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Non-Profit Organization U.S. Postage PAID Boston, MA Permit No. 54523
Volume 30, Issue 9 3/4 140 Brandeis Road Newton Centre, MA 02459
Newton South High School’s Student Newspaper · Newton, MA · Established 1984 · April 1, 2014
Bowls n’ Bowls As part of newly formed partnerships with Token Toke, a marijuana dispensary system, and Chipotle Mexican Grill, South will be serving the chain’s mexican food and installing Token Toke’s marijuana vending machines in the 2014-2015 school year
What effects will this have?: An Infographic to guide you
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Higher Higher Higher Higher Higher
test scores happiness obesity everything
applications to UVM and CU Boulder
Tom Brady scheduled to attend senior prom Dan Saul Knight Sr. Prom Editor
The 2014 class office recently announced that Patriots quarterback and international heartthrob Tom Brady will be attending the senior prom on June 2. Students, who were originally skeptical of the Foxboro venue, have now expressed some interest in attending. After announcing news, the class office also noted that ticket prices will be raised to $870. Students who have already paid will be required to submit checks with the difference. Senior class officer John Henry McBreen, voted by his peers as Most Involved 2014, was widely credited with spearheading the Brady effort. “It’s pretty Versace of me, I guess,” he said. “Gisele and I speak regularly.” Both the dancing and dining will be held on the field, and officials
have recommended that both male and female attendees wear cleats, suggesting that they will allow for the best turf dancing. Senior class president Thom Riddle said that Brady’s attendance will help make up for class office’s failure to provide an open bar at the event. “There are definitely some kids who will never forgive us, but hopefully Brady will make the night
For once the 2014 class office has accomplished something memorable. - Everyone
at least somewhat memorable,” Riddle said. “It’s not an open bar, but it’s the best we could do. We ran into some unexpected legal difficulties in our attempts to secure an open bar.” Some students, however, have expressed concerns surround-
ing the quarterback’s attendance. Senior Rofl Copter said he was frustrated with the ambiguity surrounding supermodel Gisele Bündchen’s attendance. “If Brady is coming stag, then how does he expect to come to our pictures? We can’t put him in the limo with us, he’ll make it an odd number. I say either bring Gisele or stay home,” Copter said. “Either turn up or transfer, Brady. You’re not at Michigan any more. This is Newton South High School.” Some senior girls have raised complaints about the ambiguity of Bündchen’s plans, noting her failure to post a photo of her gown to the “PROM DRESSES 2014” Facebook group. Representatives for both Brady and Bündchen failed to comment on their plans. The Roar plans to send reporters to the construction site of the couple’s new mansion in Chestnut Hill to seek an official response from the pair.
photo by a human
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bündchen.
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Trizzy 2015
Get your tickets to Trizzy 2015 in the Dominican Republic.
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SAT Canceled
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The SAT will no longer exist, meaning the Class of 2015 cannot attend college. page
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OSTRICHES SENIOR PRANK 2014: THE OSTRICH TAKEOVER.
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NEWS 1,442,222! EDITORIALS 1 OPINIONS ZERO CENTERFOLD $$ FEATURES -5 SPORTS 99