Mother's Day

mother’s day The Malta Independent on Sunday 29 APRIL 2017

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MOTHERS know best And even when if they don't, as one mother explains: They always do their best.

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he early years of parenting a child are the most beautiful years, when they look to us for reassurance, guidance, security and above all,

love.

We are their favourite people.

Their little faces light up with happiness at the sight of us, their arms instinctively reach out for us and we can do little wrong in their eyes. From then on the relationship can go downhill.

School and their peers fill the hours we previously spent with them. Now they challenge our advice, argue, rebel and detach themselves for hours in their rooms; preferring to chat to their friends than to us.

Conversations become monosyllabic, whilst we try to keep them safe and anchored in a world riddled with negative

influences.

They swap allegiances as fast as they grow out of their shoes.

But by then we are their hostages and bound to them by our unconditional love. We weather the storms they cook up for us, rescue them from the multiple acts of trouble they get themselves into. Pathetically grasp at occasional periods of

peace and non confrontational communication.

We wonder to ourselves. Who is in charge in this equation, me the parent, or them the adolescent? How did it get to this, is it something I did wrong, could I have been better at parenting?

It's an exhausting role and the most demanding job we will

ever do in our lives, but we enter into Parenthood with the innocence of a newborn lamb.

Even a basic smart phone comes with dozens of pages of instructions and troubleshooting solutions. Parenting comes with the birth certificate of your baby.

The only thing we can do is reassure ourselves that during

those early, influential years when we bonded, nutured, loved, taught and opened our child's eyes and minds to the world, we did our best to help them evolve as considerate adults. That all the positive values we have tried to teach them are still stored beneath their thorny skins.

And so, we resolve to stand tall in their presence and not show them how much they sometimes make us wobble in theirs. We persist with the same parental message of love, of commitment, of dependability and we show them that we are the rocks they sprang from as babes.

Oh it's not easy, but then how can it be? It shouldn't be optional to try our best to be a good parent, it's mandatory. It's a lesson in humility, more profound than any other lesson we will learn. It begins in the early months of being deprived of sleep as our baby wakes and cries out for us at 03am, and continues into the adolescent years when we stay awake at midnight trying to reach them on their phone, which is switched off.

We keep faith that we will survive as parents. We hope our children will mature and respect us, that they will love us, and in turn become good parents themselves.

Keeping the MEMORIES The buzz around Mother's Day can be bitter sweet for those whose mothers are no longer with them.

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ut, there can be ways to make the day positive and use it as a way to bring back some of your happiest memories and honour someone who still means so much. There are, of course the obvious ways to mark the day, which everyone does and these depend on personal and individual traditions.

And however you chose to remember mothers and grandmothers on this day we all know they would want us to make it as happy as possible. So whether you decide you would like to be alone, or with family or friends, here are a few things you can do as a tribute to such an important person and a reminder of good times that will always be with you – just in a different format.

Visit some of the places she loved and if you have photos of the times you were there, take some more to prove that while nothing stays the same, memories can last forever.

Celebrate things she did. If she was a good cook have a family meal using her best recipes or go out to one of her favourite restaurants. If she loved plants, gardens and the countryside take a special trip to somewhere you all went to together, or a place you know she loved. Buy some flowers and plants you associate with her for your own garden.

This is a perfect time of year to encourage bright memories to flourish.

Think of her interests and spend an hour or two listening to music or watching a film she loved. It may not even be quite your cup of tea but you will find something of what she saw in it and the association is bound to bring a smile to your face.

If you loved shopping trips, counters bulging with Mother's Day gifts and cards and the attractive displays in the stores you enjoyed visiting might make you feel sad for a moment. So instead of the gift you would have bought for your mother, maybe choose something she would like and give it in her name to someone you know would appreciate it, or to Dar Merhba Bik, for a mother facing all the wrong odds but for whom the day still means a lot.

This could be the start of a project supporting any causes or NGOs your mother identified with. If she had a job or an interest that was special to her, and there are organisations attached to any of them, see how you could be

involved. A whole opportunity of new friendships and activities might grow from this and it will feel as if you are still doing something 'together'.

You could meet up with relatives on your mother's side, and/or with your siblings. Tell them you hope to spend some time talking about your mother in case they want to bring treasured photos or letters. They will all have their individual memories and sharing them will add extra depth and meaning to your own. And, although Father's Day is in June, see if you can find a way to include him somehow. He will be able to remember all sorts of things about your mother from a time before you came along and who knows what amusing stories that will produce?

You could also have a small lunch party for any friends you think may be feeling as sentimental as you. Make sure they know it will be a celebration of your mothers' lives. Encourage everyone to share stories and incidents, particularly examples of the sort of person their mother was and what made

her unique. Chatting away with good friends, of any age, would be a chance to compare some of the many ways that mothers make such a profound impression on their children. And through whatever tears and laughter may result you will be sure to cheer each other up.

And, after all, don't forget that you do not have a monopoly on misery. There are children whose mothers have died, or from whom they are separated for some reason, trying to come to terms with this as their classmates paint colourful cards for their own mothers.

There are those who are caring for elderly mothers who may be unwell or not even recognise who they are. And there are people whose mother, for whatever reason, didn't bond with them and have literally never known what we a call motherly love.

By all means, shed a little tear for all you have lost. But seize the chance to be happy as well for the priceless gift of a love shared in countless little ways; the love between mother and child.

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Happy ??? Day Of all the targets for non-gender specific attention Mother's Day has to be one of the least likely. But apparently not

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n May 13, Malta joins some 54 countries throughout Europe, the Americas and the Far East in celebrating Mother's Day. The UK celebration is held earlier, on a different date each year to coincide with Easter. This is because it originated as Mothering Sunday, a day when live-in servant girls were allowed to go home to their Mother cChurch one Sunday before the Easter holiday and worship with their families.

They would take gifts, sometimes from their employers, and a special Simnel cake, for their mothers.

As family church attendance dwindled, the day became associated with sending cards and presents to mothers, and mother figures, to thank them for all that they do.

Mother's Day in other countries also developed according to local customs and in the US it originated in 1914 when Anna Jarvis, the leader of one of the movements founded by mothers during the Civil

War, campaigned for it to be marked on a date in May, in memory of her own mum who had died that month.

Anna got her wish but she was later saddened by the commercialisation which became associated with Mother's Day. She thought the original sentiments of love and family were being sacrificed for profit.

"A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world." She stated.

Thank goodness she isn't here to see how Mother's Day is in danger of being high-jacked today.

The current issue of equality for all which is setting out to neutralise a vast percentage of humanity, one way or another, has taken motherhood – being a mother, unarguably one of the most important things a woman can do and attempted to redefine it to suit ... well who, exactly?

Schools have for some time sought to encourage ways for children to acknowledge the aunts, grandmothers and foster carers who are bringing them up, out of simple consideration.

But in the US and the UK, this year one or two were instead referring to Special Person’s Day or Mother’s and Special Person’s Day, which produced howls of outrage online against all those seen to be negating the unique state and well-earned status of motherhood.

And when a certain 'rather smart' British supermarket put one of its Mother's Day cards on sale it hit the headlines quicker than you could say 'mum'.

It showed pretty coloured blooms and a blue background and featured the text 'Happy You Day' on the front. A company spokesperson (let's keep it neutral) told eager reporters that the inclusive card was: “broadening out who the cards can go to, whether it is grandmas or transgender mums.” The store wanted to reflect the diversity of its customers and colleagues with the card, and the decision was made after calls from transgender people who wish to change the name of Mother’s Day. A newspaper suggested some trans activists wanted to rename Mother’s Day, with suggestions including Guardian’s Day and

Carer’s Day. Social media couldn't get enough of it!

Can we just pause for a minute to ask how guardianship and caring comes anywhere near being a mother, whose connection with her child is so unique there is nothing to match it? Is this relationship to be deprived of a card because not everyone can have it? And if so where will it end? No more wedding anniversary cards because not everyone is married? No more Freedom Days or Independence Days because some countries are living under regimes that are anything but? And let's not go any further with alternatives to Christmas and Easter.

Naturally, everything must be done to acknowledge and

protect LGBTQ sensitivities and rights. But since 1999 there are at least 13 'days' a year dedicated directly to various aspects, events and commemorations associated with this community.

Quite a total if you think about it.

And how might their mothers feel about their loving status as a mother being reduced to a pronoun? Fortunately most of them are, in fact, with everyone else in being dead against tampering with such an emotive day as Mother's Day. In a couple of weeks mothers everywhere will be opening cards and messages of love and gratitude which they so deserve for the person they are – a mother. Nothing should allow that to change.

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GO AHEAD, make her day!

Of course, one day in the year is hardly adequate to credit a mother for either her un-dying love or incredible feats of multi-tasking, so she will be mega disappointed if you forget.

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other's Day it may be, but when mothers have tiny babies or quite young children it falls on the father to coordinate the celebration and whatever gifts and treats should be a part of it.

Schools play their part of course, hopefully in a sensitive way, so children can create something to hand over with the customary breakfast-in-bed tray. The older ones may want to find their present themselves, and may even pay for it from their own allowances.

Whatever they choose will be perfect in their mother's eyes.

Fathers, however, need to be super alert in the preceding weeks, to anything that may be either a hint or a warning; because Mother's Day gifts and treats are a delicate issue.

If they seem too meagre she will feel under-valued; too expensive means he is being extravagant, too off-the-wall and she might just panic.

If he has the enviable talent of knowing exactly what would be the perfect gift in the bag, perfume, jewellery, something-specialfor-the-house or garden, line that would be a very good place to start.

Otherwise, there is still time to translate any subtle hints he picks up about how, tired, in need of a hairdo, fed up with her clothes she feels, into vouchers for her favourite spa, salon, boutique or shopping centre. This is not unimaginative it is playing safe.

And the tokens, presented in a pretty box, will look

lovely on the tray. See above.

If he detects any not so veiled references to needing a break, or never going anywhere without the child/ren, he's got it easy. Planning an away weekend somewhere she'd love to go – with everything booked, child and pet care arranged, and enough time for her to pack without a rush, is a brilliant idea.

The odd aside about we never do anything exciting since the children arrived is not a cue to rush off and book a day of abseiling and a bungee jump. But the away break has great possibilities.

Chosen with care it can be as un-mummsy as she would like. Somewhere that also offers the chance to ride along a sandy beach on horseback, at sunset; paddle languidly around beautiful lagoons and caves; cruise to far away beauty spots; eat exotic food; enjoy uninterrupted, grown-up entertainment, exhibitions, sites and sentiments – things that let her forget, just for a while, the responsibilities and chores of motherhood.

Fathers also need to remember their place as sons too.

Older mothers may say they have everything they need, but they still need their sons to rise to the occasion. Bouquets must be awesome and chocolates ambrosial if they are to come anywhere near thoughtful.

Better still, what about downloading lots of books she would love onto a kindle, if paperback print is getting hard for her to read, or arranging a small account with a taxi firm so she can take some short trips out and

about; or sending some of her favourite take-aways over now and again. Brothers and sisters could band together and treat her to a bedroom or sitting room makeover. All these would be lovely ways to make her feel special.

A gift to show how much she

matters, not only as a mother at home or with an occupation, or helping out with the grandchildren, or enjoying retirement, but as a person in her own right, is one that takes some thought and imagination. And surely that is the least a mother deserves.

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Multivitamin supplementation

DURING PREGNANCY

Vitamins and minerals, referred to collectively as micronutrients, have important influences on both mother and baby during pregnancy. Making the necessary diet adjustments to meet these nutritional requirements is a step worth taking. Another important consideration to make is to start taking a vitamin and mineral supplement that meets the requirements of both expecting mother and the growing fetus.

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hy is it important to take a multivitamin preparation during pregnancy?

Pregnancy is a period that imposes increased demands on a woman's physiology. During this time, inadequate stores or intake of vitamins or minerals can have adverse effects on the mother.

Furthermore, the fetus can be affected if there is a lack of micronutrients. While the importance in pregnancy of a few micronutrient deficiencies has been long recognised, the role of many others has only recently become appreciated.

Folic acid or folate is one of the micronutrients that is well documented.

The risks of folic acid deficiency and the link with the occurrence of neural tube defects in the offspring have been known for over 25 years. If a woman does not get enough folic acid, her baby has a higher risk of developing a type of birth defect called neural tube defect (NTD).

One way to help prevent NTDs is to be sure to get enough folic acid. Folate occurs naturally in a wide variety of foods, including dark leafy vegetables, avocado, asparagus and lentils. Most international guidelines recommend that women should take a folic acid supplement at least 12 weeks before conception since this dramatically reduces the incidence of devastating birth defects. Folic acid deficiency during pregnancy has also been associated with other adverse pregnancy outcomes thus, it is reasonable to maintain folic acid supplementation throughout pregnancy, in order to decrease the risk of other potential folate-associated problems in pregnancy.

Lack of vitamins other than folate may likewise be related to complications. Deficiencies of other minerals, such as iodine, magnesium, selenium, copper, and calcium have also been associated with

requirements are significantly increased during pregnancy. Many women have dietary iron intakes below current recommendations and taking a multivitamin supplement during pregnancy that includes iron will hence prevent iron deficiency anemia.

Starting a supplement before getting pregnant prepares the body for pregnancy and this preparation may be continued throughout pregnancy to meet the increased nutritional requirements. The multivitamin that is especially formulated for use during pregnancy, may be continued for 4 to 6 weeks after delivery or as long as breastfeeding continues.

Continuing supplementation throughout breastfeeding will ensure that calcium, vitamin D and important other important nutrients like fatty acids (DHA) are present in adequate amounts. Fatty acids are important for development of the central nervous system. DHA status during pregnancy is critical due to the growth spurt in the human brain that occurs during the last trimester of pregnancy and the first postnatal months. Newborn infants depend on dietary supply of these fatty acids, as the concentration of these nutrients in breast milk is variable, depending on the mother’s diet.

complications in pregnancy, childbirth or foetal development. Additionally, iron requirements are also considered to be one of the micronutrients where requirements change during pregnancy. Iron deficiency, with its resultant anemia, is one of the most widespread micronutrient deficiencies in the world. Women who are pregnant or lactating are the most affected, because iron

Materna® and Materna DHA® are multivitamin preparations specifically designed to meet the requirements of pregnant and lactating women. Multivitamin supplementation should be part of preconception planning, and every woman who is trying to conceive should take folic acid. Women who are pregnant should start supplements as soon as they find out they are pregnant.

Materna® and Materna DHA® provides all the recommended vitamins and minerals in one small easy to swallow capsule.

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MOTHER and DAUGHTER ties Fame and celebrity means the daughters of famous mothers often become celebrities in their own rights. mother, but she remained fiercely loyal to her maternal family and eventually became queen in her own right. With her sister, Mary Queen of Scots, executed Elizabeth I ruled for 44 years, through turbulent times and was the last of the Tudor monarchs.

Reese Witherspoon, right, and daughter Ava Phillipe ctress Reese Witherspoon is no doubt delighted to look almost as if her daughter Ava Phillipe, could be her twin. And she was would certainly have been proud when Ava made her official debut at the Parisian debutante ball not so long ago. But Ava is no spoilt Hollywood brat, having a holiday job in a local pizza place and with several serious modeling jobs to her credit, prior to going to university.

Demi Moore and her daughter Rumer Willis share a strong-minded confidence And Rumer has constantly offered her mother love and support during some difficult times. Demi in return has helped her daughter break into films in the role of her character’s daughter in Striptease. Demi’s other daughters Scout and Tellulah seem to have decided the public life isn’t for them, having seen how the press have treated their mother and sister.

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Beyoncé, Tina and Beyonce's daughter, Blue Ivy Tina and Beyoncé Knowles have a wonderful relationship. Tina passed her strength and self confidence to Beyonce and has been with her all the way, supporting her career choices and making her daughter the woman she is.

What an ideal role model for her granddaughter Beyonce’s daughter, Blue Ivy. Katie Holmes and her little girl, Suri Anne Boleyn, Queen of England as a wife of King Henry VIII, for only three years, was executed before her little daughter was three years old. Elizabeth was declared illegitimate immediately after her mother’s death and banished from court She was only allowed to return seven months later. Elizabeth can have had only fleeting memories of her

Sarah Jessica Parker’s twins, Tabitha and Marion Sarah Jessica Parker’s role as the clothes and shoes-obsessed Carrie, in Sex and the City was possibly what prompted her to design a very sweet childrens’ wear collection, inspired by her own childhood, and very likely her twin daughters, Marion and Tabitha.

Demi Moore has a very close relationship with her daughter Rumer

Actress Katie Holmes has now taken to directing for the sake of her little girl, saying: “This business is so unstable, and you never really know where you’re going to be. The thing about directing is I can say I have this window and that’s when we’re getting it done. My child is the most important person to me, and her upbringing is paramount to my work right now. I feel so blessed to do what I do, but there’s nothing in the world better than watching your child succeed.”

Anne Boleyn and Elzabeth I

Marie Curie with daughters Ève, left and Irène Nobel scientist Marie Curie, who with her husband, Pierre, discovered polonium and radium, had two daughters, Irène and Ève. Pierre died soon after Ève was born. The girls were schooled at home with the help of a group of scholars and Marie also made sure they took part in plenty of physical activity including hiking and acrobatics. During World War I, aged 17, Irène helped her mother set up field X-ray equipment to aid wounded soldiers.

When the war was over, she completed her graduate studies while working with her mother at what is now the Curie Institute. She and her husband also received the Nobel prize for their research into radioactivity. Ève became a concert pianist, journalist and diplomat and was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for war correspondence.

Both daughters loved their mother and cared for her themselves when she developed radiation sickness, the result of so much exposure to radiation.

Following her mother’s death, Ève wrote a biography about her, and in it she defined the great closeness between mother and daughters

AL PONTE PIZZERIA & RESTAURANT

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l Ponte is renowned as one of the best restaurants on the island. It is highly esteemed for its delicious Mediterranean food complimented by a wide selection of local and foreign Wines.

The restaurant’s open kitchen allows everyone to appreciate our chefs at work preparing mouthwatering dishes including a wide selection of pizza cooked to

perfection in our renowned stone oven.

This celebrated à la carte restaurant boasts a rustic vaulted ceiling leading to a beautiful terrace, for the enjoyment of al fresco dinning available throughout the year.

Al Ponte also offers a Cafeteria Menu including a Baker’s corner during the morning hours, whereas the full menu is served from mid-day onwards.

Al Ponte Pizzeria & Restaurant MARITIM Antonine Hotel & Spa George Borg Olivier Street, Mellieha MLH 1021 Tel: 00356 2289 2245 E-Mail: info@alponterestaurant.com Facebook: alponterestaurant

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When MOTHERHOOD comes later As the women are waiting longer to start or continue their families what are the effects of being an older first time mother?

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others whose children arrived when they were in their 20s, as was the norm 50+ years ago, probably had very different views on motherhood and how they would bring up their children from those we have today.

Then it was taken for granted that mothers stayed home once the children arrived. For the majority there was no need for them to work; many were all to happy quit and run their homes, since their work had usually only been a means to that end in the first place.

They would have their children early, while they were still "young enough to enjoy them", and then look forward to them being old enough to look after themselves so they could start doing all the things they couldn't do while the children were around. Wow how things have changed.

Now most of those children are longing for their children to settle down and give them grandchildren they are longing for. And their children are doing everything the other way round.

The most common age for women now having babies is within the 30-34 year age group, up from 28 years for first time mothers in 2014. Mothers of firstborns are getting steadily older among those in the 35-39 years age group and last year 35 women aged between 40 and 44 had their first baby.

This is not at all surprising given the changes in our society's demographics, conditions and expectations.

The opportunities for women to work, travel, study and fulfill their ambitions which are available today were unheard of, even up to beginning of this century.

Leaving aside the whys and wherefores of becoming pregnant later in life, there are interesting and rewarding reasons why mothers need no longer be over concerned about their age when their children are

born.

It has already been proved that older women thrive better during the first part of motherhood, worry less during pregnancy, are more positive about becoming parents and the joy of parenting.

Other advantages Certainly age and maturity bring an important amount of emotional stability, psychological strength and financial security.

An older mother seems to have greater satisfaction from being a parent, possibly through having more time to commit to the role.

Patience and empathy seem to come more easily, thanks to the wisdom and experience gained over the years. It is easier to make decisions for her children and support them in theirs.

For working mothers having children when their careers are already established gives them more flexibility to spend time with them.

Children really will keep their mothers young, mentally and physically. And, as more and more children are being born to older mothers the chances of being mistaken for their grandmother will quickly vanish.

And on the children's side?

Obviously, it is their mother's love that matters most, and the feeling that they are truly loved and valued.

But children of an older mother have been shown to benefit in many ways.

These include their mother's life skills and some of the sense of discipline that she experienced as a child, which although stricter than today made it clear to children what should be expected of them. Such children have indeed been seen to have both self

confidence and fewer behavioural or emotional problems.

Many younger siblings born to older mothers grow taller than their siblings, stay longer in formal education or university and perform better across the board than their brothers and sisters.

They are more likely to have advanced speech abilities and a wide vocabulary, than their peers, since older mothers are more likely to expose their children to educational and cultural activities at an early age.

Research indicates older mothers are projected to live long lives. In fact, they have twice the chance of living to 95 or older than those who had their last child before their 30th birthday. And women who have babies after 40 have the same life expectancy.

Late pregnancies are not without their risks, of course, but these are known and so are the ways to overcome them. The main thing is they are no longer a rarity.

And whenever a baby finally arrives, so does the long awaited joy and the great expectations.

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