Mothers Day

mother’s day The Malta Independent on Sunday 7 MAY 2017

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The stories of MOTHERHOOD Most mothers must feel they could write a book from their experiences, if only they had the time. In these titles mothers take centre stage. From the serious to the hilarious, each one would make a great gift.

THE UNMUMSY MUM Sarah Turner lives in Devon, UK, with her husband and their two boys.

She began her blog: The Unmumsy Mum because all the other parenting pieces she read online left her disillusioned – where were all the ‘real life’ bits?

This is a candid account of motherhood as it really is, revealing there’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach and it’s not the end of the world if you sometimes have no idea what you’re doing. And her messy, maddening and highly amusing experiences of bringing up two little boys will have you roaring with laughter and enjoying the fact that you are not the only one...

jealous, alcoholic mother who adopted children simply to promote her career. Whatever the level of truth behind Christina’s story it is clear that her mother was profoundly unsuited to parenthood. The book was eventually made into a film and, apart from the glitz of a Hollywood background, it speaks for all daughters who grew up with a mother who had simply no feelings or affection for them.

THINGS I WANT MY DAUGHTER TO KNOW How would you say goodbye to those you love most in the world? Barbara must say a final farewell to her four very different daughters, when they each have so much growing up to do. But how can she find the words? She decides to write each daughter a letter, finally sharing the hopes, fears, dreams and secrets she couldn’t always reveal out loud. These letters touch each girl in different, sometimes shocking, ways and unlock the emotions and passions to set them on their own life journeys.

HOW IT WORKS: THE MOTHER Remember the charming Ladybird books we all used to read, explaining everything from aeroplanes to zebras? Well they are back.

This is one of the delightful series especially designed for adults. It will help mums deal with the world around them and think they have taught themselves to cope. The large clear script has a careful choice of words and is accurately and thoughtfully matched with illustrations featuring original Ladybird artwork.

FIVE FORGET MOTHER’S DAY As if they ever would! In the same camp as the Ladybird revival above nostalgia reigns, since Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, now apparently grown-ups, appear in an amusing new series for adults. Julian, George, Dick,

Anne and Timmy the dog, decide to celebrate Mother’s Day with Aunt Fanny, as George calls her mother. George is known for forgetting things, including her mum’s birthday and even allowing for her usual ten-

uous mother and daughter relationship, tensions are running high. But when Aunt Fanny comes to stay, relations reach near breaking point. Can the Five save the day, and will Uncle Quentin get involved?

MOMMIE DEAREST This is a memoir by Christina Crawford, the adopted daughter of legendary actress Joan Crawford. Christina describes her childhood as one of abuse from a

WATERMELON Marian Keyes’s poignant but hilarious novel, Watermelon begins somewhat inauspiciously with the heroine’s husband leaving her for a woman who lives in the flat downstairs, on the day their first child is born. Claire, a now deserted wife and mother, returns to her family in Dublin, Ireland. But having gone through the expected stages of loss, loneliness, hopelessness and humiliation, she begins to feel a whole lot better.

So when her errant husband James tries to win his way back into her affections he gets a lot more than he bargained for.

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When the Midwives used a small car to visit cases all over the island

Dame Rita Ebejer OCL, SRN, SCM, QN (Eng)

As a midwife, nearly 70 years ago, Rita Ebejer delivered hundreds of babies and treated them all as she would her own.

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he popular TV series Call the Midwife, set in the early 1950s and 60s, has given us an informative and amusing idea of what the profession entails. Now, Rita, the first Maltese woman to qualify as a midwife, shares some of her memories of midwifery in Malta during that era.

Rita explained from the start that nursing and subsequently midwifery were all she ever wanted to do. She made up her mind at the age of six, when a short period as a patient in a hospital near what is now Floriana police station, in the care of the Sisters of Mercy, was all it

took to awaken this vocation.

Soon she spent every day dressed up with a pillowslip over her head, imagining discussions with doctors about her patients, which were represented by carefully bandaged strips of wood.

Formal or academic education was not considered all that important for girls when Rita was young and World War II interrupted a huge part of her education. Imagine trying to study squashed for hours in a dark, airless stone shelter while bombs rained down close by. But she knew where she was going, and worked towards her goal.

Rita with members and colleagues at the MMDNA headquarters

Luckily she was chosen to take part in a pilot scheme in Birmingham, in England, to attract girls into nursing, before they got the feel for money from their first jobs. She would have a year of theory, just until she was 17.

So, on her 16th birthday, in 1946, Rita sailed for the UK, all on her own, on the SS Empire Fowey a troop ship returning from being repaired in Egypt. It was no cruise. In the Bay of Biscay they met terrible weather, there were engine failures and half the crew got sick.

After four years training and having obtained her nursing qualifications and booked a subsequent midwifery course, Rita returned to Malta for a wellearned holiday. At that time, her father was very friendly with a member of the council of the Malta Memorial District Nursing Association (MMDNA) which was affiliated to a district nursing group in UK, and she was offered a scholarship with the intention that she should take over from the British nurses, and eventually take charge, as a completely Maltese group was being formed. During that course, Rita was also encouraged to take up health visiting.

But on her Malta visit she had met the man who was to become her husband and feeling she couldn’t let him wait three more years, dropped the health visiting course. This was no hard thing as Rita points out, “I never liked admin. I did not really want to be a supervisor. I always loved being close to the patients.“ As soon as her final course was over, Rita began the career she had always longed for. Without formally qualified midwives, women relied on what were known as handywomen, or Muestra for home births; and most births took place at home.

The rules in Malta were the

same as in the UK. No doctor could come to the case unless the midwife called him. Doctors who did attend were often either skeptical about the midwives’ obvious ability or rather condescending. Rita tells of a doctor who grandly observed a birth till the very last minute and, after merely patting a tiny emerging head, promptly took the credit for the whole birth.

On another occasion a doctor, who was there just as a precaution, patronizingly handed her £1 (€1.20 cents) and reminded her to always call him whenever a doctor was required!

For someone whose profession demanded such skill and excellent qualifications a gesture resembling a tip or a commission payment would have been very insulting. But that was how many doctors then considered their own position. Rita just saw the funny side.

Mothers were encouraged to book in when they were around three months pregnant, so they could be monitored. It was left to them to choose their own doctor. They were then visited every month for routine checks and to report if anything doubtful was spotted. Rita would care for mothers and their babies before and after birth, whatever it took. One milestone was the early 1950s, when the anesthetics gas and air and Trilene came into use. The midwives were given lectures in how to use them. They proved a joy for everyone.

In those days, so much less was known, or told to mothers, about anatomy or child development and birth, so there were still plenty of old wives’ tales and superstitions surrounding the whole process. But Rita is happy that she managed to get so much confidence from mothers and relatives that they could see how different having a midwife in attendance was, from what they

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e midwife calls Rita and two colleagues celebrate the birth of her own first baby

were used to; and that it was so much more professional.

The midwives’ reputation flourished. They were often the saving source of calm and confidence for a mother who was almost always driven to a frenzy by relatives, all screaming, crying and praying at the top of their voices, and giving her no peace or privacy. As Rita describes how, with tact and firm discipline, she was able to quieten everyone down and empty the room. It is easy to see how mothers would have been able to give her their complete trust and cooperation.

Rita always treated mothers as if she was in their position. And her empathy must have made all the difference. She was still working when her own children were born and thinks her job did make it easier. She knew exactly what to expect and when a complication arrived she knew what it was and how to deal with it, thus reassuring her relatives as well.

Her happiest and most re-

warding experiences and memories come from every birth she attended. When, after all the hard work she would turn up the light a bit and create as much happy excitement and urgency as possible to finally encourage mother and baby towards their long-awaited meeting. “I always had tears in my eyes with the pleasure I felt at every birth”, she says.

From the mid-sixties on, hospital births, which primarily included doctors, took over. Home births were not encouraged and the midwives were somewhat upstaged. Thankfully today their roles are more recognised and valued again, as they should be.

Rita and her fellow midwives and nurses in the MMDNA were true pioneers and it’s quite obvious that all mothers, and patients on the district nursing lists, who saw Nurse Ebejer arriving in her little car anywhere on island, at any time of the day or night were so very lucky to have had her there.

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Giving mum a break Mother’s Day should not be the only day for dads to take over the reins.

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orking mums and dads sharing more of the finer details of their children’s lives have blurred the clearly defined roles that parents occupied not so many decades ago.

Grandparents will remember a time when a man was hardly ever seen dressing or feeding the children or wheeling them in a pram. Bath time and changing a nappy were way out of his comfort zone. The regular appointments to clinics, school events and private lessons were not in his diary, unless he was providing the transport to wherever they were held.

Children expected their mother to be at home. When something took her away and things were left to dad it was either chaos or a fun adventure. And the comforting knowledge that mum would be back before things got too demanding showed how dependent everyone was on what she did for the family.

Things are very different now. Mothers are sharing the role of financial provider once held only by fathers. They are holding down responsible jobs, full, part or flexitime. And, despite assistance from child carers, grandparents, state -of-the-art gadgets and micro-waved ready meals, their workload has not shrunk one iota.

It has only evolved. And unless someone

hires a fly-on-the-wall documentary film unit to record a week’s worth of everyday ‘housework’ it will always be totally underestimated.

For working mothers in particular, the emotional ties of motherhood, especially while the children are very young, have to be factored in with the demands of her job, even when she has strong outside support.

Loving the job as a way of preserving her identity, creativity and some financial independence justifies this. But, still, the job of being a mother is as demanding as ever A week today is Mother’s Day – plenty of time for dads to plan something special, such as a family get-together or a meal out, somewhere tasty and different, and a perfect gift. This may be inspired by some

heavy hints being dropped in the next few days. If not, think luxurious as in jewellery; escapist, as in spas, away days, mini cruises; sentimental and thoughtful. Forget useful!

And, to paraphrase a well-known saying, a mother is for life not just for one day, so top up the appreciation by following some of these ideas throughout the year and make mum’s day more often. Let’s count some ways.

Unload the washing machine, hang the washing out, or bring it in.

Make all the arrangements and take the children on an outing so she can have some peace and quiet at home on her own. Or plan a day at home so she can go out and do something only she enjoys, without having to worry about anyone else.

Plan, shop for, cook and wash up a family meal – use take away if there really is no option; just as long as she doesn’t need to lift a finger.

Put away the shopping, sweep the courtyard, take over not only their supper but the children’s bed time and school things, to give her a relaxing evening.

Actually do some of the DIY jobs you know are needed. Believe it or not some women would rather live in a, finally, fully furnished and finished home than stay a week in a luxury hotel.

Think how happy she would be if some of these ideas became ‘spontaneous’ gestures all the year round.

Meanwhile, even when you can’t quite imagine or identify with everything from her work issues to the home management and child care concerns she has been dealing with, listen to her. Ask relevant questions and never brush things off as her problem not yours. Just your time, attention and practical efforts to make life easier for her could well be what she would honestly pick if asked to choose the perfect Mother’s Day gift.

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SCENTS FOR MOTHER’S DAY:

SIX OF THE BEST Perfume is the gift that keeps on giving...to the giver and recipient alike. Here is a selection of some of the hottest new fragrances on the market for this Mother’s Day:

Nina Prada: La Jean Paul Paco Valentino: Carolina 1 Ricci: 2 Femme 3 Gaultier: 4 Rabanne: 5 Valentina 6Herrera: Rose Extase Prada: Classique Olympea Poudre: Good Girl Nina Ricci’s Rose Extase Eau de Toilette Sensuelle is a luminous wave, paced by a rose’s vibration, drawing out a magnetic journey: a blossoming, a velvety sensuality of the skin, quivering beneath a petal’s breath, staring deeply into the exquisite light. A blooming, when desire and sensations melt into a huge respiration, a perfect harmony of music and pictures, of perfumes and emotions. A ravishing, an incandescent impulse, the acceleration of an intense flowering, leading to utter ecstasy.

As an olfactory chimera, La Femme Prada is an invitation to emotion.

Straying from fragrance’s more familiar routes, a sultry journey is evoked by its Frangipani wake.

This solar note, a hypersensual floral, evokes the dewy humidity associated with the faraway flower. The note is interwoven with YlangYlang, its spice made smooth with Beeswax, Vanilla and Tuberose. A distilled Vetiver finishes the fragrance, grounding and rounding its feel.

Eau Fraiche – Wonder Woman

This year's Jean Paul Gaultier Limited Edition brings together superheroes for a Gaultier mission. They are strong, they are fearless, they are intrepid. The feminine fragrance combines iconic feminine bottle of Classique with the daring vision of super heroine Wonder Woman! Together they are invincible!

Classique Eau Fraiche is an aquatic oriental fragrance opening with white flowers and an overdose of ginger softened by the sugar cane. A crisp freshness with the lemon sorbet and a warm vanilla and musk base follow.

Intense:

The Heroic God and Goddess of fragrance return in a mythical storm of renewed intensity. Paco Rabanne’s new fragrances, Invictus and Olympea Intense deliver divine power, carnal sensuality and legendary triumph with every spray. Olympéa dares the duality of a transparent floral freshness and the sensuality of a saltyvanilla accord, wrapped up in cashmere wood.

The newest addition to the Valentina collection, Valentina Blush is an unpredictable and mischievous interpretation. Like the raw edge of fine silk, Valentina Blush subverts olfactory expectations while seducing the senses. The new scent establishes a place in the Valentina family defined not through intellect but through emotion, an intuitive new chapter in the Valentina story.

Orange blossom is wrapped in indulgent notes of praline, in this unexpected vision by perfumer Alexis Dadier.

It’s not enough to turn heads — jaws must drop, glances transform into stares. When GOOD GIRL clicks her heels, she has the city at her feet. Her presence has a way of lingering over space and time. It flirts with the unconscious, becoming a memory impossible to shake. A weapon of seduction for the woman who wears it.

Reveal your good side through the luminous facets of Tuberose and Jasmine Sambac. Indulge your bad side through the addictive notes of roasted Tonka beans and Cocoa.

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Taking it step by step Once the reviled member of a family, today’s stepmothers are anything but wicked.

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t probably takes little imagination to see why stepmothers acquired such a bad press. What with ancient fairytales, world history, media gossip and the glut of late 20th-century misery memoirs, where anyone feeling victimised jumped on the bandwagon, second wives could almost be justified in claiming unfair minority persecution.

A little more than 10 years ago Malta’s reputation for strong family ties became strained when researchers revealed that over a third of secondary schoolchildren are living with only one biological parent. Very likely, many of these children, and their younger siblings, have or will have a step-mother.

So we should all be thankful that recent international research reveals that stepmothers’ reputations have been greatly maligned. By and large they are doing an excellent job creating ties to help keep members of the family together; grounded and closer than they might expect, and forming precious bonds that last a life time with their stepchildren.

But it is not an easy task. They are faced with children of any age, and it’s remarkable how childish some teenagers and even young adults can be when meeting what they see as someone bent on replacing their mother, or even worse, imposing more parental rules and regulations and ‘taking their father away’ from them.

Stepmothers in the happy position of finding a loving partner whose offspring are mature, balanced and giving enough to welcome her, because she makes their father happy, or even on the grounds that anything is better than living with two parents who are continually at each other’s throats, are luckier than they know.

Mainly they have to adjust to children who are determined that nothing and no one is going to interrupt their lifestyle, muscle in on their relationship with either blood parent, dictate where they go, what they eat and how long they spend on home-

ONE STEP AT A TIME This is not an easy role for anyone. The emotional and practical demands on a stepmother are not unlike those needed at the start of a very demanding career.

A successful stepmother cannot depend solely on love or patience, although an overdose of both will help.

The relationship she and her husband have will not automatically be echoed by that of his children, who are influenced by any number of agendas and issues of their own.

But there are several ways for someone contemplating step-motherhood to make it easier by honing up on a few skills.

use, while they are testing how far they can go and where you will draw the line. Try to avoid taking sides, or telling their father about small disagreements.

It could be awkward for everyone.

TIME MANAGEMENT Your job, their school or college work, time for sports, hobbies and being together as a family takes extra planning in step families. Different age groups have different demands. Daunting isn’t it? But they will be happy enough if everyone feels they have a fair amount of your time and attention and that their interests and ambitions are valued. Eat together as much as possible. Take advantage of clubs and organisations

COMMUNICATION Let stepchildren know that while everyone has their differences these should be respected. Assure them that all questions will be answered and problems discussed, and all personal privacy and feelings need consideration. Don’t rubbish current house rules or discipline but be flexible and establish reasonable boundaries and behaviour for the home life you want to create. Every word you say will be analysed, so have the courage of your convictions but remain friendly, supportive and honest.

COPING Don’t be surprised if stepchildren look for and make a meal of any little weakness.

You do not have to be perfect. You already are to their father. Trying too hard or over compensating will leave you exhausted. And the children will see through it in no time. They have enough going on their lives; so you will score points by, applying that well-known advice: ‘keep calm and carry on’! Treat everyone as the individuals they are.

Try and ignore any unkind jibes or hateful remarks they work, or social media, in their bedrooms, or the bathroom.

Children who spend only certain weekends and holidays living with their fathers will, at least to begin with, expect to have his undivided attention throughout their visits. All social life will have to be planned around access arrangements, school events and a hundred and one dramas that flair up where children are concerned.

A step-mother with children of her own will have to explain her new relationship with her part-

ner’s children. One who does not have children of her own will have to get used to the immense and intense place her partner’s children have in his life.

And, if a step-mother’s own children have to fit into a different home, with new ‘siblings’, and lifestyles, it’s time to turn to the dozens of magazines, selfhelp books and websites available! Or just take a very deep breath and wing it, which will probably be easier and more successful in the long run because every step family is unique.

As many of us know pearls come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colours, and are very much defined by their pearl category. Freshwater pearls are the most affordable pearls on the market and are known for their baroque shape and pastel colours.

Akoya pearls have been the pearls of choice for many buyers, and is probably one of the most popular pearls in the market. Customers may feel free to visit their nearest Vascas outlet in order to have a look at our entire pearl collection. Moreover, customers may also have their own pearl jewellery strung by our in-house pearl expert. Vascas in Naxxar, Sliema and Valletta. www.vascas.com.mt

where they can volunteer or gain some experience for a future career. Take them shopping, to the cinema or out for a meal; on your own if their father is busy.

Just don’t be disappointed if they refuse at first, or say how much better their own mother does things, or insist on set places to visit and ways of doing things.

When they see you obviously enjoy their company and can be good fun, they will soon be planning things you can all do together.

MENTORING AND SUPPORTING Share in the activities your stepchildren enjoy. Attend school events, yes even if their mother is there to. When they see you are not pushing in but are happy to encourage and support them whenever possible, they will appreciate having someone in their corner they can go to for reasonable and consistent backup. Step-families are not so unusual these days but the children might still be picked on because of their situation at home. Point out the advantages of their family set up, highlighting their personal worth and talents. Discuss where any bullying or taunts may be coming from and the kind of people who resort to them. Then show them a few skills for rising above such things and believing that they are not only the better person, but have a family and friends who are proud of them, think the world of them and are worth 10 of any bullying or sarcastic school kid.

EMPATHY The media is full of stories of successful step-relationships. Being able to empathise with step-children, who are naturally less able to see the bigger picture at the beginning of the relationship, will help. Remember that many of the difficulties that crop up also occur in regular families and take a step back occasionally so all family members can offer ideas for solving them. Finally, try putting any petty problems in proportion by laughing them off. Shared laughter will always make a family a very happy one.

But mostly it does work and really well. A stepmother can provide valuable, neutral support to youngsters, counteracting the negative effects of their parents’ separation. She has a clearly identified role within the family which can enhance how it functions and helps create its own identity. It has been proved that a happily balanced family home, or homes, where problems can be solved without aggression and point-scoring, is far better for children, in every way, than one with an at-

mosphere of tension and conflict.

The relationship between a stepmother and her partner’s children has to grow naturally and cannot be forced. But almost all the many stepmothers who took part in the research found their new family unexpectedly rewarding. Stepmothers and their sons and daughters can grow close on completely different levels from that of natural mothers. And this can be immensely strong and rewarding for all involved.

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Jason Segel

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Diane von Furstenberg

Stephen King

J.K. Rowling

Oprah Winfrey

Richard Branson

Malala Yousafzai

Mothers, in a few words Gushes of sentiment have been spoken about mothers. These quotes, both spikey and saccharine, have an undeniable truth

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” — Mark Twain, author “I see myself as mom first. I’m so lucky to have that role in life. The world can like me, hate me or fall apart around me and at least I wake up with my kids and I’m happy.” — Angelina Jolie.

“Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark … to have been loved so deeply will give us some protection forever.” — J.K. Rowling, author

“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.” — Oprah Winfrey “My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it.”

— Stephen King, author

“Most people’s mothers are the most influential person in their life.

But my mother survived the camps, and she was very strong.

She made me strong, but she wanted me to be strong. That’s more important.” — Diane von Furstenberg, fashion designer

“My mother taught me to be nice to everybody. And she said something before I left home. She said, ‘I want you to always remember that the person you are in this world is a reflection of the job I did as a mother.’” — Jason Segel, actor

“When I was four, my mother insisted I get out of the car and find my own way home. Although I got lost, I did find my way home. It taught me the value of independence at an early age.” — Richard Branson, businessman

“My mother said, ‘Don’t worry about what people think now. Think about whether your children and grandchildren will think you’ve done well”— Lord Louis Mountbatten “When I was born, some of our relatives came to our house and told my mother, ‘Don’t worry, next time you will have a son’”. — Student, Malala Yousafzai A mother understands what a child does not say. — Jewish Proverb.

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Mother’s little helpers

Hard Rock’s World Burger Tour Hard Rock’s World Burger Tour is back, and ready to take guests on an international adventure – no passport necessary! World Burger Tour, a limited-time offering of Hard Rock Local Legendary© Burgers, inspired by the taste and flavours from cafe locations around the world and in Malta we have selected these popular burgers to feature on our menu throughout May and June: • English Breakfast Burger (London, England) – a beef patty topped with sliced ham, a sausage patty, a fried egg, a Portobello mushroom, arugula and garlic aioli and served with a side of baked beans • Tango Salsa Burger (Buenos Aires, Argentina) – shake it up with andouille sausage, beef pattie, salsa criolla, garlic aioli, Monterey jack cheese, fresh arugula and a fried egg to top off the burger • Riviera Burger (Nice, France) – a lovely masterpiece made of savory olive tapenade and chipotle flavours, marinated tomato, melty goat cheese, fresh

greens and crisp potato rosti sitting perfectly on a beef patty • Greek Burger (Athens, Greece) – a beef patty piled high with slow-simmered eggplant salad enriched with fresh herbs and vegetables, finished with a dollop of haydari yogurt sauce, crisp lettuce and vine-ripened tomato Local Legendary© Burgers are served with – Hard Rock’s Savory Artisan French fries. throughout World Burger Tour, each French fry selection is paired with a complementary signature dipping sauce.

Just like the artists whose memorabilia lines the walls at Hard Rock locations worldwide, the burgers served at Hard Rock Cafe are nothing short of “legendary.” All Legendary© Burgers feature the highest quality meats, fresh ingredients, savory sauces and rich, melted cheeses.

For more information on World Burger Tour and to contact your local cafe for menu details, please visit www.HardRock.com.

Continuing a career or working from home after childbirth is made easier when the right help is at hand.

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ot everyone can rely on grandparents or siblings and hours of long-term day care are not what many mothers want for their children and this is where the mother’s help really is just that.

He or she is someone who helps a parent with extra child care, usually when the parent is at home. This role enables mostly young girls but all teenagers or college students, hoping to go into nursing, social or child care to gain skills and training for future study and jobs. Because of the varied duties and because an adult is often in the home as well, the role is different than that of a nanny or baby sitter.

The mother’s help, under supervision at first, takes on many childcare jobs including preparing light meals and snacks, playing with children and taking them out, helping with homework while mothers feed and put younger children to bed, walking children to and from school or the school bus and doing light housework, relating to the children while their mother has some fun time with them. They give new mothers time to work or see to the everyday house stuff, like paying bills, making appointments,

keeping some kind of personal social life and even just having a good old soak in the bath and a read or a few episodes of the latest box set.

They also provide ‘adult’ company for when the novelty of a toddler’s idea of stimulating conversation and absorbing activities become mind numbing.

Mother’s helpers may also babysit at night, since children prefer to be with someone they know. They do not need any formal qualifications but a knowledge of first aid would be reassuring.

This type of child care is tailored to a mother’s specific needs at the time. It is flexible and informal and can be filled by an older child of a family friend, a student or someone writing a book or a thesis and looking for part time-work. Helpers mostly live out and are paid by the hour or by the day.

An au pair often fits in very well with families who need someone just for a specific period, say summer holidays, in the months following the arrival of a new baby or while a mother has temporary care of an elderly relative. Au pairs expect to live in and cover the tasks of nannies and mother’s helps. But as they are primarily students from overseas, they are entitled to time off to attend lectures, courses and other activities connected with their studies. In this case parents pay their accommodation and food and a token amount for their help.

A nanny has a very different role and is the ideal parents’ aide de camp, PA, even CEO! He or she should hold professional qualifications and is more than capable of taking almost complete responsibility for the children they look after. Most nannies live in and hours, time off and salary are formally agreed before they are employed. The demands of the job deserve the complimentary salary and frequent perks that nannies expect when both parents rely so heavily on the support they get from having a nanny.

Making it work takes three Ts: Talking, tact and trust. Make it very clear what duties you expect done and how you expect them to be carried out. For helpers and au pairs, be prepared to explain all

Finding the person you need is easy if you know in advance exactly the sort of help you want and can afford.

Give it time and ask around.

Word of mouth is often the best recommendation for someone you need for general help while you remain in the home.

For a nanny or au pair it would be wise to go to a specialist agency or training college. A good nanny is like gold dust and takes some seeking out. The right agency will help you find a perfect match and should carry out all the necessary researches, checking of references and pay and contract conditions where relevant.

Be specific and honest about your needs, the sort of person you are looking for and their job description. Springing unmentioned conditions or specialised requirements on the person you choose could be disastrous.

And, for everyone’s sake, keep expectations realistic. Slave labour is illegal and Mary Poppins is a fictional character.

Be inquisitive. This is someone with whom you plan to leave your own child or children. Be friendly and kind but ask whatever it takes to reassure yourself that you’re making the right choice. Will he or she fit in with your ethos and expectations?

Introduce the children. It is vital that they get on. See how they build a rapport. Use your instincts and intuition and choose someone with an air of responsibility and a ready, natural smile who makes you and the children feel comfortable. the hows and whys. Answer any questions. Remember, your help may be new to your family and have hardly any idea of what minding a child involves, at first.

For live-in help set boundaries and privacy issues according to their age, maturity and qualifications. Some of these may need to be flexible and open to discussion to begin with. Sharing a home takes adjustment.

And be sure that, especially for helpers and au pairs, at least one parent is accessible by phone at any time. And give teachers and supervisors of extra curricular activities full details of anyone who will be taking a child to or from school or other localities well in advance.

Once a routine and relationship is set, let go enough to really benefit from the arrangement. All mothers feel the pull of heart and apron strings when leaving their children.

But, when it is for whatever good reason, knowing a child is safe in its own home, cared for by a trustworthy person will lessen any misgivings.

Velvet Smooth Electronic Nail Care System Natural looking shiny nails effortlessly with Scholl Velvet Smooth Electronic Nail Care System.

It only takes 3 easy steps: file, buff and polish.

Discover the new electronic nail care system from Scholl with 3 heads for filing, buffing and polishing which can be used on both toe nails and finger nails.

Available from all leading supermarkets, pharmacies and Scholl Foothealth Centres. www.schollfoothealthcentres.com

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Al Ponte Pizzeria & Restaurant Al Ponte is renowned as one of the best restaurants on the island. It is highly esteemed for its delicious Mediterranean food complimented by a wide selection of local and foreign wines.

The restaurant’s open kitchen allows anyone to appreciate our chefs at work preparing mouth-watering dishes including a wide selection of pizza cooked to perfection in our renowned stone oven.

This celebrated à la carte restaurant boasts a rustic vault ceiling along with a beautiful terrace for the enjoyment of al fresco dinning, available throughout the year.

Al Ponte also offers a Cafeteria Menu including a Baker’s Corner during the morning hours, whereas the full menu is served from mid-day onwards.

Les Jardins Restaurant Discover a culinary voyage that will awaken all your senses.

Join us and explore our lavish buffet based on different cuisines carefully prepared by our awardwinning chefs, featuring a vast selection of antipasti, freshly-prepared pasta dishes, live grill and carving station, accompanied by a wide selection of mouth-watering home-made desserts.

A Memorable Mother’s Day Lunch We are aware that with so much choice in the market it is sometimes hard to find the right venue for your Mother’s Day lunch.

This Mother’s Day, pamper her like a queen and show her your appreciation for all her hard work, dedication and unconditional love as you take her on a wonderful culinary journey. Tempt her taste-buds and eyes with an array of both local and international favourites at our signature restaurant, Il-Merill.

An invitation she will not easily forget!

The Les Jardins Restaurant is impeccably designed, with a traditional Maltese style of soft, natural colours and typical stone. It is situated adjacent to the splendid views of the landscaped garden and its pool. Large glass windows face the garden with all the natural light that enhances and compliments the restaurant’s décor to provide a truly unique experience.

MARITIM Antonine Hotel & Spa George Borg Olivier Street, Mellieha MLH 1021 Tel: 00356 2289 2000 · E-Mail: info@maritim.com.mt Facebook: maritim.malta

For bookings call on 2152 1166 or send an email to events@paradisebay.com www.paradise-bay.com

Nutrition during breastfeeding

Indulge your feet in the shower or in the bath tub with the rechargeable, waterproof Velvet Smooth Wet & Dry Pedi. It has roller heads specifically designed for use on both wet and dry feet and you can choose between “gentle” or “intensive” based on the level of exfoliation you require.

Enjoy soft and beautiful feet after only one use. Available from all leading supermarkets, pharmacies and Scholl Foothealth Centres.

A healthy well-balanced diet is important during breastfeeding. Although a supplement does not replace a well-balanced diet, it can provide some extra insurance on those days when taking care of your new baby keeps you from eating as well as you like. It is important to choose a multivitamin that is especially formulated for use during pregnancy and breastfeeding that supports your nutritional requirements adequately as a nursing mother.

Nestlé Materna helps provide the vitamins and minerals you need during all stages of your pregnancy. After pregnancy, Nestlé Materna provides both calcium and vitamin D to help meet the nutritional needs while breastfeeding.

www.schollfoothealthcentres.com

Available in Pharmacies

Velvet Smooth Wet & Dry Pedi

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