The Courier - Edition 213

Edition 213

www.thecourier.es

Friday 20th March 2015

TEN OF THE WORST CRIMINAL FIENDS HIDING OUT ON THE COSTAS

ALEX TRELINSKI

A

convicted killer and a rapist are among 10 of Britain's most wanted fugitives who are believed to be on the run in Spain. The latest list of shame was published this week as part of Operation Captura, a scheme to trace wanted criminals and suspects who are thought to have fled justice from the UK and are hiding out in Spain.

The 10 men are wanted in connection with crimes including rape, indecent assault of a child and drug trafficking, the National Crime Agency (NCA) said. One of the fugitives is ex-soldier Shane Walford who was jailed in 2010 for the manslaughter of an off-duty fireman while on leave from the Army. Another of the fugitives is Mohammed Jahangir Alam, 32, who was sentenced to 14 years in his absence in March 2010 for rape and serious sexual assault. Also on the wanted list is 52-year-old Carlo Dawson, from Croydon, south London, who is accused of indecently assaulting a 12-yearold girl and making indecent photographs of a child.

It is the ninth appeal of its kind since Captura was launched by the NCA and Crimestoppers in 2006, and so far 65 out of 76 named suspects have been caught. Hank Cole, the NCA's head of international operations, said: ''Spain is not a safe haven for British fugitives. The NCA and its partners will continue to pursue these individuals relentlessly and return them to the UK to face justice. ''The exceptional level of collaboration and intelligence shar-

News

BABY BODY FOUND The body of a newly born baby has been found on an Alicante Province rubbish tip. The gruesome discovery was made on Monday afternoon at a recycling centre in the Los Cabecicos area of Villena when a worker though he had spotted what appeared to be a doll on the highest point of the tip. read more on page 2

Sport

Pages 44-48

GALIANA SACKED CD Torrevieja has a new manager at the helm, after they sacked Galiana and his staff on Monday.

His replacement is revealed on page 46!

Features ing with the Spanish authorities has been vital to these arrests. However, we still need the support of the public. ''Be our eyes and ears and tell us if you have any information on the whereabouts of our targets.''

Lord Ashcroft, founder of Crimestoppers, said: ''Operation Captura has proved a huge success since it was launched in 2006 and the majority of individuals on our most wanted list have been captured. However, there are still a number of criminals who are evading arrest. We must ensure these individuals are brought to justice. We are confident that we can successfully hunt them down with support from the Spanish authorities, as well as the Spanish and UK public.''

The Freephone number for tips from people calling from Spain is 900 555 111.

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Why is Tony Mayes letting rip at the British Police? page 14

Courier TV Guide Mar 20th-26th

starts page 20

Ready to eat Boiled Eggs? page 37

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Friday 20th March 2015

TELEPHONE

966 921 003 679 096 309 E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE C/ Luis Canovas Martinez 03183 Torrevieja Phone: 966 921 003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1600 EDITOR Alex Trelinski PRODUCTION EDITOR James Bone DESIGN ASSOCIATE Nicola Jane Cross ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier Tel. 618 391 491

ROYAL ATTACK PLANNED

A jihadist cell had plans to target King Felipe VI but were arrested by police at the end of last week. Spain’s interior minister Jorge Fernandez said last Monday that during raids on suspected jihadists, police had found handwritten documents containing threats against the royal family. "Felipe of Spain will know what suffering is when his two daughters are under the rubble," the note said according to statements filed before magistrate Javier Gómez Bermúdez at the National Court.

The threat was perceived to have referred to King Felipe and his two young daughters, the Infanta Leonor, the nine-year-old heir to throne and the Infanta Sofia, aged seven.

Seven of the eight suspected members of a terrorist cell that were arrested in raids in various cities across Spain last Friday were remanded into custody on Sunday night following the hearing.

SAD FIND

TURN BACK THE CLOCK?

All-year Sunday and Bank Holiday shopping in the Orihuela and Torrevieja areas may be severely restricted from 2017, all because of a new ruling from the Valencian Government over what can be classified as a Zona de Gran Afluencia Touristica(in effect a major tourist area). Prior to Torrevieja being classified as major tourist area in October 2013(joining the existing privilege for Orihuela), extended hours were only allowed between July and September; December; and over Easter. Now both the Torrevieja and Orihuela municipalities face possible changes in two years’ time.

The definition from the Valencian authorities revolves around the number of buildings of “cultural interest” or BIC’s in an area which must attract at least 300 visitors on a Sunday or on a Bank Holiday. They also must have at least 20 percent of their visitors coming from over 100 kilometres away. The Orihuela Costa has just one BIC, which is the Cabo Roig lookout tower, whilst the Torrevieja municipality has La Torre del Moro and La Torre de La Mata.

They are hardly regarded as tourist ”magnets”.

Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, hosted a meeting with local business representatives, who have been concerned that smaller shops have been badly hit by the flexibility of the supermarkets and big shopping areas like Zenia Boulevard and the Habaneras to be open virtually all the time, at their expense. Dolon said that Torrevieja had only asked to be classified as a tourist zone to compete with Orihuela’s existing tourist status, and said that he was awaiting further clarification on the potential implications of the Valencian ruling.

TUNNEL DREAM?

Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel. 685 901 265 Writers Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor Ivie Davies James Bone Peter Singh

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The body of a newly born baby has been found on an Alicante Province rubbish tip. The gruesome discovery was made on Monday afternoon at a recycling centre in the Los Cabecicos area of Villena when a worker though he had spotted what appeared to be a doll on the highest point of the tip. On closer inspection it was a baby that was only a few weeks old that was in a plastic bag. The site owned by Mediterranean Recycling Services has a large catchment area that take in the Alicante, Murcia, Valencia, and Albacete provinces, but the Guardia Civil is working on the theory that the baby’s body was brought in on a lorry from the Vega Baja region.

La Manga’s business community has suggested a tunnel linking the area to San Javier at the AP7 motorway close to the airport, according to a report in the La Verdad newspaper. It’s one of a deck of suggestions that are being put forward to boost tourism in the Mar Menor area. The tunnel idea has been mentioned before as a way of cutting down on traffic jams during the summer, as well creating a new direct link underneath the Mar Menor.

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FLASH BANG NEW LOOK COSTA DEL ARRESTED BREAKUP

A 27 year old Elche man has been arrested on child abuse charges, after pretending to be a photographer who would offer thousands of euros to youngsters to appear in lurid videos. The National Police say they have found seven victims so far who were lured to his studio with the inducement of earning up to 15 thousand euros. He created a bogus profile on social networking sites saying that he ran a video production company. The police got involved several months ago after a complaint from a 13 year old girl with the cops impounded a range of video recording equipment and still cameras when they arrested the alleged pervert at his studio.

MAYOR “IN THE CLEAR”

San Fulgencio urbanisation councillor Jeff Wiszniewski says that San Fulgencio Mayor, Carlos Ramirez(pictured), had nothing to do with the awarding of a contract to run the Urb.La Marina fiestas in 2011 and 2012. Ramirez had to declare in an Orihuela court on Tuesday over allegations of corruption and fraud over the franchise, with prosecutors wanting to clarify what they described as “irregularities” in the bidding process, with events being publicised by the municipality before the actual contracts had been awarded.

Wiszniewski declared in an affidavit that Ramirez never intervened in the process, and all he did was to announce the launch of bidding process. Ramirez; Wiszniewski; Wiszniewski’s former adviser Juani Mora; and ex-councillor for fiestas, Concepción Castell, are all being investigated by an Orihuela judge, after allegations from opposition parties on the San Fulgencio council. Despite the current case, and another matter over the funding of a local sports team, the PP confirmed that Ramirez will be standing as their candidate for re-election in May.

Algorfa’s La Plaza de España is getting a major spring clean, with the building of new shaded areas which will enable events to take place there in the height of the summer season. New energy efficient LED street lights are also being installed around the municipality. Meanwhile work to clean up the muncipality’s parks and palm trees has been taking place, funded by the Alicante Provincial Council. Additional workers were hired to help Algorfa council teams in the area opposite the cemetary by the industrial park, in addition to work on the Montemar urbanisation.

STREAMING SHAME

Spain is leading the way for internet piracy in Europe, with a massive 88 percent of online content watched in the country being streamed illegally. The digital consumption habits study found that some 4.3 billion connections to pirated content caused an estimated loss of nearly two billion euros for rights holders. The Coalicion de Creadores – the association behind the study – announced the results were a new 'piracy record'.

DEAD END The row over a photo featuring a corpse from a Guardamar cemetery sandwiched between a relative and a gravedigger has been declared as dead and buried by a Torrevieja court.

The picture became a viral phenomenon last summer, when it was posted on line via mobile phone apps, with the gravedigger subsequently moved to other duties at a local park. The Torrevieja judge said there was "no bad faith" in the action which saw the photo being taken and then eventually distributed by the niece of the dead man via Whats App. An inquiry by Guardamar council and led by Mayor, Carmen Verdú, had already closed the matter in regard to the gravedigger who was only asked to get involved in the macabre photoshoot at the request of the deceased man's relative.

The Valencian region including the Costa Blanca has the second largest number of dissolved marriages in Spain.

The Canary Islands lead the way for marital disharmony with three point three divorces per thousand inhabitants, followed by Valencia on three point two, with the national average standing on two point nine. Murcia’s figures are below the national average at two point eight divorces per one thousand. The number of divorce cases in Spain went up by nearly seven percent last year compared to 2013.

LIONS FOLD

Despite raising over 100 thousand euros in their 10 year life, 30 thousand of which was gathered in just the last 18 months, the Torrevieja Costa Lions Club has had to shut up shop due to a lack of new members. The club’s final meeting saw a cheque for two and a half thousand euros presented to Reach Out, and further cheques for 1,750.00 euros were presented to ALPE Torrevieja, AFA Torrevieja, ADIS Vega Baja and Vecinos de San Miguel Archangel all of whom the Lions have regularly supported over the years. The initiative in association with Specsavers Torrevieja in handing over old spectacles for recycling will continue, which has seen the branch collect over 14 thousand pairs since the start of the scheme.

RAIN RELIEF

Work has started on trying to stop flooding on some of San Miguel’s roads and homes during heavy rains. The 113 thousand euro project funded by the Alicante Provincial Council will see new drains installed on Calle Eduardo Chillida parallel to the western ring road.

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A TOUCH OF COLOUR

The north-western part of Orihuela City will be awash in paint this weekend, with over 200 artists transforming walls during the annual Murales de San Isidro festival in celebration of the famous local poet, Miguel Hernandez. Some 42 houses will be getting a new look with the murals first appearing in the mid-seventies to commemorate Hernandez, with artists are coming from all over Spain, as well as one from Italy. An arts and crafts fair will be staged this Sunday well as musical acts performing in the Plaza Gitanilla and other parts of the San Isidro area.

Orihuela’s tourist office is running a special bus from Zenia Boulevard to San Isidro, leaving this Friday and tomorrow (Saturday March 21st), leaving at 4.00pm, and returning at 8:30pm. There is also a bus this Sunday, departing at 10.00am, and returning at 2.00pm. The service is totally free, but you have to book in advance via the tourist information office.

UNITED RATES

TAKING ROOT

Tomorrow’s International Day of the Tree is being commemorated in Torre Pacheco area, with some 600 trees, mainly oak, set to be planted around the El Pasico area of the municipality.

BIKE CRASH

A 17 year old Spanish motorcyclist is in a serious condition after a colliding with a car in Gran Alacant. The accident happened on Monday afternoon on La Avenida Canarias, with the bike rider, who was wearing a helmet, being taken with grave head injuries to Alicante General Hospital. The car driver was uninjured.

LETTER STAYS

Work on stopping flooding caused by storms is to start in the Lo Pagan area of San Pedro del Pinatar from mid-April.

Residents were given a briefing about the six month project at a meeting chaired by the Mayor, Visitación Martínez. A three thousand litre stormwater tank will be installed along new drainage pipes in a number of streets, including Calle Campoamor which will see traffic restrictions during the work in the autumn. All work though will be suspended during July and August to minimise disruption during the summer tourist season.

RISING TREND

Non-Spanish house hunters are on the up and they are continuing to target the Costa Blanca with figures for 2014 showing that there were nearly twice as many foreigner buyers in this region, compared to the Costa del Sol. Some 28 thousand units were sold last year in the Costa Blanca area, which was a 12 percent rise on the figures for 2013, with the overwhelming majority of the sales in the southern part of the region focussing on Elche, Orihuela, and Torrevieja.

FILL THEM UP

Catral residents have called on the council to do something about the state of their local road. People living in the area of Plaza de San Juan-Alfafar have complained about the potholes that have appeared on the road surface, saying that they are causing damage to vehicles.

A single taxi tariff is set to be introduced across the whole of the Murcia region next year after a meeting between Francisco Barnabas and taxi association officials, who represent some 95 percent of cabbies in the area. Barnabus said that he was looking for an agreed consensus on rates in Murcia’s 45 municipalities, as well as the ordering of new hitech meters that will have to be used to comply with a new taxi act.

IRONIC DOWNPOUR

NEW NAMES

Pascual Simon(pictured) has been officially confirmed as the PP Mayoral candidate for the forthcoming elections in Los Montesinos. As reported in last week’s Courier, the provincial executive controversially vetoed the local electoral committee recommendation that Maria Paredes should stand for the position against PSOE incumbent José Manuel Butron, like she did in 2011. Elsewhere, Maria Gomez was named as the Mayoral candidate to replace the retiring Antonio Angel Hurtado in Almoradi.

DRAINING WORK

A letter valued at 20 million Euros which was written by Christopher Columbus in 1498, has to remain in Spain. The recently deceased Duchess of Alba’s family had planned to sell it to pay for the upkeep of their enormous estate, but a judge has said that the letter, which was written to Columbus’s son Diego, can’t leave the country. The Duchess of Alba’s foundation was looking for money to cover the upkeep of its vast collection, which ranges from palaces to artwork by Goya, Renoir and Picasso to an archive of 22,000 documents. The foundation gets no public funding and they’ve been unable to secure external investors. The Duchess owned vast amounts of property, along with an art collection that included paintings by Goya and Velázquez; a first edition of Don Quixote; Columbus’s first map of America and the last will and testament of Ferdinand the Catholic, father of Catherine of Aragon. After her death, most of her vast fortune was split equally between her six children and the House of Alba foundation.

A surprise Saturday storm flooded two key roads in Santa Pola which were being resurfaced to help combat future flooding. The Elche road (pictured) and Avenida de Santiago Bernabeu were both hit by the unexpected rains which to problems. Ironically both routes are being resurfaced with a new type of asphalt which is said to offer better drainage and less flooding.

Friday 20th March 2015

DRIER PICTURE

A major technical study which will cost around 200 thousand euros is to be carried out over how to stop roads flooding in Torrevieja. The local council has signed a deal with Valencian Government ministries for the commission of the report which will look at the drainage infrastructure of the city and what needs to be done to stop the problems which occur after heavy storms. One priority is to deal with flooding on the N332. The council already has a deal in place with Agamed for various projects to alleviate flooding which is budgeted with four million euros through to 2018. The work with Agamed for this year will concentrate on the section between Avenida Cortes Valencianas and Calle Antonio Ruiz Coves, as well as the installation of new drain pipes next to the CV 905 Crevillente road.

FRAUDSTERS NICKED

The National Police have smashed a massive timeshare fraud on the Costa del Sol which conned more than 500 British victims out of thousands of pounds. 60 people, 56 of which are British, were arrested across the region. Police say the fraudsters targeted victims through cold callers who offered them lucrative deals to sell their timeshare properties. They persuaded them to pay cash upfront in admin fees before reneging on deals. A boat, six vehicles and homes worth nearly one million euros have been seized and 78 bank accounts frozen as part of the crackdown.

Two of the alleged three ringleaders, all Brits, have been remanded in jail while an ongoing probe led by a judge in Fuengirola continues. Fake lawyers working for the gang would then sometimes get more cash out of them by telling them they were organizing a group lawsuit for victims. The scam has been running since 2009, police say.

REVERSE THE TIDE

One of San Pedro del Pinatar's most popular beaches is to be reinforced with sand this summer, to stop major erosion that has seen it suffer over recent years. Reduced sand levels and increased seaweed and algae has affected the La Llana beach, which will see it get over seven thousand cubic metres of sand before the main tourist season. The project will cost 180 thousand euros and is one of over 40 beaches around Spain is seeing improvements this year as part of the Madrid government’s PIMA Adapta plan. Some 62 thousand euros has been allocated for work just north at Pilar de la Horadada.

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WAKE UP CALL AT PUB

AN unexpected and wondrous occurrence happened at the pub the other day. It was so strange and striking that I can hardly believe it happened. But it did. It really did.

'Shut up and just get on with it!' Mrs S has just shouted from the kitchen.

So I shall.

There we all were, gathered in the hostelry having a lunchtime drink when in strode one of the pub regulars.

He marched up to the bar, extracted a wad of notes from his inside coat pocket, slammed the cash onto the counter top and boomed: 'Fill everybody's glasses! The drinks are on me!'

There was a shocked silence.

Unbelievably, someone was actually BUYING a full round with real currency. Compare that to the usual desultory practice of individuals bartering for the occasional drink with tap washers disguised as loose change or feeble promises of later payment via verbal IOUs. But at that moment we were concerned for the health of Dave the barman who being on the receiving end of an offered wad of money for a proper round of drinks had collapsed in shock. We restored him to consciousness by splashing his face with water -- or was it droplets of draught beer? Let's face it, in our pub there was little difference.

Anyway, we schlepped

Dave the barman to his feet and then turned to a new weird state of affairs -namely that the p e r s o n who had entered the pub, plonked down the money and offered drinks all round had been readily identified as none other than Fag Ash Bill.

Although he was a pub regular, Bill r a r e l y graced the premises with his presence, preferring instead to stay outside smoking his constant supply of ciggies.

But here he was, standing at the bar with not a cigarette in sight. The pub clientele remained silent as we stared at Bill's nicotinestained fingers, waiting for him to produce an alreadylit cigarette from beneath his shirt cuff.

But this was no magic trick -- as Bill began to explain . . .

'I have been left money by a rich uncle who was

once, like me, a prolific smoker. However, one day

us wearing expression.

he gave up the habit and with the money he saved bought an old wreck of a car.

'He cannibalised the jalopy for serviceable parts which he sold on at bargain prices to needy motorists.

With more money coming in, he purchased more old bangers and repeated the process. Within a few short years he owned a car parts empire.'

What a fantastic success story. But it had left one of

Young Daft Barry turned to me. 'What does Bill mean by cannibalising car parts?' he asked. 'Did his uncle actually EAT pieces of metal? Perhaps he sprinkled salt and vinegar on them to make them tasty.'

'Don't be silly, Barry,' I responded. 'If you pour condiments on car parts they will turn rusty and then how are you going to sell them? Get a grip on logic, lad.'

As events unfolded, the

a

puzzled

money on the bar top stayed folded. Dave the barman still seemed to be in a state of stupor and had made no attempt to pick up the cash.

And then the most intelligent member of our pub g r o u p , Andromeda Arkwright, sensed that something else was not quite right.

S h e snapped her f i n g e r s under Fag Ash Bill's nose and said: 'Ah-ha!

Just as I thought. No reaction. I'm afraid that Bill has not blinked once since he stepped into the tavern. I believe him to be in somewhat of a zombie-like state.'

'Then wake him up!' screamed Dave the barman who had suddenly snapped back to reality.

'The guy has promised to get in a round of drinks for God's sake!'

Well, we tried everything.

Andromeda continued to click her fingers like some demented Spanish dancer

while Indoor Lou and Fearful Phil lifted a sleeping Ol' Red Eyes from the floor and bashed his head repeatedly against the lastorders gong hanging from the optic behind the bar.

But it was no use.

Then I had a brainwave.

Reaching into Fag Ash Bill's trouser pocket, I pulled out an unopened packet of cigarettes and noisily removed the cellophane wrapping.

That did it! Fag Ash Bill came awake instantly and commenced to make puffing sounds with his lips.

And then the pub phone rang. Dave the barman lifted his eyes from the wad of cash on the counter and took the call.

'Hello, Dave the barman.

This is Bill's wife. My husband has wandered off on a sleepwalk but seems to be under the impression that he has been left an inheritance by a rich uncle. In reality, Bill has taken the money I left on the kitchen table to pay the gas and electricity bills.'

Dave the barman let the phone slip from his fingers.

Weeping softly, he picked up the money and replaced it in Fag Ash Bill's inside coat pocket. We customers, too, were sad at losing out after the promise of a free drink.

But Bill was our dearest friend. We would never turn against him. Gently guiding our sleepwalking pal to the pub door, we wished him well and threw him out into the street.

Friday 20th March 2015

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WALK THIS FLIGHT SCARE NIL POINTS WAY

Murcia City has painted over 300 warning signs onto pedestrian crossings warning walkers to concentrate and not to be distracted by talking on their mobile phones. The painted warnings show a phone handset on the ground in addition to the more traditional signs on poles. Statistics suggest that there is a 40 percent greater chance of an accident on a crossing if a pedestrian is using a phone.

GAG ON

Ryanair pilots were forced to wear oxygen masks as they made an emergency landing in Barcelona yesterday after a fire extinguisher went off in the cockpit. Passengers said the pilot and first officer were unable to breathe without the masks as halon - a liquefied, compressed gas - filled the confined space as the plane flew from Stansted to Valencia.

Ryanair described it as a minor fault involving a fire extinguisher and said the flight crew followed standard procedure by putting on their masks. Fire trucks greeted the Boeing 737 when it touched down shortly after 10:15am as passengers began to grasp the nature of the emergency.

A Ryanair spokeswoman said: 'The aircraft landed normally at Barcelona and was inspected by a Ryanair engineer, who replaced the fire extinguisher and cleared the aircraft to return to service as it then resumed the journey to Valencia’.

Spain’s Eurovision Song Contest singer for 2015, Edurne, has upset the city of Manchester by describing it as “uglier than the back of a fridge”. The 29 year old singer, whose boyfriend, goalkeeper David de Gea just happens to play for Manchester United, has been offered a special tour by councillor Pat Karney, who wants to change her mind about what the city has to offer. "The people of Manchester are famous for being the warmest you could meet," Karney said, "I’m not sure how much of the city Miss Garcia has seen but we’d be delighted to take the couple on a tour and show them what they’re missing." Meanwhile, the Manchester Evening News has taken revenge by describing Madrid as “miserable” and one of “the worst cities they’ve ever visited”.

DRUG LOBBY

TICK TOCK

A group of protestors wanting better treatment for Hepatitis C sufferers lobbied patients at staff at two local hospitals on Tuesday. Members of La Plataforma de Afectados por la Hepatitis C en Alicante (PLFHC) protested outside the Vega Baja Hospital (pictured) and Torrevieja Hospital in their campaign for the expensive Solvadi drug to be more widely available. The Guardia Civil were called in to move protestors away from “blocking” entry to the entrance at the Vega Baja facility. It’s estimated that there are around 10 thousand Hepatitis C sufferers in the region, though only a comparative handful get the drug when the disease is at an advanced stage.

HOLD YOUR NERVE The Spanish senate has approved controversial plans to change the country's security laws. Nicknamed the 'gag law' by activists and human rights groups, the change in legislation will crackdown on protests as well as the most vulnerable members of society, including sex workers, drug takers and the homeless. The law is expected to be ratified at the end of this month. Once it is, fines of up to 30 thousand euros will be handed out to anyone deemed to be 'degrading public property' or causing 'serious disturbances of public safety'.

CODEINE BAN Spanish health authorities have banned the use of codeine in medication aimed at children aged 12 and under and for mothers who are breast-feeding their babies. The Agency for Medication and Healthcare Products (AEMPS), which is part of the Ministry of Health, found codeine was included in medicine for coughs and catarrh and in strong painkillers for children as well as adults. Codeine can provoke extreme sleepiness and confusion, and can be addictive if used too often.

With Spanish clocks set to go forward an hour next weekend for the summer, doctors specialising in sleep disorders have called for the country to go back an hour in time, in kilter with Portugal and the United Kingdom. The Spanish Sleep Society (SES), at its conference in Lleida says people are 'deprived of sleep' because of being in the same time zone as countries where the sun comes up an hour and a half earlier, 'such as Berlin'.

"Time schedules which do not coincide with the daylight cycle are imposed on us, and this leads to a lack of sleep," says psychologist Francisco Mercado.

The main hurdle to switching Spain back to GMT – as it was before the Civil War, when the dictator Franco wanted the country to be on the same time lag as his allies in Berlin – is 'political inertia', says the Association for Rationalising Spanish Hours (ARHOE).

MY PRECIOUS

El Caminito del Rey, dubbed "the world's most dangerous walkway", is set to reopen on Saturday March 28th after extensive repairs. The narrow wooden path, clings to the side of the El Chorro gorge, near Álora in Malaga, is one metre wide and 7.7km long. It was closed 14-years-ago following the deaths of five people. Local government funding of 2.5 million euros has reinforced the 100 metre-high pathway and added safety measures.

The Lord of the Rings movies will be recreated inside Alicante City's Santa Bárbara castle for the next year from Friday March 27th. Visitors will able to enter Gollum's cave, sit at the desk in Bilbo's office, as well as viewing life-sized characters, costumes and other Middle Earth memorabilia.

The exhibition called The Fortress of the Ring, will also feature a chance for fans to have their photo taken with their favourite fantasy heroes.

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Friday 20th March 2015

WAS DALI DADDY? HIDDEN GEMS NO COVER UP

A woman has filed a paternity suit against the heirs of surrealist painter, Salvador Dalí, requesting her DNA be tested to see if she is a match with him, 26 years after his death.

The woman, known as María Pilar A. has filed the suit against the Spanish state - specifically the tax office and public administration as well as the Dalí Foundation, which acts as Dalí's official estate. María Pilar, who is asking for Dalí to be recognized as her father and his name be added to the civil registry, says she was born on February 1st 1956 after a friendship between the surrealist painter and her mother, Antonia, turned into a secret romance.

Prehistoric cave drawings have been discovered in the northern region of Cantabria, dating back about 20,000 years. The art was discovered in the Aurea cave some 50 metres above the river Deva, by the president of a caving club and his wife. The discovery is the first time that Paleolithic art had been found in the immediate area, with Cantabria Miguel Angel Serna saying that the findings make the region a "museum of the Paleolithic period."

BUTANO RIP OFF?

A mother who physically attacked her daughter for refusing to wear the Islamic veil has been detained in the Barcelona area. The 14-year-old victim’s injuries included numerous bites and a stab wound. Police arrested a woman in Martorell, 30km north of Barcelona, on a charge of domestic violence after she allegedly assaulted her daughter for not covering her hair. The girl comes under the protection of the Catalonian government, and was taken to hospital by a teacher whom she alerted to the incident. There she revealed that her mother had bitten her and attacked her with a knife.

It is the second time recently that I have read that the price of butano gas has gone down. I have been to two Cepsa garages and both have asked for 18 euros a bottle and have been told that it may go down next week. Who is right you or them?

Regards, Ronald Edwards What is the use of the price of the Orange Bottle coming down to just over 15 euros, when the garage in Los Montesinos is still charging 18 euros. Does anyone know where I can get it for less?

Many thanks, Tony Whitbread EDITOR: - We were quoting the highest authority in the land, namely Spain’s department of Industry and Energy. We’ve checked again and the reductions should have kicked in at the start of the week!

THANKS

The Paul Cunningham Nurses Charity, wish to say thank you to the owners and all the staff at The Stray Sod, at La Fuente Commercial Centre, for their very generous donation of 100 euros. Sadly one of their regulars and much loved customer, Pat Prescott, recently passed away after a short illness. Pat requested no flowers at the funeral and that the money go to a charity.

We also wish to express our sorry to Pat´s husband Norman.

Tricia Lee, Fundraiser Paul Cunningham Nurses Charity

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Friday 20th March 2015

LOCAL LOOK-IN

THANKS MUM

Over 120 people came along to raise a glass for Mother’s Day in a celebration organised

by Help at Home Mar Menor. The event staged at the Ruf Mari restaurant in Los Urrutias raised 420 euros, with entertainment provided by Richie C. Coming soon is the HAH Easter charity craft fair at La Zona bar in Los Narejos on Thursday April 2nd between noon and 3.00pm.

PROFITABLE RUN Bar owner Mark Daughtry has weighed in with 375 euros for the AECC cancer charity after running the recent Torrevieja HalfMarathon. Mark, who pulls the pints at the Casa Mia Bar/Restaurant in the El Chapparal area of the city has added to the fund-raising that the Weigh-In group that meets at the bar have also been doing for AECC. Mark handed over his money to AECC volunteer Ann Bissett, with another 375 euros earmarked for the SAT animal rescue charity.

BOWLED OVER

Torrevieja’s Reach Out homeless charity is better off to the tune of nearly 600 euros after a fun-bowls match organised by the San Miguel Bowls Club. Bowlers from across the Costa Blanca took part, with the photo showing Karolina Leonard and Jacqueline Beard from Reach Out alongside Drew Gerrard (left) and Alan Campbell, from the San Miguel Bowls Club.

SMILING ALL THE WAY

The Smile Charity group have boosted the Benijófar Crisis appeal pot by 500 euros, with a grateful Mayor, Luis Rodríguez, picking up the cheque. The latest presentation means that the Smile team have raised over 12 thousand euros in the last 18 months, and their next fundraiser is a charity music night on Wednesday March 25th in aid of the Alzheimers Association. Sam Curtis and Andy Jones will be performing at the Restaurante El Alto La Dolores, Guardamar, with the doors opening at 7.00pm.

HAPPY POOCHES

15 years on and the Campoverde Canine Club is still going strong with all their obedience classes, plus a fresh selection of happy dogs and owners that passed their final examinations. If you want to learn more about the club can do for you and your pet, then send an email to campoverdecanineclub@outlook.com

EASTER FLOWERS

This month’s meeting of the Vega Baja Garden club had an Easter feel about it, with Jenny Woodward returning to the club for a second time to show off her flower arranging techniques, including five Easter arrangements with a variety of flowers. The next meeting will at Bar Trasgu, Calle Alicante 12, Formentera del Segura, on Monday April 6th at 2.15pm.

New members are always welcome and for details send an e-mail to vegabajagardenclub@gmail.com

Friday 20th March 2015

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FREE LUNCH SEMINAR IS BACK ON TUESDAY 24TH MARCH IN VILLAMARTIN Have you heard about this really useful lunch seminar that takes place regularly here in Costa Blanca? In the last few months experts from five local companies have answered over 800 questions from the people who have attended. I think this is fantastic and a really great opportunity.

How wonderful would it be to be able to ask the experts in various fields about how things work in Spain?

Once again the highly respected UK & Spanish companies based in Costa Blanca are inviting all British, Irish & European nationals, spending time or living in Nick Venn DipPFS Spain, to a meeting to answer all the questions they Private Client Advisor have regarding life in Spain. Some of the topics that will AES International be covered will be as follows:1. How can I make my savings grow?

2. How will the changes to pensions affect you?

3. What are the changes to thresholds, limits and ages for occupational or personal pensions?

4. Inheritance law and taxes in Spain, what is best for me and my family?

5. Wills. Do I need a Spanish or UK will or both?

6. If you are transferring money regularly to Spain,

where can you get the best currency exchange rates?

7. How can I get the best deal for Landlines, Mobiles, British TV & the internet?

8. How the Spanish funeral system affects people from the UK? Experts from five companies will also be providing professional advice on Tax, Pensions, Investments, Currency Exchange, Spanish Law, Wills and Funeral Plans.

Everybody who wishes to attend the event can send their questions in advance and the answer will be provided at the meeting. How fantastic is that!! We could have all done with this type of event ages ago.

Once all the questions have been answered then everybody will get a free lunch at Quesada Fish & Chips, Villamartin Plaza.

The event will begin at 12 noon on Tuesday 24th March at Quesada Fish & Chips, Villamartin Plaza.

Lunch will be served at 1.30pm To register your question and to attend this unique event you can email me at nick.venn@aesinternational.com with your name address and telephone number or call me on 966 196 563.

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Friday 20th March 2015

Since we rescued Phoenix, the dog who was beaten with shovels and buried alive, we have been simply inundated with other requests to take in more severely abused dogs. The most difficult thing in the world is to say no, because we are completely full and because of this, we are now trying to invest in the extension of our existing kennels, at a cost of over six thousand euros.

We have taken on another three dogs, in the last few days, bringing our total of animals currently to 30 and that is a lot of work, considering we have no volunteers to help us. It is a full time job, 365 days each year and non stop from morning to night, but we simply would not have it any other way. The amazing reward, when a severely abused animal finally starts to trust you and wag their tail again, is a moment we will never tire of.

Our current outgoings each week is between 750 and one thousand euros and we are constantly thinking of ideas on how we can raise more funds and if any of you

A HELPING HAND has any unwanted with us have items in your home, reached rock botI can pick these up tom. Their abuse from you and we has been to such a can then sell them, disgusting level, with the money that their eyes, going towards the which are always running of our charithe windows to the ty and the extension soul, look dead and of the kennels. beaten. In the last We can sell anyyear, some of our thing, from books, cases have includshoes, clothes, and ed a puppy who furniture! Anything at had her two front all is of use to us legs broken by a and will be helping human; a German the much needed Shepherd puppy animals in our care. who took such a We are a new and severe blow to the small charity, but head by a human, given the fact that that it left her deaf we are geared up to and blind; and rescue and rehabiliPhoenix, who most THE DEAF AND BLIND GERMAN SHEPHERD tate severely of you know about PUPPY abused animals, the through my column waiting list of dogs waiting to going into the bricks and ed. If all you can afford is as he suffered the most tercome into our care is now mortar of our existing ken- one euro, then that is fine rible abuse imaginable. But nels, which will go on to be a and this money will go in the last twelve months, huge.

Any dog or cat related facility which will help us towards this vital project. To something truly amazing has items, would also be a huge save the lives of many ani- donate takes only a couple happened. Each of these help to us. I would like to sin- mals for decades to come. of minutes and if you could dogs all have eyes that were Having to raise the funds see the absolute desperate once dead to the world, but cerely thank the Courier readers who have been so to keep the extension work cases of abused dogs that now they sparkle, as they all kind to donate items in the up is a big ask for us, but we are at last with us, I doubt if rest on their clean, warm last few months and I hope it are determined to finish this you would even hesitate to beds, having eaten a delimakes you very happy to project and any donations give for one moment. cious meal prepared by my The dogs we get arriving wife and I. They can sleep know, that the money is would be greatly appreciat-

PETS CORNER : CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT?

Alice is a beautiful nine week old puppy who has been cared for along with mum and siblings since she was about five days old. She is a clever happy confident pup that loves snuggles, and will be a big girl when fully grown. It isn’t known what breed she is, but her mother has some setter in her she is black and tan. Alice is looking for a home of her own.

For more info on this beautiful girl please phone PEPA on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmai l.com

ALICE

BROWN AND WHITE BELLA Bella is a gorgeous, loving two year old Podenco cross, who lost sight in her right eye while living on the streets but this doesn't affect her at all. She is good with other dogs and cats, sterilised, vaccinated and is ready for her forever home.

Call: 645 469 253. www.petsinspain.com These two boys need to be homed together. They are one and a half and two years old. They kept each other warm when rescued in the cold, with the brown one being timid and relying on

the white one a great deal, hence the need for them to be together.

Could you give both boys their forever home? If so, please contact us either by calling 634 065 540 or email lasthopedogrescue@outlook.com

with a curly tail. He was rescued by APAH and is currently being cared for in their kennels. Happy and friendly he will be a great companion for someone looking for a little dog. To meet him, please call 630 422 563 or 616 210 850.

This little scruff is Oreo, and was found in the middle of the countryside very thin and hungry and was being given food and water by one of our volunteers; he is now in the kennels but would love to be in a home of his own. He is a little six month old ball of energy who does love a cuddle, and is a four kilo small crossbreed. If you think Oreo could be the boy for you then please contact the kennels on 966710047 or email info@satanimalrescue.com

GERRY Sweet little Gerry is a typical little Spanish dog, ginger

OREO

well, knowing that they will NEVER again endure the kind of horrific abuse that was once inflicted on these most beautiful animals.

Thank you once again for all of your support, which is always deeply appreciated. www.thedogyouneed.com is a registered charity, where we rehabilitate the most severely abused animals.

Our charity registration number is 1157175. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogyouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60-16-03 and the account number is 73754900. Anyone wanting to pay into the Spanish account, can do, where the details are The Spanish account is Cajamurcia bank.

Account number 9007006467. IBAN - ES42 0487 0485 7290 0700 6467.

BIC - GBMNESMMXXX. When donating via Paypal, can you please choose the option, personal payment or gift. Thank you sincerely from our hearts.

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Friday 20th March 2015

WILL ALBERT TRUMP PABLO?

Do have some fun this Sunday night and watch the traditional Spanish politicians getting into a tizzy as they get a good old thrashing in the Andalucian regional elections. It will be a great preview of a bigger vote in May, and of course for this year’s General Election which must be called before December. New boys, the left-wing Podemos and a new centre-right-party, Ciudadanos, are both expected to do well. A lot has been said about Podemos, but Ciudadanos are making waves, which spells serious trouble for the ruling PP nationally and Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, as they are getting loads of unhappy ex-PP supporters joining them.

Like with Podemos, Ciudadanos have an unconventional leader, Albert Rivera (aged 35) and their platform is very much anti-corruption and pro-EU. They’ve blossomed from being based in Catalonia and very much against any independence moves in that region, and have now pledged to be involved in all elections right across Spain.

Opinion polls show they will do well in Andalucia and elsewhere.

I like the sound of Ciudadanos, and just last month, supporters queued in droves in Madrid to hear the party launch its economic policies, which promises tax credits for work-

ers earning less than the minimum salary; employer incentives to avoid redundancies; and a curb on the use of temporary contracts. It almost seems left-wing, but is com-

ing from a far wider political base than other new upstarts Podemos, and Ciudadanos appear to be on a roll. The irony is that Podemos has shown what can be done in

creating a new movement, but protesting is different from formulating rational policy.

You can greatly sympathise with the many angry people that have joined Podemos, but the policies of withdrawing from NATO and more nationalisation just don’t make any sense, which is where Ciudadanos come in.

They’ve taken advantage of Podemos showing that you can smash the cosy two-party cartel of the PP and PSOE and come up with genuine choices through the ballot box.

Rivera and his team have come up with a realistic proposition that people can vote for rather than just stamping on their feet and supporting Podemos. The Economist magazine says their policies are workable and sensible.

Voting for something different is easier said than done, especially after a lifetime of supporting a particular party. Surveys suggest that when it comes to the crunch in any national elections, people revert to type. I think the playbook though has been rewritten here in Spain, but I suspect that Ciudadanos boss Albert Rivera (the most popular leader in Spain by a mile according to the polls) may well be more of the beneficiary as opposed to the pony-tailed Podemos leader, Pablo Iglesias. Interesting times ahead, I think!

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Friday 20th March 2015

BUCK PASSING COP OUTS

Relatives of the 96 football fans who died in the Hillsborough match disaster I am sure must be disgusted at the antics of the police commander whose actions directly led to the deaths. Then he lied through his teeth for years afterwards. This apology for a police officer finally admitted at the inquest into the disaster that his incompetence, mistakes and oversight led to the deaths of the fans.

David Duckenfield agreed he was not competent as a match commander and that failing to close the tunnel to central pens of terraces "was a blunder of the first magnitude". He also told Peter Wright, then chief constable of South Yorkshire Police, that he had lied about Liverpool fans' behaviour to the FA chief executive Graham Kelly in the hours after the disaster.

What followed was years of lies and cover-ups by the police who tried to maintain it was the drunken fans who brought it on themselves.

This, in all its glory, is the very worst of officialdom, where someone in authority either lies, or where bosses attempt to cover up failings to "preserve the good name" of the organisation concerned. We see it time and time again in the police, in the NHS, in social services departments, in councils and in private companies and it stinks. Duckenfield went on to continue his career in the police force, rising to chief superintendent. He should now be stripped of his pension, disgraced and prosecuted for being part of the police cover up - along with every other apology for police officers who did the same thing.

I wonder how many other people they have collectively stitched up during their

careers in the police force?

Another stitch up big time was in Rochdale, where sex abuse committed by a Pakistani gang should have been investigated more thoroughly, rather than officers examining victims' credibility, police have now, finally admitted. Greater Manchester Police apologised after a review highlighted failures "at individual and force level" into its dealings with victims from 2008-2010.

Police chiefs were "distracted" by achieving targets on burglary and other crime, the report said.

How pathetic!

I have not the slightest doubt that police were also very much concerned that the perpetrators were Pakistani and, of course, neither the police, or anyone else wanted to rock the race boat, especially when the Labour government at the time were hell bent on their racial integration policy. So they concentrated on trying to prove that the girls were wayward and were inciting men to have sex with them for money. As a result, a generation of girls, mostly from deprived backgrounds, became sexual prey, unbelieved by the very people there to protect them.

However, no officers will face any misconduct proceedings. How typical of Britain - just tap the incompetent people in charge on the head and tell them not to do it again. Pathetic! The review, which examined

police misconduct, was conducted by the police force with supervision from the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC). What a laugh. What we need is to have a totally independent body of hardnosed people prepared to take on the establishment, whether it is greedy politicians fiddling their expens-

her dad by her side, when they were stopped in Grantham. "We stopped to look at some ducks when the officer pulled over and said she had to get off," said dad. "He said 'The law is the law' and she was not allowed to ride on the path, adding that ‘If I catch you put her on her bike further up the road, I will turn around

es; business cartels manipulating prices; bankers up to all manner of tricks; corrupt police; incompetent social services departments and councils not fit for purpose; and every other so called "professional". Make them face the music and have them either jailed or thrown out of office. Until that happens, the public will not have the confidence in these institutions which it rightly deserves.

I´ve had a good knock at the police this week. I make no apologies for it and I haven´t finished yet! I couldn´t believe what I read last week - that a four-yearold girl was threatened by a police officer to confiscate her bike because she was riding on the pavement!

Little Sophie Lindley was riding, using stabilisers, with

and confiscate the bike'. "I couldn't believe it. It's daft."

Lincolnshire Police apologised but said: "Safety is our priority and cycling on the pavement is illegal. Not good enough. This prat should have been publicly reprimanded. Because a prat police constable quickly becomes a prat chief superintendent and then heaven help us. What do they say about putting some people in a uniform or giving them any ounce of authority? Just to remind the British police that the age of criminal responsibility is the age of 10. How on earth can we teach young children how to ride cycles safely except on pavements? Do mindless police want the kids to cycle on busy roads and see them killed or injured? Wouldn´t I love to bash a good few silly

heads together!

You might remember me wiring a few weeks ago about the WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange who has been holed up inside the Ecuadorean Embassy for the past three years trying to avoid deportation to America. It has cost the Met Police millions to have officers outside the embassy 24/7 to prevent him slipping out.

Shortly after the US made a concerted effort to try to get Assange extradited, up popped t w o women making allegations that Assange sexually assaulted them while in Sweden. Convenient or what? Assange feared that if he went to Sweden to answer the allegations, the Swedes would hand him over to the Americans. I suggested a way out of the impasse would be for Swedish prosecutors to travel to London to interview him there. And now, guess what - that´s exactly what is happening. You read it first in The Courier!!

Here’s a story that strikes me as slightly amusing, but on another level, somewhat sad. It involved an Indian bride who walked away from her wedding after her bridegroom-to-be failed to solve a simple maths problem. The bride asked the groom to add 15 and six. When he replied 17, she called off the marriage. Apparently the

bridegroom's family tried to convince the bride to return, but she refused, saying the man was illiterate. Local police were called and they tried to mediate but to no avail and both sides returned all the wedding gifts! This sad affair demonstrates how wrong arranged marriages are - families interfering, arranging things between parents, and often a boy and girl are married without spending much time in each other´s company.

So, good on her to set a simple test and act upon the result. This relationship was doomed from the start - she would hardly have respect for her "illiterate" husband.

Back in the UK, a Bangladeshi family were close friends of ours - they attended our wedding and later we attended the wedding ceremonies of each of their daughters. Both weddings were "arranged". The first worked well, both were professional people who obviously got on well together. The second wasn´t anything like so successful. Our friends´daughter ended up with a family which looked upon her as little more than an unpaid skivvy. She had to clean the house of her inlaws; cook; look after younger children; as well as numerous other chores.

Finally the bride had enough and telephoned her father to rescue her. He had to travel from the other side of Britain to bring his daughter back home. I asked him what he now felt about arranged marriages and he confided in me that he would never again interfere with his children´s futures. I hope that he stuck to his promise.

Parents have more experience but that doesn´t always mean they are right, and trying to dictate to their offspring often leads to disaster.

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Friday 20th March 2015

What do you do if you are bored with your life and bored with the way things are going? If your job is driving you mad what does it take to change it? There are many people just living their lives day to day, going to work, spending a few hours doing something that only pays the mortgage and then going home again to sit in front of the tele or a computer screen for a few hours before heading off up to bed in preparation to follow the same routine the next day.

I was having an interesting conversation with a student recently and she was telling me that she was unhappy with her job and basically her life. She wanted a change but was scared to do anything. It´s easy to get too comfortable when the bills are being paid and there is food on the table and it can take a big step to change things, however sometimes the biggest changes turn out to be the best thing you´ve ever done.

There must be nothing worse than lying on your

THAT’S LIFE

deathbed full of regrets about what might have been and what you should have done.

Of course I still have dreams about things I would like to do, most of them are impossible now but on the other hand there are things that I´ve done that I would have regretted had I not taken that step.

Moving to Spain was a huge upheaval for all of you that are reading this, I´m sure! There is always a risk in giving up a comfortable life in a familiar world for the great unknown; however I hope all of you are as happy with this decision as I am. I could not for one minute imagine myself still travelling up to central London every day, and having to deal with the dregs of humanity that my police work brought me into contact with. For me, sitting in my comfortable lounge with the pool at the side of the house and the sun peeking through the crystal clear glass, I know that I made the right choice. It could have been different of course, but I have made this life work for

me, at every step I have fought for the life that I have and at times it´s been a hard struggle. Spain isn´t the best place to be when things are

to know exactly what´s happening in my life. Next came shy and quiet and then lazy, none of the attributes one necessarily associates with

tough, there´s not a lot of help out there but thank goodness I had my friends.

So, what about my student, and those of you thinking along the same lines? It´s never easy to get up and change everything especially when you have children or responsibilities however nothing is impossible. My student told me she was not a risk taker. She was a cautious person and so I went through a list of my qualities with her, both good and bad.

I started with being cautious as I don´t like risks and prefer

people who pack up and leave their very well paid job and home country to take a chance in the unknown.

However that is exactly what I did do. I am aware of my shortcomings and I also know how my life has not followed the path I had planned when I was younger. My ideal, as is most peoples I guess, was to get married to the man of my dreams, live in a nice house, have a good job and two children keeping me young. Well, I have three children now, but have never been married though I do

have a job I enjoy and live in a nice house so two out of four isn´t bad!

I hate moving house, having lived in numerous properties since leaving home at eighteen. In the town where I lived, I suppose I managed six moves in the two years before I went to London. I then changed my abode seven times in the fifteen years I was there, and since coming to Spain ten years ago, this house is the fifth property in which I´ve lived.

This was never in my game plan when I came here, but circumstances changed and life meant that the changes were necessary.

If I wrote a plan of how I am then none of what has happened in my life would fit into it, however I did manage all the things that I have achieved and am still very happy with my life and how it is progressing. Therefore to all of you thinking about a change, I say think carefully and weigh up the pro´s and con’s but also remember that there may never be a ´right´ time to do something new

and the chance of a new start should be something that fills you with excitement rather than dread. It should be seen as a new beginning as well as closing a door on an old part of your life. There is no glamour in sitting back and letting life trot along with you as merely a spectator. Just grab living by the horns and get out there to make things happen! Whatever your age or situation there is always something new you can be learning or a new challenge to experience. Whether you take up crochet or climb a mountain, the targets are there to aim for and if you are thinking about a life changing option then at least you are doing more than many who never even give it a thought.

Life´s difficult, but one thing´s for sure, none of us are getting out alive so take a risk, live a little and remember that if you´re a good person then karma will look after you and get you through. As Ronan Keating sang 15 years ago, “Life is a rollercoaster, so let´s go and ride it´!

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Friday 20th March 2015

Spanish 164

¡Hola! And welcome back to another week learning Spanish, here are the answers to last week´s translations, I hope you managed to get them all correct, and remember to check those that you didn´t know or didn´t understand: I am worried – estoy preocupado, I cannot attend class today – no puedo asistir a clase hoy, It doesn´t bother me – no me molesta, I am satisfied with my current income – estoy satisfecho con mi salario actual, It is easier to make plans than to put them into practice – Es más fácil realizar planes que llevarlos a cabo, my teeth are very sensitive – mis dientes son muy sensibles, this soup is delicious – esta sopa es deliciosa, the factory produces carpets – La fábrica produce alfombras, The actor had a lot of successes – el actor tenía muchos éxitos, my family live in the countryside – mi familia viven en el campo, my sister is in England at present – mi hermana está actualmente en Inglaterra, the table is long and tall – la mesa es larga y alta, she is a sensible girl – ella es una chica sensata.

This week we are going to talk about Semana Santa, or holy week here in Spain, There are many parades going on this time of year and it´s always interesting to go and watch one, if you can´t get out and about then there is always plenty of coverage on the Spanish television. Spanish holidays around Easter are on the Thursday and Friday, which they call Jueves Santo and the day we call Good Friday is Viernes Santo. This is when the shops are normally closed and the people are very solemn as they remember the time

when Jesus was crucified or crucificado. Los españoles lloran la muerte de Jesús y es un tiempo muy triste hasta el fin de semana. Spain is still a very religious country and they take their festivals around Jesus very seriously. You have probably seen the traditional dress of the capuchinos, these are the people who wear the pointed head coverings and long robes. This tradition goes back hundreds of years, well before the same type of headwear was used by other socalled organisations! The robes and capirote (headwear) was worn by penitents and the modern day capuchinos walk

the streets in the procession often barefoot carrying a heavy cross or other structure, these days they also carry big floats with statues of the virgin Mary on it, as penitence for their sins. The area of Andalucia in Southern Spain has possibly the biggest and most intense processions with regards to this festival. If you have ever seen the coverage there is plenty of crying and wailing, for some of us it may appear to be very over the top but it is how they choose to pass this day and some of the floats really are magnificent.

Este año la Conmemoración de la muerte de Cristo es el viernes 3 de abril después de la puesta del sol, this year Good Friday is on the 3rd of April, which is commemorated with the processions or services after sunset, it is then of course followed by sábado de Gloria, then domingo de resurrección (or domingo de Pascua) and then Easter Monday is called lunes de Pascua, which isn´t normally a holiday in Spain apart from specific communities.

Those of us who aren´t believers in Christianity will I suppose pass this festival as we do every year, a few Easter eggs and maybe a bit of Jesus of Nazareth on the television, however for the Christians it is a special time.

I am going to finish with a few lines in Spanish.. Have a good week and I´ll see you the next time.

Jesucristo tuvo una reunión especial con sus apóstoles la noche antes de morir. En esa ocasión realizó una ceremonia nueva y sencilla y les dijo: -Sigan haciendo esto en memoria de mí” Así sus discípulos recordarían el sacrificio que él iba a hacer por toda la humanidad (Lucas 22:9,20)

Friday 20th March 2015

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Friday 20th March 2015

ST. PATRICK’S DAY 2015 A selection of pictures from the Parade at Cabo Roig, Orihuela Costa!

For more pictures visit TKO Spain or The Courier on Facebook!

Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March 2015

CAN YOU NAME THE CARS?

1.

6.

11.

2.

7.

12.

3.

8.

13.

4.

9.

14.

5.

10.

15.

answers in next weeks edition

Last Weeks Answers: 1) The Sound Of Silence 2) Great Balls of Fire 3) Substitute 4) Hotel California 5) My Girl 6) Let It Be 7) New York, New York 8) Dancing Queen 9) Dont Be Cruel 10) Saturday Night At The Movies 11) Don’t You Want Me Baby 12) Is It Love You’re After? 13) Sunday Girl 14) Maggie May 15) What A Wonderful World

TRELI ON THE TELLY HYPNOTIC RUBBISH

with ALEX TRELINSKI I’m pleased to say that ITV have fought back big time in their quest for the worst weekend show of the year after the BBC played a blinder by daring to run the Matt Lucas disaster, Pompidou.

That had seized the laurels of shame from the disgraceful Stars in their Eyes revamp, but never fear, ITV are back in front with a cheap hypnotism show on Saturday primetime called You’re Back in the Room. This latest flop ironically reminds me of the Matt Lucas character from Little Britain, Kenny Craig, imploring his clients to “look into his eyes”, but nowhere near as funny. It’s like getting an old cabaret act routine from a Butlins holiday camp and having the stupidity to

put it on the box, as a bunch of hypnotised folk (I’m convinced that some were actors) are put through a bunch of Generation Game-style tasks.

This laugh-free puerile garbage was hosted

by Philip Schofield, who surely with his experience must be cringing at his misjudgment in getting involved in this disaster. He bravely tweeted that the response to the show was like Marmite, with some people loving it. For me it looked like something similar to Marmite but with a nastier taste, and very flushable.

Was it me, but I thought that last Friday’s Comic Relief on BBC1 was actually a bit short of comedy this year. That aside, I loved the edgy and un-PC late

night hosting stint from Russell Brand; a wonderful exchange between those two

great authors, Katie Price and Salman Rushdie; and an

There’s no doubt that excellent Vicar of Dibley sketch. As always, it was a Graham Norton is the fun far better watch than the chat show king, as you can check out tonight on BBC1 in his season finale compilation, but Jonathan Ross is actually a much better interviewer, as he showed in last weekend’s special with Madonna on ITV. So many interviewers over the years have failed to get anything out of her with a fair quota of fawning questions.

Ross on the other hand clearly has a rapport with her, and wasn’t autumn amateur hour that is afraid to get down to busiChildren in Need. ness over her personal life as

well as that infamous fall at the Brits. It was a cracking good hour and perhaps an argument for Ross to just keep it to a couple of guests per show and develop a good conversation, which he is perfectly capable of doing.

Mr.Selfridge is the ITV equivalent of The Musketeers. UK viewing figures are mediocre for a programme that deserves a much higher return, but big international sales keep it going. So I’m pleased to say that shooting starts soon on series four, with the welcome return of Katherine Kelly, who had baby priorities to concentrate on last year. Also coming back for a third and final run is The Fall on BBC2 with the conclusion of the “edge of the seat” cat and mouse game between serial killer Jamie Dornan and copper, Gillian Anderson.

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COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

FRIDAY

20th MARCH

00:45 This Week 01:30 Skiing Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 Stargazing Live 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Watchdog Test House 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Edge 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 MasterChef 22:00 The Musketeers 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:15 Weather 00:20 This World 01:20 Panorama 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools - Beneath the Lab Coat: 1 06:00 Schools - Ultimate Brain: Mad Lab - Circle of Life 06:30 Schools - Ultimate Brain 2 07:05 Perfection 07:50 Perfection 08:35 The Sheriffs Are Coming 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Alaska - Earth's Frozen Kingdom 11:05 Gardeners' World 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:15 Cagney & Lacey 15:00 The World at War 15:55 Wogan: The Best Of 16:40 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Two Tribes 19:30 Eggheads 20:00 Britain's Got the Builders In 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Stargazing Live 23:00 Stargazing Live: Back to Earth 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 River Monsters 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Barging Round Britain with John Sergeant 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 State of Play

00:30 Raised by Wolves 00:55 Junk Food Kids: Who's to Blame?

01:50 Underage and Gay 02:45 Food Unwrapped 03:45 Dispatches 04:15 Secret Location 05:10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Million Pound Drop 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:55 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 The Restaurant Inspector 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:15 Safe Harbor 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 World's 22:00 NCIS: New Orleans 23:00 NCIS

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Bluestone 42 02:00 World's Toughest Jobs 03:00 Muslim Miss World 04:00 World's Toughest Jobs 05:00 Close 20:00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 20:10 Doctor Who 20:55 Race to Witch Mountain 22:30 Live at the Apollo 23:00 Live at the Apollo 23:30 EastEnders

00:00 Life of a Mountain: A Year on Scafell Pike 01:00 The Lady Who Flew Africa: The Aviatrix 02:00 Top of the Pops: 1980 02:40 In and Out of the Kitchen 03:10 Secret Knowledge 03:40 The Inca: Masters of the Clouds 04:40 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Sounds of the Sixties 21:00 Written by Mrs Bach 22:00 Top of the Pops: The Story of 1980 23:00 Dexys: Nowhere Is Home

00:50 Mom 01:40 Two and a Half Men 02:30 Scorpion 03:20 Teleshopping 06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 09:10 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:20 Psych 12:15 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 14:15 You've Been Framed!

14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Romy and Michele's High School Reunion 23:55 Take Me Out

00:00 Blue Murder 01:40 The Young Ones 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 French Fields 07:25 Wycliffe 08:30 Heartbeat 09:35 Where the Heart Is 10:40 The Royal 11:40 Judge Judy 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:05 Where the Heart Is 16:10 The Royal 17:15 French Fields 17:50 Rising Damp 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Agatha Christie's Marple 23:00 Law & Order: UK

00:30 Fearless 02:40 Minder 03:45 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest England World Cup Matches 07:15 The Big Match Revisited 08:10 Motorway Patrol 08:40 Motorway Patrol 09:05 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 The Professionals 12:05 Motorway Patrol 12:40 UEFA Europa League Highlights 13:45 Live Snooker: World Grand Prix 18:15 Motorway Patrol 18:40 River Monsters 19:45 Live Snooker: World Grand Prix

DON’T MISS

Barging Round Britain with John Sergeant 21:00 ITV

The broadcaster navigates the Kennet and Avon Canal from Bath toward London, as his exploration of some of Britain's best waterways and their history continues. Along the way, he proves hopeless at making beer barrels, a little better at stoking steam engines, and a real natural with Freddy the narrowboat horse.

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

SATURDAY

21

21st MARCH

00:25 Would I Lie to You? 00:55 EastEnders 02:50 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Football Focus 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:10 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 15:25 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 17:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 20:00 BBC News 20:10 BBC London News; Weather 20:15 The Voice UK 22:15 The National Lottery Live 22:25 The Voice UK 23:00 BBC News; Weather 23:20 National Lottery Update 23:20 Match of the Day

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Uncle 02:00 Bluestone 42 02:30 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse 03:30 Live at the Apollo 04:00 Live at the Apollo 04:30 Uncle 05:00 Close 20:00 World's Craziest Fools 20:30 World's Craziest Fools 21:00 Top Gear 22:00 Russell Howard's Good News 22:30 Russell Howard's Good News 23:00 Fright Night

DON’T MISS

01:55 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 00:30 Weather USA 00:35 Passchendaele 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 02:20 Question Time 07:35 Dino Dan 03:20 This Is BBC Two 07:45 Dino Dan 06:40 The Valley of Gwangi 08:00 Canimals 08:10 Sooty 08:10 Safari 08:25 Signed Stories 09:40 Six Nations Rewind 08:30 Scrambled!

10:40 The Fred Dibnah Story 08:35 Nerds & Monsters 08:50 Adventure Time 11:10 Fred Dibnah's 09:30 Horrid Henry Magnificent Monuments 09:50 Hulk and the Agents of Smash 11:40 The Nature of Britain 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 12:30 A Taste of Britain 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:00 A Taste of Britain 13:34 ITV Meridian Weather 13:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 13:30 Talking Pictures 14:40 Murder, She Wrote: the 14:10 The Man in the White Celtic Riddle Suit 16:30 Secrets from the Sky 17:00 Off Their Rockers 15:35 Flight of the Navigator 17:30 Big Star's Little Star 17:00 Escape to the Country 18:30 ITV Meridian Weather 18:30 ITV News Meridian 17:30 Final Score 18:45 ITV News and Weather 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 You've Been Framed!

19:15 Gardeners' World 20:00 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 19:45 Kew on a Plate 21:25 You're Back in the 20:45 Dad's Army Room 21:15 Murder on the Victorian 22:25 The Jonathan Ross Show Railway 23:30 ITV News and Weather 22:15 Now Is Good 23:44 ITV Meridian Weather 23:50 Girl with a Pearl Earring 23:45 Burn after Reading 00:00 Artsnight

00:30 Kings of Soul 01:30 The Godmother of Rock 'n' Roll - Sister Rosetta Tharpe 02:30 Written by Mrs Bach 03:30 Dexys: Nowhere Is Home 05:00 Close 20:00 Chemistry - A Volatile History 21:00 Lost Kingdoms of Central America 22:00 Inspector Montalbano 23:50 Tales from the Royal Wardrobe with Lucy Worsley

The Jonathan Ross Show 22:25 - ITV

Hollywood leading man Russell Crowe talks about directing and starring

in The

Water

Diviner,

Elizabeth

Hurley

discusses

E!

Entertainment's new drama The Royals, and Lily James (Downton Abbey's Lady Rose) reveals what it was like to play Cinderella in Disney's new film. Plus, funnyman David Mitchell and live music by legendary disco band Chic.

00:55 Two and a Half Men 01:50 Fake Reaction 02:35 Royal Pains 03:15 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Emmerdale 09:40 Coronation Street 12:10 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 13:35 Catchphrase 14:20 The Hot Desk 14:30 Twins 16:40 Mr Bean 17:15 Mr Bean 17:45 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde 19:50 Wild Wild West 22:00 Rush Hour 2 23:50 Celebrity Juice

00:05 Troy 01:05 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 01:30 Machete 03:15 Fargo 04:10 Secret Location 05:05 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:00 SuperScrimpers 06:10 Deal or No Deal 07:05 Trans World Sport 08:05 Cycling: Revolution Series 09:00 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:35 Frasier 12:35 The Big Bang Theory 14:00 Rude(ish) Tube 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:10 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 19:10 The Simpsons 19:40 Channel 4 News 20:05 Selling Off Britain 21:00 The World's Weirdest Weather 22:00 Richard III: The Princes in the Tower 23:00 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

00:00 Blue Murder 01:35 The Elephant Man 03:40 Judge Judy 04:20 ITV3 Nightscreen 04:40 Emmerdale 07:00 Judge Judy 07:20 Where the Heart Is 09:30 Agatha Christie's Marple 11:35 The Darling Buds of May 12:45 Bertie and Elizabeth 14:50 A Touch of Frost 16:55 Wycliffe 18:00 Agatha Christie's Marple 20:00 Doc Martin 21:00 Foyle's War 23:00 Inspector Morse

00:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 00:55 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 The Restaurant Inspector 05:00 Never Teach Your Wife to Drive 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:20 Angelina Ballerina 07:35 Pip Ahoy!

07:45 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:10 Olly the Little White Van 08:15 Make Way for Noddy 08:25 Paw Patrol 08:40 Little Princess 09:00 Wanda and the Alien 09:10 Zack and Quack 09:25 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:45 Jelly Jamm 10:00 LazyTown 10:30 Dora and Friends 11:00 The Mr Men Show 11:10 SpongeBob SquarePants 11:45 Alpha and Omega 13:25 Columbo: the Conspirators 15:25 Holiday Love Rats Exposed 16:25 The Woman with 40 Cats - and Other Pet Hoarders 17:25 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 18:25 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 19:20 Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away 20:10 Police Interceptors 21:00 5 News Weekend 21:05 NCIS 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

00:15 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:20 Cape Fear 03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 The Professionals 08:00 The Professionals 09:05 Bundesliga Football Highlights 10:05 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10:40 All Quiet on the Western Front 13:45 Live Snooker: World Grand Prix 18:15 Storage Wars 18:45 Storage Wars 19:15 Storage Wars 19:45 Live Snooker: World Grand Prix

22

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

SUNDAY

22nd MARCH

00:45 The Football League Show 02:05 Virus 03:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 08:30 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics 13:15 MOTD2 Extra 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:15 Homes Under the Hammer 16:15 The Truth About 17:15 Escape to the Country 17:45 Lifeline 17:55 Songs of Praise 18:30 BBC News 18:50 BBC London News; Weather 19:00 The Big Painting Challenge 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Poldark 23:00 BBC News 23:20 BBC London News; Weather 23:30 Match of the Day 2

01:25 Michael Collins 03:25 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Life in a Cottage Garden with Carol Klein 07:30 Great British Garden Revival 08:30 Gardeners' World 09:00 Countryfile 10:00 The Football League Show 11:20 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:50 A Taste of Britain 13:20 Back in Time for Dinner 14:20 Day of the Evil Gun 15:50 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 16:30 Three Up, Two Down 17:00 Hi-de-Hi! 17:35 The Hairy Bikers and Lorraine Pascale: Cooking the Nation's Favourite Food 18:35 Operation Stonehenge: What Lies Beneath 19:35 Pompidou 20:00 Six Nations Greatest Moments 21:00 Caribbean with Simon Reeve 22:00 Louis Theroux: By Reason of Insanity 23:00 Bluestone 42 23:30 Red Tails

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:10 Sooty 08:25 Signed Stories 08:30 Scrambled!

08:35 Nerds & Monsters 08:50 The Aquabats! Super Show!

09:30 Horrid Henry 09:50 Hulk and the Agents of Smash 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:44 ITV Meridian Weather 13:45 Murder, She Wrote 14:45 Fletch Lives 16:30 River Monsters 17:00 Twister 19:05 ITV Meridian Weather 19:05 ITV News Meridian 19:15 ITV News and Weather 19:30 The Chase 20:30 Off Their Rockers 21:00 All Star Family Fortunes 22:00 Mr Selfridge 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather 23:15 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive

01:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

23:00 Gogglebox

00:50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 01:15 SuperCasino 04:10 The Benefits Estate 05:00 The Gadget Show 05:50 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Bananas in Pyjamas 07:20 Angelina Ballerina 07:35 Pip Ahoy!

07:45 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:00 Chloe's Closet 08:15 Olly the Little White Van 08:20 Make Way for Noddy 08:30 Paw Patrol 08:45 Little Princess 09:00 Wanda and the Alien 09:10 Zack and Quack 09:25 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:45 Jelly Jamm 10:00 LazyTown 10:30 Dora and Friends 11:00 SpongeBob SquarePants 11:35 The Dog Rescuers 12:00 The Hotel Inspector 13:55 Phenomenon 16:20 The Borrowers 18:00 A Cinderella Story 19:50 5 News Weekend 19:55 Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: the Cradle of Life 22:00 Alex Cross

00:40 Family Guy 01:05 Family Guy 01:25 Family Guy 01:45 Family Guy 02:10 Family Guy 02:30 Family Guy 02:50 Bluestone 42 03:20 Uncle 03:50 Russell Howard's Good News 04:20 Russell Howard's Good News 04:50 Close 20:00 The Voice UK 21:55 The Voice UK 22:30 Russell Howard's Good News 23:00 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse

00:50 Top of the Pops: 1980 01:35 Kate Bush at the BBC 02:35 The Rolling Stones at the BBC 03:20 Secret Knowledge 03:50 Lost Kingdoms of Central America 04:50 Close 20:00 The Great War 20:40 The Great War 21:20 Pop Go the Sixties 21:25 Pop Go the Sixties 21:30 Secret Knowledge 22:00 Lost Cities of the Ancients 23:00 Sleep Tight

00:35 Ibiza Weekender 01:35 Crazy Beaches 02:00 Hell's Kitchen USA 02:50 Fake Reaction 03:25 Life's Funniest Moments 03:45 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Mr Bean 07:25 Mr Bean 07:50 Emmerdale 10:40 Coronation Street 13:10 Take Me Out 14:20 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 14:50 Scorpion 15:45 Catchphrase 16:40 Hotel Transylvania 18:25 Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 19:50 She's the Man 22:00 Ibiza Weekender 23:00 The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

01:15 A Touch of Frost 03:15 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Judge Judy 07:20 Judge Judy 07:40 Countrywise 08:40 Agatha Christie's Marple 10:35 Heartbeat 11:35 Heartbeat 12:35 A Touch of Frost 14:40 Wycliffe 15:45 A Touch of Frost 17:45 Agatha Christie's Marple 19:50 Inspector Morse 22:00 Sunday Night at the Palladium 23:00 Birds of a Feather 23:30 City Lights

00:15 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:15 8 Mile 03:25 Hogan's Heroes 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 The Professionals 08:00 The Professionals 09:05 Hornblower 11:10 Hogan's Heroes 11:40 The Car Chasers 12:10 The Car Chasers 12:45 Storage Wars 13:10 Storage Wars 13:45 Live Snooker: World Grand Prix 18:15 Storage Wars 18:40 River Monsters 19:45 Live Snooker: World Grand Prix

DON’T MISS

Caribbean with Simon Reeve 21:00 - BBC TWO

New series. The adventurer travels around the islands and mainland coast of the Caribbean Sea, beginning on Hispaniola. He joins the Dominican Republic police's anti-narcotics division, before crossing the border to Haiti to see the notorious tented slums of Cite Soleil, while also discovering a vibrant, colourful and thriving side to the country. He ends this leg of his journey in Puerto Rico, an archipelago that is a territory of the United States, and examines the legacy of bombing and weapons testing on the island of Vieques.

02:05 Stakeout 04:05 Hollyoaks 06:15 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:30 The Common Denominator 06:55 NFL: Rush Zone 07:20 How I Met Your Mother 07:45 How I Met Your Mother 08:10 How I Met Your Mother 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 George Clarke's Amazing Spaces 14:30 The Big Bang Theory 15:00 The Simpsons 15:30 The Simpsons 16:00 The Spy Next Door 17:50 Channel 4 News 18:10 Richard III: The Return of the King 21:00 Great Canal Journeys 22:00 Indian Summers

23

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

MONDAY

23rd MARCH

00:40 The Football League Show 01:25 The Apprentice USA 02:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Edge 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Inside Out 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 New Tricks 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC London News; Weather 23:45 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

01:25 Donkeys 02:40 Countryfile 03:40 Holby City 04:40 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Perfection 07:50 Perfection 08:35 The Sheriffs Are Coming 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 11:05 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:15 Cagney & Lacey 15:00 The World at War

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 Bluestone 42 01:15 American Dad! 01:35 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse 02:35 Russell Howard's Good News 03:05 Bluestone 42 03:35 Comedy Feeds 03:55 Muslim Miss World 04:55 Close 20:00 EastEnders 21:00 Don't Tell the Bride 22:00 Tom Felton Meets the Superfans 23:00 Bluestone 42 23:30 EastEnders

00:35 Kenny Rogers: Cards on the Table 01:35 Top of the Pops: The Story of 1980 02:35 Kings of Soul 03:35 Lost Cities of the Ancients 04:35 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 India's Frontier Railways 22:00 Storyville 23:30 The Bermuda Triangle: Beneath the Waves

DON’T MISS

00:20 LV= Cup Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 15:55 Wogan: The Best Of 19:30 ITV News and Weather 16:40 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 21:00 Tales from 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! Northumberland with Robson 18:15 Antiques Roadshow Green 19:00 Eggheads 21:30 Coronation Street 19:30 Portillo's State Secrets 22:00 The Mafia with Trevor McDonald 20:00 Racing Legends 23:00 ITV News at Ten and 21:00 University Challenge Weather 21:30 Only Connect 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 22:00 Kew on a Plate 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:00 House of Fools 23:40 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:30 Newsnight

The Mafia with Trevor McDonald 22:00 - ITV

Trevor McDonald embarks on an eye-opening journey inside the world of the American Mafia, talking to people who have experienced first-hand the money, glamour and violence of the US's most famous organised crime network. In the first of two programmes, Trevor arrives in New York, where he meets John Alite, a former multimillionaire drug dealer who was also one of the most ruthless Mob killers in modern times. He also talks to Michael `Mikey Scars' DiLeonardo, who became an FBI informant as he faced life in prison.

02:10 Mom 03:00 Life's Funniest Moments 03:25 Teleshopping 06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 Coronation Street 09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:25 Psych 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 Coronation Street 14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Mom 23:00 Celebrity Juice 23:50 Scary Movie 4

00:00 Breaking Dawn Part One 02:15 Brüno 03:35 Come Dine with Me 05:50 River Cottage 06:20 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 06:35 The Common Denominator 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me Abroad 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Dispatches 22:00 Britain's Benefit Tenants 23:00 Raised by Wolves 23:30 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

00:05 Scre4m 02:10 SuperCasino 04:10 The Restaurant Inspector 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Nightmare at the End of the Hall 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Gotham 23:00 Person of Interest 23:55 Tears of the Sun

00:35 02:30 03:20 03:40 04:40 07:00 07:25 08:30 09:35 10:40 11:40 13:00 14:00 15:05 16:10 17:15 17:50 18:20 18:55 20:00 21:00 23:00

00:15 Fearless 02:25 Minder 03:30 Nitro Circus 03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest World Cup Matches 07:15 The Big Match Revisited 08:05 The Professionals 09:05 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 I Want That Car 12:05 Minder 13:05 The Professionals 14:10 Duck Dynasty 15:05 Ax Men 16:00 The Unrideables 17:00 Magnum, PI 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 LV= Cup Rugby Union 21:00 Storage Wars: New York 22:00 Storage Wars: Texas 23:00 Ax Men

Steptoe and Son Perspectives Judge Judy Wycliffe Emmerdale French Fields Wycliffe Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal French Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Lewis Law & Order: UK

24

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

TUESDAY

24th MARCH

00:30 The Graham Norton Show 01:15 Presumed Innocent 03:15 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Edge 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Ordinary Lies 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC London News; Weather 23:45 Call Security

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Bluestone 42 02:00 Tom Felton Meets the Superfans 03:00 Bollywood Carmen Live 04:00 Uncle 04:30 Bluestone 42 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Free Speech 22:00 World's Toughest Jobs 23:00 Killer Magic 23:30 EastEnders

DON’T MISS

00:15 Weather 00:20 Louis Theroux: By Reason of Insanity 01:20 Reinventing the Royals 02:20 The Big Painting Challenge 03:20 This Is BBC Two 04:00 Schools - Let's Kick Some Maths 05:00 Schools - Exploration India 06:00 Schools - Ultimate Brain: Mad Lab - Circle of Life 06:15 Schools - Ultimate Brain: Mad Lab - A Load of Old Rubbish 06:30 Schools - Punctuation Pals 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Perfection 08:50 Flog It! Trade Secrets 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Your Home in Their Hands 11:05 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:15 The Super League Show 15:00 The World at War 15:55 Wogan: The Best Of 16:40 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Portillo's State Secrets 20:00 The Great British Bake Off 21:00 Back in Time for Dinner 22:00 Dara and Ed's Great Big Adventure 23:00 Nurse 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 A Great Welsh Adventure with Griff Rhys Jones 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 On Assignment

00:35 24 Hours in A&E 01:30 The Secret Millionaire 02:25 The Fairy Jobmother USA 03:20 Hugh's Three Hungry Boys 04:15 Secret Location 05:10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me Abroad 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Burger Bar to Gourmet Star 22:00 One Born Every Minute 23:00 Teens

02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 The Restaurant Inspector 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Final Verdict 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 Breaking the Law: Bent Coppers 23:00 Aidan: The Rarest Boy in the World

00:30 Agnetha: Abba & After

01:30 02:20 03:20 06:50 07:00 07:25 08:10 08:40 09:40 10:40 11:25 12:20 13:10 13:40 14:40 15:40 19:00 21:00 22:00 23:00

00:00 01:35 02:30 03:10 03:30 07:00 07:10 07:35 08:40 09:40 10:45 11:45 13:05 14:05 15:10 16:15 17:20 17:55 18:20 18:55 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00

00:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 01:00 LV= Cup Rugby Union 02:00 DOA: Dead or Alive 03:25 Nitro Circus 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 UEFA Champions League Greatest Finals 07:20 The Big Match Revisited 08:10 Duck Dynasty 09:05 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 Magnum, PI 12:05 Minder 13:05 The Professionals 14:05 Duck Dynasty 15:00 Ax Men 16:00 I Want That Car 17:00 Magnum, PI 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Shed and Buried 23:00 Sports Life Stories

01:30 Sounds of the Sixties 02:00 Born to Be Wild 03:00 You've Got a Friend: The Carole King Story 04:00 The Bermuda Triangle: Beneath the Waves 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Natural World 22:00 The Normans 23:00 Inside Claridge's

Burger Bar to Gourmet Star 21:00 CHANNEL 4

New series. Fast-food cooks with no formal training are taught by some of Britain's most refined chefs, before posing as seasoned professionals working in world-class kitchens. Burger-van owner Carl is paired with notorious perfectionist Daniel Clifford at the two Michelinstarred restaurant Midsummer House in Cambridge. Enduring 18-hour days, intense pressure and time away from his family, will Carl be able to pass himself off as one of Daniel's best chefs at the renowned Osteria Francescana in Modena, Italy?

Two and a Half Men The Vampire Diaries Teleshopping ITV2 Nightscreen Life's Funniest Moments Psych Emmerdale Coronation Street Dinner Date Catchphrase Psych Royal Pains Emmerdale Coronation Street Dinner Date The Jeremy Kyle Show You've Been Framed!

Two and a Half Men Hell's Kitchen USA Ibiza Weekender

Wire in the Blood Wycliffe Judge Judy ITV3 Nightscreen Teleshopping Movies Now French Fields Wycliffe Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal French Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Love Your Garden Long Lost Family Law & Order: UK

25

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

WEDNESDAY

25th MARCH

00:35 A Serious Man 02:15 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:20 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Edge 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 The Billion Dollar Chicken Shop 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC London News; Weather 23:45 A Question of Sport

00:15 Weather 00:20 Caribbean with Simon Reeve 01:20 Italy Unpacked 02:20 This Is BBC Two 04:20 Schools - Punctuation Rules 05:00 Schools - An Idiot's Guide to Politics 05:30 Schools Evolutionwatch 06:00 Schools - My Life, My Religion: Islam 06:30 Schools - My Life, My Religion: Christianity 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:15 Perfection 08:00 Perfection 08:45 Flog It! Trade Secrets 09:15 Countryside 999 10:00 Natural World 11:00 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Lifeline 14:10 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:20 Cagney & Lacey 15:10 The World at War 16:00 Wogan: The Best Of 16:45 Are You Being Served?

17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Portillo's State Secrets 20:00 Britain's Got the Builders In 21:00 The Ladykillers: Pest Detectives 22:00 Hillary Clinton: The Power of Women 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:10 Cricket World Cup Highlights 01:10 Carry On Follow That Camel 02:40 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Big Star's Little Star 22:00 DCI Banks 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 Pop Gold

00:00 First Dates 01:00 Poker 01:55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:20 Cycling: Revolution Series 03:20 Trans World Sport 04:15 Secret Location 05:10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasie 11:00 Undercover Boss Canada 12:00 Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me Abroad 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Three in a Bed 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 First Dates

00:00 The Vow 02:05 SuperCasino 04:10 My Violent Child 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Woman with 40 Cats - and Other Pet Hoarders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: New Orleans 16:15 Ann Rule's Too Late to Say Goodbye 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Trauma Doctors 21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 22:00 OAPs Behaving Badly 23:00 Shock Docs

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Killer Magic 02:00 World's Toughest Jobs 03:00 Free Speech 04:00 World's Toughest Jobs 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Tom Felton Meets the Superfans 22:00 Stacey Dooley Investigates 23:00 Bad Education 23:30 Bad Education

00:00 Mark Lawson Talks To 01:00 The Joy of Abba 02:00 Born to Be Wild 03:00 Elvis: That's Alright Mama 60 Years On 04:00 The Normans 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Great Irish Journeys with Martha Kearney 21:30 The Quizeum 22:00 The Wonderful World of Blood - with Michael Mosley 23:00 In and Out of the Kitchen 23:30 Big Hits: TOTP 1964 to 1975

00:00 Tricked 01:00 Two and a Half Men 01:55 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 02:20 Royal Pains 03:05 Life's Funniest Moments 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:25 Psych 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 You've Been Framed!

14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 The Vampire Diaries 23:00 Hot Fuzz

00:00 Wire in the Blood 01:35 Wycliffe 02:30 The Royal 03:20 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 French Fields 07:25 Wycliffe 08:30 Heartbeat 09:35 Where the Heart Is 10:40 The Royal 11:40 Judge Judy 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:05 Heartbeat 15:05 Where the Heart Is 16:10 The Royal 17:15 French Fields 17:50 Rising Damp 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 19:55 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Rosemary & Thyme 22:00 Paul O'Grady's Animal Orphans 23:00 Law & Order: UK

00:00 Backdraft 02:35 This Is Spinal Tap 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Football's Greatest: Lionel Messi 07:20 The Big Match Revisited 08:05 Duck Dynasty 09:05 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 Magnum, PI 12:05 Minder 13:05 The Professionals 14:05 Duck Dynasty 15:05 Ax Men 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Magnum, PI 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Storage Wars: New York 22:00 The Chase 23:00 Cape Fear

DON’T MISS

GPs: Behind Closed Doors 21:00 - CHANNEL 5

At Putneymead Group Medical Practice in south-west London, Dr Alison Kirkland sees a woman who blacked out while walking home from work, while Dr Mandeep Baveja tries to discover the root cause of his patient's crippling back pain and inability to control his bladder.

Nurse Louise Johnson is doing her best to look after a mother and her three children who were run over by a van, and Dr Kieron Earney and his patient discuss which provides the better service - private health care or the NHS. Last in the series.

26

COURIER TV GUIDE - Friday 20th March to Thursday 26th March

THURSDAY

26th MARCH

00:15 The Devil's Double 01:55 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Edge 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 17:15 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 The Truth About 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC London News; Weather 23:45 Question Time

00:15 Weather 00:20 Dara and Ed's Great Big Adventure 01:20 See Hear 01:50 Suffragettes Forever!

The Story of Women and Power 02:50 The Big Painting Challenge 03:50 This Is BBC Two 04:00 Schools - Glasgow Girls 05:00 Schools - Story of Britain 06:00 Schools - My Life, My Religion: Sikhism 06:30 Schools - My Life, My Religion: Judaism 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:20 Perfection 08:05 Perfection 08:50 Flog It! Trade Secrets 09:20 Countryside 999 10:05 Great British Garden Revival 11:05 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:10 Cagney & Lacey 15:00 Animal Park 16:00 Wogan: The Best Of 16:45 Are You Being Served?

17:15 Three Up, Two Down 17:45 Hi-de-Hi! 18:15 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Portillo's State Secrets 20:00 Britain's Got the Builders In 21:00 Natural World 22:00 Banished 23:00 Inside No 9 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 A Night in with Olly Murs 01:40 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 1000 Heartbeats 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Double Decker Driving School 22:00 The Triplets Are Coming!

23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 The Last Word

00:00 One Born Every Minute 01:00 The Kids Who Can't Stay Awake 01:55 Mary Portas: Secret Shopper 02:50 I Love You, Beth Cooper 04:30 Random Acts 04:35 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:30 River Cottage Bites 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 The Common Denominator 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Frasier 11:00 Richard III: The Burial of the King 14:00 Channel 4 News Summary 14:05 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Richard III: The King Laid to Rest 22:00 Coalition 23:35 Britain's Benefit Tenants

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Stacey Dooley Investigates 02:25 I Survived a Zombie Apocalypse 03:25 Killer Magic 03:55 Stacey Dooley Investigates 04:50 Close 20:00 The Billion Dollar Chicken Shop 21:00 World's Toughest Jobs 22:00 Murdered by My Boyfriend 23:00 Russell Howard's Good News 23:30 EastEnders

01:00 Abba at the BBC

01:25 Two and a Half Men 02:20 The Vampire Diaries 03:15 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 Coronation Street 09:10 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:25 Psych 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 Coronation Street 14:15 You've Been Framed!

14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Scorpion 23:00 Celebrity Juice 23:50 Release the Hounds

00:00 01:10 02:10 03:00 03:30 07:00 07:25 08:30 09:35 10:40 11:40 12:05 12:35 13:00 14:05 15:05 16:10 17:15 17:50 18:20 18:55 19:55 21:00 23:00

DON’T MISS

02:00 Born to Be Wild 03:00 The Quizeum 03:30 The Wonderful World of Blood - with Michael Mosley 04:30 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Top of the Pops: 1980 21:00 Timewatch 22:00 India's Frontier Railways 23:00 The Inca: Masters of the Clouds

Natural World 21:00 - BBC TWO

For animals growing up is a real adventure, but finding food, avoiding predators and making friends doesn't always come naturally, so they need a little parental guidance to help them learn and hone the skills that will enable them to survive on their own. David Tennant narrates this documentary following the trials and tribulations of young animals all over the world as they prepare to leave home.

Wycliffe Northern Lights The Royal ITV3 Nightscreen Teleshopping French Fields Wycliffe Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal Judge Judy Judge Judy Judge Judy Murder, She Wrote Heartbeat Where the Heart Is The Royal French Fields Rising Damp On the Buses Heartbeat Murder, She Wrote Foyle's War Law & Order: UK

00:00 Born to Kill?

01:00 Holiday Love Rats Exposed 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Mummy's Little Murderer 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Great Artists 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Hotel Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Montana Sky 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Classic Car Show 21:00 Countdown to Murder 22:00 Holiday Love Rats Exposed 23:00 The Mentalist

01:30 God of Chaos 02:20 Shed and Buried 03:15 Nitro Circus 03:35 Movies Now 03:45 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Hat-Trick Heroes 07:15 The Big Match Revisited 08:05 Duck Dynasty 09:05 Minder 10:10 Ax Men 11:05 Magnum, PI 12:05 Minder 13:05 The Professionals 14:10 Duck Dynasty 15:05 Ax Men 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Magnum, PI 18:00 The Professionals 19:00 Minder 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:30 Football's Greatest: Thierry Henry 20:40 Live International Football 23:15 D-Tox

Friday 20th March 2015

27

28

Friday 20th March 2015

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 7 represents P and 25 represents X, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Created (4) 4 Raged (5) 9 Desist (7) 10 Happen again (5) 11 Capital of Vietnam (5) 12 Hearing (7) 13 Straight sword (6) 15 Napping (6) 19 Surprise (7) 21 Little (5) 23 Snares (5) 24 Treeless grassy plain (7) 25 Herb (5) 26 Require (4)

2 Fire-raising (5) 3 Inspect (7) 4 End (6) 5 Spots (5) 6 Mislead (7) 7 Congregate (6) 8 Small bird (4) 14 Yokel (7) 16 Maintain (7) 17 Steal (6) 18 Persons (6) 19 Location (4) 20 Luscious (5) 22 Concur (5)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Dear, 3 Reprisal, 9 Sincere, 10 Crude, 11 Loyal, 12 Garden, 14 Secure, 16 Allege, 19 Baffle, 21 Await, 24 Alter, 25 Anemone, 26 Sorcerer, 27 Fees.

Down: 1 Disclose, 2 Annoy, 4 Emerge, 5 Recur, 6 Squeeze, 7 Leek, 8 Cellar, 13 Restless, 15 Chatter, 17 Leader, 18 Debate, 20 Force, 22 Alone, 23 Pass.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 To the Spanish, to the singer (4) 3 Hesper’s fresh fields (7) 7/27 Bobby’s not in, that’s just an excuse (3,3) 8 Tree from New Zealand, some from Tonga I observed (5) 9 Dance that’s rhythmic to a graduate after a drink (5) 10 Turned out, so I be in Idaho (5) 11 Rebuild moral grinder (5) 12 Combine some summer gear (A) 13 Not in favour of harassed Tina (4) 14 Steals like the old devils (5) 16 Powerless to move, as shiner tremendously shows (5) 18 Fellow expected back during sustained enmity (4) 20 They’ve nominated a witch doctor to extract the poison (5) 22 Many sound prospects for prospectors (5) 24 I fear cook is ablaze (5) 25 Congratulate prior to key new start (5) 26 Poles damaged pitch (5)

27 See 7 28 Unfortunately harried because of a prominent feature (3,4) 29 A Spanish agreement with a region to the East (4) Down 1 Gnome in an unusual nickname (7) 2 Follow a rough road? (5) 3 Upset about love being indulged (6) 4 Damage found round oriental women’s quarters (5) 5 Feeling of guilt concerning the code (7) 6 Disturb fish by double bend (5) 7 Sun god’s after the nut’s snakes (6) 15 The deacon tends to demonstrate deal (7) 16 That is about fifty, most unused (6) 17 Piece of mosaic a Greek god set up (7) 19 Journalist rebel rioted (6) 20 Although considered a snake in the grass, the important person met the queen (5) 21 Heavenly food at a stately home we hear (5) 23 Hatches bad odors (5)

STANDARD CLUES 26 Incline (5) Across 27 See 7 1 Singing voice (4) 28 Ginger (3,4) 3 Domains (7) 29 Largest continent (4) 7/27 Evasion of responsi- Down bility (3,3) 1 Added name (7) 8 Mousehole tree (5) 2 Lag behind (5) 9 Afro-Cuban dance (5) 3 Ruined (6) 10 Capital of Idaho (5) 4 Wives of a polygamous 11 Grinding tooth (5) man (5) 12 Blend together (A) 5 Bitter regret (7) 13 Opposed to (4) 6 Tremble (5) 14 Notches (5) 7 Hooded snakes (6) 16 Passive (5) 15 Struggle (7) 18 Bitter quarrel (4) 16 Least active (6) 20 Poisonous fluid (5) 17 Mosaic piece (7) 22 Deposits (5) 19 Newspaper boss (6) 24 State of inflammation 20 Venomous snake (5) (5) 21 Miraculous food (5) 25 Groom oneself (5) 23 Entrances (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Cachet, 4 Aprons, 9 A la mode, 10 Oxeye, 11 Elfin, 12 Reeling, 13 Underhanded, 18 Titanic, 20 Taboo, 22 Prior, 23 Sloping, 24 Digger, 25 Advent.

Down: 1 Chaser, 2 Chaff, 3 Enounce, 5 Phone, 6 Onetime, 7 Sleigh, 8 Bear the cost, 14 Nothing, 15 Net cord, 16 Stupid, 17 Nought, 19 Norse, 21 Baize.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Age Ala Ale Any Arc Ash Ate Ben Dab Ewe Gal Gov Ilk Ken Law Lip Nap

Ode Pet Res See Spa Tap Tar Tea Ten Top Yes 4 letter words Alas Asps Beta Brew Debt Else

Ewer Gibe Gran Hips Iris Leks Nose Oral Pens Pule Rate Rent Rite Sank Sear Seat Sire Star Tarn

Teal Tine Veto 5 letter words Adopt Alibi Await Berne Eagle Goose Oriel Panel Paths Pupil Sense Tiara Venue Villa

6 letter words Arrest Cheats Gaiter Slogan Stress Stubby Tattle Yellow 9 letter words Ballerina Barkeeper Entertain Inglenook

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Creamy (7) 5 Kiss (4) 8 Goodbye (5) 9 Cellophane (7) 11 Grosero (maleducado) (4) 12 Lazy (idle) (8) 15 Huesos (5) 16 Wall (interior) (5) 19 Cakes (8) 21 Each (4) 23 Mountain (7) 25 Influenza (5) 26 Toad (4) 27 Pasas (7) Down 2 Gotas de lluvia (9)

3 Table (4) 4 Sagrado (lugar, libro) (6) 5 Abuchear (3) 6 Ciervos (machos) (5) 7 Goat (5) 10 To carry (6) 13 Operación (médico) (9) 14 Cherry (6) 17 Decade (6) 18 Vendavales (vientos fuertes) (5) 20 Now (at this time, immediately) (5) 22 Huevos (4) 24 Dos (3)

29

Friday 20th March 2015 Across 1 What name completes the name of a chart-topping 60s pop group: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and (Who)? (4) 3 By what nickname is the British Broadcasting Corporation often referred to by the British media? (4) 6 Which word, derived from the Latin for ‘silent’, means understood or implied without being stated? (5) 10 What name is often applied to medieval singers or musicians? (9) 11 William Butler were the first names of which famous Irish poet and dramatist? (5) 12 The French singer Edith Piaf was also known by the nickname the ‘Little (What)’?

(7) 13 Which southern rock band formed in Tampa, Florida in late 1967 shares its name with Mike Berry’s backing group? (7) 14 Situated in Kennington in South London, what is the name of Surrey County Cricket Club’s home ground?

(4) 16 Which hand tool shares its name with a front claw of a lobster or similar crustacean?

(6) 18/25D Which 1959 American Western film, directed by

Howard Hawks, starred John Wayne as Sheriff John T Chance, Dean Martin as Dude and Ricky Nelson as Colorado Ryan? (3,5) 21 The last Allman Brothers Band album to include lead slide-guitar player Duane Allman was entitled (What) A Peach? (3) 22 According to the lyrics of the Bob Dylan song, the (what) was Blowin’ in the Wind? (6) 23 What is the first name of the Welsh singer and presenter who first came to fame as a treble, but is now known for his television and radio presenting roles with the BBC and ITV, presenting shows such as Songs of Praise, Escape to the Country and Cash in the Attic? (4) 25 Which city in Los Angeles County, California, is often billed as the Media Capital of the World? (7) 27 See 26 Down 29 The Mexican drink tequila is made from which American plant with narrow spiny leaves and tall flower spikes?

(5) 30 Because of its large film and television production industry, which Canadian city has earned itself the nickname Hollywood North? (9)

SUDOKU (Medium)

Quiz Word

Me and Bobby McGee, Sunday Mornin’ Comin’ Down, and Help Me Make It Through the Night? (4)

Down

31 Which earthy pigment containing ferric oxide, varies in colour from light yellow to brown or red? (5) 32 Which colourless odourless gaseous element is often

used in signs and produces an unmistakable bright reddish-orange light? (4) 33 What is the first name of the singer-songwriter who is best known for hits such as

1 Which 1993 Western movie written by Kevin Jarre, starred Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp and Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday? (9) 2 Which Latin American dance consists of three steps and a kick, by people in single file? (5) 4 Which white flower found high in the Alps gives its name to a song from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical The Sound of Music?

(9) 5 What name is given to an adult male singer with the lowest voice? (5) 6 Which 1995 computer-animated family film features the characters Woody, Buzz Lightyear and Mr Potato Head? (3,5) 7 The Western-themed television series that ran from 1967 to 1971, and starred Leif Erickson as ‘Big’ John Cannon, was entitled The High (What)? (9) 8 What name is given to the long pointed teeth used for fighting or digging seen on elephants and walruses? (5)

9 What was the stage surname of the Beatles’ drummer, who born Richard Starkey? (5) 15 Which 1966 Rolling Stones’ album featured the Jagger/Richards’ tracks Mother’s Little Helper, Under My Thumb and Out of Time?

(9) 17 Which musical term means ‘a gradual increase in loudness’? (9) 19 Which name is given to the military position in which the rifle is held vertically on the right side with the butt on the ground? (5,4) 20 According to her 1981 UK number one hit single, what nationality was Aneka’s Boy? (8) 24 Which town in Berkshire is mentioned in the title of a tune from the Lerner and Loewe musical My Fair Lady?

(5) 25 See 18 Across 26/27 Which American actor’s film roles have included John J Dunbar in Dances with Wolves, Jim Garrison in JFK, Ray Kinsella in Field of Dreams, and Eliot Ness in The Untouchables? (5,7) 28 According to the title of a famous Johnny Mathis song, I’ll still be loving you, until the Twelfth of (When)? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH PONERTE EN FORMA - GET FIT Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

andar

dormir bastante

beber mucha

estírate

agua

hacer ejercicio

comer bien

ir en bici

comer más pescado

no fumar

comer verduras

no tomar café

desayunar bien

ser activo

sports QUIZ

ANSEWRS: 1. Lennox Lewis 2. Aberdeen 3. 14 4. Bull Fighting 5.

Three 6. Jack Dempsey 7. Washington Redskins 8. 10 9.

Formula One Racing 10. Sporting Lisbon 11. Skiing 12.

Fairyhouse

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 9 Ominous, 10 Abilene, 11 Nigeria, 12 Gambols, 13 Yesterday, 15 Elbow, 16 Dentist, 19 Epstein, 20 Range, 21 Raconteur, 25 Satchmo, 27 Scarlet, 29 Onerous, 30 Outline.

Down: 1/24 Johnny Rotten, 2 Dirges, 3 Four, 4 Island, 5 Gargoyle, 6 Liam Neeson, 7 Redouble, 8 Gershwin, 14 Exile, 16 Derision, 17 Nineteen, 18 Tortoise, 22 Cosmos, 23 Eclair, 26 Hook, 28 Alto.

disfrutar la vida Empareja estas palabras - Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.andar, 2.beber mucha agua,

10.hacer ejercicio, 11.ir en bici,

h.don’t drink coffee,

3.comer bien,

12.no fumar, 13.no tomar café,

i.eat vegetables, j.eat more fish,

4.comer más pescado,

14.ser más activo.

k.enjoy life, l.drink more water,

5.comer verduras,

a.eat well, b.do exercise,

m.sleep well, n.stretch

6.desayunar bien,

c.eat a good breakfast,

7.disfrutar la vida,

d.go by bike, e.be more active,

8.dormir bastante, 9.estírate,

f.don’t smoke, g.walk,

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1g, 2l, 3a, 4j, 5i, 6c, 7k, 8m, 9n, 10b, 11d, 12f, 13h, 14e.

1. Which Boxer Sacked His Manager Frank Maloney In 2001?

2. Football Club did Alex Ferguson manage, before joining Manchester United?

3. How Many Nations Were Represented At The First Modern Olympics In Athens In 1896?

4. In Which Blood Sport Are Banderillas Used?

5. How Many Times Are A Team Allowed To Touch A Volleyball Before It Crosses The Net? 6. Which Boxer Of Yesteryear Was Nicknamed The Manassa Mauler?

7. Who won the 1988 Superbowl?

8. How Many Hurdles Are There In The Men's 110 metres Hurdles?

9. FISA Is The Ruling Body For Which Sport?

10. Prior To Joining Manchester Utd In 2007 Which Club Did Cristiano Ronaldo Play For? 11. Which Sport Uses The Terms Christies & Traversing?

12. Where Is The Irish Grand National Run?

Fill It In

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Friday 20th March 2015

PLACENTA SMOOTHIE?

A woman from Wiltshire who makes smoothies from human placenta – blended with berries and banana – is being investigated by public health officials.

Kathryn Beale produces the drinks for new mothers, who supply her with their own placenta.

She insists the smoothies are safe and argues that eating placentas has many health benefits.

But when council officials heard about Beale’s business, they sought an emergency prohibition order. She has voluntarily stopped making smoothies pending a visit from officials to inspect hygiene standards.

Beale said she makes each smoothie by blending an

8cm-long piece of placenta with some sliced banana, a punnet of organic berries and 150ml of water.

The remaining placenta is dehydrated, ground into powder and turned into pills. Beale has been running her placenta business for two years and typically has two customers a month.

“I’d say about 40% of women who come to me to have their placenta made into pills also have a smoothie,” said Beale. “You honestly can’t taste the placenta – all the mums tell me it just tastes like fruit. There’s considerably more fruit in each smoothie than there is placenta.”

Beale said she only allows mothers to consume their own placenta and that she does not make placenta smoothies for anyone else.

She added that she sterilises all her equipment before use and follows strict hygiene rules to ensure the safety of her customers. “Somebody, I don’t know who, contacted the council and asked what my hygiene rating was, and I don’t have one yet. Hopefully it will be sorted soon and someone will come, inspect my equipment and give me a hygiene rating.”

Beale said some celebrities had championed the benefits of eating placenta. “The health benefits are great. After giving birth, most mums are anaemic to some extent, and placenta is full of iron, so it helps with that. It also helps with postnatal depression, baby blues and milk production,” she said.

“Most species of mammal eat their own placenta straight after birth, raw – it is nor-

mal in the animal kingdom.”

Swindon borough council said: “We can confirm public protection officers attended court on Tuesday 10 March seeking a hygiene emergency prohibition order in respect of raw human placenta practices.

“Our investigations continue, and we are therefore unable to comment further at this stage. While the health benefits of this activity are not clear, the processes involved in the production of human placenta for human consumption present a number of potentially serious health risks, which explains this action.”

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Friday 20th March 2015

WHY YOUR BLOOD TESTS ARE NORMAL EVEN THOUGH YOU FEEL ILL I am amazed at how much importance people attach to blood test results. Mainstream hospitals have made such a big deal of blood tests that the public sees it as a reliable way to pinpoint what´s wrong with the body. Undeniably, blood tests play a role in healthcare, but a very limited one. To understand why blood tests are so limited, it is important to understand what goes on behind the scenes when blood samples are analysed.

Blood tests rely on the identification of blood markers such as; cells, enzymes, antibodies and other proteins found in blood in other to predict a problem with the body. The aim of blood tests is to show when the readings of these blood markers are either normal, above normal or below normal and from these results, doctors can better predict the cause of a disease.

Sounds simple and straightforward enough, but the problem is that blood tests are highly unspecific and inaccurate and therefore limited in diagnosing diseases. In addition, hospitals will only recommend the basic blood tests to save costs, leaving out the better ones for more serious ill-

nesses. But what´s even worse is that blood tests do not detect diseases early. By the time a blood test picks up a problem, it is usually far gone. For example the liver func-

tion test (LFT) is a fairly common blood test used to assess the liver. However these enzymes only show up in blood when liver cells start to die-off, and by that time, the illness may have progressed to far to reverse. The earlier a disease is identified, the easier it is to treat. At MedB clinic we use a state-ofthe-art, computerised technology – Sensitiv Imago- to detect any likely health problems, by measuring electromagnetic frequencies emanating from the body. In addition to carrying out a non-invasive blood test, and microbiology (for detecting bacteria, viruses and fungi), the technology is able to scan through all organs and systems of the body, to identify diseases and complications. Furthermore, the scan is able to identify toxic contaminants present in the body, food sensitivities, chromosomal analysis for genetic diseases, as well as other tests. To book a scan with Sensitiv Imago technology, call 965071745, 966189074 FOR A FULL BODY DIAGNOSTIC SCAN CALL 965071745, 966189074 or visit www.medb.es

THE BEST HANGOVER CURES From fizzy pop to paracetamol, here's what to do (and what not to do) if you over-indulged last night

The best way to avoid a hangover is, of course, prevention - by limiting the amount you drink, eating a decent meal beforehand, and drinking plenty of water throughout the night. But if that went out of the window with your decorum, here's what the doctors say works best.

Sugar Many people find that sugary drinks and foods help them recover from hangovers, as blood glucose can dip very low after a binge. A can of fizz can stop you feeling trembly, and also give

you enough of an energy boost to get up (even if it's just from bed on to the sofa).

Researchers in China last year tested the effects of 57 drinks, from fizzy pop to herbal tea, and found that a can of Sprite was the most effective in speeding up the time it takes for the body to break down alcohol.

Water Alcohol is a diuretic and can cause dehydration – it’s this, some doctors say, as much as the booze itself, which makes you feel terrible the next morning. Downing a few glasses of water before you go to bed in advisable, but if you failed to do that last night at least make sure you keep topped up during the day.

Pain medication Over-the-counter painkillers are what most of us reach for when we’ve overdone it the night before, but choose carefully – The NHS says that

paracetamol-based remedies are usually best, as aspirin may further irritate the stomach and increase nausea and sickness.

Carbs Many people swear by a greasy fryup, but fatty and salt foods only aggravate fragile stomachs, says nutritonist Sara Stanner. She recommends instead tucking into some bland, slowrelease carbohydrates such as cereal or toast, as they will sustain your energy levels for longer.

WHAT NOT TO DO Hair of the dog Having a drink the morning after is an ancient remedy for hangovers. It can temporarily alleviate the sysmptoms, but it only postpones the inevitable. That dog will come back, and it will bite you – hard.

Drink coffee Caffeine also works as a diuretic, so it can make alcohol-induced dehydration worse. Even if you feel you need pepping up it’s better to stick to water.

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Horoscopes Aries March 21 - April 19 Your chart’s zone of deep feelings, dreams and intuition is action-packed this week, when the Sun’s eclipse helps you focus on your private, inner world. Important changes are on the horizon, so do not feel that you should stick with people or with situations that you have outgrown. Trust your instinct, not your reason, and you will make the right decisions.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Important doors are set to open in the month ahead, so do not let existing ties make you miss the opportunities for growth the Sun’s eclipse is due to bring your way. An unexpected conversation later in the week could also help you to branch out and break new ground. It seems that someone could have more to offer than you thought.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Friday’s eclipse of the Sun in your chart’s career zone is due to put you in a very strong position. The time has come to make decisions that you had postponed and to ask for what you want from those concerned.

Feedback from someone in a key position could also help you see your options in a more constructive light.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 What you really want from life could soon undergo some subtle but far-reaching changes.

Do not feel you should maintain the status quo.

If you put your interests first and insist that others listen, you can turn a certain situation to your own advantage. The Sun’s eclipse on Friday also stresses the importance of being open to new people and ideas.

Friday 20th March 2015

By Pandora Leo July 23 - August 22 What you expect from someone close, and what you are prepared to offer in return, comes up for review this week, when the Sun’s eclipse could trigger major changes in your most important long-term bonds with others. What really matters is being open and direct about your feelings. You can bring about some kind of breakthrough now.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 If you trust your intuition, you will find a way to solve a problem that has held you back in recent weeks. In fact, with telepathic Neptune on your side, you can read others like an open book, so do not let a passing comment throw you off your stride. The Sun’s eclipse will also put you in a strong position. All you need to do is remember that you call the tune.

Libra September 23 - October 22 With so much dramatic action in the area of your skies that rules your love life, almost anything could happen in the week ahead, so keep your options open and let no one make decisions for you. You can sidestep problems if you let your intuition be your guide and focus on your deeper needs and feelings. Only you know what you want long-term.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 A more adventurous and fulfilling phase begins this week, when the Sun’s eclipse should help you break free from a situation that you find restrictive and to make your own decisions. Do not hold on to the past or try to swim against the tide. Someone you would like to see much more of could also start to play a major role for you in months to come.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Domestic changes triggered by the Sun’s eclipse this week could have far-reaching repercussions in the months ahead, so keep your options open and postpone commitments that you might regret. You will make the right decisions if you let events unfold instead of trying to take control. Blue skies and better times lie ahead.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Major changes in the company you keep and in your short-term plans are writ large in your skies this week, when the Sun’s eclipse is due to help you forge new bonds with people who are truly on your wavelength. You could also find that you share unexpected common ground with someone who could soon become a new, important ally.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 The Sun’s eclipse on Friday in your chart’s financial sector is due to bring unexpected changes. It also brings new opportunities to reach a more secure position, so be flexible about the future and prepared to take the road less travelled. You could well find a recent setback was a blessing in disguise.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Friday’s eclipse of the Sun in Pisces marks a major turning point in your affairs. If you let go of outworn attitudes and focus on the future, you can leave certain problems in the past, so do not hesitate to turn the page.

What matters now is being flexible and saying yes to change. Do not limit your horizons.

A new era is beginning.

Friday 20th March 2015

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RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain eight years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Bob wanted to know why his Internet Explorer ADVICE: Clive was having problems with his laptop booting up session kept crashing.

I use Internet Explorer for my browser. Recently a problem has started to happen whilst reading newspapers online such as the Daily Mail or El Pais (in English). I read the various articles and then suddenly a warning comes up on the screen “Internet Explorer has stopped working” and the page sticks. It states “A problem caused programme to stop working correctly. Windows will close programme and notify you if a solution is available”. It performs a check and then requires the warning notice to be closed. I can then carry on reading. I have not had any notification of the problem to date so do you have you any idea of what this problem is? Please note that my first page to read each week in The Courier is yours so keep up the good work. Regards Bob

Q

A

Hi Bob, this sort of problem is usually caused by a plugin or as Microsoft call them “add-ons” these are small programs that run inside your Internet Explorer browser session and provide additional functionality (or crash your session every now and

then!).

In order to properly identify which add-on is causing the problem you should do the following…

Launch Internet Explorer Click Tools, Manage Add-Ons You will notice that each Add-On has a status of either “enabled” or “disabled”, make a note of which has each status For each Add-On that is enabled, click on it and click disable, do this until all the Add-Ons are disabled Now navigate to the page that you are having problems with and you should find that Internet Explorer doesn’t crash Now enable each Add-On individually and refresh the Internet Explorer page until it crashes again – when it does the problem is the Add-On you have just enabled.

Hope this helps.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Love your weekly column, I find it very informative. I wonder if you can help me. I have a Toshiba Equium A200 laptop which I have had for about 4 years. Just lately I have had a problem with it not booting up. I turn it on and sometimes it will boot fine, another time I have to turn it off and on until it decides to boot. I thought the hard disc was failing so have replaced it but the fault is still there. I now wonder if this is a bios or registry problem. Apart from this the laptop works perfectly. If I press F12 on startup and press boot from HDD it normally will boot up but not always.

I value your opinion on this matter as I am getting very frustrated with this problem and am thinking of maybe replacing my laptop if I can't sort it out. Many thanks in advance. Regards, Clive.

Q

A

Hi Clive, sorry for the delay in getting back to you, Unfortunately your problem is not an easy one to fix via email, it could relate to a number of things, you have already ruled out the hard drive as an issue by replacing it, so perhaps the problem is related to the RAM or some other component, it's going to be a laborious process of testing each thing individually I'm afraid. You are correct it could be related to the BIOS but almost certainly not the registry as you seem to suggest that the problem occurs even before the hard drive is accessed and the registry is only loaded with Windows (some time down the boot process).

ADVICE: Brian wanted to know how to enable cookies in Google Chrome

Q A

Hi Richard. I need to turn on my cookies for google chrome so that I can access my tesco bank acc. I have tried but cannot find out how to do it. Could you help please?

Why is life so difficult? Many thanks Brian

Hi Brian, in order to be able to manage your Google Chrome cookies you will need to do the following...

1. Launch Google Chrome 2. Click the wrench icon (top right of the screen) 3. Select Settings 4. Click Show advanced settings 5. Click Content settings in the "Privacy" section It's this section that shows your cookie settings, in order to turn them on (which they should be by default anyway), you will need to tick "Allow local data to be set", this will enable both first-party and third-party cookies.

As for the question about “life” I have no idea, I often wonder the same ;-)

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Friday 20th March 2015

CHRYSLER TO PULL OUT OF UK

Chrysler has decided to withdraw from the UK market, and has given notice to its dealers of the news.

The writing has been on the wall for Chrysler for some time due to slow sales of the Ypsilon, 300C saloon and Grand Voyager – the only models the company still sells here.

The Delta hatchback was pulled from the UK last year following three years in which it barely made a dent on one of the most competitive sectors in the market.

Now Chrysler’s other models will follow suit, although the company’s Jeep subsidiary will continue to sell cars here.

A Chrysler spokesman told Telegraph Cars: “In accordance with UK consumer demand and our customer expectation, we’ve taken the decision to shift our resources to other Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) products."

The spokesman went on to say that Chrysler dealers have been given notice of the marque’s exit, but will be expected to honour their commitment to Chrysler customers until 15 March 2017.

Chrysler was, however, unable to confirm if it would continue to honour its warranty commitments thereafter.

It is expected that the company will reveal full details of its plans in due course.

The news brings to an end 45 years of Chrysler-branded cars having been sold in the UK, a period which started when the company took a controlling interest in the Rootes Group in 1967.

Three years later, the name was changed to Chrysler (UK).

The group continued to sell cars until 1978, when it was sold to Peugeot, and its models rebranded as Talbots.

However, Chrysler returned to the UK in 1996 with the Neon, Voyager and Viper models. Since then the brand has enjoyed limited success, with the Voyager surfing on the MPV boom of the late 1990s, and the PT Cruiser enjoying reasonable sales as a cult mini-MPV. However, the PT Cruiser was axed without replacement in 2010, and the Voyager has suffered from a shrinking

large MPV market.

Meanwhile, the 300C saloon has failed to keep pace with its rivals technological leaps ahead, while the Ypsilon and Delta – rebadged Lancia models introduced after the company merged with Fiat – never caught on.

As a result, sales fell to just 1,982 cars in 2014, a position from which the company was never likely to recover without massive investment in a new model range.

N-332

www.fb.com/TorreviejaTrafficDepartment www.n332.es about the safety and security in the car, and they must be Carrying Gas implications of carrying a carried in an upright, vertical Canisters in the potentially lethal canister. position. You must also take Car Depending on their size necessary measure to Although the winter months are coming to an end, there is still a chill in the air, and many people in Spain still rely on bottled gas to heat their homes, and many more rely on bottled

and weight, the canisters can be very heavy as they are filled with pressurised gas. At home, care should be taken as to where they are stored, in well ventilated places, away from heat and

ensure that the canisters are secured in the vehicle and cannot move during the journey.

The law also states that when you are carrying gas canisters, it is forbidden to

gas for cooking.

Although the gas supply companies will deliver the bottles to your home, many people find it more convenient to pick up their own supply at many of the outlets across the country, exchanging the empty bottles for full ones, but in order to do this, we have to think

ignition sources, far away from toxic materials and always in an upright position.

In the car, it is equally crucial to take the necessary steps to ensure your safety and the safety of other road users.

Spanish law states that you can carry 2 gas bottles

park the vehicle in an underground car park.

You should also check with your local supply company for their recommendations for storage and carriage, as gas canisters can pose a major threat if not handled correctly, but are perfectly safe if the advice is followed.

Friday 20th March 2015

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Friday 20th March 2015

LEMONY HAZELNUT AND BLUEBERRY CAKE RECIPE

Serves 8-10 115g hazelnuts 225g white spelt flour 2 tsp baking powder 260g unsalted butter, softened 4 large free-range eggs 130g honey (or unrefined caster sugar) 130g maple syrup The finely grated zest of 1 large unwaxed lemon For the filling 350ml double cream 2-3 tbsp honey 2-3 tbsp sugar-free Blueberry jam

200g fresh blueberries Violas to decorate (optional) Preheat your oven to 180C/gas mark 4. Grease and flour two 20cm loose-bottomed sandwich tins. Start by toasting the hazelnuts in the oven for 5-7 minutes (check after five as they burn easily). Once they are changing colour and releasing a lovely nutty aroma, remove from the oven and leave to cool for a minute or two before rubbing off most of the skins. Whizz the nuts in a food processor into a fine meal.

To make this all-in-one cake, simply sift the flour and baking powder into a large bowl and beat in all the other ingredients. Be careful not to overmix – you want a light cake.

Scrape the mixture into the prepared tins, level and bake for

25-30 minutes, or until golden and risen and a skewer inserted into the centres comes out clean. Remove from the oven and leave to cool for five minutes before carefully taking them out of their tins and placing on a cooling rack.

Lightly whip the cream until very soft peaks form, drizzle in the honey and whisk again to incorporate. Taking a spoonful of jam at a time, carefully marble it through the cream.

If your cakes are very peaked, you may wish to trim the tops so you have a nice flat surface to decorate. Then place one cake on a plate, spoon over two thirds of the marbled honey cream, and place the second cake on top. Spread the remaining honey cream on the second cake, then sprinkle the fresh blueberries over the cream and scatter with violas if you wish.

Friday 20th March 2015

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ARE READY-TO-EAT BOILED EGGS THE MOST POINTLESS CONVENIENCE FOOD EVER? Yowk, an egg which simply needs hot water poured over it before it’s ready to eat with your toast, has arrived. How on earth did it make it to market – and are there any convenience supermarket foods that are really worth the money?

There was a collective groan when we learned this week that there will soon be a near-ready-to-eat, soft-boiled egg on British supermarket shelves. Just pour boiling

water over the top and wait for five minutes before dipping in the accompanying breadsticks. Snack nirvana. Surely the Yowk egg represents the kind of convenience food that should never make it to market? And a quick internet search shows that the arrival of easy dippy eggs have been mooted for at least 18 months, probably longer. I can’t believe many people were holding their breath for this one.

The Yowk egg takes “just five minutes” to cook, once you pour boiling water over it. Which for anyone with a hob as well as a kettle, means this convenience snack actually takes longer than simply dropping an egg into a saucepan of boiling water for the requisite amount of time (four minutes and 45 seconds is my triedand-tested magic number).

So where does the convenience come in? I can’t help but think that if you’re craving a nutritious snack, but are in an office with limited cooking facilities, then you should just grab an apple. However, here are other “convenience” ideas out there that confuse me –

and one or two good ones.

Asda Microwave Omlettes Cost: 85p.

Conventional alternative: 85p for three free-range eggs and plenty of cheese.

Convenience: Even the slowest and most particular cooks on Saturday Kitchen have cooked, eaten and washed up before the three-and-a-half minutes that it takes to nuke these are up.

Overall verdict: Deep, saddened sigh.

Let’s not even think about which version might taste better, much less the happiness of the egg providers.

Waitrose peeled garlic cloves Cost: £1.98 per 100g.

Conventional alternative: 70p for one 100g garlic bulb.

Convenience: Well, I suppose if you’re paranoid about garlicky fingers from removing a paper thin skin from garlic. But have you not seen how fun and quick peeling garlic can be? One bulb in under 10 seconds.

That’s quite a mark-up there, Waitrose.

Overall verdict: Only for the unremittingly lazy. Go to the back of the class.

John West boneless sardines in tomato sauce Cost: 99p for a 95g tin.

Conventional alternative: 80p for the same amount of fresh sardine and tomato puree.

Convenience: The options here are either unpeeling the top from a tin and tipping your saucey sardines out, or filleting a few fresh

fish, grilling them and then knocking up a quick tomato sauce on the side.

Overall verdict: along with filled pasta, tinned sardines are quite possibly the best example of truly convenient, time saving and economic food. Superb on toast (assuming a trip to the toaster isn’t too much effort).

Waitrose ready-made mashed potato Cost: Works out as £3.60 per kg.

Conventional alternative: A bag of Maris Pipers costs 86p a kilo. You’d have to put in a fair amount of butter to make up the difference.

Convenience: Between six minutes and 20 minutes to reheat, depending on whether you’re a microwave or an oven person. The microwave time is certainly quicker than cooking from fresh.

Overall verdict: Oh, come on. The alternative is to peel and dice a few spuds, bring to the boil, simmer for 15 minutes and mash.

It’s not exactly like making puff pastry.

Sainsbury’s extra-mature grated cheddar Cost: £8 per kilo.

Conventional alternative: £6.25 per kg for ungrated.

Convenience: Grab grated cheese from the bag, rather than drag a block over a grater for a couple of seconds.

Overall verdict: Only makes sense if cooking for huge numbers of people, and so the grating really does become time consuming.

Pre-peeled fruit and vegetables Cost: Varies, but every supermarket offers them, and peeled is invariably more expensive than the proper stuff.

Convenience: Bags of shredded vegetables for stirfrying reduce preparation time massively and also ensure you can have a variety of ingredients without buying more veg than you’ll get through that week.

Tropical-fruit snack packs, while relatively expensive compared to the whole fruit, are a great thing for the office worker too.

Overall verdict: Thumbs up, I suppose, for the stir-fry packs and tropical fruits. But peeled and diced root vegetables? Pre-wedged apples?

Carrots in greying and wrinkled batons? They cost more, taste worse, and are less nutritious than if you spend 20 seconds peeling them yourself. If you’re trying to up your carrot consumption at work, buy a desk peeler and leave the batons on the shelf.

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Friday 20th March 2015

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Friday 20th March 2015

Property

thediscountcard.es

Restaurants & Bars

Lifestyle & Services

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Friday 20th March 2015

FREE 923 963 Car document transfers same day provisional certificate. No trafico visit require.

Torrevieja based office. Call 966 923 963.

AUCTIONS

COMPUTERS Computer Services, Repairs & Maintainence.

Also cheap UK & Spanish calls (from 0,5c per min).

UK IP Addresses. Website design and hosting also available.

Qualified Microsoft & Apple Engineer. Call 638 741 847.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY Beauty room available to rent in a very successful salon in the San Luis area.

las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, welcome residents and visitors alike, to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning.

They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or directions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcfspain.org.

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational church. Sunday services 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS - for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeeping, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for companies and self-employed people; we can deal with everything for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

CHOIR

Terry for details. Phone: 647-189-135.

Email: casatomsanluis@gmail.com Car insurance quotes –

CARS new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966

CAR HIRE

Casa Tom Community Choir: From 8 September 2014, Casa Tom Community Choir meets every Monday at 2.00pm for 2.30pm. It is a mixed choir and all levels are welcome. No auditions, no solos. Make new friends and have a good time.

Location: Casa Tom, Avenida JACA 31, San Luis, Torrevieja. Phone or email

CATERING

€20 per day Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays. Previous clientele, but will be required to expand. This is a self employed position. Contact 966788904.

CHURCH SERVICES Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de

SITUATIONS WANTED WANTED. English speaking mother's help aged 30-40, with driving licence, to help 7 year old boy with homework, and look after him.

Work hours will be 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday. Own room with bathroom provided, in a house with a pool and garden, in Alcayna, Murcia. Pay will be 125 euros a week. If you have a young child this will not be a problem. Phone 607 43 39 43 or email: mancanpa@yahoo.es CARPET FITTER WANTED Experienced part time carpet fitter wanted for the expanding and successful Carpet Heaven in Los Montesinos. Must be hard Working, smart & friendly, with first class customer facing skills. A clean driving license, your own transport & tools are essential. Please send CV with references to carpetheaven@hotmail.es or call us on 966720782 for more information

GUITAR LESSONS

SERVICES

Guitar lessons for beginners and improvers. Provide an insight into most styles.

From 10€ per hour. Call Peter on 966789612 or 629975378. Torrvieja

Gardening, property maintenance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

QUIZZES ACCOUNTANTS

Due to expansion of business in the San Luis area, the following is required, Qualified ladies/gents hairstylist and qualified nail technician. 5 years previous experience necessary.

Please contact 966788904

Experienced quizmaster/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:- 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNATIONAL MEDIA needs selfemployed salesperson. Car, mobile phone and client base available. For more info call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu

BARBER

ALARMS

Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are welcome to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Te l no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

SERVICES Spanish lady in Playa Flamenca near Carrefour provides Erotic massage at her private house, discretion assured tel. 865 64 64 37

FURNITURE Take the stress out of selling your unwanted furniture and leave it to U KNOW UNO'S to sell on your behalf for details call Glen on 966 262 828 or 606 926 437 or wiggfish@hotmail.com

WANTED

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja?

Let us help to solve your problems with Spanish Wills, debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence, Spanish Wills. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair

CARPENTER

GARDENER

CLEANERS

43

Friday 20th March 2015

CAR BREAKERS

DRAINAGE

UPHOLSTERY CLEANING

REMOVALS

PETS

VAN HIRE

SURVEYOR

PLUMBERS POOL TABLES

AUTO ELECTRICIAN

APPLICANCE REPAIRS

SWIMMING POOL SERVICES

DENTURE REPAIRS

44

Friday 20th March 2015

WOBURN’S MASTERS RETURN

The British Masters supported by Sky Sports will return to The European Tour International Schedule for the first time in seven years this October, with a quartet of the country’s leading golfers rotating as the tournament host over the next four seasons. As a presenting sponsor of a European Tour event for the first time, Sky will work with The European Tour and its leading players to engage and excite new and existing golf fans through its on-air coverage, promotion and staging of the event.

Ryder Cup players Luke Donald, Ian Poulter, Justin Rose and Lee Westwood will each take it in turn to host the prestigious tournament, last played in 2008, and will help to select the venue each year. First to assume the role will be 12time European Tour winner Ian Poulter, who will take the Masters back to the Woburn Golf Club – the club with

which he has a long-term association – from October 8th to the 11th, increasing the number of Race to Dubai events on British soil this year to seven.

It will be the 17th time that Woburn Golf Club has hosted the British Masters and the first occasion since 2002, which was the year that Poulter and his close friend Rose memorably battled it out for the title, with Rose prevailing by a single stroke following a closing round of 65. That enthralling contest took place over the Marquess Course, one of Woburn Golf Club’s three layouts, which will again host October’s tournament.

The event will be staged and promoted by The European Tour and will have a prize fund of £3million.

The British Masters began life as the Dunlop Masters in 1946 and was held every year (except 1984) up until 2008. Over the years the tournament has been won by some of Europe’s greatest players like Nick Faldo,

Tony Jacklin and Seve Ballesteros. The last time the British Masters was con-

naments on British soil and in England in particular, so we are grateful to Sky

tested in 2008, Spain’s Gonzalo Fernandez Castano beat Lee Westwood in a playoff at The Belfry.

Ian Poulter said: “It is fantastic news that the British Masters is back on The European Tour schedule and I am proud and delighted to be bringing the tournament to Woburn Golf Club, which is obviously a place that means a great deal to me. British golf has been in a good place for a number of years now with the success we have had internationally, and as players we have all been keen to get more tour-

Sports and The European Tour for helping to make this happen. Woburn is going to be a great venue for a European Tour event having hosted the British Masters previously, and I’m sure the fans will come out and really support the event again.”

Tour CEO, George O’Grady, said: “The British Masters was an important fixture on The European Tour International Schedule from the Tour’s formation in 1972 through to its most recent staging in 2008, so we are naturally delighted it is returning to The Race to Dubai in 2015. Having four

TITTER ON THE TEE

Les showed up at church one Sunday and the vicar almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Les, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass. What made you come instead of golf?"

Les said, "I got to be honest with you vicar, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that Ken had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off and he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal Ken's hat."

The vicar said, "Well, Les, you didn't steal Ken's hat. What changed your mind?"

"Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal Ken's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the vicar gave Les a big smile and said; "After I talked about ' Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Les slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after you talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery 'I remembered where I left my hat."

of our top players and leading ambassadors – Luke Donald, Ian Poulter, Justin Rose and Lee Westwood – take on the role of tournament host will also help raise the profile of the event on its return to our calendar, and underlines the appetite among our membership for tournament golf in Britain. It also further highlights the increased contribution of our players are prepared to offer European events, following Rory McIlroy supporting the Irish Open and Paul Lawrie giving his name to our new match play event in Scotland.”

The Duke of Bedford, owner of Woburn Golf Club, said: “My family and the members of Woburn Golf Club are delighted that the British Masters is returning to Woburn. Our Tournament Professional, Ian Poulter, has been a great ambassador for the club since 2003 and will be a perfect host for what will undoubtedly be a very exciting week, adding

further to our tournament history of which we are so proud.”

Woburn has also hosted the Travis Perkins Masters on the European Senior Tour since 2001, with Colin Montgomerie, the British Masters champion in 1998, winning the last two editions, played over the Duke’s Course.

Just a footnote to my column this week: Did you know that Miguel Angel Jimenenz one of the most popular golfers in Europe if not the world, was down at La Marquesa Golf in Quesada this past weekend? No and neither did a lot of others, but we’ve a picture of his visit. I never saw any mention of it anywhere, and my guess is that only those in Quesada or members knew. It’s a shame as I am sure that many people around the southern Costa Blanca south would have gone to watch and talk to the charismatic “Mecanico”.

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION What are my options if my ball lies within a bunker completely flooded with water?

ANSWER

Under the Rules, the player has the following options when there is interference from casual water that has completely flooded a bunker: 1. Drop the ball in the bunker without penalty at the nearest point, not nearer the hole, where the depth of the casual water is least – Rule 25-1b(ii)(a); 2. Drop the ball behind the bunker under penalty of one stroke – Rule 25-1b(ii)(b); 3. Deem the ball unplayable and proceed in accordance with Rule 28.

It is worth noting that only Option 1 provides free relief from the casual water. Of course, the player can always elect to play the ball as it lies if he does not want to incur a penalty.

45

Friday 20th March 2015

MESSI’S HARTFELT PRAISE BARCELONA 1

MANCHESTER CITY 0 (agg 3-1)

Lionel Messi labelled Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Hart a "phenomenon" after his brilliant performance on Wednesday night his side from being completely humiliated. The England keeper produced 10 outstanding saves against the likes of Messi, Neymar and Luis Suarez.

The keeper was head and shoulders above the rest of his colleagues and the only shot that beat him was when Messi’s cross-field ball allowed midfielder Ivan Rakitic through one-on-one

with Hart in the 31st minute.

"Joe Hart had an absolutely fantastic game," Messi said. "I already knew he was a top keeper but he was impressive in this performance. He just stopped everything that came his way, with either his hands or his body – he is a phenomenon. The fortunate thing is that we got through the tie, which was all we wanted, so that we could be in Friday's quarter-final draw.”

IT’S THAT MAN AGAIN BALE BACK IN FORM EIBAR 0

REAL MADRID 2

BARCELONA 2

Lionel Messi scored twice to take his season's goal total to 43 as Barcelona beat Eibar to keep themselves a point clear at the top of La Liga ahead of Real Madrid, who they meet in El Clasico this Sunday. Messi converted a 31st-minute penalty for Luis Enrique's side, and then he headed in Ivan Rakitic's corner after half-time. “We’re going into the Clasico as leaders and in perfect form," manager Luis Enrique said after the win.

LEVANTE 0

Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti praised a “motivated” Gareth Bale for both goals in Sunday’s win over Levante but played down an apparent strop from Cristiano Ronaldo. Bale scored twice before half-time in a win that leaves Real one point behind Barcelona with the two sides meeting on Sunday in a vital Clasico.

Cristiano Ronaldo played a role in both of Bale’s goals but though he appeared aggrieved when Bale broke his goal drought, throwing an arm in the air when his acrobatic effort was blocked and then after his team-mate scored the rebound, Ancelotti played down suggestions of a 'strop'.

"He didn't score but he was very lively during the game," Ancelotti said.

BACCA’S BRACE SEALS WIN SEVILLA 3

There was no Sunday surprise for Elche at Champions League chasing Sevilla, but the Ilicitanos had the bonus that of all the teams below them in the table, only Almeria could muster a home point.

Sevilla were gifted the chance to go in front in the 18th minute when Coro was penalised for a foul and Bacca stepped up to place the resulting penalty low into the left corner of the net. He had an even easier finish for his second. A diagonal pass from deep sent Coke racing into the right of the area and, as goalkeeper Przemyslaw Tyton came out to close him down, the Sevilla man clipped the ball across goal for Bacca to head home

from point-black range.

Bacca was replaced by Gameiro in the 73rd minute and the new man rounded off the win nine minutes from time. The impressive Ever Banega's measured through-ball sent the French striker clear on goal and he finished the chance first time, slotting the ball into the n e t before T y t o n was able to set himself.

E l c h e

manager Fran Escriba said that the final score flattered Sevilla, and that the first half penalty was a key turning point. He added that little damage was done with other results going the way of the

ELCHE 0

Ilicitanos, but now they entertain third-placed Valencia this evening (Friday). “We have another important fight on Friday”, said Escriba. “ We need to play with conviction in order to pick up points.”

46

Friday 20th March 2015

GALIANA GONE

CD Torrevieja has a new manager at the helm, after they sacked Galiana and his staff on Monday. Antonio Pedreño Saura (pictured), aged 59 is the new coach, having been born in Horadada, and has managed local side UD Horadada for much of the last decade. Galiana was brought in amidst great fanfare by Torrevieja last summer, with the ex-Eldense manager promising to create a competitive squad and pledging ambition and maximum effort from the Torry players. It’s a stunning fall from grace for him, as the team hit second place in the table in mid-January before crashing to five straight defeats, many of which were against

mediocre opponents. The club paid tribute to the professionalism and work ethic of Galiana and his team, wishing them all the best for the future.

Antonio Pedreño Saura won the Preferente title with UD Horadada twice, the latest in 2012/13, but they failed to gain promotion. The CD Torrevieja directors are hoping that Pedreño can inject a new lease of life into their play, and giving them a shot of making into the play-offs. Pedreño has six home matches and four away to try and secure play off football for a club who have made that their avowed intention all season long.

BATTLING POINT CD CASTELLON 0

CD TORREVIEJA 0

Galiana’s last match in charge of Torrevieja saw his side get another draw away to a promotion-chasing side, but his recent record of seven matches without a win, and two points out of 21 told its own story. Torry battled with pride last Friday night but the fighting spirit alone was not enough. With Jorge back after suspension and Pinera set to return from injury, then maybe Obele will have the support that he needs to see the goals come again. New midfield player Juanra on loan from Elche (pictured) showed tenacity on his debut, albeit for ten minutes, whilst Alexis was masterful at the heart of the defence.

This Sunday afternoon, Torrevieja are back at the Vicente Garcia stadium, with new manager Antonio Pedreño Saura calling the shots as they entertain Acero in a 5.00pm kick off. A new boss and a good run could still see Torry snatch a play-off spot. Stranger things have happened.

MONTE OFF THE PACE FORMENTERA CF 1

CD Montesinos saw their slim promotion hopes go down the drain after a poor display away to a team six places below them, not helped either by six regulars missing through illness, suspension, and work commitments.

The first half saw only one chance for the visitors, as an Angel cross found Vaz who offered a tame header into the hands of the Formentera keeper. Lopez was the busier of the goalkeepers, and the hosts had three successive corners, which forced the Monte stopper into two good saves. Monte’s midfield constantly lost possession, and with five minutes remaining in the half, the home side broke the deadlock when Manuel lost his

CD MONTESINOS 0

marker and the Formentera forward calmly slotted home, with Lopez given no chance.

The second half saw Formentera happy to soak up any pressure that Montesinos offered, but the visitors didn’t really offer much to make the home side seriously worried.

A couple of goalmouth scrambles within the space of five minutes saw Vaz and Carlos go close, and a long-range Macan effort was tipped over the bar. In truth the chances were limited, and the 40 plus travelling fans were left disappointed by their Sunday afternoon sojourn. This Sunday, Montesinos are back at home as they entertain Callosa Deportiva.

47

Friday 20th March 2015

CHELSEA CHOKE TO THE TITLE

Remember last year when we were all glued to the World Cup, and domestic UK football was taking a breather after a tumultuous season? Well, not everyone had their feet up… a certain Portuguese was quietly plotting and planning for the new season. Following a torrid time in Spain at the helm of the great Real Madrid and a first year back at his beloved Chelsea when coming third, Jose Mourinho was stocktaking - clearing out unwanted stock, and replacing it with real class. Sound acquisitions included striker Diego Costa, the Brazilian Willian and Cesc Fabregas, also recalling class goalkeeper Thibauld Courtois. By sensibly retaining the best of the old guard, like Branislav Ivanovic, John Terry, Gary Cahill, Oscar, Eden Hazard and Petr Cech and blending in the new it looked like the maestro Mourinho was putting together the dream team at Stamford Bridge.

Indeed, Chelsea stormed out of the blocks and were

soon leading the Prem pack, with Diego dutifully bangin ‘em in, in feisty fashion to delight the Blues fans. Jose Mourinho, their seasoned silver salva supplier was back.

As the opposition steadily suffered the usual early upsets, so Chelsea were eight points clear by November, and going well in four competitions. All was looking good, what could go wrong?

Well, quite a lot, actually, and fairly quickly – well, this is football. Firstly, Newcastle inflicted injury to Chelsea’s unbeaten credentials, then a horrendous 5 – 3 hammering from nasty neighbours Spurs first-footed the New Year in to cause bothered Blue heads to scratch. Then in an amazing fourth round FA Cup tie at the Bridge, Mourinho’s men were cruising along 2 – 0, but barnstorming Bradford came back to put four past a creaky-looking Blues defence. ’Embarrassed’ and ‘ashamed’ were jefe Jose’s comments to try to impossi-

bly explain away the defeat, and the bountiful well of goals began to dry up The Portuguese began to lose the plot in press interviews and was clearly-needled, and soon fined £25,000 by the FA for his over-the-top comments about officialdom.

Accusations of player persecution persisted from Mourinho following a series of unpleasant and unnecessary incidents from his Chelsea players, clearly witnessed by the world via TV. Proven accusations of stamping on opponents and diving were noted as the Blues mid-season crisis continued.

Moderate success in winning the Capital Cup in February whilst subsequently gaining revenge over Tottenham kept the demanding and expectant fan base at bay, but the club’s holy grail and Russian ruler expectations are success in Europe. Chelsea drew Paris St Germain for a place in the last eight, where a 1 – 1 draw in Paris set up the second

leg nicely back in London.

But even in screwy soccer, no-one could have predicted the drama of this tumultuous game. Before the game, Mourinho had upped the anti, denouncing the French champions as over-physical in the first leg, bizarrely comparing PSG to League Two Shrewsbury Town who Chelsea had played in an earlier League Cup game.

Did this Mou mind game add unnecessary spice to the match and work against his men?

PSG’s star striker Ziatan Ibrahimovic went in for an early hard tackle on the Blues’ Oscar, who deserved one for his over-dramatic reaction. Suddenly, Chelsea players were flying in from everywhere to protest, Diego Costa himself streaking fully 50 yards to amazingly help surround the beleaguered referee and join all the rest of the Chelsea team in haranguing the official. Well, it worked, and a clearlyastonished Ibrahimovic was sent off, straight red: ‘It felt like I had a lot of babies around me’ said the astounded Swede. UK TV pundits were also appalled by the spectacle, and later duly incurred Mourinho’s post-match wrath as they declared the offending tackle only merited a yellow card at worst. Despite the Blues twice going ahead, each time PSG somehow battled back with ten men, and with all the irony that football can provide, who should score the first but David Luiz, one of Mourinho’s first sales in his clear-out in the close season, everyone marvelling at the £50m price tag. But who was laughing now as PSG’s

second equaliser made it 3 – 3 on aggregate and Chelsea were somehow now knocked out on away goals? Wow, what a pivotal moment in the Blues’ season and the club’s history - and for mighty mouth Mourinho, who was running out of words to speak – for once… With seemingly everything going for Chelsea only a couple of months previously, the ‘Special One’s season was turning sour.

But there’s still good news at The Bridge: despite still wobbling points-wise in the Prem as the strikers struggled to strike, the earlier points-on-the-board successes meant that when the others wavered, like you do, there was enough left in the tank to keep Chelsea at the top. Opponents’ results like nasty-neighbours Arsenal surprisingly beating mighty Man City at the Etihad meant Chelsea took another unlikely stagger towards the title without even kicking a ball.

Such is football…

Last Sunday, with 41,000 expectant fans at Stamford Bridge, the Blues started OK with Costa’s early 18th goal of the season, but Southampton’s penalty equaliser dampened home spirits in the rain as the score stayed level. But once again with Man City losing, it was another point gained in the title race. As Fabregas’s passes went astray to home groans, it was proved why the Saints defence is the best in the league, not Chelsea’s, and the home side’s one shot on target v Southampton’s four in the first half told their own nervy tale. Saints set a good example to Chelsea: no protesting from the visitors about Chelsea’s penalty conceder turning serial-sinner Matic who was taken off before he was sent off - which he should have been by then.

Verdict: the Prem title should all be alright on the night for Chelsea – but ‘all’ is definitely not right on the West London front.

WEEKEND RUGBY

ITV Orihuela Vega Baja (pictured in yellow) won their first

division territorial match away to bottom club Lorca, by 13 points to 5 last weekend. The Orihuela cadete side though were just edged out 24-22 by Lorca. In the ladies league, the San Javier Squalos(pictured)won their re-arranged match at Cuder by 12 points to 10.

48

Friday 20th March 2015

DRINKS ALL ROUND!

By John McGregor Raise your glasses, gentlemen: the King is dead, long live the King!

Although Steven Gerrard came on as sub in Liverpool’s hugely important 1 – 0 win at Swansea, the scorer Jordan Henderson is now the main man at Anfield.

Brendan Rodgers – ‘The Brodge’ is Noel Gallagher’s respectful nickname – has done it again, survived Suarez, no below-par Balo balls-

ups, once again returning the fear factor into opponents as the Reds swarm forward in force.

Anfield’s early game on Sunday is being played before the pubs have time to fuel feelings further – and all because - Man United are in town!

‘No love lost’ is to classically understate the situation here – the clubs simply detest each other. But the battle for fourth place and Euro qualification puts added spice into the mix.

Don’t miss it!

Large Claret for Sean and Tim! Oh Boyd, what bottle third-bottom Burnley showed beating shi- sorry, make that slippy City. The ‘Ginger Mourinho’ is the Clarets’ nickname for their manager Sean Dyche, whose honest team of never-give-up triers deserve another season in the big time. No rest, big test on Saturday away to Southampton who still harbour hopes of Europe, especially after drawing well at Stamford Bridge on Sunday (see over).

Another large Claret for Tim Sherwood as the Villains are moving away from the DDD. For Villa fans away goals are like buses – you wait 594 minutes without one, then four come along in 90 minutes!

Open the champagne United can do it! What, win the league? Nah, silly, Chelsea have nearly done that – no, I mean play good football when it Mata’s, not ugly, and win – and, to boot and

ADVOCAAT ANYONE?

At the dimming Stadium of Light, Poyet’s push came as no surprise after another hugely inept Sunderland performance, this time getting hammered 4 – 0 at home by Astonishing Villa proving the last straw with 44 thousand long-suffering fans venting their fury for all to see. Remember the 8 – 0 thrashing the Black Cats endured at Southampton several months ago, and Sunderland’s somehow-spirited survival last season? Well, Poyet’s nine lives were Short-lived after Saturday but now it’s yet another Dutchman, Dick Advocaat, who steps into the hot seat, strangely only until the end of the season. With only nine games left, Sunderland are only one point and one place above the Dreaded Drop Department, but hey, it’s a good time to visit wobbling West Ham at Upton Park where also little is going right for one-winonly-in-2015 Sam’s Ammers - the word is the big m a n won’t be s t a y i n g much longer in East London either. head look at last as though they deserve to be in the top four (for once). Sunday’s efficient 3 – 0 demolition of sad Spurs looked like a United team of old: bold, sold on attack and golden goals galore; like Rooney’s with his TKO celebrations, Spurring the 75,000 Old Trafford crowd home to their loved ones with something to Felliani happy about. Oh, er, sorry United, it’s just there’s another huge test coming, see below. Spurs 48th game of the season was not one to remember, and of the top seven contenders, Tottenham look the most brittle in the race for Europe.

Drowning your sorrows? United’s nasty neighbours Man City have had a bad week, losing to Burnley looks like helping hand the title to Chelsea, and then crashing out of Europe at Barcelona’s hands on Wednesday.

At the expectant Etihad, a sterile season suggests that Manuel Pellegrini’s reputation is cooling in the Blue side of Manchester – surely the Chilean’s not being frozen out?

The Gunners are favourites to retain the FA Cup where they now face Reading in the Wembley semis, and Arsene’s Army are closing in on second place in the Prem. The 3 – 0 win over weary West Ham puts Arsenal just

one point below Man City in third, but only one point above Man U. Leicester are gone, aren’t they? Rock-bottom and three points behind Quite Probably Relegated, the Foxes travel to White Hart Lane to take on a Tottenham team that needs to win to keep Euro hopes alive. Those Hoops are also in deep doo dah, and they’re not supplying their Austin with fuel although Matt Philips’ 40 yard piledriver made the 3 – 1 score respectable against Pardew’s Palace. If Rangers don’t do something on Sunday against stirring-at-last Everton, the writing is on the Loftus Road wall.

Domestic pressure on Roberto Martinez eased at Goodison with a huge 1 – 0 win over nervy Newcastle who are sinking steadily to worry the faithful at St James Park. Will another big name be coming to the North East soon to join Sunderland in their quest for enlightenment?

Finally: we English whingers should go the European courts for justice about unfairly going out of the Champions League on away goals. After Chelsea and PSG last week, Arsenal went to Monaco and won well 2 – 0 but also went out 3 – 3: swiz…