Mother's Day

mother’s day The Malta Independent on Sunday 28 APRIL 2019

POSITIVE MOTHER’S CHILDREN THRIVE BEST

LIKE MOTHER – LIKE BABY HEALTH & RELAXATION

WHAT MOTHERS REALLY WANT ON THEIR DAY

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Looking on the POSITIVE SIDE A positive approach to life makes a mother’s job easier.

But it can also affect the way her children develop.

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s if this wasn't perfectly obvious, data taken from a study which chartered the health of 14,500 families in Bristol, UK, deduced that mothers who believe that they have control over how their lives unfold are more likely to have a child who is good at maths and science.

The researchers were looking at the personality trait known as the locus of control – a psychological measure of how much a person believes they have power over the outcome of events in

their life, or that other forces control their life.

It stands to reason that mothers with a positive attitude, who see life's events and outcomes, and feel they can do whatever is necessary to deal with them, are in a better position to raise their children in an environment where they will do well in school and be less likely to have personal and social problems.

Brain images show how a mother’s love physically affects the volume of her child’s hippocampus, the area in the brain that is important for learning,

memory and stress responses.

What is more, physical signs of such nurturing are also evident. In the study, children of mothers whose nurturing involves one to one interaction, such as reading them stories, helping with homework and ensuring they have a healthy diet and time for exercise and play in a creative environment, can have hippocampal volumes 10% larger than children whose mothers are less attentive and caring.

So, as a highly positive approach is so important for mothers and, motherhood being the enormously physical and emotive task it is, it helps to have some indicators of ways to develop the confidence needed to approach all the tasks this role involves.

It means a mother being willing to go the extra mile to equip herself with as much knowledge as she can; to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep her child happy and healthy; to know when to listen and when to step in and take action, and to realise the immense value of the right support and advice, and be able to accept it gratefully.

This help, from trustworthy sources, will provide especially helpful tools for building positive ways of dealing with any manner of ups and downs that parenting throws at all mothers. It is the ammunition they need so that however tired, uncertain or preoccupied they may be, they will be prepared, inspired and ready to engage, physically, emotionally and positively with the highs and lows of motherhood.

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CREATING A POSITIVE ATTITUDE A mother, and indeed all adults in her child's life, can teach selfconfidence, respect and consideration for others, generosity, honesty and common sense by example.

Use sad and difficult times and events to teach children how to deal with negative feelings and challenges productively, thereby introducing problem solving skills..

Mothers are in the best position to install a love of healthy foods; Even if it is not always easy.

Mother often find themselves constantly complaining about ways their children may be under achieving. Focusing on children's strengths instead of their weaknesses, and always supporting their efforts and successes, certainly inspires a positive approach for whatever they do, which, in turn will provide positive, optimism all round.

Exposure to news or situations children can do little or nothing about has a habit of building up and creating a background of depression and negativity. Mothers can help by explaining events in age appropriate ways and equipping children with coping methods, rather than just telling them not to worry.

A mother’s mood can affect the whole house, so she should not feel guilty for occasionally taking some time out for a little battery recharging and me time to help her stay as positive she need to be.

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ONE DAY in a year Is there a danger that with all the plans that are made for Mother’s Day, we may just be missing what a busy, working mum really wants?

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erhaps her ideal way of spending the day involves a little less preplanned wining and dining, overdosing on chocolate, and dragging herself, plus several generations of family members, to somewhere extravagant and crowded to scramble along a buffet table?

Perhaps her younger children, whose concentration on someone other than themselves receiving presents and attention might last 15 minutes; or whose older children, for whom 45 minutes is way too long to stay off line, would rather let her have more of the “Five Minutes to Myself!” that she's always craving, and give her a day away?

Perhaps her husband, whose efforts to make her feel valued the rest of the year may leave something to be desired, feels breakfast in bed, lunch she hasn’t cooked, and putting the kids to bed, with all their school kit ready packed, are not quite enough to show how much he cares?

So, how would most mothers

love to spend their day?

Waking up in a gorgeous suite, a bath or shower at the ready and room service on standby, with a champagne breakfast, followed by a short audience with her adoring family to receive stunning gifts and cards, lovingly created by her artistic children or purchased from original and exotic sources, and bereft of any tacky slogans.

Then, strolling through beautiful countryside, or inspiring streets, galleries and buildings, soaking up atmosphere and culture, uninterrupted by anyone who's bored, hungry or under age.

Lounging by a pool, or a spa offering massages, saunas, facials and whatever other luxurious pampering she fancies.

Curled up in her chosen safe space with her favourite snacks, topical magazines, books and screens, featuring her most glamourous fictional heroes Drifting round the shops, undistracted, feeling, trying on, even buying something she has picked out, in her time and space.

Wandering along a shoreline marvelling at nature, or escaping

somewhere to paint, write poetry, or whatever she has promised herself she will do one day, ever since she actually became a mother.

Ending a day of blissful indulgence with a magical family meal, during which everyone joins in the conversation and eats delicious and healthy food, without grumbling, or accusing it of poisoning them.

The original purpose of Mother's Day, in the UK, was for servant girls to leave the big houses where they worked and take small gifts to their mothers, on a Sunday before Easter. In America, it was for mothers of soldiers killed in action to remember their sons. Elsewhere it is a day to credit and thank mothers for all they do. But it has been commandeered by commercial interests, and morphed into an occasion for frenzied card and gift giving; not to mention an undercurrent of having to get it really perfect, because – well, it's for mummy.

Not surprisingly there are mothers who find it all a bit of a strain. Of course it's nice to be appreciated, but in the present century this can be done just as well by acknowledging our mothers as people in their own

right; no longer defined by their husband's job or as their children's mother. For many, motherhood is only one of several strings to their bows.

It takes incredible skill and energy to have such a multitasking, many-faceted life, so for the sake of her family, a mother will often put herself, and her needs aside. And it is for this reason that on Mother's Day, or every now and again throughout the year, mothers have days when they can be themselves and do what they love, without feeling they are leaving someone else to cope, or letting anyone down. Then we will realise how, literally, every day of the year is a mother's day.

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Like BABY, like MOTHER New mothers are naturally focused on ensuring their babies get everything they need. But this doesn't mean they should put themselves second.

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abies are demanding.

They may not mean to be but nature has given them survival instincts, like every other living creature, and added the power of cuteness and love to turn even the most pragmatic of mothers into devoted slaves or, as it can sometimes feel, programmed AI robots.

Of course, baby comes first.

But make it your job to learn his or her language as soon as possible, so you know when the cries are in earnest or just out of boredom and a way to get your attention.

As much as growing babies need the right nourishment, so obviously do you. Factor breaks in your day to eat and digest your meals. You need these and you will not function efficiently if you are hungry.

FOODS THAT ARE GOOD FOR MOTHER AND CHILD ARE:

Vegetables, especially dark green ones, provide plenty of iron, and a lack of iron can really drain your energy levels.

Eggs are a great way to get the protein you need each day.

They fit into snacks, main meals and desserts; and don’t add too many calories Lean beef is an excellent source protein and vitamin B12.

Fish that contain a type of fat called DHA, which is crucial for the development of a baby’s nervous system. DHA may also help with mood swings and help prevent postpartum depression. However, when planning meals of such fish it is important to remember that they can also contain mercury.

Swordfish in particular has such high levels it should be avoided completely.

Whole-grain and fortified cereals can be savoury, as in brown rice, bulgur wheat and other cereal flakes, especially when eaten with salad vegetables or fruits, and are an excellent source of vitamins and energy.

Fruits and berries, avocados, and the great vitamin C suppliers, kiwis and oranges provide sugars and boost immunity.

Dairy products are especially important for breastfeeding mothers. Milk contains vitamin D and calcium, vital for strengthening growing bones.

You need to be sure you have enough for your own needs too, and there is a wide choice of cheese, yogurt and milk itself as ways to include your share.

Water is the most important liquid, but milk and juices are just as effective at keeping you well hydrated. Caffeinated coffee or tea are not recommended because caffeine gets into breast milk and can make babies restless and irritable. Two or three cups a day is the maximum you take.

Remember that energy drinks and colas also contain caffine.

However anxious you are to

‘get your figure back’ that won’t happen by dieting.

Eating healthy food that gives you energy throughout the day will keep you going.

Breast milk quality doesn’t change much whatever you eat.

But, if your diet doesn’t give you enough of the nutrients you need, they will be replaced from your body‘s own stores; just when you can really use them yourself.

REST AND RELAXATION Tempting as it is to rush round after your little one and his or her visitors, there is a reason why mothers locked themselves away and were waited on hand and foot for weeks after a birth. Your body

needs rest to recover and your mind needs a chance to process the amazing fact that you are now a parent, and from now on things will always be different.

Set your priorities to work for you. Taking a nap when the baby does will do you both more good than trying to rush round keeping up interior design standards, between all the new demands on your time.

For now, accept every offer of help you get; there’ll be plenty of time to pay it back and it will allow you to function more efficiently and with less pressure. Make time tables and lists if it helps, but don’t beat yourself up if they go haywire sometimes. By taking care of yourself and your needs means you will be in a better place to look after your baby as well.

Don’t’ get in a state about all the advice you’re given. Smile sweetly and say thank you. It’s so much easier. But don’t dismiss it immediately either,

some of it may be really helpful. At the end of the day, you will still bring up your child in your way. But, you can pick up a lot from someone who has been there and done that. Talk to friends with children the same age as yours.

And share your concerns with your partner; a new child in the family will mean big changes for him too.

mother’s day

And as for parenting advice on line; just remember, for every one piece you find there will be plenty of others that say the absolute opposite.

Complimentary therapies can be really helpful. Think massages, beauty salons and aromatherapy and, the vibe of the moment, mindfulness.

Recently, health research has started to look at the benefits of

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mindfulness, which helps you connect with your surroundings, moment by moment. It can ease worries and stress and help shift depression.

Get used to slowing down and living in the moment. It may sound totally impossible but it can be achieved; at least successfully enough for you to notice a difference.

Don’t spend every other minute on social media, forget FOMO, you have far more precious things to enjoy now.

By all means post adorable photos on Facebook but remember, nothing beats one on one face time with your baby.

Enjoy good company, with friends and family who are supportive and other new mums. Sharing ups and down and a good laugh really does put things in proportion. It’s a fact that such company boosts health and morale. And, very important, remember your partner and make time to be alone together. As someone once said, children grow up and leave but a couple will always be a couple.

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A MOTHER’S WORD

From the time children learn the importance of verbal communication mothers need to be experts at wordplay.

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onstant reminders that children should always be told the truth, that mothers must never promise something they cannot deliver, and should always give a more detailed reason different skills for getting their messages across to children of all ages.

Children are notorious for only hearing what they want to hear but the following examples of motherspeak are always useful.

Avoiding tears, tantrums and cries of “But you promised!” is usually achieved by skirting the issue. “Let’s see how it turns out”, “If we have time”, “May be”, “Ask me tomorrow, ask daddy/nanna/nannu” and “We’ll see”, work best.

“When you’ve done your homework”, “As long as you help”, “Do your own packing”, “Promise to look after it yourself” and the ubiquitous “If you’re really good”, are useful when you’re looking for cooperation, best behaviour, and at least some help with anything from a sleepover invitation to a plea for a puppy.

Car journeys can be a nightmare, and that’s not even counting what’s going on outside the car. But, since an actual case of irate parents leaving their misbehaving seven-year-old son the

roadside side, during a car trip went viral, threats to stop the car, make a child walk, or cancel the journey will probably fall on deaf ears.

And the often used “This is the last time I drive you anywhere”, is obviously an idle promise. Try “OK your next three lots of pocket money are being halved to go towards the petrol for this trip, as a fine for your naughtiness.”

‘Mother knows best’ may be a wellknown expression but we have to be honest… it is far from the truth. “Ask me later”, “Go and find out”, “Where did you have it last?’ “What do you think?” and “Give me five minutes and we’ll Google it”, will buy you time until you can, A, find the missing object or B, think of the right answer.

Older children will need more specific reasoning. Forget “When I was your age…”. They can’t believe you ever were, and everything has changed since then anyway.

“I love what you’re wearing. I think I’ll get myself those shoes/that top/dress/pair of jeans”, might work very well, if you’re hoping the wearer will change before he or she goes out.

They won’t want to be seen in something a parent would wear. But, “How can you leave the house looking like that?” will have the exact opposite effect to the one you want.

Casual remarks like, “It’s amazing how

the link between certain foods, exercise, noise and stress levels, affects the things we are able or unable to do.” will get a more sympathetic response than, “Wait till you’re old and have lost your hearing/teeth/mobility etc,” which will mean nothing to someone who doesn’t believe they will every look or feel older than 21.

Finally, remember how gullible you were as a youngster. Scary advice like: Too much blue screen exposure is

dangerous. If you eat a lot of sugar and grow fat you’ll get ill. It will only end in tears and: Always tell someone if you are being bullied, are true enough.

But finding a way to make the messages clear, credible and acceptable often means letting actions speak louder than words and leading by example.

After all, what mothers are clearly saying simply boils down to those three little words “I love you!”

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Children are not the PLANET’S FUTURE The tradition of Mother’s Day, marked in so much of our world, isn’t celebrated by everyone.

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here are many reasons why some women don’t have children, and often they have no choice in the matter. But avoiding motherhood as a way of saving the planet seems a little excessive to say the least.

Verena Brunschweiger is a 38year-old teacher, currently in the news for her decision to remain childless, and the book she has written on the subject of children, Kinderfrei statt Kinderlos (Child-free rather than Childless).

When Ms Brunschweiger got married, eight years ago, she stated that she would never have a baby because of the impact this would have on the environment. She holds the view the fewer children, the

better. And she even used a quotation from Friedrich Nietzsche: ‘A new child: oh, how much new dirt was born!

The earth is full of superfluous things, and life is spoiled by the many-too-many’, to preface her work.

Her main points are that children are bad for the environment, the CO2 balance, and that many people have no knowledge of the burden that will be placed on the climate if so many new people are born.

She praises those who chose not to produce more children, for the sake of the planet, and advocates a life without children, for ecological reasons.

In her book Brunschweiger mentions a study on carbon dioxide emissions, which claims that 58.6 tons of CO2 could be saved annually ‘if we only give one child less to the world.’ She also argues that: ‘If we give birth to someone, we are always sorry for him, so it’s best for my child if I do not get it.’ Something might have been lost in translation here, and this may be a sentiment similar to ‘what sort of a world is this to bring in a child into?’

Either way, if that had been the attitude of womankind over the centuries it’s unlikely we’d be here now – which all in all would be a pity.

Ironically, Brunschweiger, who teaches in a small secondary school, in a picturesque medieval city near Munich, sees no contradiction

Verena Brunschweiger

between her job and her beliefs. She likes children, she states, but doesn’t necessarily have to give birth herself.

She also seems to consider most mothers have children out of selfishness. And she doesn’t appreciate what she sees as the burden these children place on the State, and the various ways in which those without children are cofinancing those who have them.

Unsurprisingly, she calls herself a radical feminist, and describes her child-free approach as not just a private decision, but a ‘conscious, feminist act.’ She has become a spokeswoman for a rising ‘child-free’ movement, and condemns the not insignificant discrimination she claims is directed at childless women.

Her book is also a shout out for a child-free life and in this she is supported by a section of

women who choose, for whatever reason, not to have children and who feel they have an unjustifiably bad reputation.

That Brunschweiger, aided by the media in all its forms, has hit on an issue that reflects our current era and attitudes intensely is obvious. It is an extremely emotive one. But, with or without the

Brunschweigers of this world, women should be free to make their own choices about motherhood.

Meanwhile, Mother’s Day, recognises the selfless, caring, highly demanding responsibility that mothers show in bringing into the world people they hope will make it a better place; and thank goodness for them.

Get ready to embark on a delicious journey and discover the new, blissful Loacker Matcha – Green Tea!

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ight as a feather, these crispy wafers are the prelude to a refined green tea cream filling.

Loacker, a South Tyrolean family-run company specialising in the production of the finest wafer and chocolate specialties, since 1925, is proud to introduce Loacker Matcha – Green Tea, an original product complementing the Loacker Speciality wafer ranges.

Since time immemorial, tea leaves on the volcanic hills of Japan have been harvested

for Matcha. The plants’ young buds are are protected from the sun and the highest leaves are carefully harvested. Matcha farmers then steam and dry the leaves; they remove their stems and veins and, ultimately, finely grind them.

The precious powder is stored in a dark and airtight space to preserve its refined taste and natural, bright green color.

This noble ingredient allows Loacker to create an incredibly good cream filling without added

flavourings, colourings or preservatives. The cream makes up to 74% of the product. The high quality of Loacker Matcha – Green Tea, just like every other Loacker product, is also guaranteed by the constant attention the company pays to the environment, using natural ingredients for exquisite treats. The production plants are therefore located in the heart of the Alps, where the air and water are fresh and pure.

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