It’s all about
kids
The Malta Independent on Sunday MARCH 2018
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On the FACE OF IT Technology creators and bosses imposed almost total restrictions on their children’s use of gadgets because they had concerns about the benefits. Now a certain social messaging sector is targeting six-year-olds. ot that long ago Steve Jobs, the late Apple boss, limited his children’s tech use and did not allow them to have iPads, indicating he was worried about the effects of exposing children to technology. His colleague, Jonathan Ive, who designed an iPad that was simple enough for a toddler to operate, set heavy limits on his twin sons’ use of technology. And Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, banned his children from having mobiles until they were 14. Less than a decade later a social media website Facebook is under fire because their lax security allows children below their minimum age of 13 to access the site and to set up their own social media profiles. Many websites do not demand proof of age when someone signs up. Instead, most ask for a user to enter their birth date, which can be easily faked. Facebookowned Instagram does not even demand proof of age when users sign up. It only tells them that by signing up, they have agreed to its terms and conditions, including its lower age limit. And now Facebook is targeting children as young as six – an age
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when live social interaction among their peers could not be more important. Young children have already become so glued to their gadgets they are displaying physical symptoms of over exposure, such as RTS injuries and tantrums when the appliance won’t work, or has to be put down at certain times. A report in Digital Childhood says children should be taught the risks of smart phones before the age of five. Based on what? Their wide experience of life in our times, or the immense knowledge of human nature they will have acquired by then? Oh please. Online hazards and crimes are difficult enough for adults to cope with never mind a pre-schooler. But, in America, and coming to a country near you as its success expands, is Facebook's Messenger Kids described as a step in the right direction to providing safe, age-appropriate platforms for younger children. Loren Cheng, the product management director, claims it was launched to meet parents' demand. Certainly parents, indeed all of us, acknowledge that mobile technology plays an irreplace-
able part in our lives. To say we would be lost without it is, for too many, an understatement. But when the sort of demands and pressures of many of these sites are known to be tormenting teenagers and other young peo-
ple, who discover they are anything but the 'inclusive and sharing' platforms they had hoped for, are they really something little children need at all? We should lead by example by limiting our own use of mobile
technology when children are around and teaching them bit by bit, when they can understand the concepts, how, why and when we can use it without either falling into a bad place, or missing out on a real life.
Facebook’s Messenger Kids – a break down. It allows children aged six to 12 to send pictures and texts and video chat just like Facebook's main messaging platform. Site users do not see adverts. There are supposedly strict controls in place. Children can only use the service if a parent with a Facebook account sets it up on their behalf. Parents then add contacts to their child's account from their friend list. They can then add contacts to their child's account from their own friend list. Adding relatives or family friends, who are already Facebook friends with the parents is simple. But a child can only add a school friend who also uses the app. And their parents will also have to become Facebook friends. When a child reaches 13, his or her account on Messenger Kids will automatically migrate to Facebook.
Security Facebook bends over backwards to assure parents that the app was developed using 'parents' and 'experts in parenting' to keep children safe, and to give the parents of young children a level of control; accent on the word 'level'. Web giants are currently under pressure to install tighter controls for children under 18, so they do not share their location or see adverts. Privacy settings should be set at the highest possible level, by default. But Facebook doesn’t even control all the grievous abuse on its main platform effectively. And although only parents can approve contacts and can monitor their children’s messaging closely, there is no guarantee that the
children won’t be able to find ways around the system; or that busy or trusting parents will not let their guards down after a while. Then who will pick up the pieces? Facebook's record in monitoring and controlling abuse and cyberbullying leave a lot to be desired. Reference the discovery that the company has had insufficient controls in place to prevent another developer from collecting data which automatically generates profiles of children, without their consent. And on the subject of data, promising that it's collection of children's data on Messenger Kids will be limited says nothing. Parents are entitled to a detailed explanation of what type of data the company will collect, how it will be collected and how it will be used. Generating ads is out, so far, but one has to wonder what sort of data such young children will provide that the company even needs to have. Messenger Kids, is clearly here to make sure the brand name is instilled at an early age. Sometimes the saying 'catch them when they're young' has a distinctly sinister ring to it.
Marine life attractions for children editerraneo Marine Park promotes marine life conservation against the stunning backdrop of the Mediterranean Sea. Offering entertainment alongside a learning experience unique in its kind. As Malta's only marine park, The ‘Mediterraneo’ is a leading island attraction with tourists and locals alike. Boasting an enviable coastal location, the park promotes interactive participation with a varied selection of marine mammals including dolphins and sea lions; parrots and reptiles. Enjoying Malta's sunny climate, The Mediterraneo Marine Park remains open all year round. The park is conveniently located just off the main coast road, enabling good transport links
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from most hotels and tourist accommodation. Part of the Costa Edutainment group (since July 2012), The Mediterraneo Marine Park advocates animal welfare through an interactive learning environment inspired by their motto "Education, Emotion and FUN". Visitors may participate in various animal interaction programmes which provide superb entertainment whilst increasing awareness and conservation responsibilities. The park has three main programmes which are held daily: The Dolphin Presentation, The Sea Lion Presentation and the Parrot Presentation. All of these presentations offer an amazing experience to aid a better understanding of the animals and an appreciation of their individual characteristics. The highlight
of any visit to The Mediterraneo Marine Park has to be the Dolphin SWIM programme – a truly unique and once in a lifetime experience that is not to be missed!
Some of the other species that visitors can also expect to see include: a Coati, Green wing Macaw, Amazons, Snakes, Tortoises, Iguanas, Turtles, Frogs, Toads, Spiders, Scorpions and Lizards. DIDACTIC PROGRAMMES FOR PRIMARY & SECONDARY STUDENTS Specific educational programmes based on four animal areas: Reptiles, Parrots, Sea Lions and Dolphins. TEAM BUILDING DAYS Ideal for Corporate Companies/Organisations wishing to have their personnel teams indulge in a relaxing and fun outing. For enquires please email your requests on: info@mediterraneopark.com or reservations@mediterraneopark.com Baћar iċĊagћaq, Malta +356 2137 2218 +356 2137 6519 info@mediterraneopark.com www.mediterraneopark.com
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The family that EATS TOGETHER... It is an idyllic image, all the family together round the table for a meal. But many children miss out on this important social gathering. hich is a great shame, because the advantages of such get-togethers, which once upon a time were so normal that no one even gave them a second thought, have actually been authentically researched and the results show that the sooner we reintroduce family meals on a regular basis the better. Anything from trying to fit in with work and study hours, to leisure time, travel arrangements and even food likes and dislikes, can easily put whoever does most of the cooking off trying to co-ordinate even one meal a week that the whole family can attend. But it's worth it because there is documented evidence that children who regularly eat a proper meal, as a family, consume more healthy foods containing fruits, vegetables, vitamins and other nutrients. They are less inclined to eat and drink junk food and over-sugared drinks, which obviously helps in preventing obesity. They are also mentally fitter, since verbal and social skills are developed and enhanced through conversations between one or two generations. They benefit from the opportunity to 'bring something to the table' and share their news, experiences and concerns with others over what is mostly seen as an enjoyable time. They learn to relate to each other and value the closeness and security family provides. Yes. And it's about now that a host of harassed parents can be heard yelling: 'Not in our house!' For many this perfect picture is simply the stuff of pasta adverts. Dinner time with children, of any age, can vary from tense to hostile. Toddlers whose aim with a spoon is at best erratic, fidgeting little ones who just want to be somewhere else, monosyllabic adolescents taking no part in the event at all and worried mothers fearing their children's refusal to eat anything but cereal or chicken nuggets will leave them malnourished for life. But it can work, and not just in those nauseating ‘Hollywood’ movies that give us all such ridiculous expectations of family life. Make a point, from now on, to have at least two or three family meals a week. They don't all have to be home-cooked but the majority should
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For many this perfect picture is simply the stuff of pasta adverts. be. Issue special invitations and offer no alternatives to anyone who tries to opt out. Set a cheerful scene and make it special and that is exactly how it will turn out. Build up the hype before each meal by letting people take it in turns to choose certain dishes, and even cook them if that will work. Just don't make anyone eat something they genuinely hate; that will completely defeat the object. Have some good news or a funny story ready, to kick start a conversation. And
never, ever bring up such indigestible subjects as homework, can we get a dog, illness, bad behaviour, past arguments and grievances. It's hardly surprising that many family members either dread or avoid meals together if the atmosphere is steeped in negativity. These occasions should be something to look forward to, for all the benefits they can and will have on everyone. Apart from expecting children to show basic table manners, and not eat as if they are either dissecting a specimen or filling a cement mixer, make all associations with sitting at a table as pleasant as possible. Children can grasp a situation, and play along quite happily with what is expected of them when it is to their advantage. And give them time to enjoy their meal at their own pace, without being told to eat faster or slow down all the time. They will soon learn how to keep up if dawdling means they miss out on a second helping or a favourite course. There may be howls of protest at first, but ban all artificial forms of communi-
cation, phones, tablets, books and toys, especially electronic ones. Music could just be acceptable for anyone who simply cannot function without background noise. The idea is to communicate directly with each other, and let's be honest plenty of us could gain a lot from doing a bit more of that too. These meals can be an interesting time for children. They have a chance to speak and be listened to, a break from the stresses of the day or a time to share something exciting. But they can also quickly tire of adults' conversations so either seat them all together, so they can chatter to each other, or include them in general discussions. This will give them excellent experience in listening and giving their contributions on different subjects. The experience of sharing a satisfying, comforting good meal as a family is a special way of giving children a sense of self confidence and security. It sets an example of family unity and sows the seeds of good communication that will grow for generations.
CARING FOR LITTLE FEET ike their first crawl or that first tentative toddle, your baby’s first shoes mark a milestone in their development. That is why they have to be just right. They have to be flexible and soft enough to look after delicate little feet, and sturdy enough to protect against knocks or scrapes. This is why pre-walkers were created and are the perfect shoes for your baby. Prewalkers have a rubber bumper at the front and on top to protect tiny toes against hard surfaces. Pre-walkers are lightweight, flexible and the grip keeps your baby firmly on their feet when they take their first wobbly steps. Pre-walkers should come in whole and half sizes and should also be fitted for width. Ideally parents should find a shoe that is completely washable.
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Pre-crawling Babies’ feet don’t have bones yet, just soft cartilage which can easily be moulded into the wrong shape if it is constricted. Even tight socks or sleep suits (onesies) can damage the foot at this age. You may have seen lots of cute baby shoes, but don’t be tempted yet. Barefoot is best at this stage.
Crawling When your baby starts to crawl and shuffle, pre-walking shoes will protect those active little feet against bumps and knocks from hard floors and furniture. Carefully designed for this stage, they are soft and flexible and feature a special rubber bumper on the top of the shoe for added protection and grip. Babies’ feet are very deli-
cate, so never compromise on their footwear. For your peace of mind, find shoes that come in whole and half sizes and a range of width fittings and you will only find in shops with a specialist children’s fitting service.
Walking When your child is walking with confidence, it’s time for their first pair of walking shoes. There’s a wide choice of walking shoes out there, but always make sure that shoes are fitted properly. Width is as important as length at this fragile stage of foot development. Choosing the right shoe will not only provide for your child’s well being today, it will provide the foundation for the future of their feet and will help to avoid future problems.
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Room to PLAY Children love a room they can call their own and adults welcome the chance to keep their areas free of all their toys and treasures. layrooms offer a space for children to get together with their friends, build dens, leave their toys, games, painting and model making things out until they have finished with them and use their screens and playstations without disturbing the rest of the household. In short they are a haven of fun. Not all homes have enough rooms to allocate one just for play, but it is worth considering how often a dining room is used for that purpose, or if the largest bedroom can be partitioned off to provide a sleep/play suite. And children are often happy enough with a very small bedroom if they have other indoor space in which to spend any precious time that is their own. The size of a playroom is not quite as important as what is in it, and how well it suits the child or children who use it. And it certainly
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does not need to be super sleek and stylish; it's for the kids to hang out in after all. Absolutely vital is plenty of storage, some rugs to roll about on, floor space to wheel around, if there is enough space, a table, which can fold up against a wall if necessary, some chairs, bean bags, an old sofa with masses of cushions to bounce on and plain walls, coated so they can be used for budding Banksys. Involve the children as soon as plans for their room are considered. They will have plenty of wonderful ideas for a theme or decorations. Bizarre as some of these may be, don't shoot them down immediately. This is their room; you have the rest of the place to play with. Explain rationally why certain things may be too expensive, dangerous or big to include and start drawing up a chart of materials. Choose machine-washable, easycare fabrics, wipe-down surfaces
The ONE in the hey call it a syndrome, like nearly everything else these days, Middle Child Syndrome. Hours have been spent theorising and pages have been written about the perceived problems of being neither the youngest nor the eldest child in the family. In many circles there is a destructive belief that middle children are resentful because they see brothers and sisters getting privileges and advantages which they think are the result of their being older or younger. This can be true; it will not go unnoticed if the oldest gets new clothes and the next one gets had-me-downs, or if the little one gets to stay up because it's easier if all the kids are in bed at more or less the same time. And since while the eldest child needs help 'forging ahead' with life and the youngest in catching up, the one in the middle is bouncing between the two looking
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for a way to do things at his or her own level. It's not easy for middle children. The oldest has a clearly defined role as example setter and, to a certain extent, protector of younger ones; the youngest has no such pressures. But the one in the middle may feel pulled between the two, identifying more with one or the other, being expected to obey one and fetch and carry for the other, having to share more of his possessions and time with either sibling, even if he would rather not have to. It's not unheard of either for a middle child to get the blame for some misdemeanour committed by one of the others, and that can build up resentment. But how a child sees its family status is less to do with the order in which he or she was born and everything to do with upbringing – how parents see each child as an individual. The age gap between siblings, whether they are the daughter between two sons or the only boy between girls are
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Playing it safe and vibrant, happy colours that don’t show every mark. If any DIY or installations are needed it is probably best to get these done while the children are nowhere near, for fairly obvious reasons. They will however enjoy helping decide where furniture can go and where their toys and so on can be stored away. Labels on the draws and doors can allocate certain space to each child, and older children may well appreciate a cupboard that locks so they can hide special treasures away from their siblings. They should be responsible for keeping the key safe. But obviously you will have a copy, just in case. If the playroom is to be in the family's forever home it is a good idea to have one eye on its evolution. It's a cliché to say children grow up so quickly but it's a reality too. Furthermore, they will very likely grow fond of their
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zone and gradually introduce ways to make it less of a play room and more of a study/chill out area. If you can bare to anticipate this at the outset you could save much time and cash going for a design and fittings that can grow with the children and morph into a future space into which they would be both proud and delighted to bring their friends. There will be definite advantages to this, honestly. To coin another cliché now apparently obsolete: 'Children should be seen and not heard', what parents can truthfully put their hands on their hearts and claim they are not sometimes glad to see the back of their little darlings now and again? Creating a playroom could well turn out to be one of the best things you ever did; although in this day and age, perhaps not at the expense of a garage.
The oldest receives a lot of attention and privileges, the youngest is spoilt and has more freedom, while the child in between can just feel short-changed.
just a few of the issues that influence a child’s behaviour, security and ultimately fulfilment. There are huge advantages to being a middle child. With the right support they can carve out a perfect position in the family chain. They can learn from observing the behaviour of their siblings, by weighing up their parents' and other adults' reactions to said behaviour they can balance their own, to their advantage. They quickly discover which of their siblings' characteristics gain most favour, and develop their own personalities to get attention they want. This often leads to improved skills in negotiating; putting their points across clearly and economically to
different groups of people in a variety of circumstances. They find it easier to see both sides of the coin and are more likely to understand the importance of listening to all sides of an argument or several different ideas and points of view. In many ways a middle child is bound to be compared with the older and younger ones and that is not easy. Parents often can't help themselves noting the differences in their children. But if these differences are treated with care and respect and the good ones celebrated to the children's benefit there should be no problems for any children. Wherever they appear in the pecking order it should be a place from where they can grow into confident, successful considerate adults with a enormous capacity for happiness.
Every bit as important as the room's appearance and contents is its security. This should be focused on the youngest user. Much the same as in children's bedrooms: All electrical sockets should be out of reach and childproofed. If the there are large windows, higher than ground floor they should be locked or have safety bars fitted. Use reinforced glass, if there are window seats, even in rooms used by older children. And make sure blind and curtains have no loose strings attached. Only include ladders or a climbing wall after careful consideration. Furniture and fittings must be the right size, sturdy and steady with no hard or sharp edges. Draws and cupboards should have easy access, so tidying up is not a boring battle. Fabrics should be chemical free and fireproofed and all
paint water based or organic, if possible. It is probably a good idea to strip and repaint any up-cycled furniture you want to use, if it is very old. Rugs need to be non-slip; so do floors, which should be laid with a material that will provide a 'soft' landing in case of falls. Draws should be designed so they cannot be pulled completely out of their sockets. Handles on anything must be securely attached and easy for children to use. If you are using baskets and boxes on shelves only put light items in them. Heavy contents could cause injuries if they spill out onto a child who is reaching up for them. Make sure all lighting is fixed and cannot be reached by young children. Heating and air-conditioning units should also be out reach of all children. Portable heaters should never be in a playroom, even switched off, unless an adult is there.
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Another C The arrival of a little brother or sister is both an exciting, happy event, and one that brings questions and insecurities for the children that came before. Preparation for its arrival is the key. child's reaction to a new baby can be influenced by so many things; their age when it is born, their position in the family, even the gender of the new baby and the age gap between them. Baring in mind the upheaval this tiny person causes for its parents, who have a clear understanding of what is going on, it is not very surprising when children too are likely to be overcome by the event. Generations ago, when children were less exposed to the mysteries of life than they are nowadays, it was not unusual for baby to appear 'from nowhere', and be proudly presented as a new brother or sister. Any questions of how or why were answered with a string of mythology involving bushes,
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doctor's bags, angels and even the postal service! Today's children receive factual explanations, with whatever details their parents feel appropriate. In all likelihood they will happily broadcast their interpretation of this information to their friends. Be prepared for fallout from the school!
When to tell The announcement of a new baby should be made in time to build up an aura of excitement and anticipation but not so far in advance that it becomes a boring wait and the child either loses all interest or grows to resent a load of build up that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Siblings should be told before or with other family members. Hearing the news from someone else could certainly confuse and upset even quite young children and seriously embarrass the older ones.
Telling teens Teenagers, naturally, need to be told the news as soon as possible because they will have all sorts of emotional adjustments to make. Tell them when there are no other children around and, since most of them can never imagine their own parents capable of such a thing, be prepared for shock, horror and the proclamations that you have ruined their lives and their world has ended.
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CHICK IN THE NEST This is hardly surprising. Their main concerns will be about what their friends will think, whether the new child will be competition, and even how much 'baby-sitting' and child care they may be expected to give it. With patience, by focusing as much as ever, if not a bit more, on them, and by mentioning the baby only in passing at first, you will convince them that their place in the family and your heart will not be any different. And even if they seem thrilled to bits remember that they may still have several concerns so make sure they know you are open to discussing these. Talk about who the baby might resemble or take after. Think of names and what it will be like, welcoming a little newcomer into the family and what changes it will mean. They also deserve to be involved in any preparations they would like to share and do welcome any support they want to give. It will make a real difference to how they feel when the baby actually arrives.
Great expectations Even children who 'long' for a brother or sister may have second thoughts when the idea becomes a reality. The novelty may quickly wear off when they discover that what they imagined would be an instant playmate or companion is in reality a demanding little creature who can turn the whole house upside down without even being able to sit up on its own. Make it very clear to younger children that babies need a lot of nurturing before they can do everything their big brothers and sisters can do. You could even show them photos from when they were newborn to illustrate how delicate and helpless they were at first. Explain why babies sleep a lot and that it's a good idea not to wake them while they do. If they can have your undivided attention for some time while the baby sleeps, they will see it as a good thing and make an effort not to wake it up. Reassure children who will eventually be sharing their bedroom that their space and possessions will still be theirs. Involve them in making any changes, and make sure they understand why these are necessary. Also, explain in advance why the baby might sleep for a while in your room; otherwise they could well imagine that it is a substitute for them after all. Including children of any age in getting cots, clothes and toys ready for the baby will make them feel they have an important part to play. And finding little treats for them at the same time will increase their goodwill towards the baby as well. Nearer to the birth decide where the children will be staying on the due date and let them know whatever arrangements you have made well in advance.
Welcome home Some parents take older children to accompany their new sister or brother home. Others choose for their children to stay with a close relative or friend, so they can have the first night
home alone with their new baby. But most bring the baby home to meet the family, who will be longing to welcome it. If the baby is dressed in the clothes chosen by its brothers and sisters, and there are little gifts for them to exchange, they will soon feel that this baby is truly a new family member. But there should be a celebration treat planned just for the older sib-
ling/s to emphasise how special they are too. As the family settles down, there will be a lot of adjustments to make. However enthusiastic children may seem at the beginning the reality of a new 'person' in their home and the attention they demand from you may be too much for some children. The very little ones may genuinely fear for their survival, and resent
having to share you with the newcomer to a point where their behaviour deteriorates. Older ones can find it at the very least disturbing and over react too. Exhausting as it all is, sympathise with each other and share your feelings to impress on them that you do understand but, for the time being, it is what it is. Then make the most of all the cute, amusing times with the
baby, together whenever possible. This is only the early stage. Ensure they relate to and accept this fact, in a way that each one understands. Soon enough the little one will respond to their attention and flatter them with a grin or a giggle, finish a bottle they have given it, or fall asleep in their arms and they will be totally won over.
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