Letting Go of Shame

Walking the road to recovery is no small feat of courage and resilience, and yet many people living with addiction feel immense shame. Former Menninger patient Missy Overstreet Desaloms shares how she overcame the stigma of her disease — and how she’s now helping others do the same.

I started using Vicodin after the birth of my youngest child, when I was given painkillers for a breast infection caused by nursing. I recognize now that the pills only became a substitute for my alcohol use.

I remember distinctly, when they gave it to me, I thought, “this is what I’m talking about.” I just needed that sense of ease and comfort. I needed to numb out.

It was hard having three children under four years of age. I never put my children at risk, but I knew that I wanted to be healthier and more present for my kids. I was there, and they knew that they were loved, but I was really unhappy. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I wanted better for my kids. I knew that the gig was up. There would be no more drinking or painkillers for this party girl.

“For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel different or alone.”

A COMMITMENT TO GETTING SOBER

When I got to The Menninger Clinic, I remember being asked, “What do you want out of this experience?” And I said, “I just want some peace. And I don’t want to feel that I have to numb out anymore.”

I was committed to getting sober from the very beginning. But I also had a lot of shame, which is a common characteristic of this disease, addiction. I had twin, four-year-old children and a 15-month-old when I went to Menninger and all I could think of was, “What kind of mom leaves their kids to go into treatment?” I felt like a character in a TV show. “This cannot be my life,” I thought. Now, I know a good mom is the mom who puts herself into treatment to get healthy and find some joy in life.

The psychoeducational part of Menninger helped me a lot because it taught me about the disease approach to alcoholism and addiction, which helped relieve some of the shame I was feeling. Surrounded by people who thought and felt like I did, I also felt a community around me while I was at Menninger. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel different or alone.

LIVING AND THRIVING IN SOBRIETY

I was at Menninger for close to 30 days and continued my recovery back home in Dallas. I had to learn how to live in sobriety. It was very uncomfortable in the beginning; very foreign to me. But through my experiences in inpatient and outpatient treatment, and as an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned how to be a better mom, sister and friend. I learned how to enjoy life.

Life can be a struggle. But I have learned that by accepting and letting go, I do not have to suffer. Menninger gave me a solid foundation to develop an awareness and mindfulness of mental illness. Menninger helped me understand that I wasn’t broken — I just had a disease.

I like helping other people see that, too. After my daughters graduated and my son started his last few years of high school, I made the decision to follow my longtime dream to get my master’s degree. I enrolled at the University of Texas at Arlington and earned my master’s in social work with an emphasis in mental health and substance use. I am now in private practice, and I feel like I have the best job in the world … I love it.

Missy Overstreet Desaloms

I work with all kinds of clients who are dealing with a range of issues from substance use and attachment styles to trauma. I am honored to listen to their stories, encouraging them to be vulnerable and be curious about their lives. They really do the work. All I do is help them make connections, from their past to their present, so that they can gain insight into their mental health. We continue to repeat until we repair.

My hope for my future is that I continue on my path of sobriety and continue to grow personally and professionally. I get my energy and motivation from other people, so if I can continue to help others, my life will be a success.

Your IMPACT

BUILDING A BRIGHTER FUTURE FOR RECOVERY

With donor support, Menninger is expanding its evidence-based care for addictive disorders of all kinds. To date, more than $700,000 has been donated toward a capital fundraising campaign to establish The Center for Addiction Medicine and Recovery, which will offer a wide range of services personalized to each patient’s unique needs.

The Center for Addiction Medicine and Recovery will be located in the new Outpatient Services Center. An architectural rendering of a day room is pictured above.