Why Having Friends is Overrated

YEESHA JOSHI Staff Sarcasm Enthusiast

Humans are social creatures. At least that’s what everyone tells you. But what if they’re wrong? What if “science” has pulled a veil over your eyes about the true nature of human relationships?

It has. Relationships — especially friend- ships — are unnecessary; more than that, they’re harmful. We are all too willing to ignore the emotional pain and wasted potential that comes from friendships, but we shouldn’t just let this glaring problem go. Since I first recognized the harmful nature of friendships and voluntarily distanced myself from my so-called “friends,” I’ve been trying to get the word out.

I’ll concede that family relationships must be maintained to some degree. After all, if attending a dreary family dinner or sending over a trite Christmas card guarantees you won’t be written out of the will, so be it.

But friendships? They’re just unnecessary.

First, they’re a waste of time and en ergy. You’ll never get back all those hours spent comforting your bestie about how their crush didn’t notice their new yel low socks. You’ll never get back the $100 you blew on that Lululemon jacket for them, or the effort it took to find one that matched their foundation perfectly. On your birthday, all they’ll do is sift through their pandemic stash of toilet paper and give you a sad little leftover roll.

With all the wasted energy we have to funnel into our friendships, it’s no wonder that more important things fall by the wayside. Think of all the creative people who could have discovered the cure for cancer in the time they spent “hanging out,” buying tacky overpriced clothes, seeing overrated movies, or whatever other boring stuff friends do these days.

Worse than wasted potential, though, is the extreme emotional pain that these relationships cause. While I’ve escaped this kind of situation, I’ve observed many others suffer in the name of friendship.

An acquaintance of mine once found out, to their devastation, that their best friend secretly threw away their matching T-shirts. The same acquaintance was also jeered at by their closest friends for wanting to become an ostrich babysitter, which led to several weeks of tearful lunches spent in that one bathroom stall no one goes into.

This is the kind of damage friendships can leave behind. Others may call me a pessimist, but I truly believe that friendship will lead to the eventual downfall of society as we know it. It’s like Valentine’s Day candy: sugary to the taste, pretty to look at, but a silent killer when consumed in excess.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day… don’t

P.E. block, some students have chosen to spend their free time drilling exercises as well. One of those students is sophomore Josephine Tu.

“I’ve never been so motivated in my life,” Tu exclaimed while attempting a squat with both an AP World History textbook and chemistry textbook balanced on her head. “Now, whenever I practice playing my cello at night, I also make sure to bench press it for at least 37 reps.”

While this new, vigorous training has driven students to optimize all aspects of their physical capabilities, it has also understandably led to some minor injuries.

“We had a student who was climbing a wall intensely and fell, which unfortunately shattered his bones and required him to get his left arm amputated,” P.E. teacher Whitney Wood said. “My heart truly goes out to him, his family, and especially, his arm.”

In the future, Wood said the P.E. department will be looking into precautionary measures to ensure minor accidents like this don’t occur again; however, they don’t plan on making any major change to their curriculum, as they believe injuries are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Wood and Stimson indicated that their priorities still lie in building a group of excellent physiques.

“By the time the Netflix crew comes to Pinewood, our students will be more than ready,” Stimson said with a large grin. “Our newly-trained, ultra-muscular PE students will make Pinewood proud.”

Hamilton: Hamilton in Hamilton

MAILBOX WANG Staff Post Office

“Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton. And there’s a million things I haven’t done.”

While there are a million things math teacher Stuart Hamilton hasn’t done, one thing he has done is star in a Broadway production of “Hamilton.”

Acting was never in Hamilton’s vision for his future. After finishing his second school year of teaching math five years ago, he decided he wanted to take a break from academics.

“I was listening to the ‘Hamilton’ soundtrack and reflecting on the origins of my name, and I thought maybe it was a sign,” Hamilton said. “The musical ‘Hamilton’ had just come out, and I thought it would be funny to try it out.”

It seems Hamilton was simply meant for the role, for he landed the lead role of Alexander Hamilton. He packed his bags and moved into a small apartment in New York City. Hamilton impressed himself, his friends, and his family after securing the big role.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Hamilton said. “The whole concept of acting was hard at first, but I eventually learned how to better my singing, acting, and dancing through tons of dance lessons, voice lessons, and rehearsals.”

Hamilton starred in “Hamilton” for two years with shows seven days a week before realizing he is never satisfied — he missed teaching math and his life before the show. Although acting on Broadway was an incredible experience for him, being on stage would never bring Hamilton the same joy as “being in agreement” or “not in agreement” to students’ math.

Freshman Addison Parenti went to watch the production of “Hamilton” when she was six years old and remembers the production quite vividly. The show made Parenti feel everything at once as the dramatic story line went on; she was and still is in awe at the quality of acting the actors showcased, especially Hamilton.

“That specific production of ‘Hamilton’ has remained the greatest production I have ever seen because it sparked my interest in musical theater,” Parenti said. “When I saw Hamilton on the first day of school, I immediately recognized him.”

Parenti loves musical theater and has performed in multiple productions here at Pinewood. While she will never forget her role model, Stuart Hamilton, she is too nervous to go up to him and ask for an autograph, for she has been told to never meet your idols. She prays that she will never be placed in Hamilton’s math class.

“Whenever I see Hamilton on campus, I run,” Parenti said.

Hamilton’s ambitions for his teaching career skyrocketed as a result of his short-lived fame.

“Playing Hamilton changed my perspective on life,” Hamilton said. “I can’t wait for everyone to see what I have in store for my teaching career. Just you wait.”