DECEMBER 9 2016

OBERLIN’S ALTERNATIVE STUDENT NEWS SOURCE READ ONLINE AT THEOBERLINGRAPE.COM

Editors-in-Chief

Content Editors

Copy Editors

Ellie Tremayne Caspian Alavi-Flint

Hannah Jackel-Dewhurst Andy Goelzer Taylor Slay Isabel Klein

Hannah Tobin-Bloch Luke Fortney Patrick McCabe Cecilia Wallace

bad poems by caspian, weird generated image by ellie.

Weakly smiled and said “i will do some new unnecessary tricks,” Opened an unidentified package.

Revealed some objects.

Very cool.

Tried to say something in class but then i was like “what is that?” and yeah, i stopped.

I walked into a parking lot.

Texted the friends about doing something other than what they were doing. quickly felt like it was too much of a non sequitur.

Said, “sorry for being a big package of something disgusting” No response.

Decafe alone.

Tried to baboon Felt my allergies start to do their thing.

Tried to do nothing like a plant, Thought, maybe if i was quiet they will forget to make me sneeze.

Tried to remember what it was like to baboon, Couldn’t do it.

Very suddenly felt like a lemon.

Production Editors Jessica Moskowitz Mikaela Fishman Leora Swerdlow Natalie Hawthorne

EST. 1999

December 9th, 2016

Web Editor

Photo Editor

Caro Fernandez

Emma Webster

Staff Writer Kameron Dunbar

and s k n a h t endless people e s e h t hugs to

I felt for my macbook in my backpack.

Opened it.

Bought into a scientific paper, Researched ways in which I could also write a scientific paper with my degree in creative writing.

Looked at a picture of something ambiguous.

Fuck, I just remembered all the things I didn’t do.

Walked into an intern.

Weakly smiled at the shrimp person.

I tried to make a sound but it was too small and unimportant sounding and they didn’t hear.

I vaguely thought about my macbook at home.

I thought I would do something new.

Texted everyone in my contacts, “i wish they made hats for only the lower part of your head,” Felt without reason that i should do nothing but make small sounds until they respond.

Enacted.

FRONT COVER BY MATT LAVINE BACK COMIC BY CASPIAN ALAVI-FLINT

ACTION THROUGH DIALOGUE A POST-ELECTION STUDENT ORGANIZED SERIES

By Henry Weissberg Contributer

Last Monday, on November 28th, students filled Wilder 101 to listen to two Oberlin professors speak on pressing issues. Renee Romano, chair of the History department, and Shelley Lee, professor in both Comparative American Studies and History, gave the first of a series of talks titled What’s Next?: Mobilizing for Resistance. The talk itself was titled “Race and Whiteness in American History and Politics.” Bryn Whitney-Blum (‘17), one of three students organizing the series, said that “understanding the historical context of the election; its immediate and potential impacts on policy and society; and lessons we can learn from other past and present activism efforts under similar circumstances,” were all goals of the talk. Ellie Lezak (‘17) and Jesse Doctor (‘18) are the other two students organizing the series. The Facebook event page says, “Topics include the historical construction of white privilege and the marginalization of non-whites through U.S. citizenship and naturalization laws, the ‘wages of

whiteness,’ the policies that shaped a racialized welfare state, and why race has been such a powerful force in American politics.”

When asked about her reactions to the talk, Ema Sagner (‘17) said, “It gave me good talking points to talk to white people who don’t believe in white privilege about white privilege… Things like red-lining and the wage of whiteness.”

Ema’s reactions correspond with some of what Bryn told me about the impetus behind the entire series. She explained, “Coming out of the election, we felt like we lacked the knowledge and context necessary to understand the implications of a Trump presidency and how to approach it as students and activists.

Reaching out to professors who could fill the gaps in knowledge is a way to tap into the unique resources we have here on Oberlin’s campus, and creating conversations between students, faculty, and community members will hopefully allow us to learn, share, and strategize together during a critical political shift.”

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

Other talks also happened last week as part of the same series. Bryn said, “Professor Koppes’ Thursday talk on AIDS activism got at effective mobilization strategies used by ACT UP and the larger queer community under the

reproductive justice organizing,” according to Bryn.

What’s Next? shows us that sharing knowledge is a tool for building collective power and encouraging strategic action, but also a form of healing and

“REACHING OUT TO PROFESSORS WHO CAN FILL THE GAPS IN KNOWLEDGE IS A WAY TO TAP INTO THE UNIQUE RESOURCES WE HAVE HERE ON OBERLIN’S CAMPUS.” unsympathetic Reagan administration.

The Wednesday talk hosted by the Environmental Studies faculty looked into what could happen to environmental policy and regulation under Trump and how activists can promote better environmental outcomes.” There are more talks coming up in the series, and “spring semester workshop topics will include civil rights, First Amendment protections, immigration policy, and

3

FEATURES

growth in the most difficult moments.

The organizers are also looking for input and topic ideas from students!

Email bwhitney@oberlin.edu, jdocter@oberlin.edu, or elezak@oberlin.edu with thoughts.

ELECTION CONNECTION 2016 SO... NOW WHAT?

By Emma Davey Contributor

Folks, it appears to be my last article in a column that I’ll now retroactively title “A Series of Unfortunate Events.”

When this issue arrives, a month will have passed since Little Orange Mussolini won the election. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to use the word “president” and the last name of “Trump” together in a title, and even including the “elect” suffix in between them has been enough of a challenge. My initial grief and shock has subsided, which honestly kind of worries me. From a mental health standpoint, I guess it’s a good thing that I’m no longer crying my eyes out all the time, but I am afraid that my ambivalent acceptance has turned into normalizing everything that happened.

It scares me that this has become my new normal, that I’m still in denial that it ever happened in the first place. That is a very privileged place to be - a place where it still doesn’t feel real, and it might not ever feel real to me.

Recently, I’ve been struggling with what it means to be an American, whether or not I’m proud to be an American, whether or not “American values” are even a real thing. In the end, I have no answer. Around Thanksgiving, my uncle tried to argue with me when I told him that I didn’t think America was the greatest country on the planet.

When asked to name another one, I couldn’t, because I think it’s a moot point. There’s no objective way to evaluate the question, and nothing comes about getting an answer, except for using this claim as a way to deny the shitty history this country was built

on. I guess it’s kind of impressive that an old document written by a bunch of white dudes in wigs has stood the test of time, and formed the bedrock of our democracy for over 200 years. Despite its numerous flaws, chief among them being that it was made to apply only to other white dudes in wigs, I do think our constitution is a valuable document that has some pretty dope aspects to it.

Free speech! Rights in criminal cases!

However, with the election of Trump, my view of America as a whole has grown more and more pessimistic. It seems that his “American values” are racism, xenophobia, and sexism. His “American values” are based on hate. I voted for a candidate whose “American values” I agreed with, like equality and openmindedness. This election more than ever has demonstrated that “American values” are a mutable concept.

Being a politics major has been more overwhelming than ever before. I was looking forward to having this election be over, and finally be able to concentrate on something else. I was not prepared for this to be what I would be studying and talking about for the next four years.

It can be exhausting to do readings for three different politics classes and they’re all basically about why white people suck, and then I feel overwhelmed by all the crap in the world, and I can’t bring myself to read The New York Times and find out even more depressing crap. Everything is political! And that’s a double-edged sword. Because, yes, politics is everywhere, but that also means that there are so many ways in which to combat a Trump administration.

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

Getting an Oberlin education is a political and radical thing in this day and age. Before entering this school, I thought I was gonna be a cinema studies major, but it was the activism around me and the things I was learning about that motivated me to change my mind because I wanted to help and make a difference.

Even if you’re not in a social justice-y kind

and should not be a consensus over the best means of student activism, but I think that both radicalism and a more moderate approach can work together.

We can disrupt things AND work within the system.

I don’t think I’m saying anything that hasn’t already been said, but if it is this particular article that lights the fire

of field, your studies are more important than ever, especially if you look at it through the lens of how you can use what you know to stop Trump. Change can start small. Talking about these issues with willing family members is a start. If you have the means to, donate to causes that mean something to you! If you can’t, try to spread the word about them via social media. Show up to relevant events and club meetings. Call and write your representatives. Stay informed! Though it’s too painful to read about Trump’s new cabinet appointments, I’ve been trying to keep up with news about the people it will affect the most and other relevant causes, like what’s going on at Standing Rock.

Oberlin has recently been grappling with next steps to take, and I appreciate the numerous perspectives on student activism that I’ve seen. There will not

under your butt (that’s an expression, right?), then so be it! Take care of yourselves Obies. If you need me, next semester I’ll be peacing out of this joint and living in France for four months, which is another country that is, yes, incredibly Islamophobic and has their own far right movement on the rise, but, hey, at least I can stuff myself silly with red wine and pain au chocolat! I may not be physically on campus, but mentally and emotionally, my heart is with y’all. I have great confidence in the work we can accomplish together.

“RECENTLY, I’VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN AMERICAN, WHETHER OR NOT I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, WHETHER OR NOT ‘AMERICAN VALUES ARE EVEN A REAL THING.”

4

FEATURES

THE EVOLUTION OF SPLITCHERS NO, A LINE ALL THE WAY TO THE MAILROOM IS NOT NORMAL

By Jake Bernsein Contributor

As we prepare for the peaceful transition of power from President Krislov to whoever will take his place, we are all reminded of the impermanence of this four-year institution. Things change, teachers come and go (or are forced to leave), and traditions are recreated in four-year cycles, but nothing illustrates the inevitability of change as well as Splitchers does.

The dimly lit Wednesday-night event held down at the ‘Sco has undergone a complete transformation since its inception. The sometimes aggressively loud Splitchers of today is either packed tight with dancing students or completely empty.

People come by and grab wristbands early, not to return until 11:30 or 12:00 to soak up the last hour of the event. Most attendees are too young to actually buy beer so they take care of that before they come back to catch the last bit of the night.

New freshmen at Oberlin see Splitchers as it is now and assume that it has

always been and will always be this way.

That expectation stays with them and Splitchers is recreated from that image with slight change year after year. Here is the untold story of the evolution of Splitchers and a suggestion that, perhaps now more than ever, we should return to the Splitchers of old.

Splitchers was started by students Laura Szabo-Kubitz and Shaddy Salehi in 2002.

They wanted to provide a low-stress community space for students to socialize over pizza and beer. According to Shirley Sikora (a.k.a. Momma ‘Sco), the longest serving employee at the ‘Sco, “They wanted somewhere on campus where people could just kick back and relax, like a party in their living room. Calls were sent out to local pizza places around Oberlin to offer a partnership with the ‘Sco, and Lorenzo’s was chosen based on price, and, more importantly, taste.” Back when Splitchers began, Shirley would order twenty pizzas, and then

would have to reorder ten more by 11:00.

“I’m lucky now to sell five pizzas” she says.

The first Splitchers was on Wednesday, February 6th, 2002. There was no line because, according to Shirley, there was “a capacity of 500 and [the students] knew that and they came at 10:00 and they didn’t leave until 1:00.” For the first four or five years, the music was kept at a low background level, and the room was filled with twenty-one-year-olds eating, drinking, and conversing. Every Wednesday, the ‘Sco would go through five kegs of beer, while now, in contrast, it is rare to sell a full keg.

According to Sikora, it all changed about seven years ago, about five years after its inception. Momma ‘Sco decided to let a DJ play Splitchers and “gradually, that turned into every Wednesday night.” Two years ago another major shift occurred. Momma ‘Sco recounts that “Somehow it got to the freshman class that if you’re not at the ‘Sco line by 10:00, you’re not getting in.” The

WEEK 2 AS A TOURIST IN OBERLIN CAMPBELL’S ANTIQUES

I had frequented Campbell’s many a time. This time was no different, except for the fact that I was looking for new things to tell you people. Campbell’s Antique’s, if you don’t know, is a two-story shop on the corner of South Main St. and W. Vine St. It has a big wooden red and green sign above a green awning with wooden shingles. Campbell’s was the birthplace of Ratsy’s, which, if you’re a current student, you must have heard of.

Asbooth is one with a plethora of vinyl records. The records are cherry-picked from estate sales and dealers to fill out the booth with only the best. The owner of the booth, Brent, is a lot friendlier than the owner of Hanson Records generally is. He is also a lot more willing to haggle over prices.

Perfect for the poor, but in-need-of-a-vinylcollection-to-stay-relevant college student.

‘Sco had never had lines before that but now, on good nights, the line can stretch back to the mailroom. Momma ‘Sco thinks that things have gone on for too long to change Splitchers now, but what changed?

To her, “Nowadays, it’s more about being part of a crowd instead of being individuals.

If we had students who were more confident in who they are, we’d have the old days where people would come and stay the whole night.” There is a truth in those thoughts that can only come from years of experience and observation.

Now we’re at a time when fewer people than ever are showing up to Splitchers.

Next year we will all have a chance to recreate Splitchers in whatever image we want.

I urge us to consider its history as we show the incoming freshman what this weekly ritual is about.

By Jordan Joseph Contributor

Next, I try to metaphorically branch out and explore the store more.

I walk into Campbell’s I’m greeted by an array of vintage and antique curiosities.

My go-to There’s another booth in the back that is packed with vintage travel stuff like maps and captain hats. It also has quite the impressive array of old cameras. On a shelf in a corner of the booth, there are a bunch of translucent old medicine bottles that look like they’re straight out of an Alchemist’s shop. I proceed to fearfully walk up the building’s creaky steps, which must be at least twenty years old and could give way at any moment.

After conquering the stairs, I end up in the second half of Brent’s (the guy who sells the kickass records) booth. Upstairs, his space is clouded with vintage photographs, books, clothes, and old tin signs. If

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

you walk past that booth there’s another booth comprised mostly of mostly glassware and some antique furniture. I meander around upstairs and come to another booth. This one has dollar records, some old books, and knicknacks. Other booths have everything from flashing neon signs to old radios from the 1960s. One has old Superman comic books, another has antique iron cookware. Wandering the upstairs, I notice the floor is slightly warped and uneven in places, which I think gives the place character. I see racks upon racks of vintage clothing. There is a rack just dedicated to potential Halloween costumes that must be left overs.

Campbell’s can be a one-stop shop for all of your quirky gift needs. Every time I go to Campbell’s, I always come across all manner of oddities; I’m always

5

FEATURES

pleasantly surprised. I don’t always end up buying something, but just being able to go into a store and experience an era when everything wasn’t made in factories is exponentially refreshing. I highly recommend taking a walk to Campbell’s the next time you go into town. Whether you’re a first-year or a fifth-year, I guarantee you’ll always find something cool that you hadn’t seen before when you go. Stay tuned for the next installment of “A Tourist in Oberlin” and thanks for reading. You can find the address for Campbell’s below: Campbell’s Antiques 95 S Main St, Oberlin, OH 44074 (440) 774-9172 Hours: 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. everyday, except Sunday which is 12 p.m. to 5 p.m.

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT: JULIA TUESDAY FIRST ALBUM RELEASED: YOU ARE

By Mikaela Fisherman Bad Habits Layout Editor

Julia Tuesday recently released her first full length album, You Are. Ranging from introspection to biting sarcasm, You Are is an incredibly personal record that explores all the facets of what makes people themselves and how those change in relationships. The album goes through waves of energy and aggressiveness, a pendulum swinging between pride and humility, solitude and loneliness. A recommended track is “Queen Cynic”—the crunchiest, most in-your- face song of the record.

Her album cover appears to be a page from a coloring book, which we encourage you to color yourself!

I sat down with Julia this week to talk a little bit about her process.

MIKAELA: Tell me about the way that you make your music: JULIA: Generally I’ll noodle on the guitar for a very long time, like I don’t really set out with a vision. A lot of times using a loop pedal helps.

But the EP that I made last summer was entirely loops and I felt like at a certain point it was a very derivative structure to work with. So even though it’s a useful compositional tool, I really tried to move away from that this time. This album is about how different relationships affect how I

perceive myself, not just romantic relationships—a lot of it is about my family, and even to some extent friendships. Picking some form of interpersonal relationships in my life for each song was a useful structure.

M: Your singing voice is really interesting and cool. Do you feel like your voice has been influenced by other artists or are you just singing what comes naturally to you?

J: That is what comes naturally to me, but I like people with really affected singing voices, for instance Joanna Newsom, and I really love Coco Rosie and Kate Bush. They have singing voices that don’t reflect what a normal voice would be, and I really like not just using a voice because that’s what it sounds like.

M: Yeah, your voice is like another instrument.

J: Yeah. I think over the years I just found that this is my singing voice and I’m still experimenting.

M: Do you play all the DECEMBER 9TH 2016

J: I don’t know. I find the lyrical process the harder part of making music, and I find that it’s really hard to walk the line between being so personal that your ideas don’t resonate with other people and still M: So you’re being able to latch onto your own interested in personal experiences. digital music M: Is there anything else I should ask production? you about?

J: Yeah I am, J: What was your favorite song? but this album M: Probably “Queen Cynic.” was much more J: Oh yeah, I scream at the end. acoustic than things I’ve done I recorded most of this album in the past. while living with my friend’s When I started grandparents. I live rent-free so I playing the try to stay really out of the way, guitar when I so when I wanted to scream and was 15 or so I be really loud I just went into my played acoustic car and sat with my iPhone and music, but then I got really interested screamed for a couple of minutes, in, like, really washed out loops and just like “BAH! BAH!” to see which Shoegaze. But again with the theme of getting back to the roots of it yelp was most effective. all, [for this album I was] stepping away from that familiar process of You can listen to the full album at: plugging a delay pedal into a loop https://soundcloud.com/juliatuesday/ pedal and putting it into an amp sets/you-are and distorting it, I tried to get much or more vulnerable with a much closer- https://juliatuesday.bandcamp.com/ to- acoustic sound. album/you-are.

M: Do you feel like your lyrics reflect that idea? instruments on the album?

J: I try to play everything on my albums, but my boyfriend [Nathan Rice] played saxophone on it and the drums are all programmed.

6

ARTS & CULTURE

WAIT, WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS BEFORE?

POSSIBLE “ARTIST” INFRINGEMENT IN 2D & 3D IMAGE MODELING PROGRAMS AND THE DIGITAL WORLD

By Caspian Alavi-Flint Co-Editor-in-Chief

If you have ever created art on on your computer, whatever form it may present itself, you will have noticed the filters you can apply to your images or 3D objects to give it texture or morph its shape or movement; additionally, you have probably used a built in feature in the program at least once to give your piece it’s identifying markers as art. Programs such as (but certainly not limited to), Sculptris, Photoshop, Cinema 4D, Blender, and AfterEffects all have features in their given interface you can apply to your objects or images to give it a specific quality. For example, if you are making a 3D animation in Blender or Cinema 4D, both 3D animation programs, you can apply a feature that makes a surface reflective, fuzzy, more like fabric, clear, etc… In Photoshop and AfterEffects, both Adobe applications used for animation or creation of still images, if you want to make an image look or move as though it is molded to a specific texture such as frosted glass or rippling water, there’s a filter you can apply that raises, displaces, and swirls parts of the image to give it a specific look.

In Sculptris, a 3D modeling program, you can change the color or type of digital clay you want to work in such as rainbow, glass, reflective silver, or gold. While the user of these programs has access to malleability of these features, the essential function of the products is reliant on a stylistic feature created by someone else, the programmer or programmers.

I first started thinking about the

implications of the usage of these features when I stumbled upon a group of artists using Cinema 4D for design. I’d see images such as these and they seemed so impressive to me. I couldn’t believe someone made these animations of furry blobs and took the time to key in every movement of every hair, let alone mold every hair from scratch. I was impressed until I saw it again, on another artist’s instagram, and then another and another and suddenly everyone I clicked on had this furry, dancing blob, or a piece of marble or glass breaking in a colorful room, a hollow mold of a rubbery person being folded up, or a splash of liquid. What. The. Hell. It seemed to me that these features had to be built into the program, and sure enough, upon inspection, Cinema 4D users can apply that very same moving furry blob filter to the objects they created.

I have grown to understand the art making process as an act of innovation, especially in technology; a medium that advertises its ability to play the part of all physical mediums all at once and more.

It’s essential quality is its malleability and the way in which “originality” goes beyond individual expression on a canvas or paper. So the fact that a large body of people were creating images and animations that all had an obvious alignment with a program and its built in features made me question; was I applauding the artists for their creation, or the programmers

“WAS I APPLAUDING THE ARTISTS FOR THEIR CREATION, OR THE PROGRAMMERS FOR THEIR CODE?”

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

for their code? If anything, the most impressive qualities in the work I was looking were created by the authors of the program’s code, not by the artists.

The aim of programs such as the one’s I have listed prior, is to create an interface that is easy for the user to navigate and thus animate or formulate images. The obvious importance in built in material options such as fabric movement, fur, glass, glossy or reflective overlays, or ripple effect movements, is the assistance it provides for artists to bypass hours spent creating the same movement over and over, the features cater to easy and accessible creation; I, myself, rely on the pre-set movement or style options, but I can recognize that sole reliance on the features to create an image gives rise to problems of artistic authorship. For example, Sculptris comes with options to change the texture of the object, affect the ways in which the wireframe is created, and administer the sculpting tools on the object. If I were to mold a cube and apply the JGspecial_01 filter and then screenshot it and post it on my website as my art, that would be wrong.

The reason it would be wrong would be because it would only be 50% my art.

The other 50% goes towards the way the filter looks, and then the background of the image, which would be the sculptris theme, dark grey gradient. The part that would be mine was the cube shape.

But the cube isn’t the awe factor, not necessarily, it’s the combination of the components. This is not dissimilar to the notable problem of artists using other artists work within their own work without acknowledgement, such as having other artists craft our sculptures and then calling it our

7

ARTS & CULTURE

own. For example, Jeff Koons receives a lot of hate from critics for using the handiwork and designs of other artists.

While Fred Wilson also uses other artists to craft pieces for his own work, the difference between the two is that Jeff Koons takes all the credit, he does now acknowledge or enfold others into his

work while Fred Wilson works with the artists he enlists to make his glass work and goes beyond acknowledging them to in fact give them as much credit for the work as he does himself, which is how we should be treating the aesthetic functions within our programs.

You might argue that the program is only a tool, that it was created for the sake of being used in such a way. And yes, sure, physical tools are created by a human too and similarly the way in which they are used are entirely open, however, on programs such as Sculptris, the way in which the tools yield a product is specific to the program.

Without editing the Source code, the usage of a sculpting tool is to be used for sculpting only. A painting on canvas uses paint and canvas which had to be created by someone, a photograph is printed on paper, which had to be

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE created by someone, and a sculpture uses materials either synthetically created or removed from the earth by way of some type of mining, however, the difference between those physical mediums and using a computer program is that a blank sheet of photo paper is not art yet, unless created with that intention, it’s a consumer product, or a piece of clay or rock in the ground, it is not art yet, its functioning as part of the earth.

A program can be and is by many, considered an artistic product, especially given the creation of patterns or styles intended to make art. Decisions were made to make an aesthetic appearance of a function, such as the way fabric moves or the way the fuzz looks as it is applied to an object. The design patterns in Sculptris had to be created by somebody, and those patterns are things we rely on when we say “look at this object I made on the computer!” It is all too easy to use only the built in features and create a product where the only thing you have created is arrangement on the screen, the timing of the ripples, and/or the color of the objects.

•••

I recognize that there are a lot of people who would disagree with me that a computer program is art, which is a topic that should be addressed in further details, however, I am working within a limit so I can only acknowledge with brevity my own reasoning. The reason I suggest pages of code are makeup an art product is the same reason I would argue a piece of literature is art, the text creates a product that can be read surfacely for their functionality or deeply for the whole context. The issues surrounding infringement and adaptation of the inherent stylistic makeup of a program I have brought up could be easily combatted, and are being combatted by many artists, including some of our very own obies (yippee!), by making work that does not look immediately look like it belongs to the program. The art created in programs such as Sculptris, Blender, or Cinema 4D and so on, have to be filtered through a human touch before it can exist outside of the program. My first thought would be to make every modeling program Open Source so that built in features can be adapted through the hands of the artist, which would encourage artists to be less reliant on built in features. Sculptris by

Pixologic is currently not Open Source, which is a problem for a few different reasons, first being that bugs are not being smoothed out and second being that the program is not developing to be more malleable. It is currently difficult to render and paint your own 3D object (its slow and uncooperative), therefore artists are relying on the built in textures.

Blender, however, is Open Source, meaning anybody can modify the code.

The source code is a part of the code that users cannot modify, that is the body of the program, the basic framework that belongs to the host site or program. The rest of the program that is Open Source allows for users to work together to enhance the program, create features, or take out parts they don’t want. However, even with programs whose code is Open Source, from observation, regardless if you have knowledge of how to write or modify code, an artist is more likely to work within the given interface framework rather than create their own, which is where the problem arises. In my own experience, I’ve begun moving stills of my object files created in one program into Photoshop to further develop

EACH ONE OF THESE

BY A IMAGES WERE MADE DIFFERENT ARTIST.

them, which has been fruitful in terms of making removal the “look” of a 3D object yielded in a specific program, but I do so mostly because it’s easier to just change programs rather than spend more time developing my own usage of the program or modifying it. Ultimately, by closing off a program for development, such as Sculptris, or by making it easier to use built in features rather than modify the program, artists who cannot afford to download a new program or do not have the skills to engage in Open Source development, like myself, are caged in by a lack of flexibility.

Especially since art created with technology is still so young in the grand scheme of things, it is still possible to create novel art using only the built in features because not that many people are doing it, in comparison with paint, sculpture, or photography. While “novel” is exciting and the ambiguity of the ways in which digital art is made is still prevalent, there is no excuse for reliance on a program to make the art for you.

As in art made with our hands, it is not enough, unless directly conceptual, to let the medium be the art.

A RARE SPECIES

EXCHANGE STUDENTS: WHO ARE THEY?

By Mia El Rakka

Contributor

No, not the regular Obies who go abroad for a semester, nor the sophomores who transfer to Oberlin, nor the young language TAs, nor the enrolled international students, but the exchange students. These unknown creatures, who are also referred to as “visiting students”, alien to the Oberlin world, flying away from their home universities to visit, observe and be a part of this alternative universe for a semester — or, in our case, the entire year.

I allow myself to speak for the entire Oberlin exchange student community since I quite literally embody half of it. Oberlin only

“I ALLOW MYSELF TO SPEAK FOR THE ENTIRE OBERLIN EXCHANGE STUDENT COMMUNITY SINCE I QUITE LITERALLY EMBODY HALF OF IT.”

welcomed two exchange students this year who, furthermore, came from the same French programme. (Source: Bo Arbogast, Assistant Dean of Studies: “uh ah yes, I think you two are the only ones yes ...right Randal?”)

It was fine and even fun to answer the question “So, are you two freshmen?” the first few times, explaining that no, we were actually exchange students. Typically, that would be followed by “oh, so where are you transferring from?” and even then, we enthusiastically answered that we were not transferring from anywhere, and that we were only here for the year. We would usually then go on a whole spiel about how technically, it was our third year, but we were actually seniors since we were graduating at the end of this year — but no, we were not going to get a degree from Oberlin.

After approximately the twentyseventh time repeating the speech that we, at this point, knew by heart (and by this time, one of our eyes had begun to twitch repeatedly), I started wondering - what if we were actually back to being freshmen?

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

9

Going from a French École with an effective of three hundred people that had approximately fifty exchange students, to an American college almost ten times bigger and having only one fellow exchange student was quite the change. We arrived to Oberlin thinking that we were going to be smoothly included into a community of other visiting students. We ended up being thrown into an ocean of freshmen, unexpectedly partaking in all the integration activities, and somehow forced to put on the hat of the new kid at school, just like we did two years before.

The transition was however rendered surprisingly simple since we both were unbelievably lucky with our respective roommates, who happened to be high school best friends, and also the best match that we could possibly get.

Needless to say that it was an interesting start for a semester that promised to get even more interesting.

Now, you too know the existence of exchange students in Oberlin.

Soon, you will know about the odd adventures of half of them — or one of them, but same difference, right?

COMMENTARY

THE WAR ON RUGS

THE ASTOUNDING HYPOCRISY OF OBERLIN’S DRUG USE

By Will Bahr Contributor

It started with a rug. It was not a particularly memorable rug—I remember a square of warm orange tint laid beneath me on a dorm room floor. It would have remained forgettable if not for the incident that followed. It was a Friday night.

Myself and four friends sat around and played cards—Texas Hold ’Em, with the chips to prove it. A few hands in, as most of us discovered our inability to, in fact, hold ’em, we started noting the room’s décor. Beneath us sat the rug, referred to as “oriental” by the room’s owner.

The chips fell where they would: into a silence fraught with warm tension, bristling just beneath the skin, a common enough feeling for me at Oberlin. The one student of color in the room expressed his discomfort with the term, launching a debate over its legitimacy. The rug’s owner and I were both of the mind that the term was purely technical, a business moniker used for centuries to describe a textile category. The first student believed that the term was of the same outdated and derogatory stock that the generation of the rug’s previous owner, their grandmother, used to categorize Asian people. The other two students in the room proceeded to agree vehemently with the student of color, one of them shutting me down mid-sentence by asking me “why (I) would argue with” him. The three in agreement then went out for a smoke break before returning to promptly sit down and do a line of cocaine.

If there is one political topic that interests the general Oberlin body, it is social stratification. In the classroom and out, the general populace is, at least on paper, very supportive of marginalized communities. With little to no training, students become acclimated to the political vocabulary of Oberlin, adopting gender pronouns instinctually in formal introductions. Mandatory workshops on privilege

and oppression in OSCA are, like the rest of the program, entirely student-run. Here arises Oberlin’s critique, as well—people turned off by its staunch leftism point to the school’s heavy-handed identity politics, seeing it as a hub for rich kids who criticize privilege while doing nothing to abate their own. This is a topic made even hotter by the election season, the media hopping on a nationwide lampoon bandwagon. Don’t get me wrong: I find myself aligned more often with the former group than the latter, forgiving Oberlin’s shortcomings for the sake of its atmosphere of consciousness—until something like this happens.

“The War on Drugs,” as Jay-Z put it in a New York Times animation from earlier this year, “is an epic fail.”

(Carter, 2016). Indeed: as the video attests, it is among the primary vehicles for institutional racism in America today. Blatant police profiling, double-standards between crack and cocaine usage, and marijuana criminalization have all affected Black and Latino people at a rate at which the word “disproportional” itself lacks proportion. And this is only on our side of the border: in their countries of origin, illegal drug trades have absolutely decimated entire regions. Cartels measurably more depraved than ISIS (and a bigger threat to national security, with more American blood on their hands) essentially rule northern Mexico, sometimes acting as law enforcement, having bought the complacency of cripplingly corrupt police and politicians (Musa al-Gharbi, 2014).

You can imagine my frustration, then, with my friends on that fateful Friday night. In their words, they were calling someone out on a perceived threat to justice. In their actions, they were unspooling enough of that rhetoric for a

whole warehouse of rugs. And they’re hardly alone: according to Roberto Saviano (2015), author of ZeroZeroZero, a book pinpointing cocaine as the cornerstone of the global drug trade, the United States purchases 25% of the world’s illegal narcotics. Of the four horsemen of cartel products—marijuana, cocaine, heroin and methamphetamine, ordered by popularity—coke has for years been the drug of choice among college kids (Worrall, 2015). (In Solarity season, consider that MDMA is also a favorite of cartels and colleges alike.) A study by RiverMend Health indicates that, while cocaine usage rates are declining nationally, they are surging among campuses (Seikel, 2015).

friends could have easily turned down the bump, as I recommended that they should.

And if I sound “holier-than-thou,” allow me to fully disclose: I’ve tried cocaine and MDMA. I understand the popularity of party drugs, but after a handful of uses, I stopped, thinking about the implications of my purchases.

By all means, let’s discuss nomenclature. Names are important; words have meaning. By all means, let’s discuss racism and colonialism. I still have a great deal to learn on the subjects. And within that discussion, by all means, let’s discuss our drug use, for talk is still considerably cheaper than cocaine. That a comment made someone in the room uncomfort-

“MY FRIENDS HAD LECTURED ME ON THE NOMENCLATURE OF FURNISHINGS JUST BEFORE ENJOYING AN ILLEGAL DRUG THAT HAS PULLED THE RUG OUT FROM UNDER LATIN AMERICAN

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

SECURITY FOR GENERATIONS.”

I left the room soon afterwards, electing to spend the night in. I was sick, admittedly, but the event certainly didn’t assuage my symptoms. The cause of my sober sniffling should be apparent: my friends had lectured me on the nomenclature of furnishings just before enjoying an illegal drug that has pulled the rug out from under Latin American security for generations. Let’s be clear—they enjoyed it as a pure, unadulterated luxury. None of them are addicts. Few drug users are, in fact—a New York Times article from around the same time as the Jay-Z video pegs the number of recreational users at 8 out of 10 (Berlanga, 2016). My

10

COMMENTARY

able is important, and I count myself lucky that that someone felt they could share their discomfort. But it is downright ridiculous—the very picture of a critic’s parody of the school—to pretend that you are fighting the good fight by talking about carpeting before trampling it, and your logic, underfoot and contributing to the concrete, tangible, and bloody mistreatment of entire peoples in multiple countries because it’ll make you more outgoing for the night. What could be more privileged than that?

SOLIPSISM AND OBERLIN ACTIVISM

WHERE DOES THE OBERLIN COLLEGE STUDENT FIT INTO LOCAL POLICTICS?

By Luke Fortney Copy Editor

What is it about Oberlin College that is so damn off-putting - and not only to the world watching from two blocks away, but also to the institution’s faculty, alumni, and largely disenchanted student body? It’s a question I’ve been considering, or actively trying not to, ever since I arrived here in the fall of 2014. Is it the looming impression that Oberlin overestimates its claims to diversity, the pervasive (neo)liberal ideology making the CAST classroom an arena for the privileged, or our isolating, trisyllabic vocabulary informed by academia? When it comes to frustrations of the Oberlin persuasion, it’s hard to know what comes out on top, but whatever we’re up to in this liberal dystopia, we have people feeling some type of way.

And you might say, “That’s ok - those people don’t understand what happens here.” After all, that’s the message that I direct to my friends and family from home each time Oberlin assumes national notoriety. While it’s true that rightleaning media sources (and apparently The New Yorker??) are ravenous for distorted narratives from liberal youth, I wonder if our tendency to appear in the national news doesn’t partially speak to our inability to communicate and connect with those who differ from us ideologically.

Cue to outside of Gibson’s Bakery in early November. I was standing apart from chanting students to catch my breath, when I noticed a tall man in a business suit snapping pictures of the spectacle on his phone. Now, I’m half-Mexican and I was slightly disappointed to see that there weren’t any purebred white people around

to exempt me from the responsibility of talking to this man, but, remembering the mantra of the protest - “We do not consent to our picture being taken” - I approached him anyways. My white-passing privilege afforded me a raised eyebrow and a smirk from the man, as if to say Get a load of this. Inserting myself in between his phone camera and the body of students - or attempting to do so, for the guy was well over six feet tall - I asked if he wouldn’t

After several unsuccessful attempts at reorienting the conversation, the two of us stood together in verbal gridlock and watched the protest rage on. There was something about sharing a moment with this man to the tune of Boycott Gibsons and Fuck Trump that moved me to ask myself: is there something that I’m not getting?

Perhaps it was the treatment afforded to me by my sign, but over the course of my twelve-ish hours in front of Gibson’s,

“I WONDER IF OUR TENDENCY TO APPEAR IN THE NATIONAL NEWS DOESN’T PARTIALLY SPEAK TO OUR INABILITY TO COMMUNICATE AND CONNECT WITH THOSE WHO DIFFER FROM US IDEOLOGICALLY.” please put the device away.

With an innocence that was almost attractive, he asked me why he couldn’t take pictures “to send back home.” (I later learned that he was staying at the Oberlin Hotel for the night on account of a business conference.) I told him that there were undocumented students present at the protest who couldn’t risk having their pictures taken, given Donald Trump’s recent election. After considering this for a moment, he asked, “So you’re telling me these students want to express their freedom of sWpeech but limit mine?”

He motioned to the sign I held in my hands, which read Fuck Gibsons. I had to give him credit - no matter how much I tried, the argument didn’t make as much sense as I wanted it to.

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

several counter-protesters approached me to share their uninvited opinions of what was happening. A popular sentiment among those who spoke at me was that, regardless of whether or not Gibson’s employees racially profiled their customers, it wasn’t the place of college students - most of which, would only live in Oberlin for four years - to decide what should happen to the century-old grocery store.

Ignoring the fact that a number of community members participated in the protests - including Oberlin High School students, Oberlin College professors, and the owners of Ben Franklin’s and of the Local and Slow Train - it’s still a question worth thinking about: where does the Oberlin College student fit into local politics? I suspect that this question

11

COMMENTARY

is rarely considered in dialogue between students, let alone between college and community members.

It’s easy enough to overlook nuance in situations such as these when our opinions are affirmed by those around us, physically and digitally, to the point that their coherence no longer depends upon acknowledgment of counterargument.

As we move forward, it is not my hope that Oberlin will forgo its ambitious commitment to activism, but rather that, as Meredith Raimondo, Interim Vice President and Dean of Students writes, “our campus will embrace the opportunity to experiment with new strategies for creating honest, passionate, engaged, and productive conversations in this mediated world, which tends only to amplify the echo chambers of people yelling about how much they already agree with each other” (Fall 2016, Oberlin Alumni Magazine).

Right now, everyone is on their best behavior for fear of slipping up (read: disagreeing) and being blacklisted McCarthy style, but I get the vague impression that they’re not doing all that much “experimenting,” which is to say nothing of learning. However, if we are not able to tolerate diversity of opinion--between our campus and our community, our college and our nation, our friends and our faculty-as a necessary challenge to the complacency of collective bias, our efforts to advocate for increased diversity on the institutional, societal, and political levels will become increasingly comic and tragically scarce within this national dialogue.

POINT • COUNTERPOINT

JOY KAREGAS FACEBOOK POSTS ARE ANTI-SEMITIC

By Mikaela Fishman Bad Habits Layout Editor

Since the firing of Assistant Professor of Rhetoric and Composition Joy Karega, I have had many conversations with friends that made it clear that a lot of people don’t really know everything that Karega said or what she believes, myself included. People are jumping to the conclusion that Karega is anti-Zionist, not anti-Semitic, without understanding the full extent of her opinions.

This article will not discuss whether or not the College had a right to fire Karega, whether Facebook posts should be a reason to fire someone, or whether the College did or did not uphold her right to free speech. I simply want to analyze what she wrote and whether or not her posts were anti-Semitic.

Relevant Excerpts From the Definition of Anti-Semitism as stated by the U.S. Department of State Examples of Anti-Semitism: 1.

Making mendacious, dehumanizing, demonizing, or stereotypical allegations about Jews as such or the power of Jews as a collective—especially, but not exclusively, the myth about a world Jewish conspiracy or of Jews controlling the media, economy, government or other societal institutions.

2.

Accusing the Jews as a people, or Israel as a state, of inventing or exaggerating the Holocaust.

What is Anti-Semitism Relative to Israel?

1.

Using the symbols and images associated with classic anti-Semitism to characterize Israel or Israelis.

2.

Applying double standards by requiring of it a behavior not expected or demanded of any other democratic nation.

3.

Denying the Jewish people their right to self-determination, and denying Israel the right to exist.

Note: However, criticism of Israel similar to that leveled against any other country cannot be regarded as anti-Semitic.

December 2014, posted an image of Jacob Rothschild: Karega posted an image of Jacob Rothschild, a member of a famous Jewish banking family, next to the words “We own your news, the media, your oil, and your government.” The image of Rothschild is distorted such that he closely resembles the grotesque “Jewish man” as depicted in antiJew propaganda published by the Nazi party.

As Abraham Socher, Associate Professor of Religion and Director of Jewish Studies wrote in The Oberlin Review, this photo draws on a long history of anti-Semitic propaganda involving rich Jews in the banking industry taking over the world.

In the State Department’s definition of anti-Semitism, one of its examples is “Making mendacious, dehumanizing, demonizing, or stereotypical allegations about Jews as such or the power of Jews as a collective — especially but not exclusively, the myth about a world Jewish conspiracy or of Jews controlling the media, economy, government or other societal institutions.”

Therefore, this image is anti-Semitic.

March 2015, pPosted a video of Louis Farrakhan, the leader of the Nation of Islam: In the video, Farrakhan says: “But if it was not Muslims [who did 9/11], then who? Thanks to the exemplary work of scholars like Victor Thorn and Christopher Bollyn it is now becoming apparent that there were many Israeli and Zionist Jews in key roles in the 9/11 attack.”

Although Karega wrote that she disagrees with Farrakhan generally, she said that he is “truth-telling” in the specific video that she posted.

It seems to me that she is saying that she agrees that Jews played key roles in 9/11, not the state of Israel. Yes, Farrakhan only accuses Israelis and Zionist Jews, but those are still Jews all the same. And claiming that Jews were behind 9/11 is anti-Semitic.

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

October 2015, posted a link about a grant that the Obama administration gave to Holocaust survivors: Karega posted a long Facebook status about how just because Obama is black, it doesn’t mean that he’s any better than all the other presidents before him. She continued, “One of these days some of My Peoples gonna learn who ALL American presidents work for and why they are chosen and placed in office.” Below this long status she posted a link to a news report about how the Obama administration gave a $12 million reparations grant to Holocaust survivors.

This whole post implies that Obama is working for Holocaust survivors, Jews, and Israelis in general, and that this is a bad thing. To say that it was wrong to give money to Holocaust survivors is to deny their suffering. Six million Jews were killed in the Holocaust and it is anti-Semitic to imply that Jews don’t deserve reparations.

January 2016, posted following the Charlie Hebdo attacks: Karega wrote that Netanyahu, the prime minister of Israel, visited Paris after the Charlie Hebdo attacks “just in case the message wasn’t received via Mossad [the Israeli version of the CIA] about the ‘attacks’ they orchestrated on Paris.” She’s saying that Israel was responsible for the attacks on Charlie Hebdo, although Netanyahu was actually in Paris to visit Jewish people who were attacked.

She also wrote,: “Let some tell it, an attack on Zionism is an attack on Jews. It’s anti-Semitic, so they say. Total nonsense.

And I stopped letting folks bully me with that ‘You’re being anti-Semitic’ nonsense a long time ago.”

Adjacent, she posted a picture of Netanyahu pulling off his own head to reveal another head. The head is wearing a mask that says “ISIS”. Netanyahu’s arm has a tattoo drawn on that depicts a Jewish star and the words “JSIL Israel.”

15

BAD HABITS

According to the State Department definition of anti-Semitism, “using the symbols and images associated with classic anti-Semitism to characterize Israel or Israelis [is anti-Semitism].” Therefore, that post was anti-Semitic.

Excerpt of a statement written

by Joy Karega’s attorney and father, Chui Karega: He said that by putting Karega on leave, Oberlin is “pandering to the dictates of a handful of vocal and wealthy religious zealots… It is truly regrettable that an institution such as Oberlin College, with a historical legacy of activism and social justice, particularly in terms of African Americans, is being used as a personal tool of religious extremism by a small number of people.”

This statement implies that taking issue with Karega’s statements is an example of “religious extremism.” Karega’s posts were blatantly anti-Semitic. One does not have to be a religious zealot to have a problem with anti-Semitism.

Conclusion: Before I wrote this article, I wasn’t sure whether Karega was anti-Semitic, but it only took me about an hour of research to decisively say that she is. I read as many reputable news articles as I could find, and then supplemented those with nonreputable websites such as conspiracy theory sites, radical Zionist sites, and other articles, and I now have no doubt that Karega’s Facebook posts were anti-Semitic.

This is not to say that the college is necessarily right in firing her, but if you choose to defend her posts or her as a person, you are defending anti-Semitism.

Note: Each of these quotes was crossreferenced by several websites, both pro- and anti-Karega.

POINT • COUNTERPOINT

TO THE RESISTANCE: WHAT KAREGA WAS ACTUALLY SAYING

By Taylor Slay

Commentary Editor

“I am writing this in an effort to reach other survivors ready to join the ranks of the resistance.”

-The following was originally written as a larger piece addressing the audience stated above. It has since been condensed down to respond specifically to accusations that Dr. Joy Karega is anti-semitic or that she (un)knowingly posted anti-semitic content on her social media.

What happens when other movements co-opt the language used in Black movements but consistently leave out Black people as a means to progress their own agendas?

There are profound opportunities for people to come together and build solidarity, hash out politics, ideas and visions for a free world and do the work it takes get there...However, instead of taking advantage of the many opportunities to unite many of us are eagerly allowing the same white supremacist frameworks to guide our thinking and organize our responses...I am here to discuss the pattern of anti-black violence that permeates our very ability to reason so much so that many of us have simply accepted said violence as unavoidable...

To start, if you do not understand how capitalist-fueled white supremacy operates here’s a quick breakdown: capital determines what people have access to and white supremacy determines who has access to capital. Capital is what allows us to eat, drink, have a place to sleep, clothe ourselves, protect ourselves, breathe fresh air, travel, in addition to the various social privileges that comes with capital. Capitalism is the machine that, by nature, incentivizes accumulation (of capital) that is only possible through massive exploitation of people and labor and the destruction of Earth’s resources.

In a world where whiteness is the most accurate marker of who has access to capital, it simultaneously becomes the indicator of who has what control over

shaping the direction and flow of that capital. So if money rules the world and white people rule money where does that leave the majority of us?

When we, then, examine Karega’s posts politically we can see how antiblackness was deployed as a political strategy to delegitimize and counteract her resistance. If we look at the content of her posts, we see clearly that the critique is not of Judaism, but rather she targets capitalism and the military forces behind its progression and perpetuation including colonialism, imperialism, and zionism.

Judaism was never the focus.

These attacks are meant to silence Black revolutionaries who interrogate and challenge violent political structures at their core. The attacks were unsuccessful in silencing Karega, but may have been more successful in isolating and delegitimizing what she was saying as either irrational conspiracies or anti-Semitic hate speech.

Now let’s go back to the assumption that too many of our “allies” have been making by suggesting that Dr. Karega would knowingly align herself with a sentiment geared at justifying the genocide of an entire people. Joy Karega, Ph. D. is no amateur to the history or legacy of Black liberation and the assertion that she is anti-Semitic relies on a complete dismissal of her position in the conversation and an attack on her intelligence.

Speaking of history, let us not forget that war is used as a tool in the exchange of capital and redefining of who can access it. This is important because the targeting of Jews reached devastating peaks during the holocaust, and specifically relied on political propaganda geared at white people. Perhaps more importantly though, this violence relied on power directly stemming from white dominance and expansion. Following WWII, whitepassing European Jews gained access overtime to whiteness. This whitening did not take place immediately and surely

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

had its exceptions but that did not change the fact that white-passing Europeandescended Jews were carved into the white agenda following WWII. This transition is most notable through the establishment of Israel as a hyper-militarized extension of this white supremacist-fueled capitalism.

Not to be confused with freedom though because still exists classes based in white supremacy. White supremacy systematically conflates Judaism with zionism and Israel despite the fact that Jewish people as a whole do not benefit from the occupation of Palestine nor do they benefit from the creation of yet another white supremacist colony of European descendants. Imperialism, zionism, capitalism, and colonization… these surely are not the politics of all Jews and we can be certain that these politics are not meant to serve all Jewish people.

Dr. Karega is not anti-Semitic, neither am I, in fact we are directly challenging the forces behind antiSemitism (i.e. white supremacy) by firmly taking a stance against zionism.

When we talk about anti-Semitism we are talking about the political power structure in place that fosters anti-Jewish rhetoric and propaganda, which is then used to justify the targeting and genocide of Jewish people in order to advance the white agenda. White people needed to create a viable scapegoat for the problems capitalism created for them so they pointed their fingers at Jewish people. They used religion as the marker of difference so to avoid condemning the profit rearing capitalist structure actually responsible for the masses suffering unduly. It probably goes without saying but this is the same structure of power that had been simultaneously used to destroy Black communities and justify the genocide and colonization of Black people. Dr. Karega, as well as many other

16

COMMENTARY

scholars and activist make this connection clear in their position on zionism and discussion of Israel.

Zionism and the creation of Israel inextricably involves the displacement of indigenous Palestinian people in an effort to establish a Jewish nation. But do not let white supremacist allow you to believe for one second that “Jewish” is synonymous with zionist because not all Jewish people are invested in or agree with

“DR. KAREGA IS NOT ANTI-SEMITIC, NEITHER AM I, IN FACT WE ARE DIRECTLY CHALLENGING THE FORCES BEHIND ANTI-SEMITISM (I.E. WHITE SUPREMACY)

BY FIRMLY TAKING A STANCE AGAINST ZIONISM.” the occupation of Palestine. We must be careful not to conflate Judaism with the violence that results from zionism and the occupation of Palestine because we begin to dive into anti-Semitic language playing into the hands of the state. Jewish people are not responsible for this violence.

Money hungry, violence driven white supremacist capitalists are responsible for this violence whether they call themselves Christian, Jewish, Atheist, or just white, the objective remains the same.

THIS IS A PSA: Y’ALL HAVE TO STOP SHARING FAKE NEWS

By Kameron Dunbar Staff Writer

Seriously. It’s old. Beat. Crusty. Just don’t do it. Do y’all read some of the articles you all share on Facebook?

Better yet, do you even click on them?

It’s hurting your friends and family.

Most of them probably trust you, which means that they trust the information you share will be legitimate. If you’re sharing news that is inflammatory AND inaccurate, you’re misleading them and allowing them to be shaped by false information.

It’s hurting the country. Someone just attacked a restaurant over a fake news story. Others voted for a president off false auspices perpetuated by fake news articles.

Civic engagement is hella important, and we should support that. Tweeting stories that unfairly characterize a situation, person or whatever is whack. Making up things to be mad about weakens our ability to actually fight injustice.

It’s hurting you. We’re in college, and we owe it to ourselves to hold some degree of intellectual honesty and integrity. Some fake news is aesthetically convincing; it looks like it could be real. Yet, we’re all at Oberlin and have the intellectual capacity to discern between what is foolishness and what is fact-checked, high quality reporting.

Let’s hold ourselves to a higher standard. Better yet, nah. Just stop sharing fake shit.

WRITING IS REALLY HARD BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME BAD AT IT

By Olive Sherman Contributor

On December 16, 2016 I have three formal papers due that are each supposed to be 7-10 pages long, and that really frightens me. Writing is very difficult, and personally, writing upwards of 28 pages in a little over two weeks feels like a steep mountain to climb.

In many ways I think writing long academic papers is in and of itself a difficult process for the brain to go through, simply because of this kind of impenetrable lack of control over the mind. Inspiration doesn’t necessarily come easily to anyone, and coming up with ideas about a text or set of data takes a lot of time and energy. Equally if not more difficult is the process of coming up with words and building sentences that describe your ideas precisely and thoroughly.

For me, writing is also in a lot of ways like dancing or singing because it’s so easy to judge and it exposes my thoughts and my talent (or lack thereof ), thus exposing my level of intelligence to the reader. It takes a lot of courage, I think, to share work with others because it requires some level of vulnerability to allow someone else to see the inevitable flaws of your work, and to not be afraid of how that will affect their perception of you.

Also, this kind of academic writing that adheres to formal grammatical rules and employs a

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

17

somewhat restricted set of vocabulary is particularly challenging to access, mostly because it’s so unfamiliar. In no conversation or thought process have I ever encountered this kind of stiff and rigorous language, and that makes it really hard to incorporate into my own writing.

I think there’s also a school of thought that believes academia needs a uniform language in order for everyone’s thoughts on literature and research to be understood, but I think that might be a flawed notion. In my experience, reading critical essays on literature, art, or research leaves me struggling to understand and to be interested in their content because the language is often dry and dense.

It feels unfair that the conversation about research, literature, and the arts is packaged into this formal vernacular and circulated within academia so that only academics and students taught to read academic writing have access to them.

Let me be clear: I think there’s a place for critical theory, and that reading and writing about art, literature, and research is deeply important for understanding our subject, but I think this formality in critical, theoretical language is unnecessary and honestly kind of an impediment to getting to the core meaning of a text. I want to learn how

COMMENTARY

to express my ideas in a way that is more comfortable and soundslike me, in a tone that is youthful, loving and compassionate.

It can be exciting to plan a research paper,come up with ideas,connect them and find textual, visual, and statistical evidence to “back up my claim,” but writing it all out is really tedious work. I think it’s ok to find writing long academic papers hard, because it makes me feel good to give myself credit for working as hard as I have on something that does not come easy. Maybe this process doesn’t work the same way for you and maybe it does, but at least we can find a mindset to work under that makes us feel like we’re doing the right thing by doing our best.

A FAILED ATTEMPT AT DOING ACID IN DONALD TRUMP’S AMERICA

By Jimmy Flemming Contributor

November 12, 2016. Promises are made to be broken. The tab was a dud. But first, every shitty ending has an equally disappointing beginning. It goes back to shortly before the election, when I thought November 11-13 was going to be more or less a normal weekend.

November 5, 2016. Just another Saturday. Dawn of the First Day, three days remain. I foolishly believe what Rachel Maddow tells me, and everything is right with the world. I get high when I wake up around noon, and wisely spend my time sitting under various trees until 5 PM. This is when I bump into my friend, Cockbloque McDud, who walks with me to DeCafe to appease the gluttonous tendencies offset by my liberally sanctioned act of minor hedonism. Marijuana is the safest way to be absolutely lethargic and apathetic.

On our way out is when we bump into our mutual friend, Chum. Cockbloque and Chum go through normal friend banter, and I bulldoze through an entire bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. We reminisce about our pre-Fall Break LSD. We did the usual things an Oberlin student on acid would do in pre-2016 Election America. We rolled around in the grass at the Imperial Arch in Tappan while some Hark kids played the Banjo. Talcott looks like a fucking Crusader Castle. Holy shit the stone tower is breathing. “I hate Cat Stevens,” I say.

Chum plays Yusuf/Cat Stevens and we’re sprinting through the Arb. God I fucking love Cat Stevens. The elevator in Firelands feels like a fucking rocketship. We all climb up and sit in a tree twice. So the usual.

“Hey, I have a tab left that I’m trying to sell,” Cockbloque

says. Chum and I agree that we should split it, half tab together. This time I won’t be seeing giants in the sky and watch clouds dissolve for twelve hours. Half a tab, or about 75 ug each.

November 8 rolls in, November 9 rolls out. Fucking Florida.

November 11, 2016. Cockbloque tells me to meet him outside of Stevie, literally the stupidest fucking place to give someone drugs. When we open the tin foil at Chum’s house the tab is already cut in half. Bottoms up. We head over to Warner for the dance showcase, thinking that we’re going to be bringing some extra wisdom to the performance.

We smile a lot, the placebo effect kicking in. “My jaw is starting to lock up,” Chum says, “this only happens when I’m tripping.” We both feel a little tingly, but not much else. After a while the performance is over and we admit defeat. An hour and a half and no effects. This leads to a slight hiccup in our plans, as we had planned on not having to plan at this point, and that the LSD would lead us where it would.

“I think Donald Trump took the dream gods with him on Election Day,” I say. Chum thinks that they probably just left us. There is something intensely surreal in this atmosphere. I am very despondent about this election, but I must confess we both voted third party. I feel betrayed just the same.

“I thought my vote wouldn’t count, but in the other direction,” Chum says.

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

18

BAD HABITS

“What have we done… We’ve successfully elected Foghorn Leghorn as president. Our president is a fucking Looney Toon,” I say. I had faith in the US of A to pick the right candidate, and that I could justifiably vote for my beliefs. “I could carve a better man out of a banana,” Kurt Vonnegut wrote in Cat’s Cradle. “Did Cockbloque just trick us into hanging out sober? Fuck this, I don’t want friends.”

As we walk around, Chum discusses the finer points of life, such as which of the houses we’ve passed he’s fornicated in before. “Maybe we’re just tripping so hard that we’re faced with the craziest shit of all, reality.”

As opposed to a psychedelic fueled evening we hoped for, where every moment is a new experience, the rest of the evening slinks down from here. Marijuana, oh God did I eat a whole pizza by myself, and Cheers. Never watch Cheers high, it is fucking terrifying. Ted Danson’s hair needs to chill. I’m gonna shave his head.

Then I’m walking home, 3am. Kendrick, Section .80, ADHD. “The president is black…” I guess there’s a reason Ronald Reagan Era is a later track on the album.

My great acid experiment in Donald Trump’s America was a failure. LSD is a very introspective substance.

Without the dream gods, substances can’t help me inquire within. Maybe with such a surreal reality, acid won’t work for the next eight years. President Trump. Someone said the words “The Election” in class and I clenched my teeth, almost gagged.

AN ODE TO MY DAD: HE’S LIKE, REALLY FUCKING COOL

By Julie Schreiber Contributor

When a holiday break rolls around, most of us probably look forward to a week or so of cuddling with our dogs, eating actual bagels, binge-watching something terrible, and nesting inside some old BatMitzvah-giveaway sweatpants. Spending time with parents and putting up with their nagging,badgering, and relentless questioning about how to log onto PRESTO isn’t usually at the top of that list.

Not me, though. Going home means one thing only and that’s spending time with dad.

My dad is like, really fucking cool. We have really similar names and eyes and have spent probably a collective year of life jamming to his favorite music on road trips. He edits all my essays, even at really unreasonable hours of the night. He coached all my youth recreational league sports teams growing up and he has the coolest fucking job as a sports writer for The New York

Times, which grants me bragging rights for the rest of my life.

It’s been over a year since I’ve lived at home, so at this point my dad feels like the coolest person left in the conventional New Jersey suburb I originate from.

Sometimes we go out to brunch together when I’m home and I’ll spot a gaggle of girls I went to highschool with sharing some avo toast together, and I won’t lie, it initially makes me a little embarrassed.

They’re with their friends, and I’m with my sixty year-old dad who won’t stop talking to me about The New York Times’ new retirement plan. Wait a second, I think - am I literally pathetic? But then I look across the table at the dude who raised me, who taught me how to hit a baseball and picked my drunk ass up from every high school party that the cops busted, and there’s absolutely no one else I’d rather be kickin’ it with.

However, I also have a mom at home, and I don’t always give her the credit she deserves. On my drive back to Oberlin after the recent Thanksgiving break, I spent a good chunk of the schlep through the state of Pennsylvania (legit 300 miles) reflecting on how much fun I had over break, cooking and hosting and shopping and watching movies… but with my mom. No, that can’t be right. My dad’s the man! I totally dropped into his office one afternoon of vacation and swirled around in his desk chair… while he went to a meeting. I also bought him his favorite craft beer with my fake ID one night at Whole Foods, in between sauteing veggies and crafting a homemade vodka sauce with my mom. That counts as super fun me-and-dad time, right?! And then, after this whole meal was almost finished, my mom actually asked my dad if he wanted to help out by setting the table. Eh, nah,

he shrugged, and took his beer and an old slice of pizza to the living room to watch some game.

Because, here’s the thing: my dad is kind of an asshole. And I can ignore that truth about him sometimes because he’s likable and accomplished and does life pretty well overall. But sometimes he’d rather eat a greasy dinner alone than spend time with his family, or stay at work for fourteen hours because he’s as addicted to writing about athletes on steroids as they are to their own steroids. And while I’d never encourage asshole behavior from anyone, sometimes, when you see it paired with success and happiness, you can’t help but respect it.

So here’s to my dad, who not only taught me how to throw a knuckleball and hook a reader in with a good lead, but who also instilled in me that the best way to get through life is to be just the right amount of an ass.

HOW TO RESPOND TO SOMETHING SAID IN CLASS

By Liam Russo Contributor

It’s a Monday afternoon, you vaguely remember what the reading was even called, but you need to maintain your reputation as an asymetrical hair whipping discussion elite. What do you DO? Well, you could wallow into your expired pot noodles OR slide right into that debate using our handy ~garbage guide~ suitable for all levels of angst:

Fun, Flirty, Under 30 (Low Level) • Branching off that…(2 points) • Just piggybacking off that idea.... (3 points) • Echoing that point…(3 Points) • Yeah, I totally agree with that, and I think… (4 Points) • Okay so this might be straying a little bit off the path but (5 points)

Hostile Elite (High Level) • I’m kind of grabbing at low hanging fruit…(17 points) • Correct me if I’m wrong, but…(22 points) • All right, not to beat a dead horse, but…(28 points) • Going off of what someone else said earlier....I forget who…(42 points) • Just playing devil’s advocate here... (55 points)

Feisty (Medium Level) • Throwing this out there…(6 points) • One thing that really piqued my interest from the reading… (7 Points) • Latching onto that point…(8 points) • Just snowballing here but…(11 points) • Bringing it full circle here....(13 points) • Food for thought…(14 Points) • This isn’t a complete thought but... (14 Points)

BATSHIT (cannot be calculated) • Just taking everything you just said, your clothes, your personality, and I’m moving into your house to live with your family and call your grandpa “Papi” • Making sure it’s all set and ready to be shipped to the trash can behind Wilder before I actually say my point • Just stepping on top of your idea with my six inch heels and whispering mine into my professor’s ass • Just wrapping my body around your ankle and living off your life force and inhabiting your body like Voldemort until some plucky child murders you...

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

19

BAD HABITS

• I guess what I’m trying to say is that all the ideas in class today didn’t make the cut for our new a capella group, but I know the south bathroom has good acoustics where you can practice whenever you want!

Bonus Points: Eyebrow Raise (3) Holding hand in the air as you say your point (7) Eyeroll (8) Combing hair behind ear (12) Voice gets higher with each word (16) Sharpening nails on edge of desk as you talk (19) Taking swig of iced coffee (25) Holding the doorknob (33) Erases someone’s point on the google doc as it’s being written (78)

O-BOO-ERLIN: THE FINAL (?) EDITION

PEN15 CLUB:

PENTEL SLICCI .25MM

By Juan-Manuel Pinzon

By Olivia Goffman and Galey Caverly

Contributor

Contributors

If you have a pen, pencil or paper that you LOVE please let me know! I’d love to try it out. HMU at jpinzon@oberlin.edu The Pentel Slicci is really not what I anticipated. This pen is great. I think it may be in my top two favorites. On first sight, I thought to myself: “Huh, that’s kind of excessive; who needs so many colors?” and, “That pen is really small and looks too light; I bet it handles well, but is really missing that ‘umph’ factor and probably gets thrown around pretty easily on the page. Heck, a gust of wind, or maybe even a Prius starting up nearby would probably blow this little pen into the air like an autumn leaf.” But boy, was I wrong. Well, not entirely. I was very right about it handling well. I mean, really well. This pen takes the even tightest corners like a Formula 1 car. The precision of the .25mm tip is outstanding and its smoothness is unmatched by any other pen that I’ve tried with a tip this small. I was wrong about the colors, too. There are many, but they are as vibrant and beautiful as they appear on the pen cap and body. They even have metallic ones! I feel like a fool for thinking it excessive. One qualm I’ve had with the Slicci, however, is that if you get excited and get going a little too hot off your mark, you are prone to leave skid marks. The ink is really good, but like most gel pens it is a little slow to dry, which means smudging. It’s all about easing into your scribbling and watching where your hands and arms are going—lefties especially should be cautious!

I am very happy to be reviewing this pen for the last issue of The Grape this semester because it means that I can keep using it for a couple months without having to stop to try out anything else for a review.

I love this pen. “How much?” you ask. Let’s just say that I changed my winter term project around a little and now I’ll be doing much more writing. Even now, I have been finding new excuses to take it out for a cruise: drawing; keeping transcripts of my conversations; doing the crossword (I did that before, but now I even venture beyond Wednesdays even though I know I’ll never finish it); heck, I’m taking detailed notes in class!

Truly delightful!

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

Hey gang! We’re back! For our final column of the semester (and also of the year because we’re both going abroad (spooky?)) we decided to do it up big! Marathon ghost hunting WITH OLIVIA’S MOM! Some background info - Antonia is a French woman in her 60s with a lot of class and a lot of sass.

We asked you all on Facebook (haunted?) to tell us all the happenin’ haunted spots, and you really came through. Armed with our trusty Ouija board and Antonia’s seafoam green Prius, we hit the town! First stop - Hall Auditorium, rumored to be brimming with ghosts. We popped a squat on the stairs next to Little Theatre, and set up our Ouija board. We followed our routine, and asked the spirits to reveal themselves. There were no ghosts at this location.

Moving on.

On our way to the next locale, Old B, Antonia told us her ghost story. Once at grad school she and three women (one of whom was a police woman and one of whom was maybe named Daphne) had a very close encounter with a ghost by way of Ouija board. They asked who the ghost was and the board responded “Pete.” As seasoned ghostjournalists, this tale piqued our curiosity, but unfortunately this experience did not cause her to believe in ghosts. “It could have been animal magnetism.” Also on our way to Old B she made an incredibly illegal U-turn and was stopped by a police officer.

At Old B we had to spend a very long time explaining to Antonia what a co-op was, and then we spent a very long time trying to

20

BAD HABITS

find the basement, and Galey spent a very long time stealing food. Also at one point a non-ghost person walked through the front door and Antonia screamed very loudly at them. (We’re sorry.) Eventually we found the basement and set up the board. There were no ghosts. Moving on. Our next hot tip was the Big Parade place behind student health. It was very, very creepy. Antonia made us sit around a table to “increase the animal magnetism.”

Unfortunately that didn’t work, and we found no ghosts. Moving on.

At this point in the article, you might be getting discouraged about the existence of the supernatural at Oberlin College, but have no fear - this is where it gets interesting. We were given A LOT of tips to go to Tank basement. We didn’t go to Tank basement, because we couldn’t find Tank basement. But we did go to Tank. There, for the first time, we decided to read the instructions on the Ouija board box. Apparently, we were asking the wrong questions. Instead of “are there any ghosts here?” we should have been asking “does Johnny like me back?” (Reminder: Olivia did take this from a middle school girl.) So we asked our version of that question, “Will Galey be happy?” We don’t remember the answer.

We also asked what the name of Olivia’s next love will be. The Ouija board said “YV,” which isn’t really a name, but Olivia’s remaining optimistic. Finally, because this happened before the election, we also asked if Donald Trump would win. The board said “No.” In conclusion, ghosts are real, but they are liars. Also, Olivia’s mom is not a great driver, but is a good mom. See you next year! Stay spooky!

STUDENTS PLAN TO DEVELOP MENTAL ILLNESSES FOR THEIR WINTER TERM PROJECTS

By Isabel Klein Bad Habits Editor

Oberlin College famously gives academic credit for students to participate in an independent project during the month of January, which can be anything from reading every Jane Austen book, to knitting a quilt, to interning at a local senator’s office. For junior Jake Barron, he has a particularly unique winter term concept: he is going to spend the month at home, brewing in the symptoms of a budding mental illness. “Yeah, the school thinks I am going to be studying films by the top ten directors of Pa n a m a ,

but really I intend to sit in my childhood bed in the dark for hours, acutely noticing which parts of my body break out into a sweat and when, plus the strange thing that my brain is doing when I think of that one thing,” Barron reflects about his plans.

Sophomore Serena Hancock is looking forward to spending her time in New York City, ignoring all the sights, networking connections, and museums, and instead, will take up a more important past-time: wallowing. “My parents are at work for most of the day, so I’ll be left to

my own devices. Which means writing in my journal about how confused I am and googling ‘Anxiety Symptoms’ on WebMD.” For Freshman Lauren White, she has greater plans. “I intend to spend my time shadowing a professor at UCLA during the day, and being sad on the Internet at night.” White also said she may even make her first-ever appointment with a psychiatrist since, as she claims, “I may as well be a real liberal arts student and get some fucking Zoloft.”

GYM JAMS: WHAT WE’RE LISTENING TO WHILE WORKING OUT

By Isabelle Kenet Contributor

What do you bump when you’re trying to get your bi-yearly endorphin rush? Mariah Carey? Britney? Hamilton? Yes, you do. It’s okay—we can all hear Radar emanating from your earbuds while you obliterate your quads on that 2.5 uphill, 5.5 MPH treadmill run. Or is that coming out of my headphones? Whatever. Three freshmen weigh in on their favorite bangers to pump that lactic acid to.

WILLA HART IK: What are some of your favorite workout tracks?

WH: I’m gonna be honest with you. I usually watch TV when I work out. If I get to the gym, then I’ll let myself watch my show.

IK: What’s your show?

WH: So I was watching Transparent, and now I’m kind of between shows.

IK: Have you seen The Office?

WH: Maybe I should start The Office.

IK: You should start The Office.

ES: You should start Girls.

IK: I hate Girls.

LG: You should start Grey’s Anatomy.

ES: Drew just Tinder-messaged me!

WH: Oh my god, what did he say? Stop the interview!

(All scream and participate in crafting the perfect response. 4 mins later.)

WH: I also like to listen to music sometimes when I work out.

IK: What’s your favorite song?

WH: I like that Banks album for working out.

IK: Azaelia Banks?

WH: No, here, I’ll play some.

ES: This is running up a big hill material.

One time I went on a 5-mile, up-mountain run and I listened to Life on Mars by David Bowie on repeat the entire time and by the top of the mountain I was in tears.

IK: Do you designate certain songs to certain workout routines or machinery?

WH: Kahn has a really nice gym. I like the elliptical machine. And when I go on that, I like to listen to Mama by Lunch Money Lewis. When I lift weights, I listen to Toxic and Drop It Like It’s Hot. And I give everyone the finger. Amy Winehouse sometimes. Gold Digger, that’s also a good one. But I think the best workout song is… (puts on In Da Club.)

IK: OHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Yes, this is the best workout song. And your guilty pleasure workout song?

WH: Kush, Dr. Dre.

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

ELSA SETERDAHL IK: What’s your go-to workout music?

ES: I usually go for upbeat pop music.

IK: Anyone in particular?

ES: On Girls, she jogs to this song called Bombastic by Bonnie McKee and so recently I’ve been kicking my workouts off with that song.

IK: At what volume?

ES: I usually listen at a high volume but not high enough that those around me can hear that I’m listening to Bombastic by Bonnie McKee. While I’m lifting weights, I often listen to slower, more melodic tunes.

IK: Do you have a guilty pleasure workout track?

ES: Baby, One More Time.

IK: I knew it.

LUKAS “THE PULL-UP PIMP” GRIFFIN IK: What do you listen to at the gym?

LG: I listen to pop, rap, dancehall.

IK: Any specific artists or songs?

LG: I like Meek Mill’s I’m A Boss. I like this

21

BAD HABITS

song called dance for me by Eugi and Mr. Eazy, its pretty good. And…what’s another one that I like? Grime. This one song called Liar Liar by Mostack.

IK: What music platform do you use?

LG: Apple Music.

IK: What type of headphones do you wear?

LG: Strictly Beats. Anything less, I cannot be in the gym.

IK: What’s your favorite workout?

LG: I love pullups. Pullups are just like… they do it for me.

IK: What’s the ideal pullups song?

LG: I’d have to say right now I think it would be Liar Liar.

IK: And your guilty pleasure workout song?

LG: I have to say Hot In Here by Nelly.

That gets me going, when I’m sweatin’ and everything.

IK: Hell yeah.

BREAKING: KRISLOV ACTUALLY JUST TWO HIGH SCHOOLERS IN A TRENCH COAT

By Sydney Livingston Super Sleuth

Following an anonymous tip, one of The Grape’s ongoing investigations has unearthed a shocking revelation: Marvin “The Marv” Krislov, the man we know and tolerate as the president of Oberlin College, is not a man at all. Instead, he is comprised of two scheming high school students stacked on top of each other. The two students, identified as Calvin Santos and Joey Harris, have spent the last ten years masquerading as the head of our college. The Oberlin natives supposedly spent years crafting the persona of Marvin Krislov, previously thought to be a 56-year old lawyer and college president with degrees from Yale and Oxford Universities.

Harris and Santos, aged 18 and 17 respectively, attend Oberlin High School. Accord-

ing to Santos, the two have kept up the charade for the entirety of their middle school and high school careers.

“It started as a prank that just snowballed into something way bigger than itself,” says Santos. “We started doing it… wow, around ten years ago.”

“We were just kids then,” muses Harris.

Harris links the hijinks to the lack of a satisfying extracurriculars after school. While most middle school boys played football at that age, Santos and Harris craved a hobby that wasn’t athletic or academic. When they saw that the college was looking to hire a new president, they saw an opportunity for a grand prank. However, it didn’t turn out as planned.

“TURNS OUT IT DOESN’T TAKE MUCH ACTING TO STAND UNDER A TRENCH-COAT AND ACT MIDDLE-AGED.” “Honestly we thought it’d be a lot more of a challenge,” adds Harris. “We got a mask and some fake law school diplomas, but it turns out it doesn’t take much acting to stand under a trench-coat and act middleaged.”

The two boys have kept up the charade for entirety of Krislov’s presidency at Oberlin College. Now, the two are high school

seniors. They claim that they had to stop their shenanigans because they’re about to graduate from Oberlin High School.

After their graduation, Calvin Santos will attend the University of Michigan to study psychology. Joey Harris will start work at The Feve as a busboy.

The end of their shenanigans represents a bittersweet schism for the two best friends. Inseparable since the pair met in science class at Langston Middle School, their friendship has blossomed through the years as they pretended to be a middle-aged balding man together.

HOW TO EYEFUCK YOUR SLOW TRAIN CRUSH

By Eliana Grosof Contributor

1. Enter the premises. Look around… casually.

2.

Once you spot them, order a coffee. Strive to embody the appearance of nonchalance. Periodically look behind you to make sure they haven’t left yet, or else, frankly, you’re wasting your time.

3. Find a table that just happens to be close to them.

4. Open up your laptop.

5. Begin staring out the window. You can’t be caught looking in their direction yet.

6. Slowly drift your gaze over to them.

There they are. God, they’re so hot. Like so

hot. Like, you don’t even care if they have a personality, you just want to fuck them.

Now. On the table. In front of everyone.

7.

Although you’ve never actually talked to them, based on the brief snippets of conversations you’ve (super casually) overheard, you’re convinced they are the smartest and the funniest person at Oberlin.

8. Keep your eyes lingering on them for just long enough for it to be creepy.

9. Oh my god, they still didn’t notice.

You swear it’s been like five minutes.

10. Glance back down at your computer, scroll through Facebook intently, and type something so that it looks like you’re actually

DECEMBER 9TH 2016

working.

11. Look back up at them.

12. They noticed! They noticed. Shit.

Look at the floor, look at the floor. What if they hate you? You bet they hate you.

13. Cautiously bring your gaze back up. They’re back to being occupied with whatever. Is that Nietzsche they’re reading?

And they’ll be an Ubermensch.

14. Look back down at your computer, keeping an eye on them in your peripheral vision. When the coast is clear, resume ogling.

15. Stare happily as they demonstrate their brilliant work ethic by remaining

22

BAD HABITS

completely unaware of you.

16. Touch their hair with your mind.

God, it feels so good.

17. Repeat as desired. If they accidentally catch your eye, just smile, shrug, and begin to scan the room as if you were looking for a friend or some other nonsensical bullshit.

18. Leave Slow Train and go back to your life of loneliness and unrequited love.

Maybe next time you’ll have the confidence to talk to them.

DOGSPOTTING LAURA FEYER TAKES PICTURES OF CUTE PUPPIES AROUND OBERLIN

OBERHEARDS On the Cha Cha Slide: “Every time I hear anything about left or right I can’t resist.”

“So he’s 6 foot and he’s the shortest member of his band...”

“Dude, I’m not gonna show you my buttcrack in the middle of Old B right now.”

“Someone just chugged a Four Loko outside even tho they have a fever.”

On a fun walk

Beautiful Inn dog

Happy lady

“I’m gonna get a fucking A in my CAST class, bitch.”

“Books are so stupid and outdated. This is 2016 fucking watch a movie.”

“I’m listenig to this new band that the New Yorker told me to listen to.”

“When will my owner return from Slow Train?”

Bat ears

Halloween pumpkin

Two girls at Splitchers: Girl 1: “You’re being misogynistic but it’s okay.”

Girl 2: “I’m a little drunk, it’s fine.”

Girl 1:“It’s okay.”

“My uncle is the guy who does the voice for Chester Cheetoh and he’s REALLY mean.”

write for the grape

email thegrape@oberlin.edu w/ more DECEMBER 9TH 2016

23

BAD HABITS