The New Smoker Magazine issue No.3

THE NEW SMOKER

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The New Smoker magazine

Issue No.3 FALL 2014

Editor-in-Chief S.G. Clarke Design Director S.G. Clarke Art Directors SJ George Ram Folger Executive Editors S.G. Clarke SJ George Copy Editor Joe DePatta Contributors David Seaman Jim Greer Esjay George Daniel Freedman Henrik Sahlstrom A.H. Black Soren Gray Clark Greene Frank Lauria Lydia Hyslop Medieval Women Chef Tiffany Friedman Ronald Reagan

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All contents © 2014 The New Smoker. The New Smoker has nothing to do with tobacco or any of it’s related products. The New Smoker magazine is published and distributed by issuu.com. The New Smoker does not condone or endorse any illegal use of any products or services advertised herein. All materials are for educational purposes only. The New Smoker recommends consulting an attorney before considering any business decision or venture. We take no responsibility for the actions of our readers. A number of characters and images appearing in this magazine are parody, satirical or fictitious. Any resemblance to any persons, living, created, or dead, is purely coincidental.

THE NEW SMOKER

ISSUE No.3 CONTENTS: THE PROFESSIONAL SMOKER Highly Functioning at Functioning High

9.

TO VAPE OR NOT TO VAPE

An Indepth Exploration of the Vaporizing World

13.

WHAT THE SPLIFF...?

Sometimes music and marijuana don’t always mix

20.

GLITCHES

A Fiction of Truth: Part 3

24.

HIGH ART Highlighting Two Talented Artists

31.

HIGH-TECH IN THE CANNABIZ A Conversation with Leafly Co-founder Cy Scott

37.

A BEAT NEW YEAR’S EVE

The Continuing Beatnik Tales of Frank Lauria

42.

ONYX

Part I of Stimulus: Onyx. A Short Graphic Novel

44.

THE VARIOUS VARIETIES OF VAPORIZERS “You’ve come a long way, Vapy.”

55.

THE NEW SMOKER’S VAPORIZER REVIEWS The Good, The Bad, and The Most Vaped

57.

10 BASIC VAPING TIPS & TECHNIQUES Enhanced by A New Smoker Vaporizer Photo-shoot

78.

MY FIRST TIME...

A Marijuana Memoir

82.

HIGH-FI Reviews of Great Music to Hear High

86.

THE NEW SMOKER SCALE A Kinsian-Scale Guide for Cannabis Consumption

85.

CHEF TIFF’S RECIPES Delicious Seasonal Fall recipes from Chef Tiffany Friedman

90.

RONALD REAGAN BURNS A National Icon Goes To Burning Man

92.

SKYWALKER O.G.

A Space Age Review of a Cinematic Strain

98.

3

Notes from a New Smoker Welcome to the third issue of The New Smoker magazine:

The Vaporizer Edition.

T O

he Future is Now.

nce in a while I find myself in the middle of a moment of profound realization that the world around me is no longer the one I knew. On one hand, that’s obvious.

Our world is always changing. But we adapt to these changes so readily that new becomes old within a blink of the brain. And we are no longer impressed by the old-whatever that was magic just a year, a month, a day before.

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veryday we casually hold in our hands entire libraries, record stores, photo albums, art galleries, world atlases, star charts. We have pocket sized movie making, music creating, world connecting machines.

And these disposable tools were considered little miracles, only a decade before, for simply being a wireless phone you could call anyone from anywhere you wanted. Now it’s a glanced-over prize in an award show gift-bag.

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e get so blasé about future tech as soon as it become ubiquitous and cheap and disposable. But the wonder of it should never cease, if at least for the occasional reflective moment. We all own little magic conjure boxes that we have as much an idea how they work as we do how gold forms in the center of a star. Now we just Google the answer. It’s science, it’s magic, it’s amazing.

et vapes that let you get high almost anywhere, barely bothering anyone who might be next to you. Your super phone is probably even more bothersome to most than your discreet vape-pen.

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his new style of smokeless tech represents a synchronization of cutting edge technologies, together with hightened social health awareness, as well as a boom in the refinenter the Vaporizer. No, not the ti- ment capabilites in cannabis concentle to some Sci-Fi Kung-Fu sequel trates. The high number of highly yet to be written, but the new breed of educted, health conscious Silicon high-tech. The pocket vaporizers, like Valley Start-Up techies and executhe e-cig style, are what you thought titves who enjoy cannabis, play a large everyone would be smoking with in factor in the recent rise in production the future. The harmless smoke-less of all kinds of different vaporizers. A fun-stick from some 70’s futuristic true high-tech boom. film. he Vaporizer is The New Smoker. e might not have jet packs or It brings sophistcation and style flying cars (both of which seem to cannabis culture, and helps keep us like extremely bad and deadly ideas healthy, happy, and high. anyways, and will never come out of a mandatory helmets-and-kneepad risk-phobic socitey such as ours is today), But what we DO have are hand held super-computers, and pock-

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-S.G. Clarke

EDITOR- IN-CHIEF

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THE NEW SMOKER

The Professional Smoker

G “

By David Seaman

ot hammered last night on Tequila shots and warm beer, had some of the best ideas ever... called up my ex, rekindled things with her, emailed my boss--told him how he could evolve his business model and how much I value working there for such a large and powerful faceless corporation, man it was great!�

Said no one ever.

Yet conflict resolution, and profit ideation, are gifts cannabis generously provides many of us young professionals. With no hangover the next day, or sore joints. Refreshed, made whole again, and a few good ideas left on the notepad from the night before. And in contrast to alcohol, every once in a while, a truly great idea. An idea that changes everything for you.

Or an idea that has a lasting impact on your industry, your community, the world. An idea that shows you part of the unfolding fractal of life, in a new light.

IMAGE Source 123RF Stock Images - Graphic Design SJ George

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THE NEW SMOKER

​F

or these reasons alone, it’s a matter of simple humanity to lift the prohibition on cannabis as soon as possible - ideally it should’ve never begun.

When I go back to a state that has regressive marijuana laws, it’s possible to sense a shared burden that law abiding citizens should not have to experience, ever - the fear of imprisonment for enjoying a beneficial intoxicant, in a responsible manner.

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o me, cannabis is enormously important. It has allowed me to see things not outside the box, but from another angle of the box. It has improved relationships with family members and friends, as it allowed me to see where I had gone astray (or where I shouldn’t have expected anyone else to change).

But more important, it has made me a better thinker and member of society. Especially within independent media or cryptocurrency, you’d be hard pressed to find many who are opposed to - or strangers to - cannabis. We’ve seen and reported on things that have dirtied our souls, made us doubt the goodness of it all - and cannabis has cleaned that life scum off the windshield. It’s a tremendous tool. Amazing how much it gets done inside of you with such a low risk profile.

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side from the insights, weed is just fun. It’s one of life’s pleasures. Our time on this ride is limited, and marijuana helps cushion the blows, and heighten the highs. The beautiful and the things you love become more so, and more valued. The aches, pains, and negative feelings become more approachable, if not outright irrelevant, given an adequate dose. And the mind is set free to play for a while, to focus on music, and sensation, and creation for its own sake - without the shackles of upcoming bills, project budgets, expectations. Those things will be brought to our awareness again as we come back down, but for now, up here, it’s about exploration and enjoyment.

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hat marijuana has allowed me to unlock in myself, and the moments it has allowed me to enjoy and recreate, have a value beyond economics.

It’s made me a better person, and of course better work and more innovative ideas naturally emerge out of that. I have gratitude for the plant itself, the nuances and subtleties of its psychoactive properties, the mildness of it at small doses and guardrailed profundity at higher doses. It’s a force of nature, lit-

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erally. And it’s an economic force of nature in states where prohibition has ended and people have been allowed to continue their lives as creative, productive adults once again. No more hiding in the shadows.

I

suspect America’s renewed fascination with, and tolerance toward, medicine of the mind is only beginning. At a certain point, the answer simply isn’t more taxes or more cops or more jails, or more jobs.

It’s more unity, more compassion. And marijuana gives us professionals a way to safely dip a toe in that water, without quite giving in to the total ego obliteration offered by other plant experiences. A vacation to oneness and back.

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t brings me enormous sadness to reflect on areas of our country that are still stuck in a regressive, negative attitude toward marijuana. I have full confidence many of them will change, but in the meantime, there are human beings trapped in those inferior systems - not allowed to enjoy the solace and creativity and unity this plant can extend to even the casual user. And that saddens me. It also bothers me that my first experiences with this powerful natural element had to be done in the shadows, whispered.

These are rites of passage and should be treated as such. The man or woman who has never explored their mind with chemical training wheels may not, in fact, be inferior to you or I - but they are certainly not superior, and their peculiar aversion to psychoactive substances need not constrict the rest of us from enjoying an important avenue and cul-de-sac in life’s neighborhood.

A

nd ultimately I think the path of progress is inevitable, as the sheer amount of innovation, good times, understanding, and transcendence offered by a smoke with some friends is unparalleled.

And when going it alone in life, the sudden insight or course correction it can offer is truly miraculous.

Y

ou wouldn’t see me - or anyone - writing an article like this about a cigarette, alcohol, or coffee.

And that should say quite a bit to those who live by that trinity of legal psychoactives, yet refuse to take the spiritual Pepsi challenge offered by more beneficial, higher psychoactive molecules.

Rondo Brothers ...rare grooves... ...chill beats... ...good music...

Rondo Brothers Discography

Download Free Mix Tape rondobrothers.com/mixtape

Find us on... twitter, iTunes, spotify, rhapsody, fb

www.sanaeintoxicants.com info@sanaeintoxicants.com

THE NEW SMOKER

TO VAPE OR NOT TO VAPE ... ...what was the question?

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By Clark Greene

nless you’ve had your head in a hole the past few years, you can’t help but have noticed the Rise of the Vaporizers. And what might sound like some bad ‘90s sci-fi movie has instead become a sci-fact of life these days. Everywhere you look when you go out: at a concert, in the bars, in the supermarkets, in traffic, you see someone puffing some kind of future stick that lets them sometimes exhale large puffs of what might seem like smoke but is nothing more than water vapor... plus. Plus nicotine. Plus cannabis. Plus candy? You can never be too sure. But what you can be sure of is The Future is Now. Vaporizers have arrived, and they aren’t going anywhere. They’ve only begun to hit their stride. But is this a good thing?

V

aporizing definitely seems much more healthy than smoking something outright. Enhanced vapor is definitely more preferable to combusting carcinogenic carbon plant matter into one’s lungs. But what is being lost when a plant is stripped of some of its integral, as of yet undiscovered, components? And what’s possibly being added in its place?

IMAGE by Ana Yazdi, MODEL Sarah-Jane George VAPORIZER Micro-G

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A Brief Flashback:

ntil recently, the ability to enjoy one’s cannabis has been limited to only a few forms of convenient possibilities: joints, pipes, bongs, and edibles, being the main four. And for a while it seems this was the limit to the tech. There was a bit of stagnation after the last major innovation in the early ‘90s of glass blown carb-pipes. You know, the neo-hippy ones that change swirly colors when you smoke them.

The ones that for some reason seem to barely hide their suggestive symbolic, if not just simply overt, phallic designs.

(We are definitively waaaaay overdue for some classy elegant glass-pipe redesigning out there. Any takers...??)

T

hough many incarnations and variations of the vaporizered have appear throughout time, it wasn’t until the mid-late 1990s the first modern vaporizers started to appear in the local head shops around the United States. But most of the vaporizers on the market at that time tended to be bulky, expensive, ineffective, and inefficient. Somewhere I still have my late-90s plug-in vaporizer looking like some psychic’s glass ball globe over a coil stand where the crumbled weed was placed to heat to the point of vaporization. All this was mounted on a tacky Rasta-colored base with a simple on and off switch, and a not quite long enough hooka tube coming out of the side from which to inhale. It wasn’t a very good vaporizer to say the least, but it was very good at wasting precious, relatively expensive, quality bud, especially in those days. Suffice it to say, I barely used it, except on cheap junk shake weed.

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IMAGE: An early electric medicinal vaporizer

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ast forward a decade to the mid-ought’s... 2006 or so. With the relaxing of marijuana laws in states across the nation, the boom in the number of dispensaries in Los Angeles alone, and the rise of canna-industry innovations in highly refined cannabis concentrates, like BHO and wax, a whole new form of the vaporization began to arise across the canna-nation.

IMAGE of a Globe Vape. from: www.vaporizerstop.com

THE NEW SMOKER

Health Crazed: E-cigs

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ince the strong correlation of smoking tobacco with causes of lung and throat cancer in the mid to late 20th century, smoking anything in general has been associated with harm and illness. And while the research shows that consistent use of tobacco smoked, chewed, snorted, or otherwise, has a high risk of cancer... the jury is still out on the negative physical effects on cannabis consumption, especially when smoked. So is smoking the problem, or is it what’s in the pipe that makes all the difference?

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uch of this is due to the lack of legitimate well-funded research because of the illegality of the subject. But what studies have been done have found many profound and counter-intuitive results. Cannabis compounds, like cannabidiol and other various cannabinoids, are being found to possibly help stop the formation of cancer cells. This in turn might mean smoking marijuana could actually help counter-act any carcinogenic qualities of the smoke and help heal the lungs and throat, keeping cancers away. The research is still in its infancy, but it points to the fact there is more going on than the simplistic thought that “smoke equals cancer.”

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ut for now we find ourselves in a world where smoking means dangerous and we must abate that danger to the best of our technologies, while still allowing for the pleasures gained from smoking things. And while one can chew tobacco, or eat an edible, it doesn’t satisfy the pleasure of pulling in and exhaling smoke like a sensual dragon. We like to smoke. Oral fixation and all. So exits combustion smoke, and enter a New Smoker indeed, the vaporizer.

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asically, the stamping out of cigarette smoking lead to the proliferation of new tech electric smokeless devices. The first commonly known of these are E-cigarettes, or E- cigs. Any liquor store or gas station has them. These e-cigs simulate tobacco smoking by “producing a vapor that resembles smoke. It generally uses a heating element known as an atomizer, that vaporizes a liquid solution called e-liquid. E-liquids usually contain a mixture of propylene glycol, vegetable glycerin, nicotine, and flavorings, while others release a flavored vapor without nicotine.” -’Wikipedia’

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s with any new fangled device to come out that seems too good to be true, most people approached e-cigs with equal amounts of intrigue and mistrust. But slowly and surely things started to change from more than just a curious interest to a collective push towards full market approval. Even if people using them still look about as cool as that guy with the blue tooth ear piece he never takes off. Or anyone ever wearing Google Glass.

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t seems the world at large still isn’t quite ready to believe smoking vapor isn’t possibly somehow still bad for people. Bars and restaurants in cities across America treat people with vaporizers like smokers and ban them to the stinky smoking sections outside. Even if the science suggests smoking a vaporizer isn’t any worse than inhaling the smoke from the smoke machine at your favorite live rock show. But only time and research will tell. We are the vaporizer guinea pig generation. And that gives anyone a moment of reflective pause.

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THE NEW SMOKER

Concentrates:

Too Pure

t the same time e-cigs were on the rise, highly concentrated forms of cannabis started to come in to the marijuana market: hash-oils and earwax (or more tastefully called “wax”) are the main examples.

These new breeds of concentrates make regular hash and kief, golden treasures to find back in the day, seem like quaint little treats of a bygone era. While hash THC concentration levels may reach 40%-60%, the rest being mostly plant matter, these new refined cannabis products can reach concentration levels as much as 90% THC or more, if certain sites are to be believed.

The problems with refinement.

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ash and kief are mostly made of the sticky THC/CBD filled trichomes, as well as some smaller leftover plant matter in a variety of ways. Hash is then pressed together to form balls, chunks, and then into larger dense blocks.

While kief is mostly just those loose dry trichrome crystals left over in your grinder’s last filter.

These are the old-world cannabis concentrates, as they’ve been gathered this way by cannabis farmers for ages, and take very little technology.

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ow these new refined concentrates are a whole new game. High-Tech has come to the cannabis community, emphasis on high. These super refined concentrates usually come in three main styles:

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: Hash-Oil, which is made by boiling cannabis buds and trim with high proof alcohol to extract the THC. Filtered. Boiled down

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IMAGE from: www.leafly.com

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here is an argument for the multitude of problems caused by refining something out of it’s raw natural elements, into its more pure state.

F to a reduction concentrate. (Rick Simpson’s proclaimed cancer-curing “Phoenix Tears” Hash Oil is a good example of this kind.)

2

: B.H.O., or Butane Hash Oil uses butane gas, the stuff you put in refillable lighters, to extract the essential THC and CBD compounds from the plant matter.

This method which is much easier and cheaper, so obviously most commonly used these days. It’s also the more dangerous and least healthy of the three methods, simply for the fact it uses a poisonous highly flammable gas to extract the active ingredients. Many YouTube videos on how to make BHO at home seem to usually end with an explosion or two. Making BHO production seems more like the Breaking Bad of the weed world.

Not so classy.

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: C02 Blasted extraction method gives a pretty clean extractions, like shatter wax, with little chemical residue, but it takes expensive lab equipment to achieve, and therefore cost-prohibitive for the average person at this point. But as the professional cannabiz laboratory element grows, it should quickly become the dominant and preferred method of extraction.

or example: Sugar. Our bodies need certain forms of sugars to run. Quick calories to burn as fuel. Our strong craving for it is an inherited anatomical difficulty marker of how hard it was to get in nature for the majority of human existence. But when refined to such a level of purity we have gotten to the place, with modern day agriculture and technology, where it has been proven to be extremely adverse to our health.

Especially when taken in easy abundance.

“When we refine something and make it ‘pure’ it’s stripped of its context and no longer functions as it should: in harmony as part of a whole.”

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t seems the world is becoming more aware that such purified refined sugar added to everything has become a dangerous addictive drug in its own right. Too much sugar can cause serious health problems. Diabetes, tooth decay, high blood pressure, to name a few. Refinement meets excess, equals problems. Sugar itself isn’t a bad thing as long as it comes in its raw, natural, digestively-paced forms. Like a banana and not a candy bar. Or freshly squeezed orange juice and not orange soda.

Nature has a way of balancing the chemical compounds needed for the most healthy, body-absorbable

THE NEW SMOKER

history. Even wine is fine... though, like hash, a stronger refinement. But wine still contains it’s essential natural elements and seems to still have healthy qualities.

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effects. And the interwoven interactions of these essential elements have only begun to be understood.

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hen we refine something and make it “pure” it’s stripped of its context and no longer functions as it should: in harmony, as part of a whole. Like taking the engine from a car, we might find out what makes the run, but it no longer actually works without all it’s parts.

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nother fine example: C-c-c-ocaine! In its raw form, the coca leaf is chewed and brewed in its native South America as a tea and stimulant similar to caffeine. And it’s just as problematic and addictive, which is to say relatively mild and manageable.

concentrates can be paced and quiet pleasurable.

Small amounts are good.

Everything in moderation.

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ut you’re always going to have people who have to take it to the extremes. Always raising the bar. There are 710 social media clubs (instead of 420) for people dedicated to only smoking concentrates (710 is “OIL” upside down). Dabbing, as it’s called, is definitely the extreme sports of getting high, and not recommended for the non-professional smoker.

ut then new technologies boomed during the industrial revolution, and humans started to mass-distill high proof alcohols like whisky and gin and vodka. And with it, the more serious alcohol abuse problems began to rear their very ugly heads.

By the early 1900s, Prohibition made alcohol illegal in the United States for a he one major advanlittle over a decade. (And tage concentrated we know what a huge sucBut when the coca leaf is cess that was.) cannabis has over all othrefined into cocaine, maer refined drugs is this jor problems begin to oc- “Refined sugar will simple fact: if you get too cur with people’s natural probably kill you high, you still won’t die. ability to handle the drug. more quickly than You might freak out and And with it comes exces- refined cannabis.” not have that much fun sive use and mass confor a few hours until you sumption which can lead ow we’ve come the eat and calm down, but to serious health and socannabis age where you won’t die. And that’s cial problems. modern technology has a very important distincenabled us to refine mar- tion to make. I’ll bet relcohol is one of the ijuana way beyond what fined sugar will kill you oldest of examples. was previously possible. more quickly than refined Beer has been drunk We have stripped its ba- cannabis. throughout time imme- sic elements out of their morial. And though a chemically balanced bonds ther vaporing exman-manufactured cre- and made something pure. tremists have become ation, it is mostly a na- With THC concentration strictly herbal. They swear ture-processed thing. of up to 90%, just a dab on by only vaping dry ground Fermenting, some basic a tiny hot skillet, inhaled up marijuana buds. They filtering, etc... and when through a special bong, is swear by its lung relieving finished it still holistical- enough to get even an av- effects, and other health ly contains its basic na- erage daily pot smoker as beneficial properties. As ture-balanced chemical super-high as the first time well as touting its cleancompounds. Weak beer he smoked way too much er, clearer, more present, has been consumed by weed. If smoked through in-the-moment high. As people of all ages, instead a vape pen or something opposed to a faded out, soof unclean water, during similar, the effect of such cial-distancing stoned. certain periods in human

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nd while I myself enjoy both methods of vaporizing, concentrates and herbal, I always find something lacking when I vape. I sometimes even feel cold sweats after I herbally vaporize. Like that stoney warmth that often radiates from inside from smoking bud out of a bong or bowl... is missing.

Vaporizing just doesn’t seem to hit in the same deep full bodied or full

headed way. Those possible unknown essential elements, not the known THC and CBDs, having been stripped away and left behind. Either way, for me it’s not as all enveloping a high as a straight up bong hit. (Though sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m just hitting the vape wrong.)

pounds that mimic the natural substance in a search for the most pure.

Marinol is an example of synthetic cannabis. It was given to seriously ill cancer and AIDS patients in the early 1990s as an alternative treatment for nausea and other symptoms, before the whole medical cannabis craze took off.

But Marinol was found ynthetics are even lacking by most patients, worse. Man-made com- so most tended to rather

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just find a dealer to get the real stuff. (Which in turn lead to the push for more medical marijuana legislation to keep patients from turning to the streets for their medication,)

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ometimes nature just knows best. The banana is better for you than the snickers bar. Raw is better than pure. At least, with raw, you know what your getting.

Back to the original question: To vape or not to vape?

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s for herbal vaporizing, evidence suggests it to be the healthiest smoking alternative to combustion smoking. It is possible some beneficial compounds aren’t being vaporized alongside the THC and CBDs. But as far as getting one high without inhaling fire smoke, it definitely does the trick.

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nd as far as discreet public and home use, obviously vaporizing is much better than smoking from a pipe, joint, or bong. That being said, the smell still tends to be a tad pungent when the herb has been vaped of all its essentials and can linger on the device used. A little bit like burnt stinky sock leaves. Which makes it not as bed-partner friendly as concentrate vaporizing. Smoking

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canna-wax with an E-Pen only mildly smells as if a freshly washed hippy just passed by moments ago; a whiff of scented oils, and then it’s gone. So when in bed I mostly smoke with my wax pen, then I don’t bother my sleeping girlfriend. I leave the herbal stuff in the other room.

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ith the waxes and hash-oils, it seems like it’s just a matter of time until the lab-professional high quality concentrates are cleanly produced. For now, BHOs are the most widely used super-concentrates, basically because anyone can make them. Which means the quality control is really low, and you never know how much butane has been left unpurged from the wax from your local dispensary. (Apparently, the more you cough the

IMAGE from: 123 RF Source Images

ty control comes in, long term use of BHO is still in its lab-rat phase. And the 710 clubbers seem to be the main test subjects.

(But probably no more than the dangers we all lthough it has yet to share at the possible radiabe determined if one tion from our cell phones). is inhaling any more bune noticeable differtane in BHO than from the ence with vaporizing lighters we light our pipes with... the less toxic gas is it tends to feel like it hits the better. So until quali- the top of the lungs and

less purged it is... though heat is also a cough factor.

Another test is light the side of a ball of wax, and if it sputters and pops, it’s not fully purged.)

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sticks there a bit. It may feel to some like a tightness in the upper chest when breathing. This tends to go away quickly when not vaporizing, but can be bothersome. Some of this may be attributed to the heat of the vapor, and also the device being used. But compared to the larger lung capacity one gains by taking daily deep bong hits, the shorter breaths that can occur from regular vaping gives one pause to think. What kind of residues are being deposited and where in the body? Is too much of a good thing... a bad thing?

THE NEW SMOKER

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n general, most people swear by a noticeable decongestion of the lungs they feel after switching to only vaporizing from regular smoking. And until the science proves it out one way or another, most canna-enthusiasts will take on educated-faith the majority of positive things attributed vaporizing. And with the right efficient, effective vaporizer, you too can enjoy a healthier, cleaner, more clearheaded high.

S go.

o if you’re going inhale and want to keep it healthy and discreet, vaporizing is definitely a good way to

IMAGE: by Larry Snelly

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WHAT THE

P#%FF

I

landed in Oakland, CA in 1994. fresh from the safe haven of Charlottesville,Virginia after a few years attending college and with a tidy little double degree in creative writing and world affairs. I was knowledgeable in the recording studio, having logged many hours at studios and on 4-tracks since the age of 13, and had developed some natural talent for arrangement, music, and sound within the confines of the ever-morphing calculus known as Pop Music. A good enough keyboard player to hang with any local band, and enough of an engineer to know when to stay quiet, when to check a mic, when to make more coffee. Let’s just say I was pretty well prepared for looking for a career in the recording industry, but nothing could prepare for me this little five letter word and how I would get to know it: SPLIFF.

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ooking back on my life as a record producer now, I recognize more clearly what I was really up to in the beginning. I was basically a journalist giving myself assignments. Discover an artist, fall in love with it and take on the self-assigned task of getting to know them, convincing them they needed a producer, to be documented, to be noticed, to be paid attention to. Creatively I’ve always felt less compelled to alter or change what an artist is doing, but to witness it, realize it, water it, watch it grow. I love being 20

Did I Know...?

by Jim Greer

around music and musical people - for some reason it is endlessly fascinating to me, and learning the skills to participate from top to bottom has been a lifelong journey - one I feel I’m still squarely at the beginning-middle. I’m convinced that frequency and vibration are the stuff of the universe, and something about tapping into through music is a spiritual and unique experience. I can’t even begin to comprehend the evolution that has led to our ears, brains, musical notes, and how it all connects. It’s a freakin’ miracle.

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n 1997 I officially began the hard work of immersing myself in the San Francisco music scene by taking on a job as assistant talent buyer at the Paradise Lounge at 11th & Folsom. What an experience!

I went from a totally disconnected bartender in the East Bay to being perhaps the most in-demand person in the music industry in San Francisco - everyone wanted to play the Paradise Lounge, and the buyers there were so overwhelmed at the demand that they had all but given up trying to keep up with it.

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elps to be an ambitious midwesterner occasionally in life; in the music business, it’s a blessing that so many people are such outrageous flakes, because those of us that at least show up on time manage to get a lot of work done.

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took over for the previous assistant Audra, whose first “meeting” with me in the booking office consisted of a giant joint being rolled and passed around with a sound person from the Fillmore and a handsome pre-ironic hipster who was in the middle of building a life sized mousetrap game. I was 22, they were all 28-ish…I was pretty excited to be in the throes of it..until Audra pointed at the 10 full size hefty bags piled up in the corner and said “You intern. You listen. Catalog and listen to all the demos and, perhaps paid you will be. $9.00 an hour”.

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isten I did. Two months and maybe 1500 demos later I knew a lot more about the music scene in San Francisco, not to mention taking calls from tons of local artists, managers at BGP, and a plethora of label reps and managers from all the majors and indies across the country. Bands like Sublime, Marcy Playground, Tool, Queens of the Stone Age, and System of A Down were all just getting going, and they all needed a Paradise Lounge play.

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here are many more stories to tell about the Paradise Lounge, but sticking to the subject at hand, it leads to a little band that invited me to see them at the Hotel Utah at

4th & Bryant. A personal invite from a cute-sounding girl named Shana was enough to get me driving my 1964 Chrysler Newport eight blocks down to the then deserted area around the Hotel Utah to witness the Gun & Doll Show live.

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he Hotel Utah features a balcony that no normal person would try to climb up to from the stage, but in the middle of an epic jam, Killian had managed to pull it off; cavorting and bouncing sweatily from a chair to a speaker to a chain to a 1/2” piece of wall trim and heaving himself over the balcony. The guitar stayed plugged in and feeding back while precariously hanging off his body, then he proceeded to play a fantastic guitar solo, shouting and communicating with the band while they dutifully played it out, never dropping the intensity or groove. The whole moment was a breath-holder, and more moments like that kept coming, along with Killian’s tension-breaking audience participation bits, that truly brought the room together. Not only was the performance itself a sight to see, but the music was top-notch. It was “indie rock” before indie rock as we now know it existed. It picked up where the Pixies had left off and took it firmly into territory that wouldn’t be visited until “indie rock” became a whole genre; quirky boygirl vocals with haunting music, glockenspiels, disco grooves, and huge hooks.

’d never before, and have never since, seen such an impressive performance in a small place.

The Gun & Doll Show were interesting before they played their first note: a drummer and bass player that looked like they walked in from jobs at a software company, a beautiful black-haired Mission bohemian with sparkles and a red SG guitar, and a wiry little singer/ guitarist named Killian who was part Pete Townshend, part chimney sweep, part Pixie. They played dark, hypnotic grooves with Killian sing-rapping with fervor about complicated romances, the tension of people, financial oppression and other thought inducing topics. While the band played in circular motion, Shana would sing the occasional crystalline melody in a perfect response to the grittiness of Killian’s vocals, and Killian’s guitar playing was rhythmic, chopped and self-gated into bursts of lot happened for me energy, the guitar acting as after that show. I a voice for his clearly spastic energy and his need to booked the band at the Paradise Lounge, where let the demons fly.

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they immediately begin to build a following. Other clubs started taking interest and their draw grew exponentially. More importantly, the head talent buyer at the Paradise Lounge offered up the possibility of figuring out a way to work with the band: we’d start a label, sign them, and I could take them into the studio and produce the album. It was an amazing opportunity.

I jumped on it. It took a little convincing with the band.. but it was one of those times when the only way to demonstrate your worth is to jump in and do the work, so after several meetings and a couple rehearsals they decided that I had the chops for the gig— then we decided to embark on an intensive pre-production schedule.

There were 40 songs to choose from.. a lot of them fantastic but half-finished, and a great crop of material.

in a circle for a band meeting and rolls a huge coneshaped spliff. A spliff, you are surely aware, is not the same as a joint. It’s tobacco with some crumbled hash sprinkled along it. For solidarity’s sake I couldn’t really refuse the spliff; I had no idea what I was getting into. I passed it around and did what was I supposed to do. Big breaths. Lots of smoke. A lot of tobacco). A lot of strong hash (had never reo when does the Spliff ally had this before). enter the picture, you’re asking? Well, on the first hen I went to stand night, of the first pre-proup, not realizing duction, I was pretty nervhow much of this I has ous. I wanted to be able to just taken in, the room stand in a room with this was spinning.. I don’t reinteresting bunch of talmember much about it, ented musicians and conbut I believe i managed to fidently have something mumble something like meaningful to offer, find “going to the bathroom, a rhythm, prove myself. It be right back” and dizzily was really the first time I stumble out the door into had ever done it. Well, the the hallway.. first thing that happens is Killian sits everyone down

S

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W

S

IMAGE Source: 123RF Stock Images

omewhere in that moment I found some stairs and sort of fell on them.. Then I passed out!

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think a solid 20 minutes passed before the band went looking for me, and it turned out I had found a back staircase nobody really thought to look, so I was nowhere to be found.

I came to at some point, dizzy and nauseous and sweaty, and made it back into the practice room, finding maybe one or two of them wondering where I was while the others looked around. Not a good start to a session! I recall feeling like I was going to throw up and having a terrible pounding headache.

didn’t smoke) hinted that Killian may have been testing my ability to keep up with his euro-style spliff mania. After the ill effects of the tobacco wore off, I fought through the headache and managed to start into the pre-production, white board and erasable pen in hand, running down songs.

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t took me a while to learn the culture I had just walked into via Killian - he had spent a long time living in England and the hash spliff, as most people know, is a hugely popular way to smoke in Europe. Also something that tended to happen frequently, which comes from that culture as copped to the fact that well— the spliffs become I was no spliff smoker an all day affair, one for and needed a Coke and a every break! minute to recover. It was a funny moment, and I etting to know this band in particular think the drummer (who

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turned out to be an incredible formative experience not only musically, but socially. Killian loved to have meetings- we would meet constantly at his house, in his truck, at the club.

As a smoker, the ritual of the spliff, the coffee, the discussions, were incredibly important. He kindly started rolling two spliffs — one without any tobacco, one with — so I could

stay conscious… he discussions we had and ideas that were tossed around became centered around the constant meetings, and Killian’s ability to work and focus while blazing through these things all day was truly a sight to see. I grew to look forward to the meetings knowing we would push and pull our minds in different di-

T

rections. n the coming years I would encounter many more creative people who thrive on a balance of marijuana, coffee, vitamin C, exercise and other thought-inducing chemicals and behaviors.. I can also say that there are plenty of people who prefer total sobriety as their method of choice, and I respect that. But take an

I

Irish-European with more energy than a hamster on acid and combine him with some hard-wired tobacco and hash, and you get a force of nature unlike anything I’ve witnessed since. My lesson was learned - no tobacco for me, and when the spliff goes around in a meeting with an artist, be sure to inquire what’s in it, so at the very least you can stay awake….

Jim Greer is a Bay Area producer, engineer, and songwriter who has worked with dozens of artists including: The Soft White Sixties, Galactic, Foster The People, Butterscotch, Handsome Boy Modeling School, Rondo Brothers, MC Lars, Souls of Mischief, Loquat, Eric McFadden, Color Me Black, Diego’s Umbrella, and many more.

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Glitches “The gorillas grunt with dangerous disappointment as they move to let me pass. I shove by them with maybe a bit too much bravado. But after a day like mine, these two tuxedos full of fur and muscles are the least of my problems.”

Part 3

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By S.G. CLARKE

he bullet spins in a slow swirl of smoke and fire as it twists its way out of the gun-barrel and inches it’s way directly towards my disbelieving eyes. I drop to the ground to dodge the gunshot, only to look back up and see the bullet has yet to leave its barrel. Quinn’s whitegloved right hand holds the pistol tightly at arms length, still pointed where I used to be. His face in a continual smirk, unmoving.

I attempt to get back up and knock the gun from Quinn’s hand. But as I rise to my knees and reach up for the pistol, I feel... drained. Weak. My head fogs and begins to throb just like it did the last time. Only this time it’s hitting me much faster, internal pressure building more quickly. It’s like that pounding in the brain from hanging upside down too long, only happening all at once. The feeling of blood filling my cranial shell beyond capacity. I can’t concentrate.

The sound of blood pounds through my ears.

I take a deep breath to try and calm myself. Pull it together. But the pressure is more than I can bare. My focus quickly unravels. Like a fist squeezed too tightly for too long. A tired, overused muscle. My concentration cracks open and everything spills out... and time snaps back to full speed. The bullet blasts out of the barrel above me and speeds off into the distance, leaving only a ringing in my ears.

Quinn’s face shifts from smirk, to shock, to smile, as he realizes I actually dodged his bullet. He looks down and sees me trying to get up from my knees in front of him, and lets out one of his huge laughs.

Not giving him time to fire again, I sweep my right foot and knock his legs out from under him. He topples to the sand. I kick him hard and shove him tumbling down the side of the dune. I quickly flip up my quick-picks menu, and without pausing to look, I double tap one at random to auto ‘port me the fuck out of here.

The predictable prompt pops up. I swat it away, knowing full well what bad shit might happen if I ‘port without a platform. The ‘port begins as my vision begins to fall in on itself as I phase out.

I can hear Quinn shouting from down on the dune as I leave Zen behind.

“Fucking idiot! You’re not safe. Come ba...” But I’m popped into mid ‘port before I can hear another word.

After a few dizzying, jostled, color-swirled tunnel of twists and turns, I 24

IMAGE: Graphic Design by SJ George

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pull out of the ‘port and land into... a dirty darkness. A muddy black.

I take a moment to breathe and let the land rez around me. At first everything is a dense black fog.

Then lighter darks within deeper darks start to distinguish themselves. They separate and slowly swirl into specifics. Flashes of light, like stars from a dizzy spell, start to dance in front of my eyes. Streaks and stabs of different colored lights make me think I’m still in mid ‘port for a second.

Where the fuck...?

I must have been here before, or else I wouldn’t have had it in my quick-picks. But it isn’t familiar... yet. I’m still head spun and dizzy, but my eyes start adjusting as the region rezzes in. The swirls become slow spinning shapes. The sparkles turn into droplets of light swinging on dark strings. The stabbing strobe lights sharpen into lasers.

Soothing sounds swim up into my ear. Deep undulating bass, like a slow starting train with all the treble turned off, but not going any faster, just chugging along.

The sound slips out of the depths of sub-bass and comes up for tight trebles stabs of ricocheted snare drums and a titillated high hat.

Snarled at by the occasional twisted guitar squeal. RetroTech RockStep, the standard soundtrack for a disco-punk burlesque club.

I itch my left arm at the sudden skin chills of strong suspicions.

Shit.

The darkness barely brightens into more of a dirty dusk. I now can see several sensually swaying beautiful women dancing on small separate platforms hovering above a fog covered club floor in front of me.

Lasers and strobe lights flash my eyes and then pass me by to daze someone else, struggling to find its next victim in this half empty club.

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Still stunned from the quick transit, I step down a couple of the stairs leading from the landing platform down on to an old school disco dance floor. The multicolored kind with the flashing squares.

I don’t recognize the set up, but if this is who’s club I think it is, I’d like to kick my subconscious in the brain-balls.

I finally am able to focus in enough so I check my locale: PLASIR. Yup. Fucked...

I must’ve flipped to an older priority sub-menu in my rush. And apparently, my old VIP pass-link still let me through the sub-filters that shield this place. Or worse...

I was let through. Shit. With any luck no will recognize me and I can quietly ‘port outta here after I recharge for a sec. But with the way today’s been going, luck’s going to continue being a serious dick.

I scan the club.

There’s a few paired couples in full dapper-flapper disco-punk regalia doing more chatting than dancing on the dance floor; negotiating the rest of their night’s naughty adventures.

I can just make out some lady wallflowers staying to the edges, watching, waiting, calculating... playing the shy game.

The bolder dames dance around the center of the floor in undulating patterns, designed to entice the basest of natures without somehow being too obvious about it.

Just sexy enough in motion to send out suggestions... not invites. No blatant hooking here.

The rest of the crowd is made up of lone lurkers floating around, dancing with all the false enthusiasm of someone just looking to get laid, but too broke to pay for it and scanning for any of the smattering of innocent newbies who might be

down for some freebies.

Across from me, the other side of the dance floor, there are a few groups gathered in cozy corner booths. I can just make out in the first booth two sprightly little fairyfems sit on a couple of death-kids laps.

Next booth over from them, two Xena-chicks are apparently arm-wrestling over some skinny geek kid in a thin white suit and white goggles that top his bad black chopped manga-hair. All that outshined by his bright white smile from ear to ear.

In the booth next to that, two big gorillas in black tuxedos sit with some barely covered giggly girls, hanging on their every grunt.

Not men in gorilla costumes, but full sized real jungle gorillas in full black & white tie gear.

My eyes hesitate to gaze on the last of booths to the far right. I can just barely see a solo figure draped in darkness and watching everything. Especially me.

Damn. Spotted.

I reach and try to swipe up another quick ‘port out, but I can’t even bring up my regions menu. I try again. Nothing. Blocked.

Shit. Shit shitting shits.

They must have nicked my passlink out when they knew I was here. I sigh.

Resigned to my fate, I switch tactics. Best defense is a good offense, they always say... the jerks “Lets get this over with.” I mumble to no one.

Hesitating for just a second to compose myself, I start to walk across the dance floor. The floor lights change from random colors to pure white as I step on each one, tracing my path across. Must be on an MJ setting. What a cheap generic retro-disco dancefloor.

I step off the floor and stride

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straight over to the darkest booth.

I get within just a few paces when the big gorillas in tuxedos get up quickly from their table and move to stand in my way. I step up to their huge chests and puff out mine.

“Get outta the way you furry fucks, I gotta talk to your boss.”

They stand stiff and don’t budge.

There’s a few moments of held tension before a slow and sensual frenchwoman’s voice breaks the ice with the warmth of a blow torch.

“C’est d’accord mes amis, this one is allowed my... special attention.”

The gorillas grunt with dangerous disappointment as they move to let me pass. I shove by them with maybe a bit too much bravado. But after a day like mine, these two tuxedos full of fur and muscles are the least of my problems.

As I get closer, the darkened table begins to lighten up a bit. The

cloaked figure pulls herself out of shadows, with a beautiful soft pale face emerging first through her wavy black hair. Followed by a flawless fem fatale hourglass form wrapped up in the thinnest of black evening gowns. She lights a cigarette held at the end of her long slimline cigarette holder, takes a deep puff with her perfectly pursed ruby red lips, turns her piercing grey-blue eyes to stab straight into me, and blows a perfect smoke ring right into my face.

My mind splits into two concurrent thoughts: Part of me greatly admires this fine example of elegant design, an older Dita model, with her own tweaks and modifications that make want to tweak and modify all kinds of things.

And at the same time I can also acutely appreciate that I have just jumped from the frying pan into the fiery pits of hell.

“Bienvenu, Monsieur Cinq. Welcome back to Plasir.” She swims through her words like a sly shark out for skittish prey.

“Madame Méchant,” I fake smile my words, “It has been ages. And may I say you look even younger than when I last saw you” I take her hand and begin to kiss it.

She allows the gesture with a smile, then pulls her hand from my grasp and slaps my face, hard.

“Flattery will get you killed, my dear boy.”

I pull back fast, ready for a second bigger blow to follow.... but nothing hits me other than the tone of her words, dangerous as daggers.

“Pardon moi, mon petite chouchou. But I remember you liking pain when you play games.” She smiles with a sweet sting and beckons me in. “Come sweet boy, don’t be angry. Sit with me. We’ve got some catching up to do...”

Thrown off balance from my

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planned cool and confident approach, I fumble out excuses and try to back up a bit.

“I really shouldn’t, I was just passing through. On my way to... Clouds. Same region. It’s been a long time... thought maybe I’d pay my respects. Maybe finally clear the air...” Her big buffoons behind me just bump me back. Feeling like a wing-clipped fly reluctantly crawling into the leaf of a Venus flytrap, I slide into her purple-felt booth.

She just smiles and looks at me like I’m her favorite meal.

“Boys, bring us a bottle of our finest whiskey in our best glasses.” The apes grunt and shuffle off to the bar. She slides close to me and purrs in my ear, “Maintenant, mon petit... dit moi, what really brings you back home to us, hmmmm?”

While her muscle is gone, I, not so slyly, try to rise out of the booth, but she grabs my arm and pulls me back down.

“It wouldn’t do to be rude, mon cher,” she tightly teases.

I start to twist my hand to break her surprisingly firm grip, but her apes come back with a dusty label-less brown glass bottle, looking like it was buried in a forgotten cellar for a few hundred years. They place it and two shimmering shot glasses on the table.

She grabs the bottle, 28

pulls out the dusty cork and pours liquid caramel into the two shimmering shot glasses. She takes one glass, then hands the other one to me. I hesitate. But then I figure if she wanted me erased, I’d be gone already. Sensing maybe some hidden bargaining chip yet to be revealed, I grab the glass and try to play along. She dismisses her gorilla goons back to their booth.

“A toast.” She lifts her glass to me. I hold mine cautiously, like a shot of nitroglycerin about to go off with the slightest twitch of the wrist.

“What’s the occasion?”

I dare to ask.

“To your balls.” She says flatly, without a hint of a joke.

“Excuse me...? Did you say my balls?” I ask, confused. Maybe something got lost in translation.

“Oui, to your amazingly large balls.” She raises her glass with a devilish glee.

“They must be huge,” her voice shifts to playful menace, “or you never would have come back here.” She takes up her glass and motions to cheers, challenging me to follow suit.

I hesitate to raise my glass, watching her every move, trying to gauge which way she’s going to turn next.

“What’s wrong, mon petit, don’t you trust me anymore??” She mocks with pursed lips and a wide innocent gaze.

Nothing’s changed. She

hasn’t forgiven, nor forgotten.

I simply grin and move as if to cheers her. Then lifting the glass high in the air, I slowly pour the whisky splattering all over the table.

“No, ma cherie. I don’t trust you. I never have.”

Surprisingly not that upset she simply says, “C’est dommage, you just wasted a taste of real whiskey. You really should learn to trust your elders more,” She takes her shot and grins through a strong-whiskey grimace, “...and mind your manners.”

Her warm smiling eyes start to freeze and crack into jagged icicles. She shifts her tone from amused violence to sensual malice.

“It seems to me that maybe, just maybe, you somehow forgot the last time you ran outta here, you didn’t pay your bill... in full. And that is very unprofessional of you, Monsieur Cinq.” She slides back next to me “Not only that, but you took something very precious from me.” She walks her finger up my neck to stroke my ear.

I flick her hand away.

“You didn’t own Cay. I don’t owe you shit for her. She left of her own free will.” I say as I put the glass down and watch it shimmer into the table.

Her hand attempts another attack and moves to my left thigh.

“That’s not exactly true

my dear boy, despite what she might have told you.

She left because she had to.

But yes, she was one of my highest earners. And you, you gullible little shit, you helped get her away. And with her, a steady flow of coin from my pockets.”

Her hand spider crawls up my thigh, en route to my crotch. I reach down to hold her hand back.

“So as I see it, you owe me all that, with the past couple years of added interest, of course. Which really ads up to a lot of ECoin, mon fils. But it just so happens I’ve heard from un petit oiseau that you might just have a whole new way to pay me.” She snaps her finger, and the gorilla goons begin to get up from their booth again.

“I owe you?? You’re the one who tried to take Cay away from me... permanently. I’ll never forgive you for that. Whatever I might have owed you in the past, as far as I’m concerned, we’re square.” I forcefully take her hand off my leg and stand up from the booth “It seems like nothing’s changed and we’re not going to come to any kind of an understanding here. So if you’ll excuse me...”

I stand up and move to leave, but the monkey men move back into my face.

“Let me go Méchant, you don’t want to fuck with me today.”

“I believe it.” She laughs and motions for the apes to move aside. I mean to

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head back towards the ‘port platform. But just as get across the dance floor and I reach the bottom of the platform stairs, my step becomes slow and smeared. My vision starts to slip out of sync. I think for a moment I must be having another power related dizzy spell, but this is familiar in a whole other way.

Fuck, I’ve been tapped.

My muscle control begins to go out, and I trip the light not so fantastically by nearly smacking face-first onto the bottom stair, my arms catching me just in time.

“How the fuck?? I didn’t even drink your fucking whiskey...!” I shout as I feel my whole body start to buzz and float like I’d just hyperventilated for an

hour. I hear her smokey sultry voice whisper in my ear like she’s still next to me.

“Yes darling, but you did touch the glass.” She laughs lightly, extremely too pleased with herself.

I fight with all that’s left in me to crawl up the stairs to get away from the gorillas shuffling over to grab me, and up to the ‘porting platform. Getting weaker with each stair I climb. I barely reach the top step when the platform lights up and suddenly initiates incoming ‘port protocols.

I slip back down a couple steps to not get hit by the landing, only to watch as Quinn’s form begins to rez inside the ‘port field, gun still in hand.

How the fuck did he know I came here?? I

didn’t even know I came here...

Dizzying delirium pulls at me to play. But instead I do my best to stand up.

I turn to see the two gorillas at the bottom of the stairs. Then I hear Quinn shout something and I turn back to see him fully formed and pointing his same gun at my same face.

I don’t even try to use my newly found powers to save myself. Couldn’t if wanted to. I just give into my complete lack of ability to stand anymore and fall flat as two shots blast at my head.

Seems to be becoming a theme.

The shots pass me and punch holes dead center into the chest of each tuxed out gorilla bounding up the stairs. It stops them

for a second. But they just shake it off, and keep coming.

Quinn grabs me from falling further down the steps, pulls me up to the middle of the port platform, and tries to hack us a re-exit ‘port. I can hear myself say, sounding far away as if at the other end of a long echo tunnel, “That’s never gonna work, you dick.”

“Have faith, my friend.

One of us has to...” is the last thing I hear Quinn say before my vision goes pure white, the surrounding sounds go mute.

And all I can think about before slipping into oblivion is this wouldn’t be the worst way I’ve ever died.

To be continued next issue...

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E XOT I C OV E RT H I N G S F O R THE BOLD BOHEMIAN

OT H E RWO R L DA P PA R E L .COM

High Art

By Esjay George

F

or those in the Northern Hampshire, this changing season brings in the darker half of the year.

With this comes old traditions like Samhain, Halloween or Día de Muertos which are held between the autumn equinox and winter solstice. During this time thoughts of darkness and superstitions come to mind, perhaps brought on by the shortened daylight hours or the darkness of our imaginings with talk of All Hallows’ Eve. Whatever it is, during this time one can often be drawn to the idea of crawling up by a fireside and reading Egar Allen Poe, while the moonlight creates strange shadows outside the nearest window.

for embracing a bold graphic and bleak existentialist paintings. Let’s also not forget Norwegian artist Edvard Munch known for his intense themes of sorrow, fear, menace and anxiety.

Coming closer to the present, we are still fascinated by the artist styles of the Victorian and Edwardian era, with it’s occultists and dark shadowy figures. Perhaps it is the stories of Egar Allen Poe, Charles Dickens, Bram Stoker or H.P. Lovecraft that kept this fascination alive long after the Illustrators ink had faded. The etchings and engravings that adorned these books where created by artists such as Robert Seymour, Hablot Knight It is the perfect time of year to exhibit artists whose Browne and Harry Clarke. work touches on darkness and the allure of life and death. The Chiaroscuro* paintings by Italian artists Illustrators like Aubrey Beardsley with his black like Caravaggio and Giovanni Baglione come easily ink drawings filled with fanciful, often dark and lustto mind. Or perhaps one thinks of French Romantic ful images have inspired artists such as Edward Gorey artists like Eugène Delacroix and Théodore Géricault, and the well known melancholic and imaginative style who’s pantings poured over with intense emotion and of Tim Burton. placed emphasis on the feelings of apprehension, horror, terror, and awe.

So keeping within this vane we’ve discovered two artists from around the world to highlight in this issue, Then to the Spanish painter Francisco Goya who each has a touch of darkness within their artistic style. painted haunting scenes of starvation, degradation, in- We hope you enjoy discovering these talented artists sanity and loneliness. Goya is known to have inspired while you crawl up with this issue of TNS Magazine the Irish born British artist Francis Bacon, famous perhaps by a fireside one dark winter’s evening.

*meaning “light-dark” in Italian, is the use of contrast between light and dark in art.

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Lexi Land | Artist SYDNEY | AUSTRALIA

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exi Land is an Artitst in the full sense of the word. She is a muse, model, painter, photographer and performance artist. Within her broad spectrum of artistic activities she finds the art of drawing and creative writing both raw and honest forms of expression that have become an intrinsic part of her everyday life. Though she has a passion for photography she sees it as merely a tool to expose reality and is not intreated in taking ground breaking images but rather in capturing her physicality, exploring how she can create depth and emotion using the method of collage.

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exi Lands art has a touch of darkness and the erotic to it. She describes her art as a tool to revealing her own being. And as she is an erotic person, it is only natural for eroticisim to show up in her art. The darkness there-in reveals the mysteriousness of our world. Lexi Land is comfortable in expressing herself using herself, her body, within her art. She finds it liberating and exciting in realising that her body is just that: a body. And one day it will no longer be. Therefore she embraces it while it’s here. The opening up of herself to her audience within her art is not completely about the viewer and how they view her, but how she views herself while creating the pieces.

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exi Land is a modern day muse for many artists and with her dark sultry looks she could easily be described as Melpomene (Muse of Tragedy) one of the nine Mousai. Lexi Land feels that to inspire and to be inspired by others is a beautiful gift. To stand before someone with a vision and to have the patience to support and help their vision come alive is something quite magical.

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eonard Mattis (www.leonardmattis.com) is a kindred sprit and great supporter of Lexi Lands work, they have worked together on various projects which are often held at the Leonard Mattis Studio, where you can see Lexi Lands current exhibition in Sydney Australia.

To view Lexi Lands art visit: www. lexiland.tumblr.com

Series Title: ‘Illuminating Darkness’ Mixed Media Self-Portraits (Drawing, Photography and Collage) All in Gold Baroque Frames on Museum Quality Archival Paper Left Side: “Human Corset” 120mm x 290mm

Bottom Right: “Falling Awake” 470mm x 620mm

Next Page: “Shrine ” 215mm x 265mm

32 IMAGE of Lexi Land by Kiki Sjoberg - www. kikisjoberg.tumblr.com

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Valentina Brostean | Illustrator TORINO | ITALY

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alentina Brostean is an illustrator, graphic designer and painter with a passion for combining her love of the digital arts with more classic mediums. In the past, Brostean has questioned whether to specialize in only one medium, as her digital and manual approaches are so different it can often seem like they were created by two different artists. Yet on the other hand, to sacrifice one for the other and specialize would loose far too much of her character the uniqueness of her art.

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rostean finds inspiration through her observations of nature and its relationship with people and animals, tracing within her art the changes and evolution of herself and the lives around her. Her influences come from both literary and artistic inspirations. Her love of contemporary art mixed in with new bohemian hedonists, whose celebrated non-conformity and spontaneous creativity fascinates her. She feels that there is so much beauty, creativity and knowledge to be discovered in these various forms of art.

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rostean started in the arts early in life. Upon discovering as a young introverted child that she could take a pen and create something beautiful with it, she realized at that moment, without art her life would be totally senseless. er sharp eye and strong emotional attraction to the grotesqueries with their often strange beauty, gives Brostean’s art a darkness; a slight melancholic feel to it. Yet there is also great beauty held within. She takes a figurative scene with its strong references to the real world, and places frozen moments of Utopian childhood memories a top, thus creating something full of wondrous and strange fancies that seem to echo some forgotten mythology breaking through the cracks in our reality.

To view more of Valentina Brostean’s Illustrations visit: www.behance.net/valentinabrostean www.behance.net/vale24 www.valentinabrostean.com www.etsy.com/shop/valentinabrostean Left Side: “Hope” | Silent Echos SAMSARA Illustration, Photography collaboration with Photographer Ramona Zordini Bottom Right: “Hauntings” Cover Illustration for the book Hauntings edited by Ellen Datlow Next Page: “Artemis” | Voices of Shades 50 x 70 cm - Digital Art, Illustrations Main Article: “Hades” | Voices of Shades 50 x 70 cm - Digital Art, Illustrations

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HIGH-TECH IN THE CANNABIZ A Conversation with Leafly Co-Founder: Cy Scott As interpretively transcribed by SOREN GRAY

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t’s 4:15pm. I’ve just sat down at my desk in my home office and am getting ready for an in depth exploration into the wonderful world of weed. Time to prep my tools: I pull out my Sony handheld cassette tape recorder and pop in a fresh 60 min cassette. I do a sound check “check, one two, one two, “ and then rewind and play back to make sure it’s still working. Yep, 30 year old lowtech, ready to go.

eeling a bit impatient, I friendly face of young man F can’t help but think of with a short brown beard Louie CK’s bit about kids and short brown hair. He’s

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I haven’t used in ages. I tap it on and wait for what seems like forever for it to open. I then spend a few moments trying to remember my password logging in. I finally figure it out and get online. I do a quick search for “Cy Scott” and see he has yet to log on.

It’s almost 4:20pm. I hope he hasn’t forgotten our interview. I check my email and see he too has had problems with his old Skype account and had to make a new one. I then see his new account has added then turn on my iPad. me on Skype so I click vidI tap in my passcode. eo chat request button and Scroll through my pages wait as it rings. of apps for my Skype app

IMAGES: Portrait Photographs by Mikal Lazarev

today not appreciating the miracles of technology they have in their hands when they get frustrated with a call or text or upload not working right away, “It’s going all the way to ‘space’ and then back... can you give it a second??!” But that still doesn’t seem to make the convenient hassles of hitech any less frustrating.

First world problems.

dressed in classic “startup” casual attire you’d see on Silicon Valley, the TV show: a burgundy hoodie with white string-ties, over a simple black t-shirt.

his is Cy Scott, T co-founder of Leafly the premier online re-

source for finding out about every cannabis strain you can think of, and more. All presented in a beautifully simplistic fter a few more ring- style that we at The New rings later my chat re- Smoker definitively apprequest is accepted. Up pops ciate. on the video screen the 37

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eafly has brought class recorder, and we finally Cy: Sure. So, Leafly was nabis businesses to close L to grass in their own are able to get to chatting started in 2010 by three of and reopen elsewhere. way. For starters the de- about the modern mari- us, myself, Scott Vickers Washington is much more sign uses simple, clean tiles, resembling the classic chemistry chart icons we all know from high school chem-class. They have made marijuana strains more easily understood, as something quantifiable, identifiable, unique, with many distinct differences and effects. This is no easy task. There are at least 1000 different strains now listed on Leafly, and each and every one has its own distinct attributes.

But somehow they have been able to quantify all this cannabis complexity and make it simple and user friendly. And equally important... pleasing to the eye.

juana movement we find ourselves in the middle of.

How Leafly sprang out of that movement and how they hope to help change the negative cliched perceptions of the average cannabis consumer.

e chatted for over an W hour an a half, with more than a few frozen screens and app crashes thrown in. We covered all kind of facets of the current cannabis craze and Leafy’s leading role in it.

with one Stheositekindbasically you can figure out of weed with the

kind of high you want to have, and then find where to go get it. Now that’s high-tech.

fter getting a few of A the glitches out of the digital video chat system

for the moment, I press record on my analog tape 38

stable in that way. Though it’s still not perfect. Very different policies than Colorado. It’s really only just begun to dip it’s toe into the recreational side... So this will be a good testing ground to see what method works better, Washington, or Colorado, or maybe another way, as more and more states legalize medical and recreational marijuana.

Me: Yes with any luck the green states will soon become a majority and we can finally nationally end pot prohibition.

Cy: Yah it looks like we’re at 22 states I think currently, 23 if you count D.C.... and I think we will probably see a national turnaround on the federal level within four or five years.

hey use three basic T colors to delineate classification: pine-green

for hybrid, brick-red for sativa, and royal-purple for indica. All soothing hues, well balanced. By searching the name of a strain, with a click you’re looking at all of the different stats for that specific strain. It’s Attributes (effects, positives, negatives, medical), it’s Flavors (is it sweet, earthy, piney, etc), and it’s Parentage (where it came from). Plus people’s posted reviews and photos and more. And then with a click of a button, you can find where that strain might be at a dispensary closest to you right at that moment.

and Brian Wansolich. We were located in Orange, Orange County originally.

We had offices in Newport Beach. We then sold the company to Privateer Holdings, a holdings company who’s mission is to invest, create, and purchase companies that are cannabis based and are trying to take cannabis to a whole new level...

Treat it a bit more mainstream. Those guys were based in Washington, and after recreational marijua-

Me: That would be a wonderful thing. 2020, here we come! So back to some of the history. You say you started it with your two friends. Were you all programmers and had the Image: The Leafly Periodic Table skills to implement your na passed up here, it only idea? or relative brevity’s made sense for us to move Cy: Yah, so myself and one sake, I’ve tried to tran- the company and build it scribe, then interpretively out here. We’re also a tech of the other co-founder developers, and then edit and paraphrase to- company and Seattle has a are the third co founder, Brigether the highlights of bit more of a start-up cul- an, is a designer. the our conversation into in- ture, so it was a good fit for other developer Scott had the terview form. But it only us. original idea for it after tips the iceberg of our talk. around to a bunch “He began keeping going of different dispensaries Me: Ok Cy, I think we’re a journal in an excel and getting overwhelmed connected now. Can you spread sheet... of all the amount of different the different strains by see me alright? strain and how each one he’d get and their would affect him so differCy: Yah looks like it’s various effects.” ently. working.

He began keeping his Also it’s a lot more stable own journal in Me: Great. Nice to final- up here as far as dispen- like anprivate excel spread sheet, ly to get a chance to chat saries and other cannabis like a true engineer, of all with to you. I read up a based businesses, as comthe different strains he’d bit about you and Leafly, pared to a lot of turmoil get and their effects.

Then but why don’t you give me in California because of your version of your com- its inconsistent policies he was like “we should be pany’s history. which forced a lot of can- a website for this”. At the

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time we were all working together at Kelly Blue Book build websites, so on nights and weekends we’d work on this project. But I was like if we’re gonna do this, I wanna treat it differently and position it the way it needs to be positioned.

And that’s where Brian our designer came in... he has a really good eye for sharp simple things, and we wanted something simple and visual to represent the different strains easily and accurately. So came up with that tile system. And we also wanted something that we could look at while we were in the office without people looking over our shoulders and seeing giant pot leaves and stuff, so the tile system worked for that as well.

them what we’re all about, talk about the recent law they’d passed, spark conversations, and basically get in front of these writers who might be covering it and might possibly throw Leafly’s name into the mix. Basic good P.R. stuff. And it went really well. We like to thinking it may have even helped sown the seeds for The New York Times pro-cannabis stance, just by meeting with us and seeing how

were we...? Ah yes, the “Just Say Know” campaign. Such a much needed counter point to the old “Just Say No” Nancy Reagan ignorance promoting anti-drug campaigns of the 1980s. Really well done.

Cy: Thank you. We work with the ad agency Heckler Branding Associates based here in Seattle. They’re pretty well known. They did Starbucks logo, New Balance, K2, all these fa- Me: Are you guys going to keep running the ad, or was it just a one time deal?

Cy: That was just a one time deal for us. Kind of like placing a super bowl ad. And the best part was not just being able to place the ad, but all the extra press it got from being the first to do so. And we hope that it has not only helped us but has helped the cannabis community in general.

Me: Some innovation out of necessity, I like it.

Speaking of innovation, I wanted to congratulate you on Leafly’s recent ad campaign “Just Say Know” that you guys put out in the New York Times. The first major marijuana ad in a major publication. Well done.

Tell me a bit about how it came to be, how it was received, how hard was it to get something like that into the main stream media, etc...

Me: Very smart. Free press is always best. And yes that’s one of the great elements of the cannabis community, it’s more cooperative than competitive.

So what was the feedback from The New York Times, are they now open to running more cannabis ads in general? Are you going to more with them?

Cy: Sure. So, myself and

a partner from Privateer were in New York out on a little media tour about a month before The New York Times announced their favorable positioning on marijuana. This was shortly after New York had passed its medical marijuana legislation, so we just wanted to go out and meet with editors from different media outlets like the Huffington Post and New York Times and others. We went to introduce ourselves, tell

get at the donut shop... now it’s a whole giant industry.

So we worked with them and had that “Just Say Know” ad already imagined and on deck for a time when we thought we could use it. And so after the New York Times came out pro-cannabis, we thought we should jump ahead of it and take out that full page ad.

Image: Leafly Advert Featured in the New York Times

Cy: The feedback was great. We definitely paved the way for more cannabis related ads to be accepted in mainstream media. And the New York Times loved us. They had to approve it all the way to the top, so we must have been doing something right.

We’re not going to be running that campaign again with them, like the super bowl,kind of a one shot deal. A bit pricey to do every week.

not all people who smoke mous brands... And they pot are what they’ve come took us on as their first and only cannabis relatto expect. ed client a couple years (At this point Cy freezes in back. They liked what position and the feed cuts we were doing with tryout. I disconnect, wait a ing to change the image second, and then call him of marijuana and enjoyed back) taking on the challenge of rebranding it, like what Me: I guess it would be exMe: Damn technology. they did with coffee when pensive.

How big is LeafLove it, hate it. So where it was just something you 39

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ly? Also, being an office in the industry, what’s your recreational marijuana policy at work? I’m sure everyone expects a company about weed to be stoned all the time, with bongs everywhere.

Cy: Ha. Yah, no we’re just a regular two-floored office , with different departments spread out on the floors. About 40 people working with us in different capacities. And not everyone here necessarily smokes pot. Part of the office is made up by the people who are a bit more straight forward, part is made up of the more creative types. The official policy is not to smoke on the job, but I’m sure there are occasional exceptions as there are in any office.

Personally I find I have a little trouble focusing on business when I’m high, so I save my smoking for relaxing at home after a long days work.

to go for a hike or some- reason to open up the app.

So far it’s been a great thing. utility to find more on Me: Nice, must be some strains or find shops, but beautiful hiking up there. it’s hard to just naturally So tell me about Leafly’s discover things, like what future. Where do you see are people talking about, it going? what’s trending, what are the new reviews, things like that. Right now you Cy: I think Leafy’s gonna have to dig a bit more to start to incorporate more find that stuff. Eventually than just the strains and we will have an alert fea-

Me: Yes, what are your personal smoking habits?

(The connection breaks up and freezes a bit and I miss bits of his reply. We wait and then Cy try’s Screenshot: by Soren Gray. Skyping with Cy & a Leafly lurker. again) the store locators. We’re ture that can let you know Cy: I pretty much only looking at more of the when your favorite strain vape these days. I was brands and products as is available at a shop near grind up my flower and us- a big future for us. With by, right now you have to ing a Magic Flight or Pax, the various name-brand search a bit. but these days I’m kin- edibles for example, like But in general we don’t da lazy about it and have Bhang Chocolates, or Dix- want to spread ourselves been just using these pre- ie Elixirs, that you see in out too much. We do a few filled e-cig style vape-pen I many different dispensa- things really well, and we get at my local dispensary. ries, we would then list don’t want to end up doThey’re actual pretty nice those with their specifica- ing too many things, not because they are labeled tions and ratings... as well very well. with how much THC & as where you could go find CBDs are in each one so them near you, etc.

Me: Well I appreciate your you can pick the strength We’re doing some big time today. It was great to and which kind of high changes with the website. get a chance to chat with you want pretty easily.

Some redesign we’re going a like-minded fellow such I’ve been using mostly to be launching soon. We as yourself. One last thing, indicas right now for when also just launched a new do you have any advice I come home and want to version of the app that al- for us here at The New relax. I have some sativas lows for much more dis- Smoker as we help carve lying around for that odd coverability on the home our path through cannabis afternoon off when I want screen. To give people a culture and beyond...?

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Cy: Yah, just keep doing what you’re doing. I really like what you guys have done so far. The marijuana industry is changing fast and what was seemingly impossible to get things done on a main stream level only a few years ago has become quite possible today. There’s a lot more money willing to invest in the canna-businesses now that it seems to be stabilizing. Everyone can see the writings on the wall, and that it’s just a matter of time before it all goes mainstream.

And once it does, there will be that much more competition. So Google could start listing strains, and make it harder for us.

A big publishing company could make something similar to The New Smoker and put it every airport, and that would be really hard to compete with.

Like sure anyone could use your idea, but it’s not the idea that becomes the most important thing... It’s how you execute it. Just be better than they are.

“Just do whatcha do, and do it good.”

-Bill Withers

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A Beat New Year’s Eve can * nois * seur ( kan’ us sur’ ), n. one competent to render critical judgment on the qualities and merits of Cannabis.

By Frank Lauria

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or my own memo- poet, appearing at a numry’s sake I’m going ber of Village readings as to set up a time line well as the weekly show here. uptown at the Seven Arts which had built heavy t the very end of my momentum.

Basic Training at t the same time I was Fort Dix ( I ended up plareassigned to the toon leader ) I contracted pneumonia because of a Personnel Center where I maniacal Second Lt who met Jim Butler who was insisted I crawl through, reading On The Road.

We bonded. Jim had an rather than around, a large puddle of water. So apartment in NY. It was instead of going to Tank there Jack, Jim and myself School in Fort Knox, wrote our free-form poem with a pencil.

KY, I went to the hospital. Upon my release I returned to my old plakay, so maybe a week toon barracks which was later Barbara Moraff, empty, awaiting a fresh the poet who scooped wave of trainees. HowJack in the first place, ever,every day we were and whose Gothic charm sent to what essentially made her a reigning social was an Army shape-up, diva, grandly plugged her where indigent bodies New Jersey gang -- Ralph were assigned to various Pine, Margot Shnee and tasks, usually manual myself -- into Leroi Jones labor. That’s where I met New Year’s Party. At the Frenchy LaBoy. time Jones, along with his lovely wife Letty, edited omewhere between an influential Literary Thanksgiving and Magazine called Yugen.

Christmas I got high with Later he reincarnated as Jack Kerouac, smoking Amiri Baraka, the teacher, the boo Frenchy helped activist, and controversial me score. I had also built Poet Laureate of New some confidence as a Jersey. During that period 42

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IMAGE: of Frank Lauria from Cannoisseur.blogspot.com

going to any New York party was heady stuff, much less a real Beat, Greenwich Village New Year’s party.

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Gil Sorrentino was there as was Joel Oppenheimer and Gregory Corso. Jack Kerouac showed up, Allen Ginsberg wandered about before finally getting naked (he did it at every party ). “Allen’s taking off his clothes again!”

Barbara called out. Lots of colorful people flowed into the cramped railroad flat that night.In the midst of it I was talking to Jack when Allen came by.

side note: Margot drove. We stopped in Jersey City to pick up my date, Sarah, who had asked me to pretend I was Jewish. Fine. I met Sarah’s mother, chatted about her son’s upcoming Bar Mitzvah, then Ralph, Margot, Sarah and me proceed to the party n our first meeting I where Barbara was alhad confided to Jack ready holding court. We that I sometimes walked were early and things had past Allen G’s house in yet to warm up.

Paterson NJ. So when Allen came up to say eroi was a bit dubious hello Jack scolded him. about his new guests “This kid walks past your until I mentioned I had a house. You should kiss bit of pot. There were two his stomach.” And Allen joints left of Frenchy’s humbly did. boo. Leroi rolled. He gave me one and we smoked hortly before midnight the other. From then on Ralph handed me a everything was mellow.

Dexedrine and I soared Leroi played some jazz, into 1959... more guests arrived, and (CONTINUES ON PAGE 102.) we drank some red wine.

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THE VARIETY OF VAPORIZERS

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V

aporizers, or “vapes,” come in all different in shapes and sizes, with options for anyone looking to make the shift from traditional smoking to inhaling less carcinogens in the form of vapor. Some vapes, mainly more old-school style models, have an external heating element and use a “whip” delivery method - you know, the ones that look a little like an electronic pencil sharpener with a thick wavy straw-esque attachment.

Other models heat internally, sending hot air over the herb using either a fan (forced-air) or a rechargeable battery (portable and pen-style). Whether you prefer to toke at home, on-the-go, or a combination of the two, you’re bound to find a vape that fits your lifestyle.

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orced-air vaporizers. Typically, larger “tower” style vaporizers are best suited for home use. The name comes from the internal fan that sends a current of air through the internal heating chamber over the herbs and into either a balloon bag or whip for direct inhalation.

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hip-style vaporizers. Another form of vaporizer that’s best suited for home use, as whip-style vapes plug into an outlet. Herb goes inside what is called the “wand” (aka, the straw-esque piece) and rests gently over the heating element, which gets incredibly hot during use. These are great starter vapes as they heat up quickly, make it easy to control size of hits, as well as see how much herb is being used.

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ortable vaporizers. Typically smaller vapes designed for convenient use while on-the-go. As opposed to forced-air and whip-style vapes which are often very similar in terms of size and design, portable vapes come in a wide array of styles. Some feature internal batteries that have to be recharged via AC or car charger, while others can be activated using a push-in rechargable battery.

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en vaporizers. A subset of portable vaporizers best used with concentrates like essential oils or waxes. These are incredibly easy to transport (and hide away) because of their resemblance to a pen or an e-cigarette. Their heating elements, or “atomizers,” are coils which heat the material directly, meaning these devices more closely resemble pipes than serve as true vaporizers.

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il vaporizers. Vapes that are compatible with liquid concentrates such as butane hash oil, or “BHO.” These vapes feature either a cartomizer, a clearomizer, or a replaceable concentrate chamber. With oil vapes, a fiber wick extends from the atomizing coil and absorbs the liquid concentrate, carrying it to the heating coil. Most vaporizer pens are designed for full compatibility with either form of cannabis concentrate.

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ax vaporizers. Delivery devices that are meant to be used with solid concentrates of different types with names like: earwax, errl, budder, or shatter. Similar to oil vaporizers, wax vapes run off a rechargeable battery that heats a cartomizer or clearomizer.

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Vaporizer Reviews

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by Clark Greene with A.H. Black

ith so many vaporizers on the market already, and so many more popping up every day, we’ve decided to focus on reviewing the main versions of the various styles of vaporizers (with some repeats and overlaps).

We also wanted to focus on the more elegant and classy versions of these styles. And though we’re sure we’ve missed some worthy notables, we can always catch up with a follow up vaporizer issue down the road.

For the moment, here are a number of examples of some the top vaporizers out there that we believe deserve some attention in one way or another.

Enjoy them as much as we did.

IMAGES by Ana Yazdi & Daniel Collopy, MODELS Christine Spehar & Tera King, VAPORIZERS G-Pen & Double Agent

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RATING SCALE

. . . . . . . .

DESIGN | HOW IT LOOKS FEEL | HOW IT FEELS TO USE STRENGTH | HOW STRONG ARE THE EFFECTS COST | HOW WORTH THE PRICE IT IS EFFICIENCY | HOW WELL IT USES PRODUCT FUNCTIONALITY | HOW EASY IT IS TO USE DISCRETION | HOW WELL IT FITS INTO ITS ENVIRONMENT MAINTENANCE | HOW LITTLE UP-KEEP IT NEEDS

1 LEAF=BAD

2 LEAVES=OK

4 LEAVES = EXCELLENT 58

3 LEAVES=GOOD

5 LEAVES = TOP CLASS

IMAGE Opposite by Ana Yazdi and Daniel Collopy, MODEL Alicia Marie Brower, VAPORIZER G-Pen

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G-Pen/Micro-G

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verview: One of the first vape pens

STYLE | PEN SUB-STYLE | REFILLABLE WAX/OILS PRICE | $65.00/$75.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.GPEN.COM

to break out in the market, Grenco Science’s G-Pen had broke from it’s predecessor Atmos. And while Atmos may have laid the ground work for the reusable vape pen, G-Pen took things to the next level with their innovative styling and grassroots growth in the L.A. dispensaries. All helped give it it’s reputation as the pen to pick when wanting to discreetly vape with concetrates. They then expanded with the Micro-G which includes both a wax/oils attachment as well as an herbal one, and features an even more slim and sleek discreet pocket vaporizer

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eatures: Discreet vaping. Classy styling.

Elegant touches.

ositives: The solid look and feel, the classic cigarette holder styled mouth piece of their basic G-Pen Vaporizer model has modified Micro-G inspired coil reservoir that makes it easy to fill and refill wax. The Micro-G is as easy as it gets to use. The pocket case is a big plus.

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egatives: The G-Pen mouth piece can clog easily with repeated usage of the thicker oils and waxes. The Micro-G herbal vaporizer is like a one hitter of vapes and requires frequent cleaning refilling. The Micro-G also doesn’t have much in the way of filtration. and can be a hard hot hitter.

IMAGES: Above - the Micro-G | Opposite Page - a G-Pen Kit

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RATINGS : DESIGN | Set the standard for the sleek black pen. Nice on the eyes. Simple. Love the

retro-nuevo styled mouthpiece of the classic G-Pen. Feels like kissing Audrey Hepburn while she’s smoking something sweet.

FEEL | Both have nice weight balance and feel good in the hand. Classy mouthpiece of G-Pen is really nice to use. (A bit of heat when inhaling too hard on Micro-G.)

STRENGTH | When well cleaned both hit really nice smooth and strong if taken in slowly.

EFFICIENCY | Wax is stored well when soaked in and can keep being used. Barely any odor when using. Great for when Dad needs his private puff break without informing the family.

FUNCTIONALITY | G-Pen - 3 lvs. Gets a bit sticky unscrewing well used G-pen to refill Micro-G. - 5 lvs easy to fill. Easy to use, easy to fit in pocket. Easy, easy.

COST | The regular G-Pen vaporizer and the Micro-G, around $65.00 U.S. and $75.00 U.S.

respectively, are both well worth the micro investment for the wax enthusiast (not so great for the herbal option)

DISCRETION | With very little smell and matte-black exteriors, it’s as discreet as it comes

for refillable vapes. Especially the Micro-G. Perfect for use in public places, or great in private bedrooms when the Mrs. is fast asleep

MAINTENANCE | The G-Pen takes some occasional deep cleaning as it gets gunked up.

Micros-G has less parts to clean.

Leaf Average:

Excellent.

Conclusion: Like the iPod, the first couple of generations were a bit shaky, but with each new version

and innovation they’ve only gotten better and better, and it’s kept them at the head of the vape-pen pack. If you’re just starting to use concentrates and want a great pocket vape, get a G-Pen.

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GENTLEMAN’S VAPE / AMBASSADOR KIT STYLE | PORTABLE PEN SUB-STYLE | MULTI ATTACHMENT WAX/OILS & HERBAL VAPORIZERS PRICE | $120.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.GENTLEMANSVAPES.COM

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verview: Born 6 years ago in Los An-

geles California, at the beginning of the concentrate crazy, Gentleman’s Vapes brings elegance and quality at affordable prices to pocket vape-pens. They strive for an open source style of vaping, where one can ad any standard mod from any other company. This way your not limited to just their attachments. This is the sassy swinger of the vape pen world looking for a key-swap party.

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eatures: The Ambassador Kit comes

with one standard size “Double Agent” vape pen with 2 attachments: one for concentrates, one for dry herb, for around the house use. It also comes with a slimmer separate “Espionage” e-cig style vape pen for more covert operations. Has new temperature control dial on end of Double Agent to customize temp for herb or wax.

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ositives: The classy styling is an obvious plus. Anything striving for the finer elegances gets kudos in our book. Their “share all, care all” unselfish philosophy is also quite commendable. And the affordability of this 3 piece kit makes it accessible to almost anyone, (especially if they share it with their girlfriend, who thinks the Espionage is très chiqué and claims it for her own).

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egatives: Your girlfriend will steal

your Espionage pen vape. Also the chamber on the concentrate tank is quite tall and hard to refill. (Should’ve made it half the length.) The herb tank has the awkward coil in the middle of the tank, which not only makes it difficult to remove the finished herb with their given tool without damaging the coil, but also burns the dry herb closest to the coil and doesn’t give true vape. The Espionage doesnt have an off option for it’s prominant button which makes it easy to accidentally leave prssed on in as purse or pocket.

IMAGES: Above - Gentleman’s Brand Ambassador Kit V3 Opposite Page - Double Agent Pen

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RATINGS : DESIGN | Their sleek stainless steel styling makes it seem like silver cigar FEEL | The Espionage it nice to the touch. The beveled mouthpieces on both items are all quite nice to use. The Double Agent is a bit bulky and more for home use

STRENGTH | The Espionage hits well. The Double Agent doesn’t hit as easily.

EFFICIENCY | The Double Agent is hard to fill a just a small amount of wax, and the herbal vape attachment burns the bud a bit. The Espionage, again, works much better

FUNCTIONALITY | Hard to load the Double Agent’s long concentrate chamber efficiently

(they give a guide to aid you.). And the herbal tank is hard to unload and reload. The Espionage is a breeze.

COST | Considering all the different elegant pieces one gets for around $100, it’s worth it.

(Even if the Espionage is the one you’ll mostly use.)

DISCRETION | Again the Espionage wins this for the kit MAINTENANCE | The espionage seems easy to clean, but the Double Agent’s long chambers make it difficult to keep tidy.

Leaf Average:

Quite Good

Conclusion: The Gentleman’s Vape company’s attention to sophisticated styling is to be commended and

encouraged. And their openness to using any other company’s standard attachment shows what true gentlemen they are. And with some tweaks on their own attachments, they could really be outstanding. That being said, it might be best to just get the sleek sexy Espionage pen for now.

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THE NEW SMOKER

ICONIC

Overview: With the ease of an e-cigarette, these

simple pen style are disposable and recyclable.

They generally use Co2 extracted oils. No button necessary, just pull a puff and hit it. Their effects tend to be light and mild so one can repeatedly puff on it like a cigarette, and not just get it all in one blast which can be overwhelming to the uninitiated.

STYLE | PEN

Features: Classy styling. Preloaded cannabis cartridges.

SUB-STYLE | E-CIG PRICE | $80.00 U.S.

Positives: Easy. Discreet. No mess, no fuss. Looks

LINK | WWW.IONIC-WA.COM

like a dark e-cig

Negatives: Can’t modify to put in one’s own prod-

uct. Have to use their cartridges, and therefore their strains, product. Also, looks like a dark e-cig.

RATINGS : DESIGN | Sleek, Simple.

FEEL | Easy, Elegant. Maybe too Easy. Some strength control would be nice.

STRENGTH | It’s meant to be not that strong per puff, therefore doesn’t hit too hard EFFICIENCY | It’s all self inclusive so no waste, other than the whole package... which does get recycled.

FUNCTIONALITY | Very easy to use (wimp) COST | A bit expensive for something you throw away, about 80 hits for $80.00 U.S. DISCRETION | Looking just like an e cigarette, it’s as discreet as it comes. Except the front light that gives you away like Rudolph’s nose on Xmas Eve

MAINTENANCE | No real maintenance... other than the ease of access to refills. And these

days, for most people, that can be realtively difficult.

Leaf Average:

Very Good.

Conclusion: If you like the prepackaged on the go e-cig style no hassle canna-vape pen, then this is for you...

Mr. Boring.

IMAGE: Above - Iconic Disposable/Refillable Vaporizer Pen | Opposite page image by Ana Yazdi and Daniel Collopy, MODEL Alicia Marie Brower

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THE NEW SMOKER

G-Pro STYLE | PEN SUB-STYLE | HERBAL VAPORIZER PRICE | $100.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.GPEN.COM

O

verview: With a desire to get a real

foothold in the herbal pocket-vape game, Grenco Science has finally released it’s much anticipated “G-Pro”. It’s a big step away from their herbal tank attachment which fit on the regular G-Pen. The G-Pro is a big redesign for them. Inside they’ve replaced the bottom based heating coil style of the herbal tank (which can cause some combustion) for the more recently popular full surround heating chamber style.

And while following in suit of the original sleek black design, this vape pen is a bit of a departure from their previous styling. It’s larger and more bulky, and also notably different is the shiney black plastic dominating the top and mouth of the casing.

F P

eatures: Cutting edge non-combustion

Heating chamber. 3 Temperature selection. Inclusive universal USB flow through charging.

ositives: The G-Pro vaporizes cleanly

without combustion (some stirring up the herb between hits will give best results).

Is relatively odorless. Is light weight. Charges easily.

N

egatives: Is pretty hot to the throat.

Heat resistant attachment mouth piece helps, but still can be a bit too hot, and the attachment is awkward when carrying in one’s pocket and easy to lose. (Maybe a telescopic extending heat resistant mouth piece instead?

Could use a longer whip/hooka style attachment option). Also the “on ready until it turns off, so hurry up and smoke now” pressure factor doesn’t help the cause. We like to puff at our own pace please. (Needs a “manual puff” button?)

IMAGES: Above - Grenco - G Pen Pro Vaporizer Opposite Page - Full Grenco - G Pen Pro Vaporizer Kit

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THE NEW SMOKER

RATINGS : DESIGN | Looks pretty classy, but something about this makes us wanna call it “The Darth Vapor”. (And we’re not sure if it’s from the new Star Wars, or the Original good version...)

FEEL | The heat resistant attachment is a bit funny to adjust to at first, like sucking from a

soft ant-eaters nose. But with practice and correct slow smooth puffing it hit quite nice (we like heat-setting: blue)

STRENGTH | If you don’t grind up your bud too fine, and pack it full, it hits pretty long and

hard

EFFICIENCY | As with most vaporizers, it seems a bong hit would yield more efficient re-

sults and use less weed. But for a pocket vape and a few stirs, the G-Pro uses most everything

FUNCTIONALITY | Other than the tricky top/mouthpiece to pop off, and the need for a

thin poker or twig to dig out the used herb, a it’s a snap to open fill and empty, repack, heat and go

COST | Considering the Pax, it’s main competition, is more than twice the price, this is definitely a better choice for the economically inclined, and works just as well... if not better

DISCRETION | Vapor smell is not strong upon exhale, but pen can smell like burnt leaves

after a full use. A bit bright to use in dark areas. Shape also makes public use a bit awkward, like sucking on some kind of thin black breathalyzer

MAINTENANCE | Pretty easy to get herb in and out of chamber, other than popping the

tricky top and need of a poker. Not sure about extended use build up

Leaf Average:

Fairly Excellent.

Conclusion: This is a great herbal pocket vaporizer, even with its mild over heating mouth piece difficul-

ty. (Hopefully they offer longer ant-eater style extension attachments options in future) And you definitely can’t beat the tech for the price.

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THE NEW SMOKER

Magic Flight / Maud-Dib STYLE | POCKET VAPE SUB-STYLE | HERBAL / WAX VAPORIZERS PRICE | $120.00 / $170.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.MAGIC-FLIGHT.COM

O

verview: The Magic Flight Launch Box is one of the first herbal handheld vaporizers to turn regular combustion smokers into herbal vape-only smokers.

As if the magic of the original Magic Flight Launch Box wasn’t magical enough, they have boldly entered the concentrate game with the striking Muad-Dib: A steam-punk sci-fi inspired concentrate vaporizer which might be one of the most unique, stylish, and effective new smoking tools out there today.

F

eatures: Both are hand made from wood with love in San Diego. The Magic Flight box provides quick clean herbal vaping easy and effortlessly. And when both are used with their elegant glass hooka style Obiter attachment providing extra cooling, the combined effect is heavenly... as in high as the clouds. (The nomess form fit wooden grinder is worth picking up for the perfect fine herbal grind).

P

ositives: Both the Magic Flight and the Muad-Dib offer style with loving workmanship and care, and both are also very effective tools for getting high.

N

egatives: Using the battery to ignite the charge is awkward when not used to it.

(Maybe some special-made batteries cut half the size lengthwise could work? More like a button then a battery sticking out. Might help with form & function). Also, if held too long one can ignite the finely ground herb. Again with practice, one can easily avoid this problem.

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RATINGS : DESIGN | The love and craftsmanship of both are top notch. Only the battery-as-button is a

bit awkward looking. The Muad-Dib’s simplistic yet elegant design make it something you want to leave out for others to see

FEEL | It can be a bit of a hot hitter. They provide a hooka whip attachment to help with cooling. When used with the Orbiter accessory, the effect is smooth, strong, and dare we say sensual. Using battery-button is a bit awkward

STRENGTH | Very strong, Very effective EFFICIENCY | Very efficient, Uses all the product FUNCTIONALITY | Very easy to use. Filling it is a breeze with the form fitted wooden grinder attachment for the Magic Flight box

COST | The price might be a tad high for the average pocket vape, but it’s handmade with love in the U.S. so it is worth the extra price

DISCRETION | It’s unique look makes it stick out in public, but it home use is fast and easy with only a little burnt smell after finishing a bowl

MAINTENANCE | The Magic Flight is super easy to clean with the little brush that comes with it. The Maud Dib however does look like it could get a bit messy by over filling it and causing spillovers or drips into the inside casing below. Care should be taken Leaf Average:

Quite Classy

Conclusion:

~ The Magic Flight: After a bit of getting used to, it’s a joy to use. Made with love you can feel.

Well worth getting. ~The Muad-Dib: Might be one of the most striking vaporizer-as-art pieces out there, but is not quite as easy to use as some of the other pocket wax vapes. Still, well worth owning a bit of art that gets you really high.

IMAGES: Above - Noir Muad-Dib Concentrate Box | Previous Page - Metatron’s Cube Laser Launch Box Kit, Noir Muad-Dib Concentrate Box, Orbiter

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THE NEW SMOKER

PAX by PLOOM

Overview: Small enough to fit in your pocket, Pax

heats and never burns your product, releasing a delicious, satisfying vapor. It’s the world’s most pocketable, premium loose-leaf vaporizer.

Features: Incredibly discreet and effective vaping anytime, anywhere. Great aesthetics. Perfectly discreet in size.

STYLE | PORTABLE SUB-STYLE | HERBAL VAPORIZER

Positives: Where to start with the Pax? It’s a game changer, like the iPhone of vapes circa 2009. Easily fits in a regular-sized pants pocket. As discreet as it gets, esp. in black. Exceptional vapor quality with three different heat settings.

PRICE | $250.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.PLOOM.COM/PAX

Negatives: Herb chamber can get sticky fast and

needs to be kept clean. Shuts off a little too quickly. Mouthpiece could feel a little sturdier. Can’t use while charging.

RATINGS : DESIGN | Clean lines. Great size and weight. Functions incredibly well, esp. given its size.

FEEL | The discreet design leads to peace of mind instantly. Feels great to the touch.

STRENGTH | This does not pull as hard as tower vapes but the highest setting still functions

more than fine.

EFFICIENCY | The precision control is not quite on the same level as some of the tower vapes, but you’re guaranteed to get great vape hits from properly ground (not too fine) herb.

FUNCTIONALITY | As simple as it gets. Grind. Load. Heat. Vape.

COST | The price is a little steep, but if you can afford it, it’s well worth the $250 price tag DISCRETION | We’d give this 6 leaves if it were possible. Walk your dog with the Pax; no

one will suspect a thing. Take it into public restrooms, movie theaters, etc. It’s as discreet as it gets, esp. in black.

MAINTENANCE | Keep it clean and lubricate the mouth piece on occasion, and you’ll be in

great shape.

Leaf Average:

Most Excellent.

Conclusion: This is as good as it gets for a portable vape. Buy one (esp. in black) and keep it clean; it’ll be all you need.

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IMAGES: Above - Amethyst Purple and Diamond Pax Vaporizer by Ploom

IMAGE by Ana Yazdi and Daniel Collopy, MODEL Christine Spehar

THE NEW SMOKER

Silver Surfer Vaporizer STYLE | DESKTOP VAPIRIZER SUB-STYLE | WHIP/HOOKA PRICE | $270.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.SILVERSURFERVAP.COM

O

verview: The convection hooka, or

whip style, plug-in vaporizer, most familiar these days as the desktop wooden vape-box with, red temperature-numbers, a plastic suck tube attached, has been elevated to the next level with 7th Floor’s SSV: Silver Surfer Vaporizer. This stream lined piece of future vapetech blends old school glass blowing with new styled metals and ceramics to give the user calm control of the strength and heat of their hit.

F

eatures: Glass pieces are always nice

to smoke from, and they have their own team of specialists in glass blowing to custom make all kinds of pieces. Their vaporizers are all customizable, from colors, to your own prints on the outside shell, to the many kinds of glass attachments and knobs of your choice. Plus, it also comes with a nice padded shoulder bag travel case, maybe for a picnic... off campus... by an outlet.

P

ositives: The form fit glass pieces, from

the beveled glass wand that fits the heating element’s glass covered socket, to the mouth piece that fits well on the lips, all add a great feel to the vaping experience. The whip convection style of “vaping at your leisure” is always a pleasure.

N

egatives: There is no auto shut off,

which seems a bit stoner-dangerous with the heating element partially exposed. (That being said we left it on for and extended period and it wasn’t any hotter than when we were using it before). It seems like it’s facing backwards when you use it, like the wall gets to look at it more than you would.

IMAGES: Above - Silver Surfer Desk Top Vaporizer Opposite Page - Silver Surfer Desk Top Vaporizer Kit

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RATINGS : DESIGN | It has some nice see-through glass features, but the hybrid of a 90’s glass-pipe styled knobs mixed with the sleek industrial silver seem to clash more than compliment. They are modifiable, so that helps out.

FEEL | The glass attachments feels great to use. Solid and sturdy and smooth. And let’s say, sensual? ...sure.

STRENGTH | Once you find the sweet spots, inhaling at just the desired amounts, you can definitely “Ride The Wave” as they say. But it takes a bit of balance and practice and surfer-like zen.

EFFICIENCY | Depending the heat setting and on how often you mix the stuff around be-

tween puffs, you can use almost all the essential elements of the herb, (as good as an herbal vape can)

FUNCTIONALITY | Other than the tricky top/mouthpiece to pop off, and the need for a

thin poker or twig to dig out the used herb, a it’s a snap to open fill and empty, repack, heat and go

COST | At $270 it’s one of the more high-medium priced of the medium-high end vapes.

DISCRETION | The hooka/whip is always hard to conveniently hide. But if you don’t mind giving the vaporizer it’s own spot on your dorm-room desk, it’s all good.

MAINTENANCE | The wand screen needs occasional replacing, which can be a bit tricky

for the thick-fingered, but other than that and the occasional glass attachment cleaning, there’s very little up keep.

Leaf Average:

Quite Good.

Conclusion: The Silver Surfer vaporizer is a really great reliable desktop vape to use. A fine sturdy puff-along

hooka desk-work buddy. But wouldn’t wanna have it bedside and leave it running all night by mistake after some really good knock out Indica. An automatic shut off setting might be a good idea.

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THE NEW SMOKER

Volcano

(Classic Model) STYLE | DESKTOP VAPIRIZER SUB-STYLE | FORCED AIR VAPORIZER PRICE | $340.00 - $500.00 LINK | WWW.STORZ-BICKEL.COM

O

verview: Whether you go Classic or

Digital (same high, different design), the Volcano is a legendary, iconic vape and demands to be treated with respect like a true O.G. The quality of the herbal vapor this bad boy produces is still second to none, but the current competition is amazing (and portable! and discreet!), so it’s limitations are more apparent than ever in 2014. The Volcano is the Kobe Bryant of vapes. A first ballot vape hall of famer...that’s quickly becoming a little long in the tooth.

F

eatures: A giant silver base. Aesthetics

out of a German art museum, circa 2004.

The ability to fill what are essentially turkey bags with the cleanest, thickest vapor you could ever imagine.

P

ositives: The highest quality vapor

through still state-of-the art technology.

Precision heat control. Absolutely, postively being able to maximize what you get out of your herb in terms of both high and overall cleanliness. The included plastic grinder functions exceptionally well. If you only toke at home, are health conscious and price is not much of a concern, you will love owning a Volcano. It’s like a tea ceremony every time you use the thing.

N

egatives: It’s cumbersome. Zero port-

ability. It looks like it belongs in 2004.

(I loved 2004 so that’s not a bad thing... but I don’t rock the same hairstyle I did in 2004, either.) Having to store this monstrous device.

Having to remove said monstrous device from the hallway closet every time you want to use it.

It’s like a tea ceremony every time you use the thing. Plus, the plastic bag as a delivery system feels cheap in 2014.

IMAGES: Above - Volcano Classic Vaporizer Base Opposite Page - Volcano Classic Vaporizer Base & Bag

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THE NEW SMOKER

RATINGS : DESIGN | If we were a decade in the past, this would get an extra leaf. Construction of the base is top notch. But the plastic bags are starting to seem like the Laserdiscs of inhalers.

FEEL | Mouthpiece feels comfy. It feels solid all around... But using the crinkly bag feels a bit like being in a respiratory hospital. Nothing sexy about that.

STRENGTH | The Volcano can teach heated power yoga or cool-down zen meditation. En-

tirely up to you and how much heat/intensity you desire.

EFFICIENCY | Amazing vapor, always.

FUNCTIONALITY | It’s a pain in the ass having to set this up, attach the bags, etc.

COST | If you’re not taken aback by the price tag, you’ll be glad you own it. Bill Maher gives Volcanoes as gifts to his smoker friends, which is everything you need to know.

DISCRETION | The only way to be discreet with this is to keep your blinds drawn. Otherwise, using this in public would be perhaps the least discreet way to get high in public. Hell, you’d need an extension chord or power generator. Oh, and it’s loud.

MAINTENANCE | Bags need to be replaced, which involves using scissors and tying them off like a mini arts and crafts project - which ain’t exactly sexy. Tiny metal pieces can unscrew and get stuck, though pieces can easily be replaced. The base and mouthpiece remain solid, however.

Leaf Average:

Good Enough.

Conclusion: Still one of the most efficient ways to vaporize, but quickly being lapped by the sleeker, sexier and more portable competition.

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Elev8

Overview: For the extreme BHO 710 wax/oil

STYLE | GLASS BONG- MINICYCLER

consumer who loves cracked out chemistry sets, this is the Dab Bong for you. 7th Floor’s glass-making division brings you plenty of custom styled glass dab bubbler bongs. These are not for the faint of heart or head. Concentrate consuming professionals only.

SUB-STYLE | DAB BONG

Features: Handblown glass bubbler bong with mul-

PRICE | $100.00 - $300.00 U.S. LINK | WWW.ELEV8GLASS.COM

tiple cooling water chambers.

Positives: Fast and effective way to vape wax.

Negatives: Kinda feel it’s like smoking crack in

chemistry class. Having to use a blow torch to heat anything is never a casual thing.

RATINGS : DESIGN | While we appreciate the glass craft it took to make this piece, it still reminds us a bit too much of a phallic chem-lab beaker.

FEEL | Glass feels good to the touch, but using a mini blow torch, it feels dangerous and dirty.

STRENGTH | Dabs are the strongest way to get high and this bubbler helps it hit even hard-

er. Remember that first time you got too high, like on acid high...? For the uninitiated, this is like that.

EFFICIENCY | All it takes is a “dab” to get you superhero high.

FUNCTIONALITY | The uncouth use of the mini blow torch, with the difficulty in getting

the dab to the heated nail in through the globe around it, makes this not very fun-ctional.

COST | If you love dabbing, and are a firm member of the 710 club, this is a very effective bubbler to buy. But for the amateurs, you might want to start with something a little more straight forward and cheaper.

DISCRETION | We’d give this 6 leaves if it were possible. Walk your dog with the Pax; no

one will suspect a thing. Take it into public restrooms, movie theaters, etc. It’s as discreet as it gets, esp. in black.

MAINTENANCE | Average cleaning needs for a bong. Not too difficult.

Leaf Average

Good Enough

Conclusion: For the 710 pro-dabbers with some extra coin and a major in chemistry, this is a good piece to grab. For the rest of us, it might just be easier and cheaper to grab a dab attachment for our regular home bong for the occasional super blast off to Narnia.

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IMAGE: Above - Minicycler by Elev8 | Opposite Image: by Larry Snelly

10 Vaping Tips & Techniques: 1: Be Patient. It’s different than smoking from a pipe, bong, or joint, so treat it with the willingness to experiment at finding just the right inhalation technique that works.

2: When inhaling from most vaporizers try a slow steady pull, like sipping a straw, or hooka style. If that doesn’t work, try puffing more like stoking a cigar to get vapor going.

3: When vaping in public, blow down to be discreet.

4: Stir herbal vape every other pull or so to best use all of the herb.

5: Pre stoke/heat wax a second or two before pen vaping to prime it, with mouthpiece pointing upward.

6: For wax-pen vape conservation, before fresh wax refills, carefully scrape unused wax goo from edges around the heating coil, and re-apply to coil for extended wax use.

7: Use olive-oil to first clean wax sticky fingers and safe vaporizer parts. Then use rubbing alcohol to finish the cleaning.

8: Use Wax/oil portable vaporizers to be more discreet. They tend to be less pungent than herbal vapes.

9: Don’t over vape in places it’s not allowed and ruin it for the rest of us.

10: Always smoke with casual noble intentions and not reflexive paranoid based fear. If you feel and act suspicious, people will look at you suspiciously and it’ll make it weird. Don’t make it weird, just enjoy your vaping with style, class, and most of all... pleasure.

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IMAGES by Ana Yazdi and Daniel Collopy, MODEL Tera King , VAPORIZER: Gentleman’s Vape’s Double Agent

IMAGES by Ana Yazdi and Daniel Collopy, MODEL Alicia Marie Brower , VAPORIZER the Muad-Dib

THE NEW SMOKER

MY

FIRST TIME...

by LYDIA HYSLOP Lydia Hyslop is a writer, filmmaker, and actress with a persuasion for all things green.

Her feature film directorial debut, Burnout, is a comedic look at the life of a pot dealer in LA whose livelihood is threatened with the legalization of marijuana. You can find out more about the film and watch the trailer here: www.burnoutburnout.com

I

never had any desire to do anything “bad” until I was in high school. I always considered myself kind of a late bloomer, and, to this day, I’m secretly a shy nerd. Middle school was awkward for me, as I wasn’t really “cool,” while my peers experimented with lipstick and crimped hair, glitter eyeliner and co-ed hangouts after school.

I overheard girls talking about guys having boners, but I had never even held hands with a boy (redhaired Andrew with cowboy boots in first grade DOES NOT COUNT!). At 13, I still hadn’t even gotten my period, and I was so embarrassed to be so unwomanly, with glasses, braces, and a flat chest.

By the time high school rolled around, I had a best friend, and we had formed a small group of friends who all shared interests in music, thrift store fashion, and ultimately just being silly. Hands down, I am a silly person to this day. In trying to look back and pin down what it was that bonded me and these girls together, I have difficulty thinking it was much more than that we all liked to laugh. Our school was super cliquey and rich, and we were not. We were just regular, middle-class girls. Read: not “cool.”

High school began, and nothing changed. The preps got preppier, and they shunned us more. They called us lesbians. That we were not, but I still hadn’t ever been kissed OR started my period (why, God, why?). All my girl friends had theirs, and I would pretend like I had mine, too, even though I didn’t. I stuffed my bra; I felt doomed. While my best friend seemed to be adjusting to high school life a bit better, I felt like the same nerdy, shy, whenam-I-going-to-start-my-period-goddammit, socially awkward, not-as-cool-as-anyone-else, socially-be-

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hind-everyone-else, no boy will ever like me… me.

M

y best friend mentioned that she thought getting drunk would be really fun, and we should do it. I honestly hadn’t even thought about drinking.

I don’t know why. People were obviously getting drunk, but I didn’t want to. I mean, it just wasn’t on my plane of consciousness as an option. What I did find intriguing was the idea of smoking weed.

I was becoming closer with one of my friends in art class, and she had older brothers and parents who turned a blind eye to minute details, most likely jaded on having already raised two teenage boys. I am the oldest child, so my teenage experience was very much unlike my art friend’s.

Art friend mentioned that if we wanted to get high, she could get us some pot, and we could go in the woods and try smoking it. I was liking this idea very much. I mean, why not, right? Smoking pot was cool. Maybe this could really seal the deal and help me realize my identity, help solidify something, or move me in some direction towards coolness. I liked the idea of being bad… I just hadn’t effectively achieved any actually badness thus far. To be fair, my best friend and I did steal make-up from WalMart once and got busted, so I guess that was technically my first bad thing, but smoking pot seemed next level. I mean, come on… drugs? Instant cool.

Art friend got the weed from her brother. I rode the bus home with her after school, and she and I and two kids from her neighborhood headed to the woods. I remember sitting on a log and attempting to smoke pot, I believe from an aluminum can. We had been warned that the first time you smoke, you

THE NEW SMOKER

“In awe, the boy mentioned that my Dad had a pretty big reputation.

I didn't catch his drift.

‘You know… for smoking pot.’

Wait, WHAAAAAAAT?!?

”

may not get high. Sure enough, we seemed to smoke and smoke and feel nothing. I think one of us said they felt a little something, but I know I didn’t get high that day.

W

e decided to try again soon. We arranged another hangout, this time I believe it was a weekend.

We found out that one of the kids’ parents weren’t going to be home, or maybe they were out of town.

We decided that we’d do it at her house. This girl was… weird. I mean, she was nice and all, but she had a weird vibe, and she had given herself the nickname “Swell.” I think it was after “Sue Ellen” in Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead. She was definitely “not cool.”

Swell had a mentally handicapped brother, and

quest was that emanating from the TV. We each hit the bowl until we thought we felt something. I think it’s working! It was hard to tell, because the room well’s room was dark was so dark and the house and dingy. Her house so inherently weird, but I smelled like pee.

Her definitely felt something. brother had punched holes in the wall somehow remember being zoned and would pee in the wall. into the TV, as if there Also, there was dog shit were some solace in the everywhere. It was pret- picture and the light. I ty gross, but hey… where sat cross-legged on the else is a fourteen-year- (filthy) carpeted floor, old supposed to go and locked into the TV. Everysmoke pot on a Saturday? one was stoned, and we A household with absent all watched silently, zonparents who let their teen- ing out. I know we werage daughter and handi- en’t socializing. At least I capped son have the rule wasn’t. Then I had to pee. of the roost was about as I also remember being good as it could get. shocked at how light it was We passed around a bowl. elsewhere in the house. I I think there may have guess Swell’s room didn’t been a bong, too. The only have any windows or lighting for our lascivious something. I found my he was somewhere in her house that day, although I never saw him. Inherently, the scenario was bizarre.

S

I

way down the hall to the bathroom, and that’s when it hit me: I was stoned as fuck! Suddenly my brain was working in a different way than it ever had. I started questioning things I wouldn’t otherwise question.

I

was peeing, and I suddenly thought I had forgotten to pull down my underwear! I quickly tried to stop peeing, but I realized I was wrong. Everything was fine, and I had pulled down my panties like normal. It must have been the body buzz making me feel tingly that caused that sensation. I washed up and went back to the room.

I kept watching the movie that was on TV, but my mind was racing. I’m actually stoned! Holy shit!

This is it!!! I found that

IMAGE by Amanda Benson - Lyida Hyslop1997

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leaving the room was fun.

I could meander down the long hallway, land in the bathroom, and check-in with myself again. I was excited that getting high had actually worked! So this is what it was all about.

paying attention for a good two hours as I processed all these new thoughts, but now I realized that I’d finally gotten to see Boogie Nights, which I’d wanted to see but wasn’t allowed, yet I couldn’t tell you a thing about it.

I

A

left to pee again. I distinctly remember a moment, staring at the dingy old wall, my newly-stoned mind wandering all over the place, when I had a full-on revelation. This is familiar. I remember this. This is what being a kid felt like! Being stoned makes me feel like I’m little again!

Woah. This was awesome. I had lost my grandmother a few years back, and I went through a nostalgic phase of mourning for the past. Mourning for the loss of innocence.

I’d look at old family photos from the 80s and feel anger that things couldn’t just be sweet and simple forever, that shit had to happen. Being stoned made me feel… silly. Innocent and carefree, even.

It took me out of myself and made things seem in some way new. It made my brain process things differently. I liked it.

fter that, I think I just went home and went to sleep. I don’t really remember how the day ended. The most defining moments for me from that afternoon were the realization that I felt like a kid when I got stoned and the realization that we were watching Boogie Nights. High school continued, and not much changed that year, except that I now had a secret: I did something bad---and I would to do it again.

The summer after freshman year brought some big changes: I had my first period, and I had my first kiss. Maybe things were looking up, after all. I was liking this new badness, too. I wanted to keep rebelling. I drank an entire bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and got wayyyyy too drunk… and got caught. To reiterate, I’m the oldest child, so my parents flipped out and grounded me for several months. Once my I settled back into the grounding sentence finalroom. Jesus, this movie ly ended, I think it was alwas still on. I wondered most Christmas! how long we’d been there, I went to this birthday but I had no frame of reference. The room was still party of an elementary dark. The movie was still school friend that winon. It still smelled like ter, and I met a boy who piss and shit. Suddenly, seemed to like me. As we I looked up at the screen were talking, I mentioned and saw a thirteen-inch that my dad played guitar. dick. Wait… Ohhhhhh!

(CONTINUES ON This is Boogie Nights!!! I PAGE 102) finally realized what we’d been watching this whole time. I hadn’t really been 84

IMAGE by Natalie Neal for Ladygunn.com - Lyida Hyslop

The New SMoker Scale Not everyone enjoys cannabis in the same way. Some smoke everyday, some only smoke on the weekends, some smoke once in a blue moon. With this in mind we’ve created a pot smokers scale modeled after The Kinsey Scale (which represents the various shades of sexuality) so one can identify themselves more accurately. Which number are you?

THE NEW SMOKER

High- Fi Reviews of Amazing Music to Hear While High.

by Medieval Woman

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he secret power of a smoker is an ability to apprehend the world without obstructions. To really feel the touch when there is someone there to touch.

To really hear the music with all its layers and notes. So use your secret powers, kids. Close your eyes and listen. Old or new... What does it matter? The long lost beauty behind records lies in their time-transcending properties. So enjoy them just because you can. Because music is only there to be heard. Close your eyes, turn on your playlists or CDs or vinyls, and who knows? The familiar sounds might come alive like never before.

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Mulekid EP by Mulekid

THE NEW SMOKER

T

here is a kid somewhere in Montreal who prefers to stay secretive, but writes magnificent and sentimental songs in his bedroom. Maybe it is a defensive mechanism... At least that’s what he says. But the world would be truly a better place if its defense mechanism was writing music. A song for every war could be a new concept. Mulekid is a small EP, but well worth going on Bandcamp and digging up. A young artist surprises us with his gentle and spacious chorus vocals and vibrant drum beats. The three songs have an unusual flow, yet they feel so perfect for staying home alone on a cozy Friday night. Mulekid’s EP was written with a hint of sadness and a lot of love...

1983 by Flying Lotus

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hat happened in 1983? Microsoft word appeared, and M.A.S.H ended. United States invaded Grenada, and Flying Lotus was born.

The album feels a bit like a time capsule. It draws you in with its ever changing hip-hop beats, scratchy bass lines, and wobbly keyboards. Head keeps on nodding, time keeps on moving along. Flying Lotus does a wonderful job reinventing loops until they become small but always engaging pieces of music. He uses an array of exotic sounds and elements which make the album stand out as fresh and unique. These noisy instrumentals make up a great record to turn on and meditate for a while. As if 1983 was just yesterday, and who knows how I ended up here when I opened my eyes..?

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

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suppose that Dark Side of the Moon is the “classic” one, but it is the “Wish You Were Here” album which is raw in both its meaning and and a feeling of longing behind it. It was written as a tribute to Syd Barrett, and it is the theme of absence which makes the album one of the most unpretentious records that I’ve ever heard. There are artists who write lyrics to feel up space.

And then there is the Wish You Were Here record. And if you listen and believe every word of it, you might experience that tragedy and craziness that floats in the air for some of us. Yet rest assured, Pink Floyd stands true to the genre of psychedelic rock. Whether you are searching for honesty or the greatest guitar parts ever recorded, you’ll find it all here. Again, and again, and again.

Gentle Predator - Katastro

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ife’s for the living, and if you want to smoke to something, smoke to Katastro’s Gentle Predator. Or take a ride and puff cruising through the streets of your city. While psychedelia sucks the world right out of you, it is the reggae-rock that get you going. Katastro is a new band from Temple, Arizona, and their sound is progressing with every new album they they put out. Their songs blend elements of blues, rock, funk, and hip-hop and are charged with positivity. The track “Alone” stands out as a single.

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THE NEW SMOKER

Bitches Brew by Miles Davis

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e think Miley Cyrus is provocative today. Well, imagine Miles Davis calling up his producer Teo Macero back in 1970 and saying “Hey, I know what the album is going to be called!” Poor Teo then wrote a memo to Columbia executives. “Please Advise” was all it said! People like to identify bands with genres, but Bitches Brew isn’t jazz, or funk, or rock... It was recorded as a creative stream of ideas, and it is this stream of energy that best defines it. Miles goes back to his roots and the vibrant rock atmosphere of the late 1960s to create hypnotic grooves over provocative music. The band seems to be floating, and the horns echo in a true psychedelic fashion. Bitches Brew was an output of musical and expressive liberties, and this is how you’ll feel listening to it.

National Anthem by Jimi Hendrix

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ot an album, I know. But it is 4 minutes long, so if you turn it on and play it back 10 times, it would be one of the best albums of all. I think our friends at the “major labels” should in fact create such an album and let all of the proceeds go to some good cause. And this would be a story how Stoners United saved the world. You do, however, owe it to yourself to watch the actual video. Just gaze at it, until you find some inner meaning and national pride inside yourself. Let the smoke cloud up your vision, and through that smoke, you are going to see Jimi. And he is going to open his mouth as if it is not the guitar that is signing through amplifiers. As if the guitar, in fact, is an inseparable part of his own being, and he is raging and crying for an American freedom with it. God bless the person who documented this event, and the one before him who created motion pictures. And Jimi, an American hero.

Daniela Casa - America Giovane

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ew Americans know the treasures of Italian art. But those who do, borrow from it right and left. Lorde’s mime impersonations for her Tennis Court video - borrowed from the final seen of Blow Up by Michelangelo Antonioni. Nine’s scene with a prostitute and kids - borrowed from Amarcord

by Federico Fellini. The drum loop in Good Life by One Republic - borrowed from a soundtrack to the movie L’Automobile with Anna Magnani. And here, I introduce you to Daniela Casa - the Rome born female synthesist, who combines elements of a great variety of genres to create a unique and vintage feeling experimental pop. And if you’re into some old jazzed up psychedelic records, then this should be a good album to add to your collection. Originally designed for TV and film, it has that old authentic European movie groove which feels both striking and strangely familiar to modern ears.

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THE NEW SMOKER

Kid Cudi - A Kid Named Cudi

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an I get a round of hell yeahs right about now? Some albums are like good old friends. They bring back memories... And I can spin this album forever, because the weed moments are to be spent with friends.

Like Cudi. And with that I leave you because songs like the Prayer and Day n Nite don’t need an introduction. They speak for themselves‌

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THE NEW SMOKER

C

hef Tiff’s Recipes

By Chef Tiffany Friedman

Personal Chef Tiffany Friedman shares with us couple of her favorite Autumnal recipes to try out for one’s upcoming festive family events, or just for oneself.

Brioche bread pudding whiskey caramel and chocolate ganche

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ngredients

• 1 1-pound brioche or egg bread loaf, crusts trimmed and reserved, bread cut into 1/2-inch cubes • 8 large eggs • 2 cups whipping cream • 2 cups whole milk • 2 cups sugar • 1 tablespoon vanilla bean paste • 1/2 teaspoon almond extract

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reparation

Place bread cubes in 13 x 9 x 2-inch baking pan.

Whisk eggs, whipping cream, milk, sugar, vanilla bean paste and almond extract in large bowl to blend. Pour over bread cubes. Let stand 30 minutes, occasionally pressing bread into custard mixture. (Can be prepared 2 hours ahead.

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IMAGES: Provided by Chef Tiffany Friedman

Cover and refrigerate.)

Preheat oven to 350°F. Arrange reserved bread crusts on baking sheet and bake until dry, about 10 minutes. Cool. Maintain oven temperature. Transfer crusts to food processor and grind until fine crumbs form. Sprinkle 1 cup crust crumbs over top of pudding. Bake until pudding is set in center, about 40 minutes.

Cool slightly. Serve warm.

Ganache

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ngredients

• 8 ounces good semisweet chocolate chips • 1/2 cup heavy cream

Directions Cook the chocolate chips, heavy cream, top of a double boiler over simmering water until smooth and warm, stirring occasionally.

THE NEW SMOKER

Whiskey Caramel

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ngredients .

• • • •

1 cup granulated sugar 1/3 cup Scotch whisky 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened Pinch of salt

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reparation

Cook sugar in a dry 2-quart heavy saucepan over moderate heat, undisturbed, until it begins to melt.

Continue to cook, stirring occasionally with a fork, until sugar is melted into a deep golden caramel.

Remove from heat and carefully add Scotch, butter, and salt (caramel will steam vigorously and harden).

Cook over moderately low heat, stirring, until caramel is dissolved.

Cool slightly. Serve warm.

Tom Yum

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ngredients .

• 1 can (14 oz.) coconut milk • 1 can (14 oz.) reduced-sodium chicken broth • 6 quarter-size slices fresh ginger • 1 garlic clove sliced • 1 leek sliced and washed • 1 stalk fresh lemongrass, cut in 1-in. pieces • 1 pound boned, skinned chicken breast or thighs, cut into 1-in. chunks • 1 cup sliced shitake mushrooms • 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice • 1 tblespoon braggs liquid aminos • 1 teaspoon sugar

• 1 teaspoon Thai chili paste • 1/4 cup fresh thai basil leaves • 1/4 cup fresh cilantro

Preparation In a mediun sauce pan, sautee mushrooms garlic and ginger and lemon grass and leek for about 1 minute Then add coconut milk, broth, and bring to boil over high heat. Add chicken, , lime juice, sugar, and chili paste. Reduce heat and simmer until chicken is cooked through, 5 to 10 minutes..

Garnish servings with basil and cilantro. Serve.

Chef Tiffany Friedma Chef Tiffany is a lifelong student of the culinary arts. Her goal is to always continue to grow and direct her passion toward bringing people joy.

She describes her culinary talent as, “a gift I hope to share with your tastebuds.”

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Original IMAGE: Ronald Reagan wearing cowboy hat - Wiki and National Archives and Records Administration

Ronald Reagan Burns

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rologue:

​I wasn’t sure the scribblings of an old man would be of interest to anyone, but Nancy says I should reach out to the kids. The truth is I’ve changed a bit. A few years ago Nancy and I took a trip to Greece. We stayed on a secluded island and ate some little papers with cartoons on them. The gates opened and we walked through. I looked back and my shadow was long and sad. It follows me to this very day. Oh well. I guess I’ve learned a thing or two. ​ This year I made it to my favorite corporate retreat in the desert. A fabulous place of tears, clowns, and dirty colored lights. What follows are a collection of letters to my dear friend, and fellow full patch member, Bango. For maximum effect consider reading these with cheap sunglasses while dehydrated and naked.

Namaste.

- UNCLE

RONNIE

DAY1 ​Dear Bango,

​I

write you this letter from one of the filthy couches at the Sbarro® in center camp. My feet covered in mud.

My head full of chocolate balls. My wig blown. I am merely a crayon in God’s shaky hand. What a rush.

Molly and Motorhomes® has exceeded all expectations. I know some of the yuppies are still locked out of this mud pit. To them I say, “Leave your RV, your food, your clothes, and your comforts. Walk naked through the desert and head to the lights. Nirvana awaits”. Broke in to an abandoned Uber car and found an ill fitting costume and a few power bars. I’m set for the week. Stumbled in to Camp Zuckerberg and was roughed up by security. After the nasty exchange, one of the older camp members recognized me as former leader of the free world. Apologies were made. One of their sherpas lead me to the spa were I cleaned up nicely. Brunch was amazing! Boys dipped in gold, oyster towers, glass chariots, battle re-enactments, and endless dope. I personally thanked my host with the old “San Quentin Handshake” (crotch dipped hands) while he licked his shrimp covered fingers. The medicine really kicked in during the third thunderstorm this afternoon. I giggled at the sky and made mud angels with first-time-burner-girl. Her spirit strong, wild and pure. We got matching FUNLV henna tattoos and parted ways over grilled cheese and public sex at The Smut Shack. I’m sure I’ll see her again. If only in my dreams. Well… these sacred symbols aren’t gonna spray paint themselves. Free Love. Fuck the Group. Pigs Forever.

​L

ove, - Uncle Ronnie POLAROID by Ivan Uranga

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THE NEW SMOKER

DAY2 Dear Bango,

​I

write you this letter from the safety of one of the many green time-travel booths. The smell of human waste and broken dreams fuels every key tickle on this tablet. Each question opening up into another. The sounds of hairless monkeys pushing out hard-earned dope and animal remains surround me. I am home.

This morning I woke up at the trash fence. I was clear pissing my Earl Grey when a white truck pulled up next to me. A pig disguised as a man approached my aura. I tried to escape judgment by playing with my penis and claiming primitive expressionism. He told me such conduct was no longer tolerated at Molly and Motorhomes®. Swiftly, I found myself face down in the mud while the pig man searched my nap sack. He fumbled with my medications. I warned him these were CIA grade answers. He didn’t listen. The brown lighting began spilling on his untrained ham hands. He looked at me with a combination of triumph and innocence. I could see the wires melting inside his coconut. In the blink of a dick trap he began to cry. A crowd gathered as he began to curl in a ball. “Nothing to see here friends. Just a man having a good time. Move along”. I took pity on the wounded beast. His donkey mind unprepared for such events. But, I had work to do. As I cinched the zip tie on his thumbs I whispered in his ear, “You’re safe. You’re going to be alright. You’ve just taken some really strong medicine. Try to ignore the bugs under your skin.” I pulled the wool over my eyes and made my way to Nancy and her loving mushroom tea. We caught the sunset and held each other. The sounds of frogs beating in the wind while I gently cried. Sober burn. You’re doing it wrong. When in doubt follow a lost sparkle pony.

​L

ove, - Uncle Ronnie

PS. If you ever make it out of your room at the Peppermill® there’s a dirty fur coat and a candy necklace waiting for you.

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POLAROIDS by Ivan Uranga

THE NEW SMOKER

DAY3 Dear Bango,

​I

write you this letter from the comedown tent. The answers were strong today. Soft music tickles my ears as I marvel at the sound of my beating heart. My piss is clear. My heart is pure. My naked body covered in dust. We are all one. We are all love. It’s all a dream. The day started out innocent enough. I managed to mark six motorhomes with “Steve Jobs was an Asshole” before some do-gooder asked me what I was up to.

“Radical exclusion”, I replied. I saw the gears turn in his melon. With a smile he took my spray paint and finished the remaining offenders on the block. The hydra has many heads. I headed down to the porta-potties (time traveling booths) to panhandle. Freedom isn’t free and neither is chai. I had about 4 dollars before some frat boys in fairy wings showed up and told me to “fuck off”. Which I did. Four dollars is plenty for hippie brew. As I was tidying up my belongings at center camp, an art car filled with New York models and Valley Boys pulled up. I recognized the music was difficult to listen to. Not difficult in a John Cage way, but difficult in a crappy music way. While the crew was busy taking selfies I approached the DJ booth. It’s amazing how much damage a liter of Diet Coke® can do to sound equipment. In the corner of my eye I notice a dancing bear. This bear has been following me for months. Long before Molly and Motorhomes®. It was time we met. I put his paw on my chest and let my heart do the talking. He smiled his bear smile and put a piece of paper on my withered tongue. “Follow me if you want to live.” We walk for miles until we reached a cluster of dirty people and dirty school buses. Nag champa burns. Jerry’s soft voice fills the air. Children laugh.

Wind chimes cackle at one another. I am home. Again.

​L Uncle Ronnie DAY4 ove, -

Dear Bango,

​I

write you this letter from the comfort of my furniture pad nest in center camp. The Wi-Fi is excellent here.

My chai cup is constantly full thanks to the confusion surrounding the “Pick Up” window. I simply nod every time I get a random drink. You got to be quick - but no one has caught on yet. As we all know this place is crawling with narcs. But I figure they need fun too. Take today for example. I was busy painting dicks in the dirt when the bell of an ice cream truck caught my attention. Who isn’t a sucker for a popsicle in the desert? I approached the truck and was greeted by tattooed man in dreadlocks and Oakley® blades. He was giving away ice cream to the sparkle ponies and donald-duckers. From a distance one could argue he was a kind rainbow traveler, but upon closer inspection you could tell he was a Judas. A narc. A pig. A rat. It’s all in the shoes. Those puffy comfortable shoes. You can always spot a traitor by his shoes. You can also spot a traitor by the way they dance. A narc has no rhythm because he has no soul. Anyways. I took one for the team and drenched my hand in medicine. Consequence be damned for both of us. Due to my heavy training I figured I had a little more tolerance than Washoe’s finest. “Free ice cream” he smiled, “Thanks bro” I squealed as we clasped hands. I really hung in there. He tried to pull away. I went in with my other hand and a Namaste hug to seal the deal. Before he could say anything I hopped off the running board and scurried in to the dust. I could tell he was caught off guard. No chance to ask my name. No chance to ask where I was camping. No chance to ask where to get some liquid (You’re soaking in it dipshit). I knew Leary’s worst was making a bee line to my mind. I got him good but friendly fire had hit me hard as well. Luckily, I made it to safety of some hippies before the ride became unmanageable. Extensive candy necklacing and sage burning kept my cheddar on the level. I saw my fellow tripper again a few hours later. Truck on its side. Ice cream scattered in the dirt. The sneak was busy cave painting the wreck with his own poop. “Have a great burn,” I yelled and fluttered away. He didn’t hear a word I said. His mind was blown. A crowd of people stood and stared.

L

ove, - Uncle Ronnie 95

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DAY5 Dear Bango,

​I

write you this letter from the darkness of a U-Haul® trailer. The sweet smell of burning couches fills the air. Random explosions and muffled discourse about avoiding an 8 hour exodus feed the rhythm. Drones circle overhead and transmit our every move to a default world of healthy lips and bloodless boogers. Molly and Motorhomes® is a raging success again. Coffers are filled with money. Coolers brim with water soaked food. Unused costumes are still safely tucked in their plastic bins. Unopened bottles of college grade booze litter every kitchen. Friendships are broken over previously unmentioned camp dues and failure to participate in ego driven schemes that made more sense where sleep and shade were abundant. Timetables are calculated to avoid being stuck with countless bags of leaking trash. Thieves work in to the night while moths are drawn to the fire. Thoughts of work and war and Sprint® bills begin to trickle in the minds of the unfortunate. Luckily for me I have shed most trappings. A dirty coat and a candy necklace is all I brought and it’s all I will take. Apologies in advance to the owners of motorhomes with freshly sugared gas tanks. In a moment of radical clarity I found these deformities to be intolerable. Your dizzying generator fumes. Your Formica countertops. Your gently dripping air conditioner. Your continual reminder of all that is wrong.

Mechanical magic will happen the minute some tired sun burned jockey turns the key, sweet sugar will flow, and you will never block my sacred mountain again. Enjoy the night my friends. Enjoy the freedom until dawn rears her drunken tequila sunrise head. Perhaps you’ve been lucky this year. You avoided watching the PETA video for hours on mushrooms, that shows you where Subway® sandwiches really come from. You avoided poorly lit rebar and giardia laced sippy cups. You avoided being caught with dope and having sex with your camp mate. You kept your cuticles and your bike and your sense of self. I salute you. This place isn’t for everyone. At times I wonder what I am doing here myself. But as long as there is work to be done. I will be here. As long as there is a dick to be painted. I will be here. As long as there is a dragon fly to be marveled at. I will be here. As long as there is a “Jane Fonda Traitor Bitch” to be uttered. I will be here. Tomorrow the temple burns. See you at midnight. As usual.

L

ove, - Uncle Ronnie

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EPILOUGE Dear Bango,

​I

write you this letter from the back of a dirty school bus heading for Oregon. “American Dream” softly murmurs from an old tape player. Dogs snore and twitch their dog dreams. Hippies whisper loving words while our gentle giant surfs the great highway. Sorry I lost my shit at Temple Burn®. Again. It wasn’t the medicine. It wasn’t the shitty tribal music from Goa. It wasn’t because I was still pissed about losing my candy necklace. It’s wasn’t about you being a dick for not taking all my free bikes back to Santa Barbara although I really think they would have fit if you had just let me ratchet strap them the way I wanted to. It was me. Again. As I watched the temple burn, my coconut opened and I began thinking.

Again. It’s like this every year. I thought about life.

I thought about death. I thought about car loads of guns and dope mysteriously appearing in our ghettos.

I thought about my close friendship with fascism and atrocity. People so devoid of humanity they make God cry; Kissinger, Thatcher, Pinochet, Hussein, Pahlavi, Cheney. I thought about how I stole an election from a peanut farmer with a scheme so insane it had to work. I thought about how I ignored an epidemic that ravaged a nation because it just didn’t affect me.

I thought about the farce of trickle down economics and the millions of people I’ve screwed in perpetuity.

I thought this and much more. Much more. Sometimes I stare in the mirror and wonder why John IMAGE by Uranga & Goldwhite missed. But I am still here. There must be a reason.

No. I am not the same loveable guy I used to be in the 80s. Yes. I’ve changed. Yes. I’ve gone to therapy. Yes. Until then. Free Love. Fuck the Group. Forever Pigs.

I’ve done Vipassana. Yes. I look forward and do the best I can with what I have the rest of my life. The ove, temple burns. Nancy sees that familiar look in my eye. She turns to me in hushed tones, “Let go Ronnie.

Let it go.” I stare in to the fire. She is so kind. She - Uncle Ronnie does this every year. And every year we both know it’s impossible. Even though I am truly sorry for everything. I can’t let go. I would ask for forgiveness but that seems incredibly crass and out of pocket considering the ghastly deeds I’ve done. I only hope to be Young voter. Enjoy your first amendment. Feel a force of peace and light and love with my remaining free to write Uncle Ronnie care of this this fine years. A rainbow in the dark. I came by your camp magazine at info@thenewsmoker.com. I’ll to say goodbye but you guys looked really busy. Took do my best to answer any questions, insults, some money out of your tent and stashed a bunch of medicine in the your van. I’ll get it from you later. If observations, or back handed compliments.

Peace be with you. you do find it please don’t open in front of any cameras and save me at least half. Thanks for letting me raid your cooler. Thanks for the wig. It really keeps me warm. Thanks for being a treasure of a friend and a great inspiration. I simply couldn’t do Molly and Motorhomes® without you. Can’t wait for next year.

L

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SKYWALKER O.G

“

A Sci-Fi Strain Review

by Dyson Bronti

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away... “ is how I tend to feel after a nice long evening-puff of some stellar SKYWALKER O.G. Not knocked out, distant, and faded. But more like I’m in a really cool movie in my head with lazers, and wookies, and chatting robots, and sexy bikini clad ladies laying on giant crime-lord slugs in the desert below a flying city.

I

realize most people might not always have the vivid imagination I do in those moments, but for most people this indica-dominant hybrid O.G (though most think it an indica) gives new excitement to the activity of relaxing. It has become the goto creative O.G.that helps you relax, and also inspires you while you work on your latest screenplay, song, animation, graphic design project, or game level.

T

his is also the kind of relaxing smoke that’s perfect for sitting back puffing while watching something blow-up-good on your big action movie home theater screen. Unlike many indica’s or indica dominant hybrids, you won’t pass out during the middle of the movie. You’ll sit through the whole thing, and might even enjoy the boring parts.

L S

eafly.com tells us “this plant is a cross between Skywalker and OG Kush and has the strong aroma characteristic to kush strains that includes a spicy herbal scent tinged with jet fuel.” o if you want to relax, or need help with pain, and want to keep your mental powers nibble, then you should definitely use the Force, Luke... use the Force.

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Above IMAGE : Modified Leafly chart| Opposite Image: by Larry Snelly

THE NEW SMOKER

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THE NEW SMOKER

The Good Taste of Medicine

Potency & Flavor Without The Calories!

The Auntie Dolores Mission: a promise to provide patients with a suitable alternative or form of adjunct therapy to their current medical treatment.

Consistent. Eective. Delicious.

Our award-winning products are sure to satisfy, no matter then ailment, tolerance level or nutritional need!

auntiedolores.com 101

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one of his evening gigs.

He was definitely stoned.

Now I was in on his little he boy was “star- secret. struck” (as would be several others throughout I spent the rest of my my high school career) to teenage years trying to learn that my dad was the evade my parents’ wrath.

Greg Hyslop. I guess if I was officially a bad kid you’re a 16-year-old dude in their eyes now, so I was who plays guitar, you basically damned no matwant to hang out with the ter what I did. My little daughter of a local guitar sister was a very good kid, guru. and she frowned upon all my antics. She found my In awe, the boy men- dad’s weed in the laundry tioned that my dad had once (classic stoner-dad a pretty big “reputa- move, Dad), and she told tion.” I didn’t catch his him. He said she could drift. “You know… for flush it or give it back smoking pot.”

Wait, to him, so she said she WHAAAAAAAT?!? flushed it… but she gave it to me. I wanted to see what Oh my god. My dad is he was smoking, in case it a jazz guitarist. My dad is was ditch weed, because I a stoner! No wonder I felt could get him something like a kid when I got high! better. I was surprised to I must’ve been contact see that he smoked nugs. stoned on many occasions Nice, Dad. Color me imas a child! It all made per- pressed. fect sense. Several weeks later, I went to investigate ast-forward to the presand surprised my dad at ent, and my dad hasn’t

MY FIRST TIME continued...

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F

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touched weed for almost ten years and barely drinks (never really did).

However, my sister is now a bigger stoner than I am, and I still smoke almost every day. I could ramble on and on about the medicinal benefits of weed, but I’ll end on this note: smoking weed is in my blood---always has been, and always will be. My first high was definitely the most trippy, revelatory high in my weed-smoking career, and in some ways, I think it actually did shed light on a piece of who I am… and who I still am.

and gone to sleep. I also recall dancing with Sarah to “Way Out West” by Sonny Rollins, the speed giving me new insights into jazz.

A

fter the party Margot drove me, along with Sarah, back to my platoon at Fort Dix. At maybe 5a.m. I entered a bleak, deserted barracks and lay on a cot coming down hard from my first Dexedrine pill. The euphoria Iexperienced during the party gave way to the grim realization that I was stuck in the Army

by LYDIA HYSLOP for the next two fucking A BEAT NEW YEAR’S years.

EVE continued...

I recall early in the mornnd I was out of pot. ing hearing the sound of snoring coming from a rolltop desk. Joel Oppenheimer had curled up, pulled

by FRANK LAURIA the top down over himself

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THE NEW SMOKER

W

ell so ends another fine edition of THE NEW SMOKER magazine. We hope you enjoyed reading it as much as we en-

joyed making it. We appreciate all the amazingly positve feedback from you, our loyal readers. We would love to hear more from you. Did you read something you love, or something you disagree with, or something we missed? Tell us about it! Email us your “Letters to the Editor� and we just might print your letter!

W

e would like to thank all of our wonderful, writers, design team, contributors and our sponsors,

all without whom this magazine would not be possible.

(Special thanks to the photo shoot team photographers

Ana Yazdi and Dan Collopy. Models Christine Sephar, Tera King, Alicia Marie Brower and Sarah-Jane George.

Stylists Tera King and Esjay George. PA Jessica Anderson )

S

tay tuned to your interwebs for news of Issue No.4 of THE NEW SMOKER , coming in January, 2015.

If you would like to contact us about anything is this magazine please send all questions, comments, or letters to the editor to info@thenewsmoker.com.

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