SEPTEMBER 16 2016

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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OBERLIN’S ALTERNATIVE STUDENT NEWS SOURCE READ ONLINE AT THEOBERLINGRAPE.COM

Editors-in-Chief

Content Editors

Copy Editors

Ellie Tremayne Caspian Alavi-Fllint

Hannah Jackel-Dewhurst Andy Goelzer Taylor Slay Isabel Klein

Hannah Tobin-Bloch Luke Fortney Patrick McCabe Cecilia Wallace

Production Editors Jessica Moskowitz Mikaela Fishman Leora Swerdlow Natalie Hawthorne

EST. 1999

September 16, 2016

Web Editor

Photo Editor

Caro Fernandez

Emma Webster

Staff Writer Kameron Dunbar

Ellie: We should also maybe write a note from the editors being like welcome to the grape here we are.

Caspian: yes es yes! Should I just write something?

Ellie: Ya, be like we’re new and neither of us have worked for the grape before but don’t make it sound like we’re stupid and don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t want people to think we’re incompetent.

Caspian: oh forsure.

Caspian wipes a little piece of chocolate off her finger that she just discovered. She discovered another piece on her elbow and on her knee and all over her wrist and her keyboard. She needs a napkin.

Caspian: So how did you get the job anyway?

Ellie: Waylon sent this this really funny email. It was a personal invitation to apply to the Grape. My parents are both journalists and were so excited that I was doing this.

Caspian: haha! Ya my mom was like, “finally!” Not sure what that means but I took at is approval. Ya you just texted me out of the blue two weeks

before school started like “hey wanna do this?” and of course I said yes. I love making big decisions.

Ellie: Ya super out of the blue for me too.

Caspian: I imagined us as two screaming stray cats being thrown into a bag and slung over the shoulder of a newsboy in Oliver Twist. Sorry if that was vulgar, it was just the first image I thought of, what does that make me?

Ellie: I kinda like that.

Ellie is surrounded by three computers and is juggling several .png versions of the centerfold. The indesign formatting is completely on schedule, if anything they’ll be done several hours before it needs to be done but both of them are sweating. They’re phones are ringing incessantly and Caspian has just lost her wacom tablet pen, but there’s really nothing to be stressed about because they’ve got it in the bag.

Ellie: Ya this is going to look so good. I’m excited about the commentary section.

It’s really starting out so so so strong in representing marginalized groups on campus. Or like I just think the writing is strong & super opinionated. I just met all these writers and editors for the most part a few weeks ago and they’re all amazing and talented and we’re all just pooping out this hopefully incredible baby together.

Caspian: I am so in awe that this gets done so fast and efficiently every two weeks. Everyone is like a mini god, I just want to squeeze them for being so on top of things. Can’t wait to work with these people more.

ENJOY! PEACE OUT!

A LETTER! FROM THE EDITORS!

Caspian: I know we haven’t done this before but I think we’re doing okay.

She wipes the bridge of her nose under her glasses, very sweaty.

Cover Art by Ben Garbus (his first and last)

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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QUESTIONING A PEER ENFORCED SMOKING BAN

By Sam Waranch and Henry Weissberg Contributors

Walking out of Stevie last Sunday, I saw something that sent a nervous tremble through my stomach. It was a pack of cool first years whipping out smokes and lighting up – right on the Stevie benches. I turned to my friend Maya.

“Oh no,” I said. “They’re smoking.”

Earlier that day I had agreed to write the article you are now reading.

My task was to approach smokers on campus, give them a smoking ban card, ask them to stop smoking, and see what happened. I would record reactions and compile data. It was a way to test the functionality of a peer enforced ban. It was a fun and funny idea, right?

“You seem like an asshole if you go up to someone and tell them to stop smoking,” said an anonymous student.

Oberlin’s official position on the tobacco ban says that “every member of the Oberlin community is responsible for observing the policy and encouraging a tobacco-free campus.

Community members are encouraged to respectfully explain that tobacco use is not permitted on campus to any

persons observed not complying with the policy.” So, it is the responsibility of all community members – even students – to enforce the ban.

As I began my research, one flaw with the peer enforced ban became immediately apparent: approaching a stranger and asking them to stop smoking is an anxiety-provoking, stress-inducing process and nobody wants to do it.

“I’ll do it later,” I said to Maya outside of Stevie. “I need to work up to it. It’s scary.”

“They’re first years. You don’t know them. Just go give them the card,” said Maya.

I resisted long enough that the first years started walking away and I was saved from embarrassment. Maya made a few pointed jokes at my expense but I went on with my day. As the week continued, I was surprised to find less smokers around campus than I’ve grown used to. Maybe the ban was working. It wasn’t until Splitchers that week that I built up enough courage to confront some young socialites and got down to the nitty–gritty of collecting data.

One result was unanimous: no one said they would put their cigarette out if another student approached them, asked them to stop smoking, and then walked away. A few students said they would put out their cigarette if they were sitting in the same space

health support for students, but they don’t actually care,” said Adira.

She believes students smoke because they are stressed, and the college is focusing on smoking itself instead of actually providing resources to help people feel content, safe, and healthy.

“OH NO,” I SAID. “THEY’RE SMOKING.” as someone who asked them to stop.

Almost everyone we asked said they would be willing to walk away and smoke at a distance from other people if asked to put out their cigarette.

One fourth year, Adira Baum (she/ her/hers), said she sees the tobacco ban as a band-aid solution for student health issues. “If they cared about the students it wouldn’t just be a fucking tobacco ban, it would be like why are so many of our students smoking? Let’s have real mental

She continued to identify herself as someone who has used mental health facilities at Oberlin before, but describes those facilities as “very shitty.” This is a popular opinion at Oberlin that The Grape has written about before, and many students seem to agree. Adira sees the smoking ban as a weak response to a symptom of greater issues that doesn’t actually address the more fundamental mental health problems at Oberlin.

Continued on page 4

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Continued from page 3

One second year, Natalie Mattson (she/her/ hers), corroborated Adira’s argument by saying the ban is “completely for show. It’s because a whole bunch of liberal arts schools are doing it.” Another second year, Ian Feather: “I think it’s a ploy by the administration to make the college look more favorable in the eyes of prospective students and especially their parents.”

Few students were willing to accept that the tobacco ban is genuinely concerned with student health and fighting addiction. Most saw it as a marketing move. I received varying answers on what students would actually do when asked to stop smoking and couldn’t reach a consensus. One thing, however, was made abundantly clear: a peer enforced ban is stressful for all parties and encourages moments of confrontation.

One anonymous smoker was already at a breaking-point when I met them. They were annoyed when I asked them to stop smoking and super pissed when they realized that I was asking as part of an experiment. They explained to me that they do not smoke regularly by

any means, that they only smoke when they are stressed and need a release, and that their day had been extremely stressful. This might be where the peer enforced ban is at its worst.

By encouraging all community members to take on enforcing the ban as their own prerogative, the policy encourages students and community members to confront their peers who might already be in shitty moods.

Many smokers are people who deal with stress, anxiety, depression, and other health concerns.

Some are people who simply need a moment of peace and quiet. “A lot of Oberlin students use smoking as a break from studying, it’s like the only time you can leave Mudd and stop studying is when you go for a cigarette break,” said Adira.

Natalie explained how “banning something entirely does not make it easier to quit.

Tobacco addiction, nicotine addiction, is a real thing, and it’s really hard to wean yourself off of that, and you can’t just like quit cold turkey.

It’s also dumb because it affects the CDS workers and the teachers and everyone who is not just students.” Fellow student Caroline

Tobar seconded these concerns about how the ban would affect College staff, noting: “For students it’s really a matter of De Jure vs. De Facto; for us this ban is technically in place, but doesn’t hinder those who want and plan to smoke. The biggest consequence for us is likely no more than an awkward conversation.

Meanwhile, the ban affects those who work on campus tremendously. These people, such as our awesome custodians and CDS workers, face the consequence of losing their jobs if they’re caught smoking. These individuals are already working extremely hard, and we should focus our energy on making their lives better and less stressful, not implementing major inconveniences that they wouldn’t have somewhere else. What a terrible way to thank them for all they do for us.” • For those looking for resources to help quit smoking, students can contact the Oberlin Counseling Center at 440-775-8470 while staff can contact Human Resources at 440-775-8430.

For a quitting hotline, try 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

WHAT DOES CONSENT AT OBERLIN LOOK LIKE? CHECK OUT THIS COMIC BY THE SEXUAL INFORMATION CENTER ABOUT THE NUANCES OF CONSENT AT OBERLIN (AND IN LIFE).

By The Oberlin Sexual Information Center Before we get started, it’s important that we understand: what are power dynamics?

And what do they have to do with consent?

Power dynamics are how a person’s identity and social status can interact with your own identity and social status, in a way that influences whether you say yes, no, or maybe to a situation. This can be based on race, gender, trans status, disability, age, popularity, or any other aspect of identity and social status.

But what does that mean?

Continued on page 5

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“WE ARE ALL PEOPLE WITH WANTS AND NEEDS THAT DESERVE TO BE RECOGNIZED!”

Continued from page 3

Let’s break down the factors that went into Bean’s decision: 1. Age / time at Oberlin.

• AJ has more experience at Oberlin, which gives her indepth knowledge about campus social dynamics that Bean has just been introduced to. Bean has less personal experience at Oberlin that they could use to make their own judgments about why AJ may be inviting them to hang out.

2. Social networks.

• When Bean knew someone from home who could get them alcohol, they had options for getting alcohol that were not completely dependent on AJ. • When Bean knew queer people from their hall, they had more options for making queer friends and nding a queer community besides hanging out with AJ and her friends.

3. Desirability • Or, attractiveness.

• Bean was more likely to say yes if they thought AJ was cute. Thinking that a person is cute or not is often in uenced by race, disability, trans status, and class.

••• So, in this scenario, age, social networks, and desirability all influenced the options Bean had to get what they wanted (alcohol and queer community), which influenced their

decision to say yes or no to AJ. This not to assume that AJ has any bad intentions! But the power dynamics that influence Bean’s decision are there regardless of that. These power dynamics operate around us all the time, with every social interaction we have! That’s why it’s important to be able to recognize how power dynamics may be influencing our (or another person’s) ability to consent, and to be able to talk about them.

We live in a culture where it seems weird to want to talk about sex, especially when it’s supposed to be “casual.” Oberlin hookup culture is no exception to this! People love to hook up, then refuse to talk to each other about it ever again, or pretend like nothing happened.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing - sometimes that’s the level of communication that people need, and that’s okay. But, more often than not, it ends up with two people treating each other like shit, refusing to acknowledge each other’s wants or needs. The fact of the matter is, we are all people with wants and needs that deserve to be recognized! And, the casual-ness of a relationship is not a reason for a person to ignore your wants or needs, or a reason for you to ignore another person’s wants or needs. No matter the serious-ness of a relationship, you deserve to be respected.

This is not to say that you must always be willing to do things a person asks for! People’s wants and needs clash all the time. A lot of the time, people will want something that you cannot give, or you will want something that someone else cannot give. This isn’t a bad thing - it’s a natural part of being human beings with our own unique histories and baggage.

What’s important is that you do not pressure someone’s “no” into a “yes,” that you remember that putting your needs before others’ wants does not make you selfish, and that all people involved are as clear as possible in communicating about these things.

••• This article was adapted from Consent At Oberlin, a zine created by the Oberlin Sexual Information Center for freshman orientation 2016.

If you want to come chat more about consent at Oberlin, or literally anything related to sexual health, come visit the SIC in Wilder 203 during our office hours for confidential student counseling. Also please come by if you just want to buy safer sex supplies (including plan B), gender affirming products, or menstrual products at bulk prices! We also provide free rides to any local sexual health resource, just shoot us an email (sic@oberlin.edu).

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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LEAVING THE NEST

A FIRST-YEAR FEELS OUT THE FIRST WEEKS OF OBERLIN

By OLIVE SHERMAN Contributor

Last Saturday my Mom and sister went south on the 405 Freeway and drove out to Long Beach, California to look for back-to-school clothes because my mom wanted to see the bus stops my Dad designed on 4th street “Retro Row.” While waiting for my sister to make her selections, my mom wandered into a record store and sent me blurry images of albums she wouldn’t have any practical use for, but might work as a way of connecting with me, her daughter in Oberlin, Ohio.

Her choices were Joni Mitchell’s Clouds (a favorite of mine), the Talking Heads’ Fear of Music (her favorite), and our collective favorite album from the Roches.

I knew those pictures were supposed to be a reassuring reminder that I was still a person that mattered in my mom’s life, but I didn’t feel reassured. I felt lonely and wanted to be home in L.A., feeling how much she missed me. Most of all, I wanted to be hugged. I haven’t been hugged in weeks. No one here loves me like my parents do. I feel that in a big way because I miss being loved, and I miss feeling like a familiar face. I miss the novelty of newness.

When my mom thinks about me here, she pictures me many many miles away in a small college town where I will learn and feel a lot of things but will still be warm and safe and neat with funky kids. She sees the fear and inner turmoil, but it all feels very small when it’s so far away, and so many other kids have felt the same thing and got through it okay. When she calls me on the phone, she says everything sounds good and I sound happy. This makes me upset because it doesn’t actually feel this way to me. How do I communicate that things would be better if I was home? I know it’s not very nice, but I want my mom and dad to be so worried about me that they call three times a day so that I know my absence is felt. I want them to miss me more than I miss them, because that might make me feel like things are okay here, and it’s good I’m not home where things are messy and not on track the way they normally are. At home I wasn’t lost like I am here.

I miss my Mom a lot, and I also miss my books and my records and my house and my sister and my Dad and my dog and my city. I might even miss my high school. In both class and casual conversation I have a hard time talking, because drawing from my own experience is difficult when the visual cues of my identity (on which I rely heavily) are halfway across the country. No one here knows who I am, so everytime I say something it has to be brilliant and in the spirit of my values so that the person I’m talking to understands me for the person I hope to be. Here I am not Roger and Jennifer’s daughter, Lucy’s sister, a friend of his/ her’s/their’s, an Editor-in-Chief, an actress in self-written/directed one act plays, a clarinet student of Amanda Walker, or the girl who wore pink Dr. Martens in eighth grade. Or at least no one knows what any of that means, so what does it matter anyway? Starting school at Oberlin is a chance to start over, to begin afresh with a blank slate. But I was never really such a terrible person at home, though, so starting over feels more like proving myself.

I often find myself sitting for hours at The Local or at Slow Train staring at people and watching as they move in and out, conversing, sipping, chewing, laughing, typing, and reading. Some of them I have seen before but most I haven’t and I desperately want to know what is normal. What is the good thing to order? What is the right way to sit? How much space should I take up? How

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do I dress? How much noise is ok for me to make? How do I make myself look like I know what I’m doing? I am always hoping that if I can understand what’s normal I will be able to orient myself, to find my way and make (the appropriate amount of ) space for myself at this school.

Today I listened to The Roches again, and I am afraid of how long it will take and of the person I will be when it happens. But things will get better, I think. Everyone says it does eventually, and I guess the only thing I can do is believe them. Until then I will continue to feel my feelings and fuel my desire t o be happy, using my sadness and embarrassment and art and music and literature. It was too hard to write this piece in a grammatical way because my feelings were too big and strong so instead I let my social confusion and emotional

WHAT IS THE RIGHT WAY TO SIT? HOW MUCH SPACE SHOULD I TAKE UP? HOW DO I DRESS? clarity take hold and wrote it like Eileen Myles the poet would. I will feel my feelings instead of eating them or drinking them away because feeling through them is the only way I know how to grow into a happy well-adjusted person. I learned in my AP Psychology class in twelfth grade that feeling sad makes people more creative and self-aware and think more clearly so I think I’m just going to use all of my sadness up until only a little is left and I will cling to that little bit as a monument to who I was just a little while ago and look at how far I’ve come. • Artwork by Caspian Alavi-Flint

DIY: HOW TO START AN OBERLIN BAND

By Andres Gonzalez Arts and Culture Editor

Congratulations, you’ve done it! After years of trudging through practicing in your dad’s unfinished basement, empty open mic nights, and shows shut down by neighborhood watch, you finally made it out of your shitty town and into the mecca of independent music: college! But as with so many other things at the beginning of college, entering a wholly new music scene can be a daunting task. Where can you find amplifiers? Mixing boards? The bathrooms in South? Read on to get the run-down on all the tips, tricks, spaces and resources available to you, aspiring musical sensation, at Oberlin College.

Step 1: Find some friends Ok, so as much as I hope you do make great friends here, I am not saying you must have dozens of close friends to make a decent song or record. However, music is in general a collaborative effort, and the greatest advantages you can have in making music are the people who help you do the things you can’t. Below are groups full of people excited about music and its creation.

*The Oberlin College Gear Co-Op* The Gear Co-Op is a young student organization focused on making the Oberlin music scene more accessible by providing musical gear for practicing, recording and performing, as well as a practice space in Wilder 404. By becoming a member of the Co-Op, you will have access to drums, amplifiers and PA systems, but most importantly a large community of people looking to create music and collaborate in doing so. *WOBC-FM* The granddaddy of Oberlin musical organizations, WOBC can be found on the 3rd floor of Wilder Hall. While mostly focusing on radio programming, WOBC hosts events, runs promotion for concerts on campus and is home to the wonderful Studio B. By joining WOBC you can meet some of the veteran contributors to the Oberlin music scene, as well as lots of newbies like yourself. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find someone wearing your favorite band’s t-shirt, and so begins a blossoming friendship.

Step 2: Play a show Now time has passed, you’ve hit it off with some like-minded musicians, and you’ve started a band! After a month or two sweating it out in Wilder 404, you have crafted four songs and one kind of song that’s mostly a bass solo. It’s time for you to play your first show! But where to begin… *Co-ops* Often you will find that the Oberlin Co-ops host touring bands or have smaller acoustic shows. These are good opportunities to start out as an opening act, getting a chance to play for a receptive audience in a fun environment. Plus, when Co-ops do host shows, they tend to have community guidelines (such as no alcohol/drugs, respect those around you, etc.) that make for a smoother first gig. Talk to your Co-op friend to find out where the gigs are at!

*House Shows* House shows are Co-op shows’ wilder, sweatier and less fire-safe cousin. House shows can be hit or miss, but with some decent planning, they can be a good, accessible option for a young band like your own. Go to shows as an audience member, find out who lives there, and talk to them about playing in the future! *College Spaces* There are three main college-sanctioned spaces where bands play at Oberlin: The ‘Sco, the Cat in the Cream, and Fairchild Chapel. (You’re not big enough for Finney yet, but keep dreaming kid.) Although all three of these spaces are harder to get access to as a performer, they are still valuable resources for any student band. Student bands often open larger shows at the ‘sco, and can book the Cat (and occasionally, the ‘sco) for their own performances.

Both of these spaces are run by the Student Union, so stop by the office at Wilder 111 if you have questions. Fairchild Chapel is mostly used for electronic and electroacoustic shows, including many TIMARA related events.

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*Student Organizations* A whole range of student orgs exist to sponsor concerts. Among these are Concert Board (CB), the Student Union Programming Committee (SUPC), Modern Music Guild (MMG) and Program Board (PB). Although their main focus is bringing outside artists to Oberlin, student acts often serve as opening acts for touring bands (as previously mentioned), so it’s not a bad idea to find out if someone you know is in one of these groups.

Step 3: Record your songs Onward and upwards your music career goes! After a number of successful gigs, songwriting sessions, and practices, you are ready to record your music. This

is the step that separates the Sublimes from the Sublime cover bands, the wheat from the chaff, the acts that will remain immortalized in the digital realm from those that will fade into the chasm of college anecdote. *Studio B* Studio B, a subsection of WOBC, is two rare gems in one. First, it hosts Live from Studio B, which is a radio show that broadcasts a student band live on the air every Sunday at 2pm, during which they record both audio and video of the full performance. You can sign up to perform live on the air at the beginning of each semester. Second, it is a fully functional recording studio, with a mixing board, recording software and an array of microphones. Once you’re prepared to record your songs, you can book time

at Studio B and enlist the help of a staff member to set up equipment and engineer the recording session. *TIMARA Studios* Deep in the shadowy confines of the Conservatory complex lies the TIMARA program. Standing for ‘Technology in Music and Related Arts,’ TIMARA specializes in the “study in computer music, digital media and new performance.” For your purposes, suffice to say that they have very beautiful and very expensive recording equipment at their disposal. Recording and mixing form a requisite part of the TIMARA major, so third and fourth year students in the program (who have full access to the recording studios) are often in need of bands to record. This presents a

mutually beneficial situation for both you and the TIMARA major who might record you. Bear in mind, recording at any level, but especially in this more professional setting requires seriousness, preparation and an open mind. Recording will always be harder than you think it should be, but when done right, the product is always worthwhile!

Now that you’ve gone through these three steps, it’s pretty much a straight shot from here to the Grammys, right?

Wrong. There’s always more to learn about playing and writing music, and like anything worthwhile, being good at it takes a lot of time and work. But hey, we all have to start somewhere. •

WAN AND DEFICIENT

THE OBERLIN ART(S) SCENE, THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE ARTS CO-OP, AND HOW I REALLY FREAKING WANT IT.

By Caspian Alavi-Flint Co-Editor in Chief

Late last semester Ellie T. and I were outside this funny party where someone had removed their pants and stuck them to the fridge whispering oops I made art. It was weird and hilarious and suddenly felt very depressing. It felt like everyone was just frantically pawing around looking for something to do collaboratively.

We were a little drunk, I was wobbling around holding a beer and spilled a few drops on Ellie’s awesome pink tube top when we thought, wouldn’t it be cool if we had an Arts Co-op?

This crazy idea stemmed from the closure of Storage, the former red-tape free Art and performance space above Wally’s antiques on Main St., right before spring break last semester.

I specifically remember this one hopeful night right after the Exhibition Initiative Screenshot show. A group of wiggly first years, tipsy off diluted gallery wine, practically hugged the walls and secretly thought to

themselves this is it, this is how we will do Oberlin forever! We had amazing free store pants and a whole four years ahead of us to create and collaborate with the community.

We were infatuated with the freedom the space provided anyone to command their creativity, to put on any off-the-wall show they wanted, participate in Scratch Nights, see musicians like ODWALLA88 perform alongside Timara students, park their bootys in the bubbly blue light for Open Diary Night, screen scary movies for 24 hours on Halloween, or watch a presentation on the humiliation correlation factors from lice to breakups.

So why does that night of jumping around in awesome free-store pants stick?

It was THE LAST EVENT at storage before the school SHUT IT DOWN due to marginally complicated issues we don’t have to get into (at least not right now).

Storage had been the centerfold of my life since the beginning of freshman year. I went

to every meeting, I rapidly became the token excitable first-year at every event snapping photos, cleaning, and running around with chords and tape looking like a cracked out 12 year old. It was the reason first semester freshman year didn’t entirely suck. When I got the confirmation from Luisa, a recent graduate who ran Storage last year, that it was formally and officially D.E.A.D. I remember thinking, shit, we’re all fucked, all of us.

I was happy to find that I wasn’t the only one that felt this way. The Art Department was left in a lurch. Seniors who had planned on having solo shows at the space now had to host themin their houses or find janky non-gallery rooms to host their shows where the people that showed up focused more on the social aspect of the event rather than the Art. People who had constructed projects designed for the space had to postpone or abandon their work. The School basically stuck a giant

stick up their own butt in the scramble to weakly compensate for the disservice.

Without a collaborative space, NonArt, Music, Creative Writing, and Dance majors are shut out of the Arts Community; it’s hard to get into arts classes therefore there’s little to no opportunity to showcase work, not to mention there’s no open studio space. If you want to do sculptural work or paint and you’re not in an art class, you’re confined to your cramped closet sized single in South or your open double in Burton with the hoarder who’s taken over both desks and most of the floor with his protein bars, whey powder, and Spanish Vogue collection from the 1970’s. With no place to perform, no place to have your work displayed, no access to art facilities, and no-one to read your postapocalyptic short story critiquing the New York Art scene, you become disheartened and suddenly your big artistic career is Continued on the following page

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Continued from the previous page squashed and you’re crying in your room over your diary, mom I hate college.

So what do you do then? How do you pull yourself together enough to construct a sandwich at Dascomb and drag yourself up to the 3rd floor of King? How do you compensate for your feeling of emptiness?

You really go at it, you make a horde of google docs, you e-mail incessantly, you don’t stop talking, you rope in Jacob Ciocci and make him sit through long meetings, you get everyone on board, and you tell the unofficial Arts Co-op staff that Splitchers is deleted and make this inprogress mission statement at Midnight on a Wednesday in the Media Lab Oberlin Arts Co-op is a student run organization/ gallery space that strives to provide an equitable Art Space for all Oberlin Students, community members, and faculty.

This space is open to anyone who wants to showcase artistic expression in any and all forms, regardless of their major, year, or financial status. The Arts Co-op is entirely run by students and community members to serve it’s purpose as an interdisciplinary educational community space. The Arts Co-op makes your ideas REAL and POSSIBLE. We are in desperate need to feed the big hungry monster that is the Arts Culture on campus. Its fat belly is grumbling. I can’t sleep, I can’t study, I can’t eat, this thing is so freaking loud! It’s practically screaming FEED ME! The Oberlin Art Co-op (title in progress) will be working with Exhibition Initiative along with many other on and off campus organization to construct an external space to host all of the brilliant

ideas on campus. In the future it will serve as not only a venue for anything your creative hearts desire but also as a communal work space. We hope to host events like bi-weekly Minority speaker nights where students, faculty, or community members can speak about their experience in a medium of choice, hold workshops, host scratch nights and open projector nights, and of course be a space where anyone feels safe creating in.

If you wish to send a testimonial as to why you feel as strongly as us (your devoted team) find us on Facebook or e-mail me (Caspian Alavi-Flint), Natasha Simchowitz, Hannah Tishkoff, or Mary Fischer about it. Screaming at the administration is always encouraged. •

Last Photo Ever Taken At Storage :(

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KRISLOV TO RESIGN FROM PRESIDENCY (BUT NOT PRIVILEGE)

By Taylor Slay Content Editor

June 30th, 2017 couldn’t come sooner.

Via one of his many infamous and disappointing emails, Marvin Krislov, who is by some unfortunate source of privilege still the President of Oberlin College, announced that after ten too many years he will be resigning from his presidential office and moving on to a new profession. As usual, he praised the efforts he has made in the Oberlin community to “further Oberlin’s mission and to honor Oberlin’s values,” calling his tenure “the most educational and fulfilling experience of my life.” Dat’s cute.

I can’t help but wonder how he could have only positive, relatively meaningless, and redundant phrases to share in this brief email, as though his time here has left nothing owed to so many in the Oberlin community, if not the entire town. In my three short years here at Oberlin, I’ve seen community building initiatives such as “One Town,” which focused on addressing the autocratic “No Trespass List,” take backseat status to the college administration’s projects such as the Krislov-commissioned Austin E.

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Knowlton Athletic Complex.

The college owns more of the town of Oberlin than most of its citizens combined, which means that whoever is the figurehead representing the College should have some semblance of responsibility for the exploitation of this community. Yet, all Marvin Krislov has to offer us at the notice of his departure is his sigh of relief and a peace sign.

It kind of makes me sad. Thinking about Krislov’s choice to leave Oberlin makes me remember all of the people that I’ve met, or who my friends have met, and whose stories I’ve heard too many times in weary community meetings, who have been forced to leave campus by the administration or the need for survival evoked by this tumultuous community climate.

As a fundraiser, Krislov may have completed his assignment, but as far as guiding the campus and its constituencies in the direction of “social consciousness and environmental awareness” as Oberlin College’s mission directs, Krislov would

receive a “no pass” from me. He has failed to realize the conscious-building potential of the protests and movements against social and environmental injustices on this campus and in the surrounding cities (i.e. Oberlin College students protesting with Cleveland citizens against police brutality, Krislov’s dismissal of the Abusua (Oberlin’s Black student union) demands, oversight of Students for a Free Palestine’s contribution to campus accountability, the unlawful assault of student Kiki Acey by an S&S officer, Professor Joy Karega’s biased prosecution, lack of prosecution for faculty who have actually abused their positions in the classroom). These events were critical to the social development of many of our students, who represent intersectional backgrounds, from groups of oppressors and from the oppressed. Krislov, as the sitting president of ten years, has the ability to support the agency of Oberlin students, faculty, staff, and citizens in making meaningful and just social change within ourselves, Oberlin’s town limits, and in broader global contexts.

“KRISLOV WOULD RECIEVE A ‘NO PASS’ FROM ME.” Krislov, you may have had a questionable run as President of Oberlin College in the opinions of myself and others, but until your last day you will have the opportunity to make verbal impact and structural improvements for the underserved in the Oberlin community. I challenge you to make this last year your best year. •

AN UPDATE ON PROFESSOR KAREGA

By Kameron Dunbar Contributor

It’s been over four months since my colleague, Anna Kucher, wrote that campus debate had “missed the mark” regarding the extramural utterances of Associate Professor of Rhetoric and Composition Joy Karega. In that time, there were reports of ”renewed national media interest” in the situation. Such attention prompted this message from President Krislov: Dear Oberlin Community Members: In response to recent renewed national media interest in the matter of Professor Joy Karega, I am writing to provide an update to you in advance of any public statement.

In March, in consultation with me as President, Oberlin’s Board asked the administration and faculty to use its governance processes to review Professor Karega’s professional fitness in light of her social media postings. Accordingly, the faculty governance process began and is ongoing.

I am committed to continuing and completing an equitable review process. While the process is pending, Professor Karega is on paid leave and will not be teaching at Oberlin.

Arrangements are being made to cover her teaching and advising responsibilities.

In recognition of the sensitivity of this continuing review process and the privacy of the individuals involved, we will have no other comment until the conclusion of the process.

Sincerely, Marvin Krislov President

Faculty governance processes have indeed begun, and one may have already concluded. On Facebook, a student recalled an incident from mid-July that eerily resembles what could be a faculty review hearing. Used with permission on the basis of anonymity, their comment reads as follows:

This story has been verified as accurate—and the activities took place more or less as described. The “Black man” mentioned would most appropriately have been Professor Karega’s attorney, which in this case is her father, Chui Karega, who released the following statement on her behalf on August 4th.

Late June *correction* 3rd floor of King between 9:30am and 12pm, they (because I don’t know who exactly was responsible) covered up all the windows of I think [room] 325 and had two people sitting at the desk in that little section at the end of the hallway to monitor everything. While I took my students to the bathroom, the two people continuously checked in with each other to see if anything could be heard from outside. I went into the bathroom and ran into Prof.

Karega who was dressed in a full suit outfit and blouse, but it was hot as hell outside so I knew something was up. So I said “Hey, how you doing?” She replied “Fine and yourself?” Hell nah! She don’t even know me but she always has some elaborate conversation with me and she didn’t this time. Boom.

2nd clue. I leave out the bathroom around the same time she does, she grabs her briefcase from this Black man I’ve never seen before, they have a hushed conversation in the hall, and they both go inside. When the door opens, I notice two people who I know work in the science center and another pale face that looks familiar. But there’s a big table and a screen pulled down that I guess was to Skype people in, so I knew there were way more people I couldn’t see through that little opening of the door. From my time on the bench outside, I couldn’t hear much but I did hear a [man’s] voice say “what ...you...?” and then Prof. K started to talk. I don’t remember specific details about what was said because that was like a month ago and my memory is not there, but look...From her vibe in the bathroom, her attire, what I could make out, and the vibe created by the monitors outside and the paper covering the windows, I knew the tea. When my kids were dismissed at noon, one of the science center people I noticed came out, followed by some other randoms letting me know the whole fiasco (of 2+ hours) was over.

Since March, 2016 the Administration of Oberlin College has engaged in a relentless persecution of Dr. Joy Karega, Assistant Professor of Rhetoric and Composition.

Oberlin administrative officials have stated that Dr. Karega has performed exceptionally as an educator on the faculty at Oberlin. Her record of teaching has been unblemished.

Nevertheless, Oberlin’s Administration, pandering to the dictates of a handful of vocal and wealthy religious zealots, has set out to push Dr. Karega out of her faculty position at Oberlin.

This week Dr. Karega was placed on Administrative Leave with no justification. This unfortunate maneuver by Oberlin’s administration is taken in direct contrast to the findings and recommendations of the Oberlin faculty. The decision to place Dr. Karega on administrative leave constitutes an assault on the substantive rights and protections she is afforded as a member of Oberlin’s faculty. Indeed, the Administration’s assault upon Dr. Karega has now become an assault against the entire faculty and student body.

Dr. Karega stands ready to satisfy her commitment to the students and faculty of Oberlin College. She has not requested nor endorsed the administrative leave.

It is truly regrettable that an institution such as Oberlin College, with a historical legacy of activism and social justice, particularly in terms of African Americans, is being used as a personal tool of religious extremism by a small number of people.

Chui Karega Representative for Dr. Joy Karega Continued on the following page

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

11

Continued from the previous page Chui Karega’s statement further amplifies concerns raised by many in the Oberlin community. On what grounds was Professor Karega placed on leave? In “Karega Governance Process Enters Seventh Month,” an article published in the Review’s September 2nd edition, Oliver Bok quotes a petition circulated by Oberlin staff: We insist on knowing when we can expect the Professional Conduct Review Committee to complete its review and share its findings…We believe it is imperative that Oberlin is completely transparent with faculty, students, and alumni as to how a ruling is determined in order that all members of our community, especially young faculty, are reassured by a process not based on emotion, but rather on a strict and ethical adherence to policy and practice.

A strict and ethical adherence to policy and practice is a reasonable and necessary expectation when deciding the future of someone’s professional career. At this time, most of the Oberlin community has been left in the dark regarding the administration’s handling of the case.

Moving forward, the scenario raises several questions.

If Professor Karega’s teaching record is unblemished, as suggested by her legal counsel, on what basis was her leave set? Was this an arbitrary placeholder for a greater administrative intent?

What precedent regarding academic freedom at Oberlin will this set? How are interests that go unrepresented in the process of faculty governance (of students, alumni, finances, etc.) considered in this situation? Should they be at all? And if they do in fact permeate the processes of faculty governance, how do these interests affect student life in general?

DUNHAM TWEETS LENA DUNHAM ‘08 TWEETS UNFOUNDED PROJECTIONS ON ODELL BECKHAM JR.

By Alec Perlow Contributor

At one point or another during the college application process, I found myself comparing the notable alumni of each institution. As a current first-year at Oberlin, there are several points of pride in past students here: Mary Jane Patterson, Thornton Wilder, and Roger Wolcott Sperry, to name a few. Unfortunately, none of these fine people are as prominent in the mainstream media as the embarrassment that is Lena Dunham.

Noted often as being a national figurehead of white feminism, Dunham’s reputation is most clearly shown through the production of her mediocre comedy Girls, which highlights Dunham’s own privilege consistently. The title character, played by Dunham herself, is mostly autobiographical, especially in regards to her overwhelming egotism. What is most striking is the show’s all-white cast. While the show celebrates and portrays white women in a positive light, marginalized groups can expect to find no sympathy. Dunham herself said that she wanted to avoid having a token minority character, yet purposely casted Donald Glover to “address” the controversy of not having a black main character.

Whose Oberlin is this? •

“A NATIONAL FIGUREHEAD OF WHITE FEMINISM ” Through the success of Girls, Lena Dunham was propelled to fame. Winning several awards herself, she is regarded as a beacon of comedy when there are countless better options, such as Samantha Bee or Jessica Williams, who aren’t subliminally Anglo-Saxon centric.

12 THE GRAPE

In the public eye, Lena Dunham has consistently been a figure of controversy. Earlier this year, she criticized Kanye West’s “Famous” music video, though it is worth noting that the possibly infamous picture of a dozen celebrities has more diversity than Girls ever has.

Most recently, though, Lena Dunham was in the news for the subjects of some of her comments on the Met Gala. Though the event occurred in May, Dunham hasn’t seemed to let go of her hurt feelings that Odell Beckham Jr. didn’t chat with her. Renaming the Met Gala the “Metropolitan Museum of Getting Rejected by Athletes,” Lena Dunham’s version of white feminism overtook the situation, as she victimized herself at the expense of the electronically preoccupied and hypersexualized Beckham. Reporting to Twitter, Dunham claimed that she was oppressed by the simple action of Odell Beckham Jr. deciding that he wouldn’t want to interact with someone who’s known in the news for being exceptionally problematic.

Given Oberlin’s strong tradition of social activism and acceptance of diversity, Lena Dunham’s actions are humiliating. I don’t think I’m alone in wishing to distance Oberlin from Dunham, as she does not represent the same values that the current student body aligns itself with. Put simply, Oberlin cannot celebrate Dunham due to the many subliminally oppressive actions she herself has committed. It’s only a matter of time before Dunham has another case of foot in the mouth, and to tacitly approve of her actions by remaining silent would be injurious to the Oberlin we all know today. •

SMASHING THE SCENE

LOVE AND RAGE FROM HARKNESS SHOW SPACE

By ANNOYMOUS Contributor

Shows are a microcosm of the world around us, the world is pretty fucked up, so you can imagine that shows are bad too. In a supposedly “radical” community like Oberlin, you’d hope there’d be a politicized music scene, dedicated to building and sustaining cultures of resistance, educating folx, and ultimately doing everything possible to destroy all forms of oppression and violence.

Instead, we don’t do that shit at all.

Our scene consists of nearly endless identical, white alt bro bands playing beer soaked house shows to audiences who look just like them. Shows where including “no jerks” in the event description is considered action enough.

Representation and accessibility are essential: we want shows where we can see ourselves; we want shows where we feel welcome. When you’re queer, trans, disabled, and a person of color and all you get from your local music scene are moody cis white boys with guitars, it’s very easy to feel isolated and marginalized. It’s very easy to internalize “Oh, I can’t make music.” We want to prove that anyone can make bomb-ass music and we want to show off the wonderful sounds that marginalized people make.

If shows are not intentional, we end up reproducing the exact same structures of oppression and violence that Oberlin pretends to be free from. We need to do more, we need to be actively tearing these systems apart, and replacing them with something better.

Shit’s bad. So what are we doing about it?

This year, Harkness is committed to throwing shows (if/when we throw shows) that directly challenge the Oberlin music scene.

As a space we will exist to destroy cis, male, straight, white, able bodied domination of the scene, to prioritize and hold space for poc, femme, trans, queer, disabled, and low-income artists and concert goers, and to broadcast the myriad of talent that comes out of marginalized communities

“WE WANT TO PROVE

THAT ANYONE CAN MAKE BOMB-ASS MUSIC AND WE WANT TO SHOW OFF THE WONDERFUL SOUNDS THAT MARGINALIZED PEOPLE MAKE.” We will never be perfect, we will never be truly safe, but we will always try to be intentional in our actions, and be accountable to our communities.

Harkness has a shitty history of being an inaccessible space where white complacency and silence reign. Through the showspace (and many other efforts) we are attempting to confront that legacy. Please keep us accountable along the way.

To make a safe(r) space, we have to set community norms, build a culture of intentionality, and have a firm commitment to accountability.

We made our community agreements with the understanding that, while you can’t legislate oppression out of existence, you can use guidelines to build a new culture, framing norms of how you want people to interact with each other in a space. We do not police or enforce these (fuck cops) but we do expect everyone to respect our community guidelines.

••• 1. Respect the space, the band, and each other. This is self explanatory. Be good to each other.

2. People with privilege fall back. It is hard to gauge the levels of privilege/ oppression that you as an individual have. This is mostly a call out to all the able-bodied, neurotypical, cis, white straight boys who make music spaces hella uncomfortable for people.

With this said, we also want people to think complexly about how we interact with each other, and you should never assume about anyone’s identity/ privilege/oppression.

3. Be aware of your presence, and the space you take up. Also pretty simple.

Be aware of what you’re doing. Many folx are conditioned to take their privilege for granted/not pay attention to how their behavior affects people around them.

4. Be accountable for your actions If someone calls you out for doing something shitty, listen and shape up (even if it was unintentional). Accountability is a process of growth, we all make mistakes, so it’s how we respond to them that countz.

NORMALIZE THIS! 5. No booze, no drugs. We are a substance free space for accessibility reasons. Intoxication and self medicating are complex issues in their own right, but we are trying to prioritize people that are traumatized or emotionally affected by the consumption of alcohol and drugs in public spaces. We cannot claim to be accessible if we allow intoxication inside of our space. Outside of Harkness Basement: do whatever the fuck you want. When you’re in our space: don’t be an asshole and keep the beer outside.

6. Have fun? In addition to community agreements we have vibeswatchers.

Vibeswatchers ARE NOT cops, or bouncers, and are organized around replacing policing and hierarchy with community accountability and support.

Ideally we want a build a scene where EVERYONE is able to take care of each other all the time, but, when you don’t feel up to it, vibeswatchers are there for you.

Anyway, stay tuned for how to get involved (if/when we decide to do shows) Love and rage, Assorted queerdos concerned with smashing the Oberlin music scene. •

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016 2016

13 3

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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WELCOME TO BAD HABITS AKA: THE LAND OF DICK JOKES.... AND MORE!

By Isabel Klein Bad Habits Editor

Oberlin is so fucking bleak. I mean, not now because the Ohio weather is warm and people get to expose their unshaven legs and play lawn sports or just read about sexuality for five minutes on one of those swing things in Tappan before getting really overheated and leaving. Our 9am classes still seem like “a really sweet survey course that will enrich me!� and not like a just scrolling-through-the-PowerPointson-Blackboard 3 weeks later type of thing.

But usually, we all know the drill: students walk around, grim, grey, very mopey, but still dressed in brightly colored patterns. In a few weeks,

18 THE GRAPE

you’ll stop saying hi to that drunk friend you made at a Labor Day party, you start hopping on the pre-line at your co-op more and more, even though you have nothing to do after the meal.

I don’t understand this. Whenever I walk around Oberlin, I am filled with glee, elation, and good humor. No, not because I am genuinely happy, ha ha as if. But because everything is so ridiculous here always – I don’t understand how people are so sad all the time. There is so much to laugh at!!!

Think about it: Our (former? lmao) president’s Instagram. People wear Tevas. How

uncomfortable white people are at poetry slams. How we are all quick to damn Greek life, but create our own exclusive little circles centered around different art forms. You’re actual road kill if you’re straight. There’s that specific group of people who Turn The Fuck Up every WEDNESDAY night. Everyone has a nose ring. Many, many people look exactly the same. Everyone thinks they are unique. Everyone hates Lena Dunham.

This is dumb!!! Ha ha aren’t you laughing.

I am. In fact, I have probably laughed at you before, just as you’ve probably laughed at me. Because we are all ridiculous.

So, here’s where Bad Habits comes in.

A lot of our articles actually talk about many of the things that personally make me LOL. Generally, it’s a place for us to publicly laugh at each other. And to call out your friends for being a clichÊ. Even to write about that annoying cis-dude for the 100th time. We could all use another good laugh about some straight white guy.

Ya, write/draw for us. Or just yell at us for being assholes. Because we are kind of assholes. And there’s a good chance that ZPV BSF UPP t

THE PUBE REVIEW

WHAT YOUR PEERS ACTUALLY DO WITH THEIR PUSSY ( AND 8-->) GROOMING

By Isabelle Kenet Contributor

You’re in the shower, razor in hand, and it’s time to choose: shave it or save it? Some folks love the look and feel of a full bush, while others prefer their genital area, to quote BasedGod, “bald like Caillou.� Some like to let it hover over the delicate line between neanderthal and porn star. Regardless of your personal preference, you’ve probably wondered at one point or another whether your peers like to keep it groomed or let it bloom, and what they expect from their partners. To assuage your fears, answer your questions, and perhaps even raise a few new ones, I’ve interviewed Emma Rose, Matt Loretti, Dov Darone, Alex Breslin, and one homie who wished to remain anonymous, on their maintenance habits. These are their stories.

EMMA & ANONYMOUS IK: Do you ever shave or wax?

Emma Rose: Yeah.

Anonymous: My pussy, no.

IK: Why, and why not?

ER: I have a boyfriend, and I just feel more comfortable. I don’t know.

A: I have no boyfriend, and also, the comfort thing.

IK: What would you compare your pubes to?

ER: I think on a good day, a poodle after the groomer.

IK: Okay, A, tell me about not shaving or waxing.

A: Well, I tried it once, and I was like, hmm‌this isn’t for me.

IK: Do the people you sleep with ever comment or care? Do they seem to prefer one way or the other?

A: People that have seen my pubes have never commented and don’t seem to care that much.

IK: You must have really nice pubes.

A: They’re pretty good.

IK: Are they the same color as your head hair?

A: No, much darker. They never see the sun. I could try some of that Sun In. [Laughs] IK: If you could compare your pubes to something, what would it be?

A: A redwood forest.

IK: Growing up, did your parents ever say anything to you about shaving? As in, did they ever suggest that you shave your armpits, legs or bikini line, or suggest that you don’t?

A: No. ER: My mom was reluctant to have me shave, but I was like, I wanna look like a porn star.

IK: Were you watching porn at the time?

ER: [Laughs] No, no, I was, like twelve.

My mom told me that only strippers shave above their knees.

IK: Do you have a preference for whether or not your partner or partners shave?

A: No. ER: Shaved dick and balls is frightening.

And it looks like James Carville.

DOV IK: Do you shave or wax your pubic area?

Dov Darone: I have never waxed my pubic area, but I have shaved my balls. But it’s harder to shave balls because there’s a lot of stuff to go around.

IK: What do you mean?

DD: Like, there’s a penis in the way.

IK: There’s a weird amount of surface area to balls.

DD: There’s a weird amount of surface area. And it’s not the best place to shave, ‘cause you don’t wanna nick your balls. ‘Cause that’s a bad place to nick. That’s painful when you’re walking around.

IK: Do you ever shave, like, above your dick? Like, non-ball area?

DD: That’s the main area that I do shave, to be perfectly honest with you.

IK: How much of that area do you shave?

DD: I try and trim down the area that I can see. I don’t wanna get into, like, using mirrors and shit. That’s not what I’m going for. But I’ve never shaved my armpits, although I really hate armpit hair.

IK: So why don’t you shave them?

DD: Because, I don’t know, I feel like there’s some reason that I shouldn’t. But I kind of hate armpit hair. I think it’s disgusting.

IK: Did you ever hear anything from your parents about whether or not they thought you should shave?

DD: Absolutely not. I heard zip. That was never a conversation that happened at all.

IK: Do you do any other type of styling besides trims?

DD: To my pubes? No. IK: No shampoo or conditioner?

DD: No. Just body wash.

ALEX IK: Do you ever shave or wax your pubic area?

AB: I never wax. But during high school I used to keep it maintained, keep it trimmed. Just about every girl I ever‌ saw‌ was into that.

IK: Did you ever do a full shave-down, or just a little off the top?

AB: The first time, I did a full shavedown, but then my friends said I looked like a baby.

IK: Why did you make the choice to shave for the first time?

AB: Because all the dudes who were getting some had it pretty maintained, pretty trim.

IK: And you knew because you did sports.

AB: Yeah.

IK: Do you have a preference for your partner or partners’ pube maintenance?

AB: Not really, but everyone I’ve ever slept

with has been like‌ smooth. But I don’t really care.

IK: If you could compare your pubes to something, what would it be?

AB: Not for the texture, but you know how when you have your flip-flops on the beach, you know how there’s like a little sand on top? Just like a little sandy flipflop.

MATT IK: Do you ever shave or wax?

ML: I’ve never waxed, that sounds scary, but I shave my dick and balls. And I will trim my pube-pubes. Occasionally.

IK: Why do you make that choice?

ML: It’s not for anyone but me, really‌ um‌ actually, I redact my earlier statement. It is primarily for me, but I gotta be blunt, it’s probably for some imagined other, because I have found myself doing this on, like, a Friday night, and I feel weird about it. Because the immediate second thought is, well, if I do end up hooking up with someone in a capacity that involves my penis, will they know that I shaved immediately before this?

IK: Or, will they care?

ML: And will they care? Will they think it’s weird, or endearing?

IK: If you could compare your pubes to something, what would it be?

ML: Probably, like, the setting of a spooky children’s story. Like a bramble or someUIJOH t

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

19

PEN15 CLUB:

THE UNI-BAL KURU TOGA

By Juan Manuel-Pinzon Contributor This is an empty room

This is the same room with drums in it!!!

O-BOO-ERLIN INN

A GHOSTLY TOUR OF THE NEW INN

By Olivia Goffman and Galey Caverly Contributors

Welcome back to spoooky ole Oberlin. We’re back at it -- searching for the paranormal on Oberlin’s campus. As this campus’s primary ghost journalists, we were immediately given a new ghost lead upon our arrival back to campus. This lead was given to us by ourselves. As you probably know, a few months ago the old Oberlin Inn was replaced by the new Hotel at Oberlin. We all have our own opinions on this change, but what a lot of people are forgetting to ask is, what became of the spirit of the Oberlin Inn? If you’re a long-time fan of O-boo-erlin, you’ll know that in the past our limited funding has left us without the proper ghost-hunting tools, i.e. a Ouija board. (See: the article where we made our own Ouija board.) BUT NO MORE! Over the summer, Olivia worked at a summer camp (haunted?) where she confiscated a Ouija board from one of her campers and forgot to give it back. Now it’s ours. (Thanks, Sophie!) Ouija board in hand, off we went to the Hotel at Oberlin. As any good ghost journalist would, we began by exploring the space. The first spooky thing we encountered was a room full of empty chairs. Were there ghosts in those chairs? Who knows? Us soon.

We then went downstairs to the lobby and got to work. In case you haven’t been to either place, the Oberlin Inn was an old, dank yet cozy, brick hotel. The Hotel at Oberlin is shiny, angular and new. We put our fingers on the little Ouija board window thingy, and asked in earnest, “Oberlin Inn, are you with us right now?â€? Interestingly, nothing happened. We tried again, but to no avail. We then discussed lying about having done a sĂŠance, and in that moment of weakness, we decided we were going to have to take the unconventional route: talking to real, live humans. First, we talked to E.T. King: current employee of the Hotel at Oberlin, former employee of the Oberlin Inn. He was initially hesitant to answer our questions, but that only made us more suspicious. Although he may have been answering some pretty leading questions, he said some mildly spooky stuff. He was soft-spoken fellow, but he did tell us that he feels confident that the old Oberlin Inn is not, in fact, at peace. He also told us that he’s not a ghost, but he is a spirit. Spooky. Then we found someone a bit more loquacious (and cute!) (haunted?): Waverly Stevenson: former guest of the Oberlin Inn, current employee of the Hotel at Oberlin. Now this was a guy who was no stranger to the supernatural. “Cold, eerie feeling,â€? he said to describe the old Oberlin Inn. “I do believe in spirits and stuff,â€? he clarified. V spooky.

After we were done with Waverly ;) we went back upstairs to check on our chairs. Much to our surprise, the room with empty chairs now mysteriously had drums in it. If anyone can think of an explanation for that (besides ghosts) we’d like to hear it. $IFDL CBDL OFYU UJNF GPS BOPUIFS IBSE IJUUJOH JOWFTUJHBUJPO PG UIF QBSBOPSNBM BU 0CFSMJO t

20 THE GRAPE

I wrote a lot about pens last semester, which makes sense given the column’s name. Even so, I think it’s important to explore a bit beyond ink-based writing implements.

I don’t write much with pencils, but when I do, I prefer mechanical pencils since they are more consistent, versatile and precise, and less messy.

I am certainly open to and curious about wood pencils, but I haven’t done much writing with them beyond your basic HB Ticonderoga.

Let’s talk lead. (Or graphite— I usually say lead in informal settings even though it’s technically not correct.) I usually stick with either HB or B grade graphite. Lead grades determine a pencil’s strength, smoothness, smudge resistance, and pigmentation. 10H is the hardest, lightest, and most smudge resistant.

And 10B is much softer, darker, and more prone to smudging.

With that in mind, let’s talk mechanical pencils! As you may have picked up from my pen talk, I like fine, precise, and distinct lines. In general, .7mm and up is too thick for both pens or pencils. My pencil of choice is the Uni-Ball Kuru Toga .5mm. There is a .3mm available, but the lead is very thin and breaks easily. The .5mm is much stronger while still maintaining a reasonably fine line. The Kuru Toga is great. I have the “Gun Metallic� model. It has a gnarled grip which I quite like and is only $1 more expensive than the standard model. All the versions I have tried are very comfortable,

though, and are great pencils for $68. So what sets this pencil apart from other mechanical pencils that are Âź the price? Good question.

Have you ever noticed that as your write, your graphite begins to develop a chisel point (one side flattens while the other is very sharp)? This results in inconsistent lines! The Kuru Toga has a way to get around that. It has a set of gears that engage when the lead is pressed down and rotate the lead throughout the writing process, leaving no flat and no extra pointy zones.

It really does work. You don’t have to worry about rotating the pencil as you write. Now, whether or not this matters to you, the pencil is still very good. It’s very comfortable, not too heavy, and has a sleek look. The feature is also fun to show and explain to people. The only complaint I have is that the eraser is small and a bit wobbly, but not unusable. I use a separate block eraser anyways, so it really isn’t an issue. Hmm maybe we’ll talk erasers soon. Anyways, if you are an error prone hand writer, a worrisome scribbler, or simply want to have a fun/interesting backup for when your favorite pen is simply not the right tool, the Kuru Toga is definitely an inexpensive and durable PQUJPO t PS. If you have a pen, pencil or paper that you LOVE please let me know! I’d love to try it out. HMU at jpinzon@oberlin.edu

COMMONLY MISTAKEN FOR A FRESHMAN

PROBLEMS WITH GOING ABROAD FOR A YEAR AND RETURNING A NON-JADED SENIOR

By Emily Cohn Contributor

If you’ve seen me walking around campus laughing to myself or smiling at people I don’t even know, you sophomores probably assume I’m a freshman.

It’s fine—I’m not offended. Alas, I’m actually a senior who has retained some of that youthful freshman fire. I’ve got pep in my step, unlike a lot of the other jaded seniors who you’ve seen grunting where cigarette receptacles used to be. Or maybe it’s just that I still look a little lost (because I am).

Either way—you don’t recognize my face, you haven’t seen me around, and you are curious.

I studied abroad last year. Like for the fall and the spring. I know crazy. No Splitchers for a full FIFTEEN MONTHS. I thought I’d come back to this bastion of pedagogical glory and be some hip ~mysterious~ senior that the freshmen and sophomores had never seen before.

I’d give off an air of European sophistication, eating late meals al fresco, gliding through campus, peddling my bike with imperceptible effort, flaunting that I’m 21, and wearing slightly less grungy attire.

So when it finally came time for my first

day back at Oberlin, I was ready to set the tone for senior year, complete with my new and improved self.

Late meals outside? Day one lunch plans included sitting outside at Aladdin’s, sticky with sweat, and running into the three freshmen I know from home. Not only are they all cooler and more mature than I am, but now I am frosh by association. Dope.

After the lunch setback, I couldn’t wait to glide through campus on my beautiful red and white Schwinn bike à la Craigslist. I picked this baby up from storage, hopped on, and was thrilled to get back on track with my worldly persona. Although impractical, I even put on my Adidas slide sandals because my toenail polish matched the color of my bike. I decided I would wheel over to the mailroom—I had a year’s worth of mail waiting for me anyway right? (Wrong.) I nodded to a few familiar faces, suppressing my enthusiasm as I zoomed by—success!

The mailroom, however, posed an unforeseen problem. My lock code. My damn code. I forgot my damn code. I got one of those slips from the window that

the freshmen get explaining how to open your OCMR and stood fumbling with the lock as a gaggle of freshmen girls squeaked about Instagram and 4th meal. I gave up and went back to my bike, my only beacon of hope.

That night was $1 margaritas at Lupitas. Hallelujah! “Time to at least bask in the glory of my good ol’ American 21-year-oldness now,� I thought, before I saw an obvious sophomore flash an “ID� from Illinois with a selfie as the photo.

Sigh—my age was useless.

And how about my fun, flirty Lupitas outfit from clothes I got at various thrift stores and privately owned shops around Europe? The heat was so unbearable that I ended up throwing on a t-shirt dress I wore nearly every day freshman year, really bringing me back to square one. I went to bed in my grown-up, full sized mattress hugging my stuffed animal.

Over the next few days, I continued about my usual business: moving in, meeting with professors, avoiding people I didn’t want to talk with. But, something just didn’t feel quite right anymore wheeling around campus. My legs were a

bit sore and it became harder to peddle.

My bike was making weird noises and now people were turning their heads to look at me, not because of my poise and grace, but because of the cry of my wailing bike. It took me two days before I realized the struggle to peddle and the bumpiness accompanying my attempts to glide through campus were not due to uneven pavement but to the metal rim of my back wheel hitting the ground. My inner tube had popped. Perfektni. (That’s “perfect� in Czech. I did not learn that word while abroad. I looked it up on Google. I’m a fraud.) I gave up and ate leftover Kim’s in my bedroom while skyping with my Indian friend I met in Prague so that I would feel better.

In the wake of these disastrous events, I managed one minor victory that probably just made me seem more lame than ever: I got a wristband from the ‘Sco that explicitly said “Over 21� in bold letters. I wore this for the rest of orientation and felt ridiculous and annoying for doing so, but now I’m ready to that no one cares how much you’ve “grown� or “learned about ZPVSTFMG w XIJMF TUVEZJOH BCSPBE t

A FIRE IS BURNING IN MUDD

AN IN-DEPTH INVESTIGATION INTO SEXY TIME AT MUDD LIBRARY

By Helen Dunne Contributor

Editor’s note: This article contains descriptions of sex and specific sex acts.

If you had asked me a year ago, “Do you think you’ll give at least two blow jobs in a poorly lit single bathroom in Mudd Library by this time next year?� I might have jumped up and down and responded, “OH TOTALLY!� just to seem like a girl that’s fun, flirty, and DTF. But deep down I would have been thinking, “Is that even a thing here at Oberlin? That probably won’t happen. Do I even have the

guts? Penises are odd looking. How many more will I have to see in my life?�

Along with my own adventures, it turns out that many of my peers have also been exploring themselves and others sexually in Mudd Library. And I, indeed, have become another brick in the sexual walls that make up this enormous concrete orifice.

I love Mudd sex stories. Particularly my own. In fact, whenever I find myself retelling a tid-bit of the shenanigans that I have gotten into in the Mudd third floor bath-

rooms, I feel much more socially accepted than I did before telling the story. Obviously, a library is not a conventional “sex place,� and therefore some people love doing sexual things in it. Call it a kink or call it the hormonal changes that occur in our growing bodies (I mean you’re technically not fully matured until you’re twentyfive), but rebellion is sexy.

According to my research, the average number of sexual experiences per person in Mudd is 5.42. Keep in mind the the

sample size was fairly small (aka twelve people responded to my survey). However, there were a few outliers in the open response section of the survey, including: “A few,� “If we’re counting not-physical sexual experiences, endless ones,� “One to three, can’t remember,� “Two or three,� “None,� and “Numberless.�

Continued on the following page

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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“A Fire Burning In Mudd”, Continued from the previous page The locations of these experiences were varied. The third and fourth floor gender-neutral single bathrooms are very popular for a good smooch (or more), as are the study rooms. There was also some “fucking” going on in womb chairs, the elevator, the scholar’s study bathroom, as well as some casual thigh rubbing going on out in the open. But the real question, the one that we all want to know about (since it is truly beneficial to a large percentage of the student population): where do our peers go to masturbate?

Of course there are the classic bathroom masturbation scenarios, but some Obies have come up with even greater spots to fuck themselves! For example, there’s the womb chairs (no surprise there), a study carrel on the second floor, on which a number of individuals have inscribed notes about masturbating, and what’s become known as the “third floor corner,” which can be reached by making two lefts from the stairs.

All of this research was great, but we all already kind of knew about the results it turned up., However, I did learn something much more important about humanity in this survey on sex and libraries. I asked on my survey, “Do you see Mudd as a naturally sexual environment?

Does it make sense to you that people are often turned on in Mudd? If so, does this make you happy, uncomfortable, or sad?” I was expecting simple answers, like, “Yes,

of course it’s sexual, there’s a bunch of human beings together,” but we have some very introspective individuals at this institution. So I would like to include several anonymous quotes that showed me that Mudd is about more than a library or a place for sex.

“I think that work can bring up a lot of anxiety or boredom which can cause people to want to relieve those feelings through sex. There is also the general sense that Mudd is a sterile, non-sexual environment, and the excitement of transgression is very alluring. I also think that being surrounded by books is an incredibly cozy feeling, which could bring up regressive thoughts for some people.”

“College students will find any excuse to display their sexual frustration. Studying is impossible without some form of procrastination, for most students.”

“I’m not too sure. I definitely see people making eye contact a lot, if that counts. If it is a sexual environment, that would make me kind of happy, because I like it when people are free to express themselves in whatever vicinity they feel comfortable at!”

“I doubt it’s meant to be anything of the sort, but it really does become a place where you look out for the person you’ve developed feelings for in the hopes that you might encounter them and in doing so familiarize them with the idea of you as someone in their life.”

Of course there were diverging opinions, and some more innocent answers included “I love the sexuality,” or “Not at all, it’s a vacuum of happiness,” or “Yes, many sexy whispers and old books,” or “Hi Helen.” And some people had pretty negative feelings connected to Mudd: “I like to separate sex from a public environment where I go to focus, study, and cry,” or “Sometimes it can be sort of anxiety-inducing though, to feel like you need a ‘Mudd Crush’ or whatever.”

One of my favorite quotes by far is more of a piece of advice than anything else: “Dunno. Bored, horny kids with nothing better to do?

The naturally transgressive act of fucking in public space?

People have their reasons and are gonna do what they’re gonna do, and so long as they do it in a respectful way that other folx don’t have to experience, I think it’s fine.

Keep yr body fluids off stuff that doesn’t get washed tho.”

Yes! Everyone take control of your body fluids!

But however you perceive Mudd—as a whirlwind of sexual energy and lack of self-control, or as a place to feel content and sip coffee—the one thing that I’ve concluded is that it is a place where humans exist. And that’s really about all I have to say. Go live your life! And if part of UIBU MJGF JT MJWFE JO .VEE UIFO IBWF B CMFTTFE UJNF UIFSF t

A GLOSSARY OF OBERLIN-SPECIFIC TERMS FINALLY LEARN WHAT THE FUCK ~THESE~ THINGS MEAN

By Eliana Carter and Casey Redcay Contributors

Listen up first years! Do you and your woke pals like discussing stick and pokes and the problematic nature of everything Lena Dunham has ever done? Are you eating lentils and rice on a jank pot lid? Did you dump on glitter and turn up with some franzia before splitchin’? Have you decided that dirty white sneakers are the epitome of your normcore aesthetic? If yes, WORD! You are a true Obie! If you are unsure what these questions mean, this list is for you! Here are some ~must know~ vocab words for life at Oberlin!

Aesthetic: You don’t need to know what aesthetic means, just point to things and say “my aesthetic.”

Albino Squirrels: If seen please call (440)-775-8444.

Apathy: See also, Hipster Elite.

The Arb: Short for Oberlin College Arboretum. Good for: Smoking weed, swimming, strolling, dropping acid, crying. There are trees there.

Azariah’s: Do work? Drink coffee? Avoid the terrifying upper levels of Mudd?

Capitalism: Yikes.

22 THE GRAPE

DeCafe: Day-caf. Not day-café. Get snacks. If you want to be an asshole, shoplift and pretend your parents aren’t paying your 60k tuition.

Disorientation: Where upperclassmen make money off of first-years by convincing them they have to pay entrance to parties.

Hipster Elite: Smoke cigarettes. Dress normcore.

Have an intimidating amount of tattoos and piercings.

Weird ambient music. Follow on Instagram for blurry pics @weirdadjective_noun.

Exco: Short for Experimental College. Student-taught classes! Get credit for playing Smash, watching TV, keeping bees, etc.!

Fourth meal: an extra meal served at 10pm in Dascomb that you probably don’t need but definitely want.

Mac and cheese and wings! Breakfast for dinner!

Franzia: Elegant drink of the Oberlin Elite.

Free store: Get rid of that culturally appropriative shirt you wore in high school!

Ginko’s: Kittens!!

Jank: See also: Oberlin.

Marvin Krislov: Oberlin College President. Described in the New Yorker as “bald, with a wide smile and an air of introverted jollity, as if perpetually remembering a very funny joke that someone told him on his way to work.”

Weasel man. Looking for a new home. Follow him on Insta @mkrislov.

Mudd: The main library on campus, a good study spot with lots of great resources! As floors increase, chill decreases. If you stay past 2am, it is said that the ghosts of students past follow you, chanting “learning and labor” in your ear.

North Campus: Also known as Broberlin College.

Thought to be the residence of Athletes, white people, science majors (and the admissions office, hmmmmm).

Normcore: Mom jeans. White Sneakers. Turtlenecks.

Think people who can afford to wear nicer clothes but don’t want to look like the bourgeoisie.

Continued on the following page

“Oberlin Glossary”, Continued from the previous page

OSCA: Oberlin Student Cooperative Association.

Composed of Keep, Tank, Harkness, Old B, Third World Co-op, Fairkid, Pyle and Brown Bag. There’s Tofu! There’s Lentils! There’s Rice! Oh my!

OSlam: The closest thing Oberlin has to a sports team that we actually care about.

Orientation: A Weird Fucking Time.

PBR: Short for Pabst Blue Ribbon. That beer can lying in the bushes outside your dorm.

Problematic: A vague word best used to score social justice points on Facebook without alarming Aunt Carol.

The ‘Sco: Formally know as the “Dionysus Disco” and located in the basement of Wilder Hall, the sco is ~the place to be~ if you want to be glittery and drunk on a Wednesday.

‘Sco Ramp: Everyone’s go-to escape from the ‘sco. Go

here to get some fresh air while pushing through a crowd of moody cigarette-smoking sco-goers. (But we are a tobacco-free campus!!)

Scober: Sober at the sco. (would not recommend) Stevie: Short for Stevenson dining hall. There’s fries!

There’s soft serve! There’s questionable meat!

South Campus: Home to many program houses and people with bleached hair.

Snoberlin: Potentially any month from October through April.

Social Construct: FAKE. See also: Virginity, Gender Stick and Pokes: For when you want a tattoo to be ~hip and edgy~ but don’t want to drive to Cleveland, and instead end up drunk and ready to be permanently poked in someone’s dorm in South because you heard they were really good at eyeball designs.

TGIF: As Oberlin as it gets. Fridays starting at 4:20pm in Wilder Bowl while the weather is nice. Get high while your professors walk by!

Tinder: Make class weird… Or interesting ;) Woke: Use a lot of -isms. Major in CAST. Womb Chairs: Signature comfy chairs in Mudd.

Germ bubble that has probably never been cleaned.

(Don’t think too much about the stains.) 46% of Oberlin relationships are started by accidentally turning around an occupied womb chair.

Word: Word? Word.

Yerba Mate: Highly-caffeinated tea found at DeCafe.

Probably sold out by the time you get there. Be hip with your drink choices. ~ ~: No one knows. ~Emphasis~ NBZCF t

STUDENTS SPILL THEIR “OMG” MOMENTS

THE GRAPE RATES YOUR EMBARRASSING STORIES WITH THE KRIS-O-METER

By CARO FERNANDEZ Contributor

Oberlin is a place of intense energy and creativity, built on a foundation of awkward glances and deeply-rooted embarrassment. Whether it’s calling your professor “Dad” or dropping a plate full of lentils in front of your entire co-op, we’ve all been there. Here’s a look at some of Oberlin students’ most embarrassing moments.

“I was riding my bike through Tappan on my way to my Experimental Film in Seattle class, and the sun got in my eyes. Startled by the light, I squinted. But it looked like I was smiling! My cool exterior that I had been cultivating for three years now was completely destroyed!

To make matters even worse, as my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw that my crush was staring right at me! So not only did it look like I was enjoying the day, my crush thought I was too! I know they’ll never brood over me at The Local. Totally mortifying!”

-Lane, 21

OMG-meter: 2.5 Krislovs “I was really nervous for my aural skills class because I had a feeling my professor was going to make me sing in front of the entire class. As I walk in, I see my name writ-

ten on the board saying I have to sing the third movement of Brahms’ Symphony Number 3, and then I accidentally sang the second movement of Brahms’ Symphony Number 3. Rookie mistake! As I was trying to look away from my disillusioned professor, I saw my crush laughing at me with my ex-girlfriend AND my mom in the front row! So embarrassing!”

-Ben, 19

OMG-meter: 3 Krislovs “My first year, one of my friends suggested we go swimming in the Arb. Here I was, thinking that I’d have no use of the bathing suit my mom had forced me to bring. I packed a towel, put my bathing suit under my newly bleached overalls, and was ready to go! We finally got to the lake, already full of people, and you can imagine my surprise when everyone started taking off their clothes and jumped in naked. Inside the lake, I recognized someone with a circular glasses tan and a tweed jacket rash from yards away -- it was my professor! Skinny-dipping in the Arb with his family! My professor saw me take my clothes off to reveal my swimsuit, and I heard him call me lame to his wife and kids. To make matters

worse, his oldest son is my crush! I was so humiliated!”

-Taylor, 20

OMG-meter: 4.5 Krislovs “I was at a party in the basement of Hark, and was chatting with a group of people I had never met before.

The band was really rocking out, and they kind of reminded me of a local band I know from home. I mentioned the name of my local band to the group, trying to seem coolly nonchalant and vaguely fascinating—you know. But it turns out, they had heard of the band before! It was so embarrassing! If you didn’t think it could get worse, the people I was talking to were my crush’s parents and extended family! They all thought I was basic and uninteresting, and I saw my crush’s sister text him “Omg don’t date Jackie! She’s basic and uninteresting *puke emoji*.”

-Jackie, 21

OMG-meter: 4 Krislovs

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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THE GRAPE SETS UP BLIND DATES

COUPLE SPENDS HOURS STARGAZING IN THE SOCCER FIELD, BUT WAS IT FRIENDLY OR FLIRTY?

By Mikaela Fishman Layout Editor

Every issue this year The Grape is sending a pair of people who have never met before out on a blind date. This issue we sent sophomores Emma Baker and Sabrina DelMonaco to the soccer fields to look at the stars together and then we interviewed them separately about their experience. Read on to find out if they loved each other or hated each other, and if there’s going to be a second date.

G: How was your date?

Interview 2: Sabrina DelMonaco Interview 1: Emma Baker E: It was good!

Sabrina is a sophomore who likes drinking water and going Emma is a sophomore who likes history and over G: Were you nervous? to bed early. caffeination.

E: Yes and no. I had heard something that suggested that my blind date would be my old roommate’s sister, Grape: How’d the date go?

Grape: Why did you want to go on a blind date? which it was not. But I thought that would be the case Sabrina: It was fun! It was weird at first but we were Emma: I saw it in the class of 2019 facebook group so I was kind of cranky about it because my roommate’s able to find some common ground, like we’re in the same and it was kind of late [at night] and I was kind of just sister is a wonderful person and everything but I wouldn’t class together. It was different than anything I’d ever done like, fuck it! I’ve tried traditional and not so traditional want to go out on a date with her. before. dating things, like I’ve downloaded tinder and similar G: That’s fair.

G: What was it like at first? apps for queer women, and those haven’t had a huge afE: But anyway, it was someone who is actually in one S: We were both in this position where we knew it was fect on my life. At the same time I feel like not a whole of my classes but who I hadn’t actually interacted with awkward, but we were both able to be like, okay, this is lot of new people come into my friend group so I felt like and it was a good time. weird, let’s just be friends and be cool about it. We found worst case scenario I’d meet someone new.

G: Was it awkward at first? out where we’re each from, what house we’re in, we both E: I don’t think it was ever really awkward, I think like CAST so we talked about that. It was fun, we had a we always had something to talk about and it always felt lot of similar interests. comfortable.

G: Were you nervous?

G: What did you do?

S: A little, but it was ok. I was just like, oh God, what E: We were out on the soccer fields for maybe two am I walking into right now? hours and then we went to Gibson’s and then we went G: So what did you do? to Tappan and then we went home—to our individual S: [After she got there] I had to walk us to the field homes, not together. because she’d never been to the soccer field before, and G: Do you think you’re going to see her again? then we just layed out on a blanket and talked for a while, E: I’d like to, I guess I’ll see how she feels and if she looked at the stars for a bit, and eventually we went into wants to see me again.

Gibson’s and got some chocolate and hung out in the G: Did it feel like you were hanging out in a friendly park. It was nice. way? Or was it flirty at all?

G: Did you feel like it was friendly or flirty?

E: I feel like that’s always kind of the issue with being S: I felt like it was more friendly. I definitely liked it, a queer woman, it can be difficult when you have a con- she was nice. I didn’t come into this expecting a huge renection with someone to gauge whether it’s a friendship lationship to come out of it, I just had a lot of fun, I took or flirty. it as it was coming.

G: So it was hard to tell?

G: Do you think you’ll see her again?

E: Well, we got along and we didn’t hate each other, at S: Maybe, yeah, but I don’t know if I’d be looking for least I don’t think so. something relationship-wise, but she’s a really cool perG: Do you feel like you understand why we put you together? son, so it’d be cool to talk to her, be friends with her.

E: It was really weird how much we had in common.

G: Would you go on a blind date again?

We were both oldest children, we both liked a lot of the S: Yeah, it was a fun way to meet someone I hadn’t same TV shows and music, so yeah I do understand why JOUFSBDUFE XJUI CFGPSF t you put us together.

G: Would you go on a blind date again?

Full disclosure: This is actually a selfie taken during the class E: Yes, tentative yes. It was fun but it was also nerve that Emma (left) and Sabrina (right) are in together wracking, I don’t know if I’d make a habit of it.

24 THE GRAPE

HOROSCOPES

By Nicole Bennet Contributor

ARIES: As you probably already know, Aries, people whether that looks like lying in bed and watching cooking from back home still suffering through high school. You

take to you like freshmen take to overpriced alcohol, due to your inexplicable yet undeniable magnetism. This semester, don’t bring new people into your inner circle willy-nilly—in order to build a truly formidable crew, you need to be discerning and keep your wits about you.

TAURUS: For some reason, all the bad puns you’ll make this month will land without a hitch, whether you’re the umpteenth person to make a “dad’s cum� joke about everyone’s favorite first-year residential experience, or you tell everyone your latest art class assignment’s resemblance to a shallot was “onion-tentional.� Keep it up, champ.

GEMINI: Whether you eat in the hallowed halls of CDS or in the lentil-lined kitchen of a co-op, you will experience a terrible bout of indigestion at some point this month, because that’s how the Dascomb lunch cookie crumbles.

CANCER: Single Cancers who write horoscopes will find love this month, will pass all of their classes, will get at least one compliment on their outfit at every house party they attend, and will never burn a sandwich in the Stevie panini press ever again. (At least, I certainly hope so.)

LEO: You’ve got a lot on your plate and you’re ready to win at life‌ but sometimes that drive to succeed can distract from taking care of yourself. Make sure you’re giving yourself the downtime you need this semester,

videos on your phone or dodging amateur bicyclists on a leisurely stroll through Tappan.

VIRGO: To freshen up your fall, switch up your routine. Try showering at night instead of five minutes before your first class. Sip your Slow Train cold brews with soy or almond milk instead of regular ol’ half and half. If you don’t already do this, tune in to WOBC before you go to bed so you can fall asleep to the pumping bass of a total stranger’s post-post-punk, post-vaporwave radio show. New school year, new you!

LIBRA: This month, don’t say no to love. If someone tells you they love and care about you, accept it and cherish it—unless, of course, that someone is a porcelain doll on the shelf at Ratsy’s whose eyes have suddenly turned crimson, in which case your first instinct should be to run away very quickly.

SCORPIO: Don’t get a stick and poke just because you’re drunk and you want something to be impulsive about. If you really want to be a wandering Harkness resident/amateur tattoo artist’s guinea pig, take a day to sober up and weigh the pros and cons beforehand. And if you still want to go through with it after engaging in some liberal-arts-student-approved critical thinking: who am I to stop you? You’re in college now. Do what you want!

SAGITTARIUS: You will experience a lot of trouble in your relationships over the next couple of weeks. You might forget to call your mom, or your partner, or a friend

might end up sleeping through your alarm next Monday, rushing into class fifteen minutes late, and spilling your Slow Train beverage of choice all over your new professor (who you wanted so badly to impress!). No matter what happens, remember to keep your chin up.

CAPRICORN: “Radical self-careâ€? is the most Oberlin turn of phrase I can possibly think of‌ but this semester you should embody it. Try going to bed early sometime next week and waking up just in time to catch the sunrise and have a healthy and nutritious breakfast—or just roll out of bed and eat a granola bar on your way to class and convince yourself that chomping down on a sticky prepackaged oat conglomerate is what it means to take care of yourself in this busy, noisy, hellishly capitalist world.

AQUARIUS: You will discover a new song at the start of the semester. At first, you’ll absolutely hate it, but then you’ll start catching yourself singing it in the shower or humming it under your breath at Stevie. Welcome to your personal hell!

PISCES: There was a full moon in your sign on September 14th, which makes this month an awesome opportunity to get rid of the dead weight. Block that douchey ex, delete those articles about compulsory heterosexuality you downloaded off of JSTOR and have always meant to read but have mysteriously never gotten around to, or remake your Twitter. Whatever it takes to DMFBS ZPVS IFBE t

STRAIGHT PEOPLE AREN’T THAT BAD AND OTHER TOTALLY SHOCKING OPINIONS I’m not the stereotypical Obie. I have a plethora of unpopular opinions, many of which tend to clash with the entrenched popular beliefs of Oberlin culture. As a result, I regularly tell little white lies about things I like and dislike.

So in the spirit of honesty, I’ll break my silence. Here is a list of things I regularly pretend to dislike: North Campus I love north campus. I love North Quad and the brick buildings that encircle the lawn. I love that distinct collegiate feeling of sitting there drinking a beer, and relaxing in the sun. Sure, it’s farther from Slow Train than south campus and the architecture is a little less eclectic but overall, the positives outweigh the negatives. Watching

the leaves change as you walk across north quad on a crisp autumn morning is one of the memories that will stick with me from Oberlin as I move on, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Beer that’s not PBR Oberlin’s fascination with Pabst Blue Ribbon confounds me to this day. Don’t get me wrong; I love a good can of bread-water as much as the next Obie, but it would not be my first choice. Personally I’m partial to Mexican and Japanese beers. However, I’m sure neither Sapporo or Modelo Especial will ever enjoy the same popularity on this campus as PBR, perhaps because the only culture a PBR enthusiast could be appropriating is that of a trust

By Sydney Livingston Contributor

fund hipster.

Oberlin Drinking Water I don’t like the tap water here, but it’s nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be. Obviously it’s not as delicious as in other parts of the country, like the northern California water that comes from snow melts, but it’s potable. As long as I have clean water in the faucet, I couldn’t care less what it tastes like. If it bothers you, don’t bitch about it. Just buy a Brita filter and keep your mouth shut; the tap water won’t kill you (probably). Students act like it is the worst tasting thing in the world. Honestly it’s still better than PBR. Continued on the following page

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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“Unpopular Opinions�, Continued from the previous page School Spirit People usually laugh awkwardly when I say that I attend a decent amount of athletic events. On some level, I understand–some of Oberlin’s Division III teams don’t exactly have a record of victory. But it’s not necessarily the sports themselves that are fun to watch: it’s the school spirit at the games that keeps drawing me back. Everyone wears their Oberlin apparel and students are actually psyched to represent the school. There’s nothing like hundreds of people chanting “Yeo Baby� to make you swell with school pride. Not everyone paints their faces

26 THE GRAPE

cardinal red and cheers for the Yeomen until their vocal chords are raw, but at a school with a culture of apathy, this atmosphere of pride in our school is one of the more joyful places on campus.

Straight people Bless their little straight hearts, they’re trying. It’s not their fault that they weren’t born amazing like the rest of us queer people. They’re probably just jealous that they don’t get to come to Queer Beers.

Basic things Many Obies mock people for their love of certain widespread phenomena like North Face jackets, Kanye West, pumpkin spice lattÊs, Uggs, Top 40 songs, and Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Clearly they all reject the abomination that is collective mentality. Those matching short asymmetrical haircuts, septum piercings, and Fjällräven Kanken backpacks must be just a coinciEFODF t

COMIC BY OLIVE SHERMAN

SEPTEMBER 16, 2016

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