The Courier Week 6

Edition 6

www.thecourier.es

Friday, 1st April 2011

BRIT FAMILY’S HOLIDAY HELL

IN ALICANTE

HOUSE WITH NO HEATING, NO BEDDING AND EXPOSED WIRES RENTED TO GRANDFATHER WITH CANCER Full story page 2

2

Friday, 1st April, 2011

PICTURE OF THE WEEK

TELEPHONE

96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS

96 672 7334

STORM BREWIN OVER SANTA POLA - Mark Welton

Continued from page 1 What was supposed to have been a relaxing and restful stay in the countryside of Alicante, and a period of recuperation for a grandfather suffering from leukaemia turned into a nightmare for one British family almost as soon as they landed.

Unfinished - the kitchen The Grandparents, along with their grandson, had planned to stay in a rented house in the centre of Aspe (which is inland from Alicante) for at least two months to give the grandfather a chance to recuperate as he is suffering from leukaemia and the healthy Costa Blanca climate was recommended by medical staff.

But having looked over the property, which was in need of some essential repairs, such as a broken cooker and cracked ceilings, in January they were shocked to arrive late in February and find nothing had been done.

Rosemary Stannard, the grandmother told me,

‘we couldn’t believe it, was the same as i saw it last time except for some furniture that had been put in. My grandson was able to play with the wires on the cooker, we couldn’t put any curtains up there was nowhere to put them; the bedding was not worth anything.

The broken cooker

Cold ‘we were so cold, there was no heating whatsoever and we had no kettle to use either, the bath or shower weren’t finished and when we went to bed, at around 10pm, all of us were in the one bed to try and keep warm.’

At around 11.30pm the family heard noises downstairs and someone talking they were scared stiff and half an hour later it went quiet so they went to investigate. They, whoever ‘they’ were, had gone, but unfortunately for rosemary and her family it wasn’t just the intruders that had gone but also clothing, bedding and money even though the family had been reassured that they had two of the three keys to the property, but

Dangerous - the exposed wires

there was no sign of a break in.by now they’d had enough and decided to head home to England right away.

No end to nightmare Leaving the house at one in the morning with just £300 the family told us they WALKED to Alicante airport but there were no flights available to get them home and so they headed for the train station and got on a train to Barcelona airport but again they couldn’t get on a flight. The next stage saw them getting on another train, this time to Paris where, because they had so little money left they went to the British consulate who got them home on the euro line coach to London.

What should have been a new start for the family turned into a nightmare the husband? The family have asked for their money back and are waiting to hear from the agent that booked the house for them.

E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Dave Bull (English/Spanish) ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Vanessa Gran Alacant, La Marina, Guardamar Tel. 638 741 847 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 697 241 753 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Dave Bull Malcolm Palmer Mick Hardy Spike Paul Payne Sally Bengtsson Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Dan Smith Photographer Mark Welton

Affiliations

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011

Monday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 21°C RealFeel: 24°C

Today Plenty of sun High Temperature: 21°C RealFeel: 25°C

Saturday Sunny High Temperature: 19°C RealFeel: 21°C

Sunday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 20°C RealFeel: 19°C

Tuesday Sun and showers High Temperature: 19°C RealFeel: 19°C

Wednesday Sun and showers High Temperature: 22°C RealFeel: 24°C

Thursday Periods of rain High Temperature: 20°C RealFeel: 23°C

The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features.

Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Friday, 1st April, 2011

CARRY ON ABROAD! Expat survey reveals relationships are shorter lived after moving abroad and new romances are more fun

3

STEWART COPELAND TO OPEN MAR DE MUSICAS FESTIVAL The Mar de Musicas Festival in Cartagena will be opened by none other than Stewart Copeland, drummer of The Police.

The 17th edition of this world famous festival looks to be better than ever. The theme this year is Italian music, and a variety of international stars will grace the stage at Cartagena. Big names this year include reggae band Third World, Afro Celt Sound System, Gianmaria Testa, Gino Paoli and Mavis Staples, to name but a few of the 40 acts. The festival begins on July 8th with Copeland. Tickets are available through Ticketmaster.

PP GET FUNNY?

By Spike Expats are packing up their bags and splitting up with their partners far quicker once they arrive on Spanish soil than they would have done had they stayed in the UK. Those are the stunning results from a new survey on expats. However, those who stay together longer than the ‘four year itch’, stay as partners for a long time says the survey.

‘Opportunity’ and ‘boredom’ were the reasons why expats had extra marital affairs (56% of those who

had separated said they had split as a result of an affair). While an incredible 89% of expats surveyed said that they knew a couple that had split up with over 50% of those splitting up packing their bags and returning to their native country.

The survey of 2,000 British expats asked specifically if their marriages or relationships had suffered since making the move to Spain and over a third said that at some point in time they had argued with their partner over whether to return to the UK. With a further third of those eventually

doing so…separately.

Lack of work combined with money worries were blamed for taking their toll on relationships and one or other of the partners drinking habits was also high on ‘More than half who had separated said they had split as a result of an affair’ the list. 66% of those surveyed said that small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing turned into major irritations after about four years (Why four years?...no idea).

A staggering 44% of men and 37% of women had split with their partner to look for a younger model and some ‘excitement’ after a relationship that had become dull.

74% of expats in a relationship said that as they had gotten older together romance had given way to the practicalities of life while others blamed stress for their lack of a spark.

Over half of those surveyed who had gone or were going back to the UK said that they wanted to return to Spain as soon as possible and most had found a new love in their life.

It sounds like some kind of joke, but it would appear that the Popular Party would like to include in its party manifesto a toughening up of legislation for cases of political corruption.

It’s inexplicable that a serious party, which has a large number of its members and supporters currently embroiled in cases of political corruption, with many more under suspicion, would insult the intelligence of its voters by making this announcement just a few days after confirming as a candidate Francisco Camps, the Valencian leader who has been at the heart of one of the main bribing scandals currently plaguing the party.

4

Friday, 1st April, 2011

TOP 8 LANGUAGES SAYS JUST ASK

I really hope that what they’ve found at Dana is Atlantis, but I reckon not. This mythical and mysterious legend has been around for thousands of years and still nobody really has a clue if it even existed. If it did, and it’s what they are going to find once they’ve pulled their shovels out of their bags and started digging, then I am pleased for Spain and the attention (and of course the money) it will bring in. but, considering that we have been here before it seems doubtful (again) that this is the one…we could always ask Patrick Duffy I suppose…

ALLO ALLO Why on earth the French decided that the whole of Europe’s MEP’s should learn and speak their language when the visit Brussels is a mystery. We know it’s not ideal (and it’s not our fault either mind you…) when most of Europe can already speak English. Im not saying that us lot who come to live in a foreign country shouldn’t learn that language to some degree but MEP’s learning French?

They’ll be campaigning for Esperanto next… and I can’t dance…

‘ARE YA SPEAKIN’ DA LINGO..O QUE…?’

Language map of the world Throughout the world hundreds of different languages are spoken, including Geordie, but some have become more popular than others – why? we’ve no idea either so here we’ve put together a list of the top 8 lingos spoken around the world.

3 Hindi Speaking population: 497 million.

Region: India.

4 Spanish

After Tony Brennan’s article this week, there’s gonna be some letters…just remember to address them to Tony!

Six thieves, of Moroccan origin, have been arrested by the Guardia Civil of San Vicente, for the theft of some 40 bicycles from the Campus of Alicante University. When questioned, they told police that they were paid between 20 and 30 euros apiece for the stolen bikes, in their country of origin.

Speaking population: 508 million.

Region: UK, USA, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Canada and many other countries.

6 Arabic Speaking population: 246 million.

Region: Middle East.

7 Bengali Speaking population: 211 million.

Region: Bangladesh, West Bengal (India)

OLYMPICS ON YOUR BIKE

2 English

Bengali - now there's a language worth learning..

8 Portuguese Speaking population: 191 million.

Region: Portugal, Brazil, Macau, Angola, Venezuela, Mozambique.

Speaking population: 392 million.

Region: Spain, South America, Cuba, USA.

1 Mandarin Speaking population: Over 1 billion.

Region: China.

A THOUSAND COPS

A loada peeps speaka da Portugese

For the first time, the National Police Force of Alicante boasts 1,000 officers, after recent recruitment of 106 new cops.

Spain - nice language, people, food, drink, coffee...

NEW ROUTES

5 Russian

Alicante Airport’s new terminal, which increases by a factor of six the flooor area for passengers at Altet, will bring new routes into action this summer – they include Humberside, as well as Budapest and Milan.

Speaking population: 277 million Region: Russus, Belarus, Kazakhstan, USA and many others.

Mandarin - everyone's speaking it...almost

5

Friday, 1st April, 2011

THE OLYMPICS? I CAN’T BLOODY WEIGHT… Tony Brennan takes a sideways look at next year’s London Olympics and how it may, or may not turn out…

Not far off now, and the stopwatch is running. The push to sell tickets, titanic in effort.

Do you want to watch a bearded lady Russian shot-putter hurl what appears to be her husband’s left testicle several metres up a length of grass and call it a triumph of physical fitness? I think not. You then shed pounds for the privilege of having watched it.

Drug testing in athletes is random, however, this could be the first Olympiad where the crowd fails a drug test. My gran, famous for her spoonerisms has taken to calling anabolic steroids, diabolical haemerroids but shes getting into the spirit of it.

I myself am greatly looking forward to the one and a half mile relay team who are from the greater Manchester area.

This team comprises of two serving police officers from Manchester police pursuing two escaped convicts from her majesty’s prison Strangeways for the added entertainment of the crowd. When caught the convicts will get a good trucheoning on the rostrum afterwards.

Our ladies beach volleyball team will not rival the stunning good looks of other nations because our team will be sponsored by a national burger chain. Each team member will weigh twenty-four stone and each match will be sponsored

by Weight- Watchers. They will not attempt contact with the ball but just sit in the sand drinking coke. On match point against. They will crawl under the net and beat the other team up and declare victory. As they stand on the reinforced victory podium tears will flow down the nation’s collective cheeks as we reflect that this triumph of obesity could have been us.

‘Do you want to watch a bearded lady Russian shot-putter hurl what appears to be her husband’s left testicle several metres up a length of grass…’

The visiting crowds will be ripped off by the hotels and restaurants. Go on, you have to admit we are gold medal and world class at this activity.

The oldest Olympic event, the marathon, conjures up images of Paula Radcliffe peeing in the gutter in Athens – more of that is promised as all the local councils have shut down all the public loos but all is not as dark as I paint the scene as our opening ceremony should be a triumph.

Should the Olympic torch bearer actually negotiate the streets of London without getting mugged, he will enter the stadium and an impromptu student riot will ensue. Crowd participation will be actively encouraged and a Calor gas bottle will be dropped from the stadium roof – which will then be ignited.

I think you will agree a spectacular event giving the watching world a glimpse of living in our cultural country.

All events will be enacted by the starter shouting, ‘one, two three…go!’ as a firing pistol may encourage the drug dealers in the crowd to return fore.

The closing ceremony will be a low-key affair with just the London fire brigade attending to douse any smouldering flames.

The next six years of post-Olympics will see the authorities getting to grips with trying to deport the thousands who will forget the games only last three weeks and work in the kitchens of the nation’s restaurants awaiting our next spectacular…could it be the world cup? Somehow I doubt it.

ON YOUR MARKS

So how d'ya reckon they'll get the drugs in then..

theirs..

ours..

6

Friday, 1st April, 2011

DO YOU REMEMBER‌?

1985

As the spread of aids increases Governments round the world start screening Blood donations for AIDS. On the technology front the first .com is registered and the first version of Windows is released Ver 1.0 . Terrorists continue to perform acts of terrorism including the hijack of TWA Flight 847 and the Italian Cruise Liner "Achille Lauro ". Famine in Ethiopia is shown more on TV News in July and Live Aid concerts around the world raise many millions to help the starving in Africa and the pop industry in US joins together to sing "We Are The World".

Average House Price 40,169 Gallon of Petrol 1.88 Yearly Inflation Rate UK 9.50% Interest Rates Year End Bank of England 11.38% What Happened in 1985 Columbia Volcanic Eruption in Columbia kills 25,000 U.S. TWA Flight 847 is hijacked by Hezbollah. on June 14th

Malta EgyptAir Flight 648 is hijacked and ends in the loss of 56 passengers during the commando raid to rescue them.

Italy Terrorist gunman shoot passengers at Rome and Vienna airports.

The Italian Cruise Liner "Achille Lauro " is hijacked by Palestinian Terrorists UK The British Coal Miners Strike ends and coal mines continue to be closed

UK The first Mobile Phone Call Is Made in the UK by Ernie Wise Russia Mikhail Gorbachev replaces Konstantin Chernenko as Soviet leader Switzerland President Reagan and Soviet Leader Gorbachev meet for the first time in Switzerland New Zealand The Greenpeace vessel, the Rainbow Warrior, is bombed and sunk in Auckland harbour by French DGSE agents.

UK Live Aid pop concerts in Philadelphia and London raise over 50 million for famine relief in Ethiopia.

Mexico 8.1 Richter scale earthquake strikes Mexico City. More than 9,000 people are killed, UK Rioting breaks out at housing estates in Brixton, London and Liverpool Lebanon Terry Anderson kidnapped in Beirut, Lebanon UK Boris Becker becomes youngest winner at 17 to win the men's Wimbledon championships U.S. A joint American-French expedition locates the wreck of the RMS Titanic.

U.S. President Reagan announces Strategic Defense Weapons ( SDI ) will not impact arms talks U.S. The Unabomber kills his first victim U.S. New York Stock Exchange Closes For The day For Hurricane Gloria U.S. Insurance companies begin screening for Aids for life insurance causing outcry by civil liberties groups.

UK Clive Sinclair launches the Sinclair C5 electric tricycle with a maximum speed of 15mph Japan Boeing 747 Flight 123 crashes into Mount Osutaka, Japan U.S. Mafia Boss Paul Castellano is shot on orders of John J. Gotti Belgium Crowd Violence Erupts during the European Cup Final at Heysel Stadium in Brussels causing a wall to collapse killing 39 football fans.

UK Following Heysel Stadium Disaster English Soccer Clubs banned From European Competition Lebanon A massive car bomb in Beirut, Lebanon leaves 175 injured and 45 people dead South Africa South Africa Invades Angola South Africa Riots and protests continue in Townships In South Africa against apartheid policies

7

Friday, 1st April, 2011

IT’S NOT MY FAULT I’VE LOST THE MEDITERRANEAN… There’s possibly nothing better than riding alongside the Med’ on a sunny day on a motorbike that’s travelling on nice clean, quiet roads that curve follow the coast’s hills and valleys...except perhaps doing it twice. So I did. I saw more of Spain that day than I have in ten years, I think although, most of it was not deliberate.

You see, there’s something to be said about the most modern of gadgets that will get you where you want to be (or should be) and that’s, ’use them!’ because although an afternoon out for me should have been a romantic ride along the coast, stopping here and there to take in the stunning scenery and a relaxing lunch at a port side bar on the crisp Mediterranean, what it actually turned out like was something akin to Bravo Two Zero as we chugged through the darkness looking for home. Ok, we weren’t in mortal danger from Iraqi soldiers or landmines but there were some big mozzies out that night I can tell you…

The romantic afternoon that should have seen us skipping in the surf and chucking food in each other’s mouth (saw it in a film once) started well enough, as in my motorbike started, but from then on it went down-

hill. Keeping the sea on the left one way and on the right on the return journey seemed a simple enough plan to get us there and back and so the SatNav took a back seat for once.

The drive down was great and once we’d passed Mar Menor we began the climbs and drops that let you know you’re in Almeria country and as the sunset over the hills to our right I realised that it was going to be dark soon, very soon (I’ve always been quick…). And that was going to be a problem – I couldn’t see the sea, nor remember in which direction to head. So I set off anyway, and went the wrong way…for an hour.

By the time i’d realised i’d lost my way badly, i’d also lost all sense of direction and any chance of romance from the woman who now resembled an ice queen sitting on the back of my bike – in more ways than one… still I got her home safely in the end.

We arrived home just in time to wake the birds up in the trees and my companion (who had reminded me seemingly every five kilometres) had to go to work and was now shivering and resembling someone who’d had a hell of a night out…only not with me.

We still talk though…we she points me out to her mates and says ‘yeah, that’s the one’, but at least we’re communicating…

OSTEOPATHS - LIKE PSYCHOPATHS BUT SPELT DIFFERENTLY. He was so nice to start with. And small. But I didn’t hold that against him later – more the other way around if I’m honest but all will become as clear to you as it was a blur to me.

We had a chat over a cuppa about my sore neck and how it had happened and so on...nice. He then had me lay on the massage table and gave me the best massage I think I’ve ever had. I was so relaxed I was worried about sliding off the massage table like an egg off of a plate – I was about as oily as an egg by this point too.

Then he put a lovely heat

lamp pointing at a spot between my shoulder blades and told me not to move for five minutes, not a problem, oh this was bliss.

Five minutes later and now as close as you can get to a coma without getting the full benefit, I was very chilled and began thinking about who I could recommend my new osteopath to when he asked me to turn over.

I didn’t cry but what he did next left me in fear of this little guy, who was, at the time, looking up at me… and I was lying down. The best way I can describe it is to say that he climbed onto my chest and wrapped his

I knew i forgot to put something back

arms around me putting me in a situation that you really don’t want to be in with another (almost) fully grown bloke – unless you like grown men…then, of course, it’s all right.

With my arms trapped by my side and one of his now in the small of my back he turned my head so it was looking at the floor (which would have been pleasant five minutes earlier when the rest of my body was facing that way too) and then made a movement so fast that I was convinced he’d broken my neck. And the noise. Bones popping back into their rightful place is not like listening to waves caress a sandy beach – especially when they’re yours. Now in shock and wondering if, in fact, when I got up, my head would flop uselessly forward, he said, ‘we just need to do the other side.’ Great, and I knew what was coming. So he bear-hugged me once more, shifted my neck into the unnatural position…and then couldn’t understand why I couldn’t ‘relax’.

However, for all my moaning he did the job. A few days later I was back to normal and the pain I’d gone to him to have relieved had disappeared and, as a bonus, he managed to get my head pointing the right way again, sort of.

How it could have been.

DICTATOR or DEMOCRACY WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

So were you a toast rack...?

Far be it from me to get too serious (or political come to that) but is there really such a big difference between our world leaders?

Because with recent events in mind, and assorted dictators being kicked out like slappers from a nightclub, I began thinking about what differentiates Mr Gaddafi (however you spell it) and say Britain’s Mr Cameron and to be honest they have far more in common than at first you might think. For example they all, without exception, have a thirst for power and, they will go to extraordinary lengths to get it but that depends on where you were born. Because if you were born in the ‘civilised’ west and you went to public school with aspirations of power in your head, then there’s a good chance you used bullied the younger lads in to be a ‘toast rack’ or something. While if you grew up in a dictatorship or amongst civil unrest you would probably, like the Gaddafi boys being adept at advanced water-boarding by the time you were twelve.

But the one thing Messer’s Cameron, Gaddafi, Hussein and Scargill had in common is that they are born to lead, and they know it. And stepping on a few toes (obviously that would be normal in a dictatorship) is par for the course if you want to get to the top. How many times have you worked for a big company and noticed the ‘one’ who wants to get on and I mean REALLY get on, and they’ll do pretty much anything to achieve it.

And there’s nothing wrong with that, wanting power, it’s just that it’s quite important what you do with it once you get it (see article about ‘El Presidente’…) and that’s where we find the difference. For although they all still line their pockets from their particular seat of power (how much is Blair worth now?) with women at their beck and call and cash being thrown at them (and the dictators are as bad) generally they do their best for their country. While our dictator friends believe that what is best for them, is also best for the country…maybe.

8

Friday, 1st April, 2011

BALI ‘ATLANTIS’ IS A THEME PARK BUILT BY A DIVER 5 YEARS AGO! But Spanish site looks ‘interesting’ say scientists

You may remember a few weeks ago we wrote about the discovery of the lost city of Atlantis in Spain, buried in the vast marshlands of the Dona Ana Park. There, the scientists believe lies the lost city known as Atlantis.

Two years ago the team of archaeologists and geologists started exploring using a combination of deep-ground radar, digital mapping, and underwater technology to survey the site.

The discovery in central Spain of a strange series of "memorial cities," built in Atlantis' image by its refugees after the city's likely destruction by a tsunami, gave researchers added proof and confidence, he said, adding that the Atlantis residents who did not die in the tsunami went inland and built new cities. The team's work was unveiled last Sunday in "Finding Atlantis," a new National Geographic Channel special.

Plato’s vision of Atlantis

But where is Atlantis really?

The exact location of Atlantis has long been a mystery and a fascination ever since the

alleged naval power was described by Plato as lying "in front of the Pillars of Hercules". But a lot of speculation has gone on and just last August, the remains of

an ancient underwater city were photographed off the coast of Bali, and with growing excitement the Indonesian government claimed it was a potentially "phenomenal

discovery", leading to speculation it was an "Atlantis of the East".

But their hopes of a "phenomenal discovery", were quashed because upon further

investigation it turned out that the ‘Atlantis’ was in fact an underwater theme park built by a British diver in 2005 to entertain his customers!

But it was in January 2010 that archaeologists began to search for clues about Atlantis in the Dona national park and this time there is a lot of excitement about the site as a team of researchers from Spain's Higher Council for Scientific study began to unearth a marsh area of the parkland to try to discover evidence of a 3,000year-old settlement that they believed could help pinpoint Atlantis.

The scientists’ theory is that the Tartessos, a wealthy civilisation in southern Iberia, predates the Phoenicians and may have had its capital in the centre of the park. The Tartessos have long been linked to the Atlantis story – we shall wait and see if this is the lost city…or if that British diver has been busy again….

9

Friday, 1st April, 2011

MONARCHS, DICTATORS & THE GREAT UNWASHED Tony Mayes …says it like it is.

Giving it some stick protestors confront police in London I'M sure many of you watched like me in horror at the weekend at the antics of the great British unwashed smashing up buildings in central London, at the time getting away with it, with police apparently powerless to intervene and prevent damage to property.

These anarchists would have had short thrift in almost every other country in the world, where security forces would have borne down on them with little mercy, using batons and water cannons.

Not that I have any love for the possessions of the super-rich and I am in total

agreement with one thing in the anarchists' agenda, and that's the appalling gap between the rich and the poor and the apparent total inability of successive governments to do anything about it.

But going from one luxury store to another and from bank to bank smashing up

as much property as they could is hardly the answer.

The vast majority of us today use banks whether we like it or not, and most of us, except the great unwashed, probably have insurance policies on our homes and possessions.

And all anarchists do on their rampage is to increase the cost of banking and insurance.

Anarchists hate authority and wealth and most will stop at nothing to attack them. What they apparently ignore is that without law and order there would quickly be the rule of the thug, roaming gangs and a complete social breakdown.

I once knew an anarchist/Socialist and far from him being a thick bully, he was an educated man with more qualifications than me. And instead of contributing to his firm pension as I did, he simply said he couldn't afford it and would live on benefits and handouts on his retirement.

Who's the bigger fool -

makes you wonder doesn't it?

Watching the news day after day has also made me despair at the number of countries still ruled by dictators, monarchs with total power or military regimes. All these countries are powder kegs just waiting for something to spark an uprising. Some of these will end up being successful, overthrowing the regime and, hopefully, replacing it with a democracy. Others will be brutally put down, or the 'rebels' being successful only by other countries' interventions. ‘the majority of us today use banks whether we like it or not, and most of us, except the great unwashed, probably have insurance policies…’

But it had me thinking that the world will not be a safer place until all the world's dictatorships, et al, are replaced by democratic states, where people have

a voice in deciding who shall lead them. Perhaps this century will be the one in which people all around the world gain their freedom from despots and we are finally rid of power hungry, ruthless people prepared to kill without mercy anyone who opposes them.

Let's hope so.

Finally, I'm sure you all were horrified to hear of the murder of the young girl, killed allegedly by a taxi driver as she tried to return home from a night club.

I make two observations.

Is it really necessary for night clubs to remain open until 3am or even later how many hours in the night do young people need to drink? Secondly, despite all the warnings, why do young women still insist on returning home on their own after a night out?

If this woman had had the sense to stay with friends she would, no doubt, be alive today. Unfortunately young people think they are indestructible - sadly they are not.

10

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Friday, 1st April, 2011

SO WOT ARE YOU GONNA BE…?

That is the question

Suzanne Manners takes a wry look at growing up and looking forward to a life of style….thanks to her son Childhood treads a narrow and well worn path. We are born; we learn to walk, talk, use the toilet, write, draw, and play, and torture our mothers (see paragraph 3). At some point along this path you will be stopped and asked a question. The questioner may be a parent, a teacher or a fellow child and the question once asked will continue to nibble away at your sense of self worth for the rest of your life.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

The answer to the question will depend on the background and educational aspirations of your parents. Affluent, highly educated parents tend to encourage their offspring to think about lucrative, prestigious careers such as the Law, Medicine or the Media. Middle class parents, on the other hand, tend to think more in terms of jobs with security such as Banking or the Civil Service. Working class parents are just glad of a job.

Regardless of class, all parents want their children to succeed, and in this I am no exception. I want only the best for my son and have begun gently but firmly to guide him towards a career that I believe will enrich and sustain me. I have no pension plan(for reason see paragraph 5) and therefore have charted a career path for my child that enables him to gain a large amount of money while he is still young and thereby look after his mother and keep her in the style to which she has never been accustomed. I want him to join a boy band, failing that, become a reality TV star and marry Madonna. Unfortunately I have a child who has no desire to sing (and I quote) ‘in a stupid boy band’ and thinks Madonna looks like a string bean (his words), and to cap it all he wants to build robots then give them away to people in need. What’s wrong with the boy? Have I not taught him anything?

‘I was devastated to learn that Nuns couldn’t fly…’

Like many people of my generation the question of a career was not an easy one. Britain while I was growing up was turbulent and fraught with change. The end of the steel industry, privatisation of Rail and postal service .Pit closures, general strikes, Thatcher and the Yuppies. I am a child of the society less society where a job for life became a job if you could get one and only then on a temporary contract and without benefits. I have changed my career path so often I need a GPS to find my way back.

In the beginning I wanted to be a nun. I had been seduced by a TV series about flying nuns and was devastated to learn that this was absolute codswallop and that they couldn’t fly (It was my older brother who told me that jumping off the coal bunker wearing a homemade wimple was not the way to achieve unaided flight. His mocking laughter haunts me still). Next I wanted to be a nurse and duly memorised the names of all the bones in the human body (Stirrup and Anvil were my favourites), I confess that this choice was inspired mostly by the fact that I liked the uniform (I was a shallow child); those neat little cuffs and starched hats. My aunt was a nurse and I coveted her silver

upside down watch which she pinned proudly to her uniform. I longed to gently hold the wrist of a bedridden fireman (what is it about fireman?), peer seriously at my upside down watch and declare, “pulse a little fast” (naturally I would resemble the pretty but intelligent nurse in Carry On Doctor (not Hattie Jacques) and the patient would fall desperately in love with me). However that career was hefted into the gutter as soon as I realised that nursing actually involved caring for patients; washing, dressing, feeding, giving enemas, mopping brows and taking temperatures (from either end).

Since then (In no particular order) I have wanted to be; a vet, a librarian (I like books), a double agent (Man from Uncle), an explorer, an astronaut, a giraffe (I had a fever), helicopter pilot, film star, pop star, Mrs. Osmond, Mrs. Essex, Mrs. Abramovich (I told you I was shallow), artist, writer, actress, international jewel thief, Sandinista rebel leader, a giraffe (some dreams never die) and a human rights lawyer.

All of these choices caused great amusement and a sympathetic shake of the head from my career teacher who muttered something about me being good at art and suggested shelf stacking at Tesco. On career day my school had visits from The Pickle Factory, Clarks shoes and the RAF (they’d taken a wrong turn) and a lady from the DHSS who very patiently, in a loud and very slow voice taught us how to fill in an unemployment benefit form.

In a class of 9 year olds most will want to be veterinarians or doctors and the rest, footballers (some will want to be hired assassins but don’t worry this is perfectly normal). Not to gender stereotype, most of the girls will fall into the vet camp (animals are so cute) and even the boys who don’t like football will say they want to be footballers to please their football playing friends (except for the future hired assassin who will be sitting on his own).

In the modern world your job defines you. The first question most people ask of you is “What do you do?”

(The required answer not being, sit around all day drinking beer and eating current buns). I am a Doctor, musician, teacher, goalkeeper, manager of Real Madrid, turkey farmer, hired assassin, accountant (why do children never want to be accountants?). By age 9 most girls have realised that they will not be princesses and marry Mickey Mouse (although Camilla Parker Bowles did) and most boys still believe they will be footballers.

Somewhere along the path, reality hides itself behind a tree, leaps out and screams ‘you can’t be a giraffe’ so loudly your ears fall off. No more the dream of Arctic adventure, of cheering spectators, brow beaten prosecutors. No more struggling artist or world famous musician. The vista of endless possibilities becomes a square cubicle with chair and computer. Exotic travel becomes the daily commute and the desire to change the world becomes a desire to change the coffee filter. So, when a child tells you with earnest delight and serious intent that they want to be a Secret Agent, nod your head, put on your dark glasses and say “The geese are flying south tonight.”

11

12

Friday, 1st April, 2011

MILITARY BASE READY TO SEND JETS TO LIBYA

URBAN SPORTS IN LA MARINA Trinidad opens centre…but no sign of Tobago…

The F-18 jets which Spain is sending to fight against Gadaffi in Libya could have been setting off from San Javier military air base this week.

The remarkable fact is that the trip would take them just 45 minutes! You may not have thought about it but Libya is very close to Spain if you’re travelling at the speed of a fighter jet.

SAN JAVIER AIRPORT OPENS SECOND RUNWAY San Javier airport celebrated the inauguration of its second runway last Friday. The runway has been finished for months, but couldn’t we used due to a bureaucratic hold up. The rivalry between San Javier and the soon to be opened Corvera airport continues. It was always said that both airports would work together, but last year the government of Murcia refused to cooperate with low cost airlines, forcing them to pull out of San Javier. It is believe they will be offered unbeatable conditions to use Corvera as a base when the new airport is opened.

The new sports centre in La Marina urbanization was inaugurated on Monday 21 March.

Alicante Diputation sub-delegate Encarna Llinares Cuesta, performed the opening ceremony and declared all the sports faciliThe second runway at San Javier will enable ties in the large complex now open for the the airport to increase the number of com- public use. San Fulgencio mayoress mercial flights coming in and out of San Trinidad Martinez, deputy mayor Mariano Javier, and increase activity. The second Marti, and all the government team attendrunway will be used exclusively for military ed the ceremony, including English councilflights, freeing up the first runway, and lor Mark Lewis. There is a full size tennis enabling it to be used in the mornings, which court, a 5-a-side football pitch, 2 padel was not possible previously. courts (a sort of cross between tennis and AENA has invested 67 million euros on the squash). There is also a 7-a-side football runway, a new air traffic control tower, pitch, and in the very near future there will enlarging the departures lounge, making the be up to ten petanca courts. There are also car park bigger, and constructing a new elec- dedicated changing room facilities including trical station. showers, a children’s play area with swings

and a slide and public benches arranged around the perimeter. The whole area is secured with tall high grade fencing and locked gates. The opening times will be from approx 7.30am until 8 or 9pm each day.

The funding for two new Sports Centres in the municipality came from Central Government, a total of 1.2 million euros for two centres, one in San Fulgencio and this one in La Marina urbanisation. During the opening ceremony Encarna Llinares Cuesta complimented the local government team for their intelligent use of the land and for making such a beautiful complex of sports and leisure complex available for local people to enjoy. More information in English about San Fulgencio council projects can be seen on this web site: www.lamarina.info

13

Friday, 1st April, 2011

LUCKY CONSUL GETS A DAY OUT WITH THE MAYOR British Consul Comes To Orihuela Costa

The Mayor of Orihuela, Monica Lorente, met with the British Consul, Paul Rodwell, last week at the Town Hall in Orihuela Costa. The Consul, who is based in Alicante, was interested to find out more about the area and the relationship between the Town Hall of Orihuela and the thousands of British residents who live in the municipality, especially those on the coast.

Mr Rodwell told the Mayor that Orihuela Costa is a very important area for the consultate team as it the home for the largest number of British citizens in the whole of the Alicante Province. In Orihuela Costa, English is the predominant language and as well as British residents, there is a large number of Irish residents that also live on the coast.

The Mayor said that she was very proud of the relationship between the Town Hall and its British residents especially Chris Poole, the Orihuela Costa Neighbourhood Watch Coordinator, who with the help of his urbanisation co-ordinators have helped to reduce the crime levels on the coast significantly. She told the Consul: “Chris Poole was instrumental in getting the new emergency centre for the coast and I am very pleased that he is here in Orihuela Costa to help the local police in their fight against crime.”

He's definately looking at her eyes

MAY I? First Dance of the year for Paul Cunningham Nurses Fabulous Food, Wine Included, Dancing and Entertainment all for €12 on Saturday April 16th Carvery and Dance at The Black Bull Torremendo will be the first Dinner and Dance this year for Paul Cunningham Nurses. When the Sun finally peeped through a few days ago PCN decided to have a Spring Dance in April. Following the success of the charity walk at Torremendo 'just around the corner' and having already sent some scouts to sample the excellent Carvery at THE BLACK BULL, Paul Cunningham Nurses will be hosting an evening to remember.

There will be a Carvery with a choice of three meats and all the vegetable you can eat, dessert and wine included all for €12!

With the additional treat of FREE pick up from a 15 km radius and rooms available from €35 we hope this makes our first dance of the year irresistible!

Please call, text or email to book now for Saturday April 16th from 7.30p.m. As we hope this will be a sell out! sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk 629 869 959 AND THERE’S MORE… At last Spring has arrived! I hope as you read this you will be sitting somewhere bathed in Sunshine and that you would like to join us for some of these Paul Cunningham Nurses events!

Saturday April 9th - Grand Opening of The Piscina Bar Mar Azul - Everyone welcome 1st Raffle Prize Sea Scuba Dive!

Saturday April 16th - Carvery Dinner & Dance at the Black Bull Torremendo Nr San Miguel Just €12 Tuesday April 19th - Quiz Night at Manolo Bar and Restaurant - Upper Floor €2 per person (between Quesada and San Luis) Friday April 29th - Royal Wedding Celebrations in Association with Rojales Town Hall and Supported by TKO Media Group Friday May 6th - Fiesta Day with International Food Fair - area in front of Manolo Restaurant (between Quesada and San Luis) Friday May 13th - Golf Day at Alenda organised by Sonrisa in aid of PCN Friday May 27th - Something Red May Ball - Marjal Guardamar just off N332 Tickets €15 Tuesday May 31st - Paul Cunningham Nurses Carnation Day - please wear your red carnation today!

For more information on any of these events please email to sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk or text 629 869 959

Spring has sprung as the longer lighter days arrive, now is the time to be focusing on our health & wellbeing as we embrace this summer’s new looks, new hairstyles, new products, new trends and new ideas all related to our April Mind, Body & SOL Exhibition on Friday 15th 11am to 8pm & Saturday 16th 10am to 5pm at the Los Arcos (La Rustika) Restaurant, Avdea Baleares No 34, Torrevieja ( next to the Semana Santa museum).

Discover a world of wellbeing at the 2 day If anyone would like to have a box of red silk event from skincare and rejuvenation fillers carnations for their club, bar or restaurant to to hair care and accessories. Cosmetic to raise money for Paul Cunningham Nurses aesthetic treatments, mainstream to holistic please contact Susan at sueinthesun@hot- therapies, crystals and clairvoyant’, diet to detox and not forgetting fitness to fantastic mail.co.uk or text or call 629 869 959. fashion.

Ladies, the two day Mind, Body & SOL Event will have a host of beauty, wellness and spirlooking for dried itual experts with products along with treatand easily transportable items of food like bags of rice and pasta.

All donations can be dropped off at the Civic Centre in Playa Flamenca, Orihuela Costa, throughout the month of April.

Please help the people of Japan to get their lives back.

PRESS RELEASE

Help Japan!

The Orihuela Costa Youth Association (AJOC) together with the Association of Commerce on the Coast (ECO) have taken the initiative to organise a huge clothes and dried food collection in Orihuela Costa for the people of Japan who have been left devasted by the earthquake and subsequent tsunami, which occured on 11th March. All the items collected will be given to the Red Cross of Japan via the Spanish Red Cross.

If you have any old clothes that you no longer wear and think that they could be of use, please donate them. They are also

Spring forward into the Mind, Body & SOL Exhibition

ment taster sessions for you to enjoy at the exhibition. Not forgetting the men, we also have eco friendly pool products from Imperial Pools and the Glenn Billington Golf Academy.

The SOL Productions Mind Body & SOL Exhibition is the best dedicated exhibition for your health, wellbeing and spiritual needs, so come along on April 15th and 16th to Los Arcos and put talking care of yourself FIRST! You can also collect a goodie bag, packed with products and information.

SOL Productions will also be collecting Easter Eggs for 2 children’s charities with the Exhibition being a collecting point for the public to deliver their eggs.

For more information and directions to the exhibition visit www.solproductions.tv or telephone 966 761 050. The new mind Body & SOL series is also available on line at solproductions.tv

Great Outdoors Look out for Woodchat Shrikes now – ‘a little Magpie with a red head’ one elderly lady once described it to me, with some accuracy. They soon be perching at woodland edges, easy enough to see. And listen out for the joyous calls of the first flocks of Bee Eaters overhead, with their liquid ‘prrrrrp, prrrrp.’

14

Friday, 1st April, 2011

SACRE BLUE! FRENCH LOSES OUT TO ENGLISH AT EU HQ

Our onion munching cousins not happy at decision

PARTY BANNED OVER LINKS TO ETA NEW PARTY FAILS TO CONDEMN BASQUE TERRORIST GROUP

By Spike A new study has discovered that English is the first foreign language studied in secondary schools in every country outside Britain and Ireland and that ENGLISH is now Europe’s preferred language of choice with around two thirds of the continent able to speak it.

The survey will come as a particular annoyance to the French (never mind…), as just recently they tried in vain to get French to be made the only official language of EU headquarters in Brussels.

According to our cousins with the onions their language is “more precise”.

But the French, in the end, came a poor third behind English and German in the battle for top tongue getting only 12% of the vote. German was second on 20% with English on a massive 66% - clearly English is far ahead of any other as the first choice as a foreign language if you believe the report.

The displease the French just a little more, Russian was also preferred to speaking French and only last month, Pascal Smet, a Flemish-speaking Belgian politician upset the French (again) by calling for English to become Europe’s “common language”, stating that he noted ‘that the engine of European integration is sputtering. We simply do not speak the same tongue, hence my plea for a common language,” he said.

France’s plea has fallen on deaf ears and English will now be the number one choice for representatives at the EU – can Ze French ees you imagine our lot learning a new lannot heppy... guage…?

Thousands march in Bilbao A new Basque political party, Sortu, has been banned

by Spain's Supreme Court on the grounds that it is a continuation of Batasuna, the previously banned political wing of the terrorist group ETA. The Spanish government had demanded that Sortu be banned; stating arguing that it was just another version of Batasuna, the party which was banned in 2003 because of links to ETA, the separatist group. But last week thousands of people marched earlier in the year demanding legislation for Sortu, the new political party, in Bilbao. However, the Supreme Court rejected the claims of the pro-independence party last week and such a move means that it will now be unable to field candidates in the upcoming May elections.

Launched a month after ETA declared the ceasefire in February, Sortu, it had proclaimed last year to was a party that would be "permanent and general" but although the party had asked for a negotiations to end the Basque conflict and stated that it rejected violence, it failed to condemn ETA and that was the main reason for its ban from elections.

After four decades, ETA's campaign for an independent Basque homeland in the northern regions of Spain and south-western France continues with a ceasefire being announced several times in recent years but it has been blamed for 829 deaths in all that time.

15

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Thousands Flock to see the Image of Christ in Benidorm Vomit Puddle

THE FATHER, THE SON, & THE HOLY VOMIT!

By Pilar Lofo

Thousands of Christian followers have been queuing for hours near the Bunch of Grapes bar in Benidorm; to pray at the image that has been found in a puddle of sick they believe is a representation of Jesus Christ.

The image was first spotted by its "vessel" Barry Skinner after he left the bar late on Monday night and threw up on the pavement outside.

“To be fair I got completely wrecked with a few of the lads and I stumbled outside for some fresh air and couldn’t help myself from spewing all over the pavement outside ‘The Grapes’. I tried to get most of it into the drain, but after 7 or 8 pints of Estrella and the scampi special dinner, I knew I had no chance”, recounted Skinner.

Skinner went on to say, “As I was propping myself up against the wall and trying to clear myself up a bit, I glanced down and couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

My vomit looks just like Jesus.”

After rushing back inside the bar the to tell his friends who were still carry on the party and stopping another reveller from almost urinating on the Saviour’s face, a crowd of amazed onlookers began to amass. This crowd has grown in size continuously as the word got round and the believers just kept coming.

“I am the last person in the world to believe in these sorts of things, but I saw it myself, with my own eyes” said one woman who had visited what is being mentioned as miracle, “As soon as I looked at the puke, I just knew. The warmest sense of calm was bestowed on me as I gazed at Jesus in the sick puddle”

Benidorm beach which is not far from the Grapes pub

Benidorm

Some can sleep it off...anywhere It has been reported that some people have travelled from as far afield as the UK and Ireland to see the face of Christ.

One elderly lady from Cork had hoped that the pavement puke might cure her chronic back pain.

“I suffer from the most horrendous back pain, so when I heard about this, I just came on the first plane and headed straight to Benidorm to see the miracle. I didn’t want to cause upset so I picked a bit of the sick that was not actually part of the face to eat, and this morning I feel so much better,” said Eileen O’Toole.

Not all visitors have been quite so respectful, as Christ’s beard and the tip of his nose have been significantly damaged in the days following the revelation when a man

pushed through the crowd to smear some of the holy sick on to his head in an attempt to cure is baldness.

Those who are keen to see what remains of the image in the puke can visit the pavement outside The Bunch of Grapes in Benidorm, Poniente Beach. However, those planning a visit should be aware that there is a 40% chance of rain this weekend.

The Saviour turns up on a pavement in Benidorm

16

Friday, 1st April, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

REDUCED MAXIMUM SPEED FINE BY SOME The new 110 km/h speed limit law is having a positive effect, even on roads where it isn’t applicable.

Traffic fines clocked through speed traps during the first two weeks since the law went into effect dropped by 48 percent from the previous month on conventional roads, where the speed limit is 100 km/h. On motorways, where the new law applies, fines have dropped 62 percent.

Traffic officials believe that motorists are being more cautious in order to avoid fines on all roads.

NEW FERRY ROUTE IS UP POMPEY!

AND NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS… STRIKES OFF FOR EASTER

By Sally Bengtsson Thank goodness for common sense. Airport workers in Spain have cancelled the 22 days of strikes that had been threatening to cause major disruption for travellers over the Easter and summer holidays. The strike was called off after an agreement was reached between the airport authorities, AENA and trade unions.

Airport workers had been protesting the planned sale by the Spanish government of a large stake in AENA. Although the Government claimed it was trying to stave off the country’s financial shortfall, workers feared the part privatisation would lead to job losses and poor conditions. Around 12,500 workers were planning walkouts that would have led to the cancellation of hundreds of inbound and outbound Spanish flights.

On signing the agreement, Juan Motto, President AENA said, “The horizon of social peace and collaboration between the union company and representatives will be a key factor in the process of transformation of Aena and a fundamental element so that we successfully meet the challenges ahead of us.”

EARTHQUAKE ON THE COSTA THREE METRE HIGH WAVES CAUSE TRAGEDY IN DENIA A new ferry route between Portsmouth and Bilbao started last weekend. Brittany Ferries will run a twice-weekly service between the two cities. It is the company's first new port destination in 25 years and will complement its existing service between Portsmouth and another northern Spain city - Santander.

Brittany Ferry group passenger commercial director Mike Bevens said, "Bilbao has forged a reputation as a destination in its own right in recent years. "As the numbers of air travellers from the UK to Spain have declined, we've witnessed a surge in demand for direct UK Spain crossings."

A storm and earthquake in the Valencia region last week left a man dead after his boat capsized off Denia and caused the closure of the seaport at Sagunto. Heavy rains dumped up to 100 liters of water per square meter in Vall de la Gallinera, while the offshore quake measured 3.1 on the Richter scale.

The sea was rough, but the Scandinavian sailing instructor ventured out to see if conditions were OK to take a group of learners out. However, just a short distance from the coast the boat was hit by a three metre high wave, knocking both the instructor and his companion into the rough waters. The girl managed to swim ashore and raise the alarm, but a helicopter which rushed to the scene of the tragedy, was only able to rescue the sailor’s body.

17

Friday, 1st April, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

THE END FOR ‘ROBOT CALLS’

AT LAST, NO, MORE HAVING TO SHOUT ‘NO ENTIENDO!’ TO A COMPUTER

By Jake Monroe Finally, some good news for everyone. Those irritating machines that so many Spanish companies use to answer calls you make to them are about to be abolished.

Long waits on the end of the phone to request information or file a complaint appear to be nearly over, as are those frustrating endless explanations offered by automated systems and the constant referrals to a different department.

Last week the Spanish Cabinet examined a draft law on customer service that will force providers of general interest services (water, electricity, telephone, insurance, transport and so on) to have free telephone numbers for their clients, and trained personnel on the other end of the line.

This means a real person will answer our call.

If the bill is approved as it currently stands, businesses will also be audited on a yearly basis on the quality of their customer care, with the scores being reviewed by regional authorities as well as the National Institute of Consumption. As things stand now, in most cases customers have to pay for the privilege of filing a complaint.

Most telephone numbers have a city code, or else they are the type that starts with 902 or 901, which cost more than a regular local call. As if that

weren’t enough, finding the actual telephone number one needs to call can be an impossible task. The new legislation will also force companies to inform their clients in writing or on a lasting medium of the free number they can call. This number will also have to be displayed on a prominent part of the corporate website.

The hurdles that customers have to overcome to get their problems solved over the phone have a cost that goes beyond money. “One call to request information about a given service can take over 10 minutes for the user,” explains Ruben Sánchez, a spokesman for Facua. “Just imagine what it’s like when people are trying to complain about something. Not even

providers of basic services like electricity, water or gas make it easy to file a complaint.”

The draft law being analyzed by the government will make it mandatory to provide customers with personalized attention.

An answering machine or robot may be used as a complementary measure, but for no longer than a minute. Additionally, companies will have to have “trained and able” personnel who are familiar with the business and, naturally, the language.

The government also wants to trim down the long waits to hear back from companies once a complaint has been filed.

Once it is received, companies must reply within the space of a month, and implement a system that helps customers track their grievances.

These phone lines must be manned during the entire period that the business provides the service. “If you have electricity, water and telephone service 24 hours a day, then that is how long the customer service lines must be available,” say sources at the Health Ministry, which drafted the bill. The same goes for banking, telephone companies and insurance providers.

These are precisely the types of businesses that draw the most consumer ire.

In 2010, consumer authorities received around 300,500 complaints, of which 16.3 percent corresponded to telephone companies, 10.9 percent to public transportation companies and 8.8 percent to banking.

18

Friday, 1st April, 2011

HORSE ABUSE IN BURRIANA Following an urgent call for help the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre in Rojales have become involved in a very distressing case of horse abuse and neglect in Burriana, a town South of Valencia.

Morgan Jensen, who claims ownership of the horses, brought them over from America in 2001 with all intentions of setting up a stud farm here in Spain. After he became involved in a dispute over the land he was renting for the horses he moved them to a different location. However, less than three years later the horses were seized by Seprona, (the animal division of the Guardia Civil) and returned to the owner of the land they had been previously kept at, apparently he also declared ownership.

For the last two years the horses have been kept in squalid conditions, and in a state of limbo. Neglected, starved and injured they are being allowed to die whilst an ongoing battle of ownership goes on through the courts. Of the original twelve horses only seven are still alive.

Sue Weeding, Co-founder of the EHCRS told us “ This case is an absolute nightmare of red tape, we feel that the condition of these horses is so grave that it far outweighs any disputes over ownership or even the rules of the laws revolving around who actually owns these horses. Human decency must prevail at the end of the day and put an end to the abject misery these poor animals are enduring. We are currently trying to get permission to remove the remaining horses from the atrocious conditions they are being forced to live in and bring them here to our rescue centre where we can get them the veterinarian treatment they urgently need. Even if it means only holding them as wards of court until the dispute over ownership is resolved.”

Although there are laws in place here in Valencia that are supposed to protect animals from neglect and abuse enforcing these laws can take many months if not years.

Sue continued, “All too often now we are hearing of cases where horse that are in desperate need of help have actually died of injuries or starvation before that help came. We never ignore a call for help, but we are only one horse rescue centre with limited resources that are being stretched to the limit. There are 8000 registered equines in Valencia alone with as many again un-registered. We are urgently seeking help from the both the private and corporate sector that will enable us to expand our centre to be able to cope with the ever growing requests for help that come our way every day now. Sadly this case in Burriana is only one many cases of abuse that we are involved with.”

The rescue centre is non funded registered charity, please call Sue on 652 021 980 or visit the centres website www.easyhorsecare.net to find out what you can do to help bring an end to the suffering of these poor horses in Burriana and the others currently living with abuse and neglect.

Friday, 1st April, 2011

KIDDIES CORNER

19

Interesting Facts

‘Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’ Blondes have more hair than brunettes.

An oyster can take five years just to make one pearl.

A newborn blue whale can be longer than an adult elephant.

In the summer, the amount of water pouring over Niagara Falls each second could fill 13,00 bathtubs.

It's illegal to sell a haunted house in New York without telling the buyer.

Abracadabra used to be written in a triangular shape to keep away evil spirits.

No words in the dictionary rhyme with orange.

Owls can't move their eyeballs.

Your skeleton has about 300 bones when you are born, but only 206 when you grow up.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

COOL FACTS ABOUT DOGS ing, farm work and security as well as assisting those with In total there is said to be around 400 million dogs in the disabilities such as the blind. world.

Although experts often disagree, there is scientific evidence The domestic dog has been one of the most popular working which shows that the domestication of dogs could have and companion animals throughout human history. occurred more than 15,000 years ago.

Dogs perform many useful tasks for humans including hunt- The most popular breed of dog in the world by registered ownership is the Labrador. With their gentle nature, obedience, intelligence and near limitless energy, Labradors make for excellent family pets and reliable workers. They often assist police and are a common choice as guide dogs.

Dogs have formed such a strong bond as pets, workers and companions to humans that they have earned the nickname "man's best friend".

Dog have superior hearing than humans, capable of hearing sounds at four times the distance.

Dogs have a remarkable sense of smell, they are capable of differentiating odours in concentrations nearly 100 million times lower than humans can.

Domestic dogs are omnivores, they feed on a variety of foods including grains, vegetables and meats.

20

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Friday, 1st April, 2011

SQUIRRELS DRIVING FARMERS NUTS!

21

The pesky rodents have taken to gnawing into irrigation pipes to quench their thirst

By Jake Monroe Thousands of squirrels inhabit the wooded zones in the interior of Alicante province on Spain’s south-eastern coast.

They have few predators; they eat nuts and seeds, and breed rapidly.

Overpopulation of squirrels in the Sierra de Mariola is creating malaise among farmers, who are suffering damage and losses, but ecologists point out the animals are protected and their population will regulate itself with time.

The proliferation is worrying to farmers because these rodents devour almonds and walnuts, while recently there have been several breakages of drip-irrigation tubing at some farms, such as Mas de Roc, near the town of Alcoi. The farm’s manager, Enrique Mas, says, “The squirrels are a plague, they have no predators and they’re destroying my crops.” Mas de Roc is a 20-hectare property planted with fruit trees (cherry, peach, apple and pear), using drip-irrigation systems.

“The problem is, they have discovered that by gnawing into the plastic they can get a drink of water, and I have spent more than 6,000 euros in labour alone fixing leaks caused by squirrels. There are too many of them — we are getting worried,” admits Gonzalo Cots, another farmer in the area.

However, the experts consulted — forest technicians and conservationists — take a less dramatic view. “I suppose a time will come when it will regulate itself,” says Carlos Mansanet of ecologist group La Carrasca in Alcoi.

The Greek word skiouros means approximately “that which casts a shadow with its tail.” It’s from there the names esquirol in Valencian and squirrel in English are derived. This particular variety of the tree climbing rodent was first seen in the Sierra de Maigmó in 1993. In a few years it had spread through the natural park of Font Roja, the pine forests of Camas, Penàgila and Benifallim, and the Sierras of Mariola and Aitana.

The squirrel may attack some nests of birds, but is “a major repopulator, and an ally of the forest,” though it eats pine nuts. Seguí notes that squirrels do not hibernate, and spend a great deal of time gathering, and squirreling away in the ground, a variety of seeds and nuts (acorns, walnuts, hazelnuts, pine-nuts), some of which germinate and grow into trees. Unlike rabbits and rats, who move by night, squirrels are active in the daylight hours. “The population will regulate itself, there will be a natural selection,” predicts Carlos Esteve.

SPANISH CROWN PRINCE STIRS GIBRALTAR CONTROVERSY WITH PRINCE OF WALES

Spain's Crown Prince Felipe has told the Prince of Wales that a solution must be found for Gibraltar, stirring age old diplomatic tensions between the two nations.

The Spanish heir to throne waded into the centuries old row over the disputed territory at the foot of the Iberian Peninsula at a gala dinner to welcome the Prince and the Duchess of Cornwall on their first official visit together to Spain.

"I express my hope that our authorities make progress towards a solution to our historic bilateral dispute which is yet to be resolved," said the 43-year-old Prince of Asturias in a speech at the Palacio Real in Madrid.

Although he did not mention Gibraltar by name it was clear he was referring to the tiny peninsula on Spain's southwestern tip, which Madrid ceded to London under the Treaty of Utrecht in 1713.

Spain still claims sovereignty over the Rock, home to 28,000

Gibraltarians, who in a 2002 referendum overwhelmingly rejected a deal to shared sovereignty between the two nations and demanded to remain a part of Britain.

The royal couple have avoided Gibraltar during their first official joint tour of the Iberian Peninsula, skirting the inevitable controversy that a visit to the disputed territory would produce in Spain.

"It seems that while our royals do their best to stay out of politics, the same can't be said of the Spanish Prince," said a source at the Government of Gibraltar.

It was the first time that Prince Felipe and his wife Princess Letizia, a former news anchorwoman, officially hosted a Royal visit to Spain and the raising of the contentious Gibraltar issue in the welcome speech surprised commentators in Spain.

"We didn't expect Prince Felipe to make mention of the Gibraltar, although the sovereignty question always hangs in the air," said

Raquel Garcia, royal correspondent for television station Telecinco.

His decision to raise the issue was applauded by some politicians and one said it was a comment on the Socialist government's failure to address the problem.

"It's regrettable that it is left to the Prince to do the work of the government," said Rosa Diez, leader of the Union, Progress and Democracy party (UPyD).

The issue has dominated coverage of a visit aimed at strengthening ties between the two countries with one Spanish newspaper, the right wing daily La Razon, using

the headline "Gibraltar, Spanish" on its front page.

The Prince of Wales, who has used the trip to focus on commercial relations, reflected on the nature of Anglo-Spanish ties in his speech at the dinner.

"I know that the relationship that exists between the UK and Spain is one of the oldest, deepest and – how can I put it – most intense that exists between any two nations," he acknowledged.

"We have at times been bounded by trade, by politics, by Treaty and by marriage. And, at other times, we have been divided by war, by religion and by economic rivalry.

"But I think I can say without fear

of contradiction that throughout the centuries, one thing we have never lacked is mutual respect and admiration, irrespective of the side of the argument on which we have found ourselves."

Prince Charles visited Gibraltar on his honeymoon with Princess Diana in 1981, a move that led to King Juan Carlos of Spain turning down an invitation to their wedding.

The King of Spain, his wife Queen Sofia and the Prince and Princess of Asturias are to be guests at the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

The two royal families share the same ancestor, Queen Victoria.

22

Friday, 1st April, 2011

23

Friday, 1st April, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

ADVICE: Graham has advice on how to use iplayer with freesat and raises some interesting points

Q

With regard to the iPlayers on freesat they work in much the same way as the iPlayer on your computer/laptop and if you follow the menu, at least on the Humax, you can get a page that allows you to change the IP address to a proxy server just the same as tools/settings does on Internet Explorer. Now I have done this on my laptop but was just in the process of doing it on my Humax when the free proxy server I was using was blocked and any new one I try on my laptop won't work, so if you can let me know where I can get some reliable free proxy servers from I would be grateful. I don't use iPlayer enough to warrant paying for a server and can't be sure if they are any more reliable than the free ones, what's your opinion Richard, and do these get blocked and you have to change these in the same way.

I have written to the BBC to ask as ex payers to the licence and tax system why we can't pay a fee each year to be allowed to access iPlayer but they just don't reply.

Hi Graham, thanks for your email, I contacted the BBC and they pointed me to their website that states “Because of rights restrictions, we are not allowed to make BBC video available outside the UK”, however BBC Worldwide, the BBC’s commercial arm is currently developing a global version of the BBC iPlayer which is due to launch this year. This suggests that the BBC do want to provide their services to non-UK residents, it’s just that they are unable to at the moment.

So, as you mention there is a way around the problem, we need to configure our devices with a UK specific IP address, there are many paid for services that provide this sort of thing www.ukproxyserver.co.uk for example will sell you an IP address for £6.25 a month, alternatively you can Google “UK Proxy Server” and there are loads of different options, however it should be noted that using a free proxy server is not without its risks, as I covered in my Jungle Drums article way back in September of 2008 – you can get a copy here http://www.bluemoonsolutions.es/to-proxy-or-not-to-proxy

A

ADVICE: Bill wanted advice on 3G dongles

Q

I have a holiday home near Playa Flamenca, and am a frequent visitor from three weeks to three months.

Although I have a landline it has never been connected, what I want is your advice and experience regarding wifi dongles. I use a Samsung notebook running Windows XP, and although I am not a heavy user of the internet I do need to be connected at times. I have been looking at pay as you go wifi dongles, but the choice and price seems confusing. From Carrefour's to Vodaphone there is a wide choice of tariff and down load limits, can you recommend a carrier or system? a wifi modem would be nice as I use my Iphone to access the web at times, also my Grandson needs to be connected with his Xbox??. Please can you help find a solution in this confusing field? Many thanks in anticipation, Bill

A

Hi Bill, as you have already found there is a wide range of tarrif’s and options available, they almost always come down to this question, which is the cheapest per mega or giga byte? Although the pay as you go option is the most flexible, it does have some serious drawbacks, in that, most of the time we use far more Internet bandwidth than we expect to use, therefore with the pay as you go options we tend to always be topping up the dongles. Most people don’t take into account things like antivirus updates and windows update which can have a serious effect on the amount of data that is downloaded, and in turn on the viability of the pay as you go options. Another downside to the dongles in general is that they are sold as separate connections (i.e. one dongle, one device connected to the Internet), there are however always exceptions to almost everything when it comes to IT and there are companies that do sell routers that can be connected to dongles, but again I know of none of these services that are sold for pay as you go dongles and without a router you would not be able to connect your grandson’s x-box or other devices. I would suggest that, in your circumstances a pay as you go dongle is not the best solution and an ADSL or local wireless connection would be more appropriate for your needs especially as you have multiple devices that need to be connected at the same time.

READ ALL ABOUT IT! Read Richard’s fantastic computer page only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT ON WEDS

Richard moved to spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!”

ADVICE: Uffe is having trouble changing Microsoft documents with OpenOffice I often see that Open Office is fully compatible with Microsoft Office - latest in your column in Courier No. 5. One thing - among many others - giving me headache is how to handle incoming Microsoft Office attachments in e-mails. My only option is to print the document or re-send it without editing - I can't even save it in another format for editing. How does the compatibility work between OpenOffice & Microsoft Office?

Hope you can solve the problem. Basically I'm satisfied working in OpenOffice - but since the majority of users still work in Microsoft Office it makes life (unnecessarily?) difficult for the rest of us!

Q A

Hi Uffe, I am not sure what is happening in your case, but you certainly should be able to open, edit and re-save in OpenOffice any Microsoft Word, Excel or PowerPoint document sent to you by email. When you open any document from an email it usually opens (depending on the email client) in “read only” format, perhaps this is what is causing you problems? If so then you simply need to click “File”, “Save As” once you have opened the document, once saved you will be able to edit the document yourself.

Another common misunderstanding is related to many PowerPoint presentations that are emailed about, many of these are in an un-editable format as they are “packaged” presentations, you don’t say what type of document you are struggling with so I can’t be clear as to whether this is what is causing your problems.

Finally you should ensure that your copy of OpenOffice is configured to save its documents in the relevant Microsoft format, although this won’t help with your specific problem, if you don’t make this change then all of the documents that you save and send to others will be in the OpenOffice format and therefore unreadable in the relevant Microsoft product – to do this, from within OpenOffice change the options in the “load/save” section from within Tools, Options.

I hope this helps with your problem.

ADVICE: Mary needed advice relating to a tricky Microsoft Update that keeps failing

Q

Hi Richard, I enjoy reading your page in the new Courier, very interesting and helpful. I also have a query which maybe you could help me with. When I update my Wondows XP from the yellow icon in the bottom RH corner it comes up with " Some updates could not be installed", and then in the box it says " Security update for Windows XP (KB2481109). This has never happened before and I am worried that my computer is at risk.

A

Hi Mary, thanks for the feedback, it’s great to know that people are actually enjoying reading the page!

With regards to your specific problem, issues with failing Microsoft updates can be tricky to track down but they are usually caused because one or more of the pre-requisite files needed for the update to successfully install are either missing, out of date or corrupt.

In your instance the update KB2481109 requires that update KB2483614 is already installed, perhaps this prerequisite update is missing in your instance - you should be able to tell from your update history. If it is then you can download this update from the following link http://tinyurl.com/courier-fix I should point out, however that this sort of investigation can become pretty complex and having a prerequisite knowledge of how to fault find this sort of problem is usually a great benefit, so you should consider contacting a qualified (Microsoft Certified Professional or Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer) engineer to help you work through the problem if the link I sent you doesn’t work.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

24

Friday, 1st April, 2011

SHUDDUPA YA FACE! …and go ITALIAN!

Italian food, yum and there is a lot of variety is available for pasta, and shrimp pasta is one. Pasta and shrimp individually are so tasty that combining them in this classic Italian recipe means that the resulting dish will taste doubly yummy! Now, just imagine how good the shrimp pasta recipe taste if it is seasoned with garlic? Carry on cooking!

Lemon Garlic Shrimp Pasta Recipe Ingredients •1 tbs Italian seasoning •Lemon zest •3 tbs extra virgin olive oil •24 medium shrimp, peeled and deveined •Fresh coarse ground black pepper or lemon pepper seasoning •1 lb linguine •1 fresh lemon •3 tbs real butter (unsalted) •2 tbs sesame seeds (optional) •3 fresh garlic cloves, finely chopped •Salt

The Method Heat water and add salt to it. Put in pasta and boil and remove from the heat just before the pasta becomes firm.

Heat pan on medium heat and add olive oil. When the olive oil is heated, add in garlic and fry the garlic till golden brown and then add butter along with shrimp. Cook for about 2 minutes. When cooked add lemon zest. Toss the shrimp with garlic, until shrimp turns to a pinkish hue. Drain pasta and return to pan. Put garlic, shrimp, Italian seasoning, butter, and olive oil, pepper- to taste, salt and sesame. Toss well with lemon juice (freshly squeezed). Serve immediately with Italian bread and salad. More on shrimp recipes.

Friday, 1st April, 2011

GO ITALIAN!

A world of flavours from the boot of Europe

Italian cuisine is as varied as the regions of Italy. Although Italy was officially unified in 1861, the food reflects the cultural variety of the country’s regions with culinary influences from Greece, Roman, Gallic, Germany, Turkish, Hebrew, Slavic, Arab, Chinese and other civilizations. In this sense, there really is no one Italian cuisine because each area boasts of its own specialties. Not only is the food of Italy highly regionalized, but a high priority is also placed on the use of fresh available produce.

Although traditional Italian dishes vary by region, they also do not follow strictly to a North/South pattern either. The north tends to use more butter, creams, polenta, mascarpone, grana padano and Parmigiano cheeses, risotto, lasagna and fresh egg pasta, while the south is more tomato and olive oil based cooking, along with mozzarella, caciocavallo and peconrino cheeses, and dried pasta. Coastal

HOW ABOUT AN APPETIZER? Bruschetta

and central regions often use tortellini, ravioli and prosciutto in their cooking. Even pizza varies across the country. In Rome the crusts are thin and cracker-like, while Neapolitan and Sicilian pizzas have a thicker crust.

Pasta For most Italians, pasta is the first course in a meal with the exception of the far north where risotto or polenta is the norm. Vegetables, grains and legumes play a regular part of many Italian diets with meat often not being a regular part of everyday meals, Olive oil is usually seen in its dark green state (from its first pressing) in the south, where in the north a more refined, golden oil is seen.

Basically, Italian cuisine consists of a combination of vegetables, grains, fruits, fish, cheeses and a some meats, with fowl and game usually seasoned or cooked with olive oil (with the exception of the far north). La cucina povera, the food of the poorer Italian people of the southern coastal

25

area, has shaped a diet popular for centuries but now there is a resurgence of this "poor people's food", the Mediterranean diet, which is now being touted as the model around which we should restructure our eating habits.

Breakfast is considered a minor meal in Italy, often consisting of nothing more than a bread roll and milky coffee (café latte). Traditional lunches tend to be larger, have several courses and are eaten slowly. Italian children don't go to school in the afternoon, and because of the heat, many small businesses close from midday until about 4pm which makes lunch the social meal of the day.

The traditional menu structure in Italy consists of basically eight courses, but the long traditional Italian menu is typically kept for special occasions such as weddings, with everyday fare including only the first and second courses, with the side dish being served with the second course. As an exception to this order, a unique course, Piatto unico, can replace the first or second course with, for example, pizza.

LA PIAZZA - ENJOY THE DIFFERENCE The perfect Setting for your Mother’s Day Celebration

La Piazza I and II are the ideal places for a relaxing meal in pleasant surroundings.

The friendly staff speak a variety of languages, and will do Now that you’ve got the taste for cooking Italian food why not compliment your pasta with an authentic their utmost to please you. La Piazza is owned by Josep, who runs both popular restaurants with his two sons. The starter? family moved to Spain from Austria 13 years ago, opening the popular Austrian/Hungarian restaurant Monarch, in Villamartin Plaza. Three years ago Josep opened La Piazza I opposite Campoamor Golf Course. He obviously had the right recipe for success, as last year he opened La Piazza II in Punta Marina Bruschetta is among the most famous Italian appetizers. Centro Commercial, at Once you know how to make bruschetta you will make them Punta Prima. The family business looks set to conregularly…it’s delicious! tinue to do well, due to their hard work and positive outIngredients look on life.

La Piazza II, on the top •Italian bread (cut into slices of 1 inch thickness) floor of the Punta Marina •2 tomatoes, finely chopped Shopping Centre will be the •1 tsp fresh basil, chopped ideal venue in which to •2 tsp fresh parsley, chopped enjoy the Timeless •½ sweet onion, chopped Fashions Spring Summer •1 tbsp fresh oregano, chopped Fashion Show on Tuesday •¼ cup mozzarella cheese, grated 12th April from 1.30pm.

•2 tbsp virgin olive oil Tables will need to be reserved as this event is Method likely to be extremely popular. Entrance is free but donations will be accepted for the San Jose Obrero Orphanage.

•Heat the oven to 400º Fahrenheit.

•In a mixing bowl, combine chopped tomatoes, onion, As La Piazza has a huge sunny terrace it customers will have a ringside view of the exciting show. Music will be prooregano, parsley, basil and olive oil.

•Place the bread slices on a baking sheet and one spoon of vided by Simon Morton of Sunshine FM. If you’re looking for somewhere to have a relaxing drink La the mixture on the slices.

•Now sprinkle grated cheese and bake the bread in the oven Piazza II has a chill out area, with relaxing chairs and a wide screen TV. for 7 to 8 minutes.

Situated opposite Campoamor Golf, La Piazza I's elegant •Check the bottom of the slices to know, if bruschetta is red and black décor is a refreshing change from your averready.

•When the bruschetta is ready, let it stand for 5 to 7 minutes, age restaurant. The Italian design suits the food on offer.

Both restaurants offer excellent homemade pizzas, cooked before you serve it.

on the spot, and freshly made pastas are extremely popular dishes here. Their fantastically popular Menu of the Day for just 9.95 euros, is served every day, from Monday to Sunday, and includes a choice of 8 starters, 9 gourmet main courses, a drink or a coffee and a desert. Breakfasts are served from 10am to 2pm and snacks are served from 10am to 6pm. The menu of the day is served from 12.30pm to 4pm and from 12.30pm onwards you can choose from the a la carte menu. As you can see, food is served all day.

You must taste Giovani’s pizzas, which are the best homemade, stone oven cooked pizzas in the area.

There are over 20 varieties to choose from. The pastas are freshly cooked, and prepared the moment you order, and again there is a huge choice of different kinds. There is also a big choice of meat dishes, salads, seafood and fish, with special sauces and beautiful presentation. Snacks include burgers, chicken wings, German sausage, sandwiches and baguettes.

There is also a kids menu.

All meals are freshly prepared with top quality ingredients. There is definitely no fast food, only fast service.

They also offers a takeaway service, and they are running a special promotion in which, when you purchase a takeaway pizza your pizzapass is stamped. For every ten pizzas you buy you will get one free. Coffee lovers will be pleased to know that La Piazza are now serving the excellent Italian coffee Segofredo.

Both restaurants are open seven days a week from 10am till late.

They profess to always provide excellent service and quality food at an acceptable price. So why not pop along to La Piazza and see for yourself. I am sure you won't be disappointed. To book please phone 966 774 534 or 966 798 0451. See their main ad below for further information.

26

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 39,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites

Friday, 1st April, 2011 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09)

FOR SALE Left hand chaise corner sofa. 1 month old, as new (bought in Next in UK).

Colour Salerno mink. Cost 800 pounds new, will accept 400 euros ONO. La Puebla. Tel: 868 186 655 or 634307850.

Wendybaxter2000@yahoo .co.uk (05) 2 bed mobile home.

Albatera. Small site. Large plot. Summer house, shed, gazebo. Pets allowed.

More info www.spanishaddress.com Phone 622 258 072. Price 24,000€ (09)

WANTED

PROPERTY FOR RENT

Wanted second hand motorbike up to 125cc in good condition call: 682 773 121 (09)

Nice rentals available Torrevieja and Most Areas two beds from 320 houses apartments, bungalows, long and short stays. Paul 966 785 891 659 647 616 (08)

SITUATIONS VACANT Be your own boss with Avon. Work hours to suit you. Phone Donna 966 796 854 (08)

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309

WIG SPECIALISTS SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call

Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon

Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

27

Friday, 1st April, 2011

editor@thecourier.es Say it. Send it. Phone it. Mail it. or Forget it!

TOM & JOEY? Dear Dave Just to let you know that I am really enjoying your new paper and wish you every success in this new venture. It would be even better if you included a pets page! To this end I have attached details of a beautiful white cat named Cat and will really appreciate his inclusion in your next edition.

Many thanks and best regards Joe (The Cat Man) Hehe...Hi Joe, Good to hear from you and thanks…nice name for the moggy! Ok we’ll get something sorted on the pets – bear with me… (Geddit?)

Cheers, Ed.

GAY COUPLE Reading your article about SURNAMES..... GAY was my maiden name as well as my second married name (I married my second cousin the second time around) both my husband & I wish that we could find out who was responsible for first using our surname, which we loved as children, as a name for homosexuals. I won't say what we would like to do to that person!!!!!! We get smirks about our name even here, but why should we change it? Margot.

No I think you should keep up with the times and change it to ‘Camp’ – more PC you know… I had a teacher once called ‘Mr Bender’ we all thanked whoever it was who sent him to us….we had years of fun. ED.

AFA ARE THROWING BRICKS… Over the past couple of weeks, the Alzheimer’s Association of Torrevieja has been in receipt of some marvellous and very generous support.

We would therefore like to say thank you so much to the fol-

lowing artists who have given so generously of their time and talent, and to the audiences who have attended their concerts.

They are; The Velvetones, the Norwegian Gospel Choir, Q4 Barbershop Quartet, Texas Ted and his friends the Pistoleros, Footwork Dancers, Destiny. Cyril Derbyshire, Cathy Carson, The Rascals, Derek Francis and Maureen Roberts and Jamie Puete.

We are also extremely grateful to those of you who have bought tickets for our Car Raffle, supporting the funds for the operation of our Day Centre in Torrevieja and the many, many people buying “Buy a Brick” joining with us to help provide a new respite care centre for current and future patients and their carers of Alzheimer’s Disease and other types of dementia.

Well done and thank you all.

Matilde Sanchez and Judy Ferris Fund Raisers for AFA Torrevieja.

I thought it said ‘throw a brick’ …never mind… Ed.

GET IT WRITE! Hi Just a few comments on your newspaper. Firstly the good bits. It is very good to read proper news and I read every word on every page, hopefully you will be around for a long long time. I also read and enjoy Jungle Drums though I have not seen it here on the Orihuela Costa since Christmas.

On the bad side your columnist Tony Mayes does indeed "say it as it is" but unfortunately when speaking about the rules on roundabouts he just quotes the Highway Code from the UK, note I say UK not England. I am led to believe the Spanish equivalent has a completely different interpretation.

I am not going into all the details but Spanish Driving Schools teach pupils to stay in the right-hand lane when turning left, yes it sounds silly but they are told to follow that lane all the way to their exit, and no need to indicate because they have not deviated from their chosen route.

They are also taught that the left-hand lane is for overtaking

only. That is why few Spanish Nationals know where the indicators on a car are.

I also hope you don't go down the route of some other free local papers who think Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland are counties of England. I am of course referring to your Queen of England remark in the Top 7 Castles. It is quite insulting to non-English people when we see this sort of rubbish. Too many English people think if you speak English you are English. I have lost count of the number of times people have asked me where I am from and when I say Aberdeen the next question is always the same, "would you ever go back to England to live!!" I have had English people tell me England is an island totally surrounded by water and Scotland is the bit of England up North. I could go on. Of course some people think it doesn't matter but the guy trying to sell English cars and the shops selling English food lose quite a few customers. And just in case you don’t get the English car part, many papers have ads for English cars, what is an English car can’t be registered in England because they are registered in Wales so that would be UK registered. The smart businesses here on the Costa use the term British Supermarket or British whatever, that way they are not alienating anyone. I use them lots and avoid English Supermarkets and garages. Have no problem with English, Welsh, Irish bars and eating places because that is what they are.

Sorry to go on a bit.

Adam Keith Orihuela Costa Hi Adam Thanks for the praise...and the comments - I totally agree with you and can only offer the weak excuse that it slipped through the net! It’s my job at the end of the day (or week) to check everything but sometimes, as the candle burns lower and the cold wind whistles under the door, I miss something...

Apologies and yes, I know what you mean about Aberdeen being in England, I used to live in Sussex ('which is London innit...?') Ed.

STILL ON THE PULL? THE COURIER PUB & GRUB AWARDS 2011 We want to know because in August we will be holding The Courier pub & Grub awards for the region and we need you the reader to nominate your local…but only if they deserve it of course.

The six categories are: Bar of the year Barman/woman of the year Landlord/lady of the year Best Value for money bar Best brekky Tastiest grub/Chef of the year We’ll be accepting nominations from now until the first of July and then our judges (who will have assessed each of the nominations) will announce the final five nominees in each category and invite them to attend the very first Courier Pub & Grub Awards.

The winners on the night will get a trophy, a prize and a load of publicity plus the right to brag for at least the next year!

So come on, who’s hot out there? Who’s cooking with gas and making your meal or drink and that little bit more enjoyable?

We can accept nominations by email only and you

MUST state your reasons for your choice and remember, the more you tell us the more chance we have of making an informed decision come the day.

We’ve had quite a few nominations in – but we want more!

Come on folks – does your local café bar serve your right?

TELL US @ office@thecourier.es or call on 96672 6437

28

Friday, 1st April, 2011

FORGET ABOUT FORGETTING YOUR SPECS!

Once fitted you can forget about forgetting your glasses The Performance and Diesel Centre in Guardamar are proud to be the first in Spain to offer this revolutionary process.

Using laser technology, developed from the pioneers of laser “eye surgery” from North America, we are able to invisibly “laser etch” the inside of your car windscreen, side windows and rear view mirror to give you perfect vision from inside your car without the need for glasses.

No more do you have a spare pair of glass-

es sat in the car doing nothing (as required by Spanish Law) because as you do not need glasses to drive, you do not need to carry a spare pair!

This innovative process, because it is “etched” into the glass, cannot be “wiped off” but as your eyes change, can be cheaply re-etched to suit your eyes or can be polished clear for normal vision to be resumed.

From now on you will be able to wear your smart designer sunglasses when driving or even your special “Looky looky” sun glasses.

This process takes 95 minutes from start to finish and all you have to do is bring a pair of glasses that you would normally use when driving and our equipment will match the prescription of your glasses to the car glass.

If you wish you can wait in the office or even watch the process being completed.

The normal price for this unique service is

I wouldn't mind a pair of those...

249€ but for bookings taken today, there is an all in price, never to be repeated, of 100€.

This is often less than the cost of a single pair of glasses.

Franchise opportunities will be available all over the Coast.

For bookings and enquiries, please call Mark on 966 107 606.

KIDS COPY PARENTS ROAD RAGE

I AM asking nicely.

Bad habits that parents pass on to children even include such things as road rage and that is not good news for the current generation of youngsters learning to drive. an AA survey has revealed that youngsters learning to drive are picking up road rage habits from their parents, with drinking, phone use and falling asleep while supervising learners being other bad examples, apparently the most common bad habit passed on is failure to use mirrors properly, followed by speeding, failing to check for blind spots and poor steering wheel technique when turning.

Braking hard, late braking and driving too close to the vehicle in front are other poor examples. : "Dangerous habits are easily passed on, and it is alarming to see evidence that road rage is being passed on to another generation of

drivers. Parents should try to set a good example with their own driving and remember to let the experts do the teaching, while they focus on helping their children gain experience." Said AA Driving School director Simon Douglas.

The top 10 bad habits passed on by parents to learner drivers are: 1. Not using mirrors properly 2. Speeding 3. Not checking blind spots 4. Not handling the wheel properly when turning 5. Braking too hard or late 6. Driving too close to the vehicle in front 7. Letting the wheel slip through the hands 8. Having only one hand on the wheel 9. Criticising or getting angry at other drivers 10. Coasting in neutral

When driving was a pleasure

Friday, 1st April, 2011

10 CAR INSURANCE MYTHS Shopping around to get the best car-insurance quote is one of the best ways to save money on cover and that’s a fact. But there are a lot of misunderstandings about car cover which could mean you pay more than you need to or drive without proper cover.

So you are in the know; here’s a list of the ten most commonly-believed car insurance myths.

Myth 1: You’re automatically insured to drive other cars if you have a comprehensive policy.

This may be the case on some policies, but it doesn’t apply every time. Drivingother-cars cover is unlikely to be extended to the under25s, and may also depend on your occupation.

Myth 2: Your renewal premium is guaranteed to be cheaper than your insurer offers to new customers.

Sadly this isn’t the case: renewal premiums and new business premiums are often calculated differently.

That’s why shopping around on a price comparison site and taking out a policy as a new customer can save you money.

Myth 3: Garaging your car means cheaper premiums.

Oddly enough, this isn’t always the case either. This is because the risk of having an accident whilst parking your car in the garage is greater than the risk of your

Parking your car in the garage may not save money on insurance car being stolen or hit when parked on your drive or in the street, statistics show.

Myth 4: Driving for business use means higher premiums than social or commuting use.

This is not always true: people who require their car for business purposes are

WE THINK WE’RE GOOD DRIVERS BUT…

assumed to take better care of it and drive more safely those whose car isn’t such an important part of their living.

Myth 5: Once you reach 25 your premiums fall dramatically.

Not necessarily: while age is a key rating factor in insur-

ance, it’s just one of many individual factors that all contribute to the overall cost. (See this graphic which explains how car insurance prices are calculated.)

Myth 6: Third-party cover is cheaper than comprehensive.

This is not always the case: some insurers have raised premiums for third-party or third-party, fire and theft cover because of the number of higher-risk drivers who sign up for these kinds of policy (believing them to be cheaper).

Myth 7: Non-fault claims

29

won’t affect your insurance premium.

In fact, if you’re in an accident that wasn’t your fault, you could find premiums rising.

Statistical evidence from many insurers state that after having a non faultclaim you are more likely to have a fault claim within that policy term.

Myth 8: You’re always guaranteed a courtesy car if you have an accident.

A courtesy car is likely to be subject to availability, and in most cases it’s only offered if the car is repairable and taken to an insurers’ approved mechanic. If the car is stolen or written off, a courtesy car is not always provided.

Myth 9: I don’t have to tell my insurer about convictions that are not on my licence anymore.

In fact, most insurers ask if you’ve hand an convictions within the last five years: in some cases the conviction might have been spent but you still need to declare that to your insurer (for example speeding convictions are spent after four years).

Myth 10: Your insurance covers you for any accident that you cause.

Usually but not always: if you crashed and were convicted of drink driving, your insurer would be likely to turn down your claim.

Info supplied by confused.com

FASTEST FIVE-DOOR PORSCHE EVER UNVEILED

A road safety charity's survey of 800 motorists found that most drivers believe they are better than average, although I bet most car insurance companies would have a different view on that – especially in Spain.

The poll shows drivers to be a nervous lot though with two in every three fearing being killed while driving and another third believing the roads have more dangerous drivers than safe ones and only 31 per cent of motorists feel safer in a car than in any other mode of transport.

Less than 5% of drivers think that the car is the safest way to travel but the findings show that many drivers overestimate their ability behind the wheel and typically blame other motorists for any accidents they are involved in. the reality is (according to the experts) is that too many people take risks while driving, such as speeding, drink-driving and being behind the wheel while extremely tired.

Porsche has unveiled one of the fastest family cars ever made: the Panamera Turbo S. The range topping fivedoor, which goes on sale in June for £123,000, is quicker than the stripped out

Porsche 911 GT3 RS. It uses the same 4.8-litre twin-turbo V8 engine as the Panamera Turbo, but it's tuned to produce 542bhp up from 493bhp.

That gives it a startling 062mph time of 3.8 seconds

and a 191mph top speed, making it quicker than the Mercedes-Benz S 63 AMG and Aston Martin Rapide.

Its thumping acceleration is largely down to the massive amount of torque it has: up to 590lb.ft, compared, for

example, to the 448lb.ft of the Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano.

Porsche has altered the turbochargers and engine management software to get the extra power and torque, yet fuel economy stays the same as the Turbo's, at 24.6mpg.

It's distinguished from lesser Panameras by way of new 20-inch alloy wheels, a sports exhaust system, new body kit and standard fitment of the otherwise optional 'Sports Chrono' package (which sharpens up the driving experience).

A two-tone leather interior will be available only in the Turbo S, which will serve as a constant reminder to buyers that they've spent £20,000 more on the S than they would have on a standard Turbo model.

All buyers will get a complimentary high performance driving course at Porsche's Silverstone Centre.

30

Friday, 1st April, 2011

TKO NEWS ROYAL WEDDING PARTY EVENT Keep listening to TKO FM and TKO Gold for details of a very special event coming up to celebrate the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, on April 29th.

The event is being organised by Paul Cunningham Nurses and TKO Media Group, in conjunction with the Mayor of Rojales.

We´ll be letting you know all the details of attractions, events and activities being put on to make sure everyone has a fantastic time.

TKO Beat The Intro Competition

The competition continues next week with a new track for you to guess.

Text your answer to whichever station you are listening to and be in with a chance of winning a top prize. TKO FM and TKO Gold are both running separate competitions so you could enter both, if you wish!

Our thanks go to Jon at Lumsden Auctions, Formentera, who is sponsoring the feature.

TKO FM HOT GOSSIP Robbie to sign massive new solo deal News is starting to emerge of a huge record deal with Universal, sparking rumours that Robbie may be looking to quit Take That in the near future.

It’s thought the Rock DJ star will go with Universal, who look after Take That, after being impressed by the way they’ve handled the boy band’s comeback.

A record industry source says “Robbie has been very committed to this Take That project and can't wait to tour with the guys but he never said he wouldn't record his own music again. It's important for him to have his own solo deal because he is one of the most successful British recording artists.”

The 37-year-old is unlikely to renew his solo deal with EMI, who signed him in 2002 for a record-breaking £80m. “He has every major record company chasing him to sign a new solo contract,” the source added. “But there is no need to rush because he is fully committed to Take That until the end of this album campaign.”

Despite the relatively lukewarm reception for his last two solo albums, Rob can obviously still shift large numbers of units – Take That’s Progress became the fastest selling album of the century when it sold 235,000 on its day of release last November.

The hype around him rejoining the band sparked a huge media and fan frenzy and it’s thought that this gave Universal the confidence to set up a deal.

Gold Artist of the Week Jet Harris The Shadows were the archetypal British pop group, supporting Cliff Richard and making numerous hits of their own. Their first and greatest bass guitarist was Jet Harris, who has died aged 71 of cancer. Although his later life was blighted by alcoholism and littered with unsuccessful comebacks, he deserves to be remembered as a pioneer of the electric bass in Britain who explored its melodic as well as its rhythmic potential.

The Shadows' first and most memorable hit was Apache, which reached No 1 in 1960.

Over the next two years, Harris played on more top 10 singles before suddenly quitting the group in 1962.

He later said that he had "just had enough of sleeping, drinking, eating and doing everything together, day in, day out".

The most photogenic of the group, the moody-looking Harris was immediately signed to a recording deal with Decca, and with a backing group, the Jetblacks, he went on tour with Little Richard and the then unknown Liverpool group the Beatles. A triumphant 1962 ended with the award of the title top instrumentalist

in the readers' poll of the New Musical Express.

Harris next teamed up with the Shadows' former drummer Tony Meehan. As Jet Harris and Tony Meehan, they had big hits in 1963 with Diamonds – which reached No 1 – Scarlett O'Hara and Applejack.

Among those Harris had inspired to take up the elec-

tric bass was the future Led Zeppelin member John Paul Jones, who was briefly a member of the HarrisMeehan touring band.

By this time, Harris was also making news offstage.

There were several court appearances involving drunkenness and violent behaviour before the partnership with Meehan came to an abrupt end in September 1963, when Harris was seriously injured in a car accident involving a vehicle in which he was travelling with the pop starlet Billie Davis.

From this time, until his death he did very little within music and was still battling alcoholism but was honored

by Fender, who presented him with a lifetime achievement award in 1998, and by the Burns Company, who gave him a special Jet Six instrument. He was appointed MBE for services to music in the 2010 New Year Honours list.

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS Pop Quiz 1st April 1 Who had a big hit with Stand by Me? 2 Which Brit Pop band had hits with Don’t look Back In Anger and Cigarettes And Alcohol?

3 What was The Tweets only ever hit?

4 Which young crooner had a hit with (Just Haven’t) Found You Yet? 5 Who enjoyed success with her single Ring My Bell, in the seventies?

6 Who was lead singer with The Cure?

7 She had hits with LDN and The Fear and her Dad was Sherriff of Nottingham?

8 I Dont Wanna Dance and Gimme Hope Joanna were hits for whom?

9 Name Coldplay’s first top ten hit in 2000 FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TO CHRIS ASHLEY’S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, 8AM TO 11AM EVERY MONDAY CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL IN THE KEY WORD AND THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK’S ANSWER WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

Friday, 1st April, 2011

31

32

Friday, 1st April, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 16 represents T and 23 represents J, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Thieve (5) 3 Concluding (5) 6 Appropriate (3) 8 Small songbird (7) 9 Toddlers (4) 10 Most recently (6) 12 Head rest (6) 13 Prohibits (4) 16 College (7) 17 Lair (3) 18 Binds (4) 19 Bisect (5)

Down 1 Begin (5) 2 Yearn (4) 3 Quarrel (6) 4 Nanny (9) 5 Humble (5) 7 Excite pleasurably (9) 11 Uninterested (5) 12 Place in the ground (5) 14 Scorch (5) 15 Fable (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Allow, 4 Chain, 6 Ago, 7 Stays, 8 Wakes, 10 Has, 12 Rate, 14 Deal, 15 Noisy, 16 Aged, 18 Earn, 20 Bet, 22 Serve, 23 Image, 24 Nap, 25 Bored, 26 Shelf.

Down: 2 Least, 3 Wash, 4 Cows, 5 Ankle, 7 Screams, 9 Silence, 11 Arise, 13 End, 14 Dye, 17 Error, 19 Aware, 20 Bend, 21 Tips.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Not as light as the remodelled red ark (6) 4 Contracted in meagre education (6) 9 Instrument comes in all the Olympic colours (7) 10 Sort out the charge (5) 11 Repatriated partly back to Wick (5) 12 Overwhelm the confused Bee Gees and me with no energy (7) 13 PS, did splice turn out to be a lumber problem?

(7,4) 18 Unpaid morning at European Union’s railway (7) 20 Charade is noted, more’s the pity (5) 22 Connections on the golf course (5) 23 Slid new concoction in Dodge (7) 24 Vicar Peter hides rug (6) 25 Bride’s make-up is rubbish (6)

Down 1 Assistant put in the wrong dye (6) 2 Pacer runs backwards for a review (5) 3 To gripe about selfaggrandisement (3,4) 5 Polish disguise (5) 6 Some boyfriend lessons are eternal (7) 7 Ran quickly and threw an arrow (6) 8 Betray two exes (6,5) 14 An ‘ell of a driver! (7) 15 Hate rude kid’s lie (7) 16 The budgerigar licence contains Dracula’s worst fear (6) 17 Break the depression (6) 19 Turn out little Susan after the nurse (5) 21 Dread horrible snake (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Second-in-command (6) 2 Sum up (5) 3 Self-aggrandisement (3,4) 5 Surface shine (5) 6 Everlasting (7) 7 Scurried (6) 8 Stab in the back (6,5) 14 Beginner (7) 15 Have an aversion to (7) 16 Aromatic bulb used as seasoning (6) 17 Alcove (6) 19 Result (5) 21 Small venomous snake (5)

Across 1 Gloomier (6) 4 Concurred (6) 9 Small flute (7) 10 Arrange (5) 11 Come to a point (5) 12 Surround (7) 13 Painful lumber problem (7,4) 18 Part-time (7) 20 Disgrace (5) 22 Contacts (5) 23 Con (7) 24 Floor covering (6) 25 Wreckage (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Dog-ear, 4 Instep, 9 Biretta, 10 Grime, 11 Sedge, 12 Detroit, 13 Horseradish, 18 Ocelots, 20 Balsa, 22 Flame, 23 Escorts, 24 Hammer, 25 Nether.

Down: 1 Debase, 2 Gored, 3 Anthems, 5 Night, 6 Tripods, 7 Presto, 8 Hard pressed, 14 Over arm, 15 Debacle, 16 Loofah, 17 Hawser, 19 Obese, 21 Larch.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words

Brig

Tabs

Bed

Burn

Trio

Bit

Dock

5 letter words

Deb

Gran

Banal

Oak

Lino

Boars

4 letter words

Lips

Navel

Back

Oven

Niece

Bail

Read

7 letter words

Barn

Seat

Aerobic

Bate

Slab

Auction

Berk

Sort

Calorie

Bred

Span

Narrate

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Alabanzas (7) 5 Paquetes (de cigarrillos) (5) 8 Castle (chess) (5) 9 To bore (7) 10 Lápices de labios (9) 12 Poseer (3) 13 Lejía (6) 14 Tablecloth (6) 17 Corte (incisión, herida) (3) 18 Radiadores (9) 20 Enemy (f) (7) 21 Causa (motivo) (5) 23 Place (5) 24 Atrasos (7)

Down 1 Pétalo (5) 2 Aire (3) 3 Escéptico (7) 4 Escaso (limitado) (6) 5 Tapones (de lavabos) (5) 6 Coal (9) 7 Extraño (7) 11 La más bonita (9) 13 Cubos (baldes) (7) 15 To plug (a hole) (7) 16 Customs (6) 18 Noise (sound) (5) 19 Cobertizos (para animales, útiles) (5) 22 Grape (3)

33

Friday, 1st April, 2011 Across 1 According to The Bible, which town was destroyed by fire from heaven, together with Gomorrah, for the wickedness of its inhabitants? (5) 4 What name is given to sudden involuntary muscular contractions or convulsive movements? (6) 9 What was the title of Kenny Rogers’ first UK number one hit single? (7) 10 Which city in Nebraska is the port of entry and seat of Douglas county?

(5) 11 What name is usually given to the building in which members of the armed forces take their meals? (4) 12 What was the surname of the dancing partner of Ginger Rogers? (7) 13 Which thick opaque liquid is produced in infected tissue? (3) 14 What is another term for the blackthorn? (4) 16 Which loose, flowing outer garment was worn by the citizens of ancient Rome? (4) 18 Which natural or synthetic substance is used to add a colour to or change the colour of something? (3) 20 Which word means to convert waste into reusable material? (7) 21 Which woodwind instrument of treble pitch, is played with a double reed and has an incisive tone? (4) 24 Which Russian ballet company is now known as Mariinsky Ballet? (5)

Quiz Word

25 Which extremely poisonous salt of hydrocyanic acid is used in the extraction of gold and silver? (7) 26 What is the surname of the British rock n roller who sang about a ‘Little White Bull’? (6) 27 What is the main monetary unit of the EU? (5)

SUDOKU

Down 1 What is the name of the highly seasoned Italian sausage that is usually eaten cold in slices?

(6) 2 Which waterbirds have broad blunt bills, short legs, webbed feet, and waddling gaits? (5) 3 Which African country was known as French Sudan until 1958? (4) 5 In males, which gland surrounds the neck of the bladder? (8) 6 Which sport can be figure, ice or roller? (7) 7 In a conventional pack of playing cards, which of the four suits is denoted by a black inverted heart-shaped figure with a small stalk? (6) 8 What was the surname of the French Impressionist painter best known for his paintings of ballet dancers? (5) 13 What was the surname of the British prime minister who was shot dead in the lobby of the House of Commons in 1812? (8) 15 Vierwaldstättersee is the German name for which Swiss lake? (7) 17 What name is given to male ducks? (6) 18 Which word is used as a euphemism for ‘devil’ in expressions of annoyance, impatience, or surprise or for emphasis? (5) 19 What was the surname of the male half of the duo that topped British charts in 1973 with ‘Welcome Home’? (6) 22 Which form of tobacco pipe is made from woody nodules borne at ground level by a large woody plant of the heather family? (5) 23 What is the name of the hard, typically green stone used for ornaments and implements? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Every week we’ll be covering a different topic to help readers enlarge their Spanish vocabulary. This week we start with: PLANTAS Find the names of the plants in the grid

1. In Paris which common item has been defined as a deadly weapon?

2. Who took out a $5000 life insurance policy before dying in battle?

3. St. Appolonia is the patron saint of what?

4. Every citizen of Kentucky must do what by law annually?

5. What animals cannot swim?

6. What does the name Stephen mean - from the Greek?

7. 50% of Dutch men have never done what?

8. What did William Young invent in 1800?

9. What element was named after the Greek word for green?

10. Hans Steininger had the world's longest what, which ended up killing him?

11. What was the Soviet Vostok 3 space flight, the first to do?

12. Who is the patron saint of music?

13. Taidje Khan became using which name?

ANSWERS 1. Ashtray 2. George Armstrong Custer 3. Toothache 4. Take a bath 5. Gorillas 6. Crown 7. Flown in a plane 28% fear it 8. Different shoes, a left and a right 9.

Chlorine 10. Beard - Tripped over it down stairs 11.

Send back TV pictures 12. St. Cecilia 13. Yul Brynner

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Salem, 4 Gaelic, 9 Hormone, 10 Astor, 11 Lent, 12 Erasure, 13 Cat, 14 Shah, 16 T Rex, 18 Dee, 20 Osborne, 21 Nike, 24 Imago, 25 Catwalk, 26 Tiddly, 27 Stour.

Down: 1 Schulz, 2 Loren, 3 Moon, 5 A la carte, 6 Lettuce, 7 Cartel, 8 Beret, 13 Charcoal, 15 Hubbard, 17 Soviet, 18 Deuce, 19 Becker, 22 Idaho, 23 Otis.

AMAPOLA

HIERBA

ARBOL

HOJA

ARBUSTO

NARCISO

ARROZ

PALMERA

AVENA

PINO

AZUCENA

ROBLE

CEBADA

ROSA

CENTENO

SEMILLA

CLAVEL

TRIGO

CÉSPED

TULIPAN

FLOR

VID

GIRASOL

VIOLETA

Empareja las palabras en español con sus equivalentes en inglés You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Arbol, flor, arbusto girasol, roble, palmera, pino, hoja, tulipan, rosa,

Soduko

a. bush b. leaf c. sunflower d. tree e. pine tree f. flower g. oak h. palm tree i. violet j. poppy

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

narciso, amapola, clavel, azucena, violeta, semilla, vid, trigo, cebada, avena,

Span - Eng

k. carnation l. tulip m. rose n. vine o. barley p. daffodil q. lily r. seed s. grass t. lawn

Quizword

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

arroz, centeno, césped, hierba, pétalo, tallo,

u. wheat v. oats w. rye X. rice y. stem z. petal

Answers: 1d, 2f, 3a, 4c, 5g, 6h, 7e, 8b, 9l, 10l, 11p, 12j, 13k, 14q, 15i, 16r, 17n, 18u, 19o, 20v, 21x, 22w, 23t, 24s, 25z, 26y.

KidzTRIVIACorner QUIZ

V HOJ A L HA I Z S RDDT I RY OZ QE V Z E OE ORU ON E T N E C V MU P R I S V L RRHB K OI A S CGROA E D O N WN L Y É L O E S A N T Y L DI L HCA Y CI NDA A DF P A V DL DRCB DA P L O S A R I G S WR E G L B I R Z N GC D A MA F A MK E L O B B Z J R A N Z E G WL C U B P HE B K L RQUZ QRA T L B E UHI E RB A NE V A P E I S S U S R C K O V WG I K I T A MA P OL A K L E Z OF O V F Q X Y K Q J Q O R WK K

Fill It In

34

Friday, 1st April, 2011

MAKING THE RIGHT MOVE IS IMPORTANT

Advance Moves was established in 2002 by Mat Ford – Dunn after he relocated from the UK to Spain the year before. a time when many people were leaving the UK to start new lives in Spain and the housing market in both countries was buoyant.

Mat had originally worked in the UK as an area manager for Bishops Move and with his wealth of experience behind him he saw an opportunity to establish a removal company in Spain that specialised in relocations between the two countries. Mats idea was simple, to provide high levels of service at competitive prices.

‘The first thing I noticed about the majority of our competitors is that they did not have a depot in each country, this meant that they lacked the flexibility and support that clients often need when relocating between two countries.’ Says Mat, who’s main warehouse is situated in Murcia with two additional warehouses situated in the UK.

All three warehouse’s have state of the art containerised storage to keep clients furniture clean and well protected. Mats policy has always been to reinvest into the company so that all aspects of the business are continually updated and improved to ensure that Advance Moves stays one step ahead of its competitors. One aspect of this is that all international removals include an export wrap of the furniture to provide ultimate protection whilst goods are being transported.

2011 also sees a massive investment in purpose made furniture covers that are re-usable. These covers provide increased protection and also cut down on the carbon footprint of Advance Moves, as less disposable materials have to be used in wrapping the furniture.

Whist Advance Moves has grown in size since its conception in 2002, it is still a family run business with a very dedicated and hard working team of staff. Mat was especially pleased when the activities of Advance Moves came to the attention of the British Association of Removers ( B.A.R. ) who asked him to join the B.A.R as an international associate. ‘ It basically means that we have the facilities and levels

of customer care that allow us to operate as a B.A.R member, a very high accolade indeed.’ enthused Mat. Advance Moves continues to operate a weekly service from the UK to Spain and has now expanded it range of services to include smaller volumes, such as individual items of furniture, or just a few boxes. Very useful for internet shopping! Local removals within Spain and storage are also catered for.

Looking to the future Mat believes that, given time, the current imbalance in the housing markets will be resolved and things will get moving again. At the moment more and more expats are returning to the UK for economic reasons and the help and assistance that Advance Moves offers during these relocations seems to be really appreciated by their clients. The overall trend is still the continued increase of UK residents moving to Spain for the good weather and healthier lifestyle, and due to the continued increase in demand for Advance Moves services, Mat and his Team look to be gearing up for another busy year!

35

Friday, 1st April, 2011

BULBS – THE LOW DOWN TO A COLOUR FILLED SPRING GARDEN It's a fact of life: to enjoy the fabulous bulb flowers that bloom in spring -- such as tulips, daffodils, hyacinths, crocus and others, you should plant them in the fall.

The fun fact is that nothing is easier to grow or more colourfully rewarding than flower bulbs. Even the most unskilled gardener can create a breathtaking and beautiful spring garden with bulbs. Spring-flowering bulbs should be planted in the fall because they require a sustained "dormant" period of cold temperatures to stimulate root development. As a rule, the colder your climate, the earlier you plant. In colder northern climates, for example, plant in September or October. In warmer climates you may plant bulbs in December or even later.

When to Plant It's best to plant bulbs as soon as possible after bringing them home. If you must store them, keep them dry and cool -- between 50 and 60 degrees (F). For long storage periods, a refrigerator vegetable compartment can be used, but be sure to keep them away from ripening fruit.

The gas emitted by fruit's ripening process can destroy bulbs.

Tempting Choices In addition to tulips and daffodils, you'll also want to plant other exotic Dutch bulbs, such as spring-flowering scilla, puschkinia, muscari, fritillaria, allium, camassia, and eremurus.

Spring-flowering bulbs offer a wide variety of colors, heights and flowering periods. Let your imagination run wild, easy-to-grow bulbs allow you to concentrate on garden design.

All you really need to learn about planning your garden is written on the package, or available from your bulb supplier. What you need to know is: the color of the flower what months it will bloom

how high it will grow what months to plant, and how deep to plant.

These are the keys to colourful and creative plantings around your home. Here are some professional planting tips: Plant low-growing bulbs, such as grape hyacinths, in front taller flowers, such as tulips. Always plant bulbs in groups, either in small clusters or large beds, a single flower standing alone is not very dramatic, Plant scattered clusters of early-flowering bulbs, such as crocus, throughout your lawn to achieve a "natural" look. Plant clusters of daffodils around the woodpile, or in a meadow area that is not mowed often.

These will add a colorful accent to your landscape in spring and, if left on their own to wilt away, will return year after year. Well-selected and mature plantings of naturalized

bulbs can add value to your home, just as mature trees and shrubs do, Experiment. You know better than the experts what flowers you fancy. Pick a flower bulb variety on a whim and try a small planting. If it does well for you, add more next year.

Most spring-flowering Dutch bulbs will thrive in either full or partial sun, but do just fine in almost any location that offers good drainage. Bulbs will rot in standing water so avoid areas prone to flooding, such as the bottom of hills or under drainpipes.

After choosing the site: Dig either a trench for a bed planting, or individual holes for individual bulbs or small cluster of bulbs. (Note that a cluster of flowers is more striking to the eye than a lone bloomer.)

To determine how deep to plant, consider the caliber or size of the bulb. Large bulbs (2 inches or more) are usually planted about 8 inches deep; smaller-size bulbs (1 inch) are planted 5 inches deep.

Loosen the soil with a rake to aerate it and remove any weeds and small stones. Mix in a bit of peat moss to improve soil drainage. Place -do not push -- bulbs firmly in the soil with the pointed side up. Space large bulbs 3-10 inches apart and small bulbs 1-2 inches apart. (If you're not sure which end is right-side-up, don't worry.

Upside-down bulbs usually come up anyway!)

Cover the bulbs with soil and water generously.

Add 2-3 inches of mulch, pine bark is fine, on top of the garden bed. This will provide added protection from the cold and keeps the soil from drying out.

It's as easy as 1-2-3. By following these simple guidelines, your colourful garden is sure to turn the neighbours green with envy. Basically it all boils down to: buy those bulbs, put them in the ground and dream all winter of the glorious spring that awaits you.

36

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Horoscopes Dear Tia Maria.

Our daughter of 18 left home recently to return to the UK. She was the last of our 3 children to leave home and the house feels empty without her. I feel I have a massive void in my life and my husband is just carrying on as normal.

We seem to have grown apart over the years and now there is just the two of us we seem to have lost touch with each other and have very little to talk about. I feel very lonely and isolated and am worried that I may get depressed. Can you help?

Theresa, Torrevieja Tia Maria says: When the last child leaves home it sometimes feels as if you are waking up next to a stranger rather than your husband, wife or partner.

This can be caused by years of concentrating on what the family has needed, leaving little space or time for the two of you as a couple. The problem can be especially

LONELY

acute if your family has been the chief focus of your attention so that their leaving creates a gap in your life.

Some new research has recently found that many couples feel the empty nest syndrome is not as bad as it is made out to be. After an initial bumpy year or so, many couples report rediscovering life after parenting as a time of creativity and renewed pleasure in each other's company.

But if you feel you've lost touch with your partner, here's some ideas to help you cope with this phase of your relationship First and foremost, tell your partner how you feel.

Soldiering on when you are feeling miserable without the children around prevents your partner from offering the comfort you crave.

If you are not sure you know who your partner is anymore, try a light-hearted per-

sonal quiz to help break the ice. You can make this up yourself, and cook a special meal with candles and wine and it will be a fun game to play with the television off. I have some examples that I will send you.

Do some things you have always wanted to but lacked the time or money for while the children were growing up. For instance, think about what kind of holidays you might have now or how you might spend an evening out.

Consider doing something just for fun, ride a roller coater or go bowling.

With no children in the house, sex can be more spontaneous and interesting. Invest in a good sex book and follow some of the ideas in it. Put whole evenings aside for rekindling the passion.

Congratulate yourselves on arriving at this stage of your lives together. Many couples don't get this far so be proud that you made it through babyhood, toddlers and the terrible teens in one piece.

Take a little time to reconnect and your relationship will grow in strength.

Good luck.

PRINCESSES LOOK FOR WORK

When Nepal, once the only Hindu kingdom in the world, became a secular republic two years ago, the former crown prince and heir to the throne, Paras Bir Bikram Shah, chose self-imposed exile in Singapore.But the younger princesses have proven more adaptable, with four forging distinct new roles.

In April her book, "Facing My Phantoms," will be released

by India's Rupa Publications. It provides a fictionalized chronicle of the royal family's sufferings in the 2001 palace massacres and marks her third novel.

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 The Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Uranus all in your sign for the first time since 1928.

Whatever you feel it might seem to others that you're wired! If you don't suffer fools gladly at the best of times, then now you could be so, so impatient. On the plus side you could also tap into reserves of courage and bravery that leaves others breathless.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 The Sun has now moved into Aries and reached an Equinox. It's reasonable then to expect a change of pace. In this instance any effect could be magnified. This time there's rather more negativity around than usual - at least until the Moon changes signs on Wednesday.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Hold on to the thought that the next solar eclipse (June 1st) is in Gemini: a sure indicator that 2011 will bring fast-moving developments. They could all start now. Your thoughts and ideas help. That said, practicalities must be considered. Initially it might seem that others pour cold water over everything you propose.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 It might be as well to view the next four weeks as 'weird'. Planet-wise they are unusual essentially because of the accent on the sign of Aries but also because Neptune moves into another Water sign. The fact is though that there are some things over which you have little control - however much you may want to have.

Leo July 23 - August 22 The number of planets in another of the Fire signs (Aries) is unusual. Getting what you think you want comes obligation (which you might not enjoy so much). This could be an uncomfortable time initially. Post Thursday, and thanks to the efforts of someone who lives long-distance, your mood could change though

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Post Saturday's Full Moon in your sign and the Equinox you might wish cosmic time off for good behaviour. Though some might feel you're being negative, the fact is that you need to know more about a situation before you can move it forward. Though before the weekend you may be swamped with brochures, pamphlets and ideas.

Libra September 23 - October 22 True, Saturn is moving through your sign.

There's a bigger accent on your opposite sign however - and that could leave you feeling you're at the beck and call of others and, to some extent, clearing up after them.

It would be understandable if you were a little moody as the week begins.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 You may need to think fast, fast, and faster as this week begins. It's probable your routine will be thrown. You can scream and shout, of course, but it's probable events have a momentum of their own and that there's little you can do to stop them. Yes, you may need to deal with disappointment or even displacement.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 So now we have the Sun, Mercury, Uranus and your ruling planet, Jupiter, all in another of the Fire signs - and yes, a tiger could be in your tank. The ideal option would be if you could go places. However, it's as likely that others will make a bee-line to your front door.

There is danger that you could slip on a financial banana skin.

Sheeba Shivangini Shah

NEED HELP? Comisi贸n para la investigaci贸n de malos tratos a mujeres (Research Comission for Violence Against Women) Tel: 900 100 009 Monday through Friday from 9:00 to 21:00

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 What the planets would like you to do now is change direction. If you're listening and agreeable that's fine. If not, then circumstances could conspire to push you out from your present situation - which might not be so pleasant. It's not that long since there was an eclipse in your sign - another signal for change.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 What's happening quite literally 'next door' may be of more than passing interest.

Upheaval could concern you greatly. The issues of boundaries and how blurred they've become could dominate much of the conversation.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 There's a David and Goliath look to this week - with considerable attention being given to those who're making the most noise and demanding that 'something be done'. And yes, the financial stakes could be very high.

37

Friday, 1st April, 2011

WHAT’S ON THE TELLY..?

QI

Four Weddings

BBC 1 Friday, April 1st, 2011 9:30pm to 10:00pm Stephen Fry hosts the quiz show in which contestants are rewarded more if their answers are 'quite interesting'.

Sky Living Sunday, April 3rd, 2011 11:00pm to 12:00pm The wedding reality contest returns, and this week has a traditional Jewish wedding, a military-themed bash, a pub celebration and a food-centric do for a pair of chefs.

Benidorm

Fringe

ITV1 Friday, April 1st, 2011 109:00pm to 11:00pm Comedy series set in Benidorm at the Solana all-inclusive resort which is peopled with regulars and holiday makers on their first journey abroad.

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011 12:00pm to 01:00am Reciprocity. Series 3, episode 11 Walter turns to Nina for added brain power in order to understand Peter's relationship with the super weapon. An intense investigation is triggered as well.

38

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Friday 1st April 00:35 The Big Squeeze: Panorama 01:05 Countryfile 02:05 Antiques Roadshow 03:05 Rip Off Britain 03:35 My Big Fat Fake Wedding: Panorama 04:35 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 A Hundred Years of Us 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes 11:30 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 32 Brinkburn Street 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Deadly 60 15:35 Deadly 60 Bite Size 15:40 Deadly Art 15:55 Shaun the Sheep 16:00 Dani’s House 16:30 Tracy Beaker Returns 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 Rip Off Britain 20:00 EastEnders 20:30 QI 21:00 New Tricks 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 Michael McIntyre: Live & Laughing 23:35 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 23:50 Halloween H20: 20 Years Later 23:50 Weatherview BBC2 00:20 BBC News 00:30 BBC World News America 01:00 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer

02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Record 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Our World 04:00 Secondary Schools - GCSE Bitesize: Philosophy & Ethics 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:25 The Large Family 06:40 Little Robots 06:50 Rastamouse 07:00 Beat the Boss 07:25 Newsround 07:35 Dennis and Gnasher 08:00 The Sparticle Mystery 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Numberjacks 09:10 The Koala Brothers 09:25 Big Barn Farm 09:40 Little Human Planet 09:45 Timmy Time 09:55 3rd & Bird 10:05 Postman Pat 10:20 Pingu 10:25 64 Zoo Lane 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 Meerkat Manor 12:00 Daily Politics 12:30 GMT with George Alagiah 13:00 Diagnosis Murder 13:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:30 Restoration Roadshow 15:00 Flog It! 15:45 Helicopter Heroes 16:30 Pointless 17:15 Escape to the Country 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Royal Upstairs Downstairs

19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:50

Britain by Bike An Island Parish Mastermind Gardeners’ World The British at Work Frank Skinner’s Opinionated Newsnight The Review Show London to Brighton

ITV 00:05 Grimefighters 00:30 The Zone 02:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 03:30 Charities in Crisis: Tonight 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 The Chase 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Coronation Street 20:00 Children’s Hospital 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Benidorm 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather

UNREPORTED WORLD Ten-year-old Justin has a haunted look as he shyly tells reporter Aidan Hartley that all he really wants to do is play football with the other kids in his village. His awkwardness is as pitiable as it is understandable. He's been rescued from the Congolese rainforest, where rebels made him fight as a soldier

22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 The Cube 23:35 Take Me Out C4 00:05 Music on 4 Favourites: James Blunt 00:40 The Great Escape Festival 01:05 Japan’s Tsunami: How it Happened 02:00 Dispatches: BP - In Deep Water 02:55 Unreported World 03:20 Hill Street Blues 04:10 Without a Trace 04:55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:20 Countdown 06:05 Sali Mali 06:10 Max Bear 06:25 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:40 Friends 09:10 Supernanny USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Gok’s Fashion Fix 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Designers Under Pressure 12:25 The Thief 14:05 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 15:55 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News

19:25 19:30 20:00 Away 21:00 22:00 22:30 23:35

4thought.tv Unreported World A Place in the Sun: Home or Embarrassing Bodies Friday Night Dinner Rude Tube: Rude Tunes 10 O’Clock Live

C5 00:05 SuperCasino 04:05 The FBI Files 04:55 Animal Rescue Squad 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Little Princess 07:10 Mio Mao 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Hana’s Helpline 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Brighton Beach Patrol 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 The Family Recipe 15:15 Honeymoon with Mom 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Fifth Gear 20:00 Ice Road Truckers 21:00 The Mentalist 22:00 Law & Order 22:55 CSI: Miami 23:55 Cops in Crisis

39

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Saturday 2nd April 01:15 Natural World 02:15 Baking Made Easy 02:45 The Boat That Guy Built 03:15 BBC News 03:30 Click 03:45 Newswatch 04:00 BBC News 04:30 The Bottom Line 05:00 BBC News 06:00 Breakfast 10:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 11:45 Football Focus 12:30 Match of the Day Live 14:55 Galaxy Quest 16:30 Final Score 17:15 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 17:30 All New Total Wipeout: The Awards 18:30 So You Think You Can Dance 19:30 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune 20:25 Casualty 21:15 Live at the Apollo 22:00 BBC News; Weather 22:20 Match of the Day 23:45 The Football League Show BBC2 01:10 01:30 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:15 06:00 06:10 06:25 06:35

BBC News The Bottom Line BBC News The Record Review BBC News Close Finley the Fire Engine Zigby The Large Family Little Robots

06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 One Minute Wonders 07:30 Arthur 08:00 Fee Fi Fo Yum 08:30 Project Parent 09:00 Dick & Dom’s Funny Business 10:00 Trapped Ever After 10:25 OOglies 10:45 Copycats 11:15 My Life 11:45 MOTD Kickabout 12:00 Coast 12:15 Diagnosis Murder 13:00 The Prince and the Showgirl 14:55 Priceless Antiques Roadshow 15:25 Escape to the Country 16:25 Flog It! 16:55 Carry On Again Doctor 18:20 Dad’s Army 18:50 Welsh Greats 19:20 The Last Goon Show of All 20:00 Edward VII: Prince of Pleasure 21:00 Goldie’s Band: By Royal Appointment 22:00 The Tudors 22:55 Nurse Jackie 23:25 ICC Cricket World Cup Highlights

00:30 The Zone 02:35 In Plain Sight 03:20 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Mini CITV 07:25 CITV 09:25 Coronation Street 11:45 This Morning: Saturday 12:45 Monk 13:40 ITV News and Weather 13:44 Meridian Weather 13:45 You’ve Been Framed!

14:15 Like Mike 16:05 Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles 17:45 Meridian News and Weather 17:55 ITV News and Weather 18:10 New You’ve Been Framed!

18:40 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Compilation 19:10 Ant & Dec’s Push the Button 20:25 Live Celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?: Mother’s Day Special 21:40 Wanted 23:45 ITV News and Weather 23:59 Meridian Weather

00:40 Mercury Prize Sessions 00:55 4Play: Beardy Man 01:10 I love Huckabees 02:55 My Name Is Earl 03:40 Kiki’s Delivery Service 05:20 Countdown 06:10 Sali Mali 06:15 The Hoobs 07:05 FIM Superbike World Championship 07:30 The Grid 08:00 The Morning Line 09:00 Friends 09:30 Rio: T4 Movie Special 10:00 Friends 10:30 Glee 11:25 Great British Hairdresser 12:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:25 That Paralympic Show 13:55 Channel 4 Racing 15:55 The Secret Supper Club 16:25 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 18:30 Channel 4 News 18:55 4thought.tv 19:00 River Cottage Every Day 20:00 Seven Ages of Britain 21:00 The Transporter 2 22:35 Stand Up for the Week 23:25 Nine to Five

C4

C5

ITV

THE SEA CHASE One of the more peculiar items on John Wayne's CV, this Second World War adventure sees him play a German sea captain.

However, the real villain of the piece is first mate Lyle Bettger, whose murder of some defenceless fishermen prompts British naval officer David Farrar to pursue Wayne's freighter across the Pacific.

00:10 SuperCasino 03:55 The FBI Files 04:45 Motorsport Mundial 05:10 Fifth Gear 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Peppa Pig 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 06:25 Fireman Sam 06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 06:50 The Beeps 07:00 Mio Mao 07:10 Chiro 07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:30 Make Way for Noddy 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:55 Little Princess 08:05 Roobarb and Custard Too 08:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 08:30 Play!

08:45 Rupert Bear 09:00 Olivia 09:15 The Mr Men Show 09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10:00 Meals in Moments 10:10 Fifth Gear 10:40 The Gadget Show 11:40 Megastructures: Extreme Bridge Demolition 12:45 Up Periscope 14:55 The Sea Chase 17:05 Anzio 19:20 5 News Weekend 19:25 NCIS 20:20 CSI: Grissom’s Greatest 21:15 CSI: NY 22:15 CSI: Miami 23:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

40

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Sunday 3rd April 01:10 BBC News 01:30 On the Road with a Concert Pianist 02:00 BBC News 02:30 HARDtalk 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Our World 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click 05:00 BBC News 05:30 The Record Europe 06:00 Breakfast 07:30 Match of the Day 09:00 The Andrew Marr Show 10:00 The Big Questions 11:00 Country Tracks 12:00 The Politics Show 13:05 EastEnders 15:00 Bargain Hunt 15:30 Escape to the Country 16:30 Points of View 16:45 Songs of Praise 17:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:00 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers 18:30 The Boat That Guy Built 19:00 Countryfile 20:00 Antiques Roadshow 21:00 Waking the Dead 22:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 22:25 Imagine: The Trouble with Tolstoy 23:25 The Last Station BBC2 00:25 Frank Skinner’s Opinionated 00:55 The Rainbow 02:40 Close

06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:25 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 One Minute Wonders 07:30 Arthur 08:00 Fee Fi Fo Yum 08:30 Gimme a Break 09:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 09:30 Cop School 10:00 Something for the Weekend 11:30 MasterChef 12:30 Live MotoGP 14:05 Viva Knievel!

15:45 The Gumball Rally 17:30 The Truth About Lions 18:30 Jackie Stewart: The Flying Scot 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Louis Theroux: America’s Most Hated Family in Crisis 22:00 Match of the Day 2 23:00 Football League Trophy Final 23:40 Awaydays

02:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Mini CITV 07:25 CITV 09:25 May the Best House Win 10:25 House Gift 11:30 This Morning: Sunday 12:30 Dinner Date 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:34 Meridian Weather 13:35 Columbo: Old Fashioned Murder 15:05 Torvill and Dean’s Dancing on Ice Tour 2010 16:05 Midsomer Murders 18:10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Compilation 18:35 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 The Cube 20:00 Lewis 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:14 Meridian Weather 22:15 The Bucket List

ITV

C4

00:00 The Zone 02:05 Swingtown

01:30 Sex in the 80s: Pop Sex 02:25 Privileged

LEWIS New series. Oxford's last-surviving all-female college is holding a reunion to bid farewell to one of its most prominent professors.

However, the evening leads to tragedy when a guest is found murdered, and Lewis is convinced the killing is connected to an attack that occurred at the same institution 10 years previously.

03:50 Ugly Betty 04:35 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:00 Countdown 05:45 Yo Gabba Gabba!

06:10 The Hoobs 07:00 Freesports on 4 07:30 Crunchtime 07:55 The Crush 08:25 Friends 09:25 Hollyoaks 11:55 Glee 12:55 The Simpsons 13:55 Four in a Bed 16:25 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Time Team 18:30 Channel 4 News 18:55 4thought.tv 19:00 Come Dine with Me 20:00 Civilization: Is the West History?

21:00 Country House Rescue 22:00 The Magdalene Sisters C5 00:15 04:00 04:50 05:00 05:10

SuperCasino The FBI Files Meals in Moments Hana’s Helpline The Milkshake! Show

05:35 Thomas & Friends 05:45 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Peppa Pig 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 06:25 Fireman Sam 06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 06:50 The Beeps 07:00 Mio Mao 07:10 Chiro 07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:30 Noddy in Toyland 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 08:20 Hana’s Helpline 08:30 Family!

08:40 Milkshake Monkey 08:45 Rupert Bear 09:00 Olivia 09:15 The Mr Men Show 09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10:00 Nigel Marven’s Rhino Adventure 11:05 Andre Rieu in New York 12:05 Ice Road Truckers 13:05 Emergency Bikers 14:05 Prince Charming 15:50 13 Going on 30 17:45 5 News Weekend 17:50 High School Musical 3: Senior Year 20:10 Just Married 22:00 Two Weeks Notice

41

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Monday 4th April 01:10 The Sky at Night 01:35 MasterChef 02:35 Holby City 03:35 Men of Rock 04:35 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Neighbourhood Blues 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes 11:30 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Justice 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Dennis and Gnasher 15:45 Deadly Art 16:00 Sadie J 16:30 Blue Peter 16:55 Shaun the Sheep 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 Bang Goes the Theory 20:00 EastEnders 20:30 Finished at Fifty? Panorama 21:00 Waking the Dead 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 A Question of Sport 23:05 Late Kick Off 23:35 The Big Easy BBC2 01:20 01:30 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:30 04:00 04:30

BBC News Reporters BBC News Dateline London BBC News The Record Europe BBC News HARDtalk

04:35 05:05 06:00 06:10 06:20 06:35 06:45 07:00 07:25 07:30 07:50 08:00 08:30 08:55 It 09:05 09:15 09:30 09:50 10:00 10:15 10:35 10:45 11:05 11:35 12:00 12:30 13:00 13:45 14:30 15:00 15:45 16:30 17:15 18:00 18:30 19:00 Heart

The Super League Show Close Finley the Fire Engine Zigby The Large Family Little Robots Charlie and Lola Little Howard’s Big Question Newsround What’s New Scooby-Doo? League of Super Evil The Sparticle Mystery LazyTown Bob the Builder: Project Build The Koala Brothers Guess with Jess Big & Small Grandpa in My Pocket Mightymites Postman Pat 64 Zoo Lane Waybuloo In the Night Garden Meerkat Manor Daily Politics GMT with George Alagiah Diagnosis Murder To Buy or Not to Buy Real Rescues Cash in the Celebrity Attic Flog It! Pointless Escape to the Country Eggheads Great British Menu The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild

20:00 University Challenge 20:30 Lambing Live 22:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Louis Theroux: America’s Most Hated Family in Crisis ITV 00:05 Premiership Rugby Union 00:50 The Zone 02:00 DOA: Dead or Alive 03:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Coronation Street 20:00 The Dales 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Law & Order: UK 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Real Crime: A Shot in the

LAMBING LIVE New series. Kate Humble and Adam Henson reveal the challenges and risks faced by sheep and their owners on a farm during lambing season, as they prepare to deliver and rear a flock of newborn lambs. The presenters meet the Marstons as they prepare for the new arrivals, and Kate learns about the harsh conditions of hill farming, while Adam shares his findings after travelling the UK to learn more about sheep.

Dark 23:35 River Monsters

23:05 The Event C5

C4 00:15 Lost in Translation 02:05 Amelia and Michael 02:15 Never Did Me Any Harm 03:15 The Play’s the Thing 04:10 Without a Trace 04:55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:20 Countdown 06:05 Sali Mali 06:10 Max Bear 06:25 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:10 Supernanny USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Relocation, Relocation 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 River Cottage Bites 12:10 Jamie at Home 12:35 Sea Wife 14:10 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Dispatches: Cashing in on Degrees 21:00 One Born Every Minute 22:00 Heston’s 70s Feast

00:00 The Simon Cowell Factor 01:00 SuperCasino 04:00 The FBI Files 04:50 Meals in Moments 05:00 Hana’s Helpline 05:10 The Milkshake! Show 05:35 Thomas & Friends 05:45 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Little Princess 07:10 Roobarb and Custard Too 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:10 Milkshake Monkey 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Hana’s Helpline 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 The Blasters 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 Recipe for Revenge 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 How Do They Do It? 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Executive Decision 23:45 Undisputed

42

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Tuesday 5th April 01:20 MasterChef 02:20 Silk 03:20 Arctic with Bruce Parry 04:20 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Neighbourhood Blues 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes 11:30 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Justice 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Dead Gorgeous 16:30 Blue Peter 16:55 Shaun the Sheep 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Party Political Broadcast 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Holby City 21:00 Candy Cabs 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 See You in Court 23:25 The World’s Worst Place to Be Gay? BBC2 00:20 An Island Parish 00:50 BBC World News America 01:00 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Record 03:00 BBC News 03:30 The Bottom Line 04:00 Secondary Schools: GCSE Bitesize - English

06:00 06:10 06:20 06:35 06:45 07:00 07:25 07:30 07:50 08:00 08:30 08:55 It 09:05 09:15 09:30 09:50 10:00 10:15 10:35 10:45 11:05 11:35 12:00 12:30 12:55 13:40 14:25 14:55 15:40 16:25 17:10 17:55 18:00 18:30 19:00 Heart 20:00 21:00

Finley the Fire Engine Zigby The Large Family Little Robots Charlie and Lola Little Howard’s Big Question Newsround What’s New Scooby-Doo? League of Super Evil Copycats LazyTown Bob the Builder: Project Build The Koala Brothers Guess with Jess Big & Small Grandpa in My Pocket Mightymites Postman Pat 64 Zoo Lane Waybuloo In the Night Garden Meerkat Manor Daily Politics GMT with George Alagiah Diagnosis Murder To Buy or Not to Buy Real Rescues Cash in the Celebrity Attic Flog It! Pointless Escape to the Country Party Political Broadcast Eggheads Great British Menu The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild Lambing Live Filthy Cities

22:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Perfume: the Story of a Murderer ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 UEFA Champions League Weekly 03:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:25 Party Election Broadcast 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Grimefighters 20:00 Countrywise 21:00 Smugglers 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 The Matrix

FILTHY CITIES New series. Dan Snow embarks on a grimefilled journey through the histories of three of the world's leading modern cities. He begins with London, using CGI footage and reenactments to experience life in the capital in the 14th century. He spends a night as a medieval muck-raker, and tries on a pair of wooden platform shoes designed to elevate the wearer above the filth that covered the streets.

C4

C5

00:05 The Album Chart Show Introduces - Katy B 00:20 4Play: Gypsy and the Cat 00:40 European Poker Tour 01:35 Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day 02:30 Royal Deaths and Diseases 03:25 Codex 04:20 The Bible: A History 05:15 Ugly Betty 06:00 The Treacle People 06:10 Max Bear 06:25 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:40 Friends 09:10 Supernanny USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 The Quiller Memorandum 14:05 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 21:00 Katie: My Beautiful Friends 22:00 Campus 23:10 Pete Versus Life 23:45 School of Comedy

01:30 SuperCasino 04:05 The FBI Files 04:55 Animal Rescue Squad 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Little Princess 07:10 Mio Mao 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:10 Milkshake Monkey 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:25 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Hana’s Helpline 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 The Blasters 12:05 Meals in Moments 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 NYC: Tornado Terror 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Extraordinary Dogs 20:00 Tsunami: British Search & Rescue 21:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 22:00 CSI: Miami 22:55 CSI: NY 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

43

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Wednesday 6th April 00:30 Michel Roux’s Service 01:30 Bang Goes the Winter Weather Special 02:30 Who Does What?

03:30 Life in a Cottage Garden with Carol Klein 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Neighbourhood Blues 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes 11:30 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Justice 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Trade Your Way to the USA 16:30 MI High 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Party Election Broadcast 19:00 The One Show 19:30 The Boat That Guy Built 20:00 Waterloo Road 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 22:45 Would I Lie to You? 23:15 Just Friends BBC2 01:35 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Record 03:00 BBC News 03:30 On the Road with a Brain Scientist 04:00 Secondary Schools: GCSE

Bitesize Revision - English Literature 1 05:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision English Literature 2 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Postman Pat 10:35 64 Zoo Lane 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 Meerkat Manor 12:00 Daily Politics 13:00 See Hear 13:40 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:25 Real Rescues 14:55 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 15:40 Flog It! 16:25 Pointless 17:10 Escape to the Country 17:55 Party Election Broadcast 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild

Heart 20:00 21:00 White 22:00 22:30 23:20

Lambing Live The Crimson Petal and the Have I Got Old News for You Newsnight Golf: The Masters

ITV 01:00 The Zone 03:05 Crossing Jordan 03:50 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:25 Party Election Broadcast 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 UEFA Champions League Live 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time 23:35 Smugglers

GREAT BRITISH MENU

North East chefs Stephanie Moon, Andrew Pern and Tim Bilton prepare their main courses, including Haymaker's twice-baked Nidderdale lamb with Bluemin white potatoes and gravy, suckling pig with pork pies, black pudding Scotch eggs and sticky spare ribs, and a roast stuffed suckling pig with summer vegetables.

C4

C5

00:15 UK & Ireland Poker Tour 01:15 Freesports on 4 01:40 The Grid 02:05 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:30 Sailing 02:55 ITU Triathlon World Cup Magazine 03:50 Beach Volleyball 04:45 Crunchtime 05:10 Full Metal Challenge 06:10 Max Bear 06:25 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Country House Rescue 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Gallipoli 14:10 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Vacation, Vacation, Vacation 20:30 Superscrimpers: Waste Not Want Not 21:00 Jamie’s Dream School 22:00 The Model Agency 23:05 The Big Bang Theory 23:40 The Big C

00:55 SuperCasino 04:05 The FBI Files 04:55 Rough Guide to Beaches 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Little Princess 07:10 Mio Mao 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:10 Milkshake Monkey 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:25 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Hana’s Helpline 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Great Railway Adventures with Dan Cruickshank 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Meals in Moments 15:15 The Hollywood Mom’s Mystery 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Starlight: For the Children 20:00 Emergency Bikers 21:00 NCIS 22:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 22:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Poker: Aussie Millions

44

Friday, 1st April, 2011

Thursday 7th April 00:45 See Hear 01:15 Country Tracks 02:15 Natural World 03:15 Baking Made Easy 03:45 Great British Railway Journeys 04:15 BBC News 04:30 The Big Squeeze: Panorama 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Neighbourhood Blues 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Britain’s Empty Homes 11:30 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Justice 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Project Parent 16:30 My Life: Ballet Boys 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Party Political Broadcast 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Watchdog 21:00 New Tricks 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 Question Time 23:35 This Week BBC2 00:20 BBC News 00:30 HARDtalk 01:00 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 The Record 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Click

04:00 GCSE Bitesize English Literature 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Postman Pat 10:35 64 Zoo Lane 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 Meerkat Manor 12:00 Daily Politics 12:30 GMT with George Alagiah 13:00 Diagnosis Murder 13:45 Racing from Aintree 16:30 Pointless 17:15 Escape to the Country 17:55 Party Political Broadcast 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 David Attenborough’s First Life 20:00 Lambing Live 21:00 A History of Celtic Britain

22:00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Filthy Cities ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 Spartacus 04:05 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:25 Party Election Broadcast 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 The True Price of a Pint: Tonight 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Monroe 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Benidorm 23:35 Celebrity Grimefighters

WATCHDOG New series. Anne Robinson, Matt Allwright and Chris Hollins return with the investigation show that exposes rogue traders and fights for consumers' rights. They begin by revealing the supermarket tricks that make prices seem cheaper than they really are, and examine private parking companies that are reportedly buying personal details from the DVLA.

C4 00:15 Abbey Road Debuts 00:30 The Album Chart Show Spotlight 00:45 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:00 Russian Standard Vodka Originals Presents 01:10 The Frontier House 02:05 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind 04:15 Ugly Betty 05:00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:25 Countdown 06:10 Max Bear 06:20 The Hoobs 07:15 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 The Restoration Man 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 River Cottage Bites 12:15 The Colditz Story 14:05 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Three in a Bed 21:00 Dad’s Having a Baby: A Bodyshock Special

22:00 10 O’Clock Live 23:05 Friday Night Dinner 23:35 The Ricky Gervais Show C5 00:55 SuperCasino 04:05 The FBI Files 04:55 Rough Guide to Cities 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Little Princess 07:10 Mio Mao 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Great Railway Adventures with Dan Cruickshank 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 The Last Chance 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:30 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:25 How Do They Do It? 19:55 Live UEFA Europa League Football 22:00 Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story

45

Friday, 1st April, 2011

SPORT ON THE BOX All the top sport on TV in your Good News ‘paper Saturday 2nd April Football 13:30 West Ham United v Manchester United Barclays Premier League Sky Sports 2 (13:30-15:30) 17:45 Arsenal v Blackburn Barclays Premier League ESPN (17:45-20:45) Rugby Union 18:30 Harlequins v Leicester Aviva Premiership Sky Sports 2 (18:0020:30)

Sunday 3rd April Football 14:00 Fulham v Blackpool Barclays Premier League Sky Sports 1 (14:0016:00) 16:30 Manchester City v Sunderland Barclays Premier League Sky Sports 1 (16:30-18:30) Golf 19:00 Day 4 Shell Houston Open Sky Sports 3 (19:00-00:00) Rugby 14:30 Saracens v Bath Aviva Premiership ESPN (14:30-17:30)

BALE OUT!

Wales go down at home and Brazil dazzle at the Emirates LONG BALLS

by Malcolm Palmer Long Balls, this week will not be so long as usual – there having been no football to speak of. OK, internationals, I know – but who cares that Germany beat Kazakhstan in a European qualifier? Last time I looked at an atlas, Kazakhstan, and a few more ‘stans’ – and Israel, for that matter – were in Asia anyway.

Well at least it doesn’t look like Özil got injured.

England overcame the might of Bale-less Wales, underlining the need for a GB team, and there have been calls for Capello’s head. Dunno why, he can only do his best with a pretty ordinary bunch of players.

Until top English teams have more English players in their ranks, it’s going to be tough.

Northern Ireland did well to scrape home against Macedonia, but Scotland had only a friendly – against Brazil! Ah well, they can’t be faulted for lack of ambition.

Here the second division held all the attention and Celta fell down on their seemingly simple task of overcoming

Recreativo to catch up on the leaders, getting a 3-0 pasting at home.

Elche and Cartagena gained ground, both winning, to stay firmly in the play-off zone, though a long way adrift of leaders Rayo Vallecano, who squeezed home against Betis, their deadly rivals.

Mention is due to Real Murcia – although relegated to division 2B last term, they are proving nearinvincible there, with a 5-0 win over Ceuta their most recent result. The club’s goalie, Alberto Cifuentes, is, in fact, the most successful ‘keeper in the nation, having only conceded sixteen league goals this season. An early return to the second division is anticipated – historically, Murcia have the highest number of points garnered by any club in the second division, in front of Sporting and Hercules.

46

Friday, 1st April, 2011

SPORTS ROUND-UP With Mick Hardy from Kidease ets. We only got there by other teams not takSPORT FIXTURES ing advantage of our shocking show all the way through the tournament. So this weekend we have the final on Saturday 11.00am here in Spain. I would make Sri Lanka about favourites to win as they have to play New Zealand in the Semi Final they have been the surprise side in the event knocking out South Africa in the Quarters. The big one of the Semi Finals is the India verses Pakistan what a game for that part of the world and so close to call a winner. Now we have the summer season to look forward to in England with the county Championships starting on the 8th April.

WHEEEL TO WHEEL AT 100mph!

Moto GP Round two this weekend comes to Jerez here in Spain, the scene of Lorenzo's victorious battle with Pedrosa for home glory last year, the world champion will certainly be fighting for a win this time round, in front of an expected 120,000-strong crowd.

Pedrosa, meanwhile, will want revenge for last year and may have been feeling confident after a winter campaign that could not have gone much better. His elation in testing was not only due to the strength of the bike but the fact he was in good shape himself, this being the first time in years that he had not started the season with technical problems or an injury.

MotoGP Round 2, Jerez: Sunday

TV BBC 13.30

Formula 1 The delayed season got under last weekend with the Australian GP from Albert’s Park Melbourne. What can I say about the race lost an hour sleep with the clocks then up at 7am And what a disappointing race all over after the first three laps. Great race from the world champion but with such a tight circuit there was limited over taking so not good at all.

Let just hope that the next race is better when they move on to Sepang for the Malaysian Grand Prix on April 8th another early start.

Cricket World Cup 2011 So we are finally out of this World cup beaten in the quarter finals by Sri Lanka and what a way to go out getting hammered by 10 wick-

Golf Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill Florida Martin Laird defied the challenge of American Steve Marino over the final round of the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill to win by a single shot.

Laird became the first European to win at Bay Hill in its 33-year history and completed a successful day for Scottish golf after countryman Paul Lawrie, the 1999 Open champion, won the European Tour's Andalucian Open to end his nine-year victory drought.

Former world number one Tiger Woods finished on one under after a level-par 72 in Florida, but insisted he could still win a fifth Masters title in April.

Men’s European Tour Paul Lawrie won his first tournament since 2002 with a one-shot victory at the Andalucía Open in Malaga on Sunday. The 1999 Open winner led by one shot at the start of the day but fell three strokes behind over the front nine.

However, he birdied 10, 11, 12 and 14 and could even afford a dropped shot at the last as he held off Sweden's Johan Edfors and Chile's Felipe Aguilar.

This week the tour moves on to Morocco LPGA Ladies Tour GAL WINS KIA CLASSIC Sandra Gal outlasted world No. 2 Jiyai Shin to earn her first LPGA victory at the Kia Classic.

Gal hit a wedge from 83 yards to two feet for birdie on the 18th hole to defeat Shin by a stroke and become the only First-Time winner of 2011.

LOCAL SPORT

Out on Weds!

Rafal CF 4 v 2 San Fulgencio CF Sponsored by 900telecom.com On what must be one of the smallest pitches in their league the Saints found it hard going against a Rafal team four points above them in the league.

Next Sunday the Saints host Deportivo Orihuela kick-off 12:00 see web site for further details www.sanfulgenciocf.com

Saturday, 9 April 2011 Wolverhampton v Everton, 13:45 Blackburn v Birmingham, 16:00 Bolton v West Ham, 16:00 Chelsea v Wigan, 16:00 Man Utd v Fulham, 16:00 Sunderland v West Brom, 16:00 Tottenham v Stoke, 16:00 Sunday, 10 April 2011 Blackpool v Arsenal, 14:30 Aston Villa v Newcastle, 17:00 Monday, 11 April 2011 Liverpool v Man City, 21:00 Saturday, 17 April 2011 Birmingham v Sunderland, 16:00 Blackpool v Wigan, 16:00 Everton v Blackburn, 16:00 West Brom v Chelsea, 16:00 West Ham v Aston Villa, 16:00 Sunday, 18 April 2011 Man City OFF Tottenham, 14:30 Arsenal v Liverpool, 17:00 Wednesday, 21 April 2011 Chelsea v Birmingham, 20:45 Tottenham v Arsenal, 20:45 Saturday, 23 April 2011 Man Utd v Everton, 13:45 Aston Villa v Stoke, 16:00 Blackpool v Newcastle, 16:00 Liverpool v Birmingham, 16:00 Sunderland v Wigan, 16:00 Tottenham v West Brom, 16:00 Wolverhampton v Fulham, 16:00 Chelsea v West Ham, 18:30 Sunday, 24 April 2011 Bolton v Arsenal, 17:00 Monday, 25 April 2011 Blackburn v Man City, 21:00 Saturday, 30 April 2011 Blackburn v Bolton, 16:00 Blackpool v Stoke, 16:00 Sunderland v Fulham, 16:00 West Brom v Aston Villa, 16:00 Wigan v Everton, 16:00 Chelsea v Tottenham, 18:30 Sunday, 1 May 2011 Birmingham v Wolverhampton, 13:00 Liverpool v Newcastle, 13:00 Arsenal v Man Utd, 15:05 Man City v West Ham, 17:10

Orihuela Costa F.C. Childrens Football Orihuela Costa F. C. 2 v 8 Benejuzar C.F. Costa left it late but on 64 mins Joey Simpson hit home and Jordan Clayton added another on 68 mins but there was not enough time for an equaliser and Costa F.C. finished 2nd best to their local rivals.

For further information on Orihuela Costa F.C. contact Club Secretary George on : 679 77 44 88 or visit www.orihuelacostafc.com Cadetes Veja Baja League Cup. Sponsored By: Morgans Bar & Amber Pools.

Saturday, 7 May 2011 Aston Villa v Wigan, 16:00 Bolton v Sunderland, 16:00 Everton v Man City, 16:00 Fulham v Liverpool, 16:00 Man Utd v Chelsea, 16:00 Newcastle v Birmingham, 16:00 Stoke v Arsenal, 16:00 Tottenham v Blackpool, 16:00 West Ham v Blackburn, 16:00 Wolverhampton v West Brom, 16:00

47

Friday, 1st April, 2011

ELCHE FLYING! Elche win five on the bounce and can now start preparing for the play-offs

ELCHE 1 v 0 TENERIFE Twenty three years is a long time for most teams, but for Elche must feel like a lifetime. It was during 1987/88 season that they last achieved five back to back wins and coincidently the last time they won promotion to the first division.

Manger Bordalas, reluctant to discuss club history and promotion possibilities when interviewed last week, did seem relaxed and happy, and during their daily training sessions smiles were evident throughout.

Having to manage a depilated Elche squad, now down to 21 full time professionals, everyone looked optimistic even though an air thick with expectation hung low over the Martinez Valero stadium prior to meeting third from bottom club Tenerife, last Sunday.

The Canary Islanders came to the mainland with nothing to show from their previous 4 games, relegated last season after a year in La Liga, the Islanders were fighting for their lives. Elche on the other hand, sitting comfortably at the opposite end of the

table, with a play-off spot beckoning, needed only to break their long standing record to keep them in contact with Betis, Rayo, Celta, near neighbours Cartagena and hopes of finding the holy grail of football; a season with Spain's elite....or should I say Madrid and Barca.

It’s a shame that only a meagre five thousand turned up for last Sunday afternoons encounter. The club's board mistakenly announcing mid-week, that season ticket holders would have to pay a supplement to see the game (clubs are allowed to designate 3 home fixtures per season as means of raising extra cash) a decision that appeared to anger the faithful.

Due to the hour change the game kicked off baked in the warm afternoon sun, the visitors, whilst from hotter climes, were made to sweat from the start. During the whole of the first forty five minutes the small crowd witnessed an Elche not often seen, superb, slick, fast football intent on giving Tenerife a drumming.

The visitors meanwhile never gave the

impression of a team fighting for survival, mediocre and lacking any personality, a total contrast to the home side.

Elche's tireless Kike Mateo set the pace working down both wings and often seen in midfield creating problems for the visitors, a corner in the seventeenth minute neatly struck by Palanca found Kike Mateo unmarked, his glancing header put Elche in front. Minutes later Mateo was almost on the score sheet again, a shot an inch lower would have seen the ball hit the bottom side of the bar, but the shot rebounded up into the setting sun.

Whilst the home side had most of the play, the visitors were not without chances, ex Elche favourite Nino, made keeper Jaime show for the second week running that he's more than earning his money after the departure of his predecessor Caballero to Malaga.

The second half started similarly, but this time the visitors appeared more motivated, if only slightly, applying more pressure on the Elche defence, but they coped well, a

Elche´s Angel tries to cut out a bad back pass to keeper Aragoneses Photo: Mark Welton clear cut penalty by Prieto on Ángel, seen by everyone except referee Sánchez would have made the remaining 15 minutes more palatable for the home crowd.

Tenerife skipper Bertrán and Hidalgo both saw red cards late on and it’s clear that the visitors are a team inherent with problems, skipper Marc Bertrán's verbal exchange with keeper Aragoneses during play and later Ricardo and Álverez almost coming to blows in the tunnel gave witness to the discord that manager Antonio Tapia is going to have to stamp out if this club are to survive.

Elche meanwhile, with fifteen points from a possible fifteen travel to Las Palmas next weekend.

It’s not going to be easy as the pressure builds, and their small squad gives manager Bordalas little room for manoeuvre, with four players only one game off suspension, injuries to Xumetra, Hector Verdes and David Sanchez pending and Linares out for 6 months it’s going to be a tough week ahead.

DROPPED! Friday, 1st April, 2011

48

Not content with losing points LA Liga Hercules have now dumped manager Vigo for a younger man

Miroslav Djukic shows his colours

Vigo was dumped after a run of poor results

BY Mark Welton Football the world over is a ruthless business at the best of times and never more so in Spain where its success or the sack…and both happen fast. Hercules, Alicante’s la liga club sacked manager Esteban Vigo after a home defeat last week against Osasuna, going down 0-4 And so it is after 29 games that Herc find themselves holding up the first division, with only 26 points of which only 4 have come from the second half of the season – so something had to give, and Vigo was the sacrifice.

Coming to the club at the start of the 2009/10 season things started well and he brought some belief back to the team and got them winning matches once more. He did what was demanded by fans and directors and got Hercules back in the top flight

for the first time since 1997 It didn’t look like he knew his job was on the line at the press conference after the Osasuna game when he said he still had the "ganas" (desire) and dreams to continue managing the club, stating that the main problem had been the club’s away form with only one victory and that just happened to be against the mighty Barca…you can’t work it out sometimes.

Vigo was called to a meeting after the game with the club president and his fate was sealed. At eight o’clock that evening the club issued a press release saying he´d been sacked although his contract was valid until June 2012 and that would have to be settled.

Miroslav Djukic New man in charge Serb Miroslav Djukic

was announced as the new boss last Tuesday afternoon, and after a press conference on the Wednesday he settled in to his new role, taking charge of his first training session that evening. But, like Vigo, he will have to get results, and fast, and he will only be in charge initially for the remaining nine games...

Djukic finished his career playing for Tenerife during 2003/4...taking his first managerial position with the Serb under 21. He then went to partisan Belgrade in the first division taking them to second spot but in December he decided not to renew his contract with Belgrade and became Serb national team boss after the sacking of Spanish Javier Clemente.

Djukic has 5 games at home and 4 away to work his magic with his assistant he has brought with him. We wish him the best of luck.