“Just the Way You Are”

Jeremiah’s Score: *****

As I daydream here on a gorgeous Spring afternoon, I’m enjoying the thought of never hearing this song again. Every. Single. Time I’m inside a grocery store, trying to dodge flying carts and figure out where they’ve hidden the affordable groceries, my ears are assaulted with the vacuous melody and Grade: F kindergarten love poem that is this song. You’d do better if you asked AI to write a song that blends the futility of a leaf blower with the joy of eating a bag of stale candy corn, using only an Excel spreadsheet as an instrument. I’ll give Bruno a quarter-point simply for being right about one thing: you’re amazing, just the way you are.