The Jungle Drums - September 2009 by TKO Media

this month this month 5 ANDREA...

Understanding women... or (to put it another way)

putting your hand in a mincer... I’m not having a go at the ladies

‘you say the right things darling.’

of the world here…but, by God

They won’t…what they will do

waiting...

you lot are different aren’t you?

is call you a patronizing son of

25 SCUBA DIVING

Jeez, from the classic ‘does my

unmarried parents. Trust me; the

bum look big in this’ – which it

females of the world were put on

tax, tax, tax,...

9 THE TROUBLE WITH SPAIN done it!......

17 NATURE feathered fings...

usually does,

this planet to

and a question

keep the male

to which there

population on

is no correct

its toes…and

answer, to the

what a fine

more decisive,

job they do.

‘yes I have

Having said

thrown out

all that, where

35 COMPUTERS the top experts offer advice...

that tatty old

would we be without

37 MOTORING IN SPAIN

shirt’, your favorite. To the

them? Forget

first question I

the obvious

ask the female

and look

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26/7 GA MAP... NEW! FREE pull out...

30/1 INLAND SPAIN... discover it.....

driving you mad...

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get motivated by the best...!

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ore! uch much m

and m

and much much more Please note that our deadlines are as follows: Adverts/Editorials. 15th each month. Letters: 20th each month Any items received by The Jungle Drums after these dates cannot be guaranteed publication in the following months issue - although we will try our best! Phone: 96 669 5141 Email: ask@thejungledrums.com Website: www. thejungledrums.com Editor: Dave Bull Dep.legal: A-1068-2004 Impresora: Albagraf. Albacete While every effort is taken to ensure that mistakes are kept to a minimum, the Jungle Drums, its publisher and staff accept no responsibility for claims made by advertisers or respondents replying to adverts. Nor can it be held responsible for any errors or inaccuracies in their advertisements. The Jungle Drums reserves the right to change, alter and update any part of this publication including adverts and pictures without the consent of the original author or source. E&0E No part of this publication, printed or online, may be used or reproduced without the written consent of the publisher

half of the population, how

beyond that - for without them

would you react if the old man

we wouldn’t have discovered

said the same thing. And to the

radiotherapy, the civil rights

second, I wonder how you would

movement in the US would not

react if ‘im indoors chucked

have moved on if Rosa Parks had

away your favourite iron? (joke,

not moved to the back of THAT

but you get my drift…). The

bus, and you wouldn’t be getting

trouble with women is that to

those lovely Yorkshire Puds from

the first question they would

Quicksave…

say something like, ‘it doesn’t matter if it does darling, it looks lovely to me.’ Now fellas, just try that one out and see if they respond with a loving hug and a the new FUN map for GRAN ALACANT

pages

www.TOONplans.com26-27 Learning to drive in Spain page

in 13 ENGLISH!

Jungle Drums - 96 669 5141 - 686 790 457 - ask@thejungledrums.com

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Fiscal help... CAPITAL

GAINS

CGT

TAX entitled to a tax refund. The time limit

is a big issue at the

moment since an important number of foreign property owners are selling up.

for that declaration is 4 months from

andrea burns Qualified Gestora & Qualified -Translator and Interpreter

Tax &

Legal Services SPANISH WILLS CONVEYANCES

the date of sale. DO NOT expect the tax office to do the calculation and send you a notifica-

INHERITANCES

tion. It is your duty to present the For most, the 3% retention applicable to non-residents is no longer a mystery and even if it was, the estate agent you entrusted with the sale of your property will have explained it to you in detail. For those that do not know exactly, here is a brief explanation:

declaration within the established time frame and to provide all relevant documents to substantiate it, i.e. proof of all expenses relating to the purchase of the property (deeds, tax payment, invoice of notary and land

person purchasing a property from a non-resident will have to keep 3% of

days. This amount is a payment towards your CGT bill. The real amount owed, however, is 18% on the profits.

your wealth and income tax payments made as a non-resident.

You will have heard of countless peo-

then? Can you just leave that amount with the tax office and forget about the whole issue?

INTERPRETER SERVICE

ple that have sold up and never did anything about the CGT declaration. In the past, the tax authorities did not seem to make much notice about it

But what happens after you have sold

N.I.E. NUMBERS

At the same time, you provide proof of

the total declared sales price and pay that amount to the tax office within 30

WEALTH & INCOME TAX DECLARATIONS

registry) and those relating to the sale of it.

The Spanish tax laws require that a

CONSULATIONS

FISCAL REPRESENTATIVE

but they have started demanding the presentation on various occasions and they can demand it up to 5 years

TAX ADVICE

from the date of selling. And once they have to request your CGT decla-

lished whether your tax bill is higher

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THE TROUBLE WITH SPAIN.....

or a nation full of waiters, they are not very good at it are they? Whether you’re under the golden arches ordering something that’ll mean you need to buy your next shirt in size XXL, and may even die of a fat-fuelled heart attack before you get to the car park and there fore get to enjoy your flowered shirt – or in a ‘smart’ restaurant elsewhere, you can’t have failed to notice…that they haven’t noticed you. Observation is not a strong point of our Iberian hosts, how Columbus ever found his way home is a mystery still…unless he just went around Ibiza a few times before coming back? And you only have to look at the quality (or lack of…) driving in this country to realise that unless it’s stuck on their windscreen – they won’t see it. I’m pretty much convinced now that the Spanish, being a nation of doing what they say, have heard the driving instructor tell them to look when they arrive at a junction…but he never said

Waiting. anything about stopping… Perhaps there is a gene for peripheral vision that they lack who knows but the waiters and, it must be said, waitresses of this land seem to be able to focus on one thing only. On the way out from the bar they’ll be looking at the table they are about to serve and on the return journey, they focus on the bar. Just try getting the attention of one of them while they make these trips and you may as well ask Stevie Wonder to finish your crossword. You can shout, wave your arms around, try the polite; ‘por favor’, ‘perdoname’, ‘Senor(ita)’, or ultimately ‘OYE!’ but all to no avail. Twenty minutes of smiling and pointing the odd finger in the air and you’ll be up at the bar trying to place your order, but, because they are so busy serving every other table in the place – you’ll have to wait.

No, it seems that the waiters of Spain have sussed out the art of waiting…they make us do it for them, and God help you if you walk in to a restaurant when the owner and his family are having a meal because you may as well put on an apron and cook it yourself, it’ll be quicker. Perhaps they’ve got it right and I’m just impatient, but having been in a group of eleven, in a not very busy restaurant last night, we waited for twenty minutes for one of the THREE waitresses to notice us – I know I’m right. And what’s more they don’t even say….’do you want fries with that?’…

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Dave Bull’s son gets behind the wheel... ....well, almost. There’s something to be said for letting youngsters drive on the open road…but I can’t say it here as this is a family magazine. However, my son has reached that age where learning

As it turns out, Autoescuela Estudi-

to drive has become almost as important of that other teenage pastime

place, for a start they made sure that Mitch was reasonably sensible

– sleeping, and having found someone willing to teach him (someone

and had a bit of common sense while

who has never seen him racing his motorbike – on the track I should

discussing what the course would in-

add) I took him down and we met up with the new driving school in GA, Autoescuela Estudiantes in the GA Centre. Having seen the youngsters drive over here, and the middle aged, and the elderly, and the blind (well they must be some of them…surely), I wasn’t sure

antes are not that type of

‘...you can e volve. The first thing he had to do was even tak pull his toe nails out, not really but, for tour drivn Mitch, it was the equivalent – reading. ing exam i But, it’s funny how a teenager can sudEnglish...’ denly be keen on doing something and

what sort of training my

happily read five chapters in one evening

lad would get before be-

limited themselves to pointing and grunting.

when

before

they’ve

ing allowed to take charge

So that’s where we are at the moment, with Mitch preparing to go and

of almost a ton of metal and

have an academic exam on road safety and the like – before they even

hurtling it along the N332. if,

let them in a car.

by what I have experienced over

If you’d like know more about driving lessons in Spain, which incidentally

here, he was soon to be one of those Muppets who sit on your rear

can be done in English too, pop in to the GA centre and see the staff at

bumper – half in, half out of the lane,

Autoescuela Estudiantes – and if you want to speak English – just ask

already decided that if he was taught

‘...now you n can learn i English...

badly, he would go back to the UK to

learn – with some bloke in a

then this was not going to be an experience that would last very long. I’d

for Bjorn.

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FOUR-LEGGED FRIENDS by Malcom Palmer

and with a large, bushy tail.

told, because they’re Stoatally different) Beech

You can’t talk of bushy tails without a mention

Marten, Pine Marten, Otter, and Mink all inhabit

o, not dogs. OK, I know many of

of the Fox (Zorro). Present in all wild areas, and

parts of Spain – and if I were to start on the

you like them, but for me they (or

also apt to wander into towns looking for foods

little, squeaky jobs……….

some of their owners) signify noise

around the bins, the Fox is a common sight to

and mucky pavements. I refer to our real friends,

those who spend time in the open air – this

the wild mammals, especially the predators

month alone, I’ve seen four, in two different

amongst them, which keep some semblance of

places.

balance in things, controlling rodents and other

Badgers and Genets (a cat-like member of the

pests. And the humble bunny rabbit is our friend,

Mongoose family) are both very nocturnal, giving

too, providing food for some rare birds and

you your best chance of a sighting in the car

mammals, including myself! The meat we get

headlights (though what are you up to on lonely

from the Rabbit is virtually cholesterol-free, and

roads late at night?)

you won’t find a tastier dish than conejo al ajillo.

If, however, you want to see the ‘big three’

Back to the bigger mammals. Around our part

Spanish mammals, you have to travel. There

of Spain, the Wild Boar (Jabalí in Spanish) is the

are specific Wolf-watching tours to Zamora –

most frequently encountered. (Let me first point

talk to my friend Julian Sykes – his website is

out that mammal-watching is altogether tougher

www.olivaramatours.com. But the Iberian Lynx

than birdwatching, as many are nocturnal) A trip

(Lince)is one of the world’s rarest mammals,

to Murcia’s Sierra Espuña should result in a few

confined to mountainous and forested areas of

views of Boar, especially if you go to the café

the west – let me know if you see one! And the

on the road up from Alhama, after lunch, when

Brown Bear (Oso pardo) is only now found in

they come down to feed on scraps. Handsome

the mountains of Cantabria and Asturias, though

(introduced) Barbary Sheep (Arrui in Spanish)

efforts are being made to reintroduce them to

are also to be seen there, and a full day will

the Pyrenees. As with all such schemes involving

guarantee you a good chance of seeing them.

potential predators, some local opposition is

Smaller mammals are also represented – a

bound to occur – the age-old prejudice against

unique, very dark race of Red Squirrel inhabits

the Wolf (Lobo) is very difficult to counteract, for

the pines, and I’ve seen Polecat there too.

example, as shepherds point to their losses, even

The other sheep, the Mouflon, is to be found in

though there is good evidence that feral dogs are

all our mountinous areas, as are wild goats, but

the real culprits.

the biggest prize would be a view of the mainly

This has been far from a complete list of the

nocturnal Wild Cat (Gatamontes in Spanish) –

mammals you could, just possibly, find – there

nothing like a domestic moggy, rather bigger,

are several mustelids – Stoat, Weasel (Weasily

from top to bottom.... Iberian Lynx, Brown bear, Mouflon and wild boar-Jabali.

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gran alacant

Germans & Brits - vhy are ve so different in so many vays ?

Councillor for Gran Alacant & the Popular Party

LORETO CASCALES Dear friends, Hello again and thank you very much for being here again to read the things I have to tell you about Gran Alacant. As you can see, we are finishing the pavements of Avenida Mediterráneo and Avenida Noruega and they are just looking very well. Next year, we will have lovely trees and incredible avenues where we will be able to walk as we never did before in Gran Alacant. The work has started already at the Sport Hall Centre of Gran Alacant and before the ending of this year we will have an enclose area where we will be able to practise sports without being frozen while you try to keep fit on. We will have the enclosed Sports Hall Centre that the people of Gran Alacant have been asking for so long. As you probably can imagine, I am in contact with the different associations we have in Gran Alacant. One of these associations I collaborate with and try to help from the Town Hall is the Monte y Mar Bowling Club. The relationship that I have now with this club goes further than the professional side because now I know much better what a bowler is. The last 14th of August I had the opportunity to participate in one of the competitions they have. I would like to thank them to welcome me as they did and to allow me to enjoy with them of so nice time. It was a great experience and I sincerely enjoyed it a lot. I have to thank Harry and Tony all the time they give me every Thursday to coach me to play bowling as they did. I can assure you they are the best “teachers” you may have if you would like to play bowling. Thanks to them I am now in a team that will be playing in several competitions. Thanks Tony and Harry for your time, your patience and your interest! And thanks also to the Bowling Club and their members to give me this great opportunity and experience. I enjoyed it a lot! Just to finish, remember that we have our fiestas in Santa Pola from the 1st to the 8th of September and you are invited to participate in all the activities the Town Hall has prepared for you. We will have also the World Windsurf Championship from the 9th to the 19th of September and after this we will be able to enjoy the Monte y Mar Bowling Open where I will participate again and I hope I will do it well. Thanks and speak to you next month!

DESTINATIONS

We may be the same colour, come from Northern Europe and our countries are geographically almost neighbours, but…there the resemblance ends, doesn’t it? Talk about Venus and Mars, when it comes to the Germans and the British, we are at maximum ends of the solar system – why are we so different, and why do we always seem to rub each other up the wrong way? You’ve only got to tune into The History Channel on TV to realise that there is no chance that ( from our part, anyway ) we will ever forget previous ‘differences’ between our countries - I think it’s the other way round from their side, perhaps preferring to forget – see, different again ! When we first moved house here, some years ago, we had some older German neighbours. Like most ‘Teutonic’ homes, it was blingingly spotless, they never seemed to stop cleaning it, both inside and out. Personally we don’t live in a cess-pit, far from it, but I do believe there is a limit between cleanliness and obsession; they just never seemed to stop. I’ve been inside their house, and can confirm that everything – and I mean everything – was in its place, right where it should be, shining and spotless, lined up for inspection – and just the same outside! Their property was screened from the road and neighbours by walls, gates and thick bushes, but you heard her well before you saw her (not that you did much) – you could hear her giving him a hard time on most days. I’m not saying she was unpleasant, but do you remember ‘Rosa Kleb’ in the early Bond movies, the one with the exterminating toe-caps? There were similarities, I looked for the jack-boot rash, but couldn’t see it! I have always had a strange need to be on civil terms with my neighbours, not too friendly if-you-know-what-Imean, but just to nod to, grunt Buenos Aries or whatever Uruguayan city you think of when you see them, but HE proved a challenge. I just could not get any eye contact or acknowledgement in the first few months as he emerged from the big, formidable metal gates, head-down to go on his trice-daily visit to the basura. I did not want to brand him as a possible fugitive from previous evil deeds, living out his latter years in semi-hiding here on the sunny Costa Blanca (stranger things have happened), so I merely put it down to shyness and a desire to keep vunself to vunself! However, my chance came to put civility and good manners to the test one day after a short, violent storm, and our road was strewn with mud, leaves and branches. No doubt ordered by Rosa, within minutes of the cessation of the bad weather, my quarry emerged from the gates and began to clean the road – probably to get away from her! He was out there with brush, bucket and wheelbarrow, so not to be outdone or thought of as a non-contributor to our community, I joined in and we dutifully cleaned our bit of the road together. Just as I sensed him calling it a day and returning to the lovely Rosa, I went over, extended my hand, and introduced myself in my best clipped Spanglish. This Deutsche, silver-haired senior citizen drew himself up to his full height, hands by his sides, clicked his heels, bowed slightly, and taking my hand briskly shook it, announcing ‘Kurt’ , before abruptly turning on his heel and marching briskly back behind the Brandenburg gates( sorry, couldn’t resist it ! ). I returned to my modest repose, eager to furnish my wife with details of my new acquaintance. ‘That bloke’s Kurt over the road’ I told her. Her outof-character rude reply puzzled me,

By John McGregor

involving him, and sex in a short Anglo-Saxon way! I replied ‘No, he seems ok’. I’m sure by now you can see where this is. going, and I don’t need to explain further, but just in case you don’t, my wife, also puzzled by now said ‘ I thought you said he was curt ? Further explanations and due embarrassment followed, but in truth, he was - Kurt by name and curt by nature - is it a nationalistic trait? Ja, I sink so! Back in the UK our friend Gloria used to run a guest house, where she took in foreign students who were learning English. Staying a weekend with her was a scream, you never knew who you would share the dinner table with, or how the conversation would go. One weekend there was only Klaus with us at dinner, a tall, blond, very direct young German, with a challenging approach to life. The first evening while Gloria was busy in the kitchen, Klaus leaned across the table, stared and said pointedly to my wife ‘ Vot,… is your relationship vith Gloria ?’ A little hesitantly she replied ‘Well… we’re friends from school, really’. I half expected Klaus to leap to his feet, dashing the back of his hand across her face, and shouting ‘Liar!’, but he nodded slowly, although somewhat sceptically. Later after Klaus had gone, we related this to Gloria. ‘You think that’s odd?’ she said, ‘yesterday at breakfast, he suddenly said to me “Vot age are you, Gloria?” Well, I mean, that’s not the sort of question you ask any woman of Gloria’s age, not if you want a good helping at meal times - and Gloria was exceedingly vain and man-hungry. Coyly and somewhat bravely batting it straight back to him, she replied ‘What age do you think I am, Klaus?’ Whether by tact, empty stomach or even a risky pass (She’d kill him!), Klaus under-estimated Gloria’s age by seven years (ooh, the creep!). I noted Gloria later described Klaus as a ‘well-brought boy, with good manners’! Personally I thought he represented the reputed characteristics of his nationality perfectly, and highlighted our differences perfectly in the brief time I met him! I have unskilfully avoided (I think!) obvious cheap mentions of major past differences between our countries, but return to where I started. Vy are ve so different? Vy don’t ve get along? Ven you have ze answer, you vill tell me every sing! Until zen…all togezzer ….ve’ll meet again, don’t know ver, don’t know ven, but I know ve’ll meet again, some schoeny day! By the way, ‘Schoen’ is the only German word I know- it means beautiful, fantastic, great, and wonderful – I think! So, have a schoen day, von’t you? Auf wiedershen (Pet)!

9 out of 10 CATS.... Dear editor We are a cat charity in Gran Alacant and need to find homes for our rescued cats and kittens. Is it possible to include them in your magazine. We have our cats on the Pets in Spain website with K9 and Paws but need as much help as possible from every medium. Thanking you in anticipation Lesley King If you can offer any cats a good home or for more information, call Lesley 889322438

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Talking of

LaMarina FOULEYE SAYS…. K9 Club Animals For Adoption.. please, please !

I didn’t leave my heart…. in San Fulgencio !

years ago, when after inheriting a problem with my first house

In 1995, when I enquired from my friend whereabouts he had

here, I had cause to engage in battle with the bureaucracy, the

bought his house in Spain, he replied it was in ‘La Marina’, and

‘abominable no-man’ negative, unhelpful clerk at the desk who

that it was situated on the Costa Blanca between Alicante and

rebutted all my legal and financial efforts to right the situation,

Torrevieja, near a town called Guardamar. I looked it up on a map

despite many fruitless, expensive visits with interpreters. In the

of Spain, and found La Marina marked – easily !

end after several wasted years I sort-of managed it myself in

I stayed at his place on holiday, loved everything about the ‘Urb’

an inconclusive way, but was left bitter at the totally unhelpful,

and the area, bought a house here myself, and moved here

inefficient attitude I found there. I vowed from then on to have as

permanently a few years later. As far as I, and the Post Office

little as possible to do with the place, which I have steadfastly and

were concerned, I lived in – La Marina ! The official address after

successfully maintained.

the road name stated ‘ La Marina Urbanization’ - which was fair

The only exception was several years later when my wife and

enough as it differentiated the Urbanization from the village. The

I joined an international group of dissatisfied local residents

‘district’ was San Fulgencio, the ‘province’ was Alicante, and we

in La Marina who banded together to protest about all the

were in Espana – everyone ok so far ? All agree ?

house robberies, bag snatching and muggings happening on

Well – it appears I – or we- are all wrong now – or somebody is !

our urbanization. Several hundred of us paraded with suitable

All the time I have not been living in ‘La Marina’, it seems, I have

banners in the town square of San Fulgencio, directly in front

apparently been living in an urbanization of San Fulgencio. I must

of the Town Hall, while our petition was being presented inside.

admit I hadn’t noticed, but recently my attention was drawn to a

In a scene straight out of ‘ Evita ’, the Lady Mayoress and our

amazing considering her owner tried to

letter in a local newspaper, complaining that the sign by Lidl along

representatives eventually came out onto the first floor balcony,

hang her, thankfully she shook herself

the straight flat road leading away from the N332 in the direction

smiling, linking hands and waving to us in a show of apparent

loose and a volunteer found her. She is

of the La Marina points to ‘San Fulgencio Nort’!

union and solidarity. Later we got our police station, and the

Excuse me (splutter) ! North ? How can that dusty, narrow-

robberies and crimes stopped. Is it going the other way now ?

streeted pathetically small one-horse town ( town is even a bit

Answers on a postcard, please ….

strong !) ever be considered big enough to have a north, south,

If we now merit that police station, an ambulance station, tourist

environment to call home.

east or even west ? But in case I was in any doubt of the new

office, our own council office, three big supermarkets and a lot

Janet and John are beautiful tabby

importance of San Fulgencio, to back this up the other day I

of other shops, heaven knows how many banks, countless

and white kittens. They are 23 weeks old,

obtained from the tourist office in La Marina (so it must be official),

commercial areas with many bars, restaurants, gyms, sports

a recently-produced map of this area. On one side, of course, is

centres, various businesses - need I go on ? Here in La Marina

a street map of San Fulgencio itself, named SAN FULGENCIO

we are big enough to merit our own name, our own identity, our

‘Casco Urbano’(town centre), sufficiently ‘bigged-up’ to look large

own voice. I thought we did, and San Fulgencio were listening -

and impressive. On the reverse – wait for it – it is named ‘SAN

apparently not !

FULGENCIO Urbanizaciones’ with a map showing many streets,

When you think about it, the ‘stench’ of political corruption does

herd cross Husky. She is good with cats

which also includes, in extremely small inconsequential letters in

not currently hang over La Marina’s head, but San Fulgencio’s,

and other dogs. She loves children and

insignificant places ‘URBANIZACION OASIS’, ‘URBANIZACION

with the Town Hall’s bitter rivalries and serious allegations

MARINA’ and ‘URBANIZACION LA ESQUERA’. Even ‘MARINA

against one another. But these people govern the running of

DEL MAR 1’ is highlighted more than ‘URBANIZATION MARINA’

‘our’ urbanization, and are responsible for the state it is in. La

itself. Nowhere – absolutely nowhere - does it even mention ‘La

Marina is not perfect, it has its faults with its roads (and lights

and was found wandering around La

Marina’ – you couldn’t make it up !

!) needing repair, graffiti and the appallingly dirty public areas

Marina. She was found in a very poor

Both sides of the map contain the delightful slogan –

‘San

requiring action, and I accept that slowly but surely these are

state and was afraid to come near us.

Fulgencio – una luz en el Mediterraneo’. A light in the Mediterrean

being addressed. But the examples set by San Fulgencio are not

? Oh, please ! There are 30 streets in San Fulgencio making up

good, and the council needs to put its own house in order before

this ‘light’ – have a guess how many streets and parques there

trying to expand their little empire using the size and population

are in La Marina and Oasis Urbanizations - 50 ? Wrong ! 100

of La Marina.

? Wrong ! According to their own map there are 144 listed on

It would seem to me to be a conscious effort on the part of San

the urbanization side of the map alone ! !44 ! Who would provide

Fulgencio to ‘lose’ the La Marina name – well, I live here, and I

the biggest ‘luz’ there then, providing they’re not out of order and

don’t want to be a tiny part of one of San Fulgencio’s urbanizations

needing repair, like many of them are here ? If there are over five

that they immorally lord it over, it is the tail wagging the dog. I am

times as many streets in La Marina as there are in San Fulgencio,

not politically-minded, but when I see devious sleight of hand like

it follows there are five times as many people – much more

this, then I protest ! Perhaps if you feel strongly on this issue,

probably, due to the concentration of houses - just who are the

as you can see I do, then perhaps you could let ‘The Jungle

minority and majority here ?

Drums’ know, and together we can let this insensitive Town Hall

If you are like me, you have personal reasons to dislike San

know we will not be surrendering our identity to them under any

Fulgencio, specifically its Town Hall, and the inefficient way they

circumstances !

try to manage this urbanization. I lost confidence in the Town Hall

Viva La Marina !

Janet and John

Reina

Lisa

Fifi

Fifi is a lovely friendly girl, which is quite

about 4 years old, spayed and vaccinated. Fifi now desperately needs a safe loving

vaccinated and litter trained. Janet is a little shy at first but after a while loves to get a cuddle like her brother.

Lisa is a 10 month old German Shep-

will play for hours with them.

Reina is a beautiful German Shepherd

After putting tranquilisers in her food we managed to catch her and she is now in a foster home getting all the love she needs. For more information please call

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El Hondo nature reserve centre By: Malcolm Palmer ,

Although there are numerous road-signs directing you to the ‘Parc Natural del Fondo’ (confusingly, ‘Fondo’ is Valencian for ‘Hondo’) it may be as well if I talk you through it. The simplest way is to take directions for Catral, wherever you are approaching from. Just north of the town, on the way to Crevillente, there is a roundabout with motorway (A-37) access. There you will see a sign for San Felipe de Neri, off to the east. Pass through that village, and, at about a kilometre, you come to a bridge. Turn right on an unmade road before you cross it, and you will arrive at the gates of the reserve centre. If you arrive at a ‘civilised hour’ in the morning (between 09.00 and 14.00 hrs on weekdays except Mondays, and later at weekends) you should find them open. Enter and you come across a car-park that would do justice to a major football ground, with half-a-dozen cars parked in the corner. Cross a nice, landscaped bit of garden, and you have arrived at the splendid reserve centre, a purpose-built exhibition hall, equipped with the very latest in video technology, and some beautifully laid out displays, showing the work of the Medio Ambiente (Environment Agency) at El Hondo. There are impressive oversized mock-ups of Flamingos and the species for which the whole reserve has been established, the Marbled Duck. The huge picture-window of the centre looks out over an area with permanent water – a local rarity in itself – and you can birdwatch here in air-conditioned splendour. The ‘monitors’ are currently fighting a battle with vegetation in this area, which they would like to keep clear for waders, but one explained that the area was cleared as recently as late spring, and the weeds are now waist-high. This same vegetation is more welcome in other parts of the reserve area overlooked by the centre, where extensive lakes have been provided, to attract Marbled Duck. Formerly (and inaccurately) known as ‘Marbled Teal,’ these birds were at a very low ebb in Spain as recently as 1994, when the breeding population may have been as low as 30 pairs. A slow recovery, mirroring, though not so rapidly, that of White-headed Ducks, has taken place, aided by strict conservation measures, and the reserve of El Hondo has been home to a substantial proportion of the country’s

population. Most of these birds bred on the ‘reserve proper,’ where fluctuating water-levels and barely-controlled hunting did little to encourage growth. It was decided to establish this specific reserve, and a small but healthy breeding nucleus is becoming established. The current number of pairs is fifteen. During the breeding season they are, like many species, difficult to see, but as the young start to forage, in late summer and autumn, they start to appear in more accessible spots, and their lovely mottled plumage and piratical dark head-markings are a feature of the Alicante wetlands that many Northern European birders voyage long distances to see. From the Centre, a nice boardwalk trail has been built. Whilst vegetation is still sparse, some species are absent, but it is possible to see a good range of birds in the area already. On my most recent visit, in the scorching heat of early August, a noisy Collared Pratincole passed over, seeing off a passing Marsh Harrier, and a party of six Wood Sandpipers ‘chiff-chiffed’ as they sprung up from a bank by the boardwalk. A little Ringed Plover flew off virtually from under my feet, and a Viperine Water Snake wriggled away as I headed back to the centre. Back there, I spoke to two of the girls who work as monitors. At least two have a modicum of English, and all are unfailingly helpful and friendly. When conditions are right (in other words, when there is some water there) they can make prior arrangements for you to have a guided tour of El Hondo itself, some five kilometres away, where you can see a whole range of birds not found anywhere else in the area. In short, the centre is worth a visit, and represents a worthwhile effort on the part of the Valencian Community. You may be given a questionnaire (in English) – don’t hesitate to ask, and constructive criticism is welcomed.

By Malcolm Thompson,

Good grief, an article about art. Art, there I’ve said it! As soon as someone mentions art and culture do you reach for the revolver, figuratively speaking? How about painting? And I don’t mean two gallons of magnolia and a roller. By now you have either put this article down because you can’t draw for toffee or your horrible bearded, pipe smoking, sandal and socks wearing art teacher at school way back in ‘1960 whatever it was’ told you not to bother with art, it probably wasn’t your strength, right? Or was that just me then? Well, help is at hand. Now that the summer fiesta season is coming to a close and all the ‘rellys’ have gone home you might be turning your thoughts to autumn and winter activities. Maybe a new activity you hadn’t had the time for when you were brining up kids and working in the UK. But now you are here and the pool, garden, house are all sorted and the grandchildren packed off for another six months what are you going to do next? This is where I step in. We are an art group that specialises in utter beginners. Said with complete conviction, I think I can teach you to draw and paint, (No idle boast after years of teaching). You would be amazed at the work complete beginners can produce. All it takes is a little instruction in a few simple techniques to get you started and viola! You’re an artist. Granted, not quite up to Van Gough standard yet, but probably enjoying it more than he did. Not only does this art group offer painting tuition, we are planning visits to a few cultural sites like MUBAG in Alicante for example and we do a little art history along the way. We also have a certain amount of ‘social time’ in our weekly schedule for those that like that sort of thing. Interested? We have a website so you can check that only fairly normal people need apply! We run a six week ‘introduction to watercolour’ course and usually have a laugh along the way. Every week we tackle a different aspect of watercolour painting and build your skills in a stepwise fashion. Absolutely no prior knowledge is assumed, honestly! If you have any interest at all check out our website: www.laschumberas.eu or email Malcolm on artshed.malcolm@gmail.com or give me a ring on 616 052 079. Look forwards to meeting you.

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Here we are drifting towards the end of summer with the thought of cool nights and sleeping comfortably, YES! Bumping into Paco, the other night, as he left a bar, I was able to get his take on the summer. “Blooming tourists, coming down here, with their lousy driving, messing up our nice, clean, white lines, I shall have to start painting them all again!” Forth Bridge, anybody? From that, I gathered he was still gainfully employed by the Town Hall, but where he’s been hiding for the past two months, I’ve no idea. We see, in various publications, articles concerning Driving Licences and Medical Certificates, so here is our tu’peneth on that

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involving the rehabilitation, of Spanish have been

registered cars, which bought in the UK and

are subsequently being brought “home” to Spain. This is not a simple task, as we have proven to the new owners. None of the vehicles had been correctly exported from Spain, carrying with them, an ongoing liability for the annual road tax. ITV’s, were expired, there was no information relating to the registered owner and in some cases there was a complete absence of the Spanish documentation. Fortunately, none had outstanding traffic fines, or embargo’s in respect of HP default, or, as a worse case, declared as stolen. Most had outstanding road tax and penalties, some going back two years, and expired date ITV’s, which had to be sorted, before the cars could be transferred to their new owners. The moral is, always check before committing to a purchase, whether here, or in the UK. We can provide a comprehensive Data-Check that will reveal the relevant information, thus enabling you to make an informed decision.

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CROSSWORD 1

CROSSWORD 2

ACROSS

Down

Across

1. Clam juice 6. Squeegee attachment 10. Eat sideways 14. Chemical found in some emetics 15. Dog wax 16. Goatherd’s undergarment 17. Puzzle’s secret, part one 19. Tiny ear 20. Foam basket 21. Wombat-like ruminant 23. Amateur proctologist’s grp. 25. Slag dross 26. Puzzle’s secret, part two 32. Obsequious exclamation 35. Spleen growth 36. Hungarian flautist Proog 37. Capital of Orlee 39. Bag of doughnuts: Var. 41. Shoe paste 42. Banjo filler 43. Trout vessel 44. Small sneeze 46. Sumatran rat monkey 47. Snide, to a Scot 48. Puzzle’s secret, part three 51. Snail appendage 52. Etruscan tuber 53. Salty wine 58. “On my planet...” 63. Language of ancient Freznia 64. Puzzle’s secret, part four 66. Hairy bristle 67. Swim like an armadillo 68. Shakespearean doofus 69. Crunchy fern 70. Hit with a spoon 71. Eskimo dance

1. Rubber ducky’s place, perhaps 2. Canyon sound 3. Toboggan 4. Place for parking a boat 5. Baseball game division 6. Cat’s coat 7. Animal home 8. Concept 9. Frisbee-shaped Olympics projectile 10. Go on and off, as a traffic light 11. Come back to earth 12. Where Cleveland is 13. Game on horseback 18. Lone Star State 22. Money in the bank, say 24. Tentacled creatures 26. Young ladies 27. Arctic or Indian, e.g. 28. Europe’s “boot” 29. ___ of the above 30. Mr. Philbin of TV 31. Work too hard at (it) 32. Jack Nicholson role in “Batman” 33. Sporting event site 34. Jeans material 38. Breathing organ 40. Top room 45. Like some statistics 49. Sand trap, e.g. 50. Theater lanes 51. Cattle marking 53. Pop 54. Basic impulse 55. Light greenish-blue 56. Locale 57. Jump like a frog 59. Hendrix hairdo 60. Put on weight 61. Hawaiian musicmakers 62. Dracula player Lugosi 65. What candles may signify

1. Wound remnant 5. Biology 101 specimen 10. Spill the beans 14. __ mater 15. St.. __ of Jerusalem 16. Napoleon’s prison, e.g. 17. Mary’s follower 18. Squads 19. Garfield’s foil 20. Cheap hams? 23. Wrath 24. Earlier in time than 25. Words of relief 28. John Fowles novel 33. Windbreaker 35. Eggs 36. Find a cheap place to park? 38. __ qua non 40. “Brown” co. 41. Simpleton 42. Beach bum’s wages? 47. Word on a wine bottle 48. More desert-like 49. Canine 51. Salon supply 52. Weeks in a Roman year 54. Chicken or small 55. Inexpensive footwear? 61. Proscribe 64. Spreads 65. It has a creamy filling 66. Highly excited 67. Quit 68. Iranian money 69. Dorothy’s doggy 70. Option on a form, perhaps 71. Musician’s submission

answers page 48

Down

1. Like Lot’s love later 2. Scratch 3. Shells and such 4. Thumper, for one 5. Most intense 6. Talking bird 7. Idle of “Monte Python” fame 8. Please in Potsdam 9. Horse that doesn’t win, place or show 10. Accounts of a lifetime 11. 60s drug 12. “The Greatest” 13. Line opener 21. Diaphragm 22. Supermodel Mero (aka Sable) 25. Musical recitative 26. Small community 27. Brief description 28. Israeli spy group 29. Bird sanctuary 30. Mary Poppins, for example 31. Spirit 32. Beatles’ record label 34. Strange 37. Keyes’ famous first words 39. Leno’s announcer, Hall 43. Mark for omission 44. South American river 45. One at rest 46. Covered walk or colonnade 50. Dress shoe 53. Cove 55. Kind of stick 56. Okie-dokie 57. Come second 58. Pennsylvania city 59. 20 quires 60. Stag 61. Container 62. It may be bruised 63. Kid

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Me Cruel Toy Marble Boy I’ll make a wise phrase Immense Song Woman Hitler Here Come Dots Answers

About 3,500 gallons of water is needed to produce one pound of beef. About 300 million cells die in your body every minute. About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were thirty. About 70% of all living organisms in the world are bacteria. About 85% of the plant life on the Earth is in the ocean. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A species of earthworm in Australia grows up to 10 feet in length. A starfish can turn itself inside out. A ten gallon hat holds three quarters of a gallon.

6 0

Motley Crue, Bob Marley, William Shakespeare, Gene Simmons, Mother-in-law, The Morse Code

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Wordsearch 1 clues HUMAN BODY - OUTSIDE HAIR HEAD EARS NOSE EYES MOUTH LIPS CHEEKS NECK SHOULDER CHEST TUMMY BACK HIPS ARMS ELBOWS HANDS FINGERS LEGS KNEES ANKLES TOES WRISTS TEETH TONGUE BOTTOM CHIN

the blank spaces. Every row of the puzzle must contain one of each letter in the word, as must every column and every 3x3 square. key word: SOMETHING

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LIFE IS TOO SHORT....so if you fancy doing something different.. just do it!

LivingLI

‘The Coach on the Couch’ gets motivated! Nigel Jardine your resident Coach

Motivation……what exactly is it? Well according to the Oxford dictionary

of course). So I can tell you I needed every ounce of motivation available.

there are two definitions; ‘the reason or reasons behind one’s actions or

I was going towards the records and also raising money for Action for Chil-

behaviour’ and ‘enthusiasm’.

dren, and I was moving away from being the ‘non-achiever’ I was labelled

As a motivational expert I like

as a child.

the first one, because motiva-

Maybe you have some challenges of your own and need to find the motiva-

tion for me has two ends

tion to makes changes, or to just do some of the things you’ve always

- motivation away from and

promised yourself. Well, remember the ‘away from’ and ‘towards’ model.

motivation towards. Let’s face

If you can use both sides of the equation to, if you like, push and pull, it

it if you can’t stand your noisy

makes things a lot easier and usually more enjoyable. For example, you

neighbours, there’s definitely

want to lose weight or get fit. Think of the things you don’t like about the

motivation to move ‘away

situation, things you want to get away from – feeling tired, out of breath,

from’ where you now live, and

your clothes are too tight and so on, then also to increase the motivation,

if you really want that beauti-

think about what you want to achieve, how good you’ll feel, what new outfit

ful new Aston Martin, there’s

you can treat yourself to or how you can stroll along the front at Arenales

motivation ‘towards’ going out

without getting tired – I look forward

to work each day or to buy

seeing you down there one day, even

your regular lottery ticket(s)!

progressing to a run not a stroll – or am I

I thought about the theme

pushing things too fast?!

motivation for this month as

Whatever is your motivation, make friends

I have just been through a

with it, get to know it well, so when times

very challenging few days

are tough you know exactly where to look

to break a world record and

for that extra bit of umph! A big thanks

create a new one. As a coach I think it would be unfair to ask my clients to

to all of you who’ve voted for me in the

do anything I’m not prepared to do myself, so I’m always looking for ways

Top Coach Competition and if you haven’t

to develop my own behaviours and ways of thinking. As you’ll know I am in

done it yet – what are you waiting for!

the final of Britain’s Next Top Coach, and for my personal challenge in the

;-) Click on the link at www.nigeljardine.

semi-final stages I did a walk on broken glass, which was also on fire – Look

com Finally if you would like to contribute

on You Tube under ‘glassblazer’. So for this round I needed to up my game,

to my fundraising for Action for Children

so to speak. I had the idea only 4 weeks ago to smash the world record for

please give whatever you can – every lit-

walking on broken glass, which currently stood at 960m in 1 hour and I’m

“Interesting Body Facts”

tle helps, to nick someone else’s phrase!

pleased to say that on Sunday Aug 16th I cracked it at 1060m in1 hour! Not

www.justgiving.com/nigeljardine. Thank you. Have a great motivated month

content to have just the one record, I thought well as I’m already set up I

and keep sending me emails with questions or comments about coaching to

can continue and go for the longest duration of walking on broken glass. So

nigel@nigeljardine.com

26.5 hours and 30km later, I had record number two (subject to verification

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IFE

KIDS in Spain It’s BBQ Time

After long months of winter we are finally in summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it’s the only kind of cooking a REAL MAN will do, probably because there’s an element of danger involved. When a man VOLUNTEERS to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion: BORING ROUTINE 1, The woman buys the food 2, The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the dessert. 3, The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging besides the grill – beer in hand. 4. The man places the meat on the grill MORE ROUTINE 5, The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery. 6, The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning, he thanks her and asks is she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation. IMPORTANT AGAIN 7, The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman MORE BORING ROUTINE 8, The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table. 9, After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL! 10, Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts. 11, The man asks the woman if she enjoyed ‘HER NIGHT OFF’. On seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!!

60 IS THE NEW 40 by Malcolm Thompson

This months article is a little more light hearted.

by Suzanne Lockwood

Below is a piece of writing which I find astonishing every time I read it. It is strange, but very interesting! Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! This just goes to show what a weird and wonderful thing the human mind is. Suzanne Lockwood Soemg@hotmail.co.uk Mov 619383721

The 1960’s….! ‘It was the best of times; it was the worst of times’. I think I can pinpoint the exact moment when our generation started being younger for longer; it all began on the first of January 1960. This decade’s ultimate result is the cowgirl hat and boots line dancing grandmas of today. How do I know this? A friend of mine recently celebrated his 59 birthday and informed me in all seriousness that ‘60 is the new 40’. After some thought I came to the conclusion he’s right and the root cause is the 1960’s change in attitudes to absolutely everything. We had the NHS, better nutrition, ‘the pill’ and a job. Best of all we had our music and clothes which the older generation hated! My parents were old in their sixties. Once sixty-five arrived my dad was consigned to a life of armchair, garden, dominoes and telly with a corresponding decline in health. No one, and I really mean no one except film stars even thought of spending retirement in a foreign country. We should all get down on our knees and thank the 1960’s for giving us the spirited approach to life we have today. We were brought up in an age where your dad told you to ‘get your hair cut and turn that noise down’ or ‘you’re not going out in that skirt are you’ (that was my sister, not me you understand, well only once)! The Rolling Stones and The Who were ours. Students debated, marched and protested. Kennedy was the ‘new man’ and we walked on the moon, spiritually as well as physically. We were high on our own success, we were ‘Backing Britain’ and England Swung, everything was possible. Young people got used to defying authority in a constructive way. And this has made us into a generation of line dancing non conformists who still have our own teeth thanks to the NHS and school milk. Once ‘Thatcher the Snatcher’ Minister for Education, arrived on the scene things went down hill rapidly, no more school milk and a tightly prescribed curriculum to the point where I feel sorry for today’s children. But I digress. Forty year olds today are still youngsters. They marry later and have children later. They are still in midstream life as we know it. The saying’ life begins at forty’ is anachronistic today. They’re all too busy career building and raising the family they had too late. By the by, I used to teach an ‘A’ level module on the social, cultural, moral and economic impact of the 1960’s. When the students came into the room I would have the Kinks playing, they loved it! Skirts were short, hair was long, the Mersey Beat was fab and American cars had fins. Aren’t you glad you were living through a revolution? The net result…..life begins at 60 and we are here to prove it! PS: Anyone got a 1962 Cadillac Coupe de Ville they want to sell?

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YOUR STARS

Aries

Leo

Sagittarius

This month your favored Olympic sport is the triple jump, which, as we all know, is the long jump for posey overachievers. Mercury has some advice for you this month and it will come in the form of the pert rear end of a Russian Olympic gymnast gyrating and contorting on the gymnastics floor. A piece of sound financial advice will be given to you by a circus trapeze artist which may make you change your mind on the future trend of commodity prices in these troubled economic times...

Attempts at positive thinking are fraught with difficulties for the entire month as Venus is busy watching the Olympics.

After last month’s eating and drinking binges, caused by an interplanetary conjunction of no name that attempted to make you fat, the only option this month seems to be to listen to Mars, who says its time to take a breather. Mars, the planet, advises you should eat and drink modestly, and try to lose that extra poundage as there is considerable risk of running, jumping and hiding hazards just around the corner.

Mar 20 - Apr 19

July 23rd - August 23rd

Carry on regardless and things might turn out OK, or they might not, who can tell?, just plan this month as if the planets will have no direct impact on your life as they will be busy doing other things. Tip: Looking for signs of your latent sexuality during the Olympic diving events will pay dividends.

November 23rd - December 21st

Items previously considered to be lucky will stop being lucky this month, and items previously thought to be unlucky will grow in unluckiness, taking on a profound sinisterness that even Vincent Price and Christopher Lee would find difficult to understand.

This month your destiny is shy, so give it a hug.

Taurus

Capricorn

Apr 20 - May 19

December 22nd - January 20th

A period of beach time fun is well starred this month after you have faced up to your annual fear of stripping virtually naked in front of others. Use beach towels strategically until your confidence has returned. Unfortunately the planets have all conspired to make sure your attempts to follow a get-readyfor-the-beach workout, that you found in a magazine in May, will have no noticeable results. Throwing things and catching things are well starred especially Frisbees, balls and babies. This month your destiny wears the silk stockings of a Elizabethan Dandy.

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sept 21

‘Fashion’ modeling is set to inspire you this month in all of its pouty exuberance. Walking quickly, stopping, looking mean, then turning around and walking back where you have just come from will enhance an otherwise dull month filled with fears for the economy. Your apparently irrational modelly-walking pattern will confuse street thiefs and people beaters and will have a profound effect on lowering street crime for the coming month wherever you walk, especially when others notice your modelly-type walking and copy your moves.

After last month’s problems with pistachio nuts, the planets are concerned at your suicidally high sodium intake. If the hallucinations start drink lots of water and pray in the direction of Jupiter, which is up for about half of the time. Police are set to raid you home or your place of work this month in a planetary inspired tip-off from a mystic or horoscope writer. (It’s not me!) This month your destiny is undecided, and may leave any outcome until next month.

Aquarius

January 21st - February 18th

Gemini

Libra

May 22nd - June 21st

September 23rd - October 23rd

Egypt in all of its forms is set to impact your life this month in ways too exotic to detail - new spicy foods, new colors, new smells, will embrace your reality after Neptune traverses the plain of no return. A previously mild mannered cat will become aggressive after you seem to be about to feed it but then don’t. The cat is suffering from mild heat stroke and misunderstood your actions, but even so your catty faux pas will put you straight to the top of its ‘humans to bring down’ list.

Fish, water, plastic bath-ducks and lemons are set to have an important impact on your life this month, if Jupiter and Mercury have their way. You will be drawn to the benefits of loan sharkery on the 5th: lending money for up to 2000% interest at times certainly will have its attractions to you. Try to avoid loaning to Taurus and Aries however, the other star signs rarely resort to violence if it all goes wrong. This month your destiny is screaming at you silently about your dress sense.

Scorpio

October 24th - November 22nd

Cancer

June 22nd - July 22nd Reindeers and hearty slaps on the back from manly deep voiced and possibly bearded men, will pepper this month with angst based joy. Despite your attempts to conserve energy, Saturn is determined that your fuel bills will be at record levels. Resign yourself to bankruptcy and everything else is a bonus. A handkerchief of a gypsy woman will bring tidings involving fluid based relief.

The threat of financial peril coupled with a difficulty in finding food to feed wild birds, is set to make this month zing with a Mary Poppins type sadness. As you might have suspected, Mary Poppins is Saturn’s favorite movie of all time and he still weeps at that bit with the old woman and the pigeons. A radio chat show will raise your blood pressure by about 1 this month; beware calling in as your comments could later come back to haunt you.

An Olympic inspired month on many levels. Your favored method of throwing things this month is in the shotput style, and not in your everyday over the arm throwing style, especially at the end of violent domestic arguments in which you usually like nothing better than to throw plates and slam doors. Initially this new throwing style may seem strange to you, especially the bit at the beginning when you have to turn round and round in a tight circle, but the planets insist that you throw like this all month lest Armageddon be released. BEWARE! Pets will favor being tickled on the tummy and not under the chin all of a sudden this month, in a Jupiter inspired confluence.

Pisces

February 19th - March 20th Philosophy will continue to have a profound effect on your life in the coming month and your search for even more esoteric ideas from increasingly unruly-haired philosophers will be greeted with fulfilled coos of happiness at times, especially after 8pm on the 17th. Dogs will present difficulties this month, and you may find that your standard ‘tickle them under the chin’ attempts at ingratiation will fail spectacularly, or at least fail to the extent that you would consider yourself mad to even think about trying it again.

This month your destiny will make itself apparent in the form of a cute kitten playing with a ball of wool.

This month your destiny will get the hiccups.

sEPTEMBER 20093939

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6 de Septiembre, Fiestas del Ravalet en Mutxamel

del 6 al 8 de Septiembre, Moros y Cristianos en Redován 8 de Septiembre, Mare de Déu de Loreto en Mutxamel Virgen de las Virtudes en Villena Mare de Deu en Agres Divina Aurora en Beneixama Ntra. Sra. la Virgen de Montserrate en Daya Vieja Fiestas Mayores en Elda del 8 al 9 de Septiembre, Mare de Déu de la Llum en Gaianes Virgen de la Gracia en Gorga Nuestra Señora de Belén en Jacarilla Mare de Deu de Loreto en Jávea Virgen del Remedio en Monóvar Virgen de Monserrate en Orihuela Virgen de Loreto en Santa Pola

14 de Septiembre, Fallas de Elda Santísimo Cristo de la Paz en San Juan de Alicante 15 de Septiembre, Virgen de los Dolores Feria del ganado en Orihuela

23 de Septiembre, Romería a la Font Roja en Alcoy 24 de Septiembre, Moros y Cristianos en Altea

September 8th Day of the Communities

Gran Canaria Asturias Estremadura September 11th Dia da Nacional

September 15th Day of Cantabria

Cantabria September 19th

27 de Septiembre, Santos Cosme y Damián en Relleu 29 de Septiembre, San Miguel en Agres San Miguel en Alcalalí San Miguel en Alqueria d’Asnar San Miguel en Benifallim San Miguel en Benifato San Miguel Arcangel en Daya Nueva San Miguel en San Miguel de Salinas

Our Lady of La Peña

Fuerteventura (Can.I.)

Altea, Aspe, Beniarbeig, Benijofar, Campo de Mirra, Castalla, Elda,

ANNIE HALL

WOODY ALLEN, 1977 Comedy /Drama Running time 93 minutes

San Miguel en Vall de Ebo Feria de San Migue en Villajoyosa del 30 de Septiembre al 7 de Virgen del Rosario en Albatera

3 de Octubre, Moros y Cristianos en Planes 4 de Octubre, San Francisco de Asís en Crevillent

7 de Octubre, Aplec de Sonadors en Mutxamel Virgen del Rosario en Rafal 10 de Octubre, Moros y Cristianos en Callosa d’en Sarria Mare de Déu del Rosari en Guardamar del Segura Virgen del Remedio en San Fulgencio 12 de Octubre, Virgen del Pilar en Benejúzar

SEPTEMBER FESTIVITIES IN ‘EL CAMPO DE GUARDAMAR’ Saturday, 5th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’ at 4 p.m. Domino Championship

Saturday, 5th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’ at 11 p.m. Opening Ceremony Sunday, 6th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’. 10.30 a.m. Annual ‘Paella Competition’ 5 p.m. Prize Bingo in aid of this year’s festivities 6 p.m. Children’s activities with bouncy castle etc for the youngsters Saturday, 12th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’ 4 p.m. Domino Championship 11 p.m. Night time celebrations with a mobile disco to dance the night away… Sunday, 13th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’ 3 a.m. Hot chocolate and cake for those who have survived the night!!!! 12 noon Holy Mass with floral tributes to Our Lady of Fátima 5 p.m. Arrival and parades by the different musical bands 8 p.m. Fancy dress parade with prizes awarded for the best costume, best choreography and best transport Saturday, 19th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’ 4 p.m. Domino Championship 10 p.m. Wine Festival 11 p.m. A variety of stage acts and Cabaret performances Sunday, 20th September at the ‘Pista de los Limoneros’ 10.30 a.m. Lunch for the motorcyclists

GUARDAMAR’S MUSEUMS OPEN THEIR DOORS

Residents and visitors to Guardamar now have the opportunity to visit both its Archaeological Museum and the Engineer Mira Museum for the price of 2€. (Children up to 14 years must be accompanied by an adult and those over 65 years can enter free on production of proof of age.) The new initiative allows those interested to visit both museums at their leisure – and although the visits are not guided visits, all of the information is displayed clearly in Spanish, Valencian and in English. The Forestry Commission Engineer Mira’s museum (located within the town’s Tourist Office ) will be open to the public from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. and from 5.30 p.m. – 8 p.m. Monday to Saturday and is closed on Sundays. The Archaeological Museum, situated at the end of Carrer Colón will be open 10 a.m. -2 p.m. and 5.30 p.m. – 8.30 p.m., Tuesday to Saturday and will be

closed to the public on Sundays and Mondays. Both museums display a wealth of interesting information and visitors are able to learn from the many exhibits, the fascinating history of the town and about the many civilisations who have visited and settled there. Additionally, the Archaeological museum offers an opportunity to see a reproduction of the famous Iberian statue of the Dama de Guardamar. The Engineer Mira museum, renovated in 2006, houses many of his personal belongings – as well as documented information on the work done by him during the reforestation process Tickets for the Museum are available from the town’s local Tourist Information Office, situated in the Plaça de la Constitució (town square). Group bookings are offered with an English speaking guide at 3€ per person. ( a minimum of 15 people). Tel. 96 572 44 88 or visit their website www.guardamar.net

MARKETS AND LOTS OF ‘EM

Agres, Callosa d’en Sarrià, Cox, Dènia, Elche, Formentera, Granja de Rocamora, Ibi, La Nucia, Monovar, Penáguila, Petrer, San Pedro del Pinatar, Santa Pola, Sax

TUESDAY

21, 23 and 25 September, FIESTAS IN HONOUR OF OUR LADY OF FÁTIMA – 2009 at 7.30 p.m.

5 de Octubre, Fiestas de Octubre en Petrer

25 de Septiembre, Fiestas Patronales en Orxeta

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS MONDAY

Entrance FREE

30 de Septiembre, San Jerónimo en Benferri

17 de Septiembre, Moros y Cristianos en Ibi

It’s all happening in GUARDAMAR

GUARDAMAR Casa de Cultura

Jalón, Orihuela, Relleu, Sella, San Fulgencio, Tibi

WEDNESDAY Albatera, Alcoy, Alqueries, Bañeres, Benejamar, Beniarrés, Benidorm, Benilloba, Benitachell, Biar, Callosa sel Segura, El Campello, Elda, Guardamar, Monforte del Cid, Muchamiel, Ondara, Novelda, Orba, Petrer, Polop, San Miguel de Salinas, Sella, Teulada

THURSDAY Agres, Agost, Alpe, Albatera, Algeña, Alicante, Benidoleig, Cocentaina, Hondon de los Frailes, Gran Alacant Jávea, Jijona, Pego, Rojales, Villajoyosa, Villena,

FRIDAY Albatera, Bañeres, Benejuzar, Beniarrés, Benidoleig, Crevillente, Dènia, El Pilar de la Hora-

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BUSINESS DIRECTORY AIR CONDITIONING

CAR REPAIRS cont...

DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant

PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606

CAR SALES FWR CARS El Altet RENAULT Santa Pola

ANIMAL RESCUE LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224

FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 PRO-ACTS All Areas Tel. 96 679 5058

Tel. 96 568 7976 Tel 96 541 3746

ESTATE AGENTS

CAR SERVICE CENTRE La Marina Tel. 650 821 082 RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS La Marina Tel. 650 821 082 HEADLAMP EXCHANGE La Marina Tel. 96 610 8938

BAILEYS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 618 2407 EL PARIPE Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9641 FRANK’S MUSIC BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 637 355 570 PHOENIX BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8364 SUNSET BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986 TOSCANA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9957 VILLAGE INN La Romana Tel. 628 077 007

CLUBS / SOCIETIES MONTE MAR BOWLS CLUB Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 8676 BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS www.spanishink.com All Areas

COSTA INKS All Areas Tel. 628 406 429 CONVEYANCING

BOOKS

DIVING

DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455 OLIVER PACK Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 3364 SCANDINAVIAN SURGERY Gran Alacant Tel. 689 760 420

CAR HIRE

CARPENTRY D JOINER Gran Alacant MAYO Gran Alacant REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant

Tel 609 755 237

EURONICS Gran Alacant

Tel 670 260 684

CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802

HEATING DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

Tel. 96 669 5365

HOUSEHOLD SERVICES

ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC

CAR REPAIRS

MOZISTOP All Areas

CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380

RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 JOHN O’DONNELL All Areas Tel. 638 461 690

puzzle

FURNITURE SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370

HEARING

DOMESTIC APPLIANCES

Tel 665 063 228

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MICHELLE Gran Alacant Tel 669 791 201

BEFORE & AFTER All Areas Tel. 96 619 6798 BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 SAMSARA Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8141 SCANDINAVIAN SURGERY Gran Alacant Tel. 689 760 420

SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 677 670 468

XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 607 850 664

FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471

HEALTH & BEAUTY

BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122

INSURANCE cont... ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 GLOBELINK All Areas Tel. 96 626 5000 LINEA DIRECTA All Areas Tel. 902 123 3975

KENNELS

LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 965 475 463

LANGUAGE SCHOOLS CAROLINE All Areas

Tel. 626 268 258

LOCKSMITHS

FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 SAMSARA Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8141

DENTAL

ALTOMAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9353 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 670 260 684 RAY CROSS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5087

FARMACIAS

HAIRDRESSERS

ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 8796

BUILDING / MAINTENANCE

GA PROPERTY NEEDS Gran Alacant Tel. 627 711 155 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357

FISCAL

COMPUTERS

LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593 MALVINA BOOKS La Romana Tel. 96 569 6656

Tel: 670 260 684

ENTERTAINMENT

CAR TRANSFERS

BARS

Tel. 659 259 319

INSURANCE ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076

SAFEGUARD LOCKSMITHS All Areas Covered 965888681 or 626891453

MOBILITY SUNSHINE MOBILITY Benejuzar Tel. 96 677 7985

MORTGAGES JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796

MOSQUITO NETS

MOZISTOP All Areas

NATURE

Tel. 659 259 319

MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454

OPTICIANS

CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249

OSTEOPATH CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel 667 919 277

PAINTERS / DECORATORS

MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

PETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 547 5463

PHYSIOTHERAPY CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7411

How’dyado?

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soluti

FROM PAGE 38

ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC cont

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THE DIRECTORY that gets used time and time again - ju

RESTAURANTS cont...

POSTAL OFFEX All Areas

Tel. 96 672 0959

PLUMBERS DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

REMOVALS HELEN’S TRUCKS All Areas Tel. 96 540 0616 MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 PRS REMOVALS All Areas Tel. 634 030 636

RESTAURANTS COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 DARBY’S FISH & CHIPS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7070 EL PARIPE Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9641 JUST DESSERTS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9624 LA TOMATA GranAlacant Tel. 630 912 276 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 MARCO POLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5408

PHOENIX BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8364 RINCON MONTE MAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7483 SAFFRON Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8098 SUNSET BAR gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986

SIGNS / SIGN WRITING CORTES SIGNS Santa Pola Tel. 686 464 076

SOLICITORS JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796

SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350

SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)

REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684

TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796

TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JOHN TRANSLATOR Gran Alacant Tel. 677 876 371 MICHELLE Gran Alacant Tel 669 791 201 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 686 790 457

SUPERMARKETS AJ’S Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718 BH STORES Catral Tel. 96 678 7891

GETAWAY TOURS Santa Pola Tel. 96 669 6269

TV DIGINOVA Santa Pola SIMULSAT Santa Pola

Tel 660 631 380 Tel. 677 878 210

VETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 8463

WATER FILTERS PUREFLO Gran Alacant

Tel. 656 649 221

GRAN ALACANT

TRANSPORT TAXI Santa Pola

TRAVEL AGENTS

BUS TIMES Tel 609 959 408

SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)

GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657

Tourist Train

see centre pages

‘CUT-OUT-AND-KEEP’ Gran Alacant Shuttle Bus times

ust ask our readers! - Advertise with us from only 10€

ALTOMAR FINE FINISHING

PROPERTY MAINTENANCE & IMPROVEMENTS PAINTING & DECORATING - GENERAL BUILDING TILING - BALLUSTRADES - SCREEN BLOCKS ELECTRICAL - PLUMBING - DRAINPIPES -GUTTERING LOCKS CHANGED - SHUTTER REPAIRS BOILERS - WATER FILTERS - KITCHEN WORKTOPS GALVANISED GRILLS & GATES

Phone Eddie TEL: 966 699 353 - MOBILE: 648 786 708

25€

Dinner + Show

Reservation

Recommended

966 69 53 99

For Additional Show Times Please Call

THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408