Help is all around you

Helping each other is part of our genes, whether we know it or not or like it or not.

We help our aging parents, neighbors and friends as they become frail and their abilities to cope with the world around them fade.

Our children learn how to walk and cope with the world around them with our help.

But, whether it’s because of macho or manners, there seems to be resistance to ask for help.

Just think about the cliché couple in a car looking for an address. They waste much time driving around proclaiming it should be just around the corner when all they would have to do is stop and ask directions from a passerby or shop owner who’s familiar with the neighborhood.

They claim they don’t want to look stupid, so they act stupidly.

As we age, many of us think we’ll look like we’re losing it if we ask for help. You read of seniors dying of heart attacks shoveling snow from their driveway. And you hear oldsters complain about their aching back as they heft heavy grocery bags into and out of the trunk of their car.

They should be asking someone for help with these chores. For example, shopping trips can be coordinated with a family member, friend or neighbor who can help with the loading and unloading.

This means you should quit caring about whether or not you look self-reliant or lazy.

While “Please” and “Thank You” should be atop your list of vocabulary used on a daily basis, you can slip “I need your help” right behind them.

Get used to this phrase. Use it when you walk up to a cashier in the supermarket. Instead of just dumping our purchases on the moving belt, tell them, “I might need your help with some of this stuff.”

You’ll find the cashier’s attitude friendlier and a bit less business-like because you’re asking for their help — because studies reveal people actually do want to help each other. All they need is to be asked.

Asking for help most likely will start with members of you family — brothers, sisters, sons, daughters and in-laws — and expand to friends, colleagues, co-workers and neighbors.

You might be looking for someone to help with your taxes or get you to medical appointments or find the right kinds of plants to make your yard easier to maintain. Be very clear on what you need and when you need it.

Let the person you’re asking know right off that they can say no if they can’t help you. You don’t need or want an explanation. Thank them for listening and ask if there’s someone they know who might be able help you. Then ask if there’s anything you can do to help them.