Drink Up

In our regular drinks column, Kevin Fullerton tries a few tasty beverages and lets you know exactly what he thinks of them. This month we need to talk to Kevin about . . . pre-made cocktails

If you’re too lazy to put a couple of drinks in a glass and shake them about a bit, then pre-made cocktails will seem like alcoholic nirvana. And, like your red-faced uncle that the rest of the family are secretly concerned for, I’ve unearthed three of these A-grade cocktails for your consideration.

First stop on the Glug-Glug Express is Panther M*lk, an ethically sourced alcoholic mixture that gained fame when it appeared on Dragon’s Den. None of its ingredients come from an actual wild cat’s teat (a disappointment), but all are 100% vegan (a boon). It’s a smooth ride, yet hard to get over the feeling that it’s a wooze-inducing fad. If one were to compare it to other novelties, it’s better than a fidget spinner and only marginally worse than a Tamagotchi. At the age of six, I euthanised my Tamagotchi by smashing it repeatedly underneath a bedpost, listening as it slowly bleeped out of consciousness like the unhinged AI in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Decide accordingly if that makes you want to drink Panther M*lk more or less.

Beaming into my glass next is the Six Cylinder Cocktail from Mothership, a mixture of gins, liqueurs and martinis topped off with a ‘secret formula’. The marketing tagline on the bottle reads ‘super refined’, implying something both tasty and noxious enough to clean rusty pennies, but this 22.4% brown liquid isn’t forbidding. Its warming mixture is rich enough to fall into digestif territory, with a gorgeous syrupy consistency. I couldn’t think of a better tipple as the cold snap creeps in.

Finally, here’s Thornstar Of Bethlehem, a delightful offering from Buck & Birch as part of their Festive Selection Box. This one’s a combination of Amarosa rosehip liqueur, woodruff vodka, hawthorn blossom syrup, and sea buckthorn. There’s a nimbleness to this drink that’s simultaneously light and unafraid to pack a punch. Bethlehem? Mair like Bethleyum (sorry).