Valentines

valentines The Malta Independent on Sunday 2 February 2020

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valentines

The Malta Independent on Sunday | 2 February 2020

IN THE BEAT OF YOUR HEART Do our hearts really flip when we’re in love?

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t’s easy to see why hanging out with best friends or cuddling up with the one you love is medically proven to be extremely good for your health.

Time spent together in peaceful, romantic environments and the moral and emotional support couples give each other lowers blood pressure and gives the heart a rest.

Similarly, the sight of someone you love, or even just fancy, creates a sudden rush of hormones that make your heart beat faster, giving it some training so it pumps blood more efficiently.

Hugs, kisses, whispering words of love and no doubt an unexpected Tweet will stir a warm glow and good feeling. Even holding hands has a calming influence which offers support, security and a sense of sharing an experience, which can be useful in situations when our hearts may actually be skipping a beat.

And if you’re planning on watching a movie on St Valentine’s night think carefully which one to choose. It will be a heartfelt decision, in more ways than one, because whether it’s humour or drama you go for, your heart will react.

Even though it’s from an outside source, the mental stress of watching a scary or sad film can cause blood vessels to narrow, restricting the flow to the heart.

On the other hand a laugh- out-loud comedy or the warm glow and contentment felt while watching a ‘feelgood’ film allows the blood to flow freely.

Proof that a sad weepy may not be so romantic after all.

Believe it or not, love can also conquer a well known enemy of heart health, cholesterol. Research trials show that spending as little as 20 minutes reading or writing about loved ones and your affection for them, whoever they may be,

can significantly lower cholesterol. Time to read more poems and novels and revive the art of writing love letters, perhaps?

Here’s an idea. You can have a lovely creamy, rich foodie treat on Valentines’ Day and then undo all the damage it may cause by writing a romantic sonnet, or a love song. If only it were that easy.

The power of having people we love in our lives, also increases our happiness, contentment and overall enjoyment of

life; leading to a more positive outlook which , in turn, protects us from the stress and anxiety that can lead to heart disease.

It is even claimed that love can make people live longer. And there could well be some truth in that.

So, even when love can be heartbreaking or lead to disaster, the physical results of a loving relationship really do outweigh everything. Love can bring comfort and offer support for every symptom and

sentiment. Besides all the statistics about married men being happier and couples having less illnesses than singles and women with cats being just as happy as those with men or whatever the latest psycho-babble claims, there is no doubt that the heart has earned its place as a receptacle of emotion.

Being in love, however we feel it, has a profound influence on how it works and therefore on our lives and loves.

KEEPING THE LOVE ALIVE

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owadays too many couples are content to rely on emojis and instagram to remind each other that the romance is still there – virtual adoration in the public sphere seems more of an ego trip that a romantic gesture but hey, as long as they’re happy.

It’s quite true that grand gestures and exotic gifts are not necessarily the only way to show you care, and if your partner only appreciates such tokens perhaps he or she has a very one-sided idea of true love. As nice as expensive gifts and flowers are to receive (and give), dedicating time to one another is more important.

Little everyday gestures like leaving little written love notes around, bring a special treat back from a shopping trip, downloading a well-loved movie or box set, cooking a favourite meal throughout the year is worth 100 red roses on one day in February.

There are ways to filter romance through the fog of work, family life and the all the invasive incidents that fill our

By not taking each other for granted couples will have many years to celebrate their relationships? lives all the time. A little generosity and imagination are all that is needed. And, with luck, in time it will become a habit and that would be good for everyone’s relationship.

A busy working mother coming downstairs from putting the children to bed to discover her husband has washed up, packed the next day’s school bags and set a supper table, with candles, for them to eat quietly together will be touched to the bottom of her heart. The value of a little time and thoughtfulness becomes priceless.

For many couples lack of time seems to be the biggest threat to romance; that and sharing

precious hours together with dozens of semi-strangers, on the end of a smart phone.

Social media may keep lovebirds tweeting, but most couples just want times when they have their partner’s undivided attention.

To really rekindle the first heady days of love, and refuel the lasting affection of past years together, book a short break away from it all. And make it somewhere with no mobile signal or WiFi, and no likelihood of bumping into anyone you know. In an environment where ‘business as usual’ isn’t possible, and there are plenty of other ways to enjoy time together, couples will rediscover why they still have a relationship, beyond that of fellow parent or domestic partner; and that they share more than kids, a mortgage and the family pet.

So, by all means do something special for Valentine’s Day, but remember that it is when couples value what makes their relationship, appreciate each other, and continuely show that, that romance really lasts.

valentines

The Malta Independent on Sunday | 2 February 2020

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THE CYBER AFFAIRS In many places more couples meet on the internet than through any other means, so is love on line good thing, or a bad thing? having a good idea of if and how you want to spend time together there will be fewer wasted dates and more quality ones.

THESE POINTS IN FAVOUR: Couples who meet on line are less likely to get divorced This is claimed in a study made in Chicago, US, and is possibly because online people tend to open up more and be themselves, which are essential in making relationships work, because they prefer communicating via their devices which are more convenient and give them confidence.

There are more chances of finding ‘the one’ People who have little time or opportunity to meet others are able to connect with a lot of different types, including fun, new people from outside their usual circle, making it easier to find someone who matches their personality and shares their likes and dislikes.

Marriage rates increase Not everyone who is looking for a date is looking for marriage. But marriage rates have increased since online dating because it offers more scope for people who are looking for a life partner, and therefore a better chance of finding one.

It encourages shy and marginalized people to connect.

Online dating has changed the ways of dating for all those people who hesitate to make contact. It means they no longer need to worry about whether someone is the right match, or feel pressured into entering a relationship that doesn’t feel right.

There’s time to pick and choose.

If you haven’t been dating for ages, or want to talk to someone before actually meeting in person, online dating lets you scroll around in your own time. Then you decide when and how you want to meet face to face.

AND THESE ARE THE POINTS AGAINST: The number of scammers.

A person can be anyone they want to be on line. So many fake profiles abound on dating platforms. Is the person you are chatting to who you think they are, or do they have malicious intentions? You could be unknowingly getting into a dangerous situation. Real caution is needed.

Break ups are cleaner Online dating means being able to terminate a relationship more easily and less drastically from a distance, instead of the facing the possibility of tears and tantrums or worse, head on.

Conversation flows better Dating online dating makes it possible to think about and decide what to say, instead of rushing in and babbling the first thing that comes into your head. If oneliners are not your thing simply go by the profile and start off by mentioning something from that. But be clear just what you want from a relationship early on to prevent anyone jumping to the wrong conclusions.

Too many options Swiping through hundreds of profiles, trying to decide who’s worth following up, waiting till they swipe back, starting to chat and deciding if there’s any point in continuing, especially when there isn’t, takes an awful lot of time. Although meeting a prospective partner IRL is often just as tedious, to be fair.

Looks can be deceptive Ditto a bio. Most people photoshop their images and glamorise their profiles. And others may not be photogenic, although they can be stunning in reality.

You can avoid bitter disappointment by meeting people in real life and getting an instant confirmation of their true looks and personality.

You can make checks before you actually meet Facebook links and Google are ways to assess someone’s online life and decide if there may be a ‘side’ to them which hints that they may not be all they say they are.

Feeling the connection Any connection you feel from chatting online could all change when you meet in person. However appealing, generous or amusing someone appears in print or on screen, be prepared for that to be overturned when a persons’ true colours show after some time in their actual company.

It saves cash A lot of time and money can be saved by filleting out possible dates beforehand. By

You’ll have actually meet if you do connect So isn’t it better to start a conversation

with someone in a live situation. It may be a mine field with all the PC regulations threatening to turn a simple compliment into sexual harassment if taken the wrong way, but the ancient art of flirting has so much going for it. After all you can’t hear someone’s tone of voice or see their expressions, unless you’re Skyping. And even the conversation, doesn’t flow as easily when people who are sharing ideas and getting to know what makes each other tick are face to face with a screen creating a psychological barrier.

Personal introductions come with recommendations Meeting someone through family and friends or the familiarity of being in each other’s company at work or while studying are potentially far more successful ways to meet someone you would like to be more than a one date wonder. This is mostly because friends know you and your needs, and are in a good position to decide if you’re likely to connect or not.

So there are the options – on the line, so to speak. But, what brings people together is hardly the point because, in the end, wherever a relationship goes is basically down to chemistry and magnetism. And, really and truly, these need the personal touch.