Motherhood: Teaching Children to Thrive in Uncertain Times

Teaching Children toThrive in Uncertain Times

By Mary Jane Bogle

Most of us never imagined parenting in a world of pandemics, protests, and general unrest. COVID has certainly been traumatic—for us, as well as for our children. So is death and grief and a myriad of life events that cause pain and sadness. So how do we equip our children with the skills they’ll need when bad things inevitably happen?

It’s a question Dr. Michele Borba tackles head on in her book, “Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine.” Want to prepare your children to face an uncertain world with courage and strength? Then you need to understand two important principles that characterize people who thrive during uncertainty. Principle #1:

Thrivers aren’t born; they’re built.

You need to spend time building the character traits that will help safeguard your children’s future, and then give them opportunities to put those principles into place in real-time situations. In other words, you can build confidence based on experience. Principle #2:

Find power through control.

While no one can predict or control the future, you can take steps now to help your children discover what they can control, which is the best antidote to fear and helplessness. Tip #1: Find your voice. The first step toward building confidence in your offspring is by sending a strong message that you children’s opinions, thoughts, and fears matter. You can do this by listening to them and helping them give names to their feelings.

Ready to teach your children how to thrive? Here are few of Dr. Borba’s top tips for equipping your children to overcome adversity.

Tip #2: Breathe like a boss. Remember those deep, calming breaths? They’re called “tactical breathing,” and they really do bring more oxygen to the brain, helping you think more clearly in stressful situations. This technique is so effective that Navy SEALS use it regularly, and it can help your children, too. Tip #3: Be the storm. A brainstorm, that is. Dr. Borba says there’s no problem without a solution. You just need to teach your kids to brainstorm all the possibilities, helping them discover the most effective solution in each situation. Note: this only works if it’s their ideas, not yours. Tip #4: Create a comeback. Your children need to know that it’s okay, even encouraged, to speak up immediately if they think something’s not right. Simple, direct comebacks are best, so practice saying things such as, “No,” “Cut it out,” Stop” or “Back off” with assertiveness and authority. Tip #5: Establish a secret code. Even with the best training, children can’t handle everything on their own. Creating a family codeword will give them the assurance that you will step in immediately if they need help. Borba suggests “Pinocchio” or “Jeronimo,” but you might consider a word they can use in conversation, such as “apples.” The minute they say or text the word, they know help is on the way.

To learn more of Dr. Borba’s tips and discover the “7 Essential Traits of Thrivers,” visit her website at https://micheleborba.com/books/thrivers/.

Give your children a Plan

• Pal Up – Whether it’s with a large group or a trusted companion, it’s important to stay with people who can look out for you. • Let An Adult Know – Seek out someone you trust if you don’t feel safe. • Avoid “Hot Spots” – Stay away from areas where trouble is most likely to occur. • Notice Your Surroundings – If you sense trouble brewing, trust your instincts and leave. Just don’t go alone. a