Maybe this is the design lesson I was meant to learn, after

primary colors in a palette of my own choosing!

all; that designing for a client is primarily about maintaining

As is her usual way, my mom stuck to her core desire (to have a yellow & red kitchen) no matter what those around her said.

Outside of that, she trusted my talents as a designer, gave me a budget, and happily went along with whatever projects I came

a collaborative relationship. Relationships, though, can grow stronger when one person challenges the other or assists the other to get out of her comfort zone, provided she is ready to do so.

up with. Maybe this wasn’t the best training for a designer-tobe, but it sure did preserve our relationship!

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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I just returned from two weeks at my mom’s house, where I once again witnessed how comfortable she feels hosting a crowd. Over 50 people were in attendance at her Pink Pool Party, a celebration of her 5-year cancer free anniversary. She requested that everyone wear pink and come ready to swim; and everyone did.

My mom was in her element as she made sure everyone had a drink in hand—and knew how to get a refill on their own—and a plate of something yummy in their lap. Sensibly, the cups were plastic and plates were disposable. The fun went well into the night and, not only did we not have to worry about breaking anything, there wasn’t an overflow of dishes to do the next day.

I sat and watched most of the night—remembering how my mom’s strengths have long been in attracting a beautiful, fun-loving collective. Of course, this is more a statement on her personality than it is her design aesthetic. Yet, as a firm believer that our space can have an effect on our mood, mindset, and overall lifestyle, I’m duly impressed that she’s engineered her house—the one she chose to finally settle down in—to be conducive to this facet of her personality.

I’m happy for my mom knowing she’s happy too; she’s found her tribe, her own little slice of paradise, her place in this world. And I’m happy, and completely at home, whenever I’m blessed to spend time in her kitchen—especially if she’s there with me.

Lee Lee Thompson is a daughter, mother, sister, and friend.

She learned how to be hospitable AND how to enjoy life from her mother.

Photos by Sarah Annay

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Q + A with P.K. McGill (lee lee’s mom) What factors most greatly influenced your design choices in this room?

How did you go about choosing the color palette?

Did the room turn out the way you thought it would?

I’ve always wanted a bright yellow kitchen and since all my children were grown (they always

Yes, it is exactly what I envisioned in my head

The size and palette influenced the design.

It was a big room which acted as a laundry

nixed the idea), I just went with it!

room as well. Before I moved into the house, I had decided I wanted a yellow kitchen with red accessories. Cost played into this decision because I already had most of the red accessories.

What was the intended vibe for your kitchen?

Everyone spends a lot of time there. We are always having parties, which requires me and

What did you most enjoy about the process of remodeling/redesigning the room?

my friends to cook and prepare. The fridge is always stocked with beer and mixers for drinks so friends gather round the icemaker and fridge non-stop.

when I dreamed of this kitchen.

What aspects of the room are the most meaningful to you?

I love the red and white check curtains which my daughter (YOU) searched for and found at a thrift store. She also found red and white check knobs for the cabinets. Every time I see them, I remember that she looked for something that would make the room even more special and she found it!

Finding parrot accessories to accent the theme. Searching at thrift shops and other stores to find just the right salt and pepper shakers, measuring spoons, and paper towel holder with parrot designs.

How is this room different from the other rooms in your house?

Though this room reflects the “Margaritaville” feeling that goes through the entire house, the kitchen is very different – it is bright yellow with red and white trim. Most of the rest of the house is soft green with lighter green and tan contrasts.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

How did the functional requirements of the room affect your design?

How would you describe your kitchen?

The kitchen also acts as the laundry room. I

of paradise.

had to change the design to move the washer and dryer to the opposite end of the kitchen from the sink and cabinets. I chose a red washer and dryer combination which would not detract from the color scheme but put them in their own little area.

Colorful, welcoming, efficient – a little slice

How does having this room in your house affect your mindset?

It is impossible to be sad in this room – My kitchen reminds me every day to look at the bright side!

Non-stop Red corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2003-20

Driftwood corresponds to Benjamin Moore 1536

Sunny + Yummy corresponds to Benjamin Moore 2022-50

Coconut Cream corresponds to Benjamin Moore OC-151

T RO PI CA L V I BES O N LY

A sunny kitchen in this Florida home stands up well to an overly bright, relentlessly cheerful color palette. The juxtaposition of vibrant red and yummy yellow feels like a natural backdrop to the botanical greens. Creamy white cabinetry and matte-finished hardware play their supporting parts well.

Eat Your Greens corresponds to Benjamin Moore 434

Prefer a minimal kitchen? Here are some other uses for this fun palette:

Screen it In.

Live it Up.

Throw cheery pillows, a gingham blanket,

As an homage to old-fashioned positivity,

and seat cushions with a botanical print on

display your collection of brightly colored

a pair of painted wicker chairs for maximum

vintage kitsch on a shelf in the living room or

screened-in porch fun.

on the fireplace mantel.

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DWELL

Shop the Look The coffee percolates. The fridge hums.

Sunshine pours in the gingham-clad window.

In the kitchen, things are already looking up.

Greet your day with wit and whimsy and you can’t really go wrong. If you’ve created a space where even a parrot-clad paper towel holder fits in, then—hey— you know it’s going to be a good day!

Our “Penchant for Kitsch” Picks: “EAT YOUR VEGGIES” HAND PAINTED WOODEN SIGN ($30) from ASign4Life CHELSEA HONEYBOMB 3-PIECE CANISTER SET ($65) from Bed Bath and Beyond PARROT PAPER TOWEL HOLDER ($50) from Rivers Edge Products T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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– LU CY M A U D M ON TGOM ERY

to align your life story with your ever-evolving sense of self

T H REE Q U ES T I O N S

with

Devin

What's one practice in your daily life that

What about your physical space promotes

For you, what is the relationship between

brings you ease?

or encourages you to be optimistic?

ease & optimism?

The thing that brings me the most ease is

I think that it’s always changing. I love projects

knowing how I tick. I am a morning person

(I'm a Virgo) so that is reflected in my home and

One of my life truths is that “life is always

and it's not unusual to see me working at 6:30

gardens. If my house was 100% done I would

AM; in the afternoon, I am less effective. I find

probably move! The optimist in me likes change

ease in knowing what systems and habits work

and newness.

for me and planning my life so that I can stick to these.

changing.” Flexibility is a root value of any optimist. Bad day? Tomorrow is a fresh start.

My optimism means that even if today felt off track, I can try again tomorrow or even in 5 min.

Life will always be messy, but joy can be found in the journey of ups and downs.

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H O W TO B E

Wholeheartedly Optimistic

Words by Lee Lee Thompson Photos by Kelly F. Peterson T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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Q A

What do you get when you cross a Natural Optimist with a Type A personality and a deep-seeded Entrepreneurial Spirit?

The Optimist Co. – a natural cleaning products company on a mission to encourage women to choose ease and positivity in their daily routines.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

BELIEVING IN AN IDEA.

When an invitation to sell at a local farmer’s market came, she took it as a sign and gave herself the ensuing 6 weeks to

When she was a stay-at-home-mom, Devin Donaldson

label and package her products, even though saying yes meant

Ver Eecke thought she had made the switch to a natural

putting herself on a swift timeline. A natural optimist, Devin

household cleaner. She then had an asthma attack, worsened

didn’t doubt it could be done. Once she’d made her mind up to

by the fact that she was pregnant at the time. She began to

do something, she’d follow through.

read labels of the so-called “green” products she’d been using and was shocked at the number of harmful ingredients listed.

Starting without “being ready” turned out to be a plus. Selling at markets meant she could get feedback directly from her

As the mom of a 1-year old and one more on the way, Devin

ideal customer without the pressure for everything to be

knew she wanted a better product for her family, so she

perfect from the get-go. Basically, “there was no time to

decided to make one. She didn’t do this with the intention to

overthink anything,” says Devin.

start her own company—only to make cleaning products she was comfortable using around her family and in her home; however, after sharing her homemade products with friends, she was encouraged to package and sell them.

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All too often, we get mired down in the “spiral” of searching for the perfect, most-natural product, which can easily lead to “information paralysis,” says Devin. Her company name, while representative of her personality, is also meant to provide feelings of hope and positivity, about the world in general, as well as about our responsibilities.

This refreshing stance on the act of cleaning is vastly different from household products marketed to remind us of the dirt and grime in our daily lives. Instead of cleaning as a reaction to overwhelm, anxiety, or even obligation, The Optimist Co. promotes women connecting with a more primal reason for cleaning. “Cleaning is a loving act,” says Devin, “The products you use can support that feeling.”

Since that time, Devin has continued her focus on direct sales, improving her knowledge of digital marketing along the way. This works well for her penchant for learning new things. Recently, The Optimist Co. started a subscription service, and Devin is currently finalizing a brand ambassador program as well.

BRIGHTENING THE WORLD. Being optimistic is a practice Devin continues to rely on for business growth, whether searching for the perfect waterproof label, spending a year on the right all-purpose cleaner formula, or identifying fellow influencers in the wellness industry so that she can promote their good deeds.

In fact, her desire to build an optimistic company drove the name of the business, The Optimist Co. When she started her company, global warming was a new and very scary topic. People were depressed and Devin noticed the messaging was focused on the “doom and gloom” of the situation.

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

In place of toxic ingredients prevalent in common household cleaners, Devin’s formulas rely on tried + true nature-provided solvents, bolstered with essential oils for those consumers who want “clean” to smell pretty too. Her bright, happy labeling and packaging reinforce the goodness each product holds inside.

B L E N D I N G E X P E C TAT I O N W I T H R E A L I T Y. Is the world a messy place? Yes. But we can “look for opportunities in the mess,” says Devin. We can “pivot frustration into a positive experience.” Sometimes this means lowering your cleanliness standards just a little bit; for example, when someone else in the household lends a hand.

“Everyone has their own style,” says Devin, “When someone helps, let them do it in their own way.” With a Midwestern farm background,

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Devin firmly believes that every family member helps with the “daily upkeep of life.” Giving kids the responsibility to clean their own bedrooms can be a confidence-booster too!

Of course, this may mean making trade-offs such as letting the child determine their own standard of cleanliness, or it may lead to a change in the way a home is arranged. Devin increasingly desires that the bedrooms in their home be “streamlined…a place for rest.” Setting up play areas elsewhere in the household has created a way to remove toys from the bedrooms.

Since she runs a cleaning products company, Devin

Your Time to Shine

says may women assume her house is spotless. Not so!

“Nobody has time to deep clean their shower,” she says.

She readily admits to hiring household help for more

While The Optimist Co. founder, Devin Donaldson,

in-depth cleaning and applauds relaxed standards of

has the benefit of being a natural optimist, she was

household upkeep.

happy to share principles with us that anyone who wants to feel optimistic can enact.

Still, messes of certain proportions, particularly when unexpected, can be overwhelming to anyone. Devin

1

fondly recalls a time when she had been out for the day

Optimism gets typecast as a forward-thinking practice,

and left her girls in Dad’s care. Somehow they got into

whereas Devin has found that being optimistic often calls for being more mindful and present in the

permanent markers, so she returned to a mess that felt

moment. “Choose attention over overwhelm,” says

insurmountable. Coming off a fabulous “ladyboss” kinda

Devin, by being present and enjoying whatever each

day, the mess was even more disheartening.

In an instant, Devin made the decision to book a ski trip for the whole family, even though they’d never skied

Stay Present.

moment brings.

2

Stay Grounded.

“There are not a lot of naysayers in my life,” says Devin.

before. She knew that getting away was a way to turn

She intentionally hangs out with other people who are

her frustration in that moment into something positive

positive and she avoids social media when necessary.

Rather she spends time in nature fulfilling the part of her

for years to come. In fact, the trip turned into an annual

soul that enjoys being outdoors.

tradition because the entire family had so much fun.

3

Stay Positive.

BUILDING A LIFE TO LOVE.

Even in a curated life, there will be external influences

Whether growing her business, cleaning her house,

boundaries around time spent with anyone who triggers

that bring in negativity. Devin recommends putting your penchant for pessimism—even family members!

traveling with her family, or enjoying her curated life on

“You don’t have to see them, or even talk to them, every

Cape Cod, Devin has figured out that setting her own

day,” she says.

priorities is the key element to her overall sense of ease.

“I go to bed every day and feel good about my life,” she

4

Stay Focused.

says. Not because her life is “picture perfect,” but because

Comparison is another trap of negativity for many

she’s charted the course that’s right for her.

women. Devin recommends replacing comparison with compassion. “Everyone has their own journey,” she

“Set your own compass,” she advises. Weigh the pros and cons of any situation up against your core belief system.

says. “Be loving. Be sad,” if appropriate, but remain focused on—and be happy in—your own life.

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To maintain their ideal life, her husband travels frequently.

Devin. “What works for your family?” Devin suggests going

They haven’t bought a new car in some time. As an

through the process of writing down how you want to spend

entrepreneur, Devin occasionally works long hours or is gone

your time. The clearer you are on your values, the easier the

for the weekend to lead workshops or attend conferences.

decisions will be.

These trade-offs work for their family because it provides

Ultimately, being a wholehearted optimist is less about

the flexibility to go on vacations and enjoy new adventures

searching for the silver lining in every situation than it is

together as a family. Also important is Devin’s resistance to

curating a life that brings you the feelings you desire. Aim for

comparing their life to that of others. For example, when

overall satisfaction rather than near perfection. Know your

a friend gets a new car, Devin reminds herself that she’s

“meter of happiness,” says Devin. Define your life truths, then

“not a car person.” She’s comfortable driving what she has

build a life you love.

until it requires being replaced for a reason other than “comparison anxiety.”

What’s most important and what will make you truly at peace is knowing what matters most to you and pursuing those things. “You’re the one who has to live with it every day,” says

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Lee Lee Thompson is the Cofounder and Managing Editor at TPY. She has had the privilege to interview 26 amazing women who inspire others to choose, embrace, unleash, & celebrate the best parts of themselves–their Perpetual selves.

Photos by Kelly F. Peterson

Connect with Devin Connect with Devin at her website, TheOptimistCo.com.

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– DEVI N DON A LDSON VER EECK E

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

to align your innermost thoughts with your ever-evolving perspective

I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y @ D A N U T Z I

Sunflower

A lover of full sun, this summer favorite protects fellow flowers and provides a cheery tableau for neighbors passing by.

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T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

LIVE

What’s Next?

FROM BODY POSITIVITY TO BODY OPTIMISM with Meghan Kacmarcik

Body positivity has a branding problem. There’s an assumption that people who are part of the body positive movement are positive about their bodies all the time. It’s time to retire that idea.

I

have a lot of friends in the body positive movement—friends

That happens to all of us, whether we spend our lives

who have made their entire career in body positivity. If

advocating for body positivity or not. Occasional body

you asked any of them, they would tell you that being body

dissatisfaction is a normal, healthy part of life. Who feels

positive does not mean loving everything about your body,

positive about everything all the time? We don’t have to pretend

every minute of every day. In fact, body positivity is more about

that we’re living in the perfect world, where nothing ever goes

accepting and finding beauty in all bodies, including your own.

wrong and everyone walks around with smiles plastered to

Let me tell you a secret: I am not utterly and completely

their faces.

confident about my body every second of the day. There are

When bad body image days happen, however, it can be easy to

days when I feel good in my body, where I feel at peace with its

let your brain spiral down the body negative path until—without

bumps and stretch marks and soft squishy parts. I also have

realizing what’s happened—you’re crying on your couch into a

days where everything feels a little off — when the bumps and

bowl of popcorn wondering where you went wrong. It’s easy

the marks don’t feel quite right, when everything in my closet fails me, when I just feel like crawling out of my skin.

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to get carried away when we start thinking negative thoughts

to self-love, though, has been finding healthy ways to cope with

about our bodies.

what is a normal part of life.

Having negative thoughts about our bodies is okay, but instead

Thoughts, feelings, uncomfortable moments pass. If you’ve

of spiraling downward after one bad thought, we can choose to

felt good about your body in the past, you’ll feel good about

pause after we notice what we’re doing. We can acknowledge

your body again. You don’t have to love your body right in this

that thought, without letting ourselves get carried down

moment, but it will help to acknowledge that you will feel good

the body hate path without our permission. We can choose

again. This unpleasant moment you’ve found yourself in will

body optimism.

pass just like everything else.

Now I don’t mean optimism in the “everything is perfect”

When you have those days where you wish you could just crawl

rainbows and unicorn kind of way. I don’t mean that you

out of your skin, it’s okay to just sit with those feelings. It’s okay

pretend everything is perfect right in this moment. Rather,

to acknowledge how you’re feeling and also to recognize that

being body optimistic means you acknowledge that you won’t

you won’t feel this way forever. It’s okay to trick ourselves, if we

feel this way forever.

have to.

There was a time in my life where body negative days derailed

When I was in recovery from my eating disorder, I learned to

me; when one body hate thought would turn into another and

replace every negative thought with a positive one. When my

another until the day was absolutely ruined. Part of my journey

mind would tell me that my stomach was too squishy, I would think about how it helps me survive and nourish myself and how

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Trust yourself. You know what you know; move with that and don't let the world tell you you're wrong. the folds kind of look like a cute little smiley face when I look in the mirror. When I would feel bad about my thighs, I would

– CALI YOST

remind myself that they allow me to walk and run and dance and how good they look in that little black dress.

Part of my body positive journey relied on this ‘fake it til you make it” mentality so that, even on those days I didn’t

negative days without sliding down the total body hate path.

feel particularly good about my body, I could replace those

It means that one bad body thought won’t ruin our day. And it

negative thoughts with genuine truths. Eventually, I started to

means that instead of fixating on our bodies, we’ll be able to

believe them.

focus on other bigger, more important things in life.

Actively choosing body optimism in these negative moments is

And isn’t that the point of living?

important because habits form through repetition. If every time you have a bad body image day, you choose to be optimistic, that will eventually become your default mode. Once that becomes your habit, you won’t need to make the effort to choose optimism; it will just come naturally.

Body optimism doesn’t mean we’ll feel great about our bodies

Meghan is a blogger, body positivity advocate, eating disorder survivor and Registered Dietitian. You can follow along on her adventures on Instagram @sundaesforthesoul or read her blog at sundaesforthesoul.com.

Photos by @amandaluisaart

every day. It just means that we’ll be able to better cope with

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Mindfully Optimistic S TAY I N G P R E S E N T W H E N L I F E PRESENTS A CHALLENGE with Katie Rose T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

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When we are faced with difficult life circumstances, how on earth do we align ourselves with joy rather than sorrow?

A

fter the standard ‘hello, how are you both” and a few social niceties, the doctor wasted no time and dove right in. “We have all of your test results back, and

there is good news and bad news,” she said. I drifted off, only to be brought back to the sound of her voice saying “...with your diagnosis, we typically see couples having anywhere between a 1 to 4 percent chance of conceiving a child on their own.”

1 to 4 percent. Those numbers would haunt me for days.

We’d made the decision to try and have a baby about a year and a half prior to this meeting. Interestingly enough, in the weeks leading up to that decision I had been thinking and saying, “This could happen really fast; maybe we should wait?” and “How do we know if this is the right time?”

My husband gently and repeatedly reminded me there is no “right time” because no one is ever really ready to have a baby.

Thank goodness I embraced his ease and optimism, because I had no idea that 18 months later we would not only not be pregnant, but would be pursuing IVF (invitro fertilization) to build our family.

In the months we spent trying to conceive naturally, we became accustomed, and perhaps even slightly numb, to the range of emotions associated with trying to become parents.

The beginning of each month was filled with joy, peppered with the impatience that comes with all the waiting. Lots of waiting.

Waiting for the ideal time to “try” followed by waiting to find out if this was the month we hit the baby making jackpot.

These feelings of joy, excitement, and impatience were then followed by the inevitable sadness and disappointment that comes with learning that this month isn’t the month.

In the first six months, it was easy to ride these waves and to convince ourselves that these things just take time.

We welcomed the opportunity to continue to enjoy the process together.

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Without hesitation, without doubt, the answer was clear.

I wanted to be present and I wanted to bring as much love and as much joy as I could to this journey. Intuitively, I knew that this was who I wanted to be, but faced with these circumstances, admittedly I felt overwhelmed and frightened, like things were out of my control.

When we are faced with difficult life circumstances, how on earth do we align ourselves with joy rather than sorrow? How do we stay present and avoid being swept away in the currents of uncertainty and fear? The answer for me meant slowing down and reminding myself of what had gotten me through difficulties in the past. To show up as the person I wanted to be, all I had to do was BE ME. What I knew to be true was that setting intentions—making a conscious effort to tune into myself and what I needed, then taking the necessary steps to ground and care for myself on a daily basis—was the key ingredient to bringing presence, joy, and love to any of life’s challenges.

At some point, something shifted. This was when I noticed myself hurting when friends and family would announce their pregnancies or invite us to a baby shower. Though thrilled for my loved ones, I felt myself withdrawing from these joyous events. All the while, I resisted this pull into sadness and isolation; being a sad and unhopeful person did not align with who I knew I was at my core.

As we sat across from our doctor that afternoon, we learned of our frustrating diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” and were given options. These options included pursuing IVF, and we were advised to take some time to talk it over and decide on how we would like to proceed. We had choices.

Of course, this would be a choice we would make together, my husband and me, as we did everything in our life, as a team. But over the days that would follow I would come to find that I also had an important choice to make. Being faced with the challenge of infertility, who did I want to be? How did I want to show up

So I slowed down and got quiet. I asked myself about my intentions first. My intention through this journey is to take the best care of myself and my marriage as I possibly can.

Throughout this process, I intend to check in with myself daily (and multiple times if necessary), asking what I am feeling both physically and emotionally.

I also want to be intentional with how I am showing up with my husband. Am I communicating with him in way that is kind and loving? Am I being honest with him about how I am feeling and what I need during this process? Am I taking the time to be aware and asking how he is feeling and what he may be needing in this process? Are we finding ways to still have fun and not let infertility take over our lives?

I am also setting the intention to try and find all of the humor and joy I possibly can throughout the process and release myself from the notion that living through IVF has to mean sadness and sorrow.

in this circumstance? How would I show up for myself and how

Since setting these intentions, I have made a conscious effort to

would I show up in my marriage?

take *extra* steps each day to care for myself. This has shown

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

itself in a variety of ways. I am listening to what my body needs,

I savour the joy I find in our quiet life. In the not so distant

whether more sleep, a long walk, some delicious greens with

future, this life could become filled with all the noise that a

every meal, or a gigantic bowl of ice cream.

baby brings.

I am being gentle with myself. I am prioritizing taking care of

As anyone who has faced any struggle building their family will

myself. My body is about to endure some intense stuff and I

tell you, the journey is hard. But since we began, I have resisted

am incredibly grateful to her. She deserves to be celebrated,

the urge to let our struggles with fertility take over me, my life,

listened to, and pampered.

and my marriage. There is so much more to this journey than

Finally, I am making a conscious effort to bring moments of fun and joy into each day. I am laughing with my husband, being

heartache, sorrow, frustration, and pain. I am committed to bringing joy, love, humor, and gentleness to the process.

silly whenever possible and trying to find the humor in every situation, even those involving IVF. As we balance all of our life responsibilities with doing the things that keep us connected,

Katie Lynch, LICSW is a psychotherapist dedicated to helping women and couples live more mindfully and love more purposefully. You can connect with her at presentheartcounseling.com.

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Advertise with Us Below is a timeline showing our upcoming themes for Series 8 and the deadlines for submitting your ad. Learn more at bit.ly/TPYpartners.

ISSUE 1

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DECEMBER 2017

JANUARY 20 18

F E B R UARY 2018

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Create Ease by Choosing Comfort

Create Wealth by Embracing Reflection

Create Fun by Unleashing Connection

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TH E POWE R OF

Storytelling T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Words by Alexis Marie Chute Photos by Kay Nass The EASE ISSU E

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When I announced I was expecting my son, Luca, my husband and I posted a photo of two Wii controllers beside a smaller third controller, which was blue. The caption for the image read, “New player coming January 2016!” Maybe you’ve seen other creative baby announcements on Facebook and Pinterest. There’s a popular one with a tiny safety pin inside a larger “mama” pin. Then there’s the cheeky – literal – “bun in the oven” photo. Social media makes it easy to share our excitement for our growing families, but what about the instances when our plans don’t unfold as expected? I know the conundrum of this because it happened to me.

W

hen I was 25 weeks pregnant with my second child, my husband, Aaron, and I received the news that our unborn baby had a random genetic abnormality. The condition allowed tumors to grow in his tiny body.

People can live with Tublerous Sclerosis, we learned, but, unfortunately, there was a dense tumor around our baby’s heart. We spent weeks at the hospital, doing everything medically available to save our son’s life, but, in the end, it was not enough.

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Zachary was born at 30 weeks gestation and lived just a few moments before passing away in my arms, snuggled against my skin. He did not cry or open his eyes. I continued to rock him, kissing his forehead and telling him I loved him for hours afterwards. That day was a defining moment for me where I ceased to be one person and became someone new. (They call life after the loss of a child – or any major trauma – the “new normal,” because, though you may look the same on the outside, it is undeniable that you are irrevocably changed.)

I spent years stuck in the deep, sticky mire of grief. At that time, I thought I was coping. Really, however, I was merely placating the ravaging and raw sorrow inside of me. I call that first year after my son died my “Year of Distraction,” because I did everything but look my pain in the eyes.

There is an undeniable guilt associated with the loss of a child. Any mother who has said goodbye to a baby – because of miscarriage, stillbirth,

By 25 weeks in my pregnancy with Zachary, when the complication was

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or any other

discovered, all my family and friends knew I was pregnant. Because Zach was

type of pregnancy loss or infant death – will

my second, my body was already rounding out. It was likely more than four

understand what I mean.

months before that I had sent out the typical social media “I’m pregnant – congratulate me!” post.

When we hold our babies inside the womb, we believe it is our sole responsibility to keep them

I remember asking for prayer and good wishes on Facebook after Zach’s

safe, nurtured and protected. We feel similarly

initial diagnosis. People were generally supportive, despite their discomfort

when the child is born. When a loss occurs–at any

towards my type of loss. A baby’s death is a taboo topic. It makes people who

stage–the devastation is intimate.

have not experienced it uneasy and stumble over their words.

I remember asking myself repeatedly: “What

“At least they’ve had a long life,” often said when a grandparent passes,

did I do wrong?” “What could I have changed?”

doesn’t apply for the loss of a child, whose time in this world may be

“Why did this happen to my baby, to our family?”

measured in months or weeks, rather than decades.

I felt like my body had failed me, that I had failed my child.

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Through meeting others in my situation I was able to shake of the isolation of my grief, but the statistics were still sobering. One in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage; one in 160 ends in stillbirth; and SIDS is still the leading cause of death in children one – to twelvemonths-old.

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At the beginning of my grief journey, I felt very alone. No one

quickly as possible. Yet, there were far more that I spoke with

in my family or circle of friends was talking about the loss of a

who had also experienced loss, or knew someone else who had.

child. It really felt like I was expected to “get on with life” and “move on” not long after Zach’s memorial. (Tip: bereaved parents dislike all variations of the “move on” message.)

While some people are good at disguising their emotions, no matter how hard I tried to appear composed, I was a flat-out mess. When people asked me, “How many kids do you have?”

I would answer “Two,” and then cry on the spot – in the mall, grocery store, YMCA. You name the place; I cried there.

At first I felt like I was breaking the societal code for silent-grief.

The code entails: ( 1 ) Pretending you are okay; ( 2 ) When asked how you are doing, give a short but optimistic response; ( 3 ) Don’t bring up the deceased person in every conversation; and, most importantly, ( 4 ) Do not make a scene.

The kinship was immediate. We spoke the same language, as if being foreigners and suddenly discovering someone else who understood. These conversations revived me and I realized I was not alone.

Through my experience, I learned the power of storytelling.

There is a long history of oral storytelling. It was a way to pass on culture, religion, and life lessons. One generation educated the next in this way. This makes me wonder: When did we lose the ability to talk about hard topics?

Sharing my experience with others was immensely therapeutic.

Through talking-it-out I began to understand how to better care for myself and rediscover my peace and joy. What I also

What I realized when I began opening-up was quite contrary to my expectations. True, there were some that were awkward, uncomfortable, and generally wanted to flee the interaction as

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realized was that sharing my story was helpful

true freedom–not detached from our pain, but

for the person listening. It became clear that

alongside it.

I needed to communicate to my family and friends exactly how they could help, because they genuinely didn’t know. And talking to other bereaved parents, we often found comfort and solace in each other.

Expecting Sunshine Read our book review on page 17 or pick up your copy now at expectingsunshine.com.

gone on to have two healthy “rainbow babies,” the name given to children born after the loss of a child. Now I advocate for what I call, “The Healthy Grief Movement,” which, at its heart,

Our culture has become fixated on the notion

is all about creating safe places, opportunities

of continuous happiness. We are told to pursue

and platforms for people to share their stories.

it at all costs. When we lose someone we love,

Through the power of storytelling, online and

or get fired from our job, or find ourselves in an

off, we can experience deep, rich healing and an

abusive relationship, it’s easy to panic. The hard

amazing community of support.

emotions get pushed into the shadows. From my experience, the shadow-secrets only fester and pollute other areas of life.

Only by being vulnerable and authentic with our struggles, flaws and fears do we bring those things into the light. Only then can we surrender to the mystery of life and experience

T h e PE R PE T UAL YOU

Six years have passed since Zachary died. I have

Alexis Marie Chute is a professional artist, photographer, writer, and filmmaker. A highly regarded speaker, she has presented on art, writing, bereavement, and the healing capacities of creativity around the world. Her first book, Expecting Sunshine, was released in April 2017 by She Writes Press. Connect with her at AlexisMarieChute.com.

Photos by Kay Nass

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About our Featured Artist Christy M. Johnson is an artist, encourager, and whimsical caretaker of dreams. Her background as an art therapist informs her mission to bring creativity, encouragement and life-long learning into people's lives. This illustration was inspired by our lady of the month Amy Cuddy, and showcases Christy’s artistic philosophy—that anything is possible in life, but EVERYTHING is possible in art. @cmjohnsonart

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